Lindsay: Hey guys.
Welcome to the Lifting Lindsay podcast.
Today I want to share a quote from a book that we're reading,
in the Be Strong membership.
It's called The Mountain is You Transforming Self-Sabotage
into Self Mastery.
Now, for any of you who have followed me for a while, you know
I love a good self-help book.
I really do.
So this is a new one.
I haven't read it before.
But it, it's, it's turning into one that I will, definitely
be encouraging people to read.
And it's just very, very uplifting and inspiring and it's so positive and it is
not shame-based encouragement to change.
I, I think she did an amazing job of really empowering you with
understanding and desire to change.
I wanted to share this one quote because I thought it was so good.
I wanna speak on it a little bit because it reminded me of,
something that happened in my own life that I'd like to share.
And then it reminded me of a question that I get a lot with clients when
they're frustrated because they feel like.
What do I do?
My friends, they don't encourage me.
They're not understanding.
Um, sometimes they're rude.
Uh, my mother-in-law feels the need to make comments, about what I eat
and how I look every time I go to, Sunday Family Dinner, that those.
Were questions that I got a lot as, I coached people
one-on-one.
So I wanna share this quote with you from this book, Mountain is
You and I really would encourage those of you, it is so good.
I really like it.
And so I, this is a book that I, I do wanna encourage others to listen to.
I really like listening to books when I walk.
I have books that I read and then I also have books that are on Audible
that I listen to when I, when I walk.
And part of, in the Be Strong membership, there's the the Walking Book Club.
And every month we have a new book and I encourage you just to walk
for 15 minutes and listen to it.
'cause I do think it's important that as we are trying to step into
the best version of ourselves.
And I'm not, when I say that, I hope, you know, I'm not just referring to fat loss.
The best version of yourself is fat loss because it's not for everybody.
And for most people, the best version of themselves looks like
building muscle and doing hard things every day and learning how to, um.
Eat proper nutrition so that you can just function with high energy and that,
that your sleep is good and that you can actually think well and you feel
good and you don't have an unhealthy relationship with food and fitness.
Like health looks so different for everybody, and I wanna encourage everybody
to find the healthy lifestyle that, that fuels them and makes them feel the best.
One person, the healthy lifestyle is going to the gym six times a week
because it's their, their time and they, they love it and they'll spend
an hour and a half, sometimes two hours, and they just, they love it.
You know, they send their kids to school and head to the gym and
it is an amazing time for them.
And then they feel like they can tackle the whole day.
Other people are like, well, they have a different life and schedule
and they have, you know, three days a week that they can get into the gym.
And that's health for them, right?
That's what healthy looks like for them.
And, and in between, um, you know, breaks at work, they can go and do 10
minute walks just to get their mind.
Thinking really well, and just that blood flow.
It, it really does help with productivity just to not be sitting at a desk the
whole time, but look for opportunities to, to walk and move and then they
can be more productive at work.
This the, there's, there's so much versatility.
There's not a one.
Prescription for everybody across the board when it comes to what a
healthy lifestyle is for you, right?
Some women, a healthy lifestyle is absolutely no alcohol.
Some women, it's like, no, it's that one drink I have Saturday
night with my husband, right?
You have to find what health is for you.
A healthy balance in your life.
But when I'm talking about stepping into our higher selves, I'm really
talking about health in all categories.
Healthy body mind relationships, like when I'm saying we step into our higher
selves, I want to encourage people to.
Be the best version of themselves and but also show up with
honesty and vulnerability.
Being able to show up and say, yesterday my, my a hundred
percent was I went to the gym.
I, you know, got my 10,000 steps.
I hit my macros.
Today's a hundred percent for me.
It looked different because what was required of my time and family
and other needs took over more.
Maybe I wasn't able to track everything.
I had to just kind of eyeball.
I got 6,000 steps, no biggie.
We can be flexible.
Why?
Because flexibility is a huge part of emotional and mental health.
You're too rigid.
You break, we've got to learn flexibility.
'cause that will give you overall healthy mindset, right?
So, so that's what I'm talking about.
Let me, let me share this quote from the Mountain is You, she said Your new
life is going to cost you your old one.
I'm just gonna pause there.
The quote goes on.
I love that.
I love that because I don't, I think many times what we try to do is we try to build
a new life and a new, higher version of ourselves, but we are trying to carry
all of the old habits and who we are into this new life, but we cannot do that.
There is a cost.
To becoming the best version of yourself.
And that cost is our old self.
We cannot bring those old habits, those old negative mindsets into this.
Now.
Now keep in mind I look at this as, as it's not just one big payment
of, oh, the old self is gone.
The new self is here.
No, this is something we slowly shed our old self one scale at a time.
That's how it goes.
She goes on to say, so your new life is going to cost you your old one.
It's going to cost you your comfort zone.
Your sense of direction.
Have you ever felt that before you move into this new plan?
That's why people are always trying to say, trust the process,
and you're like, this stupid.
I actually kind of hate that saying.
I, I think it's annoying sometimes, but that's why what they're, they're
talking about when you, when you are shedding your old self, you are
in a way stepping into the unknown.
Right.
So it is gonna cost you your comfort zone in your sense of direction.
It's gonna cost you relationships and friendships.
It's gonna cost you being liked and understood.
It doesn't matter.
The people who are meant for you are going to meet you on the other side.
You're going to build a new comfort zone.
Around the things that actually move you forward.
Guys, I can testify at that one.
When you first start, and me included, when I first started trying to
build new habits, I, I was a mess.
I, I didn't have a ton of direction.
Um, I, I tried coaches, but they, they just taught me to.
To track macros.
They didn't teach me a new lifestyle of, and that's actually one of the
reasons why, and, and I think when I first started being a coach, that
was something that I did wrong.
I just would give people a macro, um, macro numbers to hit.
I never took the time to say, we are shedding your old self.
We are, we are showing you now step by step how to create a new lifestyle.
We're gonna start with breakfast and we are going to find, you know,
these breakfasts that you just love, that match your nutritional needs and
your protein and, and I wish so bad that I could go back and change how I
coached those first few years because.
I could have made a much more powerful impact.
I, I could have really shown step by step, this is how we build a lasting lifestyle.
And this was something that I, I learned, you know, as I continued to coach and
I realized what was really important and what really mattered, right?
But at first you have this, this comfort zone and when you step out of it and
you're trying to build this new family food culture, 'cause that's what we're
really trying to do, is establish a new food culture in your home.
And that is, they're going to be growing pains.
There's going to be a lot of tension as we're trying to figure
out what works, what doesn't, what you like, what you don't.
You're gonna be stepping out of your comfort zone, but the longer
that you do it, and the more that you get this entrenched lifestyle
established, that's e it becomes easy.
And all of a sudden you have this new comfort zone and it's,
it's unbelievable how what was so hard for you now is so easy now.
Not th not in three weeks.
This new comfort zone isn't built in three weeks or three months.
This is something that continues to become ingrained over time, and we get better and
better, and it becomes easier and easier.
So for those of you who are in this journey right now, and
you're like, oh, that's me.
I'm feeling the tension, I'm feeling the frustration, I'm
feeling that this isn't gonna work.
Like remember, you are building a new comfort zone.
It is going to stretch you, and then you will be amazed in two years to look back
and be like, why was that so hard again?
Sometimes I think coaches forget and they're like, well, just do it.
I hate that word just because it's so easy.
Just do this.
Just think this, just do that.
It's that that just word holds so much weight.
It's like it is not just that easy.
Right?
So it's a process.
I love how she said it.
You are building, well, think about that word, building something.
When you're building something, does it happen in a day?
No.
You actually need a lot of tools to build things, right?
If you're gonna build a house, you need to gather as many tools as possible.
And you'll need help from people who have built a home before you.
This is how you do this.
This is how you do the framing.
This is how you do the plumbing.
Maybe that was a really complicated example because I dunno if I
would dive into building a home.
But anything that's new, I had this moment in time that it was a
moment in time where I was really inspired by my neighbor's garden.
So what do I do?
Well, I don't have the tools.
I don't have the knowledge, I don't have, and I also don't have the time
under my belt that my neighbor has in studying it out in trial and error.
She's done a lot of that and I don't have that.
So what do I need to do?
Well, I wanna learn from her, so I'm gonna reach out to her.
I'm gonna find out what are the tools that I need, what are the books that I need?
What do I need to know?
What can I plant?
What am I not gonna kill?
Probably everything.
Yes, like there's so much, but I, I need somebody to hold my hand in some things.
'cause I just, I've never done it before.
So as you're building something new, keep that in mind.
Be patient with yourself.
You've never really.
Built it and, and you could say, well, no, I did one time.
I lost weight and then I regained it.
So you didn't build a new lifestyle.
You didn't, you had a quick, you got into a diet and then
you went back to your old self.
You, you hadn't yet put the time into building this new comfort zone around the
things as Brianna the, uh, author says.
That actually move you forward.
So going back to this quote, I'm gonna kind of take a step back 'cause
I'm sure you've forgotten that, what I've even shared about the quote.
But she said, the people who are meant for you are going
to meet you on the other side.
You're gonna build a new comfort zone around the things that
actually move you forward.
Instead of being liked, you're gonna be loved.
Instead of being understood, you're gonna be seen.
All you're going to lose is what was built for a person you no longer are.
I just love that.
I thought that was so good.
So let me share a personal experience when, when she says it will cost
you relationships and friendships.
So when I first started getting into fitness, one thing that I noticed was
how me choosing to change certain things about my lifestyle and habits, which then
had a direct impact on what I looked like that seemed to threaten other people.
Some people were inspired.
It was interesting.
People who didn't really know me seemed more inspired, people who
knew me and had spent a lot of time with me, kind of, I, they tended
to be a little bit more threatened.
Kind of interesting how that worked.
So me choosing to change my life and find this new fun goal and
success was really exciting for me.
I quickly learned that it was not exciting for everyone.
Some people seem to take it very personally, almost like they felt like
because I decided to change and I was like them, but I decided I wanted to change
and have a different outcome in my life.
They felt like it was a direct attack against them and their
life choices and how they lived.
The truth of the matter is I wasn't judging them at all.
To be honest, I was, I was a little bit more caught up in the
excitement of the changes that I was seeing in my own life to really
look around and judge anybody else.
And if I did look around, I was excited because I, I wanted other people to
rise up with me and feel good the way I felt and feel more energy and
lose that, you know, postpartum 30 pounds that I had put on with Hazel.
I just wanted other people to.
Feel good.
So I actually did lose one close relationship.
Um, I couldn't hang out with her without her making some jabbing remarks.
And the remarks were over and over and over.
Like at first it was kinda like, haha, funny.
And then after a while I'm like, Alex, are you kind of noticing this?
He's like, yeah, it's uncomfortable.
Like.
Why does she have to say anything?
I'm like, okay.
Like it's not just me.
I'm not overly sensitive.
Like, he's like, no, it's pretty obvious.
I'm like, okay.
Thank, thank you.
I remember one time it, it, it had finally gotten to the point where they
weren't just like sly little jabs.
It was very direct.
It was very much.
I, I actually made it a point to avoid all conversation of body,
of working out of nutrition.
Like I wouldn't, I wouldn't even like talk about like, are we gonna go to lunch?
Like, I didn't even wanna talk about food at all.
I would try my hardest to avoid it.
Unfortunately, this individual, um, always wanted to talk about it,
but if I ever said anything, then she would get annoyed and upset.
It was very uncomfortable for me, so I would do my best to avoid any,
any, any conversation about that.
And there's definitely more to me than health and fitness.
So there were other things that we could talk about, but there were,
there was one day that it was just, it kind of got to the point where
I just, I couldn't take it anymore.
And, um, she had made a remark saying, well, I'm focusing on my family and
what's really important in life, not like you, and just focusing on muscle.
And it was just the weirdest comment and so outright jabbing.
Anyways, I don't, clearly, I'm still a little sad by
those remarks and it, it just.
Just came to a head where I was just like, I can't, I can't do this anymore.
I don't want to.
This isn't fun anymore.
You're not fun anymore.
And I knew it wasn't about me.
I knew that this person had deep heartache and insecurities and I
just was a trigger for all of that.
Somebody who.
Decided to finally do it and change and, and really put my head down and,
and hit my goals, and, and I, I know it wasn't about me so much as I was
a reminder of what she really wanted and was frustrated and very resentful.
That the choices hadn't been made to get there, but as much as that was
a, a, a heartache to kind of just have to take time away from that
relationship, um, because I loved it so much, I, I knew I had to step away.
You know, I'm so glad I changed my life and my habits and my
routines over the past eight years.
I have grown to really respect myself and actually be proud of myself.
I was showing up in my life in ways of discipline that I hadn't
ever, and, and as I showed up for myself, not every day was perfect.
Not every day is gonna be, but, but I was noticing this pattern of, I
was showing up more consistently for myself, disciplined over time,
more and more and more and more.
And it got easier and more fun as time went on.
And it did it, it made me respect myself and pretty soon, I've talked
about this before, my self love.
Blossomed and it was an intrinsic thing.
It came from within and the deeper and more internally rooted that became,
the more I realized and now know, I'm actually the only one who can disrupt
my peace because it comes from within.
Now I can choose to hand that over to other people.
I'm not perfect.
I'm human, very human.
Just this week I decided to hand that piece over to somebody who
didn't deserve to have that control.
But it's good to know and to remind myself, no.
I chose to let them disrupt my peace.
So here's my advice about people who you think don't understand your
goals and you're frustrated by it.
One, we usually are frustrated by it because we feel like for one reason
or another we feel like we deserve to have this individuals respect.
Um.
Understanding, encouragement.
We feel like because of the relationship we have, it's what we want.
We want that from them,
but we're not always going to get it.
And I know I've spoken on this before, but I do believe that many times we just
have to release ourselves of the desire.
Because we can't control other people, and the more we try to control them, the
more that they're going to strong arm us and not want to actually understand
or respect or encourage or whatever.
Where I think we go wrong is we, we one, expect and think that
everybody should understand us.
When the truth is they're dealing with their own stuff in their life
and maybe we're not seeing them as real people, but as an it a means for
us to feel validated when validation should come from within ourselves.
If we truly believe that, that the path that we're choosing is
right, then you don't need the validation from other people.
To constantly seek that out and need it is going to give you none other
than heartache, and you're not going to experience true joy in your life.
We cannot place that on other people.
They're dealing with their own stuff.
They're dealing with their own insecurities, their own pasts.
Their own heartaches and scars and hurts, and we may think that we know what they're
thinking, but we actually probably don't.
I mean, that's just something that I've kind of over time
and experienced realized.
I, I've never been that person.
I don't have their mind.
I don't have their history.
I don't have their heartaches.
I don't have their experiences.
They're probably just trying to survive the day, and I'm over here upset
because maybe I've triggered them and then they triggered me, and I think
it's all about me and what I deserve.
Instead of kind of turning around and looking at them as a person and being
like, you know, it's actually okay.
I'm not gonna place this on you.
You don't need to be my cheerleader.
I'm gonna be my own cheerleader, and I'm gonna have the same grace for you
as I would want someone to have for me.
That's, that's kind of where I've landed as I've gone through relationships.
Lost some, not been, encouraged, cheered on, validated by others.
That actually really hurt, and I had to change me and I had to change my outlook
because I can't change anybody else.
I, I'm, I am gonna say one other thing, and this is going to be, this is, so, this
is gonna be hard to hear and, and maybe.
You'll say, but I can't have that conversation with my
mother-in-Law, Lindsay or whomever.
So one thing that I've had clients say to me a lot is that can be very
hurtful is either their mom or their mother-in-Law or somebody at family dinner
always has to make a comment, right?
And I would always encourage them to lay down the boundary and we want to assume
that everybody's going to treat us the way that we would treat them, but once again,
that's kind of forgetting that everybody has their own triggers and their own
hurts and heartaches, and scars in life.
And maybe you being mindful about what you're eating.
Losing weight, maybe that's triggering someone else and
they're dealing as best they can.
And maybe they're kind of, I don't wanna say failing, but struggling because
they say things that make you feel hurt.
And I actually did in the, in the, the relationship that I shared
about previously, I did finally lay down a boundary with that person.
And so I just wanna encourage you, if you have somebody in your life
who is constantly making those, those comments, I would just encourage you
to pull them aside and be like, let's just say it's your mother-in-Law.
We're just gonna use that example.
Just gonna encourage you to pull 'em aside and be like, you know,
you are such a loving woman.
Even if you don't feel it, um, you.
I know that you love me and my family.
I know that you wouldn't intentionally try to hurt me sometimes when you say X, Y,
and Z, it does hurt my feelings though, and I realize you probably just don't
know it because if you knew it, I just don't think you would ever say anything
to intentionally hurt my feelings.
But can I just ask you to be a little bit more aware that those, those things
do sting me and I, and I just love you and, and I, I just think it's important
that, you know, you know, too often we don't have the hard conversations
and we, we think we are being kind by not having the hard conversations, but
we're actually not, because we drive away from their house and we complain
about them and we build resentment.
We're not being kind at all.
That's not kind to build that resentment and that hate and
let it fester and say all these negative things about the person.
And this is, this is, this is hard guys.
This is like, this is big kid stuff, relationship stuff, you know, having
the courage to, to lay down a boundary.
Loving yourself enough to be like, I'm gonna release myself of this
resentment, but in order to do it, I need to lay down this boundary and
let them know, and then let it go.
That's, that's hard.
I do wanna strongly encourage, and I want to encourage you to think
about this and not just jump to the conclusion that you can't.
Hard conversations.
Well, they're hard, right?
They are.
But whenever I go into a hard conversation with real love in my heart.
Not looking at them as an it, as a means to just give me what I want, but looking
at them as a real individual who must be hurting because that's why people
treat people bad is when they're hurting.
I always have great conversations.
Well, I shouldn't say always.
Most of the time I have great conversations.
I can't control when I don't.
I can't control the way the other person takes it.
I can only control my heart and express myself with kindness, but
also with love and, and self-respect to put down that boundary.
So I just wanna encourage you to do that.
If you cannot do that, you have to still work on releasing yourself of the build
to up resentment and just accept the fact that, you know what, this person
is just gonna make these comments.
This person is just not going to understand, and that's okay.
I don't need them to understand, for me to keep pursuing my goals and hitting
them because this is not about them.
It's about you becoming the best version of yourself.
Hopefully this, this, um, episode was helpful.
I really do love this book and I just wanna encourage you guys to read it.
The Mountain is You transforming self-sabotage into self-mastery.
I love, as I'm working towards self-development, stepping into
my higher self to constantly be listening to podcasts and books
and people who are uplifting.
And so this is just one of those that I really wanna
encourage you to, to check out.
Thank you so much for joining me today, guys on this episode.
If you have any questions at all, shoot me a DM on Instagram at Lifting Lindsey.
You can always go to be strong dot lifting lindsay.com and sign up for our training
program, be part of our membership where we do the Walking Book Club.
We have, uh, weekly, monthly challenges where you can win some fun stuff.
Today, one of the app users won, uh, Reebok Nanos brand new lifting shoes.
My favorite ones, actually, I just wanted to share those with people.
The giveaways are usually some of my favorite things that I just absolutely
love, whether it's cooking supplies, or leggings or shoes or equipment in the gym,
I just absolutely love giving those away.
So if you want to join us, you can go to be Strong dot lifting lindsey.com.
We actually have a new program, a Glutes and Dealt emphasis program
that is starting April 8th, and we'd love for you guys to join us.
You have a wonderful week.