The Dialog

Erwin McManus has a strategy for board games: give everybody whatever they ask for. By his telling, he wins every time, and now his friends warn each other not to take anything from him.

That's the difference between a transactional relationship and a transformational one. Transactional people treat relationships as a cost. Transformational people treat them as an investment. My co-host Nick Surface and I bring it home to marriage, friendship and work.

How do you know you're being transactional?
Watch your first question. If it's "how does this serve me?", that's the tell. So is keeping score in your marriage, and so is trying to win the argument.

Should you cut toxic people out of your life?
Some people do need to go. But before you start cutting people, ask the harder question: what if you're the one demanding all the energy?

Who taught you to think the way you think?
The Greek word for sin is ἁμαρτία (hamartía). It means to miss the mark. Aristotle used it for the decision that sets a character on the road to ruin. We're modeling creatures, and until you see a behavior as learned, you can't change it.

How do you get a raise?
Do more than you're asked to do, for a sustained period of time. The law of sowing and reaping says you sow first.

What is the purpose of relationships?
God gave us His word, His Spirit and other people, and He said it is not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). Andy Stanley says my job is not to fill another person's cup, my job is to pour my cup out.

Scriptures
Exodus 20:5 · Proverbs 18:24 · Matthew 10:8 · John 5:19 · Genesis 2:18 · Luke 6:38

Thinkers
Aristotle, Poetics · Erwin McManus · Zig Ziglar · Brian Tracy · Andy Stanley · Rick Warren

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:52 People as a cost or an investment
1:41 Mass layoffs and the shareholder economy
3:08 What it costs vs. what it creates
5:29 What's the mission of your friendships?
7:29 Transactional vs. transformational: can the pie grow?
9:00 Is your marriage a transaction?
11:16 Who taught you to think the way you think?
12:56 What sin really means (Aristotle's Poetics)
15:19 The sins of the fathers and learned behavior
18:08 "How does this serve me?"
19:05 Cutting toxic people? What if it's you?
19:46 Who shows up when you move?
24:33 To have friends, be friendly (Proverbs 18:24)
26:01 When your default is "what's in it for me?"
28:14 Keeping score in marriage
29:26 "I don't like the way I'm being right now"
30:27 What is the purpose of relationships?
32:02 Sowing and reaping: you sow first
32:47 How do you get a raise?
33:47 Know the rules of the game you're playing
37:00 Andy Stanley: pour your cup out
38:43 Why Erwin McManus never loses at board games
40:28 Zig Ziglar: help others get what they want
42:19 Not good to be alone (Genesis 2)
43:59 God's word, His Spirit and other people
45:51 Sowing and reaping in different seasons (Luke 6:38)
47:05 This isn't about staying in toxic relationships
48:15 Most people aren't out to take advantage of you
49:55 Change yourself, not them
51:05 Their weaknesses, your strengths
51:51 What can I get, or what can I give?

Previous: 1.5 / Is there truth in other religions?
Next: 1.7 / What does God want me to do with my life?

New episodes most weeks.
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Go to my website / https://jkc.is

What is The Dialog?

Ancient philosophers used the dialog to find answers to life’s greatest questions. The Dialog is a search for truth in modern life through the lens of ancient philosophy, history, and theology. This podcast will challenge your assumptions, change your thinking and show you how to master modern living.