December 27, 2024 

Today's Reading: John 21:20-25

Daily Lectionary: Isaiah 51:17-52:12; Matthew 2:1-12

In the Name + of Jesus. Amen. 

John died of old age, exiled on Patmos. I wonder if it flavors the way he wrote his gospel. He calls himself the apostle whom Jesus loved. He’s clearly brilliant. Especially compared to Peter. He runs faster, too. I used to think John thought a lot of himself. The more I get to know him, the more I wonder if it was the opposite. John was spared the martyrdom that the other eleven received. At one point, I would have assumed John counted it as a mark of favor. Maybe, though, to John, it wasn’t. 

It's great faith that stands steadfast in the face of torture. Unwavering in the face of death. We all like to think we’d do the same, but pray we’d never have to. We all pledged to remain steadfast in this faith and face all, even death, rather than fall away from it, but enough kids stop going to church the week after they make this promise with the help of God at their confirmation that it’s a trope. As John grew old on Patmos, I wonder if the apostle whom Jesus loved was the apostle who was afraid he wouldn’t.  

Bravado often masks insecurity. And sometimes, it’s even more terrifying to disappoint someone than to die horribly. Do the subtle boasts John makes really just show how afraid he really is? But he’s a fast runner. Way faster than Peter. And he’s wicked smart, too. I don’t know. Maybe I’m wrong. There are marks of John throughout his book, but motive is a tricky thing. We don’t even understand ourselves sometimes. Today, the church remembers St. John, who had a personality I can’t help but speculate about. But the thing he clings to is clear. Christ. His letters are not remembered for his wit or his spats with Peter but for confessing the crucified and risen Lord. This Jesus died and rose not only to cover over John’s sins, but to give him courage in the face of his fears. John died of old age but already conquered death in his Baptism. That Baptism gives us the freedom to see him in joy as someone who gives us permission to maybe be afraid, but someone holy nonetheless because of the Christ who washes us clean. One day, you’ll die, too. I’m not sure how people will remember you or what credit they’ll give to your motives and actions. But you’ll go into the grave Baptized, covered. And you’ll rise, too.

In the Name + of Jesus. Amen.

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