Silence is Golden
Show Description:
I teased this show on this morning’s daily email message, in which I suggested I might release a podcast episode that was all silence, to drive home the message that when it comes to helping people reflect, our silence is golden. Of course, the point would be lost if it was only silence as many listeners may not make the connection. That said, be forewarned, there are several chunks of silence in this episode. You see, I wanted to give plenty of time for today’s special guest to reflect. And that special guest, is you! Are you ready to be coached? Let’s go.
Celebrations: Crickets. Seriously. I’ve included their subtle chirps into today’s episode so you know we are still rolling 🤣
The Big Idea
Silence is golden because it is rare.
You likely give out more advice than silence. That isn’t meant to be a dig, just a reflection of our society’s expectation that our leaders will be problem solvers and should always have the answer. Or at least an answer 😉
When you ask the reflective question, it is the silence that invites the answer.
Just be quiet.
In case nobody has coached you recently, I thought it would be great to provide YOU with an opportunity to reflect. I am actually going to do two rounds with you today, and here’s how it will work:
· I will give you a prompt on what to use as the subject of our coaching session
· I will ask you what went well,
· If there were any surprises,
· And if there is anything you would do differently
· After each question, I will play 90 seconds of crickets.
· Then we will do a quick debrief and then do one more round.
I’m completely serious in doing this and there will be no surprises.
I hope you are super-excited at being given an opportunity to reflect. Being transparent, I’m also a bit nervous that you might think this is a waste of time and be reaching for your phone even now. Before you turn me off, please ask yourself two questions:
1. If you won’t reflect now, then when?
2. What have you got to lose?
Okay, that’s enough of a sales pitch. Take a deep breath. Let’s go…
My colleague, welcome to the show. I’m so glad you are here, because the truth is that without you, there is no show!
I’d like you to think of a recent event or situation for which your leadership played an important role in achieving a positive outcome. (repeat and pause).
Ask the three questions…
Debrief:
· Did it feel good to reflect on what went well?
· Did you examine the event from a different perspective when I asked about surprises?
· Did you end early, but then “fill the silence” with additional reflection?
· Did 90 seconds seem like a long time?
· Do you understand the situation more deeply now than you did five minutes ago?
· Did you identify anything you might do differently?
· Notice I did not paraphrase. Yes that sounds silly given the situation, but this is a serious point. Many of us have had it drilled into us that paraphrasing shows we understand and are listening. It does, but that isn’t the point of 5-mc. It doesn’t matter if we understand, it only matters that they understand. That understanding grows in the quiet space, and as soon as I begin paraphrasing, I have taken that space away. No paraphrasing. Shhhh…
Let’s do one more. This time, I’d like you to think of a situation in which your leadership was important, but things did not turn out as you planned. Maybe they turned out differently, maybe poorly, choose whatever you are comfortable with. Ready?
I know things didn’t go as planned, but tell me…
Ask the three questions
Debrief:
· Because things didn’t go as you hoped, you’ve likely already reflected on this event, but it was probably focused on what went wrong.
· I hope in noting what went well, you were able to feel a bit better about the situation. Stating the positives may also have helped you do a more realistic reflection on the entire situation, and/or approach it from a more productive perspective.
· Even if you have reflected before on this situation, you likely had not thought about from the surprise perspective. What did you glean from this?
· Finally, I’m wondering how the identification of what you might do differently impacts your perception of the entire situation. Maybe one change would have made a big difference. Maybe there is nothing you could have done to change the outcome.
*Insert conclusion music
I hope the moments of quiet were valuable for you. I hope you experienced the power of silence. Most importantly, I hope you are committed to sharing this powerful gift with others.
Before we go, I have two questions for you.
First, what part of your own leadership are you trying to get better at?
Finally, who will you coach today?
Thanks for being my special guest today, you have been and continue to be amazing!
Summarizing (The big takeaway)
Sponsorship:
I want to thank IXL for sponsoring this podcast…
Everyone talks about the power of data-driven instruction. But what does that actually look like? Look no further than IXL, the ultimate online learning and teaching platform for K to 12.
IXL gives you meaningful insights that drive real progress, and research can prove it. Studies across 45 states show that schools who use IXL outperform other schools on state tests. Educators who use IXL love that they can easily see how their school is performing in real-time to make better instructional decisions.
And IXL doesn’t stop at just data. IXL also brings an entire ecosystem of resources for your teachers, with a complete curriculum, personalized learning plans, and so much more.
It’s no wonder that IXL is used in 95 of the top 100 school districts. Ready to join them? Visit http://ixl.com/assistant to get started.
Close
· Leadership is a journey and thank you for choosing to walk some of this magical path with me.
· I love hearing from you. If you have comments or questions, or are interested in having me speak at your school or conference, email me at
frederick@frederickbuskey.com or connect with me on LinkedIn.
· If you are tired of spending time putting out fires and would rather invest time supporting and growing teachers, consider reading my book, A School Leader’s Guide to Reclaiming Purpose. The book is available on Amazon. You can find links to it, as well as free book study materials on my website at
https://www.frederickbuskey.com/reclaiming-purpose.html· Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast.
· Remember the secret to good leadership:
o Be intentional in choosing how you will show up for others
o Be fully present
o Ask reflective questions
o And then just listen
o Don’t overcomplicate it, the value is in the listening.
· Have a great rest of the week!
· Cheers!
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