Pastor Tim Walker: Welcome to the Sandals Church podcast. My name is Tim Walker, and I'm the campus pastor at Sandals Church Woodcrest. We are so happy to have you join us today as we listen to this incredible message. If you've enjoyed our content, consider leaving us a rating to help this podcast reach even more people. But for now, let's get into the message.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown: I don't always get to attend other churches or watch other sermons. And so it's always a joy when I get to attend a church I've wanted to go to for a long time or hear a pastor that I've wanted to preach. And so a couple years ago, Tammy and I were on vacation, and we got to go to a church I'd wanted to attend for a long time. And we sat down and I was super excited to hear this pastor preach. And and as soon as I sat down, I looked at the text and I was like, oh, God help him.
This is a tough one. And I just started praying for him because sometimes, you know, we don't realize the amount of pressure and stress we put on pastors to really challenge our cultural view of things, our personal view of things, or to navigate an issue that's affected us personally. And so when I sat down to preach the sermon this week, guess which passage it was? The exact same one where I was like, oh Lord, help him. So instead of criticizing me or throwing stones at me this week, would you just say, oh Lord, help him.
Help him get through this because this is a tough issue that God cares enough about to talk to us about. And so the issue is the issue of divorce. Now we've either been personally impacted by this or we know somebody that's been personally impacted by this. And so as I teach through this issue, I just want you to know, you know, be really careful about your amen, you know, because you don't want to offend somebody who's come to church today to heal from a divorce. And so they don't wanna feel judged.
We want them to feel loved today, but we also want them to feel directed today by God's word. So let's just remember, everybody around us is fighting a battle we can't see, is suffering from a wound that we don't know about. And so let's let this be a place at Sandals, it's a place of healing, not a place of hurting. Can I get an amen there? Okay, that was a safe amen.
So I wanna talk today about rethinking my view of marriage through the teachings of Jesus. If I just went out, man on the street and I asked people what marriage was, there'd be all kinds of ideas about what marriage is. Some people say it's out of date. Some people say it's a relic, it doesn't matter, it's just a piece of paper. You know, marriage is just about love.
I mean, this week, I kid you not, this week a 50 year old married her dog. Legit, right? That's where our culture is. Our culture has run so far away from the Bible. It's just kind of the wild west in terms of love relationships.
So here's what I want you to know, especially if you're a Christian today and you're like getting ready to just send Facebook message to all of your friends, you know, here's God's word, deal with it buddy. I want you to see this. Jesus thought that marriage was more than a political talking point. So whenever asks me whenever somebody asks me a question like this, what do you think about gay marriage? They really don't often wanna know what I think about God's word, what I think about my faith.
It's a political talking point, and they're gonna pigeonhole me based upon my answer, left wing, right wing, insane, you know, old fashioned or whatever. And so I just want you to be careful that what we all wanna do today is not just say, okay, what are Matt's politics? What we wanna say is what is God's word? Because here's the thing, even for many of us as Christians, we're more concerned with the politics of a pastor than we are the preaching of Jesus. So what is Jesus saying?
So I want you to know that, you know, making religious things political is nothing new. Oftentimes the questions that are launched at Jesus are not honest theological concerns or reflection. They're trying to trap him politically. And so what they wanna do is they wanna turn his contingency against him because they don't like him. So let's look at Matthew nineteen:one-three.
So when Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and he went down to the region of Judea, East of the Jordan River. Okay, so we've wrapped up the last chapter and then large crowds followed him there. And here's what I want you to underline. So if you're visiting church today, I don't want you to feel judged. I want you to know that Jesus loves you and is for you.
Listen to this, large crowds followed him there and he healed their sick. So before you hear anything that I'm going to say, I want you to know that Jesus is here to help you. He loves you. You're already hurting, you're already suffering and he's here to help you. Now you may not like his prescription, but just know this, his prescription is for your benefit not his.
He didn't come to judge you, you're already judged. He didn't come to condemn you, you're already condemned. He came to save you. So he came and he healed their sick. Some Pharisees came and tried, underline this, to trap him.
These aren't honest questions. These are political questions. These are gotcha questions. Okay, our world is not interested in answers, we're interested in sound bites. And we'll replay the sound bite to our side no matter how badly we butchered what they actually said.
So Jesus is not dumb. He's aware that this is what they're trying to do. And so here's the question, here's the trap question. He says, should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for any reason? So here's what happened.
Moses in the law said that divorce was permissible. And this just got out, it got out of hand. And pretty soon ladies, not ladies, men could divorce their wife for any reason. All they had to do was give her a certificate of divorce and she literally was booted out of her house, out of her home with no money, with nothing and left basically for dead in a culture. And these were religious people that were doing this.
And so the question is, Jesus, what do you say on the issue of divorce? Now here's the thing, as soon as he answers, he's going to divide himself from somebody in his own religion. So even in Christianity today, if you just Googled sermons on divorce, you're going to find multiple answers to the same question. Christians don't all agree on everything. We just got to understand that.
And so what we have to do at Sandals is we have to interpret God's Word to the best of our ability. So before I answer these questions, let me just say this to everyone. Sandals Church is a unique church. Let me tell you what I want you to know. Everyone is wanted and welcome at Sandals regardless of race, religion, or sexuality.
Everyone is wanted and welcome. You are welcome here. Hold on. Everyone is invited to join us as we follow the teachings of Jesus, regardless of race, religion or sexuality. So my job to the best of my ability, I don't do it perfectly, I get it wrong, but my job is to teach God's word.
Your job is to choose whether or not to follow God's word. And we all do this. At some point, look at this, at some point in my Christian faith, I will have to choose between my desires and Jesus' direction at some point. And so think about it. If you're watching online from home, you made a decision today.
God says that we should gather together for worship and you said PJs are more important, amen? Okay, not you guys, but you're here. You made a decision. You chose comfort, which is not always wrong, but you chose comfort over a calling. Now some of you came to church today and we just had an offering.
And you chose to listen to God's word and to give of your resources to bless his church or you chose to keep them for yourself. So we're all making these decisions every when I invite you to get into discipleship group, some of you are choosing, nope, I'm just gonna go to church, I'm gonna get my message and I'm gonna leave each week. See, you're choosing between your desires and the direction of Jesus. Some of you, I invite you to serve the church. Jesus says we should serve the church.
He is a servant. Every single weekend you make a decision to serve or not serve. We all do this. And here's the thing, the way our lives get messed up as Christians is usually not by one catastrophic decision. It's a thousand little decisions to go your own way.
And before you know it, you're like, where am I? And here's what happens. There was a fork in the road and you chose your desires over the direction of Jesus. So this is not a political talking point. This is not a, you know, Sandals is left or right.
Sandals wants to be centered on Jesus. And what that means is we're probably gonna offend a lot of people. Because if you wanna take a bullet, try to stand in the middle with God's word. I'm just telling you, okay? So what does Jesus teach?
Look at this. Jesus saw marriage as a sacred, unbreakable commitment. Three words, sacred. So should you marry your dog? No.
No. If you're watching from a campus, nobody in here knew the answer. Everybody's like, no, no. No. Look, you can love your dog.
You can appreciate your dog. You can dress your dog in a little dress. I think that's weird. You can throw birthday parties for them. One lady told me one time we're having a surprise birthday for our dog.
I'm like, it's always a surprise. They don't know it's their birthday. They don't know. You could celebrate that dog's birthday every day and they wouldn't know. Listen, you can love your pets.
The Bible is very explicit. We're not supposed to marry them. So but it's kind of the wild west. So Jesus teaches that marriage is sacred. He teaches that it's unbreakable.
And he teaches that it's a commitment, it's a decision. So Matthew nineteen four through six. So the question is, right, can a guy get a divorce for any reason, for any reason? Think about that ladies, thinking about growing up in a culture where your husband can just wake up and dismiss you because whatever. You didn't make his eggs right.
You didn't dress right. You know, you didn't root for his team on the game or whatever it was. That's how bad it became. So what does Jesus do to ground himself when the culture has gone nuts? Look at Matthew nineteen four, haven't you read the scriptures?
Now here's the problem. Our culture hasn't read the scriptures. Why are we going through the book of Matthew? Look, I know your opinion, you know my opinion, what's God's opinion? And the way we know God's opinion is we read the scriptures.
Haven't you read the scriptures? Jesus replied. Now they're supposed to know them. These are professional clergy. These are pastors.
These are priests. Okay. These are deacons. These are these are the people that are supposed to know the most about God's Word and yet they seem to know the least. So here's what Jesus says about the Bible.
And by the way, you know, there's a lot of people that attack this on, you know, online and on the Internet. But here's the thing you need to know, Jesus affirmed this. So if Jesus says, here's what you should build your life on, here's what I think you should build your life on, God's Word. So here's what he says about God's Word. They record from the beginning, God made them male and female.
Listen to this. And he said, this explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife. And the two are united into one. Listen to this. Since they are no longer two, but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.
So here's the teaching of Jesus. If you're going to be a Christian, we need to understand that it is a sacred, unbreakable commitment. Okay, that you made, this is in India, your parents didn't do this, right? You did this. You chose, you were like this one, this is the one.
Okay. So Jesus says, we need to understand. It doesn't matter what the world thinks marriage is. It doesn't matter what the supreme court decides marriage is. This is our Supreme Court.
This is the standard by which we will be judged and it says it is a sacred unbreakable commitment. Okay. So married Christians, raise your hand if you're married and a Christian, raise your hands. Okay. Half of you singles, we'll get to you in a little bit.
Let's take a look at married Christians must look at this, embrace our differences as men and women. Some of you ladies, you know what the promise to your marriage? You think you married an ugly hairy woman. And you talk to her like an ugly, hairy woman. That's not what you married.
Men are radically different than women. And that's one of the discussions that we're having in our culture that there's no such thing as biological sex. Try raising boys and girls and call me out in a week. They are different. They're radically different.
And so part of the challenge of marriage is is understanding ladies, you didn't marry an uglier uglier, hairier woman. And guys, you didn't marry a hairless smaller man. And so we have to deal with this. If you've never been shocked by something your spouse has done, you're not really married yet. This week, I kid you not, this week, my wife ordered a package from the Internet.
Has any husband ever been this? Like if you're a husband, you are a you are a station, a substation for Amazon. Can I get an amen? Like every day you come home, you're like, how did how did we how did we become a small business? I don't know what happened.
So my wife, God bless her, she's great at ordering the package. So we we order it, but we're we're not yet at the place where we're ready to receive the package. Okay. So we order it, but we're not ready to receive it. And so FedEx is like FedEx was fed up with us.
Amen. They're like, listen, this is your last chance to get this package. So she sends me to the station to pick up the package and they don't have it. And and it's so funny. So I drove all the way out there for my wife because I'm like Jesus and I'm willing to suffer and die.
And of course they don't have it. I'm at the wrong substation. You know, this is just marriage. This is just marriage. Young Matt Brown would have lost his mind.
Old Matt Brown is used to waiting in lines. Amen? Young men, do you know why you wait in line at Disneyland? To get on the ride. That's why.
Pray about that. Some of you guys, you'll get it. You'll get it. You wait in line to ride the ride. Wives, if we've waited, the ride should be fun.
Can I get an amen? Can I get an amen? Nobody waits in line for a ride that's not fun. Okay. So I come home with no package.
Don't lose my mind, you guys have been so proud of me. I don't even bring it up. I was like, that's weird, they didn't have your package. Must have been them. So we're on the phone with FedEx.
My wife has ordered this package. And so here's the weird thing, like we started getting phone calls, personal phone calls and messages from FedEx. That's weird, like a real person not like a robot. And they're like, hey, we don't know what this is, but it's really heavy and we're gonna try to deliver it one more time. So I've gotta be there from 8AM to 8PM.
Don't you wish you lived in that world? I'll call you back 8AM to 8PM. You wait twelve hours. So I wait because I'm a good Christian, I love Jesus and I've died to myself long ago. And I'm waiting and finally the FedEx guy comes, know, it's like 06:00 at night.
He comes, he's pulling out this box and it's not a box. It looks like a coffin. And I'm like, what did she order? And it's so bizarre. He pulls it off.
I have to help him. We get it down. We set it in my garage and he doesn't leave. He's a FedEx guy. He's got packages to deliver.
It's been a long day. He's standing there and he goes, are you gonna open it? He goes, what is it? This guy delivers He's packages all day long, and this one, we gotta stop. We gotta see what this is.
And I said, are you married? He said, was. I said, then you know. I have no idea what's in this. You guys, this guy dropped off a coffin from somewhere in Europe that my wife ordered.
I'm not kidding you. I'm looking at this thing. It is a wooden box and some of you wanna know what's in it. It had 72 screws in it. I still don't know as I'm speaking to you what is in the box.
I had to charge I had to charge my drill to open it. So you're like, well, what could it be? Well, listen. If next week I have an aversion to light, she ordered Dracula from Europe. That's what it is.
Or maybe it's lost alien bones. I don't know. Or the Ark of the Covenant. It is bizarre. It's bizarre.
That's a weekend marriage. If you're a single guy and you wanna know what life is like. It's a movie. It's an adventure. You have no idea.
It could be heroin. I don't know. I don't know. That's marriage. And here's the thing, you can try to make sense of it from a man's perspective.
You'll go nuts. You'll go nuts. You'll come to church. Or you could just go, she's different. She's different, she ordered Dracula.
Fine, we'll make room. We'll make room. It's fine. But here's the thing guys, we lose our minds because we expect her to be like us. She's not like you.
And here's the thing, you wanna know why I believe God's word is right that we should never get divorced? Because I would never be who I am if she wasn't who she is. And if I divorced her, it would be like me cutting my body in half. Do you know what that means? I would not make it.
I would not make it. And if I could survive, listen to me, it wouldn't be any kind of life I'd wanna live. So as much as she drives me crazy, as much as I drive her crazy, we need each other and diversity in the context of marriage was God's idea. Next, continue to date and prioritize our marriage. So we're great at dating when we're dating.
All right, I gotta look good. You know, women take six thousand years to get ready. Then you get married, they're like, let's go. This is it. Continue to date and prioritize our marriage.
It's so important that you do this. So Tammy and I went to a wedding couple of weeks ago, were looking good. I was looking good. You know what I'm saying? I was looking sharp.
So we left the wedding, were gonna go on a date, but we needed to stop off at our house or something. I can't remember. She's right, she's my wife. I don't know why we're going home but we're going home before we go to the restaurant. She comes downstairs and sweats.
I'm in a suit. And I'm like, what are you doing? She's like, oh, you wanted me to keep my wedding clothes on? I was like, yes. Yes.
Why would you look good for people we don't know and then not for me? Now she was so great. You know what she did? She ran upstairs and she put her amazing outfit back on. And it was just, you know, whatever.
So continue to date and prioritize your marriage. If you don't prioritize your marriage, then it's not a priority. You gotta do it. No one else is gonna do it for you. Okay?
Next, look at this one. Work through conflicts and challenges. You're all gonna have them. You're all gonna have them. There's gonna be bumps in the road.
There's gonna be times where you think you can't make it. Just write that down and you know, when you're ready to just call you know, divorce, just say pastor Matt said there would be turbulence. So I came up with this because I'm fascinated by airplanes. I'm not a pilot. Okay.
I'm not a pilot. But when a pilot experiences some kind of problem, an electrical problem, an engine malfunction, something, they do three things in every challenge instantly. They train this in their minds. It's aviate, communicate, navigate. Aviate, communicate, navigate.
Why do you aviate? If you don't fly, what do you do? Crash, everybody dies. Aviate, communicate. You tell the tower what's the problem?
Where do you need to land? And then you navigate, you get there. You get there safely. So I've taken those three things and flipped them because I don't want your marriage to crash. So when you're going through a difficulty, look at this, communicate your feelings.
I told her, I want us to dress up for date night. Ladies, some of you don't communicate your feelings, you expect him to know. Oh, that's awesome. He doesn't know how he feels much less how you feel. You know, I have a feelings pillow.
When we talk, it's a feelings pillow. I feel when I look at the little wheel. Oh, there's a good one. Ladies, he doesn't know how he feels. So how is he gonna know how you feel?
So you gotta tell him, here's what I'm feeling. Hey, guys, don't freak out. Their feelings are scary. Just know it's scary. It's very scary.
You're like, what are these things? Dangerous. That's what they are. So so communicate. Communicate.
Because right when we're communicating feelings, is it usually I just wanted to tell you how much I love you. That's not usually what needs to be communicated. What usually needs to be communicated is you've offended me, you've hurt my feelings, I I'm feeling unloved, unseen, I want out, whatever it is. So communicate, you gotta do this. And here's the thing, how many guys have been to a restaurant and you see an older couple sitting at dinner and they don't talk at all?
I don't know if this is true or not. Because you know, our memories are not always accurate. But my memories of my grandparents are sitting at meals watching them chew. Remember I had ADD, I just was like focusing. I don't have a memory of them talking.
Dinner time is not just about food, it's about connection. It's about connection. Now we know that when we're dating, we forget that when we get married. So if you have your cell phone, put it away. It's a huge distraction.
You know, even if the kids are dying, you can make new ones. Here's the thing, if you allow anything and everything to interrupt your communication, anything and everything will interrupt your communication. And then before you know it, you won't communicate. So communicate. Next, number two, navigate through the issue.
Look, you didn't want turbulence. You didn't expect this. You didn't know this. You didn't know you're gonna get fired, lose your job, have a drinking problem, catch him looking at porn. You didn't know any of these things.
But now bam, the plane is shaking. What do you do? You navigate through the issue. You don't jump out of the plane and shout divorce. Don't say that word.
It's the dirtiest word in marriage. And even when you take it back and I've said it unfortunately, I've said it before and it scarred my wife. Because what it tells her is if things get bad enough, that's an option and it makes her feel insecure. Now here's the truth, if she said it to me, I would feel the same way. And here's the thing about marriage, it's always easier to get out than it is to deal with the issue.
But Jesus says, look man, the two have become one flesh. So communicate, navigate, look at this one. Elevate your marriage and each other. Elevate. What do we do when we communicate?
We usually tear down. We usually deflate. We usually attack. My mother told me never to marry you. You're a jobless, hopeless wimp of a man.
Elevate your marriage and each other. One of the things that I'm proud to say when my kids were rude when they were teenagers to their mom is I would ask them, do you hear me talk to your mother that way? Now I've not been perfect, but I am not disrespectful. And if it is pointed out that I have been, you know what I do? I say I'm sorry because I don't want her to feel that way.
I don't want her to feel treated less than the bride that she is for me. And I would tell my kids that. So here's the thing, you may not have had this modeled by your parents. So let God's word model it for you and learn to disagree, learn to communicate and navigate. And here's one of the things that they never teach you about marriage, negotiation is the secret to a healthy marriage.
How do we negotiate? How do we do that? Tammy and I showed up for date night, she was in sweats, I was in a suit. A negotiation must commence. Okay?
So we negotiated and in that instance, what did Tammy do? She submitted to what I wanted. I wanted us to look nice. I wanted us to dress up. Now usually it's the guys that show up in sweats with a stain on their shirt and some Cheetos.
What? This isn't sexy? No, bro. Take a bath. Take a bath.
I could smell you before I saw you. Okay, so here's what Jesus taught. Next one, Jesus taught that divorce should be absolutely avoided except in rare and specific instances. Jesus says, look, what God has joined together, no one should tear apart. Now unfortunately, there are situations where divorce is the only solution.
Listen to me, it's never a good decision, but it may be the only solution. But here's the thing, if you're a Christian, this is not something you and your girlfriends or you and TikTok or you and your counselor need to decide. Now, did I say girlfriends ladies? In the text, men are the problem. Men could get a divorce for any reason.
Today in our culture seventy percent of divorces are filed by women, seventy percent. So in Jesus's day, who were the problem? Men. Who's the problem in our culture? Now I'm not saying it's all ladies fault.
What I'm saying is the stats say that women are more quickly dissatisfied with marriage. Some of that I think is just unrealistic expectations. Men can have them too. Men can be idiots too. I'm just saying in the day and age of Jesus, the problem was not women.
They had no voice. In our day and age, women have a voice, but maybe we've gone too far ladies. We've just gone too far. Okay. Matthew nineteen seven through 10.
Then why did Moses say in the law that a man could give his wife a written notice of divorce? And you need to remember that sometimes when you're reading God's word, you're like, God's word says, and Jesus does not say God's word does not say it. He says, this is why it says it. Look at this. Then why did Moses say in the law that a man could give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away?
So God's word says I can get divorced. Listen to Jesus. Then Jesus replied, Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts. Underline this in your scriptures. But it was not what God had originally intended.
Look, divorce is always a bad thing. It is the ripping apart of two people, it is the ripping apart of families, it affects kids. And there's all this, know, people, oh, I didn't affect It affects every kid. And listen to me, especially boys. We don't know why this, but young girls are more resilient to the impacts of divorce than young boys are.
It's messing up and then we wonder why ladies, well, there's no men in my life, that's because the young boys were wounded in their life and they're not yet ready to become men. And then Jesus says in verse nine, and I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commit adultery unless his wife has been unfaithful. Now I want you to circle that word unfaithful because it's a broad word and there's gonna be all kinds of disagreements. You can find a 100 pastors on the Internet that disagree with what I'm gonna tell you, but I'm gonna tell you why I interpret the word unfaithful the way I do. It is a broad word that could mean there are lots of reasons to get divorced, or it could mean as I believe there are very few reasons to get divorced.
So why do I differ with so many pastors, so many churches, so many marriage counselors on this issue? It's because the word is very broad. The word is porneia. Okay? So you can hear an English word in it.
Porn, p o r n. Okay? By the way, porn is not pornography is not good for a marriage. It is not healthy. Sex is the playground that God has created for a husband and a wife and it is not to involve anybody else.
And you wanna mess that up, invite others to the party. That will mess it up. Whether in reality or digitally, it will mess you up. And I have seen this over and over and over again. So why do I think it's not this broad rule that if you're offended or you feel unloved or you made a mistake or whatever that you can just get out of.
Why do I lean more towards very rare and serious exceptions? Why do I why do I lean that way? Because you can translate the word porneia, you know, very narrowly or very loosely. I translate it, I choose to tell you as your pastor that there are very few reasons to get divorced because of the reaction of the disciples. Verse 10, Jesus' disciples then said to him, if this is the case, it is better not to marry.
So their interpretation of what Jesus is saying is, man, there's almost no way out. Right? Right? You hear what you hear what I'm saying? You go from soulmates to cellmates.
Can I get an amen? Now I'm not saying you're trapped if you're in abusive relation. I'm not saying that. Remember if you go back to last week's message involve the church because whatever the church decides on the day of judgment, God will allow the decision of the church. And in America, we've made marriage so political we've forgotten this.
You know if you go to Israel, you do not go to the government for a marriage certificate. Do you know where you get married in Israel? In your synagogue, in your church or your mosque. Do you know where you get divorced in Israel? In your church, in your synagogue, or your mosque.
It's not a governmental institution. Israel has said that's a religious thing and we're gonna let those people decide that. In America, we've made it a political thing and it's created this huge mess. So what if I've been divorced? What do I do?
Here's what I wanna challenge you to do. I know this is harsh, stick with me for a second. Repent of my sin. As your pastor, there have been very few marriages that have ended in divorce where I can say with a clear conscience, it was all one person's fault. Very rarely.
Now I'm not saying your divorce is all your fault. What I'm asking you to do today is whatever part of it was your fault, repent of it. Go to the Lord and say, made a commitment to you. I made a binding sacred unending agreement to you and I broke that. And here's my part.
So repent of that. And here's why if you don't, the devil will use that against you for the rest of your life. He will. So be free from that today. And here's why, the Bible says, if we confess our sins to us, he is faithful and just to cleanse us of all unrighteousness.
So the second we repent, God forgives. So here's the next point. So repent of my sin and then rejoice in God's grace. Let's rejoice. You're not perfect, I'm not either.
That's why Jesus died. So rejoice, rejoice in God's goodness. Yeah, you made a mistake. Yeah, if you could go back, you would do things different. Yep, man, there's you know, things you've learned, there's things you know, you were younger, absolutely.
But let's repent of those sins and then let's rejoice in God's grace. Next, let it reshape my current marriage. So here's the problem, some of you are in a new marriage and you've never dealt with the wounds, sins or heartaches from the last marriage. And so you got a party going on there and it's not fun. So don't blame your current husband for your last husband's failures.
Don't blame your current wife for your last wife's failures. Some of you guys, your last wife cheated on you and you are judging, criticizing and ruining your current marriage and you married a wonderful faithful gal. And it's because you haven't healed from the last wound. And you're carrying that into your same thing ladies. You know, there's a lady in our church, she'd be married four times.
She's like, I hate all men. Was like, I'm a man. She's like, no, you're not, you're a pastor. That feels emasculating. But here's the thing, she said, I don't trust men.
I said, what if the problem is not men? What if it's your picker? She goes to another church now, you know what saying? The Lord led her somewhere else. So if you're single, look at this, rethink future dating.
Rethink it. Here's what a lot of us think. Well, I won't make the same mistake again. I'm here to tell you, I've been in past for thirty years, people tend to make the same mistakes if you don't grow from them and learn from them. Look, your picker's broke, ladies, quit picking.
Let somebody else pick. Some of you would be better off if you just let me arrange a marriage. And over here we have Ted. Ted has a job, doesn't do cocaine, doesn't have addiction to pornography, and loves to talk and long walks on the beach. And you're like, I'm gonna go with that guy over there with the pitchfork and the red tights.
That's who you've picked the previous five times. Okay, but here's the thing, before you date again, listen to me. Here's what Jesus teaches. Marriage is not what matters most to Jesus. Do you know what matters most to Jesus?
You. Whether you're gay, whether you're straight, whether you're black, whether you're young, whether you're old or white, you are what matters to God. He did not come to redeem marriage, he came to redeem you. You matter. And so we around, we gotta quit running around like marriage is the most important thing.
One of the reasons people marry the wrong person is they have marriage as an idol and so they compromise who because of what they think they have to be. And I have seen so many people in our church who would rather be miserable than lonely. Listen, I choose lonely. I choose. That's what the Bible says.
The Bible talks repeatedly, man. You don't wanna be trapped in a corner in a house with a woman who doesn't like you, that's a proverb. That's a proverb, guys. But some of us we just don't know who we are if we're not married. So Jesus ends with these words, Matthew nineteen eleven, not everyone can accept this statement.
Jesus said, only those to whom God helps. So here's the thing, if you're single, you get extra help. You have extra help from God. Only those whom God helps. Some are born eunuchs and some have been made eunuchs by others and then listen to what Jesus says, and some choose not to marry for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.
Listen to this, let anyone accept this who can. Jesus is strongly leaning on the issue of singleness. Now was Jesus married? No, he was single. Same with the Apostle Paul and same with the prophet Jeremiah.
They all three felt like they had a calling from God to be single. And when God gives you that calling, God will give you the strength to live out that calling. So if you're a single person, I don't know if God's telling you to be single for the rest of your life. But here's the thing, don't make marriage an idol, worship Jesus. So as a single Christian, I must allow Jesus' idea of marriage to define, look at this, who I date.
Who do you date? Who do you date? If they're married, don't date them. If they dude, if they will cheat on their spouse, guess what they will do to you? Who are you gonna date?
And here's the thing, well, I'm I'm just attracted to guys that are in committed relationships. Okay. Let's go to counseling. You gotta change who you date. So here's the problem.
You're like, well, I'm just not attract let's change what you're attracted to. The problem is what you're attracted to. You're attracted to the devil. Let's stop dating him. In nature guys, beautiful things are poisonous.
Right? They are. Man, we gotta be so careful here. So so who do you date? When my my daughter was 25 years old, you know, was single.
She wanted to be married. And here's the thing, know, anybody any dads or girls? Okay. So when they're young, you're just like, you know, you're like, hey, eyes over here, eyes over here. And I was so protected.
But then when she's 25 I was like, honey, we gotta put the vibe out. Gotta like, you know, we gotta like, you know. I'm like, come on. And so I I met this guy at Mammoth Mountain and we were talking and he was super funny and I was like, oh my gosh. So are you in school?
He said, no, graduated from school. I'm like, oh, so you must have a lot of debt. He said, no, I I paid my way through school. And I was like, my gosh. I was like, are you a Christian?
He's like, yeah, I'm a Christian. I was like, oh, that's amazing. I was like, do go to church? He's like, I go to your church. I was like, oh.
I was like, what are you doing for dinner? You guys, I'm not making this up. I was like, what are you doing for dinner? It was my son's birthday party. I didn't care.
You whatever I gotta do, buddy, you're gonna be at my house. Ladies, you wanna know who my daughter married? Contestant number one. He's great. He's great.
Some of you ladies just need to let me pick. You just bring them up. Nope. Nope. Nope.
Nope. Nope. Okay. Next, how I date. How I date.
You cannot call yourself a follower of Jesus if you're having sex outside of marriage. You're not following Jesus, you're following your genitalia. That's what you're following. You're following your desires, you're not following his direction. Tammy and I were out to date, remember when she came down in sweats, right?
And then she went back up. So that date night, we went to dinner and I had to go to the bathroom. And I came back, she's dying laughing, what's going on? She's like, these two ladies behind us are talking about dating. And I started listening, you know when you do that, you're like.
And these these ladies were old like and they were talking about dating. I was like, my gosh, you guys are dating? I didn't know that could happen. And she and she's like, and I don't know what his problem is. She's like, he won't have sex with me.
And the other gal's like, why won't he have sex with you? And she says, he's a born again Christian. And I was like, yes. Yes. We got one.
There's one out there. But ladies, sorry, he's probably old. There's one out there. But isn't that funny she found that offensive? Oh, he actually lives his values.
And here's why maintaining sexual purity in dating matters because if you can can't control yourself when you're in love, you won't control yourself when you're not so in love. It matters. And the last thing is this, why I date? Why do you date? Some of us we date because we have an idol of marriage.
I cannot be alone, I cannot be by myself and that's what you worship. A lot of marriages don't work because a woman, her idol was a wedding, not a marriage. It always amazes me, brides will spend all this money on a wedding but nothing on counseling. Maybe you need to reverse it. You know, instead of spending $50 on a wedding, spend $50 on counseling.
Figure it out. So why do you date? What is the purpose of dating? And here's the thing, all of us married, single, gay, straight. If your identity is in your sexuality, it's in the wrong thing.
Our identity as Christians is to be in Christ. It doesn't matter what my sexual tendencies or desires are, I am in Christ. He is my identity. And if I define myself by anything else, I'm never gonna follow Jesus. Listen, married, single, gay, straight, we all need to say, look man, he gave all for me.
I can offer up my sexuality to him and I can follow him and I can honor him in the way that I date and the way that I get married. And I can I can follow him even if I wanna get divorced or I'm unhappy in my marriage? Let let's let's try to work it out. Let's let's make every effort because marriage matters to God. So let's bow our heads, let's close our eyes and let's just all pray.
We all probably need to repent maybe of our ideas, our thoughts, our own opinions and we just see it say right now, Lord, in Jesus name right now, Lord, I just ask that you convict us as a church. Our culture has gone so far away from what you've directed us to. Let us come back to the simple teachings of scripture and let us understand and agree that your intent from the very beginning was one man, one woman for life in a committed lifelong relationship. And Lord, even if we failed, even if we've messed up, even if we struggle with this truth, let us all as Christians submit to this teachings, this teaching as followers of Jesus. I pray this in your name and for your glory and all God's people said, amen.
Pastor Fredo Ramos: Amen. Now what a word for us to receive today, so thank you so much. And we pray that wherever you are at, that you would continue to allow the teachings of Jesus to reshape how you see yourself, how you view relationships, how you engage in your marriage. And for any of you who are navigating maybe a difficult time right now, I wanna encourage you to receive the grace of Jesus this week for your past, for your present, and for whatever future God has for you. And if you are benefiting by the teachings here at Sandals Church, we wanna encourage you maybe to reach out if you are in a time of need.
To do that, you can go to sandalschurch.com/help. We love you and we pray all God's grace over you. Peace.