Show Notes
Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem
Episode 16: Who Am I, Really? Identity and Resiliency
May 18, 2020
Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. We are going beyond mere resiliency, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com. Thank you for being here with me. This is episode 16, released on May 18, 2020 entitled Who Am I, Really? Identity and Resiliency
In the last episode, we discussed the main sign of psychological health. I asked you to send in your thoughts about what is that main sign. In the Resilient Catholics Carpe Diem community space at Souls and Hearts, which we launched a week ago, I was having a great exchange with Kathleen which spurred me on to some further consideration about integration, resiliency and especially identity. Really want to thank you, Kathleen.
Alright, I want to take you back with, way back to the beginning human history, come on with me to Genesis 3. We’re picking it up in the middle of the story. Adam and Eve have fallen to Satan’s temptation and eaten the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. Let’s listen to the story but be thinking about the theme of identity – Who Adam and Eve were, and how they saw themselves. That’s what I want you to keep in mind. So put your listening ears on, and get ready -- It’s story time with Dr. Peter.
Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves aprons. And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” And he said, “I heard the sound of thee in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.”
Here we see a radical shift in both who Adam and Eve really were – they had been in a state of grace and now they have fallen into sin. Also, though, you have a radical shift in how Adam and Eve see themselves. They hear God walking in the garden, gently calling out to them – and God, being all know, He knew exactly where they were. In his gentleness, in His consideration for them, he didn’t want to startle them or disconcert them any more than they already were. He was calling out to let them know He was coming.
And their response – to be afraid, to hide from him. Their identities were devastated. Think about what just happened.
Very difficult to underestimate the catastrophic psychological effects of the fall. We get the physical effects of the fall, the effects of the fall on our bodies --
Subjective identity includes the experiences (and how we recall those experiences), the close relationships, and values that come together to form one’s subjective sense of self. You might say subjective identity is who we feel ourselves to be, in the given moment. For some that sense of identity is more consistent and stable, and for others, it may vary more from day to day.
Conscious Subjective Identity Who we profess ourselves to be.
Unconscious Subjective Identity – Parts of us that hold assumptions about us that are not available in conscious awareness. There are moments when these unconscious assumptions break into conscious awareness – particularly when we are stressed, tired, overwhelmed. These moments are when our regular defenses open up and some of what we keep out of awareness starts bubbling up.
Example: Remember the Boasting Traveler from Aesop’s fable in the last episode - episode 15- you know, the one how bragged about how he made the most prodigious leap in the city of Rhodes? That traveler was troubled with narcissism – deep sense of sense of inferiority, weakness, shame, and inadequacy. These were not in conscious awareness – but those unconscious beliefs existed and they influenced and motivated his behavior to try to impress others. But then the bystander punctured his puffed up presentation – challenged his boast and may have deflated him, brought him into contact with his own inadequacy, both real and felt.
Another example of unconscious subjective assumptions about ourselves. Let’s look at dependency. Dependent people may not be in touch with their deep unconscious beliefs that they will only have their needs met if they are subordinated to more powerful others – they need the powerful other person to make them whole or complete.
Every personality style every personality disorder has implications for our conscious and unconscious assessments of ourselves. In a word, every personality style reflects assumptions about our identity.
So let’s break this concept of identity down into a more fine-grained analysis. Come on with me as we go deeper into this.
Objective identity is who we actually are. How God knows us to be. The reality of who we are. This doesn’t depend at all on our opinion of ourselves. This isn’t as much in fashion these days, the concept of objective reality. Divine revelation, which doesn’t care much about current fads and fashions in secular psychology, though, Divine revelation teaches us a lot about who we are as human beings – objective reality from the One who is Truth.
Subjectivism is the doctrine that "our own mental activity is the only unquestionable fact of our experience", instead of shared or communal, and that there is no external or objective truth. My truth. You have your truth and I have my truth. And there is no objective truth.
But reality has a way of hanging around – even in secular psychology. So we still have the concepts of delusions and hallucinations—characteristic of departing from reality, breaking with reality.
So those three elements –
1. Who we really are in the mind of God (objective reality)
2. Who we profess ourselves to be
3. What we unconsciously assume ourselves to be
Relate these back to Adam and Eve
Triangle of Pathology – 1: who we really on in God’s eyes 2: Who we believe ourselves to be in our conscious awareness – this is who we profess ourselves to be – “I am a beloved child of God”. 3: The unconscious beliefs we hold about ourselves those that are outside of conscious awareness, but that still impact us.
When those three points come together into a single point, we are grounded in reality. The size and the shape of the triangle tell us something about how well adjusted we are.
Exercise – go back and remember how you thought about yourself when you were in your dark place. What kinds of assumptions came bubbling up. This may not be hard for some of you, because you may be in your dark place right now. But if you’re not in your dark, hard place remember back to it. There are clues to what you may unconscious think and feel about yourself. If you can begin to work on those assumptions in both the natural realm and in the spiritual realm you may not have to go back to that dark place as much. Or it may not be as intense.
Review the points made.
I am listening to you! I’ve had multiple requests on the topic of grief and resiliency so be with us in the next episode, coming out on Memorial Day, May 25 where we will get into that in depth. What you say really matters to me, and it helps me tailor this podcast to what you need. Keep the suggestions coming in! We have a
Action item: Register for the Resilient Catholics: Carpe Diem! Community
here. Working on growing the community and becoming more connected. To that end, here are two opportunities. We’re a small community, so let’s take advantage of that. Let’s really get to know each other.
Zoom meeting On Friday, May 29 at 7:30 PM Eastern time. 6-12 of the community members and me, and I’ll make a brief presentation on the special topic of Grief, Loss and Resilience. I will also present some exercises you can do on your own after the meeting. Zoom meeting, register in the community space, starting on Wednesday, May 20. Seating is limited. Last one hour. Very interactive. Since we’re working with such small groups, we are doing a Zoom meeting rather than a webinar.
Zoom meeting: On Saturday, June 6, 5:00 PM Eastern time This one will be much more experiential and it will be about Managing Your Stress. Lots of tips, pointers and recommendations about stress management during the time of the coronavirus. That one will also last for 60 minutes.
Dr. Peter, Dr. Peter, I can’t make those times? Can I still watch? Absolutely, we don’t want to leave anyone behind. Yes, we will record both the meetings for later viewing for those who are in the community.
Register for the community – I get on the discussion boards several times a week, and I respond more quickly to the conversations on those discussion board than I can to my email.
Register with us first 30 days are free, so these two zoom meetings will be free.
No one left behind because of financial need. If the $25 per month is too much, then contact me at
crisis@soulsandhearts.com Dr. Gerry and I don’t want financial concerns to ever keep anyone away from benefitting from what Souls and Hearts has to offer. To register, login to Souls and hearts.com and go to the home page, scroll down and you’ll see the “Resilient Catholics: Carpe Diem) right in the middle.
All right, the most important thing – prayer and sacrifice. Please pray for Souls and Hearts. Please pray for me and for our community and for this podcast, that it be what God our Father and Mary our Mother want it to be. Thank you for all the prayers.
And that’s a wrap for today. And in closing, Let’s invoke our patroness and patron: Mother Mary, undoer of knots, pray for us. St. John the Baptist, pray for us.