Hi there, this is Shaun Dawson, your host of Raising Men.
I was thinking about a recent episode that we aired with Deland McCullough.
We were so fortunate to have him on the show.
He's such an absolute delight.
His story is amazing and he just shares it with this authenticity and fervor that it's infectious.
Man, we were so lucky to have it.
But I was thinking about a story that reminded me of somebody I met when I lived in Chicago.
And it, so what happened was this uh is young man who was in his mid-20s.
And he grew up in a really, really, really tough area of Chicago, the kind of area you think about when they talk about how bad Chicago could be.
A lot of gang violence.
A lot of crime, just a really tough upbringing.
And he was part of that life for a while.
He had been part of a gang.
But in his mid-20s, he decided to get out of that.
And he started a barber shop.
He negotiated with the landlord.
He signed a lease, a two-year lease.
put the booths in there and leased out the space to people and they were absolutely crushing it.
They were making good money.
The place was packed all the time.
was, you know, that was obviously a need in this neighborhood for a good barbershop and he filled it.
He was doing so well that he ended up negotiating with the landlord.
to actually move into the space next door and he was going to start a spa and he had all these grand designs and he was doing really really really well.
One day the city came in and the representative from the city said I'd like to see your permit and he didn't have a permit and so he says told the guys I don't have a permit.
And so the city inspector said, I'm gonna have to shut you down.
So our hero of the story, um he called up his landlord and he said, well, I guess I'm not going to be able to pay the rent anymore.
And landlord said, what are you talking about?
And he said, you know, the city came and they shut me down.
And this guy's world, his entire worldview.
was fixated on this notion that you really can't get anywhere in life.
You're kind of destined to fail because anytime you get any amount of success, anytime you get any amount of, if you get anywhere, then they're gonna come and they're gonna take it
from you.
And that's just the way the world is.
And the landlord was not like that.
The landlord grew up
the way I did where no, they don't come and shut you down.
That's not right.
Now you have to obey the law and you have to get permits and stuff like that.
But you know, that's just not the way of the world.
The way of the world is you go and you create a business and you start creating value and you get to reap the financial rewards of that.
So the landlord says to him, he says, what do mean they shut you down?
I yeah, I mean, I'll have a permit.
And he asked, he asked, well, what does it take to get a permit?
And the guy says, I don't know.
So the landlord says, stay there, I'll call you right back.
So he researched it and he pulled it up online.
He found out that, well, they get a permit to run a barber shop in the city of Chicago.
You gotta go to City Hall.
You gotta pay him $75.
I'm not necessarily remembering the exact number.
And then you're back in business.
You've got the permit, you put it on your wall.
And so the landlord calls the kid back and he says, listen, you know, I want you to go to seven 11.
I want you to buy a money order for $75.
I want you to go to, to this window in city hall.
I want you to talk to them.
I want you to say this.
And you know, then once they give you this thing, they put it back up on the wall and you're back in business.
And the kid's like, Oh my gosh, thank you so much.
I really appreciate it.
And the difference is that.
default mindset, that default mindset is about whether you deserve to succeed or not, whether and you know, that ends up becoming pervasive with people, it ends up controlling
whether or not they reach out in the first place, whether or not they actually take risks and do things.
And this kid, he didn't get that from his upbringing.
He didn't have someone to teach him.
No, you deserve to be able to reap the rewards of your success.
If someone tries to take that from you, you fight tooth and nail and you make sure they don't do that.
He was taught, for whatever reason, that the way the world worked was, no, the world is unfair and it's gonna come for your stuff.
There's nothing you can do about it.
And to some extent, he's not wrong.
The world is unfair.
And the world will come for your stuff.
But that last bit, that last bit isn't true.
When they come for your stuff, you can do something about it.
It's not right.
And you can stand against that stuff.
And that's that brings us back to Dylan McCullough.
Dylan McCullough had a tough life too.
He was adopted and he was adopted into this loving family.
But then his adoptive father kind of abandoned the family.
He was raised by a single mother.
They didn't have very much money.
And he happened to be really, really gifted at football.
But this guy, man, just literally every single time, every single time his head just rose.
a tiny little amount just above the poppies.
It got chopped off.
But McCullough, he didn't end up with that same mindset.
He didn't end up with the mindset of, well, you know, that's just the way the world is.
And when they come, they're going to take your stuff and you can't get anywhere.
He ended up with the mindset of, well, I guess I just have to start over.
And that became a superpower for him.
Literally, he was absolutely capable of starting from zero and reaching unimaginable heights.
He ended up playing in the NFL, and both of his knees ended up getting blown out.
Then he got knocked back to nothing.
And he came back and he started coaching.
And he ended up coaching in the NFL.
You know, all sorts of things that, and he wasn't afraid to take risks.
He wasn't afraid to take the kind of risks that I might've been able to be afraid to take because I'm not used to starting from scratch.
I'm not used to starting from zero.
I, when I've built something up, I want to protect it, but he is.
And somehow his childhood gave him this, this mentality that enabled him to actually
have the resilience to whenever he was knocked down to get back up to, you know, rebuild himself from scratch, to start over and just keep on trucking.
And I can't tell you how much I admire about that and how I want that for my boy.
I want my boy to feel like when he gets knocked down,
he can get back up and he can achieve anything.
And this is, you know, this is our role, right?
As parents of boys, our role is to get them, you know, first of all, to convey to them that they are.
worthy of the fruits of their success and they are capable of succeeding in this world.
They have, they are worthy of life's challenges and they are worthy of the rewards that accrue.
by surmounting them.
So that's the first thing.
And that's our friend in Chicago didn't quite have, is he didn't quite have the feeling of self-worth.
He just felt like the world at some point was going to come down and take your stuff.
And that's just the way life is.
It's not the way life is.
And it's not the way it ought to be.
And it's unjust.
And you need to fight against it.
So that's the first lesson that we should be teaching our kids.
But the second lesson is even more important and it's probably even harder to teach, which is that you can, you, you need to not be afraid of starting from scratch.
You should be willing to take those risks.
You should be willing to put yourself out there, whether that means starting a business, whether that means asking for a raise, whether that means going up to a girl.
and seeing if she wants to go out with you on a date.
These are all things that require that kind of mentality.
This, this I am willing to risk what I have in order to get something I want.
So.
We need to think about how do we instill that in our kids and how do we, you know, I can't think of something more important than that feeling, that comfort in our own skin, the
ability, the knowledge that no matter what happens, I can rebuild.
And I don't think that there's a greater gift that we can give to our sons than that thing that Dela McAuliffe had, and that he has, and that he demonstrated to us.
Thanks for listening, and you are a great parent.