Excitement, fear, they're the same feeling. Right? Isn't that what they say?

Two sides of the same coin. It's a thin line. Mhmm. Yeah.

Welcome to The Manual Transmission. I'm Brad.

And I'm Monica.

Every week, we sit down with a cup of coffee and a vinyl record to reflect on the week we just made.

Yeah. Whether it's marriage, leadership, culture, whatever life decided to throw at us that week.

We're about to go see someone I haven't seen in thirty five years.

I'm curious to see what Marcello's perspective is on 17 year old you versus 53 year old you. And what is if he can even recognize you and what his perspectives are on you now.

I am excited for that too. Maybe a little nervous. Strange experience to go and reconnect with somebody after that much time and from a different country with an entirely different cultural upbringing. Yeah. And he got to come and see a little bit about us, but I get to go and see where he grew up.

So that's pretty cool.

Yeah. And maybe that's what travel does. It doesn't change who you are, but it kind of reveals who you've become.

I like that. I think we need to talk about this for a minute. The goal last week was to listen to Boys to Men.

Well, we try we genuinely tried. Turns out that wasn't part of an album. It was a single

It was written

that was written for a movie.

The movie Boomerang.

1992 Eddie Murphy movie. It has Chris Rock in it. It has

Holly Berry.

It Martin Lawrence. You would think it would be funny and a good movie. The half the portion of the movie that we saw before we both fell asleep was not good. I don't know if it got better after that, but it was not good.

It well, I fell asleep. Yeah. I I was expecting nonstop slapstick comedy.

There's almost no comedy in it. It was uncomfortably, like, promiscuous and, like, inappropriate office behavior. It was

All all all to get to this song by Boys To I

don't know.

End of the road.

I heard a few notes of it early in the movie.

Well, we didn't get to the song. And I tried to find the album. I went to multiple record stores here in the Valley, couldn't find anything. And so I asked the guys at the counter. They looked it up on Discogs and saw that apparently it's an extremely hard vinyl to find because it was the nineties when they had all the CDs, but the only place that they could find them was in The UK and Italy.

So we'll try while we're there.

There is a there is an album, a single. It's a 12 inch vinyl that this single end of the road is on, and maybe we can find just that.

I'll be so happy if we find it, but I'm gonna be excited to just shop the record store.

That'll be fun.

So we went with?

Hosier.

Unreal Unearthed. Is that the name of it?

Unreal Unearthed. Yeah.

Yeah. It's the one where he's in the dirt.

Where he's in the dirt.

On the on the album cover.

I almost bought it at the Barnes and Noble a couple weeks back, but it was $80 for this deluxe set. And I'm like, I don't know

if Three I can record album.

It is.

But it was act it actually ended being $69. You mentioned that the album is structured like a journey through Dante's inferno, which makes me think of medieval period and artists and we're going to Italy. So that's the connection in my mind. Although, I guess I don't. Inferno is the first part of Dante Alighieri's epic poem, The Divine Comedy, which describes the author's allegorical journey through hell, guided by the Roman poet, Virgil.

So we're going to Rome, and and so the Roman poet Virgil is guiding him through this journey. And hell is depicted as nine concentric circles of suffering, each punishing a different sin from lust and gluttony to fraud and treachery culminating in a meeting with Satan. So the poem serves as an allegory for the soul's journey toward God with inferno representing the recognition and rejection of sin.

The music itself felt dramatic.

It feels slightly dramatic for a Sunday morning, but whatever.

You had even said that one of them felt like a

It could be like

A score of a

An epic movie.

Right. And then there was other songs which coincidentally sounded like Paul Simon.

Right. There was that one that had that Africa feel.

Right.

And there was also some some of the songs had like a a gospel sounding influence. The only song that I knew already on that album was Too Sweet because that's the popular one. I'll take my coffee black, my whiskey neat, my bed at three. That one is like kind of distinct from all the other songs as far as its sound. Yeah.

I I wonder how it is for artists to produce this whole big album and three records worth, six sides, and like one song is known. And the others don't even really sound like that. The range is crazy. I wonder if that's on purpose as he's going through those con the, you know, allegorical journey, he's purposely distinguishing them from one another.

Yeah. What did I say earlier? Feels like modern hippie.

Yeah. One of the songs you were asking me, what does this sound like? I said, I'm not sure. And you said it sounds like modern hippie, whatever that means. It

says that he was influenced by American Blues, Muddy Waters, John Lee Hooker, Lead Belly. He was also influenced, which I think is good here, gospel and spiritual music.

So I was right.

So things like Mahalia Jackson, Mavis Staples. He was influenced by soul, R and B. To me, a little like what's our Irish buddy? Van Morrison.

Oh, yeah.

In a way.

It's funny. I was I think I was making the bed while I was listening to that, and I had that thought, gosh, this sounds a little gospely. I'm like, do I say that or am I gonna sound silly?

You know what? This is the most obvious. Remember, Hosier grew up in Ireland.

Oh, I didn't know that.

Irish storytelling traditions influence his lyrics, narrative style, mythology references, which is total Van Morrison. It says artists in this lane include Van Morrison, the Dubliners. That's why some of his songs feel almost ancient or folkloric.

Okay. That makes so much more sense. Also, his voice is

so get to this?

I don't know.

It is very good. How did

we not know that? This is why we're drawn to him.

We and we just saw him on Colbert. I think for the first me, for the first time, actually seeing him perform.

Yeah. Same. And and he was covering what song was he covering?

Oh my gosh. What was that song? Oh, it was A Little Help From My Friends.

A Little Help From My Friends. And his voice is so good. What I always think about though when I think of Hosier, way back, Sergei Polinen, ballet dancer, he's famous. He's covered in tattoos, which got him got him in some trouble with the different ballet companies. But he's an incredible dancer.

And there's this YouTube video of him performing to take me to church.

Oh, yeah.

I've watched that video several times. I love that video. That video was put out in 2018.

'18. Okay.

And anyway, so Take Me to Church is one of the first Hosier songs I was exposed to.

Same here. When did that song come out?

I'm looking it up.

This is gonna be interesting. When do you think? I'm I'm thinking 2015.

The song came out it came out in 2013.

'13? Yeah.

Monica. 09/13/2013.

Think about what was going on in 2013. I think at a time in our lives that we were kind of off floating in space. Yeah. In terms of connection.

Yeah. I mean, we well, we kind of went our own way. The the think about it. It was like peak competitive ball time for the kids. I mean, were in junior high, junior high and high school, and we were just trying to trying to make sure they had everything they needed and trying to keep up with them and help them start thinking about college.

And it was an intense period for

us. Yeah. Yeah. That was crazy times.

Mhmm.

And that I remember that song. In fact, wasn't it in 02/1213 that we were running Ragnars?

Yeah. And before that, but through that period. Yep. Most music throughout that period was tied to running.

Yeah. Like my hives, forty five

minute Yeah. Exactly. It's it's funny. I was just thinking about those days and running. Well, I'll connect that through my high low.

Let's do high low.

Okay. Let's do it.

All right. Weekly ritual, high and low. You go first this week.

Okay. So we've been going. We got back sliding into the week after travel last week. It was yesterday we were sitting and you said, oh my gosh. We have Wasatch speaker series tickets for tonight.

Yeah. Brian McBride and Kevin Fedarco, they are both, one's a writer, one's a photographer. And they do a lot of work for National Geographic. And they they spoke last night and we went and you were really tired.

Oh, man. It's it's the worst feeling to be right in the middle of an auditorium.

On Row 7 and the speakers looking right at you.

Center stage, and you're you're, like, nodding off.

I felt you jerk awake. I looked at you.

I was like, oh, no. He's he's falling asleep. I was struggling. That was bad.

That

And it's just a bad feeling.

Feeling when you're so tired and you just are having a hard time staying awake and you can't lay down and you're stuck.

That was my low.

Yeah. But we were talking about music and how we that period of time when Hosier's Take Me to Church came out in 2013 was right in the thick of our kids in like junior high and high school and sports and running and running Ragnars. And so most of the music through that period is tied to different training runs or races. And I was thinking as they were talking about their epic journey they did, they did this huge project for National Geographic where they walked the entire length of the Grand Canyon, which if you're floating through the river

like 270

miles. Yeah. Something like that. But if you walk it, because there isn't a trail that goes that way, other than the river, from end to end, so you're climbing and rappelling and scaling, but it's like 750 miles.

Fourteen months.

Fourteen months it took them to do the whole thing. Did it in segments, and they're showing pictures of like cuts and scrapes and blisters and wounds and

Nasty stuff.

They said, like, between them, they had four sprained ankles, two broken fingers, two lost girlfriends. He goes, yeah. That's typical expedition stuff. They had they got a question from the audience about how how often did you wanna quit. And they made this comment about how often they wanted to quit, which was was a lot.

But that they they were working for National Geographic who is famous for saying, we don't publish excuses. And it just I was so I was reflecting on that this morning because my high Mhmm. Was starting daylight savings with going to a cycle class with my sister. It was great. It was hard to get out of bed.

I didn't realize it was daylight savings because my phone just updated. And so I just My body was like, why? I'm not done sleeping.

I felt like I was cheated out of an hour.

Yeah. I didn't realize it until I got there and they were like, hey, daylight savings. Like, oh, that's why I feel this way. But anyway, it felt great to

go It was like ripping off a band aid.

For sure. But then, like, you know, it's hard to wake up and go, but then you get there and and it's, you know, everybody's kinda in it together, and the music's great and loud, and everybody's excited about it. The camaraderie's there, and you're just sweating your butt off, and it's hard, but you're invigorated. It was great. That was my high, for sure.

But I was reflecting on them talking about this journey, and I was thinking about the 100 mile race out on Antelope Island.

Yes.

And in two ways. In one way, I was like, oh, this is why comparison makes you unsatisfied with life. Because instead of being thrilled with myself for completing a 50 mile race, which I should be, because that's a good accomplishment, I've perpetually been disappointed in myself because I didn't complete the 100 mile race. Because my goal was to complete the 100 mile race.

It's a tough race.

It's a tough race. I mean, it's one of the easier hundreds by comparison, but it's a tough race. And so you do the 50 mile We are

talking about a 100 miles.

I know. I know. And you were so gracious to pace me on it. So you were like, you were doing it with me, of course. You were doing your own race, you were there to pace me.

Mhmm.

So I appreciated that. And we did the first 50 miles, and then we set out to do the next 50 miles, and I had I had hurt my knee at mile 20, but I was being so stubborn.

Just a bit.

Because I just wanted to complete it. I was I was totally attached to outcome and not doing it for the right reasons. But at mile 55, my we were about to go down this kind of technical slope, and my knee gave In

the middle of the night.

It was the middle of the night. It was pitch black outside, so we had our headlamps on. And my knee gave out, and I went, oh, I don't know how I'm gonna get down this hill. And you're like, you're not. You're done.

And anyway, you were right to call me on it because I needed to be done. But what I was thinking about is, then there's like this five and a half mile walk

Mhmm.

To to quit. That was they were talking hardest about

five miles.

Oh, just remember the desperation of just, I just, I wanted to lay down on the side of the trail. In fact, I asked you, you didn't hear what I said, but I was like, I had said, hey, can I just lay down for a minute? And you said no, but you thought I had said something else. Oh. So we just kept going.

Gotcha. But but I just remember they were saying, because somebody asked, how often did you wanna turn around? And they're like, turn around? Like, is no quitting out there. Short of being medevaced, which you're not gonna do unless you have to.

Yeah. You gotta get yourself out.

You can't quit.

And even at the end of their race, they said that you've crossed this threshold, these three posts

The demarcation line.

Signified that they were officially done, but they still had two days

Of hiking to get out.

Packing out.

Yeah. Like, when you commit to that, you commit. And so so while I had this, like, this was my reflection this morning, like, okay, don't compare and be disappointed that you didn't do a 100 miles. Be proud you did 50. Yeah.

But then on the other hand, I was like, but I I

want that buckle.

I walked five and a half miles out to quit. Yeah. Could I have going? What, could I have just like figured it out? And so it's like wondering, I feel like that probably is a thing that happens anytime you quit something.

Uh-huh.

Could I have found a way to complete it? I don't know. Walking five mile five and a half miles out to quit is different than doing another 45.

Yes.

But could I have done it? I don't know.

Are you looking to answer that question?

I've I've asked myself that every few weeks since 2018.

So are you wanting to answer that question? I don't

know. I don't know. I don't know.

Okay.

The things that stop me as I'm like, oh, but I have arthritis in my hip and my one knee hurts and like, it's gonna hurt. And then I think I see these like 60, 70 year olds out doing like the Moab 200. Yeah. And they just shuffle their way through and I'm like, oh, yeah. We don't publish excuses.

And there it is.

So I don't know. We'll see.

Way to bring that around.

In the meantime No.

No. I'm good.

You and I are going to Torrent tomorrow morning.

I did commit to go with you tomorrow morning.

This is a high you're positioning this as

a high. I'm positioning this as a high.

Well, how?

I guess Just commit. Rip the band aid off. That's so proud of you. I will try. I will try once.

Okay.

But I'm deathly afraid of this.

Gosh. I really hope it goes well. To be fair, you're only afraid of it not because of the work. You're afraid of it because of the lingering symptoms from Guillain Barre.

Yes.

Give yourself some credit. That's a legitimate concern. It's a cycling

class and Mike Keister is an issue.

Oh, boy.

So I'll report back.

We'll let you know how it goes. Hey. This week, we just have a few days till we leave. Mhmm. So we gotta pack.

And travel tends to feel a little bit like controlled chaos while your packing process is not controlled.

You don't like my process? I have I've already laid out two backpacks on the living room floor. They should be like repositories for anything that That's we want along the how I pack.

I know.

I can't do it last minute. I would that would totally stress me out.

I get that. And I guess, all things being equal, that's how you would wanna, you know, have time to think it through. I haven't had that luxury because oftentimes I'm I'm literally unpacking and repacking in the same 20 So four I've gotten pretty good at mentally taking through my checklist to know exactly what I need for travel because I'm pretty practiced at it. But when it switches up and it's like travel for vacation, that's when I tend to be like, wait, what am I doing?

And we're learning as we're going along and everything that we've heard is don't take roller bags.

Oh, because we're gonna be dragging our bags with us through cobblestones occasionally.

We're not checking any bags and we both have Osprey packs.

Well, they're cool because you have the you have the big backpack, but then strapped to the front of that is your, like, day pack. So you can leave your big pack with the hotel or whatever, and you can take your day pack out with you.

Right.

Hey. I didn't do my low.

Oh. Well, let's do that. So I gotta think of something. You don't have one yet? What was your low this week?

Do I wanna talk about it? What do I even freaking do with that?

Well, any other lows?

I mean, those are

Those are

So my low, it's so interesting each week talking about our lows because it's hard to talk about like trivial lows when the real lows are so low. I don't wanna just keep dwelling on them because it's such a bummer. But my stepdad, Carl, as we all know, we've talked about, he's been my stepdad since I was nine. He has been diagnosed with grade four glioblastoma terminal brain cancer, and we're dealing with that as a family, and he's been a champ. Also, my dad has been diagnosed with stage four prostate cancer.

You know, those are low. Those are low lows. And all the stuff that goes with those. But what I will say is that everybody dies.

We all die.

We're all gonna die. Nobody gets out of this alive. Being confronted with mortality so much right now is just making me think a lot about what we're what we do with the the days we know we have. Nobody's promised tomorrow. And so I'm just trying to be present and grateful for the days that we have.

I'm sorry you're going through that. Thanks. That we are going I through have all of to believe that this is very common for Gen X.

Now we're all kind of in that stage where we're starting to our parents are getting older.

Right.

And starting to ail and die.

And it's a lot. It's a lot of It's hard. It's a lot of planning. It's a lot of hard communications. And I can't even imagine what it would be like if there wasn't the planning.

We were actually talking about this. Our siblings, we all had a meeting, and we were talking about how sometimes people just die tragically, and there is no planning, and they just have to react to that and grieve and process and figure out what to do. And we were wondering like, what's worse? When you know it's coming and you have to plan and you get time to plan, but you also, like my brother made a comment, he said, I've made the commitment, I'm not gonna grieve him till he's gone. So I thought that that was good.

Like, we'll grieve later. Right now, let's be, let's celebrate life.

That is incredibly mature, disciplined. It can be a helpful mechanism to not get caught up

Yeah.

In the emotion.

Not ruminate.

Right.

Yeah. It's one frame of mind. I don't know if there's a right and a wrong way to do this.

I agree.

I'm not gonna say that I'm not grieving now. I I just that's just not true.

That's true.

I think there's this interesting balance between allowing grief to happen and also still like, not missing out on the life and the days that are here.

Right.

That's a good reminder. Just going back to Hosier, he in this album, he constantly references earth and soil and fire and storms, which

And unearthing.

Yeah. Which makes sense because he's going through Dante's Inferno. But, you know, that question, why do artists use nature to talk about human emotions? And I it just makes me think of the seasons. Makes me you know, there's like that.

That for everything, there is a time and a season of purpose.

I think that's the mamas and the papas.

It's also the bible.

You It

might be Ecclesiastes.

You are absolutely right. It's funny. My brain went right to music because you were talking about music.

Yeah. I'm right. It's Ecclesiastes. Wow. My my my my training didn't completely evaporate.

Degree in biblical studies.

I do have a degree in biblical studies, believe it or not. But also, like, there's something real about nature. Like, nature doesn't pretend.

Right.

It's unapologetically what it is. And I just think that's kind of the theme of life right now. We just, it is what it is and also there's something kind of liberating about just being okay with being seen for who you are, flaws and all. Take me as I am or don't. I don't really care.

This is just me. It's just like that authenticity and imperfections kind of make us perfect.

Kinda like that crackle

Yeah.

In the vinyl.

Yeah. And then I don't know why we're drawn to music that kind of explores some of the darker emotions. Maybe it's validating, makes us feel seen.

I think it's the storytelling because we can relate to it. Yeah. You had mentioned we're talking about mortality more and more, and then just reading on the plane.

Dude, that was a that was a choice you made to kick off a vacation by reading The Death of Ivan Ilyich by Leo Tolstoy. That was deep

It was

and dark.

Oh my gosh.

I look over across, you were sitting on the aisle across saw the beam. And you're like crying on the plane, like what is happening over there? I'm like, oh

my gosh, what is going on here?

Maybe this the stories like that and the music that explores those darker emotions, it just helps us realize that we're not the only ones that have been there. It's this shared humanity.

Yes. You're right. Somebody's been through it before.

Yeah.

And we'll go through it again.

It's kind of like being in that spin class this morning. You're like, this hurts, it's hard, it sucks, but we're in it together, and the camaraderie almost camaraderie definitely makes it better, but the discomfort and the pain is almost like necessary to prompt the camaraderie.

I asked you because it sounds like it's like a micro Ragnar experience.

Yeah.

You're in this suffering together. This fun, energetic suffering.

I get that suffering through a spin class is nothing like suffering through the loss of a loved one. Obviously. I'm just, it's like a light analogy for shared suffering. I realize they're not the same.

They are not the same. The value in the conversations that you're having with your siblings is you are all in this shared experience together.

Right.

And I think that many Gen X folks, we've heard it, they don't have the relationships that you are fortunate to have with your siblings to be able to all come together and go, part can I play?

Yeah. I I'm real I realize, one, I'm I'm really grateful. Number two, I realize, not everybody has that. And so I feel really lucky that the relationship that we have as a sibling group is pretty special.

Life unfolds in decades more than days.

Yeah. I can't believe Take Me to Church came out in 2013. Think that was thirteen years ago already. It just feels like I was blown away by that. It feels like it just happened.

And more and more, it feels like you blink and there goes another decade. Maybe that's what great music does. Right? It just it reminds us that humans have always been walking through the same emotional terrain. We just have different soundtracks now.

Okay. So talking about the road ahead, what are you hoping to get out of this trip to Rome?

I am really looking forward to figure out how when we get these moments, how do we utilize them in the best way possible? We get to reset, right? When we get there freshen up at the spa, but then we go and it's going be boom, boom, just active walking around. And I'm really interested in seeing how that changes us coming back. Like, is it a, an accelerant?

Do we come back feeling really exhausted or come back and feel energized for the next season?

Yeah. This is a different trip for me. This isn't like a an aid station like we talked about before, where where we need a break. I'm just getting going. I'm so pumped it's spring, I'm neck deep in a bunch of projects that I'm really excited about.

I'm not looking for a break. I'm in full go mode, and I'm liking it. But, so this isn't that. This is, it's a scouting trip in some ways, because we intend to go back and spend some quality time later in a way that is a downtime trip. But it's seeing, it's getting some time with the kids.

It's seeing our nephew. It's seeing Marcello. It's seeing some art, and eating great food.

Yes.

And drinking Aperol Spritz, and red wine. Patrick's Day. And Saint Patrick's Day. At the Irish pub in Rome. Like, don't know.

It's just gonna be, it's like a party trip. It's not really a R and R trip. I'll sleep on the plane maybe. I'm not very good at sleeping on planes. I'll probably watch movies and listen to books and chill, but I don't know.

I think I'm gonna, I'm just gonna come back still rolling.

I love it.

And then right when we get back, I will have two weeks at home, but then I'm on the road for several weeks in a row, and so, yeah. I don't know. It's spring. I'm happy. You can't hold me down.

I love it.

Let's go.

Let's do it.

One thing I am really looking forward to, so the new the movie, I think it's maybe premiering this weekend. I'm not sure, but it's coming out any any day now. Project Hail Mary. Ryan Gosling is in it. I'm excited to see the movie.

I've heard it's really good. But the book is so good. And I remember telling you also, the audiobook is really good. It's like won prizes for the quality of the audiobook. And I remember telling you about it when I read it.

Andy Weir, he wrote The Martian

Uh-huh.

And Artemis, and I loved those books. The Martian for sure is really good. Artemis was okay. It was still really good, but it's not his best one. And then Project Hail Mary is one of my favorite books I've ever read.

And I remember telling you about it, and then we were reminded, I don't remember why it came up, but you had read Of Mice and Men to me years and years and years ago.

Mhmm.

And I just, I loved that so much. And so I said, hey, let's do that again. We'll read a book together, like read it to each other.

Right.

And you said, what book? And I said, hey, well, this movie's coming out. I love this book. I'd love for you to read it. Let's do let's read Project Hail Mary.

And you went and bought it. So I take that to mean you're willing to read it

with Yes. I enjoy spending that time with you, Monica. It comes out March 19.

Oh, funny.

We get home

On the '20

on the twenty first, but Sunday afternoon, we could go see a matinee and then record after the movie. Okay.

Give a review of the book and the movie? Yeah. We could probably get through it by then.

Think so?

Yeah. We still have this week

K.

And next week.

And maybe because you have it on audio, maybe we listen to some of it.

I was gonna listen to Marble and Stone. Wait. Oil and Marble. Oil and Marble. I said it last week, and I said Oil and Stone.

It's Oil and Marble. It's a great book. I think we should listen to that together and read this one. I think we can do it. I think we can do it.

Especially if we start this week. No. No. One is an audio book and one is a book book.

Oil and Marble, a novel. So I think that we need to listen to Oil and Marble

This week.

This week.

Yes.

We did high low. We did the album. Yep. We talked

about Kevin Fedarco. Yeah. We're not we're not gonna leave that stuff in there.

You don't wanna talk about, like, 2013 and, like, there was a that was a big section.

That's that

I'm not gonna leave all of it, but I think I can condense it to,

like Okay. No. I don't think so.

I'm, like, watching the walls go up

slowly here. Yeah. Don't think that's share worthy of sharing.

You don't think so? Nah. None of it.

I was glad that I was right about Ecclesiastes.

Me too. Oh, now I gotta check too. As right as you were about the bible, I need to be as right

So say it.

It's the birds.

The birds. Yes. What's the title of the song?

Turn. Turn. Turn.

How do you wanna say goodbye?

I want you to say.

Oh my. Yeah. Have a good week. See you next week. Let me see it.

I

love it. See you next week.

See you next week.