00;00;04;12 - 00;00;31;25 Unknown Welcome to Inside the Practitioner's Path. I'm Eli Coats, and I'm Barb Patterson. This is a private space for those doing this work and those feeling called to it, who want to live what they teach and explore. The real behind the scenes happenings about our work, ourselves, and the edges we meet along the way. It's unfiltered and unedited, just like us talking about how this work shapes us right alongside our clients. 00;00;32;02 - 00;00;58;05 Unknown We share what moves us, what makes us laugh, and what we're still figuring out. This is about presence, practice, and community. The ongoing work of being human while helping other humans. Well, welcome inside. I think I'm taking too long. Welcome. Should be like that. Okay. Welcome, welcome. Oh. It's impossible. Hey, everybody. Welcome. We're just so glad you're here. 00;00;58;06 - 00;01;09;20 Unknown I love anything you want to add to that. Welcome inside. 00;01;09;23 - 00;01;31;23 Unknown Hi everyone. Welcome back to Inside the Practitioner's Path. This is Barb. Today I wanted to take you behind the scenes of something that I've had an opportunity to do. A significant number of them over the last year, year and a half. And sometimes that happens in our work, right? It's like floods of different types of work will come in. 00;01;31;25 - 00;02;11;25 Unknown And for me, it's been around team retreats and the place I'd like to explore today is really around the architecture of it. You know what happens, not the agenda or the flip charts. Surprise, surprise, right? Or even necessarily the frameworks. Although I'll say upfront, it doesn't mean I don't have some. And I'll share. I'll share all of that today, but I am excited to share and really explore more what it takes, like the deeper reality of what it takes to guide a group of humans through a meaningful experience together. 00;02;11;27 - 00;03;09;16 Unknown You know, what is it as a facilitator or the guide or the teacher in those situations? And I do down a lot of different kinds of team retreats just to let you know everything from small group to larger groups. I've done it under the umbrella of leadership development overall, or conflict management or helping teams look at and come together a meeting of the minds around a particular project or their vision teams and transition teams and break down, you know, for instance, I worked with one team a couple of years ago where the EMEA Group and the Americas sales teams were in this kind of pattern of competition that was not motivating each other, but 00;03;09;16 - 00;03;40;09 Unknown was actually creating some ill will. So often a company will bring me in to address a particular issue, but also I have been brought in and just a general kind of effectiveness for communication and leadership development, or just bringing a team together in a more solidified way. I thought it might be interesting to kind of explore what does preparation look like when I lead these retreats? 00;03;40;12 - 00;04;07;04 Unknown How do I think about the flow? Do I design the flow? Do I just show up? What do I do? But most importantly, how do I let go of all of that and show up in the moment and let the room inform me? How do I become more agile and comfortable in the unknown? Because when you bring a group of humans together, surprise, surprise, you want to expect the unexpected. 00;04;07;04 - 00;04;32;26 Unknown So if any of you have ever done led a group or been inside of a group, you know that, it's a different kind of opportunity and there could be a lot of different personalities, some strong, some not so strong. You could have people on opposite sides around an issue. You could have really introverted people and people who take up a lot of space. 00;04;32;28 - 00;05;21;09 Unknown You could have people who feel mandated to be there and other people that are looking forward to it. So kind of how everybody shows up is such a key factor in our ability as the coach or the facilitator, to take them in a direction that's helpful and helps them achieve whatever it is they're trying to achieve. And so, not surprisingly, the, first thing before anything else that I do is I listen and I start listening when I'm in the original conversation with the person or people that, want to bring me in or I'm in conversation. 00;05;21;09 - 00;05;48;23 Unknown I'm listening at that point to get a deeper understanding of how they see the world, how they see the the goal, how they see the intention. If there is a problem that we're trying to resolve, what does it look like to each of them and their own minds? I used to think of intake as a sort of just informational gathering, so I was kind of getting the facts or a lay of the land in the end, who the players all are. 00;05;48;26 - 00;06;16;01 Unknown But as I've come to look more in the direction of an understanding of the mind and realizing we all live in separate realities and, we're all perceiving things through, you know, where our own internal climate is. I've come to appreciate more and more slowing down and really listening for how it looks to the individuals in the room. 00;06;16;03 - 00;06;56;24 Unknown So prior to a team gathering a team retreat, I will do intake calls. Now when I'm going in and doing bigger initiatives like around leadership development, let's say, you know, I've gone into companies and, you know, worked for two weeks at a time putting 50 plus liters through a couple days of training. That I'm not going to interview everyone in that kind of a setting, but I will, in those settings, ask for confidential conversations one on one with, the people bringing me in, the key stakeholders of that group. 00;06;56;24 - 00;07;26;13 Unknown And then just a sampling of different people that might be there. But when I'm doing, Team Retreat and, you know, recently I did one for a couple of different boards and their teams when I'm doing that, I do one on ones with everyone that's going to be there. You know, as I'm, as I'm, sharing all this, I think I'll do a separate podcast on intake just so I can go into all the layers then. 00;07;26;13 - 00;07;50;20 Unknown But my goal in those calls, when I'm getting, when I'm using them for a team retreat, is really to get to know the individuals, to give them a sense of who I am, to really listen. So a lot of what I'm doing in that conversation is drawing them out. And if, they say anything that the reason I love these verbal intake calls is because I can ask more questions. 00;07;50;20 - 00;08;21;29 Unknown You know, I can hear something and, and, you know, allow my curiosity or my instincts to kind of guide where I might go, what stands out for me. And that listening and staying open and curious has been it's such a helpful tool, just to call it that, for so many reasons. It's so important before I show up into that room, because when they know me, they have a sense of me. 00;08;22;02 - 00;08;46;03 Unknown Too, I kind of I have a much better feel for the dynamics and what's really going on. You know, I can and I can feel where there's alignment and where there isn't. I can see where there might be opposing perspectives. I can see where, you know, I begin to get a taste for what might be helpful to them and where we might go. 00;08;46;03 - 00;09;15;04 Unknown So those conversations that listening is just such a powerful resource, and they begin to allow me become attuned to the group and, and, more of a kind of deeper felt sense way. And, and maybe as one final distinction, I'll say, you know, I'm not listening. Just like, what should I do with them? I mean, that kind of begins to take shape naturally, like the flow. 00;09;15;07 - 00;09;51;08 Unknown But I'm also listening, like, what's present this, this one group that I worked with recently, they were wanting to look at, project roles and redistribute. They had some new team members. So what could appear like we could spend the whole time just talking about roles and all of that. What came through in the intake calls was, oh, there are some hidden assumptions here that people are working from that would be really beneficial to reveal, uncover and talk more about. 00;09;51;08 - 00;10;13;08 Unknown And it became like a powerful anchor for our time together. And I just did follow up one on one calls with them about six weeks after being together. And that terminology that language was how they were speaking and and how they speak to each other now. And it just opened them up to so much more than I expected. 00;10;13;16 - 00;10;43;25 Unknown So again, that realization, that thought didn't come to me until I had been inside those one on one intake conversations. So, you have the intake, right? And I start to get a sense of things. I know what they originally want me and therefore. But then I'm starting to get a feel for. And here's some of the, hidden assumptions, some of the, misunderstandings between the groups may be misalignments. 00;10;43;25 - 00;11;18;10 Unknown If there's any disturbance in the team, I can feel into that, and I get a sense of it. And that starts to help me know where I might shape everything. So from there, then I start to design the flow. So if step one is the listening and the intake and allowing myself to just be curious and open and and ask questions and be available to what's coming forward, then step two is really how do I design it now? 00;11;18;12 - 00;11;42;18 Unknown The creative intelligence, my intuition, what I'm hearing. Like that's all coming together in a really helpful way. So I use that as I start to prepare. What's the flow of what might work best for them? What are some of the themes that keep repeating? What's the underlying desire or complaint that might be there that hasn't been named yet? 00;11;42;21 - 00;12;08;05 Unknown Where is their clarity and where is their lack of clarity? So that might help. And also, where are just some openings or opportunities to support the team and coming together in their communication. So from that place, I start to map what the arc might be, what the structure might be. So this is what's the container I'm going to create? 00;12;08;05 - 00;12;41;14 Unknown What's the flow of the actual agenda? What I'm listening for is what's the natural arc? What would help build a strong opening, a foundation and clarity so that as we move into other elements, they're ready for it. They're slowed down enough, they're open, they're listening, or they're showing up more creative and open. So you begin to, you know, create the flow at that time, after I create the flow, I will often come back to the person that hired me. 00;12;41;14 - 00;13;09;12 Unknown And sometimes it's 1 or 2 people or three, you know, that are key stakeholders that want to be involved, or that I think getting their buy in before I show up is important. So I share with them the themes that I heard in the, intake calls first. That's what I do. While I respect confidentiality, I never share particular stories or any of that. 00;13;09;14 - 00;13;30;26 Unknown And usually they are not surprised by the intake. It can happen like, you know, it can reveal a problem that maybe they've had a hint of but haven't really addressed. It can do that. But for the most part, what I end up sharing isn't like shocking. Which is which is good. People you know, already kind of know. 00;13;30;29 - 00;13;57;15 Unknown But after as I share the themes, then I let them know. Now, based on that, here's what I'm kind of thinking we might want to do. And I want to get your input. I'm keeping this very much high level. These are the kind of conversations I think we could have. This is the kind of flow I'm not presenting a buttoned down, detailed agenda with part one, part two, part three. 00;13;57;18 - 00;14;28;23 Unknown And for like 99% of the time, I never do that. And the reason I don't is, I want to have the flexibility to shift and change even, you know, at any point in that before we start is number one, because I'm always getting information. Clarity comes to me, the creative intelligence within me, like it's always working. 00;14;28;23 - 00;14;49;04 Unknown And so sometimes I'll arrive in a city. A lot of times I'll arrive in a city and meet with one of the people. We'll go out to dinner, we'll have a meeting before the retreat, whatever it might be. And I start hearing things about what's more present and relevant. Well, I want to be able to use all that in service to them. 00;14;49;04 - 00;15;11;26 Unknown So, I definitely share kind of flow. I don't mean to imply I'm, like, secretive, but, if they asked me for a detailed agenda, I might say, here's my goal with day one, here's my goal with day two, or here's the overarching flow. And and, you know, just so you know, I really don't get a lot of pushback on that. 00;15;11;26 - 00;15;33;26 Unknown And if they need something a little more tailored, like just from a logistics, they may ask you, we want to do lunch. When can we do lunch? I'll tell them that we'll take breaks. You know, those kind of things. So once they're on board, I have a sense of where we're going. What I really hold is not the agenda. 00;15;33;26 - 00;16;04;05 Unknown I do keep in mind the flow and what we're trying to do while we're there together. I'm not ignoring that, but I think the essence of the work that we do, and I think what really creates change in these amazing experiences where teams are reflective, they're having fresh insights. They're starting to hear each other differently, and they're starting to come together in a fresh way. 00;16;04;07 - 00;16;31;24 Unknown So much of that is how we show up in the intake calls, as well as how we show up in the room. So that place, first and foremost is do I know where I'm coming from in any given moment? To am I present? Am I, able to be flexible? You know, the retreat and what we're trying to do is not about the structure. 00;16;31;26 - 00;17;00;09 Unknown It really is about the container we create within that. So remembering that my goal is to bring them all together, to have people drop out of their minds into a more open and creative space, it's to have them listen. It's to have people's minds slow down and get more into the here and now. And that's an ongoing dance throughout the whole retreat, right? 00;17;00;09 - 00;17;28;29 Unknown Because topics come up that can take people off course or they come up to illuminate a deeper truth or more insight. So the first is where am I coming from? Right. And then this other piece that happens in the retreat is really about the dance. So did someone get reactive? Is someone speaking truth into the room? So at those times we want to be prepared to go with what's present. 00;17;28;29 - 00;17;56;12 Unknown So it is not uncommon for in fact, I probably always happens if I really think about it, that in the group and in the time when you're there, things come up which are so important to where you're trying to go with everybody. So the plan becomes irrelevant. And yet you can see because you're holding the intention of why they brought you in. 00;17;56;15 - 00;18;23;27 Unknown You're also holding the space in which, you know, creates the greatest opportunity for new possibilities. And, coming together and new understanding. So our attunement really matters. And are we following the intelligence and the nudges and the opportunities as they come up in the realm? Do we notice when the energy rises? Do we know when it gets overly intellectual and we're going into rabbit holes? 00;18;23;27 - 00;18;53;22 Unknown So part of the skill that we bring to those sessions is our ability to feel into and sense that energy and where it's going, and then how to redirect it. So I'll share a couple of examples. There was one team retreat that I was leading with a group of founders, and they had brought me in because communication breakdowns were happening and they couldn't move forward on some important decisions they had to make for the organization. 00;18;53;25 - 00;19;18;10 Unknown And when I was working with them, they, initially did their best to like, be, good, you know, good students. But the things that derailed was, came up. But there was a moment where I could feel I wanted to hang out. I was just feeling the nudge to let it let it play out a little bit more. 00;19;18;12 - 00;19;59;18 Unknown And being able to trust that and sit in the tension of the room was so valuable because as I did, that, without getting nervous about the tension, without trying to control that, I saw something that was really helpful and I pointed it out. I was able to speak to them, and at the point that it made sense, I asked them if we could take a pause for a minute, and I had set up already that part of my role was going to be to interrupt and, point out opportunities for us to learn or to deepen or listen, or for me to teach like I had already set the stage for that. 00;19;59;20 - 00;20;24;13 Unknown And so in that moment, I had each of them take a moment to reflect for themselves what how they would grade the quality of the conversation at this point, how they would describe their own internal state at that point, how they would describe their intention in that moment, just from an honest place. And I wasn't going to have them share it. 00;20;24;13 - 00;20;56;12 Unknown You know, I just wanted them to be reflective because I know if they're reflective about themselves, it's going to help. Well, that little exercise just came to me in the moment. It wasn't this beautiful exercise that I created. And, you know, an intellectual property around, you know, it was just what came in the moment. Well, that moment and that exercise became really pivotal for them as a group because they all started to see their own patterns, their own habits. 00;20;56;14 - 00;21;20;12 Unknown And so where before they would point the finger at each other about, you know, you're not listening, you're close minded, you know, whatever it might be. Sometimes their language was much more graphic than that. They started to begin to take and be able to take more personal accountability for their own listening, their own quality of presence. 00;21;20;12 - 00;21;51;25 Unknown And that shifted that became a whole new level of communication and grounding for them. Another example that where being available to them moment and letting it completely take you in a new direction, letting go of the flow you had planned or the agenda is when working with a team and they had an employee issue that they were trying to handle, and there were two different people with two different points of view on what should be done. 00;21;51;28 - 00;22;23;06 Unknown And this employee issue had been around for a long time, and one person had more history than the other. The person that had you know, more hierarchy in the organization was ultimately being the one to decide what would be done and what wasn't done. But as we were talking, I could see right away that the direct manager of the employee was suffering and, you know, as I started to hear more, I could hear like, oh, yeah, this isn't going to work. 00;22;23;06 - 00;22;48;22 Unknown Like, this isn't really working. I could feel because of the presence, because of everything that was going on. I could feel that this particular issue and how it was being handled was really creating a drain and inefficiencies. And the plan they had to address it was really no plan at all. So that example became this really rich place to do two things. 00;22;48;22 - 00;23;26;15 Unknown One, make a difference for that direct manager. It wasn't working the way they'd been trying, but also to help the overall leader and the team come together and how they think about employees. Again, that wasn't on the agenda, but it became a really helpful opportunity and moment for the whole team. And those are examples of where where we're coming from being able to be present, listening, trusting what reveals itself in the room is so important. 00;23;26;17 - 00;23;52;08 Unknown And it's way more interesting, in my opinion, than just following a script or following an agenda, because it allows us to really step in and shift energy. Direct conversations that are more fruitful allows us to create real shifts within the team, allows them to come together in new ways. So that dance of what's what do I know they're asking for? 00;23;52;11 - 00;24;29;17 Unknown What's kind of the flow, I think would be helpful, but also how do I stay open and respond to what's coming up in the moment is, to me, that's where the fun is. That's where we are. So valuable. Like those are the skills we bring in that they do not have. They know their business, right? But what we bring to these team things is our ability to listen beyond the words, to feel into the dynamics of the room, to listen to the deeper intelligence, to create a container that's open, reflective and safe for people to share. 00;24;29;19 - 00;25;03;29 Unknown So what I'm really talking about is that kind of consultant, coach, facilitator, guide that is able to bring all of that into a room and help move it where it needs to go. I'll also just say that there these are some general things I'm paying attention to. If I notice someone doesn't seem to be quite on board after a couple group times, you know, and we're still within the retreat, I will go check in on them during a break. 00;25;04;06 - 00;25;24;14 Unknown I'll have a conversation. How's it going? What are you noticing? What's present? And often that does a couple things that helps me first and foremost understand. Like is there something going on that would help them come into the room in a more engaged way? Is there something they see that I haven't seen? And then I think people feel like, oh, okay. 00;25;24;14 - 00;25;53;09 Unknown Like this person is interested in paying attention. So I do that. The other thing I'll do is I will check in with the person who's brought me in. I don't do this over every break because I, I know that, I'm holding the container, not them. I kind of want them to take the pressure off of themselves to be the ones to, like, be having to lead or orchestrate the meeting. 00;25;53;12 - 00;26;12;20 Unknown I'll often, at the end of the day, after each day, I will usually have people share what's one thing they're taking away from the day. And I do that for a couple reasons. One is I think it does help us integrate when we have to articulate and, you know, I reassure them, it doesn't have to be fully formed. 00;26;12;20 - 00;26;33;25 Unknown It doesn't have to be profound. You know, it's just what's kind of percolating. And I find a way to ask it in such a way that it doesn't feel intense. But I do that because I think, again, integration happens when people begin to verbalize. Also, it's often the way someone else says something that it lands for other people. 00;26;33;25 - 00;27;00;22 Unknown They'll hear their colleague say something and they'll be like, oh, I hadn't thought of that, you know? So it also deepens integration or new awareness or the depth of what you're trying to teach in a nice way. And then for me, it's intake. It's what's going on. You know, what's happening in the room before we end. And then when we come back on day two or day three, I'll often spend that morning just again, another kind of group intake. 00;27;00;24 - 00;27;24;29 Unknown What's on people's minds from the day before? Are there any questions that are present? You know, I leave at night. And that time before we start again, I'm still in reflection. I'm listening. I'm paying attention. I'm just allowing wisdom to come through me and to see how do I start on day two. And often I start with what's where people are. 00;27;24;29 - 00;27;54;08 Unknown But sometimes what comes through very clearly is do this, start there. So I do that, I trust it, I trust what comes up and listen not I don't trust that it's going to go perfectly. That it's going to be the best idea ever. You know, you have to kind of give that up. I just have learned that I'm going to trust what's present in me rather than try and first determine if it's a good idea or not. 00;27;54;08 - 00;28;16;22 Unknown You know, like if I'm really unsure about something and I won't do it. But for the most part, when we start to practice trusting the nudges and being willing to test them, sometimes it's just good to like, try, say something, see if it resonates, see if it lands and if it does or doesn't. There's still information in that. 00;28;16;24 - 00;28;36;21 Unknown The other thing I'll share, and I used to describe it as hell, is standing in front of a room teaching, sharing, guiding, and, judging everything coming out of your mouth at the same time. You know, like kind of you're teaching, you're sharing, and then at the same time you're like, why do you say that? Nobody nobody's paying attention. 00;28;36;21 - 00;29;05;00 Unknown This isn't going well like that. Well, like, we can all relate to it, but it's fine. We don't worry about it because all experience shifts and moves through and we're cultivating our ability to drop in. And remember that transformation is in Barb and her personality and her expertise. Shifting consciousness, bringing people to a new understanding. So much of that is outside of the realm of what we say. 00;29;05;00 - 00;29;34;23 Unknown It's in the space we hold. It's in the, the, opportunities we take advantage of in a room. It's in our presence, it's in our listening. So we can put our confidence in there. We don't need to put it in the fact that it's all going to go beautifully. I think maybe it's fair to say, you know, that there's probably a time every time when I teach where I have moments of questioning and, and self-doubt like it's and it can show up as is, this is no good. 00;29;34;23 - 00;29;54;03 Unknown Or they're all bored or, are we getting where we're supposed to be? We're not going to get where we're supposed to get, you know, like just in all sorts of forms. So just say we don't have to worry about those confidence. It's not a requirement. You know, being perfectly in a perfect kind of feeling isn't in a requirement to do really good work. 00;29;54;10 - 00;30;16;07 Unknown It's just our ability to dance, to be able to move through listening and presence and following nudges and moving and responding to what is to what, you know, to all of that. And so I want to invite you that if you haven't done any group work, go for it. I mean, a group could be two, a group could be three. 00;30;16;15 - 00;30;40;27 Unknown It might be more. But just to allow yourself to step into it and you know, what are the types of containers you're creating? Are you trying to control the process with structure or, you know, are could could your work be asking you to trust more? And what reveals itself moment to moment and that you can let that guide you? 00;30;40;29 - 00;31;08;25 Unknown So thank you for being here today. Thank you for listening. I really appreciate it. Eileen, I really appreciate your engagement here. If you have any questions for us about any of our episodes or your topic, you'd love for us to explore, you can email us at Inside the Practitioner's Path at gmail.com and we'll respond. Until next time, thank you. 00;31;08;27 - 00;31;32;01 Unknown Thank you for listening and engaging. We're so glad you're here. If you have a question or something you'd love us to explore on a future episode, we'd love to hear from you! Email us at Inside the Practitioner's Path at gmail.com. We also host free experiences and deeper programs throughout the year. You can find what's coming up at Barbara patterson.com and Iowa codes.com. 00;31;32;07 - 00;31;38;08 Unknown Let us know what's resonating, what's opening up and what you're seeing in your own work. Until next time.