Pain Is a Doorway: Alexander Love on Forgiving His Father’s Killer, Turning Toward What Hurts, and Why Being a Good Man Takes Courage

In 1998, Alexander Love’s father was murdered. Years later, he sat down — on Zoom — with the man who did it. And what he found there was not what anyone expected.

Alexander Love is an acupuncturist, developmental coach, and senior faculty at the Newfield Network, where he created the Lumina Process — an integrative approach to shadow work weaving together Eastern wisdom, Integral theory, parts work, and polarity work. His TEDx talk is titled “How Embracing Pain Creates a Legacy of Love,” and his forthcoming book, the Evolutionary Gestures Trilogy, opens with the story of his father’s murder and the restorative justice dialogue he pursued with the man convicted of it. In this solo conversation with Will (Jon was away), Alexander makes a radical, gentle case: pain is not something to escape but a doorway to walk through — and the courage to turn toward it is what actually makes a good man.

IN THIS EPISODE YOU WILL LEARN:

1.  Why pain is a doorway, not a problem to eliminate — and what opens when you turn toward it
2.  The restorative justice dialogue: forgiveness, and why “hero and villain” falls apart on contact with a real human
3.  The belief that human beings are fundamentally good — even the man who took his father
4.  The three-step practice: turn toward, locate the sensation in the body, and lovingly embrace it
5.  Why the cultural story that “real men feel no pain” is a marketing myth — and being a good man takes the opposite

More about Alexander Love:
1.  Website: alexanderlove.org
3.  TEDx talk: “How Embracing Pain Creates a Legacy of Love” — search on YouTube
4.  Newfield Network (9-month coach & personal transformation training): https://www.newfieldnetwork.com

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Produced by Robert Lopez | https://www.cratesaudio.com/

Creators and Guests

JM

Host

Jon Macaskill

Retired Navy SEAL Commander, Mindfulness Teacher/Trainer - Exec Coach - Badass Loving Dude!!

WS

Host

Will Schneider

Mental Fitness Teacher helping people & companies to master their minds, CoHost-Men Talking Mindfulness Podcast, Stanford Ambassador of Compassion, Top Mindfulness Teacher NYC

What is Men Talking Mindfulness: Mental, Physical, & Emotional Fitness to Elevate Performance and Resilience for Leaders and Teams Under Pressure!?

Men Talking Mindfulness is dedicated to empowering men to embrace their true selves with bravery and authenticity. Our mission is to guide them on a journey of continual learning, developing self-love, and meaningful living. We work to inspire men to lead lives that they can look back on with pride and to create legacies that align with their deepest values. We are committed to cultivating a space where vulnerability is strength, being yourself is the norm, and where every man can unleash their potential to live a life of exceptional impact and fulfillment.

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