Now, I don't know if this excuse would work around here. It, it might've worked in Florida, but it, it didn't. Uh, guy crashed a stolen BMW
doing 130 miles per hour in Florida, and you know, when the police showed up, he said he'd been teleported into the car, and you know, he thanked the officers for saving him from the aliens. [laughs] Then he kept asking 'em for a, a lighter. He's like, "You got a lighter?" Face is all bloody. I mean, you're wrecking 130, you're lucky to be alive. I guess he must've been doing pretty good. He's lucky he got teleported in, uh, you know, at, I guess, after the accident. Uh, [laughs] "Yes, I teleported." Um, there is video footage showing it actually happening, and doesn't appear that he just appeared in the seat, you know, out- out of nowhere. You can see him driving. But, he insists, teleported in, you saved me from the aliens. Uh, once they extinguished the flames, they took him to a hospital and then, uh, jail. Charged with grand theft, driving while license is canceled, suspended, or revoked. Well, I mean, yeah, of course. You wouldn't be driving without a, without a license. Nobody does that. Right? Nobody steals vehicles. I'm buying his teleportation story. [laughs] Oh, Florida man. About time we had a Florida man story. Seems like it's been a while. So, maybe I'll keep digging. Maybe we have more. I don't know. But it's seven o'clock and I'm hoping the day just rockets on by. Welcome to the program. Welcome to Wednesday, and let's have some fun today, all right?
Welcome to the Victor Wilt Show. [laughs] Wow. Okay. I'm watching video footage from a ring camera right now of what can happen when ding dong ditch goes wrong. Tell your kids, don't do it. Don't do ding dong ditch. We've discussed this many, many times, but the stories just keep coming. This one involving a Florida firefighter, who's now in jail. Uh, the video I was watching shows him chasing down some teenagers who were driving away on a golf cart [laughs] and screaming profanity as he starts beating the golf cart with a baseball bat, as well as the teens. Ooh. Yeah, and he's swinging hard. All right? Yeah, he, he hit three teenagers with the baseball bat. One of 'em as young as 15. [laughs] They're yelling in pain, "Stop! Stop! I didn't do anything wrong."
Don't do ding dong ditch, kids.
People are crazy. So, apparently these kids, they'd just been rolling around in a golf cart, ringing doorbells and hitting doors. You know, knocking on the door pretty hard. One neighbor said, "Oh, they hit the door so hard they damaged it." And the cops are like, "N- no, they didn't." But, ah, man, you're just trying to roll around the neighborhood on a golf cart, have a little bit of fun. I mean, it's kind of a lazy ding, ding dong ditch. Back in our day, we had to run away. Um, [laughs] golf cart seems like it'd be more fun as a way to escape, but this guy can run faster than the golf cart. [laughs] And you don't wanna get just beat with a baseball bat. But, uh, yeah, this firefighter's in jail. Uh, he hasn't been fired yet. Been pa- uh, placed on paid administrative leave. He's still getting money. You know, still getting his paycheck, even though he beat some kids with a baseball bat for ringing his doorbell and running away. Uh,
it seems like he's gonna lose his job, right? I mean, you, you're a representative of the, uh, community as a firefighter. [laughs] I would assume you're gonna lose your job. I, I'll never understand why people get so crazy about ding dong ditch, why you would go attack children. But, that's the world we live in now. And I mean, this was a Florida story, so should've been obvious. Uh, if there's one place on the planet you don't wanna do ding dong ditch, it's in Florida. But, I, I wouldn't do it around here, either. We've had our own incidents. So, warn your kids. Eh, it's not 1990 anymore. Can't play these games.
Man, just stumbling across a number of stories this morning about pranks going awry. You know, we talked about the ding dong ditch that ended up in a beating via baseball bat. Well, nobody was hurt in this one, but the guy did end up, uh, at least being charged with some crimes. After a long night of drinking, 24-year-old Anthony Stallard stepped into Kingston Cemetery. Where that is, I don't know. But, [laughs] apparently he was wandering between the graves going, "Ooh, ooh," pretending to be a ghost. So, somebody called the cops and they showed up, and [laughs] they're like, "What are you doing?" He's like, "Ah, I was, I was just trying to have fun. You know? Just pretending to be a ghost." So, uh, he was charged with threatening or abusive behavior likely to cause distress. Um, [laughs] geez.
[heavy metal music] Seems kind of, uh,
excessive. I don't know how, "Ooh," is, uh, threatening, but I don't know, some people are afraid of ghosts. So, [laughs] he's like, "Come on, it was just a little bit of fun." They're like, "No. Plus you wouldn't drink it. Mm. This has gone beyond a joke." So, I guess don't do that. [laughs] It does sound like it'd be fun to wander around the cemetery at night. "Ooh." I mean, who's hanging out at the cemetery at night? Other people that are probably up to no good. [laughs] "Ooh," that's pretty funny. [rock music] You see these stories of people trying to sneak stuff into jail from time to time, and you wonder like, okay, after you get it in there, what are you gonna do? Generally, these are, like, drug stories, but this one I forgot about. It was sent to me yesterday. Somebody flew a drone over a jail and had the drone drop crab legs, steak, and Old Bay Seasoning. [laughs] We're just gonna have ourselves a nice, fancy feast.
[rock music] Fancy!
How you gonna whip that up in a jail without somebody noticing? You know? [laughs] I mean,
you can smell a steak cooking, you know? Especially once you throw on a little Old Bay. I guess they probably had that for the, uh, crab legs. Uh, I guess they did smuggle some drugs along with it too, threw in a little bit of weed, um, which is another item that you'd think when they start, you know, firing it up, somebody's gonna smell it, but
I don't know. Quite the Christmas delivery. This was in, uh, Lee County, South Carolina. Yeah, I guess they're looking for a crab boil. Uh, they were just gonna get wild with it and, uh, threw in some smokes for good measure. Uh, all of these items were, uh, immediately found, putting an end to the party. [laughs]
[rock music]
I've... [laughs] I, I don't know. Maybe it was a, like a gag. I mean, it's an expensive gag. I saw a local restaurant selling some crab legs the other day, like, "Y- you can come pick 'em up, fresh from Alaska." And I was like, "All right!" Then I saw the price and was like, "No." [laughs] "That's a little out of my budget." So if it was a prank, I mean, I, I don't know what a carton of cigarettes runs, but they got two of 'em in the photo here. Very expensive prank if so. Uh, nobody's been busted for it, so I don't know. But, [laughs] it just doesn't seem like a plan you're gonna get away with. I... But what do I know? You know? May- maybe in Lee County, S- South Carolina, [laughs] if you buy 'em from the commissary and whip, whip yourself up a steak. I, I don't know. I have no clue, thankfully. [laughs] D- don't know how long term sentencing in a jail treats you. [rock music] Well, here's a story that shows while you, or why you should always microchip your pets. You know, they get lost. Somebody brings 'em in, scans 'em, and then you get a call, "Hey, we found Choco!" Yeah, this little dog named Choco, family lost him in Sacramento about five years ago. Well, he was just found tied to a fence in Detroit. Yeah, more than 2,000 miles from home, five years later. [laughs] Can you imagine? I mean,
it's a, it's a happy ending, I guess. You know, very sad story to begin with any time, you know, a, a pet disappear. I, I can't imagine. I, I think it was last year about this time
when, uh, Lucy managed to get herself locked in a neighbor's garage for a couple days. It was really, really cold out. I was a mess, a complete mess. And, uh, thankfully, you know, went door to door, found her. All was well. She was very happy to see me. It's the loudest I've ever heard her meow. But yeah, microchip your pets, everybody. You know, it's a, it's just a great idea. I quickly got her microchipped after that and now she also wears a, uh, tracking device on her collar. Should probably get those for the other cats and the dog. All right, what else we got here? Oh, note to, uh, fishermen, I'll have to ask Lieutenant Crane to hit up his friends at Fish & Game
on this one 'cause I don't know, as, as far as Idaho goes, what the law is, but in Texas, you cannot fly a drone over an area you want to fish and just drop a bunch of bait all over the place to lure the fish in. [laughs] Yeah, they've been, uh, getting a lot of calls about this, Texas Parks & Wildlife, "Hey, can we spread bait with a drone before fishing?" Come on, get out and do it the old-fashioned way. Get your pole, put your bait on. Can't use, you know, modern technology to just make it easy. Come on, now. It's fishing. Isn't the... Isn't part of fishing just being out in the woods? Not necessarily, "I gotta get as many fish as possible"? I don't know. I, I don't tend to go fishing much. Every once in a great while. It, it's just not, not my thing. Have you ever picked up a fish with your hands? It sucks. [laughs] I don't dig it. It's just, just not my jam. I like sitting by a lake or sitting by a river, but, I mean, fishermen, they'll walk out into the, the river. Ah, just, you, you know me with natural waters, not my thing.
Let's see here. A Missouri judge who wore an Elvis Presley wig and played the singer's music in court has been forced to step down. [laughs] Can you imagine? You're, you're forced to go to court. You have to deal with it, and you show up and the judge is dressed up like Elvis just
bumpin' tunes. Uh, it does seem a little bit unprofessional. I'm looking at a picture. This is an over-the-top Elvis wig as well. Um,
[laughs], I guess, uh, the, the guy would, uh, make Elvis references
when he was talking to pe- you know, people in court. [laughs] Oh man, that, that would make court more entertaining, yeah? Generally a pretty boring process, but, um, yeah, I guess people didn't like it. [laughs]
Oh, if you're planning on heading to Arches National Park, be aware, you know, when, when the weather changes and it starts raining and snowing and such, areas with sand... Quicksand is a real thing.
You know, you, you don't tend to read a lot of stories about people getting trapped in quicksa- quicksand, but, uh, yeah. A guy was luckily spotted by, I don't know if it was a helicopter or what, but [laughs] somebody was flying over, you know, just search and rescue, and they see somebody down there and they're like, "Eh, is that somebody stuck in quicksand?" So, luckily, the guy was rescued, but... Oh, it sounds cold and miserable, and, uh, ugh. As someone with claustrophobia,
getting stuck in the sand, you know, and he was about waist-deep, I'd be horrified. That makes me uncomfortable to think about. But all, all ended well. It's not generally like you see in the cartoons and somebody just sinks all the way in. You know, usually, y- you get your feet stuck, you know? But you could get eaten, you know? You could get eaten by a bear, mountain lion. [laughs] What a miserable way to go. One, you're stuck and you're like, "I can't get out." Next thing you know, here comes a wolf. Ugh, terrible. All right, I got plenty other dumb news we'll get to throughout this program, so hang on. It's a little after 8:00, hope you're having a good morning so far. I shall return. [heavy metal music] You know, as I've gotten older, rides at the amusement park take a, a little bit different toll on you than they did when you were younger. [laughs] I remember the last time we went to Lagoon, first thing we did, bombed over to the Cannibal Roller Coaster, one of my favorite rides of all time. And I don't know if I just wasn't warmed up for rides yet or what, but I got off and I was feeling pretty rough. It was a sad day. It was like, "You're getting old, buddy." Well, maybe I was just into the wrong rides. You know? Got... If you're gonna continue to go on rides as you get older, you gotta find something a little bit more mellow. And I've been on this ride over at Disneyland, the Cars ride. I've been on it one time, okay? It is a great ride. It w- it was really fun, really cool. I don't know if it's the best ride at Disneyland, but it's one of them. Really good. I don't think anybody likes it as much as this guy. This guy's a nut. Yeah, he's a, you know, he's one of these Disney adults. He's been to Disneyland, like, 1,100 times, and the Cars ride is his favorite. I guess he was eager to try it out. It's o- It's officially called Radiator Springs Racers. And, uh, I guess he'd had a variety of surgeries and decided, "All right, you know, they got this new ride, I gotta go try it out. You know, I'm feeling better." And on his first ride, he, he just got hooked. So, he started tracking his rides, 'cause you're, you're sort of racing. Like, it, that... I don't know what determines whether you win or not, you're not controlling the cars, but you know, you're riding a bunch of different cars and somebody ends up winning. So he tracked his races in a notebook, noting his car's color, the lane, whether he wins or loses, and he just fell in love with the ride. This guy just hit 15,000 times riding the Cars ride, 15,000 times. Now, I've been on the Cannibal Roller Coaster
[laughs] maybe five times? I don't know. He goes to Disneyland and rides it, on average, 13 times each visit. It's all he does.
"All right, let me go get back in line." [laughs] 'Cause if you've ever been to Disneyland, you know how long the lines are. Now, there is a faster moving line for single riders, but
I don't know, it... Like, if you eat a cheeseburger every day, I love cheeseburgers,
but if you eat them every day, y- you're gonna get sick of them, right? This guy's a nut. [laughs] But what- whatever. To each their own, everybody's got the- their own things they're into. [laughs] 15,000 times. I would hope they gave him some kind of, uh, accolades or reward for this, 'cause again, this is nutty behavior and... If it's worth the... You know, if it's newsworthy, you'd think Disneyland would do something for the guy. I hope they gave him at least one free ticket or something. You know, maybe an honorary plaque on a car? Crazy. Oh, Peaches just walked in. Peaches, have you been on the Cars ride at Disneyland?
Yeah.
You see that guy ride 15,000 times?
No.
[laughs] 15,000.
What a loser.
[laughs] I didn't call him a loser.
[laughs].
I called him a nut, but-
How old is he, too old?
He, he's pretty old. He's, he's older than me. Um, let's see if it, uh-
I bet-
... I clo- I closed the tab 'cause I was gonna be done.
I bet the ride operators hate that guy.
Well, they took pictures with him. [laughs]
Oh. Well, they have to. You know, Disney employees have to be a whole other animal.
[laughs]
Y- you really have to, like...... Kill your personality and become like a zombie.
You have to be-
With-
... super friendly?
Yeah, you have to point with two fingers. You can't point with one. That's a fireable offense, you know?
Point with two fingers?
Yeah.
Th- Th- That is kinda weird. But Disney's weird. You know, it's, it's a weird place.
Yeah.
It's fun. It's, you know, if you go at, at the right time when it's kinda slow, which isn't very often. You know, you gotta go nice and early. Maybe, uh, you know, when the weather's kinda cool. Uh, nothing worse than Disneyland on a hot day.
I bet you all those employees internally were like, "Oh, there's Marc again."
[laughs]
"I bet he's gonna talk to us."
[laughs] You, you know he talks to 'em.
"I bet he's gonna tell us the history of this ride."
Oh, he knows everything about this ride. He, he, he knows everything about this ride.
We had at my high school's grad night, at, uh, California Adventure where the Cars ride is at, and it, there, there were so many schools at the park, the wait was two hours. That was the only ride we went on was that one.
Yeah, he, he uses the, uh, single rider line.
Uh, no kidding.
[laughs] That's how-
You're telling me that guy's single, by himself all the time?
[laughs]
Wow, who woulda thought?
So I guess bears aren't only a problem right now in Japan. I guess the bel- uh, black bear population just booming down in Texas.
So people are trying to figure out what to do. Was reading about one guy, he's having a lot of fun with it. He took this, like, giant corrugated pipe, built this big bear trap, and he's like, "Yeah, I'm gonna catch a bear. It's gonna be awesome." Filling up a bucket with, like, old donuts and frozen cantaloupe and
... They're just trying to figure out what to do down there. Well, I remember seeing this a few years ago. Actually, out of Japan. They've got [laughs] th- these robotic, uh, wolves. The Monster Wolf. It's got a big speaker on the front of it and glowing red eyes, and when it senses something walking by, it just starts making all these horrific sounds about as loud as a car horn. Can do animal howls or human voices going like, "You get. You get!" Um, yeah. [laughs] I wanna see these just everywhere. Yeah. Y- you can only put these kinda things up around Halloween it seems. Seem like it'd be a good way to keep people from
... [laughs] Sorry, had to cough. From ding dong ditching. You know, we had the story earlier on the show
where a guy in Florida chased down some kids and beat 'em with a baseball bat for ding dong ditch. Just put the Monster Wolf in front of your house. I mean, if it works against bears, it should be able to prevent ding dong ditch, which keeps our, you know, children safe. [laughs] This thing's ridiculous looking too. I, I don't know if it would scare a bear, but it's pretty funny. I'd like to get one, but you have to order 'em from Japan and, you know, they're probably pretty expensive, so
... I'll send this link to the guy in Texas. You know, instead of trying to catch a bear in a tube out in front of your house, maybe you just put one of these up. You know? But beware, everybody. The bears are fighting back. They're attacking people in Japan left and right, and apparently now they're coming for Texas. Don't even have to, you know, just worry about wild boars anymore that are infected with anthrax. Now it's bears. Getting into some interesting times. Glad to be where we're at where at least the bears seem to be, uh, out in the woods. You know, they don't seem to be an in-town problem.
Well, hello, Jay Davis. Welcome to the program.
What up, Blob?
Well, just being a blob.
Yeah.
I noticed this morning that at some point-
[laughs]
How long has that been there?
[laughs] Like, ever since the Blob Christmas Elf.
[laughs]
I changed it that same day.
Now that that screen's not right in front of my face-
[laughs]
... you know, I, I glance at it real fast to get the board going, but-
[laughs]
... I noticed, uh, Blob the Elf-
[laughs]
... in the little corner there. [laughs]
[laughs] You haven't discovered the other little gift I left for you.
No, you t- uh, that wasn't it?
Nope.
I thought that was it.
Nope.
I've still yet to find whatever other thing-
[laughs]
... you left around the studio.
[laughs] That's what, it's been like a m- month and a half now on the other one?
At least. I'm, I'm stumped. I'm probably never gonna find it.
Oh, you will at some point.
Uh, I will?
It'll be, "Ah!"
[laughs] What?
[laughs]
And it's not like hidden in the computers?
Eh, maybe.
Oh, okay.
Maybe not.
All right. Hmm.
Maybe I'm just messing with you. There's nothing at all.
Probably.
[laughs]
That wouldn't surprise me at all.
Just kid-
You're always messing with me.
... giving you anxiety. [laughs]
[laughs] I'd kinda forgotten about that-
Oh, yeah
... 'til you mentioned it again. [laughs]
[laughs]
But I thought that might've been it. I thought that might've been it, Blob the Elf.
No. You should go look at all the other ones in the s- in the office.
Yeah?
[laughs]
You, you changed them all around all the studios?
Yeah. Yep.
[laughs]
When I was doing the major backup of everything.
Okay. All right, I'll have to go take a look.
Uh, I just mess with some people.
Has anybody else noticed?
Uh, just Josh.
Just Josh.
Oh, and Peaches.
And, uh, so Peaches noticed Blob the Elf?
Yeah.
Okay. Well, you know me, I, you know, I don't pay a lot of attention. You know?
Yeah.
I'm in my wo-
I was surprised. Peaches is pretty on it, and he like, he noticed it within like couple seconds of me, uh, changing it.
Really?
Yeah.
Well, you know Peaches, he's always, always creeping, keeping an eye on everything.
[laughs] He, he peeps 'em-
He's always watching.
He's always peeping.
[laughs]
We're, we need to make a Suno Peeping Peaches song.
Yeah, why haven't we made a Peeping Peaches song? It could be really disturbing too.
[laughs] It could.
[laughs] That's a good idea. All right, uh, I'll, I'll try to get on that but you know me, I'm busy.
And you're gonna forget.
I'm busy being the King of Christmas today.
'Cause you're old and you're gonna pass out-
Uh, today-
... just sitting
... today I'm, you know, doing pretty good on the tired front. Last night I got to bed at a somewhat reasonable time and, uh, managed to sleep through the night without waking up to horrific nightmares. Ever since I had the flu, dude, I've been having the craziest, just wild dreams. I had one, uh, I fell asleep in the recliner the other day to take a nap.[rock music] And-
Weird.
You know, so I didn't have the CPAP on, so I started having those dreams where I can't breathe.
Ah.
Which are always very pleasant. And, you know, a l- sometimes in the dream I'll know that I'm, you know, having a sleep apnea thing, and be like, "Wake up, dude. Come on, wake up."
Wake up before you die.
But this one, for some reason, we were going to a show, some kind of... It was like a, a lounge act. I don't even know why we were gonna go see a lounge act, but it was in this venue that you had to climb a giant hill to get to, so there's like a huge crowd of people. A lot of them really old, and we're climbing up... I mean, it was steep, and like people were falling down and getting injured. And I'm hiking up the hill, and I'm like, "Agh, agh," I can't breathe, and I'm like, "I'm so out of shape." But it was just a sleep apnea event [laughs].
[laughs]
I was just actually not breathing, and I woke up with so much anxiety. It was awful. Oh, those dreams are the worst, 'cause you're like, "I coulda died. I coulda just died right now."
[laughs]
Uh, if you suffer from, uh, snoring [laughs] or if you ever dream that you're not breathing, you should get a sleep study.
I probably need to do one of those [laughs].
[laughs] You should. It's fun. You get, you go stay in a bedroom-like atmosphere, and they hook a bunch of wires to you and you have to try to fall asleep [laughs].
[laughs] It won't happen.
[laughs]
I don't sleep for a-
[laughs] You're just laying there in this laboratory, but it looks kinda like a bedroom, you know [laughs]? Th- there's a bed [laughs]. Uh, yeah, Jade, come on. You're getting old, man. You gotta get these things checked out. You got to, you know, get in for your annual checkups, get your vitamin levels checked.
Well, I finally figured out how to actually sleep a little bit. I just have to... Earplugs, don't touch me, put like 50 pounds of weighted blankets on me, smother me [laughs].
[laughs]
It's like a sleep deprivation, like a sensory deprivation tank-
Oh, that'd give me claustrophobia
... where just everything is gone.
Wow.
[laughs]
Yeah.
So [laughs], if I have to go do a sleep study and there's like things stuck to me and noises, then I'm definitely never sleeping.
Yeah, luckily I, I can crash out. I mean, I can be sitting-
Oh, I've seen it.
Yeah, you've seen it.
[laughs]
You s- I can s- sleep with the lights on.
[laughs] Sleep standing.
[laughs] Music blasting, maybe even standing [laughs].
[laughs]
It's, it's good, but it's also a curse, 'cause then I, you know, I don't wanna wake back up. You know?
I don't want to wake up either.
W- why?
[laughs]
I thought we were friends. I thought we were friends.
No, I just tolerate you.
Oh. Well, that's what I do for you too. [laughs]
Yeah.
All right, everybody. It's break time. We got Peaches in the house once again. What's up, homey?
I was peeping.
Peeping. Peaches just relentlessly peeping. We'll probably have to play that song during the noon hour of madness, man.
Sure.
Just put it in the system [laughs].
Why not? It's inspired by my favorite Halloween track at our library.
Yes.
What's He Building In There?
What's He Building In There? And you gotta get that new, uh, Archspire in the system too. That song was pretty wild.
[blubbers] [laughs]
I would do a, uh, reaction to the music video, but it's inappropriate.
Well, you can always just edit that. You can always just put the Jade pucker alert, the little PNG that's right there on the top right of the screen.
You just cover the whole screen?
No, no. You cover the, the inappropriate gestures.
Okay.
And then you cover the, uh, the, the naughty language at the very end of the video.
Yeah.
Or you can just, right as the song ends, be like, "Oh, that was great."
Just cut it off.
Yeah.
What a great track.
Yeah, that song was awesome. Those guys are great. Uh, like a band with a good sense of humor. So, yeah, thoroughly enjoyed that video. It was called-
Carry Me Home