speaker-0 (00:00.492) Hey, Ashley. speaker-2 (00:01.59) Hey Trax, how's it going? speaker-0 (00:03.38) you seem a little bit a little bit speaker-2 (00:07.086) But overwhelmed, maybe. has destroyed my Mondays, man. Overwhelmed, yes. just guess how many coffees I've had. speaker-0 (00:16.526) I'm gonna say I'm gonna guess three. speaker-2 (00:19.726) That's close, but you're a little low. It's which is so much for me. I feel like my entire body is like, like it's too much. But you shared this post on Instagram last week tracks about how five cups of coffee is the ideal amount of coffee for longevity. And I latched onto that like a leech so hard because I'm so obsessed with coffee and I speaker-0 (00:22.284) Is it four? speaker-2 (00:45.824) And realizing as like I have clammy hands and my legs are shaking that like that was too much. I overdid it. Five is not the mount for me. I'm speaker-0 (00:54.254) And I think it's okay. I think maybe you just don't do it every day because that's gonna be a lot for you to handle for sure. speaker-2 (01:03.074) Or maybe my cups were actually twelve ounces and not an eight ounce cup. Like I could have miscalculated and maybe I had six cups. speaker-0 (01:10.04) Drinking up to Ashley five cups a day may lower the risk of stroke, heart failure, and type two diabetes. So I mean speaker-2 (01:20.526) Okay, hold on, May. And who even shared this? Where did this come from? Are they a credible source? speaker-0 (01:25.395) well it's from Mine Body Green, which is a nutrition supplement. I that's a good question. Let me see where they got it. speaker-2 (01:33.548) Well that's what I did. speaker-0 (01:35.084) American Heart Association. speaker-2 (01:38.19) Golden. Okay, so maybe the jitters are all part of like the coffee working and making me live longer. speaker-0 (01:42.958) Three to five cups it says. speaker-2 (01:44.632) Okay, now let me tell you this. So my very good friend, Trax, you, suggested at one point that I should run. if I was ever feeling overwhelmed, I should just get in a quick run and do something really hard and fast. And so I did that today because of my coffee. And I just ran like 10 minutes as hard as I could on the treadmill at the highest incline possible. And like that's also a good thing to do for longevity, right? Like a really hard effort. speaker-0 (02:11.214) Absolutely. Absolutely. You killed two birds with one stone. You drank the coffee and worked the body. I say double win. Winning. How are you? I'm good. I'm really good. speaker-2 (02:21.368) winning. speaker-2 (02:25.454) Okay, can I tell you a story? Please. Okay. So I this is something I really want to talk to you about today. So the other night, we were having a really challenging bedtime. So we have a 15 month old and we have an almost four year old. And the younger one, like he just like doesn't sleep well. And it's been this constant struggle. He sleeps better now. He probably wakes up twice on average a night. So that feels really manageable considering way better. Yeah. speaker-0 (02:48.248) Better. speaker-2 (02:51.072) But I was just feeling really overwhelmed the other night. And so my husband was like helping to get our youngest to sleep. And he looked at me and he was like, You are moving too fast. He was like, Life is not urgent. Everything is not urgent, but you are acting like everything is urgent. And I was really quiet. I just listened to this. And like typically my response is to push back and just be like, No, like that's my personality. I have to get a lot done. Like I like to move quick. And like all of that can be true. And also like I think he's right. Because then he went on to tell me how he notices I'm like always talking fast and I'm talking fast to the kids. And sometimes I finish sentences and you know, like that's not really how everybody wants to communicate. And like, I don't know, I've been reflecting on this a little bit and thinking, man, I'm holding so much in my brain at all times, and I'm trying to do so much. And I'm trying to do it all like to the best of my ability. And it's like sometimes it's just too much. And I feel like it's like Drinking four cups of coffee and feeling completely on overdrive, so I have to like go as fast as I can. Like that's is that necessary? You know, like you translate this to training and running, and does this put us in like a higher state of stress or we're not able to train the way that we want to? I don't know. Like when you're feeling tracks like you're overdoing it or you're doing too much, what happens for you? speaker-0 (03:57.003) Right, right. speaker-0 (04:14.082) it's a great question. I definitely have noticed, especially as I've gotten older, so 48, 49, 50, 51, that when I try and do too many things at once, and that could be laundry and putting something away and, you know, trying to do five, six, seven things really quickly on the fly. When I was younger, I could probably manage them pretty well. Now the shit hits the fan. And a good example of that is I recently was putting away something down in my cupboard. I was also putting away my dog's food. I was trying, I was reaching to put something up high at the same time. I lost my balance and tumbled completely down a full flight of stairs. speaker-2 (05:00.854) No, you did not. my gosh. Trax, I asked you how you're doing and like you kind of answered earlier, but I feel like it was like kind of not genuine. 'Cause something seems like it's going on. Okay. speaker-0 (05:02.21) I did. speaker-0 (05:14.222) Okay, if I'm being honest, I raced a 5K on Saturday. I did not push that hard, but I did race in the heat. Then Sunday I knocked out a 15 miler. Again, it was hot. And then this morning I took off for pretty easy seven miler, but it was not a hundred percent humidity. And my guess is that stretch of three pretty intense efforts in a row is showing, even though I am trying to. Prevent you from seeing how tired I am. speaker-2 (05:46.644) Okay, a hard race and then a long effort and then a like a run in soupy humidity. Yeah, I bet you're tired. Are you doing enough? Or are you doing too much? speaker-0 (05:58.072) There you go. I don't I think part of me wants to assume that it's enough. I don't want to admit that it's too much. So I'm trying not to show you the impact of the last three days. speaker-2 (06:09.154) Because you don't want me to question you. speaker-0 (06:11.148) Right. Then I don't have to question myself. speaker-2 (06:15.658) my gosh, tracks. I'm over here thinking that this conversation is all about me rushing too much and trying to figure it out and all these other parts of life. But it's also we're both similar thing. We're in a similar boat, both different things. speaker-0 (06:30.742) Absolutely. It's just maybe I'm a little bit in denial because mine feels different. I don't have kids. I'm not making school lunches. I'm not doing all the chaos that you are. Mine is just trying to juggle my day-to-day and also train and be fifty one. And that is clearly having an impact, even though I'm trying to pretend it doesn't. speaker-2 (06:55.266) Well, if it makes you feel better, I was in denial about my urgency before my husband sent me down. So let's consider today's episode an intervention where I'm sitting you down saying tracks, are you doing too much? speaker-0 (07:08.588) Give me the race car cue for sure. I need speaker-2 (07:10.727) race car. Okay. Hey tracks. speaker-0 (07:15.264) Noted. speaker-2 (07:17.89) I think on its own, trying to do so much and juggling all of these different parts of life and trying to do them all well is one thing on its own. But then when you also layer in running and training for races, you get this whole new element of stress and like these expectations that we set for ourselves and these like daily goals of workouts, which can in their own right become this like whole other thing that we almost have to do. and then when you wanna do that well, but you're moving really quickly, it's like the stress kind of compounds on itself. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. speaker-0 (07:54.75) Yes. Right. Right. So the question becomes, is it possible to do all of our regular daily things and function as a high performing athlete and do that really well at the same time? speaker-2 (08:13.58) Yeah. And like whatever that means for everyone, right? Cause a high performing athlete could be like a professional, like Olympian level runner, or, you know, anyone trying to like run their 5K or marathon PR. Like no matter what end of the spectrum you are doing that, like you're putting in a lot of hard work to get there. speaker-0 (08:33.493) Yeah, it's a balancing act. speaker-2 (08:35.12) that's a buzzword. That's such a w balance is such an interesting word. 'Cause it's like, is there even balance? Like is that real? speaker-0 (08:40.909) No. It's very true. I mean, that's all relative. speaker-2 (08:45.344) You're listening to Still Running. This is a podcast that's hosted by me, Ashley Arnold, and all about running and all of the issues that women face. It's like a long-run conversation that we're having with expert insights sprinkled throughout. So, this is our second episode of Still Running, and we're excited that you're here with us today. speaker-0 (08:50.264) Trax, traxel. speaker-0 (09:05.848) Today we are going to dive into this concept of running on empty. Are we doing too much or are we just not doing it right? speaker-2 (09:17.41) For a quick note from one of our sponsors. This episode is all about how women carry so much and how the right support can make a big goal feel a whole lot more manageable. That's also the idea behind Fleet Feet's No Boundaries training program. Whether you're starting to run, returning after time away, or working toward a new distance, you don't have to figure it all out or do it all on your own. No Boundaries gives you a coach, mentors, a training plan, and a community expecting you to show up. They're a beginner, walk, run, 5K, and 10K options, so you can start exactly where you are right now. And no, you will not be too slow. You don't need to have the right gear or already know what you're doing. That's what the program is there to help with. Because sometimes progress isn't about pushing yourself harder, it's about giving you the support you need to keep going. Our first guest to help us figure all of this out is someone who actually seems to be. doing it all, which is really interesting. So we're coming at this from an angle to first see what does it actually look like on the inside when from the outside we have an example of an incredible runner who seems to have it all figured out. speaker-0 (10:29.42) So today our first guest is Kira D'Amato, professional athlete. She runs for Nike. She is a 41-year-old mother of two. She's an all-American collegiate athlete. She also happens to be a realtor. She owns a running store. She's got a lot going on. And I just feel like she's the perfect person to talk to about how does she have all these balls in the air, manage it so beautifully, and enjoy herself along the way. Like how does she get it all done? speaker-2 (11:01.24) She defies all the odds because most pro runners are pro runners, not this thousand list of other things. speaker-0 (11:08.558) Exactly, which is why I wanted to take her down this road. We are here with Kira D'Amato. Kira, welcome and thank you so much for joining us today. speaker-2 (11:12.152) Let's do it. speaker-3 (11:17.58) Yeah, thanks for having me. I'm excited to talk to you two. speaker-0 (11:20.064) You are a professional athlete. You are a mother of two, correct? You are still practicing realistic. speaker-3 (11:26.606) I I think I still have my license, but I have not practiced real estate since moving out to Utah two years ago. So not speaker-0 (11:35.086) All right. Yeah. And you own a run store. Yes. Yeah. How do you juggle all that at the same time? speaker-3 (11:38.116) Virginia, yeah. Yeah, I think the first is I've learned I need a lot of help. And that has not been an easy thing for me to learn. But I think the key to how I've been able to do that is I have an awesome support system around me. And yeah, that makes it a lot easier. I think in general I have a lot of energy and whatever I do have, like a free ten minutes, I'm like, good, I can learn to do this or good, I have time to see if I can learn how to use a typewriter. Or I like, this I'm like always like filling my time. I like to be doing something for better or for worse. And maybe that's good good or maybe that's bad for everyone around me. Who knows? But yeah, so I think asking for a lot of help is a lot of it. But then I also like I'm involved in things that really excite me. I love running. I love being part of the running community. I like this to me feels like a gift rather than a job at all. So it's I think that has made it much easier. Yeah, and I'm having the time of my life doing everything too. So that that's a lot of fun. But I also have this problem with saying no. speaker-1 (12:46.84) We both. speaker-0 (12:47.202) Just talking about this, says we are say we are both the same. speaker-3 (12:50.146) Well, it it genuinely when people bring up like, Hey, can you help me with this or do you want to be involved with this? Like my genuine excitement is always yes. Like on my run this morning, my girlfriend was like, I have two ideas. And I'm like, yes for both, before she even told me what the ideas were. And the ideas were barrel racing on a horse and then kite surfing. And so I was like, you know what? I said yes, and I will be there like as your trainer or support system or a videographer. I will not be participating in said activities now that I know what it is, but I would really like to see you do those. speaker-2 (13:21.981) my gosh, if you were pro runner and also pro barrel racer, like that's a story right there. speaker-3 (13:27.214) You're selling me, Ashley. You're really selling me. Maybe I should have said yes to this idea. speaker-2 (13:32.28) I know of a horse. My niece is a barrel rider. she is. So if you're interested, come on out to Montana. But hold on, before I get us off track and signed up in a whole new venture, which clearly is something that all three of us could get into, you hit on something that I think is really important because we were talking about this earlier. Like you said, you have a lot of energy. And that's something that I feel like I suffer from too, where I have so much energy. I like wanna do so many things, but then it can boil over really quickly if I'm not careful. Do you have you had that experience since you clearly are someone who has done a lot? Like you said, you think you still have your relator's license. So you've thoughtfully put that aside, it sounds like to focus more on racing and training. And then maybe you're not actively involved in the the run store. speaker-3 (14:20.536) not actively involved in the run store. They have an incredible team. Bronson and Annie are the managers there and they run the show. They do everything. So they are incredible. Yeah. speaker-2 (14:31.0) So how do you feel like is that one way you feel like you you said you have support that helps you, but you have all this energy, you wanna say yes to stuff. So how are you like learning to hack that in your system where you're like, I have so much energy, but I need to be able to channel it to be effective and to be effective as I imagine a professional runner is part of that, right? speaker-3 (14:48.226) That's a really great question. And I realize too, I am the first to give all of my energy away. So I like I have to set boundaries. Like I've come up with a list of things that help me set boundaries around important events. Like, for me, like getting the kids like up in the morning, breakfast or whatever, get them on the bus, like that to me is an important event every day. So put a boundary around that, that that can't move. And then when they get off the bus through usually when they go to bed, like those are other like kind of sacred times for me. So it's like I have clear boundaries within my day that I don't want to budge because to me that's family time. and then even like when I have a race on the calendar, a month before a marathon, I won't do extra travel. I won't say yes to things. I try not to do as many interviews. So I try to like set these boundaries when I'm not stressed that help me like filter in like when people ask me to do things, I can filter it through my preset boundaries. so I think that that has really helped me to be intentional with that. And I think for me, just having rules, like I'm a really great rule follower. So I think having those things, I can filter all my decisions in through that. But then also for a while, like when I'm really like in deep training mode, like I think of like my top goal in running is how fast can I run? And so when new things come into my life, I put it through that filter too. Is this gonna make me a faster runner? I remember once in college, I had a bunch of girlfriends going on a cruise and it was a week or two before like nationals. And I asked my coach, like, Can I go on this cruise? It sounds like a lot of fun. And he's like, Is that gonna make you a faster runner? And I was like, Not at all. And he's like, Well, then you could pick. Do you wanna go on the cruise or do you wanna so I think that those little filters and just having kind of those Yeah, those inner priorities set to filter those decisions through, I think naturally help. but then I think as far as like for me, like an object of motion stays in motion. So the more I'm doing, the more I want to do. and then my body will I'll get a headache or I'll be really tired, or I have these signs my body is telling me you need to slow down. and so I try to listen to those as well. speaker-0 (16:57.004) Yeah, I think the most important thing you just said that in there in your process was that you think about things through that are gonna be need to be managed while you're not in stress. Because I think what happens a lot, Ashley, correct me if I'm wrong, and you you can speak to this more as a mom with younger children, is we make those decisions while we're stressed and then the decisions that we make aren't necessarily the best ones. They're what we put together in that moment, but they're not, you know, the the long term outcome is not going to be beneficial to us. speaker-3 (17:34.028) Absolutely. And when you're in high stress, it's hard to know is this important or is this not. So I think, yeah, w exactly what you were just saying that yeah, it helps just create some sort of control or some sort of, I guess, level playing field to to figure those things out. speaker-2 (17:47.778) Like you're you have like you've done exceptional things with running as you have gotten older, like, which is so cool. And I know you're a role model for so many women, b because of that. And I'm just curious if like, do you think kind of like where that came from? And I'm wondering if it's two things. If it's one, like you are someone with an enormous amount of energy, and so your capacity to train is still really hot. Like is high and will continue to be high because of that. And then two, you kind of learned how to hack your system, have really good decision making filters, and that's something that you learned as you got older. Whereas maybe if you would have those when you were earlier, like when you were younger, do you know what I'm saying? Like if that somehow has contributed to you being faster as you're getting older. speaker-3 (18:38.782) One hundred percent. And I think for me, like running in my teens and my twenties, I was running for a different set of why reasons than I am now. And so in my teens and twenties, like I love competing. I wanted to be fast. I wanted trophies. I wanted six like I was competing for all the outcomes of running or running for the outcomes. And then putting running back into my life in my mid thirties, it was for all the other reasons. It was for me. It was like I was going through a really hard time. just with my family, like my now ex-husband, he was deployed a lot and I was really lonely. I was really struggling. I I needed running for in a different, totally different way than I've ever needed it. I needed it for me to feel good about myself. I needed to get out there and do something alone, just not as a mom with a zero and a one year old. and then I needed to find community. And so I feel like I have different whys now with a zero and a one year old. than I had before. And I think they're so much deeper and so much more important. And it feels more like a gift than it does feel like a chore or something I have to go out for run today. I feel very grateful to go out. And then I think finding community. I was in a new town and I was lonely. And so I think finding a group of females that I could run with and chat with and like, you know, tell stories about my kids, it like that really cemented like running onto my soul, I guess. So I I needed it in a much different way. And I think the really special thing about my journey is then like it was never my intention to come back and find out how fast I was trying to find out who I was, like could I grind, could I gain confidence from this? Could I gain community? I was running for all the other reasons. And then when I got fast and my story started circling around, I started connecting, especially with women and especially with mothers, on this level, so much deeper than like what my time was in the local race. And then I started instead of running just for me. I was running for a we. And that was so much more powerful for me. And I think like in a race, it's easy to give up on yourself. But when I thought I was doing it for all women with young kids, then that was a really powerful motivator to show us all what we're capable of. And I think that has really, really helped me just, I don't know, come back and have this, I don't know, really little crazy, don't call it a comeback, come back. And speaker-3 (21:01.654) The more that I was running, the happier I was just in life in general. I felt like I had more patience with my kids because I had gone out and done something for myself. And I think just having those endorphins and ha like having that release, then I felt like I could really truly relax and be super present. And then and that was a beautiful thing too. But so the more I was running, the happier I was getting. And then the happier I was with running, the more I wanted to do it. And then the more I was doing it, the ha like the faster I got, which was also really fun. was this beautiful cyclic, I don't know, thing to have in my life. speaker-2 (21:34.616) So you connect with lots of women. And I love this idea of running for we, like you're showing other women that you can do this, like we can do this together. I've had similar moments where I have seen, you know, like other women, yourself included, who are running hard with little kids and feeling like, okay, like I can get out the door, I can do this too. So I very much like appreciate that. and I'm curious if like you've heard from other women how they feel just. Like trying to balance all of these things and like if you're noticing this pattern of women just chronically overdoing it and holding on to too much, like is that something you've experienced and as a role model in the sport, like kind of like what advice have you kind of had for people related to that? Yeah. speaker-3 (22:21.378) We see this all the time. And I think we as women put extra sets of pressure on us, but I think also society has put it extra has put extra pressure on us. And I think that is why I wrote my book. Like as much as the book is about running, I think the book is even more so a journey of a mother trying to figure out how to do it my way, in a way that feels really important and genuine and authentic to me. And and give other women permission to do it their way. Like I think actually if there is one theme that my book was about, it's not how to run a faster marathon. It's how to live an authentic life and and how to how movement can be part of that and really help like elevate and level up just like where you are. So I think that that is probably the deeper theme of my book. And I've met a lot of women that have read the book and they've some have come up to me in tears. And I know exactly why they're crying because that's actually it's just what you just said. It's trying to balance the load of motherhood and figuring out self-identity and wanting something for yourself and like being part of family and feeling guilt and balancing everything. It's like there's a lot that I mean, parents in general, but especially women carry. So when people come up in tears, like I just assume in my head that is a part of the book that they've connected with. Is just the load the motherhood. Motherhood load, I guess. the mother load. That's a great is that a thing already? If not, that should be a thing, the mother load. I mean speaker-0 (23:57.9) That that is the that is the exact you've hitting the nail on the head. Like we're all trying to do it. I shouldn't say all, but many women are trying to do it, trying to do it well. And then there's you know, in whatever passion they have, in in your case running, in my case and Ashley's case, running, but whatever it is people love, there's almost this like, can I do this too? And how do I do this without sacrificing being good at all the other stuff and making sure I cross those T's and dot those I's. And I think, and Ashley and I were just talking about this a little bit, there's a little element of guilt of like, okay, well, I need to make sure my kids are dialed in and my jobs dialed in. And then hopefully my training gets dialed in. But if it doesn't, that's on me because, you know, I can't can't get it all done. And I think I would say no to that. I would say you probably can, but you maybe have to do it differently. speaker-3 (24:50.146) Yeah. So there's in my book, there's a full chapter on mon guilt and tracks. You just exactly it's what I talk about too, that how it's so easy to when our day gets full, kick out the stuff for ourselves. And that makes us feel the less guilty. But I really encourage, like when I'm putting things into my day, I put it in order of importance and I try to fill my day, hopefully, with, you know, I don't know, something that feels also important to me. But I've realized too that like I had to be. really rigid and stubborn with the things that were important to me and acknowledge that. But I also had to be really flexible with when that would happen. So when I started thinking about what am I going to do tomorrow, I think, okay, I'm going to try to run for 30 minutes to an hour. and it wasn't a if that would happen. It was a when am I going to get that done. So if I'm looking at my day tomorrow and my day is full from when the moment when the kids get up till when I put them to bed, I'm thinking, well, I'm going to get up before they get up. So I learned to be super Stubborn, but also really flexible. So like those it became like a non-negotiable if I was gonna run tomorrow, but I was really flexible on when. And I think that that allowed me, that bend allowed me to not break. speaker-0 (25:59.04) It's funny because it I I feel like you hear stubborn and flexible and you're you think they go against each other. I I don't know when you like I think you're like, well, I'm very stubborn and I'm gonna do it my way. So then I can't be flexible. And I think what it's interesting is they they can go together and it's important that they go together, but that's how it works. You can be stubborn and get things done, but you have to do it in the way that works for you, which is a great perspective. speaker-3 (26:25.966) Well, and I think that's almost like I don't want to say superhero power, but that's something that I've become really good at is being comfortable holding on to two opposite things at the same time. speaker-2 (26:37.358) Ask you a complete curveball question. and that is something you mentioned earlier about like the more you ran, the better you felt, the more you ran, like the faster you got. And it was sort of this joy loop, like you love it so much. and that really helped to narrow your focus, I imagine. Like, okay, I'm seeing improvements here, I'm getting better. Okay, I can, I can sort of shave away these things because I can focus more in this area. And so, by nature, becoming more of an expert, we could say. in running, having success that that helped you or led you to be able to get rid of some other things in your life? What if you still had fun running, you were enjoying it, but you weren't having these results where you were becoming the runner that you've become and you weren't like getting to that place where you are? Like this is so hypothetical. What do you think what place do you think running would hold for you now if that had been the case? Or how do you think this outcome or perspective you had could have been different? speaker-3 (27:35.34) Think I think I would feel the same way about running. I just think I wouldn't have the platform to like talk about it in the way that I do now. But earlier this year I had hip surgery. And this is why I'm answering this way. So I had hip surgery and I saw a different, a number of different surgeons. And some of the surgeons were like, You're never gonna run again. And some of the surgeons were like, Well, you'll maybe be able to run on this hip, but maybe not at the level. And what broke me, like the first surgeon that I talked to, and he was like, I'm not sure if you'll ever be able to run at this level. and I was okay. Like I, I mean, that's heartbreaking, but I'm like, okay. But he's like, and I, you I'm not sure if you'll ever run again. And that is what broke me. So the like, I love being able to compete and I love being able to see how fast I go, but running to me is so much more important than how fast. And so even if I wasn't doing these races and running these times and being on a podium or like winning these medals, like setting records, like I would still need running in my life the way that I need it. but it has been cool because the podiums and the records have allowed me to connect with a lot more people and that has been so, so special to me. but yeah, I would still like the there's no doubt that running would hold the same weight in my life, even if I wasn't. Doing it full time. speaker-0 (29:00.034) Well, it sounds like it's part of what you're balancing, but it's a n it you have to have it in there. It's part of it's it would be you wouldn't be the person who you are without that piece in there. speaker-3 (29:10.584) And I found like so when I I found a surgeon that was gonna do the surgery and he had a different opinion than some of the others that we could fix the labrum rather than fixing the whole hip and that that would hold it in place and I'd be able to compete at this level for five, ten plus more years. so that was music to my ears. But when I first got the surgery and I took like, you know, maybe it was two weeks after I haven't run for two weeks, I realized too, like I needed to go out for a run for mental clarity. Like I wanted to meet my friends just for the community. Like the things that I was missing the most about running was just the day-to-day benefits of running for stress relief. Running like, and you like feel terrible during it and you feel so great and so proud of yourself that you pushed through something that was really hard. So it was everything that wasn't racing too that I was missing the most at first. and I miss I mean, I miss racing so much too, but I definitely I have a deeper connection with running than yeah, just any result could ever speaker-2 (30:10.784) This has been a great conversation, Kara. I feel like you've given you given me a lot to think about, particularly as it relates to how we make decisions and when are the timing for making decisions, and then how it's kind of like the weight that we give running and the attitude towards which we approach it. So it doesn't become something that can be overwhelming, but it is this thing of joy because I know. For all of us it is that it's I'm sort of in my mind, I'm like, it's like this glue that holds things together that helps us feel who we are. And it's so important to our everyday and our connections with each other outside of what we're training for. But like the act of training itself, like is so important and beneficial. I want to ask you one more thing just before we end. Like if someone listening only takes away one nugget of wisdom from you, what would you want? Than to take away. speaker-3 (31:10.168) I think just how important movement is in general in a happy life. Like and I think just getting out even for a walk or a jog or a run walk or any movement of choice, I think leads to like and just holding yourself accountable for that builds confidence, it makes you happier, it can lead to building community. There's so many good things rooted in movement. But Trax to add on what you were just saying too. I also would I would ask my family, like, when is it best for you all for me to run and have that flow? So it's like I'm giving them control, which also helped. So like when would be best in your schedule for me to go out for an hour? Or this long this weekend, I have a two-hour long run. What day is best for you? So I think involving them in that decision in the planning, which I'm not the best at probably, because I again that stubborn part, like I just go out and do it. But I think that's another way too, to have them part of that decision process for when. But not things. speaker-0 (32:08.364) Yes. And do all the things But do the things that you want to do. speaker-1 (32:13.932) Ha ha ha. speaker-2 (32:15.466) The launch season of Still Running is also supported by Ultra. And this partnership feels really natural because I wear Ultras a lot. I love the Rumi Toe box and that natural foot-shaped fit that Ultra is known for. Lately I've been really into Ultra's experience line, which gives you that signature Ultra feel with a really low 4mm heel to toe drop. So you still feel like you're really low to the ground. It feels like you have a natural stride, but with a bit of an offset, which I've really, really appreciated, especially coming back. Postpartum. My husband recently got a pair too, and he's been wearing them for basically all of his runs and hikes and loves them. So wherever you're running, Ultra Make Shoes Built to Move naturally with you. Visit the Still Running Pod website and click on Shop Ultra to find your next pair today. speaker-0 (33:04.598) All right. So we just heard from Kira D'Amato, who talks about juggling all the things in life, but getting the support system she needs in place to make that happen. She talks about being stubborn about getting it done, but also being flexible at the same time. Her biggest takeaway is she was training to train, and then when she came back to do it again, she was training for the love of the sport. And because of that, it fit into her agenda in a way that it hadn't before. because it wasn't a task, it was something that she quote unquote got to do. It was a privilege. And she wanted to make it work 'cause she was happy to be doing it. Okay. So those those are really important. I speaker-2 (33:43.0) Is too. And there's two other things I want to bring up before we move on. And one, the first one is this idea of like whatever you do, just move. Like that was her final takeaway, which I think is is super important because that also goes back to the stubbornness. Like be flexible, but prioritize yourself. And we all know movement is so important. And for everyone listening who loves to run and move, like prioritize movement in some way. And then the second piece she talked about was just how running is so much for her about being in community and community with other women. And I think having a really supportive space with women is huge, like women supporting women. speaker-0 (34:21.614) I actually was talking recently to a friend and training partner who this winter during marathon training for Boston, she was feeling extremely overwhelmed and a little bit like she couldn't manage all the pieces in a way that was fulfilling to her and also successful. And so the two of us picked apart how to keep doing what we're doing in a way that's meaningful to us, but in a way that is effective and knowing that. All can't be perfect at the same time. speaker-2 (34:53.454) I'm very curious now what Samantha has to say. speaker-0 (34:56.994) Samantha, you're an interior designer, you're a mom of two, you're a yoga teacher, you're a marathon runner, you're doing all the things, wearing all the hats, and you always were very busy, athlete-driven woman. Okay. But you had a little bit of a awakening at 39. So take me back to that story where you felt like everything was being thrown in the air and it was becoming very difficult to find yourself in all of that chaos. speaker-1 (35:24.15) Yeah, I mean, everything I liked to joke at the time that everything on my plate was stuff that I absolutely loved. I would wake up in the morning and run and then teach yoga and go straight to a client's house and have lunch in the car and then be there on time to pick up my kids. And like then there'd be an evening kid activity and ever every day was so full that it was this wild game of Tetris where each individual component was awesome. But it added up to me straight up drinking out of a fire hose every single day. speaker-2 (36:00.043) I feel sorry, I had to interject, Trax, 'cause I feel like you've just set up an intervention for me. I don't think the intervention is. speaker-0 (36:08.558) I mean, you are admittedly drinking out of a fire hose daily. speaker-2 (36:11.924) I'm like I'm thirty-nine. Yep. Everything you're describing, Samantha, is what I feel like I have, and I have two little boys. So we need to learn from you today. speaker-1 (36:19.214) Yes. speaker-0 (36:23.087) Just take it. Take the floor. speaker-1 (36:25.614) Truly. I mean, my boys are now seven and eight. they're nineteen months apart. So it was we were in marathon season for a long time. And I think as any athlete who has this capability, and frankly, not even athletes, this is just women in general. Like we have an absurd amount of endurance and we have the capacity to keep going. I think it requires taking a pause. And for me anyways, I knew when I turned 40, like, damn, I I wanted some things to change for myself. I wanted there to be more spaciousness in my day, more joy, more pause, more connection. in many ways it was like a coming into integrity of everything that I deeply believe in and share with my students and my yoga community. And certainly think about a lot when I'm running and it took, you know, kind of pumping the brakes a bit and making like taking it on as a project. speaker-2 (37:32.262) How how did you first edit and then what did you make the decision to keep or not to keep? And I'm sure running played a big role in this, so do tell. What's speaker-1 (37:45.154) I've been trying to distill this in such a way where it's easy to share and digest. But to me, this is this feels like the rough draft. So I'll just kind of stumble my way through it and let it feel a little messy. which is which is part of the practice. For rule number one, it's okay to get messy. And I think a lot of us who I don't know have a tendency to overachieve or have some perfectionistic tendencies like speaker-2 (38:23.726) Yeah. speaker-1 (38:26.676) You have to allow for the process to feel a little messy in the beginning. You're not gonna hit a home run everything. If you start taking stuff off your plate and start delegating, it's it's clunky in the beginning. But every time that I experienced friction around stuff that was depleting or draining my battery, I'll give you a really silly example. So two young boys, we try not to eat in the car because they just make a mess in the car, right? Every time there was like a spill or something, it's like, Where are the napkins? Where are the napkins? Every mom knows what I'm talking about. Five alarm fire. Totally. speaker-2 (39:05.556) I just like it. speaker-1 (39:09.804) Right. But then you're creating this mess for like future you. It's true. Future you to clean up. And so I'm like, ooh, what would future Samantha like how would she handle this? She'd probably be she wouldn't freak out. She wouldn't yell at her kids. She would very like calmly grab a pouch, you know, those zippered pouches, like the eight by elevens, and just pass that from the glove compartment to the back seat. Here you go. You can clean up your own mess now. It's my job to teach you as a mom to clean up your own mess. I don't want to like have a raise in blood pressure every time, you know, something spills, which it will. it's like being prepared down the road in a way that serves you over and over and over again. And so I lovingly call it the varsity edit, which is Ironing out these points of friction in your current day-to-day life so that there is space for the activities and the the vibe and the feeling that you want your day-to-day to feel like. I don't want to yell at my kids when they spill something. Damn, that's not the legacy I want as a mom. and I think there's thousands of examples like that over the course of one's day of. I need to pick up milk at the store. I need to do this. I need to run six miles. Don't forget to do strides. Blah, blah, blah. And creating systems for each thing loosely, loosely. I sound like a control freak. But hey, if I want to make sure that I have time to run with my friend or time to lift with my friend, okay, what days of the week are you lifting? Yeah, you do it Thursday mornings. Awesome. That works in my schedule. I'm gonna plot that in there. And so it's putting the stuff on my schedule that. fills my cup versus just drains my cup. That's exactly it. And it's working back working backwards. What do you like literally you could map out what do you want your week to look like? Yeah, I want to do a long run and like a creative project on actually probably just pick one. I want to do a long run on Saturday morning and I want some time for creativity on Sunday afternoon. Boom, done. Block the time. speaker-0 (41:03.31) There you go. speaker-2 (41:24.204) So you're this is all about getting organized, like the way that you're structuring us is like, here's my goal and I'm gonna get organized. And that is the way that you're making it all happen and you're you're able to schedule yourself like schedule more perhaps than you would otherwise because you're so organized and intentional about the way that you're doing it. speaker-4 (41:41.827) Yeah. speaker-1 (41:41.932) I think I think the word intentional is what I would use here as in that yes, there's some organization, but I think realistically we have to allow for flexibility and you know, just n life is gonna throw curveballs at us. But you know, my I think there's a lot of women who are midlife and they wanna spend more time with their friends and people are having a hard time scheduling with one another. My group of Like core friends in Boston. I just said, you know what? The seventh of every month, whoever's around we're getting together. And we have successfully done that now for over a year. And it has deepened our friendship, our relationships. There's Yeah, it's giving me goosebumps talking about it because I think that there's really something to be said for, yeah, it's a busy season, but I was unwilling to say, well, I'll speaker-0 (42:14.606) Period. speaker-1 (42:35.342) I'll check in with you when I'm fifty. I hope we're still friends then. Yeah. speaker-2 (42:39.662) I mean, my gosh. So similarly, a group of of my friends, like we just did a night together, like a mom's night. None of us have been out in forever. And you're reminding me right now, after this conversation, I'm gonna send a follow-up message that we can schedule that for every single month because like once you get out and do it, you realize, there actually is the space and time to do this thing, but you think that there's not. And you're reminding me, like, there is so much room for self-care that we think isn't there because it's easy to get bogged down in the details of like all of the busyness of a schedule. If you had one takeaway or one thing or one phrase that you have found is really helpful to kind of repeat, to continue to refine and approach like leading life the way that you want to, without it being so big and overwhelming, or that you would use to help other women, like what would it be? speaker-1 (43:37.506) I mean, I think that the women I really admire are those that they continue to show up powerfully and gracefully and have something to contribute to their broader community. I think of John Benoit Samuelson. I they've adapted and evolved and stayed in relationship with what they love. And to me, that's the long game. Stay in it. speaker-0 (44:03.01) Stay in it. speaker-2 (44:05.356) Yeah, thanks for being here, Samantha. Okay, tracks. I feel like we have some really good nuggets of information, both from Ciara D'Amato as a professional runner, talking about stubbornness and talking about flexibility and finding joy and community. I love that. And then we have Samantha, who maybe isn't the best the right takeaway, but I keep coming back to this place of like being organized and editing. And all of that is great. I can't help but feel like I just want an expert, like I want a psychologist to come in and like tell me what to do. speaker-0 (44:40.47) Yeah, I'm gonna agree with you. I'm gonna ask you an honest question, ready? Is this the second time we've recorded this piece of our episode? speaker-2 (44:46.51) Course. speaker-2 (44:52.13) I don't know what you're talking about. speaker-1 (44:55.119) Whoa. speaker-0 (44:58.036) Is this our second attempt at this piece of this inter of this episode? speaker-2 (45:05.004) It is. It is. Now, stop. Okay. speaker-0 (45:08.642) Did you accidentally delete the first one? speaker-2 (45:12.994) I may have. speaker-0 (45:14.496) And why did you do that? Be honest. speaker-2 (45:18.574) Tracks 'cause I was moving too fast. speaker-0 (45:20.726) You were moving too fast. Okay, let's just have it out. speaker-2 (45:25.11) It's out there. Okay. Out there. speaker-0 (45:27.5) Look, Kira gave us some great tips on how she does it all. She juggles. Samantha great some great tips on how to pull back and reorganize. Look based on the last few days, our questions might still need to be answered. And I feel like calling in someone who can provide tools for us to actually put these processes in place is a good idea. speaker-2 (45:55.598) Okay, everything that you're saying is totally right. I'm with you, and I found someone that we should talk to for that very reason. Okay. Her name is Dr. Rachel, and her expertise is specifically stress management for high-performing women. She deals with burnout prevention and she does cognitive behavioral therapy, which is one of the only things that really creates sustainable behavior change. She also wrote a book called When Life Happens, and we'll link to that in the show notes. but she talks about like hustle culture and this idea that it teaches us that slowing down is bad. So, or bad or weak or all those types of things. So I kind of think she's the person to talk to. Also, deep dive, we found out she's a runner, which is extra special. Cool. Okay, so I'm just gonna lay this out here. Like this is this is a therapy session for me, whether she knows it or not. This whole episode's an intervention, I've decided by you. speaker-0 (46:41.014) Let's get some more info. speaker-1 (46:51.93) I'm speaker-0 (46:53.902) You said it, honey. I did not. speaker-2 (46:56.394) Okay. Well, you also did fall down the stairs, so like I okay when you were doing too much. Okay, let's talk to her. Okay, Doctor Rachel, welcome. We are so excited to have you on here. speaker-0 (47:04.75) Okay. speaker-4 (47:11.256) Thank you so much. I'm so thrilled to be here with you today. speaker-2 (47:15.062) Okay, so I want to start this conversation with a quote from your book. So your book called When Life Happens, which for those listening, we're gonna link to in the show notes. you said, even though our pervasive hustle culture has taught us that slowing down is weak or bad, science tells us otherwise. Slowing down usually allows us better focus and prevents burnout. We can reframe awareness as a tool. Okay, so I wanted to share that briefly because this gets at the heart of what Trax and I have been talking about for the rest of today's show, which is like women are going, a lot of women are going so fast. And I just want to speak on behalf of all of those women and say, why do I feel like I have to do everything and do it all like perfectly and f and get into a place where I'm just like in overdrive from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, even though I have this little tiny voice in the back that's like slow down. It's like I can't hear it. Why? Dr. Rachel, why? speaker-4 (48:26.914) It's so unfortunate, right? And as you're saying that, I'm just like, I'm I'm thinking about all of the women that are listening to this podcast and probably saying, Yeah, that's me, right? Like, yeah, I hear that. And I hear that all the time from friends, family, my clients. And the best way that I like to explain it is that for years we've been told these messages that, especially as women. Especially as moms also, but especially as women, that we quote, should be able to do it all. And if the we can't do it all, then there's something wrong with us. Right? Right, exactly. And so what happens is, again, the way I like to explain it is we are be we are like throne messages all day, every day from media, from family, from friends, from you know, media from years ago, magazines, all those things. And our brain really can't take it all in. So it's trying its best to interpret it. And all these messages are being thrown. And the best kind of message that kind of gets spits out at us in a way is, yeah, you have to do it all because that's what everybody else is doing. And if you don't, something's wrong with you, you're a failure. So that those messages we have internalized. And now we start to believe them because we hear them over and over and over again. As much as I love social media, It is not super helpful because we're now seeing everything that everybody's doing, even though they're highlight reels. And then again, our brain can't interpret that as that's just a highlight reel. If our brain keeps seeing the same message, it's now giving us that feedback loop of like, okay, they can do it. Why can't you do it? So it's, it's really we're we're all to blame, right? Like I think the best thing would be us to show up and be like, I can't do it all. Right. Almost like I said to you guys in the very beginning, like this is my good enough. Like, let's be honest, let's be real, let's be transparent, because nobody is actually doing it all. And if they are, they're either asking for help or I like to say they're they're not doing it all at the same time. speaker-2 (50:36.878) Okay, not all at the same time. So let's like dig into that a little bit because I also like and I'm gonna use myself as an example here again because I feel like I have all of these things I want to do as well. And so it's like hard to figure out how to get all of them done. Like and Trax and I You know, training for races, like we want to be able to run at this high level. We wanna be able to be excellent parents. We wanna be able to do excellent things in our work and like we're to be really driven, you have all of these ideas and places that you wanna go. But you have to be able to pick and choose, right? Like how how do you speaker-0 (51:14.914) Do that. speaker-4 (51:15.928) So as you were describing that, I was actually thinking about a diagram that I have in the book, which is it looks like a circle. And I call it the it's like a pie. Like if if life was a pie at different times in our life, it's going to look different. Right. And I think that's a big aha moment for people because I think we're again always told work-life balance, right? 50 50. There's no such thing. As that actually in reality, right? So in the book, I have a few different diagrams showing maybe at one point in your life, maybe training has a little bit of a bigger pie, right? Think about a like a pizza pie, a p a cake pie, whatever. And it's sliced differently at different times of your life. Right. Maybe now, like I'm thinking about back to school season, for instance. Maybe that mom or that parenting pie is a little bigger. Maybe leading up to a race, maybe your training slice is a little bigger. But it all comes down to mindset and being flexible. Because if we think, well, this is the way it is today, and this is the way it always has to be, we're going to feel like a failure when all of a sudden we don't have the time to give all of that energy to like what's really needed. But if we're able to be like, okay, this phase of my life, I need to prioritize this. It's temporary, everything's a phase. And then, you know what, now it's back to school season. I'm gonna shift, prioritize that. You know what? Now it's training season, I'm gonna shift, I'm gonna prioritize that. It doesn't mean that other stuff doesn't happen. It just means that you're gonna make more of an effort and be a little more intentional about that area of your life. And I think that's the biggest mistake that people make is not acknowledging that that can shift and that can change as opposed to this is the way it is, this is the way it has to be, and this is the way it's gonna be for the rest of my life. That's where we get stuck. speaker-0 (53:10.094) Right. Can I put a scenario in? Okay. So this is what happened to me a lot. Now I'm in my 50s and things have changed. But when I was in my 30s and just starting to become a little bit more competitive as a marathoner, and I really wanted to like bring my times down and, you know, really focus on that piece of my life. I think I hear what you're saying now, but at the time, what I interpreted is. This is this piece of the pie is personal. It's my piece that I want to do, but it better not be at the cost of my two little girls and my job that I'm trying to maintain and being a good wife and doing all the household crap that I do every day. And so there was an element of guilt in wanting to be successful in this piece of my life that was a choice. Because sometimes, oftentimes, if I'm being honest, truly, it was at the cost of me being a good mom or me being a good wife. Like for example, going out for a three hour run. I was so tired at the end of the day. And you know, part of me s wanted to curl up in a nap, but the mom part of me was like, But you better get your shoes on go to the playground with the family, because otherwise, you know. You're gonna feel guilty and kind of like you're feeling as a mom. So that was the cycle that I couldn't break. And I feel like that's maybe what a lot of women struggle with. And I think to your point, we see social media, we see the female doctor who gets up at four and does her first session and then sends her kids to school and then goes to work for 22 hours and then runs on the treadmill at the hospital and gets home. And she's super successful because she's and then I feel like the rest of us almost feel like, Well, then I guess I I should be able to figure this out. If she can do that, why can't I do that? Yeah. speaker-4 (55:11.38) And and what you just described, I I do agree, is what so many people see, witness, observe, compare, and go through. And what I would ask you, going back to your scenario of if I don't go to the playground, that means I'm not a good mother. I would actually question that and challenge it. Right? What does a good mother actually mean? Right? What if you don't show up to the playground that day, but you are fully present and sitting on the floor playing with your kids, you know, in another way. Right. And it's what I call making it work. Right. So I, as you were describing that, I was actually thinking about the time that I was writing my book. And I have two young children. And I remember I made a pact to myself that I wasn't going to let the book writing interfere with nights and weekends. So that was my choice. And I knew if I had to be like, well, mommy has to write her book, mommy has to write her book, it was going to make me feel like I was, you know, not a good enough mom. And it was going to be taking my choice, my personal career choice away from the family. So I found a way to make it work for me that my kids and family didn't really see me writing. Don't get me wrong, the marketing and other stuff is a different story, but I did it in the beach in the beach in between moments. Now, what that meant was I had to shift something else, though, right? I had to block out time during my day to make that work. So I think we have to go back to what's important to us and how we define these things. Right. Like for me, I was a good enough mom during, I mean, during the marketing part, I was traveling a lot, right? I was not as home as much and I did things differently, knowing I have kids at home. But I had to think about what's important to me and what does it mean to me to be a good enough mom. And for those times, maybe I wasn't going to the playground on the weekends because I was traveling, but I made sure that maybe I took a red eye home. So when the kids woke up, I was here. And then I was present playing with them when I was here. Right. And I think we tend to forget that being a present parent for a short amount of time is almost better than being a not present, exhausted. speaker-4 (57:32.558) Parent at the playground, right? Or or distracted or or whatever. And I don't like to say what we should have, could have, would have done, but like now that I know this, what can I do differently next time? Right. And again, different our priorities are gonna shift. And what a good enough parent is to you may look different to me, and that's okay. But we need to define what it looks like for us. And then what I also say is I want you to think ahead. If you're gonna feel guilty about not going to the playground, then maybe you need to go to the playground but figure out a way to make it work, right? Or like how can I make this work knowing that like you're gonna feel guilty? We we wanna try to eliminate eliminate that feeling, right? How can we shift this in a way that works for you and your family today? Not five years ago, not ten years ago, not two years from now. The current situation, how can I make this work for me and my family with not holding on to that gill? speaker-2 (58:36.686) Also speaking to this idea of like one holding boundaries for yourself and right for your family. And then two, and maybe this is number one is like asking for help. Like the asking for help with that right would have been, okay, well, like your husband is taking them to the playground with a UNAP because you're doing this together. And then you come back and you're present. So this is another thing I'm gonna talk about because I think one of the things that I'm I noticed that I'm dealing with here. So just for context, Dr. Rachel, like my husband sent me down recently and told me, like, you are moving too fast. Like you're acting with a sense of urgency. Like life does not have to be urgent. And I didn't even know I was doing this. And he gave me these examples that should like about how I was talking really quickly to our kids. And that made it really clear for me. I'm like, if you tell me I'm acting urgent. Like whatever. Like that's just my personality. I move really fast. But if you then apply it to like something that could be potentially harmful for our children, okay, you've got my attention. and so I find this really interesting because I have a hard time recognizing one, when I'm moving too fast and doing too much. And then two, once that happens, like how to actually ask for help without feeling guilty about asking for help. So it's a two part question loaded for you. Like how How do you recognize the signs? Like and women that you work with, how do you recognize the signs? And then two, how do you actually move from, okay, I know there's an issue here to like, how do we meaningfully solve this to be more relaxed? speaker-4 (01:00:12.512) Yeah. So I first of all, you're definitely not the only one that I'm sh I'm sure so many people listening are like, yeah, I go through my day just so quickly. Right. I mean, like New Yorker here, like totally get it. We move fast, we are on the go, we talk fast, we do all those things. But and it feels very different when you slow down. Like I would actually, you know, and I actually I write about this in the book too, that it's difficult for many people to slow down. Because they're so used to being on the go and their bodies like don't know how to deal with that. Right. For many people, they don't realize they're moving through life too quickly until somebody says something or until something happens, meaning like they were moving so fast, they made a careless mistake, right? Or like something like that. Like I often hear somebody like, I would have never made that mistake. And then they realize, well, I've been go, go, go, multitasking. Of course that happened. speaker-2 (01:01:11.691) But guilty of that. speaker-4 (01:01:13.12) so many people. But the key is, and it sounds so simple, but it's not so simple, is to pause and have check-ins with ourselves. Because oftentimes our mind, so our mind and our body are connected. The real the connection is real. And they are giving each other signals all day. And they are giving us signals all day, but we are ignoring them because we are so on the go that we're not listening, we're not paying attention, we're not turning inward enough. Or we're just, I'll deal with it later, right? Like, I'm tired. I did this long training run, but I'll nap later. Right. I have to go deal with the kids. I'll do this later. I'll do this later. We keep ignoring it to the point that then somebody else notices, right? Or we make that mistake. So first of all, don't beat yourself up over it. Right. It happens to all of us. And I think it's an important aha moment, but then it's what do you do with it? Right. Now that we know this information, what can I do differently? So, so first I would say, well, two things. One, if we can pause to check in with ourselves, we know. Like we really know if we're moving too fast. We really know if we're multitasking. We really know if we keep pushing things off or ignoring signs and symptoms that our body and our brain are giving us. Don't ignore them. Right. There's always gonna be, I'll wait to the next thing, I'll wait to the next thing, but it's giving you information, right? It's all data, it's all information. What can you do about it now? I'm not saying it's all or nothing. We don't need to like, okay, I'm taking a break. I'm doing nothing. How can I slow down? What is one teeny little thing I can do right now to actually listen to what my body is telling me and to do something about it? Right. Maybe it's take one thing off your list today. One, that's it. Right. Maybe it's, you what, I'm gonna let the dishes lit sit in the sink today. Maybe I'm not gonna do the laundry today, right? Take the one thing off your list. And then I would say, and now knowing what you know, what can you do differently? Also moving forward. Right. So like, but there's no reason to wait. Like, what can you do right now? That's gonna be one step closer. And maybe it's just being kinder to yourself and acknowledging that I don't have to do it all. Who says I have to do it all? What's the alternative? I like to add that with my clients a lot of times. I'm like, keep doing what you're doing. But what's the what but what's the consequence? speaker-0 (01:03:38.614) I'm curious what how they respond. speaker-4 (01:03:40.856) Most of the time they're like, Yeah, I have to change. I can't I can't continue like this. Right. Like it's like we catch it and I'm like, okay, if we keep going, like then you're gonna start you're gonna need the nap. You're gonna need the day off. Right now you want it. Ideally, I want it to be something like, I wanna take a day off to enjoy the day, as opposed to I'm so ill, I'm so sick, I can't function. I need the day off. There's a big difference there. speaker-0 (01:04:08.0) It sounds like it's proactive versus reactive. Like this is what I know I need to be my best versus if these things don't happen, shit's gonna hit the fan, not to be speaker-4 (01:04:20.076) No, absolutely. I mean, and that's why I wrote this book. You know, it's because I want people to be able to be prepared for when life happens. And it's not about a matter of, my God, like I'm in crisis now. Like like it's the same thing I say about therapy. Don't wait until you're in crisis to go to therapy. Build that relationship. Have a relationship with your therapist. Same as all the the tools, the coping tools, being proactive, right? Have the tools in place. Be more self-aware of what your body needs and when it needs that and don't wait. You know, it's the same reminder as like ideally, most of us don't first charge our phone when it's on, when it's dead, right? It's getting there and we charge it. The lights are coming on your car that you you're getting, you know, you need the touch up, you need the the the fix, you need the battery to be checked, you need the wiper to be, you know, all those lights come on. Not when the battery, not when it's dead, right? We're the same, but unfortunately we wait, we wait, we wait because we're like, nope, too much going on in my life right now. I gotta keep going. Especially being runners. Right. I th I think that, I mean, being a runner, I'm so in tune to my body. Right. Especially runners. I mean, I talk about this all the time with with other runners or my running friends. Like running has forced me, I think, to truly. speaker-1 (01:05:33.922) Yeah. speaker-4 (01:05:47.778) Do what like be proactive, right? Like if you are not properly fueled, if you are not properly hydrated, you are not making it through your run and you are gonna be miserable or injured or or ill, right? Like it's it's so important. But now we have to translate that to the rest of our life. speaker-2 (01:06:04.718) There's so much we could go and do. I'm just like, yes, running is such a beautiful metaphor for life, and running is amazing. And all of the things that you're talking about, how just being strong, and I love the visual of you with the stroller. I also run with my stroller with my kids a lot. And I'm always like, my gosh, minimum 120 pounds I'm pushing right now. Like this is training for something here. speaker-4 (01:06:25.826) This is real. It is. I mean, when you have to lift a stroller over a fence, there you go. speaker-1 (01:06:33.272) Yeah. speaker-2 (01:06:34.666) Yeah, exactly. but in the last few minutes that we have, I wanna dig into a little bit more about just like how we've talked a lot about doing a lot, how to like take little breaks. But what about the mental shift to like it's okay not to actually have so many goals and feel like you have to do it all? Kind of this idea of how you can learn to edit a little bit of that out. and really focus into a few areas so that your life is still just as full, but maybe more spacious if that's the right word. And more more focused, more spacious. Trex, there was something that you said earlier about this that was just like like loungeful? That's not the word. What did you say? speaker-0 (01:07:20.974) Lounging. speaker-2 (01:07:23.15) There's no lounging allowed. Don't lounge. speaker-1 (01:07:24.94) Do that? speaker-0 (01:07:26.326) No, I don't know what the word was, but I think what the what to kick to s to say on top of that is I think that sounds like ideally how we would like to do it. But some I think there are some women who are like, But I don't wanna have to slow down and I don't wanna have to give something up. And I I don't how do speaker-2 (01:07:44.362) It's good for you. Yeah. Like ha speaker-4 (01:07:46.455) So speaker-0 (01:07:47.384) So and I think they're like, How do I do it? I wanna know how to do it all. I have to believe I can do it all. speaker-4 (01:07:53.268) So what I want to say is, if whatever you're doing is working for you, keep doing it. Right. Like I'm not here to tell somebody you have to slow down. If it's working for you, you are not feeling like you're pulled in a hundred directions, you feel like you can focus and concentrate and not having difficulties, then keep hitting the repeat button. You know, I tell my clients all the time, if it's working for you, why are we gonna change it? But if you start noticing that it's not working for you, And what does that mean? It means I'm feeling stressed, I'm feeling overwhelmed, I'm getting injured, right? I'm getting ill more often. People are noticing and making comments that I'm being irritable or whatever. Then the question is, okay, what can I tweak? Because all of our brains jump to, no, if I'm not doing it all, that must mean I'm doing nothing. But that's an unhelpful thought. That's a cognitive distortion that we've been telling ourselves. So I'm not saying to change it. I'm saying what is the teeniest little tweak that we can make that still makes us feel like we're moving forward, but we're doing it maybe not in a harmful way. Right. And maybe that's, you know what, I'm still gonna have all these goals, but let me prioritize which one I'm gonna really focus on right now and be intentional with that goal, right? Like make the goal list for later and the goal list for today. Right. It doesn't mean you're slowing down. It means you're prioritizing. And maybe right now this is more important to you than that. Come back to it. Right. Like mini goals leading up to the big goal is going to help you get there. Setting a hundred large goals, it's like a New Year's resolution that we keep working towards and we never actually accomplish is not going to work. speaker-2 (01:09:41.934) If you could give one single piece of advice and listeners only take away one thing from this entire conversation, what would it be? speaker-4 (01:09:49.685) I wanna just remind everybody that it's somebody I said earlier, you don't have to do it all. And if you want to, you either need to ask for help or not do it all at the exact same time, which is hard. I know it's hard. It's hard to ask for help. It's hard to be like, Well, I used to be able to do it all. Why can't I now? Right. As we get older, we have more responsibilities and we need to take care of ourselves in a different way. But we can do it by asking for help and or saying, I'm gonna do this today and I'll do that tomorrow. speaker-2 (01:10:27.362) Dr. Rachel, this has been incredibly helpful. I feel like you've just given given us a mini session. So we appreciate that. On behalf of TRACS and me and all of our listeners, thank you so much for your time. And we're gonna link it to your book and your site. speaker-4 (01:10:42.604) Yeah, first of all, thank you so much for having me. And I always just like to remind people, podcasts, Instagram, et cetera, are not therapy, although sometimes they feel like it. But I love to connect with people. So send me a message, DM me. I can always point you in the right direction, provide resources or referrals. speaker-0 (01:11:01.538) That was enlightening, so rewarding, three incredibly valuable conversations with three very different perspectives. I learned a lot. speaker-2 (01:11:11.49) Trax, can I interrupt you? Sure. I feel like that we should take a coordinated deep breath of just letting out stress. Will you do that? Okay, ready? speaker-0 (01:11:22.53) I'm in. speaker-2 (01:11:30.254) Should we do one more and then ask our listeners to do it with us? Yes, we're asking you all to do it too. Okay, here we go. Ready? speaker-2 (01:11:42.966) Okay, continue. All right. I feel so much more calm. speaker-0 (01:11:45.886) Were you telling me maybe you were telling me to slow down a little bit and that's okay. I will take that. I I do think that's a big piece of this puzzle, for sure. And I do think both of us rush, rush, rush, rush, rush to get stuff done. And it's at the cost sometimes of doing it well. speaker-2 (01:12:02.604) So fast did it even say those words. speaker-0 (01:12:05.676) I did say them fast, didn't I? I need to slow down. Yep, you're right. speaker-2 (01:12:07.234) You did say something very fast. Talking slow is something I'm working on too. speaker-0 (01:12:14.794) Anyway speaker-2 (01:12:16.854) Moving on. Key takeaways. I feel like this is something to share. Yeah, like let's make a commitment right now, at the end of this episode, to the things that we're both going to do to slow down. Okay, you go first. speaker-0 (01:12:34.164) My biggest takeaway is first and foremost asking for help. Like being okay with pulling in the resources I need to get stuff done instead of trying to do it all and maybe not do it all well. speaker-2 (01:12:50.454) Yeah. Okay. So you're gonna ask for help. speaker-0 (01:12:52.936) That's number one. And number two is to not change what I want to get done, but prioritize it in a way that works with my current situation in my life. So that means I'm focused on my training right now. Then, you know, basically that be okay with having some other things that are going on in my life sort of take a back burner per se. speaker-2 (01:13:18.818) I just keep saying seasons, seasons. I just loved that. speaker-0 (01:13:21.662) Yeah, seasons is a good way to look at it, for sure. speaker-2 (01:13:24.45) Yeah. Okay, so you're gonna ask for help and you're gonna prioritize or deprioritize depending on where you are. Okay, those are your two takeaways. That you're gonna action. Okay, what are mine? Yeah, okay. I think I'm going to check in with myself every day in a better and bigger way. speaker-0 (01:13:31.054) going on. speaker-0 (01:13:35.362) Yep. What are yours? speaker-2 (01:13:46.828) What Dr. Rachel said is huge for me because she's like what she said about people just missing signs, like our bot our mind and body are sending these signals all day long. And as someone who like I I think that I'm very tuned in to my body. the first thing I'm gonna work on doing is checking in with myself on a daily basis, multiple times throughout the day because Clearly I'm missing signals. And when it gets to the point that I'm talking really quickly or I'm getting frustrated, making little mistakes, like all of the things that Dr. Rachel mentioned, like I'm guilty of those right now because I'm trying to do so many things at once, right? So I'm gonna hit pause, yeah, and check in and figure out what that little change is that I need to make. And so I think the first thing is I'm just gonna like observe myself and decide. speaker-0 (01:14:30.604) So hit pause. speaker-2 (01:14:42.712) How I need to edit my day. That's big. And the second thing I'm gonna do, something actually a takeaway from Chiera DeMato, which is I am going to be flexible and stubborn. And I can skew to one side or the other, but I have a hard time holding them at the same time. And so I want to really practice exactly what she said: like, hey, I have a long run today. When does it work? For you, husband, David, and kids. Like when does it work for you all for me to do this? Because I'm gonna do it. And then on the flip side of that, I'm gonna help to hold him accountable for doing things as well. So it's like we both get to do those things. I love those two things together. So those are my times. I agree back in with myself and then be flexible but stubborn. Because also, like when I get to train and when I get to run and do the thing that I love, like I'm a better person all around. And I can see the world so much more clearly. speaker-0 (01:15:44.371) That's great. Let's let's clot let's shake on it. speaker-2 (01:15:48.194) Jake with our coffee. yes, wait. I'm gonna drink water though because I am far too caffeinated. Cheers. How's that for checking in with myself? This is still running. If you enjoyed this episode, please rate and review it and share it with someone who you think needs to hear it. You can find us on Instagram at StillRunning Pod, and you can subscribe to our newsletter on our website at stillrunningpod.com. speaker-0 (01:15:59.48) Well done. speaker-2 (01:16:16.962) Thanks for joining us.