{"type":"rich","version":"1.0","provider_name":"Transistor","provider_url":"https://transistor.fm","author_name":"Combative Calm","title":"My depression tried to kïll me","html":"","width":"100%","height":180,"duration":1243,"description":"I’ve Been Gone. Here’s the Real Story.\n**Content note: this episode talks about depression and suicidal thoughts.\nI disappeared for a couple of months. This is where I was.\nMy depression got bad enough that I was having intrusive thoughts fifty times a day or more, and they got so normal that I started saying them out loud to my husband like I was commenting on the weather. I tell you what that sounded like, what it did to my motivation, and why I was holed up in my house as much as I could be.\nI also tell you about printing off my own Nervous System Regulation Toolkit and using it like a beginner. Yes, the nervous system coach needed her own toolkit. I walk through the tools I reached for, plus the imposter feeling and shame spiral that came with it.\nThen there’s the morning I woke up, decided I’d had enough, and started ketamine therapy after medications and TMS didn’t work. I’m in month 3 of daily low-dose troches through Joyous. I break down the science of what ketamine does in the brain, and I share what my husband said three weeks in that made me cry.\nYou also get a life update, and apparently I’m a plant lady now.\nLinks\nJoyous (the ketamine therapy company I use): https://www.joyous.team/\nNervous System Regulation Toolkit: Toolkit here\nI’m not a doctor and this isn’t medical advice. Talk to yours.\nIf you’re struggling right now, call or text 988.","thumbnail_url":"https://img.transistorcdn.com/W63vaFw1P16d2xN3SLR7vUZE25bFarjcIZFz84pH7Nk/rs:fill:0:0:1/w:400/h:400/q:60/mb:500000/aHR0cHM6Ly9pbWct/dXBsb2FkLXByb2R1/Y3Rpb24udHJhbnNp/c3Rvci5mbS9kN2Y4/ZmNlODIwYWI0M2Y5/NTFiZDM0MDQ3OWE5/ZTVjNi5wbmc.webp","thumbnail_width":300,"thumbnail_height":300}