In episode three of Iron Lab’s Perfectly Unfinished Conversations podcast, Coach Jo and Coach Kim discuss the dangers of perfectionism, our relationship with mirrors, and its impact on self-worth. From cultural expectations to social media pressure to generational attitudes, both Jo and Kim unpack their hang-ups about body image. By sharing impactful childhood memories and discussing the negative effect these experiences have had on their perceived self-worth, they give listeners practical advice for pushing past the negativity and learning how to love and look after themselves on a daily basis. 

Listeners will hear about the crucial role of self-love and acceptance in personal growth and transformation. Coach Jo and Coach Kim emphasize how when we focus on appreciation for our bodies—no matter what stage of life we’re in—we gain the opportunity to love, nourish, and grow our minds and bodies so we can become the best possible version of ourselves. 

This episode is a must-listen for anyone struggling with body image and self-esteem. Jo and Kim give practical how-to advice for making consistent, positive mindset changes and help listeners understand they are not alone in their struggles.

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Coach Jo 00:09

Welcome to Perfectly Unfinished Conversations, the Iron Lab podcast with Coach Jo…

 

Coach Kim 00:14

…and Coach Kim…

 

Coach Jo 00:15

Where you ride shotgun with us as we have raw, real, unfiltered, and unfinished conversations about trying to eat, sleep, train, and live with some integrity in a messy, imperfect life.

 

Coach Kim 00:27

We're all about creating a strong support system taking radical personal responsibility, having fun, and being authentic. And one of the most common themes you're going to find in this podcast is the idea that we create positive momentum in our life, by doing what we call b-minus work.

 

Coach Jo 00:45

We’re making gains and getting ahead and loving life without self-sabotaging our goals by striving for perfection. We get it done by moving ahead…

 

Coach Kim 00:55

…before we're ready…

 

Coach Jo 00:56

…when we aren't feeling like it…

 

 Coach Kim 00:58

…and without hesitation.

 

Coach Jo 1:00

Be sure to subscribe now on Apple or Spotify, so you don't miss a single episode. It’s good enough. Let's go.

 

Coach Jo 01:10

Welcome back guys to episode three of the perfectly unfinished conversations podcast with Jo…

 

Coach Kim 01:16

Hi, my BFF! And coach Kim. This episode is all about making peace with the mirror. So, we want to have a discussion about the importance of this practice. ‘Cause it's a practice.

 

Coach Jo 01:30

So, what, why would it be an important conversation to have? Because I think behind closed doors, 80% to 90% of the female population probably deals with this. And it's not talked about enough in my opinion.

 

Coach Kim 01:42

Yea, I would agree. And I'm always kind of blown away. Because if I do have a conversation with somebody, and they're like, Yeah, I just, I'm totally good with the way I look. I'm always like, hands up, sister. I don't know how you got there. But I would love to know how you have been able to, like, put zero energy or attention, and this is kind of what we're talking about, put zero energy or attention into critiquing, criticizing, examining yourself in the mirror, most often with kind of some sort of negative feedback to yourself.

 

Coach Jo 02:19

And that negative feedback sounds like it spirals down into this rabbit hole of negative self-talk and negative emotions and the stories that we say in our brain that keep happening to us. And the more you speak this in your brain, the more we just start living that way, right? you view yourself as a story in your head.

 

Coach Kim 02:37

Where have you noticed this, in conversations either, like we're going to talk about ourselves, but where have you noticed this in particular with clients? In client conversations?

 

Coach Jo 02:45

I’d say over the last decade working with clients, I have learned that most people don't deal with, like, a weight issue, they deal with a self-worth issue. Because once the self-worth issue is solved, then usually the weight issue gets solved alongside the process, right? Because it slows down the main process of losing weight because a lot of it's attached to perfectionism. And they're not good enough because they didn't do it perfect, or this way or that way. And then that just slows, like that, just slugs it right down to a slow halt.

 

Coach Kim 03:18

So, as you're saying that I'm like geez, you know, I've never thought about it specifically like that, which is why it's so good to have this conversation. For me when I think about, like, how my relationship with myself in the mirror. I've never looked at it as being related to perfectionism. But maybe that's what it is. You know, like at the root, maybe that's what it is. But definitely, the self-talk that comes with that is slow or self-defeating or self-sabotaging, you know, as a result.

 

Coach Jo 03:55

Yeah, exactly. I think self-sabotage is one of the number one symptoms of someone who deals with perfectionism, it’s just never good enough. And when they're, if someone's trying to go on any type of journey, and if they look at themselves in the mirror and they're having this battle with a mirror, it's always going to be some form of self-sabotage, negative self-talk, because they're not. They're not what they think, as in their image in their head is perfect.

 

Coach Kim 04:16

Yea, true. So where have you struggled with your own reflection, appreciating your body, being able to recognize, yeah, just the way you feel about your body, when you look in the mirror?

 

 Coach Jo 04:28

You know it I think for me, it started like maybe like most girls, maybe not like most girls, but it started with the scale, actually. And the scale was always in front of the mirror in the bathroom growing up. And I was raised that every morning, you're supposed to get on the scale and see how much you weigh. As a woman. I, my brother never had to do that. But I had to do that. And I probably did not have to do that. But I thought I had to do that. Because you know, that's how my mother was raised, maybe. And I don't look at it as it's negative on my mom. And Kim and I were just kind of talking about this earlier. Cause, I don't I don't bash my mum for it, I've learned that it's literally what the world has done to us women is that we feel as a reflection of that scale, that's a reflection of how our worth is. And if we're good enough, you know, if I'm under 120 pounds, I'm good enough, right? But in front of the scale was the mirror. And when you stand on the scale, you would look in the mirror, and I would, I would judge myself, like I know, it started at a young age because I can remember when I was celebrated for you past 100 pounds, I remember there was a celebration like to me, that's kind of fucked up. And then I'll never forget, like when all of a sudden I passed my mum in weight, and I, there was almost a little bit of a competitive edge and oh my gosh, you weigh more than me. Now, I'm less than you! Those conversations and I'll, I remember thinking, oh my god, like, I'm fucking fat.

 

Coach Kim 05:49

What does that mean about me? Yeah, like, if I weigh more than you? What does that mean about me?

 

Coach Jo 05:54

Yeah, and in front of the mirror, standing there comparing ourselves in front of the mirror, like there was always a little bit of comparison. So, for me, that started with looking in the mirror and having the scale and everything in the bathroom, going to the bathroom that you did every morning. Like and yeah, it's crazy, kind of like PTSD when I think about it, actually talking about it. It makes my skin crawl right now. What about for you, Kim?

 

Coach Kim 06:14

Well, I love having this conversation with you. This is, this is exactly why we wanted to do the podcast. So for me, I, my mom, God love her. So, this is really interesting. I haven't thought about this for years. But my mom was what I would consider petite. She's only 16 years older than my older sister. Right? So when she was 36, I was 16. She's 20 years older than me. So, at 36 Like she was a fox. And she was, you know, five foot seven and had size seven feet and was 135 pounds. Probably I don't honestly know what she weighed, but she was, she was great and in great shape. But she, yeah. And so, I was not. I was a big girl. And that's the way that I, everybody referred to me as a big girl. I'm five foot nine, I'm, you know, close to 170 pounds right now. And I can remember going from a girl body to a teenage body. And that leap happening quite quickly. Over maybe a school year, right? Where I don't remember being like a girl size 12 I went from a girl size 9/10 pant to all of a sudden I was a size seven or nine women's clothes. Yeah, you know, like, it just happened my feet by the time I was 14, my feet were size 10. You know, like it just that was just how fast it happened. And so the idea already was stuck that I was a big girl, and I was a strong girl.

 

Coach Jo 07:44

And bigger than your mom

 

Coach Kim 07:46

I am bigger than my mom and dark hair instead of blonde. And like there were all these things that somehow in my own child brain, then I began to stack the deck against myself that somehow that was, you know, just not acceptable. Not beautiful.

 

Coach Jo 08:00

Yeah, not beautiful. And interesting y,ou say that because every generation grows in height, we keep getting taller and taller. So it's almost like every generation must have dealt with this.

 

Coach Kim 08:09

Yeah, in a way, maybe. Yeah. And definitely like societal ideals, cultural ideals, right? But then as I got older how this, you know, the relationship with the mirror, how has this affected me. By the time I was, I would say after my fourth baby. So I would have been about 32, maybe 36 to 40 in that age bracket when I was, you know what I would consider myself a professional woman getting up getting ready going to the office, I would start every day by putting on an average of five to 10 outfits, where I would like, look in the mirror, criticize, complain about inside my head about my body, change my clothes, and finally get to a point where I'd run out of time and just be like, well fuck it good enough. Like, apparently, this outfit isn't going to make me look the way that I think I should look, in my brain and so but that would set the tone for my whole day. Like it was a good day, if I got up and felt good in my clothes. It was a bad day, all day if I felt like I looked horrific in my clothes.

 

Coach Jo 09:13

And a lot of that stems from, I believe, that when we see these images of the fashion that'd be in style. They're hung off of models that are size zero, double zero, size two, and then people like you and I who are damn near six feet tall, by the way, and then we put it on our body shape, it doesn't look the same, right?

 

Coach Kim 09:31

So that's I think what we were, you know, where we say cultural slash societal, you know, beauty standards, right? And, but the deeper than that, it's also you know, then it just becomes the basis of a relationship with yourself. You know, where I'm not good enough. When you feel not good enough, it affects all aspects of what you tolerate, what you believe you deserve. How you allow people to treat you, how you show up for yourself, like all those kinds of things. How you'll hide in a room of people because you want to cover up the spots that don't look right. You know? Yeah, you relate to any of that.

 

Coach Jo 10:12

I remember in grade seven when I started getting a bust, and I, it was always interesting because my mother never had a bust growing up at all, but I must have had my dad's genetics. So here comes this bust. And it was in grade seven, and it was in science class.

 

Coach Kim 10:25

A bust? Your dad has a bust?

 

Coach Jo 10:27

Like my dad's side has a bust. They do. But I remember grade seven science, I think it was Mr. Lawrence's class and there was some boys and they told me to put, touch my elbows behind my back in front of the whole class, because I would stand I always thought I had good posture. I was taught good posture my whole life. So here I am, good posture, but of course, my bust rises. And I'll never forget, being told to bring my elbows behind my back to try to touch so they could make fun of me. Like, I'll never forget that. Like, it's hard growing into a woman's body.

 

Coach Kim 10:56

It is! These are, we're just being like, our memories are all triggering, you know. So, I don't remember necessarily anything with boys. But, I can remember, even as young as I would say, it was about 14, and we'd been at Grandma's house. And of course, there was always a feast, it was a holiday, probably Christmas, I would bet. And I'd over eaten, because that's very typical for me, you know to binge during a holiday like that and eat whatever you know, was available. All the cookies, all the things and then ending up bloated where your belly distends you know, and looking in the mirror, I was wearing a red kind of satiny looking dress, and having this ginormous abdomen, pressed on all the seams

 

Coach Jo 11:39

How old were you?

 

Coach Kim 10:40

About 14! Yeah, where I'm looking in the mirror.

 

Coach Kim 11:42

And you remember this moment?

 

Coach Kim 11:43

Oh, I do vividly like I can see it in my brain, thinking about, but assessing my body then going oh my god, look at my stomach, and again growing into a woman's body. So the point is, is that this relationship starts early the relationship with the mirror starts early, and is influenced by our family and our, what we believe about our family what we believe beauty is supposed to be what we what we take on as far as what we think other people think about us what that makes, what our physical state means as far as how valuable we are to people. Yeah, totally. So yeah.

 

Coach Jo 12:27

So where have we grown with this is, where we move into the next section. And you know, it took a bit I think sports helped that going into sports, a lot of my life, I was always focused on the team and what we could do as a team and it required physical effort. And I think that did help shift. And I think as you get older too, the less fucks you give but I stopped looking at my body as an ornament. And I started looking at as a machine and what it was capable of and where I could push the limits and where I can test the boundaries on this aspect. Oh, a task needs to be done. Let me just challenge myself and see if I can do that. Oh my gosh, I did that easy. And you know, you just keep challenging and challenging. What is it capable of what can it endure and what stress it can be put under, like physical stress and still come out on top but I think that's what helped me go away. Does it mean it's still not there? We'll go into the hangups still. Yeah, there's still some hangups once in a while, but like, for sure, I think I have grown hugely in that I don't compare my body to other people because you have to remind yourself I was, I'm the tallest friend in like all my friend groups unless I'm with my volleyball players or reunions like I'm like with my tall people but if I'm in with my regular friend group, even like me like wedding pictures and Joely’s a bridesmaid, there she is at the very end a whole shoulder and head above everybody and with a pipe, with a pipe the size of the smallest bridesmaid’s head, like I had to learn early on that I was not like other people. Yeah, and I think there was just a lot of acceptance that came from that there was some shame like, oh, there's Joely, my native friends growing up would call me tall bitch in the woods. That was my name they gave me so that became part of my story. And I look oh, there's Joely, tall bitch in the woods, you know, in the pictures.

 

Coach Kim 14:16

So, Well, yeah, so for me, it's a work in progress. Like I am a work in progress. I just turned 54, and I still you know, like we'll talk about this towards the end, you know, with strategies how to manage. Kind of, I think, like you, where I have grown is in gratitude to my body, like appreciating, I am just so bloody grateful for how sturdy and tough and resilient it is like I don't get sick very often. 

Coach Jo 14:51

No, you don't, I can totally vouch.

Coach Kim 14:53

Like, and I am like I got tons of energy, and I can lift, lug, hall, carry shit, as like, I can go the distance, and that is part of my genetic structure what do they call, that my constitution? Oh, you remember that old term, the constitution, that was just you know your, you had a daily constitution your blood ran hot, you had big muscles, you were skinny, you were sickly like that was that term to signify the state, overall state you know, my constitution is sturdy as fuck. That's me. And so I'm so grateful for that. But I'm not gonna lie that there are still times where, where when I look in the mirror, all I can see are the perceived flaws. And I know I think this is what's hard for me as a mom of a son and three girls, three daughters who are adults, is that I've given it to them too. Just like you were talking about mom, and and just learning by default by being in mom's presence. Yep, same with my girls. My girls have watched this whole fucking messy journey right from the get-go. Yeah, you know, and so I recognize that, that I've probably fucked them up along the way. And that's, I think part of, I can own that.

 

Coach Jo 16:11

Yeah. But you've gone through the journey to better yourself in your perceived images of yourself. You always talk to yourself in the third… “Oh, Kim!” I know you're like, across gym. “No, you're fine.” Like you always talk to yourself, and you're still a work in progress. But you're, you've come through that so far, I believe. And I know that just being part of your life that I know those girls look up to you, and they see you as an icon as someone Oh, fuck if mom can do it, I can fucking do it.

 

Coach Kim 16:38

Well, you know, and if, and their journey is their own. Yeah, you know, and that is, you know, that's just life. 

 

Coach Jo 16:46

So where are the hang-ups still? You know how I was telling. I don't remember who I told this story to. But for me, where my hangups are still is when I have a night out or where I have to dress up for dinner or we go to like a wedding with my husband and I go to wear the high heels, my husband laughs, he tells people “I'm Tom Cruise’n it” and it’s because I just hover over him. But my own limiting belief is that people are going to judge us, when I say us—as a together unit—I feel they're judging me that I'm too masculine in our pairing. I have heard “You have bigger arms than your husband” or “You keep working out, and he’ll be…” 

 

Coach Kim 17:21

And he’s a stud, by the way. 

Coach Jo 17:22

Like Brandon's got big muscles himself. Yeah, 

Coach Kim 17:24

So yeah, he's he's a stud. So that part is like, it's funny how we make that assumption that or that's what people will say, they're commenting on your, which also is tough. People just feel like they can comment on all bodies, right? Yeah, on bodies. We try harder not to do it. But I've done it. 

Coach Jo 17:45

It just happens. Yeah, like someone else said, “You keep working out and you'll be throwing your husband around.” 

Coach Kim 17:48

I've heard that before too. Yeah. 

Coach Jo 17:49

And I try to like, I know it's them making a joke or they're doing a little, you know, throw a punch line at Brandon, but I feel sometimes my choice is to be strong to be fit and to be…

Coach Kim 17:59

But it’s not feminine to be big. 

Coach Jo 18:01

Thank you. I actually just saw this Instagram reel the other day and I was so blown away because it made so much sense on what femininity is meant to be. Be small, be less, be little, be quiet, be docile, be in the corner, be supportive, be tiny, don't take up space, and I am fucking all the opposite of that. I take up so much space. And I'm just like, you know, everyone can just go find less. Because this is who I am. And my husband loves me for that. There's times he probably would like the volume button to be turned down a little bit or the mute on me because I can't hear and I talk really loud, but at the same time, that's where my hangups are, is that I still feel. I'm I'm too strong. I'm too big. My arms are too jacked. Like, I look like a man. I look like a man. That's my limiting belief is that I look like a fucking man. And I don't, I look like a strong woman. Yea, yea, what about you?

 

Coach Kim 18:54

I want to reassure you, I'm fighting the urge to reassure you. ‘Cause I don't think you need reassurance. But it's just it's me being able to relate to your own pain in that because we do share that in the sense that I was always the big girl. Right? And so, now, though, I think that hang-ups are less about being big. Because I've really worked on this relationship in appreciation, and being able to find my own beauty quote—unquote—beauty. And I don't even that is hard to say out loud because nice. You know, good women don't brag about themselves or don't talk. I'm not talking about it's just I'm going to stumble through this because. my own, I can appreciate my body for what it is. And mostly because I've come to the realization that this is the only fucking body you get, like, I’m not going to change it. And so, you know, like, the transition where I still have hang-ups now is that I'm aging before my eyes. And so every day, the criticisms are less about oh, look at that roll, look at the stretch marks, why do you have dimples in your arse? Why can't you have perfectly flawless skin? Whatever those things are to now it's like the way the collagen is moving out of my cheeks. And the wrinkles around my eyes and the laugh lines and just changing, always, that's life. 

Coach Jo 20:21

And keeping it au natural.

Coach Kim 20:23

And trying in this world. But I've decided to keep it au natural. And like that, alone is just personal preference because I feel like I owe it to myself. And I owe it to my daughters to give them a realistic point of reference. And that's a whole nother different podcast, I think actually.

 

Coach Jo 20:45

A real woman's transformation from zero to 100 years old. 

 

Coach Kim 20:50

Well, and not even, there are all kinds of real women, regardless of what they choose to do with their own body. But for me, it's just been a very, you know, deliberate decision. But you know, I have to mention that my husband has been instrumental in my own healing and acceptance because he absolutely just will not tolerate letting me bash myself. He has loved me at every shape and size from the day that we met. And, and in that unconditional love, you know, he honestly is better at that than I am because of my focus on fitness and strength and muscle mass. And, you know, you got to be strong and you got to be healthy, and you got to, you know, eat a certain way. And you got to like, God bless him. Like he's never like, you probably should eat something green Kim, you might want to like cut back on the like, yeah, he’s never assessing my food or my training or my walking or, like he is not weighing in on my physical state at all ever. And here's me like, when are you going to the gym next? And you know, maybe you should have steak for dinner instead of Campbell's chicken noodle soup. Like I'm he is never commenting that way for me. And that's something I need to do better. 

 

Coach Jo 22:08

For sure. Yeah. And I think Kim hit the nail on the head like you would never talk to your daughter or your son or your spouse, the kind of shit that you are saying to yourself when you look at yourself in the mirror.

 

Coach Kim 22:19

Yeah. And I really like I think about the way you have examined yourself, the things you've said about yourself in any capacity could be about mistakes you've made, could be about bad decisions, could be your physical state. But some of the things that that we have that I that I have said to myself, like to imagine saying those words to another person is horrific. 

 

Coach Jo 22:43

Yeah, it's pretty bad. 

 

Coach Kim 22:47

Like you would devastate someone saying the kinds of things that I say, have said to my body. 

 

Coach Jo 22:52

Exactly, like what was it, even just 20 years ago, people could call people fat in movies. And now, like, oh my gosh, you would never sit on a movie. It's crazy. Like how that was even 20 years ago viable to say out loud. And we're still saying it inside our heads?

 

Coach Kim 23:08

Yes. 100%. So what are some strategies that we can, that we would advocate for improving the relationship with the mirror?

 

Coach Jo 23:17

We've already mentioned two of them. First one being focusing on what your body can do. What is it capable of?

 

Coach Kim 23:24

Oh my gosh, yeah. And I always say like, I'm not talking about do like is in deadlift weight,, I'm talking about do as in, like packing groceries, mowing the lawn, hunched over in the garden, hugging the babies, you know.

 

Coach Jo 23:38

Spending the day clearing and bucking wood in your forest and not being tired of it. 

 

Coach Kim 23:42

Caring for, feeding a child, making love, like all the things that your body does, shows up, stands all day on concrete. 

Coach Jo 23:51

Exactly, in an emergency room as a nurse. 

Coach Kim 23:52

Hikes miles. Like the things that your body does, just because you decide it's going to do it. Like that's literally your body has no choice. It just shows up. Doing whatever you say, oh, today we're doing this today, we're doing that.

Coach Jo 24:10

And it loves you so much. It's always healing you. 

Coach Kim 24:12

Always, yea. Focusing on what your body can can do. Yeah, for sure.

 

Coach Jo 24:13

Number to, we've mentioned it already. But finding that state of gratitude, creating that space where you can just be present, have gratitude that this is the only body that you get in this entire lifetime. Yes, entirely. You don't get that go on Instagram, you may want to pay $1,000 a month for somebody to try to make you that body of that one girl on Instagram but girlfriend or boyfriend you don't have that DNA, you don't have that lifestyle. You don't have maybe the money that they have, it’s tons of things, it’s gratitude. 

 

Coach Kim 24:44

Aside from all of that. You don't share the same genetic code. You don't share the same structure. You don't share the same values, the same amount of time in the day, the same preferences with eating, the same ability to build muscle, like there are all the influencing factors. As. And so when we outsource our power to, you know, in comparison, we lose the opportunity to really like be like, how can I… how can I love, nourish, look after positively, influence, grow, nourish, feed, rest this body in order to be its best self.

 

Coach Jo 25:23

And that's when, usually the results happen.

 

Coach Kim 25:27

Yeah, totally. Another strategy for improving that relationship with a mirror would be not allowing yourself or practice not zooming into any one area. If you, you know, your belly or your thighs or your chin, if the only thing you are ever seeing when you look in the mirror is that one spot, you really you've lost, you've lost sight of the big picture, the grand you know, the entire thing. And I know that that's tough to do. I think that's one of the great tragedies of you experiencing this life as you is that you will never get to see the beauty of you through somebody else's eyes, you know, you'll never be able to see you in 3D, you're always looking at yourself, either through a reflective screen or mirror, you know, or in, you know, looking down at yourself, you don't get the opportunity to see yourself as I see you. Or as the person who loves you the most sees you. And I want to touch on something real quick, because you brought it up in, you know, you said, girl or guy. Like, I want to make it clear that I think men have as much negative self-talk as much social pressure, as much social media pressure, comparison, body ideals, all that kind of stuff as women do. It's out there. Yeah, I would say that there's as much pressure to look a certain way or have a certain amount of muscle mass or have clear skin or, you know, as there is for women.

 

Coach Jo 27:08

Yeah, I would agree with that. The last one would be curate your social media. And I put even in there like notifications, I think notifications is really important too. Because if we curate our social media, and I'll wrap it around, I'll wrap it around here. But if you curate your social media to reflect, you know, the things that will bring your body image back to positive state, like positive affirmation websites, or people who are into healthier fit, and like real women doing fitness as opposed to these itty bitty tiny like, never had kids perfect body, like that type of an image, you got to find where you're at in your own authentic body and lifestyle. But that means removing people, unfollowing people going into your search menu, start typing in different things, and then Follow, Follow, Follow, Follow that just creates a better algorithm for you to find what you're looking for. The other thing I wrote was notifications. And the reason I put notifications is because if you are always diving into your social media folder, your social media apps, because there's that red one, or five circled as a notification on that app, you're going to click in there and then the next thing you know, you're back down the rabbit hole, and then that's just going to create even more of you viewing different things that you probably don't even need to care or want to look at, when it comes to body image.

 

Coach Kim 28:28

So, that, well what I was just going to add to that and say, you know, when you were talking about somebody comparing yourself, I think, like I've said, I'm quite strong, I'm quite fit, I, you know, I'm in a really good place. But it's still it's still a natural kind of inclination for me to compare, or watch someone and go “Well, why the fuck can’t I do that? Why can I look like that?” I like and I'm just that is defeating it's so defeating and, and it sends me into this space of not appreciating myself, not being grateful to myself, comparing myself and wasting all this time and energy, thinking that it's even remotely possible that I could get close to that and more importantly, anything you want in life is because of the way you think it's going to make you feel in attaining it. And so when I look at somebody's thighs, quads muscles, you know, and I'm like damn, like what can I achieve that? It is because somewhere in my head, I think that if I only had those quads, I would then be happy, satisfied, you know, pleased with myself, love my body. be desirable, be attractive, be right like it is all about what I think it's going to make me feel that I don't feel already. And if I just spent time working on my own thoughts and feelings…

 

Coach Jo 30:08

It’s like always chasing a sunset. I look at it like that sunsets. If you were to always head west, you'd keep chasing the sunset, and you're never going to be happy. And when you're in that sunset moment for 30 seconds, oh shit, I gotta keep going. There. I'm always chasing the sunset when I think happiness is going to be when I achieve X, Y, and Z. Because guess what, like, there's been times where I was like, I just want to be on an acreage, I just want to be on an acreage so bad. I just want to be the country so bad. And then it gets an acreage and then I'm like, I have to remind myself, hold on. I have an acreage, but you wanted this for like, 10 fucking years. Now you're here. Why are you not just so happy? 

 

Coach Kim 30:41

Oh, and to carry that thought through having an acreage comes with a whole new set of problems? Yeah. And a whole new set of demands and responsibilities and behavior. 

Coach Jo 30:50

Yea, same with those quads!

Coach Kim 30:51

Yeah, 100% sister, like, and that's a conversation that I've had before with people where I'm like, I probably could transform my body by another 10 pounds. But I'm like, do I really have it in me to do what it would be necessary to get there? No, I don't, and I don't want to, and I don't fucking feel like it. And there are so many other ways that I could use my breaths in this lifetime than just trying to achieve a body ideal. Now, having said that, I also want to highlight that I don't believe that that is permission to say fuck it on looking after my body. 

 

Coach Jo 31:29

Yeah, exactly. You’re trying to fine-tune like, you're very fit and you're saying, hey, I want more defined quads. As opposed to someone saying well, I'm just gonna give up. 

 

Coach Kim 31:39

Yea, well shit, the tidal wave is too big. I might as well just say fuck it anyways, it's gonna let the chips fall where they may. No, I'm not saying that, I'm saying I'm going to love and appreciate and take care of myself right now. So, another kind of strategy might be like, what if you flip the script from you know, I have to eat less, lose weight, change my body to and we discussed this. What are five ways I could love and look after myself today?

 

Coach Jo 32:04

Oh, super easy. Well, number one, how am I going to nourish myself? What's gonna give me energy for that's number one, how am I going to feel for energy the rest of the day, knowing what I have ahead of me, what to accomplish. Number two would be moving my body in some way. Yeah, if I move my body, I have happy healthy muscles. I have happy healthy, even just mobility. If I don't move my body, I get fucking stiff, my knees, ache. I have to move my body to feel good. Yeah. Number three is how am I going to take minutes out of the day, you know, like the five-minute break where I'm not attached to anything. I'm more present in my moment, whether it's sitting on my deck, deadheading some flowers, whether it's going for a walk, whether it's going downstairs in the gym here and just, you know, being present with what's going on, because I think those moments are really important. But how else can I love my body today is I'm also going to give it some fucking sleep, I'm not going to hit next on Netflix. Next on Netflix. When I'm tired, I'm gonna put my body to bed or if I have to get up early or even not to get early, I usually put my kids to bed, and I'm like, I need to get to bed, and I will go right across the hallway and just put myself to bed because I know that's what I need.

 

Coach Kim 33:11

Here's another one that came to my mind when you were talking about all these physical things like sleep eating, you know, moving, the one that comes to mind is where do I need to say No, instead of Yes.

Coach Jo 33:22

Yeah. Boundaries! 

Coach Kim 33:24

Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, I just love that instead of focusing on less, and how you need to change and what's wrong with you? What if you just look at it from the lens of what can I do today? To look after what I have. 

Coach Kim 33:42

To keep my peace? 

Coach Kim 33:43

Yeah, and to fortify my own bank account, so to speak, you know, what I mean? Like given as to which brings us to kind of that idea of building future you. How can I look after myself in the future, when you, you know, stocking your own bank account is what I was talking about. Looking after you. Then one of the things that we've had suggested to our clients that we put into the Blueprint Accelerator Program, that that our some of our people that we work with choose to do is that they are asked to write a letter of apology to their past self. Today, future or today-you, present-day-you is asked to sit down and be reflective and write an apology to your past self for the shitty things and the shitty choices and behavior, how you treated yourself. And then conversely, write a letter from you today to your future self. You know if you right now have transformed your reality in any capacity. Maybe you went back to school, maybe you got a better job. Maybe you found a better relationship. Maybe you're you, you know have healed the health concern maybe like there's all these ways. Then, today-you has hooked up past-you that was struggling. Today-you looked after that version of you, and and you should be able to see yourself well look into the future. Today-you should be looking at how what can I do right now, in order to hook up my future self. And so the way that we talk to ourselves and treat ourselves impacts how we feel, and how we feel, at any given time, determines what we do or don't do. Many of us have like this internal script that is, of course, overly critical and harsh. But not only does it make us feel like crap, but it creates the emotional fuel that drives our willingness to create what we want or make a safe bucket, right. And so the letter of apology is a useful exercise to do because we're taking responsibility for our own voice and actions, as we've done it up until this point, and at the end of the day, we can't undo the messages or beliefs that we've adopted from others, they're in the past, but we can begin to acknowledge our own behavior to ourselves, and any past harmful behavior, and then begin to cultivate a more compassionate and forgiving mindset. 

 

Coach Jo 36:09

Yea, this radical responsibility is the understanding that the buck stops here, and that we can own how we talk to and heal ourselves from this point forward in our lives, you know, clients who have buckled down to actually do this exercise with us, they often find it to be quite an emotional experience, because they've been abusive mentally, and maybe physically as well towards themselves for so many years. I know. Some of my clients say that they are so grateful that when they did it, it was one of the hardest things to get into. But when they created the space and time for them to actually sit down and write this letter, it was, it was, it was a pretty big fucking moment for them. So the apology can be quite detailed and sincere and in our wisdom. Now from a conscious place we can create the way we see ourselves and talk about our bodies as we create them intentionally in the future, morning reflection or journaling work, that is super powerful. Just grab a coffee, sit outside in the sun on your patio furniture, find a quiet place where you won't be disturbed by kids, or a partner, maybe when they go to bed and just look after you.

 

Coach Kim 37:21

Okay, so A) I'm a big journaler, and I always have been, I love to reflect and I love morning sun time and quiet time. Like, I feel bad for Claude because quite often he'll come outside and be like, “Good morning, love. You want to talk, chat, have a coffee visit, talk about whatever?” and I'm like dead straight glare face—you’re in my space, I'm journaling.

 

Coach Jo 37:41

I have like so many journals I look through I kept a box when we moved and I have one from when I was in grade seven that I've kept going through some of them, even breakups in university. I was like, oh, like I'm like, shred!

 

Coach Kim 37:54

Burn it. Viking funeral, my mom would call that a Viking funeral. So making peace with a mirror, of course, is always an inside job. It's always between you and you. But a little reminder that you only do get one body. You know, some of the material is genetic. You can't do much about it. Yeah, but I'll tell you, so much of who you will become is in process. What you're doing every day is determining who you will become. You're not going to eat a salad today and see results from that today. I hate the term salad because fuck, I don't even like salad that much. And that's not typically the way I eat. I do eat them. But that's not that's kind of like just the analogy for what we have to do regularly habitually with good consistency in order to determine who we become. Its thoughts, its decisions, its actions.

 

Coach Jo 38:45

Yes, it is and healing the relationship with what we see in the mirror is patient, compassionate, intentional work that might be ongoing for a lot of years. 

Coach Kim 38:56

It's a brilliant use of your time. 

Coach Jo 38:58

Thank you so much for joining us. Don't forget to hit the subscribe button. And we'll see you guys on episode four.

 

Coach Kim 39:02

Bye bye.

Coach Kim 39:03

Bye

Coach Jo 39:05

You probably got a sense of who we are by now and what our personal approach is to developing a lifestyle that creates really great health and strength. Using a relational common sense coaching approach that is backed by knowledge and personal experience

Coach Kim 39:20

There are a couple of ways that you can work with Jo or I, one on one, remote or you can actually train here at Iron Lab. 

Coach Jo 39:28

The first is the Metabolic Blueprint, personalized coaching program, which is customized for your life and your body. 

Coach Kim 39:35

We work together very closely either in person or remotely to help you conquer old diet drama and to get lasting results. 

Coach Jo 39:45

Ideally we'd love to teach you how to never buy a quick fix diet program or app again. 

Coach Kim 39:51

Next, there is the accelerator academy, which is up to 12 months of self-paced weekly bite-sized lessons and journaling exercises, that we’ve created to help you create the lifestyle habits that generate a true transformation. 

Coach Jo 40:09

Find out more on our website: ironlablacombe.com/metabolic-blueprint