Aila (01:09)
Hi everyone, welcome to Inside the Practitioner's Path. I'm Isla. I want to talk about how my kids have have made me an infinitely better coach in so many ways, but there's one way in particular that was really a surprise for me and not necessarily a way that I wanted to get better as a coach. I didn't even know it was offer. And

And essentially it's this. With a lot of clients in the past that I've worked with, or a lot of people I've had conversations with, I would get afraid and or contracted and or I'd lose my bearings if they were upset or angry, not even at me, but just at whatever they were dealing with. I'd have a reaction inwardly that would kind of bounce me out of my body.

if they were expressing emotions that didn't feel safe to me. And I didn't really see it that way. Basically how I how I would talk about those sessions or those conversations after were like, I didn't like that session very much. Or yeah, we couldn't get very far because they were just so pissed off. Or yeah, I didn't like that experience. Like it was kind of about my preference was showing up.

Or I don't wanna work with people who have anger issues, or I don't wanna work with people who are overly emotional. And this was like my first several years of coaching. I wanted to work with people who were emotionally intelligent, let's just say like super conscientious of like I have they would talk about their feeling rather than embody their feeling. It felt safer to me. And then along came my kids.

And my first you know, son, Orion, he he's just calm as a cucumber. He's nine years old. He's never really cried for more than a minute in his life ever. I'm not not kidding. And he's full of, you know, emotion and and healthy reactions and all of that. But it wasn't really until my now six year old came onto the scene that I was given this like master class in how to hold presence.

within myself in the face of screaming, crying, angry, outbursts, all that that he my my six year old kind of went through when he was littler. And now my three I have a three year old daughter and she has big, huge emotions and and really it's it's I'm so still in this journey.

Big time. Like it is messy. I have

what I thought was I thought I had really worked through a lot of my my internal reactions to anger and let's just say like anything that felt kind of violent. but no I did not. I spent years and years in counseling and therapy and coaching pre kids, kind of working through my experiences as a kid.

But it it's like none of it really prepared me for real time meeting the moment in real time. that was all all the work I was doing pre-kids was going back in memories, which I know there was value to for sure. Definitely, in some way. But really what my kids have put me on this path of is just this like diligence.

spiritual practice is really really in kinda it feels intense in a way but of how much of a safe space can I create for myself inside myself? How how much can I meet how quickly can I meet my own fear, my own reactions, maybe my own angry reaction to my kids' angry reaction. How

How how is that going? How am I doing with meeting myself in presence, in love, in compassion when somebody around me is showing up with a with a big emotion, just like f like a fire hose spraying it on me and not taking responsibility for it because they're one or three or four? how am I doing with being present with myself in my own pain, my own

fear in those moments. And that has just been such a rich and complicated process of really finding safety inside in the midst of what feels unsafe on the outside. And it's not like my I'm not safe around my kids or I'm not safe they're not safe around me, not at all. It's more like the the energy that gets kicked up in me.

When there's a big emotion happening and

Can I know that I'm safe in that experience? And and show embody that by meeting my own fear, getting close to it, touching it.

Just connecting with it, the and to know that's the work in those moments. That's it. Like that's the work is to meet the sensation that comes up in me when I'm in the face of something that that doesn't feel safe outside of me. And this work with my kids, I'll I'll tell ya, it's like really made me a lot of money because I'm just kidding. But it's like the truth is I have more capacity with my clients. I'm willing to work with different

kinds of clients. I'm willing to hold space for people and and not, you know, cancel our sessions. I'm I am a better I'm not better. What I want to say is it's made me it's my my practice of holding presence with myself in the face of anything coming up on the outside has given me more capacity to meet a fuller range of humans and or

To just be more present with the humans that I am coaching, where when they have big emotions, I find myself encouraging them to emote. I find myself encouraging them to let things out. I I see it direct a direct correlation to that I am so much more present and impactful with my coaching clients, the more present I am with myself.

If I have fear pop up, if I have anxiety pop in when they're going to a certain place inside of their own emotions, I'm I'm a better guide 'cause I'm not I'm not leaving my body out of fear. I'm able to be more present and stick in there with them and guide them through it. Knowing what I know about emotion and energy is that it does move. It's not per it's not unsafe.

You know, it's not it's not gonna get you. It's not gonna get me, it's not gonna kill me. And the more presence I bring to myself, the safer I feel, the more connected I feel, the richer my life is moment to moment. I don't feel abandoned, I feel held, and I get to sh demonstrate that to my clients who are learning this for themselves and can talk through that process with them.

and help them see how other people don't need to be perfectly zen all the time for them, my clients, to feel safe. It's very empowering and very beautiful 'cause it feels like it I I have a much more open heart to other people in the world, no matter how they're showing up, knowing that the safety is the safety's on me. You know, the feeling of safety, that's on me to to tap into and

To show up with that that energy of compassion and love and presence for myself. That's always available. It's never on anybody else to create that for me. And of course, I had just that this goes without saying, but I'm gonna say it. If like you're physically unsafe, if you're getting chased by a bear or there is a tiger in your bathroom or some adult in your home who is it

threatening violence and or injury and or doing it, run away. Like run away. That's we're built to flee and or protect ourselves. In in and we should, in whatever way we need to to be safe. I will come and rescue you if you're not physically safe. I'm kidding, but I do have that sense in me that it's like nobody deserves to be

abused and beat up. and at the same time when it's your children and it's y your young children and your clients simply emotion like emoting if you have a feeling of un unsafety in that and it and it pops you out of service and or presence, there's a huge opportunity in there to meet yourself more fully, to get get closer to those emotions instead of farther away. and to really find

safety inside no matter what. Alright, that's what I'll share for today. I hope that it's helpful in some way and we'll see ya in the next one.