1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:13,760 Welcome to the We Are More podcast. 2 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:15,600 My name is Alyssa. 3 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:16,600 And my name is Bri. 4 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:20,600 We are two sisters passionate about all things faith and feminism. 5 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:25,520 We believe that Jesus trusted, respected, and encouraged women to teach and preach His 6 00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:26,520 word. 7 00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:28,720 And apparently that's controversial. 8 00:00:28,720 --> 00:00:32,360 Get comfy. 9 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:34,360 Hello! 10 00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:35,360 Hello! 11 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:41,560 Is it me you're looking for? 12 00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:43,560 I don't think so. 13 00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:44,560 Good. 14 00:00:44,560 --> 00:00:50,160 So, when this episode comes out Bri, guess where we will be? 15 00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:51,960 Oh, the moon! 16 00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:53,400 Ah yes. 17 00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:56,840 We've been planning this trip to the moon for some time now. 18 00:00:56,840 --> 00:01:00,840 I've always been scared of the moon. 19 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:03,320 Like just in general you see it in the sky and you're like, woo! 20 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:10,200 I had nightmares as a child that my kindergarten class was gonna go on a field trip to the 21 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:13,120 moon and it was like a reoccurring nightmare. 22 00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:15,520 I'm gonna go ahead and blame that on the Magic School Bus. 23 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:16,520 It must have been. 24 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:17,520 That sounds right. 25 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:18,520 I was so scared. 26 00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:20,320 But we're not gonna be on the moon. 27 00:01:20,320 --> 00:01:23,440 No, because that's silly, Brianna. 28 00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:24,440 Silly me. 29 00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:26,440 We will be in Disney! 30 00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:27,440 Disney! 31 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:28,440 Hooray! 32 00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:29,440 Huzzah! 33 00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:31,280 So we're pre-recording several episodes. 34 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:36,560 I think I've mentioned that before because I just I don't think I can manage to edit 35 00:01:36,560 --> 00:01:39,560 a full episode while hanging out with Mickey Mouse. 36 00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:41,040 I'm not hanging out with Mickey Mouse. 37 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:42,440 That kind of scares me. 38 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:46,320 We are going to a surprising amount of character meals because we've got three kids going with 39 00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:50,320 us and I'm sure they will have a great time. 40 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:56,000 But can I just say as an introvert with like a whole bunch of social anxiety, that is my 41 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:57,000 worst nightmare. 42 00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:02,160 I hate hate hate when the characters come up and want to interact with you and I know that's 43 00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:04,520 their job but I hate it. 44 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:06,000 I like to see them from afar. 45 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,600 Yeah, in a distance. 46 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:11,040 Like when Pooh is over and he's trying to capture butterflies. 47 00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:12,040 That's very cute. 48 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:14,240 He's so cute but I don't want to go near him. 49 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:15,240 No. 50 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:16,240 Because that's a person. 51 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:24,040 The one positive is because we have all the kids with us, they focus on the kids. 52 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:27,960 And we just sort of sit in the back and you do a quick little wave like, hey Mickey. 53 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:28,960 And you wave. 54 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:29,960 You're so fine, you blow my mind. 55 00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:30,960 Hey Mickey. 56 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:33,960 I don't think that's about Mickey Mouse. 57 00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:35,480 I have no idea what it's about. 58 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:39,560 Frankly, I don't either and it's very confusing to me. 59 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:43,240 But I'm super excited that by the time this premieres, like we're that close by the time 60 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:44,320 this premieres. 61 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:47,200 As we are recording this, we are two weeks away. 62 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:48,200 Yeah. 63 00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:49,200 Yeah. 64 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:52,960 So right at this moment based on the time of week, I don't know where we'll be. 65 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:55,040 You guys can all be jealous or you can join us. 66 00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:56,040 I don't know. 67 00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:57,040 You can come along. 68 00:02:57,040 --> 00:03:01,200 But you probably won't know that much what we look like because this is a podcast. 69 00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:05,880 It's like how old radio people, you didn't know who your favorite radio personalities 70 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:07,680 were because you never saw them. 71 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:13,960 My favorite radio personality was always Teddy Roosevelt. 72 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:17,200 Did you know that the Queen used to do like a... 73 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:18,200 Yeah. 74 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:20,800 Yes, I know. 75 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:22,280 I love the Queen. 76 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:24,160 Audrey knows much about the Queen. 77 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:25,160 I love the Queen. 78 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:26,720 You love the former Queen. 79 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:27,720 Yeah. 80 00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:28,720 Yeah. 81 00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:34,320 I don't want to insult any of our Brits that are listening, but Queen Elizabeth, I miss 82 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:35,320 you. 83 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:37,560 I don't think that would insult them as a rule. 84 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:40,080 I think she was generally pretty well liked. 85 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:42,720 She was very cute. 86 00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:44,200 Has anybody else watched The Crown? 87 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:49,000 I can't bring myself to watch the last couple episodes right now of the most current season. 88 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,520 Do they kill her off? 89 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:54,480 That just really hurt my feelings the way you said that. 90 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:56,800 It just seems really dark. 91 00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:58,920 Why wouldn't they stop before that happens? 92 00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:02,520 No, they haven't killed her off. 93 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:08,840 I'm not nearly as invested in the royal family as my sister and my mother. 94 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:09,840 So sorry. 95 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:12,360 And your grandmother and your aunt. 96 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:15,760 All the people, they are quite invested. 97 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:18,560 Anyway. 98 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:22,040 Welcome to another episode of We Are More. 99 00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:29,680 And if I had some background radio noises, I would make them like we're in the 1940s. 100 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:30,680 Did that help? 101 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:32,680 No, that was worse. 102 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:33,680 Sorry. 103 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:38,560 Last week, no, two weeks ago, in one of our previous episodes. 104 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:40,720 I have no idea. 105 00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:43,280 We talked about singleness in the church. 106 00:04:43,280 --> 00:04:45,480 Bree led that one for us. 107 00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:46,480 I did. 108 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:47,480 You're welcome. 109 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:49,400 We just edited it, so Bree, were you proud of yourself? 110 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:51,160 Did you have wise things to say? 111 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:56,780 I feel like I was mostly wise and I feel like I was a little bit aggressive. 112 00:04:56,780 --> 00:04:59,920 That sounds on par for everything that we do. 113 00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:00,920 Yeah. 114 00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:07,420 So today we're going to talk about being married in the church, not like a marriage ceremony 115 00:05:07,420 --> 00:05:12,760 in the church, but like being a married woman within the context of the church. 116 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:13,960 A Christian married woman. 117 00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:14,960 Yeah. 118 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:15,960 What that means for you. 119 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:16,960 Yeah. 120 00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:19,040 So we're going to talk a little bit more of my story. 121 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:20,400 I don't know a lot about that. 122 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:22,600 Unless Bree has something she hasn't told us yet. 123 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:23,880 Brianna, secret marriages. 124 00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:24,880 Yes. 125 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:26,880 I married to the prince. 126 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:28,880 Oh, wow. 127 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:30,880 Of where? 128 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:33,880 Anyway, that'll be our new transition. 129 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:35,880 Elissa has to just say anyway. 130 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:36,880 Anyway. 131 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:42,240 We haven't brought that one up in a while. 132 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:47,600 So if you haven't listened to our first episode where we kind of told our stories and the 133 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:52,380 basics of who we are, I got married when I was 21. 134 00:05:52,380 --> 00:05:54,840 Like pretty freshly 21. 135 00:05:54,840 --> 00:05:58,160 I feel like you turned 21 and immediately got married. 136 00:05:58,160 --> 00:05:59,160 It was very quick. 137 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:00,160 It was a couple months later. 138 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,680 So I was extremely young. 139 00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:09,280 If you are not part of a more conservative church space, that might seem weird to you. 140 00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:14,360 Statistically it is really young, but within the church it's not. 141 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,960 At 21 you're probably like an old maid. 142 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:17,960 Probably. 143 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:18,960 Yeah. 144 00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:19,960 I was not the first one of my friends to get married. 145 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:23,840 I was among the first, but I wasn't the first one for sure. 146 00:06:23,840 --> 00:06:27,040 And it was just kind of what you did. 147 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:28,440 You were in college still. 148 00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:29,960 Oh yeah. 149 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:33,840 It was between my junior and senior years that we got married. 150 00:06:33,840 --> 00:06:39,120 And I remember it being even within our family who are very conservative. 151 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:40,440 I still was pretty young. 152 00:06:40,440 --> 00:06:41,840 I was definitely on the younger side. 153 00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:46,360 I remember getting a couple of comments like, are you sure about this? 154 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:51,760 Which definitely just came out of love and valid points. 155 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:56,760 But that was, like I said, not that uncommon. 156 00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:59,840 So we got married and still were in college. 157 00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:04,240 And let me tell you, you don't know yourself when you're 21. 158 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:06,160 Do you know yourself when you're 91? 159 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:07,160 No. 160 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,720 I got a thing better than at 21, one would hope. 161 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:11,680 You've at least lived with yourself for longer. 162 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:12,680 Who am I? 163 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:13,680 What are we? 164 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:14,680 Where are those? 165 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:18,640 Where are those? 166 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:23,800 So I want to talk through just a little bit of, I don't know, what it's been like to be 167 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:27,280 married for so long within a church context. 168 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,720 Because it's been like my whole adult life. 169 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:35,600 And maybe what you feel like some of the church expectations of you are because you're married. 170 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:38,040 Yeah, so I took a bunch of notes. 171 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,040 Are you all proud? 172 00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:40,040 No. 173 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:44,400 They're on my computer and it is really precariously sitting here on this tiny, tiny desk. 174 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:46,520 I think you just almost knocked it over with your butt. 175 00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:50,560 Well, it's not a big butt, so it can't do that much damage. 176 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:53,720 You just almost knocked it over again. 177 00:07:53,720 --> 00:08:00,360 So I think one of the things when you first get married is you think you're part of the 178 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:02,720 club now. 179 00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:08,640 Like there's this super secret group of married women in the church and you feel like, okay, 180 00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:10,000 now I can talk to these women. 181 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,680 Now they'll know what to say to me. 182 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:14,720 They have such wise advice. 183 00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:15,720 It's gonna be great, right? 184 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:18,080 I did the thing I was supposed to do. 185 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,240 I fulfilled my life's calling. 186 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:25,200 All of my 20 some odd years before this have been leading to this moment. 187 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:28,520 I don't know what I was doing before, but my life didn't begin. 188 00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:30,960 You were just floating around looking for a husband. 189 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:31,960 Yeah, like a blob. 190 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:36,720 And I really think that's kind of how you feel. 191 00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:39,800 I know we joke about it, but it is kind of how you feel. 192 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:43,860 And I was really young when I got married, so I guess I didn't feel that for super long. 193 00:08:43,860 --> 00:08:50,480 But you feel like everything has been leading up to you walking down the aisle and your 194 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:55,820 life can begin, but it also kind of feels like everything led up to this moment. 195 00:08:55,820 --> 00:08:59,480 So after this, it's all just milk and cookies. 196 00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:02,120 Like everything's gonna be good, right? 197 00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:07,600 And then you get into this circle of married women in the church and you're part of the 198 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:10,840 club, but it turns out the club sucks. 199 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:16,960 And I don't say this about marriage in and of itself. 200 00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:19,100 Every marriage is totally different. 201 00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:24,720 I will say the first year of marriage is incredibly difficult, particularly when you're that young. 202 00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:27,200 But that's kind of not the point of this. 203 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,200 It's hard. 204 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:29,200 So just be aware of that. 205 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:32,920 When you're getting married young, give it some time. 206 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:37,440 My marriage is great and wonderful and I love my husband, but it's tough. 207 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:45,480 And you get into this club and all of these expectations start to be put on you. 208 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:50,640 You think, okay, well now the pastor is gonna be talking to me when he talks about marriage 209 00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:52,440 and I'm gonna understand. 210 00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:57,680 Like the Holy Spirit is gonna give me this beautiful understanding of what he's expecting 211 00:09:57,680 --> 00:10:00,360 of me and what my husband's expecting of me. 212 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:07,440 And I don't know, you just think it's all perfect from here on out, right? 213 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:17,000 And one of the things that I found out very quickly from churches, from women in my life, 214 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:24,000 from books, from everything was the expectation of a married woman is to suffer. 215 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:25,420 It's so sad. 216 00:10:25,420 --> 00:10:27,600 It makes me so sad. 217 00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:29,600 What do you mean by that? 218 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:33,000 So I, well, let me tell you, I haven't written down. 219 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,000 Okay. 220 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:37,800 If your husband is mean, don't say anything to him. 221 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:38,800 Suffer. 222 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:44,160 If he doesn't help out around the house, and I'm not saying that the house is the woman's 223 00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:48,460 domain or whatever, but in a lot of these contexts, that's the consideration. 224 00:10:48,460 --> 00:10:52,240 So if he doesn't help around the house by doing the dishes, by taking out the trash, 225 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:55,160 by whatever, don't nag him. 226 00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:56,160 Suffer. 227 00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:59,200 If he's abusive, don't tell anyone. 228 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:00,480 Suffer. 229 00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:05,880 If your kids don't respect you, don't tell anyone, don't ask for help. 230 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:07,480 Suffer. 231 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:14,560 It's constantly keep it in, keep it in, obey, suffer, suffer, suffer, suffer. 232 00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:15,880 Does that make sense? 233 00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:16,880 Yeah. 234 00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:21,900 Almost like the only thing that matters is this outside view of the two of you, making 235 00:11:21,900 --> 00:11:25,160 sure everybody thinks it's a happy shining union. 236 00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:26,160 Right? 237 00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:27,160 You know? 238 00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:30,240 Because you don't want anybody else to know the roots of what's going on. 239 00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:36,000 We talked, I think in the last episode, about how women were not, back in Bible times, women 240 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:39,240 weren't considered expert testimony or something like that. 241 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:48,080 If a woman went to court in Bible times, her testimony would not be even part of the consideration. 242 00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:51,880 And that's kind of what it is for women in the church, too. 243 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:55,240 Particularly married women in the church. 244 00:11:55,240 --> 00:12:00,400 If I come to the authorities with something that's happened to me, and this happened to 245 00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:05,480 me, if I come to them with something, they ask, well, how does your husband feel about 246 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:06,480 it? 247 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:07,520 What are his thoughts on the matter? 248 00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:08,520 How does he want to handle things? 249 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:09,520 Because he's your keeper. 250 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:10,520 Right. 251 00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:15,040 And I've talked about this before, but it still feels the same. 252 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:17,640 Your testimony won't be taken seriously. 253 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:24,840 Your words, your thoughts, your experiences matter a little bit less than his. 254 00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:27,040 Does that make sense? 255 00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:28,040 Yeah. 256 00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:29,040 Okay. 257 00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:32,000 So, that's kind of the expectation. 258 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:35,840 And you don't know that until after you get in the club. 259 00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:39,800 I think when you're single, and I might be totally off, but I think when you're single, 260 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:44,960 if you aren't around a lot of older married Christian women, it's kind of like, well yeah, 261 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,400 from afar, that looks pretty good, right? 262 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,720 It doesn't look suffering. 263 00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:55,480 And when you bring up, yeah, things are really tough when you do open up to someone, it's 264 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:59,680 like, well, God didn't mean for you to be happy. 265 00:12:59,680 --> 00:13:03,320 I've heard that so many times in church from sermons. 266 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:06,400 Being a Christian means to suffer. 267 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:08,680 And that is so disheartening. 268 00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:13,880 I feel maybe I'm speaking out of turn, but I feel like just because you're a Christian 269 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:18,360 does not automatically mean suffer. 270 00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:25,920 I think being a human, in general, you are going to go through pain, grief, loss, all 271 00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:30,240 kinds of the spectrum of, you know, humanness. 272 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:32,720 But not just specifically because you're a Christian. 273 00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:33,720 Right. 274 00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:38,800 Well, I think we look at the where that seems to come from for me is you look at a lot of 275 00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:43,720 the disciples were martyred after Jesus died. 276 00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:46,960 And so people will take that and they're like, well, Jesus doesn't want you to be happy. 277 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,440 Look, these guys all died. 278 00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:49,440 Right. 279 00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:54,120 But yes, they suffered and were martyred for their faith. 280 00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:56,840 But there were a lot of other Christians that, you know, weren't. 281 00:13:56,840 --> 00:14:00,440 There were a lot of non-Christian people that also suffered and died. 282 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:04,200 I don't think it's an inherent thing in Christianity. 283 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:07,360 Suffer and be miserable, but also join our church. 284 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:09,760 I think God wants us to be joyful. 285 00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:12,500 Well, that's the thing is you'll hear the difference. 286 00:14:12,500 --> 00:14:17,120 And that's one of the things in my notes as well is that God isn't interested in your 287 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:18,260 happiness. 288 00:14:18,260 --> 00:14:23,680 You have to find internal joy that surpasses all understanding. 289 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:28,500 And then once you have that internal joy that only comes from the Holy Spirit, you'll be 290 00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:29,680 at peace. 291 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:31,420 It won't matter what happens around you. 292 00:14:31,420 --> 00:14:33,800 It doesn't matter if they're suffering and death and whatever. 293 00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:34,800 You're joyful. 294 00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:38,120 So you're fine because the Holy Spirit has given that to you. 295 00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:40,480 And I think there's some validity in that. 296 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:50,440 Yeah, I think the Holy Spirit can give you a peacefulness and a sense of belonging, of 297 00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:51,440 more joyfulness. 298 00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:57,080 But that doesn't, first of all, it doesn't stop you from experiencing suffering. 299 00:14:57,080 --> 00:15:01,240 And second of all, happiness is still good. 300 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:03,640 It's still okay to want to be happy. 301 00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:08,120 It's still okay to want to be happy in your marriage, to want to be happy with your kids, 302 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:10,640 to want to go out and enjoy your life. 303 00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:12,420 It's okay. 304 00:15:12,420 --> 00:15:20,000 If you want to fight for happiness, not just the internal joy that surpasses all understanding, 305 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:25,400 which is good, but if you also want to be happy and have happy circumstances, that's 306 00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:26,880 okay. 307 00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:31,360 And I feel like when you say that, it feels almost blasphemous if you're used to a Christian 308 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:34,160 church, which is very sad. 309 00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:37,720 But those are the things that I have heard. 310 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:42,800 Now my biggest question as I was writing this was, do we say this to the husbands? 311 00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:47,080 I don't know, I don't have one. 312 00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:52,200 I mean, I don't think I've ever heard this said to men. 313 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:55,620 Now again, I'm not a man, correct me if I'm wrong. 314 00:15:55,620 --> 00:16:02,520 But I don't think husbands have heard in their, I don't know, small groups that are only men, 315 00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:06,440 or their journeys that are only for masculine. 316 00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:14,240 I don't think that they are hearing, well, marriage is about suffering sometimes. 317 00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:17,200 I don't think they're hearing you might not be happy. 318 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:26,360 Because in my experiences in church, the men, the husbands are told, your wives are to submit 319 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,040 to you. 320 00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:32,220 Your happiness should be her greatest pursuit. 321 00:16:32,220 --> 00:16:37,400 Your dreams should be upheld more than hers. 322 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:40,320 That's my experience of what's been told to husbands. 323 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:42,200 You are the end all be all. 324 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:44,640 You are the beginning to her end. 325 00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:45,640 How great is that for you? 326 00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:47,720 Mary Katz I mean, it sounds like a happy situation to 327 00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:48,720 me. 328 00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:51,720 Doesn't sound too suffering. 329 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:55,000 Other than you have to die for her. 330 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,000 That's another story. 331 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,260 Mary Katz That's a whole other thing. 332 00:16:58,260 --> 00:17:02,800 But that's really the one expectation of husbands, and I'll read some of the bad marriage advice 333 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:04,200 in just a minute. 334 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:08,640 But I think that is the one expectation of husbands that gets held up is you need to 335 00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:12,760 be willing to die for your wife, because that's considered a masculine pursuit. 336 00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:16,560 Oh, you have to be strong enough to die for her. 337 00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:21,440 I think my when I mimic men, my voice gets, I don't think it gets deeper. 338 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:22,440 I think it just gets weirder. 339 00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:28,360 Just a little bit more respite. 340 00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:30,360 But what a stupid thing. 341 00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:32,120 You have to be willing to die for her. 342 00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:33,560 Okay, sure. 343 00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:36,160 But how often is that being asked of you? 344 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:38,960 How often are you being asked to live for her? 345 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:42,760 On a day to day basis, is a bus coming at her and you've got to shove her out of the 346 00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:43,760 way? 347 00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:50,000 No, if a bus is coming at me in the middle of the street, let it come. 348 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:55,440 But on the flip side, her submitting to you and letting you have your way and whatever 349 00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:58,480 you feel like and making your dinner every day and bringing your slippers when you get 350 00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:01,320 home from work, that happens every day. 351 00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:06,380 That's her being in service to you every moment of every day, where you're apparently only 352 00:18:06,380 --> 00:18:11,640 being asked, in theory, one time, you can only die the one time, unless you're in Bree's 353 00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:13,920 book, which is called The Seven and a Half Deaths of Something. 354 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:16,280 Oh, yeah, I haven't started that yet. 355 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:19,440 Seven and a half deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle. 356 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:21,360 We can't recommend it though, she hasn't read it. 357 00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:22,360 It could be terrible. 358 00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:25,640 Okay, and so once you get married, and I'm going to read bad marriage advice in a little 359 00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:29,280 bit because it's funny, even though it's really depressing. 360 00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:31,280 But I wanted to go through a couple more things first. 361 00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:36,520 So once you get married in the church, you almost think like, okay, I did my thing. 362 00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:38,440 I did the thing I was supposed to do. 363 00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:43,280 I fulfilled God's calling for me, huzzah. 364 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:46,320 But there's always more for women. 365 00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:52,920 I think for men, you get through it, you get through marriage, and it's like, okay, you're 366 00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:54,200 just cruise. 367 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:58,880 I guess be a good husband, but also there's not that much of an expectation on you after 368 00:18:58,880 --> 00:18:59,880 that point. 369 00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:05,280 I do think men are still expected to get married in the church, but after that, you're pretty 370 00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:07,160 much good. 371 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:13,520 For women, it's, when are you going to have a baby? 372 00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:17,440 And it is the moment that you say, I do. 373 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:22,600 Okay, now you're not supposed to have babies before marriage, according to the church, 374 00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:27,160 but you are supposed to get on it the moment that you get married. 375 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:28,160 Whoa. 376 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:29,960 I'm not even kidding. 377 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,720 And the inappropriate questions. 378 00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:32,720 Yeah. 379 00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:33,720 Yeah. 380 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:36,080 Are you trying for a baby? 381 00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:37,440 What methods are you using? 382 00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:42,000 Let me give you some advice on the best ways to have a baby. 383 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:45,560 I did this and I had a boy. 384 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,360 The inappropriateness. 385 00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:51,440 I don't want to tell you that we are or are not trying for a baby. 386 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:52,440 That's uncomfortable. 387 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:53,440 You don't need that information. 388 00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:57,080 I don't want you sitting at home thinking about that. 389 00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:59,800 No, thank you. 390 00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:02,440 No, stop asking that people. 391 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:07,440 When someone is pregnant, when, okay, wait till they're nine months pregnant before you 392 00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:08,440 say a word. 393 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,880 If they haven't said anything. 394 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:14,640 That baby had better be cruising out of them before you comment. 395 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:16,920 But just don't say anything. 396 00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:21,840 Just don't comment because there are a million reasons why someone might not be having a 397 00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:26,560 baby, whether it's by choice because they simply don't want, because they're 21 and 398 00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:32,280 still in college perhaps, or whether it's because they can't have babies, whatever the 399 00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:33,280 reason. 400 00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:35,560 But you are expected to have kids. 401 00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:38,840 And then you have your first baby and you think, oh, good. 402 00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:39,840 I did the things. 403 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:40,840 I did all the things. 404 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:41,840 I did the things again. 405 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:42,840 Yeah. 406 00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:43,840 Checked all the boxes. 407 00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:44,840 Good to go. 408 00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:47,520 When are you going to have your next baby? 409 00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:49,600 And then when are you going to have your next baby? 410 00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:51,080 And then are you going to homeschool them? 411 00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:55,280 Because you know that public schools, they are indoctrinating our children with who knows 412 00:20:55,280 --> 00:20:56,960 what. 413 00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:58,720 God has been taken out of our schools. 414 00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:01,880 And that's, I could do five episodes on that. 415 00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:06,580 But there's all of these expectations is my point. 416 00:21:06,580 --> 00:21:07,580 Do the next thing. 417 00:21:07,580 --> 00:21:08,720 Do the next thing. 418 00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:14,580 You're not holy enough until you have five kids and you buy a giant 15 passenger van 419 00:21:14,580 --> 00:21:17,480 and put all the little person stickers on the back. 420 00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:18,640 With Mickey heads. 421 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:20,520 Preferably with Mickey heads. 422 00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:22,660 Just to show how many people you have. 423 00:21:22,660 --> 00:21:25,000 And once you have 12 of them, you can't afford to go to Disney anyway. 424 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,960 So you put the Mickey heads to make yourself feel better. 425 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:33,160 And you just have to constantly keep going and striving. 426 00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:36,800 And there's never an end to the expectations. 427 00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:39,720 You've never fulfilled them all. 428 00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:47,960 Because if you don't have the five kids, it's, oh you would have really enjoyed having more. 429 00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:50,860 Or if you have all girls, well don't you want to try for a boy? 430 00:21:50,860 --> 00:21:53,200 Or the flip is true. 431 00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:58,120 And if you put them in public school, my daughter is in public school and there's always that 432 00:21:58,120 --> 00:22:02,640 like, oh you have her in public school? 433 00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:05,960 Was there not a good Christian school nearby? 434 00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:10,280 Have you thought about homeschooling? 435 00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:13,560 It's just nothing you do feels like it's ever good enough. 436 00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:19,040 And it's so much more painful when that comes in the church. 437 00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:23,760 Because I know that these expectations get put on non-Christian women too. 438 00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:27,320 Oh absolutely, I think it's just part of the female experience. 439 00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:33,400 But when it comes from your church, it feels like this is not society's expectation of 440 00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:37,840 me, which at the very least I can say, well who cares about society? 441 00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:40,840 This is now God's expectation of me? 442 00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:47,200 Pop out all the babies, homeschool them, make homemade dinners every night, and also probably 443 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:50,320 ideally be a social media influencer and have blonde hair. 444 00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:51,920 That's kind of the vibe, right? 445 00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:54,200 But it never ends. 446 00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:55,200 So let's see. 447 00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:56,700 The next thing. 448 00:22:56,700 --> 00:23:01,000 Having a job is a negative. 449 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:04,480 And these are all, I'm just going through a list of expectations that have been put 450 00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:08,560 on me and that I know are being put on other women. 451 00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:15,240 When you are married in the church, when Brie talked in our Singleness episode about the 452 00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:18,960 expectation of getting a job just until you get married. 453 00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:21,480 As a placeholder. 454 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:22,480 Exactly. 455 00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:24,240 It's the continuation of that. 456 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:31,000 Once you get married, your ideal situation is to quit your job and be a stay at home 457 00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:32,000 parent. 458 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:33,480 Now there's nothing wrong with that. 459 00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:39,400 If that is your choice as the woman or as the stay at home parent, if that's your choice, 460 00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:40,400 great, do your thing. 461 00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:43,320 Yeah, because there's tons of reasons why people choose to do that. 462 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:44,320 Absolutely. 463 00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:45,680 I've been a stay at home parent. 464 00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:51,960 The first five years of my daughter's life I was a stay at home parent because we couldn't, 465 00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:57,360 not really, honestly for me it was not because I necessarily wanted that in life, but because 466 00:23:57,360 --> 00:23:59,360 we couldn't afford childcare. 467 00:23:59,360 --> 00:24:01,000 Childcare is so crazy expensive. 468 00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:02,240 That's insane. 469 00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:06,120 And what I was making while I was pregnant literally wouldn't have paid for childcare. 470 00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:07,840 So it just didn't make sense. 471 00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:09,840 So I've been a stay at home parent. 472 00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:11,680 I can sympathize with it. 473 00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:16,400 I feel all of those expectations on my shoulders. 474 00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:21,720 But the thought that as a woman your ideal situation is to be a wife and mother, and 475 00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:25,360 we've talked about this in countless episodes, is really painful. 476 00:24:25,360 --> 00:24:32,600 I think it's super painful because if you want anything outside of that, if you want 477 00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:35,800 to have a job, it's like, oh, she has to have a job. 478 00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:36,800 That's really sad for her. 479 00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:41,360 Because it's almost like your personal well-being disappears. 480 00:24:41,360 --> 00:24:42,440 It doesn't matter. 481 00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:45,240 You're not a person anymore. 482 00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:47,720 You're a wife and mother. 483 00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:50,240 Your needs are not important. 484 00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:51,540 Your needs will not be met. 485 00:24:51,540 --> 00:24:54,300 Don't expect that they will be met. 486 00:24:54,300 --> 00:25:01,920 And that's part of that club that we talked about of married women that is so negative. 487 00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:05,720 First of all, I think the expectation is to kind of hate on your husband when you're in 488 00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:06,720 that married club. 489 00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:07,720 My mom used to talk about this. 490 00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:12,160 About how when she would go to, there was this group called Mops. 491 00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:13,640 I don't know if it's still a thing or not. 492 00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:14,640 It's a horrible name. 493 00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:15,640 Isn't it? 494 00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:16,640 Oh my gosh. 495 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:25,480 I don't know what it stood for, moms or parents. 496 00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:26,480 I would have to look it up. 497 00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:27,960 I have no idea what it stood for. 498 00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:32,200 But it was a group, and this was a many different churches did the Mops groups. 499 00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:34,560 So you guys might remember this as well. 500 00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:38,800 But it was a group of moms that would bring their kids together usually at the church. 501 00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:42,880 And the kids would play and the moms would, I don't know, do crafts and drink tea. 502 00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:45,200 I don't know what they did. 503 00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:48,720 But they would sit and chat while their kids played. 504 00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:54,400 And I remember my mom saying that there was so much negativity in those groups about the 505 00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:57,200 husbands and the kids. 506 00:25:57,200 --> 00:26:01,440 And that her goal was always to not participate in that because she liked her husband and 507 00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:03,800 she liked her kids. 508 00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:07,840 But I think where that comes from is your needs not being met. 509 00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:14,840 When your partner is meeting none of your personal needs, it's all about what you can 510 00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:16,840 do for them. 511 00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:20,440 And there's no reciprocation of what they can do for you. 512 00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:23,320 I mean, that sounds like a bad time. 513 00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:26,400 How often are women just getting erased? 514 00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:31,320 I mean, for heaven's sakes, your name is replaced. 515 00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:33,840 You're no longer Alyssa, your mom. 516 00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:38,720 Or you lose your last name. 517 00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:46,440 And that's totally a personal choice, but it's one of those throwbacks to I own you 518 00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:48,200 now. 519 00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:53,960 What I think would be great for the world as a whole is when you start a new family, 520 00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:58,120 if you want to, you just pick a whole new name. 521 00:26:58,120 --> 00:27:01,640 Whatever it is that you want, you pick a whole new name and you start your family with that 522 00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:05,640 whole new last name and then your kids do the same. 523 00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:06,640 The Broccolis. 524 00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:09,040 Brianna Broccoli. 525 00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:10,040 I love it. 526 00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:14,040 These are my kids, my little sprouts. 527 00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:18,240 Yeah, that sounds right. 528 00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:21,120 You should do that one. 529 00:27:21,120 --> 00:27:26,360 I do, should I decide to have any children, they will all be named after cheese. 530 00:27:26,360 --> 00:27:28,000 I think it's hilarious. 531 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:29,480 Like Colby, come on. 532 00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:30,480 Jack, come on. 533 00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:35,800 You need a real weird one in there though. 534 00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:41,840 This is my youngest man, Chago. 535 00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:50,040 I think too, if you don't enthusiastically go after all these things, husband, kids, 536 00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:56,120 lack of job, homeschool, check off all of the boxes, as though you are thrilled about 537 00:27:56,120 --> 00:27:59,600 it every moment, there's a lot of judgment in that too. 538 00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:02,080 Even if you've checked off the boxes. 539 00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:04,360 You have to do it with a smile on your face. 540 00:28:04,360 --> 00:28:07,880 Now you don't need to expect to be happy, but you better look happy. 541 00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:14,240 Because so often, like I said before, it's all about the outward appearance. 542 00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:15,640 That's the only thing that matters. 543 00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:19,440 It doesn't matter if you can actually afford that car, but you should be driving a nice 544 00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:26,200 car because we want the people of the church to look in awe of you. 545 00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:30,080 It doesn't matter if you're actually happy as long as you look happy. 546 00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:34,040 Cut the little Joker smile into your face and you'll be good to go. 547 00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:40,000 I think it's, I don't know, it's just so difficult because when you're single, I think one of 548 00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:44,900 the biggest struggles I heard you mention in the last episode was not being talked to 549 00:28:44,900 --> 00:28:46,480 in church. 550 00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:49,920 Not feeling like the sermons were speaking to you. 551 00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:54,880 And when you get married, I think you think they're going to be talking to me now. 552 00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:57,200 It's going to be supportive of me now. 553 00:28:57,200 --> 00:29:00,480 You don't really think of people outside of your bubble, which is a problem in itself. 554 00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:03,280 But at least now they're going to be talking to me. 555 00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:07,660 The reality is they're not talking to married women. 556 00:29:07,660 --> 00:29:11,600 They're talking at married women. 557 00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:14,600 Here's what you need to do. 558 00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:17,360 Here's who you need to be. 559 00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:19,360 Here's your checklist. 560 00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:21,720 Don't think about anything else. 561 00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:24,240 Don't do anything else. 562 00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:26,280 Don't talk about doing anything else. 563 00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:28,760 Don't have dreams, have his dreams. 564 00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:33,240 Don't have a plan for your future because you've got to just sort of follow around wherever 565 00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:36,840 his plan for his little future is. 566 00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:42,200 And if that's move 45 times, then you better be happy about that. 567 00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:47,920 And if that's living on a homestead in Alaska, you better be thrilled. 568 00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:54,320 I will never be living in a homestead in Alaska. 569 00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:56,880 Not ever, not no way, no how. 570 00:29:56,880 --> 00:30:00,760 And if for some weird reason you find me there, call 911. 571 00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:03,160 I've been abducted. 572 00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:04,160 I've lost my mind. 573 00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:07,640 All right, I'll make a note. 574 00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:10,760 One of the things I was thinking about, this made me think of that. 575 00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:14,400 So Nathan and I have been watching Alone lately. 576 00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:17,360 No one is alone. 577 00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:19,260 Not that one. 578 00:30:19,260 --> 00:30:23,160 So this show, if you haven't seen it, I think it's on Disney Plus. 579 00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:27,080 They send out like 10 people, 10-ish people. 580 00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:29,920 It's essentially a game show, but harder. 581 00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:31,480 So much harder. 582 00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:37,360 They put them all in places, usually in really cold places, and they just leave them there. 583 00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:40,160 They are sent with their own camera equipment. 584 00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:41,960 They're completely alone. 585 00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:46,040 The only time they see other people is when the medical crew comes out to check them and 586 00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:47,640 make sure they haven't died. 587 00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:48,640 Or they tap out. 588 00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:49,640 Yeah, and that's it. 589 00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:50,640 They are alone. 590 00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:52,040 They have to get their own food. 591 00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:55,960 They have to build their own shelter in the Arctic most of the time. 592 00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:59,360 They can only bring like 10 things with them. 593 00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:04,000 It's fascinating, especially for someone who hates the outdoors passionately. 594 00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:05,000 Fascinating. 595 00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:09,960 But there was this woman on there. 596 00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:12,720 So they get memory cards to put in their cameras, right? 597 00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:16,280 She had one memory card that she didn't want to give to the production crew. 598 00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:20,880 Now they made a note of this on the screen. 599 00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:25,680 She didn't want to give it to the production crew because she basically kept it as like 600 00:31:25,680 --> 00:31:29,600 a diary almost to her significant other. 601 00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:34,400 However, the rules apparently stated that she had to give all of the memory cards to 602 00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:39,600 them and then they aired it because of course they did. 603 00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:42,400 And what broke my heart is she's sitting there. 604 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:47,480 Now her personality up until this point has been happy, bubbly, everything's great. 605 00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:48,480 It's wonderful. 606 00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:50,840 It's gonna be amazing. 607 00:31:50,840 --> 00:31:57,440 And then she's sitting in her shelter recording this to her boyfriend and she's sobbing and 608 00:31:57,440 --> 00:32:04,040 she's like, I can't show this to them because they're gonna exploit it as a weakness. 609 00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:07,280 They're gonna look at this and they're gonna say I'm weak so I have to be happy. 610 00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:10,320 I have to be ready to go every moment. 611 00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:13,880 I have to be so big and strong, stronger than the men. 612 00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:18,840 I have to be so intense because otherwise they're gonna show this and I'm gonna look 613 00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:23,360 weak and they're gonna say women are weak. 614 00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:26,220 And they did show it. 615 00:32:26,220 --> 00:32:30,560 But the rest of the time, all of the other videos, she has that personality. 616 00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:33,280 This happy, peppy personality. 617 00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:35,880 And it broke my heart because she felt that she had to do that. 618 00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:41,600 But I think with Christian women in particular, we don't even have that partner necessarily. 619 00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:42,600 I shouldn't say we. 620 00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:45,600 My husband is wonderful and I can break down with him at any time. 621 00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:46,600 I do. 622 00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:47,600 Many times. 623 00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:50,600 Break it down now. 624 00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:54,720 Thank you. 625 00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:59,440 But for a lot of Christian women, you're supposed to be that strong. 626 00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:00,640 Now not physically strong. 627 00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:03,320 Don't be physically strong because that's intimidating to the men. 628 00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:05,560 I was just gonna say don't intimidate them. 629 00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:11,000 But emotionally, you have to be strong and on it all the time and never break down to 630 00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:18,920 anyone ever ever because then your husband will say, ugh, you're just too emotional for 631 00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:19,920 me. 632 00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:21,920 It's just so much work. 633 00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:23,800 Can't you be more like a man? 634 00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:26,400 I just don't understand these emotions. 635 00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:29,880 You have to be strong but you can't be too strong. 636 00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:33,960 You have to cry when it's appropriate because it's feminine but not too much. 637 00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:37,280 Because it makes them uncomfy. 638 00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:40,160 There's all these expectations and it's just heartbreaking. 639 00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:46,320 And I wish for women at least that they're partner. 640 00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:48,920 And you know some Christian marriages, I'm not saying every Christian marriage is like 641 00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:53,040 this, I'm just saying that that's almost the expectation. 642 00:33:53,040 --> 00:33:55,120 Suffer. 643 00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:56,920 Suffer alone. 644 00:33:56,920 --> 00:33:58,640 Suffer in quiet. 645 00:33:58,640 --> 00:34:02,360 You can suffer to God I guess if you want to but don't be too annoying because God really 646 00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:04,360 doesn't want to hear that. 647 00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:08,640 And also if you dwell on it, then that's gonna make you more unhappy. 648 00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:14,360 So don't dwell on it, push it down, stomp it down. 649 00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:15,360 Turn it off. 650 00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:16,360 Switch. 651 00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:23,600 I have been watching this ex-Mormon content creator. 652 00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:25,240 I think it's driving everyone in the house crazy. 653 00:34:25,240 --> 00:34:27,000 I watch her all the time. 654 00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:29,880 I'm doing a deep dive into Mormonism. 655 00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:33,640 Not because I want to join but because I'm fascinated. 656 00:34:33,640 --> 00:34:40,240 And I do unfortunately see a lot of similarities in the way women are treated there and in 657 00:34:40,240 --> 00:34:42,400 the very conservative Christian church. 658 00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:44,680 Like the Duggars, they're not Mormons, they are- 659 00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:45,680 IBLP. 660 00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:46,680 Yeah. 661 00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:50,880 It sounds like you have a pooping problem. 662 00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:54,120 Okay, so let's go into some of the advice. 663 00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:55,120 The advice? 664 00:34:55,120 --> 00:34:57,520 Oh the advice that you get. 665 00:34:57,520 --> 00:35:05,880 So one of the people that we talk about a lot is Sheila Ray Gregoire and she is just 666 00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:06,880 a treasure. 667 00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:07,880 Hi Sheila. 668 00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:16,740 She has a podcast also with her daughter and it's actually linked. 669 00:35:16,740 --> 00:35:23,440 We have it in our recommended podcast so if you are on really any of our outlets it should 670 00:35:23,440 --> 00:35:26,480 be linked and you should be able to see it recommended. 671 00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:33,120 And they talk about essentially freeing women from this concept of submission from the expectation 672 00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:35,600 that their marriages are going to suck. 673 00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:38,720 So one of the things that she does, she is so incredibly smart. 674 00:35:38,720 --> 00:35:43,040 Like when you read her stuff, holy crap, I'm in awe. 675 00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:44,040 I'm overwhelmed. 676 00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:46,080 Do you hear that Sheila? 677 00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:48,160 She loves you. 678 00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:53,720 But one of the things that she does is these little snippets and she says, fixed it for 679 00:35:53,720 --> 00:35:54,900 you. 680 00:35:54,900 --> 00:36:01,320 So she pulls quotes from a lot of Christian marriage books but also from many different 681 00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:06,640 places and she writes out the quote and then she crosses it all out and she says, fixed 682 00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:08,440 it for you and so she fixes it. 683 00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:10,600 So I'm going to read a couple of those and then I'm going to read some things from other 684 00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:11,600 places as well. 685 00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:17,360 So this one, Bre are you prepared to be sad about life? 686 00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:18,360 Always am. 687 00:36:18,360 --> 00:36:20,960 Audienz are you prepared to be sad about life? 688 00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:23,880 Life is about suffering, let's go. 689 00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:31,320 So this is from, I'm going to mispronounce his last name but it's Owens Drahan, I think, 690 00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:36,940 who is the former president of the Council of Biblical Manhood and Womanhood and also 691 00:36:36,940 --> 00:36:40,920 a professor of theology at Grace Bible Theological Seminary. 692 00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:45,160 So if you want to be sad about how our young people are being taught, be prepared. 693 00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:46,400 Fantastic. 694 00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:51,040 So it says, this is from Twitter, he posted this on Twitter in 2022. 695 00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:55,520 God has staked everything on men. 696 00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:58,660 Strong men are the foundation of a strong marriage. 697 00:36:58,660 --> 00:37:01,460 Strong men are the foundation of a strong home. 698 00:37:01,460 --> 00:37:04,160 Strong men are the foundation of a strong church. 699 00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:07,040 Strong men are the foundation of a strong society. 700 00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:11,960 God has staked everything on men. 701 00:37:11,960 --> 00:37:14,680 So interesting, why did he even create women? 702 00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:18,400 I think in this view of things, God created women to make babies. 703 00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:20,080 But I mean that's really it. 704 00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:22,640 Our highest calling. 705 00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:23,640 So Sheila fixes it. 706 00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:28,920 I'm not going to read all of her fixes but that one's so bad, we have to fix it. 707 00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:35,680 So Sheila says, for no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is 708 00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:37,080 Christ Jesus. 709 00:37:37,080 --> 00:37:41,080 The stone the builders rejected has become the capstone. 710 00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:42,080 Thank you Sheila. 711 00:37:42,080 --> 00:37:43,080 Thank you Sheila. 712 00:37:43,080 --> 00:37:45,360 Beautiful, loved it. 713 00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:47,120 Made me happy inside. 714 00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:52,000 I think men forget that God doesn't need them. 715 00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:58,000 God doesn't need any of us to make him look any better, to build him up any, like he doesn't 716 00:37:58,000 --> 00:37:59,800 need any of us. 717 00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:01,420 You're lucky to be alive. 718 00:38:01,420 --> 00:38:04,840 You were birthed from a woman. 719 00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:05,840 That's the reality. 720 00:38:05,840 --> 00:38:06,840 Yeah. 721 00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:09,800 Quit making yourself so great, you're not so great. 722 00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:15,960 I think patriarchy in the church is the easiest way to make yourself feel like God without 723 00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:19,040 saying it because that would be blasphemy. 724 00:38:19,040 --> 00:38:22,280 But you are the Lord of your home. 725 00:38:22,280 --> 00:38:26,040 We actually got a comment on TikTok. 726 00:38:26,040 --> 00:38:29,960 I literally forgot what it was called briefly on TikTok. 727 00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:32,240 I could sing the song for you. 728 00:38:32,240 --> 00:38:33,240 Please don't. 729 00:38:33,240 --> 00:38:40,120 And she said something about male headship and she in parentheses called it lordship. 730 00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:42,280 And that was just like, that hit me hard. 731 00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:45,120 It's like, wow, that's what it is. 732 00:38:45,120 --> 00:38:49,560 It's becoming the Lord of your space. 733 00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:55,120 You are the most important person and everyone in your space needs to worship you. 734 00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:57,840 Which is such the opposite of what is being taught to women. 735 00:38:57,840 --> 00:39:00,400 Women are like, you need to humble yourself. 736 00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:05,800 You know, very demure, very mindful. 737 00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:10,160 You know, you don't want to make anybody else uncomfortable. 738 00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:15,040 You don't want to, yeah, you don't want to make waves. 739 00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:17,480 That is never being told to a man. 740 00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:25,040 So this one comes from Stormy O Martian who wrote Kylie's Kid. 741 00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:29,520 No who wrote the power of a praying wife. 742 00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:34,000 And if you want to be sad again, if you're prepared for that, this book has sold over 743 00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:35,320 eight million copies. 744 00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:36,320 Oh no. 745 00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:41,880 So the original quote is when you are married, there will always be two areas of that will 746 00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:48,080 ultimately be your responsibility, home and children. 747 00:39:48,080 --> 00:39:53,360 On top of all this, you will also be expected to be sexually appealing, a good cook, a great 748 00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:56,600 mother and physically, emotionally and spiritually fit. 749 00:39:56,600 --> 00:40:02,680 Now I want to point out that that sounds like sarcasm and it's sarcasm when it comes out 750 00:40:02,680 --> 00:40:06,400 of my mouth, but it's not in the book. 751 00:40:06,400 --> 00:40:08,160 This is really something that she says. 752 00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:13,320 This is really actually marriage advice that women are getting in the church. 753 00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:16,200 This is the power of a praying wife. 754 00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:17,840 That's what the book is called. 755 00:40:17,840 --> 00:40:24,360 So apparently the only power you have as a wife is to take care of your home, to take 756 00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:27,680 care of your kids, but not to teach your sons once they reach a certain age because you're 757 00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:30,600 a woman and you can't teach men. 758 00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:36,320 And also to be a good cook, sexually appealing, a great mother, physically, emotionally and 759 00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:39,120 spiritually fit, you better just be all the things. 760 00:40:39,120 --> 00:40:41,440 Zero expectations on him. 761 00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:42,440 All you. 762 00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:44,060 My gosh. 763 00:40:44,060 --> 00:40:46,040 This is some of the advice that women are getting. 764 00:40:46,040 --> 00:40:50,320 I'm going to read one more from Sheila and you can find all of these on her Facebook 765 00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:51,940 page, but you can also find them. 766 00:40:51,940 --> 00:40:54,760 She made like a little book, like a digital download book. 767 00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:57,660 That's what I'm reading from right now and you can find that on her website and it's 768 00:40:57,660 --> 00:41:03,480 got all of them and then it goes into why she corrected them the way that she did and 769 00:41:03,480 --> 00:41:06,760 the verses that she used to correct them the way that she did. 770 00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:11,200 So she's not just correcting them just based on whatever ideas pop into her head. 771 00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:12,200 She's using it biblical. 772 00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:13,200 Right. 773 00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:14,200 Exactly. 774 00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:16,760 Unlike what these people are doing. 775 00:41:16,760 --> 00:41:20,720 Tell me where in the Bible it says I have to be sexually appealing all the time and 776 00:41:20,720 --> 00:41:21,720 a good cook. 777 00:41:21,720 --> 00:41:24,800 Literally, absolutely nowhere. 778 00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:30,160 The interesting thing too is biblical women, if you think of Abraham's wife, Sarah, they 779 00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:31,800 had servants. 780 00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:33,800 She wasn't cooking. 781 00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:36,800 She wasn't cooking. 782 00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:42,480 So the last one that I'm going to read from Sheila is from William P Farley, who was a 783 00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:49,000 retired pastor and also contributed to the Gospel Coalition website and the Desiring 784 00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:50,000 God website. 785 00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:56,560 So he's got some influence there and it says, now this is advice in theory to husbands, 786 00:41:56,560 --> 00:41:57,560 right? 787 00:41:57,560 --> 00:42:02,000 Abraham humbly loves a menopausal or premenstrual wife. 788 00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:06,640 His behavior says Christ loves the church even though she is sinful. 789 00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:07,640 What? 790 00:42:07,640 --> 00:42:13,360 His behavior tells his children Christ loves his bride even when she is unattractive. 791 00:42:13,360 --> 00:42:14,780 What? 792 00:42:14,780 --> 00:42:21,480 It says that nothing can separate us from the love of Christ, even our feelings. 793 00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:22,480 What? 794 00:42:22,480 --> 00:42:25,360 This is from the book called Gospel Powered Parenting. 795 00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:28,680 Oh my gosh. 796 00:42:28,680 --> 00:42:30,880 You didn't think it was going to get worse, did you? 797 00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:31,960 Did you? 798 00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:37,040 What if I looked at him and I was just like, God hates you because you're ugly. 799 00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:38,840 But I love you. 800 00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:43,760 You're balding and me loving you still is an example of how Christ loved the church. 801 00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:44,760 Okay. 802 00:42:44,760 --> 00:42:51,320 You have to take that blue pill and that's a sin. 803 00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:56,040 I'm going to read Sheetless Fixing of this one because it hurts me in my soul. 804 00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:58,040 Oh my gosh, that's insane. 805 00:42:58,040 --> 00:42:59,040 I know. 806 00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:03,920 So she says, this is her crossing out certain things and putting in different words, when 807 00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:07,200 a husband humbly loves a menopausal or premenstrual wife. 808 00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:10,200 Also premenstrual, are we talking about before she starts her period? 809 00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:11,320 So are we marrying children? 810 00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:13,320 What are we talking about here? 811 00:43:13,320 --> 00:43:14,920 I do not know. 812 00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:18,920 His behavior is merely what any decent human being would do. 813 00:43:18,920 --> 00:43:23,240 His behavior tells his children, stop moaning about women's natural cycles. 814 00:43:23,240 --> 00:43:26,680 It says that when your wife is uncomfortable, her needs matter. 815 00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:29,600 Thank you, Sheila. 816 00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:30,600 Thank you, Sheila. 817 00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:32,840 I appreciate you. 818 00:43:32,840 --> 00:43:36,760 Do men think that periods are something that God didn't create? 819 00:43:36,760 --> 00:43:40,560 That women were just like, how can I inconvenience myself even more? 820 00:43:40,560 --> 00:43:41,840 I love to bleed. 821 00:43:41,840 --> 00:43:47,400 I love to bleed once a month and then before that week of me constantly bleeding, I love 822 00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:49,080 to just also be in pain. 823 00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:51,080 It's a great time. 824 00:43:51,080 --> 00:43:55,560 It's just something I like to punish myself with. 825 00:43:55,560 --> 00:44:01,080 So some of the other ones, and this was from my own research and looking up some things 826 00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:04,400 and you can research. 827 00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:05,400 Don't do this. 828 00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:08,040 Women out there, don't research this. 829 00:44:08,040 --> 00:44:09,560 I'm a women folk. 830 00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:15,000 I want you to be informed and I want you to double check the things that we say because 831 00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:16,120 that's important. 832 00:44:16,120 --> 00:44:18,000 However, this will make you sad. 833 00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:24,920 I would say before you dive into the internet and look at a book from some old pastor or 834 00:44:24,920 --> 00:44:27,640 some, you know, even a Christian woman. 835 00:44:27,640 --> 00:44:29,000 Oh, we're about to go there. 836 00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:32,000 Look to your Bible first. 837 00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:37,120 Make sure that you're feeling strong and that you're not ready to be influenced by these 838 00:44:37,120 --> 00:44:39,800 people. 839 00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:46,000 There is a blog slash website and it's called the transformed wife and my mom has followed 840 00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:49,360 them for a while out of irony. 841 00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:53,680 I think she's like, I just like to watch, watch the train wreck. 842 00:44:53,680 --> 00:44:55,280 Mom is a little dark. 843 00:44:55,280 --> 00:44:57,120 She is a little bit. 844 00:44:57,120 --> 00:45:00,480 At least we haven't had to say sorry mom so far this episode. 845 00:45:00,480 --> 00:45:04,880 I may have, I maybe should have maybe, but we didn't. 846 00:45:04,880 --> 00:45:07,520 Sorry mom. 847 00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:09,560 So it's, it's a train wreck. 848 00:45:09,560 --> 00:45:11,000 I don't know how else to describe it. 849 00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:16,700 It's all about being like a submissive wife to the point of absolute abuse. 850 00:45:16,700 --> 00:45:22,160 It's horrifying and I hate it, but I read a blog on her website because I was feeling 851 00:45:22,160 --> 00:45:23,880 masochistic apparently. 852 00:45:23,880 --> 00:45:29,040 It said one of the things that she said, and I'm not going to quote a lot of what she says 853 00:45:29,040 --> 00:45:33,760 because it's just hurtful, but one of the things that she says is don't nag, mention 854 00:45:33,760 --> 00:45:36,000 it once then pray. 855 00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:42,440 So the blog that this comes from is about how naggy women are because that's just what 856 00:45:42,440 --> 00:45:44,400 gets put on women all the time, right? 857 00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:46,200 Put on wives. 858 00:45:46,200 --> 00:45:52,200 And she says, don't nag your husband about the things that he's supposed to be doing, 859 00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:53,360 I guess. 860 00:45:53,360 --> 00:45:54,680 He's not supposed to be an equal partner. 861 00:45:54,680 --> 00:45:55,960 So it is fine. 862 00:45:55,960 --> 00:46:01,120 So like, let's say he doesn't take out the trash because that's the one and only household 863 00:46:01,120 --> 00:46:04,280 job that it's acceptable for a man to do. 864 00:46:04,280 --> 00:46:06,120 Let's say he doesn't do that. 865 00:46:06,120 --> 00:46:08,200 Don't nag him about it. 866 00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:13,440 Mention it one time and if he chooses not to, you take out the trash. 867 00:46:13,440 --> 00:46:15,920 He's got too much else on his mind. 868 00:46:15,920 --> 00:46:18,920 He doesn't need you being annoying in his ear. 869 00:46:18,920 --> 00:46:21,960 Just take on his job too. 870 00:46:21,960 --> 00:46:28,600 In addition to the fact that you haven't sat down all day, take on his job also. 871 00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:32,120 That to me just says, don't expect anything of your husband. 872 00:46:32,120 --> 00:46:34,520 Don't just figure it out all on your own. 873 00:46:34,520 --> 00:46:35,520 Yep. 874 00:46:35,520 --> 00:46:36,520 Well, that's pretty much her blog. 875 00:46:36,520 --> 00:46:38,400 That's pretty much the whole thing. 876 00:46:38,400 --> 00:46:43,880 So I read some of the comments because I thought, surely, surely the feminists have descended, 877 00:46:43,880 --> 00:46:44,880 right? 878 00:46:44,880 --> 00:46:49,760 So here are some of the comments that I want to cry over. 879 00:46:49,760 --> 00:46:54,880 The first one is, there is such a freedom in trusting God and simply submitting to your 880 00:46:54,880 --> 00:46:55,880 husband. 881 00:46:55,880 --> 00:46:59,760 Have we forgotten what freedom means? 882 00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:01,520 We have fully, fully let that aside. 883 00:47:01,520 --> 00:47:04,640 I would like for her to have a definition for me. 884 00:47:04,640 --> 00:47:10,200 Because submission and freedom, I feel like do not go hand in hand. 885 00:47:10,200 --> 00:47:11,680 Certainly not submission to a person. 886 00:47:11,680 --> 00:47:12,680 No. 887 00:47:12,680 --> 00:47:13,880 Because here's the deal. 888 00:47:13,880 --> 00:47:18,600 As Christians, we talk about the freedom of obeying God, right? 889 00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:25,560 And that there is a certain sense of peace and comfort in allowing God to guide your 890 00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:26,560 steps. 891 00:47:26,560 --> 00:47:28,960 But remember that God is flawless. 892 00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:30,520 God is God? 893 00:47:30,520 --> 00:47:32,560 Yeah, God is the creator of the universe. 894 00:47:32,560 --> 00:47:34,320 God is perfect. 895 00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:37,480 And your husband is not. 896 00:47:37,480 --> 00:47:38,480 I'm sorry, guys. 897 00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:39,480 He's not. 898 00:47:39,480 --> 00:47:40,480 He's just not. 899 00:47:40,480 --> 00:47:42,960 I don't know if any of the men out there have been told this lately. 900 00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:45,200 You're not perfect. 901 00:47:45,200 --> 00:47:52,280 And in submitting to an imperfect being, so many women are like, if you would just let 902 00:47:52,280 --> 00:47:54,880 go, just let go and just submit. 903 00:47:54,880 --> 00:47:59,880 It's like, what is it that, from Beauty and the Beast, what is it that Stockholm Syndrome? 904 00:47:59,880 --> 00:48:02,720 It's like Stockholm Syndrome. 905 00:48:02,720 --> 00:48:08,800 If you just let go and just follow along, let go of all your will and hopes and desires, 906 00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:14,000 dreams, and just follow along with this imperfect person who's leading you left and right and 907 00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:15,760 doesn't know where the crap he's going. 908 00:48:15,760 --> 00:48:23,520 I guess in some ways, you could think you have two choices as a stereotypical Christian 909 00:48:23,520 --> 00:48:24,520 woman. 910 00:48:24,520 --> 00:48:30,480 You can either fight it and then not fulfill what you think your greatest calling is as 911 00:48:30,480 --> 00:48:31,760 a woman. 912 00:48:31,760 --> 00:48:38,120 Or you could just, I guess, just submit and live your life in misery. 913 00:48:38,120 --> 00:48:43,680 And maybe that is easier for some people, but I just can't stand behind it. 914 00:48:43,680 --> 00:48:49,640 I think that's why you see women leaving the churches in droves, because what a horrible 915 00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:51,360 choice to have to make. 916 00:48:51,360 --> 00:48:56,560 You either get to fail God or you get to lose yourself. 917 00:48:56,560 --> 00:48:59,920 Those are your two choices. 918 00:48:59,920 --> 00:49:03,360 In saying all of this, I don't know, if you go back and listen to other episodes, we make 919 00:49:03,360 --> 00:49:06,680 it pretty clear though, this is not what God actually expects of women. 920 00:49:06,680 --> 00:49:09,080 Biblically, this is not true. 921 00:49:09,080 --> 00:49:12,560 None of this is the truth of what God wants for you. 922 00:49:12,560 --> 00:49:16,040 We're at 53 minutes, so I don't have time to go into all of the verses, but please do 923 00:49:16,040 --> 00:49:22,200 go back and listen to especially our submission series where we go through what God's actual 924 00:49:22,200 --> 00:49:28,640 expectations of women are and why we can really throw aside this expectation of submission 925 00:49:28,640 --> 00:49:35,600 to our husbands and live in that freedom from God, that God gave us, because God values 926 00:49:35,600 --> 00:49:39,680 you as an individual, not just as a wife. 927 00:49:39,680 --> 00:49:49,560 I'm just going to go into one more because we are nearing the end of what I feel like 928 00:49:49,560 --> 00:49:53,760 editing. 929 00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:58,200 There's a book from the 70s, and there are a lot of modern books on this too. 930 00:49:58,200 --> 00:50:03,480 This is not an old topic, but this is just one that I found that I just thought was hilarious. 931 00:50:03,480 --> 00:50:07,800 I found it from a comment on the transformed wife. 932 00:50:07,800 --> 00:50:13,760 The book is called Me, Obey Him, and I do it with the inflections because I think it's 933 00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:14,760 funny. 934 00:50:14,760 --> 00:50:23,520 It's about how independent women should stop, basically. 935 00:50:23,520 --> 00:50:24,520 Knock it off. 936 00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:25,520 Okay. 937 00:50:25,520 --> 00:50:26,520 I've had enough of you. 938 00:50:26,520 --> 00:50:31,240 A review of this book... Now, I have not read this book, but I did some research on 939 00:50:31,240 --> 00:50:32,240 the book itself. 940 00:50:32,240 --> 00:50:38,640 Again, it's really depressing, but a review of this book on Amazon says, the peace, joy, 941 00:50:38,640 --> 00:50:42,680 and rest of being a woman, just as God designed, was such a blessing to me. 942 00:50:42,680 --> 00:50:46,200 A very independent thinking woman in 1976. 943 00:50:46,200 --> 00:50:49,320 I've bought this book for every young woman I love upon learning they were planning to 944 00:50:49,320 --> 00:50:50,320 marry. 945 00:50:50,320 --> 00:50:53,920 It gets harder and harder to find, but I've bought three in the last five years, and I 946 00:50:53,920 --> 00:50:57,400 plan to continue gifting this book to prospective brides that I love. 947 00:50:57,400 --> 00:51:01,440 I'm going to go with brides that you actually hate, but she didn't say that. 948 00:51:01,440 --> 00:51:03,880 Misery loves company. 949 00:51:03,880 --> 00:51:09,920 I think once you decide that this is the right lifestyle for you, submission, setting aside 950 00:51:09,920 --> 00:51:18,220 your own hopes and dreams, this very dim, you're quiet, biblical woman, mindful... Once 951 00:51:18,220 --> 00:51:24,960 you decide that's for you, you need other women to make the same decision. 952 00:51:24,960 --> 00:51:27,040 To validate your choice. 953 00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:31,560 Even like Brie and I, and hopefully those of you listening as well, you guys can be 954 00:51:31,560 --> 00:51:33,080 in this club if you'd prefer. 955 00:51:33,080 --> 00:51:34,080 It's a better club. 956 00:51:34,080 --> 00:51:36,320 We'll bring snacks. 957 00:51:36,320 --> 00:51:37,320 We love Starbucks. 958 00:51:37,320 --> 00:51:40,540 We'll bring Starbucks. 959 00:51:40,540 --> 00:51:47,920 We are a threat to that, because we can look at the Bible as strong, smart, independent 960 00:51:47,920 --> 00:51:51,720 women and say, none of this is true. 961 00:51:51,720 --> 00:51:52,800 This is crap. 962 00:51:52,800 --> 00:51:55,680 And I have the power of the Holy Spirit behind me. 963 00:51:55,680 --> 00:51:56,680 Yeah. 964 00:51:56,680 --> 00:52:00,360 Like all of the Bible supports what we're saying. 965 00:52:00,360 --> 00:52:02,920 I was watching a TikTok today. 966 00:52:02,920 --> 00:52:04,920 I watched the TikTok this time. 967 00:52:04,920 --> 00:52:05,920 Oh my God. 968 00:52:05,920 --> 00:52:11,920 I didn't mention TikTok one time, other than that Demure comment. 969 00:52:11,920 --> 00:52:19,080 But I was watching it and the hashtags were like ex-Christian, ex-evangelicalist, ex-vangelical. 970 00:52:19,080 --> 00:52:21,980 That's what they used. 971 00:52:21,980 --> 00:52:28,240 And she was talking about how sexist the Bible is and how she just doesn't understand how 972 00:52:28,240 --> 00:52:31,700 any women can be in the Christian church, et cetera, et cetera. 973 00:52:31,700 --> 00:52:36,760 And like, look, I hear you and I want to validate that that is what's been taught to us, but 974 00:52:36,760 --> 00:52:38,860 that is not what the Bible says. 975 00:52:38,860 --> 00:52:41,840 That is not what the Bible is asking of you. 976 00:52:41,840 --> 00:52:45,640 That's what people have interpreted it to say. 977 00:52:45,640 --> 00:52:48,920 That's what translators have forced it to say. 978 00:52:48,920 --> 00:52:55,160 And I would hope that podcasts like this, podcasts like Sheila's podcast, books like 979 00:52:55,160 --> 00:53:02,480 Beth, like Beth Elson Barr's books, Sarah Bessie's book, Rachel Held-Evans books. 980 00:53:02,480 --> 00:53:07,080 If you guys want a whole episode on the books and podcasts that we love, I would love to 981 00:53:07,080 --> 00:53:08,080 do that. 982 00:53:08,080 --> 00:53:11,760 Let us know over on our TikTok. 983 00:53:11,760 --> 00:53:14,560 But this is not what God expects of you. 984 00:53:14,560 --> 00:53:17,040 It's what the church expects of you. 985 00:53:17,040 --> 00:53:21,960 And there's freedom in recognizing that. 986 00:53:21,960 --> 00:53:24,640 And in just saying we're done. 987 00:53:24,640 --> 00:53:27,200 Not necessarily done with the whole church. 988 00:53:27,200 --> 00:53:30,520 If that's the path that you're on, that's totally fine. 989 00:53:30,520 --> 00:53:35,760 But for me, it hasn't been walk away from the whole church because that's not what I 990 00:53:35,760 --> 00:53:38,120 feel like God is asking me to do. 991 00:53:38,120 --> 00:53:43,920 It's been walk away from the expectations and walk away loudly. 992 00:53:43,920 --> 00:53:48,160 I'm going to scream the whole way I'm walking away. 993 00:53:48,160 --> 00:53:55,360 Because if I sit there and I be quiet about these expectations being absolute crap, okay, 994 00:53:55,360 --> 00:53:58,060 they are just absolute crap. 995 00:53:58,060 --> 00:54:04,200 If I'm quiet about it, then that means that it's a little bit my fault that another woman 996 00:54:04,200 --> 00:54:06,080 decides to go through it. 997 00:54:06,080 --> 00:54:12,440 I think because the voices of everybody else are so loud, we have to be twice or three 998 00:54:12,440 --> 00:54:14,680 times as loud. 999 00:54:14,680 --> 00:54:19,080 Because there's not as many people saying that this isn't true. 1000 00:54:19,080 --> 00:54:22,800 And you can be free and God wants you to be free. 1001 00:54:22,800 --> 00:54:26,120 We got to be loud. 1002 00:54:26,120 --> 00:54:28,000 God values you as a woman. 1003 00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:30,820 He doesn't value you just as a wife and mother. 1004 00:54:30,820 --> 00:54:33,400 Just when you become a wife and mother. 1005 00:54:33,400 --> 00:54:35,800 Only when you become a submissive wife and mother. 1006 00:54:35,800 --> 00:54:38,120 Only when you follow your husband's direction. 1007 00:54:38,120 --> 00:54:39,720 That's not it. 1008 00:54:39,720 --> 00:54:40,720 That's not it. 1009 00:54:40,720 --> 00:54:44,000 Real quick, I wanted to go into... 1010 00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:45,920 We're going to do a whole episode on this at some point. 1011 00:54:45,920 --> 00:54:50,280 I just haven't gotten my brain around it yet. 1012 00:54:50,280 --> 00:54:52,280 But the Proverbs 31 woman. 1013 00:54:52,280 --> 00:54:59,680 I just wanted to talk about that for a second because I think that is a big part of where 1014 00:54:59,680 --> 00:55:00,840 a lot of this comes from. 1015 00:55:00,840 --> 00:55:07,440 Where this expectation of suffering and of just constant work and a lack of respect comes 1016 00:55:07,440 --> 00:55:09,260 from. 1017 00:55:09,260 --> 00:55:14,080 So the Proverbs 31 woman, it's a really long section. 1018 00:55:14,080 --> 00:55:15,680 It's not just one verse. 1019 00:55:15,680 --> 00:55:17,080 You can look it up. 1020 00:55:17,080 --> 00:55:18,620 You can look it up anywhere. 1021 00:55:18,620 --> 00:55:23,240 But I would recommend looking it up in the NLT translation and not the ESV. 1022 00:55:23,240 --> 00:55:26,040 Just because the New Living Translation. 1023 00:55:26,040 --> 00:55:28,760 The NIV is also great. 1024 00:55:28,760 --> 00:55:30,160 Either of them is good. 1025 00:55:30,160 --> 00:55:32,400 Also the message is good. 1026 00:55:32,400 --> 00:55:33,800 So this is essentially... 1027 00:55:33,800 --> 00:55:38,320 It starts off as who can find a virtuous woman for her price is far above rubies. 1028 00:55:38,320 --> 00:55:43,720 And I believe this is the ESV that I'm looking at right now because I'm looking at Christianity.com. 1029 00:55:43,720 --> 00:55:52,360 And it goes on a laundry list of what a good woman looks like. 1030 00:55:52,360 --> 00:56:01,500 And this verse has been just absolutely a tool for men to destroy women. 1031 00:56:01,500 --> 00:56:03,980 It's not what it's meant to be. 1032 00:56:03,980 --> 00:56:05,440 That's not what it's supposed to be at all. 1033 00:56:05,440 --> 00:56:10,440 But it absolutely has been used as that for generations. 1034 00:56:10,440 --> 00:56:14,660 It talks about how she only does good. 1035 00:56:14,660 --> 00:56:17,000 She works with her hands. 1036 00:56:17,000 --> 00:56:18,440 She brings food. 1037 00:56:18,440 --> 00:56:22,640 She gets up early in the morning to feed her household. 1038 00:56:22,640 --> 00:56:26,640 And we kind of stop there as conservative Christians because then it goes on to talk 1039 00:56:26,640 --> 00:56:29,000 about how she buys a field. 1040 00:56:29,000 --> 00:56:31,280 And she is an entrepreneur. 1041 00:56:31,280 --> 00:56:34,000 And she is bringing money into the household. 1042 00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:36,000 And she is strong. 1043 00:56:36,000 --> 00:56:38,200 And we forget that part. 1044 00:56:38,200 --> 00:56:45,940 We don't remember that part because that doesn't fit with a patriarchal view of society. 1045 00:56:45,940 --> 00:56:51,760 This verse is not an expectation of who you are supposed to be every moment of every day. 1046 00:56:51,760 --> 00:56:57,080 In one of the things that I was reading, it said, this is a mom's advice to her son. 1047 00:56:57,080 --> 00:57:00,040 Go out and find this type of woman. 1048 00:57:00,040 --> 00:57:02,820 This is advice for all. 1049 00:57:02,820 --> 00:57:07,860 Go out and find a partner if you choose to find a partner or if you don't be the kind 1050 00:57:07,860 --> 00:57:18,040 of person that is strong and able and serves the people that you love. 1051 00:57:18,040 --> 00:57:19,040 Not just women. 1052 00:57:19,040 --> 00:57:20,360 Not just wives. 1053 00:57:20,360 --> 00:57:21,780 Husbands. 1054 00:57:21,780 --> 00:57:24,160 People who are single in church. 1055 00:57:24,160 --> 00:57:25,800 Serve the people that you love. 1056 00:57:25,800 --> 00:57:30,280 If you know that they need something, fill that gap for them. 1057 00:57:30,280 --> 00:57:33,840 If someone is hungry, feed them. 1058 00:57:33,840 --> 00:57:38,120 If you have the opportunity to go out and get a job and contribute to your family and 1059 00:57:38,120 --> 00:57:39,920 that's what you're gonna do, do it. 1060 00:57:39,920 --> 00:57:40,920 Man or woman. 1061 00:57:40,920 --> 00:57:42,720 Be that person. 1062 00:57:42,720 --> 00:57:45,520 It doesn't have to be a laundry list of expectations for women. 1063 00:57:45,520 --> 00:57:46,520 Nope. 1064 00:57:46,520 --> 00:57:49,920 Oh, I just feel like I need a nap after this one. 1065 00:57:49,920 --> 00:57:52,040 It's been a heavy one, guys. 1066 00:57:52,040 --> 00:57:55,160 On the plus side, again, we're in Disney. 1067 00:57:55,160 --> 00:57:59,480 I'm so sorry that you're not. 1068 00:57:59,480 --> 00:58:04,560 Someday my life goals- so my daughter's been watching Full House lately and they have one 1069 00:58:04,560 --> 00:58:06,360 episode- it's the most absurd episode. 1070 00:58:06,360 --> 00:58:07,360 It's like the Disney crossover. 1071 00:58:07,360 --> 00:58:11,760 Oh my gosh, I know exactly what you're talking about. 1072 00:58:11,760 --> 00:58:14,720 And two of the main characters- I mean, you've never seen it. 1073 00:58:14,720 --> 00:58:18,080 This show's a weird sort of treasure. 1074 00:58:18,080 --> 00:58:24,800 But Jesse and Joey, two of the main characters, they have a radio show, I think, and they 1075 00:58:24,800 --> 00:58:31,680 somehow are allowed to record their radio show in one of the aquariums. 1076 00:58:31,680 --> 00:58:33,280 Disney has these massive aquariums, right? 1077 00:58:33,280 --> 00:58:38,080 And they have like a bubble down in one of them and they scuba dive down to the bubble 1078 00:58:38,080 --> 00:58:40,920 and they record their radio show in the bubble. 1079 00:58:40,920 --> 00:58:46,480 And that is my life goal, okay, to record this podcast in Disney in a bubble. 1080 00:58:46,480 --> 00:58:47,480 You're gonna have to do that solo. 1081 00:58:47,480 --> 00:58:48,480 I'm not doing that with you. 1082 00:58:48,480 --> 00:58:49,480 What the heck? 1083 00:58:49,480 --> 00:58:50,480 I don't know why. 1084 00:58:50,480 --> 00:58:51,480 You hate confined places. 1085 00:58:51,480 --> 00:58:52,480 I do. 1086 00:58:52,480 --> 00:58:53,480 I really do. 1087 00:58:53,480 --> 00:58:58,720 But it's just- I saw it and I was like, Disney. 1088 00:58:58,720 --> 00:58:59,720 You just want to go to Disney. 1089 00:58:59,720 --> 00:59:03,160 I always want to go to Disney. 1090 00:59:03,160 --> 00:59:04,440 Maybe that's my life goal. 1091 00:59:04,440 --> 00:59:07,720 Maybe my life goal is to someday- what if we record in the castle? 1092 00:59:07,720 --> 00:59:09,320 What if they let us do that? 1093 00:59:09,320 --> 00:59:11,360 Okay, I'm sure they will. 1094 00:59:11,360 --> 00:59:15,000 They love Christian feminism. 1095 00:59:15,000 --> 00:59:18,680 Disney executives, if you are listening. 1096 00:59:18,680 --> 00:59:20,680 Alyssa's life goal. 1097 00:59:20,680 --> 00:59:28,800 When you wish upon a star, you could make my dreams come true. 1098 00:59:28,800 --> 00:59:30,840 Oh, Mr. Disney. 1099 00:59:30,840 --> 00:59:33,120 Mr. Disney's dead. 1100 00:59:33,120 --> 00:59:35,040 Listen to me beyond the grave. 1101 00:59:35,040 --> 00:59:38,760 Okay, guys, it's getting real hot in this room. 1102 00:59:38,760 --> 00:59:40,040 You'd think it would cool down by now. 1103 00:59:40,040 --> 00:59:41,040 It has not. 1104 00:59:41,040 --> 00:59:43,560 It's because there's no air circulation. 1105 00:59:43,560 --> 00:59:45,840 Next week we're talking about weaponized incompetence. 1106 00:59:45,840 --> 00:59:46,840 There we go. 1107 00:59:46,840 --> 00:59:49,840 And I have a whole song dedicated to it. 1108 00:59:49,840 --> 00:59:50,840 Sing it for the people. 1109 00:59:50,840 --> 00:59:51,840 No. 1110 00:59:51,840 --> 00:59:56,840 For the first time, no. 1111 00:59:56,840 --> 00:59:59,040 Alright, so we'll see you guys next week. 1112 00:59:59,040 --> 01:00:01,920 Unfortunately, by next week we'll be back from Disney, so that's a bummer. 1113 01:00:01,920 --> 01:00:06,320 And we might be a little bit more depressed, so if you noticed just a change in our attitude, 1114 01:00:06,320 --> 01:00:08,720 we got the Disney saddies. 1115 01:00:08,720 --> 01:00:12,800 Alright, we'll see you guys then. 1116 01:00:12,800 --> 01:00:13,800 Love you, bye. 1117 01:00:13,800 --> 01:00:14,800 Love you, bye. 1118 01:00:14,800 --> 01:00:26,920 Love you, bye.