WEBVTT

NOTE
This file was generated by Descript 

00:00:09.660 --> 00:00:13.290
Cailin: Welcome everyone to
Faith and Purpose Podcast.

00:00:13.860 --> 00:00:19.050
Each episode of this podcast contains the
personal testimony of an ordinary person

00:00:19.050 --> 00:00:21.840
transformed by an extraordinary guide.

00:00:22.470 --> 00:00:25.680
My name is Kaylyn, and I'm
here to introduce this podcast

00:00:25.680 --> 00:00:27.210
for my friend Jesse Duke.

00:00:27.780 --> 00:00:32.730
Jesse is a husband, father,
author, life recovery guide, lay

00:00:32.730 --> 00:00:34.920
counselor, and small group leader.

00:00:35.250 --> 00:00:39.720
But his most important role is
disciple as a disciple of Jesus.

00:00:40.170 --> 00:00:44.340
Jesse created this podcast to help other
believers tell their faith stories.

00:00:44.850 --> 00:00:48.630
We'll be hearing the personal
testimonies of all sorts of people

00:00:48.630 --> 00:00:50.010
who have one thing in common.

00:00:50.430 --> 00:00:52.680
Jesus has transformed their lives.

00:00:53.460 --> 00:00:57.570
Jesus used parables because he created
us to learn best through story.

00:00:57.990 --> 00:01:02.820
And as we listen to how God has worked
in others' lives, we find encouragement

00:01:02.820 --> 00:01:05.010
and inspiration for our own faith walk.

00:01:05.550 --> 00:01:09.930
Whether you are already a believer or
just a curious seeker, we believe that

00:01:09.930 --> 00:01:14.220
as you listen to these stories, you will
be encouraged on your own faith journey.

00:01:14.550 --> 00:01:18.810
We are sure that God can speak to you
through one of these episodes and that

00:01:18.810 --> 00:01:22.650
you will see that our Heavenly Father
truly works all things together for our

00:01:22.650 --> 00:01:25.320
good when we simply love and trust him.

00:01:25.980 --> 00:01:29.340
If you are currently going through a
trial, we believe that you will come

00:01:29.340 --> 00:01:34.140
to see that your troubles, heartbreaks
and failures are not gravestones, but

00:01:34.140 --> 00:01:36.750
stepping stones into new life in Christ.

00:01:37.140 --> 00:01:39.180
Here's Jesse with today's guest.

00:01:51.998 --> 00:01:55.748
Bruce: Welcome everybody to
Faith and Purpose Podcast today.

00:01:55.748 --> 00:02:00.578
I am very happy to have my
friend Bruce to tell his story,

00:02:00.578 --> 00:02:02.048
and I can't wait to hear it.

00:02:02.048 --> 00:02:03.398
How you doing today, Bruce?

00:02:03.458 --> 00:02:04.868
Jesse: I am doing well.

00:02:04.928 --> 00:02:05.678
I'm doing well.

00:02:05.678 --> 00:02:07.658
Thanks, Jesse, for this opportunity.

00:02:08.438 --> 00:02:12.878
it's, it's an honor privilege to be
able to share, my, my testimony, my

00:02:12.878 --> 00:02:17.558
experience, strength and hope, what it was
like, what happened, what it's like now.

00:02:18.278 --> 00:02:20.568
yeah, it's, it's an honor and a privilege.

00:02:21.618 --> 00:02:22.998
Bruce: Well, I really appreciate it.

00:02:23.048 --> 00:02:27.908
I've had many good interviews and
I just trust the Holy Spirit to

00:02:27.908 --> 00:02:31.768
send me whoever he wants to, tell
their story because he knows who's

00:02:31.768 --> 00:02:33.028
out there that needs to hear it.

00:02:33.118 --> 00:02:35.098
And, I'm really happy to have you today.

00:02:35.608 --> 00:02:38.778
So tell us, what it was like, what
happened and what it's like now.

00:02:40.278 --> 00:02:45.893
Jesse: my background growing up as a
young man was filled with a lot of love,

00:02:45.893 --> 00:02:48.453
a loving home, a loving mother and father.

00:02:48.503 --> 00:02:50.718
my mother had remarried
when I was very young.

00:02:51.743 --> 00:02:57.463
and, and I adopted, the gentleman's last
name and, very loving, loving parents.

00:02:57.573 --> 00:03:03.153
I, I was not raised in a home that,
necessarily did church a lot, but, I

00:03:03.153 --> 00:03:04.953
know my mother was a strong believer.

00:03:06.348 --> 00:03:09.788
My father was raising me, was a scientist.

00:03:09.788 --> 00:03:12.638
And he was not so much
the believer at that time.

00:03:13.448 --> 00:03:16.088
but I was raised in a
very loving environment.

00:03:17.208 --> 00:03:24.248
my first ex exposure to, church really,
that I can remember was, one summer I

00:03:24.248 --> 00:03:26.608
was in, third grade, maybe fourth grade.

00:03:27.658 --> 00:03:29.468
And, I was playing outside.

00:03:29.468 --> 00:03:32.618
I was, and up the street from
us was a church, about three,

00:03:32.708 --> 00:03:34.868
about 300 yards from our house.

00:03:35.708 --> 00:03:38.978
And there was a bunch of kids out
there playing kickball and, I was

00:03:38.978 --> 00:03:41.048
having a grand time just watching 'em.

00:03:41.048 --> 00:03:45.023
they invited me to play and I, so
I was playing kickball with 'em

00:03:45.023 --> 00:03:48.053
and all of a sudden they stopped
and they went inside the church and

00:03:48.053 --> 00:03:49.313
I said, where are you guys going?

00:03:49.313 --> 00:03:51.923
They said, we're going
into vacation Bible school.

00:03:53.258 --> 00:03:56.498
And I said, oh, and one, one
kid said, you want to come too?

00:03:56.618 --> 00:03:58.058
And I said, sure.

00:03:58.898 --> 00:04:03.388
And, that was back in a day and age where,
you went out at Sunrise and you came back

00:04:03.388 --> 00:04:07.798
in at sunset and you're, as long as you
were in yelling distance of your parents,

00:04:07.808 --> 00:04:09.788
you just were out and about for the day.

00:04:10.568 --> 00:04:15.038
And so I went in and I went
to this bible school, vacation

00:04:15.038 --> 00:04:16.768
Bible study and had a good time.

00:04:16.768 --> 00:04:20.248
And I went back the next day 'cause
I was having such a good time.

00:04:21.028 --> 00:04:23.738
And, so that next Sunday, I'm went to Bre.

00:04:23.768 --> 00:04:27.958
I'm at breakfast and I'm sitting there
in my school clothes and my mother

00:04:27.958 --> 00:04:29.158
says, what are you dressed up for?

00:04:29.158 --> 00:04:30.778
Are we, why you're not going to school?

00:04:31.108 --> 00:04:31.798
Summertime?

00:04:31.798 --> 00:04:35.188
She, I said, I'm going to church,
I'm going to Sunday school.

00:04:36.358 --> 00:04:37.618
And she said, really?

00:04:38.068 --> 00:04:39.178
I said, yeah, I am.

00:04:40.198 --> 00:04:42.278
And she goes, where'd
you find out about that?

00:04:42.278 --> 00:04:45.698
I said, I've been playing
kickball and going to vacation

00:04:45.698 --> 00:04:47.378
Bible school the last two days.

00:04:48.098 --> 00:04:48.848
She goes, really?

00:04:49.748 --> 00:04:51.608
She goes, aren't you
full of interesting news?

00:04:52.448 --> 00:04:56.628
And, so yeah, that was my first
ex exposure to the church.

00:04:56.658 --> 00:04:59.858
And, I enjoyed youth group
and things of that nature.

00:04:59.958 --> 00:05:00.918
I felt connected.

00:05:01.628 --> 00:05:08.548
I was very connected in, youth group
and, like 10 through age 12, early 13

00:05:09.658 --> 00:05:15.518
to the point where, I actually got up in
church and spoke and, shared the gospel.

00:05:15.548 --> 00:05:18.558
And, I don't, I would really
enjoy the path I was on.

00:05:18.798 --> 00:05:24.008
And something happened, that
summer, I guess it was 1969 and

00:05:24.008 --> 00:05:29.608
I, I found, the other part of the
world, I found, rock and roll.

00:05:29.608 --> 00:05:33.208
I found all the, other
things that went with it.

00:05:34.408 --> 00:05:36.268
And, I was off to the races.

00:05:36.658 --> 00:05:43.493
I found it very attractive and,
it, I filled my life with that and

00:05:45.503 --> 00:05:51.343
I I, as I say, I made a right turn
in Albuquerque and there I was, and

00:05:51.343 --> 00:05:53.563
I stayed that place for a long time.

00:05:53.833 --> 00:05:59.703
I always felt something inside of me
about, about, a spiritual, a spirituality.

00:06:00.403 --> 00:06:03.883
but I couldn't, I wasn't intentional
about doing anything with a

00:06:03.883 --> 00:06:05.883
relationship with God at that point.

00:06:06.183 --> 00:06:07.323
Any exactly.

00:06:07.623 --> 00:06:09.923
Almost all the way the
other side of the coin.

00:06:10.733 --> 00:06:15.933
And, In high school, I was, I was
partying pretty hard, from ninth

00:06:15.933 --> 00:06:20.433
grade on, alcohol, mostly drugs also.

00:06:21.093 --> 00:06:22.923
I, it was just part of what I did.

00:06:23.283 --> 00:06:27.003
the point was I was really still
really pretty good in my studies.

00:06:27.723 --> 00:06:31.303
'cause I, I was, I guess I wasn't
smart enough to know that if I kept

00:06:31.303 --> 00:06:33.283
my grades up, everybody left me alone.

00:06:34.813 --> 00:06:38.273
And, and so I, I was an outstanding
student, but I was playing

00:06:38.273 --> 00:06:42.023
very hard and I was, I had an
entrepreneurial spirit as well.

00:06:42.023 --> 00:06:47.213
And so I found out that I, if I
sold things, I could basically,

00:06:47.263 --> 00:06:50.783
I could make money off of it
and, have my partying for free.

00:06:51.653 --> 00:06:54.733
And, anyway, that entrepreneurial
spirit carried on into.

00:06:55.408 --> 00:07:00.868
When I graduated high school, and I
think my graduation day was really

00:07:00.868 --> 00:07:08.338
the first time I can look back and
say how I drank maybe a alcoholically.

00:07:09.388 --> 00:07:15.258
at that point it was just more or less,
nothing crazy, but a constant, a constant

00:07:15.258 --> 00:07:17.998
buzz, for about four years of my life.

00:07:18.058 --> 00:07:22.478
And then, graduation day,
I took it to a new level.

00:07:22.638 --> 00:07:26.778
parents had a wonderful party plan
for me, family, friends, everything.

00:07:26.778 --> 00:07:29.348
And I, after graduation, I
didn't come home for two days.

00:07:30.248 --> 00:07:31.418
I was off at a party.

00:07:32.618 --> 00:07:36.668
And so I, what I found out was that
was my first real binge drinking.

00:07:37.838 --> 00:07:41.908
And and I was off to the races and
that became a pattern in my life for.

00:07:42.838 --> 00:07:43.618
Quite a while.

00:07:43.728 --> 00:07:45.258
I could go for periods of time.

00:07:46.218 --> 00:07:51.003
I was still doing dry goods, but I wasn't
drinking all that much, but when I did.

00:07:52.173 --> 00:07:55.593
And, so that continued on,
into my, early twenties.

00:07:56.553 --> 00:08:01.833
And, I got married for the first
time and we were both real young.

00:08:01.833 --> 00:08:05.283
In fact, we, everybody told us we
were too young and they were right.

00:08:05.333 --> 00:08:06.593
we just had to prove them wrong.

00:08:07.073 --> 00:08:07.893
Bruce: Oh, were you?

00:08:08.263 --> 00:08:10.273
Jesse: I was 22 and, she was 18.

00:08:10.493 --> 00:08:10.913
Bruce: Mm-hmm.

00:08:11.563 --> 00:08:14.178
Jesse: And, and, I was way
too, I was so immature.

00:08:14.868 --> 00:08:19.068
we both were, but anyway, it
continued on into that as well.

00:08:19.068 --> 00:08:22.968
And I still like to go out and hang out
with the boys and do my thing and play

00:08:22.968 --> 00:08:28.488
sports and drink afterwards and, I, it
was not a, it was not a very spiritual

00:08:28.488 --> 00:08:30.828
life, I'll just put it that way.

00:08:31.158 --> 00:08:32.588
And, this continued.

00:08:32.638 --> 00:08:35.618
I, we were blessed with a beautiful, baby.

00:08:36.218 --> 00:08:40.118
she's now my, that beautiful
baby's now 41 years old.

00:08:40.688 --> 00:08:46.513
wonderful young lady, married, just has
a wonderful, a wonder, wonderful life.

00:08:46.613 --> 00:08:51.183
but at that time, shortly there, not long
after thereafter, a couple years after

00:08:51.183 --> 00:08:55.163
we had her, we, it just got to a point
where we couldn't be married anymore.

00:08:56.153 --> 00:09:01.553
And, I moved on and, that went
on for a little bit and I met a,

00:09:01.733 --> 00:09:05.483
another person that I got involved
with and eventually married and.

00:09:06.248 --> 00:09:11.203
That was a decision based on,
they, they partied like I did.

00:09:12.613 --> 00:09:14.593
And that didn't work out well at all.

00:09:16.123 --> 00:09:16.843
not well at all.

00:09:16.843 --> 00:09:18.163
And that didn't last very long.

00:09:19.273 --> 00:09:25.013
I was a, a child of, a child of a marriage
and my, my, my mother and dad who had

00:09:25.013 --> 00:09:27.363
me, they were a product of divorce.

00:09:27.363 --> 00:09:31.363
And then, my, my mother had, who
had remarried, divorced again, and

00:09:31.933 --> 00:09:37.213
when I was like 21 and 22, just
about when I was getting married.

00:09:37.618 --> 00:09:41.848
so I, I had this mindset, I was
not gonna be another statistic.

00:09:42.178 --> 00:09:43.858
I was gonna make this work.

00:09:44.518 --> 00:09:46.548
And, that was for all the wrong reasons.

00:09:47.108 --> 00:09:49.358
it was nothing spiritual about it.

00:09:49.898 --> 00:09:53.188
It was just, trying to say, I'm not
gonna be a statistic and prove I'm wrong,

00:09:53.638 --> 00:09:54.958
just like I had to prove I'm wrong.

00:09:54.958 --> 00:09:58.858
That about it was I was, we were too
young to be married and, we showed

00:09:58.858 --> 00:10:00.988
them, that didn't work out well.

00:10:01.228 --> 00:10:05.738
in the meantime, my drinking's escalating
my, I'm at the same time also though,

00:10:05.738 --> 00:10:10.388
I'm being, I'm fairly successful at what
I'm doing in, in, in my business life.

00:10:10.908 --> 00:10:15.118
I worked for the government, I worked
for, I was rising, up in the executive

00:10:15.118 --> 00:10:17.428
level, in the postal service very quickly.

00:10:18.043 --> 00:10:23.673
and, So it, from the outside looking
in, it looked like I, I was, everything

00:10:23.673 --> 00:10:30.553
was okay, but, behind the curtains,
like the Wizard of Oz, it wasn't okay.

00:10:31.393 --> 00:10:36.728
And, so lo and behold, I'm now
working in Washington DC and working

00:10:36.728 --> 00:10:41.298
at headquarters and, I'm now raising
my second daughter by myself.

00:10:41.828 --> 00:10:45.788
she's 18 months old, and so
I get my act together and I'm

00:10:45.788 --> 00:10:47.738
doing, I'm being a single parent.

00:10:47.738 --> 00:10:49.628
I'm working, I'm doing all these things.

00:10:50.248 --> 00:10:54.538
so I really didn't have much time
to be out there ripping and running.

00:10:55.258 --> 00:10:59.058
but when I, but when I did,
I still, it was to excess.

00:10:59.958 --> 00:11:04.688
And, but that carried on for a
little while and till I, I'm divorced

00:11:04.688 --> 00:11:06.398
at this time for a second time.

00:11:06.948 --> 00:11:10.798
so they, you talk about the wreckage
of the past, and they say, the only

00:11:10.798 --> 00:11:13.348
person I'm hurting when I'm out
there ripping and running is me.

00:11:13.658 --> 00:11:14.378
far be it.

00:11:14.408 --> 00:11:17.348
There's a lot of, there's a lot
of, collateral damage that goes

00:11:17.348 --> 00:11:19.368
on with, living that lifestyle.

00:11:20.208 --> 00:11:22.528
And, I meet this amazing, person.

00:11:22.528 --> 00:11:25.618
I'm not looking, I'm not looking,
in fact, at this point in my

00:11:25.618 --> 00:11:26.788
life, I'm saying, you know what?

00:11:27.308 --> 00:11:29.188
I never again, and,

00:11:29.238 --> 00:11:31.398
Bruce: You mean you're never
going to get married again?

00:11:31.578 --> 00:11:33.298
Jesse: again, never done.

00:11:33.418 --> 00:11:35.038
I tried it twice.

00:11:35.038 --> 00:11:35.878
It didn't work.

00:11:36.658 --> 00:11:41.758
And, so lo and behold, God does
have a sense of humor and, and

00:11:41.758 --> 00:11:45.798
thank goodness for that because, he
brought my wife today into my life.

00:11:46.313 --> 00:11:49.213
and, I used to take my
daughter to a restaurant in,

00:11:49.213 --> 00:11:51.213
in Arlington and we met there.

00:11:51.423 --> 00:11:54.473
And, and no, neither one of us
were looking for to get into

00:11:54.473 --> 00:11:55.973
a relationship at that time.

00:11:56.753 --> 00:12:02.633
and lo and behold, after dating, for a
little bit, I started to really understand

00:12:02.633 --> 00:12:06.263
for the very first time in my life,
which I thought was one of the corniest

00:12:06.263 --> 00:12:08.743
phrases I'd ever heard about, a soulmate.

00:12:09.283 --> 00:12:13.993
and I said, I think I've found what
that means, and she's my best friend.

00:12:14.773 --> 00:12:18.383
And, and we've, we established a
wonderful relationship, not only

00:12:18.383 --> 00:12:23.563
in love, but friends, and, and, and
lo and behold, we got married, nine

00:12:23.563 --> 00:12:25.813
months after meeting each other.

00:12:25.813 --> 00:12:26.893
We just knew.

00:12:27.448 --> 00:12:31.398
we need, we were destined to, meant
for each other, without a doubt.

00:12:31.448 --> 00:12:32.738
and that's true to this day.

00:12:33.518 --> 00:12:36.518
we know that with all the things
that had happened previously in

00:12:36.518 --> 00:12:41.378
her life and in my life, for God to
have brought us together had to have

00:12:41.378 --> 00:12:43.648
been something, only he could do.

00:12:45.088 --> 00:12:46.068
And but,

00:12:46.938 --> 00:12:49.308
Bruce: let me ask you, how
old was your daughter when

00:12:49.308 --> 00:12:51.588
you were raising at the time?

00:12:51.878 --> 00:12:52.928
Jesse: when we got married,

00:12:52.928 --> 00:12:56.168
she was, almo two going on three now.

00:12:56.238 --> 00:12:57.108
almost three.

00:12:57.948 --> 00:13:00.408
Bruce: Did your soulmate
come with any kids?

00:13:01.338 --> 00:13:01.758
Jesse: No,

00:13:02.343 --> 00:13:02.633
Bruce: Okay.

00:13:03.348 --> 00:13:03.738
Jesse: no.

00:13:03.768 --> 00:13:07.658
In fact, after raising my young,
my youngest by myself for a while,

00:13:07.948 --> 00:13:10.008
we were one on one of our dates.

00:13:10.108 --> 00:13:12.718
and what the interesting part
was, we were on one of our dates.

00:13:13.528 --> 00:13:15.508
And we were getting serious at this time.

00:13:16.348 --> 00:13:20.673
And, she remembers it one way, and I
remember it another way, but the long

00:13:20.778 --> 00:13:24.048
short, the longest short of it was
we were both saying the same thing.

00:13:24.678 --> 00:13:29.928
I, I realized in raising my daughter
by myself that I really didn't have

00:13:29.928 --> 00:13:35.658
any more gas in the tank to have
any more children to raise them.

00:13:36.168 --> 00:13:38.358
I knew I had what I had
for my two daughters.

00:13:38.358 --> 00:13:42.618
One an older daughter, 11 years
older than my youngest now.

00:13:43.098 --> 00:13:47.868
And, my youngest and and my
oldest was growing up with her

00:13:47.868 --> 00:13:50.138
mother in Ocean City, New Jersey.

00:13:50.678 --> 00:13:56.748
And, a man that she, married and,
and here I am in Washington, DC and

00:13:56.818 --> 00:14:02.758
I was nervous because my, my, my
soulmate Camille, the love of my life.

00:14:03.343 --> 00:14:05.433
is, 13 years my junior.

00:14:06.273 --> 00:14:10.433
So I'm, I'm at that time, 41 going on 42.

00:14:10.433 --> 00:14:13.913
She's 28, and I'm thinking she
might want to have children.

00:14:15.083 --> 00:14:20.153
And, so I said, I just need to let you
know, and I think she said the same thing.

00:14:20.153 --> 00:14:24.653
I just need to let you know, she had,
she said, I'd love your children.

00:14:24.653 --> 00:14:26.213
I'd help you raise your children.

00:14:26.213 --> 00:14:27.743
I have no desire to have children.

00:14:28.193 --> 00:14:29.303
And it was like we both went,

00:14:31.673 --> 00:14:32.753
all right, we're good.

00:14:32.753 --> 00:14:33.773
We're good to go.

00:14:34.953 --> 00:14:36.423
we're both on the same page.

00:14:36.873 --> 00:14:39.153
and, so that was a good thing.

00:14:39.153 --> 00:14:40.983
we were on the same page from the get go.

00:14:41.493 --> 00:14:45.473
And, and we love each other dearly and,
we started a beautiful life together.

00:14:45.653 --> 00:14:50.013
And, I get, my career is soaring at,
where I was with, at headquarters,

00:14:50.013 --> 00:14:51.273
at the postal service, and.

00:14:51.933 --> 00:14:55.563
All these things are going
on, and, but I'm still having

00:14:55.563 --> 00:14:57.253
these, this, when I played hard.

00:14:57.953 --> 00:14:59.033
I was a good provider.

00:14:59.033 --> 00:15:01.608
I was, a loving husband in many ways.

00:15:01.618 --> 00:15:06.508
and, but at the same time, my,
my wife would say, that 98% of

00:15:06.508 --> 00:15:08.968
our marriage was off the hook.

00:15:08.968 --> 00:15:09.538
Amazing.

00:15:09.538 --> 00:15:11.428
Just wonderful.

00:15:12.328 --> 00:15:15.678
but she said the other 2% was
gonna kill us, and kill it.

00:15:16.098 --> 00:15:17.478
And that was my drinking.

00:15:19.158 --> 00:15:23.418
And I don't know how many promises
I'd made, countless promises I'd

00:15:23.418 --> 00:15:25.578
made, and I'll never do this again.

00:15:25.578 --> 00:15:30.038
And I honestly, I know to this day, if
I'd have taken a polygraph, I would've

00:15:30.038 --> 00:15:31.658
passed it because I honestly meant it.

00:15:32.258 --> 00:15:33.068
I honestly meant it.

00:15:33.143 --> 00:15:37.248
I had, I saw the hurt in her eyes and
I, the pain it was causing her and.

00:15:37.938 --> 00:15:39.758
And, and she said, why did you do it?

00:15:39.758 --> 00:15:43.018
I said, and the honest answer
I had is, I don't know.

00:15:44.218 --> 00:15:44.698
I don't know.

00:15:44.698 --> 00:15:44.998
It just

00:15:45.223 --> 00:15:48.463
Bruce: were you like still a
binge drinker or was it daily?

00:15:48.463 --> 00:15:48.673
How,

00:15:49.138 --> 00:15:49.378
Jesse: Yeah.

00:15:49.378 --> 00:15:49.948
I was a binge.

00:15:50.158 --> 00:15:51.478
I always was a binge drinker.

00:15:51.478 --> 00:15:53.188
I never became a daily drinker.

00:15:53.513 --> 00:15:58.403
but when I binged, I could be
gone for 24 or 48 hours, and,

00:15:58.403 --> 00:15:59.873
that's not good on a marriage.

00:16:00.293 --> 00:16:02.383
And, it worried the dickens out of her.

00:16:03.253 --> 00:16:07.043
And, and which brought me to, we,
at this point in our life, we've,

00:16:07.703 --> 00:16:09.143
we live in a northern Virginia.

00:16:09.143 --> 00:16:13.558
We've, we've, there's now a beach
condo at Ocean City, Maryland.

00:16:13.558 --> 00:16:19.298
And we're going back and forth and,
and we come to Memorial Day, at 2011.

00:16:20.168 --> 00:16:24.828
The Friday before Memorial Day and,
we're at the beach and, I decided to

00:16:24.828 --> 00:16:30.858
go out for a happy hour and which was,
ended up three hours and, come back.

00:16:30.978 --> 00:16:34.808
I, the rest is what I share is
what my wife tells me afterwards.

00:16:34.808 --> 00:16:36.548
'cause I was mo I was in a blackout.

00:16:37.368 --> 00:16:38.628
I said some of the most

00:16:38.958 --> 00:16:42.228
horrible things a person can say
to the one he loves the most.

00:16:42.648 --> 00:16:45.978
And we know how to hurt our loved
ones, especially 'cause we know

00:16:46.038 --> 00:16:47.688
exactly what their buttons are.

00:16:47.738 --> 00:16:52.768
and, and I went back out the door
again and I rolled in, who knows,

00:16:52.768 --> 00:16:54.178
one, two o'clock in the morning.

00:16:54.228 --> 00:16:58.378
and, and I just saw this look in her
eyes, laid in bed and saw this look in her

00:16:58.378 --> 00:17:02.238
eyes that it just broke me on the inside.

00:17:02.538 --> 00:17:05.148
I didn't see anger, I didn't see fear.

00:17:05.148 --> 00:17:08.988
I didn't see, I saw
blank, a blank emotion.

00:17:09.708 --> 00:17:14.538
And this is this woman with this beautiful
fire in her and beautiful spirit in her.

00:17:15.108 --> 00:17:16.578
And I said, what have I done?

00:17:17.538 --> 00:17:23.188
And, that was my moment where I
was just, I was staring into the

00:17:23.188 --> 00:17:24.838
darkness in the dark of the night.

00:17:24.838 --> 00:17:28.618
and the just wondering,
what do I need to do?

00:17:28.618 --> 00:17:29.038
I can't.

00:17:29.038 --> 00:17:30.238
I gotta stop her pain.

00:17:30.238 --> 00:17:33.768
I gotta stop what my pain, I
don't know how not to do this.

00:17:34.518 --> 00:17:39.108
I end up on the balcony, which overlooks
the ocean, beautiful view, and it's the

00:17:39.108 --> 00:17:45.138
early morning hours and I'm on my hands
and knees, basically just pleading and

00:17:45.138 --> 00:17:50.988
sobbing to a God I really did not have
an, a direct relationship with anymore.

00:17:51.798 --> 00:17:54.798
Asking him please to gimme the
strength and the courage to jump,

00:17:54.858 --> 00:17:56.328
take, walk over the rail and jump.

00:17:56.358 --> 00:17:58.278
We lived 14 floors up.

00:17:59.418 --> 00:18:02.928
And, I thought I ending it all
would end it all for me and for her.

00:18:03.418 --> 00:18:04.878
and, thank God.

00:18:05.148 --> 00:18:11.068
Thank God I, I can look back now and know
I had a spiritual moment and, and I'd

00:18:11.068 --> 00:18:14.348
been in the rooms of AA before, in 2007.

00:18:15.038 --> 00:18:17.588
I thought I was sick and tired of
being sick and tired, and I went to aa.

00:18:19.178 --> 00:18:23.338
and, I look back now and I was
probably doing AA light and I never

00:18:23.338 --> 00:18:27.748
put away the reservation that one day
someday I could drink safely again.

00:18:27.798 --> 00:18:31.868
and as my program got lighter, I'm out
to lunch one time with my sponsor, and

00:18:31.868 --> 00:18:34.458
of course, he feeds, puts it out there.

00:18:34.458 --> 00:18:38.358
Well, maybe not an alcoholic, you
know, maybe you can drink safely.

00:18:38.413 --> 00:18:40.293
I don't know, maybe, Dr.

00:18:40.323 --> 00:18:41.283
Try control drinking.

00:18:41.283 --> 00:18:42.603
I go home, I tell my wife.

00:18:43.188 --> 00:18:47.508
Hey, my, my sponsor doesn't think I'm
an alcoholic, And, she'll, maybe you

00:18:47.508 --> 00:18:49.878
can have a glass of wine with dinner
and there's something like that.

00:18:49.878 --> 00:18:52.458
And I'm be like, yeah, but
that's not how I drink.

00:18:52.738 --> 00:18:53.848
that just pisses me off.

00:18:54.568 --> 00:18:56.368
And, she'll never say that to this day.

00:18:56.368 --> 00:18:59.968
In fact, she tells me if there's
ever anybody out there whose

00:18:59.968 --> 00:19:01.748
spouse says, you're good.

00:19:01.748 --> 00:19:04.878
Now, you could probably have
a, you haven't drank in six

00:19:04.878 --> 00:19:06.168
months, a year or two years.

00:19:06.448 --> 00:19:08.368
you could probably have
a cocktail with me.

00:19:08.368 --> 00:19:11.578
She's, you just send them to me and
I'll tell them, I'll tell 'em exactly

00:19:11.578 --> 00:19:13.078
what that outcome's gonna look like.

00:19:13.858 --> 00:19:17.848
And, I've never done that, but it's in
the tool chest if I ever need it, the, The

00:19:17.848 --> 00:19:23.008
fact of the matter is that, I know I had
a spiritual moment, a god moment, right

00:19:23.008 --> 00:19:27.898
there on that balcony, I get, I walk into
the rooms of AA at Ocean City, Maryland.

00:19:28.228 --> 00:19:29.488
I get there an hour early.

00:19:29.488 --> 00:19:32.578
I'm the only one there
except for this old timer.

00:19:32.978 --> 00:19:36.548
got nose to nose with me and said, boy,
you gotta get honest with yourself.

00:19:36.548 --> 00:19:40.178
Had me read the first three paragraphs,
chapter three in the big book of aa.

00:19:41.268 --> 00:19:44.998
they're reading it out loud,
snot flying, all upset.

00:19:44.998 --> 00:19:48.498
And, but I felt a weight lifted
off of me that, I could remove

00:19:48.538 --> 00:19:52.258
the thought that one day, someday
I could sit, drink safely again.

00:19:52.258 --> 00:19:58.018
It had been smashed and it felt a weight
come off of me, and I know then that

00:19:58.018 --> 00:20:00.118
was a spiritual moment looking back.

00:20:00.958 --> 00:20:03.298
And I jumped head first
into the program of aa.

00:20:03.298 --> 00:20:06.298
I got back to Northern Virginia
where there was a, I got sober

00:20:06.298 --> 00:20:10.288
with a very crusty bunch of men
in a very, in a closed group of.

00:20:11.233 --> 00:20:16.163
Men's only group of Alcoholics Anonymous
that, they literally took the gloves off.

00:20:16.163 --> 00:20:17.593
It was, tough love.

00:20:17.953 --> 00:20:19.423
It was exactly what I needed.

00:20:20.173 --> 00:20:22.574
the con the conversation
was very colorful.

00:20:22.904 --> 00:20:24.194
I'll just leave it at that.

00:20:24.734 --> 00:20:28.754
God was spoken in that room and so
a lot of other four letter words.

00:20:29.404 --> 00:20:32.789
but, at the same time, the passion
for recovery was, I'd never

00:20:32.789 --> 00:20:34.049
witnessed anything like that.

00:20:34.719 --> 00:20:38.829
these are guys that would go to hell
and back with a thimble full of water

00:20:38.979 --> 00:20:41.529
to save someone if they wanted to help.

00:20:41.889 --> 00:20:43.689
but they weren't going to do it for you.

00:20:44.619 --> 00:20:46.209
and that's, that, that saved my life.

00:20:47.439 --> 00:20:51.609
And, very early on, I, my, my
sponsor asked if I believed.

00:20:52.209 --> 00:20:53.734
and I said, I think I do.

00:20:53.734 --> 00:20:54.754
He says, could you believe it?

00:20:54.754 --> 00:20:57.934
I believe this will, this program
will work and I have a higher power.

00:20:57.934 --> 00:20:58.864
I said, absolutely.

00:20:59.254 --> 00:21:00.484
I said, I know there's
something out there.

00:21:00.484 --> 00:21:02.884
I just, I hadn't had a connection
with it in a long time.

00:21:03.814 --> 00:21:07.994
And, he got me started and for a
while, the group was my higher power.

00:21:07.994 --> 00:21:12.334
And, but very early on he was, he had
me drink from the fire hose with this

00:21:12.364 --> 00:21:14.614
regards to welcom me through the steps.

00:21:15.214 --> 00:21:18.104
And, we were quickly at step
three and he said, you're gonna

00:21:18.104 --> 00:21:19.334
need something far bigger.

00:21:20.084 --> 00:21:23.264
And, he introduced me to a
bunch of guys that, outside

00:21:23.264 --> 00:21:24.584
the rooms, did a Bible study.

00:21:25.754 --> 00:21:31.714
And, I got plugged in with him and
that was, began my journey of really

00:21:31.714 --> 00:21:33.604
falling in love with the Lord again.

00:21:34.504 --> 00:21:39.854
And after a lot of questions and,
and walking through that, I'd met

00:21:40.034 --> 00:21:41.684
another person down at the beach.

00:21:42.564 --> 00:21:46.014
there's a big convention that's here,
but it's going on for 60 years, an AA

00:21:46.344 --> 00:21:48.714
convention called Sessions by the Sea.

00:21:49.404 --> 00:21:55.864
And it's like 3 3500 people that come to
this thing on every week after Labor Day.

00:21:56.044 --> 00:21:57.294
And, it's huge.

00:21:57.324 --> 00:22:00.854
And I met him there and,
also a pastor, in recovery.

00:22:00.904 --> 00:22:02.164
and we got to know each other.

00:22:02.164 --> 00:22:05.284
We got to, he got to be
my spiritual sponsor.

00:22:05.914 --> 00:22:08.214
And, he answered a lot
of questions for me.

00:22:08.214 --> 00:22:13.344
And lo and behold, a year later, we're
walking on the beach during sessions I

00:22:13.344 --> 00:22:14.694
said, I don't have any more questions.

00:22:14.694 --> 00:22:16.644
I said, I, what do I do next?

00:22:16.644 --> 00:22:20.294
He says, have he accepted the
Lord as your, have you accepted

00:22:20.294 --> 00:22:21.674
Christ as your Lord and Savior?

00:22:21.764 --> 00:22:24.884
And I said, I haven't
said those words out loud.

00:22:26.024 --> 00:22:28.394
And I, he said, do you,
I said, absolutely.

00:22:28.514 --> 00:22:28.994
And so we.

00:22:29.399 --> 00:22:32.819
Dropped to our knees right there, and
we did it right there on the beach.

00:22:32.819 --> 00:22:34.569
And, and, I was on fire.

00:22:35.179 --> 00:22:39.589
I wanted to tell everybody what that
felt like and where they could find it.

00:22:40.189 --> 00:22:43.789
And almost to the point, even in
the rooms of aa, I was a little

00:22:43.789 --> 00:22:46.109
over the top and, I got told.

00:22:46.109 --> 00:22:48.889
So this is a spiritual program and,

00:22:48.909 --> 00:22:50.979
Bruce: let me interrupt you
here before we get too far.

00:22:50.979 --> 00:22:55.604
So you, your, this guy was this
guy your sponsor or just the pastor

00:22:55.604 --> 00:22:57.374
that you met at this other group.

00:22:57.744 --> 00:22:59.634
Jesse: he was my, he was
not my sponsor in aa.

00:23:00.324 --> 00:23:01.224
He was my spirit.

00:23:01.404 --> 00:23:03.264
I called him my spiritual sponsor.

00:23:03.929 --> 00:23:04.219
Bruce: Okay.

00:23:04.584 --> 00:23:07.914
Jesse: and to today
though, he is my sponsor.

00:23:08.764 --> 00:23:09.484
Bruce: Okay.

00:23:09.654 --> 00:23:10.314
Jesse: Yeah,

00:23:10.624 --> 00:23:14.644
Bruce: when you said there, there
was a feeling, when you said these

00:23:14.734 --> 00:23:20.104
words that you received Jesus as your
Lord and Savior, you said there was a

00:23:20.104 --> 00:23:22.324
particular feeling associated with that.

00:23:22.324 --> 00:23:23.644
What can you describe that?

00:23:23.974 --> 00:23:28.754
Jesse: I just, this, this just
something that wanted to burst out

00:23:28.754 --> 00:23:34.484
of me that just wanted to proclaim
to everyone what that felt like.

00:23:34.534 --> 00:23:40.954
this undeniable thirst for more and
that wanting to be closer to God.

00:23:40.954 --> 00:23:45.409
And two, that I, for the longest
time in my life, I'd, searched for

00:23:45.409 --> 00:23:49.309
a father figure because the man
that raised me loved me dearly.

00:23:49.309 --> 00:23:54.769
But he was, he's, he wasn't a strong
father figure in what I needed.

00:23:54.799 --> 00:23:57.679
'cause I played sports and
a lot of stuff, and he just

00:23:57.679 --> 00:23:59.629
wasn't there, that role with me.

00:23:59.629 --> 00:24:03.349
And so all across my life, I'd always
been searching for a father figure.

00:24:03.904 --> 00:24:08.254
And I found that when I was reading
Romans, I said I had Abba, I had my daddy.

00:24:08.254 --> 00:24:13.474
And and I never, ever had to search again
for another father figure in my life.

00:24:13.474 --> 00:24:19.144
I had the most beautiful, wonderful,
amazing father in heaven, and he loved me.

00:24:19.639 --> 00:24:21.819
And, and the world needed to know that.

00:24:22.409 --> 00:24:22.699
Bruce: Yeah.

00:24:23.019 --> 00:24:27.749
Jesse: And, so yeah, there I am on
fire for GE with Jesus and in my

00:24:27.749 --> 00:24:33.584
heart, in the rooms of AA and, I got
very kindly and sweetly told, to,

00:24:33.584 --> 00:24:35.084
I can share about my higher power.

00:24:35.084 --> 00:24:38.264
I can share that I call him
God, but I wasn't there to

00:24:38.264 --> 00:24:40.154
save souls in the rooms of aa.

00:24:40.644 --> 00:24:42.864
anybody that wanted to ask me
a question about it after the

00:24:42.864 --> 00:24:44.304
meeting was more than welcome to.

00:24:44.904 --> 00:24:48.264
And so I got better at
knowing how to share.

00:24:48.264 --> 00:24:48.324
I.

00:24:49.644 --> 00:24:54.444
My love for Jesus in a way that it
was attractive in the rooms of aa.

00:24:54.834 --> 00:24:59.664
And it, and what happened was, it just, I
realized my mission was just to get them

00:24:59.664 --> 00:25:01.554
pointed to where, what I got pointed to.

00:25:02.064 --> 00:25:07.824
And so I got them pointed to where a Bible
study or to a appointed to a going to

00:25:07.974 --> 00:25:10.194
check to a message out at a local church.

00:25:10.204 --> 00:25:14.134
and, and so I knew that God had something
bigger and better in store for me.

00:25:14.134 --> 00:25:17.824
That I'm, I knew at that point that
I was, there was something in me that

00:25:17.824 --> 00:25:20.604
said, I'm supposed to be something,
doing something different in my

00:25:20.604 --> 00:25:23.944
life, that, that is to serve him.

00:25:24.844 --> 00:25:30.469
And I had an opportunity at the, to go
to, Calvary Chapel Bible Institute, which

00:25:30.469 --> 00:25:35.904
is a, a seminary out of, out of, Calvary
Chapel and, a two year, seminary in,

00:25:36.594 --> 00:25:37.824
Bruce: Was that in California?

00:25:38.234 --> 00:25:41.804
Jesse: It's outta California,
but we, I attended a Calver

00:25:41.804 --> 00:25:43.454
Chapel in Leesburg, Virginia,

00:25:44.114 --> 00:25:46.934
and they had a campus there
that I could take the, I could

00:25:46.934 --> 00:25:49.254
do the course, and I did.

00:25:49.554 --> 00:25:52.314
And at first I went and I was
so thirsty for knowledge and

00:25:52.314 --> 00:25:53.834
thirsty to grow in the Lord.

00:25:53.834 --> 00:25:56.154
And I had no idea where
this was gonna take me.

00:25:56.154 --> 00:25:57.984
And I said, I'm just gonna start it out.

00:25:57.984 --> 00:25:59.154
I don't know where this is gonna go.

00:25:59.154 --> 00:26:04.524
And I finished, I graduated and I still
didn't know where this was gonna take me.

00:26:05.604 --> 00:26:09.624
and I, along the line, I'd had a
mentor there that was mentoring

00:26:09.624 --> 00:26:12.824
me and coming next to me and
alongside of me and, helping me.

00:26:12.824 --> 00:26:16.054
and, and he had a small
church out in Winchester.

00:26:17.284 --> 00:26:19.644
And, and so I came alongside him and I.

00:26:20.319 --> 00:26:25.319
I started, I, when I came out in my
business world, I was a very strong

00:26:25.319 --> 00:26:30.819
executive, in helping leadership grow
and do what they needed to do better.

00:26:31.299 --> 00:26:35.699
And so I envisioned myself as like a
second for a pastor that could help.

00:26:36.449 --> 00:26:40.083
I, 'cause I didn't believe in my
heart I would, I didn't have a 30

00:26:40.083 --> 00:26:42.273
year theological background to me.

00:26:42.573 --> 00:26:44.673
So I po I couldn't teach or preach.

00:26:44.673 --> 00:26:47.023
that just was, I didn't
think I could do that.

00:26:47.863 --> 00:26:50.433
And, he helped me understand differently.

00:26:50.483 --> 00:26:55.613
and one morning I was on my way to my day
job and I was going over a mountaintop

00:26:55.613 --> 00:26:59.423
in Winchester, out leaving Winchester
coming down into Northern Virginia.

00:27:00.173 --> 00:27:04.483
And, as the sunlight burst through my
windshield, I just got this because

00:27:04.483 --> 00:27:08.173
I'd constantly be telling God, I
think this is what I'd be good at.

00:27:08.173 --> 00:27:09.343
I think this is what I like.

00:27:09.343 --> 00:27:12.163
I was giving him my resume and.

00:27:14.068 --> 00:27:17.718
And basically the, you know what
the message that came to me was,

00:27:18.168 --> 00:27:22.878
why do you keep telling me what you
think you can or cannot do with me?

00:27:22.878 --> 00:27:24.438
And through me, you can do anything.

00:27:24.498 --> 00:27:25.638
Trust, trust me.

00:27:25.788 --> 00:27:26.838
Stick to the script.

00:27:26.838 --> 00:27:27.858
You can't go wrong.

00:27:29.058 --> 00:27:30.258
And I went, okay.

00:27:31.528 --> 00:27:34.988
that was one of the pon things
my sponsor beat into me early on.

00:27:35.348 --> 00:27:37.658
He said, Bruce, stop asking
why, and just say, okay.

00:27:38.528 --> 00:27:40.028
And so I said, okay.

00:27:40.418 --> 00:27:44.198
And, from that point forward, I,
I was willing to be led and to be,

00:27:44.248 --> 00:27:48.358
to be obedient in whatever that
next thing was in serving the Lord.

00:27:48.838 --> 00:27:52.878
And I realized then I received my
calling, to serve him all the rest

00:27:52.878 --> 00:27:56.008
of the days of my life, whatever
that was, wherever that was.

00:27:56.058 --> 00:27:59.418
and my mentor gave me a prayer
whenever, wherever, whatever,

00:27:59.958 --> 00:28:01.188
to be willing to serve him.

00:28:01.818 --> 00:28:02.328
And it, I.

00:28:03.438 --> 00:28:06.738
and be careful when you pray that
'cause it's gonna take you places.

00:28:07.608 --> 00:28:10.988
And, it brought me to living
at the beach down here.

00:28:10.988 --> 00:28:15.038
I thought my calling was to
o to do a church plant down

00:28:15.038 --> 00:28:16.928
here in Ocean City, Maryland.

00:28:17.798 --> 00:28:23.958
And then I realized that, maybe it
was come alongside a, an a, a pastor

00:28:23.958 --> 00:28:26.658
down here, a church down here,
and be a part, just be a part of.

00:28:27.318 --> 00:28:32.568
And then I had an opportunity to come to
Fernandina Beach and we were down there,

00:28:32.668 --> 00:28:38.058
and we fell in love with Fernandina, my
wife and I, and we ended up moving there.

00:28:38.058 --> 00:28:41.778
And I was, one of the things that helped
me move there is I, there was a church

00:28:41.778 --> 00:28:45.528
down there that asked me to come down
and help do recovery ministry down there

00:28:46.908 --> 00:28:51.878
and, and paid on it went down and when
it came back again, they circled back.

00:28:51.878 --> 00:28:54.428
They said, we're really praying
on this and we really think

00:28:54.433 --> 00:28:56.053
he'd be right person at home.

00:28:57.083 --> 00:28:58.853
Really nurture and get this started.

00:29:01.943 --> 00:29:03.173
Okay, I'm gonna pray on this some more.

00:29:03.173 --> 00:29:03.473
And

00:29:06.173 --> 00:29:11.093
lo and behold, one thing led to
another and we were off to the races.

00:29:11.093 --> 00:29:13.283
I said to my wife, I think this
is what we're supposed to do.

00:29:13.283 --> 00:29:14.843
And she said, let's go.

00:29:14.903 --> 00:29:20.183
And that's one of the things my wife has
been incredibly supportive of, when I

00:29:20.183 --> 00:29:24.003
truly believe that the calling is, this is
what we're, this is the next thing we're

00:29:24.003 --> 00:29:25.983
supposed to do or I'm supposed to do.

00:29:26.703 --> 00:29:27.843
She said, okay, let's go.

00:29:30.123 --> 00:29:30.633
Yeah.

00:29:30.633 --> 00:29:31.683
And that's huge.

00:29:31.783 --> 00:29:32.653
that's not easy.

00:29:33.703 --> 00:29:40.573
And in fact, it's very hard, just
picking up and going and, and it took

00:29:40.573 --> 00:29:44.803
me down there for five plus years, but I
always stayed in contact with the church

00:29:44.803 --> 00:29:46.273
up here, ocean City, Baptist Church.

00:29:47.308 --> 00:29:50.248
And I was always still connected
to the men's group up here.

00:29:50.248 --> 00:29:55.198
In fact, before Zoom I would, on Friday
mornings, I'd be part of a Bible study.

00:29:55.198 --> 00:29:58.838
And they were so patient because,
they'd put me on a speakerphone.

00:29:59.438 --> 00:30:01.718
And I, that's, that can be
so annoying to the group.

00:30:01.928 --> 00:30:05.378
Everybody else is there except
me and I'm on the speakerphone.

00:30:05.888 --> 00:30:10.663
And, but they were very patient and loving
and, and then something moved us to say,

00:30:10.713 --> 00:30:13.953
let's get a place back up there again
and just come up for four months during

00:30:13.953 --> 00:30:17.133
the summer, may through September maybe.

00:30:17.883 --> 00:30:21.643
And, and we got really reconnected
again with the church and I got

00:30:21.643 --> 00:30:25.023
really reconnected into the men's
ministry and being a part of

00:30:25.023 --> 00:30:26.823
serving some other ministries there.

00:30:27.693 --> 00:30:29.083
And, it felt right.

00:30:29.113 --> 00:30:30.403
It just felt so right.

00:30:31.273 --> 00:30:34.713
And, but we went back to Florida
at the end of September and but

00:30:34.713 --> 00:30:38.063
it just, and when I left the
pastor there said, boy, he says.

00:30:38.873 --> 00:30:43.013
if you ever come back, he said, I'd
really, I think God has plans for you

00:30:43.013 --> 00:30:45.333
here, with regards to men's ministry.

00:30:45.903 --> 00:30:46.893
He said, just pray on that.

00:30:46.893 --> 00:30:47.823
Keep that on your heart.

00:30:48.723 --> 00:30:49.503
And we did.

00:30:49.653 --> 00:30:51.033
And I prayed on it and prayed on it.

00:30:51.063 --> 00:30:56.333
And, lo and behold, it was right after
the new year and, and we were talking

00:30:56.333 --> 00:30:59.713
some more like this pastor and I, and
my wife and I were talking about it.

00:30:59.773 --> 00:31:03.963
And, I have a realtor friend, a young man
and his wife were just loved the Lord.

00:31:04.013 --> 00:31:06.773
and he'd helped us with selling
a couple properties down there.

00:31:06.823 --> 00:31:09.223
and we'd already had, and we
did a business down there too.

00:31:09.223 --> 00:31:13.923
My wife and I, Aloha Bagel and Deli
and we hired people in recovery

00:31:13.923 --> 00:31:15.153
and people who loved the Lord.

00:31:15.153 --> 00:31:17.253
And it was just an amazing place to work.

00:31:17.773 --> 00:31:19.333
and we had such fun doing it.

00:31:19.723 --> 00:31:21.663
And, and, but we realized also that.

00:31:22.668 --> 00:31:24.648
We were, they were there
for a season and a reason.

00:31:25.338 --> 00:31:29.238
And then we, and we ended up selling
that business to a gentleman friend

00:31:29.238 --> 00:31:31.878
that I met and the in church.

00:31:31.968 --> 00:31:34.968
And, and, we had a great connection
and it was just the next great

00:31:34.968 --> 00:31:36.708
thing to do for him and for us.

00:31:37.608 --> 00:31:40.828
And, that worked as, worked
out wonderfully for everyone.

00:31:41.098 --> 00:31:48.248
but lo and behold, this real estate friend
of mine said, if I think you, you could

00:31:48.248 --> 00:31:50.378
really do well in selling your home.

00:31:50.433 --> 00:31:53.353
and I said, I don't
think we could do that.

00:31:53.403 --> 00:31:58.133
And he said, let's put it at a
price tag that we think is beyond.

00:31:58.793 --> 00:32:02.033
He says, if you're really being called
to go back, God's gonna make a way.

00:32:03.533 --> 00:32:08.623
And, 'cause I couldn't keep both places
forever and, financially, and so I.

00:32:10.408 --> 00:32:12.588
He said, let's put it, let's
put that, put a number on it.

00:32:12.588 --> 00:32:16.098
That is a stupid number that
No, he said, you, it can't

00:32:16.098 --> 00:32:17.478
happen unless God's behind it.

00:32:18.558 --> 00:32:19.608
And, I said, okay.

00:32:19.638 --> 00:32:23.988
So we got ready, they got a
listing and a show and ready to

00:32:23.988 --> 00:32:27.548
go on the market and they had
some showings lined up right away.

00:32:27.598 --> 00:32:30.388
and, the market goes live, it's official.

00:32:30.928 --> 00:32:33.208
And we had three dogs and us.

00:32:33.208 --> 00:32:36.018
So we get the dogs out for
the day, us out for the day.

00:32:37.008 --> 00:32:40.198
And, he calls me back at
four o'clock that afternoon.

00:32:41.908 --> 00:32:45.678
And I said, so what's the verdict here?

00:32:46.548 --> 00:32:49.708
He said, he said, we have
three contracts on your house.

00:32:53.053 --> 00:32:55.723
All well above the asking price.

00:32:57.973 --> 00:32:58.543
I'm here.

00:33:00.463 --> 00:33:04.123
I said we put it at a number that you
said was far beyond what we should ask.

00:33:04.873 --> 00:33:05.503
He says, yep.

00:33:06.493 --> 00:33:08.578
He says, And you're telling me
we have three contracts that

00:33:08.578 --> 00:33:10.828
are far beyond what we asked.

00:33:12.118 --> 00:33:12.538
Yep.

00:33:13.828 --> 00:33:16.558
I said, how do you explain that?

00:33:16.708 --> 00:33:18.588
And he says, God wants you to get going.

00:33:20.528 --> 00:33:20.918
Yeah.

00:33:23.928 --> 00:33:25.878
when God wants you to get
going, he gets you going.

00:33:28.008 --> 00:33:34.088
So in short order, and also how
he orchestrated it was I said, we

00:33:34.088 --> 00:33:36.608
can't move until the end of May.

00:33:38.078 --> 00:33:45.288
And here this was in February and People
allowed us to rent back for, rent free

00:33:47.418 --> 00:33:49.128
till the middle of May.

00:33:50.538 --> 00:33:52.128
That was also part of their offer.

00:33:52.698 --> 00:33:53.328
wow.

00:33:55.908 --> 00:33:58.068
Apparently they couldn't
get there till then either.

00:33:58.803 --> 00:33:59.023
Bruce: Ah.

00:33:59.423 --> 00:34:02.918
Jesse: it wasn't always, it wasn't just
the fact it helped us, it helped them too.

00:34:03.668 --> 00:34:05.168
But rent free, come on.

00:34:06.458 --> 00:34:11.008
we made it back up here at Ocean City
and, he firmly planted me in that

00:34:11.908 --> 00:34:13.408
ministry there, the men's ministry.

00:34:13.408 --> 00:34:18.468
And we got going with a few different
small groups and we had one that was,

00:34:18.478 --> 00:34:22.798
it really was about being, trying to
do the book of Acts and we broke bread

00:34:22.798 --> 00:34:26.613
together each week and we fellowship
together and then we studied together and.

00:34:28.208 --> 00:34:30.178
we started off with four guys.

00:34:30.578 --> 00:34:33.908
me being one of them
and it's a small church.

00:34:33.908 --> 00:34:36.398
we have about 150 people
in our church total.

00:34:37.208 --> 00:34:40.828
And, the summertime it gets really big
because we have a lot of vacationers

00:34:40.878 --> 00:34:42.018
and things of that nature here.

00:34:42.018 --> 00:34:46.718
But, when I say real big, it means it's
filled both services, to about 200 people.

00:34:47.378 --> 00:34:53.138
But, the, that men's group, just
started, God just was just, the

00:34:53.138 --> 00:34:54.728
Holy Spirit was all over it.

00:34:54.778 --> 00:34:59.118
and it just, the word of mouth got to
other guys and it got to other churches

00:34:59.118 --> 00:35:02.868
in the area where men were looking
for a men's group that was like that.

00:35:03.378 --> 00:35:06.138
'cause we did relate, we talked
about real life in that men's group.

00:35:06.168 --> 00:35:10.218
We talked about the stuff that men
need to talk about in that men's group.

00:35:10.858 --> 00:35:13.618
the stuff that Bible says we need
to talk about in that men's group.

00:35:14.233 --> 00:35:16.363
And what was said in that men's
group, stayed in that men's

00:35:16.363 --> 00:35:18.683
group and it does to this day.

00:35:18.683 --> 00:35:23.663
And of course, doing the, the food
and fellowship to start out with,

00:35:23.663 --> 00:35:25.073
men feed 'em when they will come.

00:35:25.103 --> 00:35:26.453
it didn't, that didn't hurt either.

00:35:26.453 --> 00:35:30.983
But, we have men from different
Christian denominations and our

00:35:31.103 --> 00:35:36.323
Catholic Presbyterian Methodist
all come to the Ocean City Baptist

00:35:36.323 --> 00:35:37.763
Men's Group on Wednesday night.

00:35:38.183 --> 00:35:42.383
We have guys that come from Salisbury,
Maryland, 35, 40 minute drive

00:35:42.383 --> 00:35:44.943
away, group that comes from there.

00:35:44.973 --> 00:35:50.593
We're now up to around, between 30 and
40 guys on a, any given, and and we

00:35:50.593 --> 00:35:53.773
tell guys, look, if just 'cause you
can't make it one night, because a lot

00:35:53.773 --> 00:35:55.063
of times people feel that guilt trip.

00:35:55.063 --> 00:35:56.293
If I can't make it every night, I.

00:35:56.638 --> 00:35:57.688
I can't make it at all.

00:35:57.688 --> 00:35:59.488
And I say, no, we know how life gets.

00:35:59.668 --> 00:36:01.918
You have families, you
have the things I said.

00:36:01.918 --> 00:36:05.968
The point is we try to make it as often
as we can and we hold it every week.

00:36:06.178 --> 00:36:11.478
And, and on any given night, we
have at least 25 to 30 guys there.

00:36:12.058 --> 00:36:15.003
when we have different functions
and stuff, we'll have, we did a

00:36:15.003 --> 00:36:19.618
short, a men's night out at the
local minor league baseball game.

00:36:19.618 --> 00:36:21.328
We had 60 guys there.

00:36:21.938 --> 00:36:26.923
it's just, we had a retreat where we went
away for, three days, a spiritual retreat.

00:36:26.953 --> 00:36:28.453
We had 40 guys there.

00:36:29.093 --> 00:36:32.333
it's just, it's the way the Lord is
working and the Holy Spirit's moving in.

00:36:32.333 --> 00:36:34.343
That group is amazing and awesome.

00:36:35.033 --> 00:36:35.213
its,

00:36:35.338 --> 00:36:37.833
Bruce: is the group based
on recovery or is it.

00:36:38.203 --> 00:36:38.563
Jesse: oh no.

00:36:39.553 --> 00:36:39.943
Oh, no.

00:36:39.943 --> 00:36:44.453
it's a men's Bible study and we not only
do Bible studies, but we do, spiritual

00:36:44.453 --> 00:36:49.343
books, like Keller's, Shepherd's View,
the 23rd Psalm, and, and, the master

00:36:49.343 --> 00:36:53.223
plan evangelism and all different
types of books that, that lend them.

00:36:53.403 --> 00:36:56.283
So we'll mix a book in with the
Bible study, and right now we're

00:36:56.523 --> 00:37:00.633
for the summer, our study through,
the book of the Gospel of John.

00:37:01.233 --> 00:37:05.493
And, and we take our time walking
through that and we break it down

00:37:05.493 --> 00:37:10.533
and we talk about how, not only how
it was relevant then, but what does

00:37:10.533 --> 00:37:12.333
that look like in application today.

00:37:12.993 --> 00:37:15.773
And, we get some really
great conversations going

00:37:15.773 --> 00:37:17.123
on that just blow me away.

00:37:17.123 --> 00:37:20.538
And and I walk away from that
each night going, wow, God.

00:37:20.988 --> 00:37:25.668
just, you know how he's, he
blesses me and teaches me, and

00:37:25.668 --> 00:37:28.758
these, I'm supposed to be the one
facilitating it and leading it, but.

00:37:29.103 --> 00:37:30.693
I'm the one feeling blessed,

00:37:30.993 --> 00:37:31.293
Bruce: Yeah.

00:37:31.533 --> 00:37:35.953
Jesse: And, and he's just doing amazing
things in his life and this world and

00:37:35.958 --> 00:37:41.168
in this town and in these men and, and
I that I'm, I feel privileged that,

00:37:41.543 --> 00:37:45.983
the church leadership, the pastor
and entrust with me this ministry

00:37:46.033 --> 00:37:51.893
and, a guy that, 15 years ago was an
alcoholic, ready to commit suicide.

00:37:52.348 --> 00:37:52.768
Bruce: Mm-hmm.

00:37:53.243 --> 00:37:54.853
Jesse: I, I'm not that same man today.

00:37:55.753 --> 00:37:59.043
Bruce: And it sounds like he's
pretty much led you the whole way.

00:37:59.153 --> 00:38:01.103
even without you knowing
he was leading you.

00:38:01.913 --> 00:38:03.173
Jesse: oh, absolutely.

00:38:03.173 --> 00:38:04.813
No, I can look back now.

00:38:06.068 --> 00:38:09.478
And I can see him in every aspect
of my life, every place I went.

00:38:09.908 --> 00:38:15.418
what I didn't share was, my very first
DUI, when I was 27 years old, and I

00:38:15.418 --> 00:38:18.718
probably could have had, and I say first
it wasn't my last, I probably could have

00:38:18.718 --> 00:38:25.038
had over 300, but I, I don't know if
people on the podcast don't know what I'm

00:38:25.038 --> 00:38:29.328
talking about, but there's a very heavily
traveled highway up in Pennsylvania

00:38:29.328 --> 00:38:30.798
called the Pennsylvania Turnpike.

00:38:31.578 --> 00:38:36.008
And, I had a head on, I was driving
the wrong way on the Pennsylvania

00:38:36.008 --> 00:38:38.678
turnpike in a blackout, had a
head on collision with a tractor

00:38:38.678 --> 00:38:41.408
trailer, and I walked away from that.

00:38:41.738 --> 00:38:43.748
And, the, everybody walked away from that.

00:38:43.778 --> 00:38:46.278
And, at the time I thought I was lucky.

00:38:46.278 --> 00:38:51.683
And I know far differently today that
I'm here because God went with it,

00:38:52.723 --> 00:38:52.843
Bruce: Hmm.

00:38:53.373 --> 00:38:53.793
Jesse: period.

00:38:55.573 --> 00:38:55.793
Bruce: Wow.

00:38:56.248 --> 00:38:57.508
Jesse: And now I know that.

00:38:59.263 --> 00:39:03.943
I'm on his time more than I've
always been on his time, but I now

00:39:03.943 --> 00:39:06.343
know more than ever I'm on his time.

00:39:06.913 --> 00:39:07.213
Bruce: Yeah.

00:39:07.603 --> 00:39:09.853
Jesse: And everything that
is in my world is his.

00:39:10.483 --> 00:39:15.923
my wife and I talk about it, the home we
live in, it's his, the furniture we have.

00:39:15.923 --> 00:39:17.483
It's his, the food on our table.

00:39:17.483 --> 00:39:22.523
It's his, the clothes on our back,
it's his, we just get to take care

00:39:22.523 --> 00:39:23.753
of it and share it with others,

00:39:24.803 --> 00:39:25.643
Bruce: That's awesome.

00:39:25.913 --> 00:39:28.153
Jesse: today we get to live
a life that's, it's not

00:39:28.153 --> 00:39:29.733
extravagant, but it's comfortable.

00:39:29.733 --> 00:39:30.627
It's a life.

00:39:30.957 --> 00:39:32.487
We have everything we need.

00:39:33.537 --> 00:39:34.347
We have

00:39:36.927 --> 00:39:42.577
a life that we get to, be, hopefully
lantern's carrying his light.

00:39:43.027 --> 00:39:43.507
Bruce: Hmm.

00:39:43.587 --> 00:39:43.917
Jesse: oh.

00:39:43.967 --> 00:39:49.717
recently our chief church leadership
decided to, expand and go into

00:39:49.772 --> 00:39:54.472
a biblical, team of elders, an
elder, eldership of plurality.

00:39:54.582 --> 00:40:00.302
and they asked me if they said,
they named me and asked me would

00:40:00.302 --> 00:40:04.172
I be an eldership, be an elder
for the discipleship ministries?

00:40:04.892 --> 00:40:06.542
And I was like, blown away.

00:40:06.592 --> 00:40:09.952
absolutely, yes, but I'm gonna
need a lot of prayer on that.

00:40:09.952 --> 00:40:10.672
And they said, oh yeah.

00:40:11.272 --> 00:40:14.852
And and, and I'm praying on that
daily and what that is and what that

00:40:14.852 --> 00:40:18.632
isn't, and learning what, where my
swim lane is and what it isn't, and,

00:40:18.682 --> 00:40:20.602
how do I do that effectively and.

00:40:21.697 --> 00:40:25.777
Always, it's about God and
it's about the church and it's

00:40:25.777 --> 00:40:28.077
about flock and it's his flock.

00:40:28.137 --> 00:40:33.287
And, and we have a team that
of elders that all believe that

00:40:33.287 --> 00:40:35.327
same mission and that vision.

00:40:36.137 --> 00:40:39.267
And, even though we're,
new as a team, we know that

00:40:41.607 --> 00:40:42.717
it's all about God.

00:40:43.527 --> 00:40:47.277
It's all about what our church is already
doing and how can we do it better.

00:40:47.667 --> 00:40:54.057
This little church has a mercy
ministry that reaches the homeless.

00:40:54.057 --> 00:40:58.557
So it has an international ministry
that reaches all the international

00:40:58.557 --> 00:41:01.677
students that come here and work during
the summer from all over the world.

00:41:02.397 --> 00:41:07.027
They serve three to 400 meals every Monday
night home cooked meals to the, to them.

00:41:07.027 --> 00:41:09.337
And we get to chat with
them and talk with them.

00:41:09.387 --> 00:41:10.347
and we, I.

00:41:10.632 --> 00:41:14.682
We get to do all these different things
in our community, this little tiny church.

00:41:14.942 --> 00:41:15.542
Bruce: Wow.

00:41:15.762 --> 00:41:19.822
Jesse: And, and we, we know
that's God working on us.

00:41:19.822 --> 00:41:21.632
our what's in our church.

00:41:21.632 --> 00:41:26.132
It says, our mission is to love God,
love others, serve God, serve others.

00:41:26.542 --> 00:41:26.992
Bruce: Yeah.

00:41:27.242 --> 00:41:29.522
Jesse: and when we walk out the
door of our church, it says, you're

00:41:29.522 --> 00:41:31.052
now entering the mission field.

00:41:31.772 --> 00:41:35.492
And we have a church that
lives it out on a daily basis.

00:41:35.672 --> 00:41:42.632
And that's my charge each day is
how do I live it out each day?

00:41:43.742 --> 00:41:44.942
How do I live it out?

00:41:45.212 --> 00:41:46.142
What do my actions?

00:41:46.142 --> 00:41:50.612
I pray each day that my thoughts,
my actions, my words, my

00:41:50.612 --> 00:41:55.142
behaviors demonstrate God working
in me, on me, and through me.

00:41:55.572 --> 00:41:56.682
do I do it perfectly?

00:41:56.712 --> 00:41:57.912
Oh, absolutely.

00:41:57.962 --> 00:41:58.352
no.

00:41:59.442 --> 00:42:01.062
I say I'm a sinner saved by grace.

00:42:01.347 --> 00:42:02.367
I am, that's all.

00:42:02.367 --> 00:42:06.067
We are sinners saved by
grace, grace and mercy.

00:42:06.067 --> 00:42:07.327
I'll take that all day long.

00:42:08.017 --> 00:42:09.067
will I ever be sinless?

00:42:09.067 --> 00:42:09.397
No.

00:42:09.397 --> 00:42:12.357
Do I pray each and every
day that I sin less.

00:42:12.747 --> 00:42:13.407
Yes.

00:42:14.467 --> 00:42:15.937
I'm a work in progress.

00:42:16.087 --> 00:42:17.437
I have to surrender every day.

00:42:17.437 --> 00:42:17.977
I surrender.

00:42:18.187 --> 00:42:23.087
And when people ask me to lead a an AA
meeting, the, my topic's always surrender.

00:42:23.897 --> 00:42:24.257
Bruce: Yeah.

00:42:25.027 --> 00:42:26.557
Jesse: every, it's daily surrender.

00:42:26.607 --> 00:42:30.007
my sponsor p pointed out to me
early on about one of the sayings

00:42:30.007 --> 00:42:31.837
there that there really is no cure.

00:42:31.837 --> 00:42:34.327
All we have is a daily reprieve
contingent upon the maintenance

00:42:34.327 --> 00:42:35.557
of our spiritual condition.

00:42:36.097 --> 00:42:38.017
He said, they're not
talking about the drink.

00:42:39.492 --> 00:42:41.527
He said they're talking
about the bondage of self.

00:42:42.757 --> 00:42:45.637
And every darn day we wake
up under the bondage of self.

00:42:46.477 --> 00:42:50.137
When we put our feet on the floor,
we're on under the bondage itself.

00:42:50.587 --> 00:42:54.637
He says, every darn day, laying next
to the bed is this tug of war rope.

00:42:55.357 --> 00:42:57.517
Your self will, his will.

00:42:58.267 --> 00:43:00.887
And, every darn day we're
gonna pick that rope up.

00:43:00.892 --> 00:43:01.282
Right up.

00:43:01.457 --> 00:43:04.777
He says, our hands might be bloody and
blistered from tugging on that rope.

00:43:05.797 --> 00:43:10.177
He said, but every darn day we're gonna
pick up that rope sometime during the day.

00:43:11.287 --> 00:43:14.467
He says, what we get better at
doing is dropping it quicker.

00:43:15.482 --> 00:43:15.772
Bruce: yeah,

00:43:16.327 --> 00:43:20.617
Jesse: And, that's a visual I
needed and I still use to this day.

00:43:21.487 --> 00:43:24.637
I run to the third step
prayer all day long.

00:43:25.277 --> 00:43:29.457
that mentor of mine in, at Calvary
Chapel Bible Institute, I, I showed

00:43:29.457 --> 00:43:34.497
him that third step prayer in aa and
he looked at that and he broke it down.

00:43:34.497 --> 00:43:36.987
He says, that might be the best
sinners prayer I've ever seen

00:43:38.727 --> 00:43:39.147
and.

00:43:40.017 --> 00:43:40.857
I said, it is,

00:43:42.507 --> 00:43:45.067
Bruce: I offer myself to
do with me as thou wilt

00:43:45.292 --> 00:43:45.712
Jesse: yep.

00:43:45.772 --> 00:43:48.382
Believe me, to the bondage of
self, that I may better do that.

00:43:48.382 --> 00:43:48.952
I will.

00:43:49.227 --> 00:43:49.517
Bruce: Yeah.

00:43:50.187 --> 00:43:51.397
Paul talks about that.

00:43:51.517 --> 00:43:52.397
don't go, don't.

00:43:53.067 --> 00:43:54.957
Fall into bondage again.

00:43:55.537 --> 00:43:56.977
once we've been set free.

00:43:57.572 --> 00:44:00.622
Jesse: and it's always out there
waiting for us, And, we are surrounded

00:44:00.622 --> 00:44:02.062
by the things of this world.

00:44:02.587 --> 00:44:02.947
Bruce: Yeah.

00:44:03.502 --> 00:44:06.622
Jesse: today I'm, I've,
I'm less distracted by it.

00:44:06.692 --> 00:44:08.492
I try to keep my focus in the word.

00:44:08.492 --> 00:44:10.412
I try to start out my day in the word.

00:44:11.192 --> 00:44:14.312
I try to be very intentional
about my quiet time with God.

00:44:14.882 --> 00:44:15.572
I need that.

00:44:15.602 --> 00:44:17.612
I need the full armor of God every day.

00:44:18.422 --> 00:44:21.362
we can't walk out on that
battlefield alone either.

00:44:21.722 --> 00:44:24.392
We need our brothers and
sisters in Christ around us.

00:44:25.027 --> 00:44:28.147
just like we need the program
of aa, we need our brothers and

00:44:28.147 --> 00:44:30.157
sisters in recovery around us.

00:44:30.367 --> 00:44:32.167
I get drunk, we stay sober.

00:44:32.717 --> 00:44:38.772
I need, member brothers that are my
accountability partners in life in Christ.

00:44:38.892 --> 00:44:46.712
I need all of it, but at the center of
it is God and, and my love and my passion

00:44:46.742 --> 00:44:48.922
for, sharing about the love of Jesus.

00:44:49.247 --> 00:44:49.537
Bruce: Yeah.

00:44:50.002 --> 00:44:52.192
Jesse: I thought it was, I so amazing.

00:44:52.432 --> 00:44:55.832
And in the book of a book of
John, when, not everybody knows.

00:44:55.832 --> 00:44:59.342
John three 16, for God so loved the
world that he gave as a only forgotten

00:44:59.342 --> 00:45:07.182
son, I had to reread that so many
times that, here's God who spoke and

00:45:07.182 --> 00:45:10.152
breathed creation into existence.

00:45:12.072 --> 00:45:14.892
Put the stars in the sky,
named every one of them.

00:45:16.707 --> 00:45:21.537
So powerful that he could do that,
that how big is his love to begin with?

00:45:22.317 --> 00:45:29.547
But he thought it was important to put
the word so in front of love, that God so

00:45:29.547 --> 00:45:33.027
loved the world that he gave us his son.

00:45:34.017 --> 00:45:38.897
And, today I just try to remember that,
my, my mentor, he's, he played these like

00:45:38.897 --> 00:45:41.117
kinda little spiritual games with me.

00:45:41.117 --> 00:45:44.117
Like we'd be out to lunch,
he says, so today, now you've

00:45:44.117 --> 00:45:45.527
been, doing this for a while.

00:45:45.527 --> 00:45:49.067
And so where do you think you
are on a scale of one to 10 and

00:45:49.067 --> 00:45:51.207
your spiritual walk with Jesus?

00:45:52.077 --> 00:45:56.017
And I, I'm here like,
ah, I know I'm not a 10.

00:45:57.167 --> 00:46:02.757
maybe I'm not a one, maybe I'm a
six or a seven, and he'd say, Nope.

00:46:04.932 --> 00:46:06.107
I said, what do you think I am?

00:46:06.107 --> 00:46:08.237
I'm thinking, oh boy,
what am I like A three?

00:46:08.747 --> 00:46:09.947
And he goes, you're a 10.

00:46:10.877 --> 00:46:11.147
I'm here.

00:46:11.147 --> 00:46:11.807
What?

00:46:12.167 --> 00:46:15.047
He goes, God sees you
through the blood of Jesus.

00:46:15.047 --> 00:46:15.677
You're a 10.

00:46:16.537 --> 00:46:16.617
Bruce: Hmm.

00:46:17.807 --> 00:46:19.727
Jesse: And he said, now act like a 10.

00:46:20.477 --> 00:46:24.497
and that's my job today, is that
I'm responsible for how I, what

00:46:24.497 --> 00:46:26.687
I think my actions, my words.

00:46:27.317 --> 00:46:30.167
I just, that's why I preach and every
day that my thoughts, my actions, my

00:46:30.167 --> 00:46:35.027
words, my behaviors demonstrate his
love, and at the end of the night I say,

00:46:35.127 --> 00:46:36.987
God, I hope I did so and where I didn't.

00:46:36.987 --> 00:46:38.637
I pray I can be better at it tomorrow.

00:46:39.337 --> 00:46:39.417
Bruce: Hmm.

00:46:39.837 --> 00:46:41.047
Jesse: And, forgive me.

00:46:41.647 --> 00:46:43.057
And he says, I love you.

00:46:44.017 --> 00:46:46.047
And, like I said, do I do it perfectly?

00:46:46.047 --> 00:46:46.527
No.

00:46:46.707 --> 00:46:46.827
I.

00:46:47.362 --> 00:46:48.562
I try a little bit each.

00:46:48.622 --> 00:46:52.562
I try to be a little bit better
at it each day, knowing that it's

00:46:52.562 --> 00:46:54.722
not my works, it's his grace.

00:46:55.602 --> 00:46:57.852
my works are just simply an outcome.

00:46:58.362 --> 00:47:03.522
My desire to serve him and my works
are just a byproduct and outcome of

00:47:04.572 --> 00:47:06.552
trusting in his love and his grace

00:47:07.272 --> 00:47:08.232
and saying thank you.

00:47:09.912 --> 00:47:10.032
Bruce: awesome.

00:47:10.762 --> 00:47:18.682
you just described, this identity, having
our identity in Christ that, it's no

00:47:18.682 --> 00:47:21.262
longer we who live, but he lives in us.

00:47:21.262 --> 00:47:25.222
And I, I've heard that a thousand
times and I've read it of course,

00:47:25.222 --> 00:47:26.392
and I've thought about it, but.

00:47:27.092 --> 00:47:34.692
the reality is that, he became sin for me
so that I could have his righteousness.

00:47:34.742 --> 00:47:40.692
and it's so hard for us humans to grasp
that because we, I love what your guys,

00:47:40.752 --> 00:47:43.232
your, mentors said about your A 10.

00:47:43.232 --> 00:47:48.132
Because, our little egos don't want
to say, don't want to talk that

00:47:48.132 --> 00:47:51.082
way because, we're not good enough.

00:47:51.082 --> 00:47:54.382
But Jesus is the one that made us good.

00:47:54.472 --> 00:47:56.332
He's the one that made us righteous.

00:47:56.872 --> 00:48:04.722
So to reject his free gift of salvation
and this free gift of, this relationship

00:48:04.872 --> 00:48:07.832
is to just identify with him.

00:48:07.832 --> 00:48:09.032
I think that's what he wants.

00:48:09.032 --> 00:48:13.022
He wants us to be his hands and
feet and to speak his words.

00:48:13.022 --> 00:48:14.132
And like he said, he.

00:48:15.222 --> 00:48:20.022
he only says what he hears His father
say, he only does what he sees his father

00:48:20.022 --> 00:48:24.592
do, and that's the model is to follow
him, do what he says, and quit trying to

00:48:24.652 --> 00:48:27.722
quantify, our relationship and just be,

00:48:27.832 --> 00:48:28.362
Jesse: Just be,

00:48:28.817 --> 00:48:29.777
Bruce: just abide.

00:48:30.917 --> 00:48:34.007
Jesse: And, I love that word
abide to, to win, to be d, to

00:48:34.007 --> 00:48:37.157
dwell in, to, to be in dwelled.

00:48:37.397 --> 00:48:38.923
And, today, I, I said it.

00:48:39.463 --> 00:48:40.753
I run to Jesus.

00:48:40.863 --> 00:48:45.043
I today, I know that, part of
my prayers at night are, or

00:48:45.043 --> 00:48:47.023
even during the day, is, confe.

00:48:47.023 --> 00:48:50.843
if there's something I've said or done
or acted how I acted, in the Lord's

00:48:50.843 --> 00:48:56.993
prayer it says, Albi thy named, thy will
be done on earth as it is in heaven.

00:48:57.023 --> 00:49:00.713
Not after I get to heaven what it's gonna
be like, but I'm supposed to be acting

00:49:00.713 --> 00:49:02.903
it out on earth as it is in heaven.

00:49:03.428 --> 00:49:03.648
Bruce: Mm

00:49:04.023 --> 00:49:07.923
Jesse: it says to forgive us
our trespasses as we forgive

00:49:07.923 --> 00:49:09.603
those who trespass against us.

00:49:10.563 --> 00:49:15.273
And and to lo and the my to love
thy neighbor, my, my neighbor.

00:49:15.933 --> 00:49:17.853
My neighbor is whoever's
next to me in the moment.

00:49:17.853 --> 00:49:20.313
It's not the person who lives
next door to me in my house.

00:49:21.363 --> 00:49:24.273
My neighbor is whoever is
next to me in the moment.

00:49:24.753 --> 00:49:29.043
The person in the food line, the person
in the person next to me on the highway.

00:49:29.083 --> 00:49:33.553
there's a trying moment there for my
spirituality, out there on the highways,

00:49:33.603 --> 00:49:35.903
but, I know I've given my life to Jesus.

00:49:35.903 --> 00:49:40.643
I know that what that looks like today,
I know what that feels like today.

00:49:41.303 --> 00:49:46.113
the rest is between now when I leave
this mortal Earth is the sanctification.

00:49:46.998 --> 00:49:47.288
Bruce: Yeah.

00:49:47.853 --> 00:49:53.853
Jesse: and that's, that's gonna be
a constant, evolving, process and,

00:49:53.903 --> 00:50:00.473
knowing I'll always fall short,
but striving towards what his

00:50:00.473 --> 00:50:02.603
image is and what that looks like.

00:50:02.653 --> 00:50:06.193
I, they talk about Paul and he
always has this thorn in his side.

00:50:07.048 --> 00:50:11.948
I believe that's, it's deliberately left
out what that was, or there's a lot of

00:50:11.948 --> 00:50:13.988
speculation of what it could have been.

00:50:14.228 --> 00:50:17.168
Was it really truly a physical, ailment?

00:50:17.218 --> 00:50:22.538
was it maybe one of, was this thorn, maybe
a particular sin that he struggled with?

00:50:23.208 --> 00:50:26.838
there's all sorts of, I think it's
left in a way that, so that we

00:50:26.838 --> 00:50:28.938
can, any one of us can identify in

00:50:29.448 --> 00:50:31.248
to that thorn.

00:50:31.848 --> 00:50:35.228
and, and so I think we're given
all these wonderful places

00:50:35.228 --> 00:50:37.858
in the Bible, to relate in.

00:50:38.368 --> 00:50:43.268
And I think, we did a study in one of
our other Bible studies on Genesis.

00:50:43.268 --> 00:50:48.088
It took a whole year to go through
Genesis and, and ever since the

00:50:48.088 --> 00:50:50.398
beginning, ever since Adam and Eve.

00:50:52.723 --> 00:50:56.923
The Bible tells us a whole bunch of
different stories through the Old

00:50:56.923 --> 00:51:03.043
Testament into the New Testament, and
the story's the same with regards to sin.

00:51:04.843 --> 00:51:09.403
It's always been since Adam and
Eve in the Garden, the story

00:51:09.403 --> 00:51:11.473
of choices and consequences.

00:51:12.358 --> 00:51:12.438
Bruce: Hmm.

00:51:13.793 --> 00:51:18.123
Jesse: we've been given this thing
called free will and Ima, I know

00:51:18.123 --> 00:51:22.203
our God in our Father, God in
heaven, he has a sense of humor.

00:51:22.503 --> 00:51:23.253
He does.

00:51:24.133 --> 00:51:27.838
I know there's probably times he's
looking down saying, isn't that free?

00:51:27.838 --> 00:51:29.143
Will a son of a gun?

00:51:30.073 --> 00:51:31.273
and, he's right.

00:51:31.363 --> 00:51:35.473
And but he wants us to make right
choices and he just, he allows us

00:51:35.473 --> 00:51:37.143
though to do, make those choices and.

00:51:37.878 --> 00:51:39.108
Like a good old alcoholic.

00:51:39.108 --> 00:51:42.078
My, sponsor told me, he says,
we have the willingness to

00:51:42.078 --> 00:51:44.118
change at the speed of pain.

00:51:46.038 --> 00:51:49.318
I think that's true for Christians
and for anybody that's doing

00:51:49.318 --> 00:51:50.398
their walk with the Lord.

00:51:50.858 --> 00:51:55.058
we have the willingness to change at the
speed of pain, but today we've been given

00:51:55.058 --> 00:52:01.348
this God conscience and, the pain, the
threshold is a lot lower than it was when

00:52:01.348 --> 00:52:02.578
we were out there ripping and running.

00:52:02.628 --> 00:52:07.188
we could glaze over anything, and it
was, we could get by it, but today,

00:52:07.698 --> 00:52:11.628
even the littlest speed bump bothers
us, and that's a beautiful thing.

00:52:14.008 --> 00:52:18.358
Bruce: it is, Bruce, thank you so
much for taking the time to do this.

00:52:18.358 --> 00:52:20.288
I, we are running outta time.

00:52:20.288 --> 00:52:26.168
I wanted to ask you, what, if you have
one little bit of advice you could

00:52:26.168 --> 00:52:31.138
throw out there for somebody that may
be in, 10, 20 to a hundred years from

00:52:31.138 --> 00:52:35.618
now here in this podcast, that, what
bit of wisdom could you take from your

00:52:35.618 --> 00:52:37.538
experience that you could pass on?

00:52:38.453 --> 00:52:40.853
To somebody that may need be.

00:52:40.883 --> 00:52:43.133
The Lord is probably gonna
lead him here to hear it.

00:52:47.413 --> 00:52:49.718
Jesse: So my topic is
always surrender daily.

00:52:51.058 --> 00:52:54.448
today, to this day, I sur I,
I need to surrender daily,

00:52:54.498 --> 00:52:56.058
take up my cross and follow.

00:52:56.868 --> 00:53:01.578
and it, different days looks like
different things, but it's still that

00:53:01.608 --> 00:53:03.528
gi, that willingness to surrender that.

00:53:04.713 --> 00:53:08.673
To say thank you at the end of the day
and to draw close to the Lord and the,

00:53:08.943 --> 00:53:11.253
and to we need the full armor of God.

00:53:11.303 --> 00:53:14.063
and where we find that full
armor of God is in the word.

00:53:14.843 --> 00:53:20.103
And and we, it's not a,
it's persistent prayer.

00:53:20.213 --> 00:53:23.033
I love the widow story
about persistent prayer.

00:53:23.683 --> 00:53:24.793
we can't wear 'em out.

00:53:24.973 --> 00:53:26.233
We can't wear 'em out.

00:53:27.163 --> 00:53:32.083
And, and to be, just to be willing
to be a lantern, to carry his light.

00:53:32.893 --> 00:53:34.123
it's not much to ask.

00:53:36.883 --> 00:53:39.223
He doesn't ask, he doesn't ask much of us.

00:53:39.728 --> 00:53:40.928
Bruce: Well, thank you so much.

00:53:40.928 --> 00:53:42.118
That is, awesome.

00:53:42.868 --> 00:53:44.398
Would you pray for our listeners

00:53:44.798 --> 00:53:45.518
Jesse: Absolutely . Heaven.

00:53:45.518 --> 00:53:48.928
Father, I'm so blessed that we get
to have a conversation like this

00:53:48.928 --> 00:53:50.938
and to be recorded and to be shared.

00:53:50.938 --> 00:53:52.078
And heaven.

00:53:52.078 --> 00:53:55.113
Father, we, we are blessed that we
live in a country, in a time that

00:53:55.113 --> 00:53:58.783
we are allowed to do this Lord,
and, and not be persecuted Lord.

00:53:59.483 --> 00:54:01.523
there are those that, that can't do this.

00:54:01.573 --> 00:54:03.513
and, without the fear of persecution.

00:54:03.513 --> 00:54:08.723
Lord, I pray, Lord, that you, as you
bless us and each and every moment of

00:54:09.063 --> 00:54:13.323
our existence, Lord, when we surrender
to you, Lord, that we just find that,

00:54:13.373 --> 00:54:18.023
that comfort, that inner peace, common
comfort that can only come from you and

00:54:18.023 --> 00:54:20.263
we draw close to that, on a daily basis.

00:54:20.263 --> 00:54:24.283
Lord, I pray, Lord, from the listeners,
Lord, that I pray that there is something

00:54:24.283 --> 00:54:28.298
that they found that, that, that fell
on the ears that needed to hear what

00:54:28.298 --> 00:54:29.588
exactly what they needed to hear.

00:54:29.588 --> 00:54:35.178
Whether it be something that nourished,
something that, That, that lit a fire or,

00:54:35.178 --> 00:54:40.178
for me, a lot of times I hear what I hear
and it serves to prune, it serves to, to

00:54:40.178 --> 00:54:42.518
cut back on me, and it stings a bit, Lord.

00:54:42.518 --> 00:54:46.948
And, I, I grow at the speed of pain and
I know that many others do too, Lord, and

00:54:47.608 --> 00:54:52.438
I pray, Lord, that as we thank you for
your blessing of the, of your son, and,

00:54:52.438 --> 00:54:58.668
we, we just are so blessed to that you so
loved us and you still so love us Lord.

00:54:58.878 --> 00:55:01.598
And I thank you for Jesse and
his heart and what you've given

00:55:01.598 --> 00:55:06.348
him as a calling Lord, to do this
and, what a blessing he is to me.

00:55:07.098 --> 00:55:08.928
And I pray this in your
holy and wonderful name.

00:55:08.928 --> 00:55:09.378
Amen.

00:55:10.031 --> 00:55:10.841
Bruce: Amen.

00:55:11.891 --> 00:55:12.851
Thank you, Bruce.

00:55:13.971 --> 00:55:14.631
Jesse: Love you brother.

00:55:18.976 --> 00:55:21.166
Cailin: We hope you've been
blessed by today's story.

00:55:21.646 --> 00:55:25.396
In case you haven't noticed, there
are no advertisements on this podcast

00:55:25.726 --> 00:55:27.286
and we hope to keep it that way.

00:55:27.886 --> 00:55:32.026
So if you've heard something that you
think could help someone you know, please

00:55:32.026 --> 00:55:34.246
share it using the link in the show notes.

00:55:35.056 --> 00:55:39.406
Also, if you will give Faith and purpose a
positive review on your podcast platform,

00:55:39.826 --> 00:55:41.476
you could help more people find it.

00:55:42.076 --> 00:55:44.896
You'll probably never know
how that small effort.

00:55:45.271 --> 00:55:49.711
Can make a big difference in someone's
life, but our Heavenly Father knows.

00:55:50.161 --> 00:55:55.021
Speaking of sharing, if you know a Jesus
follower with a story to tell, please send

00:55:55.021 --> 00:55:57.451
them a link to Faith and Purpose Podcast.

00:55:57.871 --> 00:56:00.031
It may encourage them to tell their story.

00:56:00.481 --> 00:56:02.071
That person may even be you.

00:56:02.521 --> 00:56:05.671
Our only criteria is
that Jesus be glorified.

00:56:06.451 --> 00:56:09.961
Most Christians don't share their
faith because they mistakenly think

00:56:09.961 --> 00:56:12.271
their story is not interesting enough.

00:56:12.646 --> 00:56:16.696
Or that it's self-centered to talk
about themselves or that they are

00:56:16.756 --> 00:56:21.076
not competent to explain the gospel
correctly, but none of that is relevant.

00:56:21.436 --> 00:56:24.916
If Jesus has changed your
life, you have a story to tell.

00:56:25.816 --> 00:56:28.216
All of our stories are completely unique.

00:56:28.546 --> 00:56:33.316
No one has a story like yours, and you
may be the only one who can reach someone

00:56:33.316 --> 00:56:35.266
else through telling your experience.

00:56:35.641 --> 00:56:37.021
So don't be intimidated.

00:56:37.381 --> 00:56:42.781
A story is just that a true account
of your own experience, and no one

00:56:42.781 --> 00:56:44.821
can disagree with your experience.

00:56:45.721 --> 00:56:49.861
When we tell what Jesus has done in
our lives, we are being obedient to his

00:56:49.861 --> 00:56:54.091
command to go into all the world and
preach the gospel to every creature.

00:56:54.511 --> 00:56:58.381
It's not about theology and it's not
about how interesting or special you are.

00:56:58.711 --> 00:57:00.511
It's all about Jesus.

00:57:01.081 --> 00:57:04.501
So when you are ready to tell
how Jesus has impacted your life,

00:57:04.921 --> 00:57:09.271
you can let Jesse know at his
ministry website, jesse duke.net.

00:57:09.871 --> 00:57:13.051
There you can download guidelines
that will make it easy to

00:57:13.051 --> 00:57:14.581
prepare to tell your story.

00:57:15.121 --> 00:57:17.671
Thank you for listening today and shalom.