Give yourself the freedom to fail. I know that sounds terrible at first glance, but it really is setting your child up for future success because they're not going to get everything right the first time.

Welcome everybody to today's episode of the Christy Faith Show where yet again we're going to be exploring some game changing ideas. And you guys know me whenever I have a chance to get a second generation homeschooler on the show, I am all about it because there is so much that we can learn from those kiddos, now adults, who were homeschooled themselves and why they have chosen that for their own kids. And that is who I have today. I have Shanxi Omoniyi on our podcast today. She is the online content director and homeschool alumna of Midwest Parent Educators.

You graduated from the University of Kansas with a degree in journalism and English. And after several years as a newspaper copy editor and online content manager, she founded her own digital marketing business, and you now have chosen to homeschool your own kiddos. I am so glad that that you were willing to come on the show today to help inform those of us who we were raised in the system and there's things that come along with that. One thing I've noticed about 2nd generation homeschoolers, across the board and I don't know if you will fit in this category or not, which I'm actually really curious to ask you further about this, but what I personally have noticed with a lot of second gen homeschoolers is a piece that you guys seem to have with the process. Shanxi, would you please introduce yourself, share your own homeschooling journey, and then I want to get into what homeschooling was like for you growing up.

Sure. Thanks so much, Christy, for having me on the show. I love to talk about homeschooling because I was one of those children who actually I didn't start. I took, well, let me back up a bit. So I was born in New Zealand to British and Singaporean parents.

So already we had kind of a counterculture mixed family background. I remember going to a private school there, and I did not like school at all. I did not like the classroom. I was bored. When I wasn't bored, I was being bullied.

And so when my mom said, you know, we're thinking about homeschooling you, this was back in the nineties. I was like, oh, yes, please. Homeschool me. Homeschooling you, this was back in the nineties, I was like, oh, yes, please. Homeschool me.

So already I was coming from that act of I want to be homeschooled. And I know not every child has that experience or wants to be homeschooled necessarily, but I was homeschooled and I thrived. I loved every minute of it. I loved the 1 on 1 attention. I loved the chance just to sit back and really focus on my education, focus on lifelong learning.

And so when we came to the United States, I then went on to graduate from the University of Kansas and I just loved my time there. I think homeschooling gave me such a great foundation for higher level learning, higher college level learning, and just that taste of I get to sit in a classroom and talk with my professors and learn from all these people who have done such incredible amazing things and advanced education in their own ways. So, yeah, I think I'm, different from other homeschool families in that I did choose higher education. I know many families don't, and that's perfectly fine, but I thrived in higher education. And if money were not an issue and if time were not an issue, I'd probably go back just to, you know, hang out in the university settings.

Wait. Remind me. What grade were you in when your parents first homeschooled you?

So I was 6. I spent 1 year in, like, a classroom setting. So

Okay.

5 to 6 years old. And, again, the the grade systems and everything are all different. So I've had to unlearn all the New Zealand terms because of the British system. And so coming here, it's just easy to add 5 to whatever grade level you are.

Okay. And then you mentioned that you felt well prepared for college. You soaked it up. What do you think that the style in which your parents decided to homeschool you helped you in that preparation? What was it like?

Did your mom you know, we now know there's 9 different pedagogies. Were your parents did they adhere to a certain pedagogy? Like

I have no idea how they did it looking back on it because back in New Zealand, you know, my mom was a doctor. She had no formal educational training background whatsoever. And she was always questioning, you know, do I know enough what to do? I remember the 1st year of homeschooling, we would did CONUS, and she was actually writing all the tests and scoring them. And it was a huge amount of work.

And somehow along the way, we just dropped it. And so we went with, the only approved curriculum at the time that New Zealand allowed to go on to college. So in a sense, because we were so limited, it was actually easier because we just knew there was one curriculum that we had to go on. And so even though I wouldn't have chosen that curriculum today for my own kids, it covered the basics and it allowed me so much freedom to focus on the areas that I loved. I was always passionate about words.

I was always passionate about writing and reading. And so even when I wasn't being schooled, I was still just developing those skills that then set me up for journalism and English.

Wait. So did I hear that right? Am I hearing is this still the case? In New Zealand, there is only one curriculum that is accept did you say accepted for secondary education?

Right. I don't know if that's still the case. I mean, this was back in the nineties, but, definitely, as we were growing up, they gave one option for us to use that was US based. And so we just picked that because we had no other choice.

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To find out how BJU Press Homeschool can come alongside you in your homeschooling goals too, visit bjupresshomeschool.com or click the link in the show notes. So do you have siblings that who are also homeschooled?

I have one older sister. And so, yeah, it was just the 2 of us.

And then so both of you were homeschooled all the way?

Yeah. 1 I was pulled out at age 6. She must have been 9 or 10, so she's 3 and a half years older than I am.

Okay. And was your mom still working at the time? You mentioned she's a physician?

She was a general practitioner. She retired once my once my older sister was born. And so she was a stay at home mom, but she had that level of, you know I always like to joke that she practiced on us because she never quite ended practicing medicine.

Now let me ask you. Was homeschooling common in New Zealand when you were homeschooled?

No. Definitely not. I mean, when you look around at today's US culture, if you think that US homeschooling is weird and way out, it's even more weird and way out when I was growing up in New Zealand.

So that's so interesting. I really wanna ask you because here's the thing. Of course, we're always still asked about socialization in our homeschooling. I was just on office hours and one of the ladies on there, a stranger walked up to her and wanted to know why her daughter wasn't in school because all of a sudden the whole world is an expert on education and child psychology as soon as they find out we homeschool, right? It's just so annoying.

But but we gotta admit something. Back in the 80s 90s, homeschooling was not as common and there weren't the social experiences that we have and can offer our kiddos today. Now, I'm a huge believer in it it doesn't really matter. Like, that does not mean that homeschooling wasn't successfully done even socially. Right?

Because in my book, I go over, socialization in chapter 7 of my book. But when I did my research, it was interesting because I found 13 characteristics of what would be a child who is considered socialized in a healthy way. And not a single one of those 13 items required a classroom.

Right.

So that can be really freeing for parents to hear. But would you share a little bit with more limited resources and not access to, like, you know, 20 co ops within a 2 mile radius is where I feel like we are here in Denver.

Right.

What was what was your social life like?

It was very broad and diverse. And I think a lot of people are surprised at that because, you know, we're way back in the nineties, and there's even less stuff going around. My parents, especially my mom, she grew up in an Asian culture where a lot of the socialization happens across generations. During the times when we were not actively in the classroom, in this homeschool classroom doing our schoolwork, we were off visiting friends. We were off volunteering, doing community service.

We were mixing and interacting with people from a whole wide variety of backgrounds. So I'm very comfortable speaking with people who are different from me, who look different from me, who have different backgrounds. And coming to the United States, you know, we still have that international mentality when we walk down the streets and being immigrants to the US, you know, there are just so many things here that people take for granted. And it's just like, why does that happen? You know, I mean, I still remember coming to the US the first time and things were just so huge.

And we were just always looking up and like, do people realize how big everything is here? I mean, the buildings are huge. The roads are huge. You guys drive on the right, you know, just all these little things that you take for granted. So again, lots of travel, lots of OE is like the overseas experience for New Zealanders.

We looked at coming to the US as our big OE. This was our big overseas experience. I feel like homeschooling actually made me more social because I had that experience to interact across a wide variety of generations and backgrounds.

Yes. Which, you know, according to child development and psychology, what you experienced is actually more healthy than what our kids experience with the age segregation and the forced association that happens in our schools. People just think that's socialization and they don't actually ask themselves, wait a minute. What is socialization exactly?

Right. Exactly.

Yeah. So that's really beautiful. Now I know your mom, when you guys moved here, she got involved, right, on the state level with homeschooling with, Midwest parent educators. Can you tell us a little bit that about that story?

Yeah. That's right. Sure. So it was towards the tail end of our homeschooling journey. You know, my sister had already graduated and was on to college.

And back in the day, these state associations, they would put out a newsletter. And so if you are a member, you got your little newsletter in the mail. And I remember it was a seminal moment. We just didn't realize it at the time. My mom was looking through the newsletter of the parent educator, which is MPE's newsletter at the time, and she said, oh, they have an opening for an office manager position.

Maybe I should apply. And she ended up being the office manager for, like, 15 plus years. And by that time, we had all graduated. We had all retired at that stage of our journey, and she just stayed there. And she would get phone calls from distressed moms all the time.

Like, I want to homeschool. I just don't know where to start. I'm afraid I'm gonna ruin my children for life. And she was that calm voice who was just like, you know, you're not gonna ruin them. I have 2 kids.

So I'm living proof that, you know, if I could do it, you can do it.

Oh, how wonderful. Yes. That's fantastic. You are now a mama. And you have decided to homeschool your kiddos.

Was it ever on the table or up for debate between you and your husband?

It was certainly something I was pushing for from the start. I've always envisioned myself homeschooling my children if I ever had children. So, yeah, it was definitely a discussion we had when things got serious and we were thinking about marriage and family and that kind of thing. But the interesting thing is my husband doesn't have that homeschool background. Coming from Nigeria, it was kind of a you do what again?

So I suggest a lot of talking, a lot of raising questions. He was concerned about the socialization aspects too. And I like to joke, well, I thought I was apparently sociable enough to to marry, so it mustn't be too bad. Right? But yeah.

So again, just every homeschool is different. That's one thing I've definitely learned along the way. I had this idea of what homeschooling would look like because I had been homeschooled that way and then once I had children, I realized something's gotta change because my children are not me growing up and I am not my mom. So again, that was a huge wake up call for me. It was definitely challenging.

I felt intimidated. I felt all the feelings that I keep hearing people who have never even had my homeschool experience feel like, am I qualified? Can I do this? Am I ruining my children for life? And so I can really identify with that on a level that I couldn't have before I had kids.

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And that way we can send them a lovely invite. If you're listening and you are a homeschool friendly professional, we want you on the list. We're eager to connect homeschool we want you on the list. We're eager to connect homeschooling families with you. Shout your name from the rooftops and bring you tons and tons of business.

We have plans for every type of business, both small, local, nationwide, and worldwide. Check out christy-faiths-list.com today. That's so fascinating that you struggled with that insecurity, you know, because you're walking proof that this works. We just do that to ourselves, don't we? Yes.

Now, let me ask you, I'd love to hear, you know, without any, of course, disrespect to your parents who did an amazing job and and really were kind of pioneers in New Zealand doing this, is there anything that maybe she would agree with you on? Like, yeah, I I wish I if I was to do that again, I probably would have done that differently with you or Mhmm. That you think, you know, because I know you have a great relationship with her now.

Yes. Absolutely. We both agree we stressed she stressed over it way too much. She agrees that she stressed over it way too much, especially in those early years when, you know, she was just, like, cranking out curriculum by herself and doing all the stuff to make us look like a textbook school room. And then over time as the years passed, she just became more and more relaxed.

And I remember, you know, things like math was a huge struggle for me. I was just like, I don't get it. And she would be like going over the steps with me 1 by 1, and I would be like, I still don't get it. And then she'll be frustrated because, you know, it's like, I'm showing you the steps and I still don't get it. So I remember there was this watershed moment when years had passed.

It was again another math concept and I was like, I still don't get it. And she was like, that's okay. I know you're gonna get it sometime. You just keep working on it. And I was like, what just happened there?

I was prepared mentally for the huge emotional fight and just trying to wrestle with this concept together. But in a sense, I think she realized, you know, this is something that you can figure out on your own. I have confidence in you and go ahead.

Well and that's really freeing because particularly with math because it's building blocks, we always worry about, oh, my kid, I don't want my kid to have gaps. You will always have gaps to an extent. Right. But also with literacy. Right?

I mean, we start to see problems later, like, in 3rd grade

Mhmm.

In particular, like, at our center when kids did not have a strong foundation with their literacy in their earlier years. But, you know, it was interesting because there are pieces where we can say, you know what? Let's just move on to the next thing.

Mhmm.

And you can revisit it later. And it was kind of freeing because I was talking to Pat Murray. I had him on the podcast. If you guys know who that is, that is the, founder of CTC Math, and they are based in Australia. And I was talking to him about long division, and he kinda it was a little bit of a groundbreaking thing that he said.

He's like, yeah. People obsess over long division. Like, it's really not something that's applicable in the long run. I was like, wait, what? Right?

Actually, in American culture, the obsession we have with making sure our kids understand long division and, yeah, there's benefits. Right? We know the our, you know, the brain growing and analytical reasoning also with with long division, for example, you have to hold a lot in your working memory and short term memory and all those things are good to exercise. But I do think that that experience is a little bit freeing that we can we have the power to say, maybe you're not ready for this right now. Like, let's we could revisit this later or actually, maybe not because it'll just come together next year when this concept is revisited.

Right. Do you remember ever do you remember whatever that concept was? Do you remember it clicking later?

I think so. Again, the details or the specifics are not so clear. It's just that moment when my mom was basically, like, you've reached that point where you can take over for yourself, and I'm not in charge anymore of running your learning for you. And that can be very freeing. It can also be very intimidating.

Yes. And then I know and you were just such a fun and interesting person to get to know. And when we were talking about what are we gonna talk about on the podcast? It kind of bounced all over the place, and I wanted to talk about everything. If there's one message that you would like mamas to hear just based on you being homeschool graduate yourself, now homeschooling your kiddos, what would be something that would speak to her heart that maybe you wish that more mamas knew?

That's a great question, and I feel like there are so many answers depending on who I'm talking to. I think for me, the guiding principle is and this comes down to one of those famous quotes. I don't know who said it, but it's like everyone is unique just like everyone else. And so that's like an oxymoron because, of course, you can't be unique if you're like everyone else. But it's true.

You are unique just like everyone else. And so your homeschool is going to be unique just like everyone else's homeschool. So again, don't fall into the trap that I keep falling into where you start comparing your homeschool with someone else and you think, how come their child is doing this? Or how come I'm not doing that? And it just drains at you, and it it's, constantly something that you're thinking, but you have to actively fight against that.

You have to realize, you know, I'm not raising that person's child. I'm raising my own, and I'm also learning in the process.

Yeah. And that comparison beast, man, it can get you and one thing that we say in Thrive office hours, we try to say it every time we get on, is just be careful of the comparison beast because we have ladies in here where maybe their youngest kid is 9. Well, that mama has a lot more freedom than another mama who in here who's still nursing a baby and maybe has a 2 year old, and she can't homeschool like the other woman can homeschool. And so, it's but it's so easy to look at what it's it's easy to look at, like, 10 people and then mesh them into one perfect homeschooler and then compare yourself to that one. Right?

Like, we go on social media. And what's so funny is because I make social media, like, I go on and sometimes I see content where the kids are involved and, you know, they look it looks so perfect and the kids behaved. But, girl, I'm in content. I know. Like, there is a a recent one.

I don't put my kids in the content a lot. But make no mistake, like, when you see one clip, like, that could have taken 5 takes. Right?

Like, it's

not real. This is not real. Right? And I never make my kids participate, but it was a fun skit that we wanted to do and we put it out on social media. It was pretty fun.

But my point is I think that's such an important message that it's, it not only are all of our kids different, but also we are human be us as mothers, we are human beings. We think in certain ways. Mhmm. So you know what I found interesting when I first started homeschooling is I was very much a classical purist. I was very attracted to that.

I come from academia and I still consider myself at the core a classical homeschooler. But in the beginning, I was that for the wrong reasons. Right? I've kind of embraced it more as a I believe it's more of a posture, not a curriculum. Right?

Right. But, you know, it's just so fascinating that we we have to choose resources that not just work for our kids, but also work for us. There's been times where my kids have really resonated with something that was working really well, but Scott and I couldn't execute it. You know, I work full time and and so does Scott and so we had to make a change and and it's not like, oh, we our our kids are now damaged because of the change. It was that it needs to work for everybody.

Right.

It

needs to work for everybody in the family and so I think that's a really important message just these are my kids, this is my life, how am I gonna do this because I know this is the best thing for my family? It's a very gray uncomfortable place. Don't you? When you're first starting out, right? To be sitting there like, wait, am I really not doing this like anybody else?

Like, no, probably not. Like, you're still gonna do a great job. Hi there, podcast family. If our episodes bring a smile to your face, challenge you, or spark your thoughts, tap that like and subscribe button to stay connected with us. Also, we'd truly love to hear your voice in the comments.

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I would add, especially in today's day and culture where it's like we are so scared of failing, give yourself the freedom to fail. I know that sounds terrible at first glance, but it really is setting your child up for future success because they're not going to get everything right the first time. And there was a book I know that I've mentioned it before, but it's Make It Stick, the Science of Successful Learning. And again, it's all about give yourself the freedom to fail because that's how we learn as human beings. Oftentimes, you know, it's like things like self testing.

It's like adding more difficulties to an already established topic, failing at something. And then once you realize what you've done wrong, that can help you fix those so that you can succeed later. I mean, the classic quote of, you know, Thomas Edison's like, I didn't find, you know, 999 ways to fail. I just found 999 ways that didn't work before I found the 1,000th one. That's kind of the mindset that we need to have as homeschoolers.

I think that's such an important message because a lot of us gravitate toward I mean, we gotta admit we're a little bit type a. We're kind of perfectionist. Right? The system isn't doing it right, so I'll do it myself. And we have a lot of determination and, yeah, we are doing it in insecurity but still we have enough confidence that we can figure this out.

Right. But, you know, the standard that we hold for ourselves isn't realistic. I agree with you so much. It resonates. The best way for our kids to learn how to fail well is to watch us fail well and give us as parents and talk about the mistakes that we have made and walk our kids through mistakes.

You know, it's growth mindset at its core. And we live in a despite, you know, Carol Dweck's work being, you know, bestseller and biggest YouTube thing, it's really fascinating to me that despite that everyone knows what a growth mindset is and everyone wants it, that you really rarely see it. And I think it has to do with our our system. Honestly, our system that's just so performance oriented, it's really hard to have a growth mindset in a system that is completely against it. You know, I had a a friend once.

I asked her why she homeschooled and her answer was interesting to me. She said, I just didn't have the hours in the day to undo what was done over those 7 hours. And that's why I homeschooled. That was not an answer I was expecting. But when you think about it, right, with the conditioning that we all experienced in the system if you weren't homeschooled, it's really, really hard to undo that mentality.

And it's just, you know, getting off the hamster wheel. You have been such an encouragement today, and I'm excited to meet you in per I'll be able to meet you in person, right, when I come? Yeah. So I am coming to Kansas this year. And so no.

You're in Missouri, right?

Kansas. So this Kansas City, Kansas, and Kansas City, Missouri. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm actually see, I get confused because I'm actually going to both Okay.

This year. Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome.

So, anyway, yeah. So, I'll be coming your way. I can't wait to grab a coffee with you and chat some more. Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much for coming on the show today.

Thank you, Christy. It's been such a pleasure.