Sharkey's Place Season 1, Episode 10 "Let's Make Tuna!" by Rick Regan Jan. 17, 2022 Rick Regan Raleigh.rickregan@gmail.com 919-218-8834 CHAPTER 1: SHARKEY’S PLACE - MID-MORNING Kirini is alone, in before Myra and Sandra. She has coffee on and is counting the cash from the previous night. KIRINI Three-Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, Four-hundred, Ten, Twenty, Thirty, Five, Six, Seven. Four Thirty Seven. She puts the cash in a locked box under the bar. She sits with a cup of coffee at the bar and looks around at the place. She does a general clean up at the end of the night but the place needs a morning going over. KIRINI [sighs] Look at this dump. Chairs are a mess. Floor needs mopping. Trash has to go out. For four hundred bucks? Who needs this? She gets up and begins sweeping and straightening the chairs. Gordon knocks on the door. GORDON [from outside] Kiri? You open? KIRINI Gordo. You here for coffee? She lets him in and pours him hot coffee. GORDON You are a darling. Those yokels down at the Honk’R’Stop have the worst swill on tap in the morning. KIRINI Ya don’t say. It’s a chilly day. You going out? GORDON I’m going to pick up Neil. He wants to go down near Brunswick to an art supply place. Something about canvas stretchers. He doesn’t like to drive in the snow. KIRINI I guess he’s coming along with the Sandra pictures. GORDON I’ll find out. KIRINI [glum] Good gig, I guess. If you like that sort of thing. GORDON Kiri, are your sails straight? You have a blue cast this cold morning. KIRINI [sighs] I don’t know, Gordo. I don’t know what I’m doing. GORDON Something serious, or... tidal? KIRINI The Red Tide? Huh, the unwelcome visitor. GORDON Or maybe a more profound melancholy? The deeper water houses the darker spirits. KIRINI Ah, I don’t know, Gordo. I add up the till, and we’re making money, but I look around and wonder what I’m doing here. GORDON At Sharkey’s? KIRINI At Sharkey’s. In Milbridge. In Maine. I’m in Maine! I grew up in Long Island. I’m not supposed to be in Maine! GORDON Amidst the bumbling and the ignorant, yet in bucolic splendor. KIRINI Boots says I should sell Sharkey’s and move on, get back to the City. GORDON Maybe you should. You have a home here, but if you long for the glittering mirage over the horizon then your wanderlust will only smolder inside you. KIRINI I’ve paid my dues. GORDON Certainly. KIRINI I’ve done my duty, to Georgios. For family. GORDON Yes. KIRINI I’ve made it work. GORDON You don’t have to prove anything, to anyone. If you want to set your cap to the City skyline, then you probably should go. Sail to your destiny. KIRINI Is it though? My destiny? GORDON [long pause, observing her] Kiri, it is a clear, cold, bright morning in New England. You are an independent woman, and in-charge of your own life. Destiny? Forget I mentioned it. Talk of destiny, or fate, that clouds our thinking, and we should be clear-eyed and clear-headed today. KIRINI Why today? GORDON Because the melancholy has come upon you, the doubt, the dread, the frustration with all of the slings and arrows of the world. To stay, or not to stay, that... that is not the question. The question is are you happy? Do you like your life? Are the people around you supporting you, lifting you up, or are you surrounded by ones who corrode your spirit? KIRINI Well, when you put it like that... The door opens and Myra comes in to get lunch started. MYRA Gordo. Kiri. You two love-birds having a coffee moment? Ha! Myra proceeds to the kitchen, banging some pans around. In a moment she comes out, pours coffee and joins Kirini and Gordon. KIRINI You alright today, My? MYRA Schnitzel. KIRINI Excuse me? MYRA Tuna Schnitzel. Pounded Bluefin tuna steaks, breaded, fried. It’s going to knock them dead. KIRINI It’s going to knock ME dead! MYRA I can only use the center-cut Bluefin tuna. It will be so delicious. KIRINI Myra! That will cost a fortune! How much do we have to charge per plate? It’s going to be a hundred bucks a lunch! MYRA Kiri, think of it. A Bluefin Tuna lunch, at Sharkey’s. We’ll be the talk of the whole coast of Maine! KIRINI Myra, you are out of your mind! We were serving cold, pre-packaged sandwiches while you were gone. They sold out! You think these net-menders and ropepullers are going to spring for top-dollar sushi?! You’re nuts! GORDON I must say, the imagination does run wild with the idea of it. KIRINI Gordo, you’re not even going to be here! You’re taking Neil to Brunswick. You won’t be back before dark. GORDON Myra, I’ll come by later. Save me a plate? MYRA [sly] I guess the light’s always on, for you, Gordo. GORDON And, I love the coffee, Myra. Gordon gets up and goes out, after re-filling his coffee cup. MYRA So, I sense some doubt. KIRINI Myra, Bluefin sandwiches? Do we serve them on gold plates? Should we dust off the Waterford crystal? What are you thinking? MYRA I’m thinking that Sam the Butcher, in a personal capacity, bought me a one-hundred pound Bluefin. KIRINI How am I going to pay for a hundred-pound Bluefin. At the dock market, it’s thirty-bucks a pound. I’ve got to pay the rent. I can’t spring for a Bluefin. MYRA [coy] Paid in-full, for services rendered. KIRINI What services? What kind of ser.... Oh. Wait. I don’t want to know. MYRA [smug] He got his pound of flesh. KIRINI And you got a tuna? MYRA [excited] A hundred pound Bluefin! It’s a frozen block right now but I’m going to make that fish dance. And sing! KIRINI Frozen? MYRA If I start to thaw it, we can do a Bluefin Lunch on Saturday. KIRINI Saturday? MYRA Call the radio guy. Call Glenn. Call Boston. Tokyo. KIRINI What? MYRA Kiri, I swear, they are going to be coming in from all over the world for this tuna sandwich. KIRINI Myra, you’re crazy! MYRA No, I’m not. I thought about it all night, after I paid with my pound of flesh, I couldn’t sleep. All I could think was, what is the best way to make a dish with Bluefin? Sashimi, obviously, but what else? What would they serve at Noma’s in the Bahamas? What would Thomas Keller do at The French Laundry? What would Eric Ripert serve at Le Bernardin in Manhattan? KIRINI At Le Bernardin, they serve Yellowfin, pounded, on a baguette with foie-gras. MYRA Ewww! Who eats foie gras? KIRINI Well, you wanted to know. MYRA Look, what I’m saying is that if you advertise an Atlantic Bluefin sandwich-lunch, on the coast of Maine, the place will be packed with a crowd of big spenders. KIRINI But, come on. Bluefin? MYRA A hundred bucks a plate! Done. We’ll sell out. KIRINI You are out of your mind. MYRA But start taking reservations, otherwise we’ll be overrun. KIRINI You really think this will work? MYRA Kiri, I’m betting my life, all in. KIRINI What does that mean? MYRA Well, if I’m wrong, you will fire me. And if I’m wrong, I’m going to kill Sam. KIRINI So, electric chair? MYRA Right. Or the guys with the guns. I don’t know what they are doing now. Do they still hang women? KIRINI I don’t know. MYRA Anyway, for me today, chowder. KIRINI Good, because the boys love your chowder. MYRA And for you, marketing, advertising. Make the calls. TV, Radio, Internet. KIRINI [sighs] OK. MYRA And, I am reluctant to mention this, but call the heavies. KIRINI The Boston heavies? MYRA Sometime, maybe not now, you might need to call in a favor. This is the time. They’ll owe you. Owe YOU! KIRINI Aww, I don’t need... MYRA Just make a few calls. This is Bluefin! KIRINI Alright, alright! I’ll make some calls. Saturday? MYRA Saturday. Bluefin Schnitzel. Parker House bun. KIRINI Any sides? MYRA A sprig of parsley and a cup of mustard. That’s it. Real Vienna style. KIRINI Parsley and mustard? MYRA That’s it! That’s the old-world way. KIRINI Alright. I’ll make some calls MYRA And I’ll make some chowder! Myra sweeps off into the kitchen. KIRINI To stay or not to stay... CHAPTER 2: SHARKEY’S PLACE - LUNCH RUSH Sandra is working the room for the lunch crowd. She is getting a lot of attention with her bright orange turtleneck sweater and lime-green tights. Outside is overcast, cold and snow is on the ground. Most customers are in heavy, dark clothes with muddy boots. SANDRA [to Kirini] Two Specials, table Six! Two coffees. KIRINI Two specials, two coffees. Myra is in the back plating up the bowls of chowder, with fresh baguette slices and a hearty chunk of local cheddar cheese. MYRA Two Specials, up! SANDRA Thanks! She swings by the counter, scoops up the soups and the coffees. KIRINI People love your chowder, Myra. A real crowd pleaser. MYRA Firing on all cylinders, Kiri! My head is full of ideas. KIRINI Is that what its full of? MYRA Yeah. KIRINI After a visit from Sam the Butcher, you’ve got a lot of spark today. MYRA Think of it: Bluefin Schnitzel! Did you call some people? KIRINI Sure. I called around. Jimmy on the radio is going to start pushing it. I’ve got a cousin in Boston who does some radio down there. I talked to him. I called a girlfriend back on Long Island. We went to school together. She does local features for a magazine. I called her. MYRA Did you call the heavies? KIRINI I made an inquiry. Why are you so keen on those guys? You in a jam with Sam and need somebody to make him some cement-galoshes? MYRA What? No! KIRINI Then why do you want to get their attention? MYRA I just think it’s helpful to have a gangster who owes you a favor. Not the other way around. KIRINI How are they going to owe you over a fish sandwich? MYRA Kiri, you don’t understand. When this goes viral, and believe me it will go viral, there are going to be people flying in from all over. But we have to get out in front of it because we only have three days. KIRINI What are you talking, going viral? How is it going to go viral? MYRA On social media. Like the SnapTalk. KIRINI What? SnapTalk? MYRA It’s what the kids are all doing now. Like the Grubhub, MySpace, and the Twittah. The Twittah is big! KIRINI Are you posting about this on Twitter? MYRA Twitter, SnapTalk, Yelp. You name it! SANDRA Hey, can I get a fresh coffee here? KIRINI Right! Sure. Sandra swings by for the coffee. MYRA It’s going to be the culinary event of the year. KIRINI Tuna sandwiches? MYRA [pleading] Trust me! KIRINI Alright. You’re the chef. Myra goes back into the kitchen. Sandra comes back. SANDRA What’s with her? KIRINI What do you mean? SANDRA She’s got a real twinkle in her eyes today. KIRINI Her and Sammy. You know. Kirini makes a motion. SANDRA Huh. It’s been a while, we’ve seen her in a good mood. KIRINI Yeah. SANDRA And Sam the butcher can have that effect. Say, can I get an iced-tea, no ice? KIRINI Iced-tea? Who drinks iced-tea when it’s so cold out. Here. She hands Sandra a cup full of iced-tea. SANDRA Thanks. She moves to go but Kirini stops her. KIRINI Wait! What do you know about Sam? SANDRA Ah, me and Sammy go way back. There’s a history, but a good history. Good for her. Sammy’s a good egg. Sandra takes the tea to a table. KIRINI [to herself] Huh. The more you know. The door opens and Aiden and Caiden come in. AIDEN I’m stah-vin! CAIDEN Chowder Day! AIDEN Been waiting for this one. CAIDEN A filling option for a cold afternoon. AIDEN A crowd pleaser. CAIDEN Right. Look at this place. AIDEN Filled. CAIDEN Wall to wall! KIRINI Aiden, Caiden. How are ya? AIDEN Stah-vin! CAIDEN Hungah monstah! KIRINI Lucky for you, it’s Chowder Day. AIDEN We’ve been stewing on it. CAIDEN Simmering, in anticipation! AIDEN You have room for us? CAIDEN Are you booked? KIRINI Let me see. [to Sandra] Sandy, you got a spot for the boys? SANDRA Table Six, I just cleared. C’mon. AIDEN Jackpot! CAIDEN Payday! Sandra directs them while Kirini gets a black coffee and a Harpoon Light Beer ready. AIDEN [to Sandra] Is it true? CAIDEN Chowdah Day? SANDRA Myra’s Own. I know she thinks of you two when she’s warming the cream. AIDEN It’s a special Special. CAIDEN Been anticipating. SANDRA So, two Specials? CAIDEN Sure, but first I just want to mention that I am so moved that you have such grace, charm and elegance today. AIDEN Outstanding! SANDRA [looking down] You saying this sweater is too much, you know, for a Tuesday in January? AIDEN It flatters you. CAIDEN Pulls the whole look together. AIDEN A real statement-look. SANDRA Huh. OK, so two Specials, coming up. Sandra swings over to put in the orders. AIDEN You think it is Cod this time? CAIDEN Or Scrod? AIDEN Catch of the day? CAIDEN But she only uses fresh. AIDEN Dayboat fish. CAIDEN I hate it when there is a New England fishery, right out the window, and a place advertises Alaskan King Crab. AIDEN Or Pacific Halibut. CAIDEN Or shrimp from Argentina. AIDEN Oysters from Vietnam. CAIDEN How does that make sense? AIDEN There are fish outside the window! Kirini comes by. KIRINI You boys ready for a feed? Chowder Day. AIDEN It’s like Flag Day. CAIDEN And Halloween! AIDEN Wrapped into one! CAIDEN A celebration. KIRINI That’s just the start. Have you heard what she’s doing Saturday? AIDEN Heard? CAIDEN There’s talk? AIDEN Is it a rumor? CAIDEN A kind of town-whispah? KIRINI Sam got her a hundred-pound Bluefin. AIDEN Holy Mackerel! CAIDEN No, Tuna! AIDEN I know, right! KIRINI She’s doing Bluefin sandwiches on Saturday. CAIDEN A Bluefin Lunch? AIDEN Is that legal? CAIDEN Endangered? AIDEN Nat Geo says no longer endangered. CAIDEN So we’re in the clear? AIDEN Is it in season? CAIDEN Year round for tuna. KIRINI Sam got it. AIDEN She making sushi? CAIDEN Sashimi? KIRINI Schnitzel. AIDEN Wait! Pounded? CAIDEN Breaded? AIDEN And fried? CAIDEN How would you season that? AIDEN The mind boggles! KIRINI Going to be an event, I guess. CAIDEN Are you charging? KIRINI Sure. It’ll be expensive but... AIDEN No, admission. Are you taking cash at the door? CAIDEN Just to see the sight of it. AIDEN Hard to even imagine. CAIDEN How many plates, you figure? AIDEN A hundred pound fish? Maybe three hundred plates. Maaaaybe. CAIDEN Too high. The yield will be half that. AIDEN At a hund-y a-plate, break even. CAIDEN Under watah. Double it. KIRINI Two-hundred per sandwich?! AIDEN That’ll break you even. CAIDEN Cover your costs. AIDEN We gotta call Turbo. CAIDEN Yeah, Turbo. He won’t miss this. AIDEN Mandatory! Bring a plus-one. CAIDEN Or five. You have your list? AIDEN Put him down for six. CAIDEN He’ll thank us. AIDEN Put me down for two. KIRINI You and him? AIDEN Me... And another. He’s up to his own. CAIDEN You having champagne? Put me down for one, and I’ll bring a vintage Cliquot, for myself. Parker rates it a 96. AIDEN Is that Epernay? CAIDEN Common mistake. But Reims. KIRINI Wait! You are in for two-hundred, plus champagne? And you are in for four-hundred? AIDEN It’s Myra. CAIDEN [sagely] And Bluefin. Sandra comes by with the chowder. SANDRA Two chowders. AIDEN We just heard the news. SANDRA About... me and Neil? CAIDEN You and Neil?! SANDRA It’s just art! CAIDEN What is this? AIDEN No, the fish. SANDRA What fish! KIRINI Myra is making tuna sandwiches on Saturday. SANDRA So, a tunafish sandwich. How is that news? CAIDEN Bluefin. AIDEN Myra. SANDRA Myra’s making Bluefin tuna sandwiches? On Saturday? KIRINI She says it will be Schnitzel-style. CAIDEN Pounded. AIDEN Breaded. CAIDEN Fried. SANDRA Oh my! I gotta call Alexi. AIDEN The hockey guy? SANDRA No, In New York. KIRINI New York? SANDRA You know they talk about the Russian oligarchs? KIRINI Kinda, yeah. SANDRA He’s like that. But from Ukraine. We hit it off. KIRINI Wait, you have an oligarch boyfriend in New York? SANDRA From Ukraine. Yeah. He’s going to want to be here for this. How much is it? CAIDEN Two-hundred. AIDEN THREE hundred, a plate. SANDRA [considers] Yeah, that sounds right. Kiri, you have good vodka? I mean, really-good vodka? KIRINI I’ll stock up. SANDRA I gotta make a call. Sandra swivels away. CAIDEN So what’s the fish? AIDEN In the chowder? KIRINI I don’t know. Myra didn’t say, but it looks like a hit. AIDEN [tasting] Oh, this is sublime! CAIDEN [tasting] Superb. Is that? Is that sherry? AIDEN Or paprika and port wine? KIRINI She’s been going through a lot of Chablis, so... CAIDEN Mmmm... yes. You can taste the minerality of the terroir. Kirini and Aiden look at him. AIDEN [disbelief] You can taste the minerals? CAIDEN It’s more pronounced on the southern facing vinyahds. In Burgundy. KIRINI Sheesh! AIDEN Can you send Myra out? I have some questions about the tuna. KIRINI Not today. We’re packed and she’s slinging the chowder. Sorry. Kirini goes back to the counter. CAIDEN Can you believe that? At a place like this. AIDEN Ya, can’t even get an audience with the chef. They go back to the chowders. CAIDEN So good! AIDEN She’s the best. CAIDEN The Chowdah Beast! AIDEN So good! CHAPTER 3: SHARKEY’S PLACE - EARLY EVENING Sandra has the night off. Myra is eating chowder at the bar and Kirini is working the light crowd. Gordon and Neil come in. GORDON [grandly] Friends. Greetings. KIRINI Gordo! Cold beer? GORDON I’d have a beer. KIRINI Neil? A beer? NEIL Cognac, please. Cold day. MYRA Gordon, I saved you some chowder. Came out pretty good. KIRINI Real popular! NEIL Enough for two? MYRA I’ll get you sorted. Myra goes back to the kitchen. KIRINI How did you make out in town? NEIL Very well. I needed some special stretchers for the linen canvases. These are larger than I typically use. KIRINI For the Sandras? NEIL Right. I have the detail and the figure work all set, now is the preparation for the mark-making. KIRINI Was she a good model for you? NEIL One of the best. Her figure is fairly symmetrical, which is nice, but it’s the texture of her skin and the color-tone of her eyes that really makes her a standout. GORDON We are lucky to have her, one of the Sirens of Sharkey’s. KIRINI Easy there, Gordo. NEIL Now the challenge is to represent the living, breathing woman by dabbing paint around. I already have quite a lot of interest back in Philadelphia. KIRINI Could you have one done by Saturday? We’re doing a Bluefin Lunch. NEIL A Bluefin Lunch? KIRINI Yeah, but what do you think? We could put one up and get some real high-rollers interested. Sandy’s got some rich guy from New York coming up for the tuna. He’s buying a table, eight seats, at three-hundred bucks a pop. Maybe he’d like a souvenir! NEIL I’m sorry. They wouldn’t dry in time. But I have some completed stock in Philadelphia. I could send for them, or make the trip myself. KIRINI Suit yourself. Just saying. Myra comes back, bringing chowder plates. NEIL Let me see what I can do. What’s a Bluefin Lunch? I thought that was endangered. MYRA Sam says they are off the list for now, so it’s legal to fish them. NEIL But three-hundred dollars a plate? That’s outrageous. MYRA But it’s schnitzel! KIRINI I admit, I don’t understand it but, I’ve already started to get calls. For reservations. New York, Boston, Philadelphia. Los Angeles even. It’s crazy. GORDON Will you have enough? MYRA That’s part of it - the scarcity! Once it’s gone, it’s gone! And nobody has had Bluefin Tuna for a decade. NEIL So forbidden fruit. Yes, I see. MYRA [to Kirini] Did you hear back from the heavies? KIRINI A guy I know, he wants to get comp’ed. What do you think of that? MYRA Do it. Limit four, but do it. KIRINI [frustrated] Myra, what is it with you and the mobsters? MYRA Kiri, look, I hear the talk. Boots is telling you to sell out. KIRINI She mentioned it, yeah. MYRA And, while I don’t want you to go, if you want to go, you should go. KIRINI But I’m still here. MYRA But if you want to sell, who’s going to buy? You know? You know who? KIRINI The heavies? MYRA The heavies. They had a good thing here with Sharkey, and Georgios kept them at bay, but they want a slice of the action. KIRINI What action?! We made four-hundred bucks last night. Hardly get much attention with that kind of dough. MYRA And you’re about to clear forty-thousand this weekend! If we play it right, you get top-dollar for this place. KIRINI And you? You’re saying this out of the kindness of your heart? MYRA I get noticed for a culinary-event. If you want to sell up, I’ve got a real feather in my cap. I can name the place, work wherever I want. KIRINI What about Sam the Butcher? What about Ethan? And Glenn? MYRA Glenn? What do I owe Glenn? Nothing. Ethan is following the Godspeed Witch up to U-M this spring. And Sam works the whole Maine coast. GORDON And you could go back to New York. NEIL I thought you were from here, grew up here. You know everybody. GORDON And everyone knows Kirini, the Fountain of Generosity. KIRINI I grew up in Long Island. My parents ran a diner. NEIL So you’d go back to, what? Take over the diner? On Long Island? KIRINI It doesn’t sound that great, when you put it like that. MYRA Kiri, I don’t want you to go but you’ve been moping around, looking at everything, and maybe, seeing this place for what it really is, a small tavern on the rural coast of Maine. Maybe, you know, you have bigger dreams than this. I just have to look out for myself, you know? KIRINI Sure, sure. I get it. But Myra, what if you bought the place? MYRA Where am I going to come up with the cash for that? KIRINI We can work out a deal. MYRA And anyway, I don’t want to run a restaurant. I want to cook. I want to explore, with food. That’s why it’s so great that you are here. You let me run wild. Nobody ever did that for me, nobody. KIRINI And now you’re doing a Bluefin Lunch. MYRA No, WE’RE doing Bluefin. Not just me. GORDON Maybe you just need a little time off. Go down to Florida. See your Aunt for a week. NEIL Or maybe there is another way, a different model. KIRINI Go ahead. NEIL I saw it with the speakeasy. The first one is good, but it is the second and third that really start to make money and grow the business. KIRINI You mean franchise? NEIL Or, just open another Sharkey’s. Maybe in a bigger market. More customers. MYRA If you put one in Bangor I could keep an eye on Ethan and the Witch. KIRINI Stop calling her that. She’s a nice girl. MYRA [surly] Too nice. KIRINI Anyway, who’d run this place? NEIL Who runs it now? ALL [together] SANDRA! NEIL So... You dip your toe in the deeper water, Sandra keeps the circus going here. MYRA And you and me open in Bangor. What do you think? KIRINI I haven’t thought this through. Let’s have the tuna thing and then we can talk about it. Until then, no rumors, no talk. We keep this right here. ALL [together] Agreed. KIRINI Now, Gordo, you need another cold one. GORDON Kirini, your cold beer and your warm embrace are what gets me up in the morning. MYRA Is that what gets you up? GORDON Metaphorically. MYRA Sure, Captain. Sure. KIRINI Neil, more Cognac? NEIL Oh, could you make me a Green Lady? KIRINI You? Costs extra. A cocktail, coming up. NEIL [laughs] Where have you been all my life? GORDON Just laying the groundwork for you, old boy. NEIL You know, can I get that to go? I might just get some painting done tonight. KIRINI Inspired by the muse? NEIL Sure. Good night, all. And thanks again, Gordon. GORDON Good night, Neil. Neil exits. KIRINI Myra, maybe next week, after the Tuna, we go down to Bangor and look at some locations. MYRA Whatever you say, boss. KIRINI I’ve got a few ideas. END