WEBVTT 0 00:00:05.000 --> 00:00:07.926 Welcome to the Willow Ridge Sermons podcast. This is 1 00:00:07.950 --> 00:00:10.590 where you can find audio from Sunday morning, messages and 2 00:00:10.622 --> 00:00:13.454 more. Make sure you're subscribed so that you don't miss 3 00:00:13.494 --> 00:00:15.994 future episodes. And thanks for listening. 4 00:00:19.254 --> 00:00:22.206 All right, so I was going to give a little brief introduction, but I feel like after I get done 5 00:00:22.230 --> 00:00:24.926 with probably the first quarter of this, you guys are going to know me pretty well, 6 00:00:24.990 --> 00:00:27.446 so I'll leave that out. But I do want to say, my wife is 7 00:00:27.470 --> 00:00:30.374 Chelsea, and I've got four little kids that you probably see running around 8 00:00:30.414 --> 00:00:33.120 here. And if I haven't met you, well, you're going to know a lot about me today. 9 00:00:33.192 --> 00:00:36.162 So, in 2013, I joined the Columbia police 10 00:00:36.218 --> 00:00:38.986 department, and I was assigned to the most violent region in the 11 00:00:39.010 --> 00:00:41.952 city. And my fourth day on the job, which was 12 00:00:41.968 --> 00:00:44.792 the first day that I got to drive the patrol car, a 13 00:00:44.808 --> 00:00:47.592 call came out for an unresponsive baby. My 14 00:00:47.608 --> 00:00:50.592 training officer asked me if I'd ever seen a dead baby before, 15 00:00:50.648 --> 00:00:53.644 and I hadn't. So he told me to tell dispatch that we'd be en route. 16 00:00:54.604 --> 00:00:57.508 On my way there, I was trying to prepare for what I 17 00:00:57.516 --> 00:01:00.452 was about to see. And when I got there, I realized 18 00:01:00.508 --> 00:01:03.396 that what I had prepared for was probably not what I was 19 00:01:03.420 --> 00:01:06.340 about to see. As I walked up to the door, the look on 20 00:01:06.372 --> 00:01:09.300 my fellow officers face said it all. And my training officer 21 00:01:09.332 --> 00:01:12.132 asked him, where is the baby? He said, he's on the 22 00:01:12.148 --> 00:01:15.060 couch. So we walked in the front door, and I looked down 23 00:01:15.092 --> 00:01:17.844 over the back of the couch, and on the couch cushion, there was a white sheet 24 00:01:17.884 --> 00:01:20.304 covering a body that was much larger than I had expected. 25 00:01:20.864 --> 00:01:23.792 My officer reached down, or my training officer reached down and picked up the 26 00:01:23.808 --> 00:01:26.600 sheet, and there was a three year old laying with his eyes 27 00:01:26.632 --> 00:01:29.216 wide open that had been murdered by his father's 28 00:01:29.240 --> 00:01:31.920 girlfriend, who had incorrectly assumed that 29 00:01:32.112 --> 00:01:33.804 the father was cheating on him. 30 00:01:35.304 --> 00:01:38.112 I remember the scene being surreal. There was a grandmother that 31 00:01:38.128 --> 00:01:40.992 was outside wailing in 32 00:01:41.008 --> 00:01:43.928 a cry that I'd never even experienced before. And 33 00:01:43.936 --> 00:01:46.812 I'll never forget, she 34 00:01:46.828 --> 00:01:49.584 was screaming out to God and asking to bring the baby back. 35 00:01:50.084 --> 00:01:52.914 There was a, father who was in complete shock, sitting on a trash 36 00:01:52.954 --> 00:01:55.314 can, just staring into the woods and couldn't even 37 00:01:55.354 --> 00:01:58.338 speak. And then there 38 00:01:58.346 --> 00:02:01.290 was the two children that belonged to the girlfriend, who were running 39 00:02:01.322 --> 00:02:03.974 around as if nothing had happened. 40 00:02:04.674 --> 00:02:07.546 I remembered standing outside of the 41 00:02:07.570 --> 00:02:10.464 house and, had this overwhelming, just 42 00:02:10.544 --> 00:02:13.204 sense of overpowering 43 00:02:13.244 --> 00:02:16.132 emotions with everything that I was witnessing. I 44 00:02:16.148 --> 00:02:18.184 felt sick to my stomach. I wanted to leave. 45 00:02:18.804 --> 00:02:21.772 And it even crossed my mind to call my wife and have her come pick me 46 00:02:21.788 --> 00:02:24.630 up and just quit the job on the spot. I remember telling myself in that 47 00:02:24.662 --> 00:02:27.510 moment that if this is what you really want to do, you need to pull 48 00:02:27.542 --> 00:02:30.038 yourself together, shut these emotions down, and get the job 49 00:02:30.086 --> 00:02:33.054 done. I started to experience, because 50 00:02:33.094 --> 00:02:36.078 of the stress and the emotions, what's called auditory exclusion. If you 51 00:02:36.086 --> 00:02:39.074 don't know what that is, it's where your body literally shuts down the hearing. 52 00:02:39.214 --> 00:02:42.162 And it's like you're having to witness everything going on around you without 53 00:02:42.218 --> 00:02:44.454 any sound. 54 00:02:44.954 --> 00:02:47.874 So here I am watching kids run around. I can't hear anything. 55 00:02:47.914 --> 00:02:49.934 I'm watching the ambulance get packed up. 56 00:02:50.594 --> 00:02:53.066 I'm watching a grandmother crying, and all of this has no 57 00:02:53.090 --> 00:02:55.906 sound. I 58 00:02:55.930 --> 00:02:58.810 wouldn't snap out of that state until I suddenly 59 00:02:58.842 --> 00:03:01.842 heard my sergeant start yelling, Stevens, go get the crime seam tape and 60 00:03:01.858 --> 00:03:03.254 start taping off the yard. 61 00:03:05.054 --> 00:03:07.606 So that's what I did. I shut down the 62 00:03:07.630 --> 00:03:10.494 emotions, I grabbed the crime scene tape, I started a crime scene 63 00:03:10.534 --> 00:03:13.446 log and began gathering people's information that was 64 00:03:13.470 --> 00:03:16.366 on scene. And over the next three years, that's how I would 65 00:03:16.390 --> 00:03:19.246 go about my business in law enforcement. Over the 66 00:03:19.270 --> 00:03:22.222 next three years, I would find that that kind of violence was the norm for the 67 00:03:22.238 --> 00:03:24.606 area that I worked in. I would see children 68 00:03:24.670 --> 00:03:27.662 shot, children killed, unimaginable 69 00:03:27.718 --> 00:03:29.754 abuse. A nine month old. 70 00:03:32.574 --> 00:03:35.350 A nine month old that was burnt 27 times 71 00:03:35.542 --> 00:03:38.054 down his back by 72 00:03:38.094 --> 00:03:40.926 cigarettes just because his 73 00:03:40.950 --> 00:03:42.994 parents were tired of hearing him cry. 74 00:03:47.094 --> 00:03:50.086 I'd see 13 and 14 year old children killing each other 75 00:03:50.190 --> 00:03:52.758 and shooting each other over gang beefs created by Facebook 76 00:03:52.846 --> 00:03:53.634 posts, 77 00:03:57.674 --> 00:04:00.578 suicides of all ages, natural deaths, 78 00:04:00.706 --> 00:04:03.290 overdoses, fatal vehicle 79 00:04:03.322 --> 00:04:06.054 collisions, daily domestic violence, 80 00:04:06.954 --> 00:04:09.946 and the aftermath of an elderly woman who was so badly 81 00:04:10.090 --> 00:04:12.946 neglected by her family 82 00:04:13.010 --> 00:04:15.914 that she was basically stuck to a chair that she was left in 83 00:04:15.994 --> 00:04:18.494 because of the bedsores that she had down her back. 84 00:04:19.834 --> 00:04:22.294 I treated each scene the same. 85 00:04:22.664 --> 00:04:24.924 All it was was a scene filled with evidence. 86 00:04:25.304 --> 00:04:27.616 Sometimes that evidence was a dead child, a 87 00:04:27.640 --> 00:04:30.480 teenager, or victims of a fatal collision, and 88 00:04:30.512 --> 00:04:33.496 so on. There were nothing more than objects to be 89 00:04:33.520 --> 00:04:36.370 observed and reported on in order to do my job. in 2014, 90 00:04:36.442 --> 00:04:39.442 the Black Lives Matter movement began sweeping the nation after the 91 00:04:39.458 --> 00:04:42.290 killing of Michael Brown. And overnight, the relationships 92 00:04:42.322 --> 00:04:45.242 that I had built with the young children in my patrol area began 93 00:04:45.298 --> 00:04:48.236 to implode. The very same children that, just the week 94 00:04:48.260 --> 00:04:50.652 before had been playing in my patrol car with the lights and 95 00:04:50.668 --> 00:04:53.642 sirens began throwing up 96 00:04:53.658 --> 00:04:56.614 their hands and yelling, don't shoot at me. When I pull into their neighborhood. 97 00:05:00.754 --> 00:05:03.442 Around the same time multiple ambushes of police began 98 00:05:03.498 --> 00:05:06.402 happening across the country. And I was 99 00:05:06.418 --> 00:05:09.162 getting police intelligence emails saying that the local 100 00:05:09.218 --> 00:05:11.986 gangs in our area were planning attacks on us and that they were 101 00:05:12.010 --> 00:05:13.734 talking about it on social media. 102 00:05:14.754 --> 00:05:17.706 In 2015, my wife was six months pregnant with our oldest 103 00:05:17.730 --> 00:05:20.622 son, and I came home from, a night 104 00:05:20.654 --> 00:05:23.414 shift and turned on the tv to find out that Greg Aliyah with 105 00:05:23.430 --> 00:05:26.186 Forest Acres Petey had been killed in the line of duty. 106 00:05:27.046 --> 00:05:29.846 Over the following days, I would watch his wife give news interviews 107 00:05:29.886 --> 00:05:32.702 holding their six month old son, and the entire department 108 00:05:32.774 --> 00:05:35.766 was put on bereavement leave. So I got sent to forest Acres to cover 109 00:05:35.806 --> 00:05:37.826 for their department until after his funeral. 110 00:05:38.846 --> 00:05:41.626 While I was there, the thousand yard flood happened, 111 00:05:42.206 --> 00:05:45.146 and I found myself coordinating a makeshift 112 00:05:45.186 --> 00:05:47.986 rescue mission with one other officer. Because the entire city 113 00:05:48.026 --> 00:05:51.022 was tied up. we were calling for rapid, or, 114 00:05:50.972 --> 00:05:53.614 what do they call it? Rapid water 115 00:05:53.670 --> 00:05:56.198 rescue. And they were tied up rescuing people around the 116 00:05:56.222 --> 00:05:59.142 city. So me and one other officer had to coordinate the rescue 117 00:05:59.174 --> 00:06:02.086 missions of people who were stuck in their house and forest acres using boats 118 00:06:02.126 --> 00:06:03.746 by privately owned citizens. 119 00:06:05.246 --> 00:06:07.958 I had already begun replying to different departments at this 120 00:06:07.982 --> 00:06:10.586 point, having decided that since I was going to be a father, 121 00:06:10.946 --> 00:06:13.866 I needed to move to a safer area to give myself a better chance 122 00:06:13.906 --> 00:06:16.874 of getting to see my son grow up. Anxiety had already begun to 123 00:06:16.890 --> 00:06:19.802 creep in, and I didn't even notice it. My 124 00:06:19.834 --> 00:06:22.526 first week at Lexington county in November of 2015, 125 00:06:23.226 --> 00:06:26.194 I got word that Officer Stacy case, who was 126 00:06:26.210 --> 00:06:28.666 on the squad that relieved me in Columbia, had died 127 00:06:28.786 --> 00:06:31.594 responding to a shooting in the vista. Within 128 00:06:31.650 --> 00:06:34.378 four weeks, I'd experienced, the loss of two 129 00:06:34.434 --> 00:06:37.006 officers in the line of duty, one of which I knew 130 00:06:37.038 --> 00:06:39.918 personally. I'd worked a natural disaster on top of everything 131 00:06:39.974 --> 00:06:42.654 else that I'd experienced over the last two and a half years 132 00:06:42.782 --> 00:06:45.250 and everything that was currently unfolding in the news. 133 00:06:46.310 --> 00:06:49.262 When I attempted to go to Officer Greg Leah's funeral, I experienced 134 00:06:49.286 --> 00:06:52.090 what I now look back and recognize as my first panic attack. 135 00:06:52.630 --> 00:06:55.534 I was getting dressed in my class A uniforms, getting ready to leave for 136 00:06:55.542 --> 00:06:58.374 the funeral, and I felt sick to my stomach. I was shaking, and I 137 00:06:58.382 --> 00:07:01.198 couldn't bring myself to leave the house. I didn't attend the 138 00:07:01.214 --> 00:07:04.166 funeral, and I felt extremely ashamed of the fact that I couldn't show 139 00:07:04.198 --> 00:07:06.050 up and be there for my fellow officers. 140 00:07:07.510 --> 00:07:10.238 I, continued attempting to push down the emotions that were 141 00:07:10.414 --> 00:07:13.382 getting harder and harder to keep a lid on. And 142 00:07:13.406 --> 00:07:16.370 on July 7, 2016, my oldest son had just turned 143 00:07:16.990 --> 00:07:19.918 five months old. We were visiting a 144 00:07:19.934 --> 00:07:22.930 friend whose parents lived on Lake Greenwood. And while we were there. 145 00:07:23.310 --> 00:07:26.118 Me and my wife were laying in bed, and I got an alert on my phone that there was an 146 00:07:26.134 --> 00:07:29.038 active shooting taking place in Dallas. I 147 00:07:29.054 --> 00:07:31.662 opened my phone and began searching the live feeds. And I sat in 148 00:07:31.686 --> 00:07:34.588 bed or laid in bed and watched much of the 149 00:07:34.604 --> 00:07:37.356 Dallas police massacre happen in real time from live feeds 150 00:07:37.388 --> 00:07:39.844 recorded in apartments above the street that it was taking place 151 00:07:39.892 --> 00:07:42.676 on. I remember telling my wife as I was 152 00:07:42.708 --> 00:07:45.684 watching it, when we get home, I'm going to purchase an AR 15 and I'm going 153 00:07:45.692 --> 00:07:48.292 to keep it in my patrol car with me every day, even though that was against 154 00:07:48.356 --> 00:07:51.040 department policy. If you're not qualified with the weapon. 155 00:07:51.460 --> 00:07:54.292 In my mind, it was only a matter of time before this stuff started 156 00:07:54.356 --> 00:07:57.160 happening here and before it started happening to me. 157 00:07:58.600 --> 00:08:01.368 My wife and I, prior to all of this, had begun seeing a 158 00:08:01.384 --> 00:08:04.336 marriage counselor because of my inability to communicate 159 00:08:04.368 --> 00:08:07.312 with her. And while seeing that counselor, he asked 160 00:08:07.336 --> 00:08:09.900 if I would be willing to meet with him one on one. And I agreed. 161 00:08:10.400 --> 00:08:12.540 During my first solo session with him, 162 00:08:13.120 --> 00:08:16.016 he said that he had picked up on some things that we had said during our couple 163 00:08:16.048 --> 00:08:18.952 or that I had said during our couples session. And 164 00:08:18.976 --> 00:08:21.340 he just asked me, what is it that you are so afraid of? 165 00:08:21.680 --> 00:08:24.232 And after sitting there for 15 minutes trying to keep my 166 00:08:24.256 --> 00:08:27.168 composure and run out the clock of the hour that I had left to sit there 167 00:08:27.184 --> 00:08:29.922 in front of him, I began sobbing. 168 00:08:30.106 --> 00:08:33.042 And I blurted out, I don't want to die and have 169 00:08:33.066 --> 00:08:35.910 my son grow up without having a memory of me. 170 00:08:36.570 --> 00:08:39.550 This caught the therapist off guard, who also began crying. 171 00:08:40.170 --> 00:08:43.018 After we both composed ourselves, he said, is it okay if I ask you 172 00:08:43.034 --> 00:08:45.834 some questions? And I said, yes. He grabbed a large 173 00:08:45.922 --> 00:08:48.506 book off of a shelf behind and began asking a series of 174 00:08:48.538 --> 00:08:49.362 questions. 175 00:08:49.546 --> 00:08:52.150 Do you have recurring nightmares? Yes. 176 00:08:52.690 --> 00:08:55.090 Do you find yourself on edge all the time when you're in public? 177 00:08:55.170 --> 00:08:57.974 Yes. Do you find yourself reliving 178 00:08:58.022 --> 00:09:00.902 events? Yes. Have you lost interest 179 00:09:00.966 --> 00:09:03.730 in things that you used to enjoy? Yes. 180 00:09:05.150 --> 00:09:08.070 After what seemed like hundreds of questions and 181 00:09:08.150 --> 00:09:10.782 lots of yeses, he told me you have 182 00:09:10.806 --> 00:09:13.646 ptsd and anxiety because of the things that you've dealt 183 00:09:13.678 --> 00:09:15.130 with and seen on your job. 184 00:09:17.910 --> 00:09:20.770 He said that he recommend that I start seeing a psychiatrist. 185 00:09:22.210 --> 00:09:25.130 I couldn't see a psychiatrist. I didn't know what to think. 186 00:09:25.170 --> 00:09:27.818 PTSD wasn't for me. I wasn't a 187 00:09:27.834 --> 00:09:30.714 soldier. I'd never been to war. I was just a street 188 00:09:30.762 --> 00:09:33.506 cop. I'd only ever been shot at one time, and it wasn't 189 00:09:33.538 --> 00:09:35.070 even. It was indirectly. 190 00:09:37.130 --> 00:09:39.786 I ended up going about my business. I went to my 191 00:09:39.858 --> 00:09:42.706 personal doctor and got put on an antidepressant, which was 192 00:09:42.738 --> 00:09:45.546 supposed to be for the anxiety, and continued about my 193 00:09:45.578 --> 00:09:48.470 business at work. I couldn't tell anyone because 194 00:09:48.510 --> 00:09:51.390 I would lose my job. You can't have a crazy 195 00:09:51.430 --> 00:09:54.358 person carrying a gun and responding to dangerous situations. That's 196 00:09:54.374 --> 00:09:56.890 a liability, and that's how it would have been seen. 197 00:09:57.630 --> 00:10:00.086 Over the next three years, I would jump to smaller 198 00:10:00.118 --> 00:10:02.846 departments in my mind, thinking that that would help with the 199 00:10:02.878 --> 00:10:05.770 anxiety, trying to hide my struggle and leave. 200 00:10:06.150 --> 00:10:09.110 Then I would end up leaving law enforcement for about eight 201 00:10:09.150 --> 00:10:12.086 months, and at that time, I began having panic 202 00:10:12.118 --> 00:10:14.676 attacks. In 2019, I went back into law 203 00:10:14.708 --> 00:10:17.092 enforcement. Since leaving the profession didn't help with the 204 00:10:17.116 --> 00:10:19.716 anxiety, I lasted two months at that 205 00:10:19.748 --> 00:10:22.740 department. I began having panic attacks during every 206 00:10:22.780 --> 00:10:25.440 shift and coming home from early multiple times a week. 207 00:10:26.860 --> 00:10:29.748 One night, I came home early, and my supervisor, who happened 208 00:10:29.764 --> 00:10:32.412 to be somebody that I worked with at Columbia and who I also went to the 209 00:10:32.436 --> 00:10:35.280 academy with, drove me home because I was unable to drive. 210 00:10:35.820 --> 00:10:38.692 While we were in the car on the way home, I broke down 211 00:10:38.716 --> 00:10:41.588 and I told him, man, I don't know what's wrong with me, and I don't think I'm cut out 212 00:10:41.604 --> 00:10:44.506 for this anymore. I got home and I snuck 213 00:10:44.538 --> 00:10:47.310 into the bathroom in the middle of the night while my wife was sleeping, 214 00:10:47.610 --> 00:10:50.458 and I got in the shower, which was the only way at the time that I knew how to 215 00:10:50.474 --> 00:10:52.510 calm myself down. When I had a panic attack 216 00:10:53.290 --> 00:10:56.154 at around 03:00 a.m. my wife came into the bathroom confused 217 00:10:56.202 --> 00:10:59.202 as to why the shower was on when she was supposed to be home alone, and found me 218 00:10:59.226 --> 00:11:02.202 in the fetal position in the shower, crying. And 219 00:11:02.226 --> 00:11:04.906 over the next month, I would lose that job at that department, 220 00:11:05.098 --> 00:11:08.098 begin another job, and be diagnosed with panic attacks. On 221 00:11:08.114 --> 00:11:09.870 top of the PTSD and anxiety. 222 00:11:11.040 --> 00:11:14.016 I did end up seeing a psychiatrist, and he put me on some medicine 223 00:11:14.048 --> 00:11:16.920 that seemed to be working alright, and I was able to work fairly steadily into 224 00:11:16.960 --> 00:11:17.820 2020. 225 00:11:20.120 --> 00:11:23.032 In June of 2020, I got some news that rattled me to my core, 226 00:11:23.096 --> 00:11:25.800 and it knocked me off the little bit of foundation that I had left 227 00:11:25.840 --> 00:11:28.832 underneath me. I began having multiple debilitating 228 00:11:28.896 --> 00:11:31.496 panic attacks a day, and I had to go on 229 00:11:31.528 --> 00:11:34.400 disability from work. We had little money 230 00:11:34.440 --> 00:11:37.392 coming in. Basically nothing. My wife couldn't work because I couldn't 231 00:11:37.416 --> 00:11:39.980 be left alone with my children, with the state that I was in. 232 00:11:40.490 --> 00:11:43.362 And I had already begun isolating from my wife and 233 00:11:43.386 --> 00:11:46.258 family months before this by staying at home when they 234 00:11:46.274 --> 00:11:48.986 would go somewhere or in the bedroom when they were 235 00:11:49.018 --> 00:11:51.930 home. And it just got worse. I spent all day, every 236 00:11:51.970 --> 00:11:54.442 day in bed, afraid to leave the bedroom or even the 237 00:11:54.466 --> 00:11:57.378 house. I didn't want my kids to see 238 00:11:57.394 --> 00:12:00.338 me have a panic attack. And the panic attacks were so severe that I 239 00:12:00.354 --> 00:12:02.818 lived every moment of my life afraid of when the next one was going to 240 00:12:02.834 --> 00:12:05.786 come. I was done. I felt like I had nothing 241 00:12:05.818 --> 00:12:08.778 left in my tank, and I felt like I was at the end of 242 00:12:08.794 --> 00:12:11.730 my rope. Sometimes I would lay in the bed and imagine killing 243 00:12:11.770 --> 00:12:14.618 myself. My wife got to the point where she 244 00:12:14.634 --> 00:12:16.030 was afraid to leave me alone. 245 00:12:18.170 --> 00:12:20.738 I remember one time she was leaving the house to go somewhere with the 246 00:12:20.754 --> 00:12:23.634 kids, and of course I wasn't going to go because I 247 00:12:23.642 --> 00:12:26.642 couldn't leave the house. And 248 00:12:26.666 --> 00:12:29.610 she came into the bedroom, and she sat on the edge of the bed, and she asked 249 00:12:29.650 --> 00:12:32.442 me, you're not going to do anything stupid while I'm 250 00:12:32.466 --> 00:12:35.432 gone, are you? And I had to promise her 251 00:12:35.456 --> 00:12:37.500 that I'd still be alive when she got home. 252 00:12:42.120 --> 00:12:44.912 She ended up getting in touch with a program that my mom had told her 253 00:12:44.936 --> 00:12:47.520 about that was for 254 00:12:47.640 --> 00:12:50.592 veterans and first responders who were suffering from PTSD, 255 00:12:50.656 --> 00:12:53.552 anxiety, anything that their job had created in their life. 256 00:12:53.576 --> 00:12:56.456 And my wife got in contact with that program and told them that I needed 257 00:12:56.488 --> 00:12:59.464 help. And I ended up attending 258 00:12:59.512 --> 00:13:02.392 the Warrior Path program in October of 2020, which is the 259 00:13:02.416 --> 00:13:04.660 first program that they put on in South Carolina. 260 00:13:05.210 --> 00:13:08.026 The entire program revolved around the idea that you can turn 261 00:13:08.058 --> 00:13:11.058 your struggles into strength and that you can actually use your suffering 262 00:13:11.114 --> 00:13:14.098 to learn lessons, lessons about life and emerge on 263 00:13:14.114 --> 00:13:16.882 the other side of your struggles and traumas and be able to 264 00:13:16.906 --> 00:13:18.390 thrive because of them. 265 00:13:20.050 --> 00:13:22.790 While I was in the week long program, God was working. 266 00:13:23.770 --> 00:13:26.762 While the program was not religious, they did quote romans five 267 00:13:26.826 --> 00:13:29.682 three five to show that this idea of being able 268 00:13:29.706 --> 00:13:32.558 to thrive in the midst of your struggles and your traumas has been 269 00:13:32.574 --> 00:13:35.302 around for thousands of years. Romans 270 00:13:35.366 --> 00:13:38.262 five three five says not only that, but we rejoice in our 271 00:13:38.286 --> 00:13:40.846 sufferings. Knowing that suffering produces 272 00:13:40.878 --> 00:13:43.622 endurance, endurance produces character, and 273 00:13:43.646 --> 00:13:46.158 character produces hope. And hope does not put us to 274 00:13:46.174 --> 00:13:49.062 shame. Shame, at that point in my 275 00:13:49.086 --> 00:13:51.982 life, had become my identity. I was ashamed 276 00:13:52.006 --> 00:13:54.450 of the fact that I lost my job in law enforcement. 277 00:13:54.750 --> 00:13:56.930 I was ashamed of the husband that I had become, 278 00:13:57.510 --> 00:13:59.850 and I was ashamed of the father that I was being. 279 00:14:00.830 --> 00:14:03.606 For years before this program, I'd spent all my time asking 280 00:14:03.638 --> 00:14:05.760 God, why? all kinds of why? Questions. 281 00:14:06.580 --> 00:14:09.508 Why did all this have to happen? Why do I have to 282 00:14:09.524 --> 00:14:12.292 deal with all this? Why do I have to deal with 283 00:14:12.316 --> 00:14:15.172 PTSD, anxiety and panic attacks? Why won't you take them 284 00:14:15.196 --> 00:14:17.868 from me? And the biggest why? Question that I 285 00:14:17.884 --> 00:14:20.446 continued to ask God, was why did you take law enforcement from 286 00:14:20.478 --> 00:14:23.462 me? I was very angry with God. Law 287 00:14:23.486 --> 00:14:26.398 enforcement was something that I enjoyed and it was something that I had wanted to 288 00:14:26.414 --> 00:14:28.010 do since I was younger. 289 00:14:29.340 --> 00:14:31.804 While I was in the program, I remembered psalm 46 290 00:14:31.852 --> 00:14:34.716 ten, be still and know that I am 291 00:14:34.748 --> 00:14:37.580 God. I'm not going to lie. The translation 292 00:14:37.620 --> 00:14:40.612 that came to me in that moment was the translation that I needed, and it was 293 00:14:40.636 --> 00:14:42.280 more of shut up and trust me. 294 00:14:43.420 --> 00:14:46.212 And that's what I decided to do while I was there. Instead of 295 00:14:46.236 --> 00:14:49.140 asking why, I began praying while I was in the program that God 296 00:14:49.260 --> 00:14:52.076 would reveal his will for my life and that his 297 00:14:52.108 --> 00:14:55.020 will would ultimately be done. Then during 298 00:14:55.060 --> 00:14:57.620 one of the exercises they had us do, I spent the whole time 299 00:14:57.660 --> 00:15:00.316 praying. I did ask God, why. 300 00:15:00.348 --> 00:15:02.996 Again I asked, why did you take law enforcement from 301 00:15:03.028 --> 00:15:05.916 me? I told him how much I enjoyed it, 302 00:15:06.028 --> 00:15:08.916 how much I had looked forward to it at a younger age, and how 303 00:15:08.948 --> 00:15:11.200 proud I was that I was actually in the job. 304 00:15:12.260 --> 00:15:15.076 But I told him after that I was done asking why and that I wouldnt ask 305 00:15:15.108 --> 00:15:18.068 why anymore. I was just going to shut up like he told me to and wait 306 00:15:18.084 --> 00:15:20.816 for an answer. Literally minutes later, that 307 00:15:20.848 --> 00:15:23.368 answer came after all of the negative 308 00:15:23.424 --> 00:15:26.256 mindset that I had been in for years and the constant 309 00:15:26.288 --> 00:15:28.776 whining and complaining like a little child asking God 310 00:15:28.808 --> 00:15:31.784 why? I clearly heard God say to me, I haven't taken 311 00:15:31.832 --> 00:15:34.700 anything from you. I'm preparing you for service in a new role. 312 00:15:35.600 --> 00:15:38.504 That was the first time that I'd ever heard God clearly speak to me. 313 00:15:38.552 --> 00:15:41.432 And it changed everything. I 314 00:15:41.456 --> 00:15:44.340 got home after the week long program and I told my wife 315 00:15:44.820 --> 00:15:47.816 that I had quit my job. And, 316 00:15:47.766 --> 00:15:50.602 I told her that I was going to work at Warrior Path as one of their path guides and 317 00:15:50.626 --> 00:15:52.510 help first responders and veterans. 318 00:15:53.290 --> 00:15:56.242 And I hadn't been offered a job, so of course she thought 319 00:15:56.266 --> 00:15:59.146 I was insane. But over the next eleven months, 320 00:15:59.178 --> 00:16:01.354 God would provide for us in ways that are now 321 00:16:01.402 --> 00:16:02.310 undeniable. 322 00:16:02.890 --> 00:16:05.602 I would work side jobs here and there. I had no 323 00:16:05.626 --> 00:16:08.618 steady stream of income and I didn't even have what 324 00:16:08.634 --> 00:16:11.434 you could classify as an actual job. And yet 325 00:16:11.482 --> 00:16:13.898 somehow we were able to pay all of our bills for eleven 326 00:16:13.954 --> 00:16:16.402 months. In July of 327 00:16:16.426 --> 00:16:19.218 2021, the director of Warrior Path reached out to me and asked 328 00:16:19.274 --> 00:16:21.898 me if I was interested in becoming a path guide and teaching at the 329 00:16:21.914 --> 00:16:24.874 program. And I now work at the big Red Barn retreat 330 00:16:24.922 --> 00:16:27.922 teaching the warrior path program multiple times a month, where 331 00:16:27.946 --> 00:16:30.858 I get to walk alongside veterans and first responders who 332 00:16:30.874 --> 00:16:33.790 were dealing with the same struggles that I dealt with. 333 00:16:35.770 --> 00:16:38.030 It's taken some time, but the longer 334 00:16:38.560 --> 00:16:41.496 I no longer look at everything that I've been through as a curse. 335 00:16:41.648 --> 00:16:44.632 And I'm now able to recognize that everything that God has allowed me 336 00:16:44.656 --> 00:16:47.512 to experience had led me to a place where my only option was 337 00:16:47.536 --> 00:16:50.296 to run to him and trust that everything that had 338 00:16:50.328 --> 00:16:53.216 happened had happened for a purpose. But what was that 339 00:16:53.248 --> 00:16:56.096 purpose? Over the next three or four 340 00:16:56.128 --> 00:16:59.062 months, three to four years. It's, almost been four years 341 00:16:59.086 --> 00:17:01.918 now. I've learned some hard truths that 342 00:17:01.934 --> 00:17:04.850 I've reflected on when I look back at that season of my life 343 00:17:05.340 --> 00:17:08.180 and what they were meant to not only teach me, but what they could also teach 344 00:17:08.220 --> 00:17:11.000 others as well. And that's what I'd like to share with you guys this morning. 345 00:17:11.580 --> 00:17:14.460 Before I start, I'd like to make clear that I still struggle 346 00:17:14.500 --> 00:17:17.220 with anxiety and PTSD. And I will not lie to you. Full 347 00:17:17.260 --> 00:17:20.212 transparency. I took his annex before I came up here this morning because you guys 348 00:17:20.236 --> 00:17:20.960 are scary. 349 00:17:24.660 --> 00:17:27.644 I don't have it all figured out, and I'm a broken sinner, just 350 00:17:27.692 --> 00:17:30.316 as in need of God's grace as everybody else in this 351 00:17:30.348 --> 00:17:33.288 room. Again, full transparency. Before I got up 352 00:17:33.304 --> 00:17:36.160 here, I spit out a piece of nicorette. And about 353 00:17:36.200 --> 00:17:38.904 two nights ago, when I was walking to the bedroom, I stepped on a Lego. 354 00:17:38.992 --> 00:17:41.976 And any parents in here know how hard of a struggle 355 00:17:42.008 --> 00:17:42.780 that is. 356 00:17:44.240 --> 00:17:47.128 I want to start by sharing a definition of suffering that I've come 357 00:17:47.144 --> 00:17:49.220 to love, and it comes from Elizabeth Elliott. 358 00:17:50.000 --> 00:17:52.928 She is a missionary whose husband was killed by a tribe that 359 00:17:52.944 --> 00:17:55.808 he intended to share the gospel with 27 months after they were 360 00:17:55.824 --> 00:17:58.272 married, leaving her widowed with a one year old child in the 361 00:17:58.296 --> 00:18:01.124 1950s. She said that suffering 362 00:18:01.212 --> 00:18:04.012 is having what you don't want or wanting what you don't have. And that 363 00:18:04.036 --> 00:18:05.400 covers just about everything. 364 00:18:06.980 --> 00:18:09.932 So the first thing that I've learned is that suffering is 365 00:18:09.956 --> 00:18:12.764 for our good. And as believers, we should expect to face 366 00:18:12.812 --> 00:18:15.468 trials first. Peter 412 367 00:18:15.564 --> 00:18:18.308 13 tells us, beloved, do not be surprised at the 368 00:18:18.324 --> 00:18:20.948 fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you 369 00:18:21.124 --> 00:18:23.868 as though if something strange were happening to you. 370 00:18:24.044 --> 00:18:26.532 But rejoice insofar as you share in Christ's 371 00:18:26.556 --> 00:18:29.414 suffering, that you may also rejoice and be glad 372 00:18:29.462 --> 00:18:32.286 when his glory is revealed. M 373 00:18:32.286 --> 00:18:33.970 Peter tells us in this verse 374 00:18:35.390 --> 00:18:38.350 not to look at suffering as if something strange is happening to us. 375 00:18:38.390 --> 00:18:40.838 In other words, we should expect it. It's part of the 376 00:18:40.854 --> 00:18:43.766 deal. He tells us to rejoice 377 00:18:43.878 --> 00:18:46.806 in sharing in Christ's suffering. Imagine if 378 00:18:46.838 --> 00:18:49.606 that was the pitch that we gave every Sunday morning to win hearts for 379 00:18:49.638 --> 00:18:52.518 Christ. Believe in God, and you'll get 380 00:18:52.534 --> 00:18:55.290 to partake in the same suffering that Christ endured. 381 00:18:55.590 --> 00:18:58.478 Church probably wouldn't be very popular. In 382 00:18:58.494 --> 00:19:01.342 fact, this idea isn't popular. And that's 383 00:19:01.366 --> 00:19:04.238 why so many churches are distorting the truth and starting to tell 384 00:19:04.294 --> 00:19:07.210 christians that becoming a Christian shields you from suffering. 385 00:19:07.950 --> 00:19:10.838 However, the Bible says that we're called to rejoice in our suffering, 386 00:19:10.894 --> 00:19:13.886 because if we can rejoice in the midst of our suffering while we're here on 387 00:19:13.918 --> 00:19:16.886 earth, how much more will we be able to rejoice when 388 00:19:16.918 --> 00:19:19.390 Christ returns in all of his glory and puts an end to that 389 00:19:19.430 --> 00:19:22.338 suffering? When 390 00:19:22.354 --> 00:19:25.330 we think about Jesus promises, what often comes to mind 391 00:19:25.370 --> 00:19:28.150 is his blessings, the promises of the blessings. 392 00:19:28.730 --> 00:19:31.698 He promises to forgive us. He promises 393 00:19:31.754 --> 00:19:34.722 to show us mercy, that because of our belief in 394 00:19:34.746 --> 00:19:37.642 him, that we'll receive eternal life. But what 395 00:19:37.666 --> 00:19:39.802 about this one? In John 396 00:19:39.866 --> 00:19:42.698 1633, Jesus says, you will have suffering 397 00:19:42.754 --> 00:19:45.450 in this world. He doesn't say that you might 398 00:19:45.490 --> 00:19:48.082 suffer. He doesn't say that you could suffer. He 399 00:19:48.106 --> 00:19:50.970 guarantees it. He says, you will have suffering. 400 00:19:52.390 --> 00:19:55.182 In psalm 40 319, it says that many are the 401 00:19:55.206 --> 00:19:57.250 afflictions of the righteous. 402 00:19:58.150 --> 00:20:00.934 In two, Timothy 312, we read, indeed, 403 00:20:00.982 --> 00:20:03.822 all who desire to live a godly life in Jesus Christ will be 404 00:20:03.846 --> 00:20:06.118 persecuted. Philippians 405 00:20:06.174 --> 00:20:09.102 129 tells us that for the sake of Christ, it is 406 00:20:09.126 --> 00:20:11.966 granted to us not only that we would believe, but 407 00:20:11.998 --> 00:20:13.410 also that we would suffer. 408 00:20:15.050 --> 00:20:18.026 So if God is loving, and if he's truly sovereign 409 00:20:18.058 --> 00:20:20.946 over everything that happens, then our view of suffering probably needs 410 00:20:20.978 --> 00:20:23.978 an adjustment. We can often view 411 00:20:24.034 --> 00:20:26.930 suffering as bad. But if God 412 00:20:26.970 --> 00:20:29.898 allows it, and if God is good, and 413 00:20:29.914 --> 00:20:32.858 if God loves us, then there must be some value in 414 00:20:32.874 --> 00:20:35.150 it. It can't all be bad. 415 00:20:35.970 --> 00:20:38.650 I recently heard Matt Chandler say that the false God of our 416 00:20:38.690 --> 00:20:41.614 generation is comfortable. We live in 417 00:20:41.622 --> 00:20:44.510 a time where what we often consider suffering is actually just being 418 00:20:44.550 --> 00:20:47.110 uncomfortable. When our finances 419 00:20:47.150 --> 00:20:50.078 are struggling, it's uncomfortable when we 420 00:20:50.094 --> 00:20:52.960 have anxiety or depression or, when our marriage 421 00:20:53.000 --> 00:20:55.800 is struggling, or when our children are making poor choices 422 00:20:55.880 --> 00:20:58.376 that we can't do anything about. It's 423 00:20:58.408 --> 00:21:00.936 uncomfortable. But uncomfortable doesn't mean that it's 424 00:21:00.968 --> 00:21:01.540 bad. 425 00:21:05.080 --> 00:21:07.640 Even if it's hard to distinguish between suffering and being 426 00:21:07.680 --> 00:21:10.608 uncomfortable, it would be helpful to view our suffering 427 00:21:10.664 --> 00:21:13.296 or our discomfort in light of what Paul tells us in Romans 828 428 00:21:13.328 --> 00:21:16.320 29, we know that all 429 00:21:16.360 --> 00:21:19.288 things work for the good of those who love God, who are called 430 00:21:19.344 --> 00:21:21.952 according to his purpose. For those that he 431 00:21:21.976 --> 00:21:24.944 foreknew, he also predestined to be conformed to the image of 432 00:21:24.952 --> 00:21:27.936 his son so that he might be the firstborn among many 433 00:21:27.968 --> 00:21:30.656 brothers. You'll notice that he doesn't 434 00:21:30.688 --> 00:21:33.456 say that all things work out for the comfort of those who love 435 00:21:33.488 --> 00:21:36.288 God. He says that all things work for the good 436 00:21:36.344 --> 00:21:39.336 of those who love God. God's definition of good 437 00:21:39.368 --> 00:21:42.168 is anything that can be used to conform us to the image of his 438 00:21:42.184 --> 00:21:44.352 son, and that would include suffering and 439 00:21:44.376 --> 00:21:47.272 discomfort. The second thing 440 00:21:47.296 --> 00:21:50.056 that I learned is that suffering is meant to teach us and grow our 441 00:21:50.088 --> 00:21:53.088 faith and our dependence on God. I'm sure that 442 00:21:53.104 --> 00:21:56.008 we've all heard the saying in this room, God will never give you more than you 443 00:21:56.024 --> 00:21:56.860 can handle. 444 00:21:58.760 --> 00:22:01.592 I'll tell you that that is a lie that's invaded our faith and is now 445 00:22:01.616 --> 00:22:04.540 looked upon as biblical truth. Yet the Bible never states this. 446 00:22:05.220 --> 00:22:07.916 The truth is that God will never give you more than he can 447 00:22:07.948 --> 00:22:10.876 handle. It's our dependence on him that 448 00:22:10.908 --> 00:22:13.908 makes it possible for us to get through any of the trials or various 449 00:22:13.964 --> 00:22:15.920 hardships that he allows us to experience. 450 00:22:16.780 --> 00:22:19.620 In Isaiah 43 two, God 451 00:22:19.660 --> 00:22:22.116 says, when you pass through the waters, I will be with 452 00:22:22.148 --> 00:22:24.916 you. There are many 453 00:22:24.948 --> 00:22:27.788 places in scripture where we can find characters that we all look up 454 00:22:27.804 --> 00:22:30.000 to, being given more than they can handle. 455 00:22:30.600 --> 00:22:33.568 And when this happens, you can see a pattern. It drives them to 456 00:22:33.584 --> 00:22:36.576 a point where they cry out to God and then God gets them 457 00:22:36.608 --> 00:22:39.552 through it. It's not of their own ability that they're able to make it through the 458 00:22:39.576 --> 00:22:42.280 trials that they face. When God tells 459 00:22:42.320 --> 00:22:45.256 Moses that he's sending him to Pharaoh to bring the Israelites out of Egypt, 460 00:22:45.288 --> 00:22:48.232 his immediate reaction is that this task is too much for him 461 00:22:48.256 --> 00:22:51.232 to bear. He replies to God, who 462 00:22:51.256 --> 00:22:54.072 am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of 463 00:22:54.096 --> 00:22:56.992 Egypt? What made it possible for him to bear 464 00:22:57.016 --> 00:22:59.886 the task was the very next line in 465 00:22:59.918 --> 00:23:02.662 scripture where God says again, I will be with 466 00:23:02.686 --> 00:23:03.250 you 467 00:23:07.950 --> 00:23:10.870 again. In numbers eleven, after having to deal 468 00:23:10.910 --> 00:23:13.726 with Israelites whining and constant complaining, Moses 469 00:23:13.758 --> 00:23:16.294 tells God that he cannot bear the situation that he finds himself 470 00:23:16.342 --> 00:23:19.278 in. In verse 14, he says, I 471 00:23:19.294 --> 00:23:22.070 am not able to carry this pupil alone. The burden is too 472 00:23:22.110 --> 00:23:24.950 heavy for me. If you will treat me like this, kill me at once 473 00:23:24.990 --> 00:23:27.286 if I find favor in your sight that I might not see my 474 00:23:27.318 --> 00:23:30.096 wretchedness again. Having more than he could 475 00:23:30.128 --> 00:23:33.000 bear leads him to cry out to God. And in the very next verse, 476 00:23:33.040 --> 00:23:35.736 God again helps him get through it by 477 00:23:35.768 --> 00:23:38.688 appointing elders to aid Moses. And in 478 00:23:38.704 --> 00:23:41.400 one kings 19, we find Elijah, who has just 479 00:23:41.440 --> 00:23:44.120 defeated 450 prophets of Baal 480 00:23:44.280 --> 00:23:47.152 being threatened by Jezebel, saying that she is going to do the same to 481 00:23:47.176 --> 00:23:49.992 him. In this moment, 482 00:23:50.056 --> 00:23:52.952 Elijah finds himself so overcome by fear that he ditches 483 00:23:52.976 --> 00:23:55.912 his servant and runs into the wilderness and sits down under a tree 484 00:23:55.936 --> 00:23:57.540 and asks God to let him die. 485 00:23:58.710 --> 00:24:01.398 He says, it is enough now, o Lord, 486 00:24:01.494 --> 00:24:03.702 take away my life, for I am no better than my 487 00:24:03.726 --> 00:24:06.718 fathers. Theres obviously a lot going on in 488 00:24:06.734 --> 00:24:09.678 Elijahs mind here. Hes been working for God 489 00:24:09.774 --> 00:24:12.238 for some time now, and he literally just had a 490 00:24:12.374 --> 00:24:15.174 giant win for God by defeating 450 491 00:24:15.342 --> 00:24:16.650 prophets of Baal. 492 00:24:18.630 --> 00:24:21.010 But he says that hes no better than his fathers. 493 00:24:21.550 --> 00:24:24.392 This shows that for whatever reason, the enemy is 494 00:24:24.416 --> 00:24:27.360 attacking him and bringing a sense of shame into 495 00:24:27.400 --> 00:24:30.180 his life and a sense of failure. 496 00:24:30.520 --> 00:24:33.060 And then he asks God to take his life. 497 00:24:33.360 --> 00:24:36.312 He's had so much to bear that, again, it drives him to cry out to 498 00:24:36.336 --> 00:24:39.208 God. And in the very next verse, again, God provides for him and 499 00:24:39.224 --> 00:24:42.000 gets him through it by sending an angel to minister 500 00:24:42.120 --> 00:24:44.992 to him and to strengthen him. The 501 00:24:45.016 --> 00:24:47.952 third thing that I learned is that the enemy's attacks are 502 00:24:47.976 --> 00:24:50.860 part of God's will, and they can even be approved by him. 503 00:24:52.590 --> 00:24:55.270 There's a saying with some of the vets that I work with at the 504 00:24:55.390 --> 00:24:58.366 warrior path program, and they always like to say, 505 00:24:58.398 --> 00:25:00.958 you know, you're on top of the enemy when you start receiving direct 506 00:25:01.014 --> 00:25:03.810 fire. Paul tells us that, 507 00:25:03.796 --> 00:25:06.588 in two corinthians twelve seven, to keep me from 508 00:25:06.612 --> 00:25:09.028 becoming conceited because of surpassing greatness of 509 00:25:09.052 --> 00:25:11.724 revelations, a thorn was given me in the 510 00:25:11.740 --> 00:25:14.476 flesh. And then he acknowledges that this 511 00:25:14.516 --> 00:25:17.492 thorn was a messenger of Satan to harass and keep him 512 00:25:17.524 --> 00:25:19.096 from becoming conceited. 513 00:25:20.446 --> 00:25:23.438 He says that he prayed three times that the Lord would take it from him. 514 00:25:23.542 --> 00:25:26.478 And do you remember what God's answer was? He said, 515 00:25:26.502 --> 00:25:29.486 my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect 516 00:25:29.526 --> 00:25:32.222 in weakness. In other words, God's answer 517 00:25:32.254 --> 00:25:35.066 was, this isn't about you. Trust me, 518 00:25:35.242 --> 00:25:38.182 M. Just as God knows 519 00:25:38.214 --> 00:25:41.118 everything that we're going to do before we do it, he also knows what the enemy 520 00:25:41.142 --> 00:25:42.826 is going to do before he does it, 521 00:25:44.546 --> 00:25:47.482 and he can put a stop to it. But sometimes it's 522 00:25:47.514 --> 00:25:50.474 his will to allow the attacks to happen. If 523 00:25:50.490 --> 00:25:53.338 you look at the book of Job, Job loses everything that he 524 00:25:53.362 --> 00:25:56.226 holds dear. By the end of his affliction, he's lost 525 00:25:56.266 --> 00:25:59.202 his children, he's lost his possessions, he's 526 00:25:59.234 --> 00:26:02.218 lost his health, and finally, he loses the 527 00:26:02.242 --> 00:26:05.066 confidence of his wife. He's so disfigured 528 00:26:05.106 --> 00:26:08.106 that his friends can't even recognize him. But 529 00:26:08.146 --> 00:26:11.098 remember the beginning of the story. We often look at the 530 00:26:11.122 --> 00:26:13.970 book of Job as a story about Satan testing a righteous 531 00:26:14.018 --> 00:26:16.822 man. But remember who pointed Job out in the first 532 00:26:16.854 --> 00:26:19.646 place. To our knowledge, Job was never 533 00:26:19.686 --> 00:26:22.574 told about what played out behind the scenes. And here Job 534 00:26:22.630 --> 00:26:25.438 is living a life as what God himself calls in 535 00:26:25.462 --> 00:26:28.414 scripture, a blameless man. God and Satan are 536 00:26:28.430 --> 00:26:31.158 going about their business, and Satan reports to God and 537 00:26:31.302 --> 00:26:34.198 his activities, going to and fro among the earth. And 538 00:26:34.222 --> 00:26:37.022 God initiates everything that will follow in the book of Job 539 00:26:37.094 --> 00:26:39.942 with six simple have you considered my servant 540 00:26:39.974 --> 00:26:42.716 job? Then Satan challenges 541 00:26:42.756 --> 00:26:45.496 job, and God accepts the challenge. 542 00:26:45.956 --> 00:26:48.924 In fact, Satan comes back multiple times and ups 543 00:26:48.940 --> 00:26:51.916 the ante. And each time God accepts and says, just to spare his 544 00:26:51.956 --> 00:26:54.836 life. Job now finds himself struggling 545 00:26:54.876 --> 00:26:57.804 to understand why all this is happening to him. And he 546 00:26:57.820 --> 00:26:59.736 begins to hurl questions at God 547 00:27:00.316 --> 00:27:02.906 that might, make us shudder to even think about 548 00:27:03.090 --> 00:27:06.050 if we were to talk to God like that, or ask God questions like 549 00:27:06.082 --> 00:27:08.790 these. And he says things like, does it please you to 550 00:27:08.822 --> 00:27:11.750 oppress me? Your hands have shaped and made 551 00:27:11.782 --> 00:27:13.954 me. Will you now turn to destroy me? 552 00:27:15.494 --> 00:27:17.870 Why did you bring me out of the womb? Why was I not 553 00:27:17.902 --> 00:27:20.582 stillborn? And he continues to question 554 00:27:20.638 --> 00:27:22.974 God. But God never answers 555 00:27:23.014 --> 00:27:25.854 job. Instead, God turns around 556 00:27:25.894 --> 00:27:28.270 and puts job on trial and begins to ask Job 557 00:27:28.342 --> 00:27:31.310 questions that clearly put Job in his place and 558 00:27:31.342 --> 00:27:34.206 show him just how insignificant job is in 559 00:27:34.230 --> 00:27:36.714 comparison to himself and his sovereign plan. 560 00:27:37.424 --> 00:27:40.216 Ultimately, the answer, just like the 561 00:27:40.240 --> 00:27:42.838 answer that Paul got, is, this isn't about you. trust 562 00:27:42.886 --> 00:27:45.718 me, the first 563 00:27:45.766 --> 00:27:48.674 thing that I, or the fourth thing that I learned 564 00:27:48.974 --> 00:27:51.710 is that God is ultimately for God. 565 00:27:51.902 --> 00:27:54.542 Over and over again in scripture, God tells us that 566 00:27:54.598 --> 00:27:56.874 everything that he does is for his glory. 567 00:27:57.334 --> 00:28:00.214 In Isaiah 43, he tells us that he 568 00:28:00.254 --> 00:28:03.002 created us for his glory. In Isaiah 49, 569 00:28:03.058 --> 00:28:05.614 God tells us that he called Israel for his glory. 570 00:28:06.234 --> 00:28:08.534 In Psalm 106 seven eight, 571 00:28:09.474 --> 00:28:12.386 it says that God rescued the Israelites out of Egypt for his 572 00:28:12.410 --> 00:28:15.306 glory. And in Romans 917, it says 573 00:28:15.330 --> 00:28:18.210 that he raised up pharaoh, that his power might 574 00:28:18.242 --> 00:28:20.698 be shown through him, and that God's 575 00:28:20.826 --> 00:28:23.374 name might be proclaimed in all the earth. 576 00:28:23.674 --> 00:28:26.482 And then in Exodus 14, we read that God defeated 577 00:28:26.538 --> 00:28:29.194 Pharaoh at the Red Sea for his glory. 578 00:28:29.614 --> 00:28:32.502 In John 17 eight, it says that Jesus sought the glory of 579 00:28:32.518 --> 00:28:35.334 the father in everything that he did. And in Matthew 580 00:28:35.374 --> 00:28:38.262 516 and one Peter 212, Jesus tells us 581 00:28:38.358 --> 00:28:40.814 that we should do good works so that God can get 582 00:28:40.854 --> 00:28:43.846 glorified or God can be glorified. In 583 00:28:43.870 --> 00:28:46.422 John 1413, Jesus tells us that he answers 584 00:28:46.478 --> 00:28:49.470 prayers so that God can be glorified. And Isaiah 585 00:28:49.502 --> 00:28:52.302 43 25 and psalm 20 511 tells us that 586 00:28:52.318 --> 00:28:54.994 God forgives sin for his name's sake. 587 00:28:57.194 --> 00:29:00.154 In John 1614, it says that the work of the Holy 588 00:29:00.194 --> 00:29:03.178 Spirit is meant to glorify God. In fact, 589 00:29:03.226 --> 00:29:06.042 Jesus death and suffering were also meant to 590 00:29:06.058 --> 00:29:09.050 glorify God. In John 12 27 28, as Jesus 591 00:29:09.082 --> 00:29:11.906 is speaking to his disciples about his approaching death, 592 00:29:12.090 --> 00:29:14.970 he says, now my soul is troubled, and what shall 593 00:29:15.002 --> 00:29:17.866 I say? Father, deliver me from this hour. 594 00:29:17.970 --> 00:29:20.644 But it is for this very reason that I have come to this hour. 595 00:29:20.754 --> 00:29:22.444 Father, glorify your name. 596 00:29:23.624 --> 00:29:26.404 First Corinthians 1013 tells us that 597 00:29:27.224 --> 00:29:30.056 to do everything for God's glory. It says, so 598 00:29:30.080 --> 00:29:32.816 whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, 599 00:29:33.000 --> 00:29:35.904 do all for the glory of God. Have we ever 600 00:29:35.944 --> 00:29:38.880 considered what that would actually look like? He starts 601 00:29:38.912 --> 00:29:41.352 off with the most routine things that we do, like eating and 602 00:29:41.368 --> 00:29:44.232 drinking. And then he says, to do all things for the 603 00:29:44.248 --> 00:29:47.136 glory of God. And that all things would 604 00:29:47.160 --> 00:29:49.044 include how we walk through suffering. 605 00:29:50.564 --> 00:29:53.300 In Romans 1136, it says that everything 606 00:29:53.372 --> 00:29:56.020 that happens will redound to God's glory. 607 00:29:56.172 --> 00:29:59.108 Now, I'm not the sharpest person in this room, and so I 608 00:29:59.116 --> 00:30:01.970 had to look up what redound means. And, the 609 00:30:02.002 --> 00:30:04.894 definition of redound is to contribute greatly, 610 00:30:05.354 --> 00:30:08.290 so everything will contribute greatly to his 611 00:30:08.322 --> 00:30:11.174 glory. And that's a lot to unpack. 612 00:30:12.274 --> 00:30:15.042 Think about this for a second. I want you guys to think about the worst 613 00:30:15.098 --> 00:30:17.896 thing that you've ever experienced. What's the 614 00:30:17.920 --> 00:30:20.920 one thing that's caused you the most suffering, the hardest 615 00:30:20.952 --> 00:30:23.364 trial, the most sorrow, 616 00:30:23.704 --> 00:30:24.884 the most pain? 617 00:30:26.744 --> 00:30:29.320 And now tell yourself that that happened 618 00:30:29.512 --> 00:30:31.924 to greatly contribute to God's glory, 619 00:30:33.984 --> 00:30:35.804 that can be a little tough to swallow. 620 00:30:37.944 --> 00:30:40.912 But when we're able to realize that everything that God does is 621 00:30:40.928 --> 00:30:43.784 for his glory and his glory only, it really puts things 622 00:30:43.824 --> 00:30:46.730 into perspective. God is so 623 00:30:46.762 --> 00:30:49.706 glorious that revelation 21 23 tells us that 624 00:30:49.730 --> 00:30:52.694 in the new Jerusalem, his glory will replace the sun. 625 00:30:53.434 --> 00:30:56.178 His glory will literally replace the one thing that 626 00:30:56.266 --> 00:30:59.254 sustained all life on earth for all time. 627 00:31:04.634 --> 00:31:07.134 So what is our responsibility with all this? 628 00:31:08.874 --> 00:31:11.818 I believe that our aim in all of our suffering 629 00:31:11.866 --> 00:31:14.818 and our trials and our sorrow should be to glorify God. this is very 630 00:31:14.866 --> 00:31:17.842 hard to do, especially when our view of everything that we endure, all the 631 00:31:17.858 --> 00:31:20.730 trials, all the pain, all the sorrow, is something that is happening to 632 00:31:20.762 --> 00:31:23.234 us. But what if we shifted that 633 00:31:23.274 --> 00:31:26.114 perspective to realize that everything that is happening, 634 00:31:26.154 --> 00:31:29.034 including the pain, the trial and the hardships and the suffering, 635 00:31:29.194 --> 00:31:32.026 is actually things that are happening for us in 636 00:31:32.050 --> 00:31:34.642 order to, again, from romans 828 29, 637 00:31:34.698 --> 00:31:36.694 conform us to the image of his son 638 00:31:37.954 --> 00:31:40.866 which of these two options holds more power when it 639 00:31:40.890 --> 00:31:43.014 comes to being able to point others to Christ? 640 00:31:43.594 --> 00:31:46.562 Being in the midst of our suffering and suffering 641 00:31:46.618 --> 00:31:49.450 no differently than somebody in the secular world would, 642 00:31:49.602 --> 00:31:52.234 taking on that victims mentality. And that woe is me 643 00:31:52.274 --> 00:31:55.170 mindset. Or being in the midst of your 644 00:31:55.202 --> 00:31:58.090 suffering and telling people that even if God does not 645 00:31:58.122 --> 00:32:00.930 remove it from our lives, that he is still good, that we 646 00:32:00.962 --> 00:32:03.950 still trust him, and that ultimately it's not 647 00:32:03.982 --> 00:32:06.974 about us and how we're feeling, but it's about God and how 648 00:32:07.014 --> 00:32:09.982 amazing he is, whether or not he saves us from whatever it is that 649 00:32:09.998 --> 00:32:12.990 we're going through. I remember a time 650 00:32:13.022 --> 00:32:16.022 when I was getting ready to teach a warrior path program, probably around a year 651 00:32:16.038 --> 00:32:18.354 ago, and I was really struggling with anxiety, 652 00:32:18.774 --> 00:32:21.686 and I felt like I was going to have a panic attack at some point during the 653 00:32:21.710 --> 00:32:24.582 week and that it was going to happen in front of the class. And 654 00:32:24.598 --> 00:32:27.390 then who am I to be up here and be an instructor who's teaching these 655 00:32:27.422 --> 00:32:30.342 guys about post traumatic growth and being in a better place? 656 00:32:30.398 --> 00:32:33.226 And now I'm up here having a panic attack, and my mind is just 657 00:32:33.390 --> 00:32:36.202 running crazy with this. So I 658 00:32:36.218 --> 00:32:39.146 decided to sit down and write out a prayer. And so 659 00:32:39.170 --> 00:32:41.650 I sat down and I wrote a prayer, and I asked God to remove the 660 00:32:41.682 --> 00:32:44.506 anxiety. And then in the next sentence, 661 00:32:44.650 --> 00:32:47.074 I said, and if it's your will that I should have a panic 662 00:32:47.114 --> 00:32:50.050 attack, please allow me to use it for your glory 663 00:32:50.122 --> 00:32:52.794 and show others that you are still God and that you're still 664 00:32:52.834 --> 00:32:55.810 good. That radical acceptance of 665 00:32:55.842 --> 00:32:58.466 not my will, but your will be done and actually meaning 666 00:32:58.490 --> 00:33:01.398 it brought the strongest sense of peace that I had ever 667 00:33:01.446 --> 00:33:04.310 experienced, because I realized and accepted in that moment that 668 00:33:04.342 --> 00:33:07.326 ultimately, it wasn't about my comfort. It was 669 00:33:07.350 --> 00:33:10.278 about God and what he was doing in my life and what he has yet to do in 670 00:33:10.286 --> 00:33:11.034 my life. 671 00:33:12.934 --> 00:33:15.870 I know I've said a lot, but I'd like to leave 672 00:33:15.902 --> 00:33:18.678 you guys with a challenge. In psalm 673 00:33:18.726 --> 00:33:21.694 66 1012, it says, for you, O God, 674 00:33:21.734 --> 00:33:24.486 have tested us. You've tried us as silver is 675 00:33:24.510 --> 00:33:27.322 tried, and you brought us into the net. You've 676 00:33:27.338 --> 00:33:30.306 laid a crushing burden on our backs, and you've 677 00:33:30.330 --> 00:33:33.330 let men ride over us. We've went through fire 678 00:33:33.402 --> 00:33:35.986 and through water, and yet you've brought us through a place of 679 00:33:36.010 --> 00:33:36.734 abundance. 680 00:33:38.954 --> 00:33:41.690 Our walk with God is never guaranteed to be easy. 681 00:33:41.842 --> 00:33:44.650 In fact, I think it's pretty clear that it's 682 00:33:44.762 --> 00:33:47.410 meant to be the exact opposite. Trials are going to 683 00:33:47.442 --> 00:33:49.814 come. The enemy is going to attack you, 684 00:33:50.694 --> 00:33:53.390 and those trials can be used. God to forge you 685 00:33:53.502 --> 00:33:56.374 and purify us. Just like silver 686 00:33:56.414 --> 00:33:57.234 is purified. 687 00:33:59.174 --> 00:34:02.022 During the time that that psalm was written to forge silver, you would 688 00:34:02.038 --> 00:34:04.894 take the raw materials. After you dug 689 00:34:04.934 --> 00:34:07.702 up the silver or mine the silver, and you put it in a smelting pot or a 690 00:34:07.718 --> 00:34:10.630 crucible. And then you would light a fire underneath it. And 691 00:34:10.662 --> 00:34:13.630 intense heat was used to melt it down. As it was 692 00:34:13.662 --> 00:34:16.462 melted, impurities in the metal would rise to the top. And the 693 00:34:16.478 --> 00:34:19.466 refiner would then scoop out the impurities. And then allow the. The 694 00:34:19.490 --> 00:34:22.042 silver to cool by putting it in water and setting it 695 00:34:22.058 --> 00:34:24.698 aside. And then this process would be repeated 696 00:34:24.786 --> 00:34:27.546 over and over and over. Until the metal was 697 00:34:27.570 --> 00:34:30.482 purified. And the way that the refiner knew that the 698 00:34:30.498 --> 00:34:32.962 metal was purified. Was when he could see his own reflection in the 699 00:34:32.978 --> 00:34:35.922 metal. So my challenge to you would be 700 00:34:35.938 --> 00:34:38.378 that the next time that you find yourself facing 701 00:34:38.426 --> 00:34:40.814 trials or hardships or suffering, 702 00:34:41.194 --> 00:34:44.050 that you shift from viewing it as something that's happening to 703 00:34:44.082 --> 00:34:46.274 you and realize it. 704 00:34:46.694 --> 00:34:49.534 Realize. Shift to realizing 705 00:34:49.574 --> 00:34:52.374 that it's that forging process that is happening for 706 00:34:52.414 --> 00:34:54.830 you. That with each trial that 707 00:34:54.862 --> 00:34:57.766 comes. Also comes the opportunity to 708 00:34:57.790 --> 00:35:00.646 allow God to remove some of those impurities that are still left in 709 00:35:00.670 --> 00:35:03.554 us. And to continue to refine us. 710 00:35:03.934 --> 00:35:06.806 So that as he does again, he's able to further 711 00:35:06.870 --> 00:35:08.714 conform us to the image of his son. 712 00:35:11.434 --> 00:35:14.098 If you guys don't take anything else away. From these jumbled 713 00:35:14.146 --> 00:35:17.026 ramblings of this guy up here. That doesn't really know what he's 714 00:35:17.050 --> 00:35:19.974 doing this morning, my prayer is that it would be this. 715 00:35:20.794 --> 00:35:23.722 I know you guys might be going through something right now. And I know 716 00:35:23.738 --> 00:35:26.642 that you might be suffering this morning. You might be 717 00:35:26.658 --> 00:35:29.418 overcome with sorrow. You might be overcome with pain 718 00:35:29.506 --> 00:35:32.386 or anxiety or depression. Or a long list 719 00:35:32.410 --> 00:35:35.374 of other things that I could rattle off that you could be 720 00:35:36.164 --> 00:35:38.940 experiencing. Because we live in a broken, 721 00:35:38.972 --> 00:35:41.660 fallen world. That Jesus said you will have 722 00:35:41.692 --> 00:35:42.664 suffering in. 723 00:35:44.644 --> 00:35:46.784 I know that you might be asking God why. 724 00:35:47.924 --> 00:35:50.764 You might even be begging him m to take whatever it is from 725 00:35:50.804 --> 00:35:53.772 you. I know because I've been there, and I'm still there 726 00:35:53.788 --> 00:35:56.692 at times. But please hear me when I 727 00:35:56.708 --> 00:35:59.460 say this. Jesus died 728 00:35:59.612 --> 00:36:02.460 to save you from your sins. So that your belief 729 00:36:02.492 --> 00:36:05.330 in him would give you eternal life because of 730 00:36:05.362 --> 00:36:08.234 his life, death, and resurrection. And that you would no 731 00:36:08.274 --> 00:36:11.186 longer be separated from God. And that promise of I will be with 732 00:36:11.210 --> 00:36:14.082 you can be made true in your life. And if that 733 00:36:14.098 --> 00:36:16.946 is the last thing that Jesus ever does for you this side of 734 00:36:16.970 --> 00:36:18.974 heaven, it's still enough. 735 00:36:20.514 --> 00:36:22.970 That place of abundance that psalm 66 talks 736 00:36:23.002 --> 00:36:25.938 about I know 737 00:36:25.946 --> 00:36:28.866 that there can be a lot of pressure on us at times, whether it 738 00:36:28.890 --> 00:36:31.690 comes from ourselves or from outside forces or other people 739 00:36:31.762 --> 00:36:34.490 to make us feel like when we're struggling with 740 00:36:34.522 --> 00:36:37.026 anxiety or depression or sadness or sorrow or 741 00:36:37.050 --> 00:36:40.002 pain, you name it, that it's either a flaw in 742 00:36:40.018 --> 00:36:42.866 our character or a flaw in our faith. We 743 00:36:42.890 --> 00:36:45.786 live in a broken, fallen world, and in 744 00:36:45.810 --> 00:36:48.614 that brokenness, we are also included. 745 00:36:49.034 --> 00:36:51.946 So naturally, there's going to be parts of 746 00:36:51.970 --> 00:36:53.374 us that are broken as well. 747 00:36:55.234 --> 00:36:58.042 That psalm was written around 300 years after the 748 00:36:58.058 --> 00:37:00.866 Israelites left Egypt, after 749 00:37:00.890 --> 00:37:03.682 they'd wandered through the desert, after they found the 750 00:37:03.698 --> 00:37:06.450 promised land, after they'd gone through 751 00:37:06.482 --> 00:37:08.574 various wars and been conquered again. 752 00:37:09.674 --> 00:37:12.334 And it's believed that King David wrote that psalm. 753 00:37:13.994 --> 00:37:16.754 So when you think about the US in that psalm, when it says 754 00:37:16.794 --> 00:37:19.054 that you've brought us to a place of abundance 755 00:37:20.194 --> 00:37:22.294 and you think about it as a people group, 756 00:37:23.074 --> 00:37:25.734 not everybody is included in that. Us, 757 00:37:26.784 --> 00:37:29.472 not everybody got to see that place of abundance in the 758 00:37:29.488 --> 00:37:32.464 promised land. And sometimes 759 00:37:32.504 --> 00:37:35.004 God will deliver you from whatever you're going through. 760 00:37:35.584 --> 00:37:38.584 And sometimes his answer is the same answer that Paul 761 00:37:38.624 --> 00:37:41.288 got. My grace is sufficient for you, 762 00:37:41.416 --> 00:37:43.644 and my power is made perfect in weakness. 763 00:37:50.424 --> 00:37:53.224 Sometimes what we suffer from or what we struggle 764 00:37:53.264 --> 00:37:55.464 with will be removed from us. 765 00:37:56.004 --> 00:37:58.956 And sometimes it won't be removed from us until he calls us 766 00:37:58.980 --> 00:38:01.812 home. And my question for 767 00:38:01.828 --> 00:38:04.716 myself and for you guys this morning is, are you 768 00:38:04.740 --> 00:38:07.644 okay with that? Are you okay 769 00:38:07.684 --> 00:38:10.436 with being uncomfortable in order that God 770 00:38:10.500 --> 00:38:13.420 can magnify his name and bring glory to 771 00:38:13.452 --> 00:38:15.104 himself in your life? 772 00:38:16.204 --> 00:38:18.184 With that, I'd like to pray with you guys. 773 00:38:20.524 --> 00:38:23.324 Father, thank you for today. Thank you for everybody in this 774 00:38:23.364 --> 00:38:26.104 room. And God, I know that everybody 775 00:38:26.684 --> 00:38:28.864 in this room might be dealing with something 776 00:38:29.724 --> 00:38:32.604 that I don't know about, maybe that people close 777 00:38:32.644 --> 00:38:34.104 to them don't even know about. 778 00:38:35.484 --> 00:38:38.476 God, I pray that you would be with them and that 779 00:38:38.500 --> 00:38:41.164 you would show them that they don't have to bear this 780 00:38:41.204 --> 00:38:44.196 alone. And that 781 00:38:44.220 --> 00:38:46.870 by leaning into you, you 782 00:38:46.902 --> 00:38:49.806 promised that you would be with us and 783 00:38:49.830 --> 00:38:52.710 that you give us the ability to get through it. We can't 784 00:38:52.742 --> 00:38:54.034 get through it on our own. 785 00:38:55.454 --> 00:38:58.286 God, I pray that if anybody in this room is 786 00:38:58.310 --> 00:39:01.274 suffering silently by themselves or going through a hard time, 787 00:39:02.174 --> 00:39:04.790 that they would know that their brother and sister to their left or their 788 00:39:04.822 --> 00:39:07.390 right is here, to be there for 789 00:39:07.422 --> 00:39:10.070 them and to help them as well, get through 790 00:39:10.102 --> 00:39:12.986 it. I pray that you'd be with 791 00:39:13.010 --> 00:39:15.890 all of us and that you would help us live this 792 00:39:15.922 --> 00:39:18.914 out in our lives and recognize that 793 00:39:18.954 --> 00:39:20.574 everything is for your glory. 794 00:39:21.674 --> 00:39:24.642 And if we could just allow everything, including the suffering in 795 00:39:24.658 --> 00:39:26.934 our lives, to be used to glorify your name. 796 00:39:28.434 --> 00:39:31.010 How much of an amazing display that could be for 797 00:39:31.042 --> 00:39:33.690 unbelievers who see that play out in our 798 00:39:33.722 --> 00:39:36.506 lives. Father, we love you 799 00:39:36.570 --> 00:39:38.978 and we trust you and we thank you. 800 00:39:39.146 --> 00:39:39.974 Amen. 801 00:39:43.154 --> 00:39:46.138 Thanks again for listening, and be sure to check back next 802 00:39:46.186 --> 00:39:49.042 week for another episode. In the meantime, you 803 00:39:49.058 --> 00:39:51.994 can visit us@willowridgechurch.org or by 804 00:39:52.034 --> 00:39:54.882 searching for Willow Ridge Church on Facebook, Instagram 805 00:39:54.938 --> 00:39:55.354 and Twitter.