1 00:00:01,612 --> 00:00:06,125 Hi there, this is Shaun Dawson, your host of Raising Men. 2 00:00:06,202 --> 00:00:11,429 I was thinking about a recent episode that we aired with Deland McCullough. 3 00:00:11,650 --> 00:00:13,772 We were so fortunate to have him on the show. 4 00:00:13,772 --> 00:00:17,255 He's such an absolute delight. 5 00:00:17,255 --> 00:00:28,024 His story is amazing and he just shares it with this authenticity and fervor that it's infectious. 6 00:00:28,024 --> 00:00:30,925 Man, we were so lucky to have it. 7 00:00:31,318 --> 00:00:39,562 But I was thinking about a story that reminded me of somebody I met when I lived in Chicago. 8 00:00:41,884 --> 00:00:48,648 And it, so what happened was this uh is young man who was in his mid-20s. 9 00:00:49,308 --> 00:00:57,535 And he grew up in a really, really, really tough area of Chicago, the kind of area you think about when they talk about how bad Chicago could be. 10 00:00:57,535 --> 00:00:59,114 A lot of gang violence. 11 00:00:59,374 --> 00:01:04,274 A lot of crime, just a really tough upbringing. 12 00:01:04,274 --> 00:01:06,474 And he was part of that life for a while. 13 00:01:06,474 --> 00:01:08,414 He had been part of a gang. 14 00:01:10,054 --> 00:01:14,814 But in his mid-20s, he decided to get out of that. 15 00:01:14,814 --> 00:01:18,574 And he started a barber shop. 16 00:01:18,574 --> 00:01:20,614 He negotiated with the landlord. 17 00:01:25,254 --> 00:01:28,694 He signed a lease, a two-year lease. 18 00:01:28,898 --> 00:01:37,189 put the booths in there and leased out the space to people and they were absolutely crushing it. 19 00:01:37,189 --> 00:01:39,241 They were making good money. 20 00:01:39,241 --> 00:01:41,642 The place was packed all the time. 21 00:01:41,642 --> 00:01:51,684 was, you know, that was obviously a need in this neighborhood for a good barbershop and he filled it. 22 00:01:52,024 --> 00:01:57,803 He was doing so well that he ended up negotiating with the landlord. 23 00:01:57,803 --> 00:02:07,628 to actually move into the space next door and he was going to start a spa and he had all these grand designs and he was doing really really really well. 24 00:02:07,629 --> 00:02:24,718 One day the city came in and the representative from the city said I'd like to see your permit and he didn't have a permit and so he says told the guys I don't have a permit. 25 00:02:24,963 --> 00:02:29,713 And so the city inspector said, I'm gonna have to shut you down. 26 00:02:32,121 --> 00:02:42,431 So our hero of the story, um he called up his landlord and he said, well, I guess I'm not going to be able to pay the rent anymore. 27 00:02:42,766 --> 00:02:45,930 And landlord said, what are you talking about? 28 00:02:47,770 --> 00:02:51,084 And he said, you know, the city came and they shut me down. 29 00:02:51,084 --> 00:02:54,518 And this guy's world, his entire worldview. 30 00:02:56,685 --> 00:03:02,359 was fixated on this notion that you really can't get anywhere in life. 31 00:03:03,180 --> 00:03:16,851 You're kind of destined to fail because anytime you get any amount of success, anytime you get any amount of, if you get anywhere, then they're gonna come and they're gonna take it 32 00:03:16,851 --> 00:03:17,771 from you. 33 00:03:18,452 --> 00:03:20,573 And that's just the way the world is. 34 00:03:21,494 --> 00:03:24,536 And the landlord was not like that. 35 00:03:24,536 --> 00:03:26,758 The landlord grew up 36 00:03:27,150 --> 00:03:31,550 the way I did where no, they don't come and shut you down. 37 00:03:31,550 --> 00:03:33,050 That's not right. 38 00:03:33,050 --> 00:03:35,810 Now you have to obey the law and you have to get permits and stuff like that. 39 00:03:35,810 --> 00:03:37,910 But you know, that's just not the way of the world. 40 00:03:37,910 --> 00:03:46,650 The way of the world is you go and you create a business and you start creating value and you get to reap the financial rewards of that. 41 00:03:46,710 --> 00:03:50,050 So the landlord says to him, he says, what do mean they shut you down? 42 00:03:50,050 --> 00:03:51,330 I yeah, I mean, I'll have a permit. 43 00:03:51,330 --> 00:03:54,870 And he asked, he asked, well, what does it take to get a permit? 44 00:03:55,150 --> 00:03:56,950 And the guy says, I don't know. 45 00:03:57,647 --> 00:04:00,267 So the landlord says, stay there, I'll call you right back. 46 00:04:00,267 --> 00:04:02,187 So he researched it and he pulled it up online. 47 00:04:02,187 --> 00:04:06,767 He found out that, well, they get a permit to run a barber shop in the city of Chicago. 48 00:04:06,767 --> 00:04:07,827 You gotta go to City Hall. 49 00:04:07,827 --> 00:04:09,627 You gotta pay him $75. 50 00:04:09,947 --> 00:04:12,827 I'm not necessarily remembering the exact number. 51 00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:15,867 And then you're back in business. 52 00:04:15,867 --> 00:04:17,907 You've got the permit, you put it on your wall. 53 00:04:18,895 --> 00:04:24,955 And so the landlord calls the kid back and he says, listen, you know, I want you to go to seven 11. 54 00:04:24,955 --> 00:04:27,135 I want you to buy a money order for $75. 55 00:04:27,135 --> 00:04:30,315 I want you to go to, to this window in city hall. 56 00:04:30,315 --> 00:04:32,315 I want you to talk to them. 57 00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:33,915 I want you to say this. 58 00:04:34,015 --> 00:04:39,615 And you know, then once they give you this thing, they put it back up on the wall and you're back in business. 59 00:04:39,735 --> 00:04:41,995 And the kid's like, Oh my gosh, thank you so much. 60 00:04:41,995 --> 00:04:43,935 I really appreciate it. 61 00:04:43,935 --> 00:04:48,236 And the difference is that. 62 00:04:48,236 --> 00:05:09,998 default mindset, that default mindset is about whether you deserve to succeed or not, whether and you know, that ends up becoming pervasive with people, it ends up controlling 63 00:05:09,998 --> 00:05:18,182 whether or not they reach out in the first place, whether or not they actually take risks and do things. 64 00:05:18,295 --> 00:05:23,076 And this kid, he didn't get that from his upbringing. 65 00:05:23,076 --> 00:05:25,117 He didn't have someone to teach him. 66 00:05:25,117 --> 00:05:31,458 No, you deserve to be able to reap the rewards of your success. 67 00:05:31,458 --> 00:05:36,019 If someone tries to take that from you, you fight tooth and nail and you make sure they don't do that. 68 00:05:36,019 --> 00:05:46,582 He was taught, for whatever reason, that the way the world worked was, no, the world is unfair and it's gonna come for your stuff. 69 00:05:47,279 --> 00:05:48,920 There's nothing you can do about it. 70 00:05:49,100 --> 00:05:51,422 And to some extent, he's not wrong. 71 00:05:51,422 --> 00:05:53,523 The world is unfair. 72 00:05:53,903 --> 00:05:56,625 And the world will come for your stuff. 73 00:05:56,965 --> 00:06:00,207 But that last bit, that last bit isn't true. 74 00:06:00,268 --> 00:06:03,870 When they come for your stuff, you can do something about it. 75 00:06:03,870 --> 00:06:05,110 It's not right. 76 00:06:05,811 --> 00:06:10,654 And you can stand against that stuff. 77 00:06:12,407 --> 00:06:15,128 And that's that brings us back to Dylan McCullough. 78 00:06:15,128 --> 00:06:17,389 Dylan McCullough had a tough life too. 79 00:06:17,650 --> 00:06:21,101 He was adopted and he was adopted into this loving family. 80 00:06:21,101 --> 00:06:25,574 But then his adoptive father kind of abandoned the family. 81 00:06:25,574 --> 00:06:27,075 He was raised by a single mother. 82 00:06:27,075 --> 00:06:29,075 They didn't have very much money. 83 00:06:29,416 --> 00:06:32,197 And he happened to be really, really gifted at football. 84 00:06:32,677 --> 00:06:42,022 But this guy, man, just literally every single time, every single time his head just rose. 85 00:06:42,208 --> 00:06:45,001 a tiny little amount just above the poppies. 86 00:06:45,482 --> 00:06:47,003 It got chopped off. 87 00:06:48,125 --> 00:06:53,192 But McCullough, he didn't end up with that same mindset. 88 00:06:53,192 --> 00:06:59,319 He didn't end up with the mindset of, well, you know, that's just the way the world is. 89 00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:02,162 And when they come, they're going to take your stuff and you can't get anywhere. 90 00:07:04,441 --> 00:07:09,234 He ended up with the mindset of, well, I guess I just have to start over. 91 00:07:09,475 --> 00:07:12,037 And that became a superpower for him. 92 00:07:12,037 --> 00:07:21,645 Literally, he was absolutely capable of starting from zero and reaching unimaginable heights. 93 00:07:21,645 --> 00:07:26,007 He ended up playing in the NFL, and both of his knees ended up getting blown out. 94 00:07:26,668 --> 00:07:29,250 Then he got knocked back to nothing. 95 00:07:29,691 --> 00:07:31,542 And he came back and he started coaching. 96 00:07:31,542 --> 00:07:34,254 And he ended up coaching in the NFL. 97 00:07:34,607 --> 00:07:41,082 You know, all sorts of things that, and he wasn't afraid to take risks. 98 00:07:41,082 --> 00:07:48,639 He wasn't afraid to take the kind of risks that I might've been able to be afraid to take because I'm not used to starting from scratch. 99 00:07:48,639 --> 00:07:50,780 I'm not used to starting from zero. 100 00:07:50,780 --> 00:07:54,923 I, when I've built something up, I want to protect it, but he is. 101 00:07:55,124 --> 00:08:04,051 And somehow his childhood gave him this, this mentality that enabled him to actually 102 00:08:04,747 --> 00:08:19,358 have the resilience to whenever he was knocked down to get back up to, you know, rebuild himself from scratch, to start over and just keep on trucking. 103 00:08:19,779 --> 00:08:30,208 And I can't tell you how much I admire about that and how I want that for my boy. 104 00:08:30,208 --> 00:08:34,491 I want my boy to feel like when he gets knocked down, 105 00:08:34,797 --> 00:08:37,568 he can get back up and he can achieve anything. 106 00:08:38,129 --> 00:08:40,179 And this is, you know, this is our role, right? 107 00:08:40,179 --> 00:08:52,595 As parents of boys, our role is to get them, you know, first of all, to convey to them that they are. 108 00:08:54,635 --> 00:09:02,961 worthy of the fruits of their success and they are capable of succeeding in this world. 109 00:09:02,961 --> 00:09:11,487 They have, they are worthy of life's challenges and they are worthy of the rewards that accrue. 110 00:09:13,475 --> 00:09:15,303 by surmounting them. 111 00:09:16,983 --> 00:09:17,983 So that's the first thing. 112 00:09:17,983 --> 00:09:30,572 And that's our friend in Chicago didn't quite have, is he didn't quite have the feeling of self-worth. 113 00:09:30,572 --> 00:09:35,275 He just felt like the world at some point was going to come down and take your stuff. 114 00:09:35,295 --> 00:09:37,077 And that's just the way life is. 115 00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,558 It's not the way life is. 116 00:09:38,558 --> 00:09:40,389 And it's not the way it ought to be. 117 00:09:40,389 --> 00:09:41,940 And it's unjust. 118 00:09:41,940 --> 00:09:43,581 And you need to fight against it. 119 00:09:43,581 --> 00:09:47,083 So that's the first lesson that we should be teaching our kids. 120 00:09:47,248 --> 00:10:01,288 But the second lesson is even more important and it's probably even harder to teach, which is that you can, you, you need to not be afraid of starting from scratch. 121 00:10:01,288 --> 00:10:04,008 You should be willing to take those risks. 122 00:10:04,008 --> 00:10:14,828 You should be willing to put yourself out there, whether that means starting a business, whether that means asking for a raise, whether that means going up to a girl. 123 00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:18,293 and seeing if she wants to go out with you on a date. 124 00:10:18,554 --> 00:10:23,537 These are all things that require that kind of mentality. 125 00:10:23,537 --> 00:10:33,286 This, this I am willing to risk what I have in order to get something I want. 126 00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:34,527 So. 127 00:10:36,260 --> 00:10:50,030 We need to think about how do we instill that in our kids and how do we, you know, I can't think of something more important than that feeling, that comfort in our own skin, the 128 00:10:50,030 --> 00:10:57,005 ability, the knowledge that no matter what happens, I can rebuild. 129 00:10:59,216 --> 00:11:14,476 And I don't think that there's a greater gift that we can give to our sons than that thing that Dela McAuliffe had, and that he has, and that he demonstrated to us. 130 00:11:15,176 --> 00:11:18,876 Thanks for listening, and you are a great parent.