{"type":"rich","version":"1.0","provider_name":"Transistor","provider_url":"https://transistor.fm","author_name":"The Secure Husband","title":"I Shouldn’t Have to Ask (Shame Podcast Series)","html":"","width":"100%","height":180,"duration":1325,"description":"“I shouldn’t have to ask.”\nI shouldn’t have to ask my wife for affection. I shouldn’t have to ask her to initiate sex. I shouldn’t have to ask to feel wanted.\nThose feelings are understandable. We want affection and desire that feel natural and freely given. But sometimes “I shouldn’t have to ask” really means “I’m afraid to ask.”\nIn this episode of The Secure Husband Podcast, Bruce Abbott explains how shame and anxious attachment can turn unspoken needs into resentment. Instead of clearly asking for what we want, we may create hidden tests. We stop initiating to see if our wife notices. We hope an anniversary leads to intimacy without talking about it. We become quiet when disappointed and wait for her to figure out why.\nThere is a difference between begging and communicating.\nBegging says, “Please give me something so I can feel okay.”\nSecure communication says, “This matters to me, and I want to talk about it.”\nYou are allowed to want affection, sex, reciprocal effort, and meaningful connection with your wife. Becoming secure does not mean learning to need nothing. It means clearly communicating what matters to you without making your wife's response a verdict on your worth.\nAnd if you communicate clearly but your spouse repeatedly shows no interest in meeting you there, that is important information too.\nSometimes “I shouldn’t have to ask” is also grief. You wish your wife naturally reached for you. That hurts. But grief says, “I wish this were different.” Shame says, “Because it isn't different, something must be wrong with me.”\nThe goal is to say what you need, listen honestly to the response, and stay connected to yourself either way.\nTAKE THE NEXT STEP\n📚 FREE & LOW-COST SELF-GUIDED COURSES\nhttps://securehusband.com/resources\n🤝 LEARN ABOUT BRUCE ABBOTT & ONE-ON-ONE COACHING\nhttps://securehusband.com\n📞 SCHEDULE A FREE 30-MINUTE CONSULTATION\nhttps://securehusband.com\nJust a conversation about what is happening in your marriage and how coaching might work for...","thumbnail_url":"https://img.transistorcdn.com/YJmHpXqr3wfrhL5fsdmtlNEm6ml1FboHb1lRAj0byEY/rs:fill:0:0:1/w:400/h:400/q:60/mb:500000/aHR0cHM6Ly9pbWct/dXBsb2FkLXByb2R1/Y3Rpb24udHJhbnNp/c3Rvci5mbS8xM2Vj/NGY4MTMxZDhhNmE5/ZGI4YzVmMjNmZjRh/YWU4MC5wbmc.webp","thumbnail_width":300,"thumbnail_height":300}