{"type":"rich","version":"1.0","provider_name":"Transistor","provider_url":"https://transistor.fm","author_name":"Raising Men","title":"Moving from Conflict To Alpha Leadership with Todd Sarner","html":"","width":"100%","height":180,"duration":3127,"description":"In this episode of Raising Men, host Shaun Dawson sits down with licensed psychotherapist and parent coach Todd Sarner to discuss navigating daily family conflict and moving from constant power struggles to deep connection. Focusing on the turbulent preschool years, Todd breaks down the underlying developmental and attachment dynamics that drive toddler behavior and morning meltdowns.\n\nTogether, they explore why standard disciplinary power struggles backfire when dealing with an undeveloped prefrontal cortex and how viewing behavior through a \"deficit model\" rather than a \"conflict model\" transforms a parent's response. From managing screen time and junk connection to stepping firmly into the \"alpha position\" as a calm leader, Todd offers actionable wisdom for fathers striving to build lasting emotional safety.\nKey Takeaways\nLocking Horns Means You've Already Lost: When parents engage in power struggles with preschoolers, they step out of the \"alpha position\" (the calm, protective papa bear) and become a frustrated peer.\nPreschoolers Lack Functional Frontal Lobes: A four-year-old’s prefrontal cortex is not yet connected to the cerebral cortex, meaning they lack the brain wiring to temper strong emotions or hold competing thoughts simultaneously.\nBehavior is Instinctive Separation Anxiety: Morning meltdowns and defiance are often driven by instinctual separation anxiety regarding upcoming transitions (like daycare), leading to built-up frustration and aggression.\nShift from Conflict to Deficit: Viewing a child’s misbehavior as an intentional attack gridlocks the relationship, whereas viewing it as a skill deficit allows parents to lead with compassion and guidance.\nProactive Connection Beats Reactive Discipline: Parents need to top up a child's \"connection cup\" before transitions occur and bridge separation by giving them vivid pictures of upcoming reunions.\n\"Alpha is more like you're a mama bear or you're a papa bear and that your job is to take care of them......","thumbnail_url":"https://img.transistorcdn.com/2uuITx2j-lZJp2iIhjw55xbaGtfwoyDcHPS-ELTBlxA/rs:fill:0:0:1/w:400/h:400/q:60/mb:500000/aHR0cHM6Ly9pbWct/dXBsb2FkLXByb2R1/Y3Rpb24udHJhbnNp/c3Rvci5mbS9mZmQ1/ZGM3MjJkNTdmODY0/MjE0MmYyYWQzMDE0/ZDhiMi5wbmc.webp","thumbnail_width":300,"thumbnail_height":300}