Hello.
All of you, witches hello, my mystics.
I can't wait to talk about today's topic, which will be short and sweet.
And today's topic is about boundaries.
Which is an unfolding topic for many of us, I'm sure.
And today.
We will talk about how does one get those some better boundaries and why you should.
I hope that that sounds like something that you want Because your
life will be so much better for it.
This is the She Who Is Seeking Podcast.
And I am your hostess, Meena Melissa Leigh and the reason why I wanted to
talk about boundaries this week is because I was really realizing that
it is coming up all over the place.
And for me, my life is way better when I have better boundaries.
And the why of that kind of unfolds from all of the reasons.
So let's just get started.
When I was talking to a friend of mine.
Hello, Ray!
We were talking about what is it that your future self.
Would tell you.
What one piece of advice would your future self have for you?
And my first instinct was to be like, oh, I don't know.
But before I could even finish that thought.
It came to me.
Which is.
Be impeccable with your boundaries.
Learn it now.
Master it as you go.
And do it all ways.
Start today when you protect your boundaries, you'll have the time.
Space.
And energy to do what you really want
And I thought, oh my Goddess, my.
Future self as brilliant.
That's such good advice.
Because there are so many things that I do want to do all the
time, but often I don't have.
The energy left to do it.
Or I don't have the time because all the slots are already taken with other things.
So that is something I'm just going to get better and better at doing.
And when I think about our community, Of witches and magic makers.
It just really hit me on the head that if anybody.
Could have good boundaries.
It is a witch.
If you.
Create safe containers and open up portals and sacred circles.
And do the kinds of work that you do as a, which you have
to have the ability to create.
Very strong boundaries, but.
Often I.
Think we all see that not translating to the real world for us in all instances.
So why is that?
And usually I think it's because we don't want to hurt somebody's feelings.
And the thing about hurting somebody's feelings is you can't control how
somebody is going to feel, and you're not responsible for somebody else's feelings.
There's instances where you do have to care.
Like children should have their feelings.
Take into consideration perhaps a little bit more than.
You know, just a friend of yours.
Because adults are in charge of their own feelings.
And they're in charge of managing their own energy waves.
But my feeling about that was why is it that we're so concerned with not
wanting to hurt somebody's feelings?
I think for me, it stems from.
Growing I had.
You know, a Southern grandmother who really just.
Kind of drilled it into our hands that you're not supposed
to hurt people's feelings.
And there was a lot of I don't want to say putting other people before you, but
definitely taking into consideration the outcomes of things or sort of biting your
If that was something that could be done.
And so I've been unlearning that.
Throughout my adult life.
It isn't that I want to hurt people's feelings.
But I also don't want to put other people's.
Whimsical cavalier changing on the spur of the moment, feelings ahead of my core
needs, which is a lot of what people
It's healthy to take care of yourself.
And it's healthy to have proper boundaries installed.
In your life.
And I have to say, when you do.
And when you're honest with people and when you're able to
say no it makes people feel safer.
I think when people know what to expect from you.
And they know that when you are telling them the answer.
If they know that you're telling the truth and they know that you have
good boundaries, then they feel safer to also just relax into the moment.
When we aren't telling the truth, and we're saying yes, when
we don't really want to that.
Leaks through, I feel as a feeling.
That is akin to like that untrustworthy feeling where you
just feel like some things off.
And it's because there is something off it is.
You're not telling the truth to yourself.
You're not telling the truth to them.
And I really feel like we're all just better off.
Saying what we need.
And sticking to it.
It really just protects It protects your.
Ability to stay fully resourced.
It protects you from burnout.
It can help your relationships, not just in the way that we said, but also
because you are not going to have those feelings of resentment creep in because
you're not overextending yourself.
And another thing.
Akin to that is sometimes we don't follow our own rules for boundaries.
And we allow things to get a little.
Um, I'm going to use, I mean, I guess my favorite You can allow
things to get a little amorphous.
And when that happens.
You're not fully in charge of what's going on in that situation or in your
life or in your heart or with your energy.
And eventually at some point, you're going to realize that it doesn't feel good to
you and you're going to sort of retract.
Whatever you had allowed to happen.
And that doesn't feel good to anybody.
And it is a lot easier if you just.
Have clear boundaries in the beginning and stick with them, because it can be hurtful
when you aren't clear about what it is.
You can need, what it is you need or what it is you can handle.
And then.
You just sort of like change and flip the script that can be confusing.
So it's better to just have them.
And stick with them.
You're saying no to more things and you're keeping things that are not okay with you.
Outside of your.
Boundaries that you've set.
And that can just really help prevent mental and emotional burnout and overload.
You know, if we're just going to think about sort of day today.
Saying yes to everything scenarios.
That never ends well.
When you're doing too many things, you're doing none of them.
Well,
And when people decide to show up, for instance, at an event that
they said that they would go to.
But they've already done 50 trillion things that week and they're burnt
out and they're frazzled mess.
It's kind of better if they hadn't of come don't you think?
I mean, It's not very helpful to show up when you're overextended
. You're not able to serve in the way that you have committed to serve.
So if you just start to pair that down, And learn to say no to things.
Then you can show up more fully.
And as a better version of yourself for the things that really do matter.
And again, of course, there's.
Exceptions to all things.
Like I wouldn't say skip.
You know, you're.
Family member's funeral because you're tired that week.
But.
Maybe you don't have to go to every party or event or help At every
charity or fundraiser that there is.
So just kind of being mindful of what's really important
And I think that it really helps to embolden you.
And create more.
Self-trust.
When you realize that you are in charge of deciding what is in your best interest.
And you are in charge of deciding what you let in.
And you are in charge of what is not worth your time.
And is not going to serve you.
And when you start to make these choices that get you closer.
To your ideal version of yourself or closer to your goals.
Rather than further away, because it's going to do one or the other.
Every choice you make.
Either get you closer to where you want to go or further away.
And when you keep making choices that get you.
Higher up that mountain.
To sort of reach the peak of your existence.
Then you're going to learn that you make good decisions for yourself
and that you can trust yourself in other ways, both big and small.
And when you do that, that leads to things like.
Feeling.
Confident to do other things.
Being able to let that feeling of.
Maybe.
You know, I'm not ready for this, or I'm not good enough for
this, that imposter syndrome.
All those things can kind of fall away.
And.
It lets you make more decisions that are in your best interest as you go,
even if they become more challenging.
You're going to be able to make better decisions each time.
Even if it's harder, even if you think you might disappoint somebody, if you
know that it's in the best interestof you and essentially all at hand.
'cause like I said, if you're showing up for things, And you're
not showing up as your full self.
If you're not showing up to be of service.
You're not showing up to be present then.
Is Even worth it for you to be there.
Is it a good idea?
I doubt it.
I don't think it is.
I mean, you could tell me if there's some exceptions for
that, but I think we all know.
Right.
It's not good.
Just stay home and make your basket or take a nap or
whatever it is you want to do.
And.
I am making baskets.
But I did not cancel anything to make a basket.
But that is why I'm learning to say no, because there's things that I want to do,
that I don't necessarily have time for.
So I want to do the things that are important to me.
And this does harken back to that midlife crisis type thing where I'm
like, I could die at any moment.
And what do I have to show for it?
And if.
If it's that?
Not only am I not.
Doing the things that I want to do, but that I'm doing a lot of
things that I don't want to do, but I had controller for that.
no.
No.
Thank you.
I don't want that to be true.
I don't want it to be true for me.
And I don't want it to be true for you.
I want you to live your best life too.
And then we can live our best lives together.
And then if it's so works out.
No pressure.
You have to have your boundaries, but like you're able to do more fun
things with more amazing people.
If you're a resourced.
And rested.
And.
Ready to rock.
Right?
That's how I look at
So to really reap the benefits of boundaries.
I think there's a couple things to keep in mind.
The first thing is.
You need to communicate.
Them clearly.
That's the most important part.
So that means that you need to know what they are.
So that means you need to stop and think about what you want.
And if you have sort of a wishy washy feeling about it, Then be
aware that that feels untrue.
And people can feel that whether they're honing in on the fact
that they're feeling it or not.
So when you're saying yes to things that are really unknown, That
really does put in this sort of.
Falsity or.
Mischievous undermining kind of energy.
If you know what I mean.
So just be honest.
If it's a yes.
It's yes.
If it's a no, it's a no.
And you don't have to sit and explain yourself.
And if people want you to explain yourself, Then.
It's all right to say.
That's my boundary.
And that is.
All I have to say about it.
Because there are people who they themselves don't have good boundaries.
And so therefore they do not want you to have good boundaries.
And they feel like they can talk you out of it.
So just be aware, that's like a thing.
The next Is to focus on yourself when voicing your boundaries.
So to me, that would mean.
Focusing on my reason why.
It is a no, or why it's off limits.
And not thinking.
Of all the myriad reasons why I think it would be a good idea
if I had a different answer.
Because you can't second.
Guess yourself.
And you can't take into consideration.
All the nuanced feelings of everyone else on the planet.
And again, There are exceptions to everything.
So there's definitely people who you're going to want to take
their feelings into consideration.
That you're in relationship with, but we're talking about things
that are a hard, no, for you.
If it is a hard, no for you.
That's it.
Just like how we have boundaries about what is okay with our body.
I think we get a little bit wishy-washy when we're talking
about what is okay with.
You know, something that's like, More.
Our mind or doing something for somebody.
If it's not sort of in maybe like a sexual context.
It's harder to see that.
It's okay for us to say Whereas, if it is in a sexual context and
you don't want to do it, it's easy to realize like, no, no means no.
But that carries over for this too.
We don't always realize that because.
People who want to get the most out of you are probably not going to tell you that.
Because it's in their best interest.
If you just keep saying yes, or if you feel too uncomfortable
to say no, So keep that in mind.
And I would say.
Saying yes to your hell yeses.
And.
Then the majority of the rest of the things get to know.
And that can sound kind of harsh.
But.
Working with people.
I realized that there's.
Pretty much everybody let's just go with everyone.
Everyone has things that are very important to them that they want to do.
But they don't have quote the time or the money or the space or the ability to do.
Whatever it is.
And I will say that those things that are important to you on a
soul level, those don't ease up.
Those don't just like fade into the background quietly and.
Die a death.
Oh, no, if only it were that easy, but it's not.
The thing.
Is that those will always be whispering in your ear.
They'll always be sort of trying to get your attention and
making you dispel discontented.
So.
The more, you can live in your authentic truth and do the things.
That you feel like your soul was put here to do.
Even if that means watercoloring.
There are things that.
Feel really important to you for whatever reason.
And when you.
Are ignoring those.
You're showing yourself.
That you're not important.
And you're showing yourself that you can't be trusted to take care of you.
And you.
Don't want to have that kind of relationship with anyone.
Right.
But especially not herself.
The only way to have bandwidth left, to have time to rest and
reset, which is so important.
Or to have play and pleasure, which is also so important.
Is to just learn to say no.
Because overwhelm can creep in.
And a full schedule.
will just get more and more packed, the less you say.
No.
So.
I want you to have a great, an amazing life.
And I am really aware that there's some things that are challenging.
Besides all the obvious ones and ones that we touched on there's
things like FOMO that is real.
I know, you know, we all know.
There's things that you just want to do for instance, right at this very moment,
I know that I have friends who are.
All hiking together in Topanga canyon on a full moon hike.
Do I want to be doing that?
Yes, I do.
But I just didn't feel up to it physically.
I felt today that I needed to have a rest and reset
And that is valid and it also would have been valid if I had chosen
to have a play and pleasure day.
But I took into account what my need was.
And I set a boundary for myself and I took a Sunday nap, and it was amazing.
I highly recommend an nap whenever you can get them.
Because they're awesome.
And so.
Just have a real talk with yourself.
About what you want, what your priorities are.
What you don't want.
It's important to know what you don't want.
So it doesn't creep in.
And just realize that only you.
I can get you the life you want.
That's Stella.
That's my dog.
She has little nails.
And you can hear her snorting like a little piggy.
So that's about it.
. You know, maybe we could have gone more in depth than we could and other time.
But.
There's some thing.
That is important to me and that's keeping my agreements and
I have an agreement to myself.
That I will put out a podcast every other week, unless something
tremendously preventative comes into play and then I want to hold that
I'm not going to edit the transcript because that takes me a long time.
All I'm going to do is send you my love.
And I'm going to send you my wishes that you have.
An amazing time honing in on what you want in your life.
And I'm going to add music and just upload this puppy.
I hope that you were able to get something out of this, and I hope that
it makes you stop and think about.
What is it?
That you can focus on to get your life Feeling more amazing.
And I'd like to remind you that if you want to call in and leave me a message.
The phone
Is okay.
Seeking zero, which is area code ( 657)335-4640 once again, that's.
Area code (657)335-4640 and you can find me over on Instagram
@SheWhoIsSeeking there's some fun recipes that I'm going to post.
Um, they're not really recipes.
I'm going to just show you this.
Like.
Amazing wild witchy salad that I made from both foraged and, um,
Just kind of fun.
Cool.
Secret ingredients.
There's.
Fresh burdock and dandelion greens and chrysanthemum greens and a
bunch of other And, um, I use my.
Totally delicious.
Amazing.
That's.
It doesn't sound humble, but look.
There's very smart people who like it.
So I'm going to go with Um,
My.
Kind of super famous food magic elixir on that.
And it was so good.
And then I also have a yummy dessert that was really tasty and both of
them are easy to do and you can swap out ingredients for other ones.
Um, but that's kind of fun.
I don't even know why I'm telling, I mean, Follow me on Instagram, basically.
That's what I'm saying.
It's fun stuff.
We talk about plants.
We make things.
Um, I don't know.
I'd love to have you reach out to me here, there, wherever.
And I'm sending you love.
And.
The beautiful music is by siren in the sea and it is called snake river.
And.
Remember that.
You're amazing.
And I love you.
And I hope that your life.
Gets better every day and you're getting.
Closer to the life that feels perfect and juicy to you.
Sending you love.
And like I said, I'm an upload this warts and all.
And I hope that you An amazing two weeks and i will see you soon okay Bye.