Show Notes
TRANSCRIPT FOR EP32:
Welcome to SHE is Confident. Hi! This is Deon Teh and in this episode, I will be sharing with you about a primary family that is your FAMILY OF ORIGIN.
Our Family of origin refers to the people who take care of us and people that a person grows up with, for example, siblings. A family is formed by 2 people who have different backgrounds. And often our parents who are our caretakers, How they behave and take care of us, affect our thinking, behaviour and also our character. In some cases, it can also affect our whole life.
Regardless of how our parents or caretakers take care of us, we should always be grateful to them for bringing us up and if they did not take good care of us, we should not have any resentment and continue the cycle to the next generation.
When you start your own family, how would you create a joyful space that can let your children and your spouse feel safe, comfortable? It is important especially for your children before the age of 12 years old, as this is the best period that parents can give them unconditional love and let them grow to their fullest.
As we all know, in a child's life, their first teachers are their parents. No matter what love they received from others, children will always feel connected to their parents. The influence they received from their parents will determine how they react and handle relationships outside.
Since young, I have been taught to trust only my close family members. I have difficulty trusting anyone, especially my staff or friends who I'm not close with.
Therefore I don’t have many close friends as I take a long time to trust someone. In the company, it also takes me a long time to trust my staff, they need to work with me for a long time before I have more confidence in them. Whenever I hire new staff, my inner voice tells me to observe them first before entrusting them with important tasks. When something bad happens, my trust in them will disappear and this will strengthen my beliefs that they are not reliable.
In the end, I handled everything by myself and double-checked all documents and micro-managed my staff, this caused all my staff to be afraid of me and many were underperforming due to the stress.
After I had the opportunity to work with professional accountants and consultants for our company, they taught me how to manage the company.
I realised that I was wasting my time on minor issues. In my position as a leader, I should be making decisions that help to grow the company.
After handling many colleagues throughout the years, I found that they can do a good job and they also have many things that we can learn from and we should not judge them quickly and or just see from the surface.
During this global pandemic Covid-19 period, they are still doing a good job even though I am not physically there. Although my factory is in Malaysia while I’m in Singapore. They can perform well as I have seen and some staff even outperform my expectations.
We need to understand that everyone comes from different family background, we cannot expect to think and act the same way as us. Everyone will have their blind spots and blocks, even for leaders too.
Learn to accept the new modern society concept, get rid of old fashion thinking and be positive, give yourself a chance as well as give others a chance. I give them encouragement and support. As a leader we need to be as authentic as possible, we don’t criticise them and we need to protect them too.
The more I interact, the better I understand them. Each staff has a different character and different talent, and I need to find out so I can assign the correct role to unleash their fullest potential.
As leaders, we cannot live in the past, using old fashioned ways to limit ourselves, the world is changing quickly, gone are the days where you could just study, get a degree and a stable job, nowadays, we have to be connected to the world and we need to be creative to be successful.
I learnt to accept new concepts or unintentional negative comments towards me.
And I also learnt not to look at things on the surface. Many things that may seem wrong, could be right after all. I seek to understand more before making a conclusion.
You won't be able to do everything. In order to achieve more with less, you will need the help of others, working as a team.
Over the years I learnt to trust my staff and in turn, they trust me too.
Don't be afraid to change from your old ways, it is what you want in life that is important and not what others want.
Although we cannot run away from our inner child, we can improve yourselves by joining positive groups, communities or self-help groups. Many of us keep to ourselves and continue to suffer by ourselves, thinking that it is not possible to change.
Regardless of how your origin family is, we need to find out what causes our suffering and remove it so we can start afresh for this life.
It is important to know that after we form our family, we need to get rid of past behaviour, character or values, not worth carrying and avoid passing to our next generation.
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If you want to talk about transforming your inner child, healing your relationships with yourself and money, connect with me through my Facebook and the link is in the show notes.
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