{"type":"rich","version":"1.0","provider_name":"Transistor","provider_url":"https://transistor.fm","author_name":"Raising Men","title":"Staying Calm When Your Kids Push Your Buttons with Colleen O'Neill","html":"","width":"100%","height":180,"duration":2074,"description":"In this episode of Raising Men, host Shaun Dawson sits down with Colleen O’Neill, a board-certified pediatric occupational therapist who spent more than a decade working with kids and families in New York City. Together they dig into how to lovingly set a firm boundary, and why staying calm yourself comes before correcting your child. \nKey Takeaways\nDecide in advance what you’re asking for and why. When you know your reason is fair, you can hold your ground calmly even when your child pushes back.\nKids who push buttons are often looking for a limit. Colleen sees the most meltdowns, at home and in schools, when the adult can’t set one.\nWhen your son tunes you out, stop and get on his level. Ask “Did you hear that? Yes or no?” Then ask what he thinks, or whether he needs more time.\nRefill your own tank first. Colleen compares giving with nothing left to vacuuming a room without plugging in the vacuum: lots of motion and nothing happening.\nOnly say no when you have a real reason. Shaun’s default became yes, and his kids now trust that his no means no, so there are far fewer arguments.\n“It’s like vacuuming a room without plugging in the vacuum. You’re just going through the motions, but there’s nothing turned on.” - Colleen O’Neill\n\n“They’re looking for a limit. It’s kind of the child’s job to see where are the limits.” - Colleen O’Neill\n\n“Decide in advance what you’re asking for and why. Just so you know that you’re coming from a fair place.” - Colleen O’Neill\n\n00:00:00 Welcome and Meet Colleen O’Neill\n00:01:33 The Middle Ground on Boundaries\n00:03:05 Starting With the Adult First\n00:06:27 What 1-2-3 Magic Taught Shaun\n00:09:31 Why Parents Need to Lead\n00:10:50 The Castle and the Sandbox\n00:13:57 The Yes Dad First Rule\n00:15:41 Know Your Reason in Advance\n00:19:22 Only Say No With Reason\n00:24:05 Why Firm Boundaries Are Loving\n00:28:29 A Home Without Any Boundaries\n00:31:50 The Principle of Self Kindness\nBooks, Links and Frameworks Mentioned\nHow to Lovingly Set a...","thumbnail_url":"https://img.transistorcdn.com/2uuITx2j-lZJp2iIhjw55xbaGtfwoyDcHPS-ELTBlxA/rs:fill:0:0:1/w:400/h:400/q:60/mb:500000/aHR0cHM6Ly9pbWct/dXBsb2FkLXByb2R1/Y3Rpb24udHJhbnNp/c3Rvci5mbS9mZmQ1/ZGM3MjJkNTdmODY0/MjE0MmYyYWQzMDE0/ZDhiMi5wbmc.webp","thumbnail_width":300,"thumbnail_height":300}