{"type":"rich","version":"1.0","provider_name":"Transistor","provider_url":"https://transistor.fm","author_name":"Traffic School","title":"May 22nd, 2026 - Simulating Demon Noises In The Woods Via Yoko Ono","html":"","width":"100%","height":180,"duration":2651,"description":"This episode kicks off like a fever dream where two grown men—one allegedly a professional and the other clearly powered by gas station energy drinks—attempt to run a “traffic law” show but immediately spiral into chaos. Within seconds, we’ve got motorcycles riding through a surprise Utah snowpocalypse (because apparently Mother Nature woke up and chose violence), donuts being spiritually regifted, and a sludge metal band named D-nauts somehow becoming the backbone of society. Meanwhile, Lieutenant Crane is being harassed by texts like he’s the last man on Earth with a phone, and Viktor is verbally wandering the earth like a confused NPC handing out golden tickets to heaven.Then the calls begin—and that’s when reality fully detaches from the timeline.A “friend” (always a “friend”) gets her car nuked by a rogue baseball launched by a future MLB disappointment, and suddenly we’re in a full-blown legal drama where nobody wants responsibility and the solution is basically “good luck in civil court, hope you like paperwork and suffering.” Another caller asks about speeding laws and is casually told that Idaho basically lets you temporarily become a missile as long as you’re passing someone slower than the speed limit. Completely normal. Totally fine. No notes.Then enters Crazy Carl, a man who treats reality like a sandbox game with cheats enabled. This man is planting Bluetooth speakers to simulate demon possession, traumatizing coworkers, summoning forest cryptids, and casually admitting to running from cops and HIDING IN TREES like a deranged raccoon with outstanding warrants. Somehow, he is not only alive, but thriving. Meanwhile, the hosts are half encouraging it, half realizing they’ve accidentally created a supervillain.We also get: A full breakdown of how to legally escalate a dented car into a courtroom showdown  Advice that ranges from “secure your load” to “don’t let your kid get obliterated by airbags”  A heartfelt discussion about whether threatening...","thumbnail_url":"https://img.transistorcdn.com/qIAJ-BjOF3B3aRT7fyXuTuFEPN_4vxl4nFzS_NqVGPc/rs:fill:0:0:1/w:400/h:400/q:60/mb:500000/aHR0cHM6Ly9pbWct/dXBsb2FkLXByb2R1/Y3Rpb24udHJhbnNp/c3Rvci5mbS8xZjkx/OTEzMjMyYzA0YjE5/ZDRmOTkxZDk2NjE1/MTc2OS5wbmc.webp","thumbnail_width":300,"thumbnail_height":300}