{"type":"rich","version":"1.0","provider_name":"Transistor","provider_url":"https://transistor.fm","author_name":"Traffic School","title":"September 4th, 2026 - 680 Pounds Of Beer Cans Somehow Made $20","html":"","width":"100%","height":180,"duration":2581,"description":"This edition of Traffic School begins exactly where any responsible public-safety program should begin: with an extended investigation into the collapse of Kmart, the inflation-adjusted price of Little Caesars Hot-N-Ready pizza, the horrifying financial implications of diesel fuel, and the realization that a roll of Reynolds Wrap now costs enough money that aluminum foil has apparently become a precious metal. Lieutenant Crane is hanging out with Viktor, and the two immediately spiral into the economics of modern America, where a weekend road trip is now apparently a luxury reserved for oil sheiks and people who have discovered an abandoned refinery. Diesel prices have Viktor declaring that he is staying home, while Crane reveals his foolproof entrepreneurial strategy of drinking beer, crushing the cans, and selling the aluminum to finance more beer. This naturally evolves into Viktor discussing his attempt to stay off booze for the weekend, Crane suggesting that Viktor should simply move in with him and spend months becoming sober under police supervision, and Viktor proposing the much more reasonable strategy of hiding in his house with his cats, watching movies, drinking Mountain Dew, and refusing to encounter civilization. \nOnce Traffic School officially begins, the show immediately becomes a public-service announcement wrapped inside a fever dream. With a holiday weekend approaching, listeners are encouraged to delay their departure long enough to call the program, because apparently camping spots will still exist several minutes later. The aluminum-can economy returns, complete with Crane's story about collecting 680 pounds of beer cans only to receive approximately $20.18 for his heroic labor, proving once and for all that capitalism has found a way to make physically transporting a small aluminum mountain somehow less profitable than simply leaving it in the garage. Then comes the first genuinely important warning of the episode: if you're planning on...","thumbnail_url":"https://img.transistorcdn.com/qIAJ-BjOF3B3aRT7fyXuTuFEPN_4vxl4nFzS_NqVGPc/rs:fill:0:0:1/w:400/h:400/q:60/mb:500000/aHR0cHM6Ly9pbWct/dXBsb2FkLXByb2R1/Y3Rpb24udHJhbnNp/c3Rvci5mbS8xZjkx/OTEzMjMyYzA0YjE5/ZDRmOTkxZDk2NjE1/MTc2OS5wbmc.webp","thumbnail_width":300,"thumbnail_height":300}