[upbeat music] The noon hour of Madness and Mayhem, the podcast.
Happy Friday, Peaches!
Happy Friday. We're out here.
Oh, hold on. I didn't hit record in the other spot. Happy Friday, Peaches!
Happy Friday again.
[chuckles] That's right. We already said this once, but you didn't hear it. We're here, we're doing the show, the noon hour of Madness and Mayhem. Pumped for the weekend. How you feeling, Peaches?
I'm feeling okay.
All right.
Aubrey's a little off, so-
A little bit off?
... she, she took the day off, and she's sleeping in.
Uh-oh, she's getting down with the sickness!
That's right.
Down with the sickness! Hopefully not.
I prescribed her some Triactol.
[laughing] Oh, yeah?
Said, "Man up.
[laughing]
You got a big weekend ahead of you. You gotta go drive to Twin Falls."
Oh, Twin Falls!
I, I told you, her sister's making that big move to your favorite city, the B word. That is-
Why?
... Burley.
Why would anyone move to that dump? Burley is horrible. Twin Falls is bad enough, but Burley, that is just the worst stinking armpit of Idaho you could possibly imagine. I saw a video pop up on YouTube the other day about the worst place in Idaho, and it was, according to these people, Pocatello. And I'm like: Y'all never been to a lot of places in Idaho if you think Pocatello's the worst. Go to Caldwell, go to Twin Falls-
Well, funny enough-
Go to Burley
... I just looked up a list of the worst cities in Idaho. Number one is Garden City.
Okay, Garden City.
Then Caldwell, then Twin Falls, then Pocatello, and then Nampa.
And then Nampa, okay.
Other cities commonly mentioned, you got Blackfoot, Chubbuck, [chuckles] Emmett, Payette. Is it Pi-ette or Pay-ette?
Payette, yeah.
What is the proper Idaho way to say it?
I-
It's not lava, it's lava, like that whole thing.
Yeah, I, I don't know on Pay- ... I just call it Payette, but-
Payette, Idaho, and then Idaho Falls, right there.
Idaho Falls, dump! [laughing]
Has appeared on certain most dangerous lists. You know, it's so dangerous out here.
Oh, it's scary.
And I'm in the ghetto part of the city, and I've seen quite a few deaths. You know, I've seen some dead bodies.
Yeah, they're all over the place.
I've, I've seen some bags of weed just hanging around.
Yeah, there's, there's just needles everywhere.
Needles also.
Just, like you said, corpses all over the streets.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, it's scary.
Uh, after being in Downtown LA, you know, and, and coming back to here, we're not even close.
[laughing]
Again, I say that all the time, and it's always the people that are the loudest on the internet who have never even stepped foot in California alone, let alone LA-
Yeah
... that will say, "We're getting very close!" And you, you just sound stupid.
Well, and it's, it's always funny 'cause, you know, you'll see places get named as these horrible, dangerous places like, uh, Chicago or LA, New York, but they're, they're never on the list of the places with the most crime. It's all a bunch of places down south-
Yeah
... like St. Louis and Memphis and all these other places.
Isn't Missouri kind of up north?
Uh, I think Midwest.
Midwest.
Midwest-ish. I don't know, it seems south, 'cause it's south of us.
[chuckles]
If you're south of us, it's the South. [laughing] But yeah, I don't know. Like, there isn't too much to worry about around here. We do have crime. Yes, every city has crime. Pocatello has crime. Even shiny Rexburg, The Truman Show town, even Rexburg has crime, you know? But we don't need to worry about that much around here. I don't think there's any neighborhood in Idaho Falls that I would not walk through by myself in the middle of the night. That, that's just me. Now, you ladies, I, I don't know, I, I wouldn't recommend that, 'cause-
There's some pigs out there.
There's some horrible people. But me, not too worried about it, not too worried about it, Peaches.
You know, one of the people that added me on Facebook w- was- posted a- posted a meme. I'm not gonna go into the context of the meme, or I'm not gonna go into the whole in-depth p- meme, the whole thing. But overall, it said m- something about Californians that move to other states and bring their politics along the way, saying they're the worst kind of people.
Yeah, well, the Californians that move here are very, very extreme on the right.
No kidding.
[laughing] Yeah.
I, I don't know where they get this information from.
Like-
I told- I told- I asked Justin, like: "Do you think the Californians moving here are incredibly liberal?" He said, "Oh, yeah, they totally are." I'm like-
Show me one.
I'm like: "Look at me."
Show me one.
[chuckles] Like, I'm, I'm not liberal.
Find me one. I've talked to lots of Californians that have moved here. None of them are liberal-
Yeah
... 'cause they wouldn't move to the most conservative state in the Northwest. Th- th- they would move to another, uh, you know, um... Oh, sorry, I got this headache with this thing in my eye, and I'm forgetting the word I'm looking for here. But they'd move to a, a, a left city, a city that leans left. That's where liberals move.
The reason why I came out here is because you guys hired me.
Yeah.
That's the whole thing.
Yeah.
I didn't c- I didn't know Idaho Falls existed until 2019.
You're one of those evil centrists, Peaches.
What do you mean?
That's where you don't really lean either way. You know, it depends on the issue, which is how most people should be. You should be able to pick and choose issues from each side and then go, "Okay, I, I, I can agree on this. I can disagree on that," and make your own opinions as a human being. But people are very tribal, and they pick a side, and then they'll just dig their heels in, no matter what. They've gotta be on that side and agree with everything that side says, and that's one of the major problems we have in the world today. You know? So settle down, fools. Be a centrist. Uh, you- people might not like it, but it's okay to pick and choose what you believe.
Yeah, I pick and choose who I also, like, hang out with, too. I'm like, "You know what? I know I won't get along with this person. Let me just save myself the trouble, save them the trouble, and just not talk to them."
Yeah, uh, dude, totally. Why wouldn't you?
Right.
You know? You're not obligated to hang out with anybody, not obligated to do anything you don't wanna do. Live your life. Be you. Ugh, I think I'm gonna have to take an ibuprofen. I got, I got this thing in my eye, Peaches, that's just ... It, it makes it look kind of like your head's melting.... which is a little disturbing.
I think it's called you're, you're, uh, under the influence of something, Victor.
I'm not, though! [laughing]
[laughing]
That's the thing. Under the influence of, uh, I don't know-
I know you're-
-staring at this screen.
If you're in that ghetto area like me, you might have a, a bag of something.
I, I gotta go clean up the corpses in my yard.
[upbeat music]
We'll be back in just a minute. So Peaches, I stumbled across this article on the BBC: "Can you ever be friends with an ex?" What does Peaches think?
Uh...
I would say, why would you wanna be? [laugh]
Yeah.
[laughing] I- it's a weird question to post. Um, 'cause I don't know, when you break up with somebody, y- y- you're, you're, like, done, you know? Why would you wanna go hang out with them again?
Well-
It would be awkward, I would think.
Me and my ex, me and my exes always, uh, we, we, we ended up on bad terms on both of them, on both the relationships.
Maybe that's why... Yeah.
But, like-
Most of my exes, I think they all hate me.
Well, here's the thing, is, like, my... The ex that I had, and, and we broke up in 2020, it was a weird ending, 'cause, uh, she was like... I, I realized after the fact, after thinking about it for th- this amount of time, she was slowly giving my stuff back-
Ah!
... and then was like: "Hey, I, I, I can't do this anymore," type of thing.
Yeah.
I st- I, I, I think it was because of the crazy anxiety that I was going through, 'cause I was drinking those energy drinks nonstop.
Ah.
You know how those increase your anxiety?
[laughing] Yeah.
So I was drinking those, and I was just, uh, uh, what's it called? Insufferable at the time, too.
[laughing]
She was like: "I want time to myself." 'Cause at the time I didn't understand, like, why she just wanted time to herself.
Yeah!
'Cause she was working 8:00 to 5:00, and I was working these, like, three-hour, six-hour shifts at In-N-Out that were sporadic.
Yeah.
So I... Every single time she was off work, I'm like: "Oh, can I come see you?" She's like: "I just want time to myself." I'm like: "Too bad!" So I just showed up. [laughing]
[laughing] Yeah. People do need a little bit of alone time.
But then after working- starting to work here and have my first real big-guy job, and then someone called, or someone would be like: "Can we come hang out?" I'm like: "I just wanna be by myself!"
"I need some time to myself. All I've been doing is working."
Yeah, yeah.
[laughing]
So then, um, so she wasn't gonna, like, block me on anything. It wasn't until I go on the radio with Ellen K. and, like, Ryan Seacrest-
Mm
... and go on both of their shows, and I just simply ask the question: "Should I get something for her birthday?" 'Cause she broke up with me, like, a couple weeks before her birthday.
Yeah.
And most of the people said, "No." I'm like: "Okay, that's fine. Whatever."
Yeah.
But then Coast posted the whole thing about our former intern, Brendan-
Uh-huh
... he's going through a breakup [chuckles], the whole thing.
[laughing]
And she, all of a sudden, g- like, felt like she was attacked by that whole thing.
Oh, my goodness.
And she blocked me on everything. She was, like, profusely crying. Her friend had to message me on Instagram-
Oh, geez
... saying something like, "Oh, I've never seen her this sad." I'm like, she's had worse experiences from what she told me.
[laughing]
I just went on the radio and talked about my story. I didn't name her, didn't say anything bad about her.
Yeah.
I, I was even thinking about getting her a gift, even though we were done.
Well, and when you're on the radio doing a show, you, you talk about your personal life.
Right.
You talk about things that are happening in it, and yeah, I mean, I've had instances where people thought I was talking about them. 'Cause, you know, I won't say names or anything, and then they get all butthurt. I'm like: "I never said that!" Or, "I wasn't talking about you." And, uh, then you're going, "Why are you listening to my show anyway?" You know, if you don't wanna hear me, you know, if you don't like me, why are you listening [chuckles] to my show?
[laughing]
So, yeah, I don't know. I... Being friends with an ex just seems like it would be awkward, but maybe it's like, like you said, my, my exes don't like me, so.
It would be sad. I, I... To me, it would just be very sad, like, to see them with somebody new and be like, "That's not me."
Well, and yeah, I wouldn't wanna, uh, you know, see them with somebody new either.
Right.
You know? It's like you just gotta move on, live your own-
Makes you angry.
Yeah, you just gotta move on, live your own life.
'Cause no matter how much you think you moved on, you always have that, like, very s- like, tiny feeling of anger, like, "I'm gonna take you- I'm gonna, I'm gonna beat you guys in the game of life."
[laughing]
You know? "Look at that billboard. That has my face on it." [laughing] That type of thing.
All right, so I guess both you and I think it would be awkward to be friends with an ex, but w- okay, what about your significant other, would you want them to be friends with an ex?
Well, see, that's the thing, is, like, i- i- i, I would trust her entirely, but at the same time, you always gotta watch your back.
Yeah.
'Cause-
I, I don't think I'd like it.
You always gotta watch that guy that they say is just a friend.
Yeah, I can get a little bit jealous, for sure. And, uh-
'Cause I've been replaced by both dudes-
[laughing]
... who they've said is just a friend.
Yeah, yeah. No, I, I'm, I'm with you on that. You gotta always, you know, keep your eyes open. But yeah, I don't, I don't think I'd want my lady hanging out with an ex, you know? I'd be like, "Mm, that's weird."
Especially if it's one-on-one.
Well, yeah, exactly. It's like, "Well, no. No, I don't know about that."
Right.
And maybe that's a lesson you learn when you're younger, 'cause I've had bad situations because of that, 'cause I was too trusting, and it sucks when your trust is betrayed, Peaches. It hurts!
Yeah.
It hurts.
That's right.
So don't be a dirtbag, uh, [chuckles] mate to other people.
I'm gonna message my ex right now.
[laughing]
"Hey, take that. Look where I'm at, look where you are.
[laughing]
That's right. You're, you're, you're a wannabe teacher, I'm on the radio.
[laughing]
I got a billboard." [laughing]
I don't, I don't know if you need to rub it in, Peaches.
Take that! [upbeat music]
[laughing] Okay, Peaches, does your lady have any pets? I think we've had this discussion.
No, she, uh, is... Uh, she hates pets, as a matter of fact.
She hates them. She's perfect for you, then.
She grew up in a house where the, the d- the dad more so just didn't want any pets around.
Okay, so she just grew up that way, and it's instilled in her, no pets.
Well, I, I really can't... 'Cause I went back to my parents' place, and they have that cat, Luna.
Mm-hmm.
And I s- I tried sitting on any one of the couches. I just started sneezing, my throat got itchy, my mou- my lips got itchy, too.
Oh, you'd hate it at my house now, with four cats and a dog.
Oh, remember we tried streaming The Sims in that one place, and then just slowly over the course of the stream, you just saw me, like-
[laughing]
... get worse and worse?
And that's when I only had two cats.
And then you gave me a allergy pill, and I was somewhat okay, but then I was, like, knocked out.
Yeah, yeah.
And your daughter, Maddie, was, like, looking at me, and I'm just, like-
[laughing]
... wasted in the chair. [laughing]
Peaches is hammered.
Yeah.
... Well, I just saw this post on Reddit, 'cause I- but now I'm getting hygiene subreddit, hygiene tips subreddit. I don't know why.
Should I wash my feet in the shower?
Yeah, the, the endless posts about, you know, dudes who don't wipe and things like that.
Oh!
Yeah, I- d-
Dude, it sucks.
It pops up all the time.
I'm telling you. Like, the one time I... I talked about that story when our ladies were in here.
Yes, when we were at the basketball game.
Yeah, and I was forced to not do so.
[laughing]
And there's a, there's a rash involved, okay, guys?
[laughing]
So be- do not, do not forget to take care of yourself.
That's right, wash your hands. Wash everything. You can wash every part of yourself when you're in the shower, okay?
Somebody was, somebody was talking ab- on my To Peach Their Own Question, 'cause it was that whole thing about what luxury, um, did you experience and you'll never go back type thing.
Mm-hmm.
And this one guy said a heated bidet.
Yeah.
And I was thinking, like, that's just like a, a hose of water, hot water, getting sprayed into your butt.
Yeah, I mean-
I guess I could see, like, with toilet paper 'cause it's so expensive.
Yeah, but it doesn't really get you clean. It just smears stuff around ultimately. You can get it pretty clean, but not as clean as, you know, good old-fashioned water.
So then you have s- the leftovers of the business, then you have the water-
Mm-hmm
... that's soaking your, your buttocks area.
Mm-hmm.
And then you put on your pants, and I feel like, don't you have a wet butt still?
No, I think you have to... Then you use toilet paper at the very end.
So you're still using toilet paper?
Yeah, but not as much. You know, you just use a little bit.
Oh, come on.
Yeah.
No, you're using a, a lot of toilet paper to smear the-
Yeah
... stuff off.
I've never tried a bidet. I've never tried it, but, uh, everyone who uses one swears by it.
Have you ever sat on a heated toilet seat?
I've sat on a seat that someone [laughing] was on before me.
I, I've sat on a heated toilet seat. It was, like, 85 degrees. [laughing]
That- that's hot.
I sit on that thing, it's like you're butt to butt with someone. [laughing]
Ah, I don't like that. Like, in, in the cars when they have heated seats, I hate that.
See, I know... We talked about that, too, and I, I, I actually like it.
Yeah, I don't, I don't like it at all.
Like-
I'm like, "Turn that off!
But-
I don't want a hot butt."
... the thing that's been popping up as of late are the, uh, carpeted toilet seats.
Oh, those-
Remember those from back in the day?
Yeah, my grandma had that.
[laughing] There was a picture of one, and somebody must have missed. [laughing]
Ah!
[laughing]
Ah.
Perfect talk for the lunch hour.
[laughing] Well, I was gonna talk about something else gross, but that, that works. No, I was gonna just ask about, uh, dogs that lick people's face-
Listen-
... and lick them in the mouth.
I, I, I don't mind that at all.
You don't?
I, I don't mind if they lick me in the face, but if they kiss me on the lips, that's when I'm like, "Okay, no, no."
Ah, see, yeah. Like, R- Millie, the dog, she always tries to get up and lick my face, and I'm like-
Yeah
... "No, you get... Ugh."
She's giving me affection.
It, uh, just r- you know, uh, lay by my feet and let me scratch your head, all right?
I don't think any dog wants to be by your feet. That's the thing. [laughing]
[laughing]
It's your feet, Victor, come on.
Dude-
Those dogs have heightened sense of smells. You want, you want Millie to be smelling your feet?
I will admit, man, when I see a dog, like, l- lick someone, you know, on, on the mouth, you know.
Going back to the ex's talk, there was that first one that I dated that was eating frozen yogurt, gave the spoon that she was using to her dog-
Ugh
... with a spoonful of yogurt.
Ugh.
The, the dog has a tongue as long as its body-
Ugh
... 'cause it was a boxer, and it-
Yeah
... the tongue just, like, hung outside the mouth. So the dog, Bailey, was licking the yogurt off the spoon.
Ugh.
And then my ex goes to scoop back more yogurt-
Ah!
... and eats some herself. And I'm like, "I kissed that mouth."
Exactly. Yeah, it's like, "Can you go, uh, [laughing] wash your face?""
Yeah, go wash your face.
Please go wash your face. [laughing]
You're dirty. I can't say the rest of that. [laughing]
[laughing] Dogs are disgusting, dude. Uh, I've, I've learned over time, dogs are disgusting and will eat anything.
Oh, I talked about that on the air yesterday, when Rover used to-
Like, if you have a-
... clean up after himself, and you... No, uh, clean up after himself.
Mm.
He used to have a, a backyard treat.
Mm-hmm.
And then he would come-
Mm-hmm
... like, lick my face.
Ah!
And that smell-
Oh
... dude, the putrid smell that you would get.
[laughing] Oh, it's so gross.
Well, the one time... Listen, my da- my Rover never kissed my dad.
[laughing]
He only... I'm like, "Rover, can I, can I have one?" And he'd be like, come up to me and give me one.
Oh, that's disgusting!
But he- the one time he did to my dad [laughing] was right after he did that.
Oh, no.
I've never heard my dad gag ever [laughing] as much as I-
Blech
... heard him that... Yeah, see?
Blech!
Yeah, you're gonna, you're gonna trigger somebody who, you know-
I know
... when they hear someone gag, they start gagging themselves.
You guys, you guys don't like that? Blech, blech.
Dry heaving. Blech.
[laughing] Sorry, everybody. Sorry. [upbeat music] Yeah, I'm still looking at this post about, uh, the, the girl who, you know, lets the dog lick her face. Um, this was more disgusting than I thought. So, um, this guy said that her golden retriever was all over her, which is normal, but she let the dog lick the inside of her mouth, not just, like, her lips.
Ugh.
Inside of her mouth-
I can't
... and then she's just laughing, and then she said the old, "Dog mouths are cleaner than humans."
Okay, you're stupid.
People believe that, Peaches.
I also think, like, the... Yeah, they're the, they're the people that don't wear deodorant, and, and- [laughing]
[laughing] Dog mouths are not cleaner than humans.
If I ever hear someone say, "I'm a free spirit," I know they don't smell good.
[laughing] This is a complete myth. Dogs have all kinds of nasty stuff in their mouth. Peaches talked about, uh, you know, the things that his dog enjoyed snacking on [laughing] in the backyard, which I've seen lots of dogs do that. Or if you have a cat box in your house, they seem to think those are b- d-
Oh
... delicious little Tootsie Rolls as well. [laughing]
I'm glad-
And then it's like, "Come lick my face."
Yeah.
Oh.
I'm glad Rover never did that with the cats, but he still ate the... His own-
[laughing]
... which I don't, how is it appealing to a dog? Have scientists discovered that yet? I really wanna know. [laughing]
Oh, man, and who knows what else they're eating out there? There's dead critters out there. You know, they might dig up an old bird or something.
Rover-
Dogs dig holes.
Rover was a big, fat beagle. He wasn't running anywhere. He could chase-
Okay
... the only thing that he wanted to, that he laid himself, that was not gonna move.
[laughing] Yeah, this guy's like, "Yeah, then she just wiped the slobber off her face and went right back to eating the chips they were sharing."... Oh! No. [laughs] Oh, sorry, I just, th- this post was grossing me out so bad-
You know what I read-
As I read through it, I had to talk about it more
... that some teachers used to do, when they would lick their hand, lick their finger-
Ah, ugh.
And touch the paper? [laughs]
I, I, yeah, you see people do that at the grocery store, too, like, with the plastic bags, or, like, people reading books, yeah. And, uh, don't, don't lick your hands. Your hands are- wash your hands!
Have you seen the video pop up? It's a viral video of this one lady, she goes to a place like Ross. I think she went to, uh, HomeGoods, or one of those stores, and you know there's decorative pasta in those bottles that you're not supposed to use. They're just decorative.
Yeah.
But she cooked them.
[laughs]
She cooked the noodles, and then ended up, like, a video later, it was perfect. It was hilarious, 'cause it was, like, a, a funny sequence of, like, "Oh, I ate these... I ate this pasta from TJ Maxx," or whatever. "Then I g- I go home, and I cook it. Then, all of a sudden, my mouth feels funny." Then she has a giant bandage over her face.
Oh, no.
She got some nasty infection.
Yeah, you gotta be careful with what you eat. You know, I just recently got food poisoning from somewhere. I don't know where. I keep it pretty clean. I wash my hands all the time. I don't know what I ate.
Absolutely-
It was not good.
It's the worst, when you gotta deal with that. The worst food poisoning I've ever had was from that salad bar.
Mm, this one was bad. I mean, it was 24 hours.
I'm gonna try-
24 hours of h- how much, uh, you know, fluids can come out of my body.
I'm gonna try to work my way around this. I'm not gonna, you know-
Okay.
I'm not gonna be vile with it, 'cause I don't want Jay to get upset.
Yeah.
But there was the one t- that one time that I had that food poisoning.
Mm-hmm.
It was painful, it hurt.
Mm-hmm.
A whole lot of exits.
Mm-hmm.
And then the one time I go to the doctor, they're like, "Okay, here's a tray," and then I was back to normal a- after... Bef- I mean, before I used the tray.
Oh.
So it was... Yeah.
Yeah.
That's unpleasant.
So, yeah, I touched.
Uh, okay.
[laughs] See, I... That's why I was saying I'll work around it.
You, I think you worked around it just fine. We hope everybody's enjoying their lunch. [laughing]
[laughs] Watch us get a call or something.
We hope your food is delicious. [laughs]
What was that one guy that-
Nice bowl of chili
... that picked his booger, or picked his, uh, nose so deep that he ruptured a blood vessel?
Oh!
Remember that?
Yeah, I forgot about that, too.
[laughs] That was over in, like, Japan or something.
Yeah. Anything else disgusting we can throw out there?
The triangle of death on your face, if you pop a zit on it, you could die.
Yeah, that's true. That's true. Be careful popping them zits. Um, and if you're, you know, still feeling hungry, I'm sure there are plenty of those Dr. Pimple Popper videos [laughs] you could pull over lunch.
Oh! That-
[laughs]
... Whoever likes that stuff's a psychopath.
[laughing]
I, I, I... You know, you notice how it's, like, mostly-
Some of them are so bad.
It's, it's mostly girls who are like, "Oh, I like this kind of thing. I, I do it for other people."
[laughs]
It's never a guy that's like, "Oh, yeah, I like to pop my friend's zits."
That's true. That's true. Gi- girls, I, I think they're just used to dealing with more or something. Yeah, I, I don't know.
It must be, like, the motherly instinct?
M- maybe, maybe. "Let me take care of that for you."
I'm telling you, once, once I have to clean up my kid's diaper, it's all over.
[laughs]
I'm gonna have to throw up everywhere.
[laughs]
Uh, dealing with, like, that matter is just disgusting to me.
Wait till your first blowout, when it shoots out the back of the diaper-
It's gonna be a-
... you know, it's all over the back of their clothes. [laughs]
It's gonna be a big, fat kid, too. [laughing]
[laughing]
It's gonna be like an adult-
Just a big monster
... adult-sized, yeah. [laughing]
[laughing]
Aubrey, you're gonna take care of that. [laughing]
[laughing] All right, everybody, well, we're gonna gack. Peaches will be back at 2:00 for the pit party, and, uh, y'all enjoy your time until then. I'll see you, I don't know, sometime.
[upbeat music] The noon hour of Madness and Mayhem is a production of Riverbend Media Group. For more information, or to contact the show, visit riverbendmediagroup.com. [upbeat music]