1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:03,912 A great book is a shortcut to where 2 00:00:03,936 --> 00:00:07,672 you want to go. Friends have recommended books to me 3 00:00:07,696 --> 00:00:11,464 on a number of occasions and expert people, advisors and everything. I 4 00:00:11,472 --> 00:00:15,208 can think of one situation where a buddy recommended a book called Leadership and self 5 00:00:15,224 --> 00:00:19,032 deception probably 15 years ago. That 6 00:00:19,056 --> 00:00:22,664 book was just what I needed at the time. It was a shortcut to where 7 00:00:22,672 --> 00:00:26,466 I needed to go or I wanted to go. And I founded 8 00:00:26,498 --> 00:00:29,970 Decide youe Legacy to help people make shortcuts to 9 00:00:30,010 --> 00:00:32,790 not get stuck in traffic. 10 00:00:34,090 --> 00:00:37,842 Can you relate to this? Can you think of a book someone recommended to you? 11 00:00:37,946 --> 00:00:41,330 And it had such a big impact that you said, wow, I just 12 00:00:41,370 --> 00:00:45,122 saved so much time. I would have made so many mistakes had 13 00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:48,830 I not had the insight from this book. Do you remember who recommended the book? 14 00:00:50,170 --> 00:00:53,630 Share with us below. Tell us. Share your story. 15 00:00:54,890 --> 00:00:58,690 One action, one book, one 16 00:00:58,730 --> 00:01:02,030 phone call, one encouraging comment can make 17 00:01:02,410 --> 00:01:03,750 a huge difference. 18 00:01:14,970 --> 00:01:18,684 So welcome to the Decide youe Legacy Podcast. Today's episode is on 19 00:01:18,882 --> 00:01:22,648 seven powerful ways that you can encourage 20 00:01:22,744 --> 00:01:26,408 other people. This is part one of a two part series you can 21 00:01:26,464 --> 00:01:30,216 learn today. You will learn today how to help your co workers, your family, 22 00:01:30,288 --> 00:01:33,420 your friends, your neighbors, even strangers. 23 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:37,848 And the third 24 00:01:37,904 --> 00:01:41,016 way you can encourage people is going to shock you. There's going to be something 25 00:01:41,088 --> 00:01:44,580 there that I promise you. Listen, you're going to find it to be 26 00:01:45,140 --> 00:01:48,492 extremely surprising. So do me a 27 00:01:48,516 --> 00:01:52,204 favor and subscribe. Give the Decide youe Legacy Podcast 28 00:01:52,252 --> 00:01:55,628 a rating and review on Apple or Spotify. It helps it to grow 29 00:01:55,684 --> 00:01:59,148 organically so we can help more 30 00:01:59,284 --> 00:02:02,972 people. So I'm your host. I'm Adam Gragg. I've been a family therapist for 31 00:02:02,996 --> 00:02:06,524 over 25 years and a coach for over for 32 00:02:06,612 --> 00:02:09,932 doing that for over 15 years as well. I founded Decide youe Legacy in 33 00:02:09,956 --> 00:02:13,500 2012 and we're a corporate development 34 00:02:13,620 --> 00:02:17,132 firm and a coaching organization. Provide legacy coaching 35 00:02:17,276 --> 00:02:21,084 is what I like to call it. So I'm the chief legacy 36 00:02:21,132 --> 00:02:24,748 coach and I have assistant legacy coaches. So our purpose 37 00:02:24,924 --> 00:02:28,764 is to empower every person and organization to live courageously. And by 38 00:02:28,772 --> 00:02:32,460 the end of this episode, I can almost guarantee you that 39 00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:36,300 you are going to recognize different ways that you can help 40 00:02:36,340 --> 00:02:39,772 people around you. And these are simple. I'm going to simplify it. Practical 41 00:02:39,836 --> 00:02:43,544 ways that you can actually encourage other people. And more than that, you're going to 42 00:02:43,552 --> 00:02:46,584 be motivated to want to do this because you're going to see some special 43 00:02:46,672 --> 00:02:50,072 benefits that you didn't see before when it comes to 44 00:02:50,096 --> 00:02:53,832 helping other people out. So as I do every episode, I want to start with 45 00:02:53,856 --> 00:02:57,576 an action. So here's an action I took recently that was fairly 46 00:02:57,608 --> 00:03:01,272 uncomfortable. And I share this because nothing's more 47 00:03:01,296 --> 00:03:04,520 important to your mental health than living 48 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:08,220 courageously. Don't play it safe. I reached out to somebody 49 00:03:08,810 --> 00:03:12,210 that I hadn't spoken to in over five years, and I was 50 00:03:12,250 --> 00:03:15,602 nervous, didn't know how it would go. There was no beef between me and this 51 00:03:15,626 --> 00:03:18,434 person, but I just hadn't talked to them in a while. And I mean, in 52 00:03:18,442 --> 00:03:21,074 my mind, that noise was saying, they're not going to even, you know, want to 53 00:03:21,082 --> 00:03:23,474 talk to you. They're not going to remember, you're going to interrupt them, you're going 54 00:03:23,482 --> 00:03:27,314 to annoy them, whatever. But, you know, that interaction actually brought a lot 55 00:03:27,322 --> 00:03:31,122 of awareness to me. It showed me some opportunities I didn't actually see 56 00:03:31,306 --> 00:03:34,370 and it spurred on further interactions. So 57 00:03:34,410 --> 00:03:38,004 reconnecting. So here's the action that I want you to take 58 00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:41,520 that may be uncomfortable. Well, hopefully not. But it's to actually go 59 00:03:41,900 --> 00:03:45,300 after this course to the shatter proof yourself light, hit the link below 60 00:03:45,420 --> 00:03:49,028 and watch the video and fill out the worksheet. It goes along with this 61 00:03:49,084 --> 00:03:52,480 content. That's your challenge. So the 62 00:03:52,860 --> 00:03:56,132 reason why do we want to help other people? I mean, why do we want 63 00:03:56,156 --> 00:03:59,972 to not live selfishly? Well, I think there's, I mean, a lot 64 00:03:59,996 --> 00:04:03,562 of reasons for that. For one, it gives you purpose in your life. I mean, 65 00:04:03,586 --> 00:04:07,242 this kind of sounds selfish, but it builds connections with other people. If you 66 00:04:07,266 --> 00:04:10,378 leave and you make it a purpose to leave every interaction with the other person 67 00:04:10,434 --> 00:04:14,090 more inspired and encouraged than when the interaction began, it's a great 68 00:04:14,130 --> 00:04:17,706 goal. It gives you peace of mind to give back. It shows you your 69 00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:21,562 abilities. It shows you your uniqueness. It's a way to 70 00:04:21,586 --> 00:04:25,242 inspire other people. I mean, it's super inspiring to see somebody else take an 71 00:04:25,266 --> 00:04:29,082 action and then you realize that at some level you 72 00:04:29,106 --> 00:04:32,652 were able to encourage them, help them, challenge them. 73 00:04:32,756 --> 00:04:36,380 And when I think of encouragement, I think of giving somebody else courage. So 74 00:04:36,420 --> 00:04:39,560 encourage to encourage somebody else. These are 75 00:04:39,940 --> 00:04:42,764 these. I'm going to go over four of them today, and then I'm going to 76 00:04:42,772 --> 00:04:46,556 go over three in the next episode. So this is seven. This is episode 77 00:04:46,588 --> 00:04:49,000 one. This will be episode number two. So the first 78 00:04:49,940 --> 00:04:53,628 simple, amazing thing you can do to help other people out, it's 79 00:04:53,644 --> 00:04:57,396 a powerful way, is you can help them find clarity in their life. 80 00:04:57,508 --> 00:05:00,532 You can help them clarify a vision for their future. You can help them set 81 00:05:00,556 --> 00:05:04,404 goals. You can help them to actually see their potential in 82 00:05:04,412 --> 00:05:08,244 the process. A vision, when somebody has it, it's going to keep somebody 83 00:05:08,292 --> 00:05:12,068 focused. I See, transformations happen in my office and 84 00:05:12,124 --> 00:05:15,780 in meetings. When somebody can grasp that something good can happen in their 85 00:05:15,820 --> 00:05:19,492 future and they have a reason to pursue it, they see it as 86 00:05:19,516 --> 00:05:23,220 being possible. It gives them courage because they realize that that 87 00:05:23,260 --> 00:05:26,292 is possible and I'm going to do what it takes to get there. And they 88 00:05:26,316 --> 00:05:29,590 know they're going to have traffic and turbulence and 89 00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:33,302 setbacks, but they're wanting to do it. They're willing to go forward because 90 00:05:33,326 --> 00:05:36,582 they have grasped the fact that this is a possibility in their life. I like 91 00:05:36,606 --> 00:05:40,390 to make it ideal. So you're thinking really big. I mean, 92 00:05:40,430 --> 00:05:43,782 ideal means it's realistic. You're never going to exactly hit 93 00:05:43,806 --> 00:05:47,302 it because it's not perfect. It's never going to be perfect in the process, but 94 00:05:47,326 --> 00:05:51,078 it's big. It's really big. They see that they have something 95 00:05:51,134 --> 00:05:54,886 to focus their attention on. So an example that inspires me, 96 00:05:55,038 --> 00:05:58,782 and I love this one because as I think of these, 97 00:05:58,806 --> 00:06:02,062 I can think of the people sitting in my office and where they were and 98 00:06:02,086 --> 00:06:05,822 where they actually are today. So Alyssa, she's a 99 00:06:05,846 --> 00:06:09,534 core executive at a large company and her 100 00:06:09,702 --> 00:06:13,486 very successful in her career. Yet also she had an extreme 101 00:06:13,518 --> 00:06:16,930 level of insecurity, like it could be taken from her at any moment. 102 00:06:17,350 --> 00:06:20,878 She had never come to terms with a very challenging, 103 00:06:20,974 --> 00:06:24,334 traumatic childhood. And she did whatever she could 104 00:06:24,422 --> 00:06:28,222 possible, really, to not face it, to not even acknowledge it, that it was a 105 00:06:28,246 --> 00:06:31,450 big deal, up talking to me, because, you know, it had 106 00:06:31,490 --> 00:06:35,098 gotten. Caused some problems in her relationships and even 107 00:06:35,154 --> 00:06:38,938 caused her problems with some addictive behaviors. 108 00:06:39,034 --> 00:06:42,522 So workaholism mainly. Yeah, that was impacting her. 109 00:06:42,706 --> 00:06:46,442 She was numbing the pain that she didn't want experience 110 00:06:46,546 --> 00:06:50,186 through approval, through performance approval, meaning 111 00:06:50,218 --> 00:06:53,626 people pleasing her. Workaholism was impacting her life. 112 00:06:53,698 --> 00:06:57,470 And she, through this process of just talking about it 113 00:06:57,510 --> 00:07:01,214 and seeing what she had outside of work, she started to grasp 114 00:07:01,262 --> 00:07:04,446 the fact that things could be really good, not only 115 00:07:04,518 --> 00:07:08,238 professionally, but more so professionally. Well, even better 116 00:07:08,294 --> 00:07:11,790 professionally, but also with her relationships and her impact on other 117 00:07:11,830 --> 00:07:15,550 people and the opportunity to help other people as well. So her 118 00:07:15,590 --> 00:07:19,250 future became brighter in the process. And it was questions 119 00:07:19,590 --> 00:07:22,542 that I got to ask her that you can ask other people that helped her 120 00:07:22,566 --> 00:07:26,322 to see this. She accepted her past. She started to. And 121 00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:29,710 she stopped blaming herself for it. She actually 122 00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:34,034 chose to have courageous conversations with people, letting go of 123 00:07:34,042 --> 00:07:37,762 the outcome, even if it didn't go well. She halted or 124 00:07:37,786 --> 00:07:41,522 at least tempered greatly her workaholism in the 125 00:07:41,546 --> 00:07:45,202 process, and she started to see how her story could help other 126 00:07:45,226 --> 00:07:48,728 people. And she started to share it with other people. So you, 127 00:07:48,914 --> 00:07:52,684 you can do something similar. I mean, how. What do you do with 128 00:07:52,692 --> 00:07:56,492 this? Exactly. So if you ever have, if you've downloaded the Shatterproof Yourself 129 00:07:56,636 --> 00:08:00,316 worksheet shadow for yourself light worksheet, you're going to see that there's actions 130 00:08:00,348 --> 00:08:03,692 with each of these seven steps that I discuss. And one of the actions I 131 00:08:03,716 --> 00:08:07,468 call your, your one year, your one year 132 00:08:07,524 --> 00:08:11,020 dream. And basically it's what would your ideal life look 133 00:08:11,060 --> 00:08:14,780 like in all seven different areas, in all the different areas of your life 134 00:08:14,820 --> 00:08:18,660 in one year, ideally. And you ask somebody that question 135 00:08:18,780 --> 00:08:21,492 or you ask them about their goals over the next three months, or you ask 136 00:08:21,516 --> 00:08:24,964 them about their goals even this month and you get them talking about it and 137 00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:28,692 you get curious about it. They might be awkward, they might not like it 138 00:08:28,716 --> 00:08:32,372 at first because they're not used to thinking that way. But you're being a 139 00:08:32,396 --> 00:08:36,100 friend, you're helping and encouraging them, knowing that it's always good when someone 140 00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:39,892 starts to recognize where they can be in their health, in their marriage, with 141 00:08:39,916 --> 00:08:43,532 their kids, with their finances. And 142 00:08:43,556 --> 00:08:46,908 it's always positive when you see the health, when you add health to those areas 143 00:08:46,964 --> 00:08:50,412 in your perspective and your attitude by, and your attitude towards that 144 00:08:50,436 --> 00:08:54,220 area. So you can find though, that some people have 145 00:08:54,260 --> 00:08:57,916 trouble articulating a vision because they're stuck in the past. 146 00:08:57,988 --> 00:09:01,772 And that vision isn't possible because they've been hurt before and 147 00:09:01,796 --> 00:09:05,004 they have trouble even going there. That's why you get that resistance. But it's still 148 00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:08,844 a worthy activity. So you're going to help them not only articulate a 149 00:09:08,852 --> 00:09:12,500 vision and realize that they can get there, but you're also going to help 150 00:09:12,540 --> 00:09:15,892 them to face the junk in the 151 00:09:15,916 --> 00:09:19,540 trunk. Face the junk in the trunk. Like face 152 00:09:19,580 --> 00:09:23,428 your past, basically. Okay, so look at it and say I 153 00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:27,092 be able to analyze it and say, this is the 154 00:09:27,116 --> 00:09:30,500 reality of my situation. So a lot of people will go and see 155 00:09:30,540 --> 00:09:33,204 therapists and if I have friends or family and say I'm going to talk to 156 00:09:33,212 --> 00:09:35,972 a therapist, I want to deal with stuff, I will. And they say, what should 157 00:09:35,996 --> 00:09:39,778 I do to approach this the right way? And my whole thing is, you know, 158 00:09:39,834 --> 00:09:43,602 open up, tell them the whole story, don't leave anything out. The stuff you 159 00:09:43,626 --> 00:09:47,390 don't want to share is probably the stuff you want to share. 160 00:09:47,690 --> 00:09:51,106 And start fast, like jump in there, because this person 161 00:09:51,178 --> 00:09:54,994 here, you'll see quicker if they can help you. It's not going to be a 162 00:09:55,002 --> 00:09:57,922 one and done type thing, but you want to open up about it and just 163 00:09:57,946 --> 00:10:01,314 the process of Talking to somebody safe about it, which is a 164 00:10:01,322 --> 00:10:05,168 therapist's job, is to provide safety, psychological safety. You're 165 00:10:05,184 --> 00:10:08,912 going to realize that even hearing yourself discuss starts to 166 00:10:08,936 --> 00:10:12,752 lose its power. It starts to become externalized. So you can help people just by 167 00:10:12,776 --> 00:10:16,432 talking to them about what they've been through. I've seen this happen many occasions where 168 00:10:16,456 --> 00:10:20,208 people open up for the first time from something that happened 50 169 00:10:20,264 --> 00:10:23,664 about something that happened 50 years ago. Amazing 170 00:10:23,712 --> 00:10:27,056 stuff. The insecurity starts 171 00:10:27,088 --> 00:10:30,880 to dwindle because they see, and that's really 172 00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:34,512 the second you're helping them face their past. They see that it doesn't have 173 00:10:34,536 --> 00:10:38,350 to be tied, their confidence isn't tied to what happened in the past. 174 00:10:40,970 --> 00:10:44,098 And it's amazing stuff. So I like to have clients actually do a life 175 00:10:44,154 --> 00:10:47,970 timeline. They go back to like their first memory and the good 176 00:10:48,010 --> 00:10:51,362 and the bad and write it down. Then I get to ask them about it 177 00:10:51,466 --> 00:10:55,218 because that's going to start triggering in them some stuff that they haven't actually processed. 178 00:10:55,314 --> 00:10:58,402 And it's really fun because it actually leads to content that you can discuss with 179 00:10:58,426 --> 00:11:01,938 your kids. If people do that and they look and they remember something that happened 180 00:11:01,954 --> 00:11:05,218 that was very positive in their life and they've never actually even shared it with 181 00:11:05,274 --> 00:11:09,034 their spouse because it just didn't come up, you 182 00:11:09,042 --> 00:11:11,674 know, that something that they, it was a good memory and something they wanted to 183 00:11:11,682 --> 00:11:15,034 share and it opens them up to actually having a good positive 184 00:11:15,082 --> 00:11:18,810 discussion. Great example of this is, you know 185 00:11:18,850 --> 00:11:22,506 what times in my career I've supervised new and up and coming 186 00:11:22,578 --> 00:11:26,362 therapists and oftentimes there's some 187 00:11:26,386 --> 00:11:30,154 insecurity involved. And when somebody becomes a therapist, in fact, the reason 188 00:11:30,242 --> 00:11:33,706 many people become therapists is they have unprocessed stuff that they want to figure 189 00:11:33,738 --> 00:11:37,352 out. They haven't figured it out. So they find that profession very appealing. 190 00:11:37,416 --> 00:11:41,032 If I figure this out with myself and understand myself better, I can help other 191 00:11:41,056 --> 00:11:44,600 people and use it to help other people. So they're inspired to do that. But 192 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:48,504 oftentimes I will find that people feel, and it's a feeling, 193 00:11:48,552 --> 00:11:51,896 it's not the actual truth, but that they don't have much to offer because they're 194 00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:55,288 brand new in the field or they don't have the 195 00:11:55,344 --> 00:11:58,872 specific training in a specific area that they need to actually be able to help 196 00:11:58,896 --> 00:12:02,706 other people and they're holding onto that. They're not actually willing 197 00:12:02,738 --> 00:12:06,450 to let it go. They have this thing that can be related to the 198 00:12:06,490 --> 00:12:10,338 past, but it's coming out in this content, this drama that they've stirred 199 00:12:10,354 --> 00:12:13,074 in their life. Like I'm not enough, I'm not good enough. And I want to 200 00:12:13,082 --> 00:12:16,802 figure out where that comes from. So one individual that I supervised in the 201 00:12:16,826 --> 00:12:20,594 past, he had this fear of clients 202 00:12:20,642 --> 00:12:23,950 not wanting to reschedule with him and then fear of 203 00:12:24,650 --> 00:12:28,474 them not being happy with him, this people pleasing mentality. And I 204 00:12:28,482 --> 00:12:32,298 would challenge him and say, hey, you have a ton to offer, but 205 00:12:32,354 --> 00:12:35,210 when you're trying to please somebody else, they're going to lose trust in you because 206 00:12:35,250 --> 00:12:38,202 they're not going to believe that you're going to point them in the direction regardless 207 00:12:38,266 --> 00:12:41,802 of their resistance, which that's how you build trust with somebody. You're honest with 208 00:12:41,826 --> 00:12:45,626 them about what's going on. It's not just fluff. So I challenged 209 00:12:45,658 --> 00:12:48,950 him to make a list of how he adds value 210 00:12:49,810 --> 00:12:53,562 as a person, not as a therapist. It wasn't the books he read or the 211 00:12:53,586 --> 00:12:56,890 certifications he had or the degrees he had. It was him as a person, his 212 00:12:56,930 --> 00:13:00,566 passions and interests, his life experience, his personality, his character 213 00:13:00,598 --> 00:13:04,422 traits that he can bring to any interaction and even challenge him to look 214 00:13:04,446 --> 00:13:08,262 at that before he goes and sees clients every day to make that 215 00:13:08,286 --> 00:13:11,382 list. It's a great list for anybody to make. How I bring value to the 216 00:13:11,406 --> 00:13:14,650 situation. And it helped. 217 00:13:15,870 --> 00:13:19,702 He realized in the process too, he had abandonment issues from his past that he 218 00:13:19,806 --> 00:13:23,254 had been triggered in these current situations with potential, 219 00:13:23,382 --> 00:13:26,806 whatever you want to call it, rejection with a new client or not feeling helpful 220 00:13:26,838 --> 00:13:29,782 or them not rescheduling. And he was able to tie that to the fact that 221 00:13:29,806 --> 00:13:33,614 he had some abandonment, real abandonment as a kid that he was 222 00:13:33,622 --> 00:13:36,430 able to connect it to and then was able to process it and talk about 223 00:13:36,470 --> 00:13:40,030 it and add light to it and realize it didn't have to impact him now 224 00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:43,678 as long as he recognize it. So you can use this same 225 00:13:43,734 --> 00:13:46,830 stuff with your friends and family and co workers and it doesn't have to be 226 00:13:46,870 --> 00:13:50,686 so deep and weird and all that. It's simply asking 227 00:13:50,718 --> 00:13:54,494 them, like people like to talk about themselves and you're going 228 00:13:54,502 --> 00:13:58,174 to get a little more pinpointed in your questions. So I love to say 229 00:13:58,262 --> 00:14:02,084 and ask people what challenges they've had in their past. What were some of the 230 00:14:02,092 --> 00:14:05,924 biggest challenges you've had in your past? You know, what were some of the biggest 231 00:14:06,052 --> 00:14:09,252 wins you've had in your past and you get them to think about it and 232 00:14:09,276 --> 00:14:12,932 if you figure out that there's some area that they could 233 00:14:13,036 --> 00:14:16,212 and they want to talk about more, it could be a show of 234 00:14:16,236 --> 00:14:19,556 trust, it could just be scratching the surface. But you can go deeper 235 00:14:19,588 --> 00:14:23,412 Later. So on the Shatterproof worksheet, the question and 236 00:14:23,436 --> 00:14:26,628 the activity is. The activity is a life 237 00:14:26,684 --> 00:14:30,446 events, okay? Impactful life events. This is the name of the act. Power Action. 238 00:14:30,518 --> 00:14:34,302 So what events or circumstances from your past have impacted your life today? And 239 00:14:34,326 --> 00:14:37,134 that can be positive or negative. So that's something for you to write as you 240 00:14:37,142 --> 00:14:40,430 go. Write down as you go through the worksheet, encourage you to do it. And 241 00:14:40,470 --> 00:14:44,222 it's going to be. It's going to be fuel right there for 242 00:14:44,246 --> 00:14:48,062 you to help other people. So then the second part of that is, 243 00:14:48,086 --> 00:14:51,422 how do you think it might impact you today? And you can get some clarity 244 00:14:51,486 --> 00:14:55,006 on that. And no longer has the same power in your life. So you figure 245 00:14:55,038 --> 00:14:58,270 out your vision, you help other people do that, then you help them unpack their 246 00:14:58,310 --> 00:15:01,998 past. And then you're going to realize, and people realize that the past 247 00:15:02,054 --> 00:15:03,810 impacts the way we view ourselves, 248 00:15:05,590 --> 00:15:09,262 positive or negative, because of what we've been through, then we're going to view 249 00:15:09,286 --> 00:15:12,910 ourselves differently. So if you have a real positive business interaction, you're more 250 00:15:12,950 --> 00:15:15,902 apt to go into the next one that you have the same day and say, 251 00:15:16,006 --> 00:15:19,294 I can do this. This can be really good. Because you're energized. You're like, I 252 00:15:19,302 --> 00:15:22,350 can do something here and now. If you've had some negative stuff in your past, 253 00:15:22,390 --> 00:15:25,454 it's easy to go ahead and carry that in those other similar circumstances and say, 254 00:15:25,462 --> 00:15:29,088 it's going to be bad, Things aren't going to go well. Third 255 00:15:29,144 --> 00:15:32,300 power you have is that you can 256 00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:36,140 help other people understand their value, 257 00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:40,432 understand basically what value they bring to the 258 00:15:40,456 --> 00:15:43,904 situation. Have you ever been able to 259 00:15:43,912 --> 00:15:47,760 encourage somebody and surprised yourself 260 00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:51,648 at what you shared? It just came out the right way. 261 00:15:51,704 --> 00:15:55,472 It's like your subconscious mind knew what to say at that time. And then 262 00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:58,940 you realize they were encouraged by it. And you surprised yourself because 263 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:03,020 you were able to add life and light into their life, 264 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:07,024 helping them see their potential. It's a powerful thing. 265 00:16:07,112 --> 00:16:10,848 It'll give you fuel for a whole day. When you get to do that, you 266 00:16:10,904 --> 00:16:14,592 see their potential potentially better than they see their potential. 267 00:16:14,656 --> 00:16:17,936 It's pretty amazing. And that happens again and 268 00:16:18,008 --> 00:16:18,620 again. 269 00:16:22,530 --> 00:16:26,010 They realize in the interaction that their value, and this is what I see people 270 00:16:26,050 --> 00:16:29,770 giving to somebody when they're truly energized is they start to see that their value 271 00:16:29,810 --> 00:16:33,370 doesn't come from performance. It comes from who they are as a person. It's not 272 00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:37,082 something that they have earned, it's something that they've been 273 00:16:37,106 --> 00:16:39,790 given that they can add their sense of humor, 274 00:16:42,050 --> 00:16:45,738 their courage, Their charisma, their 275 00:16:45,794 --> 00:16:49,502 attitude, something there that is never going to be 276 00:16:49,526 --> 00:16:52,862 taken away from them. And their goal is to let it out more. And they 277 00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:56,686 may be in situations where they're not able to be themselves or they're 278 00:16:56,718 --> 00:17:00,350 criticized for being themselves, but you're able to help them talk it through 279 00:17:00,390 --> 00:17:03,982 and see it and even maybe challenge them to make a list like I 280 00:17:04,006 --> 00:17:07,582 did with the guy I supervised. It's a really healthy thing to 281 00:17:07,606 --> 00:17:10,990 do. So I'll give you a great example here. So Vince, he 282 00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:14,856 had, and I love giving these examples so I can see the person, 283 00:17:14,928 --> 00:17:18,648 you know, like right now, but he had a tense anxiety about 284 00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:22,392 retiring and he felt like at least he approached it with 285 00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:25,688 me, like the best was behind me, you know, what do I do now? It's 286 00:17:25,704 --> 00:17:29,304 not going to be good. And this, his fear, a lot of it was triggered 287 00:17:29,352 --> 00:17:33,032 by a coworker of his, a longtime coworker who had retired and 288 00:17:33,056 --> 00:17:36,792 then shortly passed away. So he was afraid that 289 00:17:36,816 --> 00:17:39,512 it just wasn't going to be good for him. He tied that together for some 290 00:17:39,536 --> 00:17:42,948 reason, reason. And he had at the time like few 291 00:17:43,004 --> 00:17:46,772 connections, few meaningful connections outside of 292 00:17:46,796 --> 00:17:50,020 work with friends, you know, he had connections with family. But some of those 293 00:17:50,060 --> 00:17:53,540 relationships were strained. And his self worth, he 294 00:17:53,580 --> 00:17:57,060 identified, was just highly, highly tied to his 295 00:17:57,100 --> 00:17:59,920 performance. His performance 296 00:18:00,460 --> 00:18:03,588 was, was a big deal. And so you can see for someone like that, like 297 00:18:03,644 --> 00:18:07,222 letting go of this, of this job was going to 298 00:18:07,406 --> 00:18:10,422 be a blow, you know, because I'm already, I'm letting go of this area where 299 00:18:10,446 --> 00:18:14,010 I have security and going into this area where I got insecurity. 300 00:18:14,990 --> 00:18:18,758 And through the process, what I saw with him 301 00:18:18,814 --> 00:18:22,438 is he started to gather courage, to reach 302 00:18:22,494 --> 00:18:25,370 out. He started to repair 303 00:18:26,110 --> 00:18:29,798 some broken relationships. He started to build in 304 00:18:29,854 --> 00:18:33,430 person connections with other people and spend time face to face with other 305 00:18:33,470 --> 00:18:36,832 people, sharing, opening up. And this is the 306 00:18:36,856 --> 00:18:40,272 shocker thing about self worth and it's actually the shocker thing 307 00:18:40,296 --> 00:18:44,144 about helping other people is when people see, this is what I want you 308 00:18:44,152 --> 00:18:47,488 to glean from this number three. When people see what they have to give 309 00:18:47,544 --> 00:18:51,248 back to other 310 00:18:51,304 --> 00:18:55,152 people and they start to do it, they take action on it to 311 00:18:55,176 --> 00:18:58,880 give back. And they're afraid, they're terrified, they 312 00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:02,704 have these emotional reactions to doing so, like it's going to go bad and 313 00:19:02,712 --> 00:19:06,420 they ended up avoiding it and avoiding avoiding it, but they actually do it. 314 00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:11,032 And then they see, even if it goes bad, that I can do this and 315 00:19:11,056 --> 00:19:14,280 then sometimes it goes good and I can help people and I can impact people. 316 00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:18,248 Their sense of value in themselves is going to skyrocket because they've 317 00:19:18,264 --> 00:19:22,040 gotten out there and done something and realized they had an impact on 318 00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:25,752 other people. In this case, he realized. 319 00:19:25,816 --> 00:19:29,400 Vince realized that he had been objectifying people. He had 320 00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:32,930 been seeing them as vehicles to getting what he wanted 321 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:36,590 and not getting to know them. And that shifted for him because in the 322 00:19:36,630 --> 00:19:40,110 shift came when he realized that although he 323 00:19:40,150 --> 00:19:43,582 had worked with them and in many cases been their boss, 324 00:19:43,726 --> 00:19:47,422 he now had a chance to build a completely different relationship 325 00:19:47,486 --> 00:19:51,262 by seeing them as valuable and treating them in a way 326 00:19:51,286 --> 00:19:54,974 where he wanted to get to understand them and know them. And even in cases, 327 00:19:55,062 --> 00:19:58,638 maybe help them. It could be helping them find a new job 328 00:19:58,694 --> 00:20:02,456 potentially, but with a totally different heart. And what I saw in his sense 329 00:20:02,488 --> 00:20:06,264 of self worth, his sense of value skyrocketed 330 00:20:06,392 --> 00:20:09,832 because he saw what he could give back. And we're designed that way. I mean, 331 00:20:09,856 --> 00:20:13,384 I've seen that we're designed to increase 332 00:20:13,552 --> 00:20:17,272 our mental health as we. And to care for ourselves better as we 333 00:20:17,296 --> 00:20:20,600 give back to other people. And it can seem overwhelming, like, I don't have time, 334 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:24,184 I can't do this. But you say yes doesn't mean you don't take care of 335 00:20:24,192 --> 00:20:27,800 yourself. It doesn't mean you don't. In fact, you are taking care of yourself 336 00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:30,860 when you are giving back. So the fourth, 337 00:20:32,870 --> 00:20:36,318 the fourth power that you have because, 338 00:20:36,454 --> 00:20:39,822 well, and by the way, just tell you here, so before I go to the 339 00:20:39,846 --> 00:20:43,582 fourth, you know, when you help other people show up for 340 00:20:43,606 --> 00:20:46,170 themselves, you're helping them see their value 341 00:20:47,190 --> 00:20:50,174 and you help them determine what could get in the way of them showing up 342 00:20:50,182 --> 00:20:53,502 for themselves. Who can you. And this is the, this is 343 00:20:53,526 --> 00:20:57,176 the, the power action worksheet action. Here 344 00:20:57,248 --> 00:21:00,424 it's called little wins. And the question is, what two ways can you show up 345 00:21:00,432 --> 00:21:04,280 for yourself in the next 24 hours? And 346 00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:07,448 it may be giving back in some way. It may also be doing something fun, 347 00:21:07,504 --> 00:21:11,112 like making a list of the hobbies that you want to engage, which is something 348 00:21:11,136 --> 00:21:14,936 I've loved to do with clients and friends and everything. Because you get refreshed 349 00:21:14,968 --> 00:21:18,088 when you do that kind of stuff. It builds the sense of worth and value 350 00:21:18,144 --> 00:21:21,128 in yourself. When you go ahead and do the stuff that's actually fun and energizing, 351 00:21:21,224 --> 00:21:24,520 especially when you don't feel like it. You just trust that's going to actually help 352 00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:28,056 when you engage in it. And when you 353 00:21:28,128 --> 00:21:31,800 prove your value, what you add to other people's lives, your 354 00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:35,496 perspective starts to shift as well. And your perspective is 355 00:21:35,568 --> 00:21:39,112 your outside view of the world. Have you ever heard of a 356 00:21:39,136 --> 00:21:42,792 Rorschach test. Rorschach test is also known as the 357 00:21:42,816 --> 00:21:45,768 inkblot test. And 358 00:21:45,904 --> 00:21:49,448 psychologists therapist puts it in front of you and says, hey, what do you see? 359 00:21:49,584 --> 00:21:51,704 They don't tell you what it is, what it's supposed to be, and then you 360 00:21:51,712 --> 00:21:54,744 tell them the first thing that you see. And in some of these situations, 361 00:21:54,792 --> 00:21:58,024 somebody, two similar people, one person, same exact 362 00:21:58,072 --> 00:22:01,576 inkblot says, hey, I see. I see a guy shooting 363 00:22:01,608 --> 00:22:04,744 people and there's blood all over the place. And then the same person, same. I 364 00:22:04,752 --> 00:22:08,552 mean, that different person, same inkblot sees. I see a family picnic. You know, 365 00:22:08,576 --> 00:22:12,312 they're running around having fun, same exact situation. It's their interpretation of the 366 00:22:12,336 --> 00:22:15,736 situation. That's the value of that kind of thing. It brings out somebody's 367 00:22:15,768 --> 00:22:19,450 perspective so you can identify what it is and 368 00:22:19,490 --> 00:22:22,070 then make some changes to it. So why'd you see that 369 00:22:26,850 --> 00:22:30,350 perspective can change so incredibly quickly. 370 00:22:31,010 --> 00:22:34,714 So weekend a week ago, I had a gal 371 00:22:34,762 --> 00:22:37,642 reach out to me that I hadn't heard from in like two or three years 372 00:22:37,826 --> 00:22:41,350 and said, checked in how I was doing, and 373 00:22:41,980 --> 00:22:45,732 somebody I've never met, so. But there's been some interaction, you 374 00:22:45,756 --> 00:22:49,348 know, professionally and everything, but. And I just texted back, say, 375 00:22:49,404 --> 00:22:53,060 oh, oh, so do you want to meet me in person now? He said, 376 00:22:53,100 --> 00:22:56,948 yes, I do. And I was like, cool, you know, because. 377 00:22:57,004 --> 00:23:00,836 Cool person. I felt like it was, you know, that's fun. Obviously you're listening 378 00:23:00,868 --> 00:23:04,228 right here. I'm single, so it's not. She's single and all that, so it's all 379 00:23:04,284 --> 00:23:07,876 healthy stuff. Well, I don't even know her yet, but 380 00:23:07,948 --> 00:23:11,172 that changed my energy level because I was kind of down and discouraged. I get 381 00:23:11,196 --> 00:23:15,042 this one message on Facebook, which I'm not advocating being 382 00:23:15,066 --> 00:23:17,938 on Facebook, but I got it on Facebook, just be honest with you. And it's 383 00:23:17,954 --> 00:23:21,282 like, oh, wow, this is cool. And the rest of my day, I had some 384 00:23:21,306 --> 00:23:25,138 energy, so that's how quickly our perspective can shift. And you can help other people 385 00:23:25,194 --> 00:23:28,950 do that pretty cool stuff, 386 00:23:30,410 --> 00:23:33,474 help them get out of the fear cycle where they're focusing on fear and what 387 00:23:33,482 --> 00:23:36,914 can go wrong and see the hope. So here's a great 388 00:23:37,002 --> 00:23:40,760 example. Okay, so Josh, Josh, he 389 00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:44,060 went through years before a bankruptcy, 390 00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:48,408 and he had lots of noise in his head, like, you know, you're 391 00:23:48,424 --> 00:23:52,264 gonna fail again. He took some business risks. It didn't go well, and then 392 00:23:52,272 --> 00:23:55,832 he ended up having to close his business is basically what had happened. 393 00:23:55,976 --> 00:23:59,800 And successful guy had never gone through that kind of blow before, but went through 394 00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:03,368 a blow. And from his perspective his 395 00:24:03,424 --> 00:24:07,152 view outside. He had failed people. He had let his 396 00:24:07,176 --> 00:24:10,460 family down, he had let his employees down. 397 00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:14,368 And he was 398 00:24:14,424 --> 00:24:17,920 consumed by the sense of failure. Anxious thoughts 399 00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:21,456 of, hey, my current business 400 00:24:21,528 --> 00:24:25,248 situation is going to fall apart left him frozen 401 00:24:25,344 --> 00:24:29,072 in analysis, paralysis. I mean, frozen in depression, 402 00:24:29,136 --> 00:24:32,720 at times, frozen in anxiety. And through his 403 00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:36,600 own hard work and his family. And just 404 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:40,072 by helping him see that there's a different way of looking at 405 00:24:40,096 --> 00:24:43,848 things, two different perspectives about the whole 406 00:24:43,864 --> 00:24:47,240 thing, his energy level started to shift over time. You know, he 407 00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:50,952 learned to actually experience his 408 00:24:50,976 --> 00:24:54,536 emotions. So when he felt this fear and insecurity about 409 00:24:54,608 --> 00:24:58,200 his new business venture, he learned to experience them and 410 00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:01,740 not suppress them and not just react to them and take 411 00:25:01,780 --> 00:25:05,612 orders from them, but actually feel them, figure out where they're coming from, figure how 412 00:25:05,636 --> 00:25:09,276 they're connected to his past, figure how they're connected to things that aren't 413 00:25:09,308 --> 00:25:13,132 necessarily true. And then that was helping him to actually make the shift 414 00:25:13,196 --> 00:25:16,876 that that stuff's not necessarily true. I can actually use this 415 00:25:16,948 --> 00:25:20,028 past experience and be propelled by this new 416 00:25:20,084 --> 00:25:23,628 perspective that he started to develop to actually 417 00:25:23,764 --> 00:25:27,322 face challenges that he has today to run a business 418 00:25:27,516 --> 00:25:31,278 and learning what he had learned in the past in a different 419 00:25:31,334 --> 00:25:34,622 way. And he started and has started to live 420 00:25:34,726 --> 00:25:38,446 courageously in amazing ways. And seeing 421 00:25:38,478 --> 00:25:41,890 results from that whole process by this one shift 422 00:25:42,310 --> 00:25:46,046 that he was making, realizing it didn't define him, realizing 423 00:25:46,078 --> 00:25:49,358 it's only one part of his life, not his whole life, his job, that is, 424 00:25:49,494 --> 00:25:53,102 realizing that he had all the good stuff ahead. It's like waking up one 425 00:25:53,126 --> 00:25:56,752 morning and, you know, you go to bed at age 80 and you wake up 426 00:25:56,776 --> 00:25:59,952 and you're age 40. You're like, oh my gosh, what happened? I have 40 more 427 00:25:59,976 --> 00:26:03,312 years ahead. I mean, imagine the perspective shift you would have. So if you want 428 00:26:03,336 --> 00:26:07,184 to help other people shift their perspective, well, the power action in 429 00:26:07,192 --> 00:26:11,008 the Shatterproof Yourself worksheet is called fear awareness. So you write down 430 00:26:11,064 --> 00:26:14,624 some anxious thoughts that you might have before 431 00:26:14,712 --> 00:26:18,432 doing something positive and productive yet 432 00:26:18,536 --> 00:26:22,126 scary. What are the thoughts that you actually have? It's 433 00:26:22,158 --> 00:26:25,902 scary, it's uncomfortable, that kind of thing. What are the thoughts? When you go 434 00:26:25,926 --> 00:26:29,646 to meet somebody new in a business situation and you're anxious 435 00:26:29,678 --> 00:26:33,150 about it, identifying those thoughts 436 00:26:33,310 --> 00:26:37,102 helps you to see where your perspective is off and helps you to 437 00:26:37,126 --> 00:26:40,750 make a shift in that perspective. And there's questions you can 438 00:26:40,790 --> 00:26:44,510 ask yourself to help you make the shift, like, is it true? How 439 00:26:44,550 --> 00:26:48,392 does this thought benefit me? How does thinking this thought benefit negatively impact my 440 00:26:48,416 --> 00:26:51,832 life? Who would I be if I didn't think this way? How would I act 441 00:26:51,856 --> 00:26:55,592 if I had 10 times more confidence in this situation? How would I 442 00:26:55,616 --> 00:26:59,032 engage it differently? What's a healthier 443 00:26:59,096 --> 00:27:02,920 perspective? What advice would I give to a friend in this area? Those are all 444 00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:06,760 perspective shifting type questions that you can ask to help 445 00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:10,344 other people. It's like mental verbal 446 00:27:10,392 --> 00:27:14,008 journaling. You're helping them journal so they can see clearly what their 447 00:27:14,064 --> 00:27:17,180 perspective is telling them. That may not be true 448 00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:21,544 because much of it is lies. You're breaking down the anxiety 449 00:27:21,592 --> 00:27:25,320 for them and that perspective 450 00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:26,060 shift 451 00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:33,432 impacts everything else. So on the 452 00:27:33,456 --> 00:27:37,096 next episode, I'm going to share with you those three other ways that you can 453 00:27:37,168 --> 00:27:40,820 powerfully impact other people. Three 454 00:27:40,860 --> 00:27:44,372 ways you're not going to want to miss because you've gone into this content. You 455 00:27:44,396 --> 00:27:48,116 got a cheat sheet though. If you've downloaded and walked through the Shatterproof 456 00:27:48,148 --> 00:27:51,940 Yourself light worksheet and video and take 457 00:27:51,980 --> 00:27:55,764 this stuff and start practicing it, you can take it right now and start practicing 458 00:27:55,812 --> 00:27:59,120 it. So let's go ahead and review 459 00:27:59,740 --> 00:28:03,524 briefly. Well, actually what I'm going to do is encourage 460 00:28:03,572 --> 00:28:06,644 you again to go into shadow, proof yourself light and 461 00:28:06,732 --> 00:28:10,310 subscribe. Because. Because it's going to help you to see 462 00:28:10,610 --> 00:28:14,234 other practical ways, some journaling questions that you can engage 463 00:28:14,282 --> 00:28:17,978 in yourself, and more detail 464 00:28:18,114 --> 00:28:21,802 on how to actually help other people in all these areas. You'll be inspired 465 00:28:21,866 --> 00:28:25,626 in the process. So hit the link there. And by shatterproofing yourself, what I'm talking 466 00:28:25,658 --> 00:28:29,034 about is building resiliency, building mental 467 00:28:29,082 --> 00:28:32,058 toughness in your life. And I think of three things when it comes to building 468 00:28:32,114 --> 00:28:35,520 mental toughness into your life so that you can help people better 469 00:28:36,140 --> 00:28:39,764 is that you are realizing that you can have a hopeful 470 00:28:39,892 --> 00:28:43,380 approach versus a fearful approach to situations that you face. 471 00:28:43,500 --> 00:28:47,252 You realize you can make it through those situations and get 472 00:28:47,276 --> 00:28:49,800 to the other side. You have this mentality that I can get to the other 473 00:28:49,830 --> 00:28:53,620 side. And the third aspect is you start to grasp the actions you can take. 474 00:28:53,660 --> 00:28:57,476 So the practical stuff that you can engage in to actually get there. You're 475 00:28:57,508 --> 00:29:01,102 becoming psychologically shatterproof in the process. 476 00:29:01,206 --> 00:29:05,022 So what's your takeaway from the episode today? What resonated with you the 477 00:29:05,046 --> 00:29:08,638 most? So by the end of the day today, do something 478 00:29:08,694 --> 00:29:12,302 with that insight, talk about it with somebody, 479 00:29:12,446 --> 00:29:16,142 put it on your to do list. Take an action. Something 480 00:29:16,246 --> 00:29:19,806 that gets the ball rolling inside 481 00:29:19,838 --> 00:29:23,646 is less than 20% of change. You've gained insight 482 00:29:23,678 --> 00:29:27,336 today. Action is 80% 483 00:29:27,408 --> 00:29:31,112 plus of making change in your life. So make a 484 00:29:31,136 --> 00:29:34,824 good plan today, right now with that one thing and then act. Because a 485 00:29:34,832 --> 00:29:38,552 good plan that you act on is a hundred times. A 486 00:29:38,576 --> 00:29:42,264 hundred times better. Greater than a perfect 487 00:29:42,312 --> 00:29:45,944 plan you do nothing with it. Makes sense, doesn't it? So 488 00:29:45,952 --> 00:29:49,704 there's no positive change until you decide to change. 489 00:29:49,792 --> 00:29:53,350 Decide today. Your legacy depends on it. To 490 00:29:53,390 --> 00:29:57,014 decide means to eliminate other options. And your legacy 491 00:29:57,142 --> 00:29:59,970 is the impact that your life has on others. 492 00:30:00,830 --> 00:30:04,198 Do me a favor and forward this episode to one 493 00:30:04,254 --> 00:30:07,814 friend. Share it and say something like, this episode was helpful. 494 00:30:07,942 --> 00:30:11,782 Check it out. In closing, live the life today 495 00:30:11,966 --> 00:30:15,530 that you want to be remembered for 10 years after you're gone. 496 00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:20,400 You decide your legacy. Nobody else. Either. You will 497 00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:24,032 decide your legacy, or fear will decide it for you. I 498 00:30:24,056 --> 00:30:26,360 appreciate you greatly and I'll see you next time.