Em:
Welcome to BlackwaterDnD, where good friends tell better stories. This series, Balance, is a miniseries using the Powered by the Apocalypse system, Godkiller, which was created by Connie Chang, now available on Itch.io for purchase, and is proudly sponsored by Hero Forge and Moonbeam. This tale takes us back, long before the end of the universe, to a time when we begin to explore & understand old divine wounds that run so very deep, and what happens when love is caught in the middle. This story encouraged us as creators to strive for genuine emotion and connection, relish the space we create at the table, and take big swings with the way we approached our narrative. For this story, your GOD, everyone else, and the thrum of the Cradle, is myself, Em Carlson, and my GODKILLERs are played by Gina Susanna & Jannes Wessels. As this game falls within a holypunk and dark fantasy genre, it may contain themes and depictions that are triggering for some listeners. Please take care of yourself and access safe support as you see fit.

Content warnings for this episode include: grief // loss // death of a parent // parent-child conflict // gaslighting // being watched, pursed, & chased // burns & wounds // romance // heartbreak // threats of violence & persecution // systemic oppression and corruption

So sit back and relax, heretics. And welcome to Godkiller: Balance.

Episode 8: Wanting

Em:
As the crowd disperses, with the rain, you feel the droplets hit your skin and begin to burn. An acrid, sulfurous smell, and you see some redness well up on your exposed skin. This is hurting you, physically. And nobody else seems to notice. Nobody else is getting hurt. You've taken one strain here, and you reckon that if you stay out in this longer, you will take more. You see the guards and soldiers of both Ashmedai and Halinaea searching, scanning the crowds for anyone reacting atypically. Rake, as you're walking backwards, Ever standing in front of you, your hands in your pockets, ready to grab your talons. What would you like to do?

Jannes:
I think I would feel the burning of the rain, and glance around and see that nobody else is seeming to react to it. And I would stop, and close the distance to Ever.

Jannes (as Rake):
“We've got to go. This, this, don't, don't react. It's, this is how they're trying to find us.”

Gina:
I, I brace myself for the burning on my skin. And I just, I look up at him and nod.

Jannes (as Rake):
“We've got to get out of this rain.”

Jannes:
And I would reach down, and grab her hand.

Jannes (as Rake):
“I'm not gonna let anything happen to you, okay?”

Gina (as Ever):
“You have a place we can go?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Yes. Start as a walk. And if I say run, we run.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Okay.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Okay.” 

Jannes:
And I would, trying to look as casual as possible, start making my way out of the crowd, trying to find a side street or an alleyway that would, not give us, like, cover, but obscure their direct line of sight to us.

Em:
Okay. To have you flow with the crowd here, to blend in with them, to have, to allow the illusion that nothing bad is happening, to really take hold here, as you watch the guards begin to fan out. The Scion of Perdition standing strong in the center of this throng, his eyes scanning the crowd. You can't see his face, but you know that he is searching for you. I'm gonna have you both tempt fate, here. So, when you tempt fate with your actions, say what perilous feat you're trying to accomplish and roll 2d6, and you're going to add one for each true statement. A skilled ally is lending you a hand. Yes, you have each other. You have no other options. I think you have some other options. You could just run. You could stay and fight. But you're choosing to try and get out as simply, and quietly, as possible, not making a scene. And you're far from any god that wishes you harm? No. Not at all. So that's a plus one here.

Gina:
I rolled a five.

Jannes:
Plus one is six. I rolled a seven, plus one is eight.

Em:
Okay. So, Rake, with an eight, and Ever, with a six. On a hit, seven to nine, you get through it mostly unscathed. The fates spare you for now. On a miss, six and below, the fates laugh in your face. and the GM will tell you how your plan implodes. Rake, you are used to being sneaky. You're used to blending in. You're used to having to get out of spaces, after something terrible has happened, potentially at your hand. Ever, this is entirely foreign to you. You have been tracked for the last thirty six hours through this city, this is so foreign to you. Rake is able to stay calm. You see a placid look on his face, but Ever, your face cannot cover the panic. Rake, you see her eyes wide and searching. She's looking around, and Rake, as you're pulling her through the crowd, you see a guard lock eyes on Ever. He's scanning her. He sees some of the red splotches that have begun to form on her hands, and on her neck. She's been spotted. She's been identified. You have not. You have a split second here before this guard alerts the Scion, what are you doing?

Jannes:
I think, in this moment when Rake sees the guard clock Ever, I think he's going to… He's gonna say...

Jannes (as Rake):
“Run. Now.” 

Jannes:
And as we start to run, and see that alleyway, that little turn, as soon as we round that bend, I'm going to turn and try to wield a power. And what I'm going to do is I'm going to try and... How big of an opening is this that we've found?

Em:
I would say the alleyway is probably about, it's a narrow one, the buildings are quite tight here in the Chime District, so I'd probably say you've got six to eight feet wide.

Jannes:
Okay, I think what he will do is as soon as he goes around that corner, and they get a couple feet in, I'm going to try and wield the power and make it seem like it's a dead end behind them. Sort of throw up the illusion of a wall or a, you know, that it looks more like a little alcove than it does an alleyway.

Em:
Okay. Are you trying to create an alcove, or just an illusion? This alley does go forward. You're not stuck in here.

Jannes:
I… Yeah, no, I think he's trying to create an illusion. There's a part of him that is hesitant to alter the city. But there's a, yeah, there's a, I think there's a part of him that will always think about how the actions of gods and people with powers and how they use them without consideration affect the everyday people. And there's sort of a part of him that knows that if he was to cut this alleyway off, it would be detrimental to people who, just live there. All of a sudden now there's no way through, and you know there's all these other ramifications to using that kind of power to the everyday person, that would hold him back from that, and then I think he's just trying to throw up an illusion.

Em:
Okay, so when you wield the power to do something only a god can, roll 2d6 and you're gonna add one for each true statement. You've done this specific move before perfectly? No. You're desperate for this to work? Are you desperate?

Jannes:
In this moment I would say, yes.

Em:
Okay, you're gonna mark a strain here.

Jannes:
Is that how it works?

Em:
Yes. How many strain are you at?

Jannes:
Two.

Em:
And you're close to a shrine, lair, or domain of the god you took this power from. I'm going to say, yeah, you know, Tayo is here in the City of Glass, and their domain is humanity. Their domain are the mortals of the Cradle. You are deeply amongst mortals here, even though you are not fully mortal yourself. So that's a plus two.

Jannes:
I rolled a one and a six for a total of seven. Plus two gives me a nine.

Em:
Okay, and plus two, that's a nine. So on a hit, you do it. This is the first time, using a power, other than the ones your mother has given you. What does it look like?

Jannes:
I think when the illusion starts to form, it initially looks like birds that have been startled as they start to fly. And, as that happens, I think he sort of feels, him lose the grasp of that power, because he's drawing on the wrong part of his divinity, and the part that he's so used to drawing on. And, as he realizes that, he shifts where he's trying to draw it, and the birds that have been startled and start to fly become, almost like they shift into, like, claymation. The birds become made of clay, and as they become made of clay they start to coalesce into one another, as this wall of, essentially clay, builds up, and then there's a moment where it's obviously a wall of clay, and then it shifts into reality, as though it's shifting back out of claymation back into reality.

Em:
Okay, so the two of you are now fully concealed behind this wall. Regardless of whether the guards have seen you, regardless of what they have seen come up in front of them, you have an opportunity here to make a break for it.

Jannes (as Rake):
“Quick, we have to run.”

Gina:
I think Ever just looks at you, and nods, waiting for you to lead her where we're supposed to go.

Jannes:
And I think Rake takes off at a dead sprint.

Gina:
I follow.

Em:
Okay. The two of you make your way through the streets. The safest thing to do, truly, right now, would be to leave Glass. Run. Never come back. And Rake, that thought runs through your mind. Could you risk that now? When the Matron could return from the deep, could return from deep within the Flood at any moment, and turn her attention towards you and Ever. Where are you going?

Jannes:
Rake has a safe house above a bookstore, that the book owner knows that the attic is there, but he doesn't know that part of it has been sort of reconstructed into, making a small room. And I mean small. It's like a bed, and a place to stash some sort of emergency, like a go bag, essentially. The bookstore owner knows who Rake is, because he's gone into the bookstore before, and they have a relationship. But when Rake enters it, he usually enters it by scaling up the back of the building. So he would lead Ever to that place.

Em:
Okay, you make your way into the Third District. And Rake, it's been a while since you've been here. You're navigating new landmarks that have overtaken places you knew, things that are familiar, things that lead you to this bookshop. So it takes you a minute, but you find it. You come around, and you get to the alley behind this three story building. And, you know on the front side there is a door that leads up to the shop. Second Story Books, run by an elderly couple, who you've seen and spoken to a couple times when you've been in. It deals in old religious texts and relics, as well as books on the history of the Cradle. Most of these are purchased or donated or sold through private collectors. And it is a veritable trove of information. You found a lot when you've been here, and the book owners have been nothing but kind to you. 

You know that The Keepers, the gods, whose domains touched on knowledge: Yides, The Arcanic; Xirsha, Mother Healer; Izanye, The Knowing; and Thissera, The Architect, are all long dead, long sent to the river, and while you don't know where all their knowledge and the vast droves of information that their orders have carried have gone, there are bits and pieces that make it through. As you were in the shop one time, you noticed an attic entrance in the ceiling. And, after a bit of investigation, and scaling the drainpipe on the back of the building, you found your way inside the attic. So the rain starts to pour heavier. It's a full downpour at this point and it hurts. It is uncomfortable. It is starting to itch, and the smell of sulfur clings to you. It's in your hair. It's on your clothes. You see bits and pieces of your bag start to degrade. You're unsure of how much more you can take before things start to get worse. You're at the back of the building. There is a drainpipe there. How are you both getting up?

Jannes:
Is there anyone else at the back of the building?

Em:
Not right now. It seems that the rain has driven most people inside. You don't hear any guards, you made your way quickly through. You don't hear any of them as of this point, but you know that if you don't get out of the rain, you may come across someone. The forces of Ashmedi in the city are apparently much larger, and much more tenacious than you anticipated.

Jannes:
Rake would look to Ever...

Jannes (as Rake):
“Um, do you mind?”

Gina (as Ever):
“Mi-mind what? How- Are we, are we here?”

Jannes:
And Rake would unfurl his wings, scoop her up, and fly up to the entrance.

Em:
Okay. Simple enough. I'm not gonna make you wield a power to do that. This is something you've been doing your whole life. While your wings are not something you can use for long, a quick trip like this is no problem. Ever, you feel him completely lift you up off your feet, and carry you on these strong wings like you're nothing. Flight.

Jannes:
I fly up to the door, or the entrance, the window, and I open it up, and sort of -

Em:
It's an attic window, yeah.

Jannes:
It's not big enough for both of us to fit through at once, especially not with my wings, but I move to the window so that she can step down into the attic. And then I follow behind.

Em:
Okay. It's easy enough to get the both of you inside. You slide in. It's a cramped, tight space. You close the window, and you latch it. And just as you do, the rain begins to pour harder, still. You see, you assume that this is just going to escalate as the night draws on.  It'd be very unwise to go back out in it at this point, strictly based on the potential for injury alone, much less being tracked. The last light of the day is beginning to fade, as the attic slowly begins to descend into full darkness. Rake, you've never stayed here longer than a night at a time, and never with another person. It's a small space, but it's doable. Can you describe to me a little bit the room, and what you've set up in here?

Jannes:
Yeah, I think there is a sort of rolled, sort of a bedroll on the one side of it. I think the room is probably, sort of six feet by eight feet. It's very, very small. There's a bedroll on the one wall. And then there is a small shelf that has a bunch of glass bottles filled with all sorts of different plants and oils, and things that he might need if he was escaping somewhere, and had sustained an injury, or something like that. There would also be a change of clothes for him, and then also just a bag, with all the necessities for travel, in case he had to immediately leave the city. So, there would probably be some coin in there for bribes, or to pay his way out on a caravan. So, it's very sparse, but it has all the things you might need if you were fleeing pursuit.

Em:
Okay. You've both found yourself inside. Safe. For now. Perhaps for the evening, to take some space to decide what to do next. You see over in the corner, Rake, as you know it's been there, a folded up staircase on top of a latched door. You assume that you could push that down, and extend a staircase down into the bookshop. It's locked from the outside, but you could unlatch it from here, if you wish to. 

Jannes (as Rake):
“Um, I don't have- I don't have any clothes that would fit, fit, you but I'm sure we could make some of my spares work if…”

Gina (as Ever):
“Right.”

Gina:
And I looked down at my clothes. They're burned through?

Em:
There are some holes in your tunic, and the shawl. You see some of the edges of your bag have started to fray. The leather looks pocked with the acid rain. The shirt is wearable, but you don't know how it would hold up ongoing, or if the acid will continue to burn, or what would happen if you kept the shirt on your skin. You do have spares in your bag, you know, for travel you would have packed enough.

Gina:
I would have had, I have Rowan, I'd been holding him underneath my cloak to try and keep the rain off of him. I look down at him, is he all right?

Em:
He's all right. Your, keeping him close to you was probably the best idea that you could have had. And with him, 

Gina:
He was on my shoulders and I... 

Em:
He’s okay. He burrowed in. He's okay.

Gina:
Okay. I let him go, set him on the floor, let him explore a little bit.

Em:
He immediately starts to begin to sniff around every corner of the room, and he'll probably do that for the next little bit. And once comfortable, he kind of curls up on the corner of the bedroll, and just watches the both of you. He watches you particularly, Ever, keeping an eye on you.

Gina:
I look back to Rake.

Gina (as Ever):
“I, um… Sorry, I'm, I’m just… It's been a day.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“It has.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I think I just need a moment or two.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Of course, umm…” 

Jannes:
And Rake would, kind of look around the very small room in a, both an attempt to give Ever some privacy, also in a way to sort of point out that there's not much he can do to give her privacy. 

Jannes (as Rake):
“I will, yes, take a moment. I'll be over here…” 

Jannes:
And he'll sort of go and busy himself with some of the stuff on the shelf. Not really doing anything, just sort of shifting them around awkwardly, to make it seem as though he’s busy and not paying attention.

Gina:
I think Ever watches him walk awkwardly over to the other side of the room, and then looks around the space, down at her clothes, at the splotches on her skin. I think that there are so many parts of her that are just, warring with each other. One part that knows… knows that he is just as much a victim in all of this as she is, more so, perhaps. And then the other that, ever since leaving Tayo's temple, has felt like she's just lost what feels like the only foundation she's had since… Davos got sick. And this pain that’s burning on her skin… She can still feel the fresh memory of the warmth of his arms around her, and his voice in her ear telling her to let him go. It’s just another loss. Another hole now in her chest. And in all of this, in running, in being flown up to this incredibly small space, in running for their lives, she's angry. She’s angry that she hasn't gotten the answers she wanted. She's angry at Nepthysaket for not telling her who she was on the road. Angry for her to choose, to ferry Thielia someplace else, and not Davos. Angry at the priestesses for their kindness, and for their endless riddles. Angry at Tayo for telling her she's wrong, for taking away her purpose for being here. Angry for leaving her home, for leaving Verek, to be told she's wrong. Angry at the Matron for what she's done to Rake, to his father, what she's trying to do to her. Angry for all the choices she's had to make, for no longer being the person she was when she left. Angry at Davos for telling her she needs to let him go. For knowing he's right.

Em:
As you're stewing in these feelings, Ever, your back turned to Rake, his back turned to you, Rake, you’re busying yourself with the things on the shelf, desperately wanting to look at her, but knowing you need to look everywhere else. I think both of you feel that thump, thump, thump, that pang in your chest. Your heart's still racing after running, feeling the tenseness of the space between you, and Rake, as you move over to near where the attic door is, you hear a loud thump, that's not coming from inside your chest, or that kind of pulsing in your ears, and you hear two or three small thumps after it. They seem to be coming from below, from the inside of the bookshop.

Jannes:
Do the thumps sound rhythmical enough, or have a pattern to them enough, that I could deduce it was someone?

Em:
Would you like to feel someone or something out?

Jannes:
Yeah, I would love to.

Em:
Okay. So when you try and feel out a person, place, or thing, say what you want clarity about and answer one. The GM will give you the clarity you seek as they answer the other. So, the clarity you're seeking here, if I'm understanding you right, is you're wanting to try and see if this sounds like a person moving around downstairs. Okay. So the two questions are, what feels welcoming on the surface, or what feels dark or unnerving as I peer deeper.

Jannes:
I think the… I think what feels dark and unnerving is the fact that I, though I haven't frequented this safe house much, as its intended purpose was, were, mainly for escape. I think he's been here enough to know that at this time of day, no one should be down there. And that after being pursued by the guards… It seems very, coincidental, that someone is there when there usually isn’t.

Em:
So what feels welcoming on the surface, I think, is almost the antithesis of what you've just said. At this time of the day, there shouldn't be anybody there. You know the bookstore would be locked from the outside. No proprietors, or no patrons, inside. And, for someone to have made loud thumps like that, loud enough to be heard up here in the attic, would have to be a very large someone. You understand what people moving are like. You have such grace, and an understanding of the way that people move. It sounds like if that was a person, there probably would have been some pain, or cursing, to follow that, to express that they were hurt. Someone could have fallen, but you hear nothing of that. You hear nothing afterwards. It was a very large thump, and two or three small thumps after that. So I think you're aware enough to think that this probably wasn't a person. You're not sure what it was, but it doesn't sound like it could have been made by a being.

Jannes (as Rake):
“Ever, did you hear that?”

Gina (as Ever):
“What was that?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I'm not sure. I'm gonna go take a look.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Okay, I'll be here, I suppose.”

Jannes:
Rake would make his way to the trap, or to the attic door, unlatch it, slowly press the stairs down, and wait to hear if he hears anything after he's lowered the stairs.

Em:
You do not. There is a slight creak as the door opens. This is old wood. This is the Third District. It's not the most well appointed. The buildings are quickly built, rather than super sturdily built. The staircase, with some metal mechanisms in it, creaks again slightly. You wait, listening for those thumps again, listening for a voice. And you don't hear anything.

Jannes:
I think Rake would slowly make his way down into the bookshop, looking for anything that could have caused the noise.

Em:
Okay. You descend down one foot at a time, one foot in front of the other, onto the upper balcony level. The Second Story Books is a story and a half. A larger space at the bottom, with, kind of a balcony level at the top, where more of the older books are kept. The bookshop is, as you remember it, tidy but lived in. If there was a sense of any decoration, it would be maximalist. There are books and scrolls shoved into every available space, even in piles on the floor. You glance around and there seems to be at least three carts that look to be new inventory waiting to be shelved and displayed. The shop is painted a dark, rich, jewel toned green, a couple of dark couches, and a chaise. There are multiple oil lamps, though none of them are lit. You see plants everywhere. There's both that smell of old books, spores, and musty and the rich smell of life.

Rake, scanning over the titles up here, you can tell even without looking inside them that these books are at least a couple hundred years old. There are pots of ink, with scraps of paper. Seems like the proprietors have given space for people to do research here, Rake, as you have done in the past. You walk over to the edge, that balcony, banister, and you look down, seeing if you can identify what the sound was, and your eyes catch it immediately. A bookshelf has broken. A few of the shelves on the top level have cracked and its contents are now splayed onto the floor. It seems like some heavier tomes were put on a shelf and it probably was too heavy, was too much, and the top shelf collapsed causing a bit of a domino effect with the shelves below. You do not see anybody here.

Jannes:
I think Rake would go back up the stairs, until just his head was sticking out of the hole in the floor of the room upstairs. 

Jannes (as Rake):
“It was just, um, a bookshelf broke. We're okay.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Good. Good. So, we're here for the night, then?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I guess so.” 

Gina (as Ever):
“We can't go back outside?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“No, not till the rain stops at least. And, I think we'll be safe here.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Okay.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I… Do you need more, space? I can go down, and look at some of the books, or... Did you want to come?”

Gina (as Ever):
“I think I… I'll come find you in a moment. If that's alright.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Of course.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I think I just... I'll be down in a moment.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Okay, I, um… I... I'm here with you. If... If you need to talk, or yell, or cry. I know everything that happened today, is a lot and, it's... I just... I need you to know that you're not alone. I'm here.”

Gina:
I'm gonna reach for the knife that he gave me, and move over to the stairs and hand it back to you.

Gina (as Ever):
“You should hold onto this, I think, more than me right now. I know. I'll be down in a moment.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Okay.”

Jannes:
And Rake would move back down the stairs, giving Ever the space that she's asked for.

Gina:
Em, if I look at my hand, do I see that same mark? That I saw on the beach?

Em:
You look at it, you well and truly look at your hand. How do you look?

Gina:
I hold it out in front of me. I remember what it looked like when Soevan showed it to me. I remember the pain of it. I remember how it felt like it burned clean through, up into my arm. I remember the fear that I felt when I saw it. And I look down at my hand, and I flex it and I, I try and inspect it as much as I can, to see if there's any of that still there.

Em:
As you focus in, trying to attune with your own body. The times before that you've looked at it, it has been precursory, quickly, looking just with your eyes. But you don't look just with your eyes, now. And you see it. You see the black line will snake up the lifeline inside your hand. Like ink, trapped in the crevices of your palm. It feels dark, like a chasm, and you find yourself, like, losing yourself in it. It feels like you could fall into your own hand. You see what you saw on the beach with Soevan. Your right hand. The hand that you've used to wield the dagger. And then you blink, and it's gone again.

Gina:
I move to the stairs and I climb down.

Em:
As you come down the stairs, you too move over to the balcony, seeing what Rake has seen. There's an open space downstairs. It's not large. There's a small desk in the corner that looks like a register. Rake, as you've moved, have you moved down into the lower part of the shop?

Jannes:
Yes, I would have moved down, yeah.

Em:
Okay, you see a sign on the door, flipped over. It says, ‘Out of town visiting family, returning late winter.’ There's two well locked doors, almost with a small antechamber in the middle for coats and shoes. You've essentially got yourself sealed in here, and the shopkeepers likely don't worry about people breaking in. There's not a lot of coin for what's in these tomes. Not a lot of people want these things, only a select few, and they know their clientele. There's nobody looking to turn a quick gold for old history. History that people of the Cradle would well and truly rather forget, or remain ignorant to. There's a hearth, with chopped wood on the side. Looks like you could easily light a fire. Some nice chairs, and a plush rug meant for relaxing on. I see a small sidebar, a place to make tea so that you could boil a kettle over the fire. Some liquor bottles.

They seem to cater to a very affluent clientele who like to experience, who like to enjoy a full experience coming into this bookshop. They like to be taken care of. Rake, you've been here before. You've seen the kind of people that move through here. There seems to be some light food kept in a small cupboard, some dried fruit, hard cheese, crackers. The proprietors haven't been gone that long, you think. Perhaps a day, or two, at most. There isn't any dust that's gathered over everything. And that makes sense, with the sign. Returning late winter would probably estimate one to two months, which is about the time that it would take to get to the furthest reaches by walking. As for the books, some fiction, but primarily nonfiction. There's a small children's section, likely to entertain little ones that may accompany their parents. You see a small box that says ‘New’, on a table at the side of the room, and affixed to it is a large conical metal horn. There's a few metal cylinders on the shelf, unlabeled, next to it, and looks like to be a crank with a handle on the side. And that is the shop. Empty.

Jannes:
I think you would find Rake sort of investigating the books that have tumbled to the ground.

Gina:
I make my way down to you. And as I get closer, I have my hand out, still in front of me, I'm still looking to find that spot again.

Gina (as Ever):
“So am I Eutoches now?”

Jannes:
I think Rake sort of chuckles at that. 

Jannes (as Rake):
“I am not the best person to ask about that. I…”

Gina (as Ever):
“That's what they're called, right?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I, yes, that's what I've been told. I am not very familiar, unfortunately, with the stories or information about the Eutoches. I have only recently discovered their name myself.”

Gina (as Ever):
“But you knew what would happen to me. You said so in Tayo’s…”

Jannes (as Rake):
“If you…”

Gina (as Ever):
“You knew, when I, when I took the knife, you knew what would happen to me.” 

Jannes (as Rake):
“I did.” 

Gina (as Ever):
“You knew I would have no choice. That she would kill me, if I didn't.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I did. But I… But I didn't know you. Until it was too late.”

Gina:
And I move to you, close. My face is harder than you've ever seen before. My eyes filled with tears, with frustration, and loss, and anger, coiled inside my body. And I move so close to you. You can feel the heat radiating from me. And I reach for the knife that I've just given you, and I reach confidently for it. 

Gina (as Ever):
“When you told me she has favorites. You told me she could choose to ferry someone. You said all the things I needed to hear. You saw the part of me that was where I was most aching, and you dug your fingers in. You… You reached into my heart. You wrenched the grief out of my chest, and you held it up into the light, and I thought that that was because you saw me. But it was because she needed me.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I, I betrayed you. I knew what I was doing.”

Gina (as Ever):
“She wanted me because I was, what, because I was hurting?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“She wanted you because… She wanted you because she could control you.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Do you know what wasting sickness does? How it destroys you? Do you know what I did? How many hours, how many days, months, I spent hiding him, lying to everyone, lying to, telling people he was fine. He's just out on service! Yes, he's so devoted! He's undertaken so much in her name! He's telling... He's just out. You’ve just missed him! I'm not sure when he'll be back. All the trials, all the tests, all the things that I did, I denied myself… I didn't sleep, I didn't eat, it was all for him, just… It was all for him. Just to hear him say my name on a clear day, when he could even for a few moments remember my face. Is that what she wants to control?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“She needed somebody who hated Nepthysaket as much as she did. I didn't want any of this. I… I am what she uses, to get what she wants, on this plane. And I learned a long time ago not to ask too many questions about the tasks that are given to me. But then I saw you, on those stairs. And it was like seeing the sunrise. And I told myself… I told myself that this time it might be different.”

Gina (as Ever):
“And yet you still gave it to me. What do I have now? Where am I supposed to put all this? I had it. It was so clear. She chooses. She overstepped. She took him, and she took what I had built, what I was so close to achieving, and she... I had it. And now it's all gone. What sort of person am I now?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“You are still Ever. You are still the girl I met on the stairs.”

Gina:
I look down at my clothes as he says that. At Verek's cloak, burned, Davos' shirt, burned. Marked forever. Ruined.

Gina (as Ever):
“I don’t think I am.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I will fix this. We can fix this. They said The Matron has been locked away before. We, we could do that again. We could separate her ability to interact with this plane. We can make it so you could be safe. So you can go back to the groves of fruit, back to your home. I'm… I’m  sorry. I, I'd forgotten what was real and, I’d convinced myself that nothing mattered. That all that was good in the world had gone. And yes, when I met you, I saw your pain and I saw your grief. And in it I saw mine. And then, I saw your ability to go on. I saw your ability to stand under the weight of something I put away because I could not. Your strength, and your courage were rooted in love, while mine was rooted in loss. On a cloudy day when the sun rises, it still rises even if you can't see it. I cannot fix what I have done. I cannot change what has happened. But I can make sure that you're safe. I can make sure that she can't get to you.”

Gina:
I think when Rake says that he forgot what was real… something in Ever softens. And I look, I look up at you.

Gina (as Ever):
“I know that, I know that you didn't choose this. And I know that she's using my love, as a weapon. And I know now that... I suppose love doesn't always make things better.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Ever. She's not using your love. She's using your anger. She can't use your love because she doesn't know what love is. She's using your anger. She's using your vengeance. Your love is untouched. Your love is what's gonna destroy her.”

Gina (as Ever):
“But sometimes love ruins too. Breaks your heart when they're gone.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“But that's not the love that ruins it.”

Gina (as Ever):
“No, but it makes you do stupid things. It makes you lie to the people you care about. It makes you leave your home.”

Gina:
And I lift my hand, the one with the mark on it. And I lay my palm over the spot on his chest where I remember his mark is.

Em:
Rake, as she does this, you feel your scar pulse. There is a palpable connection that occurs. You feel this thrum running through her, and you. It is a communion, of sorts. Like recognizes like. Rake, I think that you've… You don't know what it means to be a Eutoches. The few that you've interacted with, your father, Kian, the corruption, and the perversion of what it means to be Eutoches, as done by your mother. There is a trueness here. Something new that you understand. I think at that moment, a flood, of not necessarily knowledge or information comes to you, but a feeling of a purpose. That feels in such stark contrast to everything, the vitriol you threw at Kian back at The Wayfarer's Lamp. You feel what your father was running from. An inevitability. You feel the universe hurtling towards oblivion. And it does not feel bad. It feels like what's supposed to happen, and whoever she is, even though she is not Eutoches, she is now a part of it, and she understands. There is a relief, I think, that floods over you. Knowing that what your father was trying to protect you from, he did so truly out of love for you. Because it's the same thing you're trying to protect her from now. You're trying to protect her from a job that feels hopeless. As he was for you. You don't know anything about this prophecy. You don't know anything about the work of finding the Twin Soul. You know nothing about that, but you know that at the heart of it, before she, before your mother corrupted your mark, that if you had to walk the path of a Eutoches, it would have been one of the most purposeful things that you could have done with your entire life. Bigger than the Cradle. Bigger than you.

Jannes:
I think as all of that washes over Rake, the clarity and the sense of purpose. I think he decides that with everything seemingly falling apart as it is now, the thing he needs most is purpose. The thing he needs most is… A path, that he can follow. Even though he doesn't know the end of the path, he now knows that he is on a path. And he knows that path is making sure he protects Ever, from his mother.

Gina:
I think I feel that connection between us, as my hand is on his chest. I think I falter just for a second.

Em:
That feeling almost knocks you off your feet. You don't get the rush that he does. You don't get that clarity that he does, but you feel it. There is a tether now between the two of you. Whatever has happened, whatever has occurred so far in this very small, brief moment. It doesn't soften your anger, it almost resolves your purpose. You see this feeling flash over his eyes. And I think that's what has you soften.

Gina (as Ever):
“What is this?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I… I'm sorry. Well, for what I've done to you. I'm sorry for what she's done to you. But I will make this right.”

Gina (as Ever):
“It's not your fault.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Just because it's not my fault doesn't mean it's not mine to fix. We have to find a way to lock her away where she cannot get to you.”

Gina (as Ever):
“We will. So she can't get to you.”

Gina:
My hand is still on your chest. I haven't moved.

Gina (as Ever):
“I'm sorry, I'm sorry I yelled at you.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“There's no reason to be sorry. I deserve that. I, I did all those things that you said. I was, am, the man you think I am. I am someone who was made to do the things that others would not, could not. And for a long time, she has chosen my path. And I have walked it. And I have done it well. But she no longer makes my path.”

Gina (as Ever):
“No. You deserve to choose. You're going to choose.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I have chosen. I've chosen you. And we will walk this path together. And somewhere out there, she is scared, because she made a weapon. And now she no longer wields it. But we need information. We need to know how to do this.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Right.”

Gina:
And I look down at how close I am to you. My hand's still on your chest.

Gina (as Ever):
“Right, we should… We should probably start… Researching.”

Jannes:
I think Rake would reach down, and place his hand on the side of your face. Wipe the tears away with his thumb. Tilt your head up to look at him, and then he will smile. And you can see him taking a moment to lock this memory of your face, and the feel of your skin under his hand. And the feel of your hand on his chest. You can feel him lock this memory in, in a way that makes you realize that he doesn't expect to get this again. That there are times where things were really good, and you look back and you say you wish you appreciated that moment more, and he's making sure that he appreciates it in the moment.

Em:
Ever, you feel his heart start to beat faster under your hand, your hand is on the skin, between his ribs and his left pectoral. You can almost feel his heart panging against your hand. And you realize yours is matching step with that. It is so quiet. You can hear it. Ba bum, ba bum, ba bum, ba bum.

Jannes (as Rake):
“Let's see what we can find in these books.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Right, right. We have plenty of time to read. So we should probably do that.”

Em:
Ba bum, ba bum, ba bum, ba bum.

Jannes:
I think he leans down, and he kisses you softly on your forehead.

Jannes (as Rake):
“Thank you.”
 
Gina:
Ever closes her eyes when he does that.

Gina (as Ever):
“For what?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“For seeing me, and not running.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I think it feels like I've been running towards you. Why would I run from you? We should, um…”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Yes, yes, um, books, books, yes…” 

Jannes:
And he takes his hand from your face, and turns and starts looking through the books that have spilled from this broken shelf.

Em:
Do you let him move? I'm sorry, I gotta ask.

Gina:
I think if he, if he pulls back, I… I think my hand just sort of lingers, but if he, if he pulls away I stay. And I brush the hair back from my face and take a breath.

Em:
It's a ragged breath.

Gina (as Ever):
“Where should I? Right…” 

Gina:
And I sort of look around to find anything to take my attention.

Em:
There are books everywhere in this shop. The oldest ones are upstairs on the landing. See down here there are more abridged histories, newer books, newer compilations. It's a bit cold in here. You could light a fire if you wished. Rowan sits in front of the fireplace on a plush rug in front, he curls up. You could start anywhere. It will take some time, but a little bit of searching might find you the information you're looking for. And Ever, I think your eyes as you're scanning over the room, are immediately drawn to something familiar. All the plants in here. It's not as overgrown or as lush as your house was. But someone has taken a lot of care to make sure that even though a lot of the plant life in here has been turned into paper, that there is some semblance of the green here.

Gina:
I think before I... Because my mind is not on research, I'm going to go over to the plants. Something familiar, and sort of busy myself with them for a few moments, while I gather myself.

Em:
Okay. I think you're drawn to a small ivy plant that sits along the mantle of the hearth. Perhaps one that was missed in the watering before these proprietors left. It looks a little worse for wear. You see some brown around the edges of the leaves. The soil is quite dry.

Gina:
If I see this… I'm gonna go to it and, try and bring some part of who I was back into myself. Can I try and... Can I try and heal it, put some more life back into it?

Em:
Absolutely. So you reach out, and you tap into the small, simple hedge magic that has been normal for you for so long. The small gift from Thielia to all the people of Temisset. Your hands curl around the root, seeking to reinvigorate it, revitalize it. Help it thrive. But when you access it, but when you access it here, something is different. The plant begins to grow quickly, snaking along the mantle, up a piece of molding, up the wall around the room. It propagates and it spreads. And ivy like this shouldn't blossom, but you see bright red flowers, almost erupting from it. The smell of fresh floral immediately present in the room.

Rake, you're standing maybe eight to ten feet from her. She is glowing. The fire is not lit and she is almost backlit. There's a soft orange glow to her, like the edges of candlelight. You can feel her divinity from here, more so than you have ever before. This is wildness unbound, and she isn't holding the knife. I'm gonna have you roll to recognize a god. So, when you want to recognize the signs or influence of a god of the Cradle, roll 2d6, and you're going to add one for each true statement. You're in or near their domain. No. You're familiar with their gospel. No. It would be bad if you didn't know. I feel at this point, you need to know what you're seeing. You need to know, what is that you saw on the first day? What is that you've been seeing in her time and time and time again? You have got to figure this out. So yes, I think it would be bad if you didn't know. So that's a plus one.

Jannes:
I rolled two sixes.

Em:
Okay, so plus one, that's a thirteen. On an overkill, you realize your divinity is actively trespassing against them, right now, and the GM will say how. And I think because this has happened over and over and over again, and you feel like you are tripping over this, I'm gonna give you something from getting a hit, that after I tell you how your divinity trespasses against her, and what is happening, I will let you ask me a single follow up question of your choosing, and I will answer honestly. That soft edge to her, as she touches the plant. The reflection of sunlight you saw on the first day. Her connection to what is vibrant and alive. Some way, somehow, maybe you've always known this, but there is a spark of divinity in her that is awakening. You can see it now. You would see Thielia's divinity. Ever was not born with it. A god has gifted her power. And I don't think you... And you don't think she knows. But you see it, just like you, she is part god. Whether she likes it or not. Ever, you now have access to the power of growth. You can add that to your character sheet, as the divinity finally fully awakens in you. I'll let you ask your question first, and then I'll tell you how your divinity actively trespasses against yours.

Jannes:
I think the… What I want to know is, I think what Rake wonders in this moment, is, did the Matron know when she sent him?

Em:
No. In that moment I think you put together that there is a reason she has been chosen as the steward for this divinity. You know that Thielia died before the Divine War. You've always understood that when gods die, that's it. But somehow, whatever piece of the cosmos that was left over, has been given to her to hold. That maybe Thielia, somewhere along the line, knew she'd need it. Trusted her with it. And I think that the way your divinity actively trespasses against her, is that there's a sinking feeling in your feet. That you see the difference now. She is meant to walk in the light. Always. Thielia was so benevolent. And you feel the divide between you. And I think it really hurts. You wish you could grab at that light. You are desperately clinging to it. And I think that the way your divinity actively trespasses it, is that you are terrified you're gonna snuff it out. I have a question for you. Do you love her?

Jannes:
I think the easy answer to that is yes. But I think it is… I think it is unfortunately not as simple as that.

Em:
Hmm. It never is.

Jannes:
I think, in a lot of ways, Rake is two people. I think he is his mother's son, and he is his father's son. And… Only one of the two pieces are capable of truly loving someone. And I think for him, he realizes in this moment, the light that she is is what drives away the shadows in him. That's what allows Rhys to live again. And he also knows if they were to be apart, those shadows would come back, and that, in this moment, he loves her. But he's not always this person. And I think that's when that fear starts to creep in. That he's just a black hole. And you can pour as much light into it as you want. It will just need more and more and more.

Em:
Something else you recognize in this, something else you remember in this moment you realize, every god has a downfall. You harken back to a conversation where your mother prattled on about discovering these things to use them to her advantage, your advantage. For when the time came, for the machinations she has in place. Looking at Ever, she is your downfall. The divinity in you. She is your downfall.

Gina:
I think while he’s having this revelation, Ever is oblivious and just watching the vines, watching the vines crawl up the walls, and flowers blossom.

Em:
Entirely, entirely oblivious.

Gina:
And, I turn to look at you, with shock and surprise and… Joy, in my face.

Gina (as Ever):
“I've never done that before. Like this. Come and look at them!”

Jannes:
And you see Rake standing there, with a deep, deep sadness in his eyes.

Jannes (as Rake):
“They're beautiful.”

Gina (as Ever):
“What’s wrong? Did you find something?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“In a way.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Well, what is it?”

Gina:
And I take a step closer.

Gina (as Ever):
“What did you find? It can't be that bad.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“It's not. I… I just know what I must do. You are remarkable.”

Gina (as Ever):
“So, where does this set you? What must you do? What do you mean?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I must protect you. Ever, it's alright. It's a good thing.”

Gina (as Ever):
“So why are you looking at me like that? Something's changed. Is it because of the…” 

Gina:
And I look back to the vines.

Gina (as Ever):
“I don't know where that came from. Like that, anyway.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“It came from you.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Well, come on, there's plenty more to research. Look at how many books are in here.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I think our best bet is probably up on the landing. Those are generally where they keep the older tomes. If we're gonna find something, I'm guessing it's gonna be from further in the past.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Okay. So, let's do that.”

Jannes:
Rake makes its way back up to the level right below the attic, and starts to look for anything that speaks of how the Matron was locked away the last time. Or even, I think, broader, how any god has been severed from connection to this plane. And… while he's doing that, he sort of muses out loud to Ever,

Jannes (as Rake):
“I think what we're going to need, if we're hoping to separate her from being able to reach you, us, is, we might need the help of another god. I think, if anyone knows how to do it, it would be one of the other gods.”

Gina (as Ever):
“That makes sense. Okay, I can, I can start looking for who might be the best. Do you have someone in mind?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“My immediate thought would be... Nepthysaket after what Tayo told us about how they were once like sisters. But I don't know if it is wise to approach her, until at least, we have a more solid idea or plan in place. But I do feel like, in the end, the key might lie with her. No matter what we do, our roads, our path, seems to always angle towards her. That being said, it might also be important to try and discover why Ashmedai is so eager to get his hands on us. His hands on you.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Not just me.”

Gina:
And I reach out, and just touch one of the holes burnt into your shirt.

Gina (as Ever):
“All right. I think you're right about Nepthysaket. I, I… She might be our, she might be our best option.”

Jannes:
And what do we find as we look through these books?

Em:
Great question. So if this were another TTRPG, I would have you roll, perhaps an investigation check, or a religion check, or some other kind of check, but we don't do that here. So I'm gonna have you tell me what move would you like to use to find that information in this room, because it's here. But I'd love to know how you do that. And you can justify any move you want to here.

Jannes:
One thing I would like to do, is, in the process of doing that, I would like to make the argument that when you activate your mortal trigger, you clear all strain. And my mortal trigger happens to be when you take a serious risk to pursue a new lead about your mortal father or divine parent, clear all strain. And I feel like actively pursuing a way to sever the Matron's ability to interact with his plane very much fits that description.

Em:
I would absolutely agree, you can clear all strain. So, Rake, you feel this wash of calm settle over you, as your strain is cleared. And strain is not necessarily cleared always by tending to physical wounds. Sometimes, it is cleared by tending to emotional or spiritual wounds. And as you settle in here in the comfort and safety of this bookshop, with Ever, there's just a peace to you, and any physical pain that you've been experiencing just subsides.

Gina:
And I think as… as we are both… I think as my hand is still on Rake, My finger just, on the burn mark on his shirt. I take another breath and I just say,

Gina (as Ever):
“I'm really very sorry for yelling at you. I am angry. And you did break my trust. But I forgive you.”

Jannes:
And Rake smiles at you, but I don't think you fully understand how much that affects him. There are a lot of things that you say and that you do, and the way that you act, that remind him of his father, but I think the thing that reminds him, the thing that reminds him most about his father, is the fact that you're able to forgive. And, outwardly he just smiles. But for him it's like… A sign, that he's on the right path.

Gina:
Seeing him smile, knowing we have so much to do, but knowing we have time. I, I… I move in closer. I put my hand on his face.

Gina (as Ever):
“You said that you forgot what's real. But this is real. We're in this together. You and me.”

Jannes:
And I think he would say… in almost an attempt to convince himself,

Jannes (as Rake):
“This is real.” 

Jannes:
And he would lean in for a kiss.

Gina:
Even though, even though Ever's hand is on his face, she's so close, there's just a moment of shock, just for a fraction of a second, before, before I lean into the kiss. And I step fully into it, both hands flying to your face, one in your hair before I… I still feel the acid on our faces, in your hair, and my hands and I… I pull back abruptly, a bit out of breath.

Gina (as Ever):
“I… I'm sorry, I…”

Em:
The fire has lit behind the two of you. You just hear that whoosh.

Gina:
I don't think I notice it.

Em:
No, I don't think you do.

Jannes:
I think you see Rake standing there, his eyes still closed. His, his face calm. The hard angular lines at ease, for... Maybe the first time since you've met him. And then you see him take a moment. Smile. And then you see that tension creep back into his face, back into his jaw. And when he opens his eyes, there was always an intensity to them… But you see in them, reflected, the raging fire behind you, and in the center of that fire, your silhouette. And you know, that though it was only a kiss, he now knows what's real. And he now, for maybe the first time, truly believes in what he is fighting for. And you see him raise his hands from his sides, and as he does, he unleashes his divinity. And you see the books around you start to float in the air, and drift, in a circular motion around the two of you. As in that moment, he reaches out into every book, every word, on every page. And he starts to, almost scan them all simultaneously, until the book or books that have the information that he's looking for separate themselves from this whirling mass of books, and drift in the small space between you. So I have used one of my divine moves to unleash my divinity.

Em:
And I think the side effect here is that it is obvious.

Jannes:
Yeah, I think between the… I think that between the decision that that kiss has helped him make, and then the movement of the books, and the amount of divinity he had to pull through to accomplish this. It's… It's as though a ripple goes out from him. As a choice that will shape the Cradle has been made.

Em:
You hear the books clatter to the floor, falling open. You've got about six books around you, open to various different sections. You don't know how, or maybe you do. And, Ever, as this happens, you also activate your mortal trigger, because you've shared hidden pain with someone who has very clearly broken your trust, as the wronged. You may also clear all strain. And Rake, as these books clatter to the floor. Your eyes drift up, and over Ever’s shoulder. These books have flown from the top balcony and landed on the floor next to you. And you glance up, and at the edge of the banister, it's dark up there, you haven't lit any of the lanterns up top, but the firelight catches something. Small, brief. Obvious. Two glowing golden eyes, set amongst black fur, as you see a little black cat stare down at you, before it dips back into the darkness. You've seen this cat before. It used to come by your farmhouse with your father. You've seen it sitting on fence posts. Absent-mindedly, your father would reach down and pet it if he was out in the fields. You know exactly who that is. And it's gone again. You hear a little jingle as it fades into the darkness, and you have six books open around.

Jannes:
I start to read.

Em:
Okay. So, I'll have each of you, or before you start to read, Rake, is there anything you do, Ever, to help yourself on this knowledge search? After seeing this wild display of divinity that Rake has pulled in front of you. It's impressive.

Gina:
I, I think all of it happens so fast. And she's still caught up in the surge of emotions from that kiss, and what it means. What it will mean. And she's very good at research. She's done it for a long time. Something feels changed, now, and I think the only thing that she could think to do is just to pray for guidance.

Em:
Mmm, wonderful. So, using the mortal move, pray for guidance. When you pray for guidance, name the aid you seek, and you can answer one of the following questions. The GM will describe the aid that actually comes as they answer the other. The first question you could choose to answer is, what kind of god answers your prayers? The second question is, what unclear omens or visions besiege you?

Gina:
I think the aid that I'm looking for is… I think everything has felt so confusing, and frightening. And Ever hasn't really ever had a mother. And she felt that, for a moment, with Soevan. She felt it with Thielia. And I think that she would pray to Thielia, just to help clear her mind of… Helping her find the clarity she needs to reach out to Nepthysaket, and not hate her as much as she has.

Em:
As you see Rake start to lean down, to begin flipping through books and looking at the pages that are open. Your eyes glance once more to the vine that is still creeping and growing around the room. It hasn't stopped. 

Gina:
It's still growing?

Em:
It's still growing, slower than when you were actively touching it, but it still blooms and blossoms. It has grown past Rowan, and has started to snake around one of the larger chairs near the hearth. It's warm there, Rowan seems to be having a delightful time on the floor. When you look at Rowan… A gift from Thielia, to you. Your eyes glance to the bookshelf that the vine has just touched. You watch it snake up to the top. And you blink. And it's probably about six feet above you. You see something moving, a small form on the top of the shelf, as a book slowly begins to pull itself off the shelf. And you... I think simultaneously to Rake, see that small black cat, push this book the rest of the way. Rub its head against the vine as it grows past, jump up over the shelf, and disappears into the shadow, as the book falls open.

Gina (as Ever):
“Did you see that?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“She's watching.”

Em:
You recall her epithet, The Patient Witness. Helpful but not forceful.

Gina (as Ever):
“We should read, then.”

Jannes:
And I think, now tethered in a different way, even though there is distance between us, Rake still feels close to Ever, as they start to pore over the books.

Em:
Okay. So because you've used your powers here, because you've communed with this room, and the gods that oversee it, oversee you. You are able to follow a trail of information through these collected tomes that are in front of you. These books even point you in the direction of other books in the room, and it takes you probably three or four hours. Both of you taking notes, collecting all of this information. Rake you first stumble upon a book that talks about the Eutoches, and how droves of them were slain in an incident known as the Devoid Massacre, where soldiers of Ashmedai, Halinaea, and The Strix; Kivok, Vosh, and Nyxal, laid waste to the town of Barrencliff. You assume that these gods were trying to wipe anybody who could threaten them from the face of the Cradle, worried about dying and losing their power at the hands of a Godkiller. So, they decided to try and stop the prophecy the only way they knew how. With outright violence and bloodshed. These people, your people, your father's people, were a group devoted to Archeveleon, God of the Void, and their purpose was to find a twin-souled Eutoches, two beings separated, that once reunited, would, with a special knife, a very familiar blade, not identical, but similar, would end the universe, and bring close to this chapter of the cosmos.

Ever, you start on the book that fell off the shelf. It's about Nepthysaket. You learn that she was not one of the original gods created within the Cradle. Neither was her predecessor, The Feathered Mistress. Nepthysaket ascended to divinity from being a mortal. Originally, the Feathered Mistress also claimed her seat, erasing her true name and taking on her role as the goddess of the moment between life and death. Tayo did their utmost to guide The Feathered Mistress, shaping her domain, and her role as a god. Saw her as one of their children still. Nepthysaket was the younger sister of the High Priestess of The Feathered Mistress, named Issilus, and during an earlier great war, called the Dawn War, Issilus was corrupted by Tharakus, The Chaos in Chains, God of the Abyss, and using another corrupted blade, during a moment of vulnerability, stabbed The Feathered Mistress in the back, fracturing her divinity. Nepthysaket was on the battlefield that day, alongside her sister, and seeing what happened, did everything she could to save her. Gathering those shards of divinity, those fractured pieces of her goddess, pulling them together, with everything she had, and shunted them out of the material plane so she could heal. But everyone makes mistakes. Nepthysaket, on accident, sent her to a place of torment, surrounded by negative energy, strife, and pandemonium, where The Feathered Mistress spent two thousand years with nothing but her thoughts of deep-seated betrayal.

When she returned, also an accident, she adopted a fitting new moniker, the Matron of Vengeance. You read this through accounts from people from that time of when she returned. Transcripts, of course, because those books would be thousands of years old, eons at this point. And something strikes you. The Matron is not truly a god. She is an avatar, thriving on an ideal. She hungers so powerful on vengeance that it has subsumed her. You don't pray to the Matron of Vengeance, you channel her. She gains all her power from the vengeance in the world. There is nothing of her humanity left, and barely any of her divinity either. And if she is no longer a god fully, she cannot be killed like a god. You share this information between you, and I think, Rake, this leads you to your next piece of information buried amongst a set of journals. You find the first hand account of someone who read the journals of a former high priestess of Nepthysaket. They detail a ritual of powerful banishment magic. But it required a specific totem for the target when they're reading this author, when reading these journals, had found a black raven feather pressed into the pages, and recalled feeling a charge from it. And I think it leads you both to a final book on magical and mythical objects from the Cradle's history.

Ever, as you're flipping through, you see a familiar one. You see Cassian's sword, amongst the pages. You see a staff with a spear tip. You see a spear with a purple crystal blade. A few others, a bow, a wand wreathed in fire. And as you're flipping through, your eyes settle in the corner on the drawing of an amulet. It contains a few small pieces of a dark black rock and the rock itself is flecked with blue and green and purple, encased in a platinum cage, circular, hanging from a silver chain. It looks like its name is written next to it in a language, Rake, that you don't know, but Ever, you recognize it. It's written in the language that Verek's family speaks. And as you run your hand across the symbols, you feel a nudge under your hand, as you press your fingers into the writing, and you understand the meaning of the word. This object is called Ravensgate. An object used to banish the Matron once before, in a time where the world stood on the precipice of destruction at her hand. And finally, there is an afterthought, written in some of the margins, in a small, looped handwriting. You remember Tayo speaking of Nepthysaket's debt. Of atonement. This small footnote talks about what happened after Nepthysaket shunted the Matron out. She was the only one left alive. On an entire island, where this betrayal happened, everything else turned to waste. Scorched by divinity. And there she spent decades, prior to her ascension of the now vacant seat of the goddess of the moment between life and death, building a tomb for The Feathered Mistress to honour her, and every life lost where this battle took place, every life lost at the hand of her sister's betrayal. Nepthysaket gave last rites to thousands of souls, and honoured each one. She sought forgiveness, even though she did no wrong. And that's what you find amongst the books. It's well into the night hours at this point, you're cresting close to probably midnight. The fire does not seem to have died down. Seems to be at an even pace, keeping you warm. Rowan is thoroughly enjoying himself. What would you like to do?

Jannes (as Rake):
“It seems that, um, if we were to look for an ally, the best we could do, the best bet would be Nepthysaket. And then we would have to set a trap of sorts, in hopes to banish her.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Alright. With this…” 

Gina:
And I point to the open page with the amulet on it.

Jannes (as Rake):
“It seems so.”

Gina:
Looking at that picture in the book, and knowing that I've been able to do things that I never thought possible. I'm going to look back to the vine, that's now growing everywhere, and I want to see, I want to see if I can make it move. Can I try and summon one of the vines with a... One of the vines over to me? I imagine we're now probably sitting in front of the fire with these books.

Em:
Yeah, both of your hands, ink-stained, parchment laid out. Your own version of a board with strings and pins in it. You move your hand up, trying to tap into that life from the vine. And I'm not going to even make you wield a power here. You hold a shard of divinity. You do this no problem. The vine splits off and a small piece snakes its way down, and places itself in your open hand, blooming a flower right on top.

Gina (as Ever):
“I wonder...”

Gina:
I’m going to look back to the picture in the book, and study it for a moment, and then look back to the flowering vine in my hand, and… I think this would probably be wielding a power.

Em:
It absolutely would. What are you trying to do here?

Gina:
My hope is that I can… That I can summon another blossom, but inside of it as the petals unfurl is this amulet. I want this vine to give life to the thing that we need the most.

Em:
Okay. Almost pulling on both the powers of creation and the powers of growth, that you have from the two gods who have gifted you these powers. So when you wield the power to do something only a god can, roll 2d6 and add one for each true statement. You've done this specific act before perfectly? No. Are you desperate for this to work?

Gina:
Would I know anywhere else that we could find this? 

Em:
No.

Gina:
Then I think yes.

Em:
You're going to mark one strain. As you pull from something so deep, welling, taking reserves of energy that you thankfully just got back. And you're close to a shrine, lair, or domain of the god you took this power from. I'll give you that one. So that's a plus two. 

Gina:
I rolled a one, and a five.

Em:
So that's six plus two is an eight. So on a seven to nine, you do it. Rake, you see this glow. You see the light begin to emanate from her palm. Ever, what color is the blossom that forms in your hand?

Gina:
I think the flower is bright, sunny yellow, with flecks of white and gold. There's a little bit of flame inside.

Em:
You see the blossom open, and inside it are these three stones that you saw in the depiction of Ravensgate. And as the petals unfurl, you see them warp and change and encapsulate the stones, turning into that platinum cage, the vine itself forming into a chain, as it gently connects. As it gently separates from the vine. And left in your hand is the object you seek.

Gina:
I look down at the amulet.

Gina (as Ever):
“That's new.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“That was... That was amazing.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I think this will be useful.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“So in the morning, we'll go to the temple. You might have to go in by yourself but, we go find, we try to find Nepthysaket. We could use the map.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Right.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“But we need rest first.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I don't know if I'll be able to sleep. But you're right. Right.”

Jannes:
I think Rake makes his way back up to the attic, and gathers the bedroll, and brings it back down, and lays it in front of the fire, surrounded by the plants and the books.

Jannes (as Rake):
“Seems like a nicer place seeing as we've got the place to ourselves, anyways.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Good idea.”

Jannes:
It's been a long time since Rake has managed to sleep unassisted. But the second he lays down on the bedroll by the fire, knowing Ever is close, knowing that they have a plan. Knowing they have a way to fix this, you see he falls asleep almost instantly. 

Em:
You've never seen such a peace to him. Unworried, even though he knows what has to happen tomorrow. His breath evens. His body relaxes, with space for you next to him, if you chose, but there are other places to sleep if you wish. Couches, chairs, the rug.

Gina:
I think I would… I would be up for just a little while longer, pulling out a few more books and reading a bit, my mind still whirring, every now and then looking over at him, and watching. And then eventually I would be feeling my own eyes growing heavy, so I curl up on the bedroll next to him. Space between us, as much as there is. And watch him. But then right before falling asleep, I would curl in just a little bit closer.

Gina (as Ever):
“Goodnight, Rhys.”

Gina:
And I fall sleep.

Em:
The fire begins to die down in the hearth. The rain begins to let up. And you drift into a comfortable sleep together, here in the shop. A few hours into your slumber, Rake, you've always been a fitful sleeper. Alert. Aware. You hear, after the rain has stopped completely, a tapping on one of the windows. Doesn't sound like a person's finger. Something sharper. Smaller. A beak. What would you like to do?

Jannes:
I think Rake would quietly get up, not to disturb Ever, and make his way to the window where he heard the beak, and look through the glass.

Em:
On the other side, you see a pure white raven. And a fear sits in your gut as it regards you. You know that face, even in this form. Your mother's come calling. The window is still closed. What do you do?

Jannes:
Knowing that she will be able to hear me even with the window closed, I quietly say,

Jannes (as Rake):
“What do you want?”

Em (as The Matron of Vengeance):
“Well, I came back, and I see you've made progress, my son. I'm proud of you. Eating out of your hand already, is she?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“It's been an eventful day.”

Em (as The Matron of Vengeance):
“Will she do it? Will she be ready when the time is right?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“She will be. It's all going like we planned.”

Em (as The Matron of Vengeance):
“Good. Good. I have a few more things to put in place, so you will need to get our dear kitty cat to come join you. And once you do, I will tether her down so she cannot run, and our little project can finish the job. And then when our dear sweet Nepthysaket is no more, our work can truly begin, and we can bend the rest of these wretched gods to our whim, and drive the rest of this pantheon into the fucking ground.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I'll be ready.”

Em (as The Matron of Vengeance):
“Good. I knew I could trust you. Well, it's not a mother's job to pry, so you go do what you need to do. Keep her wrapped around your finger. Do whatever it takes. Just don't be stupid like your father.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I am my mother’s son.”

Em (as The Matron of Vengeance):
“My boy. My beautiful boy.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I do have one thing, though.”

Em (as The Matron of Vengeance):
“Yes?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Your pet, strains against your leash.”

Em (as The Matron of Vengeance):
“Knave?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Be careful of him.”

Em (as The Matron of Vengeance):
“You can't trust anyone these days, can you?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“It’s just me and you.”

Em (as The Matron of Vengeance):
“As it should be. There's nothing like the love between a mother and her son.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Just, just be careful. He seeks to take my place.”

Em (as The Matron of Vengeance):
“He could never.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“He could try. And it might ruin everything.”

Em (as The Matron of Vengeance):
“I'll heed your warning, and deal with it accordingly. Nothing will stand in our way. Be safe, my boy, and I'll see you soon.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Alright, Mother.”

Em:
And the raven picks up, and flies off into the night. You walk over. Do you rejoin Ever?

Jannes:
I think he grabs a chair. Places it a couple feet away from where Ever sleeps. And he sits on the chair. And he watches as the light of the fire ripples across her sleeping form, and… He never had the opportunity to speak to his dad about what caused him to abandon his purpose. What caused him to pick a different path. And it had always been something that he struggled to understand, as someone who was singular in his purpose. But now, as he watches Ever sleep, part of him wonders what, or possibly who, his dad might have met, that caused this shift for him as it now has for Rake. And in that moment… He thinks back to the last moment with his dad. When his dad looked at him and said, ‘This is real’. And then he'd always thought that his dad had meant the moment. And now that he feels love again, it becomes so painfully obvious to him that his dad was talking about the love that they shared. That that was what was real. Not the moment. Not the physical. But that the bond was real. And he just sits and watches her.

Em:
Sleep comes. It overtakes you eventually, it couldn't not. And while you do not dream, you're here. And just for now, in the quiet of the stacks of the books, that is enough.

[Light & Dark: Series Theme by Sean McRoberts]
Em:
Godkiller: Balance is performed by Em Carlson, Gina Susanna & Jannes Wessels. This season’s dramaturge is Tim Carlson. Special thanks to our campaign artist, Mischi, who you can find @Mischiart on twitter! Our main theme for this episode, Light & Dark, was composed by Sean McRoberts. Character and location leitmotifs composed by Si Rutherford of Sounds of Adventure. Music and effects by Epidemic Sound. For more stories, come follow us everywhere at @blackwaterdnd, and make sure to check out our Main Campaign on Monday nights at 8pm PST at twitch.tv/blackwaterdnd. To play your own campaign of Godkiller and dive into your own divinity, go support Godkiller by purchasing the ashcan on itch.io today, with the print version published soon by Evil Hat Productions. This show is made possible by our sponsors who graciously support us playing pretend and having feelings about it. We are grateful to be sponsored by Heroforge, who offer fully customizable miniatures made with their online 3D character creator! Head on over and design your own Godkiller, and get them printed in a variety of materials, including colour printing options! With new content added each week, check out www.heroforge.com to start bringing your character to life! This show is also proudly sponsored by Moonbeam, a better and safer way to stream! Dive into Realms for vibrant community hubs where creators keep 100% of what they earn while protected by Pyxis, a revolutionary moderation tool that learns and adapts to your boundaries. So check them out and join Moonbeam today! Finally, we’re thankful for our Patrons for joining us on our second journey through the Cradle. You too can come join us on Patreon, where you can check out behind the scenes info, our talkback show Chatwater, as well as exclusive Godkiller bonus content and so much more. Head on over to patreon.com/blackwaterdnd for all the info. See you next time, heretics, and to all the gods out there, be safe!