Episode 30. How Small and Childlike are We Supposed to Be? -- August 24, 2020.

 

Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem!, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview.   We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before.  I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com.  Thank you for being here with me.  

Let’s jump right in with this critical, central question.  Why is it that we have such a hard time trusting God?  Why is it that our confidence in God is so inconsistent, why is it that we are so fickle?  Why is it so hard for us to have the absolute confidence in God that He merits, that he deserves from us?  That’s what we will be addressing in episode 30 of Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem!, released on August 24, 2020 from the Souls and Hearts studio in Indianapolis.  

The title for today’s episode is How Small and Childlike are we Supposed to Be?  We’re going to get into the psychological side of this question of childlike trust in particular.  There are other sides to the question – the spiritual side, the moral side – we’ll address those sides in passing.  But what is so often neglected, so often denied, so often ignored, and thus so unknown and unavailable to so many Catholics – what we really need so badly -- is a realistic, accurate understanding of the psychological factors, the factors in the natural realm that get in the way of us trusting our God and our Lady.  

We’ve certainly touched on some of these factors before, so let’s review for a moment, let’s go back to take a look at what we’ve developed in previous episodes.  So here is the causal chain as we’ve described it so far:

We have distorted God images in our bones, we have distorted God images in the emotional, intuitive parts of us.  The trouble happens when we give in to those God images, we let them dominate us, we let them take over, we default to them, and we act in accord with those false God images.   Then, our self-image deteriorates.  Meanwhile, we drift away from God or even flee from him.  All the while, we are losing our peace, joy, well-being.  When that gets bad enough, we become symptomatic – anxious, depressed, apathetic, hopeless, panicky, obsessive, whatever our symptoms are.  

So let’s back up one more link in the causal chain and ask the question:  What’s the main psychological reason we don’t resist our problematic God images?  I’m again talking psychological reasons here, not just spiritual reasons like having a particular vice.  

Psychologically, we lose track of who God really is.  We don’t God clearly in those moments, and we waver, we are tempted to doubt, we are inclined to fall again into our destructive patterns, whatever those are for us.  We are lured by our false God images into ways of thinking, feeling, desiring and acting that are harmful to us and to others.   

 

Why Do We Mistrust God and Mary So Much ?  I’ll give you the answer.  It’s because we are too grown up.  We are trying to be way too big.  Actively mistrusting – fearing.  Or just not considering God at all.  

That what we are like when we act big.

We know this.  We know the Bible verses.  We’ve heard them.  But do we really get what they are saying?     

Matthew 18 

1. At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” 

2 And calling to him a child (RSV, NAB), “little child” (DR) (ESV)he put him in the midst of them, 

3 and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 

4 Whoever humbles himself like this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.  

5 “Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me; 

6 but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin,[a] it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened round his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.

 

1 In illa hora accesserunt discipuli ad Iesum dicentes: “ Quis putas maior est in regno caelorum? ”. 
 2 Et advocans parvulum, statuit eum in medio eorum 
 3 et dixit: “ Amen dico vobis: Nisi conversi fueritis et efiiciamini sicut parvuli, non intrabitis in regnum caelorum. 
 4 Quicumque ergo humiliaverit se sicut parvulus iste, hic est maior in regno caelorum. 
 5 Et, qui susceperit unum parvulum talem in nomine meo, me suscipit.
 6 Qui autem scandalizaverit unum de pusillis istis, qui in me credunt, expedit ei, ut suspendatur mola asinaria in collo eius et demergatur in profundum maris.

very little, very small, tiny. petty, insignificant, Tiny.  Like babies.  Like sheep in their understanding.  

When we approach God:  like that.  When sent out as sheep among wolves Matthew 10:16 Wise (Shrewd) as serpents, simple as doves.  Harmless, plain, sincere, without guile.  

Without me you can do nothing.  

19 Jesus said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of his own accord, but only what he sees the Father doing; for whatever he does, that the Son does likewise. (John 5:19)

 

30 “I can do nothing on my own authority; as I hear, I judge; and my judgment is just, because I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me.  (John 5:30)

 

Matthew 19

13 Then children were brought to him that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples rebuked the people; 

14 but Jesus said, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them; for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” 

15 And he laid his hands on them and went away.

13 Tunc oblati sunt ei parvuli, ut manus eis imponeret et oraret; discipuli autem increpabant eis. 
 14 Iesus vero ait: “ Sinite parvulos et nolite eos prohibere ad me venire; talium est enim regnum caelorum ”. 
 15 Et cum imposuisset eis manus, abiit inde.

Parvulus:  Childhood.  But emphasis on infancy.  Little, slight, unimportant, very young, insufficient, indiscreet, not able to understand.   Diminutive of Parvus  -- small, little, ignorable, unimportant.   

 

A story of cousin Ryan.  3 or 4 years old. Dapper seersucker suit and matching cap.  Christmas morning – big deal on Mom’s side of the family.  I was young teenager.  Wanting to be a big man.  Ryan was playing.  

 

For St. Therese of Lisieux, everything is based on and flows from spiritual childhood asserts Fr. François Jamart in The Complete Spiritual Doctrine of St. Therese of Lisieux.  A mindset, a heartset, a bodyset, a soulset that is all about being little, abandoning oneself to God as a little child in all things.  

It is confidence and nothing but confidence that must lead us to love  Letter 197 to Sister Marie of the Sacred Heart.

 

 

But that is much easier said than done.

 

 

There are parts of us that think we are going to be annihilated if we are small, if we are vulnerable again.  

 

On my terms, on my conditions, within my vision, within my understanding.  We’re going to meet as equals.  We are going to be partners, like equally or almost equally yoked.  God is my co-pilot bumper sticker.  

 

15 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. 2 Every branch of mine that bears no fruit, he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. 3 You are already made clean by the word which I have spoken to you. 4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. 5 I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If a man does not abide in me, he is cast forth as a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you will, and it shall be done for you. 8 By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be my disciples. 9 As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you; abide in my love. 10 If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. 11 These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.

12 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command you. 15 No longer do I call you servants,[a] for the servant[b] does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide; so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. 17 This I command you, to love one another.

Eric Erickson, psychoanalyst – psychosocial development rather than psychosexual development.  Personality developed in a series of stages – looked a the entire lifespan of individuals.  

Developmental Tasks that need to be resolved.  Birth to 18 month the main conflict and developmental task is trust vs. mistrust.  This is the most important phase of life.  Shapes our view of the world, in addition to our personality.  

Can I trust those who care for me, those who are near me?

Task is Hope – if this phase is adequately resolved, the result, Erickson said, is a sense of hope and confidence that relationships are beneficial, they are good.  A sense of personal competence.  

 

Hungry, thirsty, cold, sick, tired, in need of a diaper change – in need of reassurance, whatever the issue is.  Crying is important, it’s a means of communication.  

Care from parents is critical.  – do my needs get met? 

Parallel in attachment theory – John Bowlby.

·  Safe haven: Returning to the attachment figure for comfort and safety in the face of a fear or threat.

·  Secure base: The attachment figure acts as a base of security from which the child can explore the surrounding environment.

Evolutionary emphasis

 

We can trust other people, sometimes, but it’s harder with God.  We can’t see Him in the same way.  

 

 

Action item:  Going back to 0-24 months.  Family Stories, older siblings, parents.   What was it like for you.    Father – Vietnam.  

 

Break Point

Action item  Being Little

crisis@soulsandhearts.com 317.567.9594 or if you are in the Resilient Catholics Carpe Diem community, the RCCD community, you can private message me or you can include your responses, your reactions on our discussion of this podcast episode

 

The RCCD community brings together people like you, people that are really interested in growing more and more resilient, both in the natural realm and in the psychological realm, and who are seizing this day, this moment as an opportunity for great spiritual and psychological growth.  We are adding features to the RCCD community.  Today we are launching our first polls to be able to connect better with our RCCD members.  Membership in the RCCD community is free for the first 30 days, $25 per month after that, and there is a whole host of resources available to you there, including the God Image Questionnaire, which you can take to help you sort out which of the 14 God images we have just reviewed in the last five episodes are most relevant to you.  The God image questionnaire is up there.  Go to soulsandhearts.com, click on the tab that says all courses and shows and register for the Resilient Catholics Carpe Diem Community.  

Upcoming Zoom meeting  Saturday, August 29 from 4:00 PM to 5:15 PM Eastern time.  

 

 

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