All right, let's try this again. Hi, everybody! It's Friday. [laughs] Welcome to the Victor Wilt Show. Gotta love a day when you roll in and nothing is working,
and then you think you know how to fix it, and you fix most of it, but there's still stuff broken. So, I hope Jade enjoyed a nice early morning text message from me. Hopefully, uh, he'll tell me what to do, 'cause neither Josh or I knows what to do. But I am able to talk to you now. I think the, uh, clocks are all caught up. We're not playing the same songs over and over again anymore. You know, this is just how it's gotta go on a Friday morning, right? Especially after you stay up way too late, don't get enough sleep, and, uh... I don't know. Just gonna pound down this instant coffee sludge that I just mixed together. Usually, I have coffee about, mm, two hours ago,
but, uh, I was running behind so I didn't have time to make it. And then there's like cat mayhem. Cats were being just loud and annoying this morning. It's like, well, maybe you should get down off the cat tree once in a while and eat so you're not in a total panic
when you finally decide you've had enough and you've just gotta get out and eat some food. Quiet down, Koopa! Jeez. Anyway, had lots of fun last night. I'll get into some of that in a bit here. But
[laughs] I think I might have disturbed some people at Goodwill. We'll talk about that in a bit. What's up my people? Welcome to the Victor Wilt Show. Good morning. Ugh, man. It, it, it's a rough one today. It's a rough o-... What's going on here? Why is my system just jumping all around? [laughs] No, no! No! Okay, I think we're all right again. It's just gonna be one of those mornings. You know, it's, it's always on a Friday, too. Always on a Friday. All right. I was gonna tell you about my evening last night, 'cause it was kinda funny. Had some funny moments. Um,
you know, thought it was gonna be a pretty nothing evening. Or maybe, maybe I shouldn't talk about my evening. I don't know. [laughs] Okay. Basically, I'll break it down. Might as well. It's early. Um,
can you tell I'm frazzled?
I was talking to JD a minute ago, and I like had to take an Omeprazole. All of a sudden I'm like, "Oh, what's happening in my chest?" Wh-... I think the coffee I made is too strong. So anyhow, I'm hosting a show tonight at The Heart. It's a metal show. Um,
and uh, I decided
I'm gonna dress up
as a rocker chick, all right? Yeah! Gonna get wild. So, obviously, I mean, I don't have any of the, uh, necessary stuff to do this. So, you know, uh, I don't know if you've seen my hair. There is none. Need a wig. But if you're gonna dress up as a girl, you also need a chest. So, me and my girlfriend went to, um, Goodwill
[laughs], and I was looking for like clothes and stuff to... Maybe, you know, a nice dress or a, a nice skirt [laughs]. And we're in Goodwill and, you know,
you can't just look at an item and go, "All right, that'll do," 'cause you don't know if it's gonna fit. But I also wasn't gonna take a bunch of, you know, girls' clothes into a dressing room and try them on. That just felt weird. So instead of doing that, I made it probably even more weird by trying on bras
over my shirt in the middle of the packed Goodwill store that was full of people. [laughs] And just, I did get some looks [laughs]. And, oh [laughs], 'cause I had to try on a few to find one that fits, you know? And you, you wouldn't believe how hard it is to, to find a bra big enough for a guy like me at the Goodwill. And then, the, the thing that sucks is I never found any shoes. What's up with you ladies and your small feet? You know, I, I don't know what I'm gonna do about shoes. 'Cause I've got my s- you know, old man Sketchers. They don't, they don't look very, you know... I, I, I, I don't wanna say like hot, 'cause I'm sure I'm gonna be hideous. [laughs] The only other time for Halloween I've dressed up as a woman, I, it did not look good. But I, I think this time will go a little bit better. At, at, at least I'm hopeful. And, you know, if you're gonna do this, you gotta commit to the bit, right? So,
I think I'm gonna shave off my beard. Oh! I'm kind of frightened about that, 'cause there's a reason I have a beard. I don't like how I look without it. And I, I honestly, like straight up honestly, I don't remember the last time I shaved my beard off. Actually, I do remember, and it would've been a long time ago. It was when we played, me and my band
played a show called Rock the Mountain in Boise. And me and all my friends that year decided we were gonna rock the mustache. So we all grew out, you know, these, you know, horrific mustaches, and I shaved my beard-... that day, so I, I, I just had a mustache. And I looked horrible. I looked so horrible. My friends said I looked like Gallagher's corpse. [laughs] You know Gallagher, the guy who smashes melons with a big mallet? But I, you know, I had the mustache then too. I, I think I did shave the mustache off right after that 'cause it, you know, I'm not gonna just rock the mustache
past the gig, 'cause again, that was, that was the bit. Rock the mustache. So, th- that had to be
15 years ago, something like that. I'm kind of frightened to see what I would look like with a beard. [laughs] But I'm gonna, I'm gonna do it. Oh, we got somebody calling. Let's see. They better be on topic.
Hey, K-Bear, you're live on the show, keep that in mind. Who's this?
Hey, what's up, Boston? Stewart.
Hey, what's up, Stewart? What's on your mind?
Uh, just wanted to tell you that for footwear, all you're really gonna need is like a ba- black pair of Vans, canvas Vans or like some Doc Martens to be a rocker chick.
Yeah, yeah. And I, I, I looked around 'cause, like, I used to wear Vans and I, I need to look through some of my closets at home or maybe in my garage. I might have some shoes like that somewhere, but I, I, I couldn't find any when I briefly looked last night. And I c- I couldn't find any even at, uh, I mean, well, I guess we only went to Goodwill and I, I didn't wanna buy any new ones 'cause like, I have wide feet, so you, you gotta like break the shoes in. I guess I shouldn't complain-
Yeah, yeah
... 'cause most of the people who are, uh, you know, when guys dress up as, uh, women, they put on some heels. But it, there ain't gonna be any heels that my fat feet could fit into, so.
[laughs]
Uh, and I'd probably break my ankle or something. T- there ain't no way I could walk in those, so I don't know. I'll-
Right
... I- I'll figure something out. I'll figure something out, but, uh, for the most part, I've got, uh, you know, uh, all the other, uh, essentials ready to go, and it should be pretty funny, I think. I think people are gonna get a good laugh out of it, so.
Yeah. And I'm the same as you with facial hair. I shaved completely off last year just 'cause my wife had never seen my chin and then she said, "Never do it again."
[laughs] I-
[laughs]
Well, my girlfriend told me that, uh, you know, back in the day, she, she dumped a guy for shaving off his beard, so I'm like, "Hey-"
Oh!
"... y- you're not gonna, you're not gonna dump me. You know, it, it'll grow back. It grows pretty fast." So-
[laughs]
... hopefully I still have a girlfriend, uh, you know, tomorrow. [laughs]
[laughs]
So-
Oh, right. Uh, have a good one, man.
You too, Stewart. Good to hear from you.
Yep, see you.
Bye.
So yeah, I, I don't know, I don't know what I'm gonna do about shoes, but I'll figure that out. And, uh, yeah, it's at the Hart tonight if you wanna come hang out. [laughs] Got some great metal bands playing and, uh, some drag perfo- The metal drag show, it's gonna be like ... I don't even know how that works, but it's gonna be crazy, so I figured I might as well, uh, you know, get ridiculous. All right? It's gonna be fun. 7:30, 18 and older, and it's only like 10 bucks and it's gonna be a lot of fun. They'll have, uh, drinks for those 21 and older. [laughs] And you can see me looking, I, I don't know how it's gonna turn out, but i- it should be at least funny. Should be funny. And I'm sure there will be photos online. Hopefully, I don't look too hideous. All right. I'm gonna figure out something else to talk about, but yeah, sorry to anyone who was at Goodwill and saw a bald man trying on bras in the middle of the store, but it was funny. [laughs] I'm, uh, these kinda things just give me a laugh. [rock music plays] All right, this thread here should be bothersome. You know? Nothing like disturbing people on a Friday morning. Seems to be what I'm doing as of late, disturbing people.
All right, the thread is, "People who work in restaurants, what's the never order this item on your menu that customers don't know about?" All right, I, I read through this a bit, and you had a lot of people working in restaurants talking about location-based items, like if you're really far away from the ocean, you might wanna consider that when ordering certain foods. I won't get into the details there, but you know, closer you are to the ocean, the fresher things are gonna be, the better they're gonna be. So, it's a bummer being, you know, pretty far inland here, but could be worse. Could be living in the Midwest.
The one thing that really bothered me as I went through this thread here
was, when I was reading about beverages with ice in them,
so many different people talking about how disgusting their ice machine was. You know, you're at the bar, get yourself a mixed drink [retches].
Even the, the folks who were talking about how clean they, or how much they try to keep their ice machine clean, they just said it's, it's just disgusting. So I don't know if I'm ever gonna order a mixed drink again. Nah. Or, you know, a soda with ice. Ugh!
Sorry. Sorry for, uh, people who really like ice. [laughs] I guess you gotta make your own ice at home. That's what you need to do.
I don't know, I'm sure it's not all places, but
yeah. Ew. Ew! Okay, let's see here. Uh, lotta people talking about salads. They were like, "Don't ever order a salad." What, what? You're, you're ruining everything for me with this thread. Like, yeah, you know, I'll, I'll see people just, you know, wait staff.[rock music] Just get their dirty, bare hands and whip together a salad. Just dig right in. [gags] I was at a local restaurant one time, I've mentioned this before, I'm not gonna say what restaurant it was, but I haven't been back there because
somebody ordered pie
and I watched the waitress go from handling cash at the cash register to immediately getting a piece of the pie and using her ga- bare hands to slide it from the, uh, you know, the little pie spatula onto a plate, touching the pie with her bare hands. And if you've heard me talk about being disgusted by cash before, you'd know why I was like [gags].
It's a pretty popular place, too. Uh, what else do we have here? Um, okay, another guy, electrician talking about the [laughs] ice cube machine. Uh, let's s-... Is everybody gonna talk about the ice, ice cube machine?
Oh, this one's like, uh, extremely long.
Okay, you know, I don't wanna ruin everybody's day.
I'm, I'm just gonna stop this, okay? It's just getting worse and worse as I, uh, scan what, what people are saying here. You'll, you'll never wanna go out and eat again. But I'd say don't, don't, uh, [laughs] don't get ice from a restaurant. Ugh. [rock music] Train wreck of a day. Wish me luck on surviving it. I don't know, I did pound some coffee here. My guts seem to be doing a little bit better after a little bit of medication for the old guts. I just, uh, wish the day was over. I got too much to do though. Ugh. Hopefully Jade'll get here soon and fix the broken stuff so I can get some things done. All right, what do we got going on online? I was trying to dig into some Freak News and I was striking out. So, um, I was looking through Reddit, the advice subreddit. It's always fun to take a look at the things that people are asking for advice about. All right, we got this one. "I, 22, male, confessed to my girlfriend, 19, female, while drunk, that I want to marry her someday." And then, you know, the guy just kind of goes off, you know, like, "What, what, what am I gonna do? I, I got tipsy and I blurted out
that I wanna marry her someday." I mean, you're too young to be getting married, so someday's a good thing to say. It's not like, "I wanna marry you right now," while you're all hammered. You know, at 22 I'd say give it a little bit of time. Doesn't sound like these folks have been together that long, but... I mean, I don't think that's that big a deal, right? Tell someone, "I, I wanna marry you someday."
If you're in a relationship, I, I think you should be shooting for something ultimately that's long term, right? And I, I don't know, I mean, there are people out there just, you know, being pretty casual and things, but I don't know, if you're like, "Hey, we're official,"
I, I, I hope that the endgame isn't like, "Yeah, I hope we break up someday." [laughs] I, that, that just seems kind of weird to me. [laughs] But, uh, I don't know. Everybody's, everybody's a little bit different. But then the guy was asking, "Is a year of dating too soon to ask for her dad's blessing?" Uh, one, you're 22 years old, so the end. You're not... Uh, and I know there are people out there who've got married very young who are probably getting mad every time that I say, "You shouldn't be getting married young." You, you don't have to go do the legal thing, you know, till you're, like, absolutely sure. And his girlfriend's 19. That... Too young. And, do,
do guys really go ask, you know, for the, the dad's blessing? That seems kind of weird to me. I, I don't know. Like, it's not really up to the dad. [laughs] Sorry, dads. All right, who's calling? Kay Berry, you're live on the show. What up?
Hey. So I'm calling in because, uh, today... Oh, dang it. Hang on.
Okay, I'll just wait.
Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.
[laughs]
So, I am a mom of two wonderful kiddos, and Midway Elementary out in Lewisville is having a carnival for the school, and, uh, so I just wanna invite people that have kiddos to come out and enjoy this. It's- I'm gonna do the haunted bus.
All right, so this is today?
This is today at 5:00 PM.
5:00 PM? Okay. Well, you've got your free plug in and, uh, I'm glad your kids are wonderful and not terrible. [laughs]
Well, depends on the day. [laughs]
All right, Lewisville, y- you know, uh, the- there you go. If you've never been out to Lewisville-
Yes
... get yourself out to Lewisville and check out the carnival. It'll be fun.
Yes, because I am 100% plan on scaring the bejesus out of fourth and fifth graders.
All right. And then when you're done, you, you cruise over to The Heart for the metal show that I'll be hosting, kicking off at 7:30. But you gotta be 18. No kids allowed, so...
Well, I'll, I'll be there.
All right, sounds good. [laughs]
All right, thanks so much.
Yep, see ya.
Bye.
Can you tell I'm, uh, in a decent mood? Usually I yell at people who are o- off-topic, but uh, it's the holiday season for the next few months. All right, I'm gonna dig up some Freak News. I'll be right back. [rock music]
[instrumental music] I think I'm gonna need to, like, take a lap around the building or something. It's been just a, a disaster since I got here this morning. [instrumental music] Lots of stuff not working. And then I'm trying to get ready for Freak News
and the internet's just not working. Then right before it's time, all of a sudden all my tabs start actually opening up. I was, like, rapid fire opening tabs, like, "I gotta find something to talk about. What's wrong with this website? Ah."
Anyway, this might be a, a disaster of, uh, Freak News. So, sorry, sorry. So, I got a video the other day sent to me by my daughter in Phoenix. They've been getting a whole bunch of, like, unusual rain. There's been, like, flooding and all kinds of crazy stuff. Well, Phoenix, uh, poison control officials are warning of toxic toads and mushrooms, and telling people, "Don't lick the Sonoran Desert toads. Don't eat mushrooms you see popping up." Um,
my daughter, I hope you're listening to the show, don't touch those frogs, okay? All right? You're gonna get sick. "Five days of rain brings out poisonous mushrooms." Um, yeah, they're, uh, warning people to, uh, keep an eye on their pets and things like that. I don't know what you're supposed to do if you, you s- see these things, but apparently if you eat the mushrooms they can cause severe stomach problems. That's right. [imitates fart] Yeah, you don't wanna have stomach issues, okay? Not fun. Uh, I mean, we're not having this problem here, but if you have any family in the Phoenix area tell them, "Put, put the toads down, 'kay?" You might, you might die, according to the director of the Banner Poison Control and Drug Information Center. All right? And what a disgusting way to try to, I don't know, get a buzz on, licking a frog. Frogs are disgusting! Sorry, I, I, I'm just, you know, a, a kitten kind of guy. All right, what else do we have here? "Is your car a poop magnet?" [laughs]
Well, somebody did a study
and apparently brown, red and black cars most likely to be pooped on by birds. I mean, I hope they're talking about birds. [laughs] The article just says, "pooped on." Uh, you, you assume birds. Um, and then also,
if you wanna won- or if you're wondering what brands of vehicle get, uh, pooped on by birds the most, apparently Dodge Ram trucks the most affected. Yeah, so get yourself... Oh, Chevy's on the list too. It looks like trucks in general, or truck-like vehicles, tend to be the ones getting, uh, crapped on the most by birds. Jeep, Chevrolet, Nissan, Dodge. Yeah. Look it, they got the, uh, Dodge Charger, number five on the list there. They got the Dodge Ram at number one. Uh, I don't know what kind of Kia that is. Oh, they- the, uh, Cybertruck coming in at number seven. [laughs] Let's see here. Brown is the number one color birds poop on most. Apparently if you, you wanna avoid bird dookie, gotta get yourself a white or silver car according to Allen's Factory Outlet. [laughs] That's who did this study, Allen's Factory Outlet. Yeah, sounds, sounds legit. Uh, what else do we have here? Uh, police in Portland, Oregon
rescued a skunk with its head stuck in a jar. Oh. Got a call from a resident. He's like, "I, I see a skunk wandering around with its head stuck in the dar- uh, in a jar, and it's bumping into things in the darkness." So they showed up and they pulled the jar off the skunk's head.
Yeah, this is what's going on in war-ravaged Portland, Oregon. [laughs] I thought the cops were really busy over there 'cause the city was burning to the ground. Got time to go save a skunk though, so that's cool. It's a nice, uh, you know, happy story, and I like sharing those from, from time to time on this program. All right. I'm gonna see if I can open some new tabs, find some more crap to talk about. Things just weren't working as I was getting ready for Freak News today. By the way, we have traffic school coming up in about 45 minutes. With, you know, the disaster that today's been so far, please call traffic school today. [laughs] I'm gonna need all the help I can get. I don't know, it's eight o'clock. It's a new hour. You know, most people are like, "Well, tomorrow's a new day." No, let's just go hour by hour. It's a new hour, it's eight o'clock, and everything's gonna be great moving forward. I'm gonna drink the rest of this black sludge
that I'm trying to wake myself up with here,
and we're gonna, we're gonna have a good time, dang it. [instrumental music] Well, good morning, Peaches. Hold on, I gotta get, uh, mic three live, and we gotta make sure Lieutenant Crane doesn't touch mic two.
It's the perfect height for him.
It- it is, but that mic is cursed. You saw what happened during the noon hour of madness and mayhem yesterday. That was madness and mayhem. I was listening to it when it played back. It was, uh, very funny to me.
[laughs]
You know? Any time it's a complete train wreck, uh, of just equipment failure that's like... [screeches] Love it, love it.
But that's what you want live radio to be.
Yeah, yeah. And speaking of live radio, I just saw this post from Alt 1051, "Lewisville's new rock alternative." So this is in, uh, Kentucky.
Oh, so you're telling me they play five-year-old Linkin Park?
Um, I'm guessing, you know, some-[rock music] Uh, Billie Eilish with maybe some Depeche Mode thrown in and maybe-
Bad Omens is all of a sudden in there.
Yeah, yeah, they, uh, the alt format doesn't know what they're doing.
Right.
They're, they're, they're lost right now.
Mm-hmm.
And it, you know, all they gotta do is flip, flip to active rock.
Mm-hmm.
Active rock's, uh, crushin' it if you're doing it right.
Yeah.
You know, lots of great new music coming out. Anyway, they made this big post that says, "We need to apologize. For six years, mornings on this station have been a series of questionable life choices. If mornings were Tinder dates, we showed up every week with a different haircut, a fake name, and zero social skills."
That's totally ChatGPT generated.
It, it, it, it sounds ChatGPT generated.
That, that's, the questionable life choices-
Mm-hmm
... is one, one of the most popular responses from ChatGPT for anything related to radio.
Yeah. So, they go on, "We told ourselves we were innovating. In reality, we were throwing syndicated shows at your alarm clock like confetti at a parade. Loud, messy, and completely ignoring the actual point. We didn't read your emails. We didn't answer your calls. For six years, we have been the human embodiment of 'Wing it and hope it sticks.'" So, here is the official apology. "We wasted your mornings. We wasted our mornings. We wasted everyone's coffee money. Sorry about that." Basically, like most radio stations around the country, they were just running syndicated programming in the morning, and now they're trying to hype up that they're gonna put, uh, their midday person in the morning. But they're not gonna talk too much. [laughs] They're gonna play lots of music. Like, it's not rocket science that if you want your radio station to, you know, succeed in some way, you have to stand out
in some way from the other options available. Everybody has access to YouTube and other streaming services and can just listen to whatever music they want. You have to put a host on that they can talk to and that has at least something to say. You know? But they, y- you know, they all do those, like, the fake dating bits.
Oh, yeah.
You know, the fake prank phone calls. I pointed it out many times, everybody, if you hear somebody on air that supposedly doesn't know they're on air, it's fake. It's against the law. It's against FCC regulations. Otherwise, we'd be prank calling people all day long, Peaches, 'cause it's easy content. Just, you know, call and harass people. It's fun.
Oh, yeah.
You know, we used to... It's probably harder to do nowadays than back in the day 'cause everybody has caller ID.
Sure, yeah.
You know, back when I was a kid and caller ID wasn't a thing, man, did we have fun prank calling people. It was so fun 'cause you could just get the phone book. They had a whole bunch of phone numbers. So, you could, you know, look up somebody with a funny name [laughs], just call 'em and bother 'em. Yeah, it's a good thing phone books aren't a thing anymore. Kinda weird 'cause they had your phone number, your address. I mean, talk about the s- stalker's heaven, the phone book. Yeah. So, yeah, I'm glad that these rocket scientists at Alt 105, after six years of syndicated shows, going, "I'm like, um, maybe we'll try putting somebody live in the studio." Uh, well, they didn't use the word live. Might be a pre-recorded show. I know we've got a lot of local personalities right around here that, uh, they're not doing a live show.
Right, mm-hmm.
You know, I'm not gonna throw 'em under the bus.
Well, there was-
We'll just say most of them
... there was a particular, uh, guy here in the area that was saying his accent was real.
Does he talk like this?
Yeah. There was somebody hating on him-
That's not real.
There was somebody hating on him in the comment section, and he was like, "Sorry, my South Carolina drawl came out."
[laughs] Oh, geez. Now, I, I, I've heard, uh, the, all you gotta do is listen to the radio show and then listen on the news. I think he started doing, uh, you know, on the, on the news a little more of the Southern drawl because-
Maybe because we pointed it out. [laughs]
[laughs] Yeah, exactly. You know, you, you gotta, like, stick with the bit, you know? If you're gonna use a fake voice, you have to use it everywhere that you broadcast
[laughs]. You know, can you imagine if you had to go out in public and talk in a fake radio voice all the time?
Oh, I'd suck.
[laughs] That'd be pretty funny. I have the same terrible voice everywhere I go, everybody, all right? Very [laughs] easy to spot me in public. So, listen for that cackle.
That's a good sketch idea, something along the lines of like, this radio DJ is just depressed. He wants nothing to do with radio anymore, and he comes into the studio and says, "Hi, everybody. What's going on?" [laughs] Like, has to put on that fake radio voice.
[laughs]
He just got broken up with. His, his parents hate him.
I mean, I do come in here when I'm having a bad day and pretend that I'm not [laughs], but, uh, I don't use a fake voice when I'm doing it. I'm just lying. You know, I'm like, "Oh, everything's great, everybody." [laughs]
[laughs]
"I'm, I'm loving life right now. It's fantastic." [laughs] Uh, just so you're aware, Peaches, it's been a train wreck around here this morning. Um, oh, looks like, well, actually, hold on. I don't know that, but we, the, the first hour of the day, Josh and I were not having a very good time. And, uh, yeah, if you need to dub anything into the system, you're gonna have to wait a while [laughs].
Really?
Uh, at least till Jade fixes things. I mean, luckily he knows how to fix... He showed me and Josh, I think, how to fix this i- issue, but neither of us could remember this morning. So, we got the, the stations back, uh, on air.
Okay.
So, that was good. But every station was broken when we got here. It, it sucked. So, yeah.
Well, I gotta get this, uh-
Uh!
... giveaway ready for 10:00 AM. So-
Oh, we're announcing a new giveaway at 10:00 AM?
Mm-hmm.
Ooh! See, I'm, I'm so outta whack I don't even remember what it was [laughs].
I have to go grab a certain thing
Oh, I remember now!
... the day ago.
I remember now. It, it took me a second, and it, it, it's something that, uh, is fun. It's a good prize. And, uh, I'll also be able to complain a lot, you know, i- with regard to this promotion.
Of course.
Yeah [laughs]?
Mm-hmm.
Because about every six months [laughs], I complain about the same thing. So, maybe I'll complain about that here in a minute.
Sure, yeah, go for it.
And that'll give people a hint if they are longtime listeners as to what we might be announcing at 10:00 AM.
[rock music] Whew, it's been a morning. I hope that your morning has been less frustrating than mine. Things seem to be looking up. I've pounded enough coffee that I don't feel like I'm just gonna, uh, take a nap live on the radio, so hopefully I'll be in good shape for Traffic School powered by The Advocates Injury Attorneys. That's kicking off in about 15 minutes. Giving you a little bit of time to figure out what you'd like to ask myself and Lieutenant Crane of the Idaho State Police. That number to call is going to be [208] 535-1015, and like I said earlier on the program, it's been a disaster here today, so I'd really appreciate you joining us for Traffic School. You know, I'm sure there's something you'd like to ask a police officer. You know, maybe one of your friends told you something that just didn't sound right about the law and you're like, "I, I think my... I think you're kinda dumb." Bet 'em some money and then call in, get the correct answer, you know, from Lieutenant Crane, and tell your friend they owe you money now. It's a good moneymaking scheme. I... You know, with all I know about traffic laws, I should, I should start just betting people on rules of the road all the time. I've been doing this program a long time, so yeah, I need extra money. That might be a way to get some. Anyway, save yourself time and money on tickets and all that crap by joining us for Traffic School. Again, here in about 15 minutes. [heavy metal music] If you listen to this show regularly, you know I take a look at the advice subreddit from time to time for content, and happened to be in there, and [laughs] every once in a while I'll see one that I'm like, "All right, is this real?" And it could be. Could be, and it's perfect for this show. The person posted, "I am very gassy and I will soon be in a car with three other people for four hours." [laughs] "Hello, I'm a 22-year-old male, a new vegetarian, so lately I've been eating lots of eggs, vegetables, soy products, and especially beans. My gut is still adjusting and I fart very often, and they are rancid." Um, I'll leave out that line. "They smell radioactive. Uh, I, you know, go to the bathroom regularly, try to drink a lot of water. I'm wondering if there is any way I could reduce my gas for this car ride. I could hold in my farts, but I'm worried [laughs] it could be detrimental to my health, and also very uncomfortable. I don't want to make the other passengers suffer though. It's not like we can keep the windows down 'cause it's getting chillier. Do I have any options here? Should I just fart freely? Sorry for TMI. Thanks in advance."
[laughs] So I'm sitting here going, okay, is, is somebody just trolling? But it could be a real problem. I mean, there's one particular, uh, skeletal person in the building who is very gassy all the time. We were sitting in my office side by side yesterday working on some, some computer stuff, and this guy, he certainly just farts freely. His name is Jade Davis. Um, anyway, people are, you know, pretty kind on the internet and they're answering this, this question honestly. The top answer is, "Take gas X." [laughs]
I know what I'm getting Jade for Christmas. Why didn't this occur to me years ago? Gas X to deal with the king of farts. What are some of the other, uh, responses here? I mean, I'm sure somebody's gonna be like, "Just let 'em rip." Okay, they said, "Ask for regular pit stops, bathroom, then drinks, then food, then stretch. Let them know in advance you need them for health reasons." I gotta fart, guys. Either you pull over for a pit stop or I'm gonna let 'em go. Let's go to the phones, maybe we should... Got some fart advice here. Uh, Kay Bear, you're live on the Victor Wilt Show, keep that in mind. Who's this?
This is Tabitha, but I have a question for Traffic School. Is it over?
Uh, yeah, it was over, um, 15 minutes ag- ago or so, so, uh, sorry, Tabitha. Call us next week.
Okay, thanks. Bye.
All right, see ya. No fart advice from Tabitha. All right, let's see. This person's saying, "He might have an intolerance to the eggs. All the rest of those foods will cause gas, but not the super stinky kind. Don't eat any eggs for a few days and find out." Yeah, if you're like just mowing down eggs, your farts are gonna reek, all right? So keep that in mind. Does Jade eat a lot of eggs? I don't know. I... Let's call him up. Let's find out here.
[phone dialing] [phone ringing]
What up?
Hey, you're live on the show, Jade. Uh, do you eat a lot of eggs?
No.
Why do your farts stink so bad?
Because, uh, I think about you.
And that just hurts your guts and, uh, you know, turns things toxic inside of you.
Pretty much.
Okay, just checking.
I mean, you look at yourself every day-
I-
... your guts are rotten.
Hey, uh, my g-
You know how this works.
My guts have been doing decent lately.
[laughs] Is this because you haven't looked in the mirror lately?
Uh, yeah, I try to avoid that, that's for sure.
That's why I haven't come to your studio really today.
Good, stay away. [laughs]
[laughs]
You already farted enough in my office yesterday.
Nope, there's always more.
All right, well, so, just go visit Josh and Chantel, okay?
Nope, it's only for you.
I hate you.
Good, I hate you too.
All right, he- talk to you later.
Bye.
All right, it's not g- I guess it's my fault. You know, when you got friends who, uh, won't take responsibility for their own farts and blame it on others, people who can't take responsibility for their own actions, bad friends. That's what you got going on there. All right, let's take a quick break and then we'll be back. [rock music]
All right, everybody. We've got Peaches in the house, and-
Yeah.
Oh, you're on mic three.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Excuse me. There we go. And we've got a very fun and exciting promotion to announce that you can now enter to win. Peaches, give them the spiel.
Well, thanks to Brent and Gordon Law, people can now try to enter to win a Nintendo Switch 2 bundle.
A Nintendo Switch 2 bundle?
Yeah.
Not even a Nintendo Switch 1, a Nintendo Switch 2.
That's so 2018. When did that system come out?
Uh, I don't know. I don't remember. But that is pretty dang sweet. It's Make the Switch. You know, we have that stupid time change coming up, which sucks. So, we're trying to make it better for you by giving you a Nintendo Switch.
Now this one, you fall back, you gain an extra hour of sleep, but still, it's like, why do we need to do this?
Yeah, it, it's pointless.
I dare someone to defend it.
It, there, there's no defense of it. You know, it, it's, uh, completely pointless. Everything that people have ever heard for why we do it is lies. I, I really think the government just does it to mess with us and throw us off kilter. And, uh, you know, it kills people. People literally die because of the time switch. So, we're trying to make that better by hooking up a Nintendo Switch bundle. A Nintendo Switch 2 bundle, I should say.
There you go. There you go.
How do they get in to win, Peaches?
They can sign up through the apps right now, the K-Bear app, the Alt app, or the Cannonball 101 app, all three. And then also next week, there will be a Mario, uh, sounder.
So, you can get extra entries if you are the correct caller.
If you're caller 13 when you hear the sounder.
And, uh, it should be pretty obvious when you hear the sounder.
Yeah.
It's, it's a big yahoo! [laughs]
Yahoo! Uh, yeah, it'll, it'll be, uh, you know, Mario themed.
Yes.
So, uh, listen for that sounder. Be caller number 13. But if you wanna enter to win that Nintendo Switch 2 bundle, just fire up any of our apps. You can enter once in each app-
Right
... for your best odds to win.
Don't be that person that signs up like 10 times in one app. I'm deleting nine of them.
Yes. The, the extra entries get deleted. So once per app, K-Bear 101, Alt 101, or Cannonball 101. And uh, wishing you lots of luck, 'cause Nintendo Switch 2 would be pretty sweet, gotta say. Then you'll have something fun to do during the, uh, upcoming dreadful winter months.
Oh.
Ugh. Stay inside and game, courtesy of Brent Gordon Law and K-Bear. Peaches, have you ever tried on a bra in a store?
No.
[laughs] No? I hadn't either till yesterday.
You ever put on your mom's old one?
[laughs] I'm not gonna say. [laughs]
[laughs]
N- I, I don't know. I had to get help putting it on. But, you know, I was trying to get my Halloween costume to dress up like a rocker chick.
With that over the shoulder boulder holder on?
Yeah. And, you know, I don't know how to put one of those on. It's hard enough to take one off. [laughs] Um-
[laughs] Oh, yeah.
That's right. [laughs]
[laughs] Giggity.
[laughs] But yeah, I was at Goodwill yesterday, and did I show you the picture?
No, you didn't. [laughs]
Okay. [laughs]
Did you walk out with a bra? [laughs]
Well, I, I...
[laughs]
I bought a bra while I was there 'cause I needed one for my Halloween costume. But I didn't wanna, like, go in the dressing room-
[laughs]
... [laughs] y- trying a bunch of women's clothes. [laughs] So like, you know, uh, we were looking around at stuff, and I found like this, uh... 'Cause I wanna look kinda trashy.
Sure.
Like a trashy rock chick. So, I got this skirt that like, part of it's kinda like, uh, ripped and broken. This is like, w- what, what do you call something fluffy? I, I don't know. It's like a furry-
A padded bra? What, what are you talking about?
No, I'm... Uh, th- that was the skirt, but the bra is padded.
Oh.
'Cause I wanna make sure that it... You know, looks, looks very nice. [laughs] So, I was in Goodwill trying on bras in the middle of the store.
[laughs]
And people... The look on people's faces. [laughs] So, I had to get Becker to take a picture.
But, but yet I'm the problem when it comes to, uh, corrupting Idaho.
[laughs] That's right. Here's my wig.
Okay, I like that.
It's very, very, very pretty with the-
Yeah. I mean, with that you kinda look like every st- stereotypical meta- metalcore dude.
[laughs]
To be quite honest. [laughs]
And, uh, I'm gonna go all out and I'm gonna shave the beard.
No, you're not.
I'm gonna shave the beard, dude.
Dude.
I haven't done it in about 15 years.
Well, I gotta say, you're gonna feel a whole lot different.
Oh, it's gonna-
You're probably not gonna like it at first 'cause-
Oh, I'm gonna hate it, dude.
... when you shave it off and see your chin, you're gonna see, "Oh my gosh, I really did get this fat."
[laughs] Well, I know, dude. I know. [laughs]
I, I tried using the, uh, no beard filter on my face. Oh, I look, I look like, I look like King Kong Bundy.
Yeah, it's-
I told Aubrey that and she's like, "No, you don't, you look nothing like him." I'm like, "Come on, Aubrey, don't be nice. Come on."
Yeah, it's not gonna be good.
"I'm serious."
I haven't shaved my beard off in like 15 years. And the last time I did it was for a goof too.
My dad had a mustache for, I don't know, ever, ever since I was born.
Yeah.
And he shaved it off when I was like 20. And we, we then started calling him paper cut lips 'cause he has no- [laughs]
[laughs]
... he has no lips. [laughs]
I, I, I have a feeling it's gonna be quite hideous. And, uh, I had to promise Becca like, "It'll grow back fast." [laughs] 'Cause she told me that like years ago, she dumped one of her boyfriends 'cause he shaved his beard off. [laughs] I was like-
Why?
I don't know. [laughs]
That's a terrible thing to do.
[laughs]
It's his face.
So, I'm like, "Don't dump me, all right? It'll grow back." 'Cause it, it grows pretty fast.
She didn't like that guy. She was trying to find an excuse to leave him.
Probably.
Yeah.
Probably. So, hopefully she actually likes me. We'll see. But, uh, I was gonna do it before work today, but I figured, no, if people wanna see me without the beard-
They have to see you at the show
... they, they have to see me in person.
Oh, absolutely.
You know? [laughs] At the, uh...
I'm gonna get freaked out, I think.
[laughs] Probably. I think I'm gonna get freaked out more than anyone. I'm, I'm very nervous about shaving the beard off. Putting on a bunch of women's clothes, no worries there. That's funny.
I'm, I mean, at least it'll grow back. And I think when you grew out the beard the last time when you had COVID, it actually looked really good. So, I think you should grow the full thing out.
Uh, no, it, it got too itchy, man.
I- it gets itchy-
It's too itchy
... at one point but then it g- go- goes to normal after that.
Yeah. I don't know. I don't know, man. We'll, we'll see. But...[laughs]
I mean, here's the thing. I, I think you and Josh would look too much alike if you grew the full thing out.
Well, do you remember when Josh shaved his beard off?
He has a different face.
He looked so weird.
I don't want to be mean to him-
He looked so weird.
... but he has a different, like, head.
[laughs]
You know what I mean?
[laughs]
I was worried beyond my imagination, uh, that I was gonna shave my head and I was gonna look like one of those Coneheads from that movie.
Yeah.
I, I was so worried.
I'm, I'm much more worried about shaving the beard off than I ever was about shaving my head. [laughs]
And I don't wanna, I don't wanna shave my beard 'cause I'm afraid I'll look like the old GM.
[laughs]
No, you gotta get the handlebar mustache going on.
Yeah. I gotta dress up as him for Halloween. I gotta do it.
Well, then you should, yeah, you shave the beard.
No.
You gotta shave the beard to dress up as the old GM.
No, I'd just start going around saying, "Team."
[laughs]
"Team, we gotta do this." To, to best, Brennan Peach.
[laughs] Best.
[laughs]
This is the noon hour of madness and mayhem.
I talked about this yesterday, Victor, and I wanted to get your input on it.
All right.
Did you see about that whole, uh, Spanish town that, uh, is, uh, banning the adoption of black cats?
No!
Because they're afraid of, uh, people doing some, quote unquote, rituals with them?
Oh my gosh.
So I was wondering if that was just an urban legend that people try to hunt down black cats around Halloween to do some type of ritual, or are there actually freaks out there that are doing some, doing stuff like that to where it's a, sort of, a real thing?
Yeah, to me, that sounds like urban legend, you know? Uh, kinda like the, the Satanic Panic. I don't know if you've ever heard about that. It happened, uh, I think back in the late '80s, something like that, and, uh, people were worried about that kind of stuff. And it was just completely overblown and, like, made up. You know, there was nothing going on, but people get, you know, in a panic about weird things. Um, I mean, I guess if they're trying to protect the little black kitties, I'm, uh, I'm all for it, but the black kitties also need homes.
It also kind of... I mean, banning the adoption of them, and there's probably people around this time of year that are like, "Oh, it'll look so good if we adopt a black cat for the Halloween time," and then they end up returning it-
Aw
... shortly after that.
You should never adopt a pet if they're... if you're not committing to keeping 'em for, potentially, like, 20 years. You know? I've had cats that lived that long. It's a-
Yeah, all of my cats have lived to, like, 18.
Yeah, it's a major commitment. So, yeah. It looks like th- ... I mean, they're banning the adoption for a pretty significant amount of time, October 1st to November 10th, but also, I don't think people are doing rituals around Halloween. I don't know. I think people get weird about stuff and paranoid, and I don't think these things happen. I could be wrong, but I, I haven't seen any evidence of that.
Right.
You know, I think it's just, uh, you know, hysteria.
Anytime I do see a black cat just sitting there out in the wild... By the wild, I mean, like, if I go outside of my apartment and I go-
[laughs]
... to look across the street and I see a black cat sitting there, I'm like, "Is this bad luck?" And I-
Oh, jeez
... [laughs] and then I'll get, like, really concerned for the rest of the day.
[laughs] I see Koopa every morning and he's yowling and just ... [growls]
That's why you're sick all the time and you have bad things happen to you, 'cause Koopa's there.
C- it's all 'cause of Koopa?
Do, do the ritual. Om.
N- no! He's a good, he's a good boy.
Put on that, the, that outfit. [laughs]
[laughs] Oh, jeez.
This is the noon hour of madness and mayhem. I'm Victor.
I'm Peaches.
All right. You know, kids, cigarettes are bad, mkay?
No kidding.
Smoking's bad, mkay? Uh, Peaches, would you allow someone to have cigarettes in your car?
No.
To not even have them. I'm not talking smoking.
Oh, just, oh, just have them?
Yeah. [laughs]
Oh, they, they can have 'em. That's fine.
Okay. 'Cause I can understand not wanting people to smoke in your car 'cause, you know, it leaves a lingering scent and, uh, it doesn't smell very good. So, um, [laughs] I was on Reddit here and I thought that's what they were asking is, you know, am I a jerk for not allowing people to smoke in my car. But this person, they do not allow them in their car at all. Like, [laughs] and so their family's like, "That's kinda crazy." And like, "Well, you know what? I d- I don't like the smell of smoke." And, uh, "You, you can't even have them stashed away." That seems kinda crazy to me. I, I think that that person's, uh,
kinda ridiculous.
Oh, yeah. For sure.
I mean, you should discourage people from smoking and, uh, if you don't want people to smoke in your vehicle... I don't know. Just... Can you think of any other, like, completely irrational rules that people have that you've ever encountered?
Irrational rules?
Yeah.
Mm.
Like, th- there's, th- there's, there's gotta be some, uh, posts about this online. Let's, uh, see what we can find on Reddit here. Common irrational beliefs? No. Most irrational rule you follow that no one else knows?
I know I asked a question, like, what was a weird rule that you followed growing up that your parents kind of enforced?
Yeah.
And there was one listener, Amber, who said that, uh, she c- wasn't allowed to swim on Sundays 'cause the devil was in the water.
What? [laughs]
[laughs]
The devil's in the water? [laughs] I mean, I remember hearing things growing up like, you know, if you swim right after you eat, you're gonna cramp up and drown.
Mm-hmm.
Um, lots of weird things that I heard growing up.
It's illegal to drive with the, the inside l- uh, car light on.
Yeah, it-
My parents would scream their heads off.
Oh, yeah. And it, it's not illegal, it's just annoying. You know? Th- we, we get those questions every once in a while on Traffic School. There was one I was gonna ask earlier from, uh, Facebook, but we had so many live calls I didn't get to those. But somebody was asking about, like, LED lights inside of your vehicle and I would assume that's probably legal unless it's-
Red and blue
... red and blue and flashing and distracting to other drivers, and, you know, you could potentially be impersonating an officer. But yeah [laughs], uh, what are people saying to this person about not allowing, uh, cigarettes in their car? Here's the, you know, uh, uptight people on Reddit. "Nope. It's your car, your rules."
[laughs]
Like, it- it's just something that's in somebody's pocket.
I'd drive them to the nearest hospital-
[laughs]
... and show them a person with lung cancer, and I'd say, "You're next, pal. Look at this."
Like, they- I can't bel- yeah, everybody is saying, "Your car, your rules." I mean, I- I, again, could understand not wanting people to smoke in the car, but... I mean, or if you were transporting an illegal substance [laughs], you know? Like, no illegal substances in your pockets while we're driving.
Like that one- [laughs] like that one radio DJ we know, huh? Hmm?
[laughs] We heard about that in traffic school. [laughs]
[laughs]
Oh, I can not believe how many people on here are just like, "No, dude. You're- you're totally cool." And right here, the person made it clear, it's just- it's not about smoking, but people are even commenting, "The smell is so hard to get out from your materials." If you don't light 'em, they're not gonna smell like anything. Otherwise, the gas station, you'd walk in and it would just reek.
Yeah, most likely the person who w- who got in the car with you is gonna reek of them because they're a- a- a habitual smoker.
There you go. Yeah! Yeah, are you just gonna n-... That seems more logical to me than not allowing the actual cigarettes, is like, "Hey, no smokers in my car 'cause you stink." [laughs]
Yeah. No matter how much you wash your clothes or how many times you wash your- yourself-
[laughs] And I- I don't-
... it's not gonna be good.
I don't mind the smell of, uh, you know, cigarettes or any of that.
Oh, see, I hate it. I hate that smell.
Like, it doesn't bother me at all, you know? So, I'm- I'm not concerned with that kind of thing whatsoever. But yeah, uh, we got some really uptight people on Reddit, as far as I'm concerned.
I- I used to make it very obvious. Whenever [laughs] I was really bothered by it, I'd put my shirt over my mouth.
Oh, gee! [laughs]
[laughs]
One of those guys, you're... [coughing]
Yeah. Get away from me, you freak.
[laughs]
So annoying to me, Jesus.
[laughs]