well hello All You Beautiful
[Music]
People you know what time it
is ladies and gents Guys and Dolls and
everyone in
between gather around get you something
real nice to sip on and comfy to slip
on cuz it's time for smut Club here's
your hosts Chelsey and
[Applause]
[Music]
Hannah hi everybody and welcome to smut
club I'm Hannah and I'm Chelsea and this
is the podcast where we daydrink and
review trashy romance novels and my dog
tries to sit in our laps and hits the
mic so it's really Pleasant for
everyone's
ears nice we love this and now my dog is
looking at me and my husband hband my
husband wants him to go
upstairs before we record and our dog
Vance I think Brandon is just here to
stay I he'll he might follow you at some
point but for now if you hear the Tip
Tap of little doggy feet please just
ignore his little nails are so long we
need to get them to the groomer this
week but all that said that's not what
anyone else is here for no not not here
to talk about me taking my dog to the
groomer
that's a whole
story all right I'm sorry
I'm our groomer oh so we're telling the
story yeah it's worth telling Hannah
okay well I didn't know our groomer is a
home groomer the very F like her website
is like black and neon pink and like
very like it is a statement but she's
like 5 minutes from our house and it's
$30 nice well starts at 30 and then you
know there's add-ons over time course um
but I was cracking up because the very
first time we took him there she's like
just come in through the garage and I'm
like what a I'm like hey Vance I need
you to come with me he like where are we
going like we're taking brand to the
groomer and we showed up and he's
like this just looks like someone's
house and I was like it is you have the
skills of observation um you get it she
was wearing I didn't even know they made
grooming smoks it when we walked in I
was like this woman looks like she is
ready for dog groming porn like she is I
don't I'm realizing I'm not describing
things well cuz I'm too excited to
describe them well she was wearing a
like mid to high
thigh like
skintight smok like a grooming smok okay
um that was like super low cut and her
boobs were spilling out of it and I was
like no part of this outfit looks as
though
you are ready to to bathe a dog right we
we just look like we're ready to show up
at someone's house and say I'm ready to
bathe your dog and then the sex starts
is like right and pant and I left and we
were
like well we'll we'll see how it goes
and there's a Entrance Road by their
house Called Wanda woods and we're like
that sounds like a porn star name does
and then that's what we named our Roomba
so our Roomba is named Wanda and
everyone's like why and I was like oh no
cuz our dog groomer lives off a road and
look like a it was a whole thing that
day
like there's so much back it really made
sense in the time but now we're like 3
years deep and I have to explain why our
Roomba is named after our I guess a road
by our dog grer who's not a porn star
that you know of that I know of right
she could be she could be
so I got a massage a couple of weeks ago
and it was this place that I I found
online and looked decent enough the time
was right I was like cool let's go so I
went and it was somebody's house off of
a dirt road that was barely passable in
the middle of the woods I live in the
middle of nowhere anyway I was going to
say for as someone who lives in the
middle of nowhere did this feel like an
accessible level of nowhere or were you
like this is I should we'll see if I
make it correct I called her because I
was like this doesn't look right and she
was like no it's not you're you're right
it's not right the GPS doesn't know
where my house is so she had to give me
directions to her house and then she was
like is your car going to be okay on a
rough road and I was like oh yeah barely
pass so I pull up and this woman comes
out it's like a lob cabin meets sford
and Sun Vibes there's like [ __ ]
everywhere this woman comes out with no
shoes
on and in this dirt
driveway and I was like I might be
sacrificed like she was like this older
lady with like long white hair I might
be sacrif in the middle of the woods I
was
like so how was the massage it was
awesome
actually it was great right yeah but I
will never go back there oh it wasn't
that good no it wasn't that good I did
like her but also yikes yeah you're like
I don't like you enough to
offset yeah the you're like the tension
that this drive is you're like I'm
trying to get rid of tension I'm try to
add tension okay it's Cabin in the Woods
vibes I have a lot of thoughts on that
we could talk a lot about Cabin in the
Woods the Trope if you will that's a
different podcast yeah that's a
different podcast that's a different may
maybe it's not a different podcast I'm
going to challenge
myself oh no there's the um Megan Quinn
romcom with the agitators in Canada and
they're all in the woods and her car
breaks down and she like shows up at
their door and then they
all they're like we're hockey players
and she's like prove it like they play
with like a an umbrella yeah
yeah so it is this podcast it is did you
just hit your own glasses I did hit my
own glasses in my moment of being like I
feel so smart this is our podcast I hit
myself in the face and I really thought
we were just gonna move on but
I'm Vance looks at me all the time and
he's like way to keep me humble
babe but I also think that's kind of our
our friendship like not in a shitty way
no like just in like a we feel safe
enough
to lightly poke fun at the other person
yeah well because neither of us take
ourselves too seriously and so it's like
no have you seen I definitely
can't I'm like I dress my pets up for
our holiday cards each year yeah you do
I don't think I'm my husband literally
told me my the personality of my know is
Jewish yesterday so like
no yeah everyone's going to need that
the cont the context of that because so
before we hit record I was telling
Chelsea for some reason last night when
I was with hanging out with my husband
that I thought of the time that I passed
out at
school and you like in Middle School
yeah I was like 13 I think it was like
8th grade um I woke up as I was coming
to to Consciousness a teacher was there
with me apparently she had like carried
me to the nurse's office and she told me
that um I was actually very beautiful um
and she started describing all of my
features and told me that I have
beautiful Alabaster skin and my lips
were well proportioned and I have great
um cheekbones and that my eyes are
really beautiful and my nose has
personality and so as I was telling my
husband this story last night I asked
him I'm like what what what personality
does my nose have cuz there are lots of
different ones and he just went Jewish
and didn't add anything else after it he
just left it at
Jewish was there more that needed to be
said no for anybody who's watching the
video or has seen a photo of me nothing
no nothing else needs to be added I
would also like to know that Hannah once
told me a story that I'm just about to
tell one of you
I don't know what it is cuz I've shared
a lot of stories so here we go well so
Hannah and her husband work together and
that's how they met and when her husband
told another coworker that he was dating
Hannah when Matt was like yeah I'm
dating Hannah one of their co-workers
was like isn't she
Jewish and you're not I am not you just
have a nose with a lot of personality I
have a schnos
yeah none of that's relevant to anything
that we're doing today
got I I I wouldn't have even described
her nose as a nose of personality I
literally never thought about her nose
in my life
before for what it's worth only some of
us have noses with personality thank you
well no what I was going to all right
let me give a little bit more context
for everything damn it we're going to
get to this book eventually okay so when
I was 17 I worked as a personal
assistant to the sewing expert for the
Home Shopping Network she she'd had a
ton of like elective you know you just
you work the entertainment industry you
have some elective surgeries to make
sure you're looking young and fresh
right and I told her I was like hey I
have like just casually in conversation
day I was like oh yeah I was like my I
was like I have one connected Earl and
one dangly earlobe and she was like
Chelsea you could get that fixed and no
one would have to know my head I was
like but why would I like why it's not
hurting like there's no issues with my
ears I'm just noting that like this is
what my ears look like it's a unique
thing it's a unique my ears have
personality they do um but I was
thinking of the you could get that fixed
and no one would have to notice people
would notice because so we had a friend
who once again never thought of her nose
just thought it was a really normal nose
during the pandemic when we were all
under mask mandates she got a nose job
and so she comes out the other side and
planning like I think it just worked out
that way but like the first time like
she like took the mask off and I was
like something is different what it like
it took me a while to realize it like
didn't even occur to me but I just get
thinking like no one would have to know
and then I was like I don't I don't know
if you would be able to get a nose job
without people noticing it no there's
too much personality people would notice
people would notice but for what it's
worth I have spent hours looking at you
and never noticed anything about your
earlobes if that
helps it does okay thank you happy to
help i h no well so like my earlobes are
like I have one connected and one dangly
cuz you get them from your parents and I
forget which parent has which but my one
has one and one has the other um my like
my toes are like lowkey like partially
webbed between a few of them like it
doesn't go the The Crack doesn't go all
the way between the toes okay so like it
looks partially webbed between never
noticed either right here's the thing
these aren't big I'm not going to pay
anyone to adjust these things I accepted
and my fingers are slightly crooked to
the point that I can hold my fingers
together and I can see Hannah between my
fingers when I hold them together I
never broke this finger it's just always
been like that and I once went to flip
off one of my friends in grad school and
my middle finger is also crooked and it
was like pointing to the side and he's
like are you flipping off me or that
dude over there cuz your finger's
pointing like an air I was like [ __ ] you
what a burn oh it was such a good burn U
but the best burn was one day I home for
the holidays hanging out with my dad
Chelsea who do we know like weird
earlobes they don't match yeah Dad
that's me no no no no no no it's not you
like weird fingers to and like web toes
I like still me dad you're still
describing your daughter and he's like
no no no no that couldn't possibly be
you I would remember that and I'm like
you can deny it all you want still
sitting here
letting you know it is me your Earls
have
personality I mean why would you notice
them right like the only time that
anyone ever really noticed them was when
I was a kid and like when you have like
the cute little Bob and they were like
cutting it to be like an inch below my
earlobes and couldn't figure out why it
was
crooked yeah okay what sorry this is
this is a a book review podcast we're
here where we are going to review the
book so Hannah
it's all you I'm
sorry no I'm I'm enjoying it um we are
reviewing the dirty curve today by Megan
Brandy um so I really enjoy this book
it's a little bit of a comfort read for
me okay it's very like
um there's an there's it's mostly plot
but none of it is like so intense or
like like trauma heavy that it is it
evokes a lot of emotion does that make
sense yeah but still enjoyable it's just
an easy read yes it's a very easy read
so um it's told from two perspectives so
we open with Tobias he is a baseball
player um and he is failing a couple of
his classes specifically Anatomy sports
college romance sports college romance
there is something about Just Sports
College romances in general that I find
deeply comforting so deeply comforting
like I but also in that way where like
you've read one you've read them all and
like you keep reading them and they just
keep changing the names yep but there's
something so comforting well and this
one has like just enough of a Twist
where it it like keeps you in it but not
so much that you're like this is a step
too far like you know what I mean I
don't it takes too much energy to follow
because I I just want to know the
twist we'll get there so um Tobias has
been told that he has to do mandatory
tutoring he is very unhappy about it so
he's on his way to his uh coach's office
to talk to him about it and he um is
thinking about how he is known as the
Playboy pitcher and people are
constantly like commenting on his sex
life and girls are all over him and you
know like classic [ __ ] like that so
on the way to the coach's office he
overhears a girl in the coach's office
saying that she is not going to do it
assign him to somebody else I'm not
interested I'm not doing it and the
coach is like yes the [ __ ] you are this
is your this is literally your [ __ ]
job you're going to do what I tell you
and she is very clearly upset and she
runs out of the office and doesn't even
look at Tobias I started calling him
Toby honestly I don't remember if they
call him that in the book but you're
it's a safe space to call him Toby I am
going to call him Toby and we'll get to
the nickname I gave the girl Which is
less
sensical which shouldn't be surprising
to anybody you wri this outline when you
were a few is she big mad when she's
leaving the coach's office
Hannah yeah she's big mad you're
correct and for those who are wondering
um Chelsea made our our vodka lemonades
today and did a little bit of a heavy
pour so we'll see where we get and how
it looks by the end um but the great
news is my face gets more pink the more
I drink I feel my face getting pink
actually like I can feel the heat in it
right now so that's really fun on that
beautiful Alabaster
skin and you know what this morning I
was like I'm looking a little pale I'm
going to put just like a little bit of
Cream Blush on cuz I don't want to be
give like full ghost and now I realize I
didn't need it so um anyway so she runs
straight past Toby she's so upset that
the coach is like yeah you're going to
do your job yeah so the coach is like
she's going to do it you know and then
tells him that she gets paid double for
every hour she works with him um and you
know he's like okay um well fine
whatever I don't really give a [ __ ] and
then um he goes home and bangs some
chick and he's just like bored with his
life at this point he's like there my
life has no meaning outside of baseball
I don't care about school I'm just
trying to get drafted I don't give a
[ __ ] so we switched to the girl's point
of view her name is Meyer and I chose to
call her lemons like Meer
lemons I get it honestly I was thinking
is Myers also an ice cream
probably are you thinking of
Briars I was like I feel like it's not
quite right yeah no I'm
think I we also like I'm only a
fusive prade for this we can't I mean
I'm going
to I'm going to use VOD cinate as a
scapegoat
correct um and this lemonade was not
made with Myer lemons for the record I'm
assuming or Bri
lemonade you know milk milk lemonade cuz
it was like neon green in the picture so
I don't think it was made with Myer
lemons I and squeezed all of those
totally kidding well so the funniest
part was I accidentally dropped part of
the lemonade powder packet on the
counter and then it's just like white
powder but then when it reacts with
water it turns so I'm like I have like a
Clorox wipe on her counter and I'm
wiping I'm like should I be consuming
lemonade that turns this color on
contact this color that is not found in
nature I was like [ __ ] it we're here
yeah we are okay so she's going to get
double out to double pay I was going to
say double that's what coach tells Toby
so we switched to Myer's point of view
yeah we switch to Myers's point of view
she is pissed that she has to uh work
with him and gets an email from him
that's like basically so you're going to
do all my work right good deal here it
is thanks k
bye um and she just chooses not to
respond to it she's like I'm not going
to give this my energy thanks though um
and her bestie is there um giving her
lots of love and support this bestie her
name is Bianca she's kind of like
constantly in in the background but
doesn't give too much to the plot um she
the next book I don't that's how most of
these series go you know I don't know
cuz I didn't read it but maybe um like
but I'm not betting against you correct
yeah so yeah literally I just started
calling her lemon
so lemon says that um uh Bianca is the
only one who stuck by her when [ __ ] got
real when things got really hard in her
life and then there's this moment where
Meyer goes into her bedroom and she just
says hi baby girl and then the chapter
ends so we don't know who the [ __ ] she's
talking to so does she have a child she
sure does but it's like does she who
could it
be whatever so Toby goes to the library
to meet with tutor girl because he put
like in the email um um that he expects
to see her at the library at such and
such time and she should have all his
work done by when when she shows up so
he goes and she's not there and so he is
pissed and goes to the tutoring center
um and they refuse to give her to give
him Meyer's number um so he calls coach
and um coach gives him the number and
she just won't respond
to any of his texts because all of them
are like why aren't you here where's my
work it's supposed to be done what's
even the point of
view so coach is like I'll take care of
it and so we switch back to
Meyer um she does have a baby the baby
is sick um and she sees tons of texts
and phone calls from Toby um but she is
like I'm just not I just can't like yeah
she's got to kid at this point so she
goes to respond to him but then
accidentally answers a phone call from
the
coach and he tells her that um when Toby
wants something she better do it um and
he threatens her job and is like do you
do you like working do you like having
money to eat then you're going to do
what I say um and so she just starts
crying and hangs up the
phone so um 2 weeks later coach tells
Toby that he can't play because he's
failing two classes um he hasn't called
Myer he still doesn't know her name by
the way he just calls her tutor girl he
just knows the girl who ran out of
coach's office is supposed to be doing
all this [ __ ] for me right and so he
hasn't called her so Toby gets super
annoyed that he can't play um and is
like I'll get it done whatever text the
tutor um and uh she just says sends him
her office hours she's like no here are
my office hours um so he threatens to
call Coach if she doesn't show up when
he says um and she finally agrees to
show up so um bestie is watching the
baby Toby's irritated she won't look at
him she like won't make eye contact
won't look at him at all and it's just
all business um and is not showing any
interest in him at all which he finds to
be unacceptable just the narcissism is
just it's there um is that something
that is going to like be worked through
or is that just like he's just okay yeah
so he you never know I feel like that is
one of those things that like some books
are like wow he's a dick they're like oh
we're really just committing to
accepting the dickish Behavior no so he
really does turn it around so um I had a
patient recently ask me because I was
walking with
purpose um he was like are you on your
way to Humble a man because that's what
that look
says you
know and Meer is on her way to Humble a
man so um before that he asks if she's
on drugs because she's looking really
messy she's got like a stain on her
shirt and stuff and um I feel this in my
soul he's like I know you do and
honestly part of why I wanted to review
this is because very much later there's
a kink in here that I'm
like um but I can't identify with it so
oh good you
could you could so we'll get there but
um he is um he like ask if she's on
drugs and she's
like
yep super high thank you for asking like
what the [ __ ] so um he just continues to
make more and more demands on her time
and she is like I can't meet before noon
like what part of this do you not
understand and he's like you're just
going to have to [ __ ] figure it out
sucks to
suck but in his mind he's like well she
gets paid double for me though so why
like why wouldn't she want to spend more
time because she's getting paid extra
yes in the world rves around him correct
yeah um so he just continues like they
continue to meet and she like she
continues to show no interest in him as
a person at all and he really is not a
fan of that um so he buys her a coffee
because he's like maybe like we'll have
a
conversation um and he's just really
agitated that nothing he's doing is like
permeating right she's just all business
all the time so
um she he's like well athletes take
priority and she gets super mad she's
like yeah athletes take priority your
coach has made that abundantly [ __ ]
clear like my time doesn't mean anything
and he's like coach has done coach
basically saved my life like coach
literally gave this to me why are you
like this about him he is a great man
and she's like sure he is whatever and
there's a lot of weird tension that we
don't really understand yet I have a
hypothesis as to can I tell you my
hypothesis please do I was going to say
What's the hypothesis coaches the baby's
daddy
possibly
okay like I realized there's still a lot
of book to get through but I'm like I
can neither confirm nor deny okay fair
enough
so lemon gets a call from coach to show
up at his office so she goes to meet
with him and he rearranged her schedule
and took away some of her students to
spend more time with Toby um and she's
really upset because she actually gets
paid by the student not by the hour and
he is taking away 25% of her income by
restructuring this um and he is like I
don't really give a [ __ ] and in her mind
she's like I just really wish that he
would look at me like he used to but
there is none of that there none of it
at all so I feel like I'm
right I feel like you might be right
too but I'm not going to say it too
loudly cuz there's still more book
Chelsea so much more so um it's been two
weeks of tutoring um she continues to be
super professional and he asks her to
dinner Toby Toby asks her to dinner not
the coach correct and um she's like no
I'm not doing that so he chases her out
of the library and she is like can you
please step away from me because there
are plenty of people here you're going
to start some kind of weird rumor and
I'm not interested in that like step
away from me and he gets more mad um and
she finally is like what's my name
Toby and he's like uh wait we're this
far in and he still doesn't know her
name it's been like 4 weeks and he
doesn't know her name so she's like yeah
like you're into it you want to take me
to dinner that's great what's my [ __ ]
name and he's
like I'm sure you have one like so is he
into her romantically or is he still
just like trying to
like get her to interact with him like a
human it's more like a weird curiosity
thing okay like he's like what I can't
read anything about her she doesn't seem
to be interested in me she's not lusting
after me like most girls
what is her deal I don't get it
so she just walks away from him at that
point he's like I don't know your name
and I am just realizing that and he's
like super horny about it and he doesn't
understand any of it super horny about
it super horny about it I don't know
what descriptor I thought we were about
to use but horny wasn't wasn't the one
that thought we were going to land on
right well my notes say he's super hard
so whatever so Toby is continuing to
really struggle he's not getting any of
the information as Meer is trying to
tutor him and so she takes him to the
baseball diamond to help him learn she
does some weird thing with like the
chambers of the heart or something I
don't know um so they start playing a
little and they start having a lot of
fun and she finally takes off her hoodie
cuz at this point she's been in leggings
and super huge hoodies every time
they've gotten together and he realizes
she has a rock and bod yeah says uh Toby
decides she's a goddess that's a direct
quote um and then all of a sudden she's
like I gotta go um and she he's like can
you like look at me though that'd be
really cool she doesn't give him any
kind of reaction and just dips
out so Toby's at a bar after the game
and um he's just not in to any of the
girls who are throwing themselves at him
and he walks outside just to get some
air and he sees lemon walking alone it's
like really late at night and she's just
walking by herself um and he's like
worried about her like why are you doing
that this isn't safe and so he catches
up to her and starts walking her
wherever she's going and she's like it'd
be cooler if you left me the [ __ ] alone
I do this all the time like go away um
but he walks her all the way back to
campus um and he's like trying to mess
with her to get a reaction and again
direct quote uh pretty sure you were
calling me Daddy and telling me not to
stop last night and she says back Oh
Daddy I could never forget our night
together believe me I tried and he's
like
what super confused by the whole
interaction so he leaves her she makes
it where she's going safely um so then
he starts going out to the bar to every
night to see if she's walking by herself
and he knows that she wouldn't like
welcome him walking her so he just
starts following her to make sure that
she's safe but doesn't approach her
which gives this really weird
like protective energy but also stalker
energy that's really difficult to like
reconcile yeah that's one of those where
it's like the whole like if you're into
them it's sweet if you're not into them
it's like really really unsettling yeah
like a he liked me so much he knew I was
like walking home and so he was like how
sweet is that versus if you don't like
him you're like yikes he was hiding in
the shadows watching me walk home every
night this is not okay right so um
eventually he talks her into going to
dinner with him they go get pizza it's
really sweet she reads to him and he
starts to realize like oh no like I'm
into her like up to this point it's been
this weird curiosity and like I just
want to get laid sort of thing but then
at this point when she's reading to him
he's like oh no like I really like her
as a person so that's when it sort of
turns for her so Toby has an away game
and he is really concerned that he's not
going to be there to walk her home to
like follow her home so he calls
her um to make sure that she's okay um
and she is like like I am in a tutoring
session like I thought this was
important I'm fine I'm tutoring bye and
he realizes that he's really jealous
like who is she tutoring is it one of
the football players is he cute like
what what's happening
um so it's a whole thing so then there's
like a whole studying Montage of super
cute moments with them together um and
he starts to get to her and she tells
her best friend um and she's like I
really like him but I can't like I can't
go for it um but we don't know why like
what's holding her back from all of that
I think I do I bet you do but we already
heard my guesses so we'll just we
did we'll just continue and see if all
of my hypothesis that you've already
confirmed should have been
confirmed okay um so again more St more
tutoring really sweet times um Toby
decides to go to her other job which is
at a diner so all these times she's
walking home late he realizes she's
wearing a a uniform so goes to the diner
where she works and drives her home and
tells her about all the times that he
followed her back to campus to make sure
that she was safe um and she's like that
is kind of sweet like thank you for
making sure that I was okay um and then
all of a sudden like totally like
they're having this really sweet moment
and then all of a sudden she like leaps
out of the car and he's like what are
you okay like what is happening and she
like Sprints across the street and her
bestie is there telling her that she
can't find Bailey's Mimi and Toby's like
what the what the [ __ ] is that
situation um and lemon like climbs in
the black back seat and reemerges with a
baby um and hold on hold on hold
on I'm very confused by how this was
just worded
yeah why you're nodding like yeah you
should be confused by how this because
the chapter is
confusing so did Bianca they were in the
parking lot
yeah of her apartment he was driving her
home
so Bianca was somewhere with the baby
and just also happened to be in the
parking lot
she was getting in the car with the baby
so the baby was in the car Bianca was
going to the store I think that's the
part that I it was like she leaped out
Bianca standing there they're looking
for this suddenly there's a b she
reaches in the backseat and there's a
baby I'm like what whose's back seat
Bianca
Bianca bian was like I was trying to go
to the store process this for a second
and then there's a baby the baby was in
Toby's back seat I like I get bean is
back Bianca's back seat okay so Bailey
is the baby's name Bailey is the baby um
and so Toby is
like oh no like I get it now and he
feels like a total heal for all the
times that he demanded that she meet him
at a certain time and like whatever but
then he remembers that coach told him
that she gets paid extra for meeting
with him and so he's like I'm just going
to fall behind so that she can get paid
more even though he doesn't she doesn't
actually get paid more right he thinks
he's doing her a favor and so he
intentionally stops doing his work and
falls behind so that coach will demand
he meet with her more um oh no
so Toby I know he's really trying to
help it's so sweet in theory so sweet in
the not going to work how you think it
will my my guy no so then the next day
Meer wakes up early and she has a text
from Toby offering to do their tutoring
session that Sunday
via Zoom so that she doesn't have to
leave the house and she can stay with
her
baby um and she declines and he's like
well but can I call you later would that
be okay um and she forgets that he asked
that and switches shifts at the diner so
she doesn't answer when he calls and um
he kind of freaks out and she gets home
and he's there at her apartment with
pizza he was like well I was really
worried you didn't answer and I was
worried you maybe didn't eat so like I
brought you some dinner like a um he's
had a lot of growth very quickly a lot
of growth he has had a lot of growth um
and then he says he doesn't even try to
go in he's like I just brought this for
you and I will see you on Sunday and
she's like o o okay um she doesn't
realize that he said I'll see you here
on Sunday and so he shows up to her
apartment for their Tut ing session
trying to make it easier for her so the
baby is
sleeping they go out to the patio to
study and all his work is already done
and she's like why are we having this
session and he's
like and his mind he's like getting you
paid babe and she's like you're
literally wasting my Sunday
morning bless it yeah um so then the
baby wakes up and um he's
like trying to give her some space
because she's like well I have to feed
her and he's like have you eaten let me
cook for you I'm going to go back to my
apartment and make us some food and I'll
bring it back and she's
like okay like why are you being so nice
to me this is really [ __ ] weird but
he's trying to be respectful of her
space and
everything so they eat and the baby Toby
notices has bright blue eyes just like
his and he's like a that's really sweet
um and he holds her as she falls asleep
and he's like this is actually really
nice like this is really cute um and so
nothing like some baby cuddles nothing
like some baby cuddles and then they
wake up and start screaming and it no
longer feels that way well that's why I
like other people's babies cuz I can get
the cuddles and then hand them back when
they start to scream or smell I too like
other
people's but do you like yours oh I love
mine obsess with mine took a while it
did take a minute it it took a minute it
did take a minute yeah but we're there
now no I think it's like I I think and I
we've talked about this before but it's
weird because and like this was my
journey and I feel like some people
they're like they have a baby and the
first moment that they look at that baby
they're like my world is complete what
was I doing before I had this child like
my entire access has
shifted and I was sitting there and I
was just like looking at him and I'm
like I'm sure you'll be cool but I don't
know
you like right now you're just kind of
like a tiny lump yeah who needs a lot
yeah and there's no interaction you know
like there's not like there's no nothing
and I'm yeah and I'm not saying like you
have a kid for the sake of being like I
have a kid for the way my baby makes
feel like no but it's just weird when
you're like like I think I felt
more indebted to my baby MH and like
obligated to care for my baby more than
I was like I'm a mom this is like
[ __ ] I a friend from Nashville she
like dm' me when I posted a photo of
Ford like in the first like month or two
of having him and she's like isn't me
mommy just like the best thing ever it
was within the first month cuz I
remember just sitting there and like I
think I'd like spit up in my hair and I
was just so sleep and I was like reading
her message and I and I wanted to
respond and be like is this
sarcasm and I realized I'm like oh no
you are one of those people who like
feels this way and and I love that but I
also think
like I felt like I was wrong for not
feeling that way right I was like oh no
like am I a psychopath that I don't
automatically love my baby and like like
all of these poster people like this gu
like and I just walked in like 2 days
after my wife had our baby and she's
sitting there sobbing holding her and
being like we could have done this
sooner I could have loved her sooner and
I'm
like my life was really [ __ ] awesome
before I had a
baby like not
a no I get what you mean it sounds so
shitty but I also
this it needs to be a more normalized
conversation yeah that like life can be
awesome and complete without babies yes
and if you choose to have one to like
add to the team that's great if you want
to add a baby to your team absolutely
let no man stop you but if you're on the
fence about adding a baby to your team
don't do it there's no take backs
correct you can't return the baby to
Sears no no the hospital literally makes
you sign a piece of papers saying no
takeback well that like I think that was
like the the weirdest [ __ ] for me
especially my husband and I were having
this conversation recently um where he's
he was like yeah he's like you know like
being young dating married he's like no
one ever like pressured me he's like
like truly no our familyes never like so
when are we getting great like never
getting the grandkid pressure anything
like that mind you both of our parents
have grandkids from our other siblings
so there was a little less pressure on
us in um but Vance was like I feel like
since we've had Ford people have really
started being like so when are you
having your next one right oh when's the
right no ma'am so my dad put it in his
speech at our wedding party like can't
wait to start seeing
grandkids and I was
like you're going to have
to and then you're like are you sure you
can't because you already are and you're
doing it with style and grace so much
style and grace my dad's great so then a
couple weeks ago we were at my niece
niece and nephew cuz they're born really
close together um their birthday party
with my husband and his family and his
uncle leans over and is like why don't
you guys have any yet is it you or is it
him so not just
like holy [ __ ] balls yeah and I was like
it's me and he went you're still the
best thing that's ever happened to him
and I was like I
know it was like what a weird and sweet
interaction he's so
old like and it's I mean I we just are
choosing not to but I was just like it's
me because he may not understand that
like we're just you you know I didn't
want to get into that so I was just like
it's me well but I and I also think when
you like are just trying to say like we
we don't want CH like this is a choice
right people are so quick to invalidate
and minimize your choice oh you'll
change your mind oh you're young yeah
you'll change your mind like I'm not
that young my guy like I told Matt like
recently I was like so listen babe cuz I
just had a birthday as did you happy
birthday yeah I realiz that we didn't
text each other happy birthday we didn't
I realized that on my sister's birthday
which was the 19th I was like oh
Chelsea's birthday was the
nth no the funny thing was on my
birthday I was like Hannah's birthday
was
yesterday and you know it just left me
and no one was upset what a beautiful
thing in Friendship what an excellent
friendship we have you're like we have
full robust lives we do we show up and
enjoy ourselves when we have the time
and outside of that there's no
expectation no one is offended no not a
single person is offended not at all but
I told Matt and I was like well I just
turned 32 and I was like so listen if I
get to be 35 and there are no kids I'm
getting my tubes tied just for the
record cuz I cannot imagine a worse life
like already the idea of pregnancy makes
me kind of terrified and nauseous um and
so like the idea of pregnancy after 35
is like not
geriatric pregnancies correct like
that's not something I want to do I
don't want to be have advanced maternal
age like yikes well I think that's a an
interesting conversation as well right
because you
have people like I have girls who were
in my youth group when I worked in youth
ministry who have three kids now they
were students when I was in grad school
high school students when I was in grad
school I've been out of grad school for
a decade it makes sense right like these
things happen
but it's also one of those where I'm
like okay so I feel like you either have
the energy to chase after all of the
kids but like you're you're eating a lot
of like boxed mac and cheese and like
M things just aren't as stable or you
wait until you're a little bit older and
more established to have children and
then I'm like I
don't but but now I don't have all of
this energy to trace you forever mhm mhm
yeah it's a conundrum yeah so my
aunt U my aunt got married at 38 I think
when they came back from their honeymoon
they were already pregnant and then
right after they had their daughter they
got pregnant again because she got
married at 38 and they wanted to have
kids and then they had twins so at like
40 years old she had three under
three the most impressive thing the most
terrifying thing and that like oh my God
no yeah cuz my mom had me when she was
37 and my sister when she was 40 mhm
yeah like yikes I don't know it's just a
different world yeah I don't want to do
that I have no desire I was like I feel
like I was like getting
pregnant at
30 Fel I was like this feels like the
right the right time yeah if there is
such a thing right I'm like we're
established we're not stress like
financially there like we're in a good
place but also that like
I'm like I I I don't think
I I I don't know if I want more now and
that is also another weird inv
validating thing when people are like
whenever I'm like yeah you know I really
love my one kid and they're like but
don't you want them to have siblings and
they're like once you get to like a year
and a half you'll change your
mind I don't owe my son more kids for
the record right like and I've had
people be oh like he'll like you know
like my husband was an only child and
his mom said she was like we Vance
really wanted a sibling growing up but
like you didn't owe Vance a sibling and
look he didn't get a sibling right
except for the older ones but I'm like
but he has great friends who may as well
be siblings that he's had his whole life
1,000 I'm like it's fine yeah I think I
like felt in my head I was like oh no
will my child be okay in the world if
they're an only child I'm like right
yeah there are a lot of only children
they're going to be fine like I I think
I told you a friend of mine um she she
actually got her tubes tied like last
week or two weeks ago um and she was
really anxious about it and everything
and she's doing okay poor thing she was
like yeah so this really does hurt I was
like yeah I know um but people were like
invalidating her decision to do that and
it was just really gross that's so
shitty yeah so anyway no one invalidated
Myer's
decision no one invalidated Myer's
decision she invalidated Myers well we
don't maybe they did maybe I don't know
um but um
she he wants her to go to her game go to
his game and she can't um and you know
she watches it though and text him
congratulations and he's already on her
way on his way over to her place with
popcorn like it's those kinds of things
where he's like showing up for her
without
expectation um and so they fall asleep
together
you know while he they're hanging out
and she wakes up to the baby crying but
he has already like gotten up to get the
baby and like brings her to Meer so Meer
can feed her and they fall back asleep
and it's just this really sweet moment
um that would be really gross if he
hadn't already had all this interaction
with the
baby cuz like I would be like don't
touch my [ __ ] kid if this this was
some Rando that I was tutoring you know
what I
mean well yeah Hannah I think think
that's been the whole book been like
building this but even still at first
when I read it I was like I don't know
that I would be okay with him just like
going into my baby's room but then I had
to like I was like okay well I guess she
is so that's what
matters I mean I think there's been a
lot of buildup and trust and like build
relationship building like it's not like
it's their first tutoring session right
and he's like oh your baby's
crying babies love me
like allow me like no but anyway so all
this really lots of Sweetness from all
of that and so then Coach demands that
uh Meer go on uh an away game with them
and apparently like Toby worked it out
she gets paid like hella bank for all of
this he shows up with a rental so that
she can take the baby instead of paying
someone to watch the baby for a few days
um so she gets even more money from that
and
um Toby's very sweet with the baby like
buys her like a little baseball like a
squishy and like all this other stuff um
so they have adjoining rooms um they're
hanging out together it's really great
um and he's like waiting for her to make
a move but she doesn't and he's like
come on he's like I'm trying so hard to
be really respectful and show you that
like I'm worth it that I'm willing to
wait and that I really care about you
but like I want you to make the first
move and you're not and I'm like what am
I like so she asks to shower in his room
so they don't wake the baby and he's
like yeah of course and he is like my
notes say that he starts feeding the
geese I love the hand
motion attached to it yeah I'm really
sorry okay and then he's like what am I
doing like no no no like her baby's in
the other room she's like maybe not into
me like that like I need to like slow my
[ __ ] roll and so she finally gets out
of the shower and he's like are you into
me and she's like I can't answer that
have a great night and like goes to bed
separately so he takes them to meet his
parents like her and the baby cuz
they're near his hometown and mom is
like going off about how like when are
you going to stop playing a child's game
and like you're not like all this other
[ __ ] about baseball about baseball okay
so then he is just like I'm just going
to take the baby outside thank you and
like goes
outside and lemon stands up for Toby
hard like she's really upset she's like
do you understand what he does do you
understand how hard it is and the time
and the hours he puts in and um he hears
it cuz he comes back in and here's the
tail end um and so then he's like you
have to come to my game like please come
to my game me like it would mean so much
to me and she's like of course so she
gets the baby ready gets herself ready
and then his mom shows up and is like
you know what you helped me realize like
I really regret the way that I raised
him and like comparing him to his older
brother and all this other [ __ ] and
Meer is like would you like to go to his
game and gives him the ticket or gives
mom the ticket to go to his game and so
he which is sweet but not what he right
was hoping for so he's freaking out cuz
she's not there but then he sees his mom
and is like oh my God cuz Mom's never
come to any of his games so it's a
really sweet moment um and so then um he
at least it was
sweet yes like I was like I was like
emotionally preparing myself for you to
tell me that like heartbroken yeah he
was pissed and there was a fight or like
something said he like saw his mom and
like connected the dots and realized
right see that's what we were saying
earlier there's just something about
like the drama never fully sends it
Comfort not really um and so he like um
they get back he backs her into a wall
and like kisses her um or is about to
and Coach calls him and so he has to
leave um and they they win because they
have a second game they win and then he
has an interview with a a very Saucy
reporter who's like very clearly really
flirting with him and into it um and he
is like well I have somebody waiting at
at home so I got to go and she's like me
like oh okay um
wait lemon is like me like is watching
the interview and okay I thought you
were we switched to lemon's point of
view I'm sorry you're like yeah he's
talking to the host who's clearly into
him and he's like I've got someone at
home and she's like me and I'm like wait
what the reporter sorry I was like I was
like bold assumption to no you're
interviewing someone he's like I've got
someone at home and she's like it must
be me it's our first time meeting he's
clearly down he's into me um so then um
Meyer runs into the coach in the hotel
um and he's looking for Toby and he
insinuates that he went out to a bar and
she's like did he because in the
interview he made it very clear he was
like going straight back cuz he wanted
to get back to
her so um but it's been 4 hours since
then oh and she locks the door to the
adjoining room and then Hears A Woman's
laughter like under the door and she's
like I was very stupid like I really
thought that he was coming back for me
and he
wasn't so we switch to Toby he wakes up
apparently very hung over in coach's
room and is has no idea how he got there
he was like I literally was on my way
back to Meyer and it's morning and she
doesn't know where I am and she doesn't
like I didn't go home like this is bad
this is really bad and so coach says
that he called uh drunk and Toby like
coach had to go pick Toby up and so he's
freaking out coach gives him or tries to
give him some pills he's like these will
help with the hangover yeah these will
help with your hangover and it's meant
to be like it's ibuprofen or something
like that um but he doesn't take it and
he gets back to his room and lemon is
walking out with like all her bags
packed and the baby um and he tries to
explain and she's like I never should
have expected anything from you we
didn't have anything like we never had
any agreement or there was no
expectation and I'm really sorry that I
had expectations of you I should have
known better like apologies um not like
passive aggressive no it's actual like
resigned like acceptance really um and
he has worse yeah it's very sad like you
know and then he has no idea what she's
talking about and then his door opens
and his teammate walks out with the
reporter oh so his teammate had taken
his key and gone into the room and Meyer
thought that and my was standing there
with him and like watched the teammate
and reporter walk out right okay um and
so then um he kisses her and they make
out super hardcore and she agrees to
come to his game it's all very sweet so
um blah blah
blah oh so then later um Toby sees a
picture of him and Meyer making out with
the baby like at their feet in her
little carrier um in the school paper so
the reporter had taken a picture and
published it and he is very upset he's
like I got to tell Meer in person this
is really bad um why is it really bad
because she doesn't want she's been very
clear that she's like I can't be with
you I don't want that kind of attention
like I don't I'm not interested in it so
um he goes to see her but she's gone and
she texts him and says she won't be home
that night she'll be home the next day
she'll call him later and he's kind of
concerned but he's like whatever his
friends invite him to a junior college
baseball game so he decides to go and he
sees lemon there with another dude like
across the field and he gets big
mad um you know I get it yeah I'd
probably get big mad yeah he's big mad
so he punches the guy in the face which
may have been a step too far oh well
that's bigger mad than you would have
gotten that's big big mad that's a
double big double big that's a big ma
yeah Big Mac mad I hated that but I I
said it we
committed um so then yeah he punches him
in the face and she's like this is my
brother you [ __ ] and he's like my bad
maybe I should have asked before I
started throwing bows yeah um so they go
back to lemon's apartment with the
brother and they're all hanging out
they're having a great time and then
Bianca and bro are like we'll watch the
baby you guys go out and have a good
time like go have a good time we got the
baby so they go to a party and he's like
very weirdly possessive and jealous the
whole time like in a way that she's into
or in a way that's like annoying her or
in a neutral way she's into it but to me
it was like o a little bit red flaggy
but like most of these are like that
where it's like a little bit red flaggy
but you get into it and it's not
I quite frankly I don't know if if I've
read a
single romance novel that doesn't have
some element that you're like that's a
red flat
like yeah yeah yeah but I mean that cuz
like that's every dude in a romance
novel mhm I've never read a romance
novel about a me a Meek pacifist right
someone who's well adjusted and healthy
no not at all yeah that doesn't equal
great sex it doesn't appar trauma
apparently equals trauma bonds equal
great
sex oh
no I hated that I said it and I hated
it it doesn't for the record you don't
have to be traumatized your partner
doesn't have to be traumatized for you
have a really great sex life it can be
great and fulfilling um without
emotional turmoil correct but it's
because like she knows all the athletes
because she tutors them so they're all
coming up and they're like what's up
babe like all very platonically but he's
like yet another dude yet another dude
he's like I hate it they're all coming
after my goddess right so she steps out
to call home to check on the baby and
Coach shows up and he is extremely nasty
to her and says that they had a deal
that she stay away from his athletes he
threatens to withdraw her from school um
and then he tells her about the article
on the school website cuz Toby has yet
to do it so um he tells her that Toby is
being pulled from her schedule to end it
with him and that's it and so she makes
out with Toby some more after coach
leaves and then he takes her home so
like coach you can't have it both ways
you took all the ways you took away part
of her case load right so that she could
spend more time with him and now he's
like well hated that situation so don't
do that anymore no not like that right I
meant it differently so Toby is texting
her and he's like going by her job cuz
she says she's at work she's not there
wait wait wait
wait coach left they made out more he
takes her home he takes her home this is
like the next day or two days later the
next day so was she pissed about the
article if she made out with M was she
just like oh okay here's a fact she's
more like scared about it scared because
coach is like making all these threats
right so Toby is texting her trying to
go see her she's brushing him off like
very clearly ghosting him and um she
he's like okay well she's like I'm going
to go see my brother like obviously
avoiding him and he's like well I could
stop by like you're supposed to be home
and she's really not responding and he's
kind of freaking out because um he has
an away game and he's like trying to see
her before he leaves Hees Town um and
she knows what she's doing and she feels
awful about it but um Toby shows up
while she's tutoring someone else and so
she runs and he's like
what the [ __ ] is happening but she's
like in obvious avoidance mode so I
obviously haven't read this one yet but
I have some guesses but when he he shows
up to another tutoring session and she
runs in my head she's just sitting in
the library with someone and Toby walks
up and without saying a word she just
literally picks up and like takes off
and like that is what happens like
leaves her stuff level of like I don't
remember if she in my head she just like
sees him and like rabbits yeah yeah okay
yeah that's definitely the energy so she
gets away from him and then she has an
email of an acceptance letter to UF so
they're in California I think oh so she
has this acceptance of a transfer to UF
has this been a thing so she's been
thinking about like maybe I could try to
leave but she feels like she can't but
she still is like taking steps to be
like maybe I could so she has this
acceptance letter and she's like oh it's
all real now okay so Toby is waiting for
her when she gets home I'm also here's
the unfortunate
thing just like not a
UF fan I'm not like a huge like school
raw
ra I just feel like I have a lot of
allegiance to FSU that's fair yeah yeah
feel like UF was like the the
default over hype yeah
like mhm like people who went there
cared a lot more that they went there oh
yeah yeah yeah my brother-in-law works
there oh I didn't know that yeah on like
their um maintenance team or whatever
yeah he could give a [ __ ] less but he's
excited because if he works there my
nephews could go for free oh hell yeah
so he's like leaning into that here's
the thing if I were offered free
acceptance like I'm not saying I
wouldn't go right to be clear I would go
yeah I never applied
me
either I did apply to UCF for a doctoral
program but then decided not to
go I went Chicago School of Professional
Psychology for their International
psychology program huh and then very
quickly got into their program and one
that was when all of my health issues
were going on so I was like this is not
the season to be in my doctorate and I
like dropped out of my PhD program 3
weeks in um
but moreover my BL my brain just went
completely oh I just got into it and
realized it
wasn't what I like I was like this is a
great program and I like see where the
benefit of this is but it's not for what
I want and yeah I was like I don't
actually think like if I wanted to Pivot
into this Arena this would be a really
great and cool thing like but that is
not where I think I am in this season
understandable yeah yeah but no I uh I
didn't apply to so fun fact undergrad
and grad school I applied to one school
and I went to the one school I applied
for for both of them
nice but all and I'm not shooting on my
education at all like so so hear me when
I say that I will also say I did not
apply to schools that I felt like were
really outside of like it's not like I
was like ooh I'm reaching I'm I'm
applying for Brown and I'll see if I
make it into the IES like I was
like this is what I want to do this
school has a great program for it yep I
meet the requirements I'm going to apply
to this option and I just applied to one
for each of them I think I did two for
each oh damn you you blew that up I did
I went for it yeah it really did it all
worked out in the end here we are where
did you do undergrad uh North Georgia
College
I knew that it's un now changed name
because then you worked at un mhm yeah
yeah um Weir works at yeah all that
stuff yeah yeah um so any who okay so
all that said he's she runs yes so then
he and she has the UF acceptance letter
right yeah so then he's waiting for her
outside her apartment when she gets home
he's like been waiting for her um and
he's like when can I see you how can I
support you like I want to be here for
you and she's like listen you're not my
student anymore and like CL door he
didn't know so she closes the door um
and he goes to coach and has an absolute
mental breakdown about it and is like
put me back on her schedule cuz he's
like something was growing between us I
know that it was she's pretending that
she was just my tutor but I know she
wasn't like if I can get back on her
schedule and like she has to see me like
it'll work out and um he punches his
coach in the face because coach is like
I'm not doing it like she whatever
whatever so um he is spiraling like big
time spiraling he winds up punching his
catcher in the face at a game he gets
ejected he puts hands on an ump like
it's a whole thing um and he just is
melting down Meyer is watching all of
this on TV and she is thinking that she
can protect him if she just holds strong
and transfers and doesn't talk to him
anymore like that he'll level out he'll
be okay um and so he
is hammered he just gets super drunk cuz
he's like I don't understand like after
the game that like that night or yeah
okay so he's like building a bond with
this baby and with this girl and he like
loves both of them and he's like I don't
understand so he gets very drunk and
goes to the batting cages and
essentially and y'all like think through
this for a moment if you've ever been to
batting cages he just lets the ball
machine Pelt him over and over again cuz
he is like so drunk initially he's like
hitting them but then he's like I don't
give a [ __ ] and just like stands there
and lets the ball like there's angst
here that like there's not enough trauma
background that I feel like there should
be this level of angst like that can do
like leg damage damage that's not like
me throwing a baseball at you and having
it hit you in the chest yeah which I
think it goes without saying that would
still be bad no it
wouldn't we don't need to fear for our
lives you might need to cover your face
because I'll probably miss right well
but also like my nose has enough
personality it's been broken enough she
doesn't need assistance you don't want
to add some of the Owen Wilson
personality no I've got enough of a bump
anyway is Owen Wilson Jewish I don't
know does he just have the nose for it
his nose has
personality what personality would my
nose have je
Jewish Jesus Christ so um all that's
happening he goes to practice
hungover and his buddy is like uh you
look like uh when I took Molly and when
I did that
coach gave me some pills to flush my
system and I kept some of them do you
want them and like hold his hand out and
they're the same pills that the coach
tried to give him at their away game and
Toby's like hold the [ __ ] phone cuz
he knows that he did not get that drunk
when they were at this away
game and so um yeah to's like I know I
did not put myself in a situation where
I would pass out like that right cuz I
was looking forward to spending time
with Meer and baile so like I wouldn't
have done that and but he couldn't
remember and he had no reason to
distrust coach so he just leaves
practice he's like [ __ ] you guys I'm
going home and leaves I get it also the
ice has melted and this is yeah mine was
also melt but it's not considering how
much vodka was in it when we started
it's not that bad no it really isn't it
a way that I'm like God damn this is
drinkable in a way that I feel like is
more dangerous now
mhm yeah we're we're doing great I could
take a much bigger gulp then which is
dangerous
so all right you know icing
people
yeah when I don't know if you've ever
seen my husband get iced I have never
seen someone down to smernoff faster I
don't know how he does it like like
physically
like he will take a
knee I've recorded a video and by the
time I hit record I like he was already
done drinking this the smir like he'll
down it in like 3 seconds I'm like how
do you he's like I just open my throat
and I'm
like what what do you you just open your
throat which is funny because I feel
like like teas lemonades things like
that I can just like TW
ch I can tuug
[Laughter]
itug I'm not even I'm not even drunk
that's the best part about this like I
can just like chug and chug and chug and
like really take those down and then as
soon I don't know if it's a carbonation
is that what it is when it's like a soda
or something like yeah cuz I feel the
same way as when that's what made me
think of it when you were just like I
could take bigger gulps I'm like no I
could drink this I could down this in
three sips but knowing how much vodka I
accidentally poured in this not going to
do that that yeah you shall
not okay so he leaves practice y so
coach shows up at Myers's apartment
looking for him he's not there and then
Coach is like you need to [ __ ] fix it
and it's like dude you broke it like
what are you talking about so um and
he's like I will destroy you you [ __ ]
fix it and she's like
okay so Toby is not willing to do any
school workor not willing to talk about
anything he only wants to talk about
them and like what happened so she runs
from him again and goes back to her
apartment so she called him to try and
fix it mm him I'm cuz he's failing again
so coach is like fix it and she's like
okay so not fix it he like ran off fix
that he's failing again right and like
get his head back on
right so then um he's like begging her
he's like tell me you don't love me tell
me you don't love me and I will leave
like they haven't even had sex at this
point they've like made out twice but
he's like I'm in love with you tell me
you don't love me like and I will leave
um and she can't do it so they have lots
of Declarations of Love they finally
bang um and this is the this is it this
is the moment so she's still
breastfeeding oh I have a feeling this
might be it yeah and he doesn't in this
interaction which is good cuz it's their
first and that may be a bit much but he
is like talking about how he can't wait
to suckle her
later that I'm like I'm not trying to
Kink shame but that doesn't feel sexy to
me like nipple play for sure like get
into it
but actual
suckling it's a it's a weird thing my
relationship with my boobs right since
I've had my son has been a
Journey like very much so because if
you're like cool I'm into if you're into
any sort of like boob nipple play at all
right like you're like well there's
licking and there's sucking and there's
touching and there's things like that
right where you're like you're not
trying to produce milk right it's just a
yeah but if there's a sucking sensation
on your boob for a second like we're
like I think there were like those
moments was like no don't touch my boobs
no like right just figuring out what
that yeah is but also like if you are
into boob play at all you kind of and
other people feel feel free to weigh in
on this I've had one kid I I don't know
a ton I also like I'm not an over
producer I
just right I'm a small breasted human
naturally right but I'm like I feel like
if you're into boobs at all you really
can't avoid some semblance
of
accidental right but he means like he
wants to like that's the purpose of it
like he wants to get it like he wants to
like have the
milk I think there's a I guess my
follow-up question as someone who hasn't
read this book would be
like is he looking for like a full 6 o
serving or is this like like is he
wanting a full bottles word that is not
or is this just like
you know I'm into boobs you have great
ones I'd love to suckle those and if a
little bit of milk comes out it's
something I'd be curious to tr that's
more of the energy maybe that's more of
the energy but when I was reading it the
first time I remember being like H I
feel like if you see the word suckle
yeah you're like right like I've noticed
the word suckle a lot in reference
to giving a lady a [ __ ] as you like
to say like suckling the [ __ ] and I'm
like I don't I don't love the word
suckle I don't know I was also reading a
book and she a guy was going down on her
and she was like he gives great head I'm
like yes head
[ __ ] going down these are not these
are interchangeable yes gender
specific whatever yeah even rihan you
sent me RNA and her day drinking with
Seth Meers clip talked about ladies love
blowj
she did say that yep I was like thank
you
Rihanna thank you for your ministry cuz
I have people out here making fun of me
cuz I said everybody gets a
[ __ ] we love to be validated
especially by Rihanna there are worse
people to be validated by twoo
true okay so where so they have sex
we're almost done SE so they have se he
wants to he he's curious
about Boo which have had their milk come
in correct which fair enough whatever
yeah so then they sleep together they
fall asleep and he wakes up early he's
trying to find his clothes and he sees
her ID which has the last name Reed on
it which is the same last name as his
coach and so he is
like she's coach's daughter that
explains everything like that explains
why he's so controlling and that
explains like why you know he's whatever
I'm sorry I'm sorry hold the [ __ ]
phone he declared his love and didn't
know her last name
correct to be fair he didn't know her
name at all for the first four weeks
they were interacting wasn't declaring
his love I know all like really
yeah yeah Toby is he
struggles okay yeah I just fully hit my
mic with my boobs I'm so sorry after she
said I'm not a big breasted human she
just nailed I'm still not a Bre Bre
bested brag bested person I say as I
grab my boobs we're fine we're we're
doing great here this is on video so he
goes to confront coach um about drugging
him and about Meer being his daughter he
is extremely angry that he hasn't helped
Meyer cuz she's very clearly struggling
financially
um and so coach reveals he's like Hey
listen um you slept with her do you
remember that before you guys got
together just now like you slept with
her do you remember that he has no
recollection of that he's coach is like
yep out a party already found you guys
together she was one of your your
leftovers that I had to take care of for
you cuz that's what I do like and you
don't even [ __ ] remember her and Toby
is like his brain is out of control
because he's like hold
on I'm like am I not good enough to love
your daughter is that why you've been
trying to keep her from me like I don't
understand like and then he's like oh my
God Bailey's my kid like Bailey's my
biological daughter like holy [ __ ] and
he is like losing his [ __ ] and then his
coach is like you will finish this
season you will get a a huge contract to
go professional that is what you will do
like I've had enough of this I'm over it
get the [ __ ] away from me so what it's
like this very weird interaction where
the coach isn't giving him any
information like Toby's making all these
Connections in his mind and he's like
trying to figure out what the hell is
going on and Coach is giving him nothing
uhuh and he's like wait a minute no I
would have remembered if I was with her
like I love her I would remember that
and the coach is like would you would
you get away from me it's the whole
thing so then he goes back to Meyer and
is like I can forgive you for keeping
Bailey from me like I can forgive you I
understand I loved her before I knew she
was mine like I get it like oh damn yeah
yeah and he is like I I have loved you
for a long time like your dad can't stop
us from being together like I'm I'm here
for it and she's
like what are you talking about it's not
her dad no she's like please slow down
like you are not you're not Bailey's
father and like pulls out custody papers
so that's what the coach has been
holding over her head this whole time is
he is saying that he will take the baby
from
her if she doesn't do what he says
because she wants a divorce and he won't
give it to
her it's like this very disgusting
convoluted thing where apparently she he
made her sign a contract that she
wouldn't tell anyone about the two of
them having sex um or get into a
relationship with one of his athletes
and or she surrenders All rights to the
baby which doesn't sound legal but she's
also 20 years old and probably doesn't
know [ __ ] about [ __ ] what sort of napkin
contract right like I'm like I don't
feel like this is going to hold up in
court the way this man thinks it is well
or the way Meyer thinks it is which is
what's important cuz I have a feeling
coach knows it's not watertight but like
she again she's 20 years old and scared
out of her mind like she's not she
doesn't get it and so um when did they
get
married so we're about to have a
flashback yeah so he's freaking out and
um so then Toby is like can you please
tell me how we met the first time like
is that true so there's a flashback
they're at a party Meyer is there alone
and Toby spots her and like follows her
out um they talk and it's really sweet
and it's a very nice interaction but
he's BL
and that's pretty clear so she tells him
that um she's pregnant and she's scared
and he's like well let me make you feel
better cuz he's super drunk and like
doesn't know what's going on and she's
acting out because the coach is being a
real douchebag and
so um they [ __ ] in the like basically in
the yard of the baseball house and um
he's like I really want to see you again
like let's make that happen but then the
coach shows up and takes Meyer home and
starts making promises about the future
he's like baby let's just get married
like it doesn't have to be like this I
you know I didn't mean it when I told
you to have an abortion like I want to
be there for you like all this other
stuff right okay so they were not
married before she got pregnant she got
pregnant yeah coach married her
essentially to to hold it over her head
use it as like a manipulative tactic
right okay so
um Toby then goes to his parents who are
now very supportive of his whole thing
um and uh Meyer quits tutoring tells the
coach that she's transferring to UF and
he's like I'm not going to design sign
any divorce papers like you're stuck
with this for life and she's like I
don't care I just want to get away from
you so she and um Toby are not
interacting at all anymore because Toby
understands that like she's really
afraid of that the coach is going to
take the baby so they have all these
sweet moments from afar but they're no
longer speaking or
interacting so she moves to Florida but
before she starts school she goes on
vacation with Bianca in Hawaii and um
Toby shows up on the beach and he is
like hey I had my agent drop these
custody and divorce papers there are a
lot of questions about how and why and
what for but of them are
answered we just know he shows up with
his agent like a white knight and like
everything's going to be okay and so um
my notes say lemon is free yay lemon
so that's it like it's done so then
epilog two years later Toby's at the
World Series he wins yay everything is
great and then Toby is extremely happy
he's adopted baby Bailey so like she's
legally his now and um lemon tells him
that she is pregnant like on the field
after the game yay lemon they live
happily ever after the
end
it's it's not going to be that easy for
him to get custody
no but I think that's not that that's
like the the the biggest plot that's not
the CR Crux of it no it's not the crust
of it it's not the crust either Double
Stuffed it's neither the crust nor the
Crux
does pizza still do their stuffed crust
I'm sure they do I feel like stuffed
crust used to be huge it did like no one
really gives a [ __ ] about stuffed crust
anymore Matt is still into it like all
the time for some reason that doesn't
surprise me that your husband is still
into stuff's crust it's very on brand
for him it is yeah I'm comfortable with
it yeah
whatever listen
Matt gives the energy of someone who
likes what he likes correct he's like I
don't need to try everything brand new
in 2023 nope whether it be the Insane
Clown posy or stuffed
crust he knows what he
likes I did recently I like said
something came up about Insane Clown
posy and I was like brought up Matt and
Vance was like oh yeah I think he is
really into I was like oh no I can
confirm seven ICP
tattoos
tattoos I thought you about to say shows
no seven
tattoos
visible uh
yeah yeah like not not
visible like visible for me not for you
uh no like just visible for everyone be
everyone shallel see I don't have
special glasses that allow me to see my
f he's got the great malinko on on his
calves um he's got
several on his in clown POS no negative
okay I was wondering I saw you do that
with a lot of apprehension like do I
want to know this about you I am wearing
a knotfest t-shirt for slip knot but I'm
not into the Insane Clown posy it
wouldn't FAS me if you were into Insane
Clown posy no mm- I'm like for the
record I think it was just more of like
a oh is this something I don't know
about more than I was like are you into
this I I was not trying to come off
judgmental for the record you were not
you you weren't I now I feel like I have
to I made an assumption because I would
be but like oh no Chelsea if you were
into a sing clown posy I would judge you
I'd have thoughts about it no so I know
a lot more about the insane clown posy
than I want to um okay that's fair but
like actually I have a lot of respect
for them I'm not into their music but as
people surprisingly I have a lot of
respect respect for them like they did a
huge lawsuit through the ACLU against
the
FBI um that was huge they have a lot
like most of their music within the last
like 15 or 20 years has been very like
anti-racist it's been like Pro
lgbtq it's very surprising like you
wouldn't think that but it is and even
like their early stuff that was like a
little bit homophobic and stuff like
that
violent Jay has come out and been like
yeah I [ __ ] up I didn't know I didn't
get it and you know since I've had kids
and had to look at my kids and be like
yeah I said that I understand now like
what I did was wrong and it's very like
opposite to a lot of people who like
when they
apologize for stuff in the past more
plating and like yeah I'm sorry I did it
right said he's like oh no yeah like
[ __ ] that up like I didn't know I know
now I'm going to own it and it's very
like I can respect it
and I feel like we've had a lot of
conversations about this recently I feel
like you and I have talked about it I
think I've just talked to a lot of
people about it but I get really
frustrated with cancel culture cuz I
feel like cancel culture has no room for
that right no room for growth there's no
room for personal growth MH like and
here's the thing if someone is held
accountable and continues to
engag the same behaviors that's a very
different situation than someone who's
like I'm so sorry now that I know better
I will do better moving forward
and we're all growing and learning and I
and I didn't
know um but I feel like there's just
like not room to not have it right right
like there there's no room but also like
who decides what's right it's very like
yes confusing and like it's a lot but
the way ICP has handled it has been
really great and you know Shaggy too
dope um has uh is in recovery he's doing
great that's really cool I now know at
least 400% more about ICP than I knew
five minutes ago well technically jug
and the Insane Clown posi um are
classified as a a gang by the FBI and so
um they're
anybody who had jug or ICP tattoos or
bumper stickers or whatever were
automatically basically had less rights
because they were immediately seen as
gang members or gang affiliated um so
people it had a lot of like far-reaching
consequences so that's why the ACLU got
involved there's a great there's a great
documentary about it if you're
interested oh yeah that actually does
sound really interesting it was they
marched on Washington it was the whole
thing wow yeah I'll I don't remember the
title of the thing but I'll find out and
I'll send it to you yes yeah maybe we'll
add it to the show notes if we find it
in a timely manner yeah maybe we won't
if we don't find it in a timely manner
also you know what if there's something
we forget in the show notes Google
exists it does oh we love that and we're
just Googling stuff we are and then
adding it to the show notes well no I
when I was really pregnant um my parents
for coming into town and my mom's like
yeah like we're going to be here in case
you go into lab blah blah blah she's
like can you send me the address of the
hospital and I was like this is the name
of the hospital she said can you send me
the the address I was like I also only
know the name I don't know the address
offand so we both have the same amount
of information Google I'm happy to
Google it and send it to you but I do
want us to
recognize you also are able to Google M
and I was like so pregnant at that point
and I had so little patience I probably
was not the kindest and how I said it
like can you send me the address we both
know the name of the hospital we have
the same amount of information [ __ ]
figure it out you're a grown woman
believe in the me that believes in
you yes that's what Vance always says to
me all right um rating
scale yeah we can do baseballs that
let's basb easy um I'm going to say like
should we do like G
study test
guides no no we should do baseballs yeah
we should definitely basball gr no talk
about a trauma response um well see
that's also part of why I only applied
to one grad school they didn't require
the gr so you never took it I never took
the G that's horeshit in fact I when I
start I took it twice when I started at
my grad school I wasn't sure I liked it
and so I was like well looks like I'll
have to reapply to a school that
requires the gr so here is what happened
to me
I took it when the like the very first
time that they switched to a new scoring
scale so I took it and then showed my
results to a professor who didn't
understand that there was a new [ __ ]
grading scale and he was like Hannah
these are really bad like you need to
retake it and I was like oh my God like
I studied so hard like oh [ __ ] so I took
it again and the scores were like
marginally different like not enough and
then I was like [ __ ] me
twice you just did I
did my scores were great both [ __ ]
times incredible awful oh I hate that so
much for you you have a look of Glee
your face like that's like one of those
like hilarious like oh [ __ ] in the
moment it was not hilarious but now yes
that's something like in retrospect
you're like I can laugh about it I
couldn't then 10 years out I can laugh
so baseballs baseballs
um three and a half out of five it's
very comforting that's higher than I
anticipated it's enjoy like the I don't
think I did it justice like because I
had to leave out a lot of the very sweet
and cute like baby moments and like
moments between because it's a longer
book but like it's enjoyable very much
so yeah so I would say three and a half
maybe out of six five or six I don't
know we'll just stick with five three
and a half out of five I was going to
say we could do four out of six we could
it's
negligible we'll do four out of
six we'll do four out of six four out of
six baseballs final off let us know what
you think let us know what you would
rate it don't forget to like And
subscribe and give us your
recommendations tell a friend yes tell a
friend and we'll see you soon bye y'all
have a good day smut
[ __ ] well that's it for this week's
smut [ __ ] we hope it was good for you
cuz it sure was great for us if you're
digging what we're doing it would mean a
lot if you'd take a minute to rate and
review the show wherever you're
listening right now maybe tell that sexy
someone to lend us an ear we love you we
appreciate you and we'll see you next
week stay
[Music]
body