{"type":"rich","version":"1.0","provider_name":"Transistor","provider_url":"https://transistor.fm","author_name":"The Dialog","title":"1.37 / How do you stop negative self-talk?","html":"","width":"100%","height":180,"duration":1768,"description":"Most of the voice in your head isn't on your side. The question is whether you keep listening to it or start talking back.\nIn my 20s I called my mom to complain about a client who critiqued a website they were paying me to build. She asked if I knew why I was so defensive. Then she answered for me: \"Cuz you're insecure.\" She was right. The most defensive person is always the most insecure person.\nIn this episode, my co-host Nick Surface and I talk about negative self-talk, insecurity, self-awareness and the dark seasons that show up for no clear reason. We also get into why understanding a problem isn't the same as solving it, and why learning to lead yourself may be one of the most important skills you ever build.\nHow do you stop negative self-talk?\nErwin McManus says you're in your shadow whenever you're listening to yourself, and you're in the light whenever you're talking to yourself. Your default inner voice tends to run negative, so stop handing it the microphone. Cicero said philosophy teaches you to be a doctor to yourself.\nWhy are some people so defensive?\nDefensiveness is usually protecting something. In my 20s any criticism or feedback cut me to the quick. The problem wasn't the feedback. It was insecurity.\nDoes finding the cause of a problem fix it?\nNot by itself. Knowing the cause can help you avoid the problem in the future, and there's nothing wrong with therapy. But spend too much time fixated on why and you start looking for someone to blame. Nick pushes back on this one, so listen to both sides.\nWhy doesn't self-help work for everybody?\nSaul's armor worked for Saul. It didn't work for David. The battles life hands you are uniquely yours, so you have to be the one who figures out the solutions.\nDo you have to have an opinion about everything?\nMarcus Aurelius said you always have the option of having no opinion. And having an opinion doesn't prove you know anything. The proof is the fruit of that opinion in your own life.\nScriptures\n2 Corinthians...","thumbnail_url":"https://img.transistorcdn.com/7YsfA4gq5VzjhvmKvDET1pQqT0OM6yxv1laklKclR7g/rs:fill:0:0:1/w:400/h:400/q:60/mb:500000/aHR0cHM6Ly9pbWct/dXBsb2FkLXByb2R1/Y3Rpb24udHJhbnNp/c3Rvci5mbS83ZWZh/MTRmZDEzOWRjZGQz/Y2M2NThkNzYwOTJj/ODA4MC5qcGc.webp","thumbnail_width":300,"thumbnail_height":300}