{"type":"rich","version":"1.0","provider_name":"Transistor","provider_url":"https://transistor.fm","author_name":"Where's the Lemonade?","title":"#5.5 Don't Say That!! Dumb Things We Say to Kids of Divorce","html":"","width":"100%","height":180,"duration":1573,"description":" Are we saying the wrong things to our kids about the divorce??? Probably!! We think we are saying good healthy things to help our kids thru the divorce, but are we? I know we are just human and we are trying our best. But it is hard, we are stressed, emotional and have never been thru this before, so we are struggling to say the right things and hope that we are. We want to have our kids get thru this devastating life changing with as little trauma as possible.  Our research department found information from psychologists on what are some phrases we are saying to our kids that we need to stop! I guarantee that we have and maybe still are saying some of these. Lets dig in: “Your dad” or “Your mom” – that tiny addition of the word “your” creates otherness in the family. If you are now saying “your” the child is now hearing a separateness in who they are connecting with. Divorce does create changes in the family dynamic, but honoring how the child sees the parent can help keep a sense of cohesion.   Nix the “your”.  “The Situation” – You are talking with your friend and the kids are in the room and she brings up “The Situation” and how “The Situation” is affecting everyone.  “When you speak in code, it makes it seem like something sinister is going on.” The more you try to obfuscate what’s happening, the more anxious and curious your kids may become. “  Say instead – There are ways to explain divorce that is less abstract. You could even mention people they know who are divorced. “It’s not about you” - When your instinct is to keep your children from thinking they’re to blame for the divorce, this probably feels like a totally logical and constructive response. But according to Dr. Rubenstein, this phrase isn’t specific enough to quell the “well then what caused it?!” anxieties, because for kids, something had to cause it.“Children have active imaginations and can conjure many scenarios that have nothing to do with the       cause of the divorce,” she tells us....","thumbnail_url":"https://img.transistorcdn.com/AbNhumt2hVbZcTgz2Qf8P7RE5CXq8b7ECuhOS8ZX7Wk/rs:fill:0:0:1/w:400/h:400/q:60/mb:500000/aHR0cHM6Ly9pbWct/dXBsb2FkLXByb2R1/Y3Rpb24udHJhbnNp/c3Rvci5mbS9zaG93/LzExNzYvMTU1MDM3/NjEyNy1hcnR3b3Jr/LmpwZw.webp","thumbnail_width":300,"thumbnail_height":300}