WEBVTT NOTE This file was generated by Descript 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:04.099 Hey, this is Mark Butler and you are listening to a podcast for coaches. 00:00:06.019 --> 00:00:10.080 In the years before COVID let's call it 2017, 18, 19. 00:00:10.809 --> 00:00:12.009 I was traveling. 00:00:12.459 --> 00:00:14.929 What for me was a lot for work. 00:00:15.399 --> 00:00:18.880 Now for me, a lot of travel meant four or five trips per year, which 00:00:18.880 --> 00:00:22.009 I know is nothing compared to the way a lot of people travel for work. 00:00:22.705 --> 00:00:24.315 And at the time I really enjoyed it. 00:00:24.365 --> 00:00:25.775 I liked going to the airport. 00:00:25.805 --> 00:00:26.915 I liked getting on the plane. 00:00:26.925 --> 00:00:28.015 I liked being in the hotel. 00:00:28.015 --> 00:00:30.945 I like to be in the conference room, meeting people. 00:00:31.235 --> 00:00:35.525 Sometimes I'd have the chance to teach or to speak, which I always love. 00:00:35.865 --> 00:00:38.175 And so I really loved the travel. 00:00:38.205 --> 00:00:39.355 I looked forward to it. 00:00:40.675 --> 00:00:43.475 Then of course we have COVID everything shuts down. 00:00:44.195 --> 00:00:46.575 We're kind of in our houses for in, in Utah. 00:00:46.585 --> 00:00:49.935 Anyway, we're in our houses for a couple of weeks, a month, maybe. 00:00:51.205 --> 00:00:53.505 And I loved that. 00:00:53.825 --> 00:00:55.915 I loved that. 00:00:57.595 --> 00:01:01.885 And in that moment, I lost all desire to travel for work. 00:01:03.325 --> 00:01:07.605 And in the four years since COVID, I don't know if I can think of 00:01:07.605 --> 00:01:10.285 any work trips until the one I just took a couple of weeks ago. 00:01:11.960 --> 00:01:16.350 But then I did take that trip to, to Tennessee that I talked about in the 00:01:16.350 --> 00:01:19.610 last episode a little bit and I loved it. 00:01:20.810 --> 00:01:22.860 So now we get all this nice contrast. 00:01:23.290 --> 00:01:27.360 I get the high travel season of 2017 through 2019. 00:01:29.140 --> 00:01:33.980 And then I get the post COVID season where I haven't traveled much at all for 00:01:33.980 --> 00:01:35.750 work and I haven't had any desire to. 00:01:36.490 --> 00:01:41.210 And I've turned down Um, not a lot, but a few speaking opportunities that 00:01:41.600 --> 00:01:46.240 would have required me to either go on a long drive or get in an airplane. 00:01:48.440 --> 00:01:51.110 But then , my client, my friend Edie Wadsworth asked me if I'd 00:01:51.490 --> 00:01:54.510 come and speak to her community in Tennessee a couple of weeks ago, 00:01:54.870 --> 00:01:56.100 a few hundred people in the room. 00:01:58.130 --> 00:01:59.550 And I just had the most amazing time. 00:02:00.260 --> 00:02:00.920 I loved it. 00:02:01.330 --> 00:02:02.510 Now, I didn't like the travel. 00:02:03.320 --> 00:02:05.970 I admitted this to Edie's community, and I'll say it again here. 00:02:06.010 --> 00:02:11.210 I knew that I was excited to engage with the community. 00:02:11.250 --> 00:02:12.470 I was excited to speak. 00:02:12.550 --> 00:02:16.280 I was excited to hear people's stories, to talk with them. 00:02:17.400 --> 00:02:20.720 I knew that, but I also know I didn't want to get on an airplane. 00:02:20.750 --> 00:02:21.610 So I complained. 00:02:21.620 --> 00:02:22.410 This is what I do. 00:02:22.410 --> 00:02:27.400 I'm a whiner about a few things, but one of the things I whine about is travel. 00:02:29.515 --> 00:02:32.415 So all the way up to the event, until the moment that I'm walking out the 00:02:32.415 --> 00:02:35.455 door with my suitcase to get in the car and go to the airport, I'm still 00:02:35.465 --> 00:02:38.705 whining and saying, I just, I don't know, why did I say yes to this, etc. 00:02:38.705 --> 00:02:39.665 I'm doing this kind of whining. 00:02:39.675 --> 00:02:40.615 It's very predictable with me. 00:02:40.955 --> 00:02:47.275 I also do this, by the way, with social gatherings, if there is, a double 00:02:47.285 --> 00:02:50.925 date with another couple, they could be our best friends in the world. 00:02:50.935 --> 00:02:55.735 And I will whine about it, but Up to the moment that we leave and even in the car 00:02:55.735 --> 00:03:00.735 while we're driving there And then i'll have a great time and i'll never shut up 00:03:00.735 --> 00:03:04.205 through the whole two hours We're together because we know me and we know that if i'm 00:03:04.485 --> 00:03:10.525 awake i'm talking and so Then on the drive home I'm saying things like you know what? 00:03:10.525 --> 00:03:11.455 That's just the best time. 00:03:11.455 --> 00:03:12.435 Why don't we do that more often? 00:03:12.485 --> 00:03:16.880 I really think we should do that more often and then kate Rolls her eyes 00:03:16.900 --> 00:03:22.120 as she should, because , my pattern is so reliable, whine and complain 00:03:22.130 --> 00:03:24.410 all the way in, have a great time. 00:03:24.770 --> 00:03:26.820 And afterward, talk about how we should do that more often. 00:03:26.830 --> 00:03:29.190 It's very reliable pattern in my life. 00:03:29.220 --> 00:03:33.260 And I do the same thing with work travel because I came home from the 00:03:33.260 --> 00:03:37.330 Tennessee trip, riding that same kind of high., the single biggest takeaway. 00:03:37.915 --> 00:03:41.595 From going to Knoxville, Tennessee a couple of weeks ago, spending 00:03:41.595 --> 00:03:42.915 time with Edie, which was so fun. 00:03:42.915 --> 00:03:46.065 I'd never met her in person spending time with her community. 00:03:46.065 --> 00:03:47.235 I had some other clients in the room. 00:03:47.235 --> 00:03:48.775 It was so fun to spend time with them. 00:03:51.235 --> 00:03:56.285 My big takeaway is there is no substitute for being in the same physical space. 00:03:57.435 --> 00:03:58.385 There just isn't 00:03:59.975 --> 00:04:01.005 all the online stuff. 00:04:01.005 --> 00:04:03.515 We do this podcast webinars. 00:04:05.160 --> 00:04:06.130 I like all of it. 00:04:07.100 --> 00:04:08.430 I like other people's podcasts. 00:04:08.450 --> 00:04:09.870 I like their YouTube videos. 00:04:11.620 --> 00:04:12.870 I like online classes. 00:04:12.890 --> 00:04:15.340 I think they can be very powerful and transformative. 00:04:16.755 --> 00:04:20.445 There is no substitute for being in the same physical space. 00:04:20.865 --> 00:04:23.415 I think there's interesting neurobiology to that. 00:04:23.445 --> 00:04:27.105 I'm not an expert, so I'm not going to comment, but there's something about 00:04:27.235 --> 00:04:32.065 being in the same physical space, which I think is compounded when everyone in 00:04:32.065 --> 00:04:36.315 the physical space has had to pay a price to be there, a price in time and 00:04:36.325 --> 00:04:41.965 effort more than anything, but also money , there's something about the ritual. 00:04:42.395 --> 00:04:46.235 Of going to the airport, getting on the plane, getting to the hotel, setting 00:04:46.235 --> 00:04:53.515 up shop, having this big context change that I think primes us for a great 00:04:53.515 --> 00:05:00.075 experience, something about being outside of our normal routine, outside 00:05:00.075 --> 00:05:04.095 of my office, not looking at the same computer screen that I always look at, 00:05:04.445 --> 00:05:07.805 not having the same air pods in that I always have in my ears, which is mostly 00:05:07.805 --> 00:05:10.505 how I engage with this kind of thing. 00:05:10.585 --> 00:05:10.605 Um, 00:05:12.705 --> 00:05:18.315 I think that we prime ourselves for insight, for clarity,, 00:05:19.955 --> 00:05:21.825 for enthusiasm, for decisions. 00:05:25.175 --> 00:05:27.145 And then because of the price we paid to be there. 00:05:27.395 --> 00:05:29.935 And then because we're occupying the same physical spaces, people, and 00:05:29.935 --> 00:05:33.325 we're shaking hands and maybe we're hugging and we're laughing together. 00:05:33.325 --> 00:05:35.985 And because it's a life coaching event, there's always blasted 00:05:35.985 --> 00:05:39.965 dancing every time, every time there's going to be some dancing. 00:05:41.650 --> 00:05:42.320 It's okay. 00:05:43.510 --> 00:05:49.130 But through all of that, we have such a different experience together 00:05:50.280 --> 00:05:51.700 than if we'd been at home on zoom. 00:05:51.700 --> 00:05:56.640 Now, some of these great events, including the one I just went to in Tennessee, 00:05:56.640 --> 00:06:00.350 they are live streamed and I think the live streams are probably great. 00:06:01.000 --> 00:06:05.060 It's not that those don't deliver any transformation or any enjoyment or any 00:06:05.060 --> 00:06:10.340 insight, but speaking for myself, I know that I am in a different state. 00:06:11.230 --> 00:06:16.640 Mentally and emotionally, maybe spiritually, if I've gone through the 00:06:17.320 --> 00:06:24.990 airport airplane hotel ritual, then if I put on my standard work uniform 00:06:25.010 --> 00:06:29.550 of sweats and a t shirt, go down to my desk and turn on a live stream, it's 00:06:29.550 --> 00:06:31.020 going to be a different experience. 00:06:33.770 --> 00:06:34.310 So. 00:06:35.010 --> 00:06:35.350 Yeah. 00:06:35.370 --> 00:06:36.600 I loved being in Tennessee. 00:06:36.620 --> 00:06:37.820 I loved being on that stage. 00:06:37.850 --> 00:06:41.190 And if I hadn't been on that stage, I still would have loved it because it's 00:06:41.190 --> 00:06:44.260 an opportunity to gather with like minded people who have paid a similar 00:06:44.260 --> 00:06:49.590 price to be where they are with you to laugh together, to cry together, to be 00:06:49.590 --> 00:06:54.550 inspired by each other and all these other wonderful, corny, beautiful things. 00:06:56.250 --> 00:06:57.610 And there's no replacement for it. 00:06:58.645 --> 00:07:00.675 That was my single biggest takeaway, 00:07:02.885 --> 00:07:06.045 something that I think I had forgotten in the four years since I stopped traveling. 00:07:06.055 --> 00:07:07.245 Cause I don't like to travel. 00:07:10.575 --> 00:07:15.625 This is applicable across many domains and at many different scales. 00:07:19.935 --> 00:07:26.415 For example,, my wife, Kate spent the last three days. 00:07:26.940 --> 00:07:32.700 Off and on at a youth camp, a church youth camp, about an hour from our 00:07:32.700 --> 00:07:35.850 house, the camp was for young women. 00:07:35.860 --> 00:07:42.060 So, uh, young women who are ages 12 to 18 and their leaders, and 00:07:42.060 --> 00:07:44.660 it has a lot in common with the event that I did in Tennessee. 00:07:46.100 --> 00:07:48.880 Everybody gets out of their normal routine, out of their normal context. 00:07:49.170 --> 00:07:52.420 In this case, I think the girls don't have their phones. 00:07:53.975 --> 00:07:58.725 I am not positive of that, but you cannot overestimate the impact of having 00:07:59.355 --> 00:08:02.465 people not have access to their phones when they're in these kinds of settings. 00:08:04.475 --> 00:08:05.875 They had an amazing time. 00:08:06.755 --> 00:08:09.915 Kate was invited to speak or teach a couple of different classes at 00:08:09.915 --> 00:08:11.645 this, at this young women's camp. 00:08:14.845 --> 00:08:17.325 I've watched this incredible transformation in Kate over the 00:08:17.325 --> 00:08:20.995 last three or four years to go from where she was a person who would say, 00:08:20.995 --> 00:08:22.365 you know, I'm not really a teacher. 00:08:22.685 --> 00:08:24.065 I don't like public speaking. 00:08:24.075 --> 00:08:25.705 I'd rather not be at the front of the room. 00:08:25.715 --> 00:08:27.035 Don't give me the microphone. 00:08:27.035 --> 00:08:28.445 Don't put the spotlight on me. 00:08:30.335 --> 00:08:35.435 And over those three or four years, I've seen her become a person who says, I think 00:08:35.435 --> 00:08:36.985 I've got some ideas that I want to share. 00:08:37.960 --> 00:08:41.860 Who has embraced opportunities to share and to teach in places like 00:08:41.860 --> 00:08:46.540 church and with,, with friends and at home and in settings that she creates. 00:08:48.130 --> 00:08:51.810 So I've seen this transformation in this evolution happening in her. 00:08:52.800 --> 00:08:56.380 Normally, if she were going to be teaching a couple of classes at a, at a camp, 00:08:56.480 --> 00:09:00.440 like the one she just presented at, there would be at least a pretty good 00:09:00.440 --> 00:09:02.870 amount of, I don't know, I'm nervous. 00:09:03.270 --> 00:09:04.600 I hope it goes well. 00:09:05.430 --> 00:09:06.440 I hope they like me. 00:09:06.580 --> 00:09:07.580 I hope I make sense. 00:09:07.580 --> 00:09:11.260 I'm afraid I won't make sense, but this time it was very different. 00:09:11.300 --> 00:09:14.130 It was, I know what I want to share. 00:09:14.160 --> 00:09:15.650 I like the stories I'm going to share. 00:09:15.900 --> 00:09:16.900 I think it's going to be good. 00:09:16.920 --> 00:09:18.510 I can't wait to interact with the girls. 00:09:18.530 --> 00:09:20.930 I can't wait to interact with their leaders. 00:09:22.790 --> 00:09:25.890 She really looked forward to it, which was a beautiful thing to watch. 00:09:27.220 --> 00:09:29.580 And of course I'm able to validate her all along the way. 00:09:29.580 --> 00:09:33.590 I'm able to say, yeah, you're a great teacher and I have 00:09:33.590 --> 00:09:35.150 great taste in teachers. 00:09:35.750 --> 00:09:36.920 You're a great teacher. 00:09:37.370 --> 00:09:38.480 They're lucky to have you. 00:09:40.290 --> 00:09:42.690 Of course it means something to her, to have me say that. 00:09:44.730 --> 00:09:48.460 But I tell the story because , it ends up being another example of how powerful 00:09:48.460 --> 00:09:50.950 it is to be in the same physical space. 00:09:52.780 --> 00:09:55.240 She goes and , she teaches her a couple of classes. 00:09:55.930 --> 00:09:57.240 She has an amazing time. 00:09:57.380 --> 00:09:58.940 She gets great feedback. 00:10:00.320 --> 00:10:04.420 She gets home very late last night Very late last night. 00:10:04.790 --> 00:10:08.390 It's like midnight Just to be clear. 00:10:08.440 --> 00:10:11.160 My sweetheart is a person who at about 9 29 p. 00:10:11.160 --> 00:10:17.020 m It's like somebody injects her with some sort of coma inducing serum and 00:10:17.020 --> 00:10:25.240 she is out gone dead to the world Last night she gets home at midnight Normally 00:10:25.260 --> 00:10:27.920 when we come back together after a little time apart, I'm going to be 00:10:27.920 --> 00:10:31.790 talking nonstop because I talk nonstop. 00:10:33.790 --> 00:10:34.390 Bless her. 00:10:34.390 --> 00:10:38.210 She has spent 20 years of her life basically listening to me verbally process 00:10:40.530 --> 00:10:41.190 last night. 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:44.080 She gets home at midnight and from midnight to 1 a. 00:10:44.080 --> 00:10:44.440 m. 00:10:44.730 --> 00:10:46.000 She never took a breath. 00:10:48.055 --> 00:10:51.785 Telling me stories about people she met and individual girls that she engaged 00:10:51.785 --> 00:10:56.415 with and, , women that she talked to and how it all came together and how inspired 00:10:56.465 --> 00:11:00.295 , it was, and how, how impactful and how meaningful and how much she enjoyed it. 00:11:03.565 --> 00:11:06.605 And for me, it was great to listen to her download. 00:11:07.415 --> 00:11:08.515 And I felt inspired. 00:11:12.525 --> 00:11:16.905 One of my takeaways ,Is even though her confidence had been building. 00:11:17.205 --> 00:11:22.405 And even though I have sincerely validated her growing confidence, 00:11:23.745 --> 00:11:30.265 there could be no substitute for going and doing the things she did in 00:11:30.265 --> 00:11:33.175 person apart from our normal routine, 00:11:36.215 --> 00:11:42.705 connecting with those other people and confirming all of her confidence. 00:11:43.655 --> 00:11:46.765 Getting strong evidence that she was right to be confident. 00:11:46.775 --> 00:11:50.515 She was right to be excited and to be able to see the facial expressions 00:11:50.835 --> 00:11:53.885 and hear the tone of voice and have the conversations with people who 00:11:53.885 --> 00:11:59.075 are participating that confirmed all of her confidence and compressed the 00:11:59.085 --> 00:12:02.085 timeframe in which that confidence grows. 00:12:03.540 --> 00:12:07.310 I don't know what the math of it is, but I'm just hypothesizing that if 00:12:07.310 --> 00:12:11.710 that confidence had would have taken a year without last night's experience 00:12:11.710 --> 00:12:15.430 or without the experience of the last couple of days, I have the sense that 00:12:15.430 --> 00:12:18.560 what could have happened within a year or two years might've happened within 00:12:18.560 --> 00:12:25.770 two days because of the physical presence and the physical experience that she had. 00:12:27.155 --> 00:12:32.125 Thanks to this and other conversations, I think we're probably not too 00:12:32.125 --> 00:12:37.065 many weeks or months away from me being able to come on this podcast 00:12:37.065 --> 00:12:38.495 and say,, my wife is brilliant. 00:12:38.515 --> 00:12:42.665 And if you want to get some coaching sessions with her, you can, I've 00:12:42.665 --> 00:12:44.975 been trying to persuade her of that for the last year or so. 00:12:45.475 --> 00:12:48.625 Well, really ever since she . Finished cancer treatment last fall and share her 00:12:48.625 --> 00:12:51.755 health is, you know, she's feeling pretty healthy and she's feeling pretty inspired. 00:12:51.755 --> 00:12:53.845 And I think we might get her folks. 00:12:53.855 --> 00:12:54.985 I think we might get her, 00:12:56.115 --> 00:13:03.825 but my persuasiveness can't compete with the confirmation that she received by 00:13:03.825 --> 00:13:07.425 getting out of a routine, going into that physical space and time with those 00:13:07.425 --> 00:13:12.135 people and getting all that confirmation of her own best instincts about herself. 00:13:14.300 --> 00:13:19.150 There's just no substitute for being in the same physical space as the people 00:13:19.160 --> 00:13:21.970 we want to learn from and that we want to teach and that we want to share with. 00:13:24.820 --> 00:13:30.550 Now I already did know that in those years, 2017 to 2019, I was the beneficiary 00:13:30.920 --> 00:13:35.440 of the hard work of great leaders like my old client, Brooke Castillo. 00:13:37.735 --> 00:13:41.105 She had worked for years and years and built a brand and built an 00:13:41.115 --> 00:13:44.415 audience such that when she extended an invitation to have hundreds of 00:13:44.415 --> 00:13:50.495 people come and join her in a room, we all said, yes, that's hard work. 00:13:50.915 --> 00:13:52.625 It's some of the hardest work. 00:13:53.465 --> 00:13:54.985 Same thing with, my friend, Jody Moore. 00:13:55.995 --> 00:14:01.115 I was the beneficiary of her hard work in rallying people to an idea and filling 00:14:01.115 --> 00:14:04.765 big rooms with great people, it's one thing to just fill a room with people. 00:14:05.095 --> 00:14:08.335 It's another thing to like all of the people in the room 00:14:09.115 --> 00:14:12.275 and then of course I get to go sit in Edie's community and, and 00:14:12.475 --> 00:14:16.485 kind of breathe in that air and enjoy that and appreciate it. 00:14:19.045 --> 00:14:24.165 And I still believe that getting 300 people in a room far from their 00:14:24.165 --> 00:14:27.385 homes is something miraculous. 00:14:28.355 --> 00:14:30.275 And I don't know that I'm ready to even attempt it. 00:14:30.325 --> 00:14:31.745 I don't know if I want to. 00:14:31.745 --> 00:14:37.395 I mean, I think I probably could want to, but for the rest of us who aren't 00:14:37.395 --> 00:14:42.545 a Brooke or a Jody or an Edie yet, we may choose to be, we can do this in 00:14:42.545 --> 00:14:49.425 the micro, we can have five people in a room, we can have 10 people in a room. 00:14:50.985 --> 00:14:56.125 And the fact that it isn't 300 or 500 does not make it less powerful. 00:14:57.585 --> 00:15:01.915 In some ways, it's more powerful sometime in the next few weeks, Kate 00:15:01.925 --> 00:15:05.385 and I will be teaching a class on relationships here in our basement, 00:15:05.685 --> 00:15:09.745 just because we want to, because she has a heart for it and a desire to teach. 00:15:09.745 --> 00:15:13.195 And of course I want to, so we're going to come together and we're going to do that. 00:15:13.745 --> 00:15:15.135 I don't know how many people will be here. 00:15:15.185 --> 00:15:18.125 Maybe five, maybe 15, who cares? 00:15:18.355 --> 00:15:19.665 I'll be excited about all of them. 00:15:20.235 --> 00:15:21.455 You can do the same thing. 00:15:23.075 --> 00:15:25.235 You and I in the micro. 00:15:26.695 --> 00:15:31.385 Can create and experience all of the same benefits or almost all of 00:15:31.395 --> 00:15:35.665 the same benefits that are created by leaders like Brooke Castillo 00:15:35.665 --> 00:15:37.985 and Jody Moore and Edie Wadsworth. 00:15:40.185 --> 00:15:40.785 We can. 00:15:42.905 --> 00:15:47.165 The numbers will be smaller, but the dividends for us at our place 00:15:47.165 --> 00:15:50.735 in business and life will be very, very similar and very sweet. 00:15:52.125 --> 00:15:54.465 And we will compress the timeframes. 00:15:56.250 --> 00:16:00.240 We will compress the time that it would have required for some of the people 00:16:00.240 --> 00:16:05.330 that we'd like to serve to like us and trust us enough to want to engage 00:16:05.330 --> 00:16:11.610 with us in a formal way, through a program, through a coaching experience, 00:16:11.610 --> 00:16:17.260 whatever it is, I don't think the transaction is the best motivation to 00:16:17.260 --> 00:16:20.110 do this, but it is an ancillary benefit. 00:16:21.845 --> 00:16:24.645 I think the relationships and the experiences and the inspiration and 00:16:24.645 --> 00:16:26.595 the clarity are the real benefits. 00:16:28.535 --> 00:16:31.775 And then we have, you know, transactions that result in the form of coaching 00:16:31.775 --> 00:16:33.465 sales and program sales and et cetera. 00:16:34.335 --> 00:16:35.255 And those are great too. 00:16:35.805 --> 00:16:38.585 They're just not as exciting as the rest of it. 00:16:40.085 --> 00:16:43.065 So I'm probably not going to do this a lot. 00:16:45.880 --> 00:16:49.120 But I'm going to do it some, and I'll probably partner with my wife and 00:16:49.120 --> 00:16:53.320 I'll probably partner with some of you listening who are my friends that I 00:16:53.320 --> 00:16:56.410 already have that trust and confidence with that we could, we know we could 00:16:56.420 --> 00:16:59.510 do something together and we could both enjoy it a lot and benefit from it a lot. 00:17:00.140 --> 00:17:03.240 But all of you have somebody like that too, or you can do this alone. 00:17:04.980 --> 00:17:08.740 I'm just trying to persuade you that it will be worth the effort. 00:17:11.360 --> 00:17:13.650 If you try to do it every month, might become a grind. 00:17:14.170 --> 00:17:19.910 If you try to do it three times a year, those three events will probably be 00:17:20.000 --> 00:17:22.000 some of the highlights of your year 00:17:24.180 --> 00:17:28.000 because there's just no substitute for being in the same physical space 00:17:29.800 --> 00:17:30.850 as the people you want to serve. 00:17:33.540 --> 00:17:36.300 And with that, I will talk to you next time.