[upbeat music] The Noon Hour of Madness and Mayhem, the podcast.
Welcome to the Noon Hour of Madness and Mayhem. My name is Jeff.
I'm Victor.
And I'm Peaches.
Ah, what are you... What are you guys doing? What are you doing right now?
I've, I've never been this close to you before.
Get away from me. [laughing] Stay back.
I might have touched your thigh. [laughing]
I can barely see Peaches' head, and that, that's saying something-
[laughing]
... from right here.
Yeah, Jeff's in the, uh, Peaches' seat, which is very low, and, uh, you know, it- you're probably about a foot shorter than Peaches in that seat.
Probably, at least.
Yeah.
I- I'm probably a foot shorter than you right now.
That-
And, and that's-
Actually, yeah
... that's kind of weird.
Yeah. That's right, king in the castle. Very tall.
That chair probably feels very warm for Jeff's butt.
Has Peaches, you been sitting in it?
Uh-
Nothing like getting in somebody else's warm chair.
I fart in it every once in a while.
Oh, man.
Mm-hmm.
Somebody else's fart on me?
Yeah, yeah.
I walked in here-
There, there have been some toxic ones in this studio today. [laughing]
I was about to say, I walked in here this morning, and Victor is try- uh, with, what's it, what's it called? With haste, trying to turn on the AC.
To get the air circulating. [laughing]
Oh, you had to blow it out or-
It was awful. [laughing]
[laughing] It was a bad one.
Did you eat a burrito or something?
No, it would... I had, before bed, a grilled cheese and, uh-
Oh, dairy does that to you.
-and, uh, tomato soup. Yes.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Yeah.
[laughing]
That'll do some bad things to a man.
Anytime I have, uh, those Culver's cheese curds, they're like grenades-
Oh, yeah, dude
... in my butt. Just, [fart sound]
Yeah.
Oh, but they're so good.
Oh, they're delicious.
Oh, and I had a horrible sleep. Did I tell you about my sleep last night?
Uh, I heard you talking about it with Jade.
Yeah.
I, I also slept horribly last night.
Yeah, my CPAP hose got disconnected from the mask.
Oh.
So I slept through the night with the mask on, but no air going into it.
I was just talking to Josh-
Just chainsaw snoring.
I was just talking to Josh, who also joined the CPAP club around here, and you can tell that he's new to the CPAP game, 'cause as, as part of the initiation, you have to have that red mark on your nose.
Yeah, I told him to use a small Band-Aid, and I don't know if he's listening to me.
Yeah.
Like, it'll, it'll give you relief. You know?
Like, I, I, I didn't use a Band-Aid. I just got used to it.
Yeah, I mean, and that, that'll eventually happen, but you could give yourself relief with a little bit of Band-Aid.
I should probably get one of those.
Well, you need to get a sleep study. Jeff, do you snore?
Oh, so bad.
[laughing] Then you need to get a sleep study, 'cause yeah-
Does every, every dude in here, [laughing] does every dude in here have sleep apnea?
[laughing] I don't know. Maybe. You gotta get the test, though, to find out.
I was at... I was talking to Josh about that, too, because he had all the cords and everything. He did his at his home.
Yeah.
And I did mine at home, which I was very upset by, 'cause I wanted to do it at the facility.
Yeah, I did it at the facility, and, uh, you know, they, they wire you up.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, they still wire you up if you do it at home, but you gotta do it yourself.
Oh, that's right.
That's the most annoying part.
[laughing]
They shove things up your nose. It's... Yeah, it, it sucks.
That doesn't sound very fun at all.
No, but when you w- finally get a CPAP and you sleep with it on, you do feel a whole lot better.
Oh, yeah, it's great, unless the hose becomes disconnected [laughing]
Or you be like-
... And then you have a mask on your face that no air is going into, so it's like-
[laughing]
... you're sleeping twice as bad as you usually would, and then you wanna die, like me today.
Or you be like me and you fill it up with just too much water-
And then the water comes out the hose
... and it starts spraying you.
[laughing]
So then you get very frustrated, and you rip apart the tubing.
Oh, and break the hose.
And break the hose, and then you go to the supply store, and you go, "I don't know how this happened.
[laughing]
What happened here?" And then they go, "Uh, I've- we've never seen anything like it." I'm like, "I just fell asleep, woke up, and it was like that." [laughing]
[laughing]
It just happened.
It just... Yeah, and she's like, " [laughing] It could possibly be a burn or something." [laughing]
[laughing] My dog did it.
Yeah, yeah, blame the dog.
Dude, my cats used to put holes in the hose.
Oh, I'd be so mad.
They would chew on the hose.
I would never allow the pets... If I ever had any pets, I would never allow them in the bedroom.
Oh, you're, you're one of those guys, huh? I, I, I might have, like, three, four cats on the bed sometimes.
Ugh, my nose is going off just thinking about that.
[laughing]
No cats, but a dog. Uh, uh, dogs are okay.
Uh, uh, I mean, I have a dog, too, now. The cats don't seem like they take up as much space as the dog.
Yeah, but when cats wanna wake you up, they'll sit on your face, they'll scratch your face, th-
That's true
... they'll lick your face.
They do like to, uh, yeah, bite your feet, things like that.
Yeah, if your toes are moving under the blanket, it's just a game to them.
Yeah, they'll attack. Happened to me, uh, just the other day, as a matter of fact.
What's funny is that Victor, you know, he boasts about not having kids in the house anymore, but then he packs it up like a zoo-
[laughing] It is a zoo
... and has to take care of these, like... You know, if they were, if they were human, they'd be toddlers.
Yeah.
'Cause they can't feed themselves. They can't use the bathroom all that well.
No, they-
And, and so you're t- basically taking care of what you already took care of, and, and you talk about how, like, you know, Jade's an old dad or something like that, but then you still have the, the pets.
Yeah, I know. I've got four cats and a dog and a lizard, and then, you know, Becca has a daughter, so there is a, a kid over often enough, and sometimes she has her cousins over. So I have a house full of kids, a- and then my CPAP hose comes disconnected, and I'm just gonna fall asleep, Peaches. I need a nap.
I might just come over to Victor's house and start taking things one by one and see if he even notices.
Probably not. Too out of it.
I, uh, he doesn't know [laughing] that I took a Pepsi off of his shelf until now. [laughing]
[laughing] Thief! Thief. Yeah, they've been sitting in there getting warm for months.
[upbeat music] Welcome back. Uh, this is Jeff on the Noon Hour of Madness and Mayhem.
This is Jeff.
Hey, I'm Jeff.
My name is Jeff.
Yeah, I'm sure you heard that quite a lot, didn't you?
[laughing]
I have never heard that in my life, not once.
It's like, it's like the Peaches song from the Super Mario Bros. movie.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, Peach, you gotta check this, uh, new song out on the Mario movie.
It's called Peaches.
[laughing]
It's just for you. At least 50 people.
Not the presidents of the United States, Peaches?
Oh, I hate that song. I hate that song.
That is one of the greatest songs ever.
That band should fall off the face of the Earth.
Whatever, you love it.
And I think they did. Actually, wh- when was their last release? Was it 1994?
I don't know. It's a good question.
I'm hoping so.
They did seem to, uh, vanish.
They only had, what, two singles?
Yeah, they had Peaches and what, Lump?
Lump.
Lump, yeah.
Lump.
Well, they have the cover of Video Killed the Radio Star, which we play on Alt 101-
Okay
... which you can download the app for. But there's also... Oh, wow, there's millions of streams on their song Kitty. There's also Dune Buggy-
... Oh, I do remember Kitty.
Some Postman, Kick Out the Jams, Boil Weevil, Volcano.
Huh, I don't remember-
They still have-
... any of those songs.
Surprisingly, 1.5 million monthly listeners.
Wow! See, so maybe they're still out there at it.
The Presidents of the United States of America. I forgot that's their full name.
I'm kind of surprised by that, I won't lie.
I, I, I like the, uh, the new President band, okay?
President.
Just President.
Yeah, the guys with the masks on?
Which also, that, that's, uh, Charlie Simpson?
Um, I think that's his name.
Are we, are we not supposed to say who he actually is?
I don't know.
Even though he's posting about it on TikTok, doing the vocals perfectly?
I think for him it's okay. S- s- there are those bands that you're not supposed to talk about.
Yeah, and I, you know, I think fans get a little bit too crazy when it comes to that. Like, everyone at one point knew who Ghost was. It was, like, common knowledge.
Yeah.
And for a while, the fans were still like, "You can't say the names," in the, like, Facebook groups and things, or they'd kick you out. I think the subreddit was that way until Tobias Forge started doing interviews as Tobias Forge.
He let people know, "Hey, I am a real person. I have a name."
Yeah, like, uh, it's, it's like Sleep Token, you know. I guess, uh, if you're not gonna do any interviews, you might be able to keep it secret, but you can figure out who's in Sleep Token.
He- people figured it out. It, it is out there.
Yeah, Google. You know, if you're ever curious, you can [laughs] just-
[laughs]
... go to Google and get pretty much any question answered you would like.
Well, you can find somebody's, like, crazy conspiracy theory on, like, who it actually might be.
I- I'm pretty sure they've, uh, very accurately identified all the members of Sleep Token.
They have.
I've never seen two, three, and four.
Well-
Is there a three?
Yeah.
Uh, yeah.
Three's the drummer.
I thought four was the drummer.
I think two's the drummer.
Two's the drummer, four is the bassist.
They're all numbers.
I don't know.
It's hard to keep track of.
I don't know, but I'm pretty sure they've all been identified, but, uh-
But still, like, if you're-
They don't say their names
... if you're that person's neighbor, you're like, "What does that person do?" "Oh, they're a musician."
Mm-hmm.
"But they don't say what band they're in, but they're making tons of money."
Oh, uh, what, what did I read? On, just on streaming, they make, like, 1.2 million a month.
Yeah, see?
Whoa!
Yeah, and I think they were making over a million bucks per show on the last tour. They're, they're rich!
Magically, some British guy just buys a house in your, in the-
[laughs]
... in the Beverly Hills neighborhood. You're a rich guy yourself, so you go over there [laughs] and you ask him, "Hey, what do you do?" "I'm a musician." "For what band?" "I can't tell you."
And then you'd know.
Yeah.
If I can't tell you, there's only a few bands that, you know, keep all their members hidden anymore.
What if they say, like, they're a part of another group, just to throw you off?
I wonder if Slipknot was like that back in the day, if it was like, "Don't say their names! Don't say their names."
Maybe Corey Taylor by himself. I don't think Jim Root would care.
B- maybe, maybe not, 'cause they used to just be numbers.
They were pretty secretive for a while.
Yeah. Yeah, they were, but, uh, then at some point, I, I don't know if they just unmasked themselves or what.
Yeah, I, I th-
I don't remember.
I think that's how it went.
Yeah, maybe it was when Stone Sour came out or something.
It was right about that time.
Yeah, or people... You know, it was probably just like Sleep Token, the information was just out there. I mean, they're from Iowa. Yeah, how many people [laughs] are in bands-
There's not that many people from Iowa
... that blow up from Iowa, you know? Not very many.
Iowa is just the home of Slipknot and Jason Momoa. That's it.
[laughs] He's... I- see, I didn't even know he was from there.
See?
Yeah.
He's not from Hawaii?
No, he's, he's, like, he's Hawaiian, but he's not-
I feel like I've been lied to.
He's from Des Moines, I think, right?
Where else is there in [laughs] Iowa?
[laughs] Oh, Cedar Rapids.
[laughs]
You know, your favorite person, Hillary Clinton, has that famous meme, "I- I'm just chilling in Cedar Rapids."
Oh, I, I missed that meme, I guess.
Is that Michigan? Am I being an idiot right now?
Cedar Rapids, Michigan. Yeah, or is it Iowa?
I'm looking it up.
Maybe there's one in both.
Yeah, this... We're doing great at our geography today.
Yeah, Cedar Rapids, Iowa.
Okay.
Okay, perfect.
Yeah. Uh, there's no reason to go to Iowa.
No, no. [laughs]
I mean, there's a lot of states out there, maybe even this one-
Like-
... where people should just be like, "You know what?" [laughs]
At least there's stuff to see here. Iowa, what? Corn.
If you're listening from out of state, there is no reason to come to Idaho. It's okay to stay home.
No, if you're... Bring in the liberals. That's what I'm talking about, bring in the, the liberals.
I, I'm one of those, quote-unquote, "California liberals"-
[laughs] That's right
... that moved to this area specifically to ruin East Idaho.
Yes. Thank you, Peaches, for your hard work. [upbeat music]
Of course.
Hey, guys, it's Jeff again on the noon hour of Madness and Mayhem.
I'm Victor.
I'm Peaches, you know.
And Peaches, you said you had some kind of crap to talk about.
Yeah, I've been struggling to sleep as of late. I don't know if it's stress or if it's, like, lack of doing anything, 'cause usually I'm here just sedentary on the computer.
Mm-hmm.
Then I go home, and I'm on the computer even more.
Yeah.
And then I'll, I'll maybe walk on the treadmill for, like, 30 minutes and go, "Wow, this is boring," and then get off and-
Hey, that's-
... go back to my apartment.
That's better than me.
Oh, sure.
I've got that treadmill, and I walk on it 0.0 minutes.
Yeah, you're chasing pets, though. I think you have some cat hair on you, by the way, 'cause, like, my nose is going off.
Dude, I'm sure I have cat hair on me.
With that many cats, he's gotta have cat hair on him-
Well, usually it's not-
... all the time
... it's not that bad, but I think it's 'cause I'm this close to you.
Ah, yeah, I'm, I, I'm always covered in some kind of animal hair.
I'm over here sniffling, but, uh... [laughs]
[laughs]
Usually there's a screen separating you.
Mm-hmm, yep.
Well, u- usually I, I will go to bed at, like, a reasonable time. I used to go to bed at a reasonable time, I should say. Now, with, uh, you know, dating someone in Rexburg, driving back and forth to Rexburg, or she comes to my place, and we stay up a little too late 'cause we're just having so much fun sitting there in that same room. She has her own desk where she scrapbooks. I have my own desk where I've... I'm on my PC talking to my friends, and I don't wanna get off and, like, fall asleep, and then, you know, wake up and have to rush over here for another full day, that type of thing.
Mm-hmm.
So I, I'll try to go to bed late, but then I'm, like, wide awake. So then I tried finding a solution. Obviously, uh, uh, melatonin could be a, a, a part of... Like, I could use that, but then I got really freaked out when I saw that whole medical study about how, like, oh, it could cause heart failure within a year-
Huh?
... if you use it over-
Really?
... and over and over again.
Really? I never heard that about melatonin.
So then I got freaked out. But then I saw some lady promoting this magnesium spray.
Magnesium spray?
Yeah, Dr.-
Oh
... Teal's magnesium spray. It's, like, seven bucks-
Huh
... at Walmart, and you spray the bottom of your feet.
... That sounds like a scam.
Well, I'm, I'm just saying, it gets absorbed-
That sounds kind of weird
... into you in the easiest way. No, it doesn't have to be bottom of your feet, but just spray it on you, and then you rub it in till it absorbs into your skin.
Hmm.
And there is, like, a tingly feeling that so- like, when you first start it, it has, like, that tingly s- little sensation that stops.
That sounds kind of creepy. I don't know if I like that.
Yeah, yeah. I wonder what-
But it relaxes your body, and it does.
It does, huh?
Yeah, like, I'm not, like, freaking out. [chuckles] Like, usually I think about the next day and think about, is there gonna be an all of a sudden Jade email where like, "Hey, you forgot to send in this thing, you idiot," and then I have to-
Then you're all tired.
And then I'm all, like, pissed for the rest of the day 'cause he sent me some stupid email.
Well, I know what you need, Peach. It's just a bottle of Jack Daniels-
[chuckles] Yeah!
Yeah
... Just knock yourself out.
Just ruin my heart even more. [laughing] 'Cause that's the one thing they s- they tell you not to do when you have AFib is to, like-
[laughing]
... not drink anything because that could, you know, uh, make the blood, uh, what is it, thinner?
Yeah.
Is that what happens?
Well-
Um-
... well, yeah, it definitely makes your blood thinner, but all the people that live to, like, 100, half of them will tell you their key to a long life is a shot of whiskey every day.
I hate those stupid people.
[laughing]
I hate that old lady where it's like, "Oh, I drink Dr. Pepper every day."
[laughing]
Good for you, Edith.
Now, you could get, uh-
Like, what's, what's, what's her contribution to society other than being old?
That's-
She's gonna drive 20 miles per hour under the speed limit. She's gonna sit there like a mummy staring at self-checkout.
She's probably drunk. [laughing]
She's probably drunk! [laughing]
She's 100 years old.
She's probably better drunk, too. [laughing] Do you ever get really mad when... Oh, that's what happened to me yesterday as I was driving down the highway, and I was driving up to Rexburg, and sure enough, everyone comes from 70 miles per hour to 15. And I'm wondering-
Mm
... what's going on.
Mm-hmm.
Is there some stupid accident? There's always an... There's always somebody now, like, there's always a police car with its sirens on every single time I drive.
Mm-hmm.
Every single time.
They gotta get them quotas.
I, I guess. And so what would happen is that everybody slowed down to stare at the person pulled over on the side of the road.
Oh, yeah, 'cause they wanna see if they know them-
Yeah
... so they can point and laugh.
Right.
And-
Katie's staring in, by the way, behind you.
Katie is staring.
Everybody wave.
Uh-oh, and she's putting on the shades. She's being shady. [chuckles]
She's always shady.
[laughing] Shady Katie.
But you ever notice how Sunnyside's always having problems?
Oh, yeah!
Al- always an accident.
All the time.
Always some sort of ambulance going down. I hate, hate it when that, those f- funeral processions go down the street.
[laughing]
They're dead. We don't need a convoy of cars for your grandma.
Yeah, they are kind of weird, funeral procession. Yeah.
Like-
You're paying their last respects.
Who cares?
Pull your car over and wave. [laughing]
I'm hoping it's Edith, the one that drinks Dr. Pepper every day. [laughing]
[laughing] She's finally gone.
She's finally the... It's so funny. I make- I laugh so hard that, like, you know, Josh and Chantelle will say what they want to say on the morning show-
Mm
... and then some old grandma out there will just get so mad and maybe, like, leave a, an obscure comment on a post that doesn't actually relate to anything she's saying.
Mm-hmm.
But she's just spewing her opinion about the morning show, talking about-
Mm
... how cursive is not needed-
[laughing]
... or no, cursive is supposedly needed in elementary schools.
Yeah, it, it's not. There's a lot of things in school we could, we could do away with. Algebra, useless.
I mean, yeah-
Get rid of it
... I mean, e- even tr- analyzing some stupid book like The Scarlet Letter.
They probably don't let you read that in school anymore.
You don't think so?
No.
Probably not.
Probably one of those banned books.
I mean, there's a huge difference between Idaho schooling and California schooling, and I, I mean, like, what's it called? Like, the books you're forced to read. Like, what books did you... were you forced to read when you were in school?
Um, I mean, a lot of them classics, and I hated them, like reading Shakespeare and things like that.
I mean, that one's mandated, but I feel like [chuckles] I was about to say I feel like a lot of the classics-
You shouldn't have to-
... came out when you, when Victor was in school. [laughing]
Oh. [laughing]
But-
Yeah
... I mean, did you have to read To Kill a Mockingbird?
Yes, I did.
I think we did.
Jeff, did you grow up here?
Yeah.
Okay, so-
Yeah, that... It's, it's more recent that they started banning books. You know, things were a lot more normal when I was a kid.
I mean, in elementary school, I had to read Hatchet. Um-
Yeah, we read that.
Yep, read that one.
What's that one with the lady stranded on the island? Island of the Blue Dolphins, that one?
Mm, no.
Never read that.
Yes, and there was-
I don't recall that.
I feel like California, they push so much onto these kids, and the kids are just pressured into so much, and it's ridiculous.
Yeah, we had to read, like, The Odyssey-
Oh, yeah, that's one of them
... like, Homer.
Yeah, I had to read that.
Sucked.
My sister had to read... Uh, this is a public school, a public school. Going into her freshman year, she was taking AP English 'cause my sister is a whole lot smarter than me. She was forced [chuckles] to read the Bible, and-
In school?
In school.
Really?
Like, every s- every student, no matter what religion they were, was forced to read that, and they had to do, like, annotations and cite things, and it makes reading just horrible.
Yeah, it ruins reading-
Well-
... if you have to sit there and take notes.
I think that's the reason why I don't wanna read any book ever is because I have to put Post-it notes in there-
[laughing]
... and highlight certain phrases.
So get some audiobooks.
And analyze-
Yeah
... a- and analyze it, say, "Well, this person did this because of this." Well, you know, like, you had to read, like, the Bible in high school, like the AP students did.
Ah.
They also do, like, Greek mythology and memorize all the gods.
Okay, see, and in that class, I c- in a mythology class, I could see-
But it's not the-
... reading the Bible.
It's not mythology. It's just English One. [chuckles]
That's crazy.
That is weird. See, that seems like something they would do here [chuckles]-
Well, well, they don't
... just in high school. [laughing] Not yet.
Well, there's the Greek... There's, we also... Like, for my class, I was in the stupid English class, so I had to read-
Yeah
... The Outsiders-
[laughing]
... which is a fun book.
Exactly.
And even then, I still didn't wanna read.
That's a good one. [laughing]
But there's also, like, Huckleberry Finn.
Oh, yeah, we read that.
And that book-
That's a banned, that's a banned book now.
That book sucks.
Well-
I think I read that in elementary school, though.
I think so.
'Cause, yeah, Mark Twain-
Yeah, I think that's a banned book now
... writing in a Southern accent, trying to be funny.
Yeah. [chuckles]
Maybe he would've been funny back then. Like, if we t- if we could time travel... He was supposed to be, like, a, a, a prankster. I feel like he'd be one of those dudes that'd be pretty fun, actually.
Probably.
Same with, uh, Albert Einstein-
Yeah
... 'cause supposedly he did pranks on his friends. [upbeat music] Like, [chuckles]
Yeah.
Just imagine some whacked-out grandpa with a mustache just laughing in the corner.
[laughing]
Oh, man.
This is Jeff at... with the noon hour of Madness and Mayhem.
What are you listening to, Peach?
Somebody's listening to something. I think it's you.
Oh.
It's you with your phone. That's what [chuckles] I was wondering, why you have this soft, acoustic spa music-
I don't know
... being played from your phone. [chuckles]... trying to blame me.
It won't stop!
[chuckles] Close your apps.
Yeah, close everything on the phone.
You boomer.
All right, there we go.
You should have seen Victor trying to work that, uh, soda machine where you touch the screen, and you pick what you want.
Those are the best ones!
The Wendy's- We were doing some sort of a thing for the Wendy's Taki Fuego meal.
Yeah.
And I turn to my right, and Victor's just [laughing] staring at the machine.
I don't recall this, Peaches.
You're like-
It's not that hard to use a machine
... I'm trying to pick them a flavor.
Yeah!
[laughing]
I was just... They have too many options.
There is not-
I was thinking
... such a thing as too many soda options.
[laughing]
Those are perfect because you can get whatever you want.
I know, it is nice. It is nice.
I do, I do see those people, um, who say they're soda addicts, and have you, have you seen those videos on TikTok?
No.
The, the... I think it's one guy, maybe to one dude, but he'll be like, "Yeah, I'm a soda addict. This is what I pay, uh, each day for soda." And he'll buy, like, these 12-packs, and he'll drink, like, 12 sodas a day-
Wow
... different flavor. And I'm like, "Dude, how do you not have, like, tons of kidney stones or-
Yeah, that-
... kidney failure?"
Seems like it would really mess you up. That's a lot of sugar.
Um, this was not what I wanted to talk about, by the way.
Okay.
That was just... We got distracted. Be- I think even Jeff got distracted kicking off this break by your-
I-
... spa music.
That's right.
Yeah.
Sunday blessings music-
I couldn't figure out what it was
... that you have going on. Speaking of that, we did talk about, uh, uh, beating up coworkers. Like, who would you think you could take on in the office? I think Jade's only match is Jay Hildebrand.
[laughing] That'd be a good fight.
[laughing]
That'd be a good fight. [laughing]
Um, but no, what I wanted to talk about was I, I tried finding the complete list of required reading material-
Oh!
... for schools.
Geez.
I mean, obviously, you got To Kill a Mockingbird. You got one of the worst stories ever, with a horrible ending, Romeo and Juliet.
Yeah.
[chuckles] That's a... Yeah, that's a bad one.
Reading Shakespeare is so awful. It's horrible.
Yeah.
Like, I don't understand why we have to do it. Like, if you want to read that kind of stuff, go for it. People don't talk that way anymore. We don't need to read it. All right? It's garbage.
I bet William Shakespeare was... [exhales] I, I wanna go back in time and see what he was like in person. If, if he-
He probably wasn't that cool.
If he wore that fruity collar all the time and wore those poofy-
I bet he did
... poofy pants, you know?
I thought I read a conspiracy theory that said, like, William Shakespeare didn't exist-
[gasps]
... or something like that.
Maybe.
I don't know.
I, I do love that conspiracy theory about Helen Keller not actually being with, the way that she was.
Blind?
Blind and deaf.
Yeah, and d- that'd be pretty messed up if she wasn't.
Yeah.
'Cause she, she was-
That would be weird. Do you know how many jokes have been made about her?
Well, supposedly there's, like, medical records saying that she wasn't.
Huh! I don't know. There's a lot of, uh, conspiracy theory online.
That, that ruins one of my favorite jokes. It really does.
Maybe not say it then.
Yeah, maybe not say that one [laughing]
[laughing] Maybe keep that to, to yourself.
But Romeo and Juliet, I know we had to watch the, uh, the play or not the play, just like, there's, like, a movie about it, right?
With Leonardo DiCaprio, that one?
Uh, is there one with Leonardo DiCaprio?
Yeah, it's like a more modernized version.
Well, there, there was an old version we had to watch where, um, like, when Juliet, uh, did some sort of move on the bed, like, she spun off the bed, it flashed her chest area.
Whoa!
And so we had to see that.
What?
But then I was talking to Aubrey about it, and Aubrey was [laughing] like, "Well, in our school, they had- they shut off that part. Like, they turned the TV off but kept it going-
[laughing]
... and because they didn't want any of us to see boobs," you know?
Not those!
Yeah, not like-
No
... not like any girl can just look down and see them. [laughing]
[laughing]
But there's also, um, The Great Gatsby, which I, I, I kind of enjoyed.
I don't know if I had to read that. No?
I don't recall reading that one.
That was, uh, my junior year, I think.
Okay.
Um, yeah, that was a good book. Uh, Lord of the Flies-
I-
... was required to read that one.
I think we read that. That's probably a banned book now here.
Oh, same with this next one, Animal Farm.
Yeah, that's probably-
I did read that.
Yeah, we read that. That's probably banned here now.
What about Macbeth?
Um-
Yeah, I had to read Macbeth
... I don't know if we had to. More Shakespeare garbage.
Our, ours was just, uh, Romeo and Juliet and I think, uh, Hamlet.
Yeah.
That was the... That was another one.
Macbeth was my senior year. I remember it.
It has to be. That's a tough, tough read. I mean, they're all tough reads, but-
Shakespeare is a tough read.
Yeah. Uh-
Give you a headache. It sucks.
This, this book, I liked it, but at the same time hated it because I was compared to, like, one- compared to one of the characters in the book. You know what book I'm talking about?
Of Mice and Men?
Of Mice and Men.
Oh.
He's a big, dumb guy.
Yeah, big, dumb Lenny.
[laughing]
"I wanna see the rabbits!" [laughing]
[laughing]
And then he ends up getting shot. Like, spoiler alert. [laughing]
By his best friend?
Yeah, because he... No, because he was about to get mauled by that mob, and so George was like: "You know what? I'm just gonna end it quickly for him," 'cause otherwise... 'Cause he was killing people. Like, Lenny was so big and stupid that he was hurting others.
Ah.
He just didn't mean to.
Well, I think s- the, the one guy tried punching him, but Lenny grabbed his hand and squeezed it and broke his hand.
Yeah, I think that book's banned here now, too.
It would have to be.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
I'd ban it myself. [laughing] I'd say, "Get this out of here."
Like, none of these required reading [chuckles] is allowed in Idaho schools.
What about The Catcher in the Rye? You know, that's a-
Yeah, that's a, that's a banned book.
That's a definitely-
Yes, it is
... that's a controversial book. Uh, The Scarlet Letter.
That's, yeah, again, probably banned here now.
Uh, 1984.
Yeah, ban-
Yeah, that is.
I bet that's banned here now, too.
This is all just-
And people should read 1984-
Oh, absolutely
... okay? Please.
Yeah. What's-
Today.
What's that book I read in the fourth grade that I absolutely hated, too? Oh, The Giver. I think they just re-
The Giver!
... they recently made a movie about that, where everyone's the same.
Yeah, I think, uh, I think I have a copy of that book.
You do?
Yeah.
Cool.
I don't remember the story, though.
There was another book I was thinking of, uh, the... Something with time. The, I forgot the, the time-
A Wrinkle in Time?
A Wrinkle in Time.
Oh.
Yes.
That was my mom's favorite book when I-
Really?
Yeah.
Okay.
When she was a kid.
I was about to crap on it, but never mind.
[laughing]
Shout out to Carol. Um, um, Pride and Prejudice.
I don't know if-
Yeah, I had to read that.
Yeah.
It was terrible.
Uh, did you ever read Fahrenheit 451?
Fahrenheit?
No, but I saw the movie.
Did I say Fahrenheit?
You said Fahrenheit.
Oh, Fahrenheit.
Uh, that's, I'm sure, a banned book now, [chuckles] about banning books.
Uh, Jane Eyre?
[laughing] I don't know if we read that.
I don't think so.
Yeah.
What about The Crucible? I had to read that one.
Um, I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I wonder what they're making kids read now that they've banned all these books.
I mean, yeah.
That is a great question.
Yeah.
The Grapes of Wrath, I feel like that's a banned book.
It... We'll have to bring up the Idaho list of banned books. It's, like, super long.
Great Expectations. Um, uh, this, The Hobbit's on this list. That'd be pretty cool to kind of be forced to read in school.
I, I-
I-
I guess.
I read The Hobbit.
May- make, make forced reading fun in school.
Yeah.
Like, why not, you know, just m- suggest a fun autobiography maybe [chuckles] or something?
Pet, Pet Cemetery by Stephen King.
Yes!
There you go.
Stephen King's It.
[laughing]
Wanna read that whole 1,000-page book? Did you have Accelerated Reader growing up?
Um, I, we had something like that.
'Cause we-
Yeah
... uh, 'cause we were forced to, you know, there's the g- there's the colored dots on the spine of the books-... and then the, the, it, it would show you the, the, the gra- the reading level-
Yeah
-you had to have in order to read those-
Mm-hmm.
-in order to understand those books. And then it would show you on the inside of the cover how many points they were worth.
We had something like that, I think.
And we had to get this, I think we had to get 100 points before the end of the semester, so you had to just keep reading and reading and reading-
Mm-hmm
... the entire time. But I remember, like, uh, Gone With the Wind was 120 points, 'cause it's such a long book.
I'm sure that's banned in Idaho schools.
I would've skipped that book. [chuckles]
Yeah.
Yeah, the movie-
That was my mom's favorite book.
I- okay, I thought you said the other book was her favorite book.
No, the other one was her favorite when she was a kid.
Oh.
But when she was an adult, Gone With the Wind.
Wow!
Gone With the Wind, and, I mean, I, I, I remember, like, when some librarian was suggesting to me War and Peace.
Mm-hmm. Sounds fun.
And I typed in "Warren Peace." [laughs]
[laughs] Warren Peace.
[laughs]
And so my dad saw that and was like, "Okay, I don't want my son to be embarrassed in front of the librarian."
[laughs]
So my dad was cool, so he blocked the computer screen from her, so she didn't see what I typed in.
Ah, so you didn't have to use the card catalog to find books, huh?
No, but then you also had to go to the computers in the library after you read the book in order to take the quiz, and, uh, depending on how many points you got right, that's how, uh, how many points you got-
Ah, I remember I-
for reading that book.
I remember I tried to do a book report on a book I didn't read one time.
Oh, yeah.
How'd that go?
[laughs] I, I don't think I got a good grade.
Did you ha- did you ever go to that one... What's that one website where they do the synopsis of all the different, uh-
We didn't have that when I was a kid, patrons.
I- I'm sure you didn't. Yeah, yeah. [laughs]
[laughs]
Well, now the kids have AI, so I feel like you, where, like, these kids just use ChatGPT for everything.
Probably.
Yeah, the internet wasn't as cool when we were young.
No.
Jeff, are you, like, slightly older than me?
I'm 41.
Oh, you are 41.
So he's about my age.
Whoa! Okay.
So-
I thought he was, like, 32.
The internet back in the day-
I just look really good for my age.
[laughs] The internet back in the day, it was all nerds. You had to know how to use an actual computer, and it was, like, really text-based, you know?
Interesting.
There was a lot of, uh, like, message boards and, like, chat groups, and there w- it, it wasn't like it is now.
Yeah.
I grew up like a boomer. I, I, I was like a boomer in my grade, 'cause I just wanted the paper, I just wanted the pencil, and I would do the homework.
[laughs]
I didn't wanna go online and go to, like, Turnitin.com, submit my essay through that.
[laughs]
There was a time where I did submit an essay that was, like, 60% flagged on Turnitin.com [laughs]
[laughs]
... 'cause I was like, "I did not read any of this crap. Let me just copy what someone else wrote-
Oh, no!
-and rewrite it myself." [laughs] And the teacher pulls me aside, he's like: "Hey, Brendan, we, I could l- get you in a whole lot of trouble for this, but honestly, just fix it."
[laughs]
So I had some good people on my side.
Nice. It, it's good when you got semi-relaxed teachers, you know?
It's, it sucks when you have somebody in charge that's just awful.
I, I had a n- a number of them-
Oh, yeah?
... over the years. I've talked about it on air before. Screw them!
That one teacher that locked you in a closet?
Mm-hmm. Messed up. It was the principal.
Jeff's eyes just lit up like, "Huh?"
It was the principal.
[laughs] Oh, it was the principal of the school.
What?
And she was a horrible woman.
The principal of my middle school, there was a guy named John Martin. Um, he was kind of like this very short, very... He was a munchkin almost. He was, [chuckles] he was a very short kid that was picking on everybody.
Mm-hmm.
And Mr. Sackett, he's now unfortunately- he passed away, like, e- earlier this year, but he was, he was my dad's history teacher, and he was the principal when I was went to the school, and he was just old back then, so I couldn't imagine how old he was recently. But [chuckles] I, I remember he was, he w- p- my dad talked with him, 'cause he knew him pretty well, and he, Mr. Sackett, pulls me into the office, and I'm all scared, 'cause I'm like, "Why did I get pulled into the principal's office?" And he just goes, "Well, uh, you know, your, you, I might- your dad's been telling me you've had some issues with that John Martin kid." I'm like, "Yeah." He's like, "You ever thought about giving that guy a good punch?" [laughing]
[laughs]
They used to offer different advice when we were your age.
And I was like, "What happened?" [laughs]
[laughs]
I, I'm like: "Am I allowed to do that?" He's like, "Just don't do it on, on campus, you know?
[laughs]
Or don't do it, like, in front of teachers.
[laughs]
"As long as you don't get yourself in trouble, I'm okay with it." [laughs]
[laughs] Oh, my gosh.
Wow!
Kids, don't take that kind of advice. [laughs]
[laughs]
That would go a little differently now. [upbeat music]
The noon hour of Madness and Mayhem is a production of Riverbend Media Group. For more information or to contact the show, visit riverbendmediagroup.com. [upbeat music]