Show Notes
Say no more
Above my desk, written in thick green chalk, are the words ‘Hell Yeah, or No’. It is a useful aide-memoire from the writer and entrepreneur
Derek Sivers.
Saying ‘yes’ to things is an excellent way of opening up your life to serendipity and adventure. But first, you need to carve out enough time to be able to capitalise on those opportunities. You also need time to do the grinding, unglamorous, lonely work that – eventually, possibly – might one day lead to the exciting invitations. To be able to say ‘yes’, you first need to say ‘no’ a bunch of times.
Therefore, whenever I am asked to commit to something, I gauge my initial gut response. If my instinct is anything less than, ‘hell yeah! Sign me up’ then I force myself to say, ‘no thank you’.
My short term brain protests, ‘but it sounds quite fun… But it pays quite well…’
Yet the chalk scrawl reminds me that it has to be a ‘Hell Yeah’ otherwise it’s a ‘No’.
Another trick for resisting stuffing the calendar (like Monty Python’s gluttonous Mr Creosote who gorged himself so full that one wafer-thin slice of mint caused him to explode) is to imagine that the thing you are agreeing to is happening tomorrow. Are you excited about jumping out of bed for it, or does it now sound like a hassle?
I am terrible at valuing my future time. Bringing the thought into the present helps me get a more accurate feeling for whether I should accept that speaking engagement six months down the line in a village hall in northern Scotland which is paying me a jar of pickled eggs in exchange for eight hours travel on a Rail Replacement Bus Service… or whether I should decline.
It is much less painful to offer an immediate, polite ‘no’ than to agree to do something and then later regret it. [By the way, if you find it hard to say ‘no’ to nice people – as I do – try setting up automated ‘canned responses’ for your emails. Having a set text to click saves you having to actually type mean things to friendly people and thus prevents you wavering…*]
You can do anything, but you cannot do everything. Hoard and defend your time fanatically.
Say no more.
OVER TO YOU:
What can you say ‘no’ to that will free up time and energy for you to live more adventurously?
* - Here are two responses I use a few times a week:
Sorry, I can’t meet up in person, but I’m happy to help if I can. So email me any question anytime. I’m not good with big general, ‘Here’s my entire situation – what do you think of it?’ kind of problems, but pretty good with specific questions. There’s a list of FAQs plus a Search button on my blog that might help too. Best Wishes, Alastair
Thank you very much for your kind invitation. Unfortunately, I am trying to buy back a little time in my life by saying ‘no’ to exciting things that I’d ordinarily love to say ‘yes’ to. Apologies not to be saying ‘yes’ this time. I hope you’ll understand. Best Wishes, Alastair
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What is The Doorstep Mile?
Would you like a more adventurous life?
Are you being held back by a lack of time or money? By fear, indecision, or a feeling of being selfish or an imposter?
Living adventurously is not about cycling around the world or rowing across an ocean.
Living adventurously is about the attitude you choose each day. It instils an enthusiasm to resurrect the boldness and curiosity that many of us lose as adults.
Whether at work or home, taking the first step to begin a new venture is daunting. If you dream of a big adventure, begin with a microadventure.
This is the Doorstep Mile, the hardest part of every journey.
The Doorstep Mile will reveal why you want to change direction, what’s stopping you, and how to build an adventurous spirit into your busy daily life.
Dream big, but start small.
Don’t yearn for the adventure of a lifetime. Begin a lifetime of living adventurously.
What would your future self advise you to do?
What would you do if you could not fail?
Is your to-do list urgent or important?
You will never simultaneously have enough time, money and mojo.
There are opportunities for adventure in your daily 5-to-9.
The hardest challenge is getting out the front door and beginning: the Doorstep Mile.
Alastair Humphreys, a National Geographic Adventurer of the Year, cycled around the world for four years but also schedules a monthly tree climb. He has crossed the Empty Quarter desert, rowed the Atlantic, walked a lap of the M25 and busked through Spain, despite being unable to play the violin.
‘The gospel of short, perspective-shifting bursts of travel closer to home.’ New York Times
‘A life-long adventurer.’ Financial Times
‘Upend your boring routine… it doesn't take much.’ Outside Magazine
Visit www.alastairhumphreys.com to listen to Alastair's podcast, sign up to his newsletter or read his other books.
@al_humphreys