The Podcast on Haunted Hill will contain spoilers and swearing. I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
One of us.
Hello and welcome to the Podcast on Haunted Hill episode 182. My name's Gav.
My name's Dan. I didn't even know you'd press record. That took me by surprise. Yeah, and I actually tried to just say 182 without saying episode.
Just go, this podcast is only 182, which still works, but... We're jumping into it, we're jumping in. It's amazing that I've always been the open voice to do the numbers and to do the slight bit of thinking.
And fuck it up generally 60% of the time. You do, but that's why we love you. And the only reason I can tell you is because I've got it written down.
No. I'm not sure. It's the same with Sarah. As soon as I start with her, I was literally like, what is it? And I can still get it wrong, though. She'll tell me literally the next second I'll press record and get it wrong. But anyway, ladies. Anyway.
Gents, aliens, non-genders, spacemen, fucking octopus, octopi. Don't forget Bigfoot. Is octopus octopi? Multiple octopuses are octopi. Oh.
If you've got more than one, then you've got a couple of octopi over there. An individual octopus isn't just an octopus, right. Well, octopus, octopussy. Do you remember that one? That was a good one. I do. Your dad went to the cinema to see that.
Anyway, hey everybody. Are you well? Happy? Safe? Uh, happy? Again? Really happy? Gay? That's happy. Dan, are you gay? Always for you. Thank you.
This is episode 182. I almost did it then. And... Yeah, I'm excited to be here. It's another...
always fun when one of our patreon supporters jumps in and tells us what to watch so we're excited to do that you already know you clicked on this but as always i will say now what we're watching so sheila
is our newest patron in fact so this is her first ever patron pick so we bumped her up the list rather than her weight all the way to the end back of the queue you know what it's like so yeah she's she's picked two devilish movies for us to to dissect
We did want her to get into the far queue, which is the far queue, not fuck you.
But that is the far queue at the end. It's far away. Or I don't know if they say queue in America. I think they just say get in the line, don't they? Yeah, I think everybody looks at us English people as like some crazy people who like to queue up in line all the time and just be civilised.
we do and we get really uptight if someone steps in or something like that
Like the lady in the cinema I told you about. But we're so polite, we won't say anything. We'll just get really angry. And when we get home, we'll just tell someone about it. We'll be really angry.
Well that happened to me. I took the kids out for dinner yesterday and I went up to get another ice cream for Jack and someone pushed in front of me.
And then a second person pushed in front of me. I didn't say anything. I just waited to be served. Then I went back to the table and said to my wife, oh, two people pushed in front of me. I didn't say anything to the people or the staff because I'm too polite. But...
Let me get the crown out of the box, the patron pit crown, and here it is. Oh, it's a bit dusty. We didn't even hear that one. Oh, okay, well. Let me do it for you.
Didn't hear it either. Strange. But here is the crown, Sheila. I'm placing this on your imaginary head. Thank you, Sheila. You do actually have a head. She does have a head. Yeah, not an imaginary head. You don't have an imaginary head. That'd be weird.
But replacing the crown on your head for this episode, you are the Queen patron. Thank you, Sheila. Thank you. Thank you, Sheila. And you have selected a couple of movies, one of which Gav is a big fan of, and actually I am now. I've seen it a few times. I really love it. I don't own it, weirdly.
So we will be dissecting 1999, that year. We've talked about that year a lot. Sixth Sense, Blair Witch, Matrix, so many things come out. But also that year, The Ninth Gate came out with Mr. Johnny Depp.
directed by um roman polanski and that's all we shall save him the dirty git but yes so we're going to be taking a look at the ninth gate from 1999 and sticking with a devilish theme
She's also asked us to take a look at a more recent film with Russell Crowe. Russell fucking Crowe. Called The Pope's Exorcist from 2023. Weirdly, he made two Exorcist movies in about...
two years didn't he well actually no I can tell you the facts on that but the one that came out afterwards was actually made years before and shelved
Apparently nothing to do with the production tube. It literally had nothing to do. But because that came out and it did okay, they were like, now, now, get it out there, get it out there.
So people would have been duped into it. I haven't seen it, but I just know about that. I've heard it's awful. Yeah, yeah, totally different thing.
So I'm not that bothered about watching it yet. But The Pope's Exorcist is fun. That was my second time watching it for this episode. So we'll talk all about that as well.
so yeah thank you Sheila really good couple of pics and obviously we've got your email to read out just before we go into the first trailer but before we do that as we like to do when we get together we get our beards together and rub them all together and discuss what we've been
doing what we've been watching um first off talking of rubbing beards or not i've had covid again gav yeah i know I've been ill my wife had it first you get and then she gave it to me
Told her not to kiss me. But I'm feeling better. Only yesterday was my first negative test. We don't really test anymore. Because of kids and stuff.
four-year-old twins to look after. Yeah, oh God, I know. Not fuck that as in looking after them in general, but I said fuck that as in with COVID looking after them. Yeah, it was hard. I had to take...
i took jack to the skate park i sent you some videos yeah yeah no it's good that he's getting used to transitions and stuff
And then we took them to dinner and then we took them to a few other places. We just took them all over like we do really on weekends. Did you spread COVID everywhere? Yeah. Well, I was negative on Sunday, but we were out in the open most places.
I said I didn't want to go in any soft plays or anything like that on Saturday, but on Sunday, when I was getting negative results, I felt a little bit more...
I care about it. But the thing is, you can go anywhere now with COVID. I can go into the office. You know, the kids, the kids went into nursery, you know, they weren't really showing full symptoms. So they carried on going into nursery. But anyway, that was my third bite. The last time happened. The last time happened.
me i remember my ex-wife just messaging me i think you've been a bit cautious now you could probably go do stuff yeah yeah well i'm just being cautious I've just got everybody has to fuck off and leave me alone
so I'll just push this for as long as i can yeah well it was my third round with it and it was the worst one the first time i had it back in 2021 was a breeze and the second time was a little bit worse but this time around fucking hell really knocked me for six but um
But that's that, and you've got an injury at the moment, haven't you? Oh, and only today. I fucking pulled my bag, so I'm just fucking sitting here uncomfortably. But it's fine. Don't worry about me and stuff like that. It's boring. Do you know? I was with the kids over the weekend, and they...
One of them at some point pissed me off. And I thought, what? That's it? I'm going to talk to Dan about this as a subject on the podcast. And this has happened for years. And I've never done it because I always forget 10 minutes later about the incident because it's so often.
yeah it's not so often they piss me off but do you know i mean it's i've had kids for 18 years now so
Do you remember what the subject is for this one? No, no, no. Brilliant. There we go. No, I'm just saying to you. I love that you remembered. That I need to say it, but I don't remember what it is. That you keep forgetting to tell me things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is you. It's just life stuff. I think it's just kids and just bitches.
it's hard just being a dad but i think this is not the podcast for um hard being a dad hard being a dad sometimes it's not it's hard being a parent sometimes the kids nowadays and the way their mentality is with
Short-form content and YouTube and stuff like that and then just really be like no dismissive straight away No, that'd be rubbish. No, that's rubbish because they're they're fucking got the drug hooked into their eyes
If it doesn't hook them in within 10 seconds, that's it. I said to Elijah at the weekend, I was like, right, short form content like TikTok and the shorts on the YouTube air.
You know what it's doing? What? So what do you think? And we went through it and I said, yeah, it's making your brain fucking shit. It's going to get smaller. It's not good for the developmental process for your brain because he's 11. So I was like, right, you need to police this yourself, yeah? Stop.
doing so much but yeah okay fair enough and he is good because he understands what i'm saying yeah he knows i'm not being a dick oh it's getting hot in there you have to get that fan on in a bit um yeah it's just stuff uh and but it's not
you know this isn't the podcast for and this that's just that's just me venting it's me venting it's like our listeners like us talking about stuff i just think phil it's just the kids nowadays with social media well not social media at all because my kids don't really have social media
Oh, TikTok, I suppose. But they don't post shit, really. Do you know what I mean? But it's just the short form.
Next video, next video, next video. I can link that roughly into something. I was watching something earlier where they were discussing why there has been a drop-off in box office revenue in the last couple of years. That's exactly the reason.
And it's because since COVID, people forgot, some people have forgotten how to behave in public. So people don't really want to pay because obviously cinema prices have gone up as well with the cost of living crisis. People don't really want to pay a lot of money to go and sit in a room.
full of strangers who don't really have any respect and they're on their phone some of them are even taking phone calls during the movie you know or they're like being loud or talking to each other and it is partly that a generational thing
Whereas during that COVID time, some of these people were sort of becoming older teenagers and think that you can live life like you do on social media and there's no consequences for actions. You know, you can hide behind your keyboard.
But obviously cost of living is part of the biggest reason for the drive down in revenue in box office because they're sort of panicking like, oh no, the Fantastic Four might not make 200 billion. Well, no, it's still going to make a lot of money though, isn't it?
Don't worry about that. Well, it's because obviously Marvel obviously still... I don't know if they still think that they're in the height of their time. Well, no, it's not Marvel. It's the...
But I'm saying that I know that particular model for that film. Yeah. Because they probably recouped the cost because they were used to making lots. Not everyone's going to be thinking that much. But movies don't make as much anymore. I agree. Yeah, yeah.
um and and then you've got like different cinemas offering different formats of films like imax and you know various but people don't really want to pay that when well when you could just wait just a month or two now
And then you've got it in your own home with a setup that is perfect. A lot of people have got really good setups in their houses. Absolutely. I've got a projector as well. Do you know what I mean? I could just...
Even with a good set of headphones, I can plug that straight into projector and you've got fucking sounds. Do you know what I mean? It's a good segue into a film that I watched this week.
Last week, it was, a week today we watched it. Sarah and I, no, week, Tuesday. Sarah and I went and watched a new Naked Gun film. Oh, I've heard really good things about it. Because I wasn't even going to bother, so I saw a trailer first, so I was like, that's not funny.
And I was like, I'm going to, because Sarah and I don't ever go to a cinema to watch a comedy movie.
whatsoever. Do you know what I mean? I was trying to say horror then, but it was coming out as comedy. Homity. Homity. Oh, is that a new genre? Yeah. I like it.
um and so we did it and we turned up and we thought it's cheaper so it's half term she's like oh no that's that's 25 pounds for me and sherry to go and it's a bit like so i was like well it'd be all right if i get 12 laughs a pound a laugh
I'll be happy with that. I've got about three.
uh but yeah so it was one of those things and like so sarah's like do you want to pay it and the woman's like do you want to like even she's like and i was like yeah no we're here like we can turn that up it's fine because we thought it's like eight quid a ticket that's a nice one
And we went along and watched it. But I know what you mean, it was quite quiet. On a Monday when it was a $4.99 ticket, this was showcasing people, $4.99 on Monday, every screening all day long was...
blocked out you know everyone was watching it um so it's quite a popular movie so i think it's probably done okay and there'd definitely be sequels because you can do that with that that film it's um it's
It's set to break some records for comedy because no one really saw it coming. It's a shame it's not that funny though.
Yeah, well, that's not what I'm hearing, though. I'm hearing some really good things about it. And I'm not going to go to the cinema to watch it. No, I'd say wait till Netflix. Apparently Liam and Pamela have really good chemistry and apparently they're dating in real life.
Yeah, they are. Which is crazy. Yeah, Liam, he rang me up, told me. Did he? Yeah. No, it's not that funny, though. To be honest with you, it isn't. There's a couple of times I did laugh, but it's not. Unfortunately, they don't...
The writers, I know Seth MacFarlane, or some producer, I don't know who's writing the jokes, they don't get the humour of the original Naked Guns. So, like, Pam Lansom walks into the office and Liam says...
take a uh take take a chair and she goes oh no i don't need one i've got furniture in my house it's like oh
oh i think that's quite funny yeah but that's the way it was done was so horribly it just it just no no that can be done better than that but that's that's not a new joke though that's so i don't know um they just
the problem is they are trying to those naked gun movies well they're catering for two audiences aren't they that's a problem
Yeah, it's hard to recreate that magic. Leslie Nielsen was just the best at that stuff. Once someone said to him, what happened? Why did you become funny? And he said, I didn't become funny. People just started laughing at me.
Yeah, because he never plays it funny. He still plays it serious throughout it. And that's what makes it so funny. The Naked Guy movie, I'd say watch it. Yeah, it's on Naked Flix. That should be. On Netflix or something like that. Maybe watch it. But...
Yeah, I didn't get 12 laughs, so I got three laughs. It'd been three quid. That'd have been all right. Did you ask for nine pounds back? No, no. Sarah was, I think she fought a couple of bits for funny, but not really.
yeah um unfortunately give me give me something you've watched well i'll talk about the my worst film i've watched and then i'll talk about the good stuff after that okay i'll do after that i'll do my worst one i watched
Okay, so in line with what we're talking about with this episode, you know, devils and exorcisms, Netflix UK, this week we got Exorcist Believer.
Sorry, listeners, for tapping the microphone there. Carry on, Dale. You know who the director is of that, don't you, Gav? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we've had this discussion a while ago, yeah.
David Gordon Green. Who is completely out of the horror genre. So I went into The Exorcist Believer because when I watched the Omen movie that came out recently, I was pleasantly surprised for that. It was quite fun.
some good scares in it that was okay whatever it's called omen legacy or whatever it's called i don't know it was all right so i went into this thinking well if it's anywhere near as good as that this is gonna be okay it started off okay
10 minutes went in, 15 minutes went in, I'm looking at my phone. I said to Alice, this isn't very good. There's a lot of money on the screen. It's really well produced, you know, but what's happening here? All of a sudden, all of a sudden,
Chris McNeil, I can't remember the actress's name, shows up as her character from the first Exodus film.
Okay, they've thrown her in here now then, have they? Yeah, I heard about that. She didn't want to do it until they were going to give a ridiculous amount of money to a charity that she wanted them to give to. And she went, oh, I'll do it.
They double their salary. Then they start throwing in the tubular bells.
but like a remix of it and I'm like right we've got money we've got a little bag of money right let's make a movie bag of money right take this take that take that but should we make a good film but the thing is doing all these things they're reminding you that I should probably just watch The Exorcist
so it got progressively worse and worse and worse and worse and the effects were terrible it was really unbelievable the little girls that play the possessed girls yeah they give it everything they've got well done to them but
It's just like the greatest hits from the original movie, basically, but souped up.
And I can see why he stepped away from making it a trilogy. Apparently they are still going to make a trilogy, but somebody else will be directing it. They're going to have to, because they spent such a ridiculous amount of money Universal did on the film, acquiring the rights. They spent like a billion or...
some crazy things. They have to make it to recoup it, even for the tax purposes. Even if it's a tax royalty, they've got to fucking make them. So I ended up giving it a 2 out of 10.
and i really wouldn't recommend anyone watch it it's really bad unless you want to laugh at how much money studios can just piss up a wall yeah
Because that's the frustrating thing about it. I kept saying this to my wife who was sadly in the room getting annoyed with me moaning about the film. She's probably like telling it fucking off though if you don't like it.
I was like, look how well produced it is. You know, there's money there. They're just throwing money away. It doesn't matter because you could get the best fucking story in the world and there's two actors in a room.
and it costs literally no money and the story's so encapsulating you're like oh my god oh my god you're slightly absorbed by it and it's just people talking money doesn't do anything really
It helps, obviously. I think my final say on it is David Gordon Green shouldn't be allowed anywhere near, not even a horror film. No, he's not. Just take a break from your career, dude. I wonder how after losing so much money for...
for Universal, for acquiring the rights to exorcist, if he's doing any more work or whatever he's doing now, how he is. I'd be shocked how someone is if they've lost so much money. You'd be like, nah, but then again, that's why he's not doing horror. He's probably like...
You're safe in comedy or whatever the fuck you do. I don't really like his films anyway. But you're safe in what you do. I like Pineapple Express. I don't find it very good. Um...
Oh, I do have one more final thing to say about it. It was so bad at times. It was like it was one of those, you know, those movies that came out after American Pie, like Scary Movie.
You know, like those movies that all came out like Disaster Movie and Horror Movie and all those ones that came out that were like piss-take, like almost Naked Gun style movies.
disaster movie it was almost like that at one point it was like is this a comedy now because it was so bad i was laughing at it but not in a good way i was like laughing at how bad it was yeah don't watch it anyway what's your worst film
It's that werewolves movie with Frank Grillo. Fuck me. 20 minutes towards the end, I turned it off. I was like, Sarah, do you mind if I turn this off? I can't do it. That's fucking bollocks.
I really enjoyed it. It got to the point when he was standing talking to a guy who looked like Rocksteady or Bebop, whoever it is, the big rhino punk from Mutant Ninja Turtles. But as a werewolf with a big punk ring, I was like, this is just fucking bullshit.
wouldn't have been as bad if the cameraman hadn't forgotten his glasses through the whole shoot and had to be so close to everybody the whole time the camera's right in their face the whole everything it's like i don't know where anyone is what the geography is any what's going on
I have no idea. It's just close up, close up, close up, close up. And I was like, ah, fuck this shit.
I said to Sarah about it, I said, no, it's like The Purge, and the werewolves turn and stuff like that, and they're saying, oh, that's quite interesting. I was like, I know, come on, let's get into it. So I watched it, and I was like, that concept's great. Whoever went, I've got...
this concept it's a super movie isn't it fuck that shit so that's a fucking stinky thumb down for me wow I enjoyed it not like super enjoyed it but it was like a good B movie for me
but there we go well let's get into what we've enjoyed recently because we're bumming out our listeners um don't watch that werewolf movie i liked it i've got some good shit i've got some good stuff i watched
yeah me too so um the first one i want to talk about is it's almost a double bill um i'd never seen and again that magic year 1999 here it comes again i'd never seen boondock saints
Yeah. So I sat down the other night just as I was on the cusp of getting ill. I was in the mood for it. I just wanted... a bit of time to sit down and process a film and this film was brilliant it was like really gorilla
uh almost a bit pulp fictiony uh reservoir dogs you could feel that it was like an independent film and i know there's a huge backstory which i won't get into behind it and the director but it was just a really enjoyable
Irish gangster flick set in America. It's just a really good film, Boondock Sinks, and I know everybody in the world has seen it. I'd never seen it, though, so I was really impressed with it, to the point that the following evening...
I realised that Netflix UK, as they do, they never have the first movie. They've always got the second or the third of a franchise. They've got Boondock Saints 2 on there. So I watched that. And that was almost as good. It wasn't quite, you know, as...
It was a little bit more... They played with, like, real... I don't know, it was a bit more unbelievable at times, you know? Characters can sort of jump out of windows and survive things, but...
still fun but boondock saints wow i blew my socks off really enjoyed that really really enjoyed that i know you've seen it and i know quite a lot of people online were saying can't believe you've never seen it but it was just brilliant
Yeah I saw it once then I watched that documentary of the director and stuff like that.
yeah so what else what about you um a good film that i discovered which was a movie which in the 80s when i went into the video store i would see it on the shelves and i'd be like oh man i don't know and i'd kind of miss it and go past it and it's called it's called American Gothic from 1987.
Yeah. You seen it? I haven't seen it, but I can picture the art on the VHS. Man or woman with a fork. Yeah. Now, I didn't realise the woman is actually Lily Munster from The Munsters. Oh, wow.
um the at the guy so that's the mum in it and then there's a dad i don't know what the dad's name is i'm not sure
But he was really, really good, like a proper good actor. And this movie was fucking good. It's only got 5.8 out of 10, but for me, I thought it was a really good film. It's on Prime, and I definitely recommend it. I'm just going to read you the plot.
After their seaplane malfunctions, a group of travelers make an emergency landing on an island in the Pacific Northwest and stumble across an isolated and psychopathic family.
Nice. Yeah, if you ever wanted to cover that, I would do that with you. What year? 87. Ooh. So you got, like...
It's a very 80s movie. It's good. I'm just going to say check that out if you want something 80s and you've not seen it before. It's nice to watch it. Go on then, give us another one.
Well, 1986, the year before that, I thought I'd seen this movie. It's an Ozploitation film, and I hadn't seen it. And my God, was it good. Jesus Christ. It's called Fair Game.
And it's about a really hot Australian woman who is on a wildlife preserve. She looks after kangaroos. And there's a group of poachers.
and she pisses them off and they try and run her off the road a little bit and then she does something back to them and then it
it escalates to the point where they're just trying to kill her and try and rape and kill her so it's a proper exploitation film um it's almost a bit spit on your grave um at times there isn't not no spoiler there isn't any rape or anything in it but they do
tie her to the front of a car at one point naked and drive her around to try and really scare her and then they end up just trying to kill each other so it's just this woman she's like a rambo by the end of it she's like a proper aussie chick just like doesn't
She's just like, no, no one's killing my kangaroos.
But it's really, really, really good. It's got elements of Mad Max in it. And you'll see what I mean if you watch it because of the truck. It's got some Spielberg elements in it. And it's called Fair Game from 1986. It was on Prime. I think you have to rent it.
But it was on my list.
thought i'd seen it i'd never seen it and i think we should cover it i think we should go back to some osploitation oh let's do another aussie episode so i do like watching yeah yeah totally i'm a big fan of os films actually funny enough uh sarah and i actually watched um it's not i wasn't gonna talk about
I just remembered, I didn't put it on my list. We watched them again, which I've watched many times, saw the premiere at Fright Fest, Storm Warning.
Storm warning, that rings a bell. That's a pretty good film. I've watched it with Sarah a couple of times, actually. I've watched it quite a few times. I quite like that film. Do you know about that one?
I feel like I do. It's the director who did like Wolf Creek and all that and it's about a man and a woman and their boat just gets stranded and they same as what I was talking about actually and they go up to this house and they go in there but there's three blokes
real weird perverted blokes, a dad and two sons, and they're growing weed, and then they just make the woman and the man strip off and...
Tie him up into a shed and stuff and just fuck around. Have you not seen that film? No, I haven't. That's good. Oh, dude. You've got to watch Storm Warning. Put it on your list. That's a really good film. I've probably watched it...
Five times maybe I've seen that film. Two from my list you've given me. It's a good movie.
just quickly going back to fair game the other thing i wanted to mention is she does all her own stunts the main woman in it so she does all the horse riding she's strapped to the front of cars she's doing it all have you seen that hospitation documentary of course yeah and they talk about the stunts and the fact that they're like everyone was just
who don't stance most of the time. It's like, fucking crazy fools.
Another film I saw Mom from 1990. An LA man is shocked to discover that his loving and caring elderly mother has become a vicious monster. Essentially a vampire, really.
She's bitten by... You'd know the guy. Brian James.
You'd know him from Tango and Cash. He's one of the bad guys. You'd know him if you saw his face. You'd be like, oh, fuck yeah, you'd know. It wasn't a great movie. It was okay. It was quite a strange movie.
um i don't know if you know this one mom no i don't i know i know the film mom but that's the more there's a few moms um yeah it's it's it had the has a police detective in it who's a police detective in fright night who turns up to look around the house
the african-american film okay interesting um yeah it's it's it's okay but another film which i thought was fantastic um
uh was predator killer of killers yeah it's really good isn't it i like i was like i just like i'll tell you what i'll watch that movie with you if you like thank you so we sat and watched it together and it's like it's fine it's because it's animation jumping i said to him
See, it's an 18 and we're watching it and there's all that blood and God. But you know not to kill people, don't you? He goes, shut up, Dad. Of course they're not. Okay, then. At least we're safe there. All right, then. No worries. We can watch this. Anyway, we watched it. I thought it was fucking amazing. Yeah, really good. That was really, really fun.
Fucking good, like, film, animation film. Really good. Because it's animated, they can do so much more, obviously, you know. Just the dog fight. The budget. The dog fight in the air. Yeah, the dog fight's great. It would be just... Well, that's a lie. Nowadays with AI you can, but...
Yeah, you could do it here quite nicely. It just kind of ticks all the boxes that we want to see, like Vikings versus...
predator ninjas and samurais and then dog fights and then the ending the payoff ending really you know that final scene is great and there's a deleted scene um this is a slight spoiler for anyone who hasn't seen it but the deleted scene
all the characters because it's it's an anthology there's three short stories and all the characters end up on a planet and it kind of ends with them about to have to go into like a big arena against predators or monsters but
there's some frozen warriors and there's a deleted scene that um Dan Trachtenberg has revealed at comic-con that the other weekend where
Also in those capsules was Danny Glover's character, Schwarzenegger's character. I believe you do already see the girl from Prey, the Native American.
But there was a few characters from other Predator movies, and the plan was, and might still be, he says, because...
Predator Badlands is out soon as well, which everyone's raving about because apparently that's kicking off a whole new Predator vs. Alien thing. It does not look good though. Oh wow, I think it looks amazing. That Predator does not look good.
Oh, well, he's a young predator. I like that they're doing something different. Yeah, I'm not going to...
cast anything until i watch um i've got a soft spot for the predators yeah i absolutely love them yeah i have but but it depends on who's done it who's had shane shane black tried to do it again didn't he that was a piece of that he made
I thought it was alright. That's fucking awful. All stuck in a bus. Oh, God, that movie's terrible. Come on, dude. But going back to...
Killer of Killers the plan may well be that they do a follow up to it and they can do lots of them because they're animated they could do one every couple of years absolutely and they could bring in characters from all the Predator movies it's like Bill and Ted's isn't it but with Predator
Yeah, exactly. I mean, the comics have been going since the 90s. Yeah, I'd be happy with that. The comics were in order to print. Elijah really liked it then. At the end, it had the lady from Praying. I was like, oh, no, this is a film product. I said, pretty decent. It's Native American. We could watch this if you want. Put the train on straight. He went, nah, I like animation.
and just walked out of the room. Okay. I like that they...
they couldn't speak to each other because they were all from different times. But, but they all figured out how to work together. Yeah. I thought it was a really, really good film. I really enjoyed it.
Oh, sorry, I mentioned that one. Your turn. Thanks, dude. I've only got two more anyway. I've got three. One of them I wasn't expecting to be any good. It's called Follow Me.
from uh 2020 um it's also got another name of no escape which is a name um but it's about a vlogger um who travels the world and he's got loads of followers and he does like he gets to destinations and then his followers will be like hey um
jump off that cliff into the water and he'll do it and stuff like that. So he's always like, he's getting loads of subscribers and followers, you know. So it's quite realistic. He ends up going to Russia.
to do this extreme escape room in Russia. And it's kind of like one of these houses. You know, in America, you've got these crazy houses you go in at Halloween. Like... Universal Studios. Houses October built.
Oh, yeah. So it turns into that kind of thing, but with a hostile vibe. I'm not going to say any more.
this was really good and fucking violent so he goes out to russia with his mates and they piss off a guy in a bar but then there's a really rich russian guy who's like yeah yeah don't worry i get you in we go it's gonna be fun and they go to this
big warehouse and then some shit goes down and there's a fucking brilliant twist at the end which really made me give it an extra star
highly highly highly recommend it it's by the director of funny enough escape room you know that movie that i think it went straight to netflix which was all right there's the second one it's the same director as that but it's called follow me or sometimes called no escape
really really really good i highly recommend that to anyone who hasn't seen it if you like hostel if you like the houses that
octoberville and those kind of movies it's somewhere in the middle there it's got a bit of saw in there as well but not quite and there's a brilliant twist that i didn't see come in just great stuff really good fun and very brutal good stuff
cool i don't know i've got one more but i'll let you do another one go for it uh well i'll do a quick one um i did watch for sarah but it kind of tapped out towards i started getting bored journeys to the center of the earth 1950s movie
Watch that. Yeah, it's a classic. That's all right, yeah. But I'm not going to talk about that. What I really enjoyed watching again was Castle Freak from 1995. Stuart Gordon. Yeah, that's great. That's great.
There are not the only occupants. Kind of felt sorry for the thing that was stuck in the...
You know, stuck in the cave and treated badly for the freak. I feel kind of bad for him, to be honest with you. The castle freak. I'll tell you the last one, then you can obviously do yours. The other one I introduced Sarah to. I haven't seen it for a while, and I quite enjoyed it. I enjoyed it again. The Mothman.
prophecies with Richard Gere it's a really decent film um
There's a couple of creepy bits in it and it's actually really well done. I would actually say that we should probably cover that sucker.
Yeah, I mean, I remember being disappointed with it. Maybe do it with another urban legend-y type thing, because obviously it's the Mothman. Maybe you could do it with another, like, legend-y creature. Well, I remember being disappointed with it in the cinema. Oh, okay.
It's not really a cinema film, though. No, but then I watched it again on the Horror Channel about 10 years ago. This is a nice little movie to settle into. Absolutely. It's shot beautifully. The cinematography is gorgeous at times. Richard Gere?
So nice. It is Richard Gere, isn't it? Yeah, it's filmed really well. Definitely.
yeah no i enjoy it and to be honest with you so that is the mothman is an urban legend i really have a lot of time for and you don't really have a lot of films about that so um no so we could maybe do that i'll put it on the list i'll put it on the list yeah
I've got one more, and then we'll get into some devilish Sheila's picks. The last one I watched was a documentary, and it made me cry, and a lot of people have seen it already. Big, big... fan of michael j fox he's kind of someone i looked up to as a kid he was in some of my favorite films and even
Still think he's brilliant now, and even more so after watching Still. It's called Still, the documentary, because obviously he can't keep Still because of his Parkinson's. But also his whole life, he's never kept Still, and that's what's made his career where it is.
famously he was filming family ties by day back to the future by night and then team on the weekends how the hell the guy did it all
i don't know this isn't me being mean in any way whatsoever but i'm saying with parkinson's probably lose a lot of calories because you're completely moving that's not like me trying to make a joke i'm just saying because you're moving all the time you're probably losing so if you probably have to keep consuming quite a bit
It's constant movement, isn't it? He's still very, like, he's not skeletal, but he's very thin.
because he is always moving. Yeah. He's always falling over and breaking bones as well because he trips over everything. That's the trouble, though. That's the vicious one because it is hard to eat because, like I said before, I used to look after a lady of Parkinson's disease when she'd come in in a restaurant.
and I'd end up helping her eat. So she'd just come out of her mouth the whole time, you know. And so it must be quite hard, but yeah, conceive that. But then if you do fall over and you're quite weak,
then it takes a lot longer to heal um stuff like you know that's why you should try and be strong as you can and much energy needs much you can in a
in a sensible manner um and be strong as much as you can for things like when you fall over but and obviously you can't help it if you're in that sort of situation but um it made you sad then have you seen it no
So, the reason I wanted to talk about it was how they've made it. Yeah, I was going to say, I don't know if I would, though, because it might make me sad, so I don't know.
Obviously, the story is the story. You know, it's the story of his life, basically, and how he moved from film to film and discovered at a very early age, in his 20s, that his little finger was wobbling a little bit. And he hid it all the way through his career, only until about...
15 years ago or so when he announced it and everyone was like what how have you got Parkinson's disease we didn't know this because he fidgets even in his early films when he was a kid he fidgets all the time and he's always holding a prop in his hand and I never realised that and even in Back to the Future and Teen Wolf and
even family ties in the early stuff. But the way they filmed it, I wanted to talk about, it's so beautifully done. What they've done is seamlessly used...
all of his footage from him being in films and tv shows even back when he was very very young like 10 12 commercials he did and while he's talking or while other people are talking about
certain points in his life they've used that almost like that's the bit you're looking at and then they've blended it into um they've got a double of him like
in that era walking into like and then I walked into the office and then a guy who looks just like Michael J. Fox from behind walks into the office and then it cuts into a scene from Back to the Future but they've used that and it just works so lovely.
yeah sorry so it's really beautifully done and what the my biggest takeaway from it really was and i was saying this to our buddy rj mccready we were talking about it because he's seen it as well
Firstly, is Michael J. Fox is just so funny. Even now, he's still so funny. Everything he comes out of his mouth is a one-liner. And even more so now he's got Parkinson's because he just...
He makes fun of himself. He's brilliant in it. But secondly, it was so inspiring that he's been dealing with this his whole life.
and he talks about alcoholism a little bit, and he's been teetotal for years as well, you know, and it just shows you that no matter what life can throw at you, you can just, if you just keep powering forward, and that's his problem, he said, is I just...
I want to keep moving forward, and I bloody well can't now, because I keep tripping over, and sometimes my legs don't work. Yeah, totally. Brilliant stuff. I was going to say very quickly, then I'll move on to the thing I was going to say. It's kind of like the George Lazenby documentary.
where they got a younger actor in and he's doing all the scenes while george sageby's talking over the top then it goes into stuff same principle and i thought it was really well done um uh does it did it say at any point he's tried cannabis
I don't think... Maybe. He takes a lot of different drugs. Get that cannabis going. Get that natural herb.
And there was actually a point during the interview where he says, I should have taken my medicine about 10 minutes ago, actually. And they're like, oh, do you need to take a break? And he's like, yeah, because he was so shaken uncontrollably. And then they cut back, literally 15 minutes later.
and he's fine absolutely still funny enough still again and he's you know and he's just making these little jokes and the guy who's interviewing him just keeps cracking up because he can't he just just makes you laugh all the time he's such a funny guy
um yeah but anyway if you haven't seen still it's on apple tv
I got a free subscription to it just so I could watch it. Apple TV did a free weekend. It was free. Anybody can watch for the whole weekend. And I'd know it was on. It was about four or five months ago.
I went on there. Sarah, we could watch some stuff. I went on there. I was like, I don't like anything.
Yeah, there's not much on there that I'm watching. There's nothing. Is it okay? Turn it off, didn't bother. Signed in to watch it, and they're probably like, well, this person didn't even watch anything for free. I was like, no.
there's a football program which everyone talks about I don't know I don't want to watch it I don't care
Yeah, there's a couple of TV shows, but I haven't got time for them really, so maybe in the future I'll go back to Apple TV. I did throw out recently another subscription to Paramount, and that was because of South Park, and I thought it was so funny. And I watched a new episode as well, the second one, that's really good as well. It's got JD Vance on it as well.
we're not going to go into politics we don't do that um but it's quite a funny episode and uh the you know the dude who's like the high school counselor oh the drugs are bad okay you know he gets sacked because there's no funding for you anymore so uh but isis
not ISIS, ICE, are recruiting. He's like, oh, okay. And he has to go along and he joins ICE as immigration. It's quite funny.
And the immigration leader, her face keeps falling off. They have to keep putting it on because she wears quite a lot of makeup and stuff. I did watch that episode, the first episode. Oh, the first one? There's also a backstory behind why they did that.
um because they were around so much and they were going to do what they were supposed to do 100 episodes over 10 years and then it got cut to 50 episodes over five years so that's why it says number one of 50 when they share that trump thing because they were planning on doing a trump
Piss take parody video at the end of every episode for the next 50 episodes but I don't think they're allowed to do that. They didn't do it on this one. Yeah, I don't think they're allowed to do that. Before we go to our first trailer though, sorry, before we go to Sheila's email, I've just
remembered one other movie it's not horror
and I'm late to the party on it, but it was the second Spider-Verse film, Spider-Man Across the Spider-Verse. Yeah, it's good. I know you like the first one. I like the first one, but that second one, we got to the end of it. We all went to cinema to watch it, and me and Charlie rocked the end of it.
it's not really a spoiler me and chai both fuck's sake because it does at the end it's like continued next time you're like you fucking piece of shit marvel motherfuckers yeah it's the last one's coming out
But, wow, those films are so incredibly animated. And the hip-hop flow to it. Yeah, just everything about them. It's done fresh.
Yeah, I highly recommend the second one. The first one's better, I think. Yeah, I know what you mean. You like the first one because it's more self-contained. I get that. I always like first stories. I like origin type shit.
What I liked about the second one is it tapped into my Spider-Man geekness and there was multiple Spider-Men from across all the different Spider-verses. I loved all of that. It was fun. It was fun. But anyway, that was the last one I wanted to mention. Anyway. But anyway, Sheila.
before we travel into the 9th gate
With Johnny Dapp. I started listening to a podcast and I started moaning because 11 minutes they were just talking and not getting on to the subject. We're like 43 minutes in now.
well i was watching one earlier and they were talking about pizza for 20 minutes but i was so involved in the conversation because they were talking about different types of pizza because they're all in america they were talking about new york pizza chicago pizza and i was like yeah yeah i get that yeah yeah
We'll get to the subject now. The amount of podcasts that I've got, oh, well, I like that subject, oh, I like those films, or whatever it is, and start listening, and then they just...
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And this one, they were going, well, I was at school, I didn't. I don't give a fuck about when you're at school. I don't give a shit. Fuck off with that bollocks and give me the fucking goods.
This is why I press play. Give me the goods. Let's give our listeners the goods then. We should give the goods, so I do apologise if you're thinking that too.
Well, Sheila, as you are the patron, we're going to go over to you now. So you sent me a beautifully crafted email. Thank you so much, which I shall now read out just a little bit about yourself and the films you've selected. And just a reminder, that's the Ninth Gate.
and the pope's exorcist and then we'll dive into johnny depp cigarette smoking whiskey drinking world and what a world that is i can't wait to get into it so
Here we go. So a bit of a callback at the beginning of this email, Gav. She says she starts with dearest Gavitron and Dynamite Dan. Oh, Gavitron. My mum has got a little... I was a bit...
Stoned, I've got to admit. It was Christmas Eve, and I didn't know what to give my mum for Christmas. I had a few things and looked around me, and I was like, that photo I do, and I just stuck it to a magnet with some glue right on the back from Gavitron.
She's quite disappointed, which rightly so. But that was Gavitron. I came up with that name then as well. So thank you for that, Sheila. I'd like to be known as Gavitron. So dearest Gavitron and Dynamite Dam.
so she says i jump around a bit and pick different episodes to listen to i've just finished listening to episode 154 which is where you covered the dead and the dead to india so that's a while back that was another patron pit i think that was jamie that selected those that was fun
She said, listening made me think of my own superhero powers as the blind watcher. Nice. For anyone that doesn't know, Sheila is blind tall.
partially sighted or I don't know what the correct term is but she describes herself as the blind watcher she says I would go around and fight crime
I love this. She's totally on a wavelength with this. And my superpower, I've got to read this in a straight face, is that everybody always thinks I'm innocent.
Because I'm blind and I carry a white cane and I wear dark glasses and of course... Oh, it can't be her. She's blind. She wouldn't have done it. She says, and of course, being blind...
They think I can't do superhero fighting. Nice. But that's their assumption and it's not the truth. See.
She says, it's like I master Poe. I may look innocent, but watch out. Don't push your luck with me. Master Poe. What a lovely reference.
I love it. She's like Daredevil. I was going to say that's Daredevil. Do you know of Daredevil, the TV show? That is a blind, frightened person. She would have checked that out. She would have checked that out.
That's great. I've got a Daredevil tattoo on my leg, actually. It's one of my favourite Marvels. You've got a tattoo of Sheila on your leg? No, Daredevil. But I may get a Sheila one at some point.
So she says, listening to this episode also reminded me of the main reason that I would like you two to do the deep dive on The Ninth Gate and The Pope's Exorcist. She said, I love watching movies based on true stories that are also extremely horrifying.
So the backstory about how the dead and the dead to India were made with the struggles that the Ford brothers had is the most wonderful thing that you guys do, aside from describing the scenes, so that when we do watch the films, we're more observant on the things going on. So she does like our deep dives. Good.
She said, I can't imagine what it would be like to be the Pope's exorcist, doing exorcisms on a regular basis as part of my job. And the book collector in the Ninth Gate could also be a true story about the lengths that people will take when they're passionate about what they do.
There's money involved. See, I didn't really think about the fact that both of these films are two jobs where you're assigned by someone to go and do a task. I didn't even realise that until right this second. Yeah, of course.
Yeah, Russell Crowe, it's just a job for him, isn't it? And, of course, Johnny Depp is the best book collector in the world, and suddenly he's like, what do you mean I've got to get a book? I can't wait to talk about The Night of Go. I fucking love that movie.
She finishes that little segment by saying, we do end up getting ourselves into situations that we never expected until it's too late. She says, I don't have any real special requests. Just do what you do, which you do best.
I've tried listening to other podcasts that review horror films, but none of them compare in any shape or form to the way you guys do it. Thank you for being you, and...
for doing what you do in the way that you do it. It's my honour and privilege to help support you. I wish I could do more. Signed, Sheila, the Blind Watcher, Blaine. She's put that in brackets. Foot rubs. You fly over and do some foot rubs first.
That's amazing. Sheila, thank you so much. I really appreciate it. I really appreciate the fact that you've obviously checked out some of our film podcasts and come back to ours. I...
i've got one which i listened to which was the first podcast i ever listened to and i still listen to those guys um the odd movie here and there they do that i like i check in on that but apart from that not really that many
um i've struggled it with myself i like go oh it's like i said earlier that's really good film um for good films then like the sound or qualities are really bad or
jibber jabber for ages or etc so yeah i'm really happy with that and so much thank you so so much for supporting us we really appreciate and obviously what you're doing at the moment is absolutely enough thank you so much yeah absolutely you don't need to give more what you're sending me thank you sending us that email
and taking the time and we have as I mentioned in the last episode we've been corresponding by email you know fairly regularly and it's fun it's nice to get to know our listeners you're good like that Dan oh crap like that that's why I don't chat to anybody
But yeah, thank you, Sheila. And any time that Gavitron and Dynamite Dan need, you know, like the Avengers, what did you do? I just transformed. Ah, okay.
Anytime that Gavitron and Dynamite Dan are in trouble, like the Avengers, we will call upon the Blind Watcher to come in and save the day for us. Are we now a bunch of superheroes? Yeah, we're forming our own Avengers team. Gavitron.
The Blind Watcher and Dynamite Dam. I'm just a big robot going around. I'm like... Yeah, and I'm just blowing up. Blowing things up. I think your head blows.
And then just when we can't quite win, they go, oh, who's this coming over there? She's got a white stick. She's not going to do anything. Suddenly she's like... Ninjaing that white stick into everyone's faces. She's got a sword in that white stick, I bet you. Oh, yeah.
i bet you yeah if i ever have to have a cane i'm having a wolf's cane with a sword
Well, why wouldn't you? Of course. If anyone's got a cane, you should go up to them in the street, kick their cane from them so they fall over and say, that's what you get because it's not a wolf's cane. Unless they've got a wolf's cane, then stay away because it's got a sword in it.
Well, they're either a werewolf or they fun. Or they're the craze. Or they've got a fucking sword. Either way, stay away from... Especially if it's a werewolf with a sword. I wouldn't want to mess with that. A were-sword. A sword wolf. Sword wolf. Sword wolf.
anyway it's like swordfish yeah anyway anyway so that's that thank you Sheila we really really appreciate that shall we have some fun and get into this episode let's get into the ninth gate
Let's do this. We're going to go straight into some Johnny Depp action. Squeeze into some Johnny Depp. Here we go. May I take a look? All my own rare editions have the same protagonist, the devil.
Only the supreme masterpiece was missing. The Nine Gates is a kingdom of shadows. A book reputed to have been written by Satan himself. I want you to go to Europe. I want you to get it for me. You mean the devil won't show up?
Reputed to conjure up the Prince of Darkness in person. Some books are dangerous.
You don't know what you're getting yourself into, Mr. Corso. Get out before it's too late. I'm afraid it already is.
to break the arrows of misfortune and fear neither noose nor father.
There have been men who have been burned alive for just a glimpse of what you are about to witness.
The ninth gate from 1999. Oh, the world's going to end it's 1999. Party like it's 1999 and everything else. I remember 1999. Anyway. Back up your computer. Exactly.
This movie is rated 15. It's in 2013. I didn't know that because this movie is so fun that you don't care. A dealer of rare books finds himself at the heart of a string of paranormal events.
which is hard to find the last two copies of a text capable capable capable capable of summoning the devil of course capable sorry
I get that shit wrong. Starring Johnny Depp. It's Polanski. I'm going to quickly talk about Polanski. I know you said you wouldn't. I will very, very, very, very quickly do it. Really, the man should be in America.
really not be fucking run away from his crime that he did which was a 14 year old girl who's taking photos of gave her some drink and some drugs and ended up having sex with her
It's not a good thing to do. I've got to say... 13. Was it 13? Right, yeah. And I think he should have owned up to that shit.
to be honest with you, if you're going to do that shit. And he's never done it since, but I think you should do that. Well, I don't know that. But anyway, that's all I'm going to say of it. Out of film directors in the world...
out there like this dude is polanski what a fucking life though like the whole sharon tate and the charlie manson stuff connection there the fact that he had to go through like the war the way he did
um it's quite in what what a crazy life you know but still when when fled america from his crime and um wouldn't come back because obviously they're they're doom
um so um he carried on making films um so it's one of those things um like we said we kind of just kind of looked the other way a little bit with him i suppose really um because this is a fantastic film taken from a novel
Yeah, it's our second Polanski movie. We covered Rosemary's Baby a long time ago. Johnny Depp famously said...
He didn't care what this film was. He just wanted the chance to work with Polanski. Which is so funny, isn't it? Yeah, well, that's the thing, isn't it? It's really funny because, obviously, he's still making films. People still go watch his movies. We are talking about his film.
We're not that bothered. It's one of those films, isn't it? The film itself...
It also stars Frank Nangella, Skeletor, from the Masters of the Universe movie. Who is a scary aboding figure in this, isn't he? The character that he plays...
is a big... But he's not that big. It's just the way the camera puts him out makes him like a big, high-up person. But he's got strength as well as...
brain as well as money. He looks like just an imposing figure. There's a couple of times where you don't even see him. You hear him on the phone and he's scary. He's saying, you will go and get that book from me right now. It's when he's talking to him and then there's a gap.
And he doesn't say anything, and then he replies. But he's great, Frank Nangella. So Skeletor's in this as well, which is great for me, and Johnny Depp. And there's a bunch of other people in this as well. Polanski's wife? Yes, Polanski's wife is in this. He's a main...
Spoiler, she plays Satan. Well, we think. We'll get to our theory. She plays the devil. But I don't want to talk about Blansky too much. No, that's it. What I will say is he has a very good eye.
for a certain type of film, which works well here. He's a good filmmaker. Yeah, because Rosemary's Baby had, the whole way through, there was an unsettling nature throughout the whole thing, and the same with this. Now...
This is a Gav film through and through, and I love this one, but you love it even more so. This is a Gav film through and through. The reason I say that is there's elements from this.
The main thing really is the omen, particularly the latter part of the omen where they're doing the investigating.
When we talked about The Omen, we said, oh, we'd love that to just be a film. And this is kind of it, really, because you've got Johnny Depp, who's on this mission. It's like a video game. He's got to recover three books, three copies of this book from all around the world.
So he's got to go to these different spooky places and spooky mansions and rich people that have got lots of money and power. And it's kind of like that kind of quest thing.
But it's done in a really gothic, nice, slow burn way. It doesn't feel like it's two hours and 13 minutes long. It flies by because you're going from location to location. The other interesting thing watching this is...
considering it was made in 1999 so it's 26 years old now it's got a lot of stuff in it relating to like the diddy and the hollywood and
And the kind of like what people are willing to do to get power. Are they in a cult? Are they sacrificing children? Are they sacrificing people? There's a lot of that kind of talk in it as well, which is really interesting considering Polanski.
obviously adapted it from a novel yeah well that whole thing has been going for since the dawn of time though fucking orgies and trying to summon stuff I just thought it was it was quite interesting and relevant
to re-watch this now in the light of the last couple of years worth of stuff that's been coming out. That's because it's highlighted in your head at the moment, the whole P. Diddy thing. He's at the moment, I love the fact that we're not going to get on to politics or anything. I love the fact that P. Diddy's kind of like been put...
side for the moment because it's just now epstein list again it's the forefront you know but all deviants it always comes down to the deviants and this has some deviants in it as well it does well don't shit in johnny depp's bed so um
Amber turd. What a thing to do. Did she not think before she shat in his bed? Ah, what rhymes with amber? But nothing. Oh, how about turd? Word? Curd?
What I love about our Patreon episodes is that our Patreon supporters, when they select the films, they've no idea the tangents that they're setting up for us to go down. And here we are talking about pooing in Johnny Depp's bed.
you know she probably thought she'd have probably thought there was going to be some highbrow Polanski you know and we will get into some of that but we're just talking about poo because that's what we do and Skeletor of course because Frank Nangelis in this
But before we get into the film and break it down, it's beautifully shot, isn't it, Gav? Absolutely. And any film you shoot in Europe and around Europe is going to have that.
quality to it but polanski puts a specific i don't know how what he does and how he makes it feel i wouldn't say necromantics okay but um
It's beautifully shot and it's got that kind of, it is quite a romantic film in ways because you've got Johnny Depp smoking a cigarette, having a whiskey and everyone in it is having a whiskey and having a cigarette.
you know we're in france and then we're in this country and then we're in that country i like the fact it's kind of 1999 it's it's the end it's before we go into the 2000s and get to where we are nowadays with vapes and
legal weed and oh yes you're doing then as and just all sorts uh things like that um we're back in a time when it was still like
smoking cigarettes everywhere like even like you do you mean that sort of thing and like a more simpler time before the internet it feels very european though that feels very european oh absolutely i was at a party the other night saturday night dude they had the
um soft pack and it was like cigars but i'm not this big king edwards with cigarettes and there's all got for europe so i remember being in spain and there's a 15 year old and quickly sneaking away from my parents and going off to kiosk and saying half package
Cheapest cigarettes please. Getting the cheapest cigarettes and then being a little soft pack, really small, no filter.
And the fucking most gnarliest tobacco. And I probably lost 10 years of my life at 15. Probably smoking one of those cigarettes. But yes, that was in Spain. Europe is very much, back in the day then, a lot of smoking and stuff.
But it's a really well-crafted film, and it kind of ends in a way that we'll get to when we get to the end. We have a theory, which Gav's already alluded to, because it doesn't fully reveal quite what...
what's going on you can kind of make your own mind up about it and i think most people probably feel the same as gav and i about this what the what
what the main driving factor of this is but that's the whole point is that it's a mystery and he's just got to collect these three items which all happen to be three copies of a book
which are written by the devil. That is such a cool... That's it. That's all you need.
It's literally like, right, so there's a book detective, someone who's a lot of money is hiring a book detective to just authenticate two other books around the world.
to his one because he thinks he's got the only one and it was written by lucifer
what the fuck so just check those other two copies i don't think they're real and and johnny depp lasted for the whole time he's like what why why do you want that just to make sure so you can uh summon the devil and he's like laughing at him and jesting at him because uh i guess everyone that knows this book knows
idea of this book is if you say the scripture or you say what the pictures are or certain things you can bring satan back i don't really know the actual outcome what they're expected to do with this i think they want to summon him to get
ultimate power oh so summon for yourself a power for yourself that's exactly what it is because at the end obviously he sets himself afar and he's like I feel nothing then stops going ow ow you fucking dickhead um
Yeah, but the film concept is great. And obviously coming from a novel, like it's...
obviously not just because a novel has some pedigree but it has something out there already it's got some substance obviously someone liked it someone's thought this is pretty good and the concept of it is really good obviously this came out as a book so that must be great to read that as a book
about a book detective looking for free books. That's really cool.
And this was the last thing I'll say really before we get into is this was Johnny Depp in his heyday as well. And I used to consider him my favourite actor for a very long time because what I really liked about him was he just seemed to pick films.
that he liked to sound off. Which is why he worked with Tim Burton a couple of times. A couple? Two or three times. He's worked...
he's just done random films you know that he's wanted to do it wasn't really until he got that pirates money that he's in my opinion sort of not sold out you know he's got older and he wants to make films for his kids he said which is fine but
I didn't really like some of those later pirate movies in the Alice in Wonderland and some of the other stuff like Willy Wonka, but...
I loved him when he was just stripped back to just being him. The thing is with Johnny Depp, I feel like the dude himself is a film lover through and through. He loves movies. He loves watching movies as much as Tarantino does, you know. And I think because of his love for movies...
And the fact that he is very born to be an actor, I'd say. He's very natural at doing that. He can play a lot of different character roles, no problem. He's played all sorts. All sorts. All sorts. Played Willy Wonka too, fucking it, you know.
everybody um so yeah i think i think he's you're right this is like heyday johnny depp and his acting and this is it's one of those things as well um i've seen a fair few polanski films
and his films are all generally sort of the same um there doesn't seem to be like a crazy amount of over directing but he obviously knows the direction he wants to go with the film
And it kind of flows fairly well, quite easily. And it all just, as you're watching the film as well, and the way it's been edited as well, it is just a very easy, easy viewing experience, you know. And I think with his actors, he can...
get them to not act really and just act there's a difference there's acting and there's acting there's acting when you can just act and there's acting which is forced terrible acting which is over the top but if you could just pull it back
and just be natural and just be that character and throw the script because the idea is who was it oh fuck it found it out recently so there's someone oh fuck it i can't remember who it is they read their script i think it's like 120 times
or something like that which sounds crazy but once they do that they rip it up and they don't look at it again because at that point they've they are that character so whatever happens they are
They are that person. Do you know what I mean? And it's apparently a really good way to do it. 120 times. That's crazy. Well, I feel like this was one of the last films where when you hire Johnny Depp, you hire him because you want him to just be Johnny Depp. Yeah. There's a few actors that are like that. But not like Jason Statham.
from Jason Statham you don't mean that because Johnny Depp like in this it would be I'm going to see what is the film before and after Johnny Depp is kind of well you know he did Secret Window and a few movies around this time where he was
kind of fidgety, chain-smoking, drinking kind of person, you know. So I feel like... when you hire Johnny Depp, particularly in the 90s, you're getting, you know what you're getting, and Polanski needed that, because this movie is the Johnny Depp show.
you know obviously frank langela's in it here and there there's a few other characters but the other thing of this show is the story the story the mystery intrigue of the story is so so good because we're with him we're with him the whole way we we don't know what is going on you know the first time you see this
you're like you're just going with him to europe then one of his mates gets killed and then something else happens to him and then he meets this girl and you're like what is happening you these people that are after him what's going on yeah it's got a great mystery element to it which is another reason
you say i like it um before that um oh okay a year before that a totally different role in fear and lovin in las vegas fantastic fantastic
Then the film after that, The Astronaut's Wife, I don't know. That's all right. But in the same year, actually, he did, that's the same year, he did also Sleepy Hollow. There we go. Talking to Tim Burton. Yeah.
He is, yeah, in 2003 he stopped doing Pirates of the Caribbean and yeah, I'd say it, yeah, you know, whatever. He makes films for his kids now and that's fine, you know, I understand that.
But I prefer Johnny when he's a bit edgier. But let's get into this, Gav. Let's get into the ninth game and break the stone for Sheila and break the stone for our listeners. Yeah, but it's a fantastic film. So we're going to go on a little journey now, guys.
so we start off with an opening scene where we're not quite sure what's happening there's a man dressed in red so the devil motifs are all the way through this so the man dressed in red sitting at a desk
And he's writing a letter. It turns out he's writing a suicide letter because the camera, really nice little bit of Polanski camera work here. The camera just focuses over to the side where there's a stall.
just randomly in the middle of the room and then pans up to see a noose hanging from the chandelier and you get the straight away you get the idea okay this guy's writing his suicide note because he's
You know, he looks a bit stressed and a bit worried. He puts the lesser in an envelope and then just casually climbs up on the stool, kicks the stool away and hangs himself. Mystery.
and that's the opening and then the camera pans over to a bookshelf um and as we get closer and closer we realize there's a book that's missing and this will be the the nine gates
um which is the title of this film is the ninth gate but i believe the book that they're searching for is the nine gates um which is confusing but not um yeah so there we go we've got a suicide a missing book
This could be an episode of Muradishiro without, I mean, they wouldn't have someone kill themselves in Muradishiro, of course, but yeah, and then we get a nice little creepy score. I just read, read, I just counted six, I think it's six films of Burton, which I did.
Johnny Depp. Six. We go into the credits now.
The most creepy score. Yeah, yeah. The score's pretty decent. Yeah, it's fine. And then we are in America. We're not really, because Plansky's not allowed in America, but we're pretending we're in America.
In New York we are. And Johnny Depp is appraising a book collection. So... basically it's one of those situations unfortunately like like i've told the story before when i got that man's film collection for 25 pound
and i felt i felt kind of bad so i gave more money to charity because i was just like man i feel bad taking this but the wife was like don't give a shit just get rid of it and it's like that's some pretty good films here and this guy's okay all right
This is basically a gentleman's had a... It looks like he gets a stroke or something, can't really move anymore. And his son, I think, and daughter-in-law are selling his books, probably to...
for medical treatment or whatever and this is just unfortunate it's just one of those things that happen especially as us collectors because I've got a film collection as well and a vinyl collection is you do think of these things as a collector what's going to happen of them
at one point someone's gonna have to go through them i was thinking i'm gonna have to write a list of my movies which ones are worth money but that's one signed by toby it's an original pre-sert texas don't fucking sell that cheap you know that sort of thing but um and this is what's happened there and this they've got johnny depp into praise
the book collection and he's going through the books giving them the sort of value and stuff like that which which he gets a bit sneaky he's seen something he likes he he keeps a poker face though he doesn't and he just sort of says
This collection is great, though. He's basically Donald Trump. He's basically giving them a blow and then giving them something good. So he's basically going, this collection here is worth loads. Don't let them go for... Oh, my God, guys. But this one here...
i'll give you a few bucks for it now if you like i'll give you four thousand dollars for it cash now if you want if you want but it's nothing great
it's like you're because he obviously knows who he's dealing with here um because if it's me and i straight away he's gone but i give you 4 000 but it's not worth much really you'd be like well obviously it is but anyway
They do not know this. The guy who has had a stroke sits in his chair and kind of just grits his teeth because he knows he's talking shit. And they flog it. And on the way out...
way out of the collection he said anything more don't let this collection go for anything less than whatever prize and on the way out he meets this meets this so
so perfect if you imagine right what shut your eyes what's a book collector look like possibly and there's this guy with little bow tie glasses and he says you're scroofius you're not spitting and start shaking his finger at
Johnny Depp, because he says, oh, what are you doing here? You've already got here. And then...
He goes to his mate's bookshop in a minute and his mate says, I was just on the phone to the dude who he's just met then. He says, you said to the family that they shouldn't go for that much. You gave him like some crazy price. Now he's really fuming at you.
And it's just, all of a sudden, you know exactly who Johnny Depp is and what his game is. Even though this is the world of book appraising, which isn't going to blow anyone's doors off. You've still got players. You've still got players within it. And Johnny Depp.
he's out to just make a quick buck but also yeah
He wants to tell... He's a good salesman. He tells them a few truths. We know he's slightly dishonest. And then when it comes down to the role that he's going to do for this film as a mystery and going to collect this book...
It needs someone who possibly bends the rules slightly here and there to get something. And they know this. He doesn't mind...
breaking the law occasionally. So he's purchased these four Don Quixote volumes from this guy and his siblings.
um his children um for four thousand dollars and they're worth you know a lot more than that he knows that they don't know that so like you say he goes to his friend then bernie bernie's books yeah and he's like bernie's all right
He's like Blaze Sky. What's really good, Johnny Depp's character, Dean Corso's his name. Let's just say Dean or whatever. I don't even really know that. I don't even pay attention to it.
But what's good about it is straight away we know what his character's like from just that interaction there. And we also know that he really doesn't probably have any friends.
because he's kind of the way he is. And this guy at the bookshop's probably, I think he even says at one point, I'm probably your only friend or something like that, which is quite interesting. But I like his mate. He's all right. He just sounds like a regular bookshop.
Well, he says to him, I've got these Don Quixote ones and he says, I can't believe you got them for such a good price. You're such a son of a bitch. Yeah. Yeah. And he says the exchange, you know, he's just had on the telephone with the other book.
appraiser and he's furious with you etc and he's like well anyway can you shift these for me he's like yeah yeah i'll sell these at a really good price for you don't worry so it's kind of like his like dealer or whatever you know he helps him shift them and they were harder to sell books
and there's this underworld of books and secret books and collecting books that i've had this with final collection when i got to a point that there was a certain point for a couple of years that i was quite heavy into final collecting
certain shops you go to car boot sales like that but got to the point when you'd see the other collectors
and then you start seeing them so you'd see them at the car boot sale and you see them go one way and they might see you and you go fuck so you have to run down the other side and what working backwards as quick as you can
Because they're going forward or whatever. You're like, shit. Or you're both at the same box going, oh, fucking hell. And it's a real thing. It really is, you know. Well, he gets his call. Dean gets...
called to the balkan press building so balkan boris balkan is played by frank nangela he is he's got a lot of money
And he calls Johnny Depp to his big building. And when Johnny gets there... Yeah, it's his whole building, isn't it? It's like Trump Towers, for example. He owns like this... book publishing company which is you know multi-million dollar and
he calls johnny he's called johnny in because he wants to ask him something so johnny gets there and boris belkin is giving a lecture on demonic books and literature and witches and
Johnny Depp's character, again, we get a little bit more, he's just so blasey, he just falls asleep. And when he's woken up at the end, he says, oh, did I snore? And he says...
well that's nice of you to say so no not that i noticed and it's just the way that and that response what's nice of you to ask like and he says i really like the way they are these two actually he says to johnny says the dean
you're a very shady character and i understand your reputation you are willing to sometimes do things that other people want to obtain certain books yes so i wanted to ask you something so they get in the lift and if you notice when they get in the lift the code to the penthouse is
Six. Six. Six. So cheap of fucking Boris Bank Balkin, isn't it? How cheap is that? Mr. Balkin, we're just sorting out the lift code. We're just setting up. What code do you want for it?
666. Fucking hell. But then we find out that he's worked for him before because he says, you know, you might not like what I do, Mr. Corso, to Johnny Depp, but...
you keep coming back for work and he says well you you pay me very well so i don't need to he says i don't need to like you you pay me well you're a customer sort of thing and it's it
Yeah, I like the fact it's just Johnny Depp's like, I'm just out to get money. He's not a bastard. He's like, as long as I can buy coffee, whiskey and cigarettes, that's all I need. So just give me the money.
and it kind of you can imagine that this kind of character because he gets laid twice in this as well but you can imagine like this character not like james bond but you imagine he goes around the world just doesn't really he might have a home but it's probably got like a microwave and a couple of ready mills
and a dead plant in it and he never he's never there that sort of thing he's just always going around the world trying to make money occasionally having sex with some random lady who then beats him up you know
I'm an antique book appraiser. Check me out. Sex stud.
So Boris does something he's never done before. He lets Johnny Depp into his special library, his collection. Basically, it's like an occult collection. And it's like behind this like Silence of the Lambs type big glass.
store then it's kind of got this like kind of rocky sort of
area with the bookshelves it's like what the fuck that's you got some money to own that shit that's for sure he says um you're one of only a few people that i've ever allowed back here this is my personal private collection and it's the largest collection of books
on the devil in the world. Every book in this is about the devil or the occult, mainly the devil. Isn't that crazy? You'd be like, what is up with his fascination with the devil? You would be, for sure.
he says to him um i won't tell you how much this is worth but you can imagine i spent the majority of my life obtaining every book in here and i've almost completed
completed it but there's a couple of little things missing and i want to show you something here and he brings him over to the book the book he said have you heard of this book the nine gates
And Johnny looks at it and he says, yeah, yeah, I've heard of this. Of course, you know, everybody in my line of work has heard of this book. And he says, do you want to look at it? So he looks through the pages and he gives a bit of the backstory, which is, you know, the...
Johnny Depp gives us, the viewer, he says, apparently it was written by the devil himself and all the illustrations in it were by the devil. It's all a legend though, right? The guy's like, well, is it?
Whether it is or not, there are only three copies in the world and I want to know if my copy is the authentic copy. So your mission, should you choose to accept it, is...
to go off to, I believe it's Portugal and France, to authenticate whether or not my copy is real or those ones aren't. Is this a Mission Impossible with Tom Cruise?
I'm going to have to hang on to an aeroplane wing to get there, okay?
And so he says, okay, and you want me to do this because you think this book was written by Satan himself? He says, yes. He says, apparently, the book, if it's authentic, can conjure up the Prince of Darkness himself.
giving you ultimate power and all of your dreams wealth beyond your wildest dreams all that kind of stuff johnny deaf just thinking
How much? How much you pay me, though? That's the main thing. And he says, money's no expense. He gives him a cheque. We don't see how much is on the cheque. But later on, he gives a cheque, and he says, it's quite a big cheque. And he happily takes a job. Later on, he says to him, we'll just put a zero on the end.
of your check. What sort of figure were you saying to then just put a zero on the end? Was he getting paid 500,000? Yeah. And then another zero on the end?
Is I okay? Like, you know, that seems quite a lot. He says to him, if you do find the real one, the other part of the mission, the side quest is, you then have to buy it for me, no matter what. Side quest! Side quest!
he says i tell you money is no object mom i don't like this sega game it's rubbish the side quest is collecting some book i don't like it
He says to him, if you do find out that another copy other than mine is the original, you've got to buy it for me. Money's no object. And no matter what happens, you've got to buy it. I don't care what you have to do. Then he gives him the check.
And he says, obviously, I'll pay for all your flights and everything else. So Johnny's like, hmm, interesting. So he goes home. Of course, he smokes a cigarette. And he's looking at the books and he's thinking, do I do this? Do I not do this? I'm not sure. Of course, he's going to do it. Otherwise, there wouldn't be a film.
Dean then goes to visit a woman who is the widow of the man who hung himself, so the original owner of that book. We find out, and he goes there and he says,
I want to speak to you about this book. And she said, oh, I recognise that book. He says, yeah, yeah, your husband who hung himself last week, this was his book. She was like, well, how have you got it? Yeah, it was his just before he hung himself last week.
okay that's weird it's a bit isn't it but Dean's like I'm not going to tell you where I got it from all I can tell you is and this is a spoiler here the
The lady, the widow, we don't rethink anything of her. She's not a major character in the film, whatever like that. Actually, spoiler, she was actually the one who actually wanted to book and got her husband to pay for it because he had lots of...
lots of money or whatever. So she is the one that wanted to book, which we don't know that just yet, though. Yeah, because it's going to give her the equivalent of Danny Moore's substance. We're in the dark with Depp on this, Depp's character at this moment.
So she plays dumb she says I don't know how you got that book and he says what I can't tell you my you know that the person who's hired me i can't tell you his name but um well your husband sold it to him yeah she's not done there she didn't know that that happened but and we don't know that
We're assuming... So what are we assuming here? Boris Balkin got one of his cronies.
what is it because he gets in he does actually commit suicide and writes a note and stuff but it's almost did he reckon he does some black
magic power or even maybe yeah before the book i don't know there must be something going on there that he provoked him into doing that and obviously knowing he's going to do it selling that book just beforehand or just taking that book from the collection after it's sold
we don't know what happened there that's like another story but there's something dodgy happened she does slip up a little bit because she does say she knows a little bit about it she says oh he bought it in spain i do know that she gives a little bit of detail on it and then she says oh do you want to see
the library my husband's library i don't know why she gives him any information at all it's like she's really she should be like i know nothing about it
Well, he's charming, isn't he? Yeah, but she has an alternative motive. She wants that book. She needs that book back that he's got. He goes into the library of this guy who hung himself and the chandelier's still got...
broken off the ceiling look she hasn't got that repaired or anything obviously she's still grieving and he has a look around the library and he says um can i just ask you about your husband did your husband andrew ever use the book she's like what do you mean use the book in uh
in rituals and she's like what are you talking about do you believe in this devil nonsense as well do you oh for goodness even though she does so he leaves he leaves the house and then um
He does some research in a library, and then he spots a girl. Emmanuel Signor, who is Polanski's wife, who plays a character called The Girl.
She's got very striking eyes and he spots her a couple of times in the library. She's sort of spying on him and he thinks that's very strange. And while he's looking through the book, there's some great artwork in there. It's a bit like the Necronomicon. There's some great sketchings and etchings of...
you know, people being hung and burnt and demons and that kind of thing. So he's looking through this bird and this girl shows up a couple of times in the library and then vanishes. Anyway, he gets home.
And his house has been, it's the classic, his house has been ransacked. Someone's looking for the book. So he thinks this is getting a bit strange. So he goes back to his buddy Bernie's books.
I wish it was Ray Stance's occult books. Yeah. He tells his body that he's been broken into and his mates are like, well, surely this has, obviously this is because they're looking for that book that you've got, obviously.
and he says look i want to tell you what really what's going on here i've been hired by boris balkan to um basically go and try and find the other two copies of this and make sure that
Which one of them is the real one, the authentic one? And he's like, oh, okay. And that's where he says, obviously, that book's the reason why your place got broke into. It's like a million-dollar book.
so like can you stash it for me here because you know i can't be walking around with this he says to him i don't know if i want to do that for you but i was surprised that balkan didn't have some sort of briefcase
handcuff type job laid up with a book to go into to keep it in good condition rather than just get Johnny Depp in his satchel just to go on the train and probably forget it. I know, I was thinking that. I find that really a bit odd and I think that's a touch of detail which should have been put into it but...
Because he's sort of walking around with a bag full of, like, whiskey and cigarettes, just knocking against the book in his satchel. Oh, yeah, yeah, just smoking all over the books. Like the good Baroness later on says, nobody smokes with my book collection. Yeah, I'm surprised that everybody else
seems to be smoking all over the fucking place he does spot someone's legs outside um through the window so again someone's spying on him
He gets home and he's chilling out at home with another whiskey and another cigarette. And there's a ring wrong at the doorbell. And it's the widow from earlier. And she says, look, he is packing for the airport at the moment when she turns up as well.
She says, I want the book back. And she says, he says, well, I'm not going to do that because it's not your book anymore. Your husband sold it to Balkan.
She says, well, maybe we could stage a theft, you know? And he's like, hmm. He's suspicious now. And then she shows him her pants, her underwear. She's going to show her pants.
Because he says to her, how do I know you're not packing a gun? She says, trust me. She lifts up her skirt and says, there's nothing under here. And he's like, oh, hello. She does come across quite sexy. So then she grabs his cock.
Through his trousers, of course. To the point, yep. Straight there, and she starts kissing him, and they start making out. Bonking! And, yeah, while they, and then when they finish, they're, like, lying on the ground afterwards.
line on the ground afterwards there's this brilliant line this is so good she's trying to find the book in his bag
and she says where's the book and he's like well i can't tell you where it is and she says don't with me dean and he's like i thought i just did she jumps on him pulls his hair back and starts scratching at him just going crazy
She bites him as well, on the face. And they have, like, a massive bite. And then she smashes a bottle over his head and knocks him out. I was thinking about this. He's just had sex. He's sitting there going...
like literally 60 seconds ago he was you know it was it was happening yeah and then all of a sudden he's into a fight mode
Let me enjoy it for 10 minutes, please. I'll tell you what, after an orgasm, I couldn't fight anyone. I need about half an hour lying down, then about an hour's kip. I don't need half an hour lying down, but yes.
Well, anyway, he's been knocked out. And later on, he wakes up. He calls Bernie, his buddy. There's no answer. So he leaves a voicemail saying, Bernie, Bernie, something's happened to me.
I shagged a woman and she knocked me out with a bottle. It's all going a bit weird. I'm going to come and see you. So he gets a taxi to Bernie's house. Well, Bernie's shop. There's no one there. And he walks in. Bernie? Bernie? Bernie? And he walks in.
and he finds bernie and what what's bernie doing gav when he finds him he's hanging he's about this is a spoiler into he's basically been killed he's hanging upside down one leg
hanging the other leg is folded over which we find out is actually uh one of the deaths simulated in a picture form in the book that uh donnie depp has on him
Yeah, so it's a depiction of one of the ways that the devil will kill you. But basically his mate's dead. Yeah, which is, you know, fuck.
Someone died. He knows, yeah, straight away. This is the point, I imagine this is probably about 30 minutes into the film. This is the point when it's like, okay, this is when...
it all turns uh it's become a bit serious the main actor's like oh fuck this is like i'm in deep now there's no getting out
this is i've got to go further and investigate that sort of thing which is great and it's perfect this thing but he knows also where the book is hidden obviously these people didn't know and uh he just pulls this thing away and finds
finds the book. I presume the person that's doing the murders is, in fact, the white-haired guy, who's her... Yeah, the albino, as he calls him. Yeah, oh, okay, cool. The one that she has with her is, like, her bodyguard.
Yeah. So within 24 hours of him being hired by Balkan, he's had his...
his apartment ransacked, he's had sex with a widow who then knocked him out with a bottle and then his buddy, his only buddy in the whole wide world has been killed and hung upside down in his bookshop. And he now knows, even though this job, because he's getting paid a lot of money and unfortunately some...
times this happens you get paid a lot of money there's generally reasons for it his life is now in danger and he knows this but he is about to jump on an airplane so at least he's getting the fuck out of there
Well, he tries to quit. He jumps in a phone booth and he calls Balkan and says, I quit. And he's like, nobody quits on me, Mr. Corso. And he's like, well...
My buddy, Bernie, you remember him? He's dead now. And that's all because they were trying to find the book. So whatever the fuck you're getting me into, I'm not interested. And he says, I'm not going to let you quit. I'll add another zero to your check.
and you'll be getting on that plane. And the next shot we see is him on the plane. So if he's getting paid 500,000, put another zero on there, what is it, 5 million?
no it'll be it'll be like he was getting paid like i don't know ten thousand dollars now it's a hundred thousand dollars or something it'll be something like that you think okay yeah but yeah so the next shot is him on a plane
And he's making some sketches in the book, in a book separately, you know, and he's doing some more studying of this book. And then he realises, oh shit, Bernie's death.
is actually in this book the way he was hanging upside down with his leg crossed over it's just like in this nine gates book how strange that should that should freak you out a little bit he's in portugal
And he walks into a little tiny gothic bookshop run by twins, old Portuguese twins. Were they actually twins or was it one person they filmed twice? It looks like one person. Yeah, it's one person.
but it's cool it's a cool little thing that they got oh and and whenever you ever whenever you happen to do this with just one actor and you have them doing two roles twins in the same shot together and same frame it's always nice to do and this one's done really well
Really well. It's not like Van Damme. It's not the effects from that. It's done much better than that. It's more like Nutty Professor where Eddie Murphy interacts with himself in multiple roles. It's done very well. But he's talking to these Portuguese twins. He's a man who speaks...
languages as well johnny depp um and he's he discusses the book and says you know i i hear i'm looking for this book um uh that she said oh sorry he's in spain at this point
and she said she bought it from you guys uh well she says andrew bought it from you and he's like it was actually the woman that bought the book from us and he thinks what and he says yeah the the woman you're talking about is the one that orchestrated the buying of this book
um and let me just re-examine it yeah this is the book that we sold to to that woman yeah yeah and this one this one's not fake unless someone's a master forger this one doesn't even fit and let me show you something on here and he shows him
the signings of the it gives them a bit more information each illustration has got a signature like a little initial in the corner but certain ones of them have lcf and johnny dubb says well who what does that mean he's like come on mr corso think about it and then he's like oh shit lucifer
he's like yes the legend is that certain illustrations in this book were drawn by lucifer himself that's why they're signed lc have only a few of them out of like the 10 pictures in this book it's only like four of them it's such a nice little uh touch
To add. Just there, the magnifying glass. Look down in the picture like an artist signs their picture. Just down there. Some of these pictures here, that's different. But this one, LCF.
That's Lucifer. Lucifer's gone and done some drawings. He's like fucking Adolf, isn't he? And of course, these two don't believe it. Of course, they're just like book.
antique booksellers and buyers but they they know the legend and he doesn't really believe at this point but as he walks outside we get a bit of an omen um
thing here almost because suddenly a whole bunch of scaffolding collapses in the spot where he was just and he has to run a little bit to get away from it when he just just escapes death hmm
it's it's nice it's less is more they do this once and that's it um it's a strange one it's almost like i wonder if they should have done a bit more but then that might have been too ohm and too much and is that like basic but it's a weird one because
spoiling this again what we've thought this film is is actually the devil is this lady she bones johnny depp we think and then it wants him to join her
or him to have the powers of the devil yeah that's slightly different to my theory but very similar but so why would so why would the scaffold have been fallen down because i think they wanted to kill him and get the book from him at this point they're not interested in joining them
No, so you don't think this is a mystery element. You think this is the widow in a bodyguard upstairs on the roof fucking knocking his gap on him? Yeah, because they've been spying on him. Right. Because...
the way the film is it makes you think it's a creepy factor when watching it you think it's like devil doing it and that's what I was saying why does the devil want to do that if they want him to join them so yeah
exactly it reminds me of like in the in the omen or something you know where lightning strikes a tree trying to stop the person doing the task but actually they want him to do the task they want to join him is what we're finding out but just not the widow well he jumps on a train in spain
and he heads over to Portugal and while he's on the train he's examining the devil's drawings and he sees the girl from the library that he saw earlier on the train so he goes and questions her and he says
You know, have I seen you somewhere before? And she's like, oh, maybe. Guess my name. And he's like, um, okay, strange. She's just acting really, really weird. She's barely got anything to say, but she's absolutely stunning. And he just can't...
She's just weird and elusive and mysterious. And he says, are you anything to do with Balkan? I'm guessing you're a spy for Balkan.
you're going to be keeping an eye on me she doesn't give me any answers so he just thinks okay so he gets off the train in portugal and uh heads in a taxi over to a huge gothic mansion really amazing set
I'm not sure where this was filmed. And he gets to this, and it's so big that the doorbell is a rope. So he pulls this massive rope and rings the doorbell, and a man opens the door.
an old man and he says to him old band cock he says he's not naked he says come in mr corso would you like a brandy of course you would of course he would so he has a brandy with him and this this mansion is empty
it's almost empty there's nothing in it and the man explains to him you know i've had to sell everything off there's barely anything left um
there's only 800 books left in the library there used to be thousands of books that's all i've got left what are you here for and he says i'm here to examine your copy of the nine gates
And he says, oh, yes, you're welcome to take a look at it. Here it is. You know, this book's 3,000 years old, so this is why it's worth so much money. And he says, yeah, I do know a bit about this book, actually. And he says, look, here's another copy of it.
he says oh my goodness me you've got another copy of it well let's examine them side by side well yeah well yeah they open up have a look at it but he does say to me i'll give you permission to look very quickly i look at this guy he just lives out remote place out in france it's massive
old portugal sorry massive house quite an old fella and he used to have a massive book collection now he's just got a few books and room but the rest of the house as we see it's just bare
no furniture nothing he's just selling everything off isn't he yeah he hasn't got any money and he says that he well that's the trouble with these people i actually work quite a few times at people's these people's massive houses in like
christ almighty but inside cracks everywhere because they can't afford the upkeep on the building because it's so much and it's quite a sad life this old guy says to him i spend every day i come in this room
And I air the books out one by one. There's 800 of them. And I dust them. I air them. I make sure that they're upright. There's nothing. There's no damp. That's his life every day. But you've got to remember, he gets pleasure from that.
So you say it's sad. It's not for him. He thinks that's brilliant. Yeah, yeah. I kind of get it in a way because I like my solidarity and I like being alone and stuff and I can understand that. I don't have about 800 books every day.
I'd get bored. Well, initially they look at the books and they cannot see any differences. And the guy's like, this is incredible because there was no printing press 3,000 years ago. So the fact that they look identical... Solitude. I meant to say solitude. Solitude. Solidarity is...
I know. You've got to stop me when I say the wrong words because I can't help it. I don't worry about it. I like it. My favourite one is still when you say levitate instead of gravitate. I know, but you've got to help me.
Yeah, but I love it, and I love you. It's all weird. So they actually, after a while, they realise, well, Johnny Depp realises, ah.
The initials in the drawings are different on some of them. Some of them say LCF on different drawings in this other man's book. Yeah, and this matey said he would not sell it at any price.
he says i'm definitely not going to sell it so he makes some notes and what he does quite cleverly is he draws he makes a grid basically of all the drawings like one to ten or whatever and then each one he writes which one's got lcf in it and he realizes that
It's different ones. Different books. So actually...
yeah so he theorizes that the third book if he can find it and get to it will have the the drawings that aren't signed lcf that one will have them signed lcf so you need all three books and some pages from all three books put all those pages together and then say the
words and then that should be your magic
and then devil will appear and say how much money do you need uh so he says he says i'm gonna leave now and he leaves and just outside he nearly gets run over by a car just sitting there but all of a sudden the car reverses back again and the guy the fella gets out the album
old guy whoever gets out you know they look albino blonde hair looks like but um and then also the motorbikes there and just chasing they go and i get back in the car and it kind of motorbike chases the car off yeah
And it's a girl on a motorbike, and we can assume who this girl is. And he has already spoken to a lot. You said that, though, didn't you? On the train, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and so he knows... of her but he doesn't know at this point that that's her but that is her on the bike
so he's freaked out he manages to get back to his hotel in portugal and um he sits and smokes and then he notices the girl from the train um so he says on a motorbike
He says, oh, can I talk to you? Well, no, she's reading at the moment. Oh, she gets on the motorbike in a minute, and then he's like, oh, it was you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he says, do you have a motorbike? She says, yes, I do. But then he says, hang on a minute.
I got a phone call and the man's like, it's Mr. Balkan to speak to you. Oh no, it's the boss. He says...
how's your progress mr corso and he's like uh my progress very interesting um i did examine the book and i did find that there are some slight differences in them um some of them are signed lcf and he says
He just goes quietly and says, get that copy for me. He says, hang on a minute, he won't stand up. He says, get the copy for me. And then hangs up. Fucking hell.
all right i'll try and get that book for you then mr bulkin i'll do my best um and then there's a knock at the door in the middle of the night in his hotel room and it's the girl she's like oh we gotta go back to that place and he's like what
it's uh what are you doing oh we've got to go back there right now which would be like what do you mean we've got to go back there what for the guy's probably asleep but why are we going back there he's a bit weird yeah she says um
I'll give you a ride on my bike. This confirms it was definitely her. She knows that he's dead. Did she kill him? I don't think she did. But then she could have done. Because...
I know we're going to say what happens, but the book's in the fire. So who put the book in the fire to try and get rid of it? It's really weird, isn't it? You could theorise it over and over. Who is it? Yeah. So...
She, there's quite a comical Johnny Depp moment here where she's coming along on the motorbike with her helmet on. Oh, and he's going from either side. And he's just behind her, holding on to her. Just peering his head. No, he peers his head over to the right side.
Goes back, pierces his head over the left side. And of course, he's not wearing a helmet either, which is hilarious because he's thinking about his safety as well. They get to the Fargus's house. That was the old man's name.
She says, you know, he's not here. He's over there. And he says, where? They go up to the front door. Joy Dempsey, I think about the knocking. And she's like, no, no, no, he's not there. He's not there. Point's over there. He's over there.
so what and just walks over there and he's dead it's like how did you know that she must have killed him how does she know that he's dead in the pond he's dead in the pond and drowned um
with a bottle in there so we're assuming he well johnny depp's just guessing that he was pissed fell in the pond and drowned himself because there's an alcohol bottle right next to him um but surely he must be like how do you know this though
well they climb in up and break into his house into the mansion and there's signs of a struggle in there and then he finds his heart drops because he sees the book is on the fire smoldering yeah
only like maybe 30 percent of it has been burnt only a little bit of it is still there the front you flip open the first part sort of down them yes but which is it does question who did that
Who's trying to get rid of that book? Because they all want the book for the power. I don't understand. Let's jump to my theory now. I think it's her doing this because she doesn't want anyone to have Satan's power.
i think she works for say and i don't think she is satan but i think she doesn't want anyone to get the power so she's willing to destroy any other books so that no one could ever summon her boss or her if it's her
But also, I think as the film goes on and she sees how determined Johnny Depp is, she sees his character as quite worthy and thinks, well, actually, maybe he would make a good adversary for me and the devil. That's why at the end of it, she sort of...
offers yourself to him and offers the power to him a little bit I think you've got to be worthy
okay do you know what i mean yeah because he's so devious and twisted yeah i'll go so initially i think she's trying to put people off getting these three books because the devil doesn't want to share his power does he he's like well no it's mine for me and me alone but also he
It's not easy. You can't just get the devil's power. It's a fucking mission, like there's Johnny Depp's finding out in this. So anyway, he manages to pull that book off the fire and save most of it. What does he do with it, Gab? He puts it in the satchel with the other book. So he's got a burnt...
old ashy book and then it's in there with a nice fresh million dollar book yeah oh bulkan's gonna be furious he says to her how do you know so much about all of this and she just doesn't give him any answers at all on the airplane she was going to sleep yeah
they get to the airport their destination it's check-in and she he looks around and she fucking vanishes so it's not just before that she says she says whatever happens i'll look after you like a guardian angel
yeah she does seem quite it's the way she floats down as well it's very angel like yeah we'll come to that bit of kung fu wire of food in a minute um
anyway they land in france so we're in the third destination now she and well the fourth really uh he gets in a cab he checks into a hotel he's having a look at the burnt copy next to the original
you can still see the um the initials on the illustrations then he decides well i'm in france might as well go for a little walk around so he goes around and he enters a very very very grand building
And he goes in, because this is where he knows the third book is, and it's Baroness Kessler, who's a very rich lady again in a wheelchair. She's a book collector.
And he walks in to speak to her and they have a little conversation. And she says, look, I'm writing a biography about, you know, demon book collecting and this crazy hobby that I've got, books of the occult.
um she reveals to him well i was 15 mr corso i saw the devil
that's why i'm so interested in this and he's like what what do you mean you saw the devil she tells like a little story about she saw the devil when she was 15 and that's why she's obsessed with him and any books to do with him and that's why she'll
Never let anybody see her copy of Nine Gates. And she used to have orgies as well. Yeah, she said, I've been there, done that, I've done all the orgies, I've done all the rituals, and he's thinking, fucking hell, there's something here going on here then.
And this is where I started thinking of Hollywood now, when she started saying that. Been there, done that, been to the orgies. Puff Daddy passed me the baby oil, you know. Mr. Corso, I'm not interested in it. No way. I've done my rap career. I'm done.
He asks her about the book and she's a bit squirmy. She says, well, I don't really want anyone to see it.
And he says, well, I need to check its authenticity. She's like, well, you've come from Balkan then, obviously. But she does also say, like, a few people have been asking about this book recently, actually. Yeah, so she's had other visitors about this book.
She says, do you know the author of this book was burned at the stake, Mr Corso? And there's a secret society that's committed to protecting these three books and any other writings from this guy.
this is where she says my orgy days are over that now but she does say all the people in that cult that still exists who protect this book and any of the books related to this
They're in it for the money, the sex, the power, and all the success that comes from worshipping the prince of the darkness. Oh, Hollywood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, baby. Yeah.
Which is ironic that Polanski's making a film about that when he's already a bit of a deviant as well, do you know what I mean?
And like you said, she discovers he's from Balkan and she just says he should come in himself instead of sending a wolf in sheep's clothing. You get out now. And then basically her gnarly secretary who I wouldn't want to follow.
with just like make sure johnny depp leaves yeah well she's like austin powers frowl isn't she but she does say to him um
Where are the other copies then? And he says, well, I've got one of the copies. She said, oh, well, I can't believe Andrew sold that copy. She said, well, Andrew, he says, Andrew's dead. He hung himself.
And this is where she gets really squirmy. And the other owner of the book, oh yeah, he's dead too. Right. That's not good. She says...
As he's getting escorted out, she says to him, you're in over your head, Mr Corso. You're in over your head. Get out now, sunshine. So he leaves and...
Someone follows Dean into a bar. Well, we follow Dean walking into a bar and he goes for a drink and a smoke. No, no, no, no. What he does is he comes out and straight away he sees the albino opposite the door and he's like, oh, fuck. Oh, yes, of course.
He starts walking. He's like, oh no. So he's like, right. And it goes in the first place he could get into and it's a cafe and he's just there smoking and drinking coffee.
And he thinks, well, this is my habitat, so I'll stay here as long as it takes. I'll stay here until I'm the last customer and I've got to get kicked out. So he does, and he stays there for ages and ages and ages. And the guy leaves. The guy leaves. He's like, yes, I'm going.
But it's probably quite scary to be in France on your own like that And there's a man outside who's been following you and he's just waiting for you outside, but then he does vanish He
He leaves and then that car from earlier screeches after him again. So he's back, being chased by a car. He runs down some steps underneath the bridge by the river and the man runs down the steps to chase him.
And then the girl from the train and the motorcycle... Floats down like an angel. She floats down. Now, Dean doesn't see this. Only we, the audience, see this. So...
It's almost a bit dreamlike. She does that kind of... What's really interesting... Yeah, it totally floats down. What's really interesting, like you say that, it's not forced in the film.
this this whole thing we don't it's it she does it twice subtly she just floats down like and and just does that and it's not mentioned or anything like that and i think that's done really well because it's like it's not forced it's not more things where all of a sudden
She's got magic powers. It's just that. You almost question whether you've seen it, because it's so subtle. What's just happened? What's interesting, because you're like, oh, here she comes.
she just floats down but then she goes straight into the fight and so you're back into it but what it leaves you in your mind as an audience member i feel it leaves like oh there's a bit of weird that's happened but i can't think about it because we're still going forward now you know
Well, she ends up doing a bit of kung fu on this blonde guy. Only if you have a film podcast, you can discuss it now.
And then comically, she gets hit by Johnny Depp during the fight and gets a bloody nose. His glasses. He breaks his own glasses. He breaks his glasses. And then he grabs the guy's shoe as the guy runs off. He goes after him up the stairs and he's like, right, that's it. I'm short-sighted.
is what i'm going after you calm down um she comes back up the steps and sits next to him said says here's your bag and here's your glasses they're broken now so
Goes back to the receptionist at the hotel, and he knows the guy there. He says, when he's turned up earlier, the guy's like, oh, hello, Mr. Corso. And he's like, oh, nice to see you again. Oh, back again. We want a room. Yeah, so we know that he knows the hotel dude. He goes back, and he's just got...
broken glasses just standing there and the guy doesn't say to him like are you all right do you need help it's like oh yeah yeah we've got a photocopier yeah no right no he goes you know he says to the bloke
I need to know about a couple at a hotel in France and try to describe the couple that obviously the guy that just fought him because they've got his book, haven't they now? Is that correct? Yeah, because it's a concierge. He can do anything for him because he knows Dean. So he says, look.
it might take a bit long
a bit of a longer time than normally your requests do, but I'll do my best to locate these two people. It's a guy on a hotel reception, but he's been asked to locate these two random people. I know a concierge, and he used to tell me some of the stories where you'd have to go and get drugs and all sorts.
Yeah, that's why they get tipped well. So he leaves and he goes up to his room with the girl. He gives her some ice for her head.
And her eyes glow green again. So another mysterious sort of thing. And he thinks, have I seen this? Mysterious girl! That's me singing. Oh, Jesus. She does a weird thing where she takes the blood from her nose and then she rubs it down his forehead.
Which is really odd. Then he gets a phone call and he goes downstairs with her bloody nose.
But it adds to the comedy a bit, almost. It does. It's very dark, subtle, not humour. It's just kind of there. A little bit. Not enough to make you laugh out loud. But it also adds to the...
kind of weirdness. Who is this girl? She's as much as a mystery as this whole book is. Because he's trying to figure out what's going on. Who is this girl who's now my sidekick? Who's now my mate going on travels with me? Who is she?
this moment here really reminds me of the the moment in big trouble in little china where he's got the blood smeared the lipstick smeared all over his face
because he's trying to carry on with the mission and he's on the phone having this conversation in the hotel reception at two in the morning being all sort of like i've just been in a fight but he's got like these three bloody stripes down his head that everyone's looking at thinking
is that guy alright and it reminds me of Jack Burton with the lipstick where he's trying to be all mad but he's got this lipstick I don't know something about it just reminded me of that so the boss is asked to speak to him again so he goes downstairs and chats to him and he says to him you're breathing down my neck he's Johnny
Depp's now getting a bit pissed off with Frank Langella being a bit... He does say to him, though, yeah, but I'm looking after my money. My interest. Yeah, he is paying him a lot, and he's got a million...
dollar book so you know and he says um get more updates now so he says well look here's the updates okay fergus who owned the second book he's dead found him in a pond okay and his book
It was nearly burned. I managed to save most of it, but it's all kicking off. I've been attacked here in France. You know, I don't know what the fuck's going on. This is the shittiest job I've done.
And he says, what about the Baroness? He says, well, she didn't let me look at the book. She kicked me out along when she found out that I was, you'd sent me. She kicked me out. And he just goes quiet. And then he says.
Try again. You should see the size of the secretary. Well, obviously she must have lunch at some time. Oh, for fuck's sake. All right. Okay, I'll go back. It should be me playing instead, Johnny Depp. It's me swearing and moaning the whole time.
So he goes to the concierge and says, I need to use your photocopy, and he makes copies of...
the pages with the illustrations kind of made sense he should have done the first place but also he then stashes his book behind the drinks cabinet in his hotel room where is it i can't find it surely the hotel have a safe
Every hotel has a safe. Well, I think he thinks if I hide it behind the minibar, no one's ever going to let it behind there. Get back off! Of course they did. He's so shitty. He's no good at playing hide-and-seek. The worst person ever.
And of course, when he's gone back to his room to do this and stash the books, the girl's not there. She's vanished again. So in the morning, he goes to the Baroness's building again. You know he's definitely thinking about boning her.
Oh, yeah. Absolutely, yeah. Well, he's like, like you said, he's like a jerk James Bond. He's like the antique collections James Bond. Antique collections James Bond, yeah. You know, there's a programme in the UK, for anyone not from the UK, called...
What's the Sunday afternoon program called? I'm forgetting what it's called now. Antiques Roadshow. Once upon a time, the town that I grew up in, don't live there now,
the town i grew up in one day they had the antiques roadshow there so it was a big thing in the 80s because we didn't have it still going now yeah oh yeah but i mean it's a big thing for our town because they were at our town and you watched it and all of a sudden the bus
A bus goes by, and it's an open-top bus on the bridge, but it's just filming the beginning of it, and someone just pulls their pants down. It's just a massive arse just going past.
Brilliant. And I was like, yeah! Well, the Antiques Roadshow, for anyone who doesn't know it, is basically on a Sunday afternoon, they'd go to a different town in the UK, and then people would bring what they considered to be an antique there, and they'd look at it, they'd discuss it, and then they'd tell you...
episodes on YouTube.
um so it was a big thing and it still is going now and you get people occasionally rock up with like i found this in my grandma's attic and they're like this is worth a million pounds but a lot of the time they're like this is worth a hundred pounds and the look of despair on some
other people's face like my dad told me this was handed down to him from the grand wizard of china and they go well your dad's full of shit this was made about 150 years ago and it's worth 25 pounds i found the episode
Is it on there? I'll have to watch that later. Oh man, that's amazing. So, back to the Ninth Gate. So he waits for the Baroness's...
bodyguard or secretary to leave and he enters the building and he beeps and says that i've got a peace offering for you baroness and he says to her look there's some differences in these books
these two books have got different signatures lucifer assigned different pictures and i really really want to see yours she's like oh my god this blows the whole thing out of the water i didn't even know this could be a thing okay yeah okay
So she gets her book out. Yeah, she... Oh, excuse me. She opens up her book. A dusty old book. Check out my book's not been dusted for a while. Her leather bones. Open up my pages.
A leather bound book. Fill the pages. And he looks and he says to her, I think all three books are needed for whatever ritual it is these people believe in.
And then again we get another POV shot of him just sitting down at a desk and someone comes up behind him.
and then he's knocked out ah i love the way they do this because it cuts to uh uh the camera being johnny depp and through his pov looking at a book sitting at desk and then it's just a boing and then the camera just falls forward
to the notepad so then it cuts to him and he's just sitting there not on the notepad on the book cuts him and he's passed out oh that's such a nice little way of doing it yeah it's cool yeah it's simple isn't it it's really simple yeah old school um he wakes up and he's still in her
Before this happens, very quickly, when Johnny Depp's reading the book... um he's in a massive quite big room at a big table and he's center framed and the camera's static it's just there and it sits there for a little moment before anything happens
And I was just like, oh, this is so relaxing. I could sit here and watch two hours of Johnny Depp looking at a book. Because it's just really relaxing. Enjoyed that. Well, when he wakes up...
It's an absolute shit show because he wakes up and he sees the Baroness in... Oh, sorry.
Oh, no, no, this is the right bit. He wakes up and he sees the Baroness in the corner. She's got a wheelchair remote control. She's going back and forwards and back and forwards into windows. Baroness. It looks like she's having some kind of a seizure, doesn't it?
She's dead. Her tongue's sticking out like it's a dog. Like a really big, long tongue. Yeah, he spins around and she's dead. She's been killed. And what he does is he spins around. But the worst thing is...
This is where it's funny. He spins her around and says, Baroness, and she goes, with her tongue, which makes you kind of chuckle a little bit with the tongue. And then the wheelchair just shoots off really fast into another room, bursts the doors open into a...
fire. He literally sends the woman with her tongue out in her wheelchair straight into a fire to burn. It's a whole shit, dude. It is very dark humour from Polanski. I chuckled. I do like it. I chuckled.
Does he like it? And he manages to save... I've got electric wheelchairs right into fire. Yeah.
Well, he manages to save her a copy of the book just about, which, again, it's on fire. Someone's trying to stop him from getting the book. Making him now fucking... He's already a suspect. He's fingerprints all over his mate's fucking bookshop. Now he runs past the secretary on the staircase. He drops out of Apple.
and she sees him going, hang on, you were that cunt we threw out yesterday. What's going on up here? Oh, she's bouncing back and forward on an electric wheelchair with her tongue sticking out on fire. Oh, nice one. So he's like...
Fucking Public Enemy No. 1, which is also a movie that he made. Well, he calls Balcom and he says, look, there's good news and bad news here. The good news is I've got all three copies of the books. Two of them are a bit burnt.
The bad news is I might be wanted for murder because the Baroness's office is on fire. This is the shittest job. Normally, overtime's bad if I have to work on a Sunday or something. But now I'm framed for murder and my mate's dead.
I got laid then beaten up by the same person. But at this point, he checks behind the minibar and the books are gone. Oh, really?
Belkin is furious. He says, you need to get those books back. He doesn't know that they're taken yet. First of all, he's on the phone going, yeah, yeah, no, it's all good. Yeah, there's been some stuff, but I've, you know, I've been keeping the books kind of safe. Eventually he says,
all right no worries well your job's done now there's a check waiting for you at the hotel reception and i'm actually at a hotel just around the corner so can you return the book back to me please
And then it goes quiet for a moment. He goes, I don't have it. He goes, what do you mean you don't? And then it goes quiet again. You get that book back. Basically, you're alive. You're going to fucking die if you don't get that book back.
It's bad that he finds out his boss is around the corner, though. That's not good. He's like, oh, shit, I thought he was in another country. He suspected that he was probably keeping a close eye on him. But he says to him, do you really think I would let such a high investment?
Let's get too far away from me, Mr. Corso. So, are we probably suggesting that he's followed Johnny Depp the whole time and he's probably killed the people? Yes, because he kind of says... I'm going to say Balkan has killed them.
He says something later on along the lines of...
I won't even you wouldn't believe some of the things no he said it earlier he said some of the things I've done to get some of these books in my library you wouldn't even believe the lengths I've gone to so I think I think he's the one who's following him and he's the one killing the people yep yeah
So then the girl shows up who says I'm going to help you. So he's gone into and Johnny Depp's checking that book out. He knows he's he said to him. We'll go back and have a look earlier on. Johnny Depp's gone back. He's probably observing from over the road. He's gone up there for a little bit. Then he's gone up there.
himself knocked johnny depp on the head to take the book and just leave johnny depp probably to be framed for the murder more than likely
And then he just takes a book and he's fucking out there. He doesn't need to do that, though. He doesn't need to be killing people. But I suppose the second one he did, he needed that book and that guy wasn't going to give it up. So I guess so.
No, I suppose he does. He needs to get the books, and they're not going to give them up, so he has to get them. Yeah, okay. Well, the girl shows up and says, I'm going to help you to get the book back. And when they walk out, they see the...
the blonde man and the widow so she must be against balkan really yeah i think because the devil doesn't want people to get these books so that's why she's been sent
Like a guardian angel. She's looking after Johnny Depp, but at the same time...
She works for the devil. Yeah, yeah. There is questions that could definitely be awesome. But it doesn't matter because it's such a great story and mystery. You go along with it anyway, it's fine. It's a good ride, isn't it? It's a fun ride.
I wonder what the book's like. I'm not a reader. So they see the blonde man who's been trying to... beat him up a couple of times with the widow we find out um so they run off into a cab
um i mean there's been a red convertible of course it's red because yeah she steals a car and then later on as they overtake they're following and it's not very conspicuous
But then they overtake the car and they find in the glove box just like a bandana and some stuff and some sunglasses. They put it on her head so she looks like she's a sheik or something. And he's ducking down.
And then a lorry sort of slows them down a little bit, a big truck and gets in front of them. So they go back and they basically, they're still following the car, but then it gets to the point where they're left to right. And she's like, which way? And he's like, well, you know fucking everything. You decide. She's like, as you wish.
And, correct. And funnily enough, Gav, they're at a fork in the road, aren't they? Which is another sign of the devil. So they're in a red car at the fork in the road.
Yeah, she picks exactly the right way. They end up at a mansion. They park the car up near some trees and they climb through the hedges and the bushes.
into the garden of this giant what's the weird thing is they go to turn around oh we've gone the wrong way let's go back the other way we've been going so fast they couldn't have got away like you know we're going really quick let's go back there by quick as we can and there's a turn around she goes what's the maiden name of
the woman the widow you know the one yeah she what's the maiden name says oh saint martine and they look up and there's a sign to saint martine so oh what so this woman she's like big fucking cheese in this village
There's a village named after their fucking family. There's no town in England named after my fucking family. You know. Thankfully. Yeah, thank God for that. Thank you. Bone town!
I'm going to Bone Town. That's a whole different thing. So they...
They go into the mansion's garden and they sneak in. They head over to the door. They have a look in through the window and they can see there's some kind of party. There's a lot of people gathered there, but they can't quite see what's going on. There's a climb over a wall. This is your eyes wide shut type scenario going on here.
Well, he looks in the window and he sees a naked chick, and it's the widow from Merida, and he thinks, what's going on here? And then she puts on a demonic cloak. Hilariously, he's like, well, I've already seen her naked, I've boned her. Yeah.
He's like, I recognise that vagina. Didn't see her face. I knew it was her, though, from the mole. That vagina seems... Something happened recently with that vagina. Let me think. Oh, yeah. Last time I was anywhere near it, I got bitten.
oh yeah um so he sees he sees the widow putting on a so she's naked and she wears a cloak and she's got a pentagram necklace on so it's all the satanic stuff's coming out now
So he breaks into the widow's room and he says, where's the book, bitch? And they argue a little bit. He finds the original non-burnt book, the one that he, you know, that was Balkan's book.
but while he's grabbing the book the widow pulls a gun on him and the blonde guy enters the room with a gun as well and he says take them down uh take them downstairs and lock them up so um
uh dean beat oh dean while they're being taken downstairs dean then turns on the guy that's taking them down there and beats him i think beats him to death or at least beats him up in the basement uh he he really fucking goes to town and he's pissed off with him though because he's the guy
been following the whole time giving him anxiety then tried fighting downstairs enjoy depth
tried grabbing his foot and now now he's just like fuck you gets his shoe just starts beating the guy and the the the angel sent by devil satan's angel as we're assuming it looks at him like oh yeah oh yeah get in there
she's like i knew you had it in you mr course there was something like that yeah so then they do the classic stormtrooper disguise they put on their cloaks now
um and they pretend to be part of the ritual this is almost like that bad taste scene you know where he goes he goes out into the room and they drink the vomit yeah so um
They go back upstairs and they're all cloaked and he says, I'm going to go and get closer in the ritual. So the ritual begins and Dean's there and in walks Boris Balkin in the middle of this.
And he's not got a cloak on. And he says, Mambo Jumbo.
Mambo Jumbo. This is all Mambo Jumbo. You're buffoons. He comes in in a right, pins, suit, like, basically very much a Wall Street type job sort of thing going on. Just come straight in. But he's so big and imposing.
mumbo jumbo yeah yeah yeah and he's yeah he's telling them they're all buffoons it's all mumbo jumbo he says do you really think the devil would show himself to you fools he won't because only i know the secret only me and he has a bit of a scrap with the widow who's like
leader of the cult and he strangles her with her pentagram necklace um
And Dean tries to stop him from killing her. Well, this is the widow, isn't it? So this is the widow we've seen the whole time. Yeah, he gets behind her, pulls her necklace back, and because she's got, like, a pentagram, it starts pulling into her, and it basically kills her on stage, which...
makes all of the people just go, what the fuck? And he goes up to them and goes, boom! And they all just fucking run off. And they just start taking off their robes. They're naked. They're all getting in cars and just driving away super, super quick.
Naked rich people driving away from our party. But just before she was being killed by him, Balkan, Johnny Depp's like, no, no, no, goes down with a...
bat or something he comes on stage he's about to fuck because he's in disguise he's wearing a black clove because he knocked out the guy he goes on stage he's about to fucking hit him the angel whatever she floats down again for the second time and grabs him says no
and stops him and he's really pissed off because she's like he wants to stop people being killed he's not that we find johnny depp's ruthless for money but he's not a killer and he's he's enough to like stop someone killing someone um but he can't do it she stops him so
and then she gets killed or everyone else runs off but we're still left then with basically balk and johnny depp and the uh the angel the girl the satan
Balkan obviously has the books now. So Dean chases him. They jump in a Rolls Royce. They follow him. And the girl says, with her glowing green eyes.
can i come for a ride and he's like yeah yeah get in so um they follow balkan um and then they crash into a stream so they have to continue on foot it's all a bit comical
Johnny remembers he's got his gun in his pocket, which we'll come back later on. Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you happy to see me? Is that a pentagram in your pocket, or are you worshipping... Is that a pentagram in your neck, or are you dead? I'm dead.
Is that some baby oil in your pocket, or are you going to a P. Diddy party? Give me the bababadoop. He's going to my party instead. Bloody Bill Cosby. God, I hope not. That's an awful party. So, they're at a cafe.
um well dean's at a cafe sorry and he's having some food and some wine and he finds a postcard that he got for earlier with a picture of a castle on it and there's a lady um in the cafe who gives him directions to this castle so he gets it
he hitchhikes in a final destination to log lorry uh on a side note side side quest here myself really just checked um uh on spotify the ninth gate soundtrack is on spotify
it's a good soundtrack it's quite it's quite sinister as well for a listen to sometimes some of these films we watch uh the listening to them out of context to the film itself and just listening to the music because very often in the film like i have to do it myself
i'll be like scoring something going that's amazing we put it in the film so low low because you have to hit a dialogue for people you don't really hear it so sometimes isolating the the soundtracks to some of these movies are really good and the ninth gate's one to check out people
i agree it's a good soundtrack um so he arrives he gets out of the back of the uh the lorry that he hitchhiked in and he arrives at the castle from that postcard and he knows that balkan's here and he can hear balkan
talking to himself whispering and he spies on him and you can see him laying out all the pages from the books um and he says i've solved it i knew it i can unlock the ninth gate
Mr Corso, I know you're there. You need to leave. Now, this point here, sorry to interrupt here, this point here I said Sarah's like, why is Johnny Depp there? Why does he care? He could have left.
Ages ago, I just got back to America. Because...
I think because he's committed so much to this quest. Yeah. And been through so much. But the guy employs him to do the mission. So you're saying that he just needs to discover what is actually happening. Is it real?
is it not so that's what his intention is because at this point his intention his mission is is it's not failed it's it's shut it's a person that got him on his mission has it he doesn't need to anymore he could go home end of story
I also think he wants to confront Balkan as well. Okay. And so they have this discussion where he says, you've killed people for this. And he says, I've done far worse than that, Mr. Corso.
The things I've done. He says, you and I are similar in some ways. We both share an obsession. And Dean pulls a gun on him and says, we're not the same. They have a bit of a fight. And then...
He does a bit of a Tom Hanks here now, Johnny Depp. He falls through some floorboards, just like in The Money Pit. Johnny Depp's quite a small character. He's not going to be hard to push around.
So he's now stuck in a hole in the ground. He's stuck in a hole!
He says to him, well, Mr Corso, I won't kill you. What I'll do is I'll allow you to see something that no one will ever see. And you can watch me summon up the devil and obtain all the ultimate power. So you stay there while I do this.
um and johnny's thinking how can i get out of this what can i do oh just very quickly when he's when he's fighting he's getting pushed into the hole it's a johnny depp double
And for a couple of seconds, you see the face quite clearly. You're like, that's not Johnny Depp. And then he cuts, it's Johnny Depp. He's like, that's not good. Yeah, yeah. Have a look at it again. It's a bit like, oof. Oof.
It's like a Chinese woman as a stunt double pushed in there. It looks a bit like him, but it's obviously not. And it shows it for too long. And it's because I was watching the best copy I've ever seen this film. I was watching like a real good high definition copy, you know, and I was like, Oh,
That's not good. So Boris Balkin begins the ritual. He pours gasoline and a circle around himself, sets it on fire. It puts the canister right next to where the circle's going to be. What are you doing, dude? Put the canister right over there. But obviously we know what he's planning.
Well he does know that. He changes his mind doesn't he? He says I feel the power surging through me already. Fuck off.
I'm going to be immortal. I'm going to be immune to this fire here. And Johnny Depp's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you say you're immune, prove it to me. Come on, prove it to me. Someone is so intelligent. I've made this business. No, it's not. It's a thick shit. It really is.
He says, all right, I'll prove it to you. And he pours the gasoline all over himself.
Dickhead. He says, go on then. Light it, light it. Johnny Depp's really goading him. And he says, all right. And he lights himself up behind. He says, see, see, I feel nothing. I feel nothing. And then just before that, Johnny Depp then falls.
through the floorboards i was thinking this i was trying to do the whole place on fire and he falls through which seems the most logical and sensible thing to do actually
But then suddenly Balkan realises he doesn't have the power of the devil surging through him. He's in absolute agony because his entire body's on fire. So Depp actually puts him to sleep.
And shoots him. He grabs the book and the pages and he leaves. Runs out. The castle's on fire. He's standing outside and there's green eyes. And she's waiting for him and her eyes are glowing. She kisses him. She's like, I'm going to get me some boning.
and then there's uh the next scene is just johnny dapp butt naked being ridden by this girl did you see her face slightly changes to another face but we don't see very clearly what it is
And she... It's really creepy. I've never seen a demonic... Sarah, don't let your face change. I've never seen a demonic naked woman riding Johnny Depp in front of a burning castle before. With her face changing, no.
We find it here. This is where you're like, is she the devil? Is she working for the devil? And then in the morning, Dean's driving and he says to her, is that it? Was that it? Was it a forgery?
I need to find the real book. Where is it? And he stops for some gasp of the car and the girl vanishes again. No, she says the ninth engaged engraving was a forgery and that's why Balkan died.
um you need to find the there is another one and you need to find it she goes he goes and pays for petrol comes out there's a letter underneath her thing i said sarah's oh my god she had it all the time she's just giving it to him she wants him to be have the power but it's not that is it what does the note say
It's basically an address to the Spanish bookshop where the twins were from earlier. Yes. And he goes there and there's two people there like...
They don't even speak English. It's not us. We've been here the whole time. There's never been anybody here, which seems a bit weird. Well, I love this, because he says to them in broken Spanish.
i'm looking for mr whatever and they they don't understand him so they just point to themselves and go i'm john and the other goes i'm fred
And that's all they say. And then they start... This bookshop's been stripped out. The twins are gone. And they pull down a bookshelf. And as they pull down this big bookshelf, a page flutters down off the top of this bookshelf. Guess what? It's not a page from...
page three magazine with someone's boobs it's in fact the book picture that he is looking for to complete the pages
It's the missing page. And it's got a picture of a girl on there riding a man in front of a burning castle. A castle with servants. Serpents.
So he heads back to the castle. He heads back to the castle and the gates just open up and there's a massive light inside there and...
that's that so it's like so Johnny Depp like you say I guess she's just assessed that he's alright so add a word to the big boss I think he could join us alright let him in the castle with the lights
Have you boned him yet? Yeah. In front of the burning castle. I've got his tears. And did he sacrifice Balkan? Yeah. Yeah, he's dead. There's been a few deaths along the way. It's been pretty good. Yeah.
What about that widow? She's dead. Everyone's dead. I do like it, and if I ever meet Johnny Depp, I'm going to say to him, right, you've done a lot of fucking movies, but let's talk about the ending of Night of Gate. What do you reckon's going on there? I'm going to ask him.
I'd like to know that as well
There's a lot of theories online about it. I love this movie. Thank you, Sheila. I thoroughly enjoyed reviewing it and it didn't take any pleasure away from it at all. Sometimes I can review films and go, ah.
Ah, I see cracks. With this, I enjoyed it just as much. And to be honest, if you turned and said, right, that's it, Gab. I can't podcast now. We're going to have to finish. I've got the shits, because Dan sometimes might have the shits. I don't know. Maybe. I would say, right.
gav you can have to go watch ninth gate while i have the shit's weird don't know why that's the thing but i'd go okay cool and i'd go and watch the ninth gate
Yeah, it's a really, really great movie. Happily. You can pick holes in it if you want and try and figure out what it is, but I like the fact that you can theorise about what's going on in it. It's more about the ride and it's about the fact that we're following this book guide.
Throughout Europe. Searching for a book written by the original book written by Satan. Not an idea. It's fucking great. What a great concept. Yeah, it's really great and really enjoyable. If you've not seen it...
fucking get on that shit and everyone loves johnny most people love johnny depp so and it's in 1999 he's still a young lad here and it's still and it's that year again i know i've talked about it loads but 1999 there's a lot of good stuff coming out that year and this is one of them and it's
probably quite underrated i know a lot of horror fans really dig this but i think as well it's a one that people who aren't horror fans could watch and enjoy as well um yeah great obviously a thumbs up from both of us sheila great movie the ninth gate
definitely check it out if you haven't. And if you haven't watched it for a while, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised if you go back and watch it again, because it holds up really, really well. Just don't think about Polanski. That's all I would say. Indeed.
Well, talking of deviants, here's Bill. Bill Murray's walked in the room. Jesus, Bill. What's going on here today? Why are you dressed up like the Pope? Right, okay.
I can't repeat that on the podcast. Yes, they do shit in the woods. Thank you. Yes, they are Catholic. Brilliant. All right. Well, enough about that, Bill. It's time to go to world of the strange. Can you please take us in there? You weird man.
Hi, welcome back to World of Australia.
A world of the strange... Thanks Bill.
were rather strange. So the reason Bill's dressed like the Pope, turns out, is that we're going to be having a discussion now about the Vatican, Gav. The Vatican.
Vatican City and the Vatican itself is a small country. All right. So we all know what the Vatican is.
and where it is but um i'm gonna break down some facts about it first of all and then we're going to talk about some of the theories and conspiracies that are linked to it we're not going to get too
devious with this because there's some weird stuff linked to the catholic church which i don't want to offend people with or i don't want to talk about but there are some weird stuff that people talk about to do with it so we'll have a look at all of that now
first of all though some actual facts some actual factuals some fatigans about the vatican as they say or as i say number one it's the smallest country in the world did you know that
What is? The Vatican. It's a country. Yeah, the Vatican is a country. I didn't know that. Yeah.
There's Vatican City which is within the Vatican. It's classed as a country. What do you mean Vatican's a country? I thought Vatican's like just in Rome. No?
it's in italy yeah but it's a country within italy what they've classed it as an it's not it hasn't got seas between it and bridges is it it's not like an island they're just classing it as inside the country they're classing it as a country
Yeah, did you not know it's a country? No, why the fuck would I know? I don't fucking give a shit about this stuff. No offence to religion or anything like that. It's not about giving a shit, it's just about having a bit of general knowledge. I don't know anything. I failed everything at school.
i know nothing well there we go you've learned something so it's the smallest country in the world it's uh only 0.44 square kilometers and there's only 825 population and basically everybody that lives there works for the catholic church
in some capacity okay so it's with yes you're right though it is within the city of rome so you did i reckon i remember religious education the classes at school and i remember none of it well you can walk
from one end of the back into the the other in an hour in the country so that's why it's that's how it's so small the second fact about it is it is the only country in the world that has no prison they say
So there's no prison. No prison there at all, because there's no crime. Yeah, I'm just all confused by it. Even though it's a country, I'm just like, oh, okay. No, there is crime, because based on...
how many people live there which is as i've said it's under a thousand people that live there it's got the highest crime rate of any country in the world um
People get pit pocketed. Their purses get snatched. It's basically tourists that go there and people pray on them. I'm looking this shit up. It's like, I feel like it's almost like you're making it up. It's a country. Yeah.
It's one of the countries of the world, the Vatican. I think I've told this story before. One day, I used to say around this neighbour, this woman, I've told this story before, I'm pretty sure I have.
And I'd chat to her and I'd occasionally say, hello, right, yeah, and she'd be quite nice. Then some days she just wasn't very nice. Some days she was just like...
just not friendly and i thought that's so weird she's completely blanked me it's so bizarre and the next day she was friendly they moved she moved out sarah says to me they were twins i was like
You fucking what? There was twins living next door. And I was like, you're fucking joking. Like you're pulling my leg now if it's been a country. I know you're not. It was almost like...
she's putting my legs and she's like there's twins so this whole time i thought i was chatting to the same person i've been chatting to twins i probably had the same conversation followed along
that's funny enough that happened to me and alice when we bought this house the guy who lives next to us is a twin and um when we didn't really know him that well for the first year or so
Sometimes we'd see him and he would be really rude to us and not speak to us. And it turns out he's got a twin brother and they look exactly the same. And so that's why sometimes he didn't speak to me or was a bit rude to me. It's because it wasn't him, it was his twin brother. Exactly.
the same story that's funny so so looking at it vatican city it's it's they class as a country but it's not it's a district no it's a country
It is a country. A country doesn't have to have seas. No, I know that.
Honestly, I just thought it was an area in Rome and the Pope lived there. I had no idea it was a country. Well, this is the power of the Catholic Church gap, is that they've got their own country. Isn't that insane?
yeah it's protectable the pope himself is protected as another fact by swiss guards for the there's 135 swiss guards or soldiers known as the Pontifical Swiss Guards, and they're responsible for protecting the Pope.
That began in 1506. Pope Julius II needed personal protection from any enemies of the church. And that has continued to this day. If you want to be a Swiss guard, you have to be a man.
between the ages of 19 and 30 and you have to be five foot eight tall okay and you also obviously have to be christian and have had military training so it's very small margin of people
that could be a swiss guard now talking of it being a country the next fact is you cannot become it's so weird though the reason i don't i think i don't know i just obviously i'm just
you know, you can laugh at me and my lack of knowledge as much as you want. The reason I just wouldn't have thought that is just because why would I think that's a country? Why would I think where the Pope is is a country? There's no reason I would think that.
Well, it's like saying London is the country, isn't it? Yeah, it just seems really bizarre. So when you're saying that, it's like, are you putting my leg? I'm like, what the fuck? And yes, you're correct. Everybody listening to the podcast knows this, apart from me.
I didn't know reindeer were real.
do you remember you didn't you didn't know reindeer were real and i blew your mind with that fact about 10 years ago no you didn't i was i was at a place with my mum and i said what the fuck's that she went that's reindeer and i said yeah fucking getting out get out of here that's a reindeer i was like
a reindeer reel and she just looked at me and I was like mum I'm your child you should be the one that's fucking looking at yourself going that if you haven't educated me that's your lookout alright well about 10 years ago I was
some of his house having drinks in the garden on a sunny day and um they didn't know that the sun and the moon were two different things this was like a 25 year old woman and she thought the sun and the moon
with the same thing and i was like what's happening right now are you telling me you think the sun and the moon are the same she said well yeah that's why you don't see the sun
at night because it turns I was like do you think it turns off like a light bulb and then it's just the moon at night she was like well yeah I'm thinking
what's happening to this why i've known this woman for about 10 years at this point she didn't know see this is embarrassing also for me not that long ago well a few years ago now it was richard still not long ago i realized oh
the moon reflects the sun that's why it's lit up just never it's never i've never had to never thought of it i've just never thought of it so i'm like well at least you didn't think they were the same thing
Just turn the light bulb off. That's the trouble. With me, with general knowledge, education, things like that, my memory is just fucking... I probably do know the Vatican's country. It's probably there somewhere, but I've got a very, very, very, very, very bad memory, so I just can't keep...
any information that's my problem unfortunately it's a good quiz question that one i'm the worst pub quizzes don't get me involved i'm the worst player to have because i don't know shit you know i know movies
Well, talking of it being a country, it's the only country that you cannot get permanent citizenship in because it doesn't have any prisons, as I mentioned, but it doesn't have any hospitals. And that means there's no delivery rooms.
So no one can be born in the Vatican unless, I guess, you have a baby on the street. There's no hospitals in the country.
No. See, it's a fuck off of it being a country. Fuck off. What a load of bollocks. Yeah, but there's hospitals right outside. It's half an hour from Rome's hospital. Don't call it a country. Just fucking have it as a district. What a...
I'm not going to get into it because people won't like me being rude about religious people. So you cannot be born there because there's no delivery room. So you can only be granted citizenship by...
on the grounds of appointment to work in a certain capacity of the Pope. So basically if you live in the country of the Vatican it's because you've been granted citizenship to work there.
but they don't have hospitals do they have a school there's a hospital 25 minutes away i know that but they're not in their country surely you want one in your country there's a there's an atm
there's a cash point there it's got it's the only one in the world that's got latin instructions on it the instructions for it are in latin
What a fucking load of shit. Go on. Look at us, you're fancy. It's got the shortest railway track in the world. Just 300 metres long. Have they got dinosaur? I bet they've got dinosaur, haven't they?
There they are. Probably. We'll get to that in a minute. We'll get to that in a minute. The Vatican country owns a telescope in Arizona in 1981.
Well, let's get to that. In 1981, it purchased a state-of-the-art telescope, one of the world's largest telescopes, which is sitting in Arizona, USA.
It's the VATT, the Vatican Advanced Technology Telescope, sits on top of Mount Graham. What are they looking for, then? Well, you tell me. Apparently, they're official flying reindeer.
Their official statement is, we conduct astronomical research. Why? Yeah. And finally, as you would expect, the Vatican country... is a world heritage site as was listed in 1984.
So that's your real-life facts about the Vatican, Gav, some of which have blown your mind, which I love. Well, yeah, as a country, I do apologise, listeners, if you're turning off your podcast and not going to listen again because of Gav's lack of knowledge.
I've always come to the world now some you're in a pub quiz Well, they say give me a country that begins with a V don't go Venezuela Go for the Vatican. I will do
So let's get into some conspiracies. Load of nonsense though. But yeah, go on then. Let's get into some conspiracies about the Vatican and what is contained. Because as we all know, there are the Vatican vaults.
beneath the vatican which they keep for anyone who's seen any of the dan brown or read the dan brown books or seen any of the movies with tom hanks we know what is apparently below there
now they do have a huge amount of wealth they've got the height of the biggest um art collection in the world below there they've got the
probably one of the richest countries in the world for the size of it as well they've got nazi gold they've got it all down there and we'll get into some of that now some of this is real some of this is speculation so
First of all, one of the dark secrets about the Vatican is, leading into our next film, the chief exorcist of the Vatican that people don't know about.
who is kind of alluded to in the Russell Crowe character. He's based on a real person. He apparently performed over 100,000 exorcisms with the blessing of the Pope.
so that's the first one really is that they obviously only the pope himself can grant an exorcism yeah off you go you go and do it how many times a day is he getting a text message going oh we got a girl in um in london She's sort of...
spitting stuff out of her mouth and screaming Latin what do they think it is then if they're clending off to an exorcist they're actually thinking right there's a demon in this child or adult or whoever it is and you need to exorcise
exercise that demon. They actually think they're actually doing that, yeah? Well, they have an annual workshop for exorcism in the Vatican.
250 priests every year. We're going to the country to do our exorcism school. That's fucking hilarious. It's like a joke. It all is.
So that is actually a real fact. The BBC kind of looked into that a little bit as well. So they definitely believe in the devil and the exorcism. Obviously, they're going to.
Let's move on to another conspiracy, which is that the Vatican helped Nazi war criminals escape the Allied forces. Of course they did. There's money involved. So after the victory of the Allied forces in Germany...
which helped end world war ii the nazis were forced to seek refuge outside of europe now we know all about the argentina the chilian and the brazilian nazis we know all about that kind of stuff even rumored that
hitler fled and is still alive and well or something all those lines funny enough i was watching something very recently fairly recent news actually um there was this
uh it's like a history channel i think it was or something they went to a because we're doing the nazis and occultism on our next episode of holy strangers podcast um and they actually went to a place i think it's switzerland and it was a very remote.
building had to take a boat to get there and apparently Hitler went there and the owners said yeah okay you can go to the place and they went there and they were given permission to look around it and they took metal detectors and I actually found a Nazi coin
Yeah, and there was a huge influx of foreigners, like Polish and German people that...
that fled to Argentina, Chile and Brazil who were all Nazis. You also had doctors fled into like New York and stuff like that.
Yeah, and there's a Harvard researcher called Gerald Steinacker who wrote a book that shows, basically proves that there was travel documents pointing to the Vatican that helped.
Basically, the Vatican paid for and helped Nazis travel to all these countries we've just mentioned. So they...
I don't know what that says about the Vatican and about the Catholic Church as a whole, but they helped the Nazis. If that is proven. It's not proven, though, is it? Well, there's a book that shows travel documents that allude to it. Yeah, I know. Yeah.
And when they've asked the Vatican about it... If they did, that's shit, isn't it? They've said no comment about it, the Vatican. Surely you'd just say no.
Well, they've said no comment. Did you murder that person? No comment. No comment. What? So it's yes or no. I'm going to say no comment. So you're not saying no. Say you mean yes.
no comment you mean yes then no comment so as soon as someone says no comment yes so sticking to that uh nazi theme um the next uh theory is the vatican
basically profited from the Holocaust so in addition to aiding the escape of thousands of Nazis from Europe the Vatican was involved in helping smuggle Nazis sorry smuggling art
many, many other gold and lots of property that belonged to Nazis, which they'd stolen from Jewish families. So...
A lot of that Nazi gold is apparently kept below the Vatican in the Vatican vaults. As we all know about the Vatican vaults, it's this vast underground labyrinth of...
It's like the Indiana Jones warehouse, basically. What for? And we'll never know what's in there. Because it's all secret Catholic church stuff. Imagine if you got a load of fucking gold and what's the point of it just sitting there? Spend it.
On what? A hospital for your fucking country. They'd also have to admit that they've got it there then if they did that. Yeah, I don't know. Okay, they...
i'll move on to the next one then which is um the oh here's another one a dark story about a dead man on trial so in 897 ad the catholic church put a dead man on trial how do you plead dead so it's known as the cadaver trial
why it was a trial of pope formosus which was held by the current pope at that time pope stephen formosus
And he was accused of basically stealing his place as Pope. So despite being dead for seven months, they dug him up, stuck him in a chair in the court. This can't be real.
This is true. This is what they did. This is 897. This is a long time ago. So they actually think that he might still fucking be in there. Soul's in there or some shit. No, they were like basically...
Let's do a real trial. The only way we can do a real trial is by digging his body up. Get a cardboard cut out. Draw his face on. So they actually... A bunch of idiots.
They put some clothes on him and what was left of him and sat him up in the courtroom. Get a hospital! Well, he was found guilty.
Yeah, he was found guilty. Because he could defend himself. So all of his acts as Pope. So he was found guilty of stealing his rightful place as Pope from somebody else. So he threw his body into the river.
uh and the romans disposed or just like the romans did and yeah that was that there we go another one there for you
Let's talk more about their secret archives in their vaults. First of all, they have proof in their vaults, apparently, that Jesus does not exist. There are reports that the archives below the Vatican contain communications between...
emperor nero and saint paul regarding the existence of jesus and apparently there's actual proof that jesus christ did not exist and it's all kept below there because they've got to keep the illusion up are you saying a woman
Didn't have sex but gave birth isn't real. Oh. It could have been aliens. Because another...
rumor is that below the Vatican they have proof of extraterrestrial life. Now, the skulls that have been in the news recently from Mexico
There's a lot of spaceships and skulls. They've got it all down there underneath the Vatican because they don't want people to lose faith.
and they want to keep this stuff. That's why they've amassed this wealth, is because they buy...
Anytime there's something in the world that's like, oh, maybe we should question religion because there could be aliens. They're like, quit, buy that thing and hide it away from the world so no one will ever know about it. Or get that man.
assassinated or whatever it might be these are all the theories if it actually if i actually had proof but they're like we can't let anyone do this because then people won't have faith yeah
because you don't need it then if there's aliens do we so let's just stop all this and let's just get the aliens it just seems what okay that is the truth but we're gonna hide the truth and we're gonna fake the truth okay
Just... We've got that thing shooting towards Earth at the moment, haven't we? It's going to pass us, but they're like... Yeah, and they're like, well...
it's not it's not like immediately right this is actually looks like a probe or it's actually been sent or it could be a a reply to us sending out audio signals once upon a time and signals into space and then like so like if that happens and it's a real
thing that does that is going to shake things up a little bit multiple scientists have said there's a 0.05% chance that it's natural which means there's almost 100% chance that it is not
natural and it's come from somewhere yes which is going to blow religion away it slows down and it speeds up and it avoids it maneuvers around objects and it's using it's using the gravitational force of planets
to slingshot on its journey. I'm not sure. We're going to be able to see it in September.
with the right telescopes and then it will go behind the sun for the whole of October.
and then they don't know where it's going to go after that. But it's not going to hit the Earth. It's not going to hit the Earth, but it's not the point. The point is that it's not regular. It's between 7 and 12 miles. How long has religion been going? Forever.
probably i'd say 2025 years give or take that's one religion anyway um no religion has been going for
ever since there was a man really and everyone's just like you're you're born whatever country you're in okay you're a christian you're born in this country like you know what would be that one no no you're born in this country so you don't get a choice
But what I'm saying is that it's just every country, though, everywhere in the world, there's religion. Everyone knows there's a god or a sage, whatever.
so like it's a whole thing and obviously you've got atheisms and everything else different people who wait etc etc but it's it's so inherently put in that's why like if anything came about and like you say that kind of like we can't
If that is a thing, we can't do that. It's more not the fact that it's going to blow religion out of the water, showing that there's actual UFOs. It's more the fact that the fucking humans can't take it, and they'll be like, no, and then it'll just go to fucking chaos.
I think, here's my theory, and I'll try and keep this succinct and short. I think all religion, in some way, comes from the same place over the multiple thousands of years that it's been around.
And I think that place may well be an ancient civilization or ancient aliens. This is my theory. It might sound crazy. But I think the Egyptians and all the people that were there a long time ago, they...
They had some technology. That's the thing. And that's basically evolved into Jesus, like a man that could heal people or whatever, or a man that knew... new good thing knowledge and teachings and i think all religions have very similar backstories if you go back far enough
I don't want to get all Joe Rogan on everyone, but I do think that if that does happen, it will come full circle and that we will realise all religion came from...
whatever this might be that's coming towards the planet if it is an alien ship and they'll be like yeah we we started the whole thing off
we started up your race we started off all the knowledge and over the thousands and thousands hundreds of thousands of years you've kind of got it a bit wrong and forgotten it and it's been like
you've forgotten bits correctly or incorrectly and you know the teachings and the writings have all changed slightly and you know as it would do from many languages and countries and
you know that people couldn't write stuff down 20 000 50 000 years ago so trying to remember all this knowledge so i think if
There is aliens, or if this ship does come close to the Earth, we will come full circle. And religion is supposed to bring people together. Except people kill people for religion. Well, yes, but the true...
meaning of religion is it is supposed to bring people together and give them something to work towards as one people and give people faith something to believe in
past death and that there's a reason for bad things to happen so the true meaning of religion is a pure one but it's been corrupted over the years hasn't it i don't want to get too deep for our listeners uh by money mainly
by money by power by power yeah and you know i don't want to say that religion is bad religion is the number one cause of every war ever but i do think you know i i go i don't go to church anymore i take the kids to church sometimes for the like the
the activities and stuff for them and i do like the sense of community i get when i go there because i used to go to church as a kid with school it was part of my school yeah my mom loves it um but
i've been to church with you you know a couple of times we've been and i'm like godson to your your son all that kind of stuff but i do think
I wouldn't say it's nonsense, but I do think the true meaning of it has been lost thousands of years ago. But going back to what I was saying, and this 31 Atlas, because we've sidetracked a little bit, but that's what we do. But I do think... I would hope that mankind would.
realize, oh, we are all supposed to be together on this journey to move in this right direction. Most mankind's a bunch of fucking idiots. Trump will say, let's buy the alien spaceship, blah, blah, blah, and it'll just get silly. And finish very quickly on religion.
I am, but I'm fine. If you want to believe in religion, and my mum loves it, and she doesn't, she's like, I don't understand how you don't believe in God. She's like, I don't, and you do. It's as simple as that. But I appreciate it brings people together, and she has like a...
community and all that sort of stuff if you put all that stuff into it and take away god and jesus and just have it as a community
and the church things like that i think that's what it should be you know it should be about people together now on earth what we can hear and see what now physically touch each other and hug each other and that's that's that's a lovely thing not
And when humankind first began and everything was very basic, that was all they had.
well let's all believe in that sun that's up there whatever that thing is because it makes our crops grow and you know that's evolved and evolved and evolved yeah and i completely understand having something all to come together and i do also understand believing in a
god whatever your religion is you believe in that particular god and like having someone to worship i find worship a bit weird but um
I completely understand having something, because if you have nothing, a certain human that has nothing in their life and you need something, the church is something for you, so I understand that. But yes, it's been corrupted over the years, and this is a subject we...
could get fucking deep into and we're not going to do it now well talking of corruption my next um theory is and it may or may not be true is that the vatican is home to the largest collection of pornography in the world
What? Rassle. It's got loads of rassle. What's going on? The Vatican archives apparently contain the largest collection of pornography in the world. What?
okay based on not just like modern pornography but also old sculptures and pictures and paintings because the church don't want to corrupt people and let them see like penises and the Kama Sutra that kind of thing well yeah of course but and also you think how many Catholic priests have been
cool they probably got their hard drives in there haven't they they've got all those all that evidence yeah because they want to cover up all that stuff there's one part of religion i don't like is all the people having sex with children
That's a bit weird and a bit wrong and you shouldn't do it. If you're going to be like, right, that's it. I'm not having sex with him or anything. I'm to the God. Here's my... I'm not going to...
But I like that little boy over there. That's not correct. That's not right. You shouldn't fucking do it, you fucking dirty cunt. Simple as that. I've got two more conspiracy theories about the Vatican and then...
will leave the tiniest country in the world because bill murray is sweating over there i don't know if he's gonna kick off in a minute or what he's doing the uh the sign of the cross on himself hundreds of times
Testicles, spectacles, wallet and watch. He's dropping to his knees, but that might be for something else. One of my penultimate ones is that the theory is that they are controlled by the Illuminati.
So this all links in with the rituals and the Hollywood stuff as well. So some people believe that despite their dissolution in the medieval times, the Illuminati still exists and has been building itself up slowly over thousands of years.
um with its members placed in some of the most powerful positions across the world and obviously one of those is the office of the vatican where many of its prominent members are believed to be part of this illuminati
I do believe that there is a very powerful behind-the-scenes force, and I don't mean like a god, I mean an organisation of people that are pulling the strings and will never know anything about it.
but um yeah i don't know i don't know maybe one day all this will spill out the last one and this links back to aliens and stuff like that it's one of my favorite ones have you ever heard of the chrono visor
No. So there's a story... Is that like... if there's coronavirus all over the place and you've got a car sun visor you could pull it down it and stop it and it's the coronavirus no no chrono as in time i think so
This was apparently built by an Italian scientist and priest hundreds of years ago, and it's a device, and no one knows who gave him the technology to build this.
device that you can put over your head and eyes that allows you to view any point in time whether the future or the past and apparently um
The FBI and the CIA have investigated it. Is Benny Hill also in the Vatican running around grabbing women's bottoms? I think Joe Rogan might have talked about the coronavirus on one of his shows, but...
It is a known theory that there's a device that they've got hidden amongst many, many other things underneath the masking. If you put it on, you can have a little look at what's going on in the future. You can have a little look at what happened in the past.
the chrono advisor why don't you use it and sort of out maybe they are
Anyway, thank you for that. I appreciate it. I apologise to people about religion. No, I don't really apologise because I don't believe religion. But if I've offended you because you like religion or whatever, then I apologise for offending you.
that we've all got our own views it's fine we don't really get political or religious too often but I thought it was a fun one because the Vatican is such a place of mystery and everyone's going I don't listen to you now Gavin anyway you don't even know it's a fucking country so
well bill could you please take your rosary beads off of that no that's not where they hang thank you very much and take the crucifix out this isn't the exorcist
But we are about to go into the Pope's exorcist. So, Bill, take us out of the world of the strange. That's all the time we've got for this week on World of the Strange. Next week, though, give me Ira. Hairless pets.
Father Gabriele Amoreth On the night of June 4th You performed an exorcism
That was not an exorcism. The majority of cases do not require an exorcism.
98% are recommended by him to doctors and psychiatrists. The other 2%, I call it evil.
We have more questions for you, Father Amort. You have a problem with me. You talk to my boss, the Pope. There is a case that needs your attention.
Me the priest. I'm here to help, Julio. Wrong priest! Take caution. Their secret's buried there.
He's about to conceal. The church has got against this demon before. The Vatican covered it up. We need to find out why.
You've been played. You talk to fates. Whatever you do, you only do because God allows it.
Did you allow that? Imagine what could happen if the devil possessed the soul of the Pope's exorcist. Who will defend you?
My faith.
the Pope's exorcist from 2023. In 1987, Gabriele Amorth, the Vatican's leading exorcist, investigates the mnemonic possession of an American boy in Spain.
and discovers a secret that the Vatican has tried to keep buried for centuries. What's the secret then? The later exorcisms? Nazi gold. Oh.
So, starring Russell Crowe. It's also got Franco Nero, who you would know, as he plays the Pope, you would know him from lots of giallo movies, but he's a very old fan. Of course.
Yeah, and this is a fun film. Now, this is my second watch of it. And there's two things I like about this. Two main things I like. First thing is that Russell Crowe is clearly having a ball.
At the time of his life, he's enjoying this. His character is cheeky, confident, professional, experienced, and he rides around.
on a little Umbretta scooter fucking he's a
I'm not saying anything fat or whatever, but he's a little bit fatter inside, and he looks like he's going to swallow that fucking little moped. I was just like, here goes Fat Crow on his moped again.
The other thing I really like about this is it's a clever play on the buddy cop movies, which we've seen so many times, where we've got a grizzled older guy that's done the job for years.
He does what he likes. He blows up City Hall and he always gets let off by the boss. Goes on another mission, in this case another exorcism.
Oh, you fucked that one up as well. I guess we'll let you do another one. Go on then. And then towards halfway through this, he meets a younger, almost a partner, like the Riggs and Murtagh type thing, who...
He has to kind of mentor and show the way. Who's a pedo? No, he's not a pedo.
well yeah sex with one of the the thing says oh you had sex with one of the daughters and then it shows the daughter later it shows a woman with booze but if it says the way they're just putting it across they're putting across that she's under 18 she may be over 16 no no
Basically, he just broke his vow by having sex with a girl. Okay, right. Because they put it across, like, you know.
The point being is that he's sinned, and the demon in this will try to use your own sins against you. Because even Russell Crowe's character, rather, Amorth has got sins. You know, he let that girl die.
so um but i like the buddy cop aspect of it and that to me elevates this
A little bit, because this isn't just a horror film. This is a bit of a tongue-in-cheek comedy at times. There are some comical elements to it. They did this in the original Exodus, though. You had the buddy cop team in that.
yeah but in this one it's more played for because he even gets pulled up to the the main office at one point and they're sort of trying to give him a a right telling off for his last mission not going quite right
You know, just like when Riggs and Murtaugh get pulled up, give me your badges, that kind of thing. And then he's like, look, I do what I want and I always get the job done, don't I? And it's just...
very fun and him riding around on a moped and the fact that it's in the 80s and it's got a nice little soundtrack playing alongside it as well
Yeah, I can see how you like that. I'm not a fan of Exorcist movies. I've always found them very boring. Even the first movie, the original Exorcist, I think is very well produced in every department. It's done really well. The acting, the direction, fucking everything.
I just find that, which is weird because I love Satan and stuff, and I do love Omen, but that's not an exclusive. That's weird because I love Satan.
But I do like The Omen, but it's not the same thing. But The Exorcist, I always found it really boring. It's like, well, there's a kid, they're exorcists, they're sorry, they have a demon and you can exorcise them and then you exorcise them. It's boring.
stunts done this is a little bit different but at the same time yeah i generally never pick exorcisms as a sub-genre of horror for my own tastes i don't like many of them but the exorcist does for me
The Exorcist for me is one of the most chilling films I've ever seen. Yeah, totally. It definitely has that element to it. Absolutely. It gets me every time.
Yeah, even the first I watched it, I just, for whatever reason, did do it for me, but that's just because I'm an old grouch. But most films that contain exorcism as a subject...
Don't do it for me that much. There's a few. This is a fun one that I will come back to occasionally. You said you watched that movie the other night. What was that like with the exorcism in it? Awful.
It's fucking terrible. It's generic. Was it a remake by the way?
Are they trying to remake it as a follow-on? It's a legacy sequel. Because as I say, Reagan's mum's in that. Two kids. So what do we do this time?
Two kids, not just one. Three.
David Gordon Green looked at the first film and said right what do we need let's make it two kids one black and one white great right we've got that ticked off great what next okay let's bring back Reagan's mum okay yeah let's get her in it she didn't want to come give her double the money all right now she's in it
Great. Let's get the Michael Field music in it. Great. Yeah, let's get that as well. Now what? They're going to spew blood. Yeah, they're going to do that. Yeah, they're going to throw things up. They're going to have scratches on their body that form words. But what I'm saying though, it was just a general exorcism though. That's what the idea was.
was it was a kid the kids possessed and they exercised the kid it was just a different thing is anything new no no no this is slightly different it you got russell crowe i think is a different a unique not unique slightly different fit but it works okay
kind of brings that more of a to feed into it. So it's slightly different than all the others. I feel like towards the end, this movie goes fucking just like to Hollywood for its own fucking good.
And Russell Crowe's flying around the place. Oh, fuck off, you superhero bollocks. The ending is a bit weird, isn't it? It turns into a fucking Marvel movie. That's what it does. Well, we start off with a bit of text.
That tells us a bit about... Now, I mention this in World of the Strange. Father Amorth, Father Gabriel Amorth, is based on a real person, the chief exorcist. Is this person still doing this job? Is it a job still done?
He just probably runs those workshops that I told you about now. Yeah, but then the people who do the workshops, obviously they go on to do this then. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's still exorcism. There's still going on. Yeah. And then we get...
the year 1987 pop up just so we know we're in the 80s which is great so no mobile phones or anything like that and a little scooter pulls up and it's father gabriel i chuckled every time i saw him on it
And it's like, you know, it's the equivalent to Riggs pulling up in his car or whatever. And he pulls up and he enters the room. He's not. He's not. It's Russell Crowe and a little fucking moped. It's nothing. It's comical. Honestly, it's like a family guy.
He walks into this house where there's a possessed boy inside there.
He says to the family, are there any signs of possession? So this is, you know, we're opening on him cutting the wires basically to a bomb.
I like the idea of the scene. I think this is a good opening scene, especially when they bring this pig into it. I think that's quite clever. It's very simple, but very clever. And that's what I like about his character. He's very cocky and confident.
in doing his exorcisms. He's experienced. He's been on a job for a few years now. His job isn't necessarily to exorcise the demon in you. It's to figure out whether you've got really fucked up mental health.
or whether you are possessed by demon. And as he says, most of the time, I just refer them to a psychiatric ward. It's very, very rare that I actually have to do any out of real exorcism, which is why he calls them out with this pig in a minute.
So he walks in, he says, what are the signs of possession? And the family say, well, look.
This kid starts speaking English and he's never spoken English. He's like, do you have access to a television? Well, yeah. He's like, well, he could have learned some English from a television. So he's already trying to figure out, is this real or is this not? Then he hears some thumping sounds.
from upstairs he goes up to the boy and he starts provoking him he says okay here we go so you think you're the devil i guess it yeah what's my name then and he can't give him his name and he's like okay yeah if you can't give me a name that's fine prove to me you're the devil
And the boy says to him, you know, that's a pilot trick. The devil wouldn't need to do that. And he's like, yeah, yeah, whatever. I'll tell you what, bring the pig in. And he says...
possess this pig prove it to me you know possess the pig he said the boy does do like a weird move where he reaches out for the pig and whether or not the pig is possessed or not at this point
they just blow the pig's head off don't they well i'm presuming that's what they do they actually throw them the demon jumps in there and they shoot it which means the demons a bit
bit of thick of shit himself because the demon's like oh okay yeah no rose i'll prove it to you if that is the case and then they shoot the pig so either that or they just try to
coax him into like coming out and stop faking it or because there is go with his mental state so he thinks that's happened to relieve him from that state because there is a phenomenon where people do believe they're possessed it's just a just a fucking pig's brains
over the fucking place. And that would maybe make, if he has got that phenomenon where he believes he's possessed, maybe this would help him finish that, you know what I mean? He thinks, oh great, you killed the demon because it was in that pig.
So that's the opening scene. And this, I've written here, this is basically the equivalent to the Christmas tree lethal weapon opening scene because we find out what kind of a character he is, how far he's willing to go, how cocky he is.
All in the first five minutes really. And then we get our title card come up. And we meet our American family. Who are going to be in this for the long run. So they're driving along.
as i said they're american we've got a mum a teenage daughter and son we find out later on that the dad
died a year earlier it's like this is cliche really it's a ghost there's recent Ghostbusters maybe the dads we've inherited something dad's died or whatever we're gonna go there you know I know it's a granddad in Ghostbusters but it's that old fucking cliche we've inherited
to the property. We haven't seen that a lot. We're going to go check it out. They've inherited a fucking, what's it?
it's a massive gothic villa like a big villa with an abbey in it yeah that's not what the fuck and they've got all these people working there it's like jesus christ like the tax probably inheriting that would probably you would probably have to sell it just to get pay for the tax
and they don't know how it fell into their family they just know that they've inherited it since their dad died so they're just like this is great we don't know how this abbey just fell into our family but somehow at some point my dad had an abbey a whole abbey yep totally
Right, okay. Cut to Russell Crowe. He's in the Vatican. He's wandering around. He's teasing the nuns because they're looking at him going, oh, look, there's the famous chief ex assistant. Like Benny Hill grabbing their bums. He goes, go, go, go.
There's this little thing he likes to do, just to wind them up a bit. I don't know why he does that, but he does. But he's having a great time, Russell Crowe. He's having a ball. He's great. He's in Europe for a few months filming this film, enjoying it.
He apparently suggested the Lambretta. He said my character would drive a scooter. And they were like, why? He's so funny. Because I just think he would. I think he looks sweet on it. Sweet.
But he's clearly not your usual priest.
just because of what he writes and how he sort of speaks to people and stuff like that. He reminds me, I tell you what, he reminds me of the father in Dracula, Prince of Darkness, the Hammer horror film.
who wants to warm his bottom by the fire when he comes into the pub. Do you know the one? Yeah, I can imagine him doing that. Yeah, and he's massive, and he's a big guy, and he's got a rifle, and some of the locals say stuff. Just go, stop your mouth! And they're like, oh, okay.
He's very much like that character. And he's one at the end, shoots the ice and Dracula falls in the ice and he kills him, you know. He's quite big and imposing, isn't he? He's Russell Crowe. Yeah, like this guy. Big birdie bloke.
And we find out that he might have to go to the office because he might be in trouble with the boss. So we'll come back to that in a minute. We go back to the family then that have arrived in this giant fucking absolute mansion that they've randomly inherited.
And while they're there, they meet a young priest who is, I can't remember his name now, but his father is equal. We find out his first name a bit later on.
he's helping them explore this new home it's being kind of renovated and rebuilt
The old Abbey's in there, as they say, and the priest's asking them all about it, and they're like, we don't really know where it came from, but our dad died one year ago. The daughter's having a cheeky cigarette, and mum tells her off for that.
And later on, her brother sort of freaks her out with a strange mask on. And then she hears the... ...shave and a haircut, two bits. And...
That's something that her and her brother do, knocking on the wall, but that will come back in a scary way later on, won't it Gav?
Hey Will, the house when they walked into it and stuff, all the colours of the film are very desaturated here, just like there's not much colour, it's very, it's just, it's quite dull almost, the whole look of it here, presumably on purpose.
purpose, probably to help the environment look run down, I'd have thought. Yeah, because it feels like, it feels very...
like the sun's just gone down all the time yeah because it's cold it's a cold feeling yeah yeah yeah but there's like that that oranginess to it it's weird isn't it yeah henry is the young boy and he's wandering around with his headphones on
um and he obviously goes down into the basement and he finds a little hole in the wall and he peeps through the hole in the wall and this is where we assume he gets
possessed by the demon. Because there is something underneath the Abbey and underneath the entire villa which we'll find out more about. He watches through a hole and he sees this cracking happening on the wall. Yeah.
And then Amy, the daughter and mum, they're obviously arguing the whole family are very agitated since dad died.
And they want to sell it, basically. All they want to do is get it up and ready so they can sell it and live off and, you know, have all the money. Yeah, which makes sense because you're not going to just look off that. On the next note, it's Fat Crow on a little moped with Faith and them all playing.
yeah just about to come to that but just before that though mum says to amy just do me one favor for god's sake since your dad died you know he hasn't spoken a word the boy
All I need you to do is help me look after him while we're here. We're not going to be here for long, just a couple of months. Once it's up and done, we're out. Just help me with brother. And she's like, I'm not the babysitter. And it's all sort of very usual family stuff. Yes. So we get, we care a lot.
by faith no more great tune um which is russell crowe riding along on his moped brilliant never thought we'd see him as a italian priest
riding a moped with faith no more playing over the top of it but it is it was a rare choice just that just that shot like okay i guess you're trying to make it cool i don't know okay and he's a he's arrived at the big dog's office it's the only time we have any music like that in it also
It's just a Faith No More song. No, there's a few. Is there? Yeah, there's quite a lot of contemporary stuff because it's all the way through. You get bits and bobs playing. So he's dragged into the office because he's about to have four more hearing.
Basically, he goes into a place which is just this elegant, massive, elegant place with these huge gold-framed paintings and gold-framed furniture sitting opposite him. And then there's these five, he eventually goes into his room, there's these five people all in front of him.
of him all in white apart from the uh no all in black and the one in the middle who's in red
Yeah, and these are like the chief big dogs of the Raskin. Yeah, they're basically going to... He's got one on his side. One of them spoke to him before, and one of the guys is sitting there. He's like, you know, this is what's going on. But at the end of the day, he's being tested or being...
You know, they're checking his credentials out. Well, they're furious with him because the last exorcism he did with the pig, he didn't get permission from the Pope. He went rogue on that one. So this is like him blowing up City Hall. He's a cop.
Do they also think he's full of shit and exorcisms aren't real? Is that what they're trying to say? No, what they're trying to say to him is we take exorcisms so seriously that...
This is why the Pope has to give his permission. You can't just go willy-nilly doing them because if it gets out to the public...
You know, it's not a good look for the church. And we hear that you brought a pig into the last one and blew its brains out. Now, what do you think you're doing? But this is where he shows his confident cockiness and says, look, listen, 98% of the...
the jobs I do, I refer them to a psychiatric ward. There's only 2% of the jobs where there's actual demons involved.
and it seems like he's close to getting fired so he they they sort of say to him the public can't know about demons and devils and this kind of thing and he says to them are you saying that you don't believe in evil
And they all go quiet and he says, because if you don't believe in evil, if you're telling me that there's no such thing as evil, then what the fuck is the point in the church and the Vatican and...
god and all of this because without evil there is no god and without god there is no evil blah blah blah and he gives them this amazing speech and just blows about the water and basically says i'll do what i like
Let me crack on with doing my job. I'm just gonna go out there on my scooter exercising people all over Italy and all over Europe. He says if you've got a problem, take it up with my boss.
who's the Pope. I love that. I'm going to say here, at this point, he chews the scenery. If you want to know what chews the scenery is, this is Crow doing his whole thing.
and that's what I like about it I like that he's having fun
Because, you know, this could be a really serious movie. I know you've got your thoughts on it. This could take itself too seriously, but I like that it's clearly a little bit pantomime. Yeah, absolutely. If it says that...
David Gordon Green or something directed this or something that it'd be all real serious tone wouldn't be able to play around where Russell Crowe is yeah very much like
Not rolling the roost, so to speak, but do you know what I mean? He is... They're letting Crow do Crow, which is fine, which is probably what you need for the film to make it not boring.
And it's nice to see him do this because he's done so many serious films and won so many Oscars, you know, Gladiator, A Beautiful Mind. Lately, he's been turning up in stuff where you don't expect him. He was in a Marvel, he was in the latest Thor movie.
You know, he played Zeus and he was walking around being all silly and that and being very camp and pantomimey. And I do like to see Russell Crowe have a bit of a... In his older age, he's sort of mellowed a bit and he's doing some fun things, I think.
Then we cut back to the abbey, and you've got the mum, it's night time, and the mum's, this abbey must be cold. It must be cold. The mum's sitting around in her underwear going, oh, I'm cold. Okay, I've got an idea.
Get some clothes on? Oh, fucking hell. She hears some thumping sounds. She can't figure out where it's coming from. She goes up to check on the kids. Anybody there?
Henry's asleep. She takes his headphones off. When she walks out of the room, his eyes pop open and the demon is beginning to surface.
The next day you get a couple of builders that are downstairs and they go past the hole which the kid found earlier and they're like oh look there's something in there. They decide the best thing to do is to light a flare to look.
Why? Why would you light a flare and not a torch which lights a beam into the hole? A flare is just going to light that where you are up. What is that going to do? Apart from blow up if there's gas.
Which there is. These guys are thick as shit. So there's a huge gas explosion and all the workers are like, we quit.
We can't work on this property. You've got methane and gas leaking coming from underneath. And you employed idiots that didn't smell the gas and thought a light or flare to see through a hole.
So they all leave, leaving mum and her daughter Amy and son Henry in this run-down old mansion. She's like, what the fuck do we do now? Henry starts having a bit of a fit. He has seizure.
And he says, you're all going to die. Then scratches his face.
And then, yeah, he rips his own flesh on his face. So then we get a classic exorcist scene where he's in a hospital. It's basically a hospital scene. They did loads of tests, but nothing's going on. So the doctor says it's psychosis, he's thinking, which the mum's like, no!
No, it can't be. Yeah, because he said we've done the x-rays, CAT scans, MRIs. What...
Could have happened to him recently. And she says, well, he did see his own dad impaled in a car a year ago and he hasn't spoken a word since then. Could that be something? Fucking hell. Come on, people.
just this mum this mum doesn't know when it's cold to put clothes on for a start she's fucking useless useless the doctor basically smashes his own head with a palm like oh my god he says to her look here's some sedatives yeah
If he has any more seizures or acts up, just give him drugs. Sedate him. If he acts up, like, if he grabs your boo and says, I'm hungry, which is the next scene.
Yeah, so they go back home and Henry is in bed, very catatonic, and then the power cuts out. So now they're left in a mansion where the power keeps cutting out, which is just fucking great, as well as a gas leak in the basement.
So they're not happy about it. So the daughter goes downstairs to try and trip the power back on. It's a very, very spooky basement. And while that's happening, yes, Gab Henry gets into bed with his mummy and grabs her boob and says...
You never breastfed me, you fat cow. Now I'm hungry. I want something. Give it to me. Henry, what are you doing? And we must point out, has his voice gone yet?
Yeah, this is not quite yet. Okay, well, yeah, we'll get to that. We'll get to that. And then on his stomach, he pulls up his T-shirt and the word hate comes up. I thought it said skate. I was like, oh, shit.
Skate or die. Skate, man. Skate. I want to go skate. Like, yeah, dude. And then he says, let's Satan skate with you. This is the first time we hear the voice now. He says, bring me the priest.
Yeah, so basically it's the voice from The Witch. Yeah, so, well, Oral Galactus from The Fantastic Four. Ralph Innes, very big actor now. It's a horror movie podcast. Let's just say The Witch, people know.
Well, no, he's not just been in The Witch. He's been in Game of Thrones. Ralph Innes is huge now. The Witch was halfway through his career. Yeah, but everyone would know his voice from The Witch, though.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he's got an incredible booming voice, which is why he was cast as Galactus. Yeah, because I'm sure there's other people that don't know that he's in his superhero films and things. No, it's not.
not just superhero stock this in it he was in game of thrones and he's been in a ton of stuff go look him up he's been in a million things yeah the office as well he's just got this incredible voice but yeah i was i didn't know until this second watch that he did the voice i just
Because I'd watched Fantastic Four a couple of weeks before. I was thinking, that voice sounds familiar. Did you not recognise, honestly? The first time I watched it, I didn't know. It's such a unique voice. To be honest, when it came on, I was like...
it's almost a bit cliche I'd rather it wasn't it's almost a bit too over the top for the kids he's not credited is it until the end credits very far down as the voice of the demon so they kept it under wraps quite nicely it feels like it's too much
to be honest with you. His voice is great, but it feels like it's too much. Oh, I absolutely love it. I think if you're going to have him do the voice, do someone do the voice of a demon, it's got to be Ralph Innes. But yes, he says, bring me the priest.
so the young priest is called and walks in to the room and the next shot is him getting thrown out the room up against the wall and the little boy in ralph venison's voice says
That was the wrong fucking priest. That's not bad for your impression. Oh, wow. Okay. Jesus. Okay. So he wants a different priest and we know which priest he wants. He wants Russell Crowe.
So Gabriel goes to see the Pope, his boss, who's not very well. He's a bit sick. And they discuss...
this younger generation they just don't believe in the devil anymore do they and they have this whole discussion about that and he says to him listen Russell Crowe I need you to hop on your moped considering we're in Italy right now
There's a boy in Spain, and it's a bit of a special mission that I need to go on. I can't tell you any more about it. Is he going to go all the way on his moped? He goes all the way down his moped. I was thinking, why don't he get on the train?
But now, I'm going to, okay, I will ride my moped all the way to Spain. See you later. That's just me doing an impression of Russell Crowe. I'm not doing an Italian accent. Doing an impression of an Italian, yeah.
um he does speak really good italian in this doesn't he and has a pretty decent accent he goes to see the pope now well we've just done that oh okay good right so he
he doesn't know why he's being sent there by the pope of all people but he knows that this this mission is special obviously there's something below the villa below the abbey that we'll find out about later on so yeah he lambretta rides his way to spain
Must have taken days to get there. All the way there. What is he, 28 miles now? With faith, they're all playing.
He arrives at the villa after weeks of riding slowly. No, he arrives at the villa.
And the young priest is there, who's obviously been thrown up against the wall and heard a demon's voice.
And he says, oh, thank goodness you're here. You're the chief exorcist of the whole Vatican. Well, mum's like, why is the church here? Or I guess the Vatican here. She's a bit like, that's a bit much, isn't it? I think she's a bit like, what? You know.
Yeah, because this is 1987. There's no internet. The thought of an exorcism is very far out of everybody's mind. And he looks up to Russell Crowe. He's heard of him. And this is where you almost get that buddy cop.
relationship start a little bit because he's like oh yeah i'm excited to be on a mission with you
And Russell Crowe's just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll deal with this. Pulls out his hip flask. He says, can I just see the boy? So she lets him see. And he's sleeping, and he wakes up, and he has a real Gollum vibe about him, this kid.
He looks a bit like Gollum. No offence to the kid. Well, yeah, I mean, he's got makeup on, so I guess it's not what he really looks like. I'd be worried if he did. We're going to cast you as a demon. Why? Because you're ugly, kid.
You're ugly. And he says to him, I know your nightmares. And we get a flashback to some young lads sort of being shot by Nazis. And we find out later on that's actually Russell Crowe.
in his mind it's his sin where he pretended to be dead when uh all his buddies in his is military platoon a shot all around him and that's his sin which we find out later on but we have a flashback to it so it's kind of nice to just give us a different era and a different
time zone just for a bit do you know what I mean a bit of a rest
from the film that was that was his his thing that he this is why he joined the church so he he examines henry he says are you awake and they have a bit of a conversation and he speaks to him in this ravenous voice and he pukes up a baby bird
Yeah, a baby bird that Russell Crowe remembers from his past because he saw that bird when he was rescued. There was a bird on one of the dead bodies. He also checks out the boy's eye.
just to mention and the boy's got a second pupil that sort of appears briefly a demonic pupil next to his own pupil and he says to him i'm here for you i'm here for you gabriel it's kind of like showing that it's two souls or two two people
that one vessel we can say the body and he pulled he tries his old trick of all right then if you're the devil
Tell me what my name is. Go on. Why are you here? Show me a trick. And he actually says, your name's Gabriel. I know your sins. And I'm here for you. I know about the pig. And Gabriel's thinking, oh, shit. OK, this is the 2%.
out of the hundred.
sense that i go to this is the two percent but this is probably going to be real because he he seems to know a lot of stuff about my yeah my past and he speaks german he speaks italian the kid speaks german to him he mimics what the soldier said to him when he was in the war
He speaks Italian and English.
And then coughs up a birdfeet, as you say. And he just says, your sins will seek you out. I'll be waiting for you. And he leaves. And so Russell goes outside saying, how the fuck does he know me? Does he know where I was, what I was doing? How does he know me?
he's a bit like that's a bit weird and his mission now is kind of needs to work out why this demon's chosen him is kind of his mission you know so he says i need to go and talk to the mother a moment so he tells her
He says, I think there's a demon in your son. Sorry about that. Bad news. You thought it was voice breaking. I'm afraid it's not. But he says to the family, he says, look, faith...
is the only answer whether you believe it or not you need to try to have some faith because if we believe in good or god whatever you want to say we can help him
But I need you to tell me about the car accident. So this is where she's like, OK. Basically, Henry was in a car with his dad last year. The car crashed. And he saw his dad die in front of his very eyes. He's never spoken a word since. He's been very strange since then.
And obviously that's where we are right now. And he says, okay, I promise I'll help you with this. I promise I'll help your family with this. So later on, Amy hears more of that knocking game.
um coming from all over the house though and then she hears her brother saying amy i'm in hell and then the phone rings she picks it up and it's her dead dad
And she's like, what the hell, Dad, Dad, I miss you. And he's like, you're all going to die, Amy. You're all going to die. I love this next scene. She runs in the room. Russell Crowe and her mum are in the kitchen. And she says, oh, my God.
Their dad's just phoned me on the phone and said we're all going to die. And Russell Crowe goes, I need coffee. Just straight into it.
Give me caffeine right now. And they look at him, because they expect him to say that, and he's like, this is going to take all night. It's a long thing. I'm tired. You guys need to get your rest, but I need my energy.
I thought with him at that point. I was like, I'll be really tired, but I'll go have a little nap. I'll have a coffee with Russell Crowe in the kitchen. Now, he says to everybody, now this could take hours. This could take days. This could take weeks.
But what we need to do is get together with that faith I mentioned earlier. So I need constant prayers from some of you. He says to the young priest, what do you know about exorcisms?
He's like, absolutely nothing. I don't know anything about them at all. He's like, what prayers do you know off by heart?
And he gets them all to start thinking about what prayers they can recite constantly. And he says to the priest, we need to confess our sins. When was the last time you confessed your sins, young priest? He says, oh, about a year ago. Is that a year? We haven't got all night.
Okay, just say I confess all my sins. How many sins have they got? Do you think, oh, you've obviously got a lot of sins. How many sins have you got right this second, Dan? Yeah, but a sin is having a wank.
It could be farting in public and blaming someone else. It could be... Did you not do that? I see what you're saying, though, the masturbation thing. I'm sinning. I'm daily sinning.
if you're lying or you know this is this is see i'm not getting into it again but this is the thing he says i've got your sins this is around what day is that oh do you could do you know all the sins that you did you're bad you don't want to do that yeah okay great
No worries, I'll chop it all off now. Great, wicked done. What a load of bollocks. If you've got these scenes, you just say, nah, you're right. So that's great.
So I can carry on doing these sins because all it is is you just going, no, you're fine. I just have to confess that I was having a wank all day long. But don't worry about it. You're fine. Oh, okay. What's the point?
What's the fucking point? Just tell the man on the other side of the screen. Just don't have sins. Just don't even have this thing. Or unless the sin is like, I murdered a group of people. That's a sin as well. Yeah. And that's a sin. That's a proper sin. Like, take some stuff.
but if you tell the priest if you tell the priest you're not gonna go you're gonna go to heaven you'll be fine yeah who's proved that imagine what priests have heard over the years in those confession oh god
My elderly neighbour was doing the gardening and I got really turned on by her saggy old boobs so I decided to have a wank. She turned around and I finished while she watched me.
All right, well, you're absolved of all your sins. You're fine. I've just said you're fine, so don't worry about it. Anything that you do in life, any bad thing, I'll just say, yeah, you're all right, and then you won't feel bad. Great, quick. Cool, I'm going to heaven. Heaven? Yep, heaven. Everyone knows about heaven. Have you seen pictures of it? Yeah.
We know about everything. So Gabriel says to the young priest, do you speak Latin? He's like, nah, don't speak any Latin.
He's like, all right, well, read this prayer. He's like, yeah, but it's in Latin. I've just told you don't speak it. He says, yeah, but Latin and Spanish are pretty similar. You'll learn it. I need you to learn this one off by heart. Just this prayer and just constantly pray whenever I go in the room with him.
So the two priests enter Henry's room. I'm glad you said room. Enter Henry's room. And the first thing he says to them is, Hello, Gabe.
Can I call you Gabe? Soldier boy. And he's really picking on him. This is where I feel like the guy's a paedophile because he says, hello, panty sniffer. Yeah.
So he's been sniffing panties. So we're just saying they're just not young girls' panties, they're older females' panties. There was just one girl. So he's just been sniffing panties of one girl and had sex with her. He had sex with a girl that he shouldn't have had with. And sniffed her panties.
he'd committed to joining the priesthood that's fine it's just it made it feel like they're trying to put him across as a pedo but he used he kind of used the girl just for sex
Because he knew he wasn't going to marry her. So he told her he loved her. But he had no intentions of being with her. Because he was already committed to joining the church. But he wanted to get his end away. So he had sex with this girl. And then just left her stranded.
see ya and went off and joined the church so he feels bad about that because he broke your heart or whatever all right fair enough it just came across it it felt like they're trying to put him across as a pedo saying first of all saying you're a panty sniffer then straight after that you had sex with their daughters that does
make it out like they're trying to put it across as a paedophile would you agree yeah yeah but um the way they've worded that i know what you mean but they've definitely put that demon is trying to
The demon is trying to get a rise out of him. But the person who wrote the script was definitely putting that across. He's trying to put him across the pitiful. He's basically saying you lied to their daughters, one girl, and basically used your position of...
being a priest because it would be exciting for a girl i guess to have sex with a priest a forbidden bonk yeah but i'm just saying the whole script that it's just it's coming across as in my computer that's all it is that's all i need to say um i didn't get that but
yeah but it says hello panty sniffer you've been fucking their daughters
That, to me, straight away, I don't think it's fucking 30-year-old. I guess it does because there is a link between paedophilia and priesthood. Exactly.
Well, then we get the usual backwards and forwards here where the demon says things like, let's battle, priest. I'm going to fuck you and you're going to love every minute of it. And I'm going to make you cum and you're going to love it. And I'll be like, okay, it's a bit more than the I'm going to...
wank myself off with a crucifix like in the original exorcist movie okay it's a different one you're gonna make the priest russell crow come okay i never thought i'd hear you saying that in a podcast and he's gonna like it
Fucking hell. Midway through the exorcism, unfortunately, the power cuts out. Of course it does.
And Russell Crowe sees a woman who we find is Rosaria, a woman that we'll come back to later on. She appears to Gabriel, and this is the girl you let die. And it's a girl that he didn't... um diagnosed correctly and she
committed suicide and he blames himself so another one of his sins that he blames himself for and she says to him gabriel i'm rotting in hell and he turns to the young priest this is where he gets called a panty sniffer and all that kind of stuff gabriel says look
Because he grabs Henry. When Henry accuses him of being a panty sniffer, the priest just jumps on the kid. Bear in mind this is like a ten-year-old kid. It starts strangling him.
And Gabriel's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Take it down. Take it down a notch. Leave the room. Leave the room. And he does. And he says to him, look, you can't let him get to you like that. He's going to try his best.
Don't go around strangling children. Cut back quickly to the Vatican, where the Pope's almost getting a bit of a sense, his spider sense is tingling, that something weird is happening.
And he's reading this book and he's studying this demon that's in this boy. Why is he? Because of where the demon is. Because of what's buried underneath this abbey. Because it's all to do with the Night's Temple, isn't it?
Well, no, because he sent Russell Crowe there because of the secret that the Vatican's keeping underneath that abbey to do with the Knights Templar. Right. Which we'll come back to. But he knows. So he knows, but also he's picking up on some...
Catholic spider sense as well. My Catholic sense is tingling. That sounds wrong, doesn't it? We won't go there again. Where are we at? So...
Gabriel comforts Tomas. Tomas is the young priest. And he says, look, what's this sin he's talking about? And he's like, look, okay, okay. I had a girlfriend.
i basically led her straight and all that stuff i've just talked about and he's like okay you're forgiven you're fine like you just said gav you can do anything someone say yeah you're right all right cool
And then Gabriel says, look, my sin that he was talking to me about was Rosario, this girl that I misdiagnosed and she committed suicide and it's all my fault. So...
this boy's got limited time and he says to the family we've only got a little bit of time before he dies so he's saying this to the mum and the sister you know your brother your son's going to die soon so we've got to work fast on this
Gabriel goes into the garden and while he's out there just by chance he finds a hidden under a bush a Vatican seal.
it's a it's a well it's a concrete lid for a well yeah yeah and it's like oh he uses i find this i find this unbelievable that no offense he is a little bit weighty he in the wet
he sits on his moped and uses his moped in the wet with his weight on it as well and i know what happens if you have a lot of weight
on a tire in the wet it just slides around around in the mud but it's raining at this point yeah so he somehow manages to pull off this concrete thing which to be honest i think he could probably just pushed it off himself
If the moped could do it. Yeah, he's a pretty strong guy. Yeah, yeah. But it's an excuse to use the moped. You know that Russell Crowe said, no, no, no, my character won't lift this off. My character would use this moped in the rain, which it wouldn't actually work, but, you know, it's a movie.
So, yeah, he pulls the lid off of this well, which is basically a secret Vatican entrance to underground. And there's skulls in it. He lights it up and looks down into it. There's skulls all lining it as it goes down.
And while he's doing that, because he's disturbed this ancient sort of tomb, the crucifix above the bed that Henry's in sort of flips downwards slowly. So it's upside down, which is...
pure sign of the devil there. Tomas enters his room and touches his hand and he bites a chunk out of his face. He almost bites his ear off, which isn't great.
Mum gets pulled into her mattress, just like Dana in Ghostbusters.
hands pull her down into her mattress and the daughter is hearing lots of knocking and she's scared so she gets into a cupboard to hide she gets thrown around her bedroom
and it's all kicking off basically absolute chaos so russell crowe who having just discovered this secret demonic tomb thinks i better go and tell them about this he runs in
to find the daughter bouncing off the walls, mum being pulled into the mattress by demonic hands, and yeah, it's all kicking off.
So they manage to pull mum out of the bed. They save Amy from her mad room. They find one of her nails on the wall where she's been, you know, ripped across the wall. And...
We get a little bit more backstory of the Pope doing more research on this demon. He's like, I knew it. This is the demon. Well, of course you knew it. That's why you sent your chief exorcist there. You knew where you were sending him. So I didn't really get the whole Pope thing. I didn't really need that.
because it keeps breaking it up really i want to stick with the family and what's going on in this house yeah um thomas is told take the family to the little chapel
that's within this villa because it's such a big villa it's got a chapel and abbey it's got it all there and keep them safe there um gabe talks uh well not but
tells his backstory to thomas about the war yeah and basically says look everything that the demon's going to say to you it's all based on deception distraction and he just wants the boy to die
And we have to save the boy. So the longer we let him distract us and deceive us, the more chance there is of the boy dying.
I need to show you something. Come with me. And he shows Thomas the well outside and says this is all dated the same year as the Spanish Inquisition. Yeah. And there's something hidden underneath this place. So.
They go down into the basement and they find a symbol on the wall, two crossed keys. What was that then? It's like a sign of the Knights Templar and the Spanish Inquisition and all that kind of stuff.
They smell a smell of gas or sulfur which obviously exploded earlier on. So Gabe just knocks the ball down. He doesn't use his moped this time.
He just smashes the ball down. I don't know what he uses, a hammer or something? I'm not sure, but I like the fact he has some sense this time. He says, hmm, you smell that? Nobody liked anything. I can smell gas. It's like, yeah, why didn't the builders, their job is to...
to notice if there's gas. Not notice gas. It's so sloppy. They're not as professional as him. I guess not. They go inside and there's a door inside the room. And inside this...
through this next door which they kicked down there's a chair um like a throne there's statues everywhere and he says this is a catacomb an ancient catacomb yeah and there's a skeleton in a cage
And he says this would have been the last protector. Whatever they buried in here, they would have locked the last protector, the last exorcist, in this cage. But the cage wasn't for his safety. Sorry, the cage wasn't to...
protect you know him it's to basically to keep things away from him not because he was the possessed one because initially they think oh they blocked the possessed person's cage he's like no no no the last protector would be in this cage Russell Crowe nicks his ring
He does. Picks the little ring off a bit. Just pockets his ring. Doesn't say anything about it. Just slowly pockets the ring. Okay. Just like in Die Hard with a chocolate bar. I guess he doesn't need it. And...
Meanwhile, the Pope is reading a letter, coincidentally, about this caged fellow having the ultimate demon inside him. So actually the person in there was actually...
possessed. Isn't it something where the church buried up the death of all the workers or something? Basically, basically one demon killed
multiple exorcists and the church covered it up by burying it all underneath this abbey okay so there's this really really really really powerful demon yeah that lives that's still down there somewhere
um and they just thought if we just build a nice little abbey on top of it and make everyone all happy and religious above it then all the prayers will keep this demon at bay and no one will ever know about it until a stupid man with a flare puts it through the hole and explodes it and then
A little boy gets possessed. Gabriel finds a key. He pulls it out of the corpse's stomach and says, I'm very sorry about this, my friend. And then they use this to open up some other shit.
Meanwhile, the Pope seems to be having some kind of a heart attack. He's obviously linked to this in some way. I don't know why the Pope. Why do we keep going back to the Pope? I don't know. Don't care about it. Thomas opens a gate using that key that he pulled out of there and he says...
the smell of sulfur is stronger in here this means we are closer to hell and he almost smiles when he says it yeah it's like what the you right mate uh the pope
Vomits blood. Why? Why? I don't know. In the next room, they've gone through with the belly, the stomach key. There's more and more corpses, and these are all the dead exorcists, and they find the journal.
where there are multiple possessions and this is where the penny drops oh shit this demon can possess more than one thing at a time meaning it's probably not just henry upstairs that's possessed it could be somebody else cut to
Mum, walking in the room, she's thinking, I'm going to give Henry another sedative, but where the hell is my daughter? And that she is possessed as well, isn't she?
So they talk about the whole Spanish acquisition downstairs and how all the torture and death and all the stuff that happened around that era are all the work of the devil and one particular demon that the Catholic Church fought.
lost loads of exorcists. Now, an army of exorcists was wiped out by this one demon until they found a way to control it, contain it, and bury it underneath this abbey. So it's all the work of the devil. Now, Mummy finds Amy giggling.
she's sitting on Henry's bed and she's got a very strange voice and this is where we as an audience finally understand okay both of the children are possessed now and then we get
Mum and Amy both being attacked by invisible forces. Amy's head twists back around behind her. And then Mum gets smashed into a mirror.
and there's just explosions, and then the Pope dies or doesn't die. He doesn't die because he's still alive at the end, but he's in critical condition. I started getting a bit confused with the film here.
It started to lose me and I started getting a bit like, I don't really know what everything's going on or what's happening so much. If I could change something, I would scale back the amount of times we cut back to the Pope.
Because it's just confusing. I just need to stick with what's going on. There's two locations. Underneath the Abbey, with Russell Crowe and Tomas, and then upstairs.
But then they add the Pope stuff in as well. It's almost like Franco Nero from the Giallo movies said, yeah, yeah, I'll come and work on it. And they're like, great, we've got him for two weeks.
Let's just get loads of stuff and we'll just fit it in the film somehow. It just doesn't really work for me. No. But they managed to inject Henry and tie him up. Oh, shit. He was the bad guy in Die Hard 2.
Yes. That's right. Wow. That's right. And the original Django.
Ah, the original Django. What was it called? Django. It was just called Django, wasn't it? Yeah. So they managed, Amy and mum managed to inject Henry with the sedative and tie him up. And Thomas says...
This is a special demon, Gabriel. He only feeds on exorcists. Gets a kick out of killing exorcists. And that's why it wants you, Gabriel, because you're the Pope's own exorcist. You're the top...
dog billy billy bill big bollocks exorcist man that's why it wants you if it can get you then it's the cream of the crop so gabriel says all right i better confess my sins about the war then
uh where i pretended i was dead so he's like another sin all right and this is where he sees the red baby bird in his flashback which the boy coughed up earlier on and then he also confessed about the girl that killed himself
a girl that killed herself she ate a red bird as well and she was possessed with air quotations but she was actually mentally disturbed jumped off a building and he says she is my burden Thomas she is my burden
So Gabriel gets his exorcist kit out. He gives a special medal to Thomas to wear and says, this will protect you. And he blesses everybody in the house and they start hearing the shrieks.
Coming from upstairs and he says ignore the demons tricks. Let's go save this child. Let's go to work. This is almost like the sort of... Ghostbusters. They start marching up the stairs. They enter the bedroom.
And Henry's taunting him. He starts taunting everyone. They all start praying. That girl, Rosaria, she appears on the ceiling eating birds, as usual.
And then a sexy girl, the one that Thomas had sex with, appears to him. And she tries to seduce him. And they start screaming the exorcism rites. They seem to be winning and Henry passes out.
But it's a trick. We've seen this before, Gav. Yeah. Mummy? Mummy, I'm all better now. Yeah. I'm fine. And then they see something squirming under his skin. It looks almost like he dies.
and they lift up his stomach and on his stomach it says god is not here and then they realize amy's possessed and they turn around and look at her and uh
She does something which I fucking hate in these films. I'm really sorry. And I do like this film, Sheila, but she does... What do they call it where they cut frames out?
So she walks all weird and does that. There's no real name for it, but yeah, they just cut some frames out. But they undercrank it, don't they? Well, no, not necessarily. But yeah.
So they do that and then they do the other thing which I hate, which is where she crawls up the wall backwards onto the ceiling. And it just kind of takes me out of the film a bit when that happens. I hate that.
Gabriel gets pinned to the wall by an invisible force. Thomas starts getting hung by a rope, comes down and hangs him.
Mum is being strangled by her daughter, Amy, and it looks like the devil is winning. Henry breaks his ropes that are tying him to the bed. Then Gabriel...
makes the ultimate sacrifice he says okay take me take me come into me and everybody's dropped not like that then everybody is dropped to the floor and gabriel is kind of doing it at 30 days of night
where Joss Hartnett uses the power of the vampires to sort of win the day, knowing that he's going to die from it. And Gabriel has now, you know, got the demon in him.
and he says get everybody get out of here get out of here um thomas goes over to him uh to you know try and stop him and he says get them out of here now and he starts growling
His eyes turn red, Russell Crowe goes, this is why he took this job, because he got to ride around on a scooter and then he got to act all crazy at the end with red contact lenses. He's having a field day filming this.
He starts chasing the family around. It becomes a little comical at this point. They all get in the car. Benny Hill. Gabe says, you will not take me.
to the demon he starts trying to hang himself and then he says to himself I need my piggy to get me into the Vatican Gabe and the whole plan of the demon was to possess Russell Crowe
but low-key possess him, so that when Russell Crowe goes back to see his boss, the Pope, he can then infect all of the...
priests and the Pope and everybody in the Vatican have an army of demons to take over the world. To take over the world. Bring hell to earth. Crow's breaks the rope in chandelier.
He does, because he's a bit heavy. Yeah, the family managed to start driving off. So Russell Crowe goes down into the catacombs. This is what turns into a superhero movie.
He's trying to fight the possession and he says, damn us both to hell. And he tries to light the gas and the sulfur in the room. But then the Holy Mother seems to appear to him.
But then she attacks him, and it's just another trick of the demon. Thomas is trying to find him. Can't find him anywhere. He finds him sat down in a throne like Thanos. He's like an altar with a staff, isn't he?
Yeah. And he says, it's too late, Thomas. Run along. Gabriel is gone. He says, calm down. You can fight this, Gabriel.
Get the demon out of you. I'll start praying. Watch this. And he starts praying. So that makes Gabriel start fighting the possession. But he starts levitating up into the sky. He's throwing back into the wall.
And he says, you're both coming to hell, priests. And then a naked bloody girl appears. That's the one that he slept with. Who we know is not a young girl. So he's not a pedo. They just refer to him as a pedo.
she's all naked again she's naked second time she's been naked now and she starts draining because lust is his sin she starts draining him in the pool don't be a father then be a porn star
Do a different job. You'd feel a lot better for yourself.
Here's your answer. You're absolved. Yeah, fucking... Why if you have this feeling? No, we must stop that human feeling I have for reproduction. No, no, no. Don't have it. It's bad.
Okay. Well, this girl, this vision of this girl, while she's drowning him, she just explodes in a big bloody fountain. Naked bloody fountain, that's what she is. Yeah.
And then a lava demon climbs out of the pit and starts screaming at them. They're saying the last exorcism rites as much as they can. And they seem to destroy it.
They seem to destroy the demon with the last words of the exorcism. And then we get a bit of a Riggs and Myrtle moment now where they sort of sit down after the mission and they look at him and he says, you look like shit.
do you want a drink of my whiskey and he says you know what i think i will this time and he has a little drink and he says i can't believe you still got that hip flask and he says the lord works in mysterious ways
and then um i did like it when the woman burst the butt like a big blood bubble yeah it's cool isn't it yeah and then cut back to the vatican russell crow turns up the pope's okay
Gabriel and Thomas go in to meet him and the Pope's like, you had me worried there, Gabe. I thought we were going to lose you. That was a hell of a demon I sent you to fight, wasn't it?
There's such a Hollywood ending here. He says, we're going to need a full report on what happened here, Riggs and Murata. I mean, Gabriel and Thomas. And then I go, a full report? Okay, I'll see what I can do, knowing that he's going to, like, doctor what he writes.
And Thomas and Gabe are taken into the Secret Vatican Vault as a reward for battling this demon. And all of the sort of...
evidence of the spanish acquisition and the um the villa and the abbey and all the cover-up are all in there and he says to him now i told you there were 200 priests that were killed during that um
nasty little demon moment he's like yeah and he's like well you've killed one of them i'm gonna need you guys to team up and take out the other 199 of them
You've got to go off and locate them. So their new mission now... Will you take on this task and set up a sequel?
199 sequels, Gav. Yeah. They both look at each other and almost give each other a high five. Let's go to work. Let's go to hell. He says it. The young priest says...
Let's go to work. Let's go to hell. That's amazing. I've got that oozes of cheese. I love it. Because you love cheese.
And then we end with a moment that says Father Amorph, the real Father Amorph, died in 2016. I thought that was a terrible Hollywood ending.
yeah i know what you mean but i i do like that i think that they were going for a buddy cop thing throughout it to be honest with you i guess i guess yeah but because at no point did i take this seriously and there's things i don't like about it like the spider walk and some of the stuff but
I go into this as an almost comedy, a slight comedy with some horror vibes. It's definitely a horror film, but they've decided to run a buddy cop.
plot through the middle of it all with a little bit of comedy well that's that then it's silly yeah but for me it's silly but fun
And I enjoy it. It was kind of watchable. I won't ever watch it again. It's the second time I've watched it now. But I didn't like it the first time. I was kind of gutted. Because Boz suggested this one to us, didn't he? Bless him. He did, did he?
he saw this before he passed it's quite new for him that time actually i guess um yeah i don't know um i would give it a thumbs down unfortunately but i'd give it two thumbs up from the ninth gate
So you're giving your other thumbs up to the 9th gate. Yeah, I give this one a thumbs up. Just don't expect it to be a serious exorcism film.
And yeah, there is some cheesiness and some scenery chewing. But I had fun with it. And it's my second watch, like, same as you. And I would watch it again if it was on the Horror Channel or something one night. I flicked over and see it. Great.
I wouldn't probably rent it again or anything like that. No, but thank you, Sheila. Thank you for those movies. We absolutely appreciate that. And unfortunately, that is the end of your episode, really. The crown is coming off. Oh, it is. Why don't we take it off?
Sorry about that. Yeah, we'll put that back in the box, ready for another patron in three episodes time. Sheila, I hope you enjoyed your episode. Can't thank you enough for your support, your correspondence, making us laugh.
and i really hope that wherever you are the blind watcher is fighting crime because because every city needs a blind watcher indeed she can't do anything
Kicking ass. Taking names. Well, that's our movies. Let's go away and come back for our outro. Let's do it.
And we're back again. We're back again to say goodbye. Thank you again to Sheila, our patron. That was fun. Nice to get into demonic stuff, especially The Ninth Gate. Great movie.
um so that was episode 182 so let's talk about what's coming up next so as we say goodbye to the summer our next episode will be celebrating summer blockbusters
So episode 183 will be a Roland Emmerich double beer. We'll be looking at Independence Day from 1996 and Godzilla from 1998. Two movies that I really am stoked to talk about, actually, especially Godzilla.
I haven't watched Independence Day for many years, so it'll be interesting to go back to that. Okay. Godzilla. No, Independence Day. Oh, sorry, Independence Day. For a few years.
yeah i think i've watched recently yeah i think i'm probably seeing both fairly recently i did actually go independence though did actually have a record two years ago i was like oh i fancy checking this out again i did watch it again um yeah um
it's a good it's quite a fun film i think and i i like the fact it's the best i think for the whole if ufo invasion name coming down do you not mean
um mars attacks obviously is quite a comical thing so this i feel like um it's the best for like the whole sort of like oh my god like everybody get together it's like it's like your disaster movies yeah you know there's a disaster but this is like that for
UFOs it's the biggest and that's what you know and that's what Roland Emmerich specializes in because he did The Day After Tomorrow he did 2012 he did all of those end of the world it's a disaster movie but with aliens rather than an earthquake yeah yeah
So that's episode 183. After that, we'll be heading into a more autumnal season. So we'll kick that season off with episode 184. We'll be covering Ghostwatch from 1992. So good.
um late night with the devil from 2023 so a couple of fine footage horror tv movies um and then after that it will be another and it will be kevin five kevin s fife and i already know because a long time ago he's told me his selection so we'll be covering 1976's squirm nice
And a movie that I've never seen from 1981 called The Buggins. Yes. The Buggins. Yeah, I don't know it either. So, I'll be checking that one out for the first time. And I haven't seen Squirm for many years, so...
Sounds like a bit of a yucky episode. I'm not sure I've seen it, so yeah. Oh, you've not seen Scream? I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. I feel like I have, but I'm not sure. Bit of a cult, bit of a cult movie, it's fun.
So yeah, that's what's coming up next. Godzilla, Independence Day, Ghostwatch, Late Night with the Devil, The Boogans and Squirms. So stick with us over the next few months as we get closer and closer to Halloween.
So there we go. Thank you to everybody for listening, sharing, being our friends and being our enemies. Being our demons and being our angels. But not to Roland Emmerich, because he is a deviant.
Roland Emmerich? Not Roland Emmerich, Jesus Christ. Roman Polanski, the other one. Fucking hell. You get us taking off the airwaves. Sorry about that. I love Godzilla. Please don't.
You haven't done anything, you're fine. Well, unfortunately, yes, when he was younger, he did accidentally kill someone from driving on the wrong side of the road. He's about 21, 22. No.
He was older than that. I'm pretty sure he was. Half credit. He was older than that. He was already a film star by then. He just got away with it because he's a film star. I know.
But we are and have been the podcast on Haunted Hill. Thank you again for everybody who supports us. We are a proud member of Legion Podcasts Network and also part of the Deadbolt Media umbrella.
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wherever you're listening to us now is where you can always listen to us we're on most podcast platforms just search for the podcast on haunted hill but we're on spotify youtube pod knife pod bean apple and all the other bits and bobs we have an instagram handle which is
The podcast on Haunted Hill Insta. That's all one word which we use to promote the show. So a couple of times a month. We'll chuck out a little collage of posters and a link to the episode at that time. Deadpool Media.
is the umbrella we fall under as i mentioned deadbolt films is our production company if you head to deadboltfilms.com you have to find out a bit more about what that is we make short films features comics
This podcast, another podcast which we've already mentioned, The High Strangeness, which Gav does with his lovely Sarah. What have you got coming up on your next one? Episode 100 is our anniversary as such. So, yeah, we thought we'd do Nazis in the occult.
Yeah nice, because there's a lot of weird shit
You're probably cross-reference to the Vatican, as we've covered in this one. I'm not sure. I've started doing a bit of research earlier. One thing that came from it which is quite interesting, if the Nazis have Hitler and Heimler is right-hand man...
I think that's his name, would actually have focused on the war hand and not...
looking at the occultism so much they might have possibly won but they but because they were going let's use water dividers to figure out where the submarines are on a map shit like that you know yeah and occasionally it works
But that's kind of got me luck. Because Hitler was busy trying to find out if there were UFOs and Bigfoots out there. Yeah, stuff like that. Time travel. Yeah, a lot of stuff. He was very fascinated with...
not his temple and stuff like that and not things like that and just shit like that but anyway come listen to the episode and you'll get to it's gonna be a long one and you get to hear all about Adolf
well that is all part of deadboughtfilms.com um go to that uh website and we have a youtube channel where you can check out all of our well a lot of our stuff's on there as well including star wars sanctuary another short film sort of coming out there soon which we worked on recently
with a co-production with another company which I don't know if it's not doing a festival run it'll probably pop up on YouTube also if you're on our YouTube channel please check out Amanda as well which is fine footage really great
just come yeah a couple months ago good stuff um and our instagram handle is deadboltfilms or one word thank you very much yes and matthew broderick was 24 when he did the accident
yeah he's a pretty well established actor it's pretty bad that he just got away with it but if you google it there are a lot of celebrities that have killed people and got away with it because they're celebrities it's awful yeah
I believe it might be Sarah Jessica Parker as well. Somebody else did something like that. Well, that's his wife, though, isn't it? Yeah, somebody else, somebody like her did a hit and run. It's mainly hit and runs. And it's like, oh, look, I've got money.
just pay the family off yeah i won't drive for a year my my chauffeur will take me everywhere then i'll get my license back a year later
Anyway, and finally, if you want to support the show, you can do so through Patreon. Obviously, Sheila's been our patron. That is one of the perks. If you go to Patreon and search for the podcast on Monterdale, you can, for as little as a pound or a pound,
a month become a supporter of the show you get a t-shirt sent to you uh anywhere in the world in one of three colors
In your size, you also get every three episodes to become the patron who picks. So every three episodes, one of our patron supporters tells us which two films they want us to cover. So as I've said, in three episodes of time, Kevin has chosen The Boogans and Squirm.
and you will get exclusive access to everything on Patreon which is our entire back catalogue any bonus content we put up and just everything and anything really and just our love and
gratitude for being a supporter in that manner yeah we thank you so much for your support appreciate we do thank you and because
you are because of our patrons you also get thanked at the end of every episode so I'm now going to thank all of our patrons in my best Ralph innocent demon voice so thank you very much to Sheila Dante
Don Collier. Matthew Godley. Jamie Jenkins. Kevin S. Fyfe. Sarah K. Rachel. RJ McCready. Lex Boo.
Thank you. You're all going to hell with me. There we go. Great. See you all in hell. Thank you, Patreon supporters. We love you lots. And thank you to everybody who supports us, whether you listen, you share, you like, even if you're just on the Facebook page. Thanks.
Thanks. Appreciate it. Thanks to Gav. Thanks to Dan. Naked. Thanks. I'm only topless. Half naked. Half naked. Topless. It's warm. It's warm. We have one of those little heaty things again, aren't we?
Well, it's a good night from Russell Crowe riding his little lambretta around Europe. And it's a good night from Johnny Depp getting the...
Sex of his life in front of a burning castle from a demon woman. His face changes, which is quite scary. And it's a good night for me because it's late and I'm tired. So everybody, stay safe. Bye. Stay safe, everybody.
watch out for Roman Polanski thank you for listening to the podcast on Haunted Hill we will be back again real soon Cheers, please.