WEBVTT 00:00:03.060 --> 00:00:04.470 Matt Abrahams: Let's flip the script. 00:00:04.770 --> 00:00:07.800 Instead of asking questions today, I'm going to answer some. 00:00:08.280 --> 00:00:11.490 I'm Matt Abrahams and I teach Strategic Communication at Stanford 00:00:11.490 --> 00:00:12.780 Graduate School of Business. 00:00:13.080 --> 00:00:17.400 Welcome to this Quick Thinks, Ask Matt Anything episode of Think 00:00:17.400 --> 00:00:19.710 Fast Talk Smart, the podcast. 00:00:20.400 --> 00:00:24.150 One of the many, many things I love about our Think Fast Talk Smart Learning 00:00:24.150 --> 00:00:26.400 Community is interacting with our members. 00:00:26.759 --> 00:00:30.509 I do this through posts, comments and discussions, along with our author 00:00:30.509 --> 00:00:33.780 talks and AMAs, Ask Matt Anythings. 00:00:34.140 --> 00:00:37.970 Today I'm sharing a portion of our recent Learning Community AMA. 00:00:38.310 --> 00:00:41.580 Listen in to learn about authenticity, anxiety management, 00:00:41.640 --> 00:00:43.320 and answering questions well. 00:00:43.919 --> 00:00:48.239 And consider joining the Learning Community fastersmarter.io/learning 00:00:48.480 --> 00:00:50.430 to ask your questions live. 00:00:50.879 --> 00:00:52.199 So let's jump right in. 00:00:53.129 --> 00:00:54.540 Chris, what's your question, please? 00:00:54.900 --> 00:00:56.879 Learning Community Member 1: Question Matt, so I do a lot of 00:00:56.879 --> 00:01:00.720 email correspondence and, and the nature of my job is people are trying 00:01:00.720 --> 00:01:02.280 to sell me things all the time. 00:01:02.550 --> 00:01:06.690 And there's one introduction that people often use to an email 00:01:06.750 --> 00:01:10.199 that I've, I just don't like it and I really try to avoid it. 00:01:10.229 --> 00:01:12.360 It's people saying, I hope you're doing well. 00:01:13.110 --> 00:01:16.830 I know you'll understand what I'm talking about, but I understand why it's there. 00:01:16.890 --> 00:01:18.060 But it's soft language. 00:01:18.060 --> 00:01:20.250 It's an empty gesture 'cause it doesn't matter. 00:01:20.789 --> 00:01:24.960 And so I found myself, when I compose an email, I just skip anything like 00:01:24.960 --> 00:01:26.429 that and go straight to business. 00:01:26.789 --> 00:01:29.009 What are your thoughts on that and your experience with that? 00:01:29.369 --> 00:01:30.869 Matt Abrahams: It's funny that you bring that up, Chris. 00:01:30.869 --> 00:01:35.970 So Glenn Kramon, who was one of our early guests, he is a colleague 00:01:35.970 --> 00:01:37.740 of mine at the business school. 00:01:37.740 --> 00:01:39.210 He teaches a course on writing. 00:01:39.210 --> 00:01:41.009 He is an editor at the New York Times. 00:01:41.610 --> 00:01:44.340 He has exactly the same pet peeve. 00:01:44.610 --> 00:01:48.930 He does not like the superfluous nature of that, and I agree it's 00:01:48.930 --> 00:01:50.400 trite now that people do it. 00:01:50.490 --> 00:01:56.310 However, I do like the notion of trying to connect first before jumping into an ask. 00:01:56.640 --> 00:02:00.060 I think in some cases it can be a little off-putting if you just jump 00:02:00.060 --> 00:02:01.650 in straight away and say, I need this. 00:02:01.920 --> 00:02:05.970 I think other modes of communication are more for that type of 00:02:05.970 --> 00:02:07.770 transactional, get to the point. 00:02:08.039 --> 00:02:10.230 I'm thinking of Slack or even texting. 00:02:10.740 --> 00:02:14.670 Email to me feels slightly more formal and that's where I, I like to 00:02:14.670 --> 00:02:17.100 start with some kind of connection. 00:02:17.100 --> 00:02:18.630 I'll perhaps say hello. 00:02:18.900 --> 00:02:20.460 I might comment on the day. 00:02:20.460 --> 00:02:23.700 I might say, I hope that your Tuesday is going well. 00:02:24.000 --> 00:02:26.730 I might comment on something I know that the person has done. 00:02:26.790 --> 00:02:29.910 If I have some connection with them, I might say, you know, how 00:02:29.910 --> 00:02:31.470 is your kid's basketball game? 00:02:31.470 --> 00:02:33.300 I know the last time we spoke, you mentioned it. 00:02:33.720 --> 00:02:39.480 So for me personally, it's a little hard on email to jump right in with the ask. 00:02:40.109 --> 00:02:43.740 That said, I totally appreciate your point in using something 00:02:43.740 --> 00:02:45.510 trite, I think can be difficult. 00:02:45.890 --> 00:02:48.210 Do you use, Chris, I'm gonna put a question to you. 00:02:48.210 --> 00:02:52.560 Do you use any kind of, uh, affectation or do you just jump straight in? 00:02:53.370 --> 00:02:55.620 Learning Community Member 1: I think I usually just say, I'd like 00:02:55.620 --> 00:02:58.769 to share this with you, or, I was thinking of you and this, this is 00:02:58.769 --> 00:03:00.030 what I would like to share with you. 00:03:00.450 --> 00:03:00.930 Matt Abrahams: Excellent. 00:03:01.350 --> 00:03:01.650 Learning Community Member 1: Yeah. 00:03:01.680 --> 00:03:01.860 Matt Abrahams: Yeah. 00:03:01.860 --> 00:03:03.900 So you do, you do connect a little bit. 00:03:03.900 --> 00:03:07.020 I mean, we have a lot of research, we have a lot of research that 00:03:07.020 --> 00:03:09.600 says connect first really helps. 00:03:09.600 --> 00:03:11.460 It builds some warmth and relationship. 00:03:12.000 --> 00:03:15.960 Uh, in an email, I think just as I, I would say if a phone call or 00:03:16.140 --> 00:03:19.890 a remote call like this, there is some time that, that I think should 00:03:19.890 --> 00:03:22.080 be reserved for connecting first. 00:03:22.080 --> 00:03:26.460 But something trite such as hope you are well is a bit much. 00:03:27.330 --> 00:03:29.430 Uh, other questions that you might have? 00:03:30.420 --> 00:03:32.120 Learning Community Member 2: Hi, I am Jophan. 00:03:32.519 --> 00:03:35.070 I'm from Germany, originally from India. 00:03:35.549 --> 00:03:39.929 Whenever I try to speak something impromptu, it just seems like 00:03:40.230 --> 00:03:43.500 I'm speaking too fast, and then there is this mess in my head that 00:03:43.500 --> 00:03:45.209 I'm trying to string it through. 00:03:45.660 --> 00:03:49.079 So do you have any suggestions or any helpful tips that I can follow? 00:03:49.845 --> 00:03:50.775 Matt Abrahams: Thank you for the question. 00:03:50.775 --> 00:03:55.155 So Jophan, you're asking when speaking, your brain is working really fast, 00:03:55.155 --> 00:03:57.795 you're thinking of a lot of things, and sometimes when you end up speaking 00:03:57.795 --> 00:03:59.235 then you end up speaking fast. 00:03:59.235 --> 00:04:01.215 And how are there ways to slow that down? 00:04:01.455 --> 00:04:02.865 So there's several things to do. 00:04:02.925 --> 00:04:07.005 First, we feel this intense pressure in the moment, as you 00:04:07.005 --> 00:04:09.675 mentioned, to respond right away. 00:04:10.005 --> 00:04:13.245 And we don't have to, you can take a pause, you can actually ask for it. 00:04:13.245 --> 00:04:15.165 You can say, let me think about that for a moment. 00:04:15.644 --> 00:04:19.245 Or perhaps you could ask a follow on question to get the 00:04:19.245 --> 00:04:21.644 other person responding so you can collect your thoughts. 00:04:22.005 --> 00:04:25.395 Or any of you who've listened to the show, know that I am a huge fan of 00:04:25.395 --> 00:04:28.395 paraphrasing, extracting a key essence. 00:04:28.844 --> 00:04:32.985 All three of those buy you a little bit of time so that you can collect your 00:04:32.985 --> 00:04:35.445 thoughts so you don't feel as rushed. 00:04:35.594 --> 00:04:38.565 Because when we feel rushed, we begin to think faster, we get 00:04:38.565 --> 00:04:39.914 a little nervous and anxious. 00:04:40.155 --> 00:04:43.034 So that's just giving yourself time. 00:04:43.034 --> 00:04:44.590 Second, slowing yourself down. 00:04:45.270 --> 00:04:46.680 Taking a deep breath. 00:04:46.710 --> 00:04:50.640 When we get very anxious, we breathe shallow, we start thinking 00:04:50.640 --> 00:04:51.900 quickly, and we speak quickly. 00:04:51.900 --> 00:04:57.000 So taking a deep breath slows down the autonomic nervous system, slows 00:04:57.000 --> 00:05:00.780 down your breath rate, so you'll speak more slowly, and it can actually 00:05:00.780 --> 00:05:04.350 slow down your thought process because you're calming yourself down. 00:05:04.680 --> 00:05:08.310 Mentally, what I encourage you to do when you get in those moments 00:05:08.700 --> 00:05:12.450 is to think to yourself, what's the bottom line of what I want to say? 00:05:12.600 --> 00:05:13.740 Anchor yourself. 00:05:14.190 --> 00:05:16.950 A lot of us in those moments, we think a lot of thoughts all 00:05:16.950 --> 00:05:18.630 at once and it can get jumbled. 00:05:18.630 --> 00:05:21.840 And that jumbled nature makes us think quicker 'cause we're 00:05:21.840 --> 00:05:22.830 trying to figure things out. 00:05:23.100 --> 00:05:26.010 Just say to yourself, what's the bottom line of my response? 00:05:26.010 --> 00:05:28.380 What's the bottom line of my thought or feeling? 00:05:28.860 --> 00:05:33.210 Ground yourself there and then build your response from that point. 00:05:33.210 --> 00:05:35.190 And as you know, I'm a big fan of structure. 00:05:35.430 --> 00:05:38.430 This might be where what, so what, now what, then comes in 00:05:38.430 --> 00:05:39.540 once I hit the bottom line. 00:05:40.320 --> 00:05:42.539 Learning Community Member 2: When you are saying to slow down while 00:05:42.539 --> 00:05:48.030 speaking, so I, I believe I'm a fast speaker and probably it's for the good 00:05:48.030 --> 00:05:51.900 or maybe for the worst, but I feel comfortable when I'm speaking fast. 00:05:52.440 --> 00:05:56.340 So do you have any ideas or suggestions how I can really improve 00:05:56.549 --> 00:06:00.630 to slow down speaking or am I really fighting against my instinct? 00:06:01.619 --> 00:06:06.059 Matt Abrahams: Many of us speak faster than we want to, or in some cases should. 00:06:06.390 --> 00:06:10.815 Speaking quickly boils down to breath. 00:06:11.325 --> 00:06:15.435 Your voice is a wind instrument, just like a flute, a clarinet, a saxophone. 00:06:15.705 --> 00:06:17.505 So breath is really critical. 00:06:17.715 --> 00:06:20.984 So there are three things I recommend to people to help slow down. 00:06:21.195 --> 00:06:23.594 First, breathe more deeply. 00:06:23.924 --> 00:06:30.750 When you breathe deeply, you are actually slowing down your speaking 00:06:30.750 --> 00:06:32.880 rate because it just takes longer to do. 00:06:33.030 --> 00:06:35.550 When I breathe shallow, I speak really quickly because I'm breathing fast. 00:06:35.550 --> 00:06:37.860 So I, so when I take a deep breath, I slow down. 00:06:37.860 --> 00:06:41.070 So first, if you know you're going into an interaction where you're likely to 00:06:41.070 --> 00:06:44.970 speak quickly and you want to speak slower, take a deep belly breath. 00:06:45.420 --> 00:06:50.910 Second, gesture more slowly, I bet you gesture quickly. 00:06:51.330 --> 00:06:54.330 Most people who speak fast gesture fast. 00:06:54.720 --> 00:06:57.600 We sync up our gesture rate and our speaking rate. 00:06:57.990 --> 00:07:02.370 So another thing you can do to slow yourself down is to gesture more slowly. 00:07:02.370 --> 00:07:05.010 The slower I gesture, the slower I speak. 00:07:05.010 --> 00:07:07.620 So low, slow breathing, slower gestures. 00:07:07.890 --> 00:07:12.720 And then the final bit of advice is a mental idea, which is imagine that 00:07:12.720 --> 00:07:17.850 everyone you are speaking to is non-native to the language you are speaking. 00:07:18.570 --> 00:07:22.380 So if I believe everybody I'm talking to is newer to the language that 00:07:22.380 --> 00:07:27.450 I'm speaking, in my case English, by nature, we tend to slow down. 00:07:27.900 --> 00:07:33.750 So breathe more slowly, deeper, gesture more slowly, and remind yourself 00:07:33.750 --> 00:07:37.680 that everybody you're speaking to is new to the language you're speaking. 00:07:37.680 --> 00:07:42.300 And those three things in some combination will help slow down your speaking rate. 00:07:42.900 --> 00:07:43.860 Hopefully that was helpful. 00:07:44.430 --> 00:07:46.020 Yulia, I'd love to hear your question. 00:07:46.020 --> 00:07:46.380 Please. 00:07:47.160 --> 00:07:48.810 Learning Community Member 3: Thank you so much for having me here. 00:07:48.810 --> 00:07:52.980 First, I would like to thank you so much, Matt, for the wisdom that you're sharing. 00:07:53.595 --> 00:07:54.885 My question is the following. 00:07:55.035 --> 00:07:59.865 All of us have by nature, we have specific kind of way how we communicate. 00:07:59.865 --> 00:08:03.290 Some of us are more soft-spoken, some of us are more direct. 00:08:04.035 --> 00:08:07.725 I believe that all communicators, all good communicators, have to 00:08:07.725 --> 00:08:12.945 have a wide repertoire or like tool that can be applied in different 00:08:12.945 --> 00:08:15.165 occasions and with different people. 00:08:15.375 --> 00:08:21.495 So how can we develop this ability to adapt to different people who 00:08:21.495 --> 00:08:25.930 may not necessarily appreciate our nature, the way we are? 00:08:26.609 --> 00:08:28.859 Matt Abrahams: What I hear in your question, Yulia, is really talking 00:08:28.859 --> 00:08:33.689 about authenticity, who we really are and our approach, and thinking about 00:08:33.689 --> 00:08:35.400 the expectations that others have. 00:08:35.730 --> 00:08:39.390 I will always argue that we should be true to ourselves. 00:08:39.449 --> 00:08:41.549 Being disingenuous, faking it. 00:08:41.819 --> 00:08:43.770 That's not how we want to come off. 00:08:43.770 --> 00:08:46.530 It doesn't feel good, and often it can get us in trouble. 00:08:46.935 --> 00:08:51.675 That said, there are certain expectations in certain communication situations 00:08:51.675 --> 00:08:53.715 where we might have to adjust and adapt. 00:08:54.135 --> 00:08:57.945 So some of you, for your work, for example, have to speak in a very 00:08:57.945 --> 00:09:02.655 formal way, giving presentations or in meetings, and that might not be 00:09:02.865 --> 00:09:06.075 comfortable or what is typical in your more conversational approach. 00:09:06.075 --> 00:09:09.885 So certainly our authenticity has to meet reality. 00:09:09.885 --> 00:09:12.735 I am not saying to, again, be disingenuous, but we 00:09:12.735 --> 00:09:13.755 have to be responsive. 00:09:14.130 --> 00:09:17.400 Our goal is to serve the audiences that we speak to. 00:09:17.579 --> 00:09:22.800 The single best thing you can do to help understand and be authentic is to take 00:09:22.800 --> 00:09:28.319 the time to really reflect on what's important for you and where your strengths 00:09:28.319 --> 00:09:30.240 are and your areas to strengthen. 00:09:30.660 --> 00:09:35.310 Every night before I go to bed, I journal, and part of that journaling is 00:09:35.310 --> 00:09:41.310 to reflect on something that went well that day in my communication and something 00:09:41.310 --> 00:09:43.369 that I'd like to improve from that day. 00:09:43.779 --> 00:09:48.165 And every Sunday I come back and look at what I've written for the previous week 00:09:48.465 --> 00:09:52.605 and make a plan for the subsequent week, and I've been doing that for decades. 00:09:52.935 --> 00:09:58.155 And that helps me to really not only develop my skills, but to really 00:09:58.335 --> 00:10:01.545 best understand what's important to me in communication and how 00:10:01.545 --> 00:10:03.285 I can lean into those things. 00:10:03.855 --> 00:10:08.175 Be authentic, understand what's important to you and how you 00:10:08.175 --> 00:10:12.755 want to show up so that you feel comfortable in yourself doing that. 00:10:13.095 --> 00:10:15.855 But at the same time, think about the expectations of the 00:10:15.855 --> 00:10:17.655 situation and what would help. 00:10:17.655 --> 00:10:21.735 So for example, part of who I am is I, I'm very curious, so I 00:10:21.735 --> 00:10:23.625 like to ask lots of questions. 00:10:23.625 --> 00:10:27.345 You all have heard me ask lots of questions, but sometimes there's 00:10:27.345 --> 00:10:32.925 situations where asking questions is not what the circumstance or context demands, 00:10:33.375 --> 00:10:38.475 and I need to adjust and adapt while still staying true to my curiosity and who I am. 00:10:38.475 --> 00:10:41.715 So it's first about discovering what's important to you. 00:10:42.135 --> 00:10:45.855 The reflection activity I do every evening might help as part of that. 00:10:46.185 --> 00:10:49.694 And then it's being aware of what's expected in the situation, in the context. 00:10:50.145 --> 00:10:50.834 Learning Community Member 3: Thank you. 00:10:50.834 --> 00:10:51.795 I appreciate it, Matt. 00:10:52.454 --> 00:10:54.675 Matt Abrahams: Other questions that some of you might have? 00:10:54.675 --> 00:10:58.425 Would love to, to take one or two more questions before I wrap things up. 00:10:59.715 --> 00:11:01.425 Learning Community Member 4: I'm giving a talk for the Alzheimer's 00:11:01.425 --> 00:11:05.760 Association, which I do as a volunteer and it's scripted. 00:11:05.760 --> 00:11:08.430 It's, it's very, it has these speaker notes and it's specific 00:11:08.430 --> 00:11:10.020 information that they kind of stand by. 00:11:10.020 --> 00:11:13.020 So I'm just kind of struggling with like these speaker notes that are, you know, 00:11:13.020 --> 00:11:17.339 it's like I'm either reading it, and so I'm kinda struggling with, do I just stand 00:11:17.339 --> 00:11:18.479 in front of these people and read it? 00:11:18.839 --> 00:11:21.780 Matt Abrahams: There are times when all of us have to communicate where 00:11:22.319 --> 00:11:24.479 we are expected to say certain things. 00:11:24.479 --> 00:11:27.959 Think of a, a company executive who, because of the media, 00:11:27.959 --> 00:11:31.439 because of investors, needs to say something exactly the right way 00:11:31.439 --> 00:11:32.610 because they can get in trouble. 00:11:33.105 --> 00:11:36.315 I don't think your situation is that defined, but they do want you 00:11:36.315 --> 00:11:37.905 to get certain information across. 00:11:38.415 --> 00:11:43.455 So I would, as best I could if I were in your shoes, find a way to integrate that 00:11:43.455 --> 00:11:46.905 information into a way that's true and authentic for me, that's comfortable. 00:11:46.905 --> 00:11:52.245 So maybe I don't use every word that they say, but I get the general idea across. 00:11:52.560 --> 00:11:56.880 If you can embed that in a truth for you, a story that's relevant 00:11:56.880 --> 00:12:00.990 to you, an experience that you've had, that makes it easier. 00:12:01.290 --> 00:12:05.219 So a way that I coach executives to deal with the problem that you're having. 00:12:05.219 --> 00:12:09.810 So let's say their legal department sends the paragraph, you have to say this. 00:12:10.230 --> 00:12:14.160 I will have them read it a couple times so they're familiar with what it says, 00:12:14.459 --> 00:12:19.170 and then I'll say, put the paragraph aside and just speak what you remember of it. 00:12:19.410 --> 00:12:21.720 And as they're doing that, we're recording it. 00:12:21.990 --> 00:12:27.300 And we do it a couple times and we begin to see their natural way of saying it. 00:12:27.300 --> 00:12:30.210 So they're not memorizing it, they're just saying, here's the way they've 00:12:30.240 --> 00:12:32.640 internalized it, and then they share it. 00:12:32.640 --> 00:12:35.310 And then what we do from that is we create bullet points. 00:12:35.310 --> 00:12:38.550 So it's not a paragraph, but we create a few bullet points that 00:12:38.550 --> 00:12:40.920 are enough to trigger them to help. 00:12:41.550 --> 00:12:44.970 What I do personally, what works for me, and this might work for you, Elizabeth, 00:12:45.270 --> 00:12:46.950 is I turn things into questions. 00:12:46.950 --> 00:12:52.875 For some reason, my brain is better able to remember content when I remind 00:12:52.875 --> 00:12:57.915 myself that I'm answering a question rather than relaying information, 00:12:58.005 --> 00:12:59.895 even if the information is the same. 00:13:00.315 --> 00:13:04.035 So instead of saying, I want to cover these two points, I say, I'm going to 00:13:04.035 --> 00:13:08.775 answer these two questions, and I frame it as a question that I am answering. 00:13:09.105 --> 00:13:13.575 It takes some of the pressure off, and for some reason I am able to 00:13:13.605 --> 00:13:17.625 get the information across in a more clear, concise, and accurate way. 00:13:18.120 --> 00:13:22.079 So my two bits of advice to you in your situation is to speak it out loud 00:13:22.079 --> 00:13:26.370 a couple times, reading it, and then record yourself saying it without looking 00:13:26.370 --> 00:13:30.390 at the manuscript, see where you land, and then create an outline from that. 00:13:30.875 --> 00:13:35.100 And maybe also think if somebody asked me the question, what does 00:13:35.100 --> 00:13:38.490 this organization do or how can you support this organization? 00:13:38.790 --> 00:13:41.640 Just answer those questions and see how close you come to 00:13:41.640 --> 00:13:43.230 the manuscript they gave you. 00:13:43.380 --> 00:13:46.230 My hunch, if you're like me, is you'll come pretty close when 00:13:46.230 --> 00:13:47.460 you frame it as a question. 00:13:47.670 --> 00:13:49.290 I hope there was something in there that could be helpful. 00:13:49.350 --> 00:13:50.160 Learning Community Member 4: Yeah, absolutely. 00:13:50.189 --> 00:13:50.580 Thanks. 00:13:50.640 --> 00:13:51.090 Matt Abrahams: Excellent. 00:13:51.090 --> 00:13:53.520 Learning Community Member 5: I had a question, something that you did there 00:13:53.520 --> 00:13:57.480 with concluding and saying like any questions, I feel like that's oftentimes 00:13:57.480 --> 00:14:04.115 sort of a panic stage of a presentation where my mind starts racing about if there 00:14:04.115 --> 00:14:08.825 are no questions, how I'm going to kind of ad lib to fill up the awkward silence. 00:14:08.825 --> 00:14:12.965 And then also fight off concerns like, okay, are there not questions, 00:14:12.965 --> 00:14:18.965 because either I delivered something completely nonsensical or it was so dull 00:14:18.965 --> 00:14:21.095 that it didn't prompt any questions. 00:14:21.275 --> 00:14:21.485 Matt Abrahams: Yeah. 00:14:21.485 --> 00:14:24.515 Learning Community Member 5: And then I think also the start of 00:14:24.515 --> 00:14:29.010 presentations are the places where I feel like I struggle the most. 00:14:29.010 --> 00:14:31.320 And of course with the start, it sort of sets the tone for 00:14:31.320 --> 00:14:33.030 the rest of things to follow. 00:14:33.030 --> 00:14:35.670 So I'm curious about if you have tips on that. 00:14:36.270 --> 00:14:39.540 Matt Abrahams: Many of us are most nervous when we start a communication, 00:14:39.540 --> 00:14:43.140 be it a meeting, a presentation, even a social interaction. 00:14:43.440 --> 00:14:47.490 So the advice I give to people, one, is to get present and collect your thoughts. 00:14:47.490 --> 00:14:50.070 Deep breathing, focusing on your goal. 00:14:50.400 --> 00:14:54.150 But I also like to have people distract their audiences, get 00:14:54.150 --> 00:14:57.450 them doing something so their attention isn't just focused on you. 00:14:57.720 --> 00:14:58.560 How do you do that? 00:14:58.710 --> 00:15:01.410 Well, you don't want the distraction to be off topic, do 00:15:01.410 --> 00:15:03.750 something that gets them engaged. 00:15:03.780 --> 00:15:05.700 So for example, take a poll. 00:15:05.700 --> 00:15:07.450 If you're in front of a large group, how many of you have. 00:15:08.430 --> 00:15:09.510 Show a video clip. 00:15:09.510 --> 00:15:12.449 I worked with a very senior leader at a company you all know. 00:15:12.630 --> 00:15:15.569 He's very nervous when he speaks, especially at the beginning. 00:15:15.900 --> 00:15:18.630 So all he does is say, good morning everyone. 00:15:18.630 --> 00:15:19.949 Let's watch this video. 00:15:19.949 --> 00:15:23.550 And he has a video clip that's very brief, and then when the video's over, 00:15:23.550 --> 00:15:25.589 he just asks people to comment on it. 00:15:25.740 --> 00:15:29.819 So when you take a poll, when you show a video, when you put up a provocative 00:15:29.939 --> 00:15:33.990 image, slide, whatever, you take people's attention away from you. 00:15:34.290 --> 00:15:38.055 And if you immediately ask a question on the response, then 00:15:38.055 --> 00:15:39.225 you are in a different role. 00:15:39.225 --> 00:15:41.985 You're now a facilitator, not a presenter. 00:15:41.985 --> 00:15:45.855 And for many of us, we are much more comfortable in that situation. 00:15:45.855 --> 00:15:49.485 So I challenge all of you to think about how can I start in a way that 00:15:49.485 --> 00:15:54.885 invites people to engage so their attention is not just on me, it's 00:15:54.885 --> 00:15:56.625 on the activity, whatever that was. 00:15:56.625 --> 00:16:00.165 So that's how I recommend you start in a way that can reduce some of 00:16:00.165 --> 00:16:01.814 that awkwardness and nervousness. 00:16:02.175 --> 00:16:06.075 Now on the other side of the equation, when you go to call 00:16:06.075 --> 00:16:09.705 for questions and there are no questions, first you have to wait. 00:16:10.230 --> 00:16:11.790 Pausing is appropriate. 00:16:11.790 --> 00:16:14.490 There are lots of reasons people don't ask questions right away. 00:16:14.819 --> 00:16:17.520 Maybe they're nervous and they're trying to muster their courage. 00:16:17.670 --> 00:16:20.490 Maybe they're thinking of their answer or their question first. 00:16:20.760 --> 00:16:24.660 Maybe they're just trying to see what types of questions get asked, so you 00:16:24.660 --> 00:16:30.030 have to pause and then if no questions come in, ask yourself a question. 00:16:30.030 --> 00:16:32.939 I am a big fan of what I call a back pocket question. 00:16:33.300 --> 00:16:37.770 So if nobody asks a question, I might say, a question I'm often asked is, so, you 00:16:37.770 --> 00:16:39.540 see, I'm about to ask myself a question. 00:16:39.840 --> 00:16:42.870 Now, obviously, I should know the answer to my question. 00:16:43.140 --> 00:16:48.410 That could really be helpful to making sure that the dead air is filled. 00:16:48.860 --> 00:16:52.620 And you'd be amazed that when you answer that question, how easily 00:16:52.620 --> 00:16:54.090 you get the second question. 00:16:54.390 --> 00:16:57.330 So it's all about getting your audience engaged in some activity 00:16:57.330 --> 00:17:00.510 upfront, so it changes your role for presenter to facilitator. 00:17:00.510 --> 00:17:03.600 And in the end, you have to pause when you call for questions. 00:17:03.930 --> 00:17:07.200 And then if no questions come in, ask yourself a question. 00:17:07.560 --> 00:17:10.830 And just by knowing that you have those tools, it reduces your 00:17:10.830 --> 00:17:14.100 anxiety because you know you can handle both of those situations. 00:17:14.444 --> 00:17:18.315 So I encourage all of you to try one or both of those in a lower stake 00:17:18.315 --> 00:17:21.915 situation, not a super high stakes one to see the value, and that'll only 00:17:21.915 --> 00:17:23.805 build your confidence even farther. 00:17:26.264 --> 00:17:29.385 Thank you for joining us for this Quick Thinks Ask Matt Anything episode. 00:17:30.375 --> 00:17:34.605 To join our next AMA live, sign up for our Think Fast Talk Smart Learning 00:17:34.605 --> 00:17:35.715 Community at fastersmarter.io/learning. 00:17:38.235 --> 00:17:43.125 This episode was produced by 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