Show Notes
"Would you like to know your future? If your answer is yes, think again. Not knowing is the greatest life motivator. So enjoy, endure, survive, each moment as it comes to you in its proper sequence – a surprise." ~Verna Nazarian
Based on her training in neuroscience and wisdom gained through her spiritual journey, Gail learned that the words "I DON'T KNOW" are some of the most powerful words to embrace.
Not knowing gives us the chance to truly create anew and have a LASTING CHANGE. When we focus on what we already know, we often end up repeating the past.
--The gap time between the old ways of being and the new is our most creative, fruitful, and even magical time. And yes, this period of staying in the unfamiliar causes angst, for it means we need to let go of control.
--The trick is not to focus, or base progress, on external circumstances during this time of unknowns. It may look like nothing is changing on the outside, yet the internal transformation that comes from staying with the pause can be life-altering.
--Saying “I don’t know” also opens us up to others’ perspectives, which helps expand our world view, and get out of limited thinking.
When Gail was first introducing her worthiness platform to the national media via a major TV show, she spent a lot of time in solitude grounding herself for whatever will happen—or does not happen—next.
KNOW THIS SHE SAYS: I did set very clear intentions for what I wanted to share, and then let go of the outcome.
In that reflective time—I embraced the
joy of new possibilities and focused on letting go of old controlling ways of being that no longer serve my growth.
The show happened, and it was seen by my family, friends, and colleagues all over the country, which helped me bond with others I hadn’t seen in a long while.
It was those connections that brought me joy, not seeing myself on TV, as grateful I am for national exposure and the new doors that later opened in their own time, not by “willing” them or knowing what would happen.
I know the pandemic, with all its uncertainties, has forced many of us into that “I don’t’ know” time. Instead of feeling guilty for needing to “wait” or impatient about “what’s next,” use this time to build trust muscles that you WILL BE PROVIDED FOR, and in a potentially new and more expansive way that you alone could have imagined.
I created this new CLAIM YOUR WORTHINESS PODCAST after spending time in the unknown, staying open and trusting.
I love these words of Henri J. M. Nouwen from his book, Life of The Beloved:
“I have found it very important in my own life to try to let go of my wishes and instead to live in hope. I am finding that when I choose to let go of my sometimes petty and superficial wishes and trust that my life is precious and meaningful in the eyes of God, something really new, something beyond my own expectations begins to happen to me…To wait with openness and trust is an enormously radical attitude toward life.”
TO KEEP LETTING GO into I DON’T KNOW, meditate frequently—and make friends with your wise inner and Higher-self, who will guide you forth.
2. The second major and related permission slip to give yourself that can change your life is PERMISSION TO REST.
--It’s safe to stop, rest and do nothing.
--answers come in quiet, not all that pushing, begging, pleading, controlling.
--the body, mind, and even spirit heal best in a restful state...as I noted in my book, Cancer as A Love Story...Developing the Mindset for Living, worrying is not a form of exercise...the mind needs to become CALM to create anew.
--And remember this: when in a major change, transformation takes a lot of energy. Resting and regrouping are important.
--This year especially, the longing for rest seems even stronger, with the pandemic thrusting us into a worldwide transformation that has zapped our energy. Normal automatic routines now require an extra level of thought and care.
--Despite the weariness, and desire to rejuvenate, I have witnessed personally, and professionally within my coaching practice, how difficult it can be to rest.
--To stop and become “non-productive” from our busy ways is often jolting, and darn right scary for many--especially those who have had a lifetime of being super competent and driven.
--Some of that drive often comes from having unmet needs as a child, when one was not adequately validated in a nurturing way.
--To stop, and have to find that validation from within, from moments of doing nothing, is foreign and uncomfortable. Guilt and shame for not being “the responsible self” will try to sabotage the best intentions for rest.
--Trusting that you will be provided for, when you take time off, is another big challenge for many. Pushing ourselves is so hard-wired in as the answer to challenges, even though we often find our most creative solutions by stepping away from a problem or issue.
--So, I often grant my clients the same gift I gave myself after nine years of deep inner growth post-cancer and four months working into the wee hours of the morning rebranding my business: I give them “permission to rest.”
--And, their first reaction is often that they start sobbing, for so many have been so strong and responsible for far too long.
--Rest not only gives the body time to rejuvenate; it provides space for all emotions to be felt and released, as the body, mind, and spirit get re-centered.
--My clients’ tears are often a recognition of their exhaustion and grief as they start absorbing the enormity of their losses from lack of playfulness, spontaneity, and time off from thinking and planning.
--Initially relieved to feel these emotions that have been buried for years, these clients (like I did when first diagnosed with breast cancer) will then typically give all sorts of reasons why they cannot stop, detailing a list of their responsibilities and obligations.
--The truth is we will always find distractions from choosing to sit, and “be” with ourselves. I understand that. The adrenaline rush of “doing” is more ego-stroking than discovering the parts of ourselves that have been painfully neglected.
--These are the words I use to help busy clients start to break open to new empowering, peaceful and elevated ways of being: It is safe to rest.
--That excessive drive to accommodate the demands of the external world, to satisfy the ego, will never provide the same levels of joy in finding and living from an inner, grounded sense of being.
--The search to more fully claim and express your authentic self also often begins with rest, and at the very least, daily moments of stillness.
--For all its downsides, the pandemic has brought us inward and is shifting us to a new way of learning—to allowing in, waiting for answers, versus pushing forward.
And, one of the most empowering things we can do in a restful state is to choose to change our mindset by rewiring in new beliefs. The mind cannot welcome new information in a state of chaos.
Accept, versus resist, the discomfort of stopping all the busyness. Choose to see rest as a life-enhancing gift to yourself to build a new foundation of worthiness, based on who you are, not what you do or have.
TRUST THE EMPTY SPACES IN YOUR LIFE and know that they will fill up in better ways than you ever imagined versus living from a continual state of exhaustion based on past conditioning of “performing,” “being good,” “reaching” and being “the super-responsible one.”
And, ask yourself: Why have you valued being chronically busy more than being present to yourself and others? Is there a paradigm shifted needed? When you rest and fill yourself up, you have more to offer yourself and others.
Your other responsibilities will still be there waiting, as you rest and regroup, but this time as you rewire your brain for optimal outcomes, your needs and desires will be included in the picture of your most fulfilling life.
Here’s an example of what happens when we give ourselves PERMISSION TO REST:
I got a book endorsement from a major doctor when I was on a 12-day vacation, intentionally unplugged, and chose to LET GO. A client heard the endorsement on an Instagram video when that doctor read about my book for a full five minutes on her video.
Rest is especially important if you feel stuck in life, to give your mind time to change the channel of inner talk repeating the same old stories of life not working for you.
At rest, when the mind is calm, infinite new possibilities often emerge.
And as yoga instructor Adyashanti says:
“The more in harmony you are with the flow of your own existence, the more magical life becomes.”
You are the leader of that life—give yourself permission to enjoy it and expand by allowing yourself:
· not to need to know all the answers, and
· giving yourself time to rest.
Both of these permission slips will help you embrace the mystery of life that is unfolding for your highest good. TRUST THE PROCESS.