Hello everyone and welcome back to Bikinis After Babies.
I am so excited for this 17th episode.
I am one of your hosts, mandy Rochon here with your other beautiful blonde host.
Hey everybody, thank you so much for tuning in today.
I'm one of your hosts, Gillian Hughes, and we have a very special guest on our show
today.
I am so excited to have her on.
Our guest today is Jessica Miller.
She is an IFBB Bikini Pro from Florida.
She's a mother of two girls, ages eight and 10, and she's been competing for 10
years.
Jessica gives back to our industry regularly, working shows and seminars, and
she helps others in her career as a posing coach and lifestyle coach.
Jessica earned her IFBB Bikini Pro Card in 2021 after several years on the national
circuit, and now she is a regular on the IFBB Bikini stage.
I'm so excited to have her on the show today.
Welcome to Bikini's After Babies, Jessica Miller.
Yay!
you!
Thank you for having me!
I'm so excited!
Thanks for coming on.
I mean, there's so many things I want to dive into today, but I always kind of like
to begin by having you share with our audience how it is you got started
competing.
Ooh, that's a good one.
I grew up basically, I lost my dad when I was very young and the gym had always been
a huge outlet for me.
I played soccer, so that was huge.
I ran track all the way up through college and I ended up getting married very young
and having a baby very young and it didn't quite work out for me.
So I figured
right off the bat, you know, coming out of a heartbroken relationship that I was
gonna compete.
And I was finally just gonna do it.
So eight months postpartum, I stepped on stage and I fell in love with the sport.
Ha ha ha.
That's incredible, eight months postpartum.
Yes, I literally was still breastfeeding.
So I'm not joking you.
I literally was like, she can't eat right now until after I go on stage.
Oh my gosh.
Do you think it was like, it's almost like you don't know, right?
If you're brand new, you don't know like really any other experience.
So you're probably just like, why can't I sure no problem, right?
That's amazing.
Did you kind of like use the prep to sort of like get yourself into like a really
good routine or did you stay really in shape during your pregnancy or what was
that like?
I definitely, definitely use it as to get like, you know, my body back, my, my
confidence back for sure.
Um, so where I went to the gym, you know, they had kid care.
So I would bring my kids with me and they would stay in kids care and I would go do
cardio and then come back, breastfeed, and then I would go lift.
And I mean, it was just, it was routine.
And you know, I fell in love with the whole journey.
Um, my body changing.
Posing was very different back then, but definitely fell in love with that part.
Just about everything that came with it, I just, my passion just exploded for it.
And I ended up almost, I basically got qualified and I wanted to go to nationals.
I ended up finding out that I was pregnant again.
So I, yeah, so I...
I waited to compete again about two years after I had my second one this time.
Because I had such a little, I had like a three year old, you know, and then I had a
baby.
So I wanted to make sure the next time I did it, I was going to get on a national
stage and get my pro card.
But it did get a lot harder as the years went by.
So it was, it was definitely a journey for me.
And it was one I will always cherish.
And now looking back, I'm like, man, I wish I could kind of, I would have
cherished it more back then.
Yeah, totally.
I mean that like journey to the pro card, like I took a look at all the shows that
you had done and it was just like qualifier, pro qualifier.
Like, you know, when you're on that hunt for that pro card, it's so easy to just
sort of like you're just on a mission and you don't always just like take it in and
just go, wow, like it's so cool to be a part of it.
But how many years on the national circuit did it take you to like, eventually get
your pro card?
I think it was four.
So I kept going into these shows and I would win the overalls.
I would win.
So I was like, okay, I'm ready for the national stage.
And then I would go to the national stage and I would either be top six.
I'd be in first call-outs every time.
I'd be in top six or top five.
And the problem was is, you know, I just, for some reason, I couldn't get my quads
down.
I just couldn't and a lot of it I had to learn was also my posing.
So you know I was with a very small town coach here.
I wasn't with like a big name or anything.
You know a lot of what I have learned was through my own experience and doing
research myself and really listening to podcasts or YouTubes and watching.
you know, other pros or other amateurs and how they pose and what they were doing and
trying them out on myself.
So you know, it did take me a lot longer than what it probably does other people,
but I'm so happy that it did because I learned so much through the process.
And without that, I think just being told what to do, I wouldn't have learned as
much as now I know because I actually went through it myself.
Yeah, absolutely.
always the judges feedback?
So like always like you got top six, you're so close.
And then when you get judges feedback, it would always be like the quads and the
posing and you just always.
It was always for me.
I never had an upper body.
I was soccer player and track runner all my life.
So my legs were very dominant compared to my upper body.
And so I definitely had to work for years to get my upper body proportionate.
And so it definitely was a struggle for me for sure, for sure.
Yeah, I grew up playing soccer and I was a defender and so I could sprint.
So back a long time ago when bikini competitors were skinnier and you had to
do all the sprinting and the high, a lot of HIIT workouts, I'm like, oh, I can do
that all day.
And so it would always be easy for me to do that.
And it's funny looking back on it, because when I was in school, having big legs was
a no.
And now I'm like, no, now look at it, this is awesome.
Now.
They made fun of me.
I mean, even the guys would like come up to me and be like, girl, you thick.
Or they'd be like, girl, your legs bigger than mine.
like is this like a compliment or not because I don't know if it is.
I remember that it was like that in school too.
Like if I wore like a denim skirt or like shorts, my legs were so much thicker from
just like playing soccer.
And I would have like these backhanded comments.
And I'm like, okay.
And so I like, wasn't sure if it was good or bad or I could never fit in the jeans.
But now it's like, yeah, I win.
I win now.
Yeah, right.
Oh yeah, I can imagine.
Totally.
So what do you think was like the thing that like tipped you over from like being
in that like bridesmaids spot to like actually, you know, becoming a pro?
Like was it like you said, doing your own research?
Was there like a coaching change or like what was it because it feels like you
know, when you finally got there, it was, you know, it was like you were a sure
first place win.
Like, do you mean like winning my pro card?
Like, like, like rephrase that for me so I can explain.
into 2021, like of course we had a typical year, you know, I'm sure a lot of people
that were maybe in 2019 thinking, okay, I didn't get it this year.
Like next year is going to be my year.
Like was there something, you know, in your training or yeah.
I had gone through so many years where it was like, okay, I've literally fixed
everything that the judges want to see.
I think now getting a little personal,
So I was in a very, very bad relationship for a long time.
And I think I just was over it.
And that person really hurt my ego, would say really terrible things to me.
And I think I wanted to prove that person wrong so much to the point where I was
like, okay, you say I can't, watch me.
I...
Ever since I was little, just the way I grew up, I think I thrive off of people
who don't believe in me.
And that might not be the best thing, but sometimes you can utilize that pain and
really go after everything that you want.
And I had learned to do that.
So I think that year I was like, oh, I'm gonna be in your face about it.
Like, I'm not gonna stop.
You say no to me, I'm gonna show up again.
Because...
at some point you're gonna be undeniable, right?
So I just believed in myself enough to say, you know what, girl, you got this.
And I felt it on stage.
I just got chills you saying that like oh like
and anybody who's listening that has had that experience of coming so close and
just feeling like, you know, it isn't going to happen.
You know, you just have to believe that your time will come and you know, when
people say that all the time, like they knew it, like, did you have that sense of
like, this is it?
Like, I've done everything I can do.
It is my time.
Like, did you know before they called your name?
I knew it.
I woke up.
I peeked perfectly.
My makeup was done beautifully.
Everything was just so smooth and on point.
Um, I just, I felt it in my soul.
I went on stage and I was not nervous at all.
I was not nervous.
I did not stumble.
I just, I knew at that point I was like, this is it for me.
Like, I'm...
this is gonna be it, I'm gonna do this.
And I think my first pro year, that same thing happened as show to show to show.
I think I just couldn't, I kept getting better and better and better until the
end.
I think it was my sixth show that I did.
I did six shows that year.
And I just kept moving up.
And I think everything really is a learning experience.
And again, you're also gonna get in front of different judges that,
are subjective to your look.
It just is what it is.
And you've got to learn on your own who likes my look.
Who likes my look?
How am I coming in?
Are you gonna come in harder?
Are you gonna come in softer?
For different judges, you gotta kinda appear different.
So I think learning that up to that point, I was like, okay, this is my type.
I think that's so interesting.
doing-
doing as much as you did, like learning it yourself, doing your own research,
figuring it out yourself.
Like if somebody gave you those answers and somebody told you what to do, do you
think you'd be as like good as you are now and as like polished as you are now and
have all the experience, you know, going through that grind, you just get so much
out of it.
And it's like, yeah, there's like some blood, sweat and tears that go into it,
but like what you learn is just, like you said, it's undeniable.
Like you gain so much out of it.
Yeah, it tastes so much better.
And you know, you never understand.
You always question, you know, why, why can't, why isn't this happening for me?
Or why is this happening to me, right?
And the thing is, you know, I am a high believer in the Lord, and then I will tell
you, you know, he's either trying to redirect you or he's protecting you.
So, you know, I do believe that if it's meant to be and it's your time, then it
will.
And if it's not, then there is other reasons as to why.
You just haven't found out yet.
I love that.
So I want to go back to something that you said, because this is something that we
understand pretty well, Mandy and I having been in the sport for a while.
But for some of our newer competitors that are listening into the podcast, can you
explain from a pros perspective what it means by maybe being in front of a panel
of judges that like your look?
I think that's really hard for people to sort of grasp.
We understand it, it is what it is.
We know it's subjective sport.
We understand how the scoring works.
but if you could sort of talk about that a little bit to give our listeners some
context.
Yeah, I mean, honestly, as your physique changes, right, each...
I will say as your physique changes, each prep is going to change for you.
The way you look on stage is going to change for you.
So, you know, you're going to have some judges who like a dark hair look.
They like that dark hair and they like a more muscular, dense, harder look.
Then you're going to have some that...
like a softer look, which is not as much muscle.
And then you're gonna have, most of the judges do light conditioning.
If your conditioning is right off the bat, most of them are not gonna be okay with
that.
This is bodybuilding.
So, but at the end of the day, you do have to figure out, are they gonna go for that
blonde look with the softer look?
and not as much muscle or are they looking for that dark horse with more muscle and a
harder look?
And I also think, you know, it really depends on who is winning the Olympia and
the Arnold setting the standard each year that sets the standard.
Now obviously, you know, Tyler Mannion goes over what they want to see, you know,
that's we know that.
But
Regardless, you're still gonna have judges who have a specific look that they like
over other looks.
So you do have to figure that out for yourself on who seems to like your look
better.
Mm-hmm.
It makes our sport so exciting, because you just never know who's gonna win.
But for people who are like, they wanna predict the outcome, they probably just
need to pick a different sport for themselves because you just can't.
And that's why I think it's so important to lean into what you said about really
enjoying the journey and the experience and taking a lot from it, because you
can't always guarantee the outcome.
You don't always win.
You don't take home the pro card every single time you try.
And so you're gonna miss out on all the lessons and all the growth
on winning because I mean I'll have clients that are brand new and I'm very
competitive I like have to win I'm like you might want to pick something else
because I can't guarantee I mean everybody brings it everybody's bringing their best
and you just don't know so but for girls who've been in a long time you know.
it could be the smallest thing, what people don't really realize.
It could be your tan is off that day.
It could be that your makeup artist didn't do your makeup correctly to match your
tan.
Right.
It could be that you accidentally dropped your food on the floor.
It could be that you didn't have enough time to pump up.
I mean, it is literally...
There is so many factors to how you show up on stage.
And those are the things that people don't really understand unless you do it.
So.
Yes, that was what I was gonna segue into next is posing.
I was like, oh, this goes right into posing because I feel like, you know, so
many of our clients, again, new clients, and then even experienced clients that
have been on the stage multiple times, like the biggest struggle they have is
posing.
People can go to the gym, you know, you get in the habit of meal prepping and like
your nutrition, but when it comes to like posing, it just seems like for some reason
that is, it is so hard to put on that heels and practice at home or practice at
the gym or record yourself
or watch yourself do it.
So what advice would you give to new competitors or seasoned competitors to
help them with posing?
Well, I'll tell you guys the same thing that I tell my posing clients, right?
You need to start early because posing is an illusion to the judges.
I have seen multiple people not have the best physique and win because of their
posing.
So you know, I think a lot of girls go, oh yeah, I wear heels all the time.
It's not the same thing.
It is not the same thing.
So walking in the heels.
how you're transitioning with your hands and your feet and are you smiling?
Is your face off?
Is your, it's literally performing and dancing on stage.
And so I would say just walking in your shoes is huge.
So making sure three months prior to your show, four months prior, you're breaking
in your shoes because
They're not always the most comfortable.
And again, as we, you know, on stage day, you know, we're oiled up, our feet are
slipping, we're tanned, as we lose weight, it's so crazy, I lose it in my feet too.
I don't know if you guys do, but I do too.
And yeah, so things you don't really think about, right?
So.
You wanna do as much as you can prior to that stage day so you're already ready.
So what I tell a lot of my clients and what I'll have them do is get your
jewelry, put on your jewelry, put your hair down, get on a bikini, walk in your
shoes, act like it's stage day because if you do not and you don't throw that sass,
they don't think about, oh, I have to throw my hair back so it's not stuck on my
triceps and so that they can see my body correctly
Mm-hmm.
oh, when I'm turning or when I'm walking out, I have to put my hair off my
shoulder.
You know, it's those little things that you're not thinking, oh, my earrings are
dangled, so it can't get stuck in my hair.
It's all the little things.
And then when I make them do it, they go, oh my goodness.
And I said, yes.
So we don't want that to happen on stage day, right?
So we wanna make sure that you know what to do if that does.
Yeah.
And to feel that comfortable on stage to like move if something happens.
Because what if your hair like even though you practice and practice what if your
hair does it falls and like if you're so nervous and so stiff, like, you're not
going to be like, Oh, I need to move that.
But if you do that, like that fluidity, it's like, it's natural.
And the judges like look at it naturally instead of like robotic.
Yes.
forget to and it hides your, like imagine like, okay, you work so hard and because
you're so stiff, you forget to do that.
Something so minor could like be such a big deal.
that's a big deal.
And on top of it, you know, a lot of new athletes, you tend to kind of go blank and
you freeze sometimes.
You know, so if you've done it enough, it becomes routine on stage.
And if you do blackout, you still end up doing your routine without even thinking
about it because it's now routine to you.
So on stage, no matter what, you're like, oh.
I just hit that and I didn't even understand that I hit that, you know?
So it's a good thing.
You gotta be a robot, man.
You like walk down the other side and you're like, what happened?
Yeah.
Or you watch your video and you're like, I don't even remember that happening.
Like, you're like, oh wait, I'm done already.
Well, I have always loved watching all of your posing.
Like I have several of your posing videos saved that I like will like use for
inspiration.
And I think like my favorite thing about watching your pose is you just look like
you're having the time of your life.
And what a lot of moms really struggle with is to be able to like embody that
because it's so different than what they're doing the rest of their life.
You know, they have this one show day where they get to like be so glammed up
and maybe they haven't, you know, had that experience in such a long time.
help somebody get into that and then maybe like some tips on like how you get
yourself into that like you know that groove of just really having so much fun
up there.
Honestly, I'll have my clients put on music sometimes because they will be so
stiff that I'm like, what's your favorite song?
And I put it on.
And I'm like, no, I'm very, I'm a very positive aura.
I am all about fun and laughing.
And I think that is what life is about.
And so if you're not having fun up on that stage.
I promise you those judges are going to see it.
If you're not bringing your style and your personality to stage and you're bringing
mine or somebody else's, those judges are going to see it.
So if you're a bubbly person, bring the bubbly personality to stage.
Don't bring a sexy personality, right?
So if you're sexy, bring a sexy personality, but also you need to tame it
a little because they do like the girl next door, right?
We're not...
dancers if you know what I mean in that way, right?
So, what I mean is it's really important to know your clients and know how their
personality is.
So I generally try to get to know my clients first.
So I'll put on a song and I'm like, ooh, they're not comfortable.
So let's put on like a country song instead, you know?
And I get there, you know, I have to teach them, you know, use your hips, use, this
is like dancing.
You are performing.
You need to be comfortable.
And again, if they are not a sexy person, I'm not gonna try to make them do sexy
transitions.
I'm not gonna try to make them be somebody they're not.
I want them to be themselves on stage so that the judges, they can make eye contact
and really stand out to the judges.
Mm-hmm.
That's so well said.
That is, I could fully relate to that.
I used to try to be sexy.
I used to, I tried so hard.
I did, I was like, I have to be sexy.
Jillian, I've never told you that, but I did.
I used to think I had to be so sexy and I would try this sexy, like, the whole
thing.
Like, I did, 100%.
If you cannot tell, my personality is absolutely not that.
So.
like really pissed off?
Cause like I've seen that before where someone's like, they look mad cause
they're trying to be like sultry.
I tried to make like, because I always smile and I tried to make that sexy and
like my movement and my hip movements and the music and my hand transition.
And I was always so uncomfortable, like always.
And that's actually probably why I never practice posing near as much as I should
have in my early season.
And then like, now, I love it more than anything because I embrace it.
But I think how you explained it is so well for people to understand, be yourself
on stage.
Because if you try to be somebody you're not, then the
going to see that.
And I sometimes see this backstage going on stage is where girls will try so hard
to have completely different hair colors, wigs, different, like be a whole different
person because they think it you know, it's fun or it looks cool.
But what happens is you might be so uncomfortable, you're not gonna like feel
good.
And the whole thing is like you have a whole day where you can be like a princess
and be yourself and like embody like who you are and present that on stage.
But I love I love how you explain that.
so well and using the music is a great idea.
That's super smart.
Yes, it definitely helps, especially clients who have never walked in heels
before.
Hahaha
warming them up and just getting used to it for sure.
Yeah.
And I love how you said that you're just like, you believe in positive energy.
And that's another thing that's like every time I've encountered, like I've run into
you at shows and whatnot, and you've always just been, you're always smiling,
you're always upbeat.
Is that like something that has just been who you are always or like, you know, and
certainly, you know, everyone's gone through stuff in their life and gone
through adversity.
Like how do you stay in that positive mind frame?
Whoo, I have had to work on it.
I think if it wasn't for me getting into like, let's be real toxic relationships.
I think I would have been that way all the time.
I tend to love and I tend to love the wrong people.
So I have learned that through staying in those types of relationships that if
somebody doesn't bring a positive into my life, then they are not meant to be there.
And so I have had to fight all my life to...
uh...
because being a mom as you guys know it's a very stressful chaotic thing to wake up
to every day it's very anxiety-ridden uh...
but i started to change my mindset around i started to when i start to feel like i
am getting anxious i will turn on and i will dance with my kids we do dance
mornings and it's a dance party and we'll do it for a whole song and
It's so amazing because I'll sit back now and I'm trying not to cry.
But like I'll see my kids' personality change and then they're not so chaotic.
They're calm, they're calmer.
And I think how we take things and react to them is huge.
So if your children are not, you know, your children act out through environment.
They're watching you.
So if you engage with them in a different way, they're gonna engage back with you in
a different way, and they're going to learn how to react to things differently.
And the reason I say this is because my 10-year-old is ADHD and she also was ODD.
Now that's environmental, she can grow out of that.
That's a defiant disorder.
And so she has done a lot better, I'd say the last four months.
Again, we wake up and we start, there's three things every night before bed that I
ask her what she loves about herself.
And they can be physical or not physical, right?
So I ask her those three things, we talk about those, and then in the morning we go
over the same thing, what are three things that you love about yourself this morning?
And I think those have really helped her.
I've done a lot of research and reading and trying to figure out how to take
somebody from being so anxious like a little girl who's 10 to not so anxious and
calming her.
And a lot of the times what we don't realize is they just need love.
They need to feel safe.
So I think, you know, what would I want?
You know, even as an adult, what would I want?
I wanna feel safe, I wanna feel loved.
So being positive is easy for me because that's what I want.
So I'm going to smile at somebody in the gym and not be mean.
You know, regardless if a girl's giving me a dirty look because I'm wearing a sports
bra and shorts, you know, I'm gonna smile at them.
And it's funny because most days those people will come up to me and be like,
there's just this positive aura around you.
You know, you just, you're so intimidating, but in the greatest way,
like, you know, and they're like, you're so nice.
And I'm like, I feel like that's how I'd want somebody else to treat me, so I'm
gonna treat them that.
Yeah, I love that.
like.
Because because you probably are helping so many people and you don't even know is
what's amazing.
Like there's probably people at the gym that see you smile and they're like, you
probably motivate them and you help them go and they feel comfortable.
You're like you're putting that environment out there.
And like you said, like that's what you want.
So you give that back to your kids and like you give that to your environment and
like your space and it's just it's so beautiful.
And I love that for your kids.
That's absolutely amazing.
I think about raising Carson and you know, my
son being 14.
It's like he's go he plays club soccer.
He's been a soccer player since he could kick a ball.
But yeah, he's a good soccer player.
He's a sprinter.
But it's interesting you say like how the environment that you give them because
like I've seen my son like build up anxiety and I can see it and I'm just like
what would I want in this moment and it will be something
Oh yeah.
turning and I it's just
I have this motto to wear for my child.
Like I want to be so reliable that I'm boring.
So I, ever since I have been like had Carson and raised him, I want him to
always know that I will be there.
Like it's not even, like you don't even think about it.
Like if you have something or need something or want something, it's just
like mom, cause I'm so reliable that it's just boring.
And he actually told me like a month ago that I'm boring.
And I was like, oh, that's the best.
I love it!
so excited when he told me, I was like, you don't understand, like that's like the
best compliment.
Because I'm giving this environment to this child so he can nurture and that's so
beautiful that you take the time to do that for your kids.
That is.
what people don't realize is, you know, kids are not free to just do whatever they
want, they need structure.
Kids need structure and that is how they're going to be responsible and
reliable as they continue to grow.
I agree.
And I think like our own structure provides us with more freedom to be able
to give of ourselves to them.
And I say this all the time that like, because you know, I got my workouts done,
I don't have to think about my food, like I'm meal prepped, like my lifestyle as a
bodybuilder is actually really simple.
And so that I have more energy to use for my children.
And I'm not like thinking about, you know, oh, I'm behind, I have to catch up and do
extra cardio, like I'm on target.
I know what I need to do, like I'm
have to think about it.
So I think there is an opposite perception of our lifestyle that it's like so high
maintenance, so much work, but for moms who are doing the sport and crushing it
like yourself, like that structure is just a part of who we are and you know we're
able to you know give to our families and you know we're not really spending all of
our time on ourselves.
We have very dedicated time to the gym but everybody's taken care of because you know
we have our structure that helps us to run you know things smoothly.
Oh, you can find me three places, right?
The gym, the grocery store, or at my house.
Yeah.
It's me too.
Yeah, I know.
that's spot on.
Yeah.
anybody who knows me, they already know where I'm at.
I know.
So I'm gonna dive into a little bit of a juicy topic.
So tell me a little bit about what it's like dating and being a mom and being a
professional athlete and juggling a career, like you've got a lot on your
plate.
So what has that sort of experience been like for you?
Hmm.
Well, I had a seven-year engagement.
I had a fiance and, you know, he basically helped raise my youngest, so he was there
throughout them growing up.
It just, it got too much for him.
What I'm realizing is it is very hard to date as a bikini pro.
Competing itself, really.
Um, you have to find somebody who is very secure with who you are and who they are.
And there is one thing I will definitely say that I have learned is I will not
change what I'm passionate about and who I am for any man.
I will not do it.
I have tried and it makes me very unhappy and I don't think it's fair.
I do think there are certain things that you can change about yourself in the
relationship as long as they change as well and you can grow together, but I
don't think you should have to change everything about yourself to please
somebody else, especially when it's something that you're passionate about.
So dating, I, you know, nowadays, let's just say it, this is the best way I could
say it.
be with other people very easily, right?
In this generation, I'm just, I'm a very old soul.
I am not that way.
And I have purposely not been with very many people and I am proud to say that.
And I have tried to make relationships work, I think because I do have two kids
and I don't wanna bring in multiple people in my kids' lives.
So right now I am, I'm definitely just
worrying about my kids and not dating.
I did have another failed relationship after I left my abusive relationship two
years ago, and that is okay.
I realized really fast, I think, men on the outside, and this is just me speaking
from my experience, they see a very beautiful woman and we're like a trophy,
right?
It's amazing.
They forget to polish the trophy.
And the issues are is that trophy's always going to be a trophy, right?
So I think what tends to happen is they want you to change.
They think that, especially as a pro athlete for me, like my goal is to get to
the Olympia and I'm not going to stop till I do.
So I don't think that they realize how much that takes.
I mean, your life is robotic.
It's structured.
And if you are not somebody who can deal with that, then you definitely should not
be with a pro athlete.
Absolutely not.
Because I'm not somebody who's gonna go out drinking.
I'm not somebody who's gonna skip the gym to go out on your boat.
I'm just not.
I'm gonna go to the gym and then we can go out in the boat.
So what I found with my last relationship, I feel like...
They tend to get jealous because you start climbing, right?, they start seeing you
peek and they want to pull you back.
and change you so that you're not up here.
And I just think that I haven't found my person yet.
I just haven't, and that's okay.
That is okay.
I know that God's timing will be right for me when it's right, and I won't have to
second guess that I'm somebody's person.
So I wanna show that to my kids because it was really heartbreaking going through
what I just went through yet again.
I just feel like...
Men have a hard time.
They have a hard time being loyal.
And that is okay, but not when it comes to what I want in my life.
And if you're not ready, then you should just move along.
My two little girls are watching everything.
And I know that they want me happy, but I also want them to see what true love is.
So that's very important to me.
Yeah, they're always watching that and that's
Like you can go through so much, but the decisions that you make and from how you
explain everything is you're making all those decisions while your little girls
are watching you be like the best version of you and not compromising who you are.
And just because there's another person, another human being that's like, has, you
know, beats you down or has expectations, has like these like lower expectations.
Like they want you to have, you know, kind of demean yourself, you know, to like
lower, to make yourself less than.
But you show your girls, you're like,
No, that's not what you do.
That's not how you do it.
You deserve to be with somebody that truly loves you for who you are and for the work
that you wanna put into this one life that we all live.
And like you're showing them that.
So that person is out there for you.
It is hard.
Like I've been with my husband for 10 years and we've been married for eight,
but I will say I feel like the reason a lot of this we've had success is because
you've kind of touched on it a little.
bit.
I feel like there is it's very hard when you know, like you want to be a pro
athlete, like you know that and the work that goes into that is very different from
like, okay, from amateur to like nationals.
And then from nationals, you're like, No, I know what I want.
And the grind that goes into that.
I feel like the reason my husband and I kind of compliment each other is because
he does the same thing with his own business.
So yeah, he has his own business and his own thing.
So it's like, if I support that he supports me and we can kind
to compliment each other.
And it like we've been able to thrive that way.
And like the jealousy thing is fascinating to me because there's been he has always
respected my gym going he he's always gone to the gym.
He's always known about competitors.
So he's always understood it.
But when we got married and you know, the photo shoots and the sports bras and the
tight, he's always like, No, that's my wife.
This is what she does.
This is her business.
This is what she does for work.
But the other guy, but like his friends
be like, I could never.
And he's like, No, this is just what she does.
Like, this is just it.
And it's like, it's been like that our entire relationship.
And I can't.
Thank you.
I can only imagine though, like, dating somebody and having to go through that and
not going to the bars and not going drinking like
Like I have clients that are lifestyle clients and I coach them through like,
this is how you go on dates, like you're fine, it's okay.
And they love it, they learn.
But it's like, no, you wanna be at, this is the time I go to bed, this is the time
I go to the gym, this is my kids, this is this.
It's like, they have.
do.
And as a single mom, you know, I don't think that my, the relationship I was just
in, I don't think he understood how much time and effort it really took.
And, you know, I also think him not having kids, he didn't understand how much comes
with kids, right?
And, and again, that's okay.
That is okay.
But I
I truly know now that I will never allow somebody to demean me ever again or make
me feel bad about being a pro athlete.
I think that's what did it for me.
Somebody questioning, well, what did even getting your pro card do for you?
What does even being a pro athlete do for you?
That's just ridiculous.
Like, it didn't even take anything to get there.
And I was like, I'm sorry.
What?
So the craziest thing is this person was with me for a full year watching me do it,
you know?
So, and it's fine, but again, I think you have to meet your match where their energy
is the same as your energy, communication is open, they're not more alpha than you
are, and I will say I am very much so an alpha, but I have to be because of my
kids.
And...
lot alike in this sport, especially, you know, having kids and then struggling as
much as you do.
Like you just have to be, you really can't be feeble and have somebody who's picking
up the slack for you all the time.
Like you will not get anywhere, you know, and that's a big personality that it takes
a really confident man to be able to, you know, I'm not going to say like rise
above, but I do like believe in those like feminine and masculine relationships.
Like I can really do everything myself, but like I would like to have a man to
like.
do the manly things, but I can also do the manly things.
You know, and so that's, that's like, you know, it's a tall order, but like that
dynamic, like it can exist.
And I dated a, between my like first marriage and my second marriage, I dated a
competitor thinking like, this is gonna be great.
Cause like, he'll understand the lifestyle.
And it was just like, we were like in a race all the time.
Like, you know, who was doing more cardio and who was having better check-in.
And it was like, we were competing with one another and it just like, wasn't very
positive.
have children so you know he said the kids would hold me back from getting a pro card
and I was like that's the silliest thing I've ever heard watch me do it anyway so I
was kind of like you that I was just like I'm gonna show you know but you know I
think
I've never dated a competitor.
That's funny.
I think maybe that's my issue.
I don't know.
You know, I've always dated people who don't really understand the industry.
And I think maybe that is the issue.
I don't know.
But what I do know is that when you put your heart and soul into this, you've got
to have a good support system.
And I will not.
exclusively date anybody again until I know that person is going to be my best
friend and they're going to support who I am and what I do.
Yeah, just keep that bubble small and yeah.
put this podcast is gonna air and I swear to gosh, watch, I wanna be invited to the
wedding.
Okay, listen, you're gonna meet, some guy is gonna come on here and be like, hey,
I'm your person and you're gonna start dating him.
And yes, that's exactly what's gonna happen.
Leave a comment below if you're an eligible bachelor.
And we'll like do the vetting.
Me and Mandy will like vet all these bachelors and make sure that they like
meet all the criteria.
This is gonna be great.
I'm so excited.
I love it.
You never know.
We're like number 10 in Portugal.
Yeah, right?
What the heck yeah?
We are.
We're all over the world.
Oh, well, thank you for sharing all that.
Like I wanted to kind of dive into it because I know there's so many women
listening to this podcast who are just like searching for like that role model,
like somebody they can really identify with.
And I remember when I went through my divorce and I'm like competing and trying
to pay bills and like just trying to get my life together.
And I was like, just looking at all these women and just like, oh, she's got this.
You know, like you can't help but kind of compare.
It's so great to have these like leaders that are just like, look at all the things
that I'm doing.
And like I've overcome X, Y, and Z.
and you know I just love when people can like really share who they really are and
like when we first started talking before we even started recording you were like
you know I just want to be really real and we all want more of that but it's so hard
to be real because people can be like very critical and I wish we could shut them all
up and it's like one person will say something and you could have 90 amazing
comments but sometimes that negativity is really loud so I think you know that holds
some people back have you ever like struggled with being like vulnerable
I have, but I think I'm at the point in my life where I know who I am now.
It's taken me a lot of heartbreak and hurt from these past relationships to really
dig deep in myself and figure out what I will and will not allow in my life anymore
from friendships to relationships.
You know, I just, I want to be happy.
And I am.
finally happy and I don't think that I need a man in order to be happy.
I think, yes, it will make me feel more complete when I find my person, but I'm
not looking for it anymore.
And I also think judgmental-wise, usually those people are the ones that are envious
and usually those people are the ones that are going through something.
So even in the gym when somebody—
say they're having a bad day or they're rude to me, right?
I just smile.
And I honestly, inside my head, I pray for them because they're probably going
through something that you don't understand.
And usually the next day they will come in and be like, I am so sorry.
And I'll be like, it's all good.
And they'll let me know what happened.
And they're like, you're so nice.
And so what we really don't understand is anybody can be a tough guy behind text
messages and on social media, right?
But realistically, they probably don't love themselves.
So that's sad, and I pray for them.
That's a really good way of looking at it.
It's true.
Yeah.
So, um, share with us what you're working towards and what your show plans are for
this year.
So I only have two picked out right now.
I am going to be, I'm five weeks out from Utah.
So excited.
It's supposed to be a really awesome show.
Yes, yes.
Very hard for me to say, but it's an amazing show from what I hear.
So I'm super excited about that.
And then I-
I am going to be going right into my second peak week doing the Girl Power show
in Orlando.
and then Olympia qualification and 2024 Olympia, right?
Yes.
Girl.
If I have to do 20 shows, bring it on.
I'm not gonna stop.
Love it.
it.
Oh, I can't wait.
It feels like it's your time.
And I just watched you keep growing and growing and just climbing.
And so I'm just so excited to see how this year pans out for you.
I appreciate you guys so much and I think what's driving me even more is my
beautiful girls.
That's, I will say like I've never had the chance to compete without children.
I've always competed with my son and
I've always loved it.
It's been fun to have him grow with me and learn and just be a part of it.
He's learned how to respect women, he's learned women's bodies, he's learned
healthy choices, he's learned how to eat.
And the structure, all of it, all of it, it's just so great for kids to be in it
and for having the little girls in there watch you and see how hard you work.
It's just, it melts.
They've literally asked me like 15 times, Mom, when can we go to the gym with you?
When can we go to the gym with you?
When can we work out with you?
And I'm like, ah, you gotta be a little...
I can't wait, I can't wait.
So, and they think it's like the coolest thing when I'm on stage, they literally
are like, you are a princess.
And I'm like, yes I am.
Ha ha.
are.
I love it.
my husband a shirt last show, and it says Trophy Husband.
Trophy Hubs, yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, I love it.
Well, I do like to ask all of our guests if you have a piece of advice that you
could give to other women that are on their journey of competing and trying to
just figure out how to fit it all in.
What is like your top tip for just juggling it all?
Oh, you gotta, I mean for me, it's every night I sit down and I figure out how my
day's gonna be the next day.
It's really making sure every Sunday I'm meal prepped for the entire week.
It's really keeping to a schedule because I realize that if I don't sit down and
schedule things out, if my mind is a mess, then my entire life is a mess.
So making sure that you are prepared to dig deep because it's gonna be your life
at that point.
I mean, you need to put everything that you have into your prep or you're not
ready.
Knowing that life is still gonna happen while you're in prep.
And in fact, usually it happens like three times worse.
Everything that happens, happens.
So...
It's really dealing with those things.
Okay, I mean, your kid's sick.
Guess what, you gotta go pick up a kid and finish your workout at home.
I don't know what to tell ya.
I have softball for my kid tonight, and so yeah, my last cardio's gonna be at nine
o'clock at night, sucks, but guess what?
I'm gonna do it, cause it's gotta get done.
So, you know, it's those things that are gonna structure you to really succeed
while going through a prep, and then.
when you're on stage, it'll taste that much better.
Bet you did all of it, yeah?
I love it.
Awesome.
Well, we have learned so much from you today.
Jessica, thank you so much for coming on.
Is there anybody that you would like to mention or thank before we close out this
episode?
Yeah, I actually started a new training program with an amazing coach, Cory
Linder.
He's amazing, absolutely incredible.
He has implemented lower body for me like five times a week and I hate you, but I
love you all at the same time.
Is that amazing?
it.
Yeah, absolutely.
And then also David Dimesquez, he's amazing.
He's my coach.
He does all my nutrition, my check-ins with me every week.
He's been an amazing friend with me.
He's stuck with me through a lot of the ups and downs with relationships as well
in kids.
My sponsors are Pelican Meals.
They sponsor me for meals.
Sunset swimwear.
She does all my suits, all the glitters, gems.
She's my heel and jewelry sponsor.
Camp Muscle, they're activewear that I model for them.
They're an amazing and amazing people.
They are just incredible company.
And so I just, I'm so thankful to have all these people in my corner.
I can't be, you know,
more blessed to have these people believing in me.
So that, those people, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you so much for being on here today.
All your information that you shared was gonna help so many people.
And it was so great to hear your stories.
And I, like, I know we're all these states away, obviously, but I feel your aura.
I feel your energy.
I can, like, I don't know.
I, it's so fun.
I can't wait to meet you, girl.
Yes!
Yeah, we can like so many days.
Uh, mm-hmm.
We'll have to.
so you guys will have to just have me there in spirit.
But yes, we are.
I'm just so excited.
I'm so excited.
And also, this will be my first time competing in Masters.
So yeah, so really so exciting.
Welcome everybody, I've been here for seven years already.
It's great!
I used to do them all.
35, 40, open, whatever.
Alright, awesome!
for being on.
And also any of your social media, we'll make sure to have it in the description
notes so everybody can follow your journeys, see your show, see how you get
to Olympia this year.
Again, manifesting it, you're gonna do it.
Yeah, so thank you so much again.
everybody for tuning in and thank you, Jessica.
Bye guys!