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You're listening to the coach approach
with Diane Ravenscroft, whether

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you're an entrepreneur, an ambitious
employee or someone interested

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in getting the most out of every
connection, responsive communication is.

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Join management and
learning specialist, Dr.

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Diane Ravenscroft, as she gives
you the tools to improve any

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relationship that matters to your
business, your career and your life.

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All right.

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Here's Diane.

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I am Diane Ravenscroft and you are
listening to the coach approach podcast.

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The coach approach is a mindset and a
skillset with steps to achieve, avoid, and

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celebrate along the way towards responsive
leadership and improved relationships.

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Today, I will share about my
vulnerability commitment, declaration

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of inter dependence and other
snapshots of trademark programs.

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As we explore some coach approach
skills time for a story stories, have

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a title, and I will call this story.

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Contrasting mindsets.

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The story takes place in a small
conference room in a local hotel.

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This story of contrasting mindsets
is one of my favorite encounters

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with smart, dedicated people,
expressing their individuality, amid

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changing roles and restructuring.

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I was invited to facilitate an important
meeting with a group of financial

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services leaders who are being asked
to collaborate more fully with their

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business development team leaders.

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The lenders were seeking to grow
their market share by introducing new

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products, I will call them bankers.

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The bankers invited the
business development leaders.

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I will call them sales
people who you guessed.

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It were eagerly discussing what
was possible, attainable, exciting

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and aspirational while the bankers
were making sure to prepare for the

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worst while planning for the best
due diligence above all admirable.

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The banker's enthusiasm was directed
more towards caution in a reserved

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manner, which at times perplexed.

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And for some demotivated after an
hour of brainstorming, many of the

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bankers sounded pretty negative and
pessimistic to the sales people.

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Sorry, bankers, regrettably.

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Many of the sales people sounded toxically
positive and unrealistic to the bankers.

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Sorry, salespeople.

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This feedback to each group member was
part of the vulnerability commitment.

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Agreed upon prior to the meeting in
high stake, potentially high risk

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and even high conflict meetings.

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I asked for a vulnerability
commitment from everyone.

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I meet alone with each team member
prior to the retreat or group

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meeting and ask about the culture.

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What I'm hoping to learn is that people
trust one another for the most part.

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And so are willing to commit to honest
and open dialogue, to deal with any

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uncertainties with people or with process.

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The vulnerability commitment is an
important part of the declaration

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of interdependence that ends the
meeting and becomes a personalized

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mission of the new team.

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The declaration of independence
is very familiar to Americans.

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And so a declaration of interdependence
is an acknowledge that each

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person needs the other and a
decision made by one may impact.

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It's basically a governance agreement for
attitude, behavior and conduct a, B, C.

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I have helped write numerous declarations
of interdependence with many teams,

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and each is as unique as the people
who have worked on them together.

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The vulnerability commitment
also helps with how people

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hear themselves and others.

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People come to the meeting, ready
to listen to their coworkers with a

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willingness to be open to potential.

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If before they limited or marginalize the
potential of a coworker by prejudging,

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assuming, or having low expectations,
the vulnerability commitment opens the

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door to new ways of hearing each other.

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Eventually this practice manifests
in transformational communi.

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It takes practice.

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It takes effort, but it's worth it.

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The vulnerability commitment and
declaration of interdependence are

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part of the coach approach skillset.

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And your first challenge,
should you choose to accept?

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How willing are you to be
vulnerable with your coworkers?

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How interdependent do you
feel as a team, a member.

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Applying the coach approach helps
people hear themselves in a new way

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to become attuned to not only how
we think we sound to ourselves, but

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how we may sound to someone else.

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Someone who may not have the same
mindset or wiring hearing ourselves

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is a little bit like holding up the
figurative mirror or put another

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way, taking an audio selfie.

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How we sound to someone else
can also get to perception.

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I cannot control how people perceive
me, but I have a lot of control over

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how I present myself, listening to
myself as a starting point, helps me

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evaluate the tone of my voice, my word
choice as relatable and hopefully warm.

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And if I'm really self-aware and you
are evaluate our motive, our intent.

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If any of you out there know Robby
burns a Scottish poet, he has a poem

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about seeing yourselves as others.

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See you.

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It's the same idea, except it's really
focused on our words, hearing ourself.

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The reason this is important is
because there's another skill I will

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describe in a future podcast, hearing
yourself and stopping yourself.

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But for now, let's get back to
the vulnerability commitment.

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To fulfill the vulnerability commitment.

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Everyone must come with good
intentions and be ready to collaborate.

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The customer needs are central
to the outcomes while each person

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contributes their vision for how
to work together in a new team.

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Listening to ourselves
can be transformational.

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It adds to our self knowledge because
it produces awareness of our thinking

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and possibly our predispositions,
our, our knee jerk reactions.

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What's automatic in our thinking.

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Believe it or not, I'm fairly
predisposed to being cautious

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and sometimes I'm a naysayer.

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I can even be critical.

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So as I describe some of my
characteristics, please think of yourself

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or someone you work with or work for.

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So you can become attuned
to your preferences.

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When I said I was critical.

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Did you think I'm not critical?

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I can't stand critical people or did
you think yes, I can be pretty critical

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myself or cautious or even a naysay.

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I wanna be optimistic, but my wiring,
my mindset, sometimes even my outlook

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often defaults to what could go wrong.

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I tend to also be a little hypervigilant.

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My favorite new word, a client taught me.

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My client said, and I'll
talk more about this.

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That being hypervigilant is sort of
like ducking you're in a boxing room.

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You're ducking, you're
dodging you're hedging.

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You're waiting for that next punch.

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So hypervigilant people
tend to be very cautious.

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These predispositions are why I
am effective as a coach, because I

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tend to work with people who think
like me to help them learn, to use

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descriptive praise as an example.

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Critical people, as you might
imagine, don't necessarily

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praise as the first thought.

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So teaching descriptive praise, teaching
people to be encouraging and acknowledge

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the great work done in affirm helps
individuals find the good in just about

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any situation and just about any person
while at the same time, not ignoring what

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could go wrong to be ready for anything.

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My default, think about yours.

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My default is to think
about processes and details.

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First as I'm naturally an analytical
problem solver, an idea person, a

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troubleshoot I've increased my vocabulary
to practice descriptive praise to

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say what went well specifically.

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So the actions can be replicated.

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I'm quite serious.

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There really are people who like
me needed to learn how to do this.

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Find someone to affirm.

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Describe what went well with some
detail being really specific and

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sincere and see what happens.

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What's your result.

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Seriously, try it.

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Hearing yourself.

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Affirm will impact your mindset.

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And if you really mean the words
you say, and I hope you do once

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affirmation becomes a regular part
of your conversations, whether in

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person or in groups, affirmation
can actually impact your mindset.

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I encourage this practice
as part of the coach broach.

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I have literally learned to shift my
thinking and teach others to do the

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same, to take people at face value, be
willing to think the best of everyone

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until they prove my best intent.

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Wrong.

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How about you?

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What's your mindset?

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What's your default setting mentally.

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Do you first think about achievement or
do you first think about what to avoid?

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Everyone has these predispositions
and I've observed these in

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individuals for a long time.

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And these predispositions
come out in our speech.

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They come out in our tone of voice.

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They certainly come out in our body
language and our facial expressions.

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So how does a predisposition impact
what you or I say our choice of

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words, for example, the energy and
the tone that we bring to our voice.

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Let's challenge ourselves to
listen to ourselves today.

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So let me challenge you, listen to
yourself today, what you say out loud

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and what you think before you speak.

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Ideally, we all think before we
speak, right, this is an instructive

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exercise and is the second
challenge of the coach approach?

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Remember, the first challenge
is the vulnerability commit.

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If you're really brave ask the people in
your life who know you best, if they can

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define your default setting, maybe they'll
share this about themselves with you.

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So are you curious what happened with
those group of bankers and sales people?

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Much of the morning was
spent unpacking perceptions.

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Unpacking prejudgments conclusions,
knee jerk, reactions, and assumptions

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by all parties, as part of the
vulnerability commitment as a step

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towards interdependence and our
declaration of interdependence.

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Once we were able to unpack these
perceptions, these assumptions,

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these prejudgments, then we could
get to the essence of why we're

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meeting, forming the new team.

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I was primed by the CEO who invited
me to facilitate the meeting, that

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there would be opposites attracted.

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He hoped to the same result, profit and.

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And of course client satisfaction,
ultimately towards client loyalty,

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but getting everyone I was told to
attentively, listen to one another,

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really listen to one another
internalize information, understand

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and act upon the strategic goals.

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That's the list would take
some doing so here they are.

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Again, these are important
things to consider.

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Getting everyone to attentively, listen
to one another internalize information,

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take it in, absorb it, understand.

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So there's no misunderstandings and
then act upon the strategic goals.

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Yes, it took some doing to be
aligned in decisions and priorities.

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A very important process conversation
since a new team was being formed.

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People realized they
were basically a group.

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A group with limited common goals
and no real shared vision yet.

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That's why they weren't a team.

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Because as you know, teams have a
shared vision, everybody going in

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the same direction towards alignment,
everyone having a line of sight

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towards the strategic goals, the
great news was every person was open

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to the vulnerability commitment.

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They.

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They were willing to explore
this important collaboration.

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I believed everyone was sincere.

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Openness is a key trait of people
who demonstrate the coach approach

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to apply the coach approach.

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The first step has three opportunities.

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Each of these opportunities
starts with the letter a if

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I'm ever leading a training.

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I think AAA AAA don't forget AA words
and AR acknowledge, accept an account.

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So if you wanna remember the first
step with the three opportunities

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of the coach approach, if AAA
helps you, it helps me again.

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These three opportunities are to
acknowledge, accept, and account.

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Let's look at the last word first account.

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To embrace the coach approach.

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I must be willing to account
for the differences in people.

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Interpersonal styles and ultimately
in communication styles, before

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I can acknowledge that I might
be contributing to the very

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challenges that drive down results.

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I must be willing to accept that
I could be part of the problem.

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Whether that's my communication
style or lack of transparency.

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Do you see how the vulnerability
commitment plays into this?

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There's a lot of personal responsibility
I'm taking there a lot of acknowledgement.

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So therefore I must be willing
to account for the differences

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before I acknowledge that some of
these issues might actually be me.

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Once I accept that I could
be part of the challenges.

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Maybe my communication style
or my lack of transparency.

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I have to be also willing
to ask myself a question.

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I ask in coaching on a regular
basis, especially executive coaching.

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I write this on a piece of
paper and I hand it to a leader.

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Are you inadvertently contributing
to the very things you were

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trying to reduce or eliminate?

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So I ask myself, you ask.

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Am I inadvertently contributing
to the very things I am

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trying to reduce or eliminate.

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If I am working towards eliminating
unproductive conflict, I must be

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willing to acknowledge that I may be
unknowingly contributing to the conflict

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by my words, actions or inaction.

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So you pick a goal and you plug and
play, you pick a behavioral goal

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or some kind of a strategic goal.

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And fill in that blank.

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If I am working towards blank, I must
be willing to acknowledge that I may

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be unknowingly contributing to blank
by my words, my actions or my inaction.

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Sometimes it's just about
perception as someone's reality.

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But when you and I are ready to accept
personal responsibility for our impact,

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we're ready for the coach approach.

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You can see how openness
fits in here as a key trait.

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I hope when we learn to listen to
ourselves and to evaluate ourselves

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to improve, we're getting closer
and closer to responsive leadership.

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So once we acknowledge, we accept and
we account for individual differences,

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we are ready to take the next.

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To be willing to consider differences.

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Is uniqueness a benefit?

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I don't know about you and I'm gonna play
with my tone of voice here a little bit,

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but the word different is often used as a
negative ever heard someone use this tone.

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That's different as if different
is bad or strange or negative.

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What is it about the word different.

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That somehow makes me anyway, think
of something less than great, by the

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way, when I discuss differences, I
don't just mean differences as we

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were describe embracing diversity,
for example, in the traditional sense,

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I mean, differences or diversity
of thought different work styles.

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And so on the coach approach invites us
to believe differences are a benefit.

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Like-minded people who exclusively prefer
group think and enjoy an echo chamber

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of agreement, agreement agreement, may
in fact be limiting potential in every

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corner of the fading corner office.

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So step two of the coach approach
is embracing uniqueness among people

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as a strength to leverage and scale.

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Step three of the coach approach is how.

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To leverage these differences for
continuous positive improvement member

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CPI, continuous positive improvement,
timeless step three can get challenging.

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Sometimes it's really difficult
to leverage differences.

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So we must again, challenge ourselves.

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There is a mindset shift required of
leaders that takes some skill to ease out

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of the daily grind, to focus on what to
achieve, to remain competitive and nimble.

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We can be weighted down by pressure
and struggles and anxiety and stress.

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Did you even hear my voice change?

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My energy drop.

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When I said those words we can be,
we can be absolutely weighted down.

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So there is a mind shift required of
leaders that takes skill to ease in

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and out of the daily grind to focus
on what to achieve because we have

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to remain competitive and nimble.

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So another challenge of the
coach approach is empathy.

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Many coworkers, managers and leaders spend
several hours a day avoiding the next bad.

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And when required to encourage
support and discuss what's possible.

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A shift in mindset is
necessary to sound optimistic.

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This is step four of the coach approach.

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The shift and shift just
happens to spell a concept.

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I follow to rise above the daily grind.

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As I rise above, I seek higher ideals.

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There's the first three letters
S H I seek higher ideals.

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Ft can go one way or another.

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You can either fix your
thinking or be flexible.

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You choose, fix, or flex seeking
higher ideals, fixes thinking as

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a statement for shift or seeking
higher ideals with flexible thinking.

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It's up to you.

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You choose.

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For me, the biggest deal is
seeking the higher ideals to

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rise above the daily grind.

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Then I can shift and literally shifting
my mindset, fixes my thinking because as I

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fix my thinking upon higher ideals, lofty
goals, what's possible potential aspiring.

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Then I can move outside of the
here and now what bogs me down.

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And I can transcend these difficulties.

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Rising above the demands of each situation
that is hard work takes practice, but

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it's crucial to not feel crushed under
the weight of so many responsibilities.

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So to move forward, we must
always look towards what's next,

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ideally, towards what's possible.

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Excellent.

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And finding potential.

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In summary, building productive
relationships between people who

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think very differently about how
to produce results is certainly a

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challenge for every worker today.

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No matter your role.

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And I've talked a lot
about leaders and managers.

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So let me say again, the coach
approach is for everyone.

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So the summary for the first trait
and challenges of the coach approach

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are the first trait require.

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To accept.

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The first challenge is openness.

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The first challenge is a vulnerability
commitment to yourself and others.

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So you'll become attuned
to listening to yourself.

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The next trait is also a challenge
empathy, and by the way, have

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empathy for yourself as well.

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Discovering and applying empathy is
important for everyone, but especially

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for people who work with individuals,
unlike ourselves, The first step in

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applying the coach approach is to
acknowledge, accept, and account for

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differences and diversity in people and
communication and leadership styles.

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The second step is embracing
the uniqueness among the

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different people as a strength.

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If you haven't read Tom RA's book
yet about strengths, I hope you do.

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We all have a top five and
it's a pretty fantastic book.

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Highly recommend.

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Step three is leveraging and
maximizing these differences

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towards continuous improvement.

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Step four is mastering the mindset
shift as appropriate to practice

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transformational communication.

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As we master all of these challenges.

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We start to understand
responsive leadership.

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I'll spend more time on future
podcasts on responsive leadership.

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The coach approach is ready for you.

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Are you ready for the coach approach?

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I am Diane Ravenscroft and you have been
listening to the coach approach podcast.

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See you next time when we will
dig further into this model, and

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I will share about the exception
to transformational communication.

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What I call excellence through avoidance.

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Thanks for listening.

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Bye for now.