Are you religious but struggle to find God? Or, do you wonder if God is even there? Do you or does someone you love manage to gain stints of sobriety, but without true healing?

If you relate to any of these questions, Chris and Sarah Ashworth’s story is just the one you need to hear. In this episode, Chris takes us on his journey from agnosticism to building a deep connection with God, and Sarah recounts her experiences of her own personal healing.

Chris grew up in what he says was a “happy home”, as a devoted member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. While family life was good, he fought a silent internal battle with pornography and masturbation from age 12 to 26. 

Sarah describes her childhood home a bit differently: one where both parents worked long hours, where divorce and abuse inflicted deep emotional wounds, and where family members mostly avoided one another. Regardless of this stark contrast in upbringing, Chris and Sarah would discover later on that they both had wounds that needed healing.

Sarah, who was also raised a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, always followed the rules but felt that God was very distant. She projected her relationship with her father on God - seeing Him as an aloof being to be feared. Chris didn’t think so much about God as much as he did “church” and “worthiness”, and was numb and distracted by addiction. 

By age 36, Chris had managed to gain meaningful sobriety, but was still in search of true healing. He had lived as an agnostic for years, so he had a decision to make as his son’s baptism day approached. Sarah urged Chris to find God, but he refused to do so. The day before the baptism, Chris decided that he would baptize his son, regardless of where his heart was at. Sarah refused and expressed what he already knew in his heart: he had “procrastinated the day of [his] repentance.”

Chris had arrived at spiritual “rock bottom”. He began writing prayers to a God he still questioned, sometimes even expressing anger and bitterness, until one day He answered. Shortly after, God came for Chris’s heart at a “Wild at Heart” retreat, where he claims he went from agnostic to Christian over a weekend. 

As Sarah watched God heal her husband’s heart, she felt hers being healed as well. She learned to have more humility with God. She started seeking Him out for validation and learned to trust that He’d take care of Chris. 

Chris went from being completely indifferent to the idea of a god to seeing God as his partner, friend, and father. He deliberately wakes up early to spend an hour or two with God every morning. His message to addicts is to find God as he did, by separating Him from church and religion, then to follow Him. Find more at https://www.aliveinchrist.me

https://www.aliveinchrist.me/p/addiction-recovery_12.html -> check out the Spouse Recovery document where God outlined to Sarah the principles she used to get through Chris’ recovery.