THIS TRANSCRIPT IS AI GENERATED AND WILL CONTAIN SOME SMALL ERRORS.  IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS PLEASE CONTACT thepilotprojectpodcast@gmail.com.  We understand the importance of good subtitles but currently as a one-person operation we just don't have the ability to edit these in a timely fashion and keep episodes coming out regularly.  Thank you for your understanding!

In this episode, the AI could not differentiate between Melissa and McKayla's voice, so McKayla is mislabeled as Melissa. 

WEBVTT

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All right, we're ready for departure. Here on the Pilot Project

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Podcast, the best source for stories and advice from the pilots of the

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RCAF. Brought to you by Skies magazine and

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RCAF today. I'm your host, Brian Morrison. With

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me today is my beautiful wife, Melissa Morrison.

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Melissa, welcome to the show.

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Thanks for having me.

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It's always a pleasure to be welcomed into the basement.

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So Melissa, can you start by quickly telling us about yourself?

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Yeah.

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So I was born and raised in

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Truro, which is about an hour north of Halifax,

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Nova Scotia. I lived there with my parents and

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siblings until I went off to university. I

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did an undergrad in Kinesiology at

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UNB, thinking it would be a more practical

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undergrad to get as I was thinking about going to med school at

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the time I got sick in university. While I was

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waiting to kind of figure out what to do

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next, I decided to do a Master's in Sport and Exercise

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Science. Partway through that, I

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abandoned the idea of medicine altogether and

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decided that I should pursue what had always kind of been my

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side hustle of sorts business. So I did a

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Master's in Business Administration while I worked

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full time, ran a business, and coached a lot of cheer

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teams.

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And I think that's a perfect summary of who you are, that you were

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doing two masters at the same time, running a

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business, coaching, cheerleading. You were working as

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well?

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I like to be busy.

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Ah, yeah.

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Can you tell our listeners about how we met?

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We met online before. It was cool. I

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had set my, uh, I'm going to age us here plenty of fish

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account to a 500 kilometer radius

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so I could see all of the prospective suitors

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out there. My roommate at the time told me that I

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needed to get out and meet people, so she dared me

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to go on twelve dates in the month of December.

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We later referred to this as the twelve dates of

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Christmas. I'm not sure how persistent you

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thought I was, but I remember trying to convince you

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to meet me a bunch of times,

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actually. And one of them was

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even coffee at the airport before you flew

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home on Christmas holidays. Because I was just desperate to

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finish the challenge.

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Yeah.

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Uh, because I thought you were super into me, and it turned out you were

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just doing a challenge.

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It's kind of shocking that we actually even met up at

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all with all the circumstances of what kind

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of happened the next few months. But we

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eventually met. We hit it off

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pretty well pretty quickly. You were introduced

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to the whole cheer team and all of their

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parents pretty.

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Early on our second date. Yeah.

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You met my family pretty quick after that.

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Yeah, it was probably our third date.

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Yeah.

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A funny thing that I always think about is how you tricked me about where you

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lived.

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So I would go back and

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forth between my parents'house in Turo, Nova

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Scotia, and school in Fredericton, New Brunswick.

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So it would show me as being

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from a different location depending on where I was at the time

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and when I was talking to Brian. You

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were on a course in Halifax?

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Yeah, that's right. I was on a course in Halifax for three

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months, so I had actually deleted plenty of fish, but decided

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to get it again since I was in the city for a few months.

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Yeah. You were in Halifax on a course, and you

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thought I was living in Truro.

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That's right.

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But I was actually just visiting at my

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parents'house and so you were like, Sweet,

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she's only an hour away. Turns out

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the regular commute from the Annapolis Valley

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to Fredericton is how many hours?

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It's about 5 hours with stops. So I spent the next

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year and changed almost every weekend, driving 5

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hours each way.

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Yeah.

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So we dated a little over a

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year before we got

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engaged.

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Yeah, we dated for about 14 months. Yeah.

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And then I remember thinking we got

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engaged in May, and I was like, I really want to have, like,

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a summer wedding. And I was like,

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but to wait another year just feels like

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too long. And I think it was my mom, actually, who

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was like, well, why don't you just get married this

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summer? So we planned and had

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a wedding about 90 days from the time we got

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engaged until the time we got married.

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And I was gone for a month of that in Hawaii for

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RIMPAC, which is a big military exercise.

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Yeah.

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So I moved all my stuff from Fredericton into

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his house and got it all set up while he

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was away and planned the wedding

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and yeah. Then we got married

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and attempted to.

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Start our life together.

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That's right. So when we did start dating, what was

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your initial thought when it came to dating someone in the

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RCAF?

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I think we mentioned this in one.

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Of, uh, the previous episodes, that

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dating.

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Someone in the RCF was not something that would win me

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over, especially the fact that you flew a plane. I

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didn't really care a lot about that. What

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I knew about people in the RCAF was

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really just what I knew from having some friends who were in the

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army who were involved in Afghanistan

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and would go away for periods of time and then come back.

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But to me, that kind of

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seemed.

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Like a perk because I'm an

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introvert.

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So having some time to myself every once in a

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while didn't seem like a horrible thing,

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especially living

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with someone who is a very social

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extrovert. I kind of thought it would

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balance it out, give me some more alone time.

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Although at that point, we didn't anticipate

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or see long deployments in your future. It

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was more just being away on exercises or

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being kind of on call, or just

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different things like that.

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Yeah, most of our deployments at that point were like a couple of weeks for an

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exercise or an op here and there. So long deployments

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were pretty rare.

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Yeah.

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So a little bit of extra time to myself just

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seemed like, um, an all right thing. That was really about as far as.

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I'd really thought about it.

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You've had to make some professional sacrifices to follow me

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around, especially when we were in Nova Scotia. Can you tell us a little

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more about that?

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Yeah, being kind of a newer

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grad with experiences, but

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maybe not like, direct experience, made

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it pretty difficult for me to find a job in

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a small rural town in Nova

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Scotia. At one point, I had

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decided to take my master's degrees right off

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my resume, and at that point, I started to get a lot

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more job interviews. I think people

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just perhaps look at your resume thinking

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that, well, you're not going to stay here because

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maybe they know your military or can tell by your resume,

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or maybe they just think you're too overqualified for the

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job sometimes when you apply with more

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education or experience on your resume. As someone who

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hires people now though, I get it. But I

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think it never hurts to ask the candidate why they may want

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the job you're hiring for, or just to be

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transparent with what you can offer in terms of pay and benefits,

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so that they can decide if they want to take the job or

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not. I do think the world is getting better

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in terms of remote work options, which makes it easier for

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military spouses to find work, but that isn't

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for everyone. I, uh, do think, though, we as

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military spouses or maybe this is something we should do a

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better job of sharing. Just letting people know that there are

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certain careers that are easy to move with

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and others that are much harder if people are

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just thinking about their career but maybe

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are in a relationship with someone who is in the

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RCAF. I think most military spouses

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just end up looking for flexibility when it comes to

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work because someone is at

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home and someone ends up being responsible for the

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majority of that. When you are with someone who is

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away a lot, you often have to manage everything as a

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single parent, maybe without family or friends around.

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So trying to set yourself up for day to day

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success is something

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a lot of people look for. And unfortunately, this often

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means that some professional sacrifices

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may take place depending on.

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Your line of work.

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Did you find that frustrating at all when we were in Nova

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Scotia, I.

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Found it so frustrating because I wanted to find

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community and I wanted to gain experience. So I

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was, at that point, willing to take

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lower paying jobs or jobs that maybe

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weren't directly affiliated with my

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degrees. Like, my two degrees are in fairly

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different areas, so there was lots of kind

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of room to grow and learn

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more. And yeah, it was very

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frustrating. There's some really small places that

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some of the bases are, and it can be, uh, a

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frustrating experience for spouses trying to find work. Sometimes,

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I think.

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Yeah, for sure. So most of our

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listeners will know that I'm not currently flying due to a

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mental health diagnosis. But when I was flying, how did you

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find balancing our jobs as well as having children?

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Truthfully, I think it's been harder for me, since you've

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stopped flying to balance working and having

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kids, just given everything that you're going

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through right now with your diagnosis, I've

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had to take on a bit more with

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just managing our life in general.

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Yeah, that's fair.

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We were kind of lucky that we.

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Didn'T have to manage balancing jobs and

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kids for too long between

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parental leaves and getting posted.

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But I do remember that it was a bit of a juggling act,

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especially when it came to childcare.

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Our childcare was right by the base. On your way

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to work, normally, you would do all the pickups and drop

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offs. So when you were flying

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or away on an exercise or just getting

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called out if you were on call, i, uh, would have to

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use banked or holiday hours just to manage

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drop offs or pickups because I had a 40 ish

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minute commute in the opposite direction.

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So earlier you mentioned that once you

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moved to Greenwood with me, that we

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had to try to start our life together. I

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actually deployed when we had been married for less than two months.

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What was that like for you, looking back?

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I think I was in shock at first. We found out, what, two weeks

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after we got married?

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Yeah, about that.

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When you tried to put in a leave pass for our honeymoon,

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where were we going?

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We were supposed to go to Jamaica with a couple friends of ours, Matt

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and Brienne. And when I went

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to ask about the leave pass, the flight commander

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told me, you might want to hold off on that. There's something coming down

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the pipe. And I thought,

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because things were going on in Europe at the time, that I was going to

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go over to Europe, and I was all excited.

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And then it turned out to be flying over the

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Middle East, which, again, I was excited for. But it

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wasn't what I was expecting at all as a submarine hunter.

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Yeah.

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And I think it being Roto zero

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for the listeners.

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Roto zero is rotation zero. It means you're the first people to

254
00:10:43.918 --> 00:10:44.584
go over.

255
00:10:44.702 --> 00:10:47.584
I think that was the hardest part the military

256
00:10:47.652 --> 00:10:50.364
didn't know answers to anyone's questions. I

257
00:10:50.402 --> 00:10:53.196
remember sitting in the mess on the

258
00:10:53.218 --> 00:10:55.836
base with, uh, everyone else who was about to go on

259
00:10:55.858 --> 00:10:58.684
Roto Zero. And in the briefing, they

260
00:10:58.722 --> 00:11:01.676
didn't know where you guys were going to stay. You guys thought

261
00:11:01.698 --> 00:11:04.624
you were staying intense when you showed up there. They didn't know

262
00:11:04.742 --> 00:11:07.696
what communication was going to look like or how you were

263
00:11:07.718 --> 00:11:10.530
going to be able to contact home or how often,

264
00:11:10.900 --> 00:11:13.572
or just any of that, which

265
00:11:13.706 --> 00:11:16.692
was hard not knowing, but also

266
00:11:16.746 --> 00:11:19.364
hard because we had never experienced that. You had never

267
00:11:19.402 --> 00:11:22.276
experienced that. There was no kind of knowledge to

268
00:11:22.298 --> 00:11:25.176
pass on to make it feel better. It was just a lot of

269
00:11:25.198 --> 00:11:28.072
unknown. I just moved there, so I didn't really

270
00:11:28.126 --> 00:11:30.984
know anyone at that point in time. I

271
00:11:31.022 --> 00:11:33.892
coped really bad and just assumed

272
00:11:33.956 --> 00:11:36.872
the worst to the whole situation. I just

273
00:11:36.926 --> 00:11:39.836
kind of thought about the fact that

274
00:11:40.018 --> 00:11:41.288
we just got married.

275
00:11:41.384 --> 00:11:42.248
This sucks.

276
00:11:42.344 --> 00:11:45.276
You're probably not going to come back, because it felt very much

277
00:11:45.298 --> 00:11:48.284
like you were going into a full war zone at that

278
00:11:48.322 --> 00:11:51.196
point because there was so little known about it. And I

279
00:11:51.218 --> 00:11:54.012
just kind of figured I would be a widow

280
00:11:54.076 --> 00:11:56.944
and this would be really tough, but I would figure

281
00:11:56.982 --> 00:11:59.824
out a way to move on. And then I kind of

282
00:11:59.862 --> 00:12:02.804
thought, if you came back alive, awesome. We could

283
00:12:02.842 --> 00:12:05.030
then finally start our life together.

284
00:12:05.640 --> 00:12:08.516
I think this was really brought home. I

285
00:12:08.538 --> 00:12:11.204
think it was in your first tour. I

286
00:12:11.242 --> 00:12:13.808
remember two men in matching outfits

287
00:12:13.904 --> 00:12:16.784
creeping around our base house, kind of like looking

288
00:12:16.842 --> 00:12:19.800
in windows. It looked like they were, like, seeing if anyone was home.

289
00:12:19.870 --> 00:12:22.824
I was upstairs watching them from the windows, trying to figure out

290
00:12:22.862 --> 00:12:25.656
what was going on. Everything I

291
00:12:25.678 --> 00:12:28.444
could think of was that they wanted to see if someone was

292
00:12:28.482 --> 00:12:31.272
home. Because any movie about military

293
00:12:31.336 --> 00:12:34.076
people, you may remember that if

294
00:12:34.178 --> 00:12:37.036
two people in uniform come to

295
00:12:37.058 --> 00:12:39.688
knock on your door, it's generally not good news. They're

296
00:12:39.704 --> 00:12:42.620
generally coming to tell you that someone has passed away.

297
00:12:42.770 --> 00:12:45.184
So this is what was going on in my head as

298
00:12:45.222 --> 00:12:48.096
I'm creeping down, because they're not going to call you

299
00:12:48.118 --> 00:12:50.880
to tell you this stuff. They're going to come to your house.

300
00:12:51.030 --> 00:12:53.684
So at that point, all of the

301
00:12:53.722 --> 00:12:56.644
horrible thoughts I had kind of had became very real

302
00:12:56.682 --> 00:12:59.252
in that moment until obviously I

303
00:12:59.386 --> 00:13:02.100
answered the door and they just wanted

304
00:13:02.170 --> 00:13:05.044
to ask questions or schedule something to fix

305
00:13:05.082 --> 00:13:05.844
on the house.

306
00:13:05.962 --> 00:13:08.628
I've heard that story a few times before, but I don't

307
00:13:08.644 --> 00:13:11.556
think I had ever connected it with the assumptions you'd

308
00:13:11.588 --> 00:13:14.344
made about me not coming back. I never

309
00:13:14.382 --> 00:13:16.824
realized how tough that must have been when that happened that

310
00:13:16.862 --> 00:13:17.448
day.

311
00:13:17.614 --> 00:13:20.456
Looking back, I think it impacted

312
00:13:20.488 --> 00:13:20.636
me.

313
00:13:20.658 --> 00:13:23.324
More than I thought it did at the time. The time I was

314
00:13:23.362 --> 00:13:26.316
just probably more relieved than anything that

315
00:13:26.338 --> 00:13:29.212
they weren't coming to tell me that you died. Our

316
00:13:29.266 --> 00:13:31.920
time between deployments was

317
00:13:31.990 --> 00:13:34.832
really weird, is how I would best describe it.

318
00:13:34.966 --> 00:13:37.856
It's really hard to build a foundation or grow your

319
00:13:37.878 --> 00:13:40.656
relationship when the other person isn't there. And for us, we

320
00:13:40.678 --> 00:13:43.552
were pretty newly married. This was our first

321
00:13:43.606 --> 00:13:46.452
time living together or even being in the same

322
00:13:46.506 --> 00:13:49.332
province for any length of time. Being

323
00:13:49.386 --> 00:13:52.356
deployed isn't like your long distance dating, which is kind of what

324
00:13:52.378 --> 00:13:55.304
I thought it would be like. And I was like, whatever. We've been doing

325
00:13:55.342 --> 00:13:58.152
this our whole relationship. No big deal, because

326
00:13:58.206 --> 00:14:01.112
you can't be real and you can't talk

327
00:14:01.166 --> 00:14:04.004
for hours or just like, FaceTime while you're

328
00:14:04.052 --> 00:14:06.904
doing whatever. I found it

329
00:14:07.102 --> 00:14:09.804
really shallow in terms of our

330
00:14:09.842 --> 00:14:12.664
conversations. It definitely felt like we were protecting

331
00:14:12.712 --> 00:14:15.484
each other. I didn't want to worry you so that you could

332
00:14:15.522 --> 00:14:18.364
stay focused and do your job and come

333
00:14:18.402 --> 00:14:21.260
home alive. And I think you didn't want to scare me

334
00:14:21.410 --> 00:14:23.856
with kind of the things that were really going on.

335
00:14:23.958 --> 00:14:24.800
Yeah, for sure.

336
00:14:24.870 --> 00:14:27.520
There's lots you probably weren't allowed to tell me, so

337
00:14:27.670 --> 00:14:29.920
that also makes sense why it felt that way.

338
00:14:29.990 --> 00:14:30.608
Yes.

339
00:14:30.774 --> 00:14:32.884
I just remember, especially your first

340
00:14:32.922 --> 00:14:35.652
deployment, that time period was

341
00:14:35.706 --> 00:14:38.484
really lonely for me. I wasn't working full

342
00:14:38.522 --> 00:14:41.444
time at that point. Had just moved there.

343
00:14:41.562 --> 00:14:44.516
I remember the running joke on your first tour was, uh, that you were going to come

344
00:14:44.538 --> 00:14:46.308
home to me holding a puppy.

345
00:14:46.484 --> 00:14:49.080
Well, Melissa was sending me photos of

346
00:14:49.150 --> 00:14:51.976
puppies almost every day for dogs that she

347
00:14:51.998 --> 00:14:54.628
wanted. And we did get a dog in between deployments.

348
00:14:54.804 --> 00:14:55.144
Yeah.

349
00:14:55.182 --> 00:14:58.028
So it happened. But I didn't surprise you with a dog?

350
00:14:58.114 --> 00:15:00.796
No. The first time you left,

351
00:15:00.978 --> 00:15:01.496
I didn't.

352
00:15:01.528 --> 00:15:04.508
Have a support network, so that made it really hard. It

353
00:15:04.514 --> 00:15:06.590
was supposed to be our first Christmas together.

354
00:15:07.440 --> 00:15:10.316
Didn't happen because you were gone, and we didn't know

355
00:15:10.338 --> 00:15:13.264
you were going to be gone that Christmas. We thought you'd be home

356
00:15:13.302 --> 00:15:16.176
before that. I was lucky, though, that I

357
00:15:16.198 --> 00:15:18.912
found another newly married spouse to hang out with during that

358
00:15:18.966 --> 00:15:21.776
time. That kind of helped a little bit. And I

359
00:15:21.798 --> 00:15:24.596
did have some extended family, and my parents weren't that

360
00:15:24.618 --> 00:15:27.172
far away from where we were living at the time,

361
00:15:27.226 --> 00:15:30.212
so that helped a bit. Into the second

362
00:15:30.266 --> 00:15:33.264
tour, things got a little bit better. The Aurora

363
00:15:33.312 --> 00:15:36.244
community set up sponsor families and stuff, which

364
00:15:36.282 --> 00:15:39.176
was nice, and you'd meet the rest of the

365
00:15:39.198 --> 00:15:41.480
crew you were going with before you went,

366
00:15:41.630 --> 00:15:44.536
and you just had someone who would reach out

367
00:15:44.558 --> 00:15:47.370
every once in a while to make sure things were doing okay.

368
00:15:47.680 --> 00:15:50.510
I think that's a piece that

369
00:15:50.960 --> 00:15:53.932
a lot of us could do better at, just helping to support

370
00:15:53.986 --> 00:15:56.924
one another. We also had neighbors who would come

371
00:15:56.962 --> 00:15:59.928
snowblow our driveway, which was a godsend, because that was the

372
00:15:59.954 --> 00:16:02.736
winter where every Wednesday it would snow twelve to

373
00:16:02.758 --> 00:16:05.008
18 inches every single week.

374
00:16:05.094 --> 00:16:07.276
That was an insane winter for snow.

375
00:16:07.388 --> 00:16:08.300
So much snow.

376
00:16:08.380 --> 00:16:11.216
That's the one where on Pei, people had

377
00:16:11.238 --> 00:16:14.128
snow up to their roofs. And it wasn't quite that bad in Nova

378
00:16:14.144 --> 00:16:15.572
Scotia, but it was close.

379
00:16:15.706 --> 00:16:16.148
Yeah.

380
00:16:16.234 --> 00:16:18.692
Very grateful for the community we had around

381
00:16:18.746 --> 00:16:21.572
there. I remember before you left,

382
00:16:21.626 --> 00:16:24.580
we'd gotten a power of attorney just in case

383
00:16:24.650 --> 00:16:27.592
I needed to do anything else, because we weren't even set up as a couple

384
00:16:27.646 --> 00:16:30.344
to have a joint bank account or anything like

385
00:16:30.382 --> 00:16:33.256
that. Little did we know, all of the things I

386
00:16:33.278 --> 00:16:36.076
would end up using that for over the years because you

387
00:16:36.098 --> 00:16:36.910
were gone.

388
00:16:37.360 --> 00:16:38.620
We bought a car.

389
00:16:38.770 --> 00:16:41.212
We bought a house. I moved into

390
00:16:41.266 --> 00:16:44.156
our military house on

391
00:16:44.178 --> 00:16:47.176
my own. I moved into our house. We bought

392
00:16:47.288 --> 00:16:50.124
in Greenwood. Eight months pregnant without you

393
00:16:50.162 --> 00:16:51.008
because you were away.

394
00:16:51.094 --> 00:16:53.168
I was in the Arctic for yeah.

395
00:16:53.254 --> 00:16:56.144
Like, it's crazy to think about all these big

396
00:16:56.182 --> 00:16:58.176
life things that I just.

397
00:16:58.198 --> 00:17:01.056
Did on my own because you were gone.

398
00:17:01.238 --> 00:17:04.116
Do you remember anything special we did to help get through

399
00:17:04.138 --> 00:17:05.140
the deployments?

400
00:17:05.480 --> 00:17:08.020
For me as an individual, I just did a lot of

401
00:17:08.090 --> 00:17:10.644
compartmentalizing and trying to focus

402
00:17:10.842 --> 00:17:13.236
on what I was doing. And then if I got to talk.

403
00:17:13.258 --> 00:17:16.256
To you, it was like, sweet, he's.

404
00:17:16.288 --> 00:17:19.176
Alive, and I get to talk to him. But I really tried to

405
00:17:19.198 --> 00:17:21.864
just go with the flow of the day to day and try to keep

406
00:17:21.902 --> 00:17:24.600
myself busy. I do remember going

407
00:17:24.670 --> 00:17:27.656
very extreme when it came to

408
00:17:27.758 --> 00:17:30.396
care packages. So I remember your

409
00:17:30.418 --> 00:17:33.324
birthday. One, like, the whole inside of the box was

410
00:17:33.362 --> 00:17:36.236
covered in streamers, and there was so much stuff in that

411
00:17:36.258 --> 00:17:36.540
box.

412
00:17:36.610 --> 00:17:39.532
Yeah. You sent me cake in a jar. There was Mason jars

413
00:17:39.596 --> 00:17:42.316
full of cake that I could share with my friends fake

414
00:17:42.348 --> 00:17:45.212
mustaches. You would send me USB

415
00:17:45.276 --> 00:17:48.256
sticks pretty regularly with another set of

416
00:17:48.358 --> 00:17:51.120
the latest top hits for music

417
00:17:51.270 --> 00:17:54.148
so that I could listen to what you were listening to at home when I

418
00:17:54.154 --> 00:17:55.140
was working out.

419
00:17:55.290 --> 00:17:55.940
Yeah.

420
00:17:56.090 --> 00:17:58.464
And Christmas. I remember the Christmas

421
00:17:58.512 --> 00:18:01.236
package once we realized you weren't going to be

422
00:18:01.258 --> 00:18:03.984
there. I think they even let us do a special Christmas

423
00:18:04.032 --> 00:18:04.432
mail.

424
00:18:04.496 --> 00:18:06.744
Yeah, they did, because they got there pretty quick.

425
00:18:06.862 --> 00:18:09.604
But I had sent you, like, a little mini light up Christmas

426
00:18:09.652 --> 00:18:12.596
tree and lights to decorate your bunk and Santa

427
00:18:12.628 --> 00:18:15.620
hat. And obviously, like, our, uh, traditional

428
00:18:15.700 --> 00:18:18.696
Christmas traditions of pajamas and things like

429
00:18:18.718 --> 00:18:21.548
that in your box just to try and make it feel a

430
00:18:21.554 --> 00:18:22.476
little bit special.

431
00:18:22.578 --> 00:18:25.548
It was nice, for sure. It was a tough time. It was not easy to be

432
00:18:25.554 --> 00:18:28.412
away at Christmas. I really wanted to be home with you, but

433
00:18:28.466 --> 00:18:29.884
those things helped, for sure.

434
00:18:30.002 --> 00:18:30.284
Yeah.

435
00:18:30.322 --> 00:18:33.104
And I just got to be one of those people that kept their

436
00:18:33.142 --> 00:18:36.096
Christmas decorations, uh, up forever, because put

437
00:18:36.118 --> 00:18:39.036
them up after Remembrance Day and kept

438
00:18:39.068 --> 00:18:41.924
them up until you came home. And we could

439
00:18:41.962 --> 00:18:44.420
actually have Christmas, which ended up being

440
00:18:44.490 --> 00:18:47.270
February. So it was definitely

441
00:18:47.720 --> 00:18:50.280
the longest I've ever had Christmas decorations up.

442
00:18:50.280 --> 00:18:53.124
Uh, what do you think has been the hardest part

443
00:18:53.162 --> 00:18:55.700
of being espoused to someone in the RCAF

444
00:18:56.220 --> 00:18:57.224
for some people.

445
00:18:57.342 --> 00:19:00.264
And I think for me at one point as well, I think

446
00:19:00.302 --> 00:19:03.224
the change and need to adapt to, uh, new places, new

447
00:19:03.262 --> 00:19:06.072
plans, all of that stuff is really

448
00:19:06.126 --> 00:19:09.052
hard. Change is kind of a constant in life, though.

449
00:19:09.186 --> 00:19:11.916
And I think for most couples, this doesn't really

450
00:19:11.938 --> 00:19:14.844
sink in until you have kids, just how

451
00:19:14.882 --> 00:19:17.580
much things change every couple of weeks with kids, something

452
00:19:17.650 --> 00:19:20.628
changes. So I think I've

453
00:19:20.664 --> 00:19:23.248
gotten a lot better at, uh, dealing with change

454
00:19:23.414 --> 00:19:26.336
and adapting to things as they come. Kind of

455
00:19:26.358 --> 00:19:29.036
rolling with it, making the best out of situations

456
00:19:29.148 --> 00:19:29.616
now.

457
00:19:29.718 --> 00:19:30.480
Yeah, for sure.

458
00:19:30.550 --> 00:19:33.396
I've definitely grown in that area. For

459
00:19:33.418 --> 00:19:35.876
me, the hardest part is the

460
00:19:35.898 --> 00:19:38.036
unknown. I'm pretty big at

461
00:19:38.058 --> 00:19:41.044
compartmentalizing and living to make kind of the best set of

462
00:19:41.082 --> 00:19:44.052
moments. So that definitely has helped me a lot. But

463
00:19:44.186 --> 00:19:47.092
you never know when a flight will be unserviceable

464
00:19:47.156 --> 00:19:50.008
or when a call out will happen. When you're on call,

465
00:19:50.174 --> 00:19:53.044
remember your check ride for your aircraft captain

466
00:19:53.092 --> 00:19:53.844
upgrade?

467
00:19:53.972 --> 00:19:56.696
Yeah. It got delayed a bunch and ended up being on my

468
00:19:56.718 --> 00:19:58.312
30th birthday. Yeah.

469
00:19:58.366 --> 00:20:00.732
So we were like, all right, he's got this

470
00:20:00.786 --> 00:20:03.624
upgraded flight. A couple of weeks later is his birthday.

471
00:20:03.672 --> 00:20:06.616
We should be pretty safe to plan his birthday because he's

472
00:20:06.648 --> 00:20:09.428
not on the schedule yet. And yeah, delay

473
00:20:09.464 --> 00:20:12.192
after delay finally ends up. You take off

474
00:20:12.246 --> 00:20:15.020
like, the morning of your birthday party,

475
00:20:15.100 --> 00:20:17.884
finally. And this is like his 30th

476
00:20:17.932 --> 00:20:18.332
birthday.

477
00:20:18.396 --> 00:20:20.480
So we've got like, I don't know.

478
00:20:20.550 --> 00:20:23.252
2025 people coming to our house

479
00:20:23.386 --> 00:20:26.260
for supper, I think even. And

480
00:20:26.410 --> 00:20:29.348
the whole time I'm, um, like, is he going to make it to

481
00:20:29.354 --> 00:20:32.112
his birthday party? No idea. Because you're flying.

482
00:20:32.176 --> 00:20:35.156
So obviously I don't know when you're going to get down. I'm just,

483
00:20:35.178 --> 00:20:37.816
like, waiting for a message. People are like, Is he

484
00:20:37.918 --> 00:20:40.904
home yet? Is he coming? People are showing up to

485
00:20:40.942 --> 00:20:42.904
your birthday party at our house.

486
00:20:43.102 --> 00:20:44.472
Don't know where you are.

487
00:20:44.606 --> 00:20:47.464
And then eventually we get a text message.

488
00:20:47.582 --> 00:20:50.396
And I'm like, he's coming. And he passed. And I

489
00:20:50.418 --> 00:20:53.116
just remember being so relieved that I didn't have

490
00:20:53.138 --> 00:20:56.056
to just host this giant party by myself. That wasn't

491
00:20:56.088 --> 00:20:59.064
even for me. And then it was pretty epic,

492
00:20:59.112 --> 00:21:01.928
though, when you showed up. And it's not only your

493
00:21:01.954 --> 00:21:04.864
birthday and all your friends are around you to celebrate, but

494
00:21:04.902 --> 00:21:07.648
also you had this good news that you passed your

495
00:21:07.734 --> 00:21:08.748
upgrade plate.

496
00:21:08.844 --> 00:21:10.016
Yeah, that was a great day.

497
00:21:10.118 --> 00:21:10.770
Yeah.

498
00:21:11.620 --> 00:21:14.528
What has been the best part of being a spouse to someone in the

499
00:21:14.534 --> 00:21:15.520
RCIF?

500
00:21:15.960 --> 00:21:18.948
The community you get to be part of is

501
00:21:19.034 --> 00:21:20.288
just incredible.

502
00:21:20.464 --> 00:21:22.356
You have to do work and put.

503
00:21:22.378 --> 00:21:25.236
In work to kind of make it happen. But you have

504
00:21:25.258 --> 00:21:28.152
so many instant connection points with other

505
00:21:28.206 --> 00:21:30.120
people who are in the RCAF.

506
00:21:30.540 --> 00:21:31.752
Those people get it.

507
00:21:31.806 --> 00:21:34.232
They know what you've been through or what you might be going

508
00:21:34.286 --> 00:21:37.044
through. You can laugh at kind of the struggles

509
00:21:37.092 --> 00:21:39.996
and ridiculousness of the system, but you can

510
00:21:40.018 --> 00:21:41.724
also learn from each other.

511
00:21:41.922 --> 00:21:42.444
I find.

512
00:21:42.482 --> 00:21:45.276
There's always someone willing to make new friends or

513
00:21:45.298 --> 00:21:48.104
looking for friends and there's always kind of places

514
00:21:48.152 --> 00:21:50.384
to stay around the world, which is pretty cool.

515
00:21:50.422 --> 00:21:52.816
If you like to travel, what's been.

516
00:21:52.838 --> 00:21:54.848
Your coolest experience as a spouse to someone in the

517
00:21:54.854 --> 00:21:55.840
RCAF?

518
00:21:56.420 --> 00:21:59.184
Flying the Aurora with you was a pretty

519
00:21:59.382 --> 00:22:01.056
surreal moment for me.

520
00:22:01.158 --> 00:22:02.452
Yeah, that was pretty cool.

521
00:22:02.586 --> 00:22:05.316
Before that, I'd never really even pictured you

522
00:22:05.338 --> 00:22:07.876
flying an airplane, believe it or

523
00:22:07.898 --> 00:22:10.564
not. So to get to do that together on

524
00:22:10.682 --> 00:22:13.140
Family Day was pretty neat.

525
00:22:13.720 --> 00:22:16.256
I've seen you and your friends

526
00:22:16.378 --> 00:22:19.192
study every part of that plane and talk about

527
00:22:19.246 --> 00:22:22.232
it for hours on end and then to

528
00:22:22.286 --> 00:22:25.176
actually be in it, watching you do what you do is pretty

529
00:22:25.198 --> 00:22:25.768
cool.

530
00:22:25.934 --> 00:22:28.410
Yeah, I really enjoyed that experience too.

531
00:22:28.940 --> 00:22:31.596
For this next and uh, last question. I'd like you to

532
00:22:31.618 --> 00:22:34.476
picture a young pilot, maybe somebody who's going through the

533
00:22:34.498 --> 00:22:37.324
school. Now, what piece of advice would you give to a young

534
00:22:37.362 --> 00:22:40.168
pilot to help them have a successful family life?

535
00:22:40.354 --> 00:22:42.690
There's probably two things

536
00:22:43.460 --> 00:22:46.304
that I would suggest. I'll talk a little bit more about each

537
00:22:46.342 --> 00:22:49.264
of them. The first is to ask questions, and

538
00:22:49.302 --> 00:22:51.892
the second is to find community. So

539
00:22:51.946 --> 00:22:54.880
by asking questions, whether you're the spouse

540
00:22:54.960 --> 00:22:57.232
or partner or the military

541
00:22:57.296 --> 00:23:00.164
member, ask the questions so that you know what to

542
00:23:00.202 --> 00:23:02.848
expect. Unmet expectations,

543
00:23:02.944 --> 00:23:05.732
as probably most people can agree with,

544
00:23:05.786 --> 00:23:08.250
are often the cause of turmoil in a relationship.

545
00:23:08.700 --> 00:23:11.656
It's not an easy road, but there's amazing resources to

546
00:23:11.678 --> 00:23:14.536
help families thrive in the RCAF. But you have

547
00:23:14.558 --> 00:23:17.224
to know about them and sometimes you have to

548
00:23:17.422 --> 00:23:20.348
push and, uh, ask specifically for them.

549
00:23:20.514 --> 00:23:23.276
Talking to other couples or colleagues who may be that

550
00:23:23.298 --> 00:23:26.204
stage or two ahead of you is kind of a great way to

551
00:23:26.242 --> 00:23:29.132
learn about what the future could look like and issues

552
00:23:29.186 --> 00:23:31.952
that could come up. They really should write a gen

553
00:23:32.006 --> 00:23:34.976
file for family life, I think, if there isn't already one

554
00:23:34.998 --> 00:23:37.360
out there, just to give people

555
00:23:37.430 --> 00:23:40.352
insight. Relationships are tough in or

556
00:23:40.406 --> 00:23:43.348
out of the military, but I really believe strongly that

557
00:23:43.354 --> 00:23:46.116
if you're both willing to put in the work, there's lots of

558
00:23:46.138 --> 00:23:48.880
resources available to help you succeed

559
00:23:49.040 --> 00:23:51.972
along the way. And uh, when it comes to

560
00:23:52.026 --> 00:23:54.836
finding community, finding community

561
00:23:54.938 --> 00:23:57.928
is what will make your life feel full. We had a

562
00:23:57.934 --> 00:24:00.536
great group of friends before we had kids and we have an

563
00:24:00.558 --> 00:24:03.400
amazing community here in Portage right now.

564
00:24:03.550 --> 00:24:06.116
And having those people helps your mental

565
00:24:06.148 --> 00:24:08.812
health, but it also gives you options to help

566
00:24:08.866 --> 00:24:11.644
manage your family life, especially during those

567
00:24:11.682 --> 00:24:14.428
times when you may be solo parenting. So

568
00:24:14.594 --> 00:24:17.516
it can be a huge support just

569
00:24:17.538 --> 00:24:20.400
to help you navigate all the different things

570
00:24:20.470 --> 00:24:23.136
that you as a military family might come up

571
00:24:23.158 --> 00:24:25.980
against, whether it's deployments

572
00:24:26.060 --> 00:24:28.448
or trips away or things like that.

573
00:24:28.614 --> 00:24:31.024
And I think just being open and.

574
00:24:31.062 --> 00:24:33.972
Willing to kind of pay it forward. I remember

575
00:24:34.026 --> 00:24:36.964
when we first got here, people didn't really go away

576
00:24:37.002 --> 00:24:39.936
a lot, but when you guys would do your cross

577
00:24:39.968 --> 00:24:42.788
countries, I'd always be like, who's away?

578
00:24:42.954 --> 00:24:43.652
Who's away?

579
00:24:43.706 --> 00:24:46.696
Let's make sure we have them over so it's one less meal they

580
00:24:46.718 --> 00:24:49.384
have to think about or mhm, something like that when

581
00:24:49.422 --> 00:24:51.624
someone's away. And I think just looking for those little

582
00:24:51.662 --> 00:24:54.216
opportunities to also give back and

583
00:24:54.238 --> 00:24:57.068
help support your community where you are

584
00:24:57.234 --> 00:24:59.612
is just a good way to constantly make

585
00:24:59.666 --> 00:25:02.440
sure that the military

586
00:25:02.520 --> 00:25:05.516
community is going to keep supporting one another in the

587
00:25:05.538 --> 00:25:06.012
future.

588
00:25:06.146 --> 00:25:09.084
Yeah, for sure. So Melissa actually came

589
00:25:09.122 --> 00:25:12.092
home today during her workday for her lunch break to record

590
00:25:12.146 --> 00:25:14.912
this. So I just want to thank you so much. I know from personal

591
00:25:14.966 --> 00:25:17.824
experience how busy you are, and I really appreciate you taking

592
00:25:17.862 --> 00:25:19.968
the time to be here today. Thank you.

593
00:25:20.134 --> 00:25:20.800
No problem.

594
00:25:20.870 --> 00:25:22.048
If you ever need me back, you.

595
00:25:22.054 --> 00:25:23.110
Know where I live.

596
00:25:24.040 --> 00:25:27.024
All right, so our next guest today on the Pilot Project podcast

597
00:25:27.072 --> 00:25:29.892
is my good friend Janet Musters. Listeners will remember

598
00:25:29.946 --> 00:25:32.752
our show on Tackhill with Janet's husband, Pete.

599
00:25:32.896 --> 00:25:34.208
Welcome to the show, Janet.

600
00:25:34.304 --> 00:25:35.764
Thanks for having me.

601
00:25:35.962 --> 00:25:38.904
So, Janet, can you start by quickly telling us about yourself?

602
00:25:39.102 --> 00:25:42.036
I was born and raised on a, uh, small farm in southern

603
00:25:42.068 --> 00:25:44.836
Alberta near a little village called Milo.

604
00:25:44.948 --> 00:25:47.896
After I graduated, I got my private pilot's license, thinking this

605
00:25:47.918 --> 00:25:50.856
would be an exciting career for me. After I finished

606
00:25:50.888 --> 00:25:53.788
my private pilot's license, I took a year and went backpacking with

607
00:25:53.794 --> 00:25:56.652
my friend and realized I was way more fun than having

608
00:25:56.706 --> 00:25:59.324
any career. So spent a while backpacking and

609
00:25:59.362 --> 00:26:01.760
waitressing just to fund my traveling addiction.

610
00:26:02.180 --> 00:26:05.180
Then, uh, decided I needed an actual career

611
00:26:05.260 --> 00:26:08.048
and figured people around the world like to eat. So I went and gotten a

612
00:26:08.054 --> 00:26:10.816
culinary arts degree. Worked at that for a little

613
00:26:10.838 --> 00:26:13.824
bit, realized it really wasn't for me. And then after a brief

614
00:26:13.872 --> 00:26:16.868
stint in banking, I actually ended up, at the

615
00:26:16.874 --> 00:26:19.604
age of 27, going into school for my

616
00:26:19.642 --> 00:26:22.384
nursing degree and, uh, became a registered nurse

617
00:26:22.432 --> 00:26:25.428
and kind of realized along the way that this is actually where I was meant to

618
00:26:25.434 --> 00:26:27.856
be and have been working at that ever since.

619
00:26:27.978 --> 00:26:29.332
So you've had a lot of adventures?

620
00:26:29.396 --> 00:26:32.296
Eh, I have had a few twists and turns along the

621
00:26:32.318 --> 00:26:35.316
way, trying to know, as everyone has, figuring life out, figuring

622
00:26:35.348 --> 00:26:38.196
out who they are and what their real passions and interests

623
00:26:38.228 --> 00:26:38.520
are.

624
00:26:38.590 --> 00:26:41.576
Yeah, I mean, that actually is kind of similar to Pete,

625
00:26:41.608 --> 00:26:44.236
right? Like, he had a couple different stages to

626
00:26:44.418 --> 00:26:47.388
his career through life before he landed on being a pilot in the

627
00:26:47.394 --> 00:26:48.040
RCAF.

628
00:26:48.120 --> 00:26:48.750
Exactly.

629
00:26:50.720 --> 00:26:52.512
How did you and Pete meet each other?

630
00:26:52.620 --> 00:26:54.816
Uh, the running joke is that I bought him off the

631
00:26:54.838 --> 00:26:57.664
Internet. I was single, and I

632
00:26:57.702 --> 00:27:00.320
was in school full time, and I was working. Part

633
00:27:00.470 --> 00:27:03.344
was really it was. Hard to meet people. One

634
00:27:03.382 --> 00:27:06.276
night I was sitting there, finished my homework, had a

635
00:27:06.298 --> 00:27:09.060
glass or two of wine, and realized, maybe I should try this online

636
00:27:09.130 --> 00:27:12.036
dating thing. Uh, the first profile I ever

637
00:27:12.058 --> 00:27:14.260
saw was Peter's, and he's the only one I ever

638
00:27:14.330 --> 00:27:17.272
contacted. Unfortunately, in order to

639
00:27:17.406 --> 00:27:20.356
be able to contact the person whose profile you're viewing,

640
00:27:20.388 --> 00:27:23.304
you had to sign up and pay $60 a month for

641
00:27:23.342 --> 00:27:26.248
this dating app. And I'm a student with a

642
00:27:26.254 --> 00:27:29.016
mortgage at the time. So I kind of sat down, looked at my budget and

643
00:27:29.038 --> 00:27:31.868
realized, you know what, I'm going to eat instant noodles for a

644
00:27:31.874 --> 00:27:34.796
month in the hopes that this guy is going to turn out to be

645
00:27:34.818 --> 00:27:37.532
something special. And he was. So nine

646
00:27:37.586 --> 00:27:40.540
months later, after about five months apart for basic training

647
00:27:40.610 --> 00:27:43.570
and a two day engagement, we actually eloped. Which,

648
00:27:43.570 --> 00:27:46.428
uh, is very typically military, I think. Yeah, we've

649
00:27:46.444 --> 00:27:49.392
been married for over twelve years now and we have two beautiful

650
00:27:49.446 --> 00:27:52.272
daughters. So the tagline is not bad for $60

651
00:27:52.326 --> 00:27:55.092
is kind of how we kind of defined our relationship.

652
00:27:55.226 --> 00:27:55.524
Yeah.

653
00:27:55.562 --> 00:27:56.644
You got good value for money.

654
00:27:56.682 --> 00:27:56.836
Yeah.

655
00:27:56.858 --> 00:27:59.030
Good ROI on that one, for sure.

656
00:28:00.440 --> 00:28:02.948
What was your initial thought when it came to dating someone in the

657
00:28:02.954 --> 00:28:03.728
RCAF?

658
00:28:03.824 --> 00:28:06.772
Well, Pete actually wasn't in the RCAF when we met.

659
00:28:06.826 --> 00:28:09.704
He had his commercial license and he'd done some crop dusting and

660
00:28:09.742 --> 00:28:12.536
some work as a glider tow. You know, bills have to be

661
00:28:12.558 --> 00:28:15.496
paid and those typically don't pay too

662
00:28:15.518 --> 00:28:18.412
well. So he was actually teaching high school social studies when I met

663
00:28:18.466 --> 00:28:21.276
him. He had been applying to the RCAF for about, I

664
00:28:21.298 --> 00:28:24.136
think, five years and they just weren't hiring

665
00:28:24.168 --> 00:28:27.164
anybody. Weren't hiring anybody. And then

666
00:28:27.282 --> 00:28:30.156
shortly after we met the RCAF, ah, called and said,

667
00:28:30.178 --> 00:28:33.116
guess what? Your application's accepted. So for him, it was

668
00:28:33.138 --> 00:28:36.032
awful. He had just met this great girl and now he's got this great job

669
00:28:36.086 --> 00:28:38.944
and he wasn't sure which one he might have to give up or how

670
00:28:38.982 --> 00:28:41.692
compatible the two are going to be. But fortunately,

671
00:28:41.756 --> 00:28:44.712
given my previously somewhat nomadic lifestyle,

672
00:28:44.796 --> 00:28:47.556
i, uh, was actually up for the adventure. So the

673
00:28:47.578 --> 00:28:50.452
challenge was that he took off for his five month basic training

674
00:28:50.506 --> 00:28:53.396
course only four months after we met. So he didn't have

675
00:28:53.418 --> 00:28:56.416
a cell phone at that time. And, uh, we actually wrote

676
00:28:56.448 --> 00:28:59.352
letters back and forth while he was at basic training for those five months,

677
00:28:59.406 --> 00:29:02.376
which is kind of sweet and nostalgic. I still have all

678
00:29:02.398 --> 00:29:04.984
of them bound with a ribbon in a

679
00:29:05.022 --> 00:29:07.812
safe little, uh, box somewhere.

680
00:29:07.876 --> 00:29:10.324
But it documents a relationship from the typical

681
00:29:10.452 --> 00:29:13.356
dating, getting to know you letters to I'll bring the

682
00:29:13.378 --> 00:29:16.268
engagement ring to your graduation ceremony and I have the church booked for two

683
00:29:16.274 --> 00:29:19.084
days later. So it's kind of fun to have

684
00:29:19.202 --> 00:29:21.824
the chronology of our entire relationship documented on

685
00:29:21.862 --> 00:29:22.304
paper.

686
00:29:22.422 --> 00:29:24.960
So you guys basically

687
00:29:25.030 --> 00:29:28.016
arranged that by letter while he was on

688
00:29:28.038 --> 00:29:28.688
basic training?

689
00:29:28.774 --> 00:29:31.068
Yeah, and the occasional phone call from the hallway.

690
00:29:31.164 --> 00:29:31.664
That's right.

691
00:29:31.702 --> 00:29:31.856
Yeah.

692
00:29:31.878 --> 00:29:33.084
The payphones in the mega.

693
00:29:33.132 --> 00:29:35.684
Yeah. That's the only other source of

694
00:29:35.722 --> 00:29:36.448
communication.

695
00:29:36.544 --> 00:29:38.164
Yeah. There wasn't much privacy back then.

696
00:29:38.202 --> 00:29:40.804
No, not so much. So, yeah, that was basically how we

697
00:29:40.842 --> 00:29:43.040
arranged everything and booked everything, and,

698
00:29:43.040 --> 00:29:45.848
uh, we got a cell phone shortly after he

699
00:29:45.854 --> 00:29:46.680
graduated.

700
00:29:48.540 --> 00:29:51.464
So you're pretty busy. You work as a registered nurse and also

701
00:29:51.502 --> 00:29:54.104
as a nurse injector and you and Pete also have two

702
00:29:54.142 --> 00:29:56.692
kids. How have you found balancing employment,

703
00:29:56.756 --> 00:29:59.448
parenthood, and being married to an RCAF pilot?

704
00:29:59.544 --> 00:30:02.520
It requires a very large calendar in our kitchen.

705
00:30:02.680 --> 00:30:05.564
Uh, some days it feels a little bit like hot know?

706
00:30:05.682 --> 00:30:08.588
Okay, you're on school daycare, drop off this day, and then I can

707
00:30:08.594 --> 00:30:11.484
do pickup. Then you have drop off and pick up, unless my last

708
00:30:11.522 --> 00:30:14.144
client cancels, in which case you can take the later flights and I'll pick

709
00:30:14.182 --> 00:30:17.088
up. I think one of the biggest challenges with being a

710
00:30:17.094 --> 00:30:19.980
military spouse is that you often have no support. You're

711
00:30:20.060 --> 00:30:22.736
often dropped into this random town. You have no family,

712
00:30:22.838 --> 00:30:25.764
no friends. You're trying to do it all on your own until

713
00:30:25.802 --> 00:30:28.736
you find your tribe of people. I mean, every military

714
00:30:28.768 --> 00:30:31.508
spouse knows the struggle of filling out the emergency contact

715
00:30:31.594 --> 00:30:33.652
lists on the daycare and school

716
00:30:33.706 --> 00:30:36.564
applications. It's like, what was that grocery store

717
00:30:36.602 --> 00:30:39.576
clerk's name? She's nice. I'll ask for her number. I'm sure

718
00:30:39.598 --> 00:30:42.296
she wouldn't mind being our contact. You literally know no

719
00:30:42.318 --> 00:30:42.600
one.

720
00:30:42.670 --> 00:30:43.048
Yeah.

721
00:30:43.080 --> 00:30:45.876
Uh, fortunately, when we moved here, there were a couple of other orphan

722
00:30:45.908 --> 00:30:48.556
military families who had also recently been

723
00:30:48.578 --> 00:30:51.436
posted in. So we kind of banded together and formed our

724
00:30:51.458 --> 00:30:54.252
own second family here. And it's been pretty amazing ever

725
00:30:54.306 --> 00:30:57.020
since. But juggling schedules, especially

726
00:30:57.090 --> 00:30:59.996
when my hospital shifts are 12 hours and the clinic shifts have

727
00:31:00.018 --> 00:31:02.784
varying hours, and Peter's doing cross countries and night

728
00:31:02.822 --> 00:31:05.724
flyings, it can just get a little chaotic.

729
00:31:05.772 --> 00:31:08.604
We go week by week and just try to keep things as routine

730
00:31:08.652 --> 00:31:11.628
as possible for the kids. And in three years of school, we've

731
00:31:11.644 --> 00:31:14.596
only forgotten to pick the kids up once, so I think

732
00:31:14.618 --> 00:31:16.150
we're managing pretty well.

733
00:31:17.400 --> 00:31:20.356
So Pete deployed to Iraq. At a time in life when

734
00:31:20.378 --> 00:31:23.332
you had a 22 month old and a two month old,

735
00:31:23.466 --> 00:31:24.804
what was that like for you?

736
00:31:24.922 --> 00:31:27.556
That was rough, I guess, is the.

737
00:31:27.578 --> 00:31:28.904
Best way to describe it.

738
00:31:29.022 --> 00:31:31.624
Fortunately, it was a bit of a shorter deployment. His

739
00:31:31.662 --> 00:31:34.596
deployment was just under four months. I know some people can be deployed

740
00:31:34.628 --> 00:31:37.592
for six months, nine months, so I was grateful for that.

741
00:31:37.646 --> 00:31:40.604
He was actually initially supposed to be on the first wave of

742
00:31:40.642 --> 00:31:43.596
deployments, which would have had him away when

743
00:31:43.618 --> 00:31:46.556
our youngest was born. But fortunately, he was able

744
00:31:46.578 --> 00:31:49.484
to switch with someone on the second wave so that he could at least be

745
00:31:49.522 --> 00:31:52.044
here for her birth. I remember being very

746
00:31:52.082 --> 00:31:54.928
intentional about making sure that we had family photos done

747
00:31:55.014 --> 00:31:57.824
after our youngest was born on the surface, you tell yourself, oh,

748
00:31:57.862 --> 00:32:00.560
it's just because we want to celebrate our growing family, but

749
00:32:00.710 --> 00:32:03.584
deep down it's because your spouse is deploying and like,

750
00:32:03.622 --> 00:32:04.850
well, what if?

751
00:32:05.460 --> 00:32:06.532
It was really hard.

752
00:32:06.586 --> 00:32:09.572
We were living in a town where I really only had made one close

753
00:32:09.626 --> 00:32:12.596
friend and I was too exhausted to get out and do

754
00:32:12.618 --> 00:32:15.396
many activities. My oldest didn't nap well,

755
00:32:15.498 --> 00:32:18.408
and I had a newborn and they both woke up two to three times a

756
00:32:18.414 --> 00:32:21.352
night, each at different times. And my closest family

757
00:32:21.406 --> 00:32:24.296
was 4 hours away. So I was existing at about three to

758
00:32:24.318 --> 00:32:26.552
4 hours of sleep a night for almost four months.

759
00:32:26.686 --> 00:32:27.700
Oh my gosh.

760
00:32:27.860 --> 00:32:30.716
Yeah. Fun times. I was able to spend several weeks with my

761
00:32:30.738 --> 00:32:33.644
parents, fortunately, and that was helpful. But there's a reason that they

762
00:32:33.682 --> 00:32:36.636
use sleep deprivation as a torture device. I can

763
00:32:36.658 --> 00:32:39.644
attest to that. Uh, I remember at one point, I think

764
00:32:39.682 --> 00:32:42.604
my lowest was when my kitchen sink got clogged

765
00:32:42.652 --> 00:32:45.264
and I'm lugging my kids all around town. I'm half

766
00:32:45.302 --> 00:32:48.156
asleep, I'm trying to borrow plumbing snakes from Peter's

767
00:32:48.188 --> 00:32:51.088
coworkers and our neighbors. And then we get home and the

768
00:32:51.094 --> 00:32:54.016
sink won't unclog and I'm covered in bits of whatever was in the

769
00:32:54.038 --> 00:32:56.944
drain and the kids are crying and hungry and I'm starting to cry.

770
00:32:56.992 --> 00:32:59.936
It was just one of those moments where you're like, it can't

771
00:32:59.968 --> 00:33:02.948
get any worse than so. But we

772
00:33:02.954 --> 00:33:05.716
got through it one long day at a time and lived to tell the

773
00:33:05.738 --> 00:33:08.616
tale, fortunately. I, uh, remember when Peter got

774
00:33:08.638 --> 00:33:11.528
home and he was on post deployment leave. He told me he wanted to

775
00:33:11.534 --> 00:33:14.520
do a Janet deployment week where I basically

776
00:33:14.590 --> 00:33:17.336
existed in the house with no responsibility other

777
00:33:17.438 --> 00:33:20.376
know, breastfeeding our youngest. And he really wanted to try

778
00:33:20.398 --> 00:33:23.388
and understand what the experience was like for me. And I think it

779
00:33:23.394 --> 00:33:26.316
was quite an eye opener for him. I stood there the first day and

780
00:33:26.338 --> 00:33:29.296
I looked around and I literally had no clue what to do with

781
00:33:29.318 --> 00:33:31.324
myself. I was completely disoriented.

782
00:33:31.452 --> 00:33:34.336
Wow, that's an awesome idea that Pete had to

783
00:33:34.358 --> 00:33:35.040
do that.

784
00:33:35.040 --> 00:33:36.100
Mhm.

785
00:33:36.100 --> 00:33:38.880
But what a crazy hard experience

786
00:33:38.950 --> 00:33:41.824
that sounds like to have that. You know, the part

787
00:33:41.862 --> 00:33:44.676
that really hit me was when you were talking about making sure you

788
00:33:44.698 --> 00:33:47.124
get photos done just in case.

789
00:33:47.242 --> 00:33:50.196
Yeah, I still kind of tear up a little bit thinking about it, because you're just

790
00:33:50.218 --> 00:33:52.608
like most people would document.

791
00:33:52.704 --> 00:33:54.244
The birth of a child right.

792
00:33:54.362 --> 00:33:57.272
Just as a happy time. And it was kind of this really

793
00:33:57.326 --> 00:34:00.056
mixed emotions, like being like, I really want to make sure we get those

794
00:34:00.078 --> 00:34:02.696
photos because otherwise we'll have no

795
00:34:02.718 --> 00:34:04.250
photos as a family.

796
00:34:07.660 --> 00:34:09.436
It was kind of a mixed emotion that day.

797
00:34:09.458 --> 00:34:10.700
But I'm, um, glad we got it.

798
00:34:10.770 --> 00:34:13.736
Yeah, everybody kind of copes with those thoughts

799
00:34:13.768 --> 00:34:15.324
and those fears in different ways.

800
00:34:15.442 --> 00:34:16.204
Exactly.

801
00:34:16.402 --> 00:34:19.196
It is really hard though. It's a very hard thing to say

802
00:34:19.218 --> 00:34:22.136
goodbye to your loved ones. And I think

803
00:34:22.178 --> 00:34:24.608
harder for the ones who are staying behind,

804
00:34:24.774 --> 00:34:27.708
because when we go over, we're busy, we're

805
00:34:27.724 --> 00:34:28.416
doing our job.

806
00:34:28.518 --> 00:34:29.632
You have control over your situation.

807
00:34:29.686 --> 00:34:31.344
We have control and we have all the information.

808
00:34:31.462 --> 00:34:32.160
Yeah, exactly.

809
00:34:32.230 --> 00:34:33.660
And you can't have all the information.

810
00:34:33.750 --> 00:34:36.340
Yeah, we just kind of sit there waiting and

811
00:34:36.490 --> 00:34:39.190
when is the next phone call? When is the next text?

812
00:34:39.560 --> 00:34:42.372
Haven't heard from him in a while. It's just

813
00:34:42.506 --> 00:34:45.064
you're kind of along for the ride and you're just

814
00:34:45.102 --> 00:34:45.880
waiting.

815
00:34:46.300 --> 00:34:47.848
How, uh, did you get through that?

816
00:34:48.014 --> 00:34:50.936
Well, I was pretty busy with the

817
00:34:50.958 --> 00:34:53.556
kids, and fortunately that just kept me distracted

818
00:34:53.588 --> 00:34:56.456
enough. As many spouses, I

819
00:34:56.478 --> 00:34:59.440
think you just throw yourself into family life and you throw

820
00:34:59.460 --> 00:35:02.056
yourself into your kids, and there's

821
00:35:02.168 --> 00:35:04.652
often not a lot of time left at the end of the day.

822
00:35:04.786 --> 00:35:07.710
And those few minutes you do have, you just kind of

823
00:35:08.880 --> 00:35:11.704
let it pass and get back to whatever you're doing.

824
00:35:11.762 --> 00:35:14.332
And that was my coping mechanism

825
00:35:14.396 --> 00:35:17.376
anyways, just to kind of keep busy and keep my

826
00:35:17.398 --> 00:35:20.384
brain occupied. So you just don't let it stray into all those other

827
00:35:20.422 --> 00:35:21.200
thoughts.

828
00:35:22.180 --> 00:35:24.788
What's been the hardest part of being a spouse to someone in the

829
00:35:24.794 --> 00:35:27.568
RCAF besides deployment?

830
00:35:27.664 --> 00:35:30.356
I think the hardest part for me so far was when he was

831
00:35:30.378 --> 00:35:33.236
posted to 408 Squadron in Edmonton, which is

832
00:35:33.258 --> 00:35:36.164
a tactical helicopter squadron. When we were there, it just

833
00:35:36.202 --> 00:35:39.192
seemed like the unit was running at 110% at

834
00:35:39.246 --> 00:35:41.892
all times, and they were just incredibly busy,

835
00:35:42.036 --> 00:35:44.952
which, I mean, it's not necessarily bad, but given

836
00:35:45.006 --> 00:35:47.448
the nature of what they do, there was absolutely zero.

837
00:35:47.534 --> 00:35:49.412
Predictability to Peter's schedule.

838
00:35:49.556 --> 00:35:52.524
I mean, he would go to work on a Tuesday morning and I would have no

839
00:35:52.562 --> 00:35:55.416
idea if I should plant dinner for him Tuesday night. The schedule

840
00:35:55.448 --> 00:35:58.344
would change multiple times a day, and at one point he realized

841
00:35:58.392 --> 00:36:01.288
he had worked for two months without a day off because they were helping

842
00:36:01.304 --> 00:36:04.092
with wildfires, they were doing training exercises.

843
00:36:04.236 --> 00:36:07.152
He'd always be coming home saying, okay, I should have this weekend off.

844
00:36:07.206 --> 00:36:10.176
And then he didn't, or I should be getting a day or

845
00:36:10.198 --> 00:36:13.056
two off in lieu next week. But then he had to replace somebody on

846
00:36:13.078 --> 00:36:15.956
an exercise at the last minute and took off for a week. You

847
00:36:15.978 --> 00:36:18.768
basically just plan your life as if your spouse doesn't exist,

848
00:36:18.864 --> 00:36:21.572
and then if they happen to be there, it's a bonus. But

849
00:36:21.626 --> 00:36:24.400
if inevitably they aren't, then it doesn't mess with

850
00:36:24.410 --> 00:36:27.032
your mean. I couldn't even

851
00:36:27.086 --> 00:36:29.572
plan know, dentists, doctors,

852
00:36:29.636 --> 00:36:32.372
haircuts, anything, if it was at all dependent on Peter

853
00:36:32.436 --> 00:36:33.576
being available to take.

854
00:36:33.598 --> 00:36:34.664
Care of the kids.

855
00:36:34.862 --> 00:36:37.688
So it was really hard on her oldest, who was still under two at

856
00:36:37.694 --> 00:36:40.524
the Know Kids Crave routine. And she had no idea

857
00:36:40.562 --> 00:36:43.420
if Peter was coming or going or if he was

858
00:36:43.490 --> 00:36:46.296
home. But he had to sleep because he was night flying, so he couldn't

859
00:36:46.328 --> 00:36:49.276
play with her. Deployments are hard, but at

860
00:36:49.298 --> 00:36:52.016
least they're somewhat know, you have sort of a

861
00:36:52.038 --> 00:36:54.944
set, uh, start date, a set end date, one

862
00:36:54.982 --> 00:36:57.856
goodbye and one hello. But this was

863
00:36:57.878 --> 00:37:00.864
an entirely different challenge. I think another

864
00:37:00.902 --> 00:37:03.468
hard part was when he came to me, I think this was just a couple of

865
00:37:03.494 --> 00:37:06.070
weeks after he got back from his

866
00:37:07.480 --> 00:37:10.080
and you know, you're still in that reintegration stage

867
00:37:10.160 --> 00:37:13.108
of the relationship, which is as challenging as the

868
00:37:13.114 --> 00:37:16.084
separation part. And I'm recovering from the exhaustion of the last

869
00:37:16.122 --> 00:37:17.830
four months and still kind of in that,

870
00:37:19.320 --> 00:37:22.008
you know, flux. And he comes home

871
00:37:22.094 --> 00:37:24.808
from work and he says to me, uh, by the way, I think we're being posted to

872
00:37:24.814 --> 00:37:27.720
Manitoba in a few months where we know no one in my family's support

873
00:37:27.790 --> 00:37:30.556
is now going to be two provinces away. So that was

874
00:37:30.578 --> 00:37:33.452
also another low, I would say another

875
00:37:33.506 --> 00:37:34.300
challenge.

876
00:37:34.390 --> 00:37:37.324
Um yeah. Luckily it turned out to be a great

877
00:37:37.362 --> 00:37:37.612
thing.

878
00:37:37.666 --> 00:37:38.844
It did, it really did.

879
00:37:38.882 --> 00:37:41.856
But you have no idea when you just get the

880
00:37:41.878 --> 00:37:42.800
news, right?

881
00:37:42.950 --> 00:37:45.872
Yeah. There's a couple of things there that I think are worth

882
00:37:46.006 --> 00:37:48.924
touching on. One is you mentioned the difficulty

883
00:37:48.972 --> 00:37:50.160
of reintegration.

884
00:37:50.170 --> 00:37:51.152
Mhm absolutely.

885
00:37:51.286 --> 00:37:54.144
Really hard. When you come back, everyone is really

886
00:37:54.182 --> 00:37:56.916
excited. Right. But there's some apprehension and

887
00:37:57.018 --> 00:38:00.016
something you have to realize if you're the person who is away is that while you've

888
00:38:00.048 --> 00:38:02.916
been gone, your spouse has figured out a

889
00:38:02.938 --> 00:38:04.612
way to make everything work without you.

890
00:38:04.666 --> 00:38:04.896
Yeah.

891
00:38:04.938 --> 00:38:07.656
You have your routine, you have your systems in

892
00:38:07.678 --> 00:38:08.680
place. Exactly.

893
00:38:08.830 --> 00:38:11.384
And that that's. Okay. And you have to sort of

894
00:38:11.422 --> 00:38:14.392
softly reinsert yourself into

895
00:38:14.446 --> 00:38:17.176
the pattern of life around your house because

896
00:38:17.278 --> 00:38:20.216
they already have their ways and you can't just

897
00:38:20.238 --> 00:38:23.196
kick in the door and be like, I'm home, it's going to be back to the way it

898
00:38:23.218 --> 00:38:25.964
used to be. Mhm, it's just not how it works. I think it

899
00:38:26.002 --> 00:38:28.892
surprises a lot of people that, um, coming home,

900
00:38:28.946 --> 00:38:30.028
it can be really tough.

901
00:38:30.124 --> 00:38:32.800
Yeah, absolutely. And just depending on

902
00:38:32.870 --> 00:38:35.376
each person's emotional or

903
00:38:35.478 --> 00:38:38.336
affection stage by nature right. My husband's a very

904
00:38:38.358 --> 00:38:41.344
affectionate person. I take a little bit longer to warm up,

905
00:38:41.382 --> 00:38:42.896
so there's always that clash too.

906
00:38:42.918 --> 00:38:43.056
Right.

907
00:38:43.078 --> 00:38:45.876
He wants to rush in and he wants to give me a big hug and I

908
00:38:45.898 --> 00:38:48.230
just need a little bit more time to kind of

909
00:38:48.600 --> 00:38:51.556
get my brain kind of wrapped around. Okay, I

910
00:38:51.578 --> 00:38:54.180
have my spouse back now and then

911
00:38:54.250 --> 00:38:57.172
just I've been running on fumes and

912
00:38:57.226 --> 00:39:00.008
I'm exhausted and I've managed to figure out a way to

913
00:39:00.014 --> 00:39:02.520
cope and now you want to come in and mess this way up

914
00:39:02.590 --> 00:39:05.412
and no, you can't. This is how I survive

915
00:39:05.476 --> 00:39:08.468
and just sort of realizing that I need to let go

916
00:39:08.494 --> 00:39:11.116
of some of my systems. Um, and he needs to

917
00:39:11.138 --> 00:39:14.056
adopt some of them and just kind of finessing

918
00:39:14.088 --> 00:39:16.972
that it takes a little while. It's not just

919
00:39:17.026 --> 00:39:19.820
like everybody's back together and it's all hunky dory.

920
00:39:20.240 --> 00:39:21.630
It's a bit of a process.

921
00:39:22.000 --> 00:39:24.796
Yeah. And I think that's important for people to know who haven't deployed

922
00:39:24.828 --> 00:39:26.580
before, that that's something they might face.

923
00:39:26.580 --> 00:39:27.728
M absolutely.

924
00:39:27.894 --> 00:39:30.768
The other thing that I think is important to highlight is

925
00:39:30.934 --> 00:39:33.712
just acknowledging how tough it can be at an operational

926
00:39:33.776 --> 00:39:36.724
unit and that, that busyness and craziness is just

927
00:39:36.762 --> 00:39:39.460
the way things are there. And I think

928
00:39:39.530 --> 00:39:42.116
that for young pilots who are

929
00:39:42.138 --> 00:39:45.012
listening, you need to realize that there's a reason

930
00:39:45.066 --> 00:39:48.064
that the intent is not to have people at an operational

931
00:39:48.112 --> 00:39:50.904
unit for, like, ten years in a row. Because it just causes so much

932
00:39:50.942 --> 00:39:53.864
burnout and it can be so hard on families. And that's why

933
00:39:53.902 --> 00:39:56.804
they want to rotate you into a school or a ground

934
00:39:56.852 --> 00:39:59.656
position. So especially if you can get one of those school jobs,

935
00:39:59.688 --> 00:40:02.556
it provides such a great break for you and for

936
00:40:02.578 --> 00:40:03.164
your family.

937
00:40:03.282 --> 00:40:03.708
Yeah.

938
00:40:03.794 --> 00:40:06.652
And especially when you're thinking about the kids. And that was

939
00:40:06.706 --> 00:40:08.636
my biggest challenge, is just the

940
00:40:08.658 --> 00:40:11.276
unpredictability of, uh, the day to

941
00:40:11.298 --> 00:40:14.096
day. If somebody said to me, okay, so for the

942
00:40:14.118 --> 00:40:16.832
next two weeks, your husband's going to be working every day,

943
00:40:16.966 --> 00:40:19.840
great, I can plan for that. I can maybe

944
00:40:19.990 --> 00:40:22.544
make a longer trip out to visit family, I can

945
00:40:22.582 --> 00:40:25.424
maybe plan my life a little bit. But when

946
00:40:25.462 --> 00:40:27.900
it's going day to day, like, oh, maybe tomorrow or, uh,

947
00:40:28.138 --> 00:40:31.076
we'll have time together as a family or oh, I'm going to be off this

948
00:40:31.098 --> 00:40:34.056
weekend, so you get the kids really hyped up for, okay, Daddy's going to

949
00:40:34.058 --> 00:40:36.948
be home this weekend. Oh, there's a festival in town, we're going to go

950
00:40:36.954 --> 00:40:39.716
this festival as a family. And then Friday he's packing his

951
00:40:39.738 --> 00:40:42.288
bags to go off to some other training exercise

952
00:40:42.384 --> 00:40:45.352
because there's a last minute change of plans.

953
00:40:45.456 --> 00:40:48.428
Then the kids are broken hearted. I thought we were going to

954
00:40:48.434 --> 00:40:51.276
do this. Then you're doing all these plans you made by yourself

955
00:40:51.458 --> 00:40:54.284
and it's interesting the plans you make when you think there's going to be two

956
00:40:54.322 --> 00:40:57.148
of you to take care of two kids versus the plans you

957
00:40:57.154 --> 00:40:59.452
make when you know you're going to be solo are often very

958
00:40:59.506 --> 00:41:00.168
different.

959
00:41:00.354 --> 00:41:01.090
Absolutely.

960
00:41:01.260 --> 00:41:03.916
Um, yeah, it's exhausting and it's

961
00:41:03.948 --> 00:41:06.768
frustrating and it's stressful in a different way

962
00:41:06.854 --> 00:41:09.840
as deployments are, but it doesn't mean, uh,

963
00:41:09.840 --> 00:41:12.000
it's any less difficult. So

964
00:41:12.150 --> 00:41:15.044
absolutely. Coming to Portage and just

965
00:41:15.162 --> 00:41:17.924
seeing that routine and even in just the first couple weeks

966
00:41:17.962 --> 00:41:20.836
were here, pete would come home from work and be

967
00:41:20.858 --> 00:41:23.796
like, okay, I'm going to go tomorrow, I'm going to go

968
00:41:23.818 --> 00:41:26.324
to work at nine, I'm going to be home

969
00:41:26.522 --> 00:41:29.464
at six. And the kids were like, okay, so

970
00:41:29.502 --> 00:41:32.168
he went to work at nine and then he was actually home

971
00:41:32.334 --> 00:41:35.304
at six or maybe even a few minutes earlier. And

972
00:41:35.342 --> 00:41:38.184
just the change that I saw in our oldest, like our youngest was one,

973
00:41:38.222 --> 00:41:41.196
she didn't time is not a really irrelevant thing for her at

974
00:41:41.218 --> 00:41:44.156
that point, but our oldest was three and the change I saw in

975
00:41:44.178 --> 00:41:46.876
her was amazing. Just to have some routine, some

976
00:41:46.898 --> 00:41:49.868
predictability. I can trust that my parent is going to

977
00:41:49.874 --> 00:41:52.544
be there when they say they're going to be there was huge for

978
00:41:52.582 --> 00:41:55.312
her and for me as well. I remember

979
00:41:55.366 --> 00:41:57.952
Pete came to me one day and he's like, okay, so

980
00:41:58.086 --> 00:42:00.828
next month we're looking at doing some cross countries

981
00:42:00.924 --> 00:42:03.620
and this and that. What do you think about me going

982
00:42:03.690 --> 00:42:06.148
for these days on cross country? And I just stood there and I.

983
00:42:06.154 --> 00:42:08.820
Looked at him, um, I'm sorry, next

984
00:42:08.970 --> 00:42:09.620
month.

985
00:42:09.770 --> 00:42:12.676
We're planning next month. My brain was

986
00:42:12.698 --> 00:42:15.032
ready to explode because I'd never been able to plan

987
00:42:15.086 --> 00:42:18.056
tomorrow. So just kind

988
00:42:18.078 --> 00:42:20.696
of being able to relax into the

989
00:42:20.718 --> 00:42:23.192
knowledge that we can make

990
00:42:23.246 --> 00:42:25.896
plans, we can have some routine was a

991
00:42:25.918 --> 00:42:28.428
huge weight off my shoulders and

992
00:42:28.594 --> 00:42:31.228
yeah, I think that the military members

993
00:42:31.314 --> 00:42:34.204
who are working often don't appreciate how

994
00:42:34.242 --> 00:42:36.956
much that can mean to the person at home. Trying

995
00:42:36.978 --> 00:42:39.776
to manage everything day to day just to be able to have that

996
00:42:39.798 --> 00:42:40.572
predictability.

997
00:42:40.716 --> 00:42:43.536
Yeah, for sure. What's been the

998
00:42:43.558 --> 00:42:46.240
best part of being a spouse to someone in the RCAF?

999
00:42:46.580 --> 00:42:49.392
The adventures are awesome. That's for know,

1000
00:42:49.446 --> 00:42:52.048
always imagining where you might go next. Are we going to go to

1001
00:42:52.054 --> 00:42:55.000
Comox? Are we going to go to GooseBay? Could it be an outCan? Posting

1002
00:42:55.020 --> 00:42:57.684
to Germany or the know, getting to

1003
00:42:57.722 --> 00:43:00.596
live in areas of the country that you never thought you

1004
00:43:00.618 --> 00:43:03.556
would? I, in a million years, never would have thought I'd be living

1005
00:43:03.658 --> 00:43:06.596
in southern Manitoba. Yet here we are and we're finding all kinds of

1006
00:43:06.618 --> 00:43:09.512
awesome things to do. It has been a lot of fun,

1007
00:43:09.566 --> 00:43:12.404
but honestly, the best part has really been all the amazing families

1008
00:43:12.452 --> 00:43:14.952
you meet. We all have this unique shared experience

1009
00:43:15.086 --> 00:43:17.636
that not a lot of other people can really

1010
00:43:17.678 --> 00:43:20.556
understand or relate to. We're kind of in it

1011
00:43:20.578 --> 00:43:23.244
together and other military spouses just get

1012
00:43:23.282 --> 00:43:26.028
it. They understand the challenges, they can

1013
00:43:26.114 --> 00:43:29.004
anticipate what your needs are going to be. And we

1014
00:43:29.042 --> 00:43:31.868
really just create this community of support. And once you've been in the

1015
00:43:31.874 --> 00:43:34.864
military long enough, there aren't too many places that you can be

1016
00:43:34.902 --> 00:43:37.856
posted to where you won't know at least one person. So your

1017
00:43:37.878 --> 00:43:40.716
tribe just kind of grows from there. But I've

1018
00:43:40.748 --> 00:43:43.728
said before that this is the best and the worst part of being a

1019
00:43:43.734 --> 00:43:46.384
military spouse. You get to meet all these amazing families

1020
00:43:46.512 --> 00:43:49.396
and all these amazing people, but then you also have to leave them.

1021
00:43:49.498 --> 00:43:52.390
So it's kind of a double edged sword from my experience.

1022
00:43:52.760 --> 00:43:55.450
Yeah, that's true. It is hard because

1023
00:43:57.180 --> 00:44:00.024
everybody in this lifestyle learns the skill of

1024
00:44:00.062 --> 00:44:01.176
making fast friends.

1025
00:44:01.278 --> 00:44:02.632
Yes, absolutely.

1026
00:44:02.766 --> 00:44:05.668
Which is amazing. But it is tough because we're

1027
00:44:05.684 --> 00:44:08.564
always moving on. You're always not losing

1028
00:44:08.612 --> 00:44:11.564
friends, but those friends are always they might be only a year

1029
00:44:11.602 --> 00:44:14.508
away from saying goodbye for who knows how long. And

1030
00:44:14.514 --> 00:44:15.032
that's tough.

1031
00:44:15.096 --> 00:44:15.660
It is.

1032
00:44:15.730 --> 00:44:18.476
And I think for us, our

1033
00:44:18.498 --> 00:44:21.324
biggest challenge now is because we've been here for five

1034
00:44:21.362 --> 00:44:24.192
years. You're always talking, postings, coming

1035
00:44:24.246 --> 00:44:27.056
up and where are we going to go? And just kind of

1036
00:44:27.158 --> 00:44:29.664
trying to broach the subject with our kids

1037
00:44:29.862 --> 00:44:32.816
because they love their life here too, and just

1038
00:44:32.838 --> 00:44:35.716
trying to build that resiliency in them. And every time we bring it up,

1039
00:44:35.818 --> 00:44:38.564
it really upsets them, the thought that their

1040
00:44:38.602 --> 00:44:41.588
friends aren't going to be here all for the rest of their lives because

1041
00:44:41.674 --> 00:44:44.152
they were so young when we moved here and they've had such a

1042
00:44:44.206 --> 00:44:46.952
formative part of their childhood so far

1043
00:44:47.006 --> 00:44:49.768
here. So that's something that

1044
00:44:49.934 --> 00:44:52.420
I'm anticipating and dreading

1045
00:44:52.500 --> 00:44:55.252
eventually moving on. But in the meantime,

1046
00:44:55.316 --> 00:44:58.284
they've just had the best group of friends they could ever had

1047
00:44:58.402 --> 00:44:59.740
for the last five years.

1048
00:44:59.810 --> 00:45:02.380
So we will see what the future holds.

1049
00:45:03.200 --> 00:45:05.932
Yeah, I can relate to that. It is really hard

1050
00:45:05.986 --> 00:45:08.670
to think about either leaving or

1051
00:45:09.040 --> 00:45:11.864
others leaving and it makes it so much tougher

1052
00:45:11.912 --> 00:45:14.464
even when you've got kids in the picture who have made those

1053
00:45:14.502 --> 00:45:17.088
connections and you really don't want to see their little hearts break.

1054
00:45:17.174 --> 00:45:19.936
Yeah. And it'll be the first time we've had to consider

1055
00:45:20.118 --> 00:45:23.088
their feelings and their emotions up to a

1056
00:45:23.094 --> 00:45:23.584
certain point.

1057
00:45:23.622 --> 00:45:26.196
It's like, you're two, you're coming with

1058
00:45:26.218 --> 00:45:26.790
us.

1059
00:45:27.640 --> 00:45:30.596
You don't have much say. But now that they're older, we want to

1060
00:45:30.618 --> 00:45:33.220
include them in the decision making process as much as we can.

1061
00:45:33.290 --> 00:45:34.728
And just trying to figure out what.

1062
00:45:34.734 --> 00:45:37.316
That looks like is challenging.

1063
00:45:37.508 --> 00:45:40.024
Yeah, that's something we'll have to navigate as we keep going

1064
00:45:40.062 --> 00:45:40.650
forward.

1065
00:45:43.020 --> 00:45:45.768
What's been your coolest experience as a spouse to someone in the

1066
00:45:45.774 --> 00:45:46.836
RCAF?

1067
00:45:47.028 --> 00:45:48.056
That's a tough one.

1068
00:45:48.078 --> 00:45:49.532
I was trying to think about it.

1069
00:45:49.666 --> 00:45:52.216
And I think one of the coolest.

1070
00:45:52.248 --> 00:45:55.164
Experiences is always when they have family day at the base. Once

1071
00:45:55.202 --> 00:45:58.092
a year you get to have an opportunity to

1072
00:45:58.146 --> 00:46:00.912
take a flight with your spouse or

1073
00:46:00.966 --> 00:46:03.040
somebody else if you want to try a different

1074
00:46:03.110 --> 00:46:05.808
aircraft. Uh, just watching the kids

1075
00:46:05.894 --> 00:46:08.864
watch their dad, it really helps them connect with

1076
00:46:08.902 --> 00:46:11.876
and understand what he's doing when he can't be with them on a day to

1077
00:46:11.898 --> 00:46:14.820
day basis. And I think that's really great. And

1078
00:46:14.890 --> 00:46:17.604
I mean, flying low in a helicopter is

1079
00:46:17.642 --> 00:46:19.190
always pretty fun too,

1080
00:46:20.760 --> 00:46:23.556
for sure. I'm sure we're not going as low as

1081
00:46:23.578 --> 00:46:26.576
they usually fly, so I can only imagine

1082
00:46:26.608 --> 00:46:27.672
what it's like for them.

1083
00:46:27.726 --> 00:46:28.936
But I enjoy it.

1084
00:46:28.958 --> 00:46:31.864
That's my favorite part of it is getting those little

1085
00:46:31.902 --> 00:46:32.888
experiences that not a.

1086
00:46:32.894 --> 00:46:34.536
Lot of other people would get to.

1087
00:46:34.558 --> 00:46:37.448
Have and to connect with. What Peter's doing on a day to

1088
00:46:37.454 --> 00:46:40.268
day basis is also a really big thing for us.

1089
00:46:40.354 --> 00:46:43.004
Yeah. For is it's huge to get that

1090
00:46:43.122 --> 00:46:45.460
to make it real instead of just make it an idea.

1091
00:46:45.460 --> 00:46:47.880
Mhm. You see them flying overhead

1092
00:46:48.040 --> 00:46:50.860
know, over our house every day, multiple

1093
00:46:50.940 --> 00:46:53.728
helicopters and airplanes. But it's different when you get to.

1094
00:46:53.734 --> 00:46:55.890
Be in the aircraft with them.

1095
00:46:56.900 --> 00:46:59.472
So I uh, want you to picture a new

1096
00:46:59.526 --> 00:47:02.352
pilot here in Southport, someone who's in training,

1097
00:47:02.406 --> 00:47:05.012
let's say you run into them at a mass dinner and they ask for

1098
00:47:05.066 --> 00:47:07.876
advice. What advice would you give to that young pilot to

1099
00:47:07.898 --> 00:47:09.908
help them have a successful family life in the

1100
00:47:09.914 --> 00:47:10.928
RCAF?

1101
00:47:11.104 --> 00:47:13.430
I think the biggest piece

1102
00:47:14.040 --> 00:47:15.284
from my.

1103
00:47:15.322 --> 00:47:18.216
Point of view would be you have to be willing and able to see this

1104
00:47:18.238 --> 00:47:21.176
life from your spouse's perspective as well as your

1105
00:47:21.198 --> 00:47:21.432
own.

1106
00:47:21.486 --> 00:47:21.896
Right.

1107
00:47:21.998 --> 00:47:24.760
Really putting in time and effort to understand that,

1108
00:47:24.830 --> 00:47:27.692
yes, we're not being deployed, we're not going into war

1109
00:47:27.746 --> 00:47:30.572
zones and other dangerous situations, but

1110
00:47:30.626 --> 00:47:33.292
we are still enjoying a lot of stress trying

1111
00:47:33.346 --> 00:47:36.236
to manage home life alone and normalize things for the

1112
00:47:36.258 --> 00:47:39.132
kids and figure out how to build an entire support

1113
00:47:39.186 --> 00:47:42.076
group from scratch every few years. And just keep some of

1114
00:47:42.098 --> 00:47:45.088
that burden off of you so that you can

1115
00:47:45.094 --> 00:47:48.016
be fully present in your job and stay safe so that you can come home to

1116
00:47:48.038 --> 00:47:50.940
us. So I think that would be my biggest

1117
00:47:51.020 --> 00:47:53.948
piece of advice is to really appreciate the

1118
00:47:53.974 --> 00:47:56.896
piece that we are doing at home that allows

1119
00:47:56.928 --> 00:47:59.412
you to be present and active at work.

1120
00:47:59.466 --> 00:48:02.324
And giving your wife her own deployment week every

1121
00:48:02.362 --> 00:48:04.720
once in a while is also highly recommended.

1122
00:48:04.880 --> 00:48:07.736
Yeah, I was going to say what are the ways that someone can do

1123
00:48:07.758 --> 00:48:10.536
that, but that's actually a great way they can to take on that

1124
00:48:10.558 --> 00:48:13.396
role for a week and really get a taste of what that's

1125
00:48:13.428 --> 00:48:13.630
like.

1126
00:48:13.630 --> 00:48:16.380
Uh, yeah, just appreciating that

1127
00:48:16.450 --> 00:48:19.420
we may not have imminent danger or

1128
00:48:19.490 --> 00:48:22.476
stress in that regard, but it's a different level

1129
00:48:22.658 --> 00:48:25.624
of challenges. Mhm it's no less valid

1130
00:48:25.672 --> 00:48:27.870
or valuable to the situation.

1131
00:48:28.400 --> 00:48:30.940
Okay, Janet, that's going to wrap it up for this

1132
00:48:31.010 --> 00:48:33.904
interview. So I just wanted to thank you so much for taking the time

1133
00:48:33.942 --> 00:48:35.696
out of your day and being on the show.

1134
00:48:35.798 --> 00:48:37.472
Thanks so much, Brian. It was great to be here.

1135
00:48:37.526 --> 00:48:38.130
Yeah.

1136
00:48:39.060 --> 00:48:41.776
My next guest today on the Pilot Project podcast is my

1137
00:48:41.798 --> 00:48:44.736
former squatter mate, Michaela Goddard. Welcome to the show, Michaela.

1138
00:48:44.768 --> 00:48:46.228
Hi, thanks for having me.

1139
00:48:46.394 --> 00:48:49.044
So Michaela, can you start by quickly telling us about

1140
00:48:49.082 --> 00:48:49.620
yourself?

1141
00:48:49.770 --> 00:48:52.628
Yeah, so I grew up in Alberta for the

1142
00:48:52.634 --> 00:48:55.572
most part, and I joined the military right

1143
00:48:55.626 --> 00:48:58.424
after high school. So I signed up when I was 18 and I went

1144
00:48:58.462 --> 00:49:01.176
right away to the Royal Military College. When I was

1145
00:49:01.198 --> 00:49:04.164
there, I studied English Lit because the military

1146
00:49:04.212 --> 00:49:04.776
told me that.

1147
00:49:04.798 --> 00:49:07.492
I didn't need a specific degree to be a navigator.

1148
00:49:07.556 --> 00:49:10.524
So I chose one that I was interested in rather than one that's actually

1149
00:49:10.562 --> 00:49:13.496
useful. So I studied English

1150
00:49:13.528 --> 00:49:16.396
at RMC and I graduated in 2014. And then

1151
00:49:16.418 --> 00:49:19.256
after that I was posted to Winnipeg to do my navigator

1152
00:49:19.288 --> 00:49:21.820
training or Axo course. And

1153
00:49:21.970 --> 00:49:24.528
once that course was done, I got posted to

1154
00:49:24.534 --> 00:49:27.264
Greenwood to 405 with you or I guess 404

1155
00:49:27.302 --> 00:49:29.696
technically to do the training on the Aurora and

1156
00:49:29.718 --> 00:49:32.676
then 405. And I finished my career out

1157
00:49:32.698 --> 00:49:35.088
in Greenwood. I retired, actually, December

1158
00:49:35.184 --> 00:49:37.604
30 of this, um, past year, so

1159
00:49:37.642 --> 00:49:38.420
2022.

1160
00:49:38.490 --> 00:49:41.316
Okay, cool. Now, your

1161
00:49:41.338 --> 00:49:44.292
husband is Paul, and you were a service couple,

1162
00:49:44.346 --> 00:49:47.280
which means you were both serving in the Canadian Armed Forces. How did the

1163
00:49:47.290 --> 00:49:48.296
two of you meet?

1164
00:49:48.478 --> 00:49:51.336
We, uh, actually met at RMC. Paul was a year

1165
00:49:51.358 --> 00:49:54.216
ahead of me in the same squadron, so the college is broken up

1166
00:49:54.238 --> 00:49:56.936
into twelve or 13 squadrons, depending what year you were

1167
00:49:56.958 --> 00:49:59.912
there. And so he was a year ahead of me. So that

1168
00:49:59.966 --> 00:50:02.844
year is kind of assigned to be mentors to the first

1169
00:50:02.882 --> 00:50:05.756
years or the year below them. And so I actually

1170
00:50:05.778 --> 00:50:08.604
met him my first couple of weeks at RMC, and we became best

1171
00:50:08.642 --> 00:50:11.564
friends once we had a little bit more freedom after the first

1172
00:50:11.602 --> 00:50:14.528
year orientation period. So, yeah, we became friends, and

1173
00:50:14.534 --> 00:50:17.164
we actually didn't start dating each other until Paul

1174
00:50:17.212 --> 00:50:19.868
was at his Wings graduation

1175
00:50:19.964 --> 00:50:22.924
from Southport and was getting posted to Labrador.

1176
00:50:22.972 --> 00:50:25.636
And I was, uh, in Winnipeg at the time on my training.

1177
00:50:25.738 --> 00:50:26.212
Oh, wow.

1178
00:50:26.266 --> 00:50:29.236
Yeah, we'd been friends for about five and a half years before

1179
00:50:29.258 --> 00:50:32.004
we actually got together officially, and then he

1180
00:50:32.042 --> 00:50:34.516
proposed five months later. Yeah, which is

1181
00:50:34.538 --> 00:50:37.396
great, except the people that didn't know us were a little

1182
00:50:37.418 --> 00:50:38.416
shocked, a little concerned.

1183
00:50:38.448 --> 00:50:40.036
Yeah. But you'd known each other for we'd.

1184
00:50:40.068 --> 00:50:41.912
Known each other for years, almost, at that point.

1185
00:50:41.966 --> 00:50:42.184
Yeah.

1186
00:50:42.222 --> 00:50:45.156
For a long time. And we were really good friends. And my parents loved

1187
00:50:45.188 --> 00:50:47.928
him more than the other people I had dated. So,

1188
00:50:48.014 --> 00:50:50.924
I mean, um, anyone that knew us was really excited about

1189
00:50:50.962 --> 00:50:53.916
it. But then we didn't get married until 2018, so

1190
00:50:53.938 --> 00:50:56.776
we got married just before his posting in GooseBay

1191
00:50:56.808 --> 00:50:59.784
was due to come up so that he could get posted

1192
00:50:59.832 --> 00:51:00.988
down to the same location I.

1193
00:51:00.994 --> 00:51:03.004
Was at, which at the time was Greenwood.

1194
00:51:03.052 --> 00:51:06.016
Was Greenwood. Yeah. The timing wasn't just that. We also had to

1195
00:51:06.038 --> 00:51:08.736
juggle a lot of other family things. Um, his brother is in the

1196
00:51:08.758 --> 00:51:11.696
infantry and was deploying at the time, so

1197
00:51:11.718 --> 00:51:14.704
we had to kind of work around trying to get everybody there

1198
00:51:14.742 --> 00:51:17.668
for the wedding and have it done before the posting season came out, and there were so

1199
00:51:17.674 --> 00:51:20.388
many factors that came into it. So we ended up getting married in February in the

1200
00:51:20.394 --> 00:51:23.236
mountains, and everyone was great and

1201
00:51:23.258 --> 00:51:26.256
no one got cold, is what they told

1202
00:51:26.298 --> 00:51:26.890
me.

1203
00:51:28.060 --> 00:51:30.776
So, when you guys decided to date, what was your

1204
00:51:30.798 --> 00:51:33.016
initial thought when it came to dating someone in the

1205
00:51:33.038 --> 00:51:33.972
RCAF?

1206
00:51:34.116 --> 00:51:37.016
Like, we know each other for five years. I'd been in the military and at that

1207
00:51:37.038 --> 00:51:39.976
point for five years, and I had dated other

1208
00:51:39.998 --> 00:51:42.988
people also in the military, because I guess the nature of

1209
00:51:42.994 --> 00:51:45.928
the college of RMC was that it was so time consuming

1210
00:51:45.944 --> 00:51:48.588
and so all consuming that the chances of meeting someone outside of it

1211
00:51:48.674 --> 00:51:51.216
were like, zero. Um, especially

1212
00:51:51.398 --> 00:51:54.316
if you had any time to leave the peninsula.

1213
00:51:54.428 --> 00:51:57.376
The campus and go meet people. I also

1214
00:51:57.398 --> 00:52:00.064
found a lot of people seem to be

1215
00:52:00.102 --> 00:52:02.812
uncomfortable with having, if they weren't in the military,

1216
00:52:02.876 --> 00:52:05.810
dating a woman that was in the military. Even though

1217
00:52:06.260 --> 00:52:09.076
I was in the Air Force, in my mind, I'm like, I'm not hardcore at

1218
00:52:09.098 --> 00:52:12.068
all, I'm not an Infanter, so this should be fine. But a lot

1219
00:52:12.074 --> 00:52:14.756
of people seem to have a problem with that. And I get that too, because the

1220
00:52:14.778 --> 00:52:17.748
implication is that you'll be moving a lot and that and people aren't

1221
00:52:17.764 --> 00:52:20.696
willing to do that and that's fine. So at the time, the fact

1222
00:52:20.718 --> 00:52:23.464
that he was in the military almost made it better because he would

1223
00:52:23.502 --> 00:52:26.456
understand my schedules, even just things like

1224
00:52:26.478 --> 00:52:29.208
terminology and, um, acronyms and stuff

1225
00:52:29.374 --> 00:52:32.236
and processes like trying to get a leave pass in and

1226
00:52:32.258 --> 00:52:34.812
trying to be able to schedule things around

1227
00:52:34.866 --> 00:52:37.804
exercises. That wasn't something I had to explain to him because he already knew

1228
00:52:37.842 --> 00:52:40.284
it. So it actually was like a point in my favor,

1229
00:52:40.402 --> 00:52:43.328
but it's pretty much all consuming, especially when you get

1230
00:52:43.334 --> 00:52:46.176
to your operational squadron. So I never would have had the

1231
00:52:46.198 --> 00:52:47.650
time to meet anybody else.

1232
00:52:48.980 --> 00:52:51.410
Not that that's the only reason I would fall at all.

1233
00:52:52.020 --> 00:52:55.012
But yeah, for me it was like kind of a no brainer because it was something

1234
00:52:55.066 --> 00:52:57.924
that allowed us, uh, to start off kind of on the same

1235
00:52:57.962 --> 00:52:58.352
footing.

1236
00:52:58.416 --> 00:53:00.624
So for you guys, it almost made it easier.

1237
00:53:00.752 --> 00:53:03.524
Yeah, I think so. And it helped too,

1238
00:53:03.562 --> 00:53:06.164
because pilot and axo training isn't

1239
00:53:06.292 --> 00:53:09.176
similar in the steps, but it's similar in the kind

1240
00:53:09.198 --> 00:53:12.056
of intensity and focus that you need for those really

1241
00:53:12.238 --> 00:53:15.016
kind of concentrated periods of time. And

1242
00:53:15.118 --> 00:53:17.912
you still are on a flying schedule. So a lot of that

1243
00:53:18.046 --> 00:53:20.988
commonality made it easier for us to understand how we were going

1244
00:53:20.994 --> 00:53:23.596
to schedule our lives together too, because everything came down to

1245
00:53:23.618 --> 00:53:25.310
schedules. Yeah, for sure.

1246
00:53:25.920 --> 00:53:28.684
You decided to leave the RCAF to pursue other

1247
00:53:28.722 --> 00:53:31.052
options. Can you tell us a little more about that?

1248
00:53:31.186 --> 00:53:34.176
I was kind of two years into my time at

1249
00:53:34.198 --> 00:53:37.168
405, and I was feeling like I wanted a different

1250
00:53:37.254 --> 00:53:40.176
challenge intellectually, I guess I wanted to

1251
00:53:40.198 --> 00:53:43.040
do something that I enjoyed and that I had a passion for.

1252
00:53:43.110 --> 00:53:46.044
And submarine warfare studying was like, not doing it for me.

1253
00:53:46.102 --> 00:53:48.596
And I was also a little bit worried that if I were to go to

1254
00:53:48.618 --> 00:53:51.604
school later years down the road, that none of my teachers would

1255
00:53:51.642 --> 00:53:54.596
remember me. So trying to get academic references to apply

1256
00:53:54.618 --> 00:53:57.412
for a program would be a little harder. So I

1257
00:53:57.466 --> 00:54:00.404
applied for a master's program while I was still flying.

1258
00:54:00.532 --> 00:54:03.448
And my first thought was that I wasn't going to get in. And then I got in. And

1259
00:54:03.454 --> 00:54:06.424
then my next consideration, because we still weren't married yet and we

1260
00:54:06.462 --> 00:54:09.368
still hadn't bought a house together or anything, was that I wanted to

1261
00:54:09.374 --> 00:54:12.236
get funding for sure from the military to do

1262
00:54:12.258 --> 00:54:15.176
the Masters and if I didn't, I was going to delay it. And then I got the funding,

1263
00:54:15.208 --> 00:54:17.884
which I wasn't expecting, so I actually

1264
00:54:17.922 --> 00:54:20.652
started my Master's during my check rides

1265
00:54:20.796 --> 00:54:23.488
for Moat. So, uh, the Aurora training course.

1266
00:54:23.574 --> 00:54:26.320
Moat is the Maritime operational air crew training

1267
00:54:26.390 --> 00:54:26.960
course.

1268
00:54:27.110 --> 00:54:29.120
That wasn't great timing.

1269
00:54:29.460 --> 00:54:31.952
Yeah, that's a really intense time in your training.

1270
00:54:32.086 --> 00:54:34.884
It wasn't the best timing I could have picked, but it worked out well.

1271
00:54:34.922 --> 00:54:37.428
And so I finished a Master's of Library and Information

1272
00:54:37.514 --> 00:54:40.052
Studies, which is like a total

1273
00:54:40.106 --> 00:54:42.928
180 from flying on the Aurora.

1274
00:54:43.024 --> 00:54:45.876
But it was something that I really enjoyed and found that I

1275
00:54:45.898 --> 00:54:48.712
really had a passion for. And originally when I had thought

1276
00:54:48.766 --> 00:54:51.290
about going to school, part of the goal was that

1277
00:54:51.660 --> 00:54:54.136
eventually I would need a Master's anyway if I were going to get

1278
00:54:54.158 --> 00:54:57.032
promoted. So I would do it now

1279
00:54:57.086 --> 00:55:00.076
and have it done out of the way. And then as I was going

1280
00:55:00.098 --> 00:55:03.036
to school, I realized I really enjoyed that a lot more

1281
00:55:03.058 --> 00:55:05.790
and I was getting a lot of more gratification out of

1282
00:55:06.160 --> 00:55:09.132
that subject area and that work than I would

1283
00:55:09.186 --> 00:55:11.288
be hunting submarines

1284
00:55:11.464 --> 00:55:14.416
or flying. I did really enjoy flying, but it just

1285
00:55:14.438 --> 00:55:17.216
wasn't making my brain work in the same way. And I really enjoyed doing my

1286
00:55:17.238 --> 00:55:20.096
masters. And then the next kind of wrench in the

1287
00:55:20.118 --> 00:55:22.864
plan, because I had expected that I would stay in probably until

1288
00:55:22.982 --> 00:55:25.716
my pension at least. The next wrench in the plan was that

1289
00:55:25.738 --> 00:55:28.356
COVID Hit and Paul and I actually had time together,

1290
00:55:28.538 --> 00:55:31.396
which never happens. So obviously we

1291
00:55:31.418 --> 00:55:34.404
got pregnant as many other

1292
00:55:34.442 --> 00:55:37.312
people did. Um, and so we had our son Owen

1293
00:55:37.456 --> 00:55:40.376
and I took a year off from maternity leave and Paul took

1294
00:55:40.398 --> 00:55:43.320
the first six months off with me. And we had such an amazing time as a family,

1295
00:55:43.390 --> 00:55:46.376
like being able to go on

1296
00:55:46.398 --> 00:55:48.888
trips together and do kind of whatever we wanted and everything.

1297
00:55:48.974 --> 00:55:51.916
And going back to work after maternity was exceptionally hard

1298
00:55:51.938 --> 00:55:54.844
for me. I had a very, very hard time and I realized that

1299
00:55:54.882 --> 00:55:57.516
I just wasn't passionate about it anymore. I didn't want

1300
00:55:57.538 --> 00:56:00.508
to be deployed on moment's notice. I didn't want

1301
00:56:00.514 --> 00:56:03.484
to go on exercises where I'd be away for weeks at a time because I was missing

1302
00:56:03.532 --> 00:56:05.890
so much from my son's life just being at work.

1303
00:56:06.130 --> 00:56:09.104
Um, and so when you combine that with the fact

1304
00:56:09.142 --> 00:56:11.824
that I wasn't really getting job satisfaction, I didn't get that same kind

1305
00:56:11.862 --> 00:56:14.816
of feel good feeling when I

1306
00:56:14.838 --> 00:56:17.796
was at work. It kind of became a no brainer for me to put it

1307
00:56:17.818 --> 00:56:18.880
in my release.

1308
00:56:18.960 --> 00:56:21.776
If you love the job, it makes those sacrifices

1309
00:56:21.888 --> 00:56:24.820
easier to bear. But if you found that it's become

1310
00:56:24.890 --> 00:56:27.840
something that you're not passionate about anymore, it's a lot harder to make

1311
00:56:27.850 --> 00:56:28.708
those sacrifices.

1312
00:56:28.804 --> 00:56:31.284
Yeah, exactly. And it was just getting to the point where it wasn't

1313
00:56:31.332 --> 00:56:33.896
worth the time and energy that we were spending on

1314
00:56:33.918 --> 00:56:36.788
it for me to stay in a job that I really wasn't

1315
00:56:36.804 --> 00:56:39.780
loving anymore. And the other big thing is we were both trying to

1316
00:56:39.790 --> 00:56:42.636
fly at this time. So Paul is, um, he

1317
00:56:42.658 --> 00:56:45.628
just got off of 413 Squadron for search and rescue, so

1318
00:56:45.634 --> 00:56:48.188
he's a Cormoron pilot, so his schedule was all over the

1319
00:56:48.194 --> 00:56:51.148
place. He'd have night shifts, he'd be on call on weekends, or

1320
00:56:51.154 --> 00:56:54.000
he'd be, um, out in the day, and he'd get a call out

1321
00:56:54.150 --> 00:56:56.816
ten minutes before shift ended, and then he'd be gone for next

1322
00:56:56.918 --> 00:56:59.856
8 hours or more. So then if you add on to

1323
00:56:59.878 --> 00:57:02.620
that with the Aurora hours of flying, like eight hour flights,

1324
00:57:02.700 --> 00:57:05.536
six or eight hour flights and getting pushed

1325
00:57:05.568 --> 00:57:08.340
for serviceability and that kind of stuff, it ended up that

1326
00:57:08.410 --> 00:57:11.172
we didn't have. Reliable childcare in terms

1327
00:57:11.226 --> 00:57:13.812
of we did have childcare for my son,

1328
00:57:13.866 --> 00:57:16.372
but asking them to watch him

1329
00:57:16.506 --> 00:57:19.224
from seven in the morning or six in the morning, even if I had

1330
00:57:19.262 --> 00:57:22.216
to go in early for a flight till whenever one

1331
00:57:22.238 --> 00:57:24.440
of us could get home just wasn't really a feasible

1332
00:57:24.860 --> 00:57:27.672
like. Especially not for a one year old that needs

1333
00:57:27.726 --> 00:57:30.540
that routine and getting to bed in their own house and

1334
00:57:30.610 --> 00:57:33.340
all that other stuff. So it became just like an absolute

1335
00:57:33.410 --> 00:57:35.644
nightmare trying to schedule Paul's work

1336
00:57:35.682 --> 00:57:38.668
schedules with my reintegration training and

1337
00:57:38.674 --> 00:57:41.596
my flights and simulators and everything, and it wasn't

1338
00:57:41.628 --> 00:57:42.304
working.

1339
00:57:42.502 --> 00:57:44.320
So it sounds like the writing was on the wall.

1340
00:57:44.390 --> 00:57:45.504
Yeah, definitely.

1341
00:57:45.702 --> 00:57:48.496
You mentioned a second career. Now that

1342
00:57:48.518 --> 00:57:51.228
you folks are here in Portage la Prairie,

1343
00:57:51.324 --> 00:57:54.096
you're having to sacrifice that career until you can

1344
00:57:54.118 --> 00:57:57.072
find childcare in order to support Paul in his flying career.

1345
00:57:57.136 --> 00:57:58.564
Do you find that difficult?

1346
00:57:58.762 --> 00:58:01.716
Yeah, we had kind of had the expectation that we would

1347
00:58:01.738 --> 00:58:04.724
be able to find at least part time childcare, and I would be able to kind of

1348
00:58:04.762 --> 00:58:07.668
easy my way into this new career and this new field, even if it

1349
00:58:07.674 --> 00:58:10.644
was part time, just to get my feet wet and see kind of what

1350
00:58:10.682 --> 00:58:13.588
area I wanted to work in. Because it's pretty like there's so

1351
00:58:13.594 --> 00:58:16.120
many different ways that I can apply my schooling.

1352
00:58:16.200 --> 00:58:19.148
So I was really looking forward to that, too. And

1353
00:58:19.314 --> 00:58:22.028
it also helps when you move to a new place to have

1354
00:58:22.194 --> 00:58:25.064
a cohort of people. So when we moved

1355
00:58:25.112 --> 00:58:27.820
here, the families here have all been amazing, but there's no,

1356
00:58:27.890 --> 00:58:30.624
like, I don't have any kind of job

1357
00:58:30.662 --> 00:58:33.216
satisfaction or meeting new people and working with new

1358
00:58:33.238 --> 00:58:36.096
people. It's all meeting with

1359
00:58:36.118 --> 00:58:38.992
the primary aim, basically, of making new friends

1360
00:58:39.046 --> 00:58:41.916
for me and for Owen, unlike other postings that we've

1361
00:58:41.948 --> 00:58:44.644
had, where I will get posted into my own job

1362
00:58:44.762 --> 00:58:47.492
and I'll make work friends and

1363
00:58:47.546 --> 00:58:50.340
acquaintances and whatever, there's none of that.

1364
00:58:50.490 --> 00:58:53.332
And so then it's not a good way to

1365
00:58:53.386 --> 00:58:56.276
start, I guess, because it's quite isolating. When

1366
00:58:56.298 --> 00:58:59.124
you don't have a job, you don't have this mechanism

1367
00:58:59.172 --> 00:59:02.136
that's built in to meet people. You really have to go out

1368
00:59:02.158 --> 00:59:05.096
of your comfort zone, set up play dates with random people that

1369
00:59:05.118 --> 00:59:08.090
you've never met and just hope they're cool.

1370
00:59:08.700 --> 00:59:11.628
Well, when you're posted somewhere and you're part of

1371
00:59:11.634 --> 00:59:14.156
the posting, like when you're in the military and you get

1372
00:59:14.178 --> 00:59:17.004
posted, you basically have an automatic set of friends

1373
00:59:17.042 --> 00:59:19.984
you're going to make. You're going to meet a bunch of people who, uh, you have at least

1374
00:59:20.022 --> 00:59:22.860
one big thing in common and you're

1375
00:59:22.940 --> 00:59:25.248
going to make like it's very easy.

1376
00:59:25.334 --> 00:59:28.256
Exactly. There's so much commonality between you and

1377
00:59:28.278 --> 00:59:31.120
someone else in the military that even if you

1378
00:59:31.190 --> 00:59:34.128
have never been posted the same place and you've never met before, you have those people that you

1379
00:59:34.134 --> 00:59:35.060
can talk to about things.

1380
00:59:35.130 --> 00:59:36.384
You have similar experiences.

1381
00:59:36.432 --> 00:59:39.172
Yeah, exactly. So you have that innate link between

1382
00:59:39.226 --> 00:59:42.068
you. But when we move, so Paul will go to

1383
00:59:42.074 --> 00:59:44.928
work and then it's just Owen and I hanging out and as

1384
00:59:44.954 --> 00:59:47.656
cool as that kid is, it's not

1385
00:59:47.838 --> 00:59:49.012
mentally stimulating.

1386
00:59:49.076 --> 00:59:49.304
Yeah.

1387
00:59:49.342 --> 00:59:52.308
Really? Right. So a lot of the stuff that I was craving

1388
00:59:52.404 --> 00:59:54.890
that I wasn't getting in my job

1389
00:59:55.340 --> 00:59:58.216
and that I really found through school, I'm not able to

1390
00:59:58.238 --> 01:00:01.196
continue to pursue because you can't leave a two

1391
01:00:01.218 --> 01:00:04.156
year old at home, I'm told that's a

1392
01:00:04.178 --> 01:00:07.116
bad idea. So we really need to like we

1393
01:00:07.138 --> 01:00:08.824
were waiting and we're on every waitlist.

1394
01:00:08.872 --> 01:00:10.504
Possible, so that's harder.

1395
01:00:10.552 --> 01:00:13.456
It wasn't a part of the posting that I was expecting because I was

1396
01:00:13.478 --> 01:00:16.384
just really excited for this next chapter because for me,

1397
01:00:16.422 --> 01:00:19.152
it meant a new career, a new chance

1398
01:00:19.286 --> 01:00:22.064
to contribute and to make

1399
01:00:22.102 --> 01:00:24.764
new friends and everything like that. That part wasn't scary,

1400
01:00:24.812 --> 01:00:27.444
but when you get there and then you don't have anything to

1401
01:00:27.482 --> 01:00:30.436
do, if you know what I mean. Obviously you have tons of stuff to

1402
01:00:30.458 --> 01:00:33.056
do because you're setting up your life in a new place, but you don't

1403
01:00:33.088 --> 01:00:35.604
have that career purpose. It makes it really

1404
01:00:35.642 --> 01:00:36.192
hard.

1405
01:00:36.346 --> 01:00:39.336
Yeah, for sure. A major challenge of being

1406
01:00:39.358 --> 01:00:42.340
a service couple is postings. You, uh,

1407
01:00:42.340 --> 01:00:45.256
were posted apart while engaged for three years. How did you make

1408
01:00:45.278 --> 01:00:46.088
that work?

1409
01:00:46.254 --> 01:00:48.904
A lot of FaceTime and

1410
01:00:48.942 --> 01:00:51.916
skype and things. So for the first year that we were apart, I

1411
01:00:51.938 --> 01:00:54.924
was in Winnipeg and Paul was in Labrador, so we had a

1412
01:00:54.962 --> 01:00:57.900
two hour time difference. So that

1413
01:00:58.050 --> 01:01:00.972
worked out a little bit better because, uh, by the time Paul was

1414
01:01:01.026 --> 01:01:03.800
having dinner, I was getting off work so we'd have a chance to

1415
01:01:03.810 --> 01:01:06.640
talk while I was working on dinner. And he was kind of

1416
01:01:06.710 --> 01:01:09.616
starting to wind down for the evening. So we'd usually plan to

1417
01:01:09.638 --> 01:01:12.544
call each other and even if we didn't sit and talk

1418
01:01:12.582 --> 01:01:15.440
for very long, we always kind of made an attempt to make sure that we

1419
01:01:15.510 --> 01:01:18.292
talked for at least ten minutes mhm a day, whether it was on the phone or

1420
01:01:18.346 --> 01:01:20.896
whether it was a video call. And then once it got posted

1421
01:01:20.928 --> 01:01:23.828
greenwood it made it a lot easier in some ways because we were in the

1422
01:01:23.834 --> 01:01:26.660
same time zone. So with that, again, we

1423
01:01:26.730 --> 01:01:29.688
would FaceTime every day. And you didn't even have to

1424
01:01:29.694 --> 01:01:32.612
be sitting there. Like, when you have a video call and you're like, really intent

1425
01:01:32.676 --> 01:01:35.656
that's all you're doing. We would just have FaceTime on while

1426
01:01:35.678 --> 01:01:38.616
we're doing stuff, while we're cooking, while we're reading, while I was doing

1427
01:01:38.638 --> 01:01:41.580
homework and studying, that kind of thing,

1428
01:01:41.650 --> 01:01:44.396
just so that we could talk as if we were in the same room. That

1429
01:01:44.418 --> 01:01:47.404
made a big deal. And then basically all of our

1430
01:01:47.442 --> 01:01:49.936
time off was spent visiting each

1431
01:01:49.958 --> 01:01:52.476
other. So, um, I think Paul,

1432
01:01:52.588 --> 01:01:55.552
between work and visiting me from Labrador, he got, like,

1433
01:01:55.606 --> 01:01:58.576
the Air Canada elite status for like,

1434
01:01:58.598 --> 01:02:01.568
50 legs in a year. It was just a

1435
01:02:01.574 --> 01:02:04.160
lot of visiting back and forth and just making that

1436
01:02:04.230 --> 01:02:07.108
conscious effort to spend time together. There was a couple of

1437
01:02:07.114 --> 01:02:10.084
times where we had overlapping exercises and the time

1438
01:02:10.122 --> 01:02:12.884
change would just be nuts. So at that point, we would just send each other

1439
01:02:13.002 --> 01:02:15.636
messages. And whenever you could answer, you could

1440
01:02:15.658 --> 01:02:18.472
answer. And those parts were kind of hard, especially

1441
01:02:18.526 --> 01:02:21.384
when you get used to being able to shock every

1442
01:02:21.422 --> 01:02:24.216
night. But it was just something that we both understood had to

1443
01:02:24.238 --> 01:02:26.660
happen. We both knew it wasn't going to last forever.

1444
01:02:26.820 --> 01:02:27.928
That was kind of it.

1445
01:02:28.014 --> 01:02:30.844
We did manage to see each other quite a bit at the

1446
01:02:30.882 --> 01:02:33.464
time. The Griffin Sims

1447
01:02:33.592 --> 01:02:36.556
were in Gagetown. Okay, I think they still are, but so

1448
01:02:36.578 --> 01:02:39.448
he would come down to Gagetown and then I'd be able to go out to New Brunswick or he'd

1449
01:02:39.464 --> 01:02:42.316
take extra leave and come to Nova Scotia. Anytime there

1450
01:02:42.338 --> 01:02:45.196
was a, uh, reason to come south

1451
01:02:45.388 --> 01:02:48.224
or for me to go north, it would work. So we did

1452
01:02:48.262 --> 01:02:51.152
manage to see each other more than I had expected to in the first little bit. But

1453
01:02:51.206 --> 01:02:54.156
when we were Winnipeg and was that

1454
01:02:54.198 --> 01:02:56.996
was pretty hard. I think we only saw each other two or three

1455
01:02:57.018 --> 01:02:57.828
times that year.

1456
01:02:57.914 --> 01:03:00.804
Yeah, that's tough. So you got

1457
01:03:00.842 --> 01:03:03.428
married. You both are in the same place,

1458
01:03:03.594 --> 01:03:06.500
but now you have to manage the schedules of two different

1459
01:03:06.570 --> 01:03:09.544
people who are flying and maintain a relationship. How did

1460
01:03:09.582 --> 01:03:10.872
you guys do that?

1461
01:03:11.006 --> 01:03:13.592
For the first little bit, it was almost like he wasn't there

1462
01:03:13.646 --> 01:03:16.616
because he came down to Greenwood. We bought a house,

1463
01:03:16.638 --> 01:03:19.560
but didn't get it till the summer. And he went on his cormorant course.

1464
01:03:19.710 --> 01:03:21.676
So I had his dog now, and.

1465
01:03:21.698 --> 01:03:23.676
My dog, which was in England, part.

1466
01:03:23.698 --> 01:03:26.684
Of it's in England. Yeah. So the Sims are in England. And that

1467
01:03:26.722 --> 01:03:29.484
week that they had Sims in England, the one week on course you can't take

1468
01:03:29.522 --> 01:03:31.464
leave was the week that we got possession of our house.

1469
01:03:31.522 --> 01:03:32.032
Oh, perfect.

1470
01:03:32.086 --> 01:03:34.752
So I moved both of us into our house

1471
01:03:34.886 --> 01:03:37.680
and after that, once he got back in the fall,

1472
01:03:37.830 --> 01:03:40.784
we basically have a shared calendar and we would write

1473
01:03:40.822 --> 01:03:43.696
out we started initially by writing it out on paper, like who was

1474
01:03:43.718 --> 01:03:46.644
flying what day and whatever, trying to figure out who would be making

1475
01:03:46.682 --> 01:03:49.424
dinner and who not. But Paul's schedule is changing

1476
01:03:49.472 --> 01:03:52.004
so much because at the time, they only had four first

1477
01:03:52.042 --> 01:03:54.980
officers for the Cormorant and one was usually gone for training.

1478
01:03:55.050 --> 01:03:58.036
So he was on call at least half the month,

1479
01:03:58.138 --> 01:04:01.008
if not more, depending on the month. So it ended

1480
01:04:01.024 --> 01:04:03.776
up just being that we didn't bother with writing down our schedules

1481
01:04:03.808 --> 01:04:06.396
anymore. We would just kind of have

1482
01:04:06.418 --> 01:04:09.404
like a talk in the morning or the night before, figure out who

1483
01:04:09.442 --> 01:04:12.416
was where, if we needed anyone to come and look at the dogs, if we were going to

1484
01:04:12.418 --> 01:04:15.308
be gone for a while and go from there. So once we

1485
01:04:15.314 --> 01:04:18.172
got into that rhythm, um, it made it a little bit easier because we

1486
01:04:18.226 --> 01:04:21.212
knew what days to expect that we would be gone,

1487
01:04:21.266 --> 01:04:24.256
what days we would have time together. And when we didn't have time together, we

1488
01:04:24.278 --> 01:04:26.960
made it very purposeful.

1489
01:04:27.380 --> 01:04:30.368
So we'd make sure we'd go out on dates together and

1490
01:04:30.454 --> 01:04:33.408
go exploring, do stuff that we enjoyed, uh, even if it

1491
01:04:33.414 --> 01:04:36.128
was just like watching a movie at home and having some popcorn.

1492
01:04:36.304 --> 01:04:38.884
And anytime that we had a chance

1493
01:04:39.002 --> 01:04:41.844
to take time off together, whether

1494
01:04:41.882 --> 01:04:44.516
it was like, okay, you get to leave early on a Friday, or

1495
01:04:44.618 --> 01:04:47.076
we requested overlapping Christmas leave to make sure that.

1496
01:04:47.098 --> 01:04:48.920
No one was like we were both.

1497
01:04:48.990 --> 01:04:51.928
Not on call for one chunk of time together, so we knew

1498
01:04:51.934 --> 01:04:54.856
we couldn't get called out, which was nice. Um, but yeah,

1499
01:04:54.878 --> 01:04:57.256
it just took a lot of coordination and last minute changes

1500
01:04:57.358 --> 01:05:00.244
because you can attest to the schedule

1501
01:05:00.292 --> 01:05:02.996
changes all the time on both parts. And

1502
01:05:03.118 --> 01:05:05.996
if you think it's going to be a quiet day and then all of a sudden Paul would

1503
01:05:06.018 --> 01:05:08.824
get a call out and he'd have to go fly up to northern Quebec,

1504
01:05:08.872 --> 01:05:11.864
then, well, guess him alone for dinner tonight, probably for breakfast

1505
01:05:11.912 --> 01:05:14.896
tomorrow, and he's going to be sleeping when I get home. And that was

1506
01:05:14.918 --> 01:05:17.584
probably the hardest part is that we didn't often have night

1507
01:05:17.622 --> 01:05:20.384
flights. And then when we did, it was scheduled, whereas he was

1508
01:05:20.422 --> 01:05:23.296
on know, half the nights. So he would

1509
01:05:23.318 --> 01:05:26.272
get called out and leave and he'd be gone for however many

1510
01:05:26.326 --> 01:05:29.248
hours it took for the search and then he'd be sleeping

1511
01:05:29.264 --> 01:05:32.116
the day. So we'd kind of lose a day with the night shift. So

1512
01:05:32.138 --> 01:05:34.996
that's one of the reasons too, we're happy to be here is there's no

1513
01:05:35.018 --> 01:05:37.544
more night flying except scheduled night flying. So that

1514
01:05:37.582 --> 01:05:38.260
helps.

1515
01:05:38.420 --> 01:05:41.190
So it sounds like a lot of scheduling and, um

1516
01:05:41.246 --> 01:05:41.908
flexibility.

1517
01:05:42.004 --> 01:05:44.884
Yeah, scheduling flexibility and like remembering to do cute

1518
01:05:44.932 --> 01:05:45.192
things.

1519
01:05:45.246 --> 01:05:46.692
Yeah, I was going to say intentionality.

1520
01:05:46.756 --> 01:05:49.644
Yeah. So one of the things we did while we were apart was

1521
01:05:49.682 --> 01:05:52.232
we'd send each other like, you know, the Hallmark Corny

1522
01:05:52.376 --> 01:05:55.084
love cards, like thinking of you and stuff. They always have

1523
01:05:55.122 --> 01:05:57.868
puns on them. Sometimes they're really cringe. Yeah.

1524
01:05:57.954 --> 01:06:00.904
So we would send those to each other all the time because we both like getting mail.

1525
01:06:00.952 --> 01:06:03.836
Who doesn't like getting mail? So then we'd start doing that. When we were

1526
01:06:03.858 --> 01:06:06.716
living together too, we would just leave them on the pillow or like if we're going away

1527
01:06:06.738 --> 01:06:09.708
on an exercise, I'd leave a couple scattered around the house kind of

1528
01:06:09.714 --> 01:06:12.532
thing. Just as a reminder. Right. It's a nice

1529
01:06:12.586 --> 01:06:15.556
way and it's better I find it's better in some ways than just

1530
01:06:15.578 --> 01:06:18.340
like a text. Because the text you get used to

1531
01:06:18.410 --> 01:06:21.396
texting back and forth and I don't feel like you get the

1532
01:06:21.418 --> 01:06:24.256
same kind of connection. Whereas if you're doing that a really cute

1533
01:06:24.288 --> 01:06:27.076
thing or you buy their favorite dessert. Paul would usually buy me

1534
01:06:27.098 --> 01:06:30.024
flowers and have them set up before he'd leave

1535
01:06:30.062 --> 01:06:32.936
on a course. So I'd have something nice in the kitchen to look at while he

1536
01:06:32.958 --> 01:06:35.876
was really you have to be cute

1537
01:06:35.908 --> 01:06:37.790
and a little disgusting about it

1538
01:06:38.560 --> 01:06:40.876
to really keep it happy. Yeah.

1539
01:06:41.058 --> 01:06:43.708
What's been the hardest part of being a spouse to someone in the

1540
01:06:43.714 --> 01:06:44.700
RCAF?

1541
01:06:45.760 --> 01:06:48.732
Not, um, being able to plan ever. Like

1542
01:06:48.866 --> 01:06:51.856
trying to plan family vacations or getting to see our families at

1543
01:06:51.878 --> 01:06:54.432
all. We've both been away from our families for twelve

1544
01:06:54.486 --> 01:06:57.356
years and not lived remotely

1545
01:06:57.388 --> 01:07:00.272
close to them. So trying to plan

1546
01:07:00.326 --> 01:07:02.832
times when we can go see family and we can take that, uh, time

1547
01:07:02.966 --> 01:07:05.660
together as well is

1548
01:07:05.830 --> 01:07:08.788
always frustrating because there are always constraints. Right. It could be nice for

1549
01:07:08.794 --> 01:07:11.764
you to go and see your brother's birthday, but

1550
01:07:11.802 --> 01:07:14.468
that's not going to line up with Christmas leave or summer block leave

1551
01:07:14.634 --> 01:07:17.592
or someone's on a course or whatever. So there's no

1552
01:07:17.646 --> 01:07:20.536
ability to do a kind of long term planning. The other thing now that we

1553
01:07:20.558 --> 01:07:23.412
have Owen too, is thinking of schooling

1554
01:07:23.476 --> 01:07:26.200
and those long term plans that people

1555
01:07:26.270 --> 01:07:29.176
that don't have to move as often, you get to

1556
01:07:29.198 --> 01:07:32.156
plan that. You get to decide, like, I really want my kid to go to

1557
01:07:32.178 --> 01:07:34.764
this school, or I really want them to be in

1558
01:07:34.882 --> 01:07:37.852
this sport or this club. And

1559
01:07:37.906 --> 01:07:40.844
you can have that reliability of, well,

1560
01:07:40.882 --> 01:07:43.856
we're going to live here for the next 15 years. So we know that they're going to be

1561
01:07:43.878 --> 01:07:46.610
in this school district. Yada. Uh, yada. Yada. For us,

1562
01:07:47.220 --> 01:07:50.000
we aren't even sure if we're going to be in this province when no one starts school.

1563
01:07:50.150 --> 01:07:52.836
And if we are, we don't know how many grades he's going to do.

1564
01:07:52.938 --> 01:07:55.764
Right. So it's such a crapshoot trying

1565
01:07:55.802 --> 01:07:58.228
to find and plan for your future.

1566
01:07:58.314 --> 01:08:01.284
That that's probably the most frustrating part. Because

1567
01:08:01.322 --> 01:08:04.288
every time you get settled too, like, you'll get settled and comfortable and you'll

1568
01:08:04.304 --> 01:08:07.240
be like, okay, maybe we could stay here and then something will come up

1569
01:08:07.310 --> 01:08:10.116
and you'll get posted. Or even if you don't get posted,

1570
01:08:10.148 --> 01:08:13.064
something will change that will affect those plans. So there's no

1571
01:08:13.102 --> 01:08:16.024
sense of long term stability in

1572
01:08:16.062 --> 01:08:18.744
the sense of plans. I mean, obviously there's long term stability

1573
01:08:18.872 --> 01:08:21.384
in Paul's career and some things remain

1574
01:08:21.432 --> 01:08:24.140
constant. Any kind of like family planning and stuff is

1575
01:08:24.290 --> 01:08:25.928
just a disaster.

1576
01:08:26.104 --> 01:08:29.004
Yeah, for sure. What has been the

1577
01:08:29.042 --> 01:08:31.840
best part of being a spouse to someone in the RCAF?

1578
01:08:32.980 --> 01:08:35.952
That's kind of a hard one, I think, on an

1579
01:08:36.086 --> 01:08:38.656
individual level, like, between Paul and I, I love

1580
01:08:38.678 --> 01:08:41.616
seeing him when he is really thrilled about

1581
01:08:41.638 --> 01:08:44.560
his job. So there's a couple times, like his first couple of rescues,

1582
01:08:44.640 --> 01:08:47.444
especially the first rescue that he got where

1583
01:08:47.482 --> 01:08:50.240
someone it wasn't a search, it was actually a rescue.

1584
01:08:50.320 --> 01:08:53.200
So he got someone got them to medical aid

1585
01:08:53.280 --> 01:08:56.276
and they survived. That was such a rush, I think, for

1586
01:08:56.298 --> 01:08:59.144
him. And seeing him so happy and so proud of that was really

1587
01:08:59.182 --> 01:09:02.168
awesome. And then the other thing is, as much

1588
01:09:02.174 --> 01:09:05.144
as we complain about postings, having a chance to live in

1589
01:09:05.182 --> 01:09:07.956
different places around the country has been awesome. We loved

1590
01:09:07.988 --> 01:09:10.956
Nova Scotia. Neither of us are from there. I'm from Alberta, Paul's from

1591
01:09:10.978 --> 01:09:13.768
BC. And we absolutely loved living in Nova

1592
01:09:13.784 --> 01:09:16.764
Scotia. And I never would have moved there. Like, what would make me move

1593
01:09:16.802 --> 01:09:19.596
there, right. There's nothing else that really kind of

1594
01:09:19.618 --> 01:09:22.476
pushes those boundaries and gives you those different kinds

1595
01:09:22.508 --> 01:09:25.344
of experiences, like being told

1596
01:09:25.382 --> 01:09:28.352
you have to go live there for three years or more. Right. So

1597
01:09:28.486 --> 01:09:31.170
I think that part's been the best, those two things. Yeah.

1598
01:09:31.940 --> 01:09:34.928
What has been your coolest experience as a spouse to someone in the

1599
01:09:34.934 --> 01:09:35.900
RCAF?

1600
01:09:36.060 --> 01:09:39.024
One of our friends is going to be a little bitter about this. Not going to lie.

1601
01:09:39.152 --> 01:09:41.920
When Paul was up in Goose Bay flying on the Griffin,

1602
01:09:42.000 --> 01:09:44.976
it's quite a small squadron and everything. And they knew that I was also military

1603
01:09:45.008 --> 01:09:47.844
and also air crew. So when I came up to visit

1604
01:09:47.972 --> 01:09:50.712
the Christmas after we got engaged, his

1605
01:09:50.766 --> 01:09:53.656
Co approved me to go fly with them. So I

1606
01:09:53.678 --> 01:09:56.468
got to go in the back of the Griffin and we went up to the Mealy

1607
01:09:56.484 --> 01:09:59.380
Mountains, which is just outside of, um, Goose Bay,

1608
01:09:59.460 --> 01:10:02.408
and landed on a mountain and went and got up. So we've

1609
01:10:02.424 --> 01:10:04.700
got like a selfie of us together on a mountain.

1610
01:10:05.120 --> 01:10:07.576
That was pretty cool. And none of the other spouses could do it because they weren't

1611
01:10:07.608 --> 01:10:10.556
military. That's why one of our friends is going to be really

1612
01:10:10.578 --> 01:10:13.548
salty because for the longest time, we didn't

1613
01:10:13.564 --> 01:10:16.528
tell her it happened. Um, but yeah, I think being able

1614
01:10:16.534 --> 01:10:19.356
to see him work like that is super cool. And the helicopter

1615
01:10:19.388 --> 01:10:22.348
pilots get to do the mountain flying course in Penticton,

1616
01:10:22.444 --> 01:10:25.188
which is super cool. They just get to go learn how

1617
01:10:25.194 --> 01:10:27.956
to land on teeny tiny pieces of mountain and

1618
01:10:28.058 --> 01:10:30.836
do weird helicopter. But so I got to fly with

1619
01:10:30.858 --> 01:10:33.856
him to there, and they actually let me sit in the front seat

1620
01:10:33.888 --> 01:10:36.230
and fly a helicopter with him in the back

1621
01:10:36.600 --> 01:10:39.448
and just there to watch and whatever. It

1622
01:10:39.454 --> 01:10:40.536
was a lot of fun.

1623
01:10:40.638 --> 01:10:41.432
That's really cool.

1624
01:10:41.486 --> 01:10:44.280
Yeah. And we got to go scare a mountain goat.

1625
01:10:44.620 --> 01:10:46.344
It was great. It was a lot of fun.

1626
01:10:46.462 --> 01:10:49.432
Every time that course comes up in interviews, everyone

1627
01:10:49.486 --> 01:10:52.364
talks about how incredible it is. That's like the best

1628
01:10:52.402 --> 01:10:53.404
flying you'll do in your life.

1629
01:10:53.442 --> 01:10:56.428
Yeah, it's unreal. And they have these little helicopters. They remind me of like

1630
01:10:56.434 --> 01:10:58.350
little sports cars because they're just like

1631
01:10:59.120 --> 01:11:02.108
the cockpit bubble basically and the rotor

1632
01:11:02.124 --> 01:11:04.976
plates in the tail and then you just go they were doing like

1633
01:11:04.998 --> 01:11:07.648
canyon runs and stuff. It's definitely

1634
01:11:07.734 --> 01:11:10.384
super cool. And that company is so

1635
01:11:10.422 --> 01:11:12.930
professional and so nice. And

1636
01:11:13.940 --> 01:11:16.772
everyone that I talked to, they just rant about that course

1637
01:11:16.826 --> 01:11:19.664
because they're like, everything's so smooth, everything's so well planned.

1638
01:11:19.712 --> 01:11:22.596
We get to do such cool flying. Yeah, it

1639
01:11:22.618 --> 01:11:25.210
was cool. It was a good chance. Cool.

1640
01:11:26.060 --> 01:11:28.744
So for a final question, I want you to think

1641
01:11:28.782 --> 01:11:31.496
about a young pilot or a young air

1642
01:11:31.518 --> 01:11:34.264
crew member. What piece of advice would you give

1643
01:11:34.302 --> 01:11:37.180
them to help them have a successful family

1644
01:11:37.250 --> 01:11:37.868
life?

1645
01:11:38.034 --> 01:11:40.590
I think you really need to be purposeful about

1646
01:11:41.040 --> 01:11:44.012
your work life balance. That's something that is

1647
01:11:44.066 --> 01:11:46.284
really easy to ignore. Especially when you're young

1648
01:11:46.402 --> 01:11:49.388
and either single or kind of newly married. When you're

1649
01:11:49.394 --> 01:11:52.256
in that young family stage where maybe you don't have kids yet, maybe you're thinking

1650
01:11:52.278 --> 01:11:55.084
about it, maybe you aren't thinking about it. But you're newly married

1651
01:11:55.212 --> 01:11:58.188
because you're new and gung ho and usually you're

1652
01:11:58.204 --> 01:12:00.530
during an upgrade process or working

1653
01:12:01.080 --> 01:12:03.764
towards your goals. It's really easy to

1654
01:12:03.802 --> 01:12:06.724
get sucked into work is

1655
01:12:06.762 --> 01:12:09.060
life, mhm, which it isn't.

1656
01:12:10.360 --> 01:12:13.124
Not to be harsh, but when you retire, the

1657
01:12:13.162 --> 01:12:15.610
RCAF is going to continue on without you. Right.

1658
01:12:17.900 --> 01:12:20.708
You are not the make and break piece of the entire organization.

1659
01:12:20.804 --> 01:12:23.768
So you need to take time for family that you're never going

1660
01:12:23.774 --> 01:12:26.696
to get back. Those are things you really need to focus on. And

1661
01:12:26.718 --> 01:12:29.676
especially with kids too. When you start to have kids, take the

1662
01:12:29.698 --> 01:12:32.508
time off. A lot of people I know

1663
01:12:32.594 --> 01:12:35.436
didn't take parental leave even though they're entitled to it and they can

1664
01:12:35.538 --> 01:12:38.508
because they wanted to continue on with their flying. But the

1665
01:12:38.514 --> 01:12:41.212
planes are going to be there when you get back. Yeah, right. I agree.

1666
01:12:41.346 --> 01:12:44.176
It's totally okay to love your job and to be passionate about it and

1667
01:12:44.198 --> 01:12:47.184
to volunteer for things and volunteer out for trips. But

1668
01:12:47.222 --> 01:12:49.984
you have to check in with your partner and make sure that they're not

1669
01:12:50.022 --> 01:12:52.896
missing you. Right. Like, they're going to miss you a little bit, but if they feel

1670
01:12:52.918 --> 01:12:55.876
like they're missing huge chunks of your life, take some

1671
01:12:55.898 --> 01:12:58.870
time. Take some time to focus on that. And also

1672
01:12:59.240 --> 01:13:02.036
remember that they're going to be the ones that are sticking around with

1673
01:13:02.058 --> 01:13:05.044
you and kids or your early years

1674
01:13:05.082 --> 01:13:08.056
of marriage. You're not going to get those back. So make the most

1675
01:13:08.078 --> 01:13:10.952
of them and you can still enjoy your job, and then you have

1676
01:13:11.006 --> 01:13:13.284
a much better, ideally healthier

1677
01:13:13.412 --> 01:13:15.880
relationship when you come out of it at the end.

1678
01:13:15.950 --> 01:13:16.744
Yeah, I like that.

1679
01:13:16.782 --> 01:13:17.416
Yeah.

1680
01:13:17.598 --> 01:13:20.456
Okay. Thank you so much for being here. Thanks for taking the time

1681
01:13:20.478 --> 01:13:23.404
out of your busy day. I, uh, know you're super busy with Owen and everything else

1682
01:13:23.442 --> 01:13:26.412
in life and getting settled in this new place, so thank you so much.

1683
01:13:26.466 --> 01:13:28.350
Yeah, no problem. Thanks for having me.

1684
01:13:28.880 --> 01:13:31.516
Our final guest today is my very good friend, Lindsay

1685
01:13:31.548 --> 01:13:33.388
Olson. Welcome to the show, Lindsay.

1686
01:13:33.484 --> 01:13:35.040
Thanks for having me, Brian.

1687
01:13:35.460 --> 01:13:37.984
So, Lindsay, can you start by quickly telling us about

1688
01:13:38.022 --> 01:13:38.610
yourself?

1689
01:13:39.620 --> 01:13:42.180
So I grew up in a small

1690
01:13:42.250 --> 01:13:45.152
town called Portal Bernie on Vancouver

1691
01:13:45.216 --> 01:13:47.670
Island, BC. I

1692
01:13:48.120 --> 01:13:51.076
moved to Victoria, BC, which is

1693
01:13:51.098 --> 01:13:53.892
about two and a half hours from my hometown,

1694
01:13:54.036 --> 01:13:56.984
just after graduation. And I

1695
01:13:57.022 --> 01:13:58.890
attended Camosin College.

1696
01:13:59.420 --> 01:14:02.276
And I was one of those people that didn't

1697
01:14:02.308 --> 01:14:05.208
know what I wanted to do with my life. So I

1698
01:14:05.294 --> 01:14:07.672
took a one year certificate

1699
01:14:07.816 --> 01:14:10.700
program and office administration,

1700
01:14:11.120 --> 01:14:13.884
and was hired by the

1701
01:14:13.922 --> 01:14:16.636
BC government shortly after. I worked for the

1702
01:14:16.658 --> 01:14:19.504
BC government for ten years,

1703
01:14:19.620 --> 01:14:22.496
uh, and held five different positions. And

1704
01:14:22.518 --> 01:14:25.260
during my time with government, I discovered

1705
01:14:25.420 --> 01:14:27.840
that I have a knack for writing.

1706
01:14:28.180 --> 01:14:30.864
And so that sort of propelled my career

1707
01:14:30.912 --> 01:14:33.636
forward to where I am today as the

1708
01:14:33.658 --> 01:14:36.656
Director of Communications for Southern Health Sante Sid,

1709
01:14:36.688 --> 01:14:39.396
which is the Southern Health Authority here in

1710
01:14:39.418 --> 01:14:42.372
Manitoba. I was

1711
01:14:42.426 --> 01:14:45.256
a dancer growing up. I have three children,

1712
01:14:45.358 --> 01:14:48.088
and of course, I'm married to Nils, who is

1713
01:14:48.174 --> 01:14:51.064
a maritime helicopter pilot by

1714
01:14:51.102 --> 01:14:53.832
trade and currently an instructor here, uh, at

1715
01:14:53.886 --> 01:14:56.584
three CFFTS in Portugal

1716
01:14:56.632 --> 01:14:57.640
Prairie, Manitoba.

1717
01:14:57.720 --> 01:15:00.636
Awesome. So how did you and Nils meet each

1718
01:15:00.658 --> 01:15:01.324
other?

1719
01:15:01.522 --> 01:15:04.056
We met through Plenty of Fish,

1720
01:15:04.168 --> 01:15:06.684
which is an online

1721
01:15:06.802 --> 01:15:09.368
dating platform, or it was a very popular

1722
01:15:09.464 --> 01:15:12.384
online dating platform back when we m met twelve

1723
01:15:12.422 --> 01:15:14.064
years ago. I have no idea if it still.

1724
01:15:14.102 --> 01:15:16.716
Exists, but it's definitely one of the originals.

1725
01:15:16.828 --> 01:15:19.152
Yeah, it was very common back

1726
01:15:19.206 --> 01:15:19.856
then.

1727
01:15:20.038 --> 01:15:22.880
Yeah. Once you guys started talking

1728
01:15:22.950 --> 01:15:25.668
on Plenty of Fish and you met him,

1729
01:15:25.754 --> 01:15:28.148
what was your initial thought when it came to dating someone in the

1730
01:15:28.154 --> 01:15:29.140
RCAF?

1731
01:15:29.800 --> 01:15:32.660
So that actually prompts a bit of a funny story.

1732
01:15:32.810 --> 01:15:35.688
So, prior to meeting Nils through Plenty Of

1733
01:15:35.694 --> 01:15:38.484
Fish, I had been on a date with a Navy

1734
01:15:38.532 --> 01:15:40.952
guy who explained in great detail

1735
01:15:41.086 --> 01:15:44.040
what deployments look like and all

1736
01:15:44.110 --> 01:15:47.000
the comings and goings. And I thought to myself,

1737
01:15:47.150 --> 01:15:50.044
nope, I have no interest in that. Why

1738
01:15:50.082 --> 01:15:52.972
would I want to be with someone who's gone most of the time?

1739
01:15:53.026 --> 01:15:55.884
So I just wanted no part of that.

1740
01:15:56.002 --> 01:15:58.396
And fast forward to meeting

1741
01:15:58.428 --> 01:16:00.800
Nils. He was actually very

1742
01:16:00.870 --> 01:16:03.744
strategic about not mentioning that he worked

1743
01:16:03.782 --> 01:16:06.592
in the military. He

1744
01:16:06.646 --> 01:16:09.424
vaguely mentioned that he worked in aviation and

1745
01:16:09.462 --> 01:16:12.080
eventually disclosed that he was a pilot.

1746
01:16:12.600 --> 01:16:15.284
And, uh, it was actually the day that we were

1747
01:16:15.322 --> 01:16:18.196
supposed to meet that he had. Mentioned that he was

1748
01:16:18.218 --> 01:16:21.044
on a course. And that triggered something. I

1749
01:16:21.082 --> 01:16:24.036
realized that the course that he

1750
01:16:24.058 --> 01:16:26.984
was on was the same course that this Navy guy had been

1751
01:16:27.022 --> 01:16:29.528
on. And I just thought, oh my God, he works in the

1752
01:16:29.534 --> 01:16:32.264
military. And so I confronted him

1753
01:16:32.302 --> 01:16:34.904
by text. And you know, when

1754
01:16:35.102 --> 01:16:37.944
know texting, there's those three dots and then pause

1755
01:16:37.992 --> 01:16:40.524
and then three dots. And so that went on for like five

1756
01:16:40.562 --> 01:16:41.150
minutes.

1757
01:16:42.240 --> 01:16:45.196
He eventually just said yes. And

1758
01:16:45.218 --> 01:16:46.668
I had this out of body.

1759
01:16:46.754 --> 01:16:49.676
Experience where I thought, okay, I

1760
01:16:49.698 --> 01:16:52.384
have 20 minutes before I need to catch a bus to meet this

1761
01:16:52.422 --> 01:16:55.392
guy. And I really like him. I can tell

1762
01:16:55.446 --> 01:16:58.272
that we have chemistry. I'm either

1763
01:16:58.326 --> 01:17:01.120
going to get on that bus and meet him

1764
01:17:01.190 --> 01:17:03.744
and accept whatever comes next, knowing

1765
01:17:03.792 --> 01:17:06.628
that he has the potential to change the

1766
01:17:06.634 --> 01:17:09.588
course of my life forever, or

1767
01:17:09.674 --> 01:17:11.344
I run for the hills.

1768
01:17:11.392 --> 01:17:11.652
Right.

1769
01:17:11.706 --> 01:17:14.388
So it came down to five minutes and I thought to myself,

1770
01:17:14.474 --> 01:17:17.396
okay, I'm just going to run for this bus. If I catch

1771
01:17:17.428 --> 01:17:20.264
the bus, I'm going to accept whatever comes next.

1772
01:17:20.462 --> 01:17:23.396
If I miss the bus, then we were never meant

1773
01:17:23.428 --> 01:17:26.220
to meet. So obviously I caught that bus

1774
01:17:26.290 --> 01:17:26.476
and.

1775
01:17:26.498 --> 01:17:27.710
The rest is history.

1776
01:17:29.760 --> 01:17:32.264
That's so funny. I'm actually crying

1777
01:17:32.312 --> 01:17:34.030
from this story.

1778
01:17:35.600 --> 01:17:37.724
I mean, it did change the course of my life.

1779
01:17:37.762 --> 01:17:38.348
Right.

1780
01:17:38.514 --> 01:17:41.360
You just know that, uh, having

1781
01:17:41.430 --> 01:17:44.384
enough background on what military life was like,

1782
01:17:44.422 --> 01:17:47.216
just from hearing from other people that I had been

1783
01:17:47.238 --> 01:17:50.044
on dates with, I just knew that whatever plans

1784
01:17:50.092 --> 01:17:52.756
you have in life, they will change.

1785
01:17:52.858 --> 01:17:53.668
Yeah, for sure.

1786
01:17:53.754 --> 01:17:56.196
If you're in a relationship with someone who's in the

1787
01:17:56.218 --> 01:17:57.008
military.

1788
01:17:57.184 --> 01:18:00.164
Yeah, that's absolutely true. As much as we

1789
01:18:00.202 --> 01:18:02.916
live in a world now where

1790
01:18:03.098 --> 01:18:05.776
more and more rightly. So both

1791
01:18:05.818 --> 01:18:08.756
people's careers are important, uh, we try to strive for equal

1792
01:18:08.788 --> 01:18:11.736
importance. The truth is, if one person's in the

1793
01:18:11.758 --> 01:18:14.744
military, everyone else in the family's life revolves around

1794
01:18:14.862 --> 01:18:17.708
the demands of that job. It's just the way it has to be.

1795
01:18:17.794 --> 01:18:18.430
Absolutely.

1796
01:18:19.440 --> 01:18:22.124
So you mentioned that you work as Director of communications for

1797
01:18:22.162 --> 01:18:24.844
Manitoba Southern Health. And you and Nils have three

1798
01:18:24.882 --> 01:18:27.352
kids. How have you found balancing employment,

1799
01:18:27.416 --> 01:18:30.412
parenthood, and being married to an RCAF pilot?

1800
01:18:30.556 --> 01:18:33.440
It can be very challenging. Some days

1801
01:18:33.510 --> 01:18:36.112
are fairly routine and other

1802
01:18:36.166 --> 01:18:38.416
days require extensive planning and

1803
01:18:38.438 --> 01:18:41.212
coordination. When Nils

1804
01:18:41.276 --> 01:18:43.972
is on a cross country, we call

1805
01:18:44.026 --> 01:18:46.756
those survival days. Those are the

1806
01:18:46.778 --> 01:18:49.732
days when we let the laundry pile up and the house

1807
01:18:49.786 --> 01:18:52.644
get dirty and you just prioritize what needs to

1808
01:18:52.682 --> 01:18:55.592
happen. And what needs to happen is getting

1809
01:18:55.646 --> 01:18:58.536
kids to school and daycare and work

1810
01:18:58.718 --> 01:19:01.704
and then dinner extracurricular. And we

1811
01:19:01.742 --> 01:19:04.552
are not above asking for help. We learned very

1812
01:19:04.606 --> 01:19:07.576
early on that we are fortunate to have

1813
01:19:07.678 --> 01:19:10.248
a robust family

1814
01:19:10.334 --> 01:19:13.196
military network here. I mean, I

1815
01:19:13.218 --> 01:19:16.204
can't even count on I don't have enough hands to count. How

1816
01:19:16.242 --> 01:19:19.152
many times you and Melissa alone have

1817
01:19:19.206 --> 01:19:22.128
helped our family in times of need.

1818
01:19:22.214 --> 01:19:25.104
And that's just one of many families that

1819
01:19:25.142 --> 01:19:27.728
steps up to the plate to help us.

1820
01:19:27.894 --> 01:19:30.560
Yeah, we're so fortunate here in

1821
01:19:30.710 --> 01:19:33.540
Portagello Prairie at the school because

1822
01:19:33.610 --> 01:19:36.516
people have the extra bandwidth to help each other.

1823
01:19:36.618 --> 01:19:39.140
And I found that this place has been really great

1824
01:19:39.210 --> 01:19:41.812
for almost recuperating from the

1825
01:19:41.866 --> 01:19:44.852
crazy life of operational flying, and

1826
01:19:44.986 --> 01:19:47.896
we can all help each other out a little more. And it's been really nice.

1827
01:19:47.998 --> 01:19:50.970
I couldn't agree more, Brian. It's been an incredible experience.

1828
01:19:52.940 --> 01:19:55.732
So going back to when you met, very shortly

1829
01:19:55.796 --> 01:19:58.472
after you met nils left for his operational training

1830
01:19:58.526 --> 01:20:01.516
unit to follow it up. He was quickly sent away on a

1831
01:20:01.538 --> 01:20:03.996
nine and a half month sale. What was that like for

1832
01:20:04.018 --> 01:20:04.588
you?

1833
01:20:04.754 --> 01:20:07.532
It was a big eye opener. You don't realize how

1834
01:20:07.586 --> 01:20:10.496
long nine and a half months is until you're in the thick of

1835
01:20:10.518 --> 01:20:13.456
it. And during that time, I had a

1836
01:20:13.478 --> 01:20:16.432
lot of time to reflect on what our

1837
01:20:16.486 --> 01:20:19.344
life might look like moving forward. So we

1838
01:20:19.382 --> 01:20:22.256
did not have kids at that time. And I

1839
01:20:22.278 --> 01:20:24.836
just kept thinking to myself, this is only the

1840
01:20:24.858 --> 01:20:27.760
beginning. This is going to get more challenging

1841
01:20:27.840 --> 01:20:30.644
as time goes on. What will this look like with

1842
01:20:30.682 --> 01:20:33.524
kids? There was a lot of reflection that

1843
01:20:33.562 --> 01:20:36.324
happened during that time, so it was

1844
01:20:36.362 --> 01:20:39.176
tough, but I think I always knew that it could

1845
01:20:39.198 --> 01:20:41.608
get tougher. And so I kind of was

1846
01:20:41.694 --> 01:20:44.536
thankful for the position that I was in and that I

1847
01:20:44.558 --> 01:20:47.524
did not have kids and that I was able to carry

1848
01:20:47.572 --> 01:20:50.572
on with my job no problem while he was away.

1849
01:20:50.706 --> 01:20:53.436
But it must have been really difficult because how long had you been

1850
01:20:53.458 --> 01:20:56.420
together before he went to the, uh,

1851
01:20:56.420 --> 01:20:58.008
East Coast to get trained on the Seeking?

1852
01:20:58.104 --> 01:21:00.992
We had only been together for two months before

1853
01:21:01.046 --> 01:21:04.032
he left. And leading up to his

1854
01:21:04.086 --> 01:21:07.056
departure for seeking training, he

1855
01:21:07.078 --> 01:21:10.016
just kept mentioning that he was going to go on a

1856
01:21:10.038 --> 01:21:12.576
training course and it would be a couple of weeks,

1857
01:21:12.758 --> 01:21:15.670
and then it was a couple of months. And then, um,

1858
01:21:16.120 --> 01:21:19.056
true story is that it was seven months, but he just didn't

1859
01:21:19.088 --> 01:21:21.700
want to lose me, and he wanted to

1860
01:21:21.850 --> 01:21:24.644
ease me into the idea that he would be coming

1861
01:21:24.682 --> 01:21:27.604
and going frequently, which is exactly what

1862
01:21:27.642 --> 01:21:28.084
happened.

1863
01:21:28.202 --> 01:21:31.176
And then he came back. And how long was it before he left on that

1864
01:21:31.198 --> 01:21:31.572
sale?

1865
01:21:31.636 --> 01:21:32.200
Two weeks.

1866
01:21:32.270 --> 01:21:34.952
Two weeks. So you were together again for two weeks and then gone

1867
01:21:35.006 --> 01:21:36.584
for nine and a half months?

1868
01:21:36.702 --> 01:21:39.468
He had a few deployments prior to that big

1869
01:21:39.554 --> 01:21:42.252
okay. Yeah, he had, uh, like a two month and a four

1870
01:21:42.306 --> 01:21:45.276
month, and he was always home for a couple of

1871
01:21:45.298 --> 01:21:47.932
weeks in between. And then, of course,

1872
01:21:48.066 --> 01:21:50.864
that long sale. And after he came back, we got

1873
01:21:50.902 --> 01:21:51.388
married.

1874
01:21:51.484 --> 01:21:54.448
Yeah. Wow. So that's a

1875
01:21:54.454 --> 01:21:57.232
lot of time apart. How did you two

1876
01:21:57.286 --> 01:21:59.184
keep things going during those times?

1877
01:21:59.382 --> 01:22:01.904
Communication was key. We had previously

1878
01:22:01.952 --> 01:22:04.272
established really strong communication

1879
01:22:04.336 --> 01:22:06.976
skills prior to his leaving

1880
01:22:07.168 --> 01:22:10.004
and his time in Halifax training

1881
01:22:10.202 --> 01:22:12.724
really solidified, uh, the importance of

1882
01:22:12.762 --> 01:22:15.704
connecting every day in whatever means were

1883
01:22:15.742 --> 01:22:18.380
available to us. So that, uh,

1884
01:22:18.380 --> 01:22:21.304
texting, FaceTime, emails. We

1885
01:22:21.342 --> 01:22:24.248
even wrote letters, postcards. Oh, my gosh, I

1886
01:22:24.254 --> 01:22:27.180
think I got a postcard. I have, like, a box

1887
01:22:27.250 --> 01:22:29.950
full of letters and postcards from that time.

1888
01:22:30.400 --> 01:22:32.120
I should take that out sometime.

1889
01:22:32.200 --> 01:22:33.020
Yeah, you should.

1890
01:22:33.090 --> 01:22:33.612
Yeah.

1891
01:22:33.746 --> 01:22:36.572
We made a point of having some

1892
01:22:36.626 --> 01:22:39.596
form of connection every day, even if it

1893
01:22:39.618 --> 01:22:42.416
was, hi, thinking of you.

1894
01:22:42.518 --> 01:22:43.810
I'll talk to you soon.

1895
01:22:44.580 --> 01:22:47.376
So those deployments kept coming, and Nils sailed or

1896
01:22:47.398 --> 01:22:50.192
deployed on ships a total of five times while you've been together.

1897
01:22:50.326 --> 01:22:52.500
Can you tell us about some of those experiences?

1898
01:22:53.400 --> 01:22:55.830
When I look back on,

1899
01:22:56.170 --> 01:22:58.832
uh, the time of deployments, there's

1900
01:22:58.896 --> 01:23:01.856
one deployment in particular that sticks

1901
01:23:01.888 --> 01:23:04.424
out to me as being especially

1902
01:23:04.542 --> 01:23:07.464
hard, and that was the last deployment he

1903
01:23:07.502 --> 01:23:10.308
was on before we got posted to Portage La Perry,

1904
01:23:10.324 --> 01:23:13.192
Manitoba. It was a five

1905
01:23:13.246 --> 01:23:16.056
month sale. Our first child was

1906
01:23:16.238 --> 01:23:19.004
not even one, and I was pregnant with our

1907
01:23:19.042 --> 01:23:21.900
second child. So I was in the process

1908
01:23:21.970 --> 01:23:24.536
of returning to work following

1909
01:23:24.648 --> 01:23:27.532
Matt leave, and our daughter was going to

1910
01:23:27.586 --> 01:23:30.400
daycare for the first time ever. So

1911
01:23:30.470 --> 01:23:33.410
there was a lot of change happening. And

1912
01:23:34.340 --> 01:23:37.100
we quickly discovered, or I quickly discovered

1913
01:23:37.180 --> 01:23:40.032
that when your child goes to daycare for the first

1914
01:23:40.086 --> 01:23:42.656
time ever, they catch every virus

1915
01:23:42.768 --> 01:23:45.552
known to man. So our daughter

1916
01:23:45.616 --> 01:23:48.160
was just constantly sick,

1917
01:23:48.320 --> 01:23:51.044
and nothing could have prepared me for that

1918
01:23:51.082 --> 01:23:53.670
experience. I

1919
01:23:54.220 --> 01:23:57.160
ended up burning all of my vacation days

1920
01:23:57.230 --> 01:23:59.944
within the first two months. So I had to have a

1921
01:23:59.982 --> 01:24:02.744
really awkward conversation with my boss about my

1922
01:24:02.782 --> 01:24:05.608
situation being essentially a

1923
01:24:05.614 --> 01:24:08.340
single parent at the time, and obviously

1924
01:24:08.430 --> 01:24:10.924
not being able to send our daughter to

1925
01:24:10.962 --> 01:24:13.832
daycare. So I found that really challenging

1926
01:24:13.896 --> 01:24:16.860
and just a huge eye opener. I didn't realize that

1927
01:24:16.930 --> 01:24:18.670
she would be sick so often.

1928
01:24:19.600 --> 01:24:22.444
She also suffered from reoccurring

1929
01:24:22.572 --> 01:24:25.424
ear infections, but we didn't know that they were ear

1930
01:24:25.462 --> 01:24:28.416
infections at the time. So she would get sick, and

1931
01:24:28.438 --> 01:24:31.044
then she would get really sick. And

1932
01:24:31.082 --> 01:24:33.716
so there would be lots of

1933
01:24:33.738 --> 01:24:36.292
sleepless nights and me trying to

1934
01:24:36.346 --> 01:24:39.044
work with her home during the day while she

1935
01:24:39.082 --> 01:24:41.956
was extremely, extremely ill

1936
01:24:42.138 --> 01:24:44.040
and frequently.

1937
01:24:45.020 --> 01:24:47.832
On three occasions, uh, she was admitted to

1938
01:24:47.886 --> 01:24:50.344
the hospital because of how sick she

1939
01:24:50.382 --> 01:24:52.996
was. So you can imagine how stressful

1940
01:24:53.028 --> 01:24:55.592
that would have been as a first time

1941
01:24:55.646 --> 01:24:58.364
parent and trying to maintain a full time

1942
01:24:58.402 --> 01:25:01.388
job and just not having that support

1943
01:25:01.474 --> 01:25:04.332
person. You really lean on your other half in those

1944
01:25:04.386 --> 01:25:07.192
times, especially making tough parenting

1945
01:25:07.256 --> 01:25:10.056
decisions. So it was just

1946
01:25:10.098 --> 01:25:13.084
incredibly challenging. And the whole five months is just a blur

1947
01:25:13.132 --> 01:25:15.984
for me. There was one day in particular

1948
01:25:16.102 --> 01:25:18.988
that sticks out in my mind. I ended

1949
01:25:19.004 --> 01:25:20.796
up contracting gastro.

1950
01:25:20.908 --> 01:25:21.520
Oh, no.

1951
01:25:21.590 --> 01:25:21.872
Yeah.

1952
01:25:21.926 --> 01:25:24.724
So I had one of those nights where I was up all

1953
01:25:24.762 --> 01:25:27.556
night puking. And I remember waking up the

1954
01:25:27.578 --> 01:25:30.436
next morning to this knock at

1955
01:25:30.458 --> 01:25:33.396
our front door, and I hopped over to the

1956
01:25:33.418 --> 01:25:36.404
door, and I answered the door, and it was my neighbor. And

1957
01:25:36.442 --> 01:25:39.416
she just took one look at me and was like, oh, my

1958
01:25:39.438 --> 01:25:41.944
gosh. You're not okay. She's like, I'm coming

1959
01:25:41.982 --> 01:25:44.936
in. I'm going to help you. You need my help.

1960
01:25:45.038 --> 01:25:47.672
I'm not taking no for an answer. And she

1961
01:25:47.726 --> 01:25:50.652
just packed a bag, and she took my daughter for the day,

1962
01:25:50.706 --> 01:25:53.356
and she said, you need to sleep. You go to

1963
01:25:53.378 --> 01:25:56.092
bed. And I remember waking up at 06:00 p.m..

1964
01:25:56.146 --> 01:25:59.068
That day. I slept the entire day, and I

1965
01:25:59.074 --> 01:26:01.904
woke up at 06:00 p.m.. And my

1966
01:26:01.942 --> 01:26:03.708
neighbor was sitting at our dinner table.

1967
01:26:03.804 --> 01:26:06.364
Feeding our daughter dinner,

1968
01:26:06.492 --> 01:26:08.044
and I just cried.

1969
01:26:08.092 --> 01:26:11.040
I was just oh, my God. I didn't realize how much I needed

1970
01:26:11.110 --> 01:26:14.096
help, and I don't think anything could have prepared

1971
01:26:14.128 --> 01:26:16.612
me for what was to come.

1972
01:26:16.666 --> 01:26:16.980
Right.

1973
01:26:17.050 --> 01:26:19.764
And from that day forward, she showed up

1974
01:26:19.882 --> 01:26:20.870
every day.

1975
01:26:21.800 --> 01:26:22.972
What a great neighbor.

1976
01:26:23.056 --> 01:26:23.690
Yeah.

1977
01:26:24.140 --> 01:26:26.632
Honestly, my takeaway from that experience

1978
01:26:26.766 --> 01:26:29.480
was, you, uh, need a person or

1979
01:26:29.630 --> 01:26:32.504
people. You need a community that can help

1980
01:26:32.542 --> 01:26:35.528
you when your spouse is deployed, especially when you

1981
01:26:35.534 --> 01:26:38.216
have children. Nobody can or should

1982
01:26:38.318 --> 01:26:39.480
have to do it alone.

1983
01:26:39.560 --> 01:26:41.884
Yeah. If you don't have kids, it can be very

1984
01:26:41.922 --> 01:26:44.716
lonely. And obviously, if you do have

1985
01:26:44.738 --> 01:26:46.488
kids, it can be incredibly overwhelming.

1986
01:26:46.584 --> 01:26:47.192
Oh, my gosh.

1987
01:26:47.256 --> 01:26:47.532
Yeah.

1988
01:26:47.586 --> 01:26:50.272
And just the sheer I did not

1989
01:26:50.406 --> 01:26:51.970
prepare for

1990
01:26:52.660 --> 01:26:55.536
what was required to keep

1991
01:26:55.558 --> 01:26:57.570
my head above water during that time.

1992
01:26:58.500 --> 01:27:01.348
I don't know why we did not

1993
01:27:01.434 --> 01:27:04.292
realize that simple tasks like

1994
01:27:04.346 --> 01:27:07.236
grocery shopping and cutting the

1995
01:27:07.258 --> 01:27:10.244
grass and doing laundry, walking the

1996
01:27:10.282 --> 01:27:13.012
dog, there are not enough hours in the day

1997
01:27:13.066 --> 01:27:16.024
to do all those things and be a parent

1998
01:27:16.062 --> 01:27:18.984
to a toddler and work a full time job. So

1999
01:27:19.102 --> 01:27:22.056
we learned very early on that you need help or you

2000
01:27:22.078 --> 01:27:25.064
need hired help. And those are

2001
01:27:25.102 --> 01:27:27.832
survival days. Right. You got to do whatever it takes

2002
01:27:27.966 --> 01:27:30.732
to get through them and to give yourself some grace to not

2003
01:27:30.786 --> 01:27:33.596
expect that you can possibly do all

2004
01:27:33.618 --> 01:27:36.092
those things. You have to get help.

2005
01:27:36.226 --> 01:27:39.068
And it's not forever. It's just that period of time

2006
01:27:39.154 --> 01:27:42.128
when you need to accept all the help that comes your way.

2007
01:27:42.214 --> 01:27:45.120
Yeah, absolutely. And I think an important thing to remember,

2008
01:27:45.190 --> 01:27:47.984
too, you keep listing off having a kid and

2009
01:27:48.022 --> 01:27:50.916
working and trying to keep everything going by yourself. And

2010
01:27:50.938 --> 01:27:52.016
you were pregnant.

2011
01:27:52.208 --> 01:27:54.884
Yeah, I was very pregnant. Very

2012
01:27:54.922 --> 01:27:56.260
pregnant with our second child.

2013
01:27:56.330 --> 01:27:58.192
So I was like, that's exhausting.

2014
01:27:58.256 --> 01:27:59.680
It was so exhausting.

2015
01:27:59.760 --> 01:28:00.484
Yeah.

2016
01:28:00.682 --> 01:28:03.270
Having a sick toddler, and

2017
01:28:04.280 --> 01:28:06.068
those were some really tough days.

2018
01:28:06.234 --> 01:28:08.696
I really like what you said about the importance of

2019
01:28:08.798 --> 01:28:11.604
help, and I think that just highlights

2020
01:28:11.652 --> 01:28:14.456
how important it is to have a support network to make sure

2021
01:28:14.478 --> 01:28:16.824
that before your partner is

2022
01:28:16.862 --> 01:28:19.772
deployed, to make sure that you have that

2023
01:28:19.826 --> 01:28:22.172
support network in place, you have those people you can count

2024
01:28:22.226 --> 01:28:22.828
on.

2025
01:28:22.994 --> 01:28:23.516
Yeah.

2026
01:28:23.618 --> 01:28:26.604
Oh, my gosh. You need people and

2027
01:28:26.722 --> 01:28:29.304
you need to know when you've

2028
01:28:29.352 --> 01:28:32.304
reached your limits. And I learned that

2029
01:28:32.342 --> 01:28:35.184
very early on. You're not doing yourself or

2030
01:28:35.222 --> 01:28:37.996
your family any favors. If your glass is empty,

2031
01:28:38.108 --> 01:28:40.688
if your basic human needs are not being met,

2032
01:28:40.774 --> 01:28:42.900
then you need to do something about it.

2033
01:28:42.970 --> 01:28:45.876
Yeah, 100%. What has been

2034
01:28:45.898 --> 01:28:48.148
the hardest part of being a spouse to someone in the

2035
01:28:48.154 --> 01:28:49.140
RCAF?

2036
01:28:49.800 --> 01:28:52.356
It's all the unknowns. There's always a

2037
01:28:52.378 --> 01:28:55.368
curveball. You don't know what it is or when it's coming.

2038
01:28:55.534 --> 01:28:57.672
It could be something as simple

2039
01:28:57.806 --> 01:29:00.276
as breakdown. Um, during a cross

2040
01:29:00.308 --> 01:29:03.144
country, your spouse is supposed to be home

2041
01:29:03.182 --> 01:29:06.024
in two days. You've planned accordingly and

2042
01:29:06.062 --> 01:29:08.744
then they break down and they're gone for a week.

2043
01:29:08.862 --> 01:29:10.810
And I mean, this

2044
01:29:12.480 --> 01:29:15.276
just really solidifies that need for a support

2045
01:29:15.378 --> 01:29:18.092
network and just knowing when

2046
01:29:18.146 --> 01:29:20.944
to let some things go. Like maybe you're not going

2047
01:29:20.982 --> 01:29:23.472
to get to hockey practice this week

2048
01:29:23.526 --> 01:29:26.384
or you're not going to make that

2049
01:29:26.422 --> 01:29:29.296
lasagna. Instead you're going to get a takeout pizza or

2050
01:29:29.318 --> 01:29:29.600
whatever.

2051
01:29:29.670 --> 01:29:31.408
It's just flexibility.

2052
01:29:31.504 --> 01:29:33.892
Honestly, you have to be so

2053
01:29:33.946 --> 01:29:36.612
flexible when you're a military family

2054
01:29:36.746 --> 01:29:39.616
and when you're married to a pilot

2055
01:29:39.648 --> 01:29:42.612
in the RCAF. Every day

2056
01:29:42.746 --> 01:29:45.544
has its challenges and there's just so many

2057
01:29:45.582 --> 01:29:46.390
unknowns.

2058
01:29:46.390 --> 01:29:49.348
Mhm and those are just the small things. On top of that, you've

2059
01:29:49.364 --> 01:29:52.280
got the big things like postings and

2060
01:29:52.430 --> 01:29:55.320
all kinds of things that can unexpectedly change

2061
01:29:55.390 --> 01:29:57.656
your life in huge ways.

2062
01:29:57.758 --> 01:30:00.700
Oh yeah. It can be pretty overwhelming when you

2063
01:30:00.770 --> 01:30:03.692
think about what's next and just

2064
01:30:03.746 --> 01:30:06.636
that feeling of just not knowing. I mean, you

2065
01:30:06.658 --> 01:30:09.608
can have all the plans in the world and ultimately

2066
01:30:09.704 --> 01:30:12.524
that decision about where you're going next isn't

2067
01:30:12.572 --> 01:30:15.104
always up to you. Mhm so that's a lot to

2068
01:30:15.142 --> 01:30:15.756
accept.

2069
01:30:15.868 --> 01:30:18.364
Yeah. How do you deal with those unknowns?

2070
01:30:18.492 --> 01:30:21.112
I think our move to Portage la Prairie

2071
01:30:21.276 --> 01:30:24.196
is a good example of I was

2072
01:30:24.298 --> 01:30:27.124
very, very nervous about that move. I had

2073
01:30:27.162 --> 01:30:30.148
never been to Manitoba. It was a

2074
01:30:30.154 --> 01:30:32.660
lot of unknown for me, leaving

2075
01:30:33.400 --> 01:30:36.304
the only place I'd ever known, which was Vancouver

2076
01:30:36.352 --> 01:30:39.204
Island, BC. I grew up there and so

2077
01:30:39.242 --> 01:30:41.910
that was a really tough move for me.

2078
01:30:42.440 --> 01:30:45.110
But I quickly realized that

2079
01:30:45.440 --> 01:30:48.270
were many perks to

2080
01:30:48.640 --> 01:30:51.068
moving out of that comfort zone and

2081
01:30:51.154 --> 01:30:53.484
establishing friendships and

2082
01:30:53.522 --> 01:30:56.040
relationships with other military families.

2083
01:30:56.120 --> 01:30:59.004
Because we didn't have that in Victoria, as

2084
01:30:59.042 --> 01:31:01.772
I had previously mentioned, we really didn't have a support

2085
01:31:01.826 --> 01:31:04.736
network there. But here in Portugal Prairie, it's a

2086
01:31:04.758 --> 01:31:07.612
really small community, so you don't really have a choice.

2087
01:31:07.676 --> 01:31:10.492
Like you make those connections right away. Mhm and

2088
01:31:10.566 --> 01:31:13.396
it's been a very positive experience for me. So I

2089
01:31:13.418 --> 01:31:16.148
think that that has sort of changed my

2090
01:31:16.234 --> 01:31:19.012
thought pattern on postings and

2091
01:31:19.146 --> 01:31:22.064
just knowing that wherever

2092
01:31:22.112 --> 01:31:24.964
we go next, it's going to be okay, you're going to make

2093
01:31:25.002 --> 01:31:27.972
a connection. And if you don't, you have all these prior

2094
01:31:28.036 --> 01:31:30.888
connections and they're going to help you guide your way

2095
01:31:30.974 --> 01:31:33.972
and you're going to fall back on those experiences and realize

2096
01:31:34.036 --> 01:31:36.632
that you didn't have to survive that.

2097
01:31:36.766 --> 01:31:39.144
You embraced it, you enjoyed it, you made

2098
01:31:39.182 --> 01:31:41.390
friendships, you embraced that community.

2099
01:31:42.000 --> 01:31:44.844
You put yourself out there, you get involved. It can

2100
01:31:44.882 --> 01:31:47.708
be whatever experience you want and you have to

2101
01:31:47.714 --> 01:31:49.980
make the best of the hand that you're dealt.

2102
01:31:50.580 --> 01:31:53.008
What's been the best part of being a spouse to someone in the

2103
01:31:53.014 --> 01:31:54.000
RCAF?

2104
01:31:54.500 --> 01:31:57.260
I think it just goes back to those connections,

2105
01:31:57.340 --> 01:32:00.160
honestly. We've made lifelong friendships here

2106
01:32:00.230 --> 01:32:03.044
that I have no doubt that we will continue to stay

2107
01:32:03.082 --> 01:32:05.604
in touch. And that level of

2108
01:32:05.642 --> 01:32:08.464
friendship just goes so much beyond the average

2109
01:32:08.512 --> 01:32:11.316
friendship. It's a family. And even your own

2110
01:32:11.418 --> 01:32:14.228
family doesn't understand you like another

2111
01:32:14.314 --> 01:32:17.224
military family does. It's impossible to

2112
01:32:17.262 --> 01:32:20.072
explain. These are people that are in the same

2113
01:32:20.126 --> 01:32:22.916
walk of life as you and they know exactly where you're

2114
01:32:22.948 --> 01:32:25.896
coming from. It's just a bond that it's an

2115
01:32:25.918 --> 01:32:28.668
honor to be able to make those bonds and

2116
01:32:28.754 --> 01:32:31.660
establish those friendships. So that's a huge positive.

2117
01:32:32.080 --> 01:32:34.904
Yeah, I think we all have that shared

2118
01:32:34.952 --> 01:32:37.372
experience of this lifestyle and those life

2119
01:32:37.426 --> 01:32:39.868
experiences. And even though we come especially at a

2120
01:32:39.874 --> 01:32:42.640
school, from like a varied background of

2121
01:32:42.710 --> 01:32:45.632
fleets and locations, we all understand the life

2122
01:32:45.686 --> 01:32:48.576
and we can all understand the hardships that each other

2123
01:32:48.598 --> 01:32:51.204
are going through and kind of help each other through

2124
01:32:51.242 --> 01:32:51.780
them.

2125
01:32:51.930 --> 01:32:53.780
Yes, it is a lifestyle.

2126
01:32:56.040 --> 01:32:58.948
What's been your coolest experience as a spouse to someone in the

2127
01:32:58.954 --> 01:32:59.940
RCAF?

2128
01:33:00.280 --> 01:33:02.992
The coolest experience I've had to date

2129
01:33:03.146 --> 01:33:06.104
would be mountain flying with

2130
01:33:06.142 --> 01:33:08.744
Nils in the Okanagan. So I actually got to

2131
01:33:08.782 --> 01:33:11.364
fly that helicopter, which was equally

2132
01:33:11.492 --> 01:33:14.440
thrilling and terrifying.

2133
01:33:15.420 --> 01:33:17.992
So I recognized that that was a really unique

2134
01:33:18.056 --> 01:33:20.652
experience that I got through

2135
01:33:20.786 --> 01:33:23.704
Nils being a helicopter

2136
01:33:23.752 --> 01:33:24.552
pilot.

2137
01:33:24.696 --> 01:33:27.516
That's really cool. It was you and Nils and you got a chance to fly the

2138
01:33:27.538 --> 01:33:27.944
helicopter?

2139
01:33:27.992 --> 01:33:30.860
I did, yeah. He was sitting in the back and I got to sit in the front

2140
01:33:30.930 --> 01:33:33.112
and actually fly the helicopter.

2141
01:33:33.176 --> 01:33:34.044
Oh, with the instructor?

2142
01:33:34.092 --> 01:33:35.744
Yeah, with the instructor. Yeah, of course.

2143
01:33:35.862 --> 01:33:37.024
That's so cool, though.

2144
01:33:37.142 --> 01:33:39.936
They're very intentional about getting the

2145
01:33:39.958 --> 01:33:42.852
spouse in the front seat for a 2030

2146
01:33:42.906 --> 01:33:45.732
minutes flight. And I think they are very

2147
01:33:45.786 --> 01:33:48.180
aware of the impact that that has

2148
01:33:48.250 --> 01:33:51.156
because leading to that point, it's just training,

2149
01:33:51.258 --> 01:33:54.248
training, deployments. And then all of

2150
01:33:54.254 --> 01:33:57.096
a sudden, there's just 30 minutes in

2151
01:33:57.118 --> 01:33:59.448
your life where you get to be there

2152
01:33:59.534 --> 01:34:02.232
experiencing just a piece of

2153
01:34:02.286 --> 01:34:05.140
what they go through and the thrill

2154
01:34:05.220 --> 01:34:06.840
and also the terror

2155
01:34:08.300 --> 01:34:11.180
flying in the mountains. I'm sure it's nothing that

2156
01:34:11.250 --> 01:34:13.980
compares to what our spouses go through and

2157
01:34:14.050 --> 01:34:16.744
when they're operational, but it really is a life changing

2158
01:34:16.792 --> 01:34:17.390
experience.

2159
01:34:17.840 --> 01:34:20.720
It is really cool when you have a chance to bring your family

2160
01:34:20.790 --> 01:34:23.504
flying because you have

2161
01:34:23.622 --> 01:34:26.496
a concept in your head of like, yeah, well, they're a

2162
01:34:26.518 --> 01:34:29.456
pilot, they fly airplanes, they fly helicopters. That's what

2163
01:34:29.478 --> 01:34:32.240
they do. But to actually have people come

2164
01:34:32.310 --> 01:34:35.136
and see it and feel what it's

2165
01:34:35.168 --> 01:34:38.148
like and hear the noise and uh, just

2166
01:34:38.234 --> 01:34:41.204
be present and be part of. It is such a cool experience. It really makes

2167
01:34:41.242 --> 01:34:41.604
it real.

2168
01:34:41.642 --> 01:34:44.596
I think it is an experience. There's no better

2169
01:34:44.618 --> 01:34:45.764
way to put it.

2170
01:34:45.962 --> 01:34:48.904
So I want you to think about, for example, the young

2171
01:34:48.942 --> 01:34:51.896
pilots that we have, uh, here at the school. What piece of

2172
01:34:51.918 --> 01:34:54.804
advice would you give to a young pilot to help them have a successful

2173
01:34:54.852 --> 01:34:55.770
family life?

2174
01:34:56.160 --> 01:34:58.812
So, two things come to mind. The first one

2175
01:34:58.866 --> 01:35:01.260
being that communication

2176
01:35:02.000 --> 01:35:04.780
and maintaining connection with your family

2177
01:35:04.850 --> 01:35:05.928
is so critical.

2178
01:35:06.024 --> 01:35:08.812
No matter where you are, it's so.

2179
01:35:08.866 --> 01:35:11.856
Important to use whatever means are available to you to

2180
01:35:11.878 --> 01:35:14.784
stay connected with your family. Even if all you have

2181
01:35:14.822 --> 01:35:17.696
time for is a quick

2182
01:35:17.798 --> 01:35:20.672
text or email. Hi, I'm thinking

2183
01:35:20.726 --> 01:35:23.184
of you. I'm okay. How are you

2184
01:35:23.222 --> 01:35:26.084
guys? Love you all, talk to you soon.

2185
01:35:26.202 --> 01:35:28.996
I mean, that's everything. It's everything to your family

2186
01:35:29.098 --> 01:35:31.684
to hear from you. Even when you're in different time

2187
01:35:31.722 --> 01:35:34.676
zones and it's hard to connect, it's

2188
01:35:34.708 --> 01:35:37.304
just nice to know that that other person,

2189
01:35:37.502 --> 01:35:40.344
your other half is out there thinking of you.

2190
01:35:40.542 --> 01:35:43.112
Both of you are not in

2191
01:35:43.166 --> 01:35:45.770
ideal situations. You're both going through

2192
01:35:46.480 --> 01:35:48.332
tough times or having tough days.

2193
01:35:48.386 --> 01:35:50.510
So it's important on

2194
01:35:51.120 --> 01:35:52.572
both parts to.

2195
01:35:52.626 --> 01:35:55.228
Maintain that connection in whatever way possible.

2196
01:35:55.394 --> 01:35:58.012
And especially for the kids. We are very

2197
01:35:58.066 --> 01:36:00.860
intentional when Nils is away,

2198
01:36:00.930 --> 01:36:03.804
even if it's just overnight, to do a quick FaceTime

2199
01:36:03.852 --> 01:36:06.768
with the kids and say goodnight to them so that

2200
01:36:06.854 --> 01:36:09.664
they know that wherever he is in the world, he

2201
01:36:09.702 --> 01:36:12.420
will always take time to connect

2202
01:36:12.490 --> 01:36:15.028
with them. The second thing

2203
01:36:15.194 --> 01:36:18.004
is to help your family foster a

2204
01:36:18.042 --> 01:36:20.724
connection with another

2205
01:36:20.842 --> 01:36:23.652
family, whether that be military or

2206
01:36:23.706 --> 01:36:26.616
just another family in the community. You need

2207
01:36:26.638 --> 01:36:29.032
to have a support network and it's so

2208
01:36:29.086 --> 01:36:31.704
critical to help your family foster that

2209
01:36:31.742 --> 01:36:34.712
connection and just to know that they have

2210
01:36:34.846 --> 01:36:37.748
that support system because something

2211
01:36:37.854 --> 01:36:40.732
always comes up. You will always need to fall back

2212
01:36:40.786 --> 01:36:43.740
on that support system and just knowing that

2213
01:36:43.810 --> 01:36:46.444
you have that one other person or

2214
01:36:46.482 --> 01:36:49.216
family that can help you. It's a live or

2215
01:36:49.238 --> 01:36:51.932
die situation. Honestly, you can't survive

2216
01:36:51.996 --> 01:36:54.844
without it. It takes a, uh, village to raise

2217
01:36:54.892 --> 01:36:57.564
a child and it takes a robust

2218
01:36:57.692 --> 01:37:00.588
family military network to raise

2219
01:37:00.684 --> 01:37:02.112
a, uh, military family.

2220
01:37:02.246 --> 01:37:04.070
Yeah, I agree with that completely.

2221
01:37:04.920 --> 01:37:07.776
So those are the two pieces of advice

2222
01:37:07.808 --> 01:37:08.308
I have.

2223
01:37:08.390 --> 01:37:11.204
Um, awesome. Well, Lindsay, that does it for this

2224
01:37:11.242 --> 01:37:14.224
interview. I just want to thank you so much. I know you're extremely busy

2225
01:37:14.272 --> 01:37:17.128
and I really appreciate you taking the time to be here and answer a

2226
01:37:17.134 --> 01:37:17.784
few questions.

2227
01:37:17.902 --> 01:37:19.992
So happy to be here. Brian, thank you so much.

2228
01:37:20.046 --> 01:37:22.856
Yeah, thank you. All right, that's going to wrap up our

2229
01:37:22.878 --> 01:37:25.768
episode on Military Family Appreciation Day. I

2230
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hope you all enjoyed getting a bit of the spouse

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perspective. For our next episode, we sat down with

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Greg Gerling to talk about his time in Afghanistan on

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the Ch 146. Griffin listeners will remember

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Greg from our Christmas episode from last year. He's

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got some very exciting stories. You don't want to miss it.

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Do you have any questions or comments about anything you've heard on the

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show? Or would you or someone you know make a great guest?

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01:37:48.604 --> 01:37:49.504
Reach out to us at

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01:37:49.542 --> 01:37:52.256
thepilotprojectpodcast@gmail.com

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or on all social media at ah

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01:37:54.390 --> 01:37:57.236
atpodpilotproject. As always, we want to

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wrap things up by thanking you for listening and for sharing the

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01:38:00.234 --> 01:38:03.156
show with your friends and by asking for your help with the big three

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01:38:03.258 --> 01:38:06.148
that's like and follow us on social media. Share with

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01:38:06.154 --> 01:38:09.076
your friends and follow and rate us five stars wherever you

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01:38:09.098 --> 01:38:11.876
get your podcasts. That's all for now. Thanks for

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listening. Keep the blue side up. See you.

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It engineer shut down all four. Shutting

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down all four engines.