well
hello all you beautiful people
you know what time it is
ladies and gents
guys and dolls and everyone in between
gather round
get you something real nice to sip on
and comfy to slip on
because it's time
for smut club
here's your hosts chelsea and hannah
[Applause]
[Music]
welcome to smut club hey everybody i'm
chelsea and i'm hannah um
we are two licensed therapists
who
read a lot of smut
and enjoy it
like
all right i thought i did well last year
i read 204 books in 2021 um and i'm
pretty sure you put my numbers to shame
how many
it was over 300 right it was it was 339.
how like do you sleep no no i don't
good question i do not sleep thank you
for asking the answer is no
next question
i
[Laughter]
brandon why are you crying right now
brandon is if you hear a dog or a cat in
the background we
are recording this in my dining room
breakfast nook i don't know what the
technical term is
um
but we have a
dog who like
what the [ __ ]
have a dog named brandon who has no
boundaries and we have a cat named craig
who also has no boundaries but is
quieter about his lack of boundaries
true true and you know we talk about
boundaries as therapists and also
because people lack them and smut all
the time they do they do
like
there are so many characters that i'm
like i feel like you're looking for
fulfillment in each other yeah and maybe
see a therapist and then circle back to
this relationship i'm not saying like
leave the relationship i'm just saying
let's maybe learn some healthier
ways to engage in this relationship but
also i don't know if like blood play and
proper boundaries go together you know i
guess they do you do need boundaries
around blood play i mean technically
like if you're doing it right
yes you know
if you're doing it right don't worry
about it but the point is that i i think
that
some people think that the lack of
boundaries or the intentional crossing
of them is hot in some way and so
that's like the majority of smut
is like pushing it
you know that's valid mm-hmm
and yet it doesn't stop us from reading
it in excess
yep and so
welcome to this new journey that we're
on where we come and we talk about smut
and
our experiences of it we figured we'll
like review a book or two an episode and
like see where we
land see what our thoughts are um
because there's just like a wide world
of smut to be discovered there is and i
recently
speaking of the wide world somehow
started reading like alien smut
and it was
a lot
but i couldn't stop
so i just like is it weird that you said
alien smut in my head i just like saw
the word probe in huge letters and i was
like
i imagine that that's a part of it it
was yes you're correct
um there's also a lot of like genetic
mutations and kidnapping and just you
know abduction it's not kidnapping when
it's aliens it's abduction to be clear
aliens the deciding line between
kidnapping and abduction i think so yes
i mean i'm not an attorney
you know i'm not up on the legal
definitions
but i feel like aliens are the deciding
factor between the two
well so not alien smut but i was
recently telling a friend about feral
sins which i'm sure will review at some
point um
and i was like telling them like the
premise of this book and there's
werewolves in it and yes i do struggle
with saying the word wolf and we're just
going to own that now
so it's a werewolf and we're just going
to move on with our lives do you want me
to just say it every time do you want to
give me like a wink
so this book is about
werewolves oh i don't think that's gonna
last
but so i'm like i'm telling her all
about this book
and
actually it's like me my husband her her
husband were all sitting there they're
all laughing at my retelling of this
book and then she's like yeah you know
chelsea like
if that's what you're into
and i just like paused for a second i
was like so i want to be clear
it's not woof
porn
like
it's it's human smut and they are also
shape shifters who can shift into a wolf
form it is not
or they can shift into a
werewolf
form
this is not sustainable it's not
i'm having fun with it though so just
whenever you want to do it it's cool
perfect
i i can't wait for the day that i like
think i'm knowingly giving you the look
and you're like i don't know what you're
asking
werewolf yeah she was like i was like oh
i really appreciated this friend being
really like yeah chelsea like if that's
what you're into and i was like i just
want to be clear this is not
woof smut
it is like
it's humans as well and she's like oh
i'm like i'm not this isn't like a
bestiality and she's like oh
and i was like jesus you know what i i
really i want to thank you for being so
accepting that that's what you thought i
was talking about and you're like yes
chelsea if that's what you're into and i
mean i guess for other people you know
if that is what you're into live your
truth sure um
i don't think i could do that
consistently and so i think i'm thinking
that through in the context of alien
smut and probing
and abduction it's not it's only
kidnapping if they stay on earth is that
the problem i don't uh
i think it has to be human on human
for it to be a kidnapping and
like outside
human on human
for kidnapping
you heard me
so
like if a vampire kidnapped someone oh i
apologize if a vampire takes someone
it's an abduction but if a human takes
someone it can happen listen okay if
it's an extraterrestrial
so not of this earth it is abduction
you know i guess the the phrase is alien
abduction it is no one is ever like i
was alien kidnapped exactly it doesn't
roll off a tongue is easy it doesn't i'm
a [ __ ] for alliteration i was gonna say
it's all about the alliteration like if
you can have alliteration you need to
have it
you know
really i think it makes life more fun
i would agree right i would agree
okay so what book
do you want to review today
um
let's do denim vipers to start oh damn
and who wrote denim vipers oh god damn
hold please oh i feel like i should know
this offhand and [ __ ] amongst yourself i
don't know this often i should know i
literally just reread it for the podcast
[ __ ]
don't worry about me
i feel like as soon as you say the name
i'm going to be annoyed with myself i'm
already annoyed with myself k a knight
i'm already yeah
damn it so let's we love k a knight we
did not mean to do you dirty like that
so sorry so sorry so let's take it from
the top so today i'm going to be
reviewing denim vipers by k.a knight
okay and what what sort of smut because
there's there's a lot of smut there is
there is
i i recently had to do some education
around the different kinds of smut for
an office mate of mine
um he made fun of me pretty relentlessly
at a lunch that we had where i disclosed
that i would be recording this podcast
and then a couple of days later he
texted me and said i'm so bored and i
was like i don't know what you want me
to do about that and he said throw me
some book wrecks knowing full well
knowing full well what sort of
recommendations he'd been getting yes
where he'd be getting sorry and i was
like okay okay
so
what
what are you in the mood for because i
have a lot of options here and he said
i didn't realize there were different
categories of harlequin
harlequin already makes us sound so much
classier it does we're not
so and just for all of you listeners at
home or whatever
uh this individual is a 29 year old man
who wears cardigans went to a very very
conservative christian college
and loves twilight that is the
individual that we're talking about here
asking me for book recommendations and
calling it harlequin
so
he was he said i didn't know there were
different options and i said something
along the lines of oh my sweet summer
child
we have
uh
uh bully romance college romance
age girls hair reverse harem age gap we
have uh
mafia
we have i mean i just went through like
a bunch of paranormal paranormal um
high fantasy urban fantasy like i went
through the whole thing right
and he was like holy [ __ ]
uh mafia for sure and i said all right
uh
reverse harem or
like regular mafia and he said reverse
harem did he know what reverse harem
meant i don't know
i don't know
i don't think i was that specific in his
education regarding a river theorem uh
you're like listen i gave you the
general genres within this you can do
additional research you can't you can
only lead a horse to water hannah
exactly well and you're a white man i
feel like we've done enough hand-holding
at this point you know
so
[ __ ] we have
so
he says reverse harem and i was like den
of vipers easy
and about five minutes later i so i've
never read dennis viper's i don't think
i realized that was mafia it is reverse
heroin i love this so
mafia reverse harem and about five
minutes later he texted me was like do
you have anything with less sadism in it
and i was like um
so i feel like what he given i don't
know i've never met this man so i'm
gonna sound really judgmental because i
am really judgmental
i'm just gonna own that um but i feel
like knowing that he loves cardigans and
is like super into twilight huh
i would kind of assume like for him like
smut would be more of like a rom-com
with like a sex scene would be like that
wouldn't right that would still but
that's not what he asked me for no he
didn't have to force
a reverse harem book
and he got one he did he did i mean it's
not as bad as gangsters and guns in my
opinion so like you know
um
so yeah that's the book that we're going
with i did we did after some back and
forth wind up on four psychos
but so he stayed in reverse harem he did
he did um i also recommended the madison
kate series and a few other things but
we landed on four psychos
and i
forgot that that opens with an orgy in
the prologue
yep just that's why i was you're like oh
denna vipers is coming in a little too
hot for you let me recommend another
boat yeah because once you get into four
psychos this it's lighter on the smut
that is fair and heavier on the plot but
i
i just forgot that there was an orgy so
literally
four minutes later like i have the texts
to prove it
four minutes later he was like your
definition of smut and my definition of
smut are different and then two days ago
he came into my office and sat down and
he was like so uh
i'm gonna finish it all right i'm gonna
finish it but i'm gonna be totally
honest i got kind of bored
um as i was reading and i was like
really because like i thought the story
was pretty strong and he was like here's
the issue that i'm having
it opened
with a lot of sex and i was like all
right and then there wasn't any anymore
and my brain can't switch that fast and
so it just couldn't process the story
because it was stuck on the smut
i feel like yeah
so he's like hey so you're
you oversold
um actually not oversold you over
delivered you did it i did you you sold
it exactly as is i did but you over
delivered for what his expectations are
yes i did not meet expectations
yeah
so uh and then he got bored because
there was like there was too much sex
but then the lack of sex bored him yeah
like it feels like a goldilocks
situation it is so then i was trying to
think of like
what would be the perfect one then you
know i did recommend from blood and ash
for him because he's into twilight i
think he'll be into that and i keep
reminding him to read it i will probably
wind up reviewing from blood and ash
eventually but anyway that's not what
we're doing today identifiers and k
um
no
it does not have less sadism in it
so
okay
so
the premise for data vipers there's
these four dudes right and they run the
vipers which is the
the mafia right like this big crime
syndicate and they also have a lot of of
what city is the same
so it's never outright stated but it is
definitely england so i'm feeling like a
london sort of vibe
um
but it's never stated that it's an
actual city
and there are going to be spoilers
there's always
we can't review these books without
spoilers we can't plot twist they have
sex
yes we know you didn't see that coming
very true very true um and indented
vipers once it starts it does not stop
so there's these four dudes there so
honestly your co-worker should have
continued with it because the other book
started with sex and then i know that he
got bored i know
although there is a lot of blood play in
denim viper spoiler again this whole
thing is going to be spoilers so if
you're not into it just just
fast forward or turn it off or something
so
or just like read the review of the book
online and sure don't listen
yes also one of my favorite pastimes
just as an aside is to read the reviews
for these books because they're
magnificent
people either
adore these books or they hate them
so passionately that they decide to
write like more in peace about it okay
so i don't know if if you feel this way
but we both read a decent amount of
books throughout the year and i feel
like
smut it does tend to be pretty
polarizing like people are either like
yeah this book slaps or they're like
this book is the worst why would anyone
read this garbage
but i also like i feel like there's like
the like
everyone rates them and reviews them
that way but i also feel like there's a
wide amount of books that you're like
this is essentially the same book
written by like 20 authors yes with
they're all named
aidan black yes yes they're all named
aiden black and the girl is always like
sarah you know
it's like all right okay all right it's
always sarah or it's like katie or
something like a nickname for like
like i just read a book and
her name was truvy
and she went by true
truvi like the low calorie sweetener
oh no that's truvia sorry
you know you know my my twin daughter is
stevia and truvia
i'm sorry i believe truvia is the brand
name for stevia all right is that true i
have no idea
i was like oh [ __ ]
i'm learning it sounded right though so
okay so
denim vipers we have these four guys
they run this crime syndicate but in the
opening chapter
so it switches perspectives which i like
a lot um because it can get stale when
it's like just from the woman's
perspective or just from the man's
perspective it can get kind of like
is it just duel or is it like it's a
girl on all okay it's all five and it's
a long book um
i don't remember exactly how many pages
it is but it's one of the longer ones
that i read last year and um so
it opens the first chapter is told from
uh
one of the
guys and he is the like [ __ ] crazy
one like there's always one in a reverse
harem that is just off the goddamn
rocker but they're always like oh watch
out for that one like he's not stable
always yeah like why do you [ __ ] with
him in the first place exactly why have
all of you normalized this behavior so
this is the one this is the one his name
is diesel all right
i'm
this is me being shocked i know y'all
can't see it but color me organized his
name is implored also this book i just
looked up it was 654 pages thank you i
was thinking around 700 so i was close
so
and they are torturing this guy like it
opens straight up with them torturing
this guy who apparently owes them money
and so they're like cutting them up and
diesel's super into it like getting hard
about it right
because he's the crazy one so he's the
one who's like crazy and a boner he is
over there he is yes so they are
uh
trying to do like punish him essentially
for not paying them the money that he
owes and then he's like just take my
daughter
and they're like uh what
and he's like yeah she owns a bar over
on the south side like
just go get her
so casual and flippant pretty much sorry
i can't pay my debts but you know
what might
cancel out my debts is i have a daughter
that
i'm a 24 year old daughter a hot 24 year
old daughter yeah okay just go get her
so that's the first chapter right and
so it's all from diesel's perspective
and he's like eating eating uh crisps
since they're british he's like eating
crisps
and rubbing himself while they're
torturing this guy like it like we're
coming in i have no idea why your
conservative co-worker was like
this is a bit mud
oh
sweet sweet angel he didn't know
but i gave him exactly what he asked me
for so
anyway he has only himself to blame
precisely so
then it cuts to roxy who's the female
lead and the she's running her bar
these guys come in and they're like you
need to come with us and she's like you
can [ __ ] off and so they try to grab her
she gets her back that she apparently
keeps behind her as every good barn bar
owner has they keep that bat behind the
bar and she beats the ever loving [ __ ]
out of these four massive men all of
them all of them yeah all of them and so
does she have any special skills or
she's just like no okay sorry i'm
getting ahead of myself no no i mean
it's a good question because i'm
thinking like
i mean i'm pretty s i'm fairly scrappy
generally and i do have like a little
bit like just enough to say that i have
some krav maga training but not enough
to actually be effective with any of the
skills you know what i mean
i
i know everyone doesn't know hannah but
hannah does say you're gonna catch these
hands more often than the average human
so like she's not afraid to throw down
if the situation warrants we like i'll
just say that that's true i'm not afraid
of that
but i don't think i could handle four
men who were over six feet tall and over
200 pounds like i don't think that's
something that i could do right
and so who are also like
entertaining this world and like they're
equal yes
right
so she beats the [ __ ] out of them and
then her bartender's like oh no i forgot
my keys and he walks in to see her
standing over these four men and he's
like uh what and she's like help me drag
him outside so they take him back out in
the alley and she calls the cops and
she's like come get him and hangs up
and then yeah so anyway fast forwarding
a little bit because i'm not gonna do
chapter by chapter the four vipers
decide they're gonna go get her
themselves so they show up she attempts
to beat the [ __ ] out of the four of them
and is unsuccessful so they then take
her and lock her in a room in their
apartment their loft thing that's
apparently massive and multiple floors
because they're super wealthy mafia
people as all mafia people are
they all just have these like very
secure locked room super secure yeah
always to just put a woman in right like
that's the whole purpose of the condo
is to have
a space to keep the woman that you have
kidnapped and not to be confused with
abducted
so
because it's human on a human
she was kidnapped
she does not leave the surface of the
earth
therefore
all right but vampires are on earth
vampires don't go to space now i have
more questions i know but if they're not
going to space then it's a kidnapping i
thought it was if it wasn't a human
space is now the determining factor not
species
i mean i guess but then that raises the
question of if it's an astronaut or jeff
bezos like does it still count if jeff
bezos takes you to space is it
technically an abduction honestly i'm
going to say yes because i would put
money on him being a lizard person
you know
he probably owns at least one or two
skin suits
that's the only logical conclusion i
would guess seven like a days of the
week underwear you know
and each one just has a tattoo of what
day you wear that skin suit this is my
monday skin suit you can see the chest
piece that labels it as such
so i hate everything about this yeah
anyway they lock roxy in the secure room
where they kidnapped not abducted her
correct
so she flips out she destroys the room
and
um
yeah
and then uh so lots of things continue
to go awry and they decide to leave her
with the youngest of the vipers his name
is kenzo
they decided to leave her with kenzo
and so obviously they [ __ ] right they
decided to play strip poker and she's
like
you're a cheater because he's obviously
the bookmaker right he's the the bookie
of the whole thing
they each have different jobs each of
the four so he's like you have to pull
your weight in the mafia obviously
so obviously they [ __ ]
and
[Laughter]
it's super rough and a lot
and of course when they finish there is
diesel
jacking it having watched the whole
thing
[ __ ] diesel [ __ ] diesel right zero
part of me is surprised by this right so
then she's all i didn't even want it and
diesel's like don't even lie did you say
stop or did you say no and she's like no
and he's like okay then [ __ ] off like
you're not going to do that kenzo is
really sweet and he would feel bad if he
felt like he coerced you
you gave consent implying that the rest
of them would not give a single flying
[ __ ] if she didn't want it you know like
that's the implication which is a little
gross but anyway so it continues then
you find out that garrett who is the
largest of the four
um so question because this is a
pertinent question when it comes to when
we say he's the largest of the four
is all of it yes okay
i'm like is that height is that way is
that
like
how well endowed he is you can just say
penis i don't know in my head i was like
i forgot the word
i was like you know you're junk and i
was like what's the technical word for
junk so instead i said he's well and
dead
so
hold on
of all the words to forget when
recording
us on my podcast listen it's the first
one we're still making our way through
we're really trying you guys so anyway
garrett who is the largest in all ways
of the four turns out that he hates
women deeply and does not want roxy to
touch him or be anywhere near him but
roxy is like roaming the apartment now
she's no longer locked in the room and
she got mad because writer who is the
leader of the four right
kidnapped her she's pissed about it we
have writer
we have kenzo kenzo and they are blood
brothers writer and kinser are blood
brothers yes and then there's diesel
diesel and then there's the the
well-endowed guy who is garrett garrett
yes he has a really normal name he does
compared to the others it's like okay
like we just ran out of steam on the
fourth one you know writer is that what
yeah i mean right you're strong you did
play
shawn
on boy meets world and he always joked
about how his name would be great if he
ever went into porn because his name is
ryder strong
well he's correct about that yeah he
really
i mean he missed his calling going into
television acting right i'm so
disappointed um but anyway that sounded
weird and i'm sorry i said you're like
you know i really do wish sean from boy
meets world had gone into porn that i'm
really disappointed thank you so much
for explaining that further because
that's exactly what i hoped would happen
anyway
so
roxy's obviously pissed that she's been
kidnapped and kept in this house or oh
excuse me apartment whatever
so
she goes exploring and busts into
writer's room and he is the one that's
always in like the custom suits right
like that's his shtick
so she destroys
all of his suits like she finds some
scissors and just cuts them up
ev everything and then she finds all of
his casual clothing all of his workout
clothing all of his underwear
she destroys all of it
so then that takes time it does and she
had it because kenzo was on the phone
obviously because kenzo's on the phone
and she's locked in a luxury apartment
condo right so where is she gonna go
what's she gonna do so she then
is running from ryder because she's like
oh [ __ ] me that was probably a poor
choice
to taunt the mafia
boss that has me kidnapped and locked in
his [ __ ] apartment so she's running
and then she realizes this after the
fact after the fact 100
so then she's running and she runs into
garrett and like tries to hide behind
him and he's like you shouldn't do that
i will never protect you blah
and like tries to throw her out of the
room and it's a whole thing and he has
scars all over him which is relevant
later but he's like covered in like
these horrible scars and she's like i'm
kind of into that and he's like the [ __ ]
out so
obviously that doesn't escalate
but eventually
what okay sorry i didn't mean to make a
face but she's like i'm kind of into
that and i'm like what isn't she into is
really what i'm
nice people
[Music]
men who treat her well is what she's not
into like kindness and basic human
compassion she's not into it
at all
in fact she's like nah
so
not not to therapize her just not
delicate
but i mean
oh we'll get into her history later it
all makes sense so anyway
so
um she's developing these relationships
with these men right and they are all
warning her
away from diesel if you hear this right
now no one is using the restroom i was
pouring a glass of wine from a boat a
box and i didn't realize the mic would
pick it up um we aren't sponsored by
buddha box but it'd be a lot cooler if
we were so
poured a glass of that nighthawk black
dark malbec from argentina rip writing
smooth [ __ ]
you know i was like oh she's just coming
up with those words she's like those are
her tasting notes and i was like oh
they're on the box i wasn't but they are
great tasting notes
so
so anyway you know what it is ripe rich
and smooth
ryder
writer's dick
precisely okay and really good job
remembering the word for it i'm really
proud thank you i've been practicing
so
yeah so she's developing these
relationships with these four men and
they're starting to trust her more and
like take her out places and stuff
and um buying her lots of clothes and
makeup and stuff like that
and
they're all warning her against diesel
and they've been kind of like dancing
around each other but they're all the
other guys are like listen
you might not survive him like
straight up like sexually or just
actually okay
like you might not survive him
which
as a woman
those are not the words i want to hear
about a potential sexual partner you
might not so i know you find him
arousing right you won't survive this so
like but but
not for just the reason that like in
general i don't want to die
more than that
in my experience with men generally um
when they promise you like you might not
survive it it's gonna be like
disappointing
they're like you've never seen one this
large and you're like
you're right because it's not that large
i have seen them that are that large
right like last week honey come on now
so anyway good
good for your husband
good good for matt i was gonna say that
would be my response back in the whole
phase i am happily married now so we
don't live like that anymore but anyway
my poor husband so sorry honey
so anyway
uh she eventually winds up in diesel's
dungeon because he has one and watches
him
like kill a dude and apparently she's
real into that
which is like um okay oh is this gonna
be like one of those scenes where they
like
start boning next to the dead body and
they're like and then like the blood
touched my foot and it increased my
arousal i'm like that no it's so much
worse than that oh so let me explain
okay so much worse i'm here let me
explain hold on i need i need a sip
before we get there because except of
your rich
rice dark malbec
the nighthawk black boda box
it's not a soda hannah
oh [ __ ] so anyway
they killed this guy right
and diesel
[Music]
so roxy and deep wait does roxie help
diesel kill the guy or she just watches
him kill the guy uh she helps a little
bit but not a lot
and he at first diesel's super upset
because she's like what are you doing
and why are you doing that
and he's like are you protecting him and
she's like no i just am like you know
you're not gonna enjoy it as much like
if it goes too fast or something and i'm
like what is happening right now and he
like puts some kind of weird clam thing
on the guy's dick and like shreds it off
or something it's so it's a lot
to deal with it's a lot to deal with and
so then eventually diesel's like i'm
bored now and i'd really like to [ __ ]
you so he lights a guy on fire
oh my god
yeah okay he's like i got the
information i want and now i'm bored so
he lights campfire which is
coincidentally how he got the name
diesel because he's super into fire so
because he's an arsonist right and
what i really appreciate about that is
just the nuance
you know like the nuance of the name
obviously
and i really like that like
i like the author's attention to detail
i like that kay knight was like oh
no i'm gonna name him diesel because
he's into fire right right kind of like
every book where they're like he's gonna
be named liam black and he only wears
black suits and i'm like and he has the
darkest eyes always right
but also then like i appreciate that and
then also i really appreciate that she
then was like you know this one is gonna
be named garrett because i got it off of
a baby naming website
like like so i ran through my fun list
of name options
with kenzo diesel and ryder so i just
opened a baby name generator and i
landed on garrett
exactly
so
so the guy is like hanging from a meat
hook obviously because that is the
method of choice for most torture when
you're doing it right
so
he just cuts the body down and then ties
her up on the same meat hook that he
just like barbecued a guy
the man who he just like shredded his
dick yeah and lit him on fire
he's like okay well this is also an
assembly line so like right removing the
burned body putting up roxy precisely
okay yeah
so then he starts like cutting her
because they're into blood play and he
still has the blood
from the guy that he just killed on his
hands and i'm like listen and she's
talking about how like
like slippery you know like i hate that
word but that's the word that is used i
hate that word deeply the more i read
smut the more my list of words that i
find like like shutter inducing it grows
no there are some words that you're
reading a scene and you're like you know
like
this is erotic like i get why people
would be aroused and then there's a word
and you're like oh god you're like i
like the juices from flats and i'm like
no one needs slap no one needs juices no
one
like whatever arousal did exist is gone
when you read those words i mean when i
think of slippery i think of like a like
a
i forget the word for
a an animal that is both water-based and
land-based what is that amphibious
amphibious of like an otter or a seal or
something when i think of slippery
that's what i think of and i don't want
to think of that when i'm reading smut
generally but anyway like so garrett
hooked roxie up to a measles no oh
you're right am i bad not garrett diesel
takes her up to a meat hook
and the blood was slippery yes his hands
were slippery from the blood
from the burned body the yeah you're
right this is more like i was like oh
yeah like they're like boning next to
the body and like some blood touches
it's more and it gets worse so then so
also the guy that he killed apparently
tried to kill garrett which is why like
he had apparently been hired to kill the
four so that's why he was being tortured
and killed because they were trying to
figure out who it was and
just for the sake of the plot that
obviously everyone is listening for
it was the triad obviously who is their
competitor in the town spoilers i know
i know the triad i was like okay
all right
so anyway
so they're banging but he's like cutting
her up right
and
he apparently gets into like a frenzy
and she's like you don't want to kill me
diesel like then all your fun would be
over and he's like oh my god you're
right i should stop so when he gets too
aroused he
okay yeah he gets a little too excited
so her her complete submission is
required right for him to not kill her
apparently which okay
so then
i might and this like what is the
submission i'm like yes i would like to
not be killed here so i feel like
whatever you ask me to say i'm probably
going to submit to i'm probably i think
i'm adding too much nuance into this
scene but also she's super into it
apparently so then and this is where
like
we should have said probably at the
beginning although the title of the
podcast should kind of indicate this is
not for children or anyone under the age
of 18 but if you have any sort of weak
constitution or
i don't know qualms of any kind you
should probably just fast forward
through the next 30 seconds because he
then takes a the handle of a knife the
knife that he was using to cut her up
and like puts it in her ass right okay
or at least it was the handle
well
until oh yeah okay yeah
okay we got there until he then decides
that he's gonna [ __ ] her from behind
while the blade is still in her ass
so he is
a serious like shredding his thigh
while [ __ ] her on this knife and
again the blood is slippery
in case you forgot
blood is a liquid it is it is
and she's all like our blood is mixing
like mmm and i'm like okay all right
and that's how you get it
but okay right i'm like i think that the
blood brothers vision dies once you're
like out of middle school
yeah and then
it's just also how you get stds
right
i'm more focused
like
even if we're gonna be blood brothers
like that's a thing still as adults that
we're gonna do
it doesn't usually require
like double penetration
[Laughter]
like it feels like it's normally more of
like a handshake deal or for the blood
to be exchanged during sex you know like
that's just a level
that i feel is unnecessary but okay
so
that happens i have zero idea why your
coworker was overwhelmed by this journey
he he didn't even make it this far
enough he did it oh god bless his sweet
little heart he never survived i know
poor thing i'm really hoping that once
we get a little more like into it that
he's gonna come on because i really feel
like he needs to be here
i just wanna yeah
he should he should be here
so anyway also he just started a podcast
um reviewing movies starting with
twilight he told me they recorded the
first episode earlier this week um while
just like wicked drunk
um and it wound up being an hour and a
half long and so i texted him and asked
the name and he said we're still working
on it which i feel like
is very on brand for this particular
individual
so anyway
ryder then cuts her down and he's like
oh my god you're perfect and she's like
ryder cuts her down oh no no sorry
diesel okay diesel cuts her down and
he's like oh my god you're perfect and
she's like i know right so then he takes
her back up to the apartment hands her
off to kenzo who's like the sweet one
who takes care of her and like cleans
her up cleans the cuts yeah cleans her
up and dresses the wounds
after oh i forgot after she
gives him stitches in his thigh diesel
after she gives diesel stitches from
where he cut himself
from when the knife was yeah yeah okay
yeah and apparently while she was like
dressed up he took pictures and sent it
to the other
vipers and they were like goddamn
they were like we are not into that
[Laughter]
they're like cool so like we respect
what you're into kind of like my friend
who was like hey chelsea if you're in
to bestiality
i support you i'm not here to join you
no no no no
i'm not yeah yeah okay so they were like
hey thanks for sending these pictures
along we probably aren't going to put a
knife
handle first up her ass that's going to
cut our thighs while we bone right okay
right although
other things are inserted later
just for the record like
like sharp
no
no like a glass bottle
which is horrifying to me because i feel
like one good clinch and we're just
ruining it you break that that is like
a darwin award yeah yeah like i hope you
haven't been doing your kegels because
years ago this is going to sound weird
because of the podcast we're on um i
worked in youth ministry
[Laughter]
and i
it was like my very first week working
at this church don't mind the wine
sounds happening that rich ripe and
smooth nighthawk black dark malbec from
argentina
yes like it was like my first week
working at this church they flew me out
like go
staff this camp like meet all of my
future students
i think was our first day at camp we had
a student who brought bottle rockets
and then he thought it would be funny
also i one of my other favorite things
is his mother was on staff at the church
with me and she's awesome and hilarious
um but her son decided to launch a
bottle rocket out of his ass
but here's the thing you know the thing
about bottle rockets they shoot off and
if you get nervous and clench the bottle
rocket does not release as it does
yeah
and
for anyone who thought maybe i want to
try that i do want to let you know he
did get second-degree burns around the
rim of his [ __ ]
from
the bottle rocket that um
did not launch successfully
i guess successfully as a relative i was
going to say
i don't think it's successful if you
burn your [ __ ]
but i'm not diesel so
i feel like diesel would be like it's
not successful unless you burn your ass
i would agree i would agree so anyway
so kenzo cleans her up and then he's
like oh my god you're perfect
and she has been getting closer to
writer who likes to like randomly [ __ ]
her in his office like there's just a
lot of banging going on at this juncture
and she's starting to get closer to
garrett as well and she's like i find
your scars sexy
and he's like really and she's all yes
because they remind me of mine because
she's also covered in scars because her
father was super abusive
and she ran away when she was like 16 or
17 and then was taken in by this guy
named rich who owned the bar that she
owned eventually and he died of cancer
um oh wow what a journey it is a whole
journey it's a whole
whole journey so
anyway
so they're getting closer
she finally gets to bang garrett which
is very exciting for her because she
like chains herself to his bed because
he's like afraid of touching women
because apparently his ex-girlfriend
drugged him
and then sexually assaulted him while
like carving up his chest
holy [ __ ] man
on the day that he was gonna propose to
her
what
is even happening here i
i like i thought i was prepared i'm like
i read a lot of smut no um i don't no i
was not fully prepared for this journey
although it does put another book on my
radar that i want to review at a future
date and time
yes uh
654 pages of just wide open
like
wide open roxy's legs were wide open
they sure were
among other things so then
um
ryder discovers ps all this happens
within the span of like a week
like this is not an extended period of
time like she has been kept by them for
like a cool six days
so
[Music]
well trauma bonding or something
so
with like a sprinkle of the stockholm
syndrome like i don't know but it's not
a good look for anybody so then
ryder discovers that he is deeply in
love with her and he's very controlled
very buttoned up he's you know the
protector the leader of the group
whatever
and
so he's like
if we keep her here against her will
she'll never love us like her spirit
that we love
will wither and die
so he goes to the rest of the group and
he's like we need to let her go and
they're like because we love her we love
to let her go because we love her
and
um the other guys are like the [ __ ] and
he's like no for real like that's what
we need to do
so
it they do they do so garrett and diesel
are so upset by this revelation that
they leave
leaving kenzo and ryder to deliver the
news that she is now free
um oh i forgot they also bought her a
car at one point in the whole situation
why wouldn't they obviously yeah so
oh and i also forgot she did attempt to
escape one time and almost got away
um in writer's favorite silver mercedes
i think and so she then destroyed it
with a crowbar
after she failed to escape i
all right like once again not trying to
therapize anyone here sure but we are
therapists as well that's actually y'all
fun fact that's how we met um we worked
at the same company hannah actually
trained me
and is now no longer with the company um
yeah hannah trained me in our first week
we're both like we like to read a lot
and then we're like oh yeah like we're
like testing those waters and we're like
yeah like i you know like i read some
like
controversial like smut
and like hannah's casually like
yeah i mean like like throws out they're
like i like four psychos i was like oh
like four cycles that's great oh thank
god we can be friends
so that's where this started was that
we're just
two therapists that realize we read all
of the same smut yep
um
but yeah like
not to therapize her
would i like her to develop some
healthier coping skills outside of
property damage sure yeah
like the crowbar is a lot like the bat
at the bar but like i get like you need
that for protection and she did
fight off the four enforcers she did she
did um
so like i mean like i guess there's a
balance
and
i do feel
like everyone here is a little
emotionally reactive
i would agree to put it
very mildly
yeah yeah
[Laughter]
i would say
that you're correct and i also don't
want to be any of these characters
therapists that sounds no
although diesel is highly entertaining
and i will
tell you why
oh no so one day so okay so so she let
me finish this bit because it plays into
all this so
she
writer is unable to get the words out
that she's allowed to go so kenzo tells
her that she's free and she like takes a
beat and then she runs and gets in the
car that they bought for her and is
about to drive away and then she's like
wait a minute i love them and then she
gets out of the car
and kenzo is there and he's like i
couldn't let you go
and then um garrett and diesel show up
and they're like we're not letting you
go we would have chased you anywhere
because we love you and she's like
that's great because i love you too and
then they go back up and then ryder's
like [ __ ] so you're back all right well
now you have to be punished and then
there's like a whole scene where they
all just like use all the holes and do
all the things
and it is
a lot
yeah that's a lot
so that happens and then like two days
later
diesel oh
so diesel calls her little bird that's
important he calls her little bird i
don't know
why but that is the nickname he has
chosen for her
which coincidentally the reason why he
flipped out and set the guy on fire
that time
um
was because that time that time was
because
he said to the guy he was torturing he
was like
thank little bird for helping you or
something and the guy was like thank you
little bird and he was like what did you
say to her did you just call her little
bird and then he set him on fire
um because apparently nobody else is
allowed to call her that right
i mean that's
that wording is on diesel that he
created a confusing situation there i
mean diesel was gonna set him on fire
either way you know
you know that's valid i don't think i'm
sitting there being like
in my head i'm bargaining where i'm like
if the guy hadn't called her little bird
maybe he wouldn't have been burned i
mean his penis was already shredded like
you know he was alive
he was alive it was part of the torture
which makes me nauseous personally
and i don't even have a penis
so
roxy returns to all of them they explore
all of the holes
yes in a myriad of ways
and so then yay we're back together roxy
is staying of her own volition and then
the next day
at the breakfast table because they
always have breakfast together the next
day at the breakfast five of them have
breakfast all five okay you know it's
cute to have traditions it's important
to make sure that we're checking in with
each other regularly you know
so
diesel is like little bird i have
something to show you and like opens his
shirt and he got a tattoo of a little
bird over his heart and she's like oh
christ on a crutch like what is
happening
and he's like it's just a show that like
i'm yours and you're mine and it's like
oh but also
like okay
so anyway and there's more well like
with diesel there's clearly no
take-backs none whatsoever
like you're like oh no i've committed to
this now and when it's told from his
perspective multiple times he says like
in his head or out loud i mean i might
kill her someday but like i'm real into
it right now
okay
so anyway that happens and then um
okay so this is like my favorite scene
of the book because it's just like whoa
like what happened to you ka knight that
you thought of this
so obviously our
our listeners have not seen me i'm
pretty heavily covered in tattoos
chelsea also has several tattoos
roxy is also covered in tattoos wears a
lot of yeah she's a lot of tattoos and
wears a lot of black because she's all
edgy
and
she has a thigh piece that was not
finished and she had an appointment to
get it finished but they were like
another man will never touch you
so obviously
garrett is a very talented tattoo artist
but he only does it for fun
so of course so and he has done all the
tattoos that all the guys have
so
garrett is like i'll finish it for you
and she's like okay
but uh diesel discovers that the pain
from tattoos really turns her on like a
lot
and so she's all like squirmy and he's
garrett is like what is happening right
now and diesel's like she's wicked wet
is what's happening right now and
garrett's like the [ __ ] so then diesel
is like garrett's like garrett's not on
diesel's level he's like i was just
trying to do this tattoo i was just
trying to offer a favor he's like i'm
into the spanking situation but
this is a lot
so
the solution they come up with is like
so diesel
is hard because he's always hard and he
has roxy
basically like get on him
while garrett is finishing the tattoo
and then they know
as someone who has a decent amount of
tattoos i can unequivocally say no at no
point have i ever been like i should hop
on someone's dick
while someone has a needle
right on my skin also because like
unless you're just doing is it the
mormons that do like soaking is that
what it's called yeah like unless you're
just soaking
um
there's movement
and i don't feel like movement is what i
want to have when i'm getting a tattoo
so that's part of the whole like sexy
challenge is they're not allowed to move
throughout and then obviously when they
finish diesel does move when the tattoo
is finished i mean diesel does move and
then roxy blows garrett at the same time
this is like a spit roasting situation
yeah okay i have a very clear image of
what's happening
so anyway
that's one of my favorite scenes because
it's just from start to finish like what
the [ __ ] is happening right now
like what is happening and like why am i
reading this and what choices did i make
in my life that led me to this like
it it troubled me more than the knife in
the ass and i don't know what that says
about me but it did
have you talked to your therapist
i've talked to my therapist about a lot
of things thank you for checking so
anyway
um so then they fall into this rhythm of
not quite domestic bliss where you know
they're doing their
criminal things and
stuff
yeah they're just like they get into the
rhythm of like cool it's like we're all
still the mafia going against the triad
precisely um and now we just
have consistent sex with the same person
and before
we were the mafia with the enemies of
the triad correct who had sex with
randos correct
and um
they had not previously shared so this
was like a you know sometime like like a
like a choose your own adventure sort of
combination
situation
so that's all going on and then as often
happens in mafia
books
roxy is kidnapped
not abducted not abducted she is not
taken to space
she stayed on earth so she was kidnapped
william shatner was not involved so
i don't know why all i could think about
just now was to him the the video of him
getting off the little space capsule
thing with jeff bezos that's all i could
think about
anyway
so roxy remains on earth and is
kidnapped
by the triad
obs and it happens because the woman who
tortured garrett
shows up and
he thought that diesel had killed her
and it turns out that diesel did in fact
set her on fire so half of her face is
melted and she's missing an eye which is
a lot of
it's a lot of imagery like it's
it's a lot to drink in
so
and garrett sees her and is like what
the [ __ ] and so she gets close enough to
him to steal his phone so she then texts
roxy from garrett's phone and says i
need you at this address so she goes and
then roxy
kills a lot of people but is still in
fact kidnapped
and taken away by the triad so then
obviously all four guys are flipping the
[ __ ] out and garrett feels very
responsible for the entire situation
and
because he i guess he kind of was so
like and that guilt was not misplaced i
mean
if he was a client i would be like you
are not responsible for the choices of
others but as a book character who's
like a mafia person like it's your
[ __ ] fault dude like where's your
situational awareness you know but
anyway
so
all the guys are flipping out they're
trying to figure out where she is
through all of this it is then exposed
that ryder killed his and kenzo's dad
who was super abusive and their mom had
committed suicide
it's all very tragic
and so
oh and we also find out that diesel's
mom was a drug addict who
like sold him to men
a lot when he was younger
and then
she oh you mean he didn't just wake up
loving to set people on fire he didn't
because then what happened was his mom
apparently owed a dealer a lot of money
and so he raped and killed her and then
set her on fire and diesel was like
found her and then he went on a rampage
and found the guy that did that and then
set him on fire and then his dick got
hard and then
he just loved setting people on fire
ever since
i would assume although it's not
explicitly stated i would assume that
that was the course of events
so
they're all flipping out and then they
figure out that roxy is being kept by
the triad at
the hotel where ryder killed
their dad all right that they had then
left abandoned okay question just so i
know
is this now the finale of the book we're
getting close okay because i was like i
was like i know it's a long book but in
my head i was like this doesn't feel
like it's going to happen at the 50
percent margin no we're very near the
end here okay
um so
this is honestly like my favorite part
of the book because it is actually
[ __ ] hilarious so roxy wakes up
upside down attached to a meat hook like
swinging around in a basement somewhere
which on its own is not funny but what
is funny is roxy's thought process
because she's like swinging around and
she's looking around the room trying to
figure out where she is and if she's
like
diesel is one of the dudes i'm in love
with i feel very comfortable on a meat
hook we'll get there oh god
because she's swinging around and she
sees like a
a porno magazine has been like like put
up on the wall and she's like she has
nice tits focus roxy
and it's like wow
and then
the triad guy comes in
and she's like
this is not the way to start torture
because i'm gonna pass out from being
upside down for so long like you guys
are doing it wrong
and so he brings in this guy who's also
apparently a
an expert in torture or something and
obviously he has like a blue mohawk or
some [ __ ] and another guy who's like his
assistant and so they cut roxy down they
tie her to a chair
and they
like she's passed out again so they come
in she wakes up and she's like hey
everybody
my uh safe word is bubbles is everybody
ready to get started
and i'm like
i love this and i know that i shouldn't
like
like implicitly i know that i shouldn't
but i really do
like my safe word is bubbles and i use
that all the time and most people don't
know that like they don't they don't
know what it's you mean when you
casually say my safe word is bubbles in
daily life people aren't suddenly like
oh [ __ ] you're a k a night fan
i 100 said that like in our
group chat one day at work we were
talking about
something i don't remember
i don't remember what we were talking
about but i was like that sounds like
torture for the record my safe word is
bubbles
and nobody responded to that and then i
felt weird about it but it was already
done so anyway
when i think when i hear bubbles i think
of the powerpuff girls
so like that is where i'm like my
favorite is bubbles because i'm super
into the powerpuff girls is literally
how i'm imagining that
that too and then obviously the guy is
like i'm a torture person like there is
no safe word
so then he tortures her
a lot is she into it
no okay no in fact she just continues to
taunt him she's like you're doing it
wrong like you're obviously an amateur
like diesel's better
sorry
which is like okay all right
uh
anyway
so the guys figure out where she is
and they are going to mount a rescue
and for whatever reason they decide that
it should only be the four of them even
though they have like
hundreds of people who work for them
they're like no
we're gonna storm this hotel and take on
the triad on our own to be fair
their enforcers were taken out
by a young girl with a bat
so i don't fault their logic yeah yeah
that's fair that's fair so they're in
the car getting ready to go in
and diesel is like
bouncing like like like super excited
and they're like dude are you okay like
what is happening you're being weirder
than normal and he was like it's all
good man i just shot myself with some
adrenaline i'm ready to go
and then they like look back at him and
he is he's wearing a fanny pack
um
that has a glitter unicorn on it
all right
so
hmm
so
the guys are like what is happening with
the fanny pack right now because
obviously that's the most important
thing like they know roxy's being held
and tortured
by the triad right now but like
we need to know what's up with the
[ __ ] fanny pack right like yeah yeah
we'll get to
her but before then can we ask about the
sequence precisely okay um and he's like
uh it's just my case of emergency stuff
don't worry about it and they're like
all right i guess so they storm in lots
of things go boom they kill lots of
people they rescue roxy but she heard
them coming for her so she like got
herself out of the chair and killed the
assistant guy who
uh the assistant to the torturer guy
and uh because obviously she had like
all of her toenails forcibly removed but
she was able to then
get out of a chair by dislocating her
shoulder and then take on a man who's
like three times her size obviously
so
with barbed wire still like in her
skin
so
they get her and then they're like cool
now we gotta get out so it's the whole
thing they're trying to get out
and then
roxy then notices the fanny pack
um but while they're hiding behind a
table being shot at which is obviously
the opportune moment to ask what is up
with the fanny pack and he is like she's
like what are you what are you keeping
in there and he's like
grenades and sometimes tacos and she's
like um
what and he's like sometimes i get
peckish midfield
so
i have been on a perpetual
search for a
sequined fanny pack with a unicorn on it
ever since we can make you one
we can just like get a sequin fanny pack
and a unicorn patch
i don't
think that this is out of our wheelhouse
to
come to to bring to fruition i mean i
don't know
i mean
i guess i could keep tacos in it i don't
have regular access to grenades
but i mean there's multiple pockets
usually right so like you have a taco
pocket you have a grenade pocket
they don't go in the same pocket cause
that's bad news bears and nothing good
happens when you keep grenades and tacos
in the same pocket that is so true
that is so true
so i do think my husband just overheard
us and found an 11
unicorn fanny pack that
is covered in sequins yeah it says cute
kids travel waste bag
waist back
christmas gift for girls
helpful
like does it look like something that
you would get for five dollars at
walmart yes is this 11 on amazon so [ __ ]
you jeff bezos
also yes
so
i don't know if you guys have noticed
but i feel it's really important to
point out at this juncture
the secondary purpose for this podcast
is to mock jeff bezos
i didn't know that until now but like
now that we're here i'm on board it
feels right
you know yeah no it does i'm like jeff
also have you seen pictures of him
recently and like
you have been [ __ ] lifting
but is that what's happening i think
because he's just gotten new skin suits
it is his tuesday skin suit that's what
it is he hasn't been lifting
on wednesdays he gets a little shrimpy
again but tuesdays were from a
bodybuilder right right right
yes so
they he
they rescue her she has
she sees the unicorn fanny pack and is
like thank you but also we do need to
address this and he's like right yeah
grenades and tacos i still don't see
what the problem is precisely so then
um they split up i don't remember why
but i'm sure there was a very reasonable
explanation
so garrett and kenzo go up to the roof
the others are looking for the
member of the triad the leader of the
triad who's in the place and they kill
him um
kind of brutally and then the torturer
guy decides to come at them with a
chainsaw and diesel just sort of trips
him like it's not even like a like a
fight he just kind of trips him and he
falls to his death
which
felt anticlimactic to me but okay well
like
given all of the other things that
people have survived in this book it
does feel like
a few stairs isn't where you thought it
was going to go well it was like off a
balcony oh i should have said that it
was off a balcony but it was inside it
was like an internal balcony like over a
courtyard yeah
i guess i mean that would still hurt
yeah it wouldn't be great i mean i i
wouldn't do that voluntarily
personally unless there's a trampoline
under it
or a pool you know with a deep end i do
feel like that's a
common scene in action movies where they
all like jump into the pool as the
building is exploding behind them but
that's not what happened in this book
and this book just
he
went over the balcony and i died yeah um
but since there's since diesel was there
i assume that there might be the
opportunity for fire
um not yet because then they're hot
then they're like wait a minute where
are kenzo and garrett so it turns out
kenzo has been stabbed on the roof
and garrett has been kidnapped so
they're like oh my stars we have to help
kenzo i mean they didn't say oh my stars
because that's not really the tone
no it does seem like something they'd
say
we're a bunch of mafia kings but this
silly [ __ ] kenzo
yeah no that's not
that's not like the vibe that they're
going for you know valid fair enough um
that's just me
so
they get kenzo out they get him to a
doctor and then they're like we have to
save garrett oh
so then they go on this like rampage
killing all the triad people like all
the people who work for the triad
and then they kill another one of the
triads so it's three brothers obviously
because it's tri means three so
triad
like the triad believe it or not is not
four guys no three guys it is not in
fact a quad so
three guys so they kill him and then the
one at the that had kidnapped roxy and
then they kill another one trying to
find garrett
and it turns out that the ex-girlfriend
who had attempted to kill garrett
previously and that diesel then set on
fire had made a deal with the triad to
take down the vipers so that she could
torture and kill garrett
for whatever reason she like really did
not like him but like i guess but
garrett was not the one who set her on
fire so i do feel like some of her anger
might be a little misplaced i would
agree yeah valid yeah yeah so
anyway
they then go in to rescue garrett
from the triad and then they kill the
other triad guy um and then they blow up
the whole [ __ ] house like
so so diesel does get us fire like all
that happens
and then they're like oh my god we
love you and then they're recovering
and
they give
roxy her bar back because she really
wanted her business but they help her
turn it into a franchise and they're
like oh my god we love you and then they
build a house that does have a dungeon
but it is only for play
they're very clear about that's good you
know way to set boundaries around your
dungeon right if you want to do more
serious things there you do need to
build a second one that's not what this
one is for so the intention is for the
work torture to occur
at the um building that they owned with
the apartment that was in it that his
original dungeon like the og dungeon is
where business occurs
the home dungeon
is for pleasure
if you can call it that
so
uh yeah and then the epilogue is that
they um threaten a judge with bodily
harm to get him to marry the the five of
them even though that's really not legal
like here's the thing even if they
threaten a judge with bodily harm i
don't think that like no that's actually
possible no we can't file the paperwork
for that yeah no i feel like that's
gonna get
bogged down in the court system and just
all of the paperwork hell
when my husband and i got married
my all right so my mother
her mother was like why would i give my
daughter a middle name if she's just
gonna get rid of it when she gets
married and so my mother never had a
middle name growing up mine doesn't
either
is that the reason
i don't know i think my grandmother was
just too drunk to worry about it
well so my mom doesn't have a maiden
name
um she doesn't have a baby no not
nothing she doesn't have a milk she
doesn't have a middle number very much
she was just like cher
just the one thing kristen
she's just
kristin
see ya
um
and when we when my husband and i were
trying to get married and had to fill
out like our like application
they like we were at the courthouse and
they were like i'm sorry we can't accept
this unless we have your middle your
mother's middle name list and i was like
she doesn't have one like i have nothing
to put there and they're like whoo
that is a problem and i was like so like
my mother not having a middle name
growing up almost stopped my husband and
i from getting a marriage license so i
don't feel like just being like just
because we threatened this judge like i
don't think that the court system is
suddenly going to view a five-person
marriage as legal like no offense like
live your life sure love is love
obviously
and blood play is blood blood
and and consent is optional apparently
apparently indented vipers consent is um
it's more of a moving target it's
implied
she was into it once right so now she's
always into it it's implied okay um
which is horrifying to think about and
i'm really sorry i brought it up anyway
so the epilogue they threaten to kill a
judge they can all legally get married
yeah and then i guess they live happily
ever after and that is deniverse okay so
how do we rate nintendo vipers as a
whole
so because of diesel's love of fire
i'm gonna say
like five flame emojis
five flame emojis five flames out of how
many flame emojis
seven
oh damn
[Music]
five out of seven i'm not great at math
i can't do that math either frankly i
made that up it's like 71
yeah
so i mean it is a journey right from
start to finish what do you mean that's
not right surely that's not right
i put it on my calculator your your
husband is trying to check it right now
that's why i'm just trying to check it
because we all know like y'all i was
once at an escape room and some 71. okay
i did it right um 71 like 0.4 or
something like that yeah i was once had
an escape room where there was some
basic math involved and i did all of the
math and i second guess myself and you
know like when you're at an escape room
and you don't have to use a clue like
you don't have to ask for one but like
every now and then they'll just like
give you one to be like this will make
it easier yeah they were like here's the
math baby girl you did not thrive at
this
um and they were not wrong
yeah i mean i came a therapist for a
very specific reason and and that reason
is that i don't have to do math
unless you're doing like assessments no
and so
my way around that is just not doing it
i've never run into that issue because i
don't do them
yeah
that's fair i have interns do them
and that is what i call a learning
opportunity
for interns i'm a gatekeeper for the
profession thank you you're welcome okay
without me you would not have such great
clinical experience
precisely okay so yeah five out of seven
flame emojis
[Music]
it is a journey from start to finish
and there is humor in there and
so the the reason that it's not like a
seven out of seven at this juncture
would be that like
like what the [ __ ] though like
like the reason it's not a seven out of
seven is because like did you hear the
review of the book i just gave
i mean
so it's highly entertaining so if we're
looking at entertainment value only like
you will read this book and you'll go
through it so fast that at the end
you'll be like what the [ __ ] just
happened to me unless we're your
co-worker and then we'll get like a few
pages and then be like
i'm out it's a little too much for me
but anyway it's highly entertaining the
story is
ridiculous but also like kind of fun
so you know like that's
that's it that's i don't have i don't
know what else to say about that yeah so
what i essentially hear saying is if
you're into mafia reverse harem and
blood play
this is an ideal book for you
yes and i really appreciate that you
used your reflective listening skills
just then
yes and that is where the therapy part
comes into this i just active listen
through most of them and my reflective
listen you did and you nailed it and i'm
really proud of you
i'm not taking new clients
for the record
yeah we're hoping this becomes our
livelihood so if everybody could
subscribe that'd be awesome yes please
like please subscribe please leave a
five star review if you find us funny
and if you don't find us funny don't
leave a review we would only like five
star reviews and
nothing else so just like keep your
negative thoughts to yourself yeah or
just leave a five star review and don't
write anything with it
because
great compromise because like do you
really want people like us being
therapists at this point like now that
you've heard this
honestly you need to give this to us
because this is who we are
in the therapy room and also out of the
happy road for the good of the masses
yes so with that
um
good night and good luck
i think i think you know we covered as
much as we're going to cover this
episode is that what we did yeah i think
we did i have no idea how long i talked
so
[Laughter]
you covered that book
thoroughly i left out so much too oh no
i did so if you want to know more like
obviously read it i guess
or find hannah on social media i'll tell
you i get excited so yes all right
we love you guys we don't know you yet
but we love you mm-hmm
thank you for listening and we hope you
have a wonderful rest of your day yep
bye