Cailin: Welcome everyone to Faith and Purpose Podcast.
Each episode of this podcast contains the personal testimony of an ordinary person
transformed by an extraordinary guide.
My name is Kaylyn, and I'm here to introduce this podcast
for my friend Jesse Duke.
Jesse is a husband, father, author, life recovery guide, lay
counselor, and small group leader.
But his most important role is disciple as a disciple of Jesus.
Jesse created this podcast to help other believers tell their faith stories.
We'll be hearing the personal testimonies of all sorts of people
who have one thing in common.
Jesus has transformed their lives.
Jesus used parables because he created us to learn best through story.
And as we listen to how God has worked in others' lives, we find encouragement
and inspiration for our own faith walk.
Whether you are already a believer or just a curious seeker, we believe that
as you listen to these stories, you will be encouraged on your own faith journey.
We are sure that God can speak to you through one of these episodes and that
you will see that our Heavenly Father truly works all things together for our
good when we simply love and trust him.
If you are currently going through a trial, we believe that you will come
to see that your troubles, heartbreaks and failures are not gravestones, but
stepping stones into new life in Christ.
Here's Jesse with today's guest.
Bruce: Welcome everybody to Faith and Purpose Podcast today.
I am very happy to have my friend Bruce to tell his story,
and I can't wait to hear it.
How you doing today, Bruce?
Jesse: I am doing well.
I'm doing well.
Thanks, Jesse, for this opportunity.
it's, it's an honor privilege to be able to share, my, my testimony, my
experience, strength and hope, what it was like, what happened, what it's like now.
yeah, it's, it's an honor and a privilege.
Bruce: Well, I really appreciate it.
I've had many good interviews and I just trust the Holy Spirit to
send me whoever he wants to, tell their story because he knows who's
out there that needs to hear it.
And, I'm really happy to have you today.
So tell us, what it was like, what happened and what it's like now.
Jesse: my background growing up as a young man was filled with a lot of love,
a loving home, a loving mother and father.
my mother had remarried when I was very young.
and, and I adopted, the gentleman's last name and, very loving, loving parents.
I, I was not raised in a home that, necessarily did church a lot, but, I
know my mother was a strong believer.
My father was raising me, was a scientist.
And he was not so much the believer at that time.
but I was raised in a very loving environment.
my first ex exposure to, church really, that I can remember was, one summer I
was in, third grade, maybe fourth grade.
And, I was playing outside.
I was, and up the street from us was a church, about three,
about 300 yards from our house.
And there was a bunch of kids out there playing kickball and, I was
having a grand time just watching 'em.
they invited me to play and I, so I was playing kickball with 'em
and all of a sudden they stopped and they went inside the church and
I said, where are you guys going?
They said, we're going into vacation Bible school.
And I said, oh, and one, one kid said, you want to come too?
And I said, sure.
And, that was back in a day and age where, you went out at Sunrise and you came back
in at sunset and you're, as long as you were in yelling distance of your parents,
you just were out and about for the day.
And so I went in and I went to this bible school, vacation
Bible study and had a good time.
And I went back the next day 'cause I was having such a good time.
And, so that next Sunday, I'm went to Bre.
I'm at breakfast and I'm sitting there in my school clothes and my mother
says, what are you dressed up for?
Are we, why you're not going to school?
Summertime?
She, I said, I'm going to church, I'm going to Sunday school.
And she said, really?
I said, yeah, I am.
And she goes, where'd you find out about that?
I said, I've been playing kickball and going to vacation
Bible school the last two days.
She goes, really?
She goes, aren't you full of interesting news?
And, so yeah, that was my first ex exposure to the church.
And, I enjoyed youth group and things of that nature.
I felt connected.
I was very connected in, youth group and, like 10 through age 12, early 13
to the point where, I actually got up in church and spoke and, shared the gospel.
And, I don't, I would really enjoy the path I was on.
And something happened, that summer, I guess it was 1969 and
I, I found, the other part of the world, I found, rock and roll.
I found all the, other things that went with it.
And, I was off to the races.
I found it very attractive and, it, I filled my life with that and
I I, as I say, I made a right turn in Albuquerque and there I was, and
I stayed that place for a long time.
I always felt something inside of me about, about, a spiritual, a spirituality.
but I couldn't, I wasn't intentional about doing anything with a
relationship with God at that point.
Any exactly.
Almost all the way the other side of the coin.
And, In high school, I was, I was partying pretty hard, from ninth
grade on, alcohol, mostly drugs also.
I, it was just part of what I did.
the point was I was really still really pretty good in my studies.
'cause I, I was, I guess I wasn't smart enough to know that if I kept
my grades up, everybody left me alone.
And, and so I, I was an outstanding student, but I was playing
very hard and I was, I had an entrepreneurial spirit as well.
And so I found out that I, if I sold things, I could basically,
I could make money off of it and, have my partying for free.
And, anyway, that entrepreneurial spirit carried on into.
When I graduated high school, and I think my graduation day was really
the first time I can look back and say how I drank maybe a alcoholically.
at that point it was just more or less, nothing crazy, but a constant, a constant
buzz, for about four years of my life.
And then, graduation day, I took it to a new level.
parents had a wonderful party plan for me, family, friends, everything.
And I, after graduation, I didn't come home for two days.
I was off at a party.
And so I, what I found out was that was my first real binge drinking.
And and I was off to the races and that became a pattern in my life for.
Quite a while.
I could go for periods of time.
I was still doing dry goods, but I wasn't drinking all that much, but when I did.
And, so that continued on, into my, early twenties.
And, I got married for the first time and we were both real young.
In fact, we, everybody told us we were too young and they were right.
we just had to prove them wrong.
Bruce: Oh, were you?
Jesse: I was 22 and, she was 18.
Bruce: Mm-hmm.
Jesse: And, and, I was way too, I was so immature.
we both were, but anyway, it continued on into that as well.
And I still like to go out and hang out with the boys and do my thing and play
sports and drink afterwards and, I, it was not a, it was not a very spiritual
life, I'll just put it that way.
And, this continued.
I, we were blessed with a beautiful, baby.
she's now my, that beautiful baby's now 41 years old.
wonderful young lady, married, just has a wonderful, a wonder, wonderful life.
but at that time, shortly there, not long after thereafter, a couple years after
we had her, we, it just got to a point where we couldn't be married anymore.
And, I moved on and, that went on for a little bit and I met a,
another person that I got involved with and eventually married and.
That was a decision based on, they, they partied like I did.
And that didn't work out well at all.
not well at all.
And that didn't last very long.
I was a, a child of, a child of a marriage and my, my, my mother and dad who had
me, they were a product of divorce.
And then, my, my mother had, who had remarried, divorced again, and
when I was like 21 and 22, just about when I was getting married.
so I, I had this mindset, I was not gonna be another statistic.
I was gonna make this work.
And, that was for all the wrong reasons.
it was nothing spiritual about it.
It was just, trying to say, I'm not gonna be a statistic and prove I'm wrong,
just like I had to prove I'm wrong.
That about it was I was, we were too young to be married and, we showed
them, that didn't work out well.
in the meantime, my drinking's escalating my, I'm at the same time also though,
I'm being, I'm fairly successful at what I'm doing in, in, in my business life.
I worked for the government, I worked for, I was rising, up in the executive
level, in the postal service very quickly.
and, So it, from the outside looking in, it looked like I, I was, everything
was okay, but, behind the curtains, like the Wizard of Oz, it wasn't okay.
And, so lo and behold, I'm now working in Washington DC and working
at headquarters and, I'm now raising my second daughter by myself.
she's 18 months old, and so I get my act together and I'm
doing, I'm being a single parent.
I'm working, I'm doing all these things.
so I really didn't have much time to be out there ripping and running.
but when I, but when I did, I still, it was to excess.
And, but that carried on for a little while and till I, I'm divorced
at this time for a second time.
so they, you talk about the wreckage of the past, and they say, the only
person I'm hurting when I'm out there ripping and running is me.
far be it.
There's a lot of, there's a lot of, collateral damage that goes
on with, living that lifestyle.
And, I meet this amazing, person.
I'm not looking, I'm not looking, in fact, at this point in my
life, I'm saying, you know what?
I never again, and,
Bruce: You mean you're never going to get married again?
Jesse: again, never done.
I tried it twice.
It didn't work.
And, so lo and behold, God does have a sense of humor and, and
thank goodness for that because, he brought my wife today into my life.
and, I used to take my daughter to a restaurant in,
in Arlington and we met there.
And, and no, neither one of us were looking for to get into
a relationship at that time.
and lo and behold, after dating, for a little bit, I started to really understand
for the very first time in my life, which I thought was one of the corniest
phrases I'd ever heard about, a soulmate.
and I said, I think I've found what that means, and she's my best friend.
And, and we've, we established a wonderful relationship, not only
in love, but friends, and, and, and lo and behold, we got married, nine
months after meeting each other.
We just knew.
we need, we were destined to, meant for each other, without a doubt.
and that's true to this day.
we know that with all the things that had happened previously in
her life and in my life, for God to have brought us together had to have
been something, only he could do.
And but,
Bruce: let me ask you, how old was your daughter when
you were raising at the time?
Jesse: when we got married,
she was, almo two going on three now.
almost three.
Bruce: Did your soulmate come with any kids?
Jesse: No,
Bruce: Okay.
Jesse: no.
In fact, after raising my young, my youngest by myself for a while,
we were one on one of our dates.
and what the interesting part was, we were on one of our dates.
And we were getting serious at this time.
And, she remembers it one way, and I remember it another way, but the long
short, the longest short of it was we were both saying the same thing.
I, I realized in raising my daughter by myself that I really didn't have
any more gas in the tank to have any more children to raise them.
I knew I had what I had for my two daughters.
One an older daughter, 11 years older than my youngest now.
And, my youngest and and my oldest was growing up with her
mother in Ocean City, New Jersey.
And, a man that she, married and, and here I am in Washington, DC and
I was nervous because my, my, my soulmate Camille, the love of my life.
is, 13 years my junior.
So I'm, I'm at that time, 41 going on 42.
She's 28, and I'm thinking she might want to have children.
And, so I said, I just need to let you know, and I think she said the same thing.
I just need to let you know, she had, she said, I'd love your children.
I'd help you raise your children.
I have no desire to have children.
And it was like we both went,
all right, we're good.
We're good to go.
we're both on the same page.
and, so that was a good thing.
we were on the same page from the get go.
And, and we love each other dearly and, we started a beautiful life together.
And, I get, my career is soaring at, where I was with, at headquarters,
at the postal service, and.
All these things are going on, and, but I'm still having
these, this, when I played hard.
I was a good provider.
I was, a loving husband in many ways.
and, but at the same time, my, my wife would say, that 98% of
our marriage was off the hook.
Amazing.
Just wonderful.
but she said the other 2% was gonna kill us, and kill it.
And that was my drinking.
And I don't know how many promises I'd made, countless promises I'd
made, and I'll never do this again.
And I honestly, I know to this day, if I'd have taken a polygraph, I would've
passed it because I honestly meant it.
I honestly meant it.
I had, I saw the hurt in her eyes and I, the pain it was causing her and.
And, and she said, why did you do it?
I said, and the honest answer I had is, I don't know.
I don't know.
It just
Bruce: were you like still a binge drinker or was it daily?
How,
Jesse: Yeah.
I was a binge.
I always was a binge drinker.
I never became a daily drinker.
but when I binged, I could be gone for 24 or 48 hours, and,
that's not good on a marriage.
And, it worried the dickens out of her.
And, and which brought me to, we, at this point in our life, we've,
we live in a northern Virginia.
We've, we've, there's now a beach condo at Ocean City, Maryland.
And we're going back and forth and, and we come to Memorial Day, at 2011.
The Friday before Memorial Day and, we're at the beach and, I decided to
go out for a happy hour and which was, ended up three hours and, come back.
I, the rest is what I share is what my wife tells me afterwards.
'cause I was mo I was in a blackout.
I said some of the most
horrible things a person can say to the one he loves the most.
And we know how to hurt our loved ones, especially 'cause we know
exactly what their buttons are.
and, and I went back out the door again and I rolled in, who knows,
one, two o'clock in the morning.
and, and I just saw this look in her eyes, laid in bed and saw this look in her
eyes that it just broke me on the inside.
I didn't see anger, I didn't see fear.
I didn't see, I saw blank, a blank emotion.
And this is this woman with this beautiful fire in her and beautiful spirit in her.
And I said, what have I done?
And, that was my moment where I was just, I was staring into the
darkness in the dark of the night.
and the just wondering, what do I need to do?
I can't.
I gotta stop her pain.
I gotta stop what my pain, I don't know how not to do this.
I end up on the balcony, which overlooks the ocean, beautiful view, and it's the
early morning hours and I'm on my hands and knees, basically just pleading and
sobbing to a God I really did not have an, a direct relationship with anymore.
Asking him please to gimme the strength and the courage to jump,
take, walk over the rail and jump.
We lived 14 floors up.
And, I thought I ending it all would end it all for me and for her.
and, thank God.
Thank God I, I can look back now and know I had a spiritual moment and, and I'd
been in the rooms of AA before, in 2007.
I thought I was sick and tired of being sick and tired, and I went to aa.
and, I look back now and I was probably doing AA light and I never
put away the reservation that one day someday I could drink safely again.
and as my program got lighter, I'm out to lunch one time with my sponsor, and
of course, he feeds, puts it out there.
Well, maybe not an alcoholic, you know, maybe you can drink safely.
I don't know, maybe, Dr.
Try control drinking.
I go home, I tell my wife.
Hey, my, my sponsor doesn't think I'm an alcoholic, And, she'll, maybe you
can have a glass of wine with dinner and there's something like that.
And I'm be like, yeah, but that's not how I drink.
that just pisses me off.
And, she'll never say that to this day.
In fact, she tells me if there's ever anybody out there whose
spouse says, you're good.
Now, you could probably have a, you haven't drank in six
months, a year or two years.
you could probably have a cocktail with me.
She's, you just send them to me and I'll tell them, I'll tell 'em exactly
what that outcome's gonna look like.
And, I've never done that, but it's in the tool chest if I ever need it, the, The
fact of the matter is that, I know I had a spiritual moment, a god moment, right
there on that balcony, I get, I walk into the rooms of AA at Ocean City, Maryland.
I get there an hour early.
I'm the only one there except for this old timer.
got nose to nose with me and said, boy, you gotta get honest with yourself.
Had me read the first three paragraphs, chapter three in the big book of aa.
they're reading it out loud, snot flying, all upset.
And, but I felt a weight lifted off of me that, I could remove
the thought that one day, someday I could sit, drink safely again.
It had been smashed and it felt a weight come off of me, and I know then that
was a spiritual moment looking back.
And I jumped head first into the program of aa.
I got back to Northern Virginia where there was a, I got sober
with a very crusty bunch of men in a very, in a closed group of.
Men's only group of Alcoholics Anonymous that, they literally took the gloves off.
It was, tough love.
It was exactly what I needed.
the con the conversation was very colorful.
I'll just leave it at that.
God was spoken in that room and so a lot of other four letter words.
but, at the same time, the passion for recovery was, I'd never
witnessed anything like that.
these are guys that would go to hell and back with a thimble full of water
to save someone if they wanted to help.
but they weren't going to do it for you.
and that's, that, that saved my life.
And, very early on, I, my, my sponsor asked if I believed.
and I said, I think I do.
He says, could you believe it?
I believe this will, this program will work and I have a higher power.
I said, absolutely.
I said, I know there's something out there.
I just, I hadn't had a connection with it in a long time.
And, he got me started and for a while, the group was my higher power.
And, but very early on he was, he had me drink from the fire hose with this
regards to welcom me through the steps.
And, we were quickly at step three and he said, you're gonna
need something far bigger.
And, he introduced me to a bunch of guys that, outside
the rooms, did a Bible study.
And, I got plugged in with him and that was, began my journey of really
falling in love with the Lord again.
And after a lot of questions and, and walking through that, I'd met
another person down at the beach.
there's a big convention that's here, but it's going on for 60 years, an AA
convention called Sessions by the Sea.
And it's like 3 3500 people that come to this thing on every week after Labor Day.
And, it's huge.
And I met him there and, also a pastor, in recovery.
and we got to know each other.
We got to, he got to be my spiritual sponsor.
And, he answered a lot of questions for me.
And lo and behold, a year later, we're walking on the beach during sessions I
said, I don't have any more questions.
I said, I, what do I do next?
He says, have he accepted the Lord as your, have you accepted
Christ as your Lord and Savior?
And I said, I haven't said those words out loud.
And I, he said, do you, I said, absolutely.
And so we.
Dropped to our knees right there, and we did it right there on the beach.
And, and, I was on fire.
I wanted to tell everybody what that felt like and where they could find it.
And almost to the point, even in the rooms of aa, I was a little
over the top and, I got told.
So this is a spiritual program and,
Bruce: let me interrupt you here before we get too far.
So you, your, this guy was this guy your sponsor or just the pastor
that you met at this other group.
Jesse: he was my, he was not my sponsor in aa.
He was my spirit.
I called him my spiritual sponsor.
Bruce: Okay.
Jesse: and to today though, he is my sponsor.
Bruce: Okay.
Jesse: Yeah,
Bruce: when you said there, there was a feeling, when you said these
words that you received Jesus as your Lord and Savior, you said there was a
particular feeling associated with that.
What can you describe that?
Jesse: I just, this, this just something that wanted to burst out
of me that just wanted to proclaim to everyone what that felt like.
this undeniable thirst for more and that wanting to be closer to God.
And two, that I, for the longest time in my life, I'd, searched for
a father figure because the man that raised me loved me dearly.
But he was, he's, he wasn't a strong father figure in what I needed.
'cause I played sports and a lot of stuff, and he just
wasn't there, that role with me.
And so all across my life, I'd always been searching for a father figure.
And I found that when I was reading Romans, I said I had Abba, I had my daddy.
And and I never, ever had to search again for another father figure in my life.
I had the most beautiful, wonderful, amazing father in heaven, and he loved me.
And, and the world needed to know that.
Bruce: Yeah.
Jesse: And, so yeah, there I am on fire for GE with Jesus and in my
heart, in the rooms of AA and, I got very kindly and sweetly told, to,
I can share about my higher power.
I can share that I call him God, but I wasn't there to
save souls in the rooms of aa.
anybody that wanted to ask me a question about it after the
meeting was more than welcome to.
And so I got better at knowing how to share.
I.
My love for Jesus in a way that it was attractive in the rooms of aa.
And it, and what happened was, it just, I realized my mission was just to get them
pointed to where, what I got pointed to.
And so I got them pointed to where a Bible study or to a appointed to a going to
check to a message out at a local church.
and, and so I knew that God had something bigger and better in store for me.
That I'm, I knew at that point that I was, there was something in me that
said, I'm supposed to be something, doing something different in my
life, that, that is to serve him.
And I had an opportunity at the, to go to, Calvary Chapel Bible Institute, which
is a, a seminary out of, out of, Calvary Chapel and, a two year, seminary in,
Bruce: Was that in California?
Jesse: It's outta California, but we, I attended a Calver
Chapel in Leesburg, Virginia,
and they had a campus there that I could take the, I could
do the course, and I did.
And at first I went and I was so thirsty for knowledge and
thirsty to grow in the Lord.
And I had no idea where this was gonna take me.
And I said, I'm just gonna start it out.
I don't know where this is gonna go.
And I finished, I graduated and I still didn't know where this was gonna take me.
and I, along the line, I'd had a mentor there that was mentoring
me and coming next to me and alongside of me and, helping me.
and, and he had a small church out in Winchester.
And, and so I came alongside him and I.
I started, I, when I came out in my business world, I was a very strong
executive, in helping leadership grow and do what they needed to do better.
And so I envisioned myself as like a second for a pastor that could help.
I, 'cause I didn't believe in my heart I would, I didn't have a 30
year theological background to me.
So I po I couldn't teach or preach.
that just was, I didn't think I could do that.
And, he helped me understand differently.
and one morning I was on my way to my day job and I was going over a mountaintop
in Winchester, out leaving Winchester coming down into Northern Virginia.
And, as the sunlight burst through my windshield, I just got this because
I'd constantly be telling God, I think this is what I'd be good at.
I think this is what I like.
I was giving him my resume and.
And basically the, you know what the message that came to me was,
why do you keep telling me what you think you can or cannot do with me?
And through me, you can do anything.
Trust, trust me.
Stick to the script.
You can't go wrong.
And I went, okay.
that was one of the pon things my sponsor beat into me early on.
He said, Bruce, stop asking why, and just say, okay.
And so I said, okay.
And, from that point forward, I, I was willing to be led and to be,
to be obedient in whatever that next thing was in serving the Lord.
And I realized then I received my calling, to serve him all the rest
of the days of my life, whatever that was, wherever that was.
and my mentor gave me a prayer whenever, wherever, whatever,
to be willing to serve him.
And it, I.
and be careful when you pray that 'cause it's gonna take you places.
And, it brought me to living at the beach down here.
I thought my calling was to o to do a church plant down
here in Ocean City, Maryland.
And then I realized that, maybe it was come alongside a, an a, a pastor
down here, a church down here, and be a part, just be a part of.
And then I had an opportunity to come to Fernandina Beach and we were down there,
and we fell in love with Fernandina, my wife and I, and we ended up moving there.
And I was, one of the things that helped me move there is I, there was a church
down there that asked me to come down and help do recovery ministry down there
and, and paid on it went down and when it came back again, they circled back.
They said, we're really praying on this and we really think
he'd be right person at home.
Really nurture and get this started.
Okay, I'm gonna pray on this some more.
And
lo and behold, one thing led to another and we were off to the races.
I said to my wife, I think this is what we're supposed to do.
And she said, let's go.
And that's one of the things my wife has been incredibly supportive of, when I
truly believe that the calling is, this is what we're, this is the next thing we're
supposed to do or I'm supposed to do.
She said, okay, let's go.
Yeah.
And that's huge.
that's not easy.
And in fact, it's very hard, just picking up and going and, and it took
me down there for five plus years, but I always stayed in contact with the church
up here, ocean City, Baptist Church.
And I was always still connected to the men's group up here.
In fact, before Zoom I would, on Friday mornings, I'd be part of a Bible study.
And they were so patient because, they'd put me on a speakerphone.
And I, that's, that can be so annoying to the group.
Everybody else is there except me and I'm on the speakerphone.
And, but they were very patient and loving and, and then something moved us to say,
let's get a place back up there again and just come up for four months during
the summer, may through September maybe.
And, and we got really reconnected again with the church and I got
really reconnected into the men's ministry and being a part of
serving some other ministries there.
And, it felt right.
It just felt so right.
And, but we went back to Florida at the end of September and but
it just, and when I left the pastor there said, boy, he says.
if you ever come back, he said, I'd really, I think God has plans for you
here, with regards to men's ministry.
He said, just pray on that.
Keep that on your heart.
And we did.
And I prayed on it and prayed on it.
And, lo and behold, it was right after the new year and, and we were talking
some more like this pastor and I, and my wife and I were talking about it.
And, I have a realtor friend, a young man and his wife were just loved the Lord.
and he'd helped us with selling a couple properties down there.
and we'd already had, and we did a business down there too.
My wife and I, Aloha Bagel and Deli and we hired people in recovery
and people who loved the Lord.
And it was just an amazing place to work.
and we had such fun doing it.
And, and, but we realized also that.
We were, they were there for a season and a reason.
And then we, and we ended up selling that business to a gentleman friend
that I met and the in church.
And, and, we had a great connection and it was just the next great
thing to do for him and for us.
And, that worked as, worked out wonderfully for everyone.
but lo and behold, this real estate friend of mine said, if I think you, you could
really do well in selling your home.
and I said, I don't think we could do that.
And he said, let's put it at a price tag that we think is beyond.
He says, if you're really being called to go back, God's gonna make a way.
And, 'cause I couldn't keep both places forever and, financially, and so I.
He said, let's put it, let's put that, put a number on it.
That is a stupid number that No, he said, you, it can't
happen unless God's behind it.
And, I said, okay.
So we got ready, they got a listing and a show and ready to
go on the market and they had some showings lined up right away.
and, the market goes live, it's official.
And we had three dogs and us.
So we get the dogs out for the day, us out for the day.
And, he calls me back at four o'clock that afternoon.
And I said, so what's the verdict here?
He said, he said, we have three contracts on your house.
All well above the asking price.
I'm here.
I said we put it at a number that you said was far beyond what we should ask.
He says, yep.
He says, And you're telling me we have three contracts that
are far beyond what we asked.
Yep.
I said, how do you explain that?
And he says, God wants you to get going.
Yeah.
when God wants you to get going, he gets you going.
So in short order, and also how he orchestrated it was I said, we
can't move until the end of May.
And here this was in February and People allowed us to rent back for, rent free
till the middle of May.
That was also part of their offer.
wow.
Apparently they couldn't get there till then either.
Bruce: Ah.
Jesse: it wasn't always, it wasn't just the fact it helped us, it helped them too.
But rent free, come on.
we made it back up here at Ocean City and, he firmly planted me in that
ministry there, the men's ministry.
And we got going with a few different small groups and we had one that was,
it really was about being, trying to do the book of Acts and we broke bread
together each week and we fellowship together and then we studied together and.
we started off with four guys.
me being one of them and it's a small church.
we have about 150 people in our church total.
And, the summertime it gets really big because we have a lot of vacationers
and things of that nature here.
But, when I say real big, it means it's filled both services, to about 200 people.
But, the, that men's group, just started, God just was just, the
Holy Spirit was all over it.
and it just, the word of mouth got to other guys and it got to other churches
in the area where men were looking for a men's group that was like that.
'cause we did relate, we talked about real life in that men's group.
We talked about the stuff that men need to talk about in that men's group.
the stuff that Bible says we need to talk about in that men's group.
And what was said in that men's group, stayed in that men's
group and it does to this day.
And of course, doing the, the food and fellowship to start out with,
men feed 'em when they will come.
it didn't, that didn't hurt either.
But, we have men from different Christian denominations and our
Catholic Presbyterian Methodist all come to the Ocean City Baptist
Men's Group on Wednesday night.
We have guys that come from Salisbury, Maryland, 35, 40 minute drive
away, group that comes from there.
We're now up to around, between 30 and 40 guys on a, any given, and and we
tell guys, look, if just 'cause you can't make it one night, because a lot
of times people feel that guilt trip.
If I can't make it every night, I.
I can't make it at all.
And I say, no, we know how life gets.
You have families, you have the things I said.
The point is we try to make it as often as we can and we hold it every week.
And, and on any given night, we have at least 25 to 30 guys there.
when we have different functions and stuff, we'll have, we did a
short, a men's night out at the local minor league baseball game.
We had 60 guys there.
it's just, we had a retreat where we went away for, three days, a spiritual retreat.
We had 40 guys there.
it's just, it's the way the Lord is working and the Holy Spirit's moving in.
That group is amazing and awesome.
its,
Bruce: is the group based on recovery or is it.
Jesse: oh no.
Oh, no.
it's a men's Bible study and we not only do Bible studies, but we do, spiritual
books, like Keller's, Shepherd's View, the 23rd Psalm, and, and, the master
plan evangelism and all different types of books that, that lend them.
So we'll mix a book in with the Bible study, and right now we're
for the summer, our study through, the book of the Gospel of John.
And, and we take our time walking through that and we break it down
and we talk about how, not only how it was relevant then, but what does
that look like in application today.
And, we get some really great conversations going
on that just blow me away.
And and I walk away from that each night going, wow, God.
just, you know how he's, he blesses me and teaches me, and
these, I'm supposed to be the one facilitating it and leading it, but.
I'm the one feeling blessed,
Bruce: Yeah.
Jesse: And, and he's just doing amazing things in his life and this world and
in this town and in these men and, and I that I'm, I feel privileged that,
the church leadership, the pastor and entrust with me this ministry
and, a guy that, 15 years ago was an alcoholic, ready to commit suicide.
Bruce: Mm-hmm.
Jesse: I, I'm not that same man today.
Bruce: And it sounds like he's pretty much led you the whole way.
even without you knowing he was leading you.
Jesse: oh, absolutely.
No, I can look back now.
And I can see him in every aspect of my life, every place I went.
what I didn't share was, my very first DUI, when I was 27 years old, and I
probably could have had, and I say first it wasn't my last, I probably could have
had over 300, but I, I don't know if people on the podcast don't know what I'm
talking about, but there's a very heavily traveled highway up in Pennsylvania
called the Pennsylvania Turnpike.
And, I had a head on, I was driving the wrong way on the Pennsylvania
turnpike in a blackout, had a head on collision with a tractor
trailer, and I walked away from that.
And, the, everybody walked away from that.
And, at the time I thought I was lucky.
And I know far differently today that I'm here because God went with it,
Bruce: Hmm.
Jesse: period.
Bruce: Wow.
Jesse: And now I know that.
I'm on his time more than I've always been on his time, but I now
know more than ever I'm on his time.
Bruce: Yeah.
Jesse: And everything that is in my world is his.
my wife and I talk about it, the home we live in, it's his, the furniture we have.
It's his, the food on our table.
It's his, the clothes on our back, it's his, we just get to take care
of it and share it with others,
Bruce: That's awesome.
Jesse: today we get to live a life that's, it's not
extravagant, but it's comfortable.
It's a life.
We have everything we need.
We have
a life that we get to, be, hopefully lantern's carrying his light.
Bruce: Hmm.
Jesse: oh.
recently our chief church leadership decided to, expand and go into
a biblical, team of elders, an elder, eldership of plurality.
and they asked me if they said, they named me and asked me would
I be an eldership, be an elder for the discipleship ministries?
And I was like, blown away.
absolutely, yes, but I'm gonna need a lot of prayer on that.
And they said, oh yeah.
And and, and I'm praying on that daily and what that is and what that
isn't, and learning what, where my swim lane is and what it isn't, and,
how do I do that effectively and.
Always, it's about God and it's about the church and it's
about flock and it's his flock.
And, and we have a team that of elders that all believe that
same mission and that vision.
And, even though we're, new as a team, we know that
it's all about God.
It's all about what our church is already doing and how can we do it better.
This little church has a mercy ministry that reaches the homeless.
So it has an international ministry that reaches all the international
students that come here and work during the summer from all over the world.
They serve three to 400 meals every Monday night home cooked meals to the, to them.
And we get to chat with them and talk with them.
and we, I.
We get to do all these different things in our community, this little tiny church.
Bruce: Wow.
Jesse: And, and we, we know that's God working on us.
our what's in our church.
It says, our mission is to love God, love others, serve God, serve others.
Bruce: Yeah.
Jesse: and when we walk out the door of our church, it says, you're
now entering the mission field.
And we have a church that lives it out on a daily basis.
And that's my charge each day is how do I live it out each day?
How do I live it out?
What do my actions?
I pray each day that my thoughts, my actions, my words, my
behaviors demonstrate God working in me, on me, and through me.
do I do it perfectly?
Oh, absolutely.
no.
I say I'm a sinner saved by grace.
I am, that's all.
We are sinners saved by grace, grace and mercy.
I'll take that all day long.
will I ever be sinless?
No.
Do I pray each and every day that I sin less.
Yes.
I'm a work in progress.
I have to surrender every day.
I surrender.
And when people ask me to lead a an AA meeting, the, my topic's always surrender.
Bruce: Yeah.
Jesse: every, it's daily surrender.
my sponsor p pointed out to me early on about one of the sayings
there that there really is no cure.
All we have is a daily reprieve contingent upon the maintenance
of our spiritual condition.
He said, they're not talking about the drink.
He said they're talking about the bondage of self.
And every darn day we wake up under the bondage of self.
When we put our feet on the floor, we're on under the bondage itself.
He says, every darn day, laying next to the bed is this tug of war rope.
Your self will, his will.
And, every darn day we're gonna pick that rope up.
Right up.
He says, our hands might be bloody and blistered from tugging on that rope.
He said, but every darn day we're gonna pick up that rope sometime during the day.
He says, what we get better at doing is dropping it quicker.
Bruce: yeah,
Jesse: And, that's a visual I needed and I still use to this day.
I run to the third step prayer all day long.
that mentor of mine in, at Calvary Chapel Bible Institute, I, I showed
him that third step prayer in aa and he looked at that and he broke it down.
He says, that might be the best sinners prayer I've ever seen
and.
I said, it is,
Bruce: I offer myself to do with me as thou wilt
Jesse: yep.
Believe me, to the bondage of self, that I may better do that.
I will.
Bruce: Yeah.
Paul talks about that.
don't go, don't.
Fall into bondage again.
once we've been set free.
Jesse: and it's always out there waiting for us, And, we are surrounded
by the things of this world.
Bruce: Yeah.
Jesse: today I'm, I've, I'm less distracted by it.
I try to keep my focus in the word.
I try to start out my day in the word.
I try to be very intentional about my quiet time with God.
I need that.
I need the full armor of God every day.
we can't walk out on that battlefield alone either.
We need our brothers and sisters in Christ around us.
just like we need the program of aa, we need our brothers and
sisters in recovery around us.
I get drunk, we stay sober.
I need, member brothers that are my accountability partners in life in Christ.
I need all of it, but at the center of it is God and, and my love and my passion
for, sharing about the love of Jesus.
Bruce: Yeah.
Jesse: I thought it was, I so amazing.
And in the book of a book of John, when, not everybody knows.
John three 16, for God so loved the world that he gave as a only forgotten
son, I had to reread that so many times that, here's God who spoke and
breathed creation into existence.
Put the stars in the sky, named every one of them.
So powerful that he could do that, that how big is his love to begin with?
But he thought it was important to put the word so in front of love, that God so
loved the world that he gave us his son.
And, today I just try to remember that, my, my mentor, he's, he played these like
kinda little spiritual games with me.
Like we'd be out to lunch, he says, so today, now you've
been, doing this for a while.
And so where do you think you are on a scale of one to 10 and
your spiritual walk with Jesus?
And I, I'm here like, ah, I know I'm not a 10.
maybe I'm not a one, maybe I'm a six or a seven, and he'd say, Nope.
I said, what do you think I am?
I'm thinking, oh boy, what am I like A three?
And he goes, you're a 10.
I'm here.
What?
He goes, God sees you through the blood of Jesus.
You're a 10.
Bruce: Hmm.
Jesse: And he said, now act like a 10.
and that's my job today, is that I'm responsible for how I, what
I think my actions, my words.
I just, that's why I preach and every day that my thoughts, my actions, my
words, my behaviors demonstrate his love, and at the end of the night I say,
God, I hope I did so and where I didn't.
I pray I can be better at it tomorrow.
Bruce: Hmm.
Jesse: And, forgive me.
And he says, I love you.
And, like I said, do I do it perfectly?
No.
I.
I try a little bit each.
I try to be a little bit better at it each day, knowing that it's
not my works, it's his grace.
my works are just simply an outcome.
My desire to serve him and my works are just a byproduct and outcome of
trusting in his love and his grace
and saying thank you.
Bruce: awesome.
you just described, this identity, having our identity in Christ that, it's no
longer we who live, but he lives in us.
And I, I've heard that a thousand times and I've read it of course,
and I've thought about it, but.
the reality is that, he became sin for me so that I could have his righteousness.
and it's so hard for us humans to grasp that because we, I love what your guys,
your, mentors said about your A 10.
Because, our little egos don't want to say, don't want to talk that
way because, we're not good enough.
But Jesus is the one that made us good.
He's the one that made us righteous.
So to reject his free gift of salvation and this free gift of, this relationship
is to just identify with him.
I think that's what he wants.
He wants us to be his hands and feet and to speak his words.
And like he said, he.
he only says what he hears His father say, he only does what he sees his father
do, and that's the model is to follow him, do what he says, and quit trying to
quantify, our relationship and just be,
Jesse: Just be,
Bruce: just abide.
Jesse: And, I love that word abide to, to win, to be d, to
dwell in, to, to be in dwelled.
And, today, I, I said it.
I run to Jesus.
I today, I know that, part of my prayers at night are, or
even during the day, is, confe.
if there's something I've said or done or acted how I acted, in the Lord's
prayer it says, Albi thy named, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Not after I get to heaven what it's gonna be like, but I'm supposed to be acting
it out on earth as it is in heaven.
Bruce: Mm
Jesse: it says to forgive us our trespasses as we forgive
those who trespass against us.
And and to lo and the my to love thy neighbor, my, my neighbor.
My neighbor is whoever's next to me in the moment.
It's not the person who lives next door to me in my house.
My neighbor is whoever is next to me in the moment.
The person in the food line, the person in the person next to me on the highway.
there's a trying moment there for my spirituality, out there on the highways,
but, I know I've given my life to Jesus.
I know that what that looks like today, I know what that feels like today.
the rest is between now when I leave this mortal Earth is the sanctification.
Bruce: Yeah.
Jesse: and that's, that's gonna be a constant, evolving, process and,
knowing I'll always fall short, but striving towards what his
image is and what that looks like.
I, they talk about Paul and he always has this thorn in his side.
I believe that's, it's deliberately left out what that was, or there's a lot of
speculation of what it could have been.
Was it really truly a physical, ailment?
was it maybe one of, was this thorn, maybe a particular sin that he struggled with?
there's all sorts of, I think it's left in a way that, so that we
can, any one of us can identify in
to that thorn.
and, and so I think we're given all these wonderful places
in the Bible, to relate in.
And I think, we did a study in one of our other Bible studies on Genesis.
It took a whole year to go through Genesis and, and ever since the
beginning, ever since Adam and Eve.
The Bible tells us a whole bunch of different stories through the Old
Testament into the New Testament, and the story's the same with regards to sin.
It's always been since Adam and Eve in the Garden, the story
of choices and consequences.
Bruce: Hmm.
Jesse: we've been given this thing called free will and Ima, I know
our God in our Father, God in heaven, he has a sense of humor.
He does.
I know there's probably times he's looking down saying, isn't that free?
Will a son of a gun?
and, he's right.
And but he wants us to make right choices and he just, he allows us
though to do, make those choices and.
Like a good old alcoholic.
My, sponsor told me, he says, we have the willingness to
change at the speed of pain.
I think that's true for Christians and for anybody that's doing
their walk with the Lord.
we have the willingness to change at the speed of pain, but today we've been given
this God conscience and, the pain, the threshold is a lot lower than it was when
we were out there ripping and running.
we could glaze over anything, and it was, we could get by it, but today,
even the littlest speed bump bothers us, and that's a beautiful thing.
Bruce: it is, Bruce, thank you so much for taking the time to do this.
I, we are running outta time.
I wanted to ask you, what, if you have one little bit of advice you could
throw out there for somebody that may be in, 10, 20 to a hundred years from
now here in this podcast, that, what bit of wisdom could you take from your
experience that you could pass on?
To somebody that may need be.
The Lord is probably gonna lead him here to hear it.
Jesse: So my topic is always surrender daily.
today, to this day, I sur I, I need to surrender daily,
take up my cross and follow.
and it, different days looks like different things, but it's still that
gi, that willingness to surrender that.
To say thank you at the end of the day and to draw close to the Lord and the,
and to we need the full armor of God.
and where we find that full armor of God is in the word.
And and we, it's not a, it's persistent prayer.
I love the widow story about persistent prayer.
we can't wear 'em out.
We can't wear 'em out.
And, and to be, just to be willing to be a lantern, to carry his light.
it's not much to ask.
He doesn't ask, he doesn't ask much of us.
Bruce: Well, thank you so much.
That is, awesome.
Would you pray for our listeners
Jesse: Absolutely . Heaven.
Father, I'm so blessed that we get to have a conversation like this
and to be recorded and to be shared.
And heaven.
Father, we, we are blessed that we live in a country, in a time that
we are allowed to do this Lord, and, and not be persecuted Lord.
there are those that, that can't do this.
and, without the fear of persecution.
Lord, I pray, Lord, that you, as you bless us and each and every moment of
our existence, Lord, when we surrender to you, Lord, that we just find that,
that comfort, that inner peace, common comfort that can only come from you and
we draw close to that, on a daily basis.
Lord, I pray, Lord, from the listeners, Lord, that I pray that there is something
that they found that, that, that fell on the ears that needed to hear what
exactly what they needed to hear.
Whether it be something that nourished, something that, That, that lit a fire or,
for me, a lot of times I hear what I hear and it serves to prune, it serves to, to
cut back on me, and it stings a bit, Lord.
And, I, I grow at the speed of pain and I know that many others do too, Lord, and
I pray, Lord, that as we thank you for your blessing of the, of your son, and,
we, we just are so blessed to that you so loved us and you still so love us Lord.
And I thank you for Jesse and his heart and what you've given
him as a calling Lord, to do this and, what a blessing he is to me.
And I pray this in your holy and wonderful name.
Amen.
Bruce: Amen.
Thank you, Bruce.
Jesse: Love you brother.
Cailin: We hope you've been blessed by today's story.
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Speaking of sharing, if you know a Jesus follower with a story to tell, please send
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It may encourage them to tell their story.
That person may even be you.
Our only criteria is that Jesus be glorified.
Most Christians don't share their faith because they mistakenly think
their story is not interesting enough.
Or that it's self-centered to talk about themselves or that they are
not competent to explain the gospel correctly, but none of that is relevant.
If Jesus has changed your life, you have a story to tell.
All of our stories are completely unique.
No one has a story like yours, and you may be the only one who can reach someone
else through telling your experience.
So don't be intimidated.
A story is just that a true account of your own experience, and no one
can disagree with your experience.
When we tell what Jesus has done in our lives, we are being obedient to his
command to go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature.
It's not about theology and it's not about how interesting or special you are.
It's all about Jesus.
So when you are ready to tell how Jesus has impacted your life,
you can let Jesse know at his ministry website, jesse duke.net.
There you can download guidelines that will make it easy to
prepare to tell your story.
Thank you for listening today and shalom.