Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to another beardless dickless me. I'm Kevin
Speaker 1: Smith and Quinn Smith. Where his father Dave would put.
Speaker 2: It, Bess, I like that way better, and.
Speaker 1: I'll pass out right after requires so much direpen. Right
Speaker 1: before we went, the kid got uber excited. I was suggesting,
Speaker 1: she moved very quickly, and the BDM T shirt market,
Speaker 1: the beardless dickless me, the fucking shock in the face BDM.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, where's he?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 1: Oh, excuse me, pussy beardless dickless, here is your fucking program.
Speaker 1: So last week we were talking about T shirts. I
Speaker 1: was saying, just before we went, we were upstairs talking
Speaker 1: to her mother, my wife, Jennifer, and you know, we
Speaker 1: were talking about T shirts. She didn't seem very impressed
Speaker 1: by it.
Speaker 3: She didn't And I was like, you don't listen to
Speaker 3: the show. You don't get it.
Speaker 1: She's not the market.
Speaker 3: You don't fucking get it.
Speaker 1: What not for nothing? But she ain't been the market
Speaker 1: for twenty five fucking years. She's the wife. She in
Speaker 1: the market. She don't buy this ship. She likes me,
Speaker 1: me and the nails back. She likes me, but she's
Speaker 1: not what I would call a Kevin smith name.
Speaker 3: Is this something we should talk about here.
Speaker 1: Or I've talked about publicly for you? But that's what
Speaker 1: it's about on stages where people like ha haha, like
Speaker 1: laugh at my pain. But that just means that she's
Speaker 1: not the one to gauge the T shirt.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, I don't care what she says.
Speaker 1: You want to go to therapy gain.
Speaker 3: The Father Dave record? Yes, wow, I just grabbed that
Speaker 3: so strangely.
Speaker 1: This that's tilted so that the lights not there, you
Speaker 1: go fathered.
Speaker 3: Now it's got the other one father day of record
Speaker 3: on a shirt.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Everything. I don't even fucking care.
Speaker 1: How powerful is rendition of Mother of Mine was?
Speaker 3: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: So that's one of the T shirts because, as we
Speaker 1: pointed out last week, I don't think Father Dave's around,
Speaker 1: and if he is, he ain't gonna get no fucking
Speaker 1: trade war with you.
Speaker 3: I forgive his family might come come after me.
Speaker 1: Family, what his children? He's a fucking priest. There are
Speaker 1: no heirrors. It all died with Father Dave. Perfect.
Speaker 3: I can take it all.
Speaker 1: It's perfect name for the episode. It all died with
Speaker 1: Father Dave. All right, So that's one T shirt. Now,
Speaker 1: we were talking in last week about the kid doing
Speaker 1: a you know, weepy John Proctor T shirt from a
Speaker 1: photo that I took with Olivia.
Speaker 3: We talked about it last week and also every week before.
Speaker 1: Of course, of course, but as a T shirt that
Speaker 1: would have the image of a crying Harley and uh,
Speaker 1: you know, give me back my name woman, the woman.
Speaker 3: Is much smaller. It's like, get me name woman, and
Speaker 3: then the woman is like ten sizes smaller, figger.
Speaker 1: It always is in our version. It's always bigger. Give
Speaker 1: me back my name woman. I mean, I guess it's equel.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't make it smaller. The only question is the
Speaker 1: only question I feel is do you put the words?
Speaker 1: Is it image solo on front and words on back?
Speaker 3: We agreed on this.
Speaker 1: I know. But it's also funnier for most people if
Speaker 1: they can see the words, because then they'll instantly be like,
Speaker 1: oh and on the back is the beard listickless meat?
Speaker 3: We should have people vote, sure, all three listeners will
Speaker 3: be like, do you want?
Speaker 1: All right? So Harley went dumpster diving in her phone
Speaker 1: for some photos because she didn't I had the one
Speaker 1: of her and her friend Olivia from the closing night. Yes,
Speaker 1: that's the Crucible, of course, but Harley and decated she
Speaker 1: found some stronger images. Oh I that could also be
Speaker 1: beardless Tickless meat t shirt. How refreshing that I won't
Speaker 1: be on the T shirt, but.
Speaker 3: I sure will as John Proctor maybe it is. You're
Speaker 3: going to have to describe every photo to those who
Speaker 3: are only listening to the audio. Fair enough, there goes
Speaker 3: you hold it up. I'll hold up.
Speaker 1: And if you're if you're watching the show at that
Speaker 1: Kevin Smith Club dot com, you.
Speaker 3: Get the honor and pleasure.
Speaker 1: You know what I did just sidebar. So, I was
Speaker 1: hiking today Runyon and I played an episode of Beardless
Speaker 1: Tickless me the latest one for my hike.
Speaker 3: Really I did?
Speaker 1: Was it yesterday?
Speaker 3: Was it fun today?
Speaker 1: Yesterday? Yeah? But there were so many ads, like it was.
Speaker 1: I was overwhelmed by the amount of ads there were,
Speaker 1: Like so they were like five and a clip. I
Speaker 1: don't have that in my world ever. That is crazy,
Speaker 1: sodis like, shut up, I mean, this is a lot
Speaker 1: of ads. So, but I mean, if you watch the
Speaker 1: show or listen to the show, if you go to
Speaker 1: the bake Kevinsmith Club dot com, there's a no ads
Speaker 1: version of the show plus the video versions.
Speaker 3: But also you just listen to it at iHeartRadio.
Speaker 1: Sure, sure, but not everyone's got a few bucks to
Speaker 1: join the ship. But my god, Like there were a lot.
Speaker 1: You couldn't fast forward through them. But it's a funck
Speaker 1: down of commercials. Man. There was one that was like,
Speaker 1: do you love burgers eating meat? Is? No? There no,
Speaker 1: But there was like where I'm like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: audience that was like, what probably is because you said no,
Speaker 1: no burger, king, no king.
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna have any meat advertisements on something my
Speaker 3: voice is attached to. I gotta have some fucking boundaries.
Speaker 1: Fair enough, I applaud that, but that is why we're poor.
Speaker 1: We will never be able to pull ourselves out of
Speaker 1: the whole since COVID singing for our supper is never
Speaker 1: gonna work. Because Daniel did not tell me there were
Speaker 1: forty six ads per podcasts. It was crazy because I
Speaker 1: looked at them. Running time it said like an hour
Speaker 1: and a half, and I was like, I thought we
Speaker 1: were under an hour on the last it was an
Speaker 1: hour and a half. There were a lot of ads,
Speaker 1: include the ads and running to this is really whatever,
Speaker 1: What's I mean?
Speaker 3: Number one Daniel's gonna ask us to cut this out.
Speaker 1: Daniel's gonna be like, Number one, the sound in the
Speaker 1: room is terrible. Number two, cut that out. Now we
Speaker 1: have the iHeart family was kind enough to usher us,
Speaker 1: and they wanted us to wait until February, but I
Speaker 1: was very pushy and I was like, no, no, no, let's
Speaker 1: launch early. So they were very upfront about like, we
Speaker 1: don't have money to spend on your show until like February,
Speaker 1: and I was like, don't you worry about it, don't
Speaker 1: worry down. Yeah, we'll just bank these motherfuckers and then
Speaker 1: when you spend me an army fucking a bunch of
Speaker 1: didn't like that, mom, Yeah again not the barometer.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so true.
Speaker 1: Yeah, really okay, although part of the world I not
Speaker 1: denying that, but I stretched the imagination we were in.
Speaker 1: We went to where do we den and she came
Speaker 1: with me to Denver and we went to Whole Foods
Speaker 1: and she was very taken aback by the profile. Like however,
Speaker 1: it was just like god, oh my god, oh my god.
Speaker 1: She was like this fucking nuts. I didn't realize and
Speaker 1: I was like, well, you ain't gone out with me
Speaker 1: in a while. But yeah, I'm pretty fan. But there
Speaker 1: was a cop. There was a coplice officer came over
Speaker 1: and he was like can I And I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god. Absolutely took a picture with them. And
Speaker 1: then later on he circled back when I was like
Speaker 1: by myself, and he was like, your wife is as
Speaker 1: a gay. He's like she was a clerks too, and
Speaker 1: Zach and Mary make a porner. I was like, she was,
Speaker 1: She's excellent. I was like, go teller, she'll love it,
Speaker 1: knowing that she hates that ship. So he went over
Speaker 1: and he was like, he said nice things to and
Speaker 1: she was like, oh my god, thank you. Then she
Speaker 1: was like, did you send the police officer? I was like,
Speaker 1: I didn't send him on purpose, But he asked, all right,
Speaker 1: so why was I telling you I'm super famous?
Speaker 3: I have no idea. I'd love to know.
Speaker 1: I guess I just want to.
Speaker 3: I think she just wanted to flex for a second.
Speaker 1: Oh god, you're watching the show physical comedy going on?
Speaker 1: All right, Let's see these images that can be on
Speaker 1: the T shirt.
Speaker 3: All right, you have to describe them for the for
Speaker 3: the listeners. Okay, we'll start here. Should I show about you?
Speaker 1: Show how about you? Text? Them, and then I can
Speaker 1: look at my phone and you could show the.
Speaker 3: Camp all right, ready, yeah, yeah, okay, m m hmmmm.
Speaker 1: Alright. This is the first image and this is oh
Speaker 1: my bro, give me a name more man.
Speaker 3: That's the description. That's going to be the description for everybody.
Speaker 1: That is. Look at the look at the performance. Man,
Speaker 1: you didn't hold it up long enough. Look at the heart,
Speaker 1: look at the pain, look at the gentle of it all.
Speaker 1: I'm a man woman. Oh my god.
Speaker 3: Okay, second one incoming, second one.
Speaker 1: Coming up, just for the for the for the uninitiated.
Speaker 1: This is the one that I always talk about, which is, yes,
Speaker 1: that was post show and she's not even all that
Speaker 1: fucking weepy in that. No, but that one you just showed.
Speaker 3: And let me just say, I am saving the best
Speaker 3: for last. They only get better.
Speaker 1: Look at this ship, look like Rachel mad I.
Speaker 3: Guess we both don't need to show.
Speaker 1: I know I look at that man, but this ain't
Speaker 1: is too Not enough tears for.
Speaker 3: You, No, not enough tears. Okay, well you need you.
Speaker 1: Can like work, you need more tears at a like
Speaker 1: a bookstore in New Hampshire.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 1: That's what I thought that you could pull it off.
Speaker 3: If you're looking for more tears, well then I got
Speaker 3: some more tears for you.
Speaker 1: Bro. If this give me my name.
Speaker 3: You're not even you're not prepared. That's Gabby, Gabby woman,
Speaker 3: she was a woman in.
Speaker 1: Question, wanted your name back from my wife. There you go.
Speaker 3: I think that you can see the moment, seriously where
Speaker 3: I ask for my name back.
Speaker 1: No brow throw it. Wait, no, this one anticipatory. Oh,
Speaker 1: I've never I've never wanted to see three dots come
Speaker 1: up more in my life.
Speaker 3: This next photo features Grammy nominated al.
Speaker 1: She was well number one. Wait she's gramming you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, she's Grammy.
Speaker 1: When did that happen? Just like this year? Yeah? Please
Speaker 1: a picture of you two on my Instagram pretending to
Speaker 1: be me and J.
Speaker 3: If you would just zoom into the the sheer horror
Speaker 3: and panic that John Proctor is experiencing in this moment.
Speaker 1: That is kind of like, don't she want my name?
Speaker 3: She might? All right, all right, here we are. This
Speaker 3: is not that we're getting closer to the one.
Speaker 1: This one is getting ever closer kids to the Oh,
Speaker 1: I mean, bro, we have a pretty hot contender. Give
Speaker 1: man name. Look at face.
Speaker 3: Okay, it's about to be the time.
Speaker 1: This is the one I need you to.
Speaker 3: Keep your cool.
Speaker 1: Okay, hold on to it. Man. The three bubbles came up. There,
Speaker 1: it is there. It is bro FUCKINGI. You could be
Speaker 1: playing Sweeney Todd.
Speaker 3: Well, thank you, honestly, so much give.
Speaker 1: Back. That's the T shirt right there. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: is look at that? Look at all the acting? Oh
Speaker 1: look at you left. You didn't leave any of the
Speaker 1: acting behind. You brought all the acting.
Speaker 3: Oh bitch, I ate here's an additional bonus for you
Speaker 3: of me writing the ten commitments.
Speaker 1: On the wall and chalk? Is that part of the play.
Speaker 3: But can you look at how.
Speaker 1: You actually in the play? Yeah? Yes, the audience had
Speaker 1: to sit through this while you wrote on I only.
Speaker 3: Wrote I wrote kill steal. I can't even read the
Speaker 3: other ones. I think one of them says name.
Speaker 1: What kind of Broadway show is this where you watch
Speaker 1: a motherfucker?
Speaker 3: I don't know, the same one where this performance is given.
Speaker 1: Back by name. I would have been in the audience
Speaker 1: going like, stop writing, stop acting. I'd be like one
Speaker 1: of those baseball dads who yell at their kids during
Speaker 1: the like you better I was when I was a kid.
Speaker 1: There is a family who's like, there were two brothers
Speaker 1: who played I can't give their names anymore. In the
Speaker 1: beginning of my podcasting career many years ago, back in
Speaker 1: two thousand and seven, I used to like drop names
Speaker 1: like crazy and Ship. But then I'm you know that
Speaker 1: podcast Now anyone could hear it and stuff and people
Speaker 1: from your past and be like, why'd you tell that story?
Speaker 1: So no name, but there were two kids who's were
Speaker 1: in baseball literally and they were fucking excellent players, but
Speaker 1: their father was like a psychotic where you fucking screamed
Speaker 1: them from the stands like.
Speaker 3: The Menendo's brothers in tennis did one.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't. I don't know if their dad
Speaker 1: did to them.
Speaker 3: What the Yeah, that's true that I was just thinking
Speaker 3: of the specific Uh.
Speaker 1: Did that happen in a movie, like in a Netflix movie?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: And the show there there was.
Speaker 1: It wasn't unnerving where you liked autist.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's screaming from bro from the stand.
Speaker 1: Imagine that was real life. Everybody, that was real life,
Speaker 1: and like you were and you were on the field,
Speaker 1: and that's not being directed to you, but being directed
Speaker 1: at his own kids saying Ship, Like if you don't
Speaker 1: get a fucking hit. You're not coming home tonight. You
Speaker 1: fucking hear me?
Speaker 3: You lose it, like literally so fucking horrible. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: But those kids were really good at baseball.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, that's so sad for them. Why do
Speaker 3: you Why did you say that? Sad story?
Speaker 1: Because sometimes are you farting? What someone here? I would
Speaker 1: tell you if I was farting, I would do it
Speaker 1: for as part of the act.
Speaker 3: Like someone is a farting of.
Speaker 1: It ain't someone it is Lucky, Lucky audibly farting. Last night.
Speaker 1: Your mom was just like Lucky just audibly farted, And
Speaker 1: I was like, I know I heard it, like on
Speaker 1: the bed, Oh Lucky across the room.
Speaker 3: You're stanking up the room, baby girl.
Speaker 1: He's like it off, it smells.
Speaker 3: Do you smell that?
Speaker 1: I'm trying not to, all right, So wait, where was that?
Speaker 3: I don't know before you said that. Really, it's really
Speaker 3: sad story. I feel very bad for him.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be like that guy.
Speaker 3: Oh no the sides, oh as me as John Proctor.
Speaker 1: I'm like, given't give me your bag, your fucking name.
Speaker 1: If you don't get your name back, you're not coming
Speaker 1: home tonight. From the audience, like, this is he in it?
Speaker 1: There is there a dad in the Cruci, a dad
Speaker 1: of John Proctor. Joff Practor's dad, yelled him in the
Speaker 1: Crucible audience. Yeah, my god, this reimagining the Crucible is
Speaker 1: the boldest jet. Mailer would spin in his grave had
Speaker 1: he known.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, Mailer is dead.
Speaker 1: He's got to be again. Bro, you were John Proctor
Speaker 1: and you can't confirm that. Who's Norman Baylor fucking wrote
Speaker 1: the Crucible? Really? Wait? Really?
Speaker 3: I thought it was somebody else. I thought it was
Speaker 3: Arthur Miller.
Speaker 1: Did he? Who? I just got you?
Speaker 3: Some other guy, Henry somebody? Dude, it's literally Arthur Miller.
Speaker 1: Let me see.
Speaker 3: Don't try to fucking make me stupid.
Speaker 1: Who did I say, bro?
Speaker 3: Rewind because it wasn't Arthur Miller. It wasn't.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I know I didn't say Arthur Miller.
Speaker 3: You didn't.
Speaker 1: What did I say? Bitch? I mean, but I'm not
Speaker 1: even fucking fighting yet. But now, who was I saying? Like?
Speaker 3: Henry some guy? I don't know who you?
Speaker 1: Norman? No, mail not write the Crucible? Wow?
Speaker 3: I just hit myself when I did on my job.
Speaker 1: It's pretty amazing. Yeah, my bad.
Speaker 3: I feel so smart, good, well done.
Speaker 1: Well you know what I pulled and then I provided
Speaker 1: the name and you didn't correct me.
Speaker 3: I pulled it out so far out of my ass
Speaker 3: because you said that, and I was like, this sounds
Speaker 3: this doesn't sound familiar.
Speaker 1: And then I was like Norman Mailer, Arthur Miller. I
Speaker 1: can see I can complain a man could complait those two,
Speaker 1: just like I can see how a woman could conflate Medea.
Speaker 1: All right, all right, it's a matter of culture that
Speaker 1: you screaming as John Proctor is the shirt?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it is, as the kids say, the moment it is,
Speaker 3: she is the moment.
Speaker 1: That's what if I was, would you start with one
Speaker 1: T shirt or two?
Speaker 3: Like one one quantity yet one?
Speaker 1: Someone bought the large and it's gone, and I show
Speaker 1: the would buy it. I think a beardless I think
Speaker 1: there are beardless, stickless fans who would buy it.
Speaker 3: Who would buy me? As John Proctor, Oh my god,
Speaker 3: I feel like you need to print quantity one.
Speaker 1: I think you print. Honestly, I think you're print.
Speaker 3: There's no way there's I would I would. I don't
Speaker 3: even know what I would do.
Speaker 1: I mean, honestly, this version where you don't even have
Speaker 1: to do any of it where you just upload the
Speaker 1: image to like tea public, but you only get a
Speaker 1: tiny little piece of that. But if you have the
Speaker 1: shirts made and then you send them out, and if
Speaker 1: you're personally sending them out, you can include a little right.
Speaker 3: Letters, right letters. Anyways, I was in a really I
Speaker 3: was really anxious because I was at the VET for
Speaker 3: the subscribers thing I have on YouTube?
Speaker 1: Not YouTube, you Instagram? How many subscribers do you have?
Speaker 3: I don't want to talk about it in the hundreds,
Speaker 3: like four hundred.
Speaker 1: You fucking broke down hard and fast. Let me talk
Speaker 1: about it in the hundreds hundred exactly.
Speaker 3: I created like a chat chat room. Okay, it has
Speaker 3: been your worst nightmare because a series of people like
Speaker 3: they just send pictures of me and then like are like,
Speaker 3: this is my favorite picture of you, this is my
Speaker 3: favorite picture of you. It's but there is they wouldn't
Speaker 3: be your favorite photos.
Speaker 1: Oh so it's like cheesecake shop.
Speaker 3: Yeah, where they on my page?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: On my page.
Speaker 1: But once again, for the record, I know I sound
Speaker 1: like a terrible parent, but I just don't understand why
Speaker 1: I don't just dive over to only fans. I know
Speaker 1: your people are like cheesecake.
Speaker 3: I know I would love to take people's money, to
Speaker 3: be honest, But.
Speaker 1: What's stopping you?
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Start with the T shirts very slow, but begin with
Speaker 1: the T shirts I did.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know what, you got a point.
Speaker 1: Now sell people anything. Someone will say, you fucking have
Speaker 1: dinner with me at my house. We've had total strangers.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know that is fun, really wet everybody. No,
Speaker 3: you don't. We do don't in our way anyways. So
Speaker 3: somebody in it was like, how she showed her tits yet?
Speaker 3: And then somebody was like, she said that she like
Speaker 3: she in a question before she said that, like she
Speaker 3: would maybe do it in a movie or something, but
Speaker 3: not besides that, she wouldn't do that. And then he
Speaker 3: was like, well, he's she's only in her dad's movies,
Speaker 3: so probably not. And then I was like, I've been
Speaker 3: in a and ten episodes of a television series.
Speaker 1: You fuck You've also been in other movies beyond that
Speaker 1: as well.
Speaker 3: And I have been in many of yours. But I
Speaker 3: was just like a fuck you, and then I was
Speaker 3: and then he just kept being rude, and then he
Speaker 3: was like, oh, she's here, she's here. Everybody like, let
Speaker 3: the simps out, like like the you know, like simps.
Speaker 3: It's like someone simping for you. Yeah. I've been like
Speaker 3: you can look it up if you want explain it.
Speaker 1: Well, let's hear.
Speaker 3: Someone pouring over you being like so he's.
Speaker 1: Like you're here, come out.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like he's like, I'm yes, and I'm active to
Speaker 3: the chat there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know. So it's like you are a simp,
Speaker 1: but then your own definition of symptoms.
Speaker 3: I just was really pissed off and so I I
Speaker 3: like removed him from the subscribers and blocked him, and
Speaker 3: then I was like texting in the in the chat,
Speaker 3: being like, see everyone funk around and find out keep
Speaker 3: it cordial or you will be removed. And people were like, okay, boundaries,
Speaker 3: and I was like, guys, you will not be disrespectful
Speaker 3: in this chat.
Speaker 1: I mean absolutely all, like it's your page, and if
Speaker 1: somebody gets shitty, it's like I don't. I don't need
Speaker 1: this or your money or your time by.
Speaker 3: But I literally said around which ma laughs.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 3: I was like see everyone.
Speaker 1: She went total fafo. I really really did the uh
Speaker 1: it's the wait, I'm sorry, I gotta do the question
Speaker 1: that began the tsunami was yes, seriously.
Speaker 3: Yes, God, And then it was that, I mean.
Speaker 1: I mean, way to put it on Front Street?
Speaker 3: Just absolutely putting it on Front Street.
Speaker 1: Just I guess the moment you show the game's over,
Speaker 1: I guess the game's over. What about side boot count?
Speaker 1: Not to this person, I guess, I mean.
Speaker 3: Full nipple, it's actually.
Speaker 1: Move She's trying to make it feel good. Is just
Speaker 1: too She's so complex, she gives really good pits. Wait
Speaker 1: what all right? What what is the figure at which
Speaker 1: you would show.
Speaker 3: We're not talking about this one that's this rude, We're
Speaker 3: not talking about one million? Oh all right, Well, what's
Speaker 3: the precious?
Speaker 1: Fair enough? What's I got to of it? What is
Speaker 1: the what is the starting in a million? What's the lowest?
Speaker 3: I'm not going to say because then fucking people are
Speaker 3: gonna come out of the fucking water, like, what's as
Speaker 3: you right?
Speaker 1: So less than five hundred thousand, because I'm saying five
Speaker 1: hundred six fingers half a million dollars, I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's the lowest. Or you're like, I would do it
Speaker 1: for that one hundred grand?
Speaker 3: One yeah, one hundred grand. I want one hundred grand
Speaker 3: real bad. I can do a lot of things without money.
Speaker 1: Ten thousand, No, fifty thousand, sure, fifty thousand, so that's
Speaker 1: your base? Sure?
Speaker 3: Yeah for one nipple?
Speaker 1: Why are we one hundred thousand for two nipples?
Speaker 3: Appropriate?
Speaker 1: Seventy five grand?
Speaker 3: You're such a strange person. You're such a strange person.
Speaker 1: I don't know where your limits are. I'm glad to
Speaker 1: know that you got it.
Speaker 3: Thanks fifty What about you?
Speaker 1: Nine grand? Oh? They want to see one of my nipples?
Speaker 1: T eight dollars?
Speaker 3: It would be harder, wouldn't you wouldn't. I've only seen
Speaker 3: you like without your shirt one time.
Speaker 1: I think because you don't have half a million dollars.
Speaker 3: Because I don't exactly, so that must be your number.
Speaker 3: That is my number, half a million?
Speaker 1: Yeah, fifty okay, respectable? All right. I know as a parent,
Speaker 1: I should be like, there's no amount of money.
Speaker 3: But if somebody's s anding me fifty thousand dollars, whatever, bro, I.
Speaker 1: Mean, that's they didn't even pay.
Speaker 3: I got a mortgage.
Speaker 1: I got that Back in the day when they took
Speaker 1: like photos and stuff like that, that was a pretty
Speaker 1: substantial number.
Speaker 3: Listen, a girl's gotta eat, and it's hard dimes out
Speaker 3: there and she.
Speaker 1: Ate period.
Speaker 3: Times be tough.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you know this or not, but
Speaker 1: this is the time of year where we got too
Speaker 1: gat two ass the Lord blessing Thanksgiving Carol.
Speaker 3: I didn't know there was a Carol for Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1: Over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house
Speaker 1: we go.
Speaker 3: Another one sounds like fucking Hansel and Gruttel.
Speaker 1: They were children that were going to be eating alive,
Speaker 1: baked alive.
Speaker 3: Yeah, through the wood.
Speaker 1: Yeah, a lot of things happened in the woods. You
Speaker 1: think everything crosses over and ship like that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I do. I find your Carol fucking creepy.
Speaker 1: I think you've got a steven sonha. I'm kind of
Speaker 1: mind because you're putting every fairy tale in the woods
Speaker 1: at once.
Speaker 3: You should wear this ring.
Speaker 1: Into the woods, into the This is.
Speaker 3: Maybe an ego to score ring to wear, but my
Speaker 3: best friend gave it to me. It says I love Harley.
Speaker 1: You wear a ring that says I love hard.
Speaker 3: My best friend gave it to a constant.
Speaker 1: Reminder of one. Why I have to look at it
Speaker 1: and you're.
Speaker 3: Like, I left Hardy put it on.
Speaker 1: No way, I'll try look at it's not even a
Speaker 1: fit of my pinky.
Speaker 3: Yes, oh, except it does.
Speaker 1: I mean it's it shouldn't go down to the next
Speaker 1: it could stay there.
Speaker 3: Put it on. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah No And ring
Speaker 3: combo now and ring combo combo.
Speaker 1: People are on fucking Spotify on the iHeart Network going
Speaker 1: like I just sit through eight commercials to hear about
Speaker 1: a fucking ring and a pinky. I can't see that.
Speaker 1: Kevin Smith clothes, You got a ring, guy? I only
Speaker 1: wear the wedding. I never ever see me with other jewelry.
Speaker 3: No, you're not a jewelry type of guy. But you
Speaker 3: are a pin guy. You're not a jewelry guy. You're
Speaker 3: an accessories guy.
Speaker 1: I believe in flair, Yes, I would say so good.
Speaker 1: Flare that kind of like states where I am in
Speaker 1: the world. You know, like, I'm wearing this movie fucking
Speaker 1: movie you got.
Speaker 3: Do you have any connections to the Magic Castle?
Speaker 1: No other than Pauldiney had all the connects there, So
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess technically I do have.
Speaker 3: A connect Remember when you couldn't.
Speaker 1: Go Yeah, I showed up and they're like, yeah, you
Speaker 1: put on pants. I was like yeah right, They're like no, seriously, I.
Speaker 3: Was like, uh, would you put on pants to go
Speaker 3: to the magic?
Speaker 1: I don't believe in magic? If I have to wear
Speaker 1: pants mad at this place going out to the day
Speaker 1: shorts gets Yeah, I don't.
Speaker 3: Would you wear pants to go?
Speaker 1: I mean, I got pair of if they'll let me in,
Speaker 1: they wouldn't let me in.
Speaker 3: No, you can't wear jeans.
Speaker 1: So no, I don't have pants. I'm not even like
Speaker 1: being up to so I just don't own a pair
Speaker 1: of pants.
Speaker 3: Would you get a pair of pants?
Speaker 1: No? Buy a pair of pants to go to a place?
Speaker 1: The pants I could do that.
Speaker 3: What about the pants you're wearing?
Speaker 1: Now? These are fucking long Johns. You think they're gonna
Speaker 1: let me into these? They won't let me in? The jeans, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a look because are my formal long jobs. Hold on,
Speaker 1: we'll check they're not jeans. I mean it's true, they're
Speaker 1: not sure. Policy says no jeans, no shorts, but it
Speaker 1: doesn't say no long job. But they might be like
Speaker 1: no underwear you gotta put or outerwear over it because
Speaker 1: these would be considered Yeah, technically, I mean I'm making
Speaker 1: them work because like fucking pants, because it's a little
Speaker 1: bit chilly, and when I say chili, it was like
Speaker 1: sixty eight today.
Speaker 3: It was really it was really chilly.
Speaker 1: It was pretty fucking chili in Salt Lake City like
Speaker 1: and then in Denver as well. Oh, my lord, in
Speaker 1: Denver when you when you perform the comedy works, they
Speaker 1: have an apartment. Oh yes, so they put you up,
Speaker 1: which is awesome. And the apartment is like really fun
Speaker 1: and it has a video game like a Kiosk style
Speaker 1: eighty stuff and has multiple games on it. And the
Speaker 1: game that your mother.
Speaker 3: Played in her youth, Gallago, was on.
Speaker 1: So I saw fifty three year old Jennifer Schwalbach revert
Speaker 1: to eleven twelve year old Jennifer Schwalbach at the roller
Speaker 1: rank trying to play the game while she was wearing
Speaker 1: her skate stuff.
Speaker 3: Oh that's cute.
Speaker 1: She was. She played for like at one point I left,
Speaker 1: came back like an hour and a half later, she
Speaker 1: was still in front of the game.
Speaker 4: Not a bad idea, good idea. Actually, Remember when you
Speaker 4: were talking about getting games for the living room too,
Speaker 4: so fu empty.
Speaker 1: We might as well fill it up with it. We
Speaker 1: should turn into an arcade and sell tickets.
Speaker 3: Remember when you supposedly got me an arcade game and
Speaker 3: it never came.
Speaker 1: Yeah, still life. I never showed up.
Speaker 3: I never showed up.
Speaker 1: I put money down on that too.
Speaker 3: Boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo. If
Speaker 3: someone could recognize what game we're talking about from our
Speaker 3: from ourseling boo, put money.
Speaker 1: This is a So there's an old story. I'll tell
Speaker 1: you afterwards there. You might recognize it if you went
Speaker 1: to Castle Park or if they had existed other places,
Speaker 1: another place, and I would imagine probably Seaside Heights like
Speaker 1: someone had one.
Speaker 3: It was a dinosaur themed game where you what's this
Speaker 3: called when you pull this back.
Speaker 1: A gun? No, like an sst car brush?
Speaker 3: What?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 3: The thing you put the ball on and then you
Speaker 3: pulled out like a lever and then it made it jump.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: It did have a catapultsers. It basically you roll in
Speaker 1: and you got to aim them at like fucking moving
Speaker 1: targets and ship.
Speaker 3: It was awesome.
Speaker 1: The only good thing I'll say about it not showing
Speaker 1: up is the fact that you have nowhere to put it. Nowhere.
Speaker 1: It couldn't live with you anymore, or you would have
Speaker 1: to sleep around the machine and all night long. It
Speaker 1: was like poo.
Speaker 3: Pooing to the game.
Speaker 1: And then Nick was like, that's a good beat. Man.
Speaker 1: Hold on, he gets shred Is he that guy he
Speaker 1: shreds my guitar?
Speaker 3: Man, Yeah, my other band.
Speaker 1: Of the band, of the band is tired and his
Speaker 1: eyes are growing old. You know that song. But his
Speaker 1: blood runs through my instrument and this hot is in
Speaker 1: my soul. Not hip imitate the man. I'm just a
Speaker 1: living man movie to the lead. The band's like a
Speaker 1: seventy song. You wouldn't know it. Wow, But Nick is
Speaker 1: the leader of your band?
Speaker 3: I don't. I wouldn't say there's a leader of the
Speaker 3: bands who.
Speaker 1: Writes the music all of us. You write, You write
Speaker 1: the guitar.
Speaker 3: No, do you write the lyrics and the melodies?
Speaker 1: What do you mean the melodies?
Speaker 3: The way my voice sounds? But what do you mean
Speaker 3: like the singing part is right?
Speaker 1: So you write and you sing, yeah, right.
Speaker 3: And they write and they play.
Speaker 1: But they're in the band.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they write a physical band.
Speaker 1: Like without them, they are the they're the band.
Speaker 3: We we are the band.
Speaker 1: But you're not playing an instrument. No, but you could,
Speaker 1: I could, but you don't want to play an instrument. No,
Speaker 1: because you don't want to be in the band. The
Speaker 1: band has instruments, so writing and singing, yeah, of course
Speaker 1: that counts as being part of the band. Like what's
Speaker 1: her name, Gwen Stefani, She's in no doubt? Does she
Speaker 1: play an instrument? No doubt? Or is she just like
Speaker 1: am just thank you? Does she plan? Not? In no doubt?
Speaker 1: So she's and she's fucking no doubt in the band.
Speaker 1: She is the fucking band.
Speaker 3: So everybody is the band.
Speaker 1: That has to be a leader of the band. Is
Speaker 1: this like a school of Rocks?
Speaker 3: I feel like your knowledge of music comes from school
Speaker 3: of rock, and that's the knowledge of what it's like
Speaker 3: to be in a band. School of rock.
Speaker 1: I thought later, very well, it's so weird because I
Speaker 1: was thinking about Jack Black today. I thought about school rock,
Speaker 1: but also thought about there's a movie coming out called
Speaker 1: Dear Santa. Have you seen it?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've seen a poster.
Speaker 1: So it's about a boy who writes a letter to
Speaker 1: Dear Santa, but he spells it wrong, so it's Dear Satan. Oh.
Speaker 1: Is that the lawyer winds up in Jack Black's hands
Speaker 1: and then he becomes a kid's friend. He's like trying
Speaker 1: to lure him, you know, off the good path and
Speaker 1: ship like that. Oh god, I mean it's a fucking
Speaker 1: kids movie, so it is. Yeah. So, but my point
Speaker 1: was like that that mug equally is offensive to be
Speaker 1: like Jack Black is Satan and he got a letter
Speaker 1: that said Santa, but now he's gonna tempt this little boy.
Speaker 1: Like it would be that ludicrous if like you saw
Speaker 1: that trailer and you were like, that is true Leader and.
Speaker 3: Baby, we would straight as.
Speaker 1: Oh ship, what is the rest.
Speaker 3: Of the song.
Speaker 5: But we were stuck in a dumb days and then
Speaker 5: the magic Man and come my way out, magic Man. Dude,
Speaker 5: Now what magic Man say? Please have the attention of
Speaker 5: the class.
Speaker 1: Today's ask signmn.
Speaker 2: Kids are as.
Speaker 1: That movie's amazing.
Speaker 3: It's everything. Really, That's definitely in my top five movies
Speaker 3: of all time.
Speaker 1: When do you think they go back and do school.
Speaker 3: Of honestly, because all the kids are growing touch it.
Speaker 3: Come on, you don't touch it.
Speaker 1: Totally go back. He's viable. What's her name is became
Speaker 1: fucking she had a hope, She had two hole shows.
Speaker 3: And then she sung a very impactful song for us
Speaker 3: as well.
Speaker 1: She did, but uh and one of the kids died
Speaker 1: I think I read but all about it. I've seen
Speaker 1: pictures of them, Like, you know, two of them got married,
Speaker 1: did you know that? Really? Yeah? So the one little
Speaker 1: girl who's like the blonde girl.
Speaker 3: Who is like yeah, yeah yeah, and.
Speaker 1: Dude who was I guess he was like a little
Speaker 1: pudgeard who ran the fucking Yeah, I got married and
Speaker 1: they're fucking adorable.
Speaker 3: Both of your actions for them shows you.
Speaker 1: That I fucking saw and I saw it too, I
Speaker 1: remember that performances. Yes, that's a huge, you know, fucking
Speaker 1: shout out to their work that it impacted so much
Speaker 1: so that twenty years plus later, I've seen that movie.
Speaker 1: In a minute, I could still do both parts. We
Speaker 1: live our coming soon just Moecastle Cinema. School of Rock,
Speaker 1: a one man show. Kevin Smith, are you doing Jack Black?
Speaker 1: Was like, no, I'm doing that little blonde girl and
Speaker 1: I'm doing a little budget kid who ran the fucking optics.
Speaker 1: I think you'll remember it goes a little something like this,
Speaker 1: like that's it. Yeah, I mean, if you want, I
Speaker 1: keep that up for ninety minutes, like it's really more
Speaker 1: of an impression. Yeah, you saw this A ticket for
Speaker 1: a full show. Well, we can watch School I mean,
Speaker 1: we see how close When those kids do that, I'll
Speaker 1: get up like rocking horn. Oh sh hey man, it's
Speaker 1: a nonprofit cinema.
Speaker 3: Do that event though.
Speaker 1: Kevin Smith present School of Rock.
Speaker 3: With a few impressions too.
Speaker 1: It's literally just you could.
Speaker 3: I think you could add another one in there.
Speaker 1: Those are the only two that I feel really comfortable covering. Okay,
Speaker 1: Like I think I got those down to science. I mean,
Speaker 1: I can't approach Jack Black. That's you'd need a Jack
Speaker 1: Black level perform. This is the one time I might
Speaker 1: reach out to Jack Black. Like I'm doing a one
Speaker 1: man show. It's on New Jersey and I'm going to
Speaker 1: play the little girl who does this. Little guys like,
Speaker 1: can you play everyone else?
Speaker 3: It's like, hey man, are you okay?
Speaker 1: I met with him years ago. He was very sweet.
Speaker 1: We were talking about doing Ranger Day.
Speaker 3: He seems awesome.
Speaker 1: We were stuck in the Dumb days poop and then
Speaker 1: Magic Man come to town. He done spun Oh yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: said recesses in session to make five. Now, baby, I'm
Speaker 1: a live but I'm alive. And if you want to
Speaker 1: be the teacher's bad.
Speaker 3: The other guy too.
Speaker 1: I'm telling you this is good I'll start in this
Speaker 1: podcasting cinemas. This too big for that, This is too
Speaker 1: good Broadway.
Speaker 3: I see it, I see the vision.
Speaker 1: There's your fucking Thanksgiving edition of Beardless Dickless. No it's not.
Speaker 1: We're still going to passionate ration, or we could do
Speaker 1: What are you thankful for? Because it's thanks that's nice.
Speaker 1: What are you thankful for?
Speaker 3: Which is kind of passionate ra is I'm thankful, all passion,
Speaker 3: No ration, because I'm not asking what you're Oh yeah,
Speaker 3: all passion. I'll be real serious right now. Thank God,
Speaker 3: I'm really grateful. Oh my god, was that a fart
Speaker 3: or a she's snoring?
Speaker 1: Seconds?
Speaker 3: Wow, it's THI He's like a hibernating bear.
Speaker 1: Alright, go ahead, what's your What are you thankful for?
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give you a little back up music? Is
Speaker 1: that Thanksgiving music you talk over? You're getting? Its so scary?
Speaker 1: All right?
Speaker 3: This Thanksgiving thank this is haunting, This is fucking this.
Speaker 3: I'll just do it ready, Okay, all right, this Thanksgiving
Speaker 3: I am really it sounds like silent night. I want
Speaker 3: your fucking creepy ass Carol here, and are you.
Speaker 1: The Peanuts characters saying in the in the Charlie Brown
Speaker 1: Christmas they go and they all inhale real deeply and ship.
Speaker 1: So anyway, be no none of this, none of what
Speaker 1: I forget.
Speaker 3: None of this. You weren't singing anything, all right, I
Speaker 3: guess it's happening this Thanksgiving. I am extremely thankful for
Speaker 3: all the amazing care that Access Animal Specialty Hospital has
Speaker 3: given my sweet baby Cinnamon, and that Cinnamon is still
Speaker 3: here with us and is my sweet baby girl.
Speaker 6: My lord, you are side you game bus, You're live.
Speaker 6: I guess it's less a Thanksgiving song and more of
Speaker 6: a yeah, but we always sang it at Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1: Hey man, be thankful. We have a lucky whose farts
Speaker 1: that you smissed so bad. She can't help it.
Speaker 3: My cats don't fart.
Speaker 1: Far. I can take a wet rank to the dogs ass,
Speaker 1: which is unnatural, and she'll look at me like and
Speaker 1: then when we go to bed that's never happened before
Speaker 1: she's day. I don't think the peoples are supposed to
Speaker 1: do that.
Speaker 3: I'll give another passion. Okay, something I'm grateful for, so
Speaker 3: the excellent.
Speaker 1: Care that was given to your bunny.
Speaker 3: But what is the name of the animalst Access Animal
Speaker 3: Specialty hospital in Culver City. They have given my baby
Speaker 3: girl the best care I could ever ask for. Thank you,
Speaker 3: come on your slacking. And then another one. I'm grateful
Speaker 3: for the discovery of the television show The Boys, even
Speaker 3: though I'm five seven years late to three years in.
Speaker 1: Three seasons in you finally discussed great show? Isn't it
Speaker 1: fun watch? I?
Speaker 3: As you know, Unfortunately I'm a big reality TV person. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I don't. Really. There aren't too many shows where I'm like, oh,
Speaker 3: I really want to watch this?
Speaker 1: Get too many fiction narratives?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yes, you do.
Speaker 1: You spend most of your time engaged in reality programming
Speaker 1: and YouTube vlogs, not so much. You don't watch movies
Speaker 1: or watch moon. But so this is something that has
Speaker 1: captured your imagination.
Speaker 3: It really hard.
Speaker 1: We don't get to watch Real Housewives, Nikki, you don't
Speaker 1: like your Boys?
Speaker 2: Really gets too naughty.
Speaker 3: I love it.
Speaker 1: I love it.
Speaker 3: He's such a good actor. It blows my mind. Him
Speaker 3: and fucking Butcher are so the whole cast is so amazing.
Speaker 3: There is not one three? Oh all right, so you're
Speaker 3: apparently aren't there like five seasons or no?
Speaker 1: For some extent I thought there were three. Maybe I'm wrong,
Speaker 1: but I've seen every season in it. It's great. Next season,
Speaker 1: I think is the last though what I think they
Speaker 1: said that's when they're going to end it. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: based on what happens at the end of the current season,
Speaker 1: it's like, well you can see where they're going.
Speaker 3: Really, I love it.
Speaker 1: It's gonna get dark.
Speaker 3: It's it's so dark already I can't I can't imagine,
Speaker 3: but it's.
Speaker 1: About to get darker. That I like that. Dude. Eric
Speaker 1: Kripkey is a nice guy. Interview the stuff and I
Speaker 1: will always regret not fucking going on the show, and
Speaker 1: they were like, hey, man, will you play the director
Speaker 1: that director? Guy has come back multiple times now. To
Speaker 1: be fair, that dude's genius. I love watching He's in
Speaker 1: a lot of things because he's like, he's a go
Speaker 1: to you plug him into anything, and he was in
Speaker 1: the the Scorsese picture with fucking Leo Wolf of Wall Streets.
Speaker 1: He's a real good actor. He's one of those actors.
Speaker 1: He's like a Stephen Root where it's like once you
Speaker 1: learn his name, you'll remember forever is glue. They stick
Speaker 1: him in everything. So even though I would have liked
Speaker 1: to have been the guy he's I enjoy watching him. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And the only thing I would have brought to it
Speaker 1: is if if it was going to be me as
Speaker 1: the director, I would have been like, kind of just
Speaker 1: be Kevin's man instead of playing a part.
Speaker 3: That would be that would be funny, that would be funny.
Speaker 1: I do dig that Showman. There are very few shows
Speaker 1: that I'm like, oh, I wish I was on that
Speaker 1: and ship, but that one's one. And they asked without
Speaker 1: me even asking. I was God, damn it, No was
Speaker 1: doing something else, so I couldn't. I think we were
Speaker 1: in Clerk's three or something, and then what was the
Speaker 1: other show? Letter Kenny? They asked me to be the
Speaker 1: opening of season two or three. I forget, and it
Speaker 1: was after the heart attack, so I couldn't get on
Speaker 1: a plane and go. I know, Bro, I know. I
Speaker 1: was thinking about it, like today, why there's something about
Speaker 1: a vocal performance? Oh, I was thinking about Bobby moynahan
Speaker 1: had a show that he was doing for Comedy Central
Speaker 1: for a minute where he played like a wallus no
Speaker 1: a man of tea in a zoo, and I played
Speaker 1: a camel named Mark Cammell, And I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I didn't really you know it just it is just
Speaker 1: me and my voice talking. And you know, I've I've
Speaker 1: been able to be me and be my voice in
Speaker 1: a lot of things. I haven't really had to perform
Speaker 1: other than perform as Kevin Smith and stuff, so I'm
Speaker 1: not like a real actor. In those nasty comments when
Speaker 1: people were really mad about the mug that I didn't
Speaker 1: fucking create, one of them said that I was a
Speaker 1: washed up actor, and I was so like flattered because
Speaker 1: I was like, you think of me as an actor.
Speaker 3: You are an actor.
Speaker 1: I'm a writer, director who puts myself in my own ship.
Speaker 1: But this motherfucker in there fucking stab at me like
Speaker 1: made me feel good. I was like, an actor, I
Speaker 1: don't even give a fuck actor. I am clean, So
Speaker 1: I'm washed up. Look for me on my ears mother,
Speaker 1: But uh, I don't think of myself as an actor.
Speaker 3: You definitely are. You're great when you're like you're like
Speaker 3: doing that so excited. No, when it's like can I say,
Speaker 3: I don't know, can.
Speaker 1: Go off Mike, Yeah, okay.
Speaker 3: In Logic's movie, you're like the performance when I just
Speaker 3: prefer I love when you give a grounded performance. When
Speaker 3: you about when I do that long monologue.
Speaker 1: Yeah, cut out of the movie. Yeah, that was one
Speaker 1: of the first things out. I was begging him to
Speaker 1: cut that, like for because it's pacing in the movie,
Speaker 1: like it's a fine little standalone piece. Which yeah, so
Speaker 1: there's the one scene of us is there, but the
Speaker 1: second scene is not.
Speaker 3: Oh you were so good on it.
Speaker 1: Well, it's just it makes me happy that you even
Speaker 1: thought I was good. So like, that's that's a win
Speaker 1: enough for me, right there.
Speaker 3: I love when you give the I can't wait till people.
Speaker 1: See that fucking flick. Man. I watched a little clip
Speaker 1: on my phone from Donel Rawlings the day he worked
Speaker 1: he had lived a line that still makes me fucking
Speaker 1: cry to this day and stuff. But yeah, laughing, laughing,
Speaker 1: like really funny, logic's done, he's all finished. The movie's
Speaker 1: lock Really he did the mix, and so I gotta remember.
Speaker 1: I got to ask JC to to give me a
Speaker 1: copy of it down look because Bobby I was like, hey,
Speaker 1: me away, because he was like, it's done, it's finished.
Speaker 1: I see, he goes, jac will give you a pally.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I look forward to people see. I'm so
Speaker 1: happy for him. It's a fucking fun movie and It's
Speaker 1: so weird because I was knee deep in that movie
Speaker 1: for all of May and June, and then you know,
Speaker 1: it moved on, life moved on.
Speaker 3: I can't wait for people to see him act.
Speaker 1: He's great. Yeah, I mean honestly, like, there's nothing the
Speaker 1: dude can't do. Like, he wrote a great script, he
Speaker 1: directed the fucking ship out of the movie, and he's
Speaker 1: a wonderful actor in the movie. So yeah, it's that's
Speaker 1: one of those things where I'm like, I'm gonna do
Speaker 1: next year. It's nice to know that there's that not
Speaker 1: my success, but I get to like kind of hang
Speaker 1: out with him and like, you know, it was something
Speaker 1: that I helped, you produced it, produced it.
Speaker 3: Well, well, well then that is something.
Speaker 1: And acted in it. But I am a washed up
Speaker 1: but you are washed up back, which I was like
Speaker 1: washed up was I you know what I did last night?
Speaker 1: And we'll go out on this note stuff because now
Speaker 1: we're over an hour, which means that with the ads,
Speaker 1: it's going to be three hours. I spent time with
Speaker 1: a YouTube clip that is like this is what the
Speaker 1: Internet was made for. In very specifically YouTube, somebody took
Speaker 1: all of the opening credits of every episode of the
Speaker 1: Love Boat. I know they would do that circle and
Speaker 1: then people's faces and before it began, before the boat
Speaker 1: for the fucking song, like, well, the song was something
Speaker 1: before the course kicked in the boo, before that happened,
Speaker 1: they would show this porthole and they would show you
Speaker 1: the whole cast of the guest star. So they lined
Speaker 1: up every fucking guest star. Oh my god, and so
Speaker 1: the song just plays over and over again because it's
Speaker 1: like a minute and a half long song. So they
Speaker 1: stretch out his twenty nine minute video and I'm only
Speaker 1: at the k's right now. I just say god, because
Speaker 1: I was just like, I can't I got it. I
Speaker 1: got this thing, but it is me. And it's a
Speaker 1: series of like people on the way up and people
Speaker 1: on the way down. Nobody at the top of the mountain. Wow,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. It's nobody like because of
Speaker 1: the Circus seventies eighties, So it's not like Burt Reynolds
Speaker 1: never one on the Love Boat. Who else Clin East
Speaker 1: would never went on the fucking love Boat. A lot
Speaker 1: of TV people, like fucking Tom Hanks was on it.
Speaker 1: But while he was while he was on Bosom Buddies,
Speaker 1: a sitcom and shit. Michael J. Fox was on it
Speaker 1: first season in a like family Ties or something like that.
Speaker 1: Before he was Marty McFly. So it is, it's but
Speaker 1: it's I don't know if it'll mean ship to you,
Speaker 1: But yeah, I don't know if it would because it's
Speaker 1: not like your childhood. But as I sat there and
Speaker 1: watched it, I was like, look at all these people.
Speaker 1: And then of course, since I'm so, you know, got
Speaker 1: my head up, my own ass, and so he go
Speaker 1: centric I put myself in their shoes.
Speaker 3: Well I thought you were going to put yourself in
Speaker 3: the porthole.
Speaker 1: I turned a camera because that's what they do. They
Speaker 1: cut to them and they're looking away and then they're
Speaker 1: and they do a quick thing that a second. Now
Speaker 1: you can see some motherfuckers like I ain't doing a thing,
Speaker 1: so they're just like But then there are some people
Speaker 1: physical comedians. Oh me, I would have been like, oh
Speaker 1: you remember that portal. You'd feel like, I can't wait
Speaker 1: till the rerun of that. I remember that dude did
Speaker 1: a triple take and ship Solah Bob. And they're people
Speaker 1: who are like my equal on the show, like Bob Denver,
Speaker 1: who played Gilligan, which somebody online once said, like, you're
Speaker 1: a modern day Gilligan with your stupid backwards at not
Speaker 1: just that was comfortable too, because I'm like, hey, man
Speaker 1: is famous, and everybody truly, truly aim fucking lower chick.
Speaker 1: Call me Bob Denver, call me Gilligan. I mean, technically
Speaker 1: I'm the skipper. They would be Gilligan.
Speaker 3: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: But both of them, Bob Denver and Alan Hale, who
Speaker 1: played the Skipper, were on the fucking show. So I definitely,
Speaker 1: me and Jay definitely would have been on the love Boat.
Speaker 1: And there were a lot of people whose kids were
Speaker 1: on the love Boat, so Fernando Lamas and his son
Speaker 1: Lorenzo Lamas and the Crosby girl. Well, Bing Crosby himself
Speaker 1: was never on the love Boat, but Mary Crosby and
Speaker 1: fucking Denise Crosby and shit like that.
Speaker 3: Wow. So so you're saying I would have a chance.
Speaker 1: I'm saying, like, I know, fucking like the bane of
Speaker 1: your existence is the idea of like bo. But yesterday
Speaker 1: when I was in the bathroom, you know what I
Speaker 1: thought about what Tony Stark as a neo baby, and
Speaker 1: Tony Stark saved the world, so you should wear that
Speaker 1: tribe period so anytime. And it was like fucking neo
Speaker 1: baby rocking right out Tony Stark's baby ship.
Speaker 3: He's say the world, save the world.
Speaker 1: And I'm telling you even people that fucking like hate
Speaker 1: you for being you and ship, everyone loves Tony Stark.
Speaker 1: Ain't nobody don't love Tony.
Speaker 3: You better love Tony Stark.
Speaker 1: Word as he literally like talks about his dad all
Speaker 1: the time, and shit like, does he got a point?
Speaker 1: All right? I never got to sagodbye him my dad.
Speaker 1: I never got sagobye to my father. There are questions
Speaker 1: I would have asked him. I love that's from Iron Man.
Speaker 1: Gonna cry if I do remember an endgame when he
Speaker 1: sees his dad and he hasn't seen his dad. That
Speaker 1: is like one of my favorites scenes and cinema history
Speaker 1: is him and his dad where he's just like, he goes,
Speaker 1: hopefully she'd be hopefully it's a girl, you know, then
Speaker 1: there's less of chance she'd be like me. And he's like,
Speaker 1: what's so wrong with that? He goes, Let's just say
Speaker 1: that what is it?
Speaker 3: The tears are coming up.
Speaker 1: Let's just say that the common good has rarely outweighed
Speaker 1: my own self interest. And I never felt more seen
Speaker 1: in a movie than here about that, which is kind
Speaker 1: of sad, but at the same time, it's like he
Speaker 1: was a good He was a good guy literally saved
Speaker 1: us from the Nazis. I mean, I know this is
Speaker 1: a movie.
Speaker 3: It starts not real, but can be as real as
Speaker 3: you need him to be.
Speaker 1: Dad, but Tony like, they go out the side and
Speaker 1: he's like talking about possible names and ship and he said, uh,
Speaker 1: he goes, there's nothing my father couldn't teach me, you
Speaker 1: know that didn't involve a belt or something like that.
Speaker 1: And then Tony goes, I thought my father was hard
Speaker 1: on he's going, but now all I remember is the
Speaker 1: good stuff. You know, he did drop the occasional pearl.
Speaker 1: His dad goes like what and Tony says, like the
Speaker 1: driest wad. He goes and no amount of money has
Speaker 1: ever bought a single second of time and they're literally
Speaker 1: back in time and he's talking to his dead father.
Speaker 1: That's like one of the greatest moments to me in
Speaker 1: cinema history. Is just like he's crying, well, with all
Speaker 1: the money in the world bought him more than a
Speaker 1: second of time. He got to go back in fucking time,
Speaker 1: but didn't buy him his life. Some sizs have to die.
Speaker 1: That mofucker sacrificed himself.
Speaker 3: He's getting worked off.
Speaker 1: But yes, I thought about that the toilet, Remember it
Speaker 1: all right? There it is before I break down crying
Speaker 1: about fucking eyes. Man. Look, some people have their religion.
Speaker 1: I got mine, and yeah, and and all. Religion is
Speaker 1: a series of fucking inspiring stories.
Speaker 3: Correct, correct, Hey, you ain't hearing You ain't hear anything.
Speaker 1: There it is because there's your Thanksgiving edition of Beardless
Speaker 1: Stickless Me. Go gather with your family and give thanks Wow.
Speaker 3: Nice, all right, but we're.
Speaker 1: Like do it. Hopefully you have wonderful holidays. Man, we'll
Speaker 1: see you next week and we'll tell you how our
Speaker 1: very vegan Thanksgiving one and half of our listeners just
Speaker 1: dropped their.
Speaker 3: Subscriptions earlier in the episode.
Speaker 1: There it is for beardless sickles me. I'm Kevin Smith
Speaker 1: and a goddamn beardless stickless day. This has been a
Speaker 1: podcast production s podcast podcast using our mouths on you
Speaker 1: since two thousand and seven. Hey kids, did you like
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