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All right, so I was going to give a little brief introduction, but I feel like after I get done
with probably the first quarter of this, you guys are going to know me pretty well,
so I'll leave that out. But I do want to say, my wife is
Chelsea, and I've got four little kids that you probably see running around
here. And if I haven't met you, well, you're going to know a lot about me today.
So, in 2013, I joined the Columbia police
department, and I was assigned to the most violent region in the
city. And my fourth day on the job, which was
the first day that I got to drive the patrol car, a
call came out for an unresponsive baby. My
training officer asked me if I'd ever seen a dead baby before,
and I hadn't. So he told me to tell dispatch that we'd be en route.
On my way there, I was trying to prepare for what I
was about to see. And when I got there, I realized
that what I had prepared for was probably not what I was
about to see. As I walked up to the door, the look on
my fellow officers face said it all. And my training officer
asked him, where is the baby? He said, he's on the
couch. So we walked in the front door, and I looked down
over the back of the couch, and on the couch cushion, there was a white sheet
covering a body that was much larger than I had expected.
My officer reached down, or my training officer reached down and picked up the
sheet, and there was a three year old laying with his eyes
wide open that had been murdered by his father's
girlfriend, who had incorrectly assumed that
the father was cheating on him.
I remember the scene being surreal. There was a grandmother that
was outside wailing in
a cry that I'd never even experienced before. And
I'll never forget, she
was screaming out to God and asking to bring the baby back.
There was a, father who was in complete shock, sitting on a trash
can, just staring into the woods and couldn't even
speak. And then there
was the two children that belonged to the girlfriend, who were running
around as if nothing had happened.
I remembered standing outside of the
house and, had this overwhelming, just
sense of overpowering
emotions with everything that I was witnessing. I
felt sick to my stomach. I wanted to leave.
And it even crossed my mind to call my wife and have her come pick me
up and just quit the job on the spot. I remember telling myself in that
moment that if this is what you really want to do, you need to pull
yourself together, shut these emotions down, and get the job
done. I started to experience, because
of the stress and the emotions, what's called auditory exclusion. If you
don't know what that is, it's where your body literally shuts down the hearing.
And it's like you're having to witness everything going on around you without
any sound.
So here I am watching kids run around. I can't hear anything.
I'm watching the ambulance get packed up.
I'm watching a grandmother crying, and all of this has no
sound. I
wouldn't snap out of that state until I suddenly
heard my sergeant start yelling, Stevens, go get the crime seam tape and
start taping off the yard.
So that's what I did. I shut down the
emotions, I grabbed the crime scene tape, I started a crime scene
log and began gathering people's information that was
on scene. And over the next three years, that's how I would
go about my business in law enforcement. Over the
next three years, I would find that that kind of violence was the norm for the
area that I worked in. I would see children
shot, children killed, unimaginable
abuse. A nine month old.
A nine month old that was burnt 27 times
down his back by
cigarettes just because his
parents were tired of hearing him cry.
I'd see 13 and 14 year old children killing each other
and shooting each other over gang beefs created by Facebook
posts,
suicides of all ages, natural deaths,
overdoses, fatal vehicle
collisions, daily domestic violence,
and the aftermath of an elderly woman who was so badly
neglected by her family
that she was basically stuck to a chair that she was left in
because of the bedsores that she had down her back.
I treated each scene the same.
All it was was a scene filled with evidence.
Sometimes that evidence was a dead child, a
teenager, or victims of a fatal collision, and
so on. There were nothing more than objects to be
observed and reported on in order to do my job. in 2014,
the Black Lives Matter movement began sweeping the nation after the
killing of Michael Brown. And overnight, the relationships
that I had built with the young children in my patrol area began
to implode. The very same children that, just the week
before had been playing in my patrol car with the lights and
sirens began throwing up
their hands and yelling, don't shoot at me. When I pull into their neighborhood.
Around the same time multiple ambushes of police began
happening across the country. And I was
getting police intelligence emails saying that the local
gangs in our area were planning attacks on us and that they were
talking about it on social media.
In 2015, my wife was six months pregnant with our oldest
son, and I came home from, a night
shift and turned on the tv to find out that Greg Aliyah with
Forest Acres Petey had been killed in the line of duty.
Over the following days, I would watch his wife give news interviews
holding their six month old son, and the entire department
was put on bereavement leave. So I got sent to forest Acres to cover
for their department until after his funeral.
While I was there, the thousand yard flood happened,
and I found myself coordinating a makeshift
rescue mission with one other officer. Because the entire city
was tied up. we were calling for rapid, or,
what do they call it? Rapid water
rescue. And they were tied up rescuing people around the
city. So me and one other officer had to coordinate the rescue
missions of people who were stuck in their house and forest acres using boats
by privately owned citizens.
I had already begun replying to different departments at this
point, having decided that since I was going to be a father,
I needed to move to a safer area to give myself a better chance
of getting to see my son grow up. Anxiety had already begun to
creep in, and I didn't even notice it. My
first week at Lexington county in November of 2015,
I got word that Officer Stacy case, who was
on the squad that relieved me in Columbia, had died
responding to a shooting in the vista. Within
four weeks, I'd experienced, the loss of two
officers in the line of duty, one of which I knew
personally. I'd worked a natural disaster on top of everything
else that I'd experienced over the last two and a half years
and everything that was currently unfolding in the news.
When I attempted to go to Officer Greg Leah's funeral, I experienced
what I now look back and recognize as my first panic attack.
I was getting dressed in my class A uniforms, getting ready to leave for
the funeral, and I felt sick to my stomach. I was shaking, and I
couldn't bring myself to leave the house. I didn't attend the
funeral, and I felt extremely ashamed of the fact that I couldn't show
up and be there for my fellow officers.
I, continued attempting to push down the emotions that were
getting harder and harder to keep a lid on. And
on July 7, 2016, my oldest son had just turned
five months old. We were visiting a
friend whose parents lived on Lake Greenwood. And while we were there.
Me and my wife were laying in bed, and I got an alert on my phone that there was an
active shooting taking place in Dallas. I
opened my phone and began searching the live feeds. And I sat in
bed or laid in bed and watched much of the
Dallas police massacre happen in real time from live feeds
recorded in apartments above the street that it was taking place
on. I remember telling my wife as I was
watching it, when we get home, I'm going to purchase an AR 15 and I'm going
to keep it in my patrol car with me every day, even though that was against
department policy. If you're not qualified with the weapon.
In my mind, it was only a matter of time before this stuff started
happening here and before it started happening to me.
My wife and I, prior to all of this, had begun seeing a
marriage counselor because of my inability to communicate
with her. And while seeing that counselor, he asked
if I would be willing to meet with him one on one. And I agreed.
During my first solo session with him,
he said that he had picked up on some things that we had said during our couple
or that I had said during our couples session. And
he just asked me, what is it that you are so afraid of?
And after sitting there for 15 minutes trying to keep my
composure and run out the clock of the hour that I had left to sit there
in front of him, I began sobbing.
And I blurted out, I don't want to die and have
my son grow up without having a memory of me.
This caught the therapist off guard, who also began crying.
After we both composed ourselves, he said, is it okay if I ask you
some questions? And I said, yes. He grabbed a large
book off of a shelf behind and began asking a series of
questions.
Do you have recurring nightmares? Yes.
Do you find yourself on edge all the time when you're in public?
Yes. Do you find yourself reliving
events? Yes. Have you lost interest
in things that you used to enjoy? Yes.
After what seemed like hundreds of questions and
lots of yeses, he told me you have
ptsd and anxiety because of the things that you've dealt
with and seen on your job.
He said that he recommend that I start seeing a psychiatrist.
I couldn't see a psychiatrist. I didn't know what to think.
PTSD wasn't for me. I wasn't a
soldier. I'd never been to war. I was just a street
cop. I'd only ever been shot at one time, and it wasn't
even. It was indirectly.
I ended up going about my business. I went to my
personal doctor and got put on an antidepressant, which was
supposed to be for the anxiety, and continued about my
business at work. I couldn't tell anyone because
I would lose my job. You can't have a crazy
person carrying a gun and responding to dangerous situations. That's
a liability, and that's how it would have been seen.
Over the next three years, I would jump to smaller
departments in my mind, thinking that that would help with the
anxiety, trying to hide my struggle and leave.
Then I would end up leaving law enforcement for about eight
months, and at that time, I began having panic
attacks. In 2019, I went back into law
enforcement. Since leaving the profession didn't help with the
anxiety, I lasted two months at that
department. I began having panic attacks during every
shift and coming home from early multiple times a week.
One night, I came home early, and my supervisor, who happened
to be somebody that I worked with at Columbia and who I also went to the
academy with, drove me home because I was unable to drive.
While we were in the car on the way home, I broke down
and I told him, man, I don't know what's wrong with me, and I don't think I'm cut out
for this anymore. I got home and I snuck
into the bathroom in the middle of the night while my wife was sleeping,
and I got in the shower, which was the only way at the time that I knew how to
calm myself down. When I had a panic attack
at around 03:00 a.m. my wife came into the bathroom confused
as to why the shower was on when she was supposed to be home alone, and found me
in the fetal position in the shower, crying. And
over the next month, I would lose that job at that department,
begin another job, and be diagnosed with panic attacks. On
top of the PTSD and anxiety.
I did end up seeing a psychiatrist, and he put me on some medicine
that seemed to be working alright, and I was able to work fairly steadily into
2020.
In June of 2020, I got some news that rattled me to my core,
and it knocked me off the little bit of foundation that I had left
underneath me. I began having multiple debilitating
panic attacks a day, and I had to go on
disability from work. We had little money
coming in. Basically nothing. My wife couldn't work because I couldn't
be left alone with my children, with the state that I was in.
And I had already begun isolating from my wife and
family months before this by staying at home when they
would go somewhere or in the bedroom when they were
home. And it just got worse. I spent all day, every
day in bed, afraid to leave the bedroom or even the
house. I didn't want my kids to see
me have a panic attack. And the panic attacks were so severe that I
lived every moment of my life afraid of when the next one was going to
come. I was done. I felt like I had nothing
left in my tank, and I felt like I was at the end of
my rope. Sometimes I would lay in the bed and imagine killing
myself. My wife got to the point where she
was afraid to leave me alone.
I remember one time she was leaving the house to go somewhere with the
kids, and of course I wasn't going to go because I
couldn't leave the house. And
she came into the bedroom, and she sat on the edge of the bed, and she asked
me, you're not going to do anything stupid while I'm
gone, are you? And I had to promise her
that I'd still be alive when she got home.
She ended up getting in touch with a program that my mom had told her
about that was for
veterans and first responders who were suffering from PTSD,
anxiety, anything that their job had created in their life.
And my wife got in contact with that program and told them that I needed
help. And I ended up attending
the Warrior Path program in October of 2020, which is the
first program that they put on in South Carolina.
The entire program revolved around the idea that you can turn
your struggles into strength and that you can actually use your suffering
to learn lessons, lessons about life and emerge on
the other side of your struggles and traumas and be able to
thrive because of them.
While I was in the week long program, God was working.
While the program was not religious, they did quote romans five
three five to show that this idea of being able
to thrive in the midst of your struggles and your traumas has been
around for thousands of years. Romans
five three five says not only that, but we rejoice in our
sufferings. Knowing that suffering produces
endurance, endurance produces character, and
character produces hope. And hope does not put us to
shame. Shame, at that point in my
life, had become my identity. I was ashamed
of the fact that I lost my job in law enforcement.
I was ashamed of the husband that I had become,
and I was ashamed of the father that I was being.
For years before this program, I'd spent all my time asking
God, why? all kinds of why? Questions.
Why did all this have to happen? Why do I have to
deal with all this? Why do I have to deal with
PTSD, anxiety and panic attacks? Why won't you take them
from me? And the biggest why? Question that I
continued to ask God, was why did you take law enforcement from
me? I was very angry with God. Law
enforcement was something that I enjoyed and it was something that I had wanted to
do since I was younger.
While I was in the program, I remembered psalm 46
ten, be still and know that I am
God. I'm not going to lie. The translation
that came to me in that moment was the translation that I needed, and it was
more of shut up and trust me.
And that's what I decided to do while I was there. Instead of
asking why, I began praying while I was in the program that God
would reveal his will for my life and that his
will would ultimately be done. Then during
one of the exercises they had us do, I spent the whole time
praying. I did ask God, why.
Again I asked, why did you take law enforcement from
me? I told him how much I enjoyed it,
how much I had looked forward to it at a younger age, and how
proud I was that I was actually in the job.
But I told him after that I was done asking why and that I wouldnt ask
why anymore. I was just going to shut up like he told me to and wait
for an answer. Literally minutes later, that
answer came after all of the negative
mindset that I had been in for years and the constant
whining and complaining like a little child asking God
why? I clearly heard God say to me, I haven't taken
anything from you. I'm preparing you for service in a new role.
That was the first time that I'd ever heard God clearly speak to me.
And it changed everything. I
got home after the week long program and I told my wife
that I had quit my job. And,
I told her that I was going to work at Warrior Path as one of their path guides and
help first responders and veterans.
And I hadn't been offered a job, so of course she thought
I was insane. But over the next eleven months,
God would provide for us in ways that are now
undeniable.
I would work side jobs here and there. I had no
steady stream of income and I didn't even have what
you could classify as an actual job. And yet
somehow we were able to pay all of our bills for eleven
months. In July of
2021, the director of Warrior Path reached out to me and asked
me if I was interested in becoming a path guide and teaching at the
program. And I now work at the big Red Barn retreat
teaching the warrior path program multiple times a month, where
I get to walk alongside veterans and first responders who
were dealing with the same struggles that I dealt with.
It's taken some time, but the longer
I no longer look at everything that I've been through as a curse.
And I'm now able to recognize that everything that God has allowed me
to experience had led me to a place where my only option was
to run to him and trust that everything that had
happened had happened for a purpose. But what was that
purpose? Over the next three or four
months, three to four years. It's, almost been four years
now. I've learned some hard truths that
I've reflected on when I look back at that season of my life
and what they were meant to not only teach me, but what they could also teach
others as well. And that's what I'd like to share with you guys this morning.
Before I start, I'd like to make clear that I still struggle
with anxiety and PTSD. And I will not lie to you. Full
transparency. I took his annex before I came up here this morning because you guys
are scary.
I don't have it all figured out, and I'm a broken sinner, just
as in need of God's grace as everybody else in this
room. Again, full transparency. Before I got up
here, I spit out a piece of nicorette. And about
two nights ago, when I was walking to the bedroom, I stepped on a Lego.
And any parents in here know how hard of a struggle
that is.
I want to start by sharing a definition of suffering that I've come
to love, and it comes from Elizabeth Elliott.
She is a missionary whose husband was killed by a tribe that
he intended to share the gospel with 27 months after they were
married, leaving her widowed with a one year old child in the
1950s. She said that suffering
is having what you don't want or wanting what you don't have. And that
covers just about everything.
So the first thing that I've learned is that suffering is
for our good. And as believers, we should expect to face
trials first. Peter 412
13 tells us, beloved, do not be surprised at the
fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you
as though if something strange were happening to you.
But rejoice insofar as you share in Christ's
suffering, that you may also rejoice and be glad
when his glory is revealed. M
Peter tells us in this verse
not to look at suffering as if something strange is happening to us.
In other words, we should expect it. It's part of the
deal. He tells us to rejoice
in sharing in Christ's suffering. Imagine if
that was the pitch that we gave every Sunday morning to win hearts for
Christ. Believe in God, and you'll get
to partake in the same suffering that Christ endured.
Church probably wouldn't be very popular. In
fact, this idea isn't popular. And that's
why so many churches are distorting the truth and starting to tell
christians that becoming a Christian shields you from suffering.
However, the Bible says that we're called to rejoice in our suffering,
because if we can rejoice in the midst of our suffering while we're here on
earth, how much more will we be able to rejoice when
Christ returns in all of his glory and puts an end to that
suffering? When
we think about Jesus promises, what often comes to mind
is his blessings, the promises of the blessings.
He promises to forgive us. He promises
to show us mercy, that because of our belief in
him, that we'll receive eternal life. But what
about this one? In John
1633, Jesus says, you will have suffering
in this world. He doesn't say that you might
suffer. He doesn't say that you could suffer. He
guarantees it. He says, you will have suffering.
In psalm 40 319, it says that many are the
afflictions of the righteous.
In two, Timothy 312, we read, indeed,
all who desire to live a godly life in Jesus Christ will be
persecuted. Philippians
129 tells us that for the sake of Christ, it is
granted to us not only that we would believe, but
also that we would suffer.
So if God is loving, and if he's truly sovereign
over everything that happens, then our view of suffering probably needs
an adjustment. We can often view
suffering as bad. But if God
allows it, and if God is good, and
if God loves us, then there must be some value in
it. It can't all be bad.
I recently heard Matt Chandler say that the false God of our
generation is comfortable. We live in
a time where what we often consider suffering is actually just being
uncomfortable. When our finances
are struggling, it's uncomfortable when we
have anxiety or depression or, when our marriage
is struggling, or when our children are making poor choices
that we can't do anything about. It's
uncomfortable. But uncomfortable doesn't mean that it's
bad.
Even if it's hard to distinguish between suffering and being
uncomfortable, it would be helpful to view our suffering
or our discomfort in light of what Paul tells us in Romans 828
29, we know that all
things work for the good of those who love God, who are called
according to his purpose. For those that he
foreknew, he also predestined to be conformed to the image of
his son so that he might be the firstborn among many
brothers. You'll notice that he doesn't
say that all things work out for the comfort of those who love
God. He says that all things work for the good
of those who love God. God's definition of good
is anything that can be used to conform us to the image of his
son, and that would include suffering and
discomfort. The second thing
that I learned is that suffering is meant to teach us and grow our
faith and our dependence on God. I'm sure that
we've all heard the saying in this room, God will never give you more than you
can handle.
I'll tell you that that is a lie that's invaded our faith and is now
looked upon as biblical truth. Yet the Bible never states this.
The truth is that God will never give you more than he can
handle. It's our dependence on him that
makes it possible for us to get through any of the trials or various
hardships that he allows us to experience.
In Isaiah 43 two, God
says, when you pass through the waters, I will be with
you. There are many
places in scripture where we can find characters that we all look up
to, being given more than they can handle.
And when this happens, you can see a pattern. It drives them to
a point where they cry out to God and then God gets them
through it. It's not of their own ability that they're able to make it through the
trials that they face. When God tells
Moses that he's sending him to Pharaoh to bring the Israelites out of Egypt,
his immediate reaction is that this task is too much for him
to bear. He replies to God, who
am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of
Egypt? What made it possible for him to bear
the task was the very next line in
scripture where God says again, I will be with
you
again. In numbers eleven, after having to deal
with Israelites whining and constant complaining, Moses
tells God that he cannot bear the situation that he finds himself
in. In verse 14, he says, I
am not able to carry this pupil alone. The burden is too
heavy for me. If you will treat me like this, kill me at once
if I find favor in your sight that I might not see my
wretchedness again. Having more than he could
bear leads him to cry out to God. And in the very next verse,
God again helps him get through it by
appointing elders to aid Moses. And in
one kings 19, we find Elijah, who has just
defeated 450 prophets of Baal
being threatened by Jezebel, saying that she is going to do the same to
him. In this moment,
Elijah finds himself so overcome by fear that he ditches
his servant and runs into the wilderness and sits down under a tree
and asks God to let him die.
He says, it is enough now, o Lord,
take away my life, for I am no better than my
fathers. Theres obviously a lot going on in
Elijahs mind here. Hes been working for God
for some time now, and he literally just had a
giant win for God by defeating 450
prophets of Baal.
But he says that hes no better than his fathers.
This shows that for whatever reason, the enemy is
attacking him and bringing a sense of shame into
his life and a sense of failure.
And then he asks God to take his life.
He's had so much to bear that, again, it drives him to cry out to
God. And in the very next verse, again, God provides for him and
gets him through it by sending an angel to minister
to him and to strengthen him. The
third thing that I learned is that the enemy's attacks are
part of God's will, and they can even be approved by him.
There's a saying with some of the vets that I work with at the
warrior path program, and they always like to say,
you know, you're on top of the enemy when you start receiving direct
fire. Paul tells us that,
in two corinthians twelve seven, to keep me from
becoming conceited because of surpassing greatness of
revelations, a thorn was given me in the
flesh. And then he acknowledges that this
thorn was a messenger of Satan to harass and keep him
from becoming conceited.
He says that he prayed three times that the Lord would take it from him.
And do you remember what God's answer was? He said,
my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect
in weakness. In other words, God's answer
was, this isn't about you. Trust me,
M. Just as God knows
everything that we're going to do before we do it, he also knows what the enemy
is going to do before he does it,
and he can put a stop to it. But sometimes it's
his will to allow the attacks to happen. If
you look at the book of Job, Job loses everything that he
holds dear. By the end of his affliction, he's lost
his children, he's lost his possessions, he's
lost his health, and finally, he loses the
confidence of his wife. He's so disfigured
that his friends can't even recognize him. But
remember the beginning of the story. We often look at the
book of Job as a story about Satan testing a righteous
man. But remember who pointed Job out in the first
place. To our knowledge, Job was never
told about what played out behind the scenes. And here Job
is living a life as what God himself calls in
scripture, a blameless man. God and Satan are
going about their business, and Satan reports to God and
his activities, going to and fro among the earth. And
God initiates everything that will follow in the book of Job
with six simple have you considered my servant
job? Then Satan challenges
job, and God accepts the challenge.
In fact, Satan comes back multiple times and ups
the ante. And each time God accepts and says, just to spare his
life. Job now finds himself struggling
to understand why all this is happening to him. And he
begins to hurl questions at God
that might, make us shudder to even think about
if we were to talk to God like that, or ask God questions like
these. And he says things like, does it please you to
oppress me? Your hands have shaped and made
me. Will you now turn to destroy me?
Why did you bring me out of the womb? Why was I not
stillborn? And he continues to question
God. But God never answers
job. Instead, God turns around
and puts job on trial and begins to ask Job
questions that clearly put Job in his place and
show him just how insignificant job is in
comparison to himself and his sovereign plan.
Ultimately, the answer, just like the
answer that Paul got, is, this isn't about you. trust
me, the first
thing that I, or the fourth thing that I learned
is that God is ultimately for God.
Over and over again in scripture, God tells us that
everything that he does is for his glory.
In Isaiah 43, he tells us that he
created us for his glory. In Isaiah 49,
God tells us that he called Israel for his glory.
In Psalm 106 seven eight,
it says that God rescued the Israelites out of Egypt for his
glory. And in Romans 917, it says
that he raised up pharaoh, that his power might
be shown through him, and that God's
name might be proclaimed in all the earth.
And then in Exodus 14, we read that God defeated
Pharaoh at the Red Sea for his glory.
In John 17 eight, it says that Jesus sought the glory of
the father in everything that he did. And in Matthew
516 and one Peter 212, Jesus tells us
that we should do good works so that God can get
glorified or God can be glorified. In
John 1413, Jesus tells us that he answers
prayers so that God can be glorified. And Isaiah
43 25 and psalm 20 511 tells us that
God forgives sin for his name's sake.
In John 1614, it says that the work of the Holy
Spirit is meant to glorify God. In fact,
Jesus death and suffering were also meant to
glorify God. In John 12 27 28, as Jesus
is speaking to his disciples about his approaching death,
he says, now my soul is troubled, and what shall
I say? Father, deliver me from this hour.
But it is for this very reason that I have come to this hour.
Father, glorify your name.
First Corinthians 1013 tells us that
to do everything for God's glory. It says, so
whether you eat or drink or whatever you do,
do all for the glory of God. Have we ever
considered what that would actually look like? He starts
off with the most routine things that we do, like eating and
drinking. And then he says, to do all things for the
glory of God. And that all things would
include how we walk through suffering.
In Romans 1136, it says that everything
that happens will redound to God's glory.
Now, I'm not the sharpest person in this room, and so I
had to look up what redound means. And, the
definition of redound is to contribute greatly,
so everything will contribute greatly to his
glory. And that's a lot to unpack.
Think about this for a second. I want you guys to think about the worst
thing that you've ever experienced. What's the
one thing that's caused you the most suffering, the hardest
trial, the most sorrow,
the most pain?
And now tell yourself that that happened
to greatly contribute to God's glory,
that can be a little tough to swallow.
But when we're able to realize that everything that God does is
for his glory and his glory only, it really puts things
into perspective. God is so
glorious that revelation 21 23 tells us that
in the new Jerusalem, his glory will replace the sun.
His glory will literally replace the one thing that
sustained all life on earth for all time.
So what is our responsibility with all this?
I believe that our aim in all of our suffering
and our trials and our sorrow should be to glorify God. this is very
hard to do, especially when our view of everything that we endure, all the
trials, all the pain, all the sorrow, is something that is happening to
us. But what if we shifted that
perspective to realize that everything that is happening,
including the pain, the trial and the hardships and the suffering,
is actually things that are happening for us in
order to, again, from romans 828 29,
conform us to the image of his son
which of these two options holds more power when it
comes to being able to point others to Christ?
Being in the midst of our suffering and suffering
no differently than somebody in the secular world would,
taking on that victims mentality. And that woe is me
mindset. Or being in the midst of your
suffering and telling people that even if God does not
remove it from our lives, that he is still good, that we
still trust him, and that ultimately it's not
about us and how we're feeling, but it's about God and how
amazing he is, whether or not he saves us from whatever it is that
we're going through. I remember a time
when I was getting ready to teach a warrior path program, probably around a year
ago, and I was really struggling with anxiety,
and I felt like I was going to have a panic attack at some point during the
week and that it was going to happen in front of the class. And
then who am I to be up here and be an instructor who's teaching these
guys about post traumatic growth and being in a better place?
And now I'm up here having a panic attack, and my mind is just
running crazy with this. So I
decided to sit down and write out a prayer. And so
I sat down and I wrote a prayer, and I asked God to remove the
anxiety. And then in the next sentence,
I said, and if it's your will that I should have a panic
attack, please allow me to use it for your glory
and show others that you are still God and that you're still
good. That radical acceptance of
not my will, but your will be done and actually meaning
it brought the strongest sense of peace that I had ever
experienced, because I realized and accepted in that moment that
ultimately, it wasn't about my comfort. It was
about God and what he was doing in my life and what he has yet to do in
my life.
I know I've said a lot, but I'd like to leave
you guys with a challenge. In psalm
66 1012, it says, for you, O God,
have tested us. You've tried us as silver is
tried, and you brought us into the net. You've
laid a crushing burden on our backs, and you've
let men ride over us. We've went through fire
and through water, and yet you've brought us through a place of
abundance.
Our walk with God is never guaranteed to be easy.
In fact, I think it's pretty clear that it's
meant to be the exact opposite. Trials are going to
come. The enemy is going to attack you,
and those trials can be used. God to forge you
and purify us. Just like silver
is purified.
During the time that that psalm was written to forge silver, you would
take the raw materials. After you dug
up the silver or mine the silver, and you put it in a smelting pot or a
crucible. And then you would light a fire underneath it. And
intense heat was used to melt it down. As it was
melted, impurities in the metal would rise to the top. And the
refiner would then scoop out the impurities. And then allow the. The
silver to cool by putting it in water and setting it
aside. And then this process would be repeated
over and over and over. Until the metal was
purified. And the way that the refiner knew that the
metal was purified. Was when he could see his own reflection in the
metal. So my challenge to you would be
that the next time that you find yourself facing
trials or hardships or suffering,
that you shift from viewing it as something that's happening to
you and realize it.
Realize. Shift to realizing
that it's that forging process that is happening for
you. That with each trial that
comes. Also comes the opportunity to
allow God to remove some of those impurities that are still left in
us. And to continue to refine us.
So that as he does again, he's able to further
conform us to the image of his son.
If you guys don't take anything else away. From these jumbled
ramblings of this guy up here. That doesn't really know what he's
doing this morning, my prayer is that it would be this.
I know you guys might be going through something right now. And I know
that you might be suffering this morning. You might be
overcome with sorrow. You might be overcome with pain
or anxiety or depression. Or a long list
of other things that I could rattle off that you could be
experiencing. Because we live in a broken,
fallen world. That Jesus said you will have
suffering in.
I know that you might be asking God why.
You might even be begging him m to take whatever it is from
you. I know because I've been there, and I'm still there
at times. But please hear me when I
say this. Jesus died
to save you from your sins. So that your belief
in him would give you eternal life because of
his life, death, and resurrection. And that you would no
longer be separated from God. And that promise of I will be with
you can be made true in your life. And if that
is the last thing that Jesus ever does for you this side of
heaven, it's still enough.
That place of abundance that psalm 66 talks
about I know
that there can be a lot of pressure on us at times, whether it
comes from ourselves or from outside forces or other people
to make us feel like when we're struggling with
anxiety or depression or sadness or sorrow or
pain, you name it, that it's either a flaw in
our character or a flaw in our faith. We
live in a broken, fallen world, and in
that brokenness, we are also included.
So naturally, there's going to be parts of
us that are broken as well.
That psalm was written around 300 years after the
Israelites left Egypt, after
they'd wandered through the desert, after they found the
promised land, after they'd gone through
various wars and been conquered again.
And it's believed that King David wrote that psalm.
So when you think about the US in that psalm, when it says
that you've brought us to a place of abundance
and you think about it as a people group,
not everybody is included in that. Us,
not everybody got to see that place of abundance in the
promised land. And sometimes
God will deliver you from whatever you're going through.
And sometimes his answer is the same answer that Paul
got. My grace is sufficient for you,
and my power is made perfect in weakness.
Sometimes what we suffer from or what we struggle
with will be removed from us.
And sometimes it won't be removed from us until he calls us
home. And my question for
myself and for you guys this morning is, are you
okay with that? Are you okay
with being uncomfortable in order that God
can magnify his name and bring glory to
himself in your life?
With that, I'd like to pray with you guys.
Father, thank you for today. Thank you for everybody in this
room. And God, I know that everybody
in this room might be dealing with something
that I don't know about, maybe that people close
to them don't even know about.
God, I pray that you would be with them and that
you would show them that they don't have to bear this
alone. And that
by leaning into you, you
promised that you would be with us and
that you give us the ability to get through it. We can't
get through it on our own.
God, I pray that if anybody in this room is
suffering silently by themselves or going through a hard time,
that they would know that their brother and sister to their left or their
right is here, to be there for
them and to help them as well, get through
it. I pray that you'd be with
all of us and that you would help us live this
out in our lives and recognize that
everything is for your glory.
And if we could just allow everything, including the suffering in
our lives, to be used to glorify your name.
How much of an amazing display that could be for
unbelievers who see that play out in our
lives. Father, we love you
and we trust you and we thank you.
Amen.
Thanks again for listening, and be sure to check back next
week for another episode. In the meantime, you
can visit us@willowridgechurch.org or by
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