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Welcome to The Crucible, Conversations for the Curious.

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I am Hamish, your host.

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This podcast is for anyone going through awakenings, trying to make sense of life.

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Whether dark nights are the soul, needing to make life -changing decisions, struggling
with addiction or critical illness, or simply realizing that their life as they know it is

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not aligned to values and purpose.

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You are not alone.

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You can get through this, promise you.

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Life is far more beautiful on the other side.

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Hello everybody today we are chatting with Dan Dan and I met on a social media network not
so very long ago and we got chatting and We realized we had quite a lot in common and so I

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asked him to get on to the podcast because he has a remarkable story and His exuberance is
infectious and just how he shows up for life for himself and for other people is really

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precious So Dan, thank you for being on the show today.

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Thank you so much

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It's great to be with you.

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I appreciate the opportunity to talk about my story and to spread hope and spread
positivity.

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That's what I'm about now.

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I spent a lot of time in my life doing the opposite of that.

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And so I'm glad to be here.

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I'm glad for the opportunity.

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Lovely.

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Well, the space is yours.

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Please tell us a little bit about your story and who you are now and where you came from.

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Okay, absolutely.

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So as we both know, and as a lot of people in our situations know, looking back is so much
easier to see the way things worked out or should have probably worked out or where the

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roadblocks or the potholes were.

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So I have to kind of go back to the beginning of my story.

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Sometimes mine's a little unusual because of the where I ended up.

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And you'll see that coming up.

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Most people figure I had a rough, rough go of it early on in life and I didn't.

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I had a very much what most people consider perfect existence up till my mid -20s.

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But that came with its issues too.

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A little bit of background on me, born and raised in Michigan here in the US.

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Father, entrepreneur, grandpa entrepreneur, highly driven man.

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My dad was married before and so I'm the second family.

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My sister and me, he married my mom.

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after being married before.

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And so there's a little bit of a dynamic there.

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We'll talk about in a minute, but there's some unhealthy coping and stuff that I learned
that way.

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But my dad was always busy.

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My family was always busy.

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I always laugh with people that we left when it was dark and we came home and it was dark.

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And anybody who has owned a company, it was exactly what I'm talking about.

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Right.

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That's the price we pay for what we do.

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so didn't get a lot of, I didn't get a lot of time with my dad.

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I didn't get a lot of

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good feedback from my dad.

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My dad was older and he'd done this before, five kids before me.

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I was the sixth one to seven.

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And so he was kind of done with it and he was busy and his priority was the company.

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Now, what I did get from my dad was this sense of perfection.

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That everything always had to be perfect, right?

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We were a very respected family, church, business community.

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And so was unspoken in our family that we better not embarrass the family.

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And then I had a father that also never admitted the failure.

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And so I know now looking back that he had plenty of them, but never in my life growing up
through my teenagers, I think my dad ever failed at anything.

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And, wow, that's a lot of pressure on a kid.

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When you think that that's the standard of life, that is a lot of pressure.

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As much as my mom was such a sweetie and encouraging, maybe overly so, it just never, it
always stuck with me in my head.

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You're not good enough.

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You're not doing enough.

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You can't, you're not working hard enough.

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You're lazy.

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You know, I tell a story about my dad.

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It just kind of sums him up.

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He used to say to me, my dad owns a string of lumber yards.

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It's why I used to work, since 10 years old, I worked in lumber yards, right?

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I would, would sell customers.

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I would sweep the warehouses and stuff and.

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And my dad had me out sweeping the warehouse one time and he came out and he was angry and
he said to me, man, how do you not know how to sweep?

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You don't know how to sweep?

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And I thought to myself, no, I don't.

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Nobody's ever showed me, you know?

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And so, and then the other thing that is, it'll make sense down the line that is my dad is
he never took breaks.

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Okay.

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So when my dad said, just take a break, he meant we stopped this job and do another job.

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He didn't mean we actually sit down and take a break.

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Right.

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And so this is how my mind has been taught.

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you know, from birth until, I mean, honestly, I got, I'm still working through this, but
only two or three years of actually being able to understand that that's not the way

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you're really supposed to live.

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So anyway, so I, you know, I grew up with this, with this pressure, with this identity
that everything had to go just right.

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And fortunately for me, things did, you know, I mean, I was a pretty good student.

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I was a star athlete.

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I married the prettiest girl right out of college.

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I have a psychology degree.

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Maybe there's some backs right at that, but I was going to try to help people.

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That was my goal.

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But I got out and I the bug event.

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Entrepreneurship got me.

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And so I started in my first company right out of college.

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I did very, very well, which reinforced.

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fact that I believed life was going to be easy.

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You know, here I had done this thing.

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I was perfect and I wasn't perfect.

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I felt like I had to be, but I wasn't.

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I knew I wasn't, so I covered it real well.

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as success is built, it was like, man, what are people talking about?

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Life's so hard.

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This is a piece of cake, you know?

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And so I'm getting to 25, 26 years old.

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I'm making good money.

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You can't tell me anything because I'm at that stubborn part of life where I don't take
advice because, well, what do you know?

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Look at me.

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Right?

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And so the ego was getting bigger and bigger.

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The head was getting bigger and bigger.

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And that was the beginning of the doubtful.

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Right?

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And so I had, I was married for about six years.

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And then it kind of fell apart and ended up getting divorced at 28 years old.

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And so this is the start of the crack in the armor.

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That's what I like to call it.

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Right?

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Now I couldn't hide that I wasn't perfect anymore.

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And everybody knew.

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that I was a failure, that I had my marriage had not done it, right?

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That's way I viewed it, you know?

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And so what do I do with that?

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Right?

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Now what is my identity?

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You know, I had an identity through school.

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was a conference kid.

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I was an athlete.

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I was married.

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You know, I was a good husband.

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Now I'm all alone at 28 years old.

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I am wondering what, what, what am I now?

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What is my identity now?

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Where do I go from here?

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And now everybody knows that Dan Hungerford is not what he appeared to be.

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And for the first time in my life, I had to face a crisis.

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And I didn't know how to do that.

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And so I had a choice.

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They always say you meet the devil at the crossroads, and you decide which way you're
going to go.

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And so I was lonely, and I decided that these people that I knew from actually some of
them that worked for me at that point,

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They're going out every Friday night and every Saturday night and Thursday night
sometimes.

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Whatever night was convenient at that point.

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And so I was like, you know, I never done this before.

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was I was raised in a very religious family.

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My mom, dad didn't drink.

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We went to church three times a week, you know, those kind of things.

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And so I had no idea, you know, what life that was.

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OK, now it's time.

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And so being the knucklehead that I was at 28 and having the head this large because I
figured I knew exactly how life worked.

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I headed down that path with partying, right?

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You I was making insane amounts of money and had no brains at that point, really, looking
back.

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And so, and so I started down that road.

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You know, first, I remember the first time I ever went to a bar and they said, what do you
want?

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I had no idea.

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Like I literally didn't know, I did not know one brand of alcohol.

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This is where I started, right?

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And I said to them, I'll have a Scotch on the rocks because I'd seen it in the movie.

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And so it was like, that's how I started, right?

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Because I had literally no idea how to, and it wasn't very good, as you can probably
imagine.

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For your first drink, probably scratch on the rocks, it's not where you want to go.

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But I didn't know, I didn't know any better.

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And so, so anyways, I started down this, this, this road, you know, of thinking I'm having
a good time, right?

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Thinking that I'm just making friends and, and, and my identity became Dan's the party
guy, right?

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He's got the money.

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He doesn't have to go home because he can always pay.

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And he can do this and he can do that.

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And so, you know, it started out as fun.

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It started out as as I'm just having a good time.

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And for a couple of years, it went that way.

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But then it started to cost me.

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You know, I was missing appointments for work.

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I wasn't I was sleeping past when I should have gotten up.

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Then then there became some drug use as well.

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You know, as you start partying.

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Next thing you know, it's like somebody says to you, hey, have you ever tried this?

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And I was one of those guys that go, yeah, no, first time for everything, right?

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And so there was that and there was a string of women and it was over and over and over.

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And for the first two or three years, like I said, wasn't, I thought I was really living
the life.

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I thought I was living the life that every man dreamed of, right?

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But I started to wake up a lot of mornings sad and ashamed of myself and alone and sick.

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and wondering where this path would go, but not at this point being willing, being able to
change it.

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You know, it had already gotten, mean, we're first year or two, maybe I could have, could
have turned it around, but by the time it actually dawned on me where I was at four or

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five years in, it had me, it had its hooks in me.

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You know, it had become what my, what my identity was.

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And I didn't know how to have fun anymore or go out without alcohol.

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or without drugs, I had lost my ability to deal with life.

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So when things, if I had to have a hard conversation with one of my friends or with one of
my employees, I had to go down and have a shot.

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I had the hard conversation because I had lost my ability.

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And so by that time, I had about a 15 year period and about a third of the way through is
when it really started to, it was fun until it wasn't funny.

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Right.

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And so, then I started getting a string of, cause I was very irresponsible and I would
drive my car, you know, it was, unacceptable.

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Luckily, thank God I never hurt anybody, but I almost killed myself once.

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I ran into a telephone pole and it missed my head by about that much and I should be dead.

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You know, during that time I also,

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Maybe here in Michigan, we have some pretty epic snowstorms and some cold, right?

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And one time I was trying to walk home, be responsible, and I fell asleep in the snow
drift.

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And if somebody wouldn't have found me, I'd have froze to death, you know?

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And so it's amazing to look back and think about how I was protected, even though I didn't
know I needed to be.

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I thought I was just out there living my life the way everybody, you you get to the point
and maybe some of y 'all can relate with this, but you get to the point where you feel

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like that everybody lives like this.

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Because everybody you know does.

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Right.

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And so like, why would you stop?

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mean, this is how people live.

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And then you get out and you realize, like, wait a minute, there's another way, you know,
but how do I get there?

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How do I get there?

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Right.

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So over the next, you know, few years, life continued that way.

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Trouble with finances and in legal trouble.

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I in 2009.

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I got another DUI here in Michigan that put me in jail for nine months.

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You'd think at that point you would learn, but it was deeper than that.

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Right?

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mean, anybody who's ever been addicted, you know, people used to say to me, well, because
I have to, didn't mention I have two, boys, right?

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Two boys.

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one of them is going to be 18 and one of them is 10.

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he was to say to me, well, why don't you think about your kids?

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Why don't you, what won't that help?

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And they don't understand the brain that goes with.

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Addiction right all that did was make me feel worse.

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want me to drink more because now I feel shame And they were trying to help they were
trying to help but it does it's not the way it works, you know, and so So I kept going and

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you think it like I said in 2009 went to went to jail for nine months Got back out stayed
sober for about 15 months Then one day I can remember as clean as clear as day.

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I was working in an office downtown running a company for somebody who

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who thought it was a good idea to let me run their company.

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But I was always really good at certain things, but messed up in other ways.

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And I thought to myself, okay, today's the day I'm going to walk down to this bar that I
know, this Irish pub.

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And I happened to walk in the door.

223
00:13:33,427 --> 00:13:37,860
And of course I knew the bartender because I knew almost everybody at certain point.

224
00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:45,796
I, I can remember sitting there in that drink and I can remember how it felt for my brain.

225
00:13:45,796 --> 00:13:48,787
And I thought, I'm in trouble.

226
00:13:48,928 --> 00:13:49,928
I'm in trouble.

227
00:13:50,256 --> 00:13:58,996
But my whole time in that 15 months or in that 15 years, the thing was is I thought I'd be
able to figure it out.

228
00:13:58,996 --> 00:14:05,796
You know how many books I read about moderation and hypnotherapy, right?

229
00:14:05,796 --> 00:14:07,216
Because I didn't want to give it up.

230
00:14:07,216 --> 00:14:08,326
I didn't want to give it up.

231
00:14:08,326 --> 00:14:12,736
was my, it was, mean, people say, and this is kind of true, it was my best friend at that
point.

232
00:14:12,736 --> 00:14:14,656
It was like losing your best friend.

233
00:14:14,656 --> 00:14:15,546
That was my comfort.

234
00:14:15,546 --> 00:14:18,792
was my, you know, it what I knew and

235
00:14:18,820 --> 00:14:19,771
And I didn't want to give it up.

236
00:14:19,771 --> 00:14:21,002
just wanted to lessen it.

237
00:14:21,002 --> 00:14:29,889
I wanted to lessen the bad effects and lessen the life consequences that I was facing.

238
00:14:29,889 --> 00:14:31,631
And so I did.

239
00:14:31,631 --> 00:14:36,625
I read and read and and figured that someday I'd figure it out, right?

240
00:14:36,625 --> 00:14:41,679
That I'd be able to have everything that included and not ruin my life.

241
00:14:41,900 --> 00:14:47,784
And so as you can imagine, why I'm here is it didn't work out that way.

242
00:14:49,348 --> 00:14:52,388
I continued down that road, two more DUIs.

243
00:14:52,868 --> 00:14:59,238
and then finally, in 2016, a judge threw the book at me, right?

244
00:14:59,238 --> 00:15:01,288
He said to me in court, Mr.

245
00:15:01,288 --> 00:15:06,608
Hungerford, we can't let you kill somebody and you're not learning.

246
00:15:06,968 --> 00:15:12,587
And he sentenced me to prison and it was like, man.

247
00:15:12,587 --> 00:15:14,127
This got real.

248
00:15:15,387 --> 00:15:24,707
And and that during that first like 30 days after that is when I kind of realized I would
never go back.

249
00:15:24,707 --> 00:15:30,287
And I'll share with you the couple of things that I when I kind of knew people asked me
when was the turning point.

250
00:15:30,887 --> 00:15:36,887
So I got sentenced and I went back to the county jail waiting for to go to prison for a
week.

251
00:15:37,447 --> 00:15:42,156
And that night I got on a on a call

252
00:15:42,156 --> 00:15:47,801
my son video call and he was 10 years old.

253
00:15:47,801 --> 00:15:50,777
And I saw the pain in him.

254
00:15:50,777 --> 00:15:51,814
things he didn't do?

255
00:15:51,814 --> 00:15:54,183
He was paying a price that he didn't deserve to pay.

256
00:15:54,183 --> 00:15:57,054
That's his dad.

257
00:15:57,054 --> 00:15:59,040
his dad couldn't hold it together.

258
00:16:00,508 --> 00:16:03,369
And I said to myself in that moment, that night,

259
00:16:03,369 --> 00:16:05,285
You can't put him through that anymore.

260
00:16:06,031 --> 00:16:07,634
That's not fair to him.

261
00:16:07,938 --> 00:16:09,203
You gotta figure this out.

262
00:16:09,203 --> 00:16:10,753
And so I started that journey.

263
00:16:10,834 --> 00:16:14,214
know, went to prison.

264
00:16:14,535 --> 00:16:21,267
The second kind of light bulb moment, if you will, is I was sitting in Jackson prison in
Jackson, Michigan.

265
00:16:21,267 --> 00:16:25,898
It's one of the biggest walled prisons in the United States, in a cell by myself.

266
00:16:26,218 --> 00:16:33,100
Now, my ex -wife, her dad, when I was dating her and married to her, worked in Jackson
prison.

267
00:16:33,761 --> 00:16:34,932
And so I sat there.

268
00:16:34,932 --> 00:16:40,174
in my cell overlooking the yard thinking, wow, how have you fallen?

269
00:16:41,075 --> 00:16:42,795
Right?

270
00:16:43,055 --> 00:16:44,376
What would they think?

271
00:16:44,376 --> 00:16:48,517
Here you are, you you were the least likely to be here.

272
00:16:49,338 --> 00:16:51,619
And yet here you sit, right?

273
00:16:51,619 --> 00:16:56,661
You used to watch your father -in -law get dressed in his uniform and come here.

274
00:16:56,881 --> 00:17:01,303
Who would have ever thought that someday you'd be sitting here?

275
00:17:02,263 --> 00:17:02,964
Never me.

276
00:17:02,964 --> 00:17:04,342
When I took that first

277
00:17:04,342 --> 00:17:10,637
Draco Scotch, I would have never guessed that I would be sitting there someday, right?

278
00:17:10,917 --> 00:17:17,442
And talking about eye -opening and humbling, which is what I needed.

279
00:17:17,523 --> 00:17:26,530
You know, like, okay, you're seeing what you're doing to your child and then not other
members of the family too, but really what you're doing to your son.

280
00:17:26,750 --> 00:17:31,153
And then look at what your choices have gotten you.

281
00:17:31,194 --> 00:17:33,868
Like you're sitting, looking through the bars,

282
00:17:33,868 --> 00:17:40,348
in the stinky, dirty, know, rust colored water coming out of the sink cell.

283
00:17:40,828 --> 00:17:42,928
What is wrong with you?

284
00:17:43,028 --> 00:17:48,098
And so it was really it was one of those moments.

285
00:17:48,098 --> 00:17:54,078
And during that 30 days and then finally about seven days after I went to prison, my dad
died.

286
00:17:54,078 --> 00:17:57,168
And so I never got to say goodbye to him.

287
00:17:57,568 --> 00:18:03,196
And in all of this, because of my own choice, my own decision.

288
00:18:03,466 --> 00:18:04,257
Right.

289
00:18:04,257 --> 00:18:05,187
And so it was.

290
00:18:05,187 --> 00:18:08,440
It was heartbreaking.

291
00:18:09,301 --> 00:18:13,664
It was eye opening, but it was also what I needed.

292
00:18:13,785 --> 00:18:14,695
It was what I needed.

293
00:18:14,695 --> 00:18:20,630
I needed somebody to take the proverbial hammer and smack me in the head and say, you can.

294
00:18:20,630 --> 00:18:23,072
This is not this is not what you're meant to be.

295
00:18:23,072 --> 00:18:24,813
You can do better than this.

296
00:18:24,974 --> 00:18:26,995
And so how are you going to do that?

297
00:18:27,816 --> 00:18:32,279
And so I spent two years locked up, waiting for my family.

298
00:18:33,644 --> 00:18:40,104
It was looking back, it was probably the two best years that could have been given to me.

299
00:18:40,104 --> 00:18:47,374
People always act weird when I say that, but how many people get a chance right in the
middle of their life?

300
00:18:47,374 --> 00:18:49,863
I'm going to be 50 years old in November, right?

301
00:18:49,863 --> 00:18:52,404
This was middle of my forties.

302
00:18:52,404 --> 00:19:02,692
How many people get a chance to take two years, get away, figure it out, wipe the slate
clean and start over?

303
00:19:03,018 --> 00:19:09,501
I mean, I was given that opportunity and it was, it was the thing that made the
difference.

304
00:19:09,501 --> 00:19:15,813
You know, I, I was sent way up, way up nine hours away from my family.

305
00:19:16,254 --> 00:19:30,080
And I spent my days when I first got there, walking around this dirt track, quarter mile
dirt track, angry and crying and thinking and trying to figure out what, what the purpose,

306
00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:31,560
why did I get here?

307
00:19:31,584 --> 00:19:33,584
You know, what is, what is the deal?

308
00:19:33,685 --> 00:19:36,005
You know, and it came to a lot of things.

309
00:19:36,005 --> 00:19:39,156
Like I had a lot of unforgiveness, right?

310
00:19:39,156 --> 00:19:40,696
We all know what that does to it.

311
00:19:40,696 --> 00:19:41,627
It hurt the other person.

312
00:19:41,627 --> 00:19:42,627
hurts you.

313
00:19:42,647 --> 00:19:43,147
Right?

314
00:19:43,147 --> 00:19:44,828
You hold onto that stuff, right?

315
00:19:44,828 --> 00:19:46,128
And it just eats at you.

316
00:19:46,128 --> 00:19:57,451
And I had a lot of things that I was, you whether it was my family, my dad, lot of things
that unforgiveness towards myself, mean, you know, like what have I allowed myself to

317
00:19:57,451 --> 00:19:58,431
become?

318
00:19:59,012 --> 00:20:01,066
And, and then.

319
00:20:01,066 --> 00:20:06,779
you know, sometimes unforgiveness towards the people that helped me down that road.

320
00:20:06,779 --> 00:20:07,979
I don't blame them.

321
00:20:07,979 --> 00:20:08,309
Right.

322
00:20:08,309 --> 00:20:13,051
I mean, they were in the same position as I was, but I chose to surround myself with them.

323
00:20:13,051 --> 00:20:14,762
But it also contributed.

324
00:20:14,762 --> 00:20:15,803
They contributed.

325
00:20:15,803 --> 00:20:18,243
And, you know, and these are people that.

326
00:20:19,044 --> 00:20:20,945
Considered me their friend.

327
00:20:21,785 --> 00:20:26,127
And now you look back and you think, well, friends, friends allow that in friends.

328
00:20:26,127 --> 00:20:28,188
Well, they do if they're all in the same boat.

329
00:20:28,202 --> 00:20:31,514
You know, so like I said, it's not a it's not a judgment towards them.

330
00:20:31,514 --> 00:20:33,335
It's just a reality.

331
00:20:33,616 --> 00:20:38,359
But I had to let some of that go, you know, and I did over two years time.

332
00:20:38,359 --> 00:20:48,205
You know, I spent a lot of time reading and and and healing and forgiving and deciding,
OK, what what is the next steps going to be?

333
00:20:48,726 --> 00:20:49,967
How are you going to make the stick?

334
00:20:49,967 --> 00:20:54,850
I mean, the judge said to you, he's going to send you to two years away, but to dry out.

335
00:20:54,930 --> 00:20:57,973
OK, this is your chance, because if you go back

336
00:20:57,973 --> 00:21:01,354
probably never gonna get back again, right?

337
00:21:01,354 --> 00:21:07,355
You're gonna end up dead, or next time you are gonna kill somebody, and this is gonna be
your home for the rest of your life.

338
00:21:07,936 --> 00:21:11,257
And those are your choices, Dan, those are your choices.

339
00:21:11,957 --> 00:21:21,900
And so I did my time, and I got out, and I started to work towards building my life back.

340
00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:26,893
know, I was fortunate that I have a lot of education, I was a lot...

341
00:21:26,893 --> 00:21:28,595
a lot of do a lot of things.

342
00:21:28,595 --> 00:21:38,944
And, but my biggest thing was, is not so much even the companies I've started a couple of
companies since then it was, how are you going to help?

343
00:21:39,216 --> 00:21:39,937
other people.

344
00:21:39,937 --> 00:21:46,022
They had the opportunity while in prison because I trained leadership for years and years
and years.

345
00:21:46,022 --> 00:21:48,675
And so I tried to help as many people as I could.

346
00:21:48,675 --> 00:21:51,857
guys that have big aspirations sitting in prison, that's what you have to have.

347
00:21:51,857 --> 00:21:55,781
You have to have these dreams because the daily life will suck it right out of you.

348
00:21:55,781 --> 00:22:04,158
When we talk about, we sit down and we put business plans together and we talk about
leadership structure and how can you spread a vision and all these things, but that wasn't

349
00:22:04,158 --> 00:22:06,085
quite good enough anymore.

350
00:22:06,085 --> 00:22:08,688
Like I had to be able to impend.

351
00:22:08,688 --> 00:22:11,179
in a way that I wish people would have impacted.

352
00:22:11,940 --> 00:22:12,250
Right.

353
00:22:12,250 --> 00:22:19,964
I mean, like I said earlier, a lot of it was just pure naive thinking.

354
00:22:19,964 --> 00:22:20,605
Right.

355
00:22:20,605 --> 00:22:24,767
How do you end up taking a drink of scotch and then ending up in prison?

356
00:22:24,767 --> 00:22:27,789
Well, it happens, right?

357
00:22:27,789 --> 00:22:31,751
If you make enough bad choices, little by little, happens.

358
00:22:31,751 --> 00:22:36,213
And so how am I going to actually not make up for what I did?

359
00:22:36,213 --> 00:22:37,364
You can't do that.

360
00:22:37,364 --> 00:22:38,094
Right.

361
00:22:38,096 --> 00:22:41,548
But leave a legacy.

362
00:22:42,369 --> 00:22:45,331
You know, I helped a lot of people destroy their lives too.

363
00:22:45,551 --> 00:22:54,418
You know, I was, when I was in my partying days, you know, there's a lot of people that
over drank and over drugs because of me.

364
00:22:54,418 --> 00:22:55,358
Right.

365
00:22:55,479 --> 00:22:56,369
I shoved it.

366
00:22:56,369 --> 00:22:56,759
Now.

367
00:22:56,759 --> 00:22:57,070
Yes.

368
00:22:57,070 --> 00:22:58,080
People say, well, that's your choice.

369
00:22:58,080 --> 00:22:59,181
Yeah, it is.

370
00:22:59,181 --> 00:23:01,573
But I didn't help them either.

371
00:23:01,573 --> 00:23:02,383
Right.

372
00:23:02,383 --> 00:23:06,386
I was, I was, I was the catalyst there, you know, and so

373
00:23:06,514 --> 00:23:14,334
It was very important to me to figure out how am I going to lead people better than I
found them rather than worse.

374
00:23:14,334 --> 00:23:18,494
For 15 years, people that knew me were worse off for having known me.

375
00:23:18,494 --> 00:23:20,694
And I couldn't live with that anymore.

376
00:23:20,774 --> 00:23:31,294
And so, so I set out on this, this, you know, path and what really ended up coming up, it
was a now I'm in my sixth year of teaching youth.

377
00:23:31,394 --> 00:23:31,954
Right.

378
00:23:31,954 --> 00:23:33,546
I took a lot of the

379
00:23:33,854 --> 00:23:38,467
I'm a John Maxwell trainer and so he's one of the top leadership people in the whole
world.

380
00:23:38,467 --> 00:23:41,109
He has books on growth and personal development and all that stuff.

381
00:23:41,109 --> 00:23:49,385
And so I took that, all that knowledge that I had, and I made it into a high school,
middle school curriculum.

382
00:23:49,385 --> 00:23:54,028
If you read his books, it's all for old vice presidents, right?

383
00:23:54,028 --> 00:23:58,391
But the principles are sound, they're not gonna relate to young people.

384
00:23:58,391 --> 00:24:01,713
And so I spent the time and I built out this program.

385
00:24:01,933 --> 00:24:02,928
And the reason I...

386
00:24:02,928 --> 00:24:08,742
do it is because I want, I used to sit in those desks too, right?

387
00:24:09,083 --> 00:24:10,584
I was a Christian school kid.

388
00:24:10,584 --> 00:24:12,336
Some of these people are private school kids, right?

389
00:24:12,336 --> 00:24:13,587
Christian school kids.

390
00:24:13,587 --> 00:24:15,969
They think, just because I do this, this will never happen to me.

391
00:24:15,969 --> 00:24:17,070
Nope, it does.

392
00:24:17,070 --> 00:24:19,491
Look at right here, right?

393
00:24:19,491 --> 00:24:20,793
Your choices are your choices.

394
00:24:20,793 --> 00:24:32,152
And so I, it was important to me, whether it be public school or private school or
Christian school, that some of these principles get relayed because I wish somebody would

395
00:24:32,152 --> 00:24:32,764
have talked to me.

396
00:24:32,764 --> 00:24:36,266
We've talked about the five people you surround yourself with, right?

397
00:24:36,266 --> 00:24:40,339
It is more important that people give it credit for, right?

398
00:24:40,339 --> 00:24:47,624
You end up being very, very similar to whatever those five people are if you spend enough
time with them.

399
00:24:47,624 --> 00:24:49,626
And what do those influences look like?

400
00:24:49,626 --> 00:24:55,009
And are they taking you towards the life that you want or are they taking you away?

401
00:24:55,410 --> 00:24:58,092
And nobody ever said that to me.

402
00:24:58,092 --> 00:24:59,572
Like, hey, be careful.

403
00:25:00,333 --> 00:25:02,054
Nobody ever said to me,

404
00:25:02,064 --> 00:25:03,695
Like I do these kids.

405
00:25:03,695 --> 00:25:05,256
What about your character?

406
00:25:06,097 --> 00:25:07,838
What do you want to be?

407
00:25:08,079 --> 00:25:12,501
What kind of things do you, when you look in the mirror, what kind of things do you want
to see about yourself?

408
00:25:12,702 --> 00:25:15,344
Because this is the time to start working on those.

409
00:25:15,344 --> 00:25:16,785
It's hard to repair.

410
00:25:17,245 --> 00:25:18,366
Take it from me.

411
00:25:18,827 --> 00:25:19,497
You'll get it right.

412
00:25:19,497 --> 00:25:20,548
It's hard to repair.

413
00:25:20,548 --> 00:25:22,269
It's easier to build than repair.

414
00:25:22,269 --> 00:25:25,892
And so what do you want when you look in the mirror and you see yourself?

415
00:25:25,892 --> 00:25:26,722
What do you want to see?

416
00:25:26,722 --> 00:25:27,913
Do you want to see?

417
00:25:29,010 --> 00:25:41,601
kindness and you want to see generosity and you want to see honesty and integrity or are
you headed towards, you know, being a taker and a liar and all things that I used to be,

418
00:25:41,601 --> 00:25:45,884
you know, I mean, as an addict, we are takers and we are liars and we do whatever we got
to do.

419
00:25:45,884 --> 00:25:46,864
Right.

420
00:25:47,125 --> 00:25:48,266
And so.

421
00:25:48,847 --> 00:25:52,049
So I built this whole program out and it's kind of where my heart is.

422
00:25:52,049 --> 00:25:58,194
I do a lot of other things as well, but it's where my heart is because I say to myself, if

423
00:25:58,232 --> 00:26:06,224
If I can do something that allows for one of these, mean, it's been hundreds and hundreds
and hundreds of kids now.

424
00:26:06,585 --> 00:26:15,107
One of these kids to say, remember that tall, goofy guy that stood up there and talked to
me like, remember what he said about, you know, me protecting my, know, protecting my

425
00:26:15,107 --> 00:26:23,249
character or being careful of what my influences are or leading myself, how to to lead
myself first.

426
00:26:23,349 --> 00:26:25,850
And if it gets through at all.

427
00:26:26,044 --> 00:26:27,985
then I feel like it's a win.

428
00:26:27,985 --> 00:26:32,257
It's not only a win for them, it's a win for our planet, right?

429
00:26:32,257 --> 00:26:35,738
Because this is how we start, one by one, right?

430
00:26:35,918 --> 00:26:46,532
And I teach them, hey, know, Dan is coming to teach you, I don't expect anything from you,
except for pass it along, right?

431
00:26:46,532 --> 00:26:47,443
Pass along what you know.

432
00:26:47,443 --> 00:26:48,913
I help you, you help somebody else.

433
00:26:48,913 --> 00:26:50,114
This is how we change the world.

434
00:26:50,114 --> 00:26:55,430
You we get in there and we talk about, kids talk about how they wish things were
different.

435
00:26:55,430 --> 00:27:01,132
You know, this next generation Z and Alpha, they are very disenfranchised with what the
world looks like.

436
00:27:01,492 --> 00:27:03,953
And I say to them, why is that?

437
00:27:03,953 --> 00:27:11,836
You know, and they'll say, well, this or that, the other thing I said, no, it's because
the people with the most influence are the ones that change things.

438
00:27:11,836 --> 00:27:14,316
And you can be that person too.

439
00:27:14,336 --> 00:27:16,097
You can be the one with the most influence.

440
00:27:16,097 --> 00:27:17,857
You just have to develop it.

441
00:27:17,978 --> 00:27:19,678
And this is where it starts.

442
00:27:20,154 --> 00:27:22,005
Even at your age, you can make a difference.

443
00:27:22,005 --> 00:27:27,077
We talk about how do you lead mom and dad or how do you lead a principal and make change?

444
00:27:27,077 --> 00:27:30,378
And so this is my kind of my thing now.

445
00:27:31,419 --> 00:27:32,679
It's where my heart is.

446
00:27:32,679 --> 00:27:38,862
It is the way that I hopefully make a difference for some people.

447
00:27:40,503 --> 00:27:42,413
I've been, like I said, I've been doing it for a while.

448
00:27:42,413 --> 00:27:44,444
I can kind of continue to do it.

449
00:27:44,524 --> 00:27:48,386
There's a course that I'm building as well because I can't be everywhere at once.

450
00:27:49,158 --> 00:27:51,901
that will teach some of the principles of it.

451
00:27:52,782 --> 00:28:04,376
Everything from how to lead yourself to protecting your character, to your influences, to
your vision, how to set a vision for your life, how to find your purpose.

452
00:28:04,376 --> 00:28:08,340
How many people, I mean, we're different now, but we've gone through a lot of life.

453
00:28:08,340 --> 00:28:10,362
How long did it take to us to find our purpose?

454
00:28:10,390 --> 00:28:11,074
Mm

455
00:28:11,344 --> 00:28:12,214
long time, right?

456
00:28:12,214 --> 00:28:19,158
It's, it's, it's, you walk through people's lives, you walk, you talk to people and I'll
make people walking around, I have no idea what they're, what they really shouldn't be

457
00:28:19,158 --> 00:28:19,327
doing.

458
00:28:19,327 --> 00:28:21,459
They're just doing whatever life takes them.

459
00:28:21,540 --> 00:28:23,661
And, and so all those kinds of things.

460
00:28:23,661 --> 00:28:25,202
And so it makes me happy.

461
00:28:25,202 --> 00:28:27,023
It makes me feel like that I make a difference.

462
00:28:27,023 --> 00:28:30,604
Now it is changing the legacy of what I was.

463
00:28:31,325 --> 00:28:39,389
it's making, I built, I've been able to thank God, been able to build my relationships
back with my, mom and my, boys.

464
00:28:40,508 --> 00:28:46,320
with my son's mom, I've been given another chance.

465
00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:49,220
like a real another chance.

466
00:28:49,220 --> 00:28:51,061
And I don't take that lightly.

467
00:28:51,681 --> 00:28:52,871
I got married last year.

468
00:28:52,871 --> 00:28:57,803
I never thought I'd get married again, because who would marry me at some point, right?

469
00:28:58,283 --> 00:28:59,763
And I wouldn't marry me.

470
00:28:59,763 --> 00:29:00,764
I was train wreck, right?

471
00:29:00,764 --> 00:29:01,854
And so I got married.

472
00:29:01,854 --> 00:29:05,025
And like I said, I've got my relationship with my boys back.

473
00:29:05,025 --> 00:29:08,005
I've got their respect back, which I didn't deserve.

474
00:29:08,026 --> 00:29:09,902
Luckily, kids are very resilient.

475
00:29:09,902 --> 00:29:11,162
and forgiving.

476
00:29:12,744 --> 00:29:14,014
so I work every day.

477
00:29:14,014 --> 00:29:22,329
I work very hard to keep that trust and keep moving forward while being so grateful for
the chance that I have.

478
00:29:23,530 --> 00:29:26,041
I tell my story a lot, not necessarily like this.

479
00:29:26,041 --> 00:29:27,752
This is awesome.

480
00:29:27,752 --> 00:29:30,954
I've been invited around to talk.

481
00:29:31,074 --> 00:29:34,155
I believe in helping others.

482
00:29:34,176 --> 00:29:35,356
I believe in giving back.

483
00:29:35,356 --> 00:29:37,837
mean, so many people helped me.

484
00:29:38,620 --> 00:29:43,504
I remember when I was down, when I was getting ready to go to prison, there was a guy that
worked in the court services.

485
00:29:43,504 --> 00:29:45,956
It was just such encouragement to me.

486
00:29:45,956 --> 00:29:49,619
He didn't have to be, you know, I mean, I'm a multiple time offender.

487
00:29:49,699 --> 00:29:55,143
He could have easily just thought, this guy, he's a waste of time, you know, but he
wasn't.

488
00:29:55,164 --> 00:29:59,107
And so there was, there was people all along my life that did that for me.

489
00:29:59,147 --> 00:30:00,388
And I try to do that for people.

490
00:30:00,388 --> 00:30:06,013
Now there's, I guess the, the, the idea is there's always hope.

491
00:30:07,666 --> 00:30:10,626
I know it feels like there's not because I was there.

492
00:30:10,626 --> 00:30:18,659
Like if you had asked me 10, 12 years ago, if I would ever be without alcohol and the
person I am today.

493
00:30:18,659 --> 00:30:19,539
There's no chance.

494
00:30:19,539 --> 00:30:21,101
There's literally no chance.

495
00:30:21,101 --> 00:30:32,468
And yet here I am, you know, one day at a time, one better decision at a time, you know,
and, and I'm, am one of those success stories because I've seen both ends of it.

496
00:30:32,468 --> 00:30:34,809
threw away a really, really good life.

497
00:30:34,809 --> 00:30:37,410
I threw it away of my own choice.

498
00:30:37,751 --> 00:30:39,611
Didn't deserve another chance.

499
00:30:39,612 --> 00:30:40,923
Didn't should be dead.

500
00:30:40,923 --> 00:30:43,754
These, these three or four times that I can remember.

501
00:30:43,754 --> 00:30:45,149
And yet here I am.

502
00:30:45,149 --> 00:30:45,519
Thanks.

503
00:30:45,519 --> 00:30:56,279
And I think, I think a part of that is, the, the, opportunity to continue to, spread the
word that life's not over.

504
00:30:56,279 --> 00:30:58,999
It feels like it is sometimes, but it's not.

505
00:30:59,159 --> 00:31:07,559
And, you know, I tell people a lot, you know, reach out to me if you have, if you have an
issue, if you have one of those days, everybody has those days.

506
00:31:07,619 --> 00:31:12,699
You know, now I'm this, this October, I will be eight years sober.

507
00:31:13,179 --> 00:31:15,783
20, 27th of October, right.

508
00:31:15,999 --> 00:31:18,310
never would have thought, never would have thought.

509
00:31:18,310 --> 00:31:20,580
And people say to me all the time, like, we ever go back?

510
00:31:20,580 --> 00:31:21,981
How could I ever go back?

511
00:31:21,981 --> 00:31:24,441
My life is so amazing.

512
00:31:24,441 --> 00:31:26,172
And luckily my memory is good enough.

513
00:31:26,172 --> 00:31:30,373
You know, they always say with, with addicts that we always remember the good stuff,
right?

514
00:31:30,373 --> 00:31:32,063
And we never remember the bad.

515
00:31:32,144 --> 00:31:36,555
Luckily for me, I don't remember anything good about it at this point.

516
00:31:36,555 --> 00:31:42,907
So, so it's not, it's not hard for me to compare and contrast because I can't remember
anything that was good about it at this point.

517
00:31:42,907 --> 00:31:43,927
And so,

518
00:31:44,601 --> 00:31:46,493
So it's been great.

519
00:31:46,493 --> 00:31:57,081
The only thing else that I have that has been lately is I was diagnosed with ADHD and a
lot of people have that nowadays, this year actually.

520
00:31:57,201 --> 00:32:04,427
And so I wonder sometimes about that and where my path was because of my impulses and
things like that.

521
00:32:04,447 --> 00:32:08,611
But I'm thankful to be knowing that that is where I'm at.

522
00:32:08,611 --> 00:32:13,634
I've been an entrepreneur my whole life and for people that know ADHD and entrepreneurs,
just...

523
00:32:14,177 --> 00:32:16,128
ideas everywhere all the time.

524
00:32:16,249 --> 00:32:21,892
And so I always thought there was something wrong with me, that I couldn't focus and I
couldn't do this or that.

525
00:32:22,453 --> 00:32:27,115
And even when I drank, that was part of it was just that lack of impulse control.

526
00:32:27,136 --> 00:32:31,479
But decisions were made as they were made and there's no excuse.

527
00:32:31,479 --> 00:32:39,104
But it was interesting to see that in me as well and have the opportunity to now, you
know, talk to people about that too.

528
00:32:39,104 --> 00:32:40,435
Like I tell people it's a superpower.

529
00:32:40,435 --> 00:32:43,947
If you get it in the right direction, it's a superpower.

530
00:32:44,551 --> 00:32:49,194
I just built, I'm actually launching a new company in December.

531
00:32:49,375 --> 00:33:00,643
For anybody out there that has family that are struggling with dementia or loneliness as
they age, we are going to have a solution for some of that that keeps them at home longer.

532
00:33:00,643 --> 00:33:07,527
All this couldn't have happened without sobriety and without understanding how my brain
worked.

533
00:33:07,527 --> 00:33:10,659
And so, yeah, it's been great.

534
00:33:10,659 --> 00:33:12,390
It's been a great ride.

535
00:33:12,951 --> 00:33:17,043
It's all been worth it because it's made me where I am today.

536
00:33:17,043 --> 00:33:19,655
I tell people a lot.

537
00:33:19,655 --> 00:33:29,981
If you looked at me on paper in my 20s, know, beautiful wife, successful company, all
these things, you would think, boy, he's really, he's really gone downhill.

538
00:33:30,241 --> 00:33:34,164
But the man that I am is far better than that man.

539
00:33:34,164 --> 00:33:34,924
Right.

540
00:33:34,924 --> 00:33:39,237
So you may look on paper and think, well, yeah, he should have been this, this or this
right now.

541
00:33:39,237 --> 00:33:39,885
But

542
00:33:39,885 --> 00:33:44,336
even if I was a multimillionaire because where I was headed and things like that, I
wouldn't have been a very good man.

543
00:33:44,836 --> 00:34:00,140
And the realizations and the way that I was humbled and the compassion and the empathy I
have for people that I never had, it's weird to say, but it was worth it.

544
00:34:00,761 --> 00:34:02,951
You know, it was worth it.

545
00:34:02,951 --> 00:34:08,983
so, yeah, that's kind of my story in a nutshell, where I came from and where I'm going.

546
00:34:10,177 --> 00:34:12,181
And I'm always happy to tell it.

547
00:34:12,181 --> 00:34:13,241
Thank you.

548
00:34:13,642 --> 00:34:14,542
Thank you for that.

549
00:34:14,542 --> 00:34:15,462
was...

550
00:34:16,423 --> 00:34:18,084
There's so much information there.

551
00:34:18,084 --> 00:34:19,815
So much I want to quiz you about.

552
00:34:19,815 --> 00:34:21,926
So much I think is amazing.

553
00:34:21,926 --> 00:34:24,928
But I mean, most of all, eight years, well done.

554
00:34:25,088 --> 00:34:27,989
Well done from learning, okay, the hard way.

555
00:34:28,430 --> 00:34:29,681
Thou shalt not do it again.

556
00:34:29,681 --> 00:34:33,022
Some of us are bit thick -headed, aren't we?

557
00:34:33,022 --> 00:34:38,115
It just takes a prison sentence or a car crash or something like that.

558
00:34:38,696 --> 00:34:40,716
But Dan, thank you so much.

559
00:34:42,389 --> 00:34:49,344
I want to start right back at that identity bit because I think that is really important.

560
00:34:49,344 --> 00:34:52,955
What happened to you when that identity fell apart?

561
00:34:52,955 --> 00:34:58,168
The beautiful wife, the beautiful husband, everything going for you.

562
00:34:58,528 --> 00:35:03,612
What happened when that identity that you had broke, disappeared?

563
00:35:03,612 --> 00:35:04,932
I was lost.

564
00:35:04,932 --> 00:35:06,652
I was literally lost.

565
00:35:06,652 --> 00:35:14,672
know, like I think especially sometimes as males, we have that we are so attached to what
we do or who we are.

566
00:35:14,672 --> 00:35:23,702
And I didn't have anything inside of me that I thought, like I said, you know, because of
the way I was raised, the back of my brain always said, you're not good enough, right?

567
00:35:23,702 --> 00:35:25,272
You were lazy.

568
00:35:25,272 --> 00:35:29,192
You know, I I worked 90 hours a week and I was still lazy.

569
00:35:29,192 --> 00:35:32,698
And you know, and you'll never you'll never be able to do enough.

570
00:35:32,881 --> 00:35:35,473
And so when you take away, OK, this is what I am.

571
00:35:35,473 --> 00:35:38,144
And then you combine that with.

572
00:35:39,006 --> 00:35:44,190
You're never going to stack up because you know you're not perfect and this is the
standard.

573
00:35:44,190 --> 00:35:49,314
And so it just it really left me lost and it left me searching for a new one.

574
00:35:49,415 --> 00:35:51,056
Right, because I knew I had to have something.

575
00:35:51,056 --> 00:35:53,357
what what it what am I now?

576
00:35:53,518 --> 00:35:58,332
And unfortunately, it became I am Dan the party guy.

577
00:35:58,332 --> 00:36:00,764
And honestly.

578
00:36:00,774 --> 00:36:03,055
Dan, the guy that paid for the drinks.

579
00:36:03,055 --> 00:36:09,488
that became, then every, course, as you know, everybody loves you when you're that guy,
right?

580
00:36:09,488 --> 00:36:12,249
You're valuable, right?

581
00:36:12,249 --> 00:36:13,830
You're valuable until you're not.

582
00:36:13,830 --> 00:36:17,401
And so, yeah, that's what I became.

583
00:36:17,401 --> 00:36:19,192
But that identity part is so hard.

584
00:36:19,192 --> 00:36:24,564
And it's, for people that have gone through that, sometimes at multiple times in life,
right?

585
00:36:24,564 --> 00:36:27,976
I mean, I went through that when I left high school and went to college.

586
00:36:27,976 --> 00:36:28,742
I was a...

587
00:36:28,742 --> 00:36:31,654
I was a great basketball player in high school.

588
00:36:31,674 --> 00:36:34,377
And then I got a scholarship to play basketball in college.

589
00:36:34,377 --> 00:36:38,460
And of course, when I was in high school, I was the best and it wasn't even close.

590
00:36:38,460 --> 00:36:40,411
And then I went to, so that was my identity.

591
00:36:40,411 --> 00:36:43,714
Like, I mean, I was the guy that walked in with the big jacket and all the medals on it.

592
00:36:43,714 --> 00:36:46,056
And, you know, everybody was like, I know who that guy is, you know?

593
00:36:46,056 --> 00:36:50,289
And then I went to college and everybody that I played with was the same guy, right?

594
00:36:50,289 --> 00:36:51,871
They were the most popular, best player, you know?

595
00:36:51,871 --> 00:36:53,612
And it was like, okay, so now what am I?

596
00:36:53,612 --> 00:36:58,896
Right now I'm just, I was this, was the king of the hill and now I'm just the guy on the
hill.

597
00:36:59,240 --> 00:37:08,334
And so I'd gone through that and of course then I had gone to, I'm my first wife, you
should brag about me, like how great a husband I was.

598
00:37:08,334 --> 00:37:09,184
So that was my identity.

599
00:37:09,184 --> 00:37:13,086
Like, okay, I have to be the husband that all of her friends think is the best husband.

600
00:37:13,086 --> 00:37:14,306
So that became my identity.

601
00:37:14,306 --> 00:37:17,388
And then I became the business owner.

602
00:37:17,388 --> 00:37:27,514
But when I lost all of that, I didn't have anything inside of me that was confident enough
in who I was, right?

603
00:37:27,514 --> 00:37:39,232
And so that's one of the things I guess I didn't really talk about that has changed so
much is learning to believe in who you are, regardless of outside validation.

604
00:37:39,893 --> 00:37:45,576
And so now I get people that look at me so weird because I really don't need that.

605
00:37:46,017 --> 00:37:54,943
Because I finally found out who am I as a man, what am I about, and I become at peace with
that.

606
00:37:56,258 --> 00:38:01,033
If this person has this comment about me or if this person doesn't like this about me,
that's okay.

607
00:38:01,033 --> 00:38:02,574
It's okay.

608
00:38:02,574 --> 00:38:06,898
But it takes a lot of work sometimes to get that inside and not have to.

609
00:38:06,898 --> 00:38:09,411
We live in a world that needs all that validation, right?

610
00:38:09,411 --> 00:38:10,302
And I did.

611
00:38:10,302 --> 00:38:15,036
know, mean, now we're, thank God we didn't have social media when I was an idiot because,
whoa, right?

612
00:38:15,036 --> 00:38:19,330
I mean, can't imagine the record that there would be of my life.

613
00:38:19,411 --> 00:38:21,220
It's good that there's no record of my life.

614
00:38:21,220 --> 00:38:23,402
in that regard because goodness, right?

615
00:38:23,402 --> 00:38:24,842
There's no videos.

616
00:38:25,243 --> 00:38:31,287
And so, but you know, we're used to that now like, I have to have this many followers,
this many likes and things like that.

617
00:38:31,287 --> 00:38:33,379
And it feeds that identity.

618
00:38:33,379 --> 00:38:38,803
And so it's really, really hard to get to the point where you're like, OK, I know who I
am.

619
00:38:38,803 --> 00:38:46,418
I mean, maybe I'm not who I always will be and I'm working towards being better, but I'm
OK where I'm at and.

620
00:38:47,339 --> 00:38:48,560
I'm good enough.

621
00:38:49,684 --> 00:38:52,827
and I'm confident enough and I'm doing the best I can.

622
00:38:53,108 --> 00:38:54,980
And it takes a while to accept this for me.

623
00:38:54,980 --> 00:38:56,571
It took a while to accept that.

624
00:38:56,571 --> 00:39:01,527
And that filled that, it filled that need to always be attaching my identity to something
else or someone else.

625
00:39:01,527 --> 00:39:02,367
that.

626
00:39:02,668 --> 00:39:09,774
I'm curious, do you think now your identity is not more under control?

627
00:39:09,774 --> 00:39:16,610
Do you think now that your identity is more defined with you because you're doing your
purpose, doing what's important to you?

628
00:39:16,610 --> 00:39:18,091
I think there's something to that.

629
00:39:19,052 --> 00:39:31,321
I think that when you find, when you find your calling, your purpose in life, something
that makes you, one of my mentors used to say, there's a difference between success and

630
00:39:31,321 --> 00:39:33,272
significance, right?

631
00:39:33,272 --> 00:39:36,624
A lot of people are successful, but they're not significant.

632
00:39:36,704 --> 00:39:44,890
And when you find your purpose and you live that out, there becomes a sense of
significance to that, that is an internal,

633
00:39:45,826 --> 00:39:47,147
significance in yourself.

634
00:39:47,147 --> 00:39:51,818
You know, it makes you feel fulfilled in who you are.

635
00:39:51,818 --> 00:39:54,929
And so I think you're absolutely right on with that.

636
00:39:55,510 --> 00:40:04,653
If you don't know, if you don't know where you're going and you don't know why you're
going there, then you tend to really just attach yourself to anything that will give you a

637
00:40:05,374 --> 00:40:07,815
good feeling of belonging.

638
00:40:07,815 --> 00:40:08,775
Right.

639
00:40:08,855 --> 00:40:14,577
And when you have your purpose, that is your that is your that is your path.

640
00:40:14,978 --> 00:40:15,818
And

641
00:40:16,406 --> 00:40:22,169
Even if people want to jump off the train or jump off the path, that's okay because you
are headed where you're headed.

642
00:40:22,169 --> 00:40:23,649
So I think, I think you're absolutely right.

643
00:40:23,649 --> 00:40:31,273
I think that makes a huge difference when you find, find a way to be significant in other
people's lives and fulfill your purpose.

644
00:40:31,273 --> 00:40:32,613
That identity is strong.

645
00:40:32,613 --> 00:40:34,654
It's hard for people to take that from you.

646
00:40:35,388 --> 00:40:36,158
Yeah.

647
00:40:36,899 --> 00:40:44,025
As you were talking and saying that, just, that's why I asked you, because it just,
thought, I wonder, because I've had to do that.

648
00:40:44,025 --> 00:40:45,326
I was a photographer.

649
00:40:45,326 --> 00:40:46,647
I worked in TV.

650
00:40:46,647 --> 00:40:47,968
I was this, I was that.

651
00:40:47,968 --> 00:40:50,860
I'm now Hamish, you know, what is my identity?

652
00:40:50,860 --> 00:40:53,442
Well, I'm having fun.

653
00:40:53,442 --> 00:40:54,824
I'm doing what I love to do.

654
00:40:54,824 --> 00:40:59,957
I'm helping people because I've been through, like you, I've been through a pile of poo
and...

655
00:41:00,589 --> 00:41:04,120
You know, you and I, we both can say, you you will get through it.

656
00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:05,260
You can make sense of it.

657
00:41:05,260 --> 00:41:07,361
It's okay to mess up.

658
00:41:07,361 --> 00:41:08,681
Try not to do it again.

659
00:41:08,681 --> 00:41:10,423
You know, things like that.

660
00:41:10,423 --> 00:41:21,116
I had to change and then my purpose became more important than what does she think, what
does she think, what might they think, what about other people?

661
00:41:21,116 --> 00:41:27,079
You know, I had that, I had a vision rather than reacting to what I thought other people
might want from me.

662
00:41:27,079 --> 00:41:33,887
Yeah, you know, it's a shame it has to take crashing a car, going to prison for two years.

663
00:41:34,349 --> 00:41:43,199
But I don't know what the answer, I don't know how to, actually I do, what you do, helping
children, because they can start making those decisions, So.

664
00:41:44,544 --> 00:41:50,729
Yeah, well, you said that, I mean, you said the point that I teach a lot is about like,
everybody makes mistakes.

665
00:41:51,791 --> 00:41:53,882
You don't get through life without it, right?

666
00:41:53,882 --> 00:41:57,435
And what I teach them is the guardrails of life.

667
00:41:57,536 --> 00:42:05,293
What you wanna do is everybody, if you put up guardrails around your life, whatever that
means to you, then you bump into them and everybody gets to the end, the finish line with

668
00:42:05,293 --> 00:42:07,205
some bumps and some cracks, right?

669
00:42:07,205 --> 00:42:09,677
But what you wanna do is not go over the edge.

670
00:42:09,813 --> 00:42:10,984
Like I did.

671
00:42:10,984 --> 00:42:11,384
Right.

672
00:42:11,384 --> 00:42:16,258
So if you can keep those, you can keep those mistakes from being the kind that we talk
about, like, you know, the major ones.

673
00:42:16,258 --> 00:42:17,939
And why some people it takes that I don't know.

674
00:42:17,939 --> 00:42:25,295
But it's important because everybody, you know, especially for me, because the way I was
raised, everybody makes mistakes and it's okay.

675
00:42:25,295 --> 00:42:29,678
Just try to try to try your best not to, like you said, not do them again and try to avoid
the big ones.

676
00:42:29,999 --> 00:42:32,911
Put those, put those guards around your life so you don't, so you don't go over the edge.

677
00:42:32,911 --> 00:42:34,622
You just get some bumps and bruises.

678
00:42:36,359 --> 00:42:38,110
Yeah, you learn from those bruises, don't you?

679
00:42:38,110 --> 00:42:41,401
You learn not to walk with your eyes closed and things like that.

680
00:42:43,443 --> 00:42:44,423
brilliant.

681
00:42:44,744 --> 00:42:55,600
Now, the ADHD thing is interesting because I'm on numerous groups and the amount of times
when I sobered up, I realized I had ADHD.

682
00:42:55,600 --> 00:42:58,051
When I sobered up, when I stopped doing drugs.

683
00:42:58,311 --> 00:43:05,405
And I'm waiting for a test as well just to see because like you, my brain, you know,
joining all those dots.

684
00:43:05,405 --> 00:43:09,911
creating those dots and I realized recently I was self -medicating.

685
00:43:09,911 --> 00:43:14,066
Alcohol, flipping brilliant just to take the edge off that noise.

686
00:43:14,528 --> 00:43:17,131
Now I have to meditate otherwise it's just...

687
00:43:19,060 --> 00:43:23,410
I do that too, the breath work and stuff like that because yeah, it's hard to deal with
it, you know.

688
00:43:23,410 --> 00:43:32,794
I'm interested in the point that maybe some down the line they will come up with a study
about it because I think that a lot of us are that way.

689
00:43:32,794 --> 00:43:36,716
We're trying to calm the noise.

690
00:43:36,716 --> 00:43:41,658
And when your brain, maybe your brain like mine, it goes a thousand miles an hour.

691
00:43:42,079 --> 00:43:47,701
And you never can stop to actually work through anything that matters.

692
00:43:48,131 --> 00:43:52,183
because you're just so, mean, the only way I could do that in prison is it takes away all
the distractions.

693
00:43:52,183 --> 00:43:54,124
There's nothing to distract yourself with.

694
00:43:54,124 --> 00:43:59,347
You know, so it was almost like being medicated because what are you going to do except
sit there and think about your life.

695
00:43:59,347 --> 00:44:00,168
Right.

696
00:44:00,168 --> 00:44:10,573
And so, but I think I wonder sometimes it'll be easy as you go through and talk to more
people, you know, how that, how that relates into, you know, like I do the meditation now

697
00:44:10,573 --> 00:44:18,297
too, and the breath work and, I have to have before I go to bed every night, I know those
deep breaths and things like that, because even on medication that I'm on now,

698
00:44:18,661 --> 00:44:22,241
It just slowed me down to 100 miles an hour instead of a thousand.

699
00:44:22,341 --> 00:44:27,901
And I wouldn't change it because the way we process information, it gives us an advantage
sometimes.

700
00:44:27,901 --> 00:44:35,541
But to know that we're not broken, we're just different and it's okay.

701
00:44:36,501 --> 00:44:38,901
But I would be, I think that's interesting.

702
00:44:38,901 --> 00:44:44,157
I've been interested to see over time as you do a lot more of this, how much that comes up
because I think there's a link there.

703
00:44:44,297 --> 00:44:45,738
Yeah, I think so.

704
00:44:45,878 --> 00:44:48,440
Well, I will keep you informed.

705
00:44:48,901 --> 00:44:57,389
mean, that is what is fascinating about doing these podcasts is you, everyone's different,
but there are common themes, ADHD.

706
00:44:57,389 --> 00:45:01,311
Obviously, we're talking about the moment, drugs and dependency.

707
00:45:02,193 --> 00:45:11,953
The reasons for it, the coping mechanisms, you you were the golden boy, you couldn't do
anything wrong until, you you had to, you had to stop that child archetype.

708
00:45:11,953 --> 00:45:15,241
and grow up and you've fought it and then you've done it.

709
00:45:16,196 --> 00:45:18,227
That's the other thing I'm seeing as well.

710
00:45:18,227 --> 00:45:21,800
People are in that childhood archetype.

711
00:45:21,800 --> 00:45:25,542
They're in that survival mode and the alcohol keeps us there.

712
00:45:25,543 --> 00:45:26,563
And we have to adult.

713
00:45:26,563 --> 00:45:30,225
We have to awaken or initiate and it's very bloody scary.

714
00:45:32,067 --> 00:45:34,148
And you need to have a space to do it.

715
00:45:34,148 --> 00:45:36,850
Prison, as you said, meditating.

716
00:45:38,171 --> 00:45:45,424
And so I want to go back to the kids and I I love the fact that you took an adult book and
brought it down to

717
00:45:45,424 --> 00:45:50,104
whatever age you're sharing, how do they respond to that?

718
00:45:50,104 --> 00:45:51,725
They respond pretty well.

719
00:45:52,686 --> 00:46:02,131
I am very very honest and upfront with my story with them as well I use this line a lot
and they'll probably the both their eyes But I say, you know, this is not stuff that I

720
00:46:02,131 --> 00:46:02,641
read in a book.

721
00:46:02,641 --> 00:46:04,692
I lived this life Right.

722
00:46:04,692 --> 00:46:12,656
And so I know the cost I know how much benefit, you know Success in life no matter what
you do.

723
00:46:12,656 --> 00:46:16,108
It leaves clues There's a recipe to it, right?

724
00:46:16,108 --> 00:46:19,756
And so if you follow the clues that people before you if you read books from

725
00:46:19,756 --> 00:46:21,667
Biographies from successful people no matter what it is.

726
00:46:21,667 --> 00:46:29,042
They're successful at there's commonality like you said there's this commonality in there
even though they've been went about it a different way and so I tell them listen there's

727
00:46:29,042 --> 00:46:41,371
commonality here and What I'm trying to do is I'm trying to save you some grief and and I
try I try really hard to make it Very much related.

728
00:46:41,551 --> 00:46:44,233
They can relate to it right now, right?

729
00:46:44,613 --> 00:46:47,955
so when we talk about say goal setting

730
00:46:49,304 --> 00:46:56,564
There's plenty of studies that have been done for 100 years about how goal setting and
writing them down and reviewing them every day keeps you on track.

731
00:46:56,564 --> 00:47:02,044
And I say to them, what is different between your life and my life when I was your age?

732
00:47:02,664 --> 00:47:06,804
Your life is peppered with things trying to get your attention comparatively.

733
00:47:06,804 --> 00:47:11,934
We had cartoons for one hour after at three o 'clock and then for two hours on Saturday
morning.

734
00:47:11,934 --> 00:47:13,244
And that was it.

735
00:47:13,244 --> 00:47:14,304
Go outside.

736
00:47:14,304 --> 00:47:15,960
We didn't have...

737
00:47:15,960 --> 00:47:25,490
A thousand things, like my boys, my youngest son, he'll go to YouTube and he'll watch 40
partial videos in 10 minutes, right?

738
00:47:25,490 --> 00:47:27,960
Also an ADHD kid, you know.

739
00:47:27,960 --> 00:47:33,600
And so, but you know, so I try to really focus in on what can this do?

740
00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:45,600
Not what is this gonna do for you in 10 years when you get out of college, but what can
you do today to start these habits, you know, that are going to benefit you down the line?

741
00:47:45,912 --> 00:47:47,713
And so we talk about the different things that you can do.

742
00:47:47,713 --> 00:47:53,215
mean, habits, like we talked about just a little bit earlier, bad habits are hard to
break, right?

743
00:47:53,215 --> 00:48:01,158
And my thing with them is it's so much easier to get the good ones and everybody's gonna
get one here and there, but it takes time to repair that.

744
00:48:01,159 --> 00:48:07,561
And so the better you can think about, am I doing in my life and where is it taking me?

745
00:48:07,782 --> 00:48:10,553
The earlier you can do that, that doesn't mean you're not gonna fail.

746
00:48:10,553 --> 00:48:13,794
That doesn't mean you're not gonna have challenges.

747
00:48:13,794 --> 00:48:14,614
That's part of life.

748
00:48:14,614 --> 00:48:18,955
That's what makes you strong and resilient and smart and wise, right?

749
00:48:18,955 --> 00:48:21,786
If you don't go through stuff, you don't get the wisdom that comes from that.

750
00:48:21,786 --> 00:48:30,628
But they take it really pretty well, most of them, you know, some of them just kind of,
you know, but I hope that it's sinking into some of them.

751
00:48:30,749 --> 00:48:39,191
Some of them I know I've had kids that now I said this is my sixth year, I've had students
come back from college and stuck me in the hall and say, listen, that stuff works.

752
00:48:39,371 --> 00:48:40,771
Yeah, it does.

753
00:48:40,771 --> 00:48:41,452
You know what I mean?

754
00:48:41,452 --> 00:48:43,272
Like if you use it, I can't.

755
00:48:43,478 --> 00:48:44,849
It's not what I teach you.

756
00:48:44,849 --> 00:48:45,599
It's not what you know.

757
00:48:45,599 --> 00:48:47,930
It's what you do with what I teach you that matters.

758
00:48:47,930 --> 00:48:52,312
And if you do that, I'm telling you, even the little bit of stuff will make a difference.

759
00:48:52,312 --> 00:48:53,062
And I've seen it happen.

760
00:48:53,062 --> 00:48:58,314
Like I've watched seventh graders through ninth, 10th grade, and I've watched their
development.

761
00:48:58,314 --> 00:49:02,426
And I'll stop them and I'll say, listen, wow, mean, nice work.

762
00:49:02,426 --> 00:49:05,817
Like you're not the same kid you were two years ago or three years ago.

763
00:49:05,817 --> 00:49:12,810
And I've watched them and I sneak around and watch them when they have like group
activities and they see how frustrating that leadership can be trying to

764
00:49:12,888 --> 00:49:16,269
heard a bunch of cats, but I see them using these skills, right?

765
00:49:16,269 --> 00:49:22,872
And so it makes me so proud, like, okay, yeah, yeah, you're using the skills and this is
gonna benefit you.

766
00:49:22,872 --> 00:49:29,405
And so it's been really important to me to take that information and just make it so that
they can use it today.

767
00:49:29,405 --> 00:49:38,829
The first thing I tell them, and all my kids would tell you, I say to them, if you wanna
be a leader of men, I call it less than one week once, the first week every year, I say to

768
00:49:38,829 --> 00:49:41,154
them, what is the one thing you can do?

769
00:49:41,154 --> 00:49:46,287
that will endear people to you and make them want to follow you.

770
00:49:46,307 --> 00:49:49,949
And it's find the good in them, encourage them, right?

771
00:49:49,949 --> 00:49:54,572
If you find the good in somebody that they can't find in themselves, I'm sure you've seen
this, right?

772
00:49:54,572 --> 00:50:01,286
You find that in them and you encourage that, boy, talking about not only do you make a
better person, you've got a friend for life.

773
00:50:01,286 --> 00:50:05,198
Because we got critical, I mean, everybody on the planet is critical now, right?

774
00:50:05,198 --> 00:50:07,279
Everybody's got an opinion about everything.

775
00:50:07,279 --> 00:50:09,120
So if you can be an encourager.

776
00:50:09,324 --> 00:50:10,174
That's where you start.

777
00:50:10,174 --> 00:50:14,786
Just literally encourage people and find what's good about them.

778
00:50:14,786 --> 00:50:16,246
Even if they can't see it.

779
00:50:16,246 --> 00:50:18,187
I do a activity.

780
00:50:18,187 --> 00:50:20,007
They call it the Post -it Note activity.

781
00:50:20,007 --> 00:50:21,288
I made it up years ago.

782
00:50:21,288 --> 00:50:27,529
And what we do is we go around the room and we talk about what is the first good thing you
think about when you see that person.

783
00:50:27,990 --> 00:50:29,740
Write it on a sticky note and go give it to them.

784
00:50:29,740 --> 00:50:35,462
So I got kids walking down the hallways with sticky notes all over them, of all the good
things that people see in Because sometimes we can't see it in ourselves.

785
00:50:35,620 --> 00:50:38,151
We have days when we can't find anything good about ourselves.

786
00:50:38,151 --> 00:50:42,442
Everybody can tell you the good things about, the bad things about themselves, but what is
the good thing about you?

787
00:50:42,442 --> 00:50:44,563
Like everybody has good in them, right?

788
00:50:44,563 --> 00:50:47,184
And so, I tell them, put it in your locker.

789
00:50:47,184 --> 00:50:52,105
And so on the days you're feeling down about yourself, remember, this is what people see
in you, right?

790
00:50:52,105 --> 00:50:53,506
Even if you can't see it.

791
00:50:53,506 --> 00:51:00,792
And so I think that those things make a difference for them and help them to, it's a
perception, it's a perspective thing.

792
00:51:00,792 --> 00:51:10,392
you know, just trying to get them to think about things that probably they wouldn't think
about at 13, 14, 15, 16 years old if they didn't have the opportunity to contemplate it.

793
00:51:11,708 --> 00:51:12,848
Brilliant.

794
00:51:12,909 --> 00:51:18,612
I love that idea of opening that door when you're fed up and you want to thumb something
and it just says, Bob thinks you're awesome.

795
00:51:18,612 --> 00:51:21,954
It's just like, yeah, I am.

796
00:51:21,954 --> 00:51:23,194
That just must be magical.

797
00:51:23,194 --> 00:51:25,355
think that is really lovely.

798
00:51:25,355 --> 00:51:28,396
Yeah, really, really lovely.

799
00:51:29,117 --> 00:51:36,512
I want to go back to the gentleman in the courtroom who was so supportive.

800
00:51:36,532 --> 00:51:38,743
I think there's two things that I want to touch.

801
00:51:38,743 --> 00:51:40,534
This is the first one because

802
00:51:40,712 --> 00:51:43,120
You said something that I find really important.

803
00:51:43,120 --> 00:51:45,026
Everyone deserves another chance.

804
00:51:45,026 --> 00:51:46,962
Why is that so important?

805
00:51:46,962 --> 00:51:52,788
I think that it's, you know, it gives you, it gives you worth.

806
00:51:52,788 --> 00:52:01,866
I think at some point you, you, you, get so down on yourself because of what you've become
that you don't feel worth anymore.

807
00:52:02,817 --> 00:52:11,305
you know, that whether you want to call it self -esteem or self -image or just, just a
sense of worth that, you know, you get to a point like, okay, I did this to myself.

808
00:52:11,305 --> 00:52:12,814
I'm, I'm, I'm a

809
00:52:12,814 --> 00:52:23,252
addict and I am I'm a terrible dad and I'm a terrible this and I'm a terrible that and for
somebody to say to you You're better than this and and you can do this and you deserve

810
00:52:23,252 --> 00:52:28,335
another chance because you like somebody who's like I said We'll go back to the voice in
my brain, right?

811
00:52:28,335 --> 00:52:30,417
You're you don't deserve nothing.

812
00:52:30,417 --> 00:52:36,962
You were given everything and you tossed it What makes you think you deserve another shot,
right?

813
00:52:36,962 --> 00:52:39,273
You people would love to have your start

814
00:52:39,309 --> 00:52:45,664
And you just, because of your ego and because of your stupidity or whatever you want to
call it, you just tossed it all away.

815
00:52:45,664 --> 00:52:48,045
And now you want somebody to give you another chance?

816
00:52:48,045 --> 00:52:50,657
And so I think some people, and I think that's common with people.

817
00:52:50,657 --> 00:52:55,450
We have this voice in our brain that just says, yeah, this is on you, man.

818
00:52:55,450 --> 00:52:57,172
Nobody owes you nothing.

819
00:52:57,172 --> 00:53:07,279
And so to have somebody say to you, listen, you deserve another chance and you're worth it
and you can, you know,

820
00:53:07,279 --> 00:53:10,079
but you're gonna have to go through and pay the consequences first.

821
00:53:10,079 --> 00:53:12,239
And that's okay, you'll survive.

822
00:53:12,239 --> 00:53:14,199
I mean, I'll be really honest with you.

823
00:53:14,199 --> 00:53:15,579
I was scared to death, right?

824
00:53:15,579 --> 00:53:20,419
They put me in this little van, locked me in this little cage and I was scared to death,
right?

825
00:53:20,419 --> 00:53:23,589
I am claustrophobic and bad, right?

826
00:53:23,589 --> 00:53:25,079
But I survived, right?

827
00:53:25,079 --> 00:53:25,709
Here I am.

828
00:53:25,709 --> 00:53:28,509
They locked me in a cell by myself for 30 days, only came out.

829
00:53:28,509 --> 00:53:30,659
I was 23 hours a day locked down.

830
00:53:30,659 --> 00:53:32,239
How do you make it through that?

831
00:53:32,239 --> 00:53:33,839
You do, right?

832
00:53:33,839 --> 00:53:34,755
You figure it out.

833
00:53:34,755 --> 00:53:40,467
You use your mind, you your mind gets stronger and you do get a lot of things to talk
about.

834
00:53:40,467 --> 00:53:43,838
You meditate on things you can control and you do what you can.

835
00:53:43,838 --> 00:53:50,199
But for somebody that had seen me multiple times, a guy in the court, you know, for him to
say that to me.

836
00:53:50,199 --> 00:53:56,691
And of course, I'm a religious person, I'm a Christian and he was too.

837
00:53:56,691 --> 00:54:00,382
And he said to me, you know, the God, he

838
00:54:04,621 --> 00:54:12,154
Disciplines you because he loves you and this is why he's you know, if he didn't he didn't
just let you die But he didn't right.

839
00:54:12,154 --> 00:54:22,738
He's you know, he he is gracious to you and he's giving you this next shot and If he
didn't love you, he wouldn't do that He wouldn't he wouldn't have protected you and now

840
00:54:22,738 --> 00:54:32,012
looking back giving you two years to reset your life you know, and so I Think comes down
to a self -worth thing and that's why it's so important because it's hard to believe that

841
00:54:32,012 --> 00:54:34,254
you're worth anything Once you've done the things that I did

842
00:54:34,254 --> 00:54:35,024
Yep.

843
00:54:35,865 --> 00:54:39,267
I think that is the most beautiful answer and it is.

844
00:54:39,267 --> 00:54:45,690
And you just have to accept it and go, yeah, as you said, I'm in prison, I've got to think
about it.

845
00:54:46,251 --> 00:54:49,633
I've incarcerated myself in rehab, I've got to think about it.

846
00:54:51,114 --> 00:54:52,175
And hope.

847
00:54:52,175 --> 00:54:57,157
It gives you hope, doesn't it, when someone says, you you deserve another chance.

848
00:54:57,338 --> 00:55:01,051
And with that hope, you can do anything.

849
00:55:01,051 --> 00:55:06,091
It's important because this is another thing we talk about a lot when we talk about the
kids.

850
00:55:06,231 --> 00:55:10,111
Sometimes you have to have somebody see something in you that you can't see, right?

851
00:55:10,111 --> 00:55:10,931
And that is what it is.

852
00:55:10,931 --> 00:55:12,861
It's calling out like, hey, listen, you can do this.

853
00:55:12,861 --> 00:55:13,561
You're better than this.

854
00:55:13,561 --> 00:55:14,871
You can do this.

855
00:55:14,871 --> 00:55:16,991
And at that point, probably you couldn't rehab.

856
00:55:16,991 --> 00:55:17,801
I couldn't prison.

857
00:55:17,801 --> 00:55:19,731
I couldn't see that in myself.

858
00:55:19,731 --> 00:55:21,911
I thought my life was done, right?

859
00:55:21,911 --> 00:55:26,691
Here I am 45 years old, a single dude, addict, and sitting in prison.

860
00:55:26,691 --> 00:55:27,531
You're done, dude.

861
00:55:27,531 --> 00:55:28,815
This is it for you.

862
00:55:28,815 --> 00:55:38,024
You know, and now I sit here today, five, six, seven years later, totally, you know, but
somebody had to see it and remind me of what was in me.

863
00:55:38,185 --> 00:55:41,098
Cause I couldn't remember, you know, I did damage to myself.

864
00:55:41,098 --> 00:55:43,340
It damaged my thought of my identity to myself.

865
00:55:43,340 --> 00:55:45,653
It's so bad that I couldn't, I couldn't see it.

866
00:55:45,653 --> 00:55:48,165
And so it's super important to be able to call that out in people.

867
00:55:48,165 --> 00:55:49,066
Okay.

868
00:55:49,066 --> 00:55:49,857
You know what?

869
00:55:49,857 --> 00:55:51,970
You have good in you and you can do this.

870
00:55:51,970 --> 00:55:53,101
Wonderful.

871
00:55:53,343 --> 00:55:56,026
Now I'm really being led to ask you this.

872
00:55:57,149 --> 00:55:58,651
If you can't...

873
00:55:58,852 --> 00:56:00,335
I'll try and get this right.

874
00:56:00,335 --> 00:56:05,954
You realised you had to change because of your son, is that correct?

875
00:56:06,562 --> 00:56:08,589
That's when I knew I wasn't going to go back.

876
00:56:09,432 --> 00:56:18,482
Okay, so you weren't necessarily ready to, let's say, save yourself, but you were ready to
for somebody else.

877
00:56:18,482 --> 00:56:20,403
I didn't think I could save myself.

878
00:56:21,104 --> 00:56:32,965
didn't, and even honestly, when I had that video chat with my son and I went back to my
cell and I bawled because of the pain that I saw on his face, you know, and to have to

879
00:56:32,965 --> 00:56:44,305
tell him, dad's not coming back home for a long time, you know, for two years for an eight
year old is forever, you know, and so I knew I had to stop.

880
00:56:45,628 --> 00:56:47,450
I knew I could not put my son through that.

881
00:56:47,450 --> 00:56:49,561
I had no idea how I was gonna do that.

882
00:56:49,902 --> 00:56:50,802
Right?

883
00:56:51,223 --> 00:56:52,164
No idea.

884
00:56:52,164 --> 00:56:52,474
Right?

885
00:56:52,474 --> 00:56:55,647
was like, okay, you can't do this.

886
00:56:56,828 --> 00:57:02,192
So yeah, he was the catalyst of, this ends here.

887
00:57:02,253 --> 00:57:03,213
Right?

888
00:57:03,374 --> 00:57:12,592
And then it was the next step was, okay, what are you gonna do to prove to yourself that
you're not gonna do that to him again?

889
00:57:12,626 --> 00:57:14,627
What steps can you take inside of yourself?

890
00:57:14,627 --> 00:57:21,172
I knew I had to, even though I didn't know what the steps were gonna be, I knew I hadn't,
I felt like I had no choice at that point.

891
00:57:21,172 --> 00:57:32,870
And so, so yeah, I mean, I had to do it for myself over time, but he was the one that
reminded me that, listen, this is not okay.

892
00:57:32,870 --> 00:57:36,793
know, cause when you're an addict, think nobody really notices, they're not paying all
that much attention.

893
00:57:36,793 --> 00:57:41,586
You know, I'd sneak downstairs and when they were asleep and they noticed more than you
think.

894
00:57:42,362 --> 00:57:44,903
And they definitely noticed when dad's gone for two years.

895
00:57:44,964 --> 00:57:52,488
And so it was the catalyst of, from this point on, you need to figure it out.

896
00:57:53,189 --> 00:58:03,935
And as I started to heal and it became more about me, like, okay, wow, what could I do if
I become the man that I'm capable of becoming for me?

897
00:58:04,095 --> 00:58:08,118
What is that gonna teach my children?

898
00:58:08,118 --> 00:58:09,180
So now...

899
00:58:09,180 --> 00:58:13,162
I go and talk to my boys, no one's just one just started college, one's in fifth grade.

900
00:58:13,162 --> 00:58:16,094
And I say to them, it's never over.

901
00:58:16,435 --> 00:58:17,675
Look at that.

902
00:58:17,936 --> 00:58:18,737
Right.

903
00:58:18,737 --> 00:58:20,197
You're never buried.

904
00:58:20,218 --> 00:58:20,758
Right.

905
00:58:20,758 --> 00:58:30,264
You can climb back from whatever happens to you in life, you know, and it may, it's going
to be rough sometimes and hopefully you won't make the same mistakes, but it's, possible.

906
00:58:30,685 --> 00:58:37,990
And, and so you can always think, Hey, listen, dad did it right.

907
00:58:37,990 --> 00:58:38,972
Also,

908
00:58:38,972 --> 00:58:43,414
Like when I had one of the things that I had an issue with when I was growing up was my
mom and dad couldn't relate to me.

909
00:58:43,414 --> 00:58:49,518
When I started down this path, they had no idea how to help me, you know, because they had
never done anything like this.

910
00:58:49,518 --> 00:58:51,929
Like they were, they were naive too.

911
00:58:52,049 --> 00:58:56,772
And to be able to say to my boys, you know, Hey, I hope that you never take a drink.

912
00:58:56,772 --> 00:58:57,912
I hope you don't.

913
00:58:58,373 --> 00:59:04,387
But if you do and you need a ride to home or to rehab, call dad.

914
00:59:04,387 --> 00:59:04,997
I understand.

915
00:59:04,997 --> 00:59:05,868
I get it.

916
00:59:05,868 --> 00:59:06,632
Right.

917
00:59:06,632 --> 00:59:13,656
And like so and if me going through this and them watching helps them not to have to walk
this path.

918
00:59:13,656 --> 00:59:16,618
Now, maybe they will, maybe they want to have the choice they have.

919
00:59:16,618 --> 00:59:21,300
But if it helps them not to walk this path because they saw dad, it was worth it, too.

920
00:59:21,400 --> 00:59:22,141
Right.

921
00:59:22,141 --> 00:59:25,022
Because I would hate to have to see what my mom and dad saw.

922
00:59:25,603 --> 00:59:27,724
Their son go through, I would hate to have to see that.

923
00:59:27,724 --> 00:59:30,295
And so, yeah, but it's what it for me eventually.

924
00:59:30,295 --> 00:59:35,049
But that was the catalyst was just seeing that pain for somebody that didn't deserve to be
in pain.

925
00:59:35,049 --> 00:59:38,362
Thank you, because that's quite vulnerable.

926
00:59:38,362 --> 00:59:39,423
That's quite hard, isn't it?

927
00:59:39,423 --> 00:59:40,704
To realise that, yeah.

928
00:59:40,704 --> 00:59:44,007
See that and go, I have one choice.

929
00:59:44,007 --> 00:59:47,890
I have to make it for him and then sort it out for yourself.

930
00:59:47,970 --> 00:59:50,492
Thank you.

931
00:59:50,653 --> 00:59:56,087
Tell me, Dan, where can people find out more about you and what you do, specifically for
the kids and things like that?

932
00:59:56,087 --> 00:59:57,980
So where can we find out more about you?

933
00:59:57,980 --> 01:00:01,881
I have a company called NextGen Leadership Lab.

934
01:00:02,621 --> 01:00:04,242
That's what I teach under.

935
01:00:04,542 --> 01:00:10,203
And so what I'm going to do is I'm going to go ahead and put up a thing for when this
comes out.

936
01:00:11,464 --> 01:00:20,666
If you have somebody in your life, if you're adult or you have a teenager or something and
you think they can benefit from a chat with me, I'm going to put up a free thing.

937
01:00:20,666 --> 01:00:24,047
You can fill it out and I will take some calls with people.

938
01:00:24,768 --> 01:00:25,698
I'm here to give back.

939
01:00:25,698 --> 01:00:26,778
I'm here to help.

940
01:00:27,160 --> 01:00:36,914
So if you have somebody in your life that's a youth, college age, whatever, could use an
ear and use some advice from somebody who's been down almost every road, you could

941
01:00:36,914 --> 01:00:38,224
possibly walk down.

942
01:00:38,985 --> 01:00:40,726
I would be happy to do that.

943
01:00:40,726 --> 01:00:44,487
so you can go to nextgenleaderslab .com.

944
01:00:44,527 --> 01:00:47,919
There'll be a thing there for podcasts.

945
01:00:47,919 --> 01:00:50,460
We'll put you on there and you can fill it out.

946
01:00:50,460 --> 01:00:51,080
Give me your email.

947
01:00:51,080 --> 01:00:51,740
I'll get ahold of you.

948
01:00:51,740 --> 01:00:53,091
We'll make some time.

949
01:00:53,091 --> 01:00:53,711
No charge.

950
01:00:53,711 --> 01:00:55,072
No charge to you.

951
01:00:55,828 --> 01:00:57,928
I just want to help you.

952
01:00:58,068 --> 01:01:08,808
Also, if you decide you're interested in what I'm working on with the app for people with
brain change, you can reach me at everfriends .ai as well.

953
01:01:08,808 --> 01:01:10,808
That is going to be out in December.

954
01:01:10,808 --> 01:01:11,748
It's important to me too.

955
01:01:11,748 --> 01:01:15,928
My mom is 77 and she's starting into memory loss.

956
01:01:16,528 --> 01:01:24,252
And so she was the catalyst for doing this to try to keep her home as long as possible
without having to go into the thing.

957
01:01:24,252 --> 01:01:25,513
Either one of those is great.

958
01:01:25,513 --> 01:01:26,734
Whatever, whatever.

959
01:01:26,734 --> 01:01:29,856
You can also look at looking up on danhungerford .com.

960
01:01:29,856 --> 01:01:31,127
for mostly for the kids.

961
01:01:31,127 --> 01:01:33,118
And that's my heart as I try to share that.

962
01:01:33,118 --> 01:01:33,738
That's my heart.

963
01:01:33,738 --> 01:01:37,871
If you if you have a youth or if you're a parent and you don't know what to do with your
youth.

964
01:01:37,871 --> 01:01:49,439
Yeah, go to go there and sign up and I will get ahold of you and we will chat and we will
figure out a way to to move forward for you, whether whether it is your child or yourself

965
01:01:49,439 --> 01:01:51,771
as a parent trying to try to navigate.

966
01:01:51,771 --> 01:01:53,072
mean, this generation is different.

967
01:01:53,072 --> 01:01:54,232
They think different.

968
01:01:54,556 --> 01:01:55,507
Right there.

969
01:01:55,507 --> 01:01:56,047
I've learned that.

970
01:01:56,047 --> 01:02:03,442
I mean, it's to help me so much with my own children, because as a Gen Xer, they don't
think like I think, you know, their values are different.

971
01:02:03,442 --> 01:02:04,853
The way they relate is different.

972
01:02:04,853 --> 01:02:07,175
And so I know as parents, it's hard.

973
01:02:07,175 --> 01:02:10,177
I mean, I see parents all the time to say to me, like, how do you get through to my kid?

974
01:02:10,177 --> 01:02:11,348
Well, it's really not easy.

975
01:02:11,348 --> 01:02:13,009
You have to you have to understand.

976
01:02:13,009 --> 01:02:14,130
You have to understand.

977
01:02:14,130 --> 01:02:19,904
And and so maybe down the line, there's there's a parenting book in there, too, because I
a lot of time with youth.

978
01:02:19,904 --> 01:02:21,995
But right now, I'd be happy to do that.

979
01:02:21,995 --> 01:02:23,469
I will put that up.

980
01:02:23,469 --> 01:02:25,934
especially for people that watch you.

981
01:02:26,317 --> 01:02:28,483
And then we'll get a hold of it.

982
01:02:28,483 --> 01:02:30,259
start making some difference for some more people.

983
01:02:30,259 --> 01:02:34,785
Brilliant, well I'll get the information from you and I'll put it in the show notes, so
thank you for that.

984
01:02:36,028 --> 01:02:43,290
And lastly, what is your superpower that you got from changing your life around?

985
01:02:43,290 --> 01:02:44,897
My superpower is...

986
01:02:45,293 --> 01:02:56,226
resilience and it is an undying drive to make sure nobody has to do what I did.

987
01:02:56,226 --> 01:02:58,827
I can, right.

988
01:02:58,827 --> 01:03:08,260
I am so, so driven because I felt that pain and I felt that shame and that disappointment.

989
01:03:08,440 --> 01:03:11,720
And, and so it has allowed me to be

990
01:03:13,825 --> 01:03:14,915
to be filled with empathy.

991
01:03:14,915 --> 01:03:24,128
I was a guy who before my awakening was judgmental and like, just pick yourself up from
your bootstraps.

992
01:03:24,128 --> 01:03:24,688
You know what I mean?

993
01:03:24,688 --> 01:03:26,289
Like get your crap together.

994
01:03:26,289 --> 01:03:29,950
And then I realized that it's easier said than done.

995
01:03:30,350 --> 01:03:40,383
And so it's given me a resilience and a desire to change what can be changed.

996
01:03:40,565 --> 01:03:42,316
to help where it can be helped.

997
01:03:42,316 --> 01:03:46,910
Even if it's one person here or one person there, to that one person, that's everything.

998
01:03:46,911 --> 01:03:51,755
To that guy that talked to me in court that day, that was everything to me.

999
01:03:51,755 --> 01:03:53,756
It was to the people that have helped me.

1000
01:03:53,756 --> 01:03:56,938
There's never a small impact.

1001
01:03:58,560 --> 01:04:00,442
People think, that doesn't matter.

1002
01:04:00,442 --> 01:04:01,243
This doesn't matter.

1003
01:04:01,243 --> 01:04:03,604
But there's never a small impact.

1004
01:04:03,645 --> 01:04:08,700
And so this resilience to keep pushing forward and knowing that

1005
01:04:08,700 --> 01:04:12,540
People can do this.

1006
01:04:12,640 --> 01:04:14,680
They can change.

1007
01:04:14,680 --> 01:04:17,220
They can have the life that they, it's not too late.

1008
01:04:17,220 --> 01:04:18,430
It's not too late, right?

1009
01:04:18,430 --> 01:04:19,700
I was in my mid forties, right?

1010
01:04:19,700 --> 01:04:25,410
I don't care if you're 50 or 70 or 80, it's not too late to take the steps that you need
to do to change.

1011
01:04:25,410 --> 01:04:35,380
And so I take the hits and I keep on going and to prove that this is the way it can be
done.

1012
01:04:35,380 --> 01:04:38,598
And it's given me a great platform to do.

1013
01:04:38,598 --> 01:04:42,521
you know, with the youth and with other things, I have a great platform to do it.

1014
01:04:42,521 --> 01:04:50,676
And I love the fact that I can come in and share like, hey, listen, if you can take it
every day, you can be consistent and you can have that resilience.

1015
01:04:51,337 --> 01:04:52,107
The path is there.

1016
01:04:52,107 --> 01:04:54,979
The success, like we talked about, success leaves clues.

1017
01:04:54,979 --> 01:05:02,675
And that's part of what I share with people that reach out to me regularly, like, hey,
I've seen your change and what can I do that I'm stuck in gambling or I'm stuck in porn or

1018
01:05:02,675 --> 01:05:07,836
I'm stuck in, you know, drugs or alcohol, whatever it is that they want to get rid of, you
know.

1019
01:05:07,836 --> 01:05:08,646
How do you do that?

1020
01:05:08,646 --> 01:05:13,067
And there is something to say, hey, listen, this is how you do this.

1021
01:05:13,067 --> 01:05:16,989
It's the resilience in you that says, listen, I am capable.

1022
01:05:16,989 --> 01:05:19,379
I am worth the work, right?

1023
01:05:19,379 --> 01:05:23,380
If you can't see that you're worth the work, you won't do the work.

1024
01:05:23,380 --> 01:05:29,182
And so you are valuable to spread the message that was spread to me.

1025
01:05:29,182 --> 01:05:31,883
Like, listen, you're worth it, right?

1026
01:05:31,883 --> 01:05:33,663
People love you, right?

1027
01:05:33,663 --> 01:05:34,553
There's a plan for you.

1028
01:05:34,553 --> 01:05:36,384
And you can.

1029
01:05:37,658 --> 01:05:42,079
do this and it may not be what you thought.

1030
01:05:42,079 --> 01:05:43,810
Like this is not the life I thought.

1031
01:05:43,810 --> 01:05:44,730
It's better.

1032
01:05:44,730 --> 01:05:45,930
It's better than what I thought.

1033
01:05:45,930 --> 01:05:46,531
Right.

1034
01:05:46,531 --> 01:05:48,531
I couldn't have guessed that I could be doing this.

1035
01:05:48,531 --> 01:05:49,391
It's better.

1036
01:05:49,391 --> 01:05:52,092
And so, so keep at it.

1037
01:05:52,112 --> 01:06:05,976
But that is my, that is my superpower is the understanding and the resilience of what life
can be both sides, the good and the bad and how it's just really never done.

1038
01:06:06,588 --> 01:06:08,174
as long as you're willing to keep working.

1039
01:06:08,174 --> 01:06:10,134
Fabulous, I love that, I love that.

1040
01:06:10,134 --> 01:06:12,934
And I have really enjoyed our conversation.

1041
01:06:13,514 --> 01:06:14,834
It's been fabulous.

1042
01:06:14,834 --> 01:06:18,854
You've gone through about 25 million emotions, I think.

1043
01:06:18,854 --> 01:06:20,424
Happy, sad, you've gone through everything.

1044
01:06:20,424 --> 01:06:23,974
it's a testament to your resilience, isn't it?

1045
01:06:23,974 --> 01:06:36,454
That you have got to that bottom, realized that I'm not dead, I don't wanna die, I love my
children, and it's just remarkable.

1046
01:06:36,454 --> 01:06:37,742
And Dan, thank you.

1047
01:06:37,742 --> 01:06:39,519
Thank you very, very much.

1048
01:06:39,998 --> 01:06:40,878
Very welcome.

1049
01:06:40,878 --> 01:06:41,520
Anytime.

1050
01:06:41,520 --> 01:06:45,324
Like I said, I'm thrilled to have been here, thrilled to have been able to share my story.

1051
01:06:45,324 --> 01:06:49,549
Hopefully, somebody can benefit from my story.

1052
01:06:49,549 --> 01:06:54,275
And if you want to get ahold of me, you know where to get ahold of me, and I'd be happy to
chat with anybody.

1053
01:06:54,275 --> 01:06:56,686
I appreciate the opportunity.

1054
01:06:57,366 --> 01:06:59,734
It's been wonderful and thank you so much indeed.

1055
01:07:00,471 --> 01:07:04,831
Thank you for listening to this episode of The Crucible: Conversations for the Curious.

1056
01:07:04,831 --> 01:07:13,471
If these powerful stories of transformation resonated with you, be sure to like, subscribe
and share this show with anyone who you think could do with a dose of inspiration for

1057
01:07:13,471 --> 01:07:14,411
their own journey.

1058
01:07:14,411 --> 01:07:20,991
I would really appreciate it if you could make any comments on your favourite podcast
platform as well, that helps me reach more people.

1059
01:07:20,991 --> 01:07:24,451
All the important links and information are in the show notes below.

1060
01:07:24,451 --> 01:07:27,535
Thank you very much for listening and catch up with you soon.