Speaker 1: Hey, you get to one.
Speaker 2: Honey, Oh my lord, mother, how are you? Me and
Speaker 2: Harley are recording our podcast right now? Dimma? What Mom?
Speaker 2: Tell Harley what you told me the other day when
Speaker 2: you went to the hospital. What happened she had that procedure.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, what happened was I wasn't aware of the
Speaker 1: whole thing. Good already had arranged it on Good Friday,
Speaker 1: and I said to Bold days.
Speaker 2: Right, Good Friday for those who don't follow this year closely,
Speaker 2: is the day Jesus died.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And he set the thing up with the doctor
Speaker 1: that I would go to sleep a little bit. But
Speaker 1: while I was there, he stopped my heart and restarted it,
Speaker 1: trying to get my a fifth down from racing so
Speaker 1: much and taking away from my heart. So I was
Speaker 1: not aware of it, was thank goodness, but he did
Speaker 1: stop it and restarted. In Virginia and Donald were outside,
Speaker 1: and he went out and talked to him right away
Speaker 1: and said, your mother's strong. You know, you never know
Speaker 1: let anything get down.
Speaker 2: But wait, I'm going to step you back to like
Speaker 2: you weren't aware that this was coming, and just I
Speaker 2: mean I knew you knew that eventually it was going.
Speaker 3: To happen, but didn't know what was happening that day.
Speaker 2: You didn't. You weren't aware when you went in that
Speaker 2: that was what was going to happen that day.
Speaker 1: Uh No. A couple of minutes before I looked on
Speaker 1: the a writing board, Donald does me for the doctor's
Speaker 1: appointments and I said, why am I going on good Friday? Kevind?
Speaker 1: I said, that's kind of crazy to me. And he said, well,
Speaker 1: doctor's going to do that procedure and he has the time.
Speaker 1: And I said what procedure? And he said, you know
Speaker 1: that one mon where you go to sleep and then
Speaker 1: they wake you up again.
Speaker 2: I said really, now, I had wow, do you remember
Speaker 2: any of it? They'd put you out right, They give
Speaker 2: you drugs.
Speaker 1: To put you out. So I went to the cap
Speaker 1: lab and they got me all ready up and everything
Speaker 1: like that, and then I said, okay, I guess go
Speaker 1: to sleep. So what they have to do is go
Speaker 1: down your throat with a camera that's white. The throat
Speaker 1: hurts of you. So I said, okay, Doc, are you
Speaker 1: ready for that? He said, oh, you're always ready. Grace.
Speaker 1: It's okay.
Speaker 2: You know this casual motherfucker who's stopping my mother's heart,
Speaker 2: it's like, oh great, she'll be fine.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, my god. So you know, so we joked
Speaker 1: around a little and I said, okay, good night, guys.
Speaker 1: I'm going to sleep. So that's what I did, and
Speaker 1: that's how he did it. Right away, that was said.
Speaker 1: It wasn't even a minute. It was stopped and restarted.
Speaker 1: So he's trying to get the A five to slow
Speaker 1: down so it don't keep raising my heart, you know,
Speaker 1: which I agree. I agree when I'm go ahead, we're
Speaker 1: moving right along. And we went in to see the
Speaker 1: doctor on Friday, was gone and he comes in and
Speaker 1: sits down and sold dog every time you sit down
Speaker 1: to mean something, he said. He said, I just looked
Speaker 1: at your ekg they took for me when he came in.
Speaker 1: I said, yeah, I told me you don't want to
Speaker 1: see the difference. And he said, you know, he's got
Speaker 1: a little improvement there. I'm glad about that. She's taken
Speaker 1: pretty good in help. So that's that's a good that's
Speaker 1: a plus.
Speaker 3: You know, Yeah, that's amazing news.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So uh, I said, well that's fun. I'm probably
Speaker 1: first on my life. I had it stopped and starting. Well,
Speaker 1: I was sleeping, so that's okay, but uh, i'de lucky,
Speaker 1: not my own spirits.
Speaker 2: You know, lord, Mom, You're you're an ongoing adventure always.
Speaker 1: I know. I can't wait to see what we got next.
Speaker 1: Plan for me?
Speaker 2: Right? Only two times, only good times.
Speaker 1: Yeah, only good times. Over there. I said to Virginia,
Speaker 1: I want to ride a horse, and she goes, oh, mother,
Speaker 1: you're kidding, aren't you. I said, you kind of, but
Speaker 1: I still would like to try it. She said, you can't.
Speaker 1: You gotta wait until you're all settled with your heart
Speaker 1: and everything. I said, okay, So she got me three horses.
Speaker 2: Now, Oh yes, yes, I have beauty.
Speaker 1: That's the mummy I had bow over separated from Judy.
Speaker 1: So no Shenanigans, that's the beauty.
Speaker 2: You never want your toys. Fucking Mom always said that
Speaker 2: to me when I was a child. Tiger, you got
Speaker 2: to keep them separating.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, saying father. And then we have Baden on
Speaker 1: the blue chair behind her mother being protected. I have
Speaker 1: all three of them and Donalds, Virginia, will you stop
Speaker 1: buying her these big things for the house.
Speaker 4: Whatever makes you happy?
Speaker 2: Yeah, and also beats you trying to get up on
Speaker 2: a real ass horse.
Speaker 1: So true.
Speaker 2: Oh my God, that's so true.
Speaker 1: All fun And then you saw have you seen that picture?
Speaker 1: I gotta taken and sent to you. Virginia had it
Speaker 1: done on a block at CBS. For me, it's like
Speaker 1: a block, it's really light. But it's a picture of
Speaker 1: Aunt Virginia holding me on the reeling of the Telehaestree house.
Speaker 1: Right was green years old, and you kid, I mean
Speaker 1: really cute. It's so funny that Emergy has got a
Speaker 1: hat on, because those are the days that wore hats.
Speaker 1: You know, she's fifteen years older than me, so that picture.
Speaker 2: She at least never mind her, she's she's like, you know,
Speaker 2: just scenery. It's the baby in the picture that fucking shines.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's so adorable. Can't I didn't think
Speaker 1: I was that cute.
Speaker 3: You're always the cutest.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're still remain.
Speaker 3: Cute, man, You're still just that cute.
Speaker 2: You'd still see that little baby mammily in your face.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I can see why Grandma and Grandpa
Speaker 1: fell in love with me and kid me.
Speaker 2: You know, it makes sense, makes sense. That's why a
Speaker 2: parent loves a child, because they're adorable based on looks
Speaker 2: and looks alone. That's it, and you were a looker
Speaker 2: of a kid. You could have been a model baby,
Speaker 2: could have done ivory, soap, bads and ship. But still no,
Speaker 2: let's let's talk about how you've been feeling. You're actually
Speaker 2: up and walking around.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I was outside tonight with coffee, tream around about
Speaker 1: two blocks you know, in here.
Speaker 2: Nice.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she ya. She was glad to see that. I
Speaker 1: didn't quit until I got back home.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 3: Wow, that's amazing, Grandma.
Speaker 2: Excellent job. Mom.
Speaker 1: Oh thank you, Harley. Ah. I miss your wonderful voice. Holly,
Speaker 1: I miss you.
Speaker 3: I miss you so much.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll get together again, you know.
Speaker 4: Of course. I'm so happy that you're doing so much better.
Speaker 1: Oh, thank you. Yeah, I really do compare to list
Speaker 1: here this time.
Speaker 2: Better.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm so proud of you. You're doing amazing.
Speaker 2: All right, Mom, Well we're gonna jump off. We just
Speaker 2: wanted to check in. That's all excellent news to hear.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna wave the flame. Kid, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: have a good session here now right.
Speaker 2: On, say hi to everybody, so goodbye to everybody.
Speaker 1: Rather, it's only just me and Her Royal Highness Princess.
Speaker 3: Of course.
Speaker 2: We'll kick back and joyce on ice cream. You've earned
Speaker 2: it after the walk.
Speaker 1: And it's good to hear me both. God bless you.
Speaker 1: But I'm so happy to hear you. Harley.
Speaker 4: Thanks Grandma.
Speaker 3: I love you so much.
Speaker 1: I love you too, Honey. My voice isn't clear yet,
Speaker 1: but oh no you so it's okay. Then, thank you all.
Speaker 2: I love you, Mom, I love you too.
Speaker 1: Love you both, love you and squinching your kisses such kisses.
Speaker 2: Well, good lord, thank you. I love you Mom, love
Speaker 2: you too. Good night, love you and have a.
Speaker 1: Great night you too, kids, kids, all right.
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, good night.
Speaker 3: Good night, good night, good night.
Speaker 2: Okay, bye bye bye. Oh thanks for answering, love you, mom, bye.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: So many, so many takeaways from that.
Speaker 2: Lot, a lot of lots of break down. Wow, can
Speaker 2: you imagine they stopped your heart?
Speaker 3: But like she didn't even know.
Speaker 2: That's a crazy thing.
Speaker 6: I would want to like, well, I want to fuck
Speaker 6: you know, But I'd also be like, I mean, the
Speaker 6: best fucking night of my life before this, like at.
Speaker 2: The same time took all the fred out of it.
Speaker 2: But the thing is what I got from that was
Speaker 2: she looked at the board and it was written on
Speaker 2: the board. It wasn't like, you know, the information was
Speaker 2: kept from her. It might have been information that she rediscovered.
Speaker 2: I don't think my brother would ever be like, I'm
Speaker 2: a sneak attack mom for that very reason. It's like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, this is a big procedure. Maybe she
Speaker 2: should you know, fucking.
Speaker 3: Yeah, did you know?
Speaker 2: I didn't know until after it was all done.
Speaker 3: I fucking no.
Speaker 2: For I mean, I was talking the other day and
Speaker 2: she's like, so I was at the hospital on Good
Speaker 2: Friday and they stopped my heart and I was like why,
Speaker 2: And you know, she went to this She told me
Speaker 2: the same thing that she just told us. But I
Speaker 2: was what a harrowing notion of just like going to
Speaker 2: stop your heart and then restarted, like essentially they killed
Speaker 2: her for a second or two and then brought her
Speaker 2: back to life. That is kind of nuts, man. So
Speaker 2: and she's had the whole I died experienced for her
Speaker 2: heart stopped and shit and she floated. But this was
Speaker 2: she didn't she had no recollection of it. I was like,
Speaker 2: do you remember, do you remember like when it happened.
Speaker 2: She was like I was out cold, Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2: But meanwhile, when she died on the table. She was
Speaker 2: also out cold years ago. So your special tiger, because
Speaker 2: I lost one before you and one after you. I
Speaker 2: was I guess mom like those siblings.
Speaker 3: That as a real life mohamedly quote too.
Speaker 2: She lost She lost one of those, you know, she
Speaker 2: lost one of them a miscarriage, the first one. I
Speaker 2: think she didn't intend to, but sacrificed my older sibling,
Speaker 2: what would have been an older sibling to a Black
Speaker 2: Friday sale.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: She was outside a store trying to get in so
Speaker 2: she can get a TV big line and they opened
Speaker 2: the doors and everybody crushed in and Momily got knocked
Speaker 2: down young Momily, you know, or maybe twenty nine year
Speaker 2: old Momily, but got knocked down, and that probably is
Speaker 2: how she lost. Yeah, look at you? Is that a
Speaker 2: little is that a little too real for you?
Speaker 3: I just didn't know Mommiy like that.
Speaker 2: That's fucking mom That's Momiy's fucking story, bro. Momiley's story
Speaker 2: is a patchwork of the thrill of victory and the
Speaker 2: agony of defeat, love and loss.
Speaker 3: In my adulthood, I feel like I've I've really just
Speaker 3: found out who Momley is.
Speaker 2: I even can fight you on that. You're absolutely right.
Speaker 2: It has been the one of the greatest joys of
Speaker 2: my life that you have gotten to like connect so
Speaker 2: hardcore with Momily She's like, sometimes I don't know what
Speaker 2: you guys are talking about, but you seem to be
Speaker 2: having a good time.
Speaker 5: It's very funny.
Speaker 2: You literally just described podcast. But yeah, man, she yeah,
Speaker 2: and she when she hears you talk about that, she
Speaker 2: thinks she's funny. She was like, she gets proud and
Speaker 2: she's so funny. She has this like moment where she
Speaker 2: was like, I could have been a fucking comedian. I
Speaker 2: could have been Joan Rivers, I could have been Roseanne
Speaker 2: bar It could have been fucking Sherry Lewis and Lamb Chop.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, could you imagine if mom, do you
Speaker 2: even know who Sheery Lewis and lamp is not really
Speaker 2: quite a comedian, although she was very funny. Sherry Lewis herself, well,
Speaker 2: I was gonna say Sherry Lewis wasn't funny. Lamb Chop was.
Speaker 2: But Chop was literally WHOA about to fucking separate the two, Like,
Speaker 2: motherfuck Jerry Lewis, Now Lamb Chop that was talent. Jerry
Speaker 2: Lewis is like, Wow, we're connected motherfucker. When Lamb Chop talks,
Speaker 2: I'm literally gone and she did that was like she
Speaker 2: was on TV all the time when I was a kid,
Speaker 2: and that was when you could capture child's imagination with
Speaker 2: a fucking sock puppet.
Speaker 5: Not just a child, bro.
Speaker 2: She was on like Hollywood Squares, Sherry Lamp, Sherry Lewis,
Speaker 2: and Lamb Chop with her hand.
Speaker 3: Puppet, Sollywood Squares. Oh god, oh my god, what you're
Speaker 3: an old guy?
Speaker 7: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Old a game show? Do you know what the game
Speaker 2: show is? No, Hollywood Square is like one of the
Speaker 2: original game shows. And it was like set up like
Speaker 2: tic tac toe and they had famous people quasi famous
Speaker 2: people in the squares. I think they still make this like.
Speaker 3: The floor they're supposed on episode six this first season
Speaker 3: right now?
Speaker 2: Are they in a TikTok fok toe format on the
Speaker 2: floor things? No Hollywood Squares. So it was like like
Speaker 2: the center square was Paul Lynn, who played like he
Speaker 2: did many things, but he was the voice of Templeton,
Speaker 2: the rat in Charlotte's Web, so I get set his
Speaker 2: c he was that he was the center square because
Speaker 2: they would always go to him for like some fucking
Speaker 2: risky joke, but like, well, maybe they wanted to make
Speaker 2: up all around other Hollywood people Cero, you know a
Speaker 2: fucking like fucking George whatever Will Wilson or whatever, fuck
Speaker 2: George Wilson, of course, but you know you're two contestants
Speaker 2: and there's a whole Peter Marshall. Don't make me tell
Speaker 2: you my Peter Marshall story, and you know you and
Speaker 2: are contestants, and so he'd be like, okay, hardly you
Speaker 2: picked for you're the circle. You get to go first,
Speaker 2: and so you're like, I will take Courtney Love and
Speaker 2: then they go Courtney and the audience goes Quurtney Love
Speaker 2: would never be on the show, but famous people. So
Speaker 2: she'd be sitting there and she'd be like, what again,
Speaker 2: don't make me over and they would be like what
Speaker 2: parts are good for women? And she'd be like, I
Speaker 2: don't know, doal parts? And then she's like, you know,
Speaker 2: female parts? And then they'll be like, do you is
Speaker 2: the answer female parts? And they would ask you and
Speaker 2: you would be like, I'm going to agree with Courtney,
Speaker 2: and then he'd read the answer and be like, it
Speaker 2: is female parts. Circle gets the square and you've now
Speaker 2: got a position on the board like Tic tac toe.
Speaker 2: You get three in a row, you win the game.
Speaker 2: So you use celebrities to answer these really been all questions,
Speaker 2: and then based on their responses, they get extra zeroed,
Speaker 2: And so you're playing I hope it's painfully clear what
Speaker 2: this is.
Speaker 1: I get it.
Speaker 5: I see the show.
Speaker 2: Why did we bring it up? Oh, Cherry Lewis and
Speaker 2: lamp Chop, she'd be on the show. So you're literally
Speaker 2: talking about a woman who in that point, maybe in
Speaker 2: her late thirties, forties and shit like that, about as
Speaker 2: famous as Jennifer Lawrence is now, because there weren't nearly
Speaker 2: as many famous people back then. And when you were
Speaker 2: on TV, you were fucking super famous because you've had
Speaker 2: eighty million people watching a television program. However, TV and
Speaker 2: movie famous were very separate and different, and they rarely
Speaker 2: crossed over, and TV was just like, it's a TV
Speaker 2: star versus that movie star. Bruce Willis he made the
Speaker 2: jump from TV star movie star, and so few a
Speaker 2: few guys do it. But at any event, Sherry Lewis
Speaker 2: would be there with the fucking sock on her hand
Speaker 2: that kind of looked like a little sheep, a lamb
Speaker 2: if you will lamb Chop and she would be fucking like.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think you're not give me not very smart.
Speaker 5: She's not very smart, Peter, and the audience.
Speaker 2: Be like your baby, they have a lighter, do it again.
Speaker 2: It was fucking massive and it worked on many levels,
Speaker 2: four quadrants.
Speaker 1: Bro.
Speaker 2: If you were a kid, you were like fucking lamb
Speaker 2: Chop talk. If you were an adult, she was working
Speaker 2: a little fucking double entendre risk humor, not too risky
Speaker 2: because Cherry would keep it clean because she was first
Speaker 2: informal child's entertainer. But it was an eight PM show,
Speaker 2: seven PM show, so she could get a little more.
Speaker 2: She'd get closer to the line. Built an entire career,
Speaker 2: not just a career, fucking fortune off that stuffed lamb
Speaker 2: Chop she was on. She had her own fucking television show.
Speaker 2: At one point, sang, God, could you imagine if my
Speaker 2: mom had been Sherry Lewis famous and worked a fucking
Speaker 2: puppet for a living.
Speaker 3: That'd be awesome.
Speaker 2: That puppet would have been my best friend growing up.
Speaker 3: Wow, it really would have.
Speaker 2: My mom would have because I mean, if I dealt
Speaker 2: with muppets, I was on the fucking you know, the
Speaker 2: muppet mayhem thing. So I've seen muppets in real life.
Speaker 2: And even though a dude was sitting there with his
Speaker 2: hand up this muppet and he was talking and not
Speaker 2: going to control, I'm just talking and going like this.
Speaker 2: I didn't look at the human. I looked at the puppet. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so I could have had like that might have been
Speaker 2: one of my ghost siblings.
Speaker 3: You would have. I feel like you would have been
Speaker 3: jealous of the puppet, you think.
Speaker 2: So, yeah, oh yeah, Momily is just like, where's where's uh,
Speaker 2: where's uh? Squirrely McLean's squirreling McClean.
Speaker 3: We're squirreling clat.
Speaker 2: We're squirreling mcclan. We're squirreling McLean in the hamper.
Speaker 3: That's your backstory. That's what pushed you to be a filmmaker.
Speaker 2: There it is, people like what drove them? Oh squarely
Speaker 2: McClean like, that's your sister. I'm like, wow, well my
Speaker 2: mom's hand is inside squirreling mclan.
Speaker 3: Then yes, she's like it has the soul of your
Speaker 3: one before you.
Speaker 2: You understand, Yeah, it could have been the one before
Speaker 2: me or the one after me, says my mom. Mom
Speaker 2: says you realize that mamily is squirrely McLean right Wait
Speaker 2: what a squirreling McLean's voices? Like, holy chack, I'm trying
Speaker 2: to think the voice mom can do. She'd be like
Speaker 2: Harley Harley cool key.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I want to see Momley Harley Hardy cool. Yes,
Speaker 5: I can.
Speaker 7: Still see that.
Speaker 3: Let's go and see momily done and done.
Speaker 2: Here we go, just visited momay in my heart?
Speaker 3: How old? So I love all the grandparentleies?
Speaker 2: Yeah you got you got three?
Speaker 3: Which is I've got some great grandparents?
Speaker 2: Does Austin have any grandparents life?
Speaker 3: Only one.
Speaker 2: A man or woman Grandma and grandpa Grandma? How old.
Speaker 8: I think that?
Speaker 3: She's like either late eighties or early nineties?
Speaker 8: Fuck?
Speaker 2: Yeah, what what happened? Like Austin is kind of Catholic
Speaker 2: or is Catholic? Was raised Catholic?
Speaker 3: He is his family is very Catholic.
Speaker 2: The Catholic, but like is his dad? Like it's not
Speaker 2: just Catholic, No, his family is.
Speaker 3: His dad's side of the family is Mexican and Lebanesee,
Speaker 3: So it's.
Speaker 2: Like they're very Catholic. But isn't it Jesuit or something
Speaker 2: as well?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 3: Wait, what the what before you react like that, do
Speaker 3: you know, I actually don't know what it is exactly.
Speaker 2: What's a jesuit. A jesuit is a hardcore fucking Catholic.
Speaker 2: Where I'm a Catholic. Most people assume, like because of Dogma,
Speaker 2: that I was a jesuit as well, Like what's his name?
Speaker 2: Tom Clancy who wrote The Hunt for at October, he
Speaker 2: had sent me an email. He's like, I got your
Speaker 2: email from Ben because Ben was in the Sum of
Speaker 2: All Fears he played Jack Ryano point and he was like,
Speaker 2: I love dog Mine and I just have to know
Speaker 2: what school you studied under the jesuits at because he
Speaker 2: wrote it better than that. He's a best selling fucking
Speaker 2: authors in any question with a preposition. But he was like,
Speaker 2: I have to know, like because I could smell a jesuit.
Speaker 2: And I always felt really proud about that because I
Speaker 2: was like, no, I just I was just I paid
Speaker 2: a lot of attention when I was in Catholic school
Speaker 2: because I believe that shit. Momily, you know, sold that
Speaker 2: shit as fucking the same fact that it was sold
Speaker 2: to her, as you know, it's only now later in
Speaker 2: life where Mama is like the fuck, but like all
Speaker 2: her young life and then all my young life because
Speaker 2: of her young life. And I'm not painting it like
Speaker 2: we were in a cult, but like you know, it
Speaker 2: just never once occurred to me ever to be like
Speaker 2: what do you what do you mean? We believe in
Speaker 2: some magic guy in the sky we can't see, but
Speaker 2: we just got to take it on faith. And he
Speaker 2: had a kid, and you got to explain all this.
Speaker 2: So I grew up in that world. And Momily is
Speaker 2: still like tied to it. She doesn't go to church
Speaker 2: as much, but she definitely is still Momily's got a
Speaker 2: statue or two around the house, to say the least.
Speaker 2: But to say Momily has a statue around the house
Speaker 2: would be like, well, of course, she's seventy fucking eight
Speaker 2: years old.
Speaker 7: I understand that in New York, oh ilicit sin bin
Speaker 7: of a non very collabtational household, that there are also religious.
Speaker 8: Artifacts and chochkeys and statues, fucking raiders of lost art,
Speaker 8: temple heads.
Speaker 9: Fucking lost and guy, you running from a giant boulder
Speaker 9: if you pick up the special little holy statue, what
Speaker 9: you are? You aren't even raised in a house. But
Speaker 9: like the only idols you had to look at these
Speaker 9: houses were Jane's you know on crosses and ship like that,
Speaker 9: or a Buddy Christ I got you.
Speaker 3: A bath oo met statue one time. No, you got
Speaker 3: me a bathroom.
Speaker 2: I got you a baho met statue. You got me
Speaker 2: a Bapho met.
Speaker 3: No, I got you the Satanic Bible and.
Speaker 2: You also got me the Bapho met.
Speaker 3: Like God, Chalice, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: It really fucking unnerves me.
Speaker 3: I know, well, I've told you the story of what
Speaker 3: happened with the statue in Austin, right.
Speaker 2: He got a nerve by it. He after, He's like,
Speaker 2: that's not funny.
Speaker 1: Art.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: When we moved When he moved in during COVID, it
Speaker 4: had been like two weeks of him staying with us,
Speaker 4: and he was one night or one day he was like,
Speaker 4: I have to talk to you, and I was like, yeah,
Speaker 4: what's up?
Speaker 10: And he was like I can't sleep at night And
Speaker 10: I was like why and he was like, because I
Speaker 10: just know that the statue she was in the room
Speaker 10: and I can feel it.
Speaker 3: And I was like, are you serious?
Speaker 2: Did you know what statue he was referring to? Yeah,
Speaker 2: because he had mentioned it before, Like, yeah, yeah, get
Speaker 2: him many him.
Speaker 3: He was like what he's just a demon.
Speaker 5: Goat him a teaming coat. He's not a double him. Man,
Speaker 5: we go we go hit him to coat. The greatest
Speaker 5: done of all time.
Speaker 3: He's funny.
Speaker 5: He did go him like the Tom Brady of dark
Speaker 5: evil gods. Oh my god, are you.
Speaker 2: Doing where we were going? Well? I had to go
Speaker 2: on after midnight last week and it was the show
Speaker 2: after the fucking super Bowl, And at first I was like, oh, no,
Speaker 2: like about sports, Like, you ain't got any questionable for you.
Speaker 2: They provide you with like the writers galore on the show,
Speaker 2: so when you show up, like there's a packet of
Speaker 2: fucking jokes that are funny as fuck that you could
Speaker 2: just literally pick and choose from and say those things. Oh,
Speaker 2: they make it so easy.
Speaker 3: It's easy.
Speaker 2: The point of pride being a writer, of course, is like, naturally,
Speaker 2: I'm always like not that I'm saying I'm better in
Speaker 2: these fucks, but it's like, you want to come up,
Speaker 2: I gotta live or die on my own fucking thing.
Speaker 2: So you know, back when it was on Comedy Central
Speaker 2: and even now that it's on CBS, the approach is
Speaker 2: the same, and they're very cool. If you want to
Speaker 2: go in and fucking like write your own jokes and
Speaker 2: stuff like that. They're not like, oh, you know, unless
Speaker 2: I wrote something where they're like, you can't fucking say that.
Speaker 2: So I had to write a bunch of jokes for
Speaker 2: a sports show and.
Speaker 3: You got to show them before Yeah, whoa.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's TV though, like nobody.
Speaker 3: Do all talk shows. I guess you work through every.
Speaker 8: Talk show, right, Well, here's the thing when you're got
Speaker 8: around let me talk show.
Speaker 2: Here's the thing when you go on a talk show
Speaker 2: before you're on and let's say Colbert Seth Myers, you know,
Speaker 2: fucking any literally back for been the Day. For me,
Speaker 2: it was Leno Letterman. Now I assume it's the exact
Speaker 2: same for Kim Oh, I've never been on it. It
Speaker 2: was the same for Jimmy Fallon when I was on
Speaker 2: his late night show, but not the eleven thirty show
Speaker 2: that he does. Now, you always have to speak to
Speaker 2: a segment producer and do a pre interview where they
Speaker 2: just want to make sure that you got ship to say.
Speaker 2: Because these these guys and gals are experts at filling time.
Speaker 2: They've done this show a gazillion fucking amount of fucking times,
Speaker 2: and so they know all the pitfalls, and the biggest
Speaker 2: pitfall is we could have a guest and that guest
Speaker 2: could suck ass, and then it's dead air in the studio,
Speaker 2: and then it brings the rest of the show down.
Speaker 2: And the thing about a late night show, particularly the
Speaker 2: eleven thirty show, is it's descending ratings the whole way.
Speaker 2: The most watched part of any late night show is
Speaker 2: the monologue because that's where people and this is old
Speaker 2: thinking because now nobody gives a fuck. Everyone watch it
Speaker 2: on YouTube whenever they want. But it used to be
Speaker 2: I'll stay up for the monologue that covers all the
Speaker 2: news of the day. Well that was before like the
Speaker 2: Daily Show did it, and other fucking people do people
Speaker 2: do it online, fucking like John Oliver does it on
Speaker 2: Sundays and shit like that is back when it was novel.
Speaker 2: So a lot of people would get their news from
Speaker 2: an opening monologue of one of the late night talk shows.
Speaker 2: From there forward, it's a sliding scale, so people will
Speaker 2: stick around. Half the audience sticks around for what they
Speaker 2: call the desk piece or the first piece, which is
Speaker 2: the piece they do after that, and then by the
Speaker 2: time you get to the first guest, half that audience
Speaker 2: is gone, so you were left with a quarter of
Speaker 2: what started the show literally fifteen to twenty minutes prior.
Speaker 3: That's crazy.
Speaker 2: So I don't know why, but they're like, we got
Speaker 2: to make sure that fucking people are have something to say.
Speaker 2: And I guess, you know, it makes sense. Some people
Speaker 2: get there and I got it. Yes, no, I imagine.
Speaker 2: So they like to ask you now, I've been doing
Speaker 2: it for years and done enough where like I got
Speaker 2: to a place in life where I was like, yeah,
Speaker 2: we don't like I'm good. I have a bunch of stuff. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and they're like, okay, well and some the really good places,
Speaker 2: like Colbert and Seth Meyers now don't ask me to
Speaker 2: even pre interview because they're like, we just we just
Speaker 2: can't wait to see what Kevin does. Like because both
Speaker 2: of them have said in very separate fashions, like Colbert
Speaker 2: is like I love when you're on because I can
Speaker 2: just sit here and drink coffee. You'll talk the entire time.
Speaker 2: It's like you do my job, and the same with Seth.
Speaker 2: Like Seth, when I last time I did the show,
Speaker 2: like I wrote a fucking twelve days of Christmas for
Speaker 2: to sing with all the bad impressions that he does.
Speaker 2: So yeah, it's for me. It's like, I don't do
Speaker 2: that so much anymore, Like I won't put the fun
Speaker 2: for me is like let me surprise them, and they've
Speaker 2: trust me inasmuch as I've done it enough where they're like,
Speaker 2: you know what, he won't let us down. These cats
Speaker 2: I'd never worked with before, and you know, they're also
Speaker 2: a network show and they were on after the super Bowl,
Speaker 2: so I think they were like, we want to make
Speaker 2: sure what you're gonna say it in pants. And so
Speaker 2: even the stuff that I wrote for myself, there was
Speaker 2: a writer there and we had two laptops and they
Speaker 2: were combined together and I would just write it and
Speaker 2: he would be sitting next to me and be like,
Speaker 2: that's good. So by the time you hit camera, you're
Speaker 2: fucking loaded. Never react. They bring out your cards so
Speaker 2: you have your answers right there so you can refer
Speaker 2: to them before you say them, and stuff like that.
Speaker 2: They really don't leave much, you know, to chance.
Speaker 3: Can I say something?
Speaker 2: I would love it? I even have done.
Speaker 10: You've you have and are doing two really unexpected things
Speaker 10: this year, I would say, which are one have a
Speaker 10: spot after a sporting event that was strange.
Speaker 3: That's pretty strange. And two.
Speaker 10: Housting a cruise when you're so fucking scared of the ocean.
Speaker 3: It is the weirdest of fucking bearing of all time.
Speaker 2: All I can think about is like one week from
Speaker 2: today when we're back in dock and nobody has gotten
Speaker 2: eaten by a shugar, nobody has gone overboard, everyone is
Speaker 2: back safely. I know I Jordan swears that I asked
Speaker 2: for this at one PI.
Speaker 3: I'm so confused my whole life.
Speaker 10: Anytime I've gone to the beach, gone to a to
Speaker 10: an island on Hawaii, a tropical place, so anywhere with water,
Speaker 10: you're always like, stay out of the water.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna be so mad if you do something dangerous
Speaker 3: in the water.
Speaker 8: Do not go with the water.
Speaker 3: And now you're gonna be floating on a house, on
Speaker 3: a house ocean house.
Speaker 2: What Titanics? What if we had an iceberg or what's
Speaker 2: the opposite of an iceberg and the sandberg? What if
Speaker 2: the Bermuda Triangle.
Speaker 3: That's what I was saying. And none of you all
Speaker 3: seem to care that you're going to be right next.
Speaker 2: To the you did your generation. Fuck with the Bermuda Triangle.
Speaker 6: I don't know about the rest of them, but I
Speaker 6: what do you know about I watched watch the documentary, Yeah,
Speaker 6: and it's fucking scary, and so much is unexplored and unexplained.
Speaker 2: What do you think is the most logical explanation for.
Speaker 3: The Bermuda Triangle. I think that's for sure a portal
Speaker 3: to other places.
Speaker 2: No, that's not the most likely it is. I think
Speaker 2: the most.
Speaker 3: Like aliens come through the ocean.
Speaker 2: It's the Mariana Trench, right like, So nobody knows how
Speaker 2: fucking deep it goes down. They can't measure, or maybe
Speaker 2: they did measure, and it's fucking way deep. But I
Speaker 2: read I once read a theory which I fucking like
Speaker 2: that makes sense. Terrifying, but it makes sense. Down deep
Speaker 2: in the Mariana Trench, there lives a monster. There's like,
Speaker 2: you know, a crack in the earth, gas is leaking
Speaker 2: and blah blah blah. So let's say that you had
Speaker 2: a gas bubble that began at the surface or at
Speaker 2: the base of Mariana Trench and floated up slowly getting
Speaker 2: larger and larger, just like that, And when that gas
Speaker 2: bubble hits the surface and the gas bubble is as
Speaker 2: large as the width and length of a battleship. It
Speaker 2: pomps and that fucking ship drops into the void that
Speaker 2: was up, that was in the water, and the ocean
Speaker 2: just fucking takes it straight down that the bloop. I believe, Yes,
Speaker 2: I think that's what the Bermuda trile. You know, think
Speaker 2: that's it.
Speaker 3: You're going to be right next to it.
Speaker 5: Well, yeah, you're literally going to be right next to it.
Speaker 2: You're gonna say it ain't cat.
Speaker 5: Deep that also, but.
Speaker 2: What do you think it is? Do you really think
Speaker 2: it's a portal?
Speaker 3: I believe aliens come through the through the ocean.
Speaker 2: And they're like time with ask.
Speaker 4: It's like the ocean is in the depths of the ocean.
Speaker 3: There are portals to other universes, and once we get there,
Speaker 3: you go through it. Well we can't because, like.
Speaker 2: You must talk to stay alive, you're.
Speaker 3: Just not able to go that deep.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's that.
Speaker 8: I don't know.
Speaker 10: I'm not buying an your magical theory, like my noise,
Speaker 10: auld you imagine terrifying?
Speaker 2: That would be like you're on a boat and all
Speaker 2: of a sudden, the sea beneath you just literally flat out,
Speaker 2: opens up like.
Speaker 8: Plummet happy thousands of stories, makes no sense, Try and
Speaker 8: have a good time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I hopefully that goes well. But anyway, back to
Speaker 2: fucking to little Lord faunt Leroy and him magical statues
Speaker 2: in your house?
Speaker 5: How did that come to me?
Speaker 3: He has a We were trying to figure out before
Speaker 3: if it was the name of the saint, you and
Speaker 3: I were if it was if it was a saint,
Speaker 3: if it was an angel. Are those two the same thing?
Speaker 2: Not? Would you like me to saint explain to you?
Speaker 3: What's an archangel?
Speaker 2: An arch angel?
Speaker 5: Yeah? An arch angel, angel that sits on Friends show.
Speaker 2: Angel Like this motherfucker Austin's parents are like, dump her.
Speaker 2: She has just equated an archangel with an helf.
Speaker 8: On the mother.
Speaker 2: Faisas the the archangel. There are angels, then there are archangels.
Speaker 2: Arch Angels are Are they bigger angels? No?
Speaker 5: They're good.
Speaker 2: There's no such thing as bad angel. A bad angel
Speaker 2: is a devil. That's where the devil comes from. No, man,
Speaker 2: archangel is just like I'm in charge of a fucking
Speaker 2: legion of angels, all the legions of Heaven facing the
Speaker 2: forces of hell. That's the movie I always wanted to
Speaker 2: make man when I was a kid. Fucking I think
Speaker 2: what's his name wants to do it. He wants to
Speaker 2: do Scott Dereckson wants to do Paradise Lost, which is
Speaker 2: the John Milton version of the War between Heaven and Hell.
Speaker 2: What most people think about as like, you know, their
Speaker 2: angelic lore of like God cast the angels out, and
Speaker 2: you know they became He sent them to Hell and
Speaker 2: they became the devils and blah blah blah because they
Speaker 2: were too proud. And Lucifer the light Bringer and all
Speaker 2: this shit that came from Milton, I ain't even from
Speaker 2: the fucking Bible. He was called the light Bringer. Lucifer
Speaker 2: was God's greatest angel, the Prince.
Speaker 5: You don't know the ship.
Speaker 2: He was. He is, but his secret origin, his secret villa,
Speaker 2: his super villain's secret origin story is that he is
Speaker 2: the light Bringer, the God's greatest fucking angel, like the
Speaker 2: most perfect creations that God ever wrought, the highest of
Speaker 2: all angels, second only to the Lord of Hosts himself.
Speaker 2: And then one day God creates Man and says to
Speaker 2: the heavenly host, this is my greatest creation. You know,
Speaker 2: serve Man and Lucifer was like, no, serve that piece
Speaker 2: of shit. No, like I deserve you know, the love,
Speaker 2: not them. And the Lord was like, you dare speak
Speaker 2: against me the Lord you're a god, Well then I
Speaker 2: will cast you out and drop you into the depths.
Speaker 2: And Lucifer, you know, spit back at God saying better
Speaker 2: to reign in hell than serve in heaven. So fucking
Speaker 2: angelic lore has archangels being the highest choir of angels.
Speaker 2: Then there's like the Metatron, who is the voice of God,
Speaker 2: also an angel, but he was an archangel. So yeah,
Speaker 2: so Austin has an archangel at you just chilling?
Speaker 3: He took me on a journey.
Speaker 2: You know, I would love all this shit, but he'd
Speaker 2: probably be like, no it, I knew it. I knew
Speaker 2: that is Austin Puff. Yeah. Puff would be like, oh
Speaker 2: my god, your dad is spitting fucking fact. So he
Speaker 2: still has a foot in this Catholicism.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, his grandma gave him this little guy.
Speaker 3: I can't remember his name. Yeah, he was wearing like
Speaker 3: a robe and a hat and he had a little scepter.
Speaker 3: But he's not a kid Saint Jude or is he
Speaker 3: a pope or something?
Speaker 10: Uh?
Speaker 2: Is it. Is he a little kid? Yeah, the Infant
Speaker 2: of Prague. Yeah, yes, Now the Infant of Prague I
Speaker 2: had in my house growing up as well.
Speaker 3: It's a little guy.
Speaker 2: It was a little baby version of G's not baby,
Speaker 2: but little like yeah, toddler version of Jesus. And the
Speaker 2: great thing about him is him come with many different outfits.
Speaker 2: He did. He was a statue that has no you're
Speaker 2: supposed to change it for every season. So there's purple
Speaker 2: for Lent, there's red for Christmas, there's oh yeah, the
Speaker 2: Infant of Prague. Now Jesus himself as an infant or
Speaker 2: a toddler never went to Prague. That's in like what Czechoslovakia.
Speaker 2: But I believe there was a vision of him, just
Speaker 2: like you know, the three kids who saw Mary in Fatima,
Speaker 2: they saw the vision of the Virgin mother who gave
Speaker 2: them the three secrets you know about this shit right
Speaker 2: where the virgin mother was like, I'm gonna tell you
Speaker 2: this is like the turn of the century. I'm gonna
Speaker 2: tell you three kids these three truths that will come
Speaker 2: to pass, you know. And she did. And the kids
Speaker 2: were never allowed to tell anybody. They were only allowed
Speaker 2: to tell the popes, and so they're all three of them.
Speaker 2: There were three kids. Two of them are dead. One
Speaker 2: of them just died recently. She was like one hundred
Speaker 2: and ten years old. And every pope that came into power,
Speaker 2: they would have a private meeting with the kids, and
Speaker 2: the kids would tell them what the Holy Mother said.
Speaker 2: They revealed two of them that were pinpoint true, like
Speaker 2: one hundred percent accurate, the Rise of Hitler and something else.
Speaker 2: I forget what it is now. The third secret never
Speaker 2: been revealed yet.
Speaker 3: Wait, this person was one hundred and ten.
Speaker 2: The youngest kid from Fatima lived to be over one
Speaker 2: hundred years old. But she just died recently, fairly recently,
Speaker 2: within the last five years, say maybe ten. I want
Speaker 2: to say five. What part of this is are you
Speaker 2: stumbling over?
Speaker 3: Will you say something about marry?
Speaker 2: They those kids they didn't see an infinite Prague. That's
Speaker 2: what in Prague. They saw a vision of Jesus, young Jesus,
Speaker 2: these kids in fat Yeah.
Speaker 3: Because well that's that's where my confusion was lying.
Speaker 2: Jesus was long dead, Yeah, that was they saw him
Speaker 2: in Prague, and Mary was long dead when they saw
Speaker 2: and Fatima. So the kids in Fatima, you know, everyone
Speaker 2: was like, these fucking kids, they're fucking shepherds are off
Speaker 2: in the hills and they saw fucking the Blessed mother. Bullshit.
Speaker 2: Then the whole town came and somehow the witness the
Speaker 2: miracle of the sun or some shit I forget, the
Speaker 2: story proved that she was around and people, maybe more
Speaker 2: than just the kids saw and then that's when fucking
Speaker 2: people were like, oh my god, the kids are telling
Speaker 2: the truth and ship. So one of those kids lived
Speaker 2: a long ass time and told I think like ten
Speaker 2: different popes what the secret was. And when two of
Speaker 2: the secrets came true, the then popes were like, not
Speaker 2: for nothing, but one of you remember them Fatima kids,
Speaker 2: They told me that Hitler was going to happen.
Speaker 3: So the third one doesn't come true, maybe.
Speaker 2: We could be oh, you know what I'm saying. So
Speaker 2: it could be that our blessed mother saw those kids
Speaker 2: and she was like, let me tell you something right now,
Speaker 2: you know when this is all going to wrap up?
Speaker 2: Twenty twenty five, baby, not the.
Speaker 3: Same, But I've been I started watching Halo last night.
Speaker 2: Exact thing, same exact thing, the Lord Master Chief, same
Speaker 2: exact jee. Honestly, though, if if a messianic figure.
Speaker 3: But honestly a scary prediction of what the future is
Speaker 3: A scary ass one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what do you think the future is going to
Speaker 2: look like?
Speaker 1: God?
Speaker 3: I hope not like Halo.
Speaker 5: Still, k it sucks.
Speaker 2: It looks that expensive?
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I hope it does not look like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: When I was a kid, you know, I thought we'd
Speaker 2: have flying cars by now, but that hasn't happened.
Speaker 5: What do you be bad for the birds flying cars?
Speaker 3: We already humans already hit so many animals on the
Speaker 3: street and the.
Speaker 5: Bird's territory to not have a flying cars?
Speaker 2: Is the birds? Like you hit me with something? Why?
Speaker 2: Because the jetson said it would happen? Okay, I was
Speaker 2: promising my cartoon.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: What he is a wookie walkie? He is a rookie,
Speaker 2: is a luckie? Birdie is Bertie.
Speaker 5: Yes, Birdie Birdie is.
Speaker 2: Bird Walkie is a.
Speaker 1: Cute.
Speaker 2: I'll do the walk. He's a walk and you come
Speaker 2: in with what he is a wookie walkie is a
Speaker 2: wuckie work. He is a wookie walkie is a wookie work.
Speaker 2: He is a wookie walk He is a wookie. He
Speaker 2: is a wookie wok he is a wookie.
Speaker 5: He is a Rookie is a wookie.
Speaker 2: Book is a bookie. Hookie is a wookie.
Speaker 5: Bookie, Cookie is wiki work.
Speaker 2: Birdie's over there in the corner.
Speaker 11: I'll give a fuck, Hey, bird, we were just singing
Speaker 11: your praises. She's like story in my life.
Speaker 3: I'm secute, of course sing her other.
Speaker 2: Song, which is.
Speaker 11: I'm just a way of wacky because I'm Wacky's puppy.
Speaker 11: My name is BIRDO. Have you heard I like to
Speaker 11: play real?
Speaker 5: Roughly?
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