Show Notes
Hey everybody. Today I want to talk about soak time in the context of personal growth.
Soak time is one of the most important components of experiencing true growth. Many people consume information, whether reading books, watching YouTube, listening to podcasts or attending courses. But the soak time is where you transform the information you have consumed and learn how to apply it in the workplace. It’s the step that happens between learning something new and putting that newly acquired knowledge into action.
On a previous podcast with Dr. Johanna Pagonis, we talked a lot about why most leadership training fails. One of those reasons is the lack of time given for reflection. That time for reflection, or soak time, is so important. Without it, we quickly forget the concepts we have consumed. But when we reflect, we create new brain maps that become part of how we think, act and live our lives. In these moments we are rewiring our brains. Again, reflection is the link between learning and doing.
We still have to act. We have to act upon what we learn, and reflect on, to strengthen the new maps in our brains. The action we take after the soak time is what exercises and strengthens the new muscle. So, all of it is important. They are three legs of the same stool: learning, reflecting and doing something with it. Those are the three components of personal growth.
For the rest of this podcast, I want to give you examples of this from my own personal growth experience. I will share some quotes from a book, and then share my personal reflections on the concepts and maybe even some examples of how I have put the concepts into action.
I’m going to use one of the most inspirational books I read in 2020 as an example: Quiet Leadership by Dr. David Rock. Sometimes when a book inspires me it doesn’t have the same effect on my peers but Quiet Leadership did. My friend Marty told me it was one of the best books he ever read. So, you might want to check it out if you are not familiar with his work.
So here goes:
Quote#1
To take any kind of committed action people need to think things through for themselves.
People experience a degree of inertia around thinking for themselves due to the energy required. The act of having an aha moment gives off the kind of energy needed for people to become motivated and willing to take action.
So much truth there. You can tell someone what they should think or do but it rarely has a lastly effect if it even works at all. When people think for themselves, they create new maps in their brain. When it is their idea, they are more likely to buy in to it.
You know, that’s actually how adults learn. They learn by connecting concepts that already exist in their brain, which is different than how children learn. Children have more empty space in their brains that can be filled with new ideas. But not adults. Adults make connections to what they already know. That’s why they need time to reflect but also the space to come up with their own ideas, or their own connections. It’s how they learn.
When that connection is made, their brain is filled with energy. I’ve felt that energy many times in life when learning new wisdom. Those moments where you think, “I wish I knew that 20 years ago”. That energy is inspirational, motivational. It just feels great.
That energy can be transformed into actions that make meaningful change in an organization or in an individual’s life. Or both. But the energy quickly dissipates if you don’t do anything with it, or strengthen the new map. Getting people to make a commitment when they experience that energy means they are more likely to act upon it.
When I read that statement, I reflected on times I would tell people what they should do to improve and they would usually respond back with excuses of why they couldn’t change. I thought about how I could get better with my communications. I thought about asking more “what can you do?” type questions instead of entertaining the barriers they face.
During this reflection I made commitments to myself on taking action. One, get better at letting the other person come up with all the potential solutions to their problem. Two, get better at letting go. By letting go, I mean hold back that part of me that wants to say “but” or “you should also consider” or anything else that is more about my idea than theirs.
So, here’s another one:
Quote #2
When we are trying to help a colleague think anything through, we make the unconscious assumption that the other persons brain works the same as ours. We then tell people what we would do and are convinced it’s what they should do.
Boy that one hit me hard. My brain doesn’t work like everyone else’s. Part of me wants to say I wish it did, but that isn’t true. People think differently than me for good reason. That quote made me think of a bible verse:
Romans 12-4
For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us.
Some people are very analytical. Some are contemplative. Some are detail oriented and others are focused on the big picture. And all of us, together, are what make a beautiful world.
People don’t think the way I think. They don’t think about the things I think about. Everyone has different desires, passions and deal with life challenges in very different ways. We should celebrate out different we are, but we also need to respect that we are not all wired the same way.
This made me reflect on how one method of communicating a concept may be the perfect inspiration for someone, if their brain works similar to mine. But for another brain, my communication can totally suck.
I committed to taking action with this concept by learning multiple ways to communicate the same idea. The methods that aren’t so inspirational to me can be the perfect form of communication for someone else. None of us think the same way, and I must be agile, and flexible enough, to expand my level of influence with people.
How many ways can I come up with to communicate the same idea? The more the better, the greater my outreach, the greater my influence.
Quote#3
New habits take time but not that much. It doesn’t take long to create new habits. What’s hard is trying to uncreate them.
This time of year, a lot of people are making resolutions and trying to quit something……and it’s hard. But Dr. Rock is so right about creating new habits. It’s so much easier to start something, than it is to quit something.
Our brains are filled with hard wired information and changing the way we behave is just as hard as the wiring in our brain. But doing something new is relatively easy.
So, I kinda suck at diet. I’m not a big fast-food eater, but I’m definitely one of those people who cleans my plate. I suck at portion control. I’ve been cleaning my plate for 40+ years! Leaving some food on the plate is hard for me.
This year I started jogging. I’ve done minor weight lifting on and off again for years, went on walks, bike rides, but never was a jogger. But last year I decided to start a new habit: jogging. It blows my mind how easy it was to not just start jogging but to turn it into a habit. I don’t dread it. But trying not to clean my plate feels dreadful.
Now maybe you don’t relate to the example I just gave. It’s the concept that matters. Your reflection would most likely be very different than mine. The concept is that it is a lot easier to start something new than it is to quit something old.
And here’s why that matters: I am still making progress toward the overall goal which is to be in better shape, lose weight and have more energy. I see the progress in that goal. I’ve dropped two pant sizes and don’t feel as out of breath when I’m teaching all day. I’m still cleaning the plate but working towards my goal with measurable progress. I’ve experienced so much more success by starting something new that works toward my goal instead of trying to quit something I’ve been doing forever that works against my goal.
The same thing could be applied to the work environment. If we have been pointing out at-risk behavior or regulatory violations for years, it’s a deeply engrained habit that is hard to stop. We are trained to look for what is wrong, especially in safety performance. But if we can start a new habit of finding out why the at-risk behavior makes sense to people, then we are on the path towards developing a learning culture. We are headed in the direction of systems thinking.
We will still find ourselves telling people that they need to put their safety glasses on, or they’re not using fall protection correctly; but if we can start a new habit of just asking them why the behavior makes sense, then we will be closer to that organizational culture we want to see.
And here is the best part of all: when we create new habits, we weaken old ones that don’t serve us as well. When we create a new habit of talking to our people and learning why their behavior makes sense, we slowly stop judging at-risk behavior and we move the needle toward systems thinking. It’s a process, a long process, but it does work over time.
Starting something new instead of trying to stop something old is much more successful when trying to change. Instead of trying so hard to change the habits of our people, we need to get better at helping them develop new habits. That is where the cultural shift will occur.
Ok so, moving on. Here’s the next quote from Quiet Leadership:
Qoute#4
We have an unspoken conspiracy about not wanting to make anyone else uncomfortable, physically, mentally or emotionally. We’d much rather leave the status quo as it is. It’s almost on the level of a cultural taboo.
How true is that? Have you ever been in a meeting and someone said “don’t push too hard” or “don’t rock the boat”? We live in a society where we spend more time tip toeing around so we don’t offend someone instead of teaching people how to get good at being uncomfortable.
Great change is uncomfortable….to the point that it can trigger a fight or flight response in people.
This made me reflect on positive feedback in organizational performance. Positive feedback is severely lacking in our work cultures. There are tons of studies backing up this fact. Our own culture assessment work over the past 20 years shows the same thing. People spend most of their work lives hearing about what they did wrong instead of reinforcement for what they did right.
But even though all the scientific evidence shows that positive feedback is essential to behavior reinforcement, I continually watch people and entire organizations struggle with the concept.
Deep down we all know the saying about the carrot and stick, or catching more flies with honey; yet we still spend the majority of our time telling people what they did wrong instead of reinforcing what they did right.
People are so habitual in identifying bad behavior that it can actually be uncomfortable for them to give deep sincere feedback. For years I have conducted various positive feedback exercises in classes and watched people struggle with it.
I see it even in the volume of their voice projection. When pointing out people’s bad behavior they tend to speak loudly and sit forward. But during my positive feedback exercises, they tend to slump down in their chair and speak in a softer voice. It’s taking them out of their comfort zone.
I want people to get excited when they give positive feedback, to sing it out loud. But they typically don’t because it’s not comfortable.
This made me reflect on the importance of showing a little empathy to people when they try a new concept. To reassure them that no one starts out as an expert. But at the same time, let them know that the uncomfortable feeling isn’t just normal, it’s the signal that you are on the right path. If it feels uncomfortable, you are doing it right. You are on the right path toward significant change.
Recently I heard someone say, “we should be in a constant state of holy crap can I pull this off”. We need to get great at feeling uncomfortable.
Next quote:
Qoute#5
When you listen to people, unless you consciously choose a certain way to listen, you will listen to prove your existing theories about the person. Listen to people as though they have all the tools they need to be successful, and could simply benefit from exploring their thoughts and ideas out loud.
So much truth in this. I know I am biased as we all are. There have been times in my life I have listened to people while mentally documenting how what they are saying is backing up my bias about them.
Sometimes it can be hard to not see people as inferior when in reality everyone has the ability to grow and mature just like I do. I’m sure people in my life have thought that I would never get it, or never understand.
Instead of listening for confirmation biases, can we listen for potential? Can we help people think better?
Just yesterday I caught myself doing this the wrong way. A friend was telling me how “all jobs suck” in her chosen career. So, I started by giving advice in the form of a question. I was proving my existing theories about her, that she just isn’t seeing the answer, and I know it.
So of course, when I gave my advice, she explained why it was actually terrible advice. She works for a government run agency. I suggested private industry and she explained how she had actually been down that road and the pay was worse than the government run agency she is with now. Yep, my existing theories were wrong.
When I caught myself, becoming aware that I was doing it wrong, I changed gears. I asked, “What is the best job you could have in your industry?” Her eyes lit up and then she started talking about what type of job would be better than what she currently has.
You see, she does have all the tools she needs to be successful. When thinking that way, the conversation wasn’t just more productive, it was more passionate as well. I could see her eyes get bigger when talking about what she thought was the best job in her chosen career, vs. her body language when telling her what I thought she should do.
Lesson learned: Believe that they have all the information they need. We just need to help them think it through, instead of telling them what they should do.
For the next quote from Dr. Rock, I want to share something that can help us all move from reflection to hard wiring new concepts in our brain.
Qoute#6
Applying any kind of physical activity to an insight strengthens the circuits holding it in place. Talking, writing, reading, drawing, filing.
This has been so true in my own life. Back in the 90’s when I was reading Tony Robbins and Wayne Dyer books; they felt transformational in the moment while I was reading them. But I really didn’t know how to grow at the time. I would read a book but I didn’t take any notes. I didn’t even highlight anything. I just consumed the information.
I felt amazing while I was reading, but struggled to remember any of it. 30 years later I can’t even remember what was in those books. I should probably go back and re-read them.
But now that I know how to grow, I can easily share concepts with someone about a book I read 6 or 7 years ago. The major difference is not only the reflection time I give myself, but the physical act of writing my thoughts down. Maybe I’m typing on laptop, or thumbing things down in a note on my phone; but that physical activity is what strengthens the circuits in my brain. I see it working when I can quote a book that I read years ago. The concepts have become part of who I am.
So, in summary, consuming information is never enough. Whether it’s attending a class, or reading a book, or listening to a podcast; we need time to reflect on what we are learning. Otherwise, we will forget it as fast as we learn it.
Reflection is the link between learning and doing. If we don’t reflect on what we are learning, if we don’t take the time to see the concepts at play in our life experience, then it will show in the quality of our actions.
We need that soak time. We need to teach others why this lack of reflection is a major reason that training doesn’t achieve the results we want. People need time to reflect.
We also need to incorporate some sort of physical activity with this reflection time, so we can strengthen these new neural pathways in our brains. Write something down, draw a picture, do something physical to strengthen the circuitry.
I hope you all have a great new year, filled with intentional growth that becomes part of who you are and shows up in the form of changed behavior.
Learn, reflect, write, commit and act. These are the steps of personal growth.
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